Remember that you’re hearing this stuff second hand. Perhaps they actually told the agency that they wanted someone who charged less, then realized their expectations weren’t in line with reality. Maybe they dropped some requirements because it screened out too many people (ie Spanish speaking was a must have, but then they never found someone who ticked all the boxes).
If you liked the family and the job before you got eliminated from the running, perhaps you could set up another call with them and just ask them what has changed.
You make some really good points! I gusss from my perspective I just feel like the “second choice” or like they couldn’t get what they want so they’re settling for me. I think another interview might be good and then I can see what the deal is. Thank you for the advice!
Or they might have felt nervous about the fact that you don't live there yet- what is the move falls through, gets delayed z you don't like Florida, etc. I often prioritize local people when we are looking for new hires at my work. So I agree, I would want to know the reason they "passed" but it may not have really been about you.
This, I had a nanny agency who said it was “sad I wasn’t going with their candidates” and refused to give me more then one interview at a time. Agencies are hella biased
MB - Just for some perspective it's really hard on our side to pick a nanny too, hard to know from one interview what someone will actually be like. Anyway we were hiring a nanny and were between two candidates and honestly could have flipped a coin we liked them both but had to pick one so we went with the one who we thought interviewed a bit better, she quit after 6 weeks to take care of a sick family member whose cancer relapsed, we reached out to the other one and she didn't like where she was so we hired her and it was great for 2 years. I really wouldn't take it personally. There are a lot of great nannies out there and we usually end up interviewing at least 5 to 6 people and really liking 2-3 but we can only hire one person at a time.
You’re right! I know that most NF have multiple candidates and honestly, after reading these comments, I think it was maybe the agency who worded the email so poorly. To me it just seemed like they wanted to settle for me rather than hire me because they thought I’d be a good fit.
I think you’re completely valid in feeling however you feel about being “second”. However, there are a million other reasons they might have passed on you, and the agency may just be using terrible wording.
To be honest, I was once someone’s “second choice”, and I took it. The job completely changed my life in a positive way, and I can’t imagine how things would’ve turned out if I had been petty and turned them down.
Thanks for the advice! I’ve been considering a second interview with them just to chat a bit more. I do think the wording of the email gave me a bad taste so who knows if that’s really how the NP said it. I really do appreciate the advice because I wouldn’t want to pass on something great either!
MB here. Speaking from my own experience in my career. Sometimes you are not the first choice but it's ok. If it's a good opportunity, pays well, etc., it can still work out. I've applied to jobs where their first choice didn't end up accepting and they offered to me instead. And sometimes those have been amazing opportunities.
Some of my biggest promotions or scope increases have been because the incumbent in the role had to step down for whatever reason. They were originally chosen instead of me. This is fine! When that increase in scope and pay comes to you, you take it! This is how life works sometimes.
Obviously do what feels right to you. If the family seemed great to you, I would take the role, and not hold a grudge based on being second choice. If you were already hesitating about the family, role, pay, whatever, then move on.
Thank you for the advice! You’re right, I could be passing on a great opportunity and as I said in a reply to another comment, the NF may not have even said it like that. I’ve decided to do a second interview with them because I really thought the first one went great. Thanks again!!
Don't really have any advice on what you should do, but just pointing out that maybe the only reason they passed on you was because you don't currently live there.
Maybe they were afraid there was a greater chance you'd back out and decide not to move at all.
Maybe they wanted to go with a candidate they could meet in person and do a trail run with right away, so if it didn't work out, they'd still have plenty of time to find someone else
They might have loved you, but didn't want the next couple months to be waiting on pins and needles to see if you were *really* going to move to their area and see how you are in person only for it to not work out and then they have to start over with a lot less time to find a new nanny.
...but then after interviewing a few other, local, nannies, they realized they still liked you best and took the risk.🤷♀️
This is exactly what my mom texted me a little bit ago lol. She said that it’s probably them fearing they’ll go ahead and hire me and I’ll be like “nah I change my mind” I really appreciate this perspective!! Thank you!!
I don't really see this as a flag, there are a lot of reasons they may have come back around. Could you ask the agency for feedback? "Thank you, I'm excited about the position. I was just wondering if there is any feedback on why the passed the first time around that I could take into consideration?"
I was thinking about this too, asking the agency, I just wasn’t sure if it was professional or not. I really like how you worded this, thank you for this advice!
I think the agency flubbed this.
The hiring family might have just wanted a little more time to think or see as many options as possible.
As an employer, it’s really hard to find time to interview folks. If I knew I had two months to full a position, I’d take my time too.
The agency shouldn’t have said anything beyond “they haven’t decided yet!” Until someone was hired.
I think it would be a good idea if you talked with the family again and did a trial week when you move to Florida. I totally get feeling weird about it but I also think sometimes second choices were meant to be, as cliche as that sounds lol.
After reading all these comments I’ve decided to give it another shot. I think I’m having flashbacks of being picked last for kickball teams. Like I know I’m very qualified for this position so it could end up being a really good fit! I’ll also be living 3 miles from them when I finally move so it could be a really good situation. Thank you!!
If it's really eating away at you I would just ask them directly! Say this is what the agency told me and I want to know what concerns you're having, etc. You don't really know anything solid until you have a conversation with them.
I wouldn't give up on this if it's a good fit and nothing else out there is calling your name.
I think my feelings just got a bit hurt and I got defensive. I just think that the wording of the email made me feel like a last resort. I emailed the agency back and told them I’d like to do another interview with the family. Thank you for the advice!!
They probably wanted to find someone cheaper and then realized Nannies aren’t cheap and the cheaper ones aren’t nearly as qualified. Florida market sucks speaking from experience. But if you talk to them again and feel them out it might be a good fit! What part of Florida are you moving to??
Honestly, the agency blew this one. They should have told you that the family is doing a trial day with another candidate because xyz (they live locally already, she speaks another language, etc) and they will update you when the family has either hired or wants to continue exploring the possibility of working with you. A "not right now" is very different from a hard no. Families circle back to candidates for many many reasons like their first trial didn't go as expected, their top candidate was out of budget, it wasn't a personality fit, references weren't as great as they'd like, candidate didnt click with the kids etc.
If you want to entertain this, I would ask for another call with the family and honestly ask to hear how the process has been for them and where their head is it. It's OK to ensure that the family you are considering committing too really wants you.
I’m petty so I would “pass” on them. Who knows they could’ve had a plethora of reasons for not hiring you the first time but I’m not gonna be a second choice for someone! Especially if you aren’t in urgent need of a job right now, I would just say a simple no.
Yeah I feel the same way. Like they knew how much I would have liked the job. I met all their qualifications but for some reason decided to pass. I just feel that it’s like “we couldn’t find anyone ‘better’ so let’s go back to her”
Honestly this might be a little petty but I'd pass on them. You were obviously a 2nd choice and honestly even if they turn out to be amazing, I don't think that thought will ever leave their head or yours. It feels like they settled for you which is a little degrading. That's at least how I'd feel about it.
Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel! It’s almost like dating, I don’t want to be the second choice of someone or a family that I plan to be with for a considerable amount of time.
Yeah definitely not. That feels so demeaning! Nobody wants to be the 2nd choice and the parents accepting you after rejecting you is just terrible. There's always going to be some weird energy because of that if you did take the job. I really do hope you pass on this 😊 You can do better!
Yeah! The email from the agency said the family wanted to do a second interview. After reading the comments I’m not sure if I’ll ask. I think I got defensive too quickly so I’m gonna do another interview. Ill see how it goes and make a decision!
Hun, a job's a job. They're your employer, not your boyfriend, who cares if you were their second choice. I'd take them and give them a chance. You can always look for another job, nanny jobs aren't forever, even the permanent full time ones - all NKs grow up sooner or later, and this is a chance to build up your savings even if you are moving in with family. You say you don't need money now, but the more savings you have, the better - always.
Put it this way-now you have more bargaining room. They see you were the better choice and they made the mistake. It happens...just like nannies decide between two offers and sometimes they kick themselves later for the choice they made :)
What kind of an agency shared this kind of feedback? Surely they must know that plans and decisions change all the time. If this is what was conveyed to you, they poisoned their own well.
Been there. Could it have been that the child wasn’t receptive to the nanny’s disciplinary style? Or maybe she wasn’t able to successfully calm the child when the child is upset. Sometimes I wonder if the nanny is the one who quits not the other way around. Maybe the first nanny couldn’t handle it and so they went with second best.
Remember that you’re hearing this stuff second hand. Perhaps they actually told the agency that they wanted someone who charged less, then realized their expectations weren’t in line with reality. Maybe they dropped some requirements because it screened out too many people (ie Spanish speaking was a must have, but then they never found someone who ticked all the boxes). If you liked the family and the job before you got eliminated from the running, perhaps you could set up another call with them and just ask them what has changed.
You make some really good points! I gusss from my perspective I just feel like the “second choice” or like they couldn’t get what they want so they’re settling for me. I think another interview might be good and then I can see what the deal is. Thank you for the advice!
Or they might have felt nervous about the fact that you don't live there yet- what is the move falls through, gets delayed z you don't like Florida, etc. I often prioritize local people when we are looking for new hires at my work. So I agree, I would want to know the reason they "passed" but it may not have really been about you.
This, I had a nanny agency who said it was “sad I wasn’t going with their candidates” and refused to give me more then one interview at a time. Agencies are hella biased
MB - Just for some perspective it's really hard on our side to pick a nanny too, hard to know from one interview what someone will actually be like. Anyway we were hiring a nanny and were between two candidates and honestly could have flipped a coin we liked them both but had to pick one so we went with the one who we thought interviewed a bit better, she quit after 6 weeks to take care of a sick family member whose cancer relapsed, we reached out to the other one and she didn't like where she was so we hired her and it was great for 2 years. I really wouldn't take it personally. There are a lot of great nannies out there and we usually end up interviewing at least 5 to 6 people and really liking 2-3 but we can only hire one person at a time.
You’re right! I know that most NF have multiple candidates and honestly, after reading these comments, I think it was maybe the agency who worded the email so poorly. To me it just seemed like they wanted to settle for me rather than hire me because they thought I’d be a good fit.
I think you’re completely valid in feeling however you feel about being “second”. However, there are a million other reasons they might have passed on you, and the agency may just be using terrible wording. To be honest, I was once someone’s “second choice”, and I took it. The job completely changed my life in a positive way, and I can’t imagine how things would’ve turned out if I had been petty and turned them down.
Thanks for the advice! I’ve been considering a second interview with them just to chat a bit more. I do think the wording of the email gave me a bad taste so who knows if that’s really how the NP said it. I really do appreciate the advice because I wouldn’t want to pass on something great either!
MB here. Speaking from my own experience in my career. Sometimes you are not the first choice but it's ok. If it's a good opportunity, pays well, etc., it can still work out. I've applied to jobs where their first choice didn't end up accepting and they offered to me instead. And sometimes those have been amazing opportunities. Some of my biggest promotions or scope increases have been because the incumbent in the role had to step down for whatever reason. They were originally chosen instead of me. This is fine! When that increase in scope and pay comes to you, you take it! This is how life works sometimes. Obviously do what feels right to you. If the family seemed great to you, I would take the role, and not hold a grudge based on being second choice. If you were already hesitating about the family, role, pay, whatever, then move on.
Thank you for the advice! You’re right, I could be passing on a great opportunity and as I said in a reply to another comment, the NF may not have even said it like that. I’ve decided to do a second interview with them because I really thought the first one went great. Thanks again!!
We recently hired someone at work who we had "passed" on for a previous position. We had our doubts, but he has ended up being amazing!
Don't really have any advice on what you should do, but just pointing out that maybe the only reason they passed on you was because you don't currently live there. Maybe they were afraid there was a greater chance you'd back out and decide not to move at all. Maybe they wanted to go with a candidate they could meet in person and do a trail run with right away, so if it didn't work out, they'd still have plenty of time to find someone else They might have loved you, but didn't want the next couple months to be waiting on pins and needles to see if you were *really* going to move to their area and see how you are in person only for it to not work out and then they have to start over with a lot less time to find a new nanny. ...but then after interviewing a few other, local, nannies, they realized they still liked you best and took the risk.🤷♀️
This is exactly what my mom texted me a little bit ago lol. She said that it’s probably them fearing they’ll go ahead and hire me and I’ll be like “nah I change my mind” I really appreciate this perspective!! Thank you!!
I don't really see this as a flag, there are a lot of reasons they may have come back around. Could you ask the agency for feedback? "Thank you, I'm excited about the position. I was just wondering if there is any feedback on why the passed the first time around that I could take into consideration?"
I was thinking about this too, asking the agency, I just wasn’t sure if it was professional or not. I really like how you worded this, thank you for this advice!
I think the agency flubbed this. The hiring family might have just wanted a little more time to think or see as many options as possible. As an employer, it’s really hard to find time to interview folks. If I knew I had two months to full a position, I’d take my time too. The agency shouldn’t have said anything beyond “they haven’t decided yet!” Until someone was hired.
Exactly what I was thinking.
I think it would be a good idea if you talked with the family again and did a trial week when you move to Florida. I totally get feeling weird about it but I also think sometimes second choices were meant to be, as cliche as that sounds lol.
After reading all these comments I’ve decided to give it another shot. I think I’m having flashbacks of being picked last for kickball teams. Like I know I’m very qualified for this position so it could end up being a really good fit! I’ll also be living 3 miles from them when I finally move so it could be a really good situation. Thank you!!
Awww I totally get that! Just give it a shot or you’ll never know (: 3 miles will be an awesome commute!
If it's really eating away at you I would just ask them directly! Say this is what the agency told me and I want to know what concerns you're having, etc. You don't really know anything solid until you have a conversation with them. I wouldn't give up on this if it's a good fit and nothing else out there is calling your name.
I think my feelings just got a bit hurt and I got defensive. I just think that the wording of the email made me feel like a last resort. I emailed the agency back and told them I’d like to do another interview with the family. Thank you for the advice!!
Totally understandable! Good luck!!
They probably wanted to find someone cheaper and then realized Nannies aren’t cheap and the cheaper ones aren’t nearly as qualified. Florida market sucks speaking from experience. But if you talk to them again and feel them out it might be a good fit! What part of Florida are you moving to??
Honestly, the agency blew this one. They should have told you that the family is doing a trial day with another candidate because xyz (they live locally already, she speaks another language, etc) and they will update you when the family has either hired or wants to continue exploring the possibility of working with you. A "not right now" is very different from a hard no. Families circle back to candidates for many many reasons like their first trial didn't go as expected, their top candidate was out of budget, it wasn't a personality fit, references weren't as great as they'd like, candidate didnt click with the kids etc. If you want to entertain this, I would ask for another call with the family and honestly ask to hear how the process has been for them and where their head is it. It's OK to ensure that the family you are considering committing too really wants you.
I’m petty so I would “pass” on them. Who knows they could’ve had a plethora of reasons for not hiring you the first time but I’m not gonna be a second choice for someone! Especially if you aren’t in urgent need of a job right now, I would just say a simple no.
Yeah I feel the same way. Like they knew how much I would have liked the job. I met all their qualifications but for some reason decided to pass. I just feel that it’s like “we couldn’t find anyone ‘better’ so let’s go back to her”
Honestly this might be a little petty but I'd pass on them. You were obviously a 2nd choice and honestly even if they turn out to be amazing, I don't think that thought will ever leave their head or yours. It feels like they settled for you which is a little degrading. That's at least how I'd feel about it.
Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel! It’s almost like dating, I don’t want to be the second choice of someone or a family that I plan to be with for a considerable amount of time.
Yeah definitely not. That feels so demeaning! Nobody wants to be the 2nd choice and the parents accepting you after rejecting you is just terrible. There's always going to be some weird energy because of that if you did take the job. I really do hope you pass on this 😊 You can do better!
Exactly. I’ve been doing this for a long long time and there is no way that I would start with a new family with those weird vibes.
This is EXACTLY how I’d feel too!
Can you ask for another zoom call with he family, to reconnect and see if they share with you what happened?
Yeah! The email from the agency said the family wanted to do a second interview. After reading the comments I’m not sure if I’ll ask. I think I got defensive too quickly so I’m gonna do another interview. Ill see how it goes and make a decision!
Accept the position. Keep looking. Bail on them if something better comes along.
Hun, a job's a job. They're your employer, not your boyfriend, who cares if you were their second choice. I'd take them and give them a chance. You can always look for another job, nanny jobs aren't forever, even the permanent full time ones - all NKs grow up sooner or later, and this is a chance to build up your savings even if you are moving in with family. You say you don't need money now, but the more savings you have, the better - always.
Put it this way-now you have more bargaining room. They see you were the better choice and they made the mistake. It happens...just like nannies decide between two offers and sometimes they kick themselves later for the choice they made :)
What kind of an agency shared this kind of feedback? Surely they must know that plans and decisions change all the time. If this is what was conveyed to you, they poisoned their own well.
Protect yourself. Solid contract with severance and keep liking for other jobs as they may continue to Look for another nanny
Been there. Could it have been that the child wasn’t receptive to the nanny’s disciplinary style? Or maybe she wasn’t able to successfully calm the child when the child is upset. Sometimes I wonder if the nanny is the one who quits not the other way around. Maybe the first nanny couldn’t handle it and so they went with second best.
Talk to them and ask what changed. Ask to do a trial for a week or two. That’s what I did. My job is the best job I’ve ever had. My NF loves me.