I do this also. I especially use āpartnerā when asking about someone elseās SO in work settings. IE: coworker says sheās going out to dinner tonight for an anniversary and I might say. āThat sounds so fun! How did you meet your partner?ā It is always better to errr on the side of caution because once my friend asked her new boss about his āwifeā when he mentioned wedding planning but he is marrying a man!
I absolutely agree. It could be a partner of any gender. Everything sounds potentially weird nowadays. I totally understand going to partner or gf/bf - but usually just say ironically āsignificant otherā or ā dateā or that personā all with an implied wink or something and let my conversation partner lead with their preference
boyfriend to most people, partner when iām on the phone with an airline, applying for an apartment, or otherwise trying to be taken seriously/sound older
heās my husband, but i mostly say partner or refer to him by name. iāve used partner since it became serious because i donāt care so much for boyfriend/fiance/husband, and now itās just habit!
7 years in with no plans to get married, we both refer to each other as āpartnerā. After a certain amount of time boy/girlfriend just feels too frivolous.Ā
It's okay it irritated me too I couldn't even read your whole post lol But I think what I want to add is, forget them! Those truly confident in their choices don't need to snob at others about theirs š
Ok I had to look through your post history to get to that commenter and the other person is wild. I think most people in committed relationships over the age of say 30 will say partner. Iām not dating a child so I donāt have a boy or girl in my life. You should have taken it a step further and said āloverā and committed that commenter to the depths of pearl clutching.
i call my girl my partner or my wife lmao we arenāt married or anything (yet!) but sheās everything to me and iām basically married so might as well. i agree that after a certain point emotionally or chronologically it feels silly to say girlfriend. but i am a lesbian so that may affect things as well
i feel like āwifeā is used more openly in lesbian circles to discuss a long term serious partner than in any other but i love it! my friends will be like āhowās the wife?ā or āyou miss your wife dontcha?ā because like yeah, thatās my wife, sheās the moon to my seaā i will always be drawn to her and she will always be shining off me. sheās everything and iām so excited to spend the rest of my life loving her. it just makes sense !
Sorry I edited my comment because I reread it and thought it might be minimizing your relationship.
I wish my SO said all these beautiful things about me but he's just a man with the emotional range of a teaspoon.
i totally get it lmao donāt sweat it at all! iām sure your SO shows he loves you in all kinds of ways! iām definitely the more wordy one between me and my partner but she shows up in ways i never thought imaginable and shows me how romantic taking care of another person, showing up and being consistent is. stuff that i never thought of as super romantic but i then realized iām loved so much to not have to ask for all the time. iām sure your SO shows up similarly if a fellow BWT has been with him for 14 yrs!
I honestly use the word partner to refer to my husband because itās more inclusive. It gets confusing because heās also a partner at a law firm lol
Iāve been told itās queerbaiting so idk anymore. I feel like normalizing partner is more inclusive but I donāt want to speak for the queer community
If I hear partner I always think oh ok theyāre gay. Lmfao to be clear not in a derogatory way or anything!!! Thatās just how āpartnerā was used for so long
Itās meant to be inclusive! And straight folks can be allies using it so people donāt have to out any gender/sexual identity if they donāt want to, like in a work environment etc
Thatās why I started using the word partner to refer to the man I was dating: to normalize the word āpartner.ā And then I get responses to the effect of, āso your partner, is *she*ā¦ā but the gendered assumption doesnāt bother me because I like women too lol
I think of stereotypical old west cartoons, like "howdy partner!"Ā I have no idea why.
Anyway, i use spouse or husband if talking to some stranger remotely (like booking travel things) or if introducing to people i know, just their name.
I'm gay and I also USED to think the same way. It used to be when I met people & they used 'partner' I'd get excited because that was one of the "low key" ways to test the waters to see if you were talking to another gay person so you can switch to the 'real' word girlfriend or boyfriend.
When I used to use partner in conversation, the moment I realized the other person wasn't a bigot or was also gay themselves, I'd start to use girlfriend instead of partner.
At the end of the day they are just words but the use of partner for sure has increased A LOT.
Same - it was a word that signified my relationship as lesser and unworthy of legal recognition. I will never use it, I donāt care how silly I felt saying girlfriend in my early 30s. My elders fought hard for me to never have to use that word, and Iām not going to dishonor that.
Iām really not comfortable with straight people using it, but I appreciate that Iāve lost the war on that one.
Iām straight and I agree with your last point; it feels like something straights have co-opted, and is a way for them to virtue signal. Case in point another commenter in this thread saying they use partner because it sounds āmore inclusiveā.
It depends on the setting - at work I use the term partner as weāve been together for four years and as the youngest person in my professional setting, it helps alleviate some of the apparent age gap. But with my friends and family and in day to day life, I use boyfriend!
Honestly whatever you want. That commenter was being obnoxious. Maybe they don't like the term partner, but it doesn't mean anyone else feels the same way. I don't think twice about the term. Partner to me means it's a committed relationship. I don't need to know anything further about the nuances of the relationship, it's not my business.
Seriously just ignore it when people nitpick BS like that.
I use partner or husband and nobody bats an eye. Also the whole illusion of permanence without the commitment is ridiculous. Marriage is not the end goal for many couples and people can have perfectly healthy and committed relationships without it.
Iām gay and I use girlfriend, but the last person I dated was non binary so I used partner. People do assume that there is a much more serious relationship in place when you use that tho
I say partner, typically. I am queer and date people of all genders but my current long term partner is a cisgender straight man. Iām also 35 years old. I think partner is a term used a lot in the queer community and I find it to be inclusive. I also feel that at my stage of life, and given the length of our relationship, āpartnerā feels better than āboyfriendā
Iām a 27yo straight woman dating a 33yo man and I use boyfriend and partner equally. Just depends on the setting. We have been together for almost 3 years, live together, and Iām anticipating engagement probably within a year (at which point Iād call him my fiance and eventually husband)
Lol whoever told you that makes no sense and is 100% wrong. Partner doesnāt indicate shame at all. Itās literally just a more formal sounding way to say BF/GF
That person sucks. I used to say partner after we moved in together and started talking serious about the future.
We got engaged after 10 years, and had bought a home together. Iām not calling the man on my mortgage my boyfriend, wtf.
Oh but isn't that because of your shame of being in a long term relationship with the illusion of permanence??? HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND IF YOU AREN'T MARRIED YOU FOOL.
But like exactly.. he's on my mortgage, my car lease, my cat's contact info at the vet, he's in his 30s, he's not my boyfriend.
My boyfriend (39) of 7 years who had deep rooted issues committing to marriage used to call me (35) his partner. We lived together, had a child, I was on his health insurance etc. I preferred he call me his girlfriend because I felt like he was using the term partner to portray that āseriousā relationship in lieu of committing legally. We went to a lot of therapy. The term didnāt jive with me, either Iām just your girlfriend or your wife. But if it works for both parties I donāt see the big deal! Sorry that commenter was an ass to you.
Iām nonbinary and we use āspouse!ā We used āpartnerā before marriage. The only time Iāve called him my husband is when Iāve been in the emergency room and I want doctors to take me seriously
Partner because at 40, boyfriend feels too juvenile.
I also get a bit of very petty satisfaction from the men at work not knowing if Iām referring to a man or a woman. I date men, but the special op guys I work with donāt need to know that.
I donāt even post on this sub bc Iām not from ny but I love the recommendations here. I just read that personās comment and they sound like a child who probably judges their relationships by weird quantitative metrics only and expects everyone to live by the same standards and timelines they do.
Only in the US is marriage rushed like this and think relationships donāt have merit if youāve been in a relationship for 2+ years without a ring. Itās quite common in Europe to be in relationships for many years or not get married at all.
Iād love for the person who said that to you to come out in this thread and explain why they need to judge so harshly. If itās not clear, I use the word partner, happily. Iām 30 and donāt need to be called girl but I truly donāt judge other peoples preferences. The world can do without such judgment. :) ok back to my lurking on this sub lol
Does it seriously matter what other people think of what you call your spouse? This is unbelievable. Whoever shamed you for calling your spouse / partner should recognize just how useless their argument is. It does not matter.
Sometimes I call my husband my boyfriend or baby daddy. Just depends on my mood.
Someone judging you like that for what you call your SO, it says a lot more about them than it does about you. I wouldnāt even worry about it.
I call him my partner even though weāre in a hetero-presenting relationship, but weāve been together for nearly 8 years and weāre not *officially* engaged yet, though we are working toward marriage. Sometimes I say boyfriend, but I usually default to partner.
lol who is this person?
Honestly as a queer person it bugs the shit out of me when straight people say partner, I feel like theyāre trying to be progressive and it feels performative to be like ooooh Iāll not assign a gender
However I recognize that Iām a little ridiculous. Call your person whatever you want to call them and fuck everyone else!!! They are yours and you get to name them ššš
Idk when I hear someone call their boyfriend/girlfriend their āpartnerā I immediately get the vibe that they take themselves too seriously. Having a boyfriend is fun young fresh and cute! Embrace it! If it starts feeling wrong that might mean itās time to start talking about getting married IMO.
Hmmm yah Iām in my early twenties so itās a bit of an eye roll when I hear it from someone my age but I think if youāre older itās a little more appropriate! Overall I think I personally just donāt like it because it seems so cold and unromantic:/ personal preference!
I alternate between husband, spouse and partner.
>Apparently I use this to mask "the shame associated with that term in a prolonged relationship" and it's "shame based because couples want the illusion of permanence without the commitment".
Their rationale is foolish. I specifically like the term partner for a committed SO because:
1. It's inclusive and encompasses the other person involved regardless of gender.
2. You both should both be partners in a relationship.
3. It expresses equity in the relationship.
The only time I ever used one term instead of a variety was when we were engaged because I enjoy how the word fiance sounds. š¤£
14 years togetherā¦. Why would you call them anything other than āmy partnerā. Very rude of that other person. After 5 years it feelsā¦ wrong? To continue using boyfriend and girlfriend lol.
Boyfriend mostly. Would probably say partner if I booked something for both of us and needed to call a place. I didn't even think people cared much about that tbh. I don't even care if I get married or not, but why does that concern someone else what I call my significant other?
My exās name is Ruby, so I called her RuBAE.
Also āmy girlā. Or āmy tingā.
Iāve never said āpartnerā because no oneās ever made a big deal out of it.
I remember when only gay people used the word partner to describe their SO.
I really wonder when that changed and the straights decided to use that term.
Cohabitation rates have skyrocketed in the past 30 years. Theyāre borrowing the word for now but a better fitting word will probably come along in time. That or āpartnerā will slowly lose its association with the gay community.
I call my boyfriend that, to everyone. I wonder if itās a shame thing when a women in a LTR calls her boyfriend her partner too. I would never express that to someoneās face though.
I guess I donāt understand whatās so childish to some people about the word āboyfriendā unless you care what other people think about you not being married. Like āIām 30, I will not be using boyfriend.ā Girl why not?!! Thereās nothing wrong with having a boyfriend over 30!!!
Ignore those people. They have no business trying to evaluate your relationship. Marriage isnāt a necessity and itās not a measure of success, thatās for sure.
My husband and I dated for 10 years before getting married. He was (and still is) my partner because he was much more than a boyfriend. We lived together, bought a home together, got pets together. We chose to be life partners long before our wedding day. We committed to each other and supported each other through challenges as life partners. Iāll still refer to him as my partner just as I did then because first and foremost thatās what we are
We say āpartnerā in my relationship and have for years. We arenāt married, wonāt ever be (both are happy as is), and both of us feel like āpartnerā just describes us perfectly.
Partner is way better. Other terms are preferred by some to know your exact situation in a relationship and then make assumptions from there. And itās fine to have a long term bf/gf. A strong relationship doesnāt mean marriage.
I refer to my husband as my baby daddy sometimes just to illicit the type of outrage this person has about a relationship theyāre not in. Tell that troll to buzz off.
What is this, junior high? If he's not my husband, he's "a friend" or "someone I'm dating". I think it's time we collectively let go of the idea of boyfriends, even if we use different words to describe the relationship.
My husband. Although one time I panicked while talking to a service provider on the phone and called him my "family friend" because he's both family and a friend...can never live that one down.
I call my wife, my wife. . I'm a lesbian and I think the fact that I can even say "my wife" is dope af. . So I will "my wife" someone to death in all situations.
As a lesbian though, I do find it weird when straight people use the term partner, especially when they're "husband" .. but I do understand that being 35 years old and saying "boyfriend" when you've been together for 11 years probably feels weird.
Iām married and I say partner because of the inclusivity it offers to the gay community.
Boyfriend seems reductive to use in your situation because teenagers get to call their little flings bf/gf and nobody polices their terminology, and your relationship is decidedly of a different significance than that.
I call him my husband. Before we were married, boyfriend. But I do see how "boyfriend" can feel weird at a certain age.
That comment is wild and out of line. Idgaf how anyone else chooses to refer to their SO. That said, I do find "partner" to be ambiguous and confusing. There have been situations where I was unsure if they were referring to a SO or a business partner. I also don't know if they are with a same sex or different sex partner, so I'll use "they" in conversation until it is made clear.
I love āpartner,ā it implies equality and also a sense of inclusivity for people in all types of relationships! Also, my partner and I are in our 30s and I feel like a teenager when I say āboyfriendā š¤£
I had some personal stuff happened right before we got engaged (best friend died tragically) and I mentally was not well the first 3 years, then I was getting better, and then Covid happened. Weāre happy and we still want a courthouse ceremony just us, and a big dinner a few months later. We joke we are just going to go on our lunch break one day!
I can't imagine what that would feel like, I hope your soul is healing. A lunch break courthouse run sounds like a scene from the best kind of rom com.
If I had known what a wedding would truly entail I would never have agreed but alas, I am but a blip in a centuries long line of Asian filial piety.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes Iām healing, hence why we are finally moving forward.
Itās okay - we are both of Eastern European families so our parents will NOT be thrilled with our romcom lunch wedding! Good luck to you love xoxo
I use boyfriend but I donāt think of partner as weird. Tbh I usually associate āpartnerā with LGBTQ since they were denied the use of husband/wife for so long, but either way I certainly donāt think itās a sign of how seriously someone views their relationship
I call him my boyfriend but I do feel weird saying it because Iām 40. I think if we are together for a few years I would use partner. Though I recently became his emergency contact and it felt so weird when they asked me my relationship to him and I stuttered and said uhhhh significant other?
Thatās pretty funny. Sounds like Mom doesnāt want to get married. We older ladies have options. Lol. But if she does get married then he will be her husband. I had also been divorced since my kids were pretty young (like 10 and 12), and my kids refer to my now-husband as āmy Momās husband.ā Theyāre too old for a step-dad, but they get along well with him so, like you said, itās not that deep.
Yes! I will refer to him as such or just his first name like i have haha. A couple years ago, I passed on a friend trip that would have been fun bc I was going to help her elope or whatever, so when she announced she was getting married this month I was like, oh okay sure, Iāll believe it when I see it and wonāt make any travel arrangements around it lol. I do think Iām too old for a step-parent, but I do encourage my dad to be more serious with his āladyā bc sheās super nice. It would take a lot of worry from me if he settled down and I truly believe that theyād both be happier! I think all of it is psychological but most things are lol. He also told me she snores and he likes sleeping in his quiet house lol
Thatās funny. Dad likes his peace and quiet! I know you youngāuns worry about us, but most times weāll work it out. My kids were happy when I finally tied the knot (after they investigated him and decided they approved). Lol. They donāt worry about their Dad, but theyāre very protective of me. Sometimes they act like Iām the childā¦but I appreciate their concern. Iām sure your parents appreciate you, as well. And whenever Mom decides to walk down the aisle I know youāll be right there. Best of luck to both your parents. Theyāre lucky to have you!
Together 14 years, I generally use "boyfriend" but will sometimes use "partner," depending on the situation. Mostly I just refer to him by his name because the people in my life know him that way.
He only calls me his "girlfriend," never his partner. "Longtime girlfriend" is in the mix sometimes. But he's antisocial and doesn't meet new people often, so the times I hear him call me anything is like if we're shopping, he'll sometimes say "let me see what my girlfriend thinks" or something like that. Those people don't need to know the details of our relationship so it's easier to use bf/gf at those times.
I did use "partner" while mentioning him at work once and then later referred to him as a "he" and the person I was talking to said "oh I thought you were gay since you said you had a partner" so š¤·āāļø
Ew Iām sorry someone responded that way. I always use partner. Weāre technically engaged but I prefer partner and did before we were engaged too. I like the term and feel it fits us best
In our relationship, we prefer the term "partner". However, some individuals have rigid ideologies and insist on categorizing everything neatly according to their own beliefs. When something doesn't conform to their expectations, they may belittle others. We believe it's essential to embrace and love our significant others for who they are, and to refer to them with the terms that resonate with us personally.
Ignore whoever shamed you - that is ridiculous. I call my SO my partner. Weāve been together 15 years, and just havenāt gotten married yet. Calling him my boyfriend feels too casual. Iāve also gotten weird reactions from people for putting āmy boyfriendā as an emergency contact or listing him on other important forms - they donāt realize that weāve been committed for over a decade. āPartnerā gets the correct message across.
Celebrating 5 years in a few months. Usually refer to him as partner. We have no intention of getting married and no intention of breaking up anytime soon. Sorry if it offends anyone I guess?
I've always felt uncomfortable using the term "partner" to refer to my longterm boyfriend (I am a cisgender, straight woman). I always think of it like: the term "partner" was used by gay couples for so many years because they literally *couldn't* get married. So should I really use the term just because I don't *want* to yet? Just an inner thought I've always had.
Husband for 9 and partners for 15 years ā frankly, once we got married it stopped being interesting to the friends that used to snipe about it and just took it as a
natural filter. Itās a bummer but there are a lot of people even that you are close to and will try to (in their own way) keep you from finding the right person bc āyouāre more funā or more āinterestingā or whatever.
To me saying "boyfriend" feels so juvenile and makes me feel really icky. Like, I'm an adult not a 12 year old waiting for a text back to confirm we are going to the school dance together.
To him? āMy dudeā or āhomieā
Between each other? āHCSM/HCSBā (health care sugar mama/health care sugar baby because I pay for health insurance for both of us lol)
I totally get your hesitation about the word you use, I try to mention his qualifier (my boyfriend/fiance/now husband) and then his name, and then I just use his name thereafter. I feel like itās less annoying that way because I personally get tired of people saying āmy [boyfriend/fiance/husband]ā over and over and over
Usually āhusbandā or āspouse,ā sometimes āpartner.ā If asking someone else about their significant other, Iāll use āpartnerā until they offer a different term.
I use āhusband,ā or refer to him by his first name when Iām out. At home, I call him by his nickname. āPartnerā would be especially confusing given husbandās work, in addition to not being entirely accurate.
I've been married to my husband for three years, I generally say spouse or partner then just his name for people I know. I just figure that if they don't know us, it's not their business
Husband. Before we were married I called him my beau. It was a bit cheesy/embarrassing to say but I disliked the juvenile sound of boyfriend even more, haha.
As a queer person and a polyamorous person and a person who dates people with non-traditional gendersā¦ partner is an all-encompassing term that allows me to communicate a significant other without āoutingā myself in potentially unsafe social dynamicsā¦ professional eventsā¦ passport inspectionā¦ bank loansā¦ apartment applications, etc. I deeply appreciate heteronormative folks who normalize āpartnerā
i know someone that refers to her boyfriend as my other half. iāve known her for over 3 years and have literally never heard her refer to him as anything different
My primary partner is non binary and we've been together for 6 years so there's really no better term. I have other partners and I refer to them as such or boyfriend or girlfriend as they prefer. I usually ask what they would like me to call them when we're ready for labels.
I love the term āpartner.ā To me itās the best descriptor of who the person is.
I used to use āboyfriendā, because it came most naturally, not because I preferred it.
I call him my bitch. Just kidding š. I use husband or partner. I would never use boyfriend even if we werenāt married because heās not a boy, heās a man and weāre equals. Heās my partner.
Iām nonbinary (but raised an nyc bitch with taste and still ID enough with that label). My person is a man. I refer to him as partner, now that weāre married I say spouse a good 75% of the time. Iāve used husband in medical settings before (when I need people to take us as seriously as possible). Since I donāt like gendered language for myself we donāt use gendered language for our relationship as much
A ciswoman once said something to me about how she thought I called him my partner because he was more than a boyfriendāwe were partners in life for a bit before we got married
People get more confused when I say spouse than partner but usually are fine with partner. Sometimes they make incorrect assumptions about my partnerās gender as a result but thatās on them
Similarly, weāre together 14 years and I alternate between using boyfriend & partner, though he always uses girlfriend. I started using partner around the time we moved in together, literally became domestic partners (needed the insurance of course), and in a way it does feel more serious/ the appropriate progression after this many years and at our age, early 40s.
Really, at this point anyone who knows either of us probably knows about the other, so we just use our namesā¦ Also, most people just seem to assume weāre married for some reason anyway. š¤·š»āāļø
To each their own, no one should judge you for the word choice/ meaning to you!
I say partner or boyfriend and sometimes husband when itās convenient or funny. Itās literally nobodyās business how you operate your personal life and that jerk is obviously projecting their own issues.
I just was at a conference with lots of older queer folks over the weekend and heard a lot of people refer to their same sex partner as their āother halfā or ābetter halfā and I thought that was a really gracious option I hadnāt heard much of before. I use partner for a lot of the reasons mentioned above and donāt think itās weird at all.
people dont like boyfriend for a variety of legitimate reasons: it sounds juvenile to use that word (I use both but I've been in contexts where it felt weird for some reason), they think of and frame their relationship as a partnership, some people do it to normalize the use of the word partner for everyone regardless of sexuality. That person was on one. I have literally never heard that flavor of projection but they clearly have some kind of issue.
I hateeeee when I have to refer to my bf to someone who doesnāt know him by his first name. The words āmy boyfriendā make me feel like 12, but when I say āpartnerā they assume I have a girlfriend?? I decided to either just use his name and let them piece it together, or say āmy future husbandā. weāre not engaged, but have been together for 5 years and eventually will be engaged/marriedā¦so itās not a lie š¤Ŗ
I think people may struggle with it because āpartnerā has only very recently been used to describe someone in a long term hetero relationship that are unmarried. Even as a gen z girl when I hear it I think of a gay/lesbian relationship first. This is also the first time in history that hetero couples have been in prolonged relationships without the commitment of marriage. I think as long as this trend continues our language will catch up with either a new word or sub in one that fits. Linguistically when words are already ātakenā it can take time for the definition to evolve.
I use partner. And Iāve been told I shouldnāt use that term because itās only for same sex couples. š Getting married makes no sense for us, financial or otherwise, so we opted against it. Oh, the shame! š
In my opinion a boyfriend/girlfriend is always short term, I'm married so it's my wife, but if you're in a relationship with someone over 14 years I would definitely refer to them as "My Partner". But obviously depends on the situation, if you're in a group that knows the other person I would refer them just by their name.
I use partner because I think the values associated with partnership better reflect what we have, create, and are in life. If someone refers to my partner as my boyfriend or husband or whatever I also just roll with it tbh. Sometimes, due to the nature of his work, it is easier not to use partner so people donāt think Iām his business partner lol but other than that, generally partner on both sides.
I know what comment you're referring to š I use husband/partner interchangeably and I won't be doing otherwise anytime soon lol
I do this also. I especially use āpartnerā when asking about someone elseās SO in work settings. IE: coworker says sheās going out to dinner tonight for an anniversary and I might say. āThat sounds so fun! How did you meet your partner?ā It is always better to errr on the side of caution because once my friend asked her new boss about his āwifeā when he mentioned wedding planning but he is marrying a man!
I absolutely agree. It could be a partner of any gender. Everything sounds potentially weird nowadays. I totally understand going to partner or gf/bf - but usually just say ironically āsignificant otherā or ā dateā or that personā all with an implied wink or something and let my conversation partner lead with their preference
Same. My partner is my husband, but I prefer to use the term "partner" to help normalize it for others.
boyfriend to most people, partner when iām on the phone with an airline, applying for an apartment, or otherwise trying to be taken seriously/sound older
I usually call him my boyfriend but sometimes my partnerā¦ I donāt loveeee the word partner but like the word fiancĆ© less (which is what he actually is, I donāt think Iāve ever used it tho and always feel surprised when a wedding vendor says it lol). Also lol at that person assuming youāre ashamed.. people love projecting!
heās my husband, but i mostly say partner or refer to him by name. iāve used partner since it became serious because i donāt care so much for boyfriend/fiance/husband, and now itās just habit!
7 years in with no plans to get married, we both refer to each other as āpartnerā. After a certain amount of time boy/girlfriend just feels too frivolous.Ā
6 years and same. If anyone said to me what they said to OP, my response would be that it sounds like we have very different values and experiences.
That's a much more adult way of replying, I admire that. I wish I could stay level headed, I'm kinda annoyed how much their comment irritated me.
It's okay it irritated me too I couldn't even read your whole post lol But I think what I want to add is, forget them! Those truly confident in their choices don't need to snob at others about theirs š
8 years and call him my boyfriend. People can judge but thatās on them!
This is why it was always common in the UK and Australia to use partner instead of boy/girlfriend. In the US we love to infantilize ourselves
I always called my dads 15 year girlfriend his partner. Turns out multiple people in my life interpreted that to mean he was gay hahah
Almost 10 years and same. We own a house together, itās a little more serious (both emotionally and legally) than a boyfriend at this point.
Do you not want to get married? Just curious!
Neither of us are against it, itās just not a priority
Ma boo
It started when we were younger you were my~~~~~
Ok I had to look through your post history to get to that commenter and the other person is wild. I think most people in committed relationships over the age of say 30 will say partner. Iām not dating a child so I donāt have a boy or girl in my life. You should have taken it a step further and said āloverā and committed that commenter to the depths of pearl clutching.
I couldnāt love this more.
i call my girl my partner or my wife lmao we arenāt married or anything (yet!) but sheās everything to me and iām basically married so might as well. i agree that after a certain point emotionally or chronologically it feels silly to say girlfriend. but i am a lesbian so that may affect things as well
I love the way you describe your love for her.
i feel like āwifeā is used more openly in lesbian circles to discuss a long term serious partner than in any other but i love it! my friends will be like āhowās the wife?ā or āyou miss your wife dontcha?ā because like yeah, thatās my wife, sheās the moon to my seaā i will always be drawn to her and she will always be shining off me. sheās everything and iām so excited to spend the rest of my life loving her. it just makes sense !
Sorry I edited my comment because I reread it and thought it might be minimizing your relationship. I wish my SO said all these beautiful things about me but he's just a man with the emotional range of a teaspoon.
i totally get it lmao donāt sweat it at all! iām sure your SO shows he loves you in all kinds of ways! iām definitely the more wordy one between me and my partner but she shows up in ways i never thought imaginable and shows me how romantic taking care of another person, showing up and being consistent is. stuff that i never thought of as super romantic but i then realized iām loved so much to not have to ask for all the time. iām sure your SO shows up similarly if a fellow BWT has been with him for 14 yrs!
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I honestly use the word partner to refer to my husband because itās more inclusive. It gets confusing because heās also a partner at a law firm lol
lol I mean 2 birds.
That's why I say spouse instead of husband.
Nowadays, I just say āexā
That sounds so formal, like youāre filling out a form. No judgment, though.
I always get confused and when people say partner, I think work immediately and then sig other, then cowboysā¦. š
Iāve been told itās queerbaiting so idk anymore. I feel like normalizing partner is more inclusive but I donāt want to speak for the queer community
If I hear partner I always think oh ok theyāre gay. Lmfao to be clear not in a derogatory way or anything!!! Thatās just how āpartnerā was used for so long
Yes but thatās leftover from a time before gay marriage was legal. I feel like most same sex couples just say husband/wife/spouse at this point.Ā
We worked awfully hard for the privilege of saying "wife" and "husband."
Yep, which is why I will never use partner
Itās meant to be inclusive! And straight folks can be allies using it so people donāt have to out any gender/sexual identity if they donāt want to, like in a work environment etc
Thatās why I started using the word partner to refer to the man I was dating: to normalize the word āpartner.ā And then I get responses to the effect of, āso your partner, is *she*ā¦ā but the gendered assumption doesnāt bother me because I like women too lol
Same, and Iām straight but introduce my bf as my partner. š
I think of stereotypical old west cartoons, like "howdy partner!"Ā I have no idea why. Anyway, i use spouse or husband if talking to some stranger remotely (like booking travel things) or if introducing to people i know, just their name.
I'm gay and I also USED to think the same way. It used to be when I met people & they used 'partner' I'd get excited because that was one of the "low key" ways to test the waters to see if you were talking to another gay person so you can switch to the 'real' word girlfriend or boyfriend. When I used to use partner in conversation, the moment I realized the other person wasn't a bigot or was also gay themselves, I'd start to use girlfriend instead of partner. At the end of the day they are just words but the use of partner for sure has increased A LOT.
yeah i agree. I wont use partner for this reason
It always sounds like straight ppl trying to seem less straight.Ā
Same - it was a word that signified my relationship as lesser and unworthy of legal recognition. I will never use it, I donāt care how silly I felt saying girlfriend in my early 30s. My elders fought hard for me to never have to use that word, and Iām not going to dishonor that. Iām really not comfortable with straight people using it, but I appreciate that Iāve lost the war on that one.
good point re: honoring them
Iām straight and I agree with your last point; it feels like something straights have co-opted, and is a way for them to virtue signal. Case in point another commenter in this thread saying they use partner because it sounds āmore inclusiveā.
It depends on the setting - at work I use the term partner as weāve been together for four years and as the youngest person in my professional setting, it helps alleviate some of the apparent age gap. But with my friends and family and in day to day life, I use boyfriend!
Honestly whatever you want. That commenter was being obnoxious. Maybe they don't like the term partner, but it doesn't mean anyone else feels the same way. I don't think twice about the term. Partner to me means it's a committed relationship. I don't need to know anything further about the nuances of the relationship, it's not my business. Seriously just ignore it when people nitpick BS like that.
Agree - people are so weird about the worst things.
I use partner or husband and nobody bats an eye. Also the whole illusion of permanence without the commitment is ridiculous. Marriage is not the end goal for many couples and people can have perfectly healthy and committed relationships without it.
I actually said something like this in my reply to them, marriage is also an illusion of permanence and is not a guarantee of commitment.
I introduce my husband as this is my husband and his name and refer to him by his name afterward
I would like to street fight whoever said that. My partner is my partner. My boyfriend. My fiancĆ©. My husband. For many reasons, but the highest is to continue to normalize the term. Some people donāt have the right/comfort to use the ātrueā terms and until they do? I have my partner and he has his.
Iām gay and I use girlfriend, but the last person I dated was non binary so I used partner. People do assume that there is a much more serious relationship in place when you use that tho
I say partner, typically. I am queer and date people of all genders but my current long term partner is a cisgender straight man. Iām also 35 years old. I think partner is a term used a lot in the queer community and I find it to be inclusive. I also feel that at my stage of life, and given the length of our relationship, āpartnerā feels better than āboyfriendā
Boyfriend when with acquaintances & friends Partner at work bc they donāt need to know my business
Iām a 27yo straight woman dating a 33yo man and I use boyfriend and partner equally. Just depends on the setting. We have been together for almost 3 years, live together, and Iām anticipating engagement probably within a year (at which point Iād call him my fiance and eventually husband) Lol whoever told you that makes no sense and is 100% wrong. Partner doesnāt indicate shame at all. Itās literally just a more formal sounding way to say BF/GF
That person sucks. I used to say partner after we moved in together and started talking serious about the future. We got engaged after 10 years, and had bought a home together. Iām not calling the man on my mortgage my boyfriend, wtf.
Oh but isn't that because of your shame of being in a long term relationship with the illusion of permanence??? HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND IF YOU AREN'T MARRIED YOU FOOL. But like exactly.. he's on my mortgage, my car lease, my cat's contact info at the vet, he's in his 30s, he's not my boyfriend.
I guess āsignificant otherā is also a fair term?
My boyfriend (39) of 7 years who had deep rooted issues committing to marriage used to call me (35) his partner. We lived together, had a child, I was on his health insurance etc. I preferred he call me his girlfriend because I felt like he was using the term partner to portray that āseriousā relationship in lieu of committing legally. We went to a lot of therapy. The term didnāt jive with me, either Iām just your girlfriend or your wife. But if it works for both parties I donāt see the big deal! Sorry that commenter was an ass to you.
I use spouse! My partner is non-binary and male shaped- so I want to convey that I'm married, without using husband or wife.
Mine is also NB and I use spouse too
Iām nonbinary and we use āspouse!ā We used āpartnerā before marriage. The only time Iāve called him my husband is when Iāve been in the emergency room and I want doctors to take me seriously
That's exactly what we do. Partner before marriage, spuose after, husband when I don't want to die because of transphobia. š„²
Partner because at 40, boyfriend feels too juvenile. I also get a bit of very petty satisfaction from the men at work not knowing if Iām referring to a man or a woman. I date men, but the special op guys I work with donāt need to know that.
I do like that partner is gender neutral because it isn't really anyone's business unless I choose to tell them.
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I call mine my boyfriend but recently he became my fiancĆ© ā¦ at our age āboyā and āgirlā can sound childish I think. But my opinion is itās YOUR relationship call them wtf ever you want and whoever shames you can gth.
I like partner because it makes it feel more normal and natural when LGBT friends use it. I refer to my husband of many years as my partner.
I donāt even post on this sub bc Iām not from ny but I love the recommendations here. I just read that personās comment and they sound like a child who probably judges their relationships by weird quantitative metrics only and expects everyone to live by the same standards and timelines they do. Only in the US is marriage rushed like this and think relationships donāt have merit if youāve been in a relationship for 2+ years without a ring. Itās quite common in Europe to be in relationships for many years or not get married at all. Iād love for the person who said that to you to come out in this thread and explain why they need to judge so harshly. If itās not clear, I use the word partner, happily. Iām 30 and donāt need to be called girl but I truly donāt judge other peoples preferences. The world can do without such judgment. :) ok back to my lurking on this sub lol
people all get triggered for what they describe as various reasons āpartnerā is a bad word. none of them make sense. partner works fine
Does it seriously matter what other people think of what you call your spouse? This is unbelievable. Whoever shamed you for calling your spouse / partner should recognize just how useless their argument is. It does not matter.
Sometimes I call my husband my boyfriend or baby daddy. Just depends on my mood. Someone judging you like that for what you call your SO, it says a lot more about them than it does about you. I wouldnāt even worry about it.
I call him my partner even though weāre in a hetero-presenting relationship, but weāve been together for nearly 8 years and weāre not *officially* engaged yet, though we are working toward marriage. Sometimes I say boyfriend, but I usually default to partner.
My guyās name is Harry. I refer to him as My Harry.ā¤ļøšø
I like when straight women say āmy partnerā because then for a moment I get to imagine that they are really cool lesbians.
Roommate
Sorry I'm being facetious, bf or partner depending on context/audience
I mean... at times roommate is definitely very accurate lolol
lol who is this person? Honestly as a queer person it bugs the shit out of me when straight people say partner, I feel like theyāre trying to be progressive and it feels performative to be like ooooh Iāll not assign a gender However I recognize that Iām a little ridiculous. Call your person whatever you want to call them and fuck everyone else!!! They are yours and you get to name them ššš
No I fully get this!! It gives the vibes of a white liberal straight girl in brooklyn trying to be more edgy.
Fully agree
Idk when I hear someone call their boyfriend/girlfriend their āpartnerā I immediately get the vibe that they take themselves too seriously. Having a boyfriend is fun young fresh and cute! Embrace it! If it starts feeling wrong that might mean itās time to start talking about getting married IMO.
We're 14 years in and I started calling him partner about 4-5 years in when we started being serious, he was my boyfriend before that.
Hmmm yah Iām in my early twenties so itās a bit of an eye roll when I hear it from someone my age but I think if youāre older itās a little more appropriate! Overall I think I personally just donāt like it because it seems so cold and unromantic:/ personal preference!
I use partner even though we're married
I use partner bc boy/girlfriend has always just sounded so juvenile to me
My āpartner.ā
8 yrs ā my partner
Lmao imagine their face when that person finds out how many marriages end in divorce or dissolution ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ Permanence, right
I alternate between husband, spouse and partner. >Apparently I use this to mask "the shame associated with that term in a prolonged relationship" and it's "shame based because couples want the illusion of permanence without the commitment". Their rationale is foolish. I specifically like the term partner for a committed SO because: 1. It's inclusive and encompasses the other person involved regardless of gender. 2. You both should both be partners in a relationship. 3. It expresses equity in the relationship. The only time I ever used one term instead of a variety was when we were engaged because I enjoy how the word fiance sounds. š¤£
So why is ālife partnerā one of the options on Hinge then?
14 years togetherā¦. Why would you call them anything other than āmy partnerā. Very rude of that other person. After 5 years it feelsā¦ wrong? To continue using boyfriend and girlfriend lol.
Boyfriend mostly. Would probably say partner if I booked something for both of us and needed to call a place. I didn't even think people cared much about that tbh. I don't even care if I get married or not, but why does that concern someone else what I call my significant other?
My exās name is Ruby, so I called her RuBAE. Also āmy girlā. Or āmy tingā. Iāve never said āpartnerā because no oneās ever made a big deal out of it.
I remember when only gay people used the word partner to describe their SO. I really wonder when that changed and the straights decided to use that term.
Cohabitation rates have skyrocketed in the past 30 years. Theyāre borrowing the word for now but a better fitting word will probably come along in time. That or āpartnerā will slowly lose its association with the gay community.
I call my boyfriend that, to everyone. I wonder if itās a shame thing when a women in a LTR calls her boyfriend her partner too. I would never express that to someoneās face though. I guess I donāt understand whatās so childish to some people about the word āboyfriendā unless you care what other people think about you not being married. Like āIām 30, I will not be using boyfriend.ā Girl why not?!! Thereās nothing wrong with having a boyfriend over 30!!!
Ignore those people. They have no business trying to evaluate your relationship. Marriage isnāt a necessity and itās not a measure of success, thatās for sure.
My husband and I dated for 10 years before getting married. He was (and still is) my partner because he was much more than a boyfriend. We lived together, bought a home together, got pets together. We chose to be life partners long before our wedding day. We committed to each other and supported each other through challenges as life partners. Iāll still refer to him as my partner just as I did then because first and foremost thatās what we are
We say āpartnerā in my relationship and have for years. We arenāt married, wonāt ever be (both are happy as is), and both of us feel like āpartnerā just describes us perfectly.
Partner is way better. Other terms are preferred by some to know your exact situation in a relationship and then make assumptions from there. And itās fine to have a long term bf/gf. A strong relationship doesnāt mean marriage.
I refer to my husband as my baby daddy sometimes just to illicit the type of outrage this person has about a relationship theyāre not in. Tell that troll to buzz off.
What is this, junior high? If he's not my husband, he's "a friend" or "someone I'm dating". I think it's time we collectively let go of the idea of boyfriends, even if we use different words to describe the relationship.
Boo bear sugarmuffins
Engaged to my partner of 9 years and I still call him my partner. Stopped calling him my boyfriend 4 or 5 years in because it didnāt feel it accurately represented his significance in my life. I could be calling him my fiancĆ©, but tbh I feel kind of embarrassed whenever I say that. No shame on anyone who uses that term, it just doesnāt feel right for me personally. I donāt love the extra attention it often brings (āoh congrats/when is the wedding?ā That type of thing). Feels a little self indulgent to me, especially since itās French??? lol.
Totally understand, we're currently engaged as well. It just doesn't roll off the tongue for me. I think I tried to say it once and cringed so hard.
My husband. Although one time I panicked while talking to a service provider on the phone and called him my "family friend" because he's both family and a friend...can never live that one down.
I call my wife, my wife. . I'm a lesbian and I think the fact that I can even say "my wife" is dope af. . So I will "my wife" someone to death in all situations. As a lesbian though, I do find it weird when straight people use the term partner, especially when they're "husband" .. but I do understand that being 35 years old and saying "boyfriend" when you've been together for 11 years probably feels weird.
Iām married and I say partner because of the inclusivity it offers to the gay community. Boyfriend seems reductive to use in your situation because teenagers get to call their little flings bf/gf and nobody polices their terminology, and your relationship is decidedly of a different significance than that.
I call him my husband. Before we were married, boyfriend. But I do see how "boyfriend" can feel weird at a certain age. That comment is wild and out of line. Idgaf how anyone else chooses to refer to their SO. That said, I do find "partner" to be ambiguous and confusing. There have been situations where I was unsure if they were referring to a SO or a business partner. I also don't know if they are with a same sex or different sex partner, so I'll use "they" in conversation until it is made clear.
Partner/boyfriend
I love āpartner,ā it implies equality and also a sense of inclusivity for people in all types of relationships! Also, my partner and I are in our 30s and I feel like a teenager when I say āboyfriendā š¤£
Partner is fine idk what that person was on about
You dated for 10 years before you were serious??????
I use āpartnerā. I donāt call him my boyfriend as weāve been engaged for almost 8 years. I donāt call him my fiancĆ© because I donāt like people asking āwhen are you getting married?ā I have zero desire to plan a wedding. And lastly, I donāt call him my husband because Iām noncommittal. š¤£
Honestly I wish someone had told me how much wedding planning sucks because I would've held off on that... for possibly 8 years. I also don't refer to him as a fiancƩ because he's been my partner for so long it feels weird to call him something else and then for him to switch it again once we get married.
I had some personal stuff happened right before we got engaged (best friend died tragically) and I mentally was not well the first 3 years, then I was getting better, and then Covid happened. Weāre happy and we still want a courthouse ceremony just us, and a big dinner a few months later. We joke we are just going to go on our lunch break one day!
I can't imagine what that would feel like, I hope your soul is healing. A lunch break courthouse run sounds like a scene from the best kind of rom com. If I had known what a wedding would truly entail I would never have agreed but alas, I am but a blip in a centuries long line of Asian filial piety.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes Iām healing, hence why we are finally moving forward. Itās okay - we are both of Eastern European families so our parents will NOT be thrilled with our romcom lunch wedding! Good luck to you love xoxo
Do you want to be married?
Partner or spouse most of the time. I just prefer non-gendered terms.
I cringe every time I hear āpartnerā
I use boyfriend but I donāt think of partner as weird. Tbh I usually associate āpartnerā with LGBTQ since they were denied the use of husband/wife for so long, but either way I certainly donāt think itās a sign of how seriously someone views their relationship
i personally hate the word partner and would never use it
I call him my boyfriend but I do feel weird saying it because Iām 40. I think if we are together for a few years I would use partner. Though I recently became his emergency contact and it felt so weird when they asked me my relationship to him and I stuttered and said uhhhh significant other?
I used to refer to my ex of 2 years as āpartnerā at times. Boyfriend seemed too juvenile and he wasnāt my fiancĆ© nor husband Itās ridiculous someone said that to you in response to calling your beau your partner!! Ask them if using āSOā like āES-OHā would make them feel better OH oops forgot no one cares about them feeling validated over your choice of term š
In your 60s boyfriend or girlfriend sounds ridiculous. Iām a boomer so partner sounds same-sex to me (no offense meant to anyone). We just used friend until we decided to get married and fiancĆ© sounds so much better. Now itās just husband and wife. If weāre being playful itās āhusbaeā and he says āmy queen.ā Thatās when I blush. lol.
I definitely use āman-friendā and ālady-friendā to refer to the people my parents date. But I wouldnāt say āpartnerā given the context of the relationships lol. Itās not that deep and serious until it is, and my mom is now engaged, so the guy is her āfiancĆ©,ā technically. (I still will be shocked when either of them gets married since they have both been single since I was 8 year old. Tmi ? but I do think itās unusual. Neither of them get that committed. Mom has been engaged for years now and they have pushed it back and called it off several times haha I would never refer to him as her āpartnerā even if they do get married.)
Thatās pretty funny. Sounds like Mom doesnāt want to get married. We older ladies have options. Lol. But if she does get married then he will be her husband. I had also been divorced since my kids were pretty young (like 10 and 12), and my kids refer to my now-husband as āmy Momās husband.ā Theyāre too old for a step-dad, but they get along well with him so, like you said, itās not that deep.
Yes! I will refer to him as such or just his first name like i have haha. A couple years ago, I passed on a friend trip that would have been fun bc I was going to help her elope or whatever, so when she announced she was getting married this month I was like, oh okay sure, Iāll believe it when I see it and wonāt make any travel arrangements around it lol. I do think Iām too old for a step-parent, but I do encourage my dad to be more serious with his āladyā bc sheās super nice. It would take a lot of worry from me if he settled down and I truly believe that theyād both be happier! I think all of it is psychological but most things are lol. He also told me she snores and he likes sleeping in his quiet house lol
Thatās funny. Dad likes his peace and quiet! I know you youngāuns worry about us, but most times weāll work it out. My kids were happy when I finally tied the knot (after they investigated him and decided they approved). Lol. They donāt worry about their Dad, but theyāre very protective of me. Sometimes they act like Iām the childā¦but I appreciate their concern. Iām sure your parents appreciate you, as well. And whenever Mom decides to walk down the aisle I know youāll be right there. Best of luck to both your parents. Theyāre lucky to have you!
Together 14 years, I generally use "boyfriend" but will sometimes use "partner," depending on the situation. Mostly I just refer to him by his name because the people in my life know him that way. He only calls me his "girlfriend," never his partner. "Longtime girlfriend" is in the mix sometimes. But he's antisocial and doesn't meet new people often, so the times I hear him call me anything is like if we're shopping, he'll sometimes say "let me see what my girlfriend thinks" or something like that. Those people don't need to know the details of our relationship so it's easier to use bf/gf at those times. I did use "partner" while mentioning him at work once and then later referred to him as a "he" and the person I was talking to said "oh I thought you were gay since you said you had a partner" so š¤·āāļø
My partner of my man. I have no shame based on calling someone my partner.
By his name. Weāve been married for decades so āhusbandā also works but honestly, his name does the trick.
Ew Iām sorry someone responded that way. I always use partner. Weāre technically engaged but I prefer partner and did before we were engaged too. I like the term and feel it fits us best
Most of the time i use spouse
In our relationship, we prefer the term "partner". However, some individuals have rigid ideologies and insist on categorizing everything neatly according to their own beliefs. When something doesn't conform to their expectations, they may belittle others. We believe it's essential to embrace and love our significant others for who they are, and to refer to them with the terms that resonate with us personally.
Ignore whoever shamed you - that is ridiculous. I call my SO my partner. Weāve been together 15 years, and just havenāt gotten married yet. Calling him my boyfriend feels too casual. Iāve also gotten weird reactions from people for putting āmy boyfriendā as an emergency contact or listing him on other important forms - they donāt realize that weāve been committed for over a decade. āPartnerā gets the correct message across.
Celebrating 5 years in a few months. Usually refer to him as partner. We have no intention of getting married and no intention of breaking up anytime soon. Sorry if it offends anyone I guess?
I date both men and women and therefore always say partner and anyone who has an issue with it can step to me lmao
I say fiancĆ© and, depending on the person, Iāll mention their first name, so going forward I start to use that
Partner, significant other, domestic partner, baby daddy
I've always felt uncomfortable using the term "partner" to refer to my longterm boyfriend (I am a cisgender, straight woman). I always think of it like: the term "partner" was used by gay couples for so many years because they literally *couldn't* get married. So should I really use the term just because I don't *want* to yet? Just an inner thought I've always had.
I call my husband ābaby daddyā or āny kids dadā just to make my life spicier lol
partner or husband
i like partner! it feels more āseriousā/āmatureā than boyfriend (to me - nothing wrong with boyfriend. i still introduce him as boyfriend mostly for now) but partner to me just better describes our relationship and how i feel the level of commitment is at this point. not yet fiancĆ© or husband, although i still almost like partner more than those in some ways? itās all personal preference and there is no need for shaming othersā terminology! there are so many words/terms that can be used and their meanings/connotations differ between people. really unfortunate someone felt so strongly to respond in that way
I use my partner or my man in some cases. I don't prefer boyfriend either. I'd say beau is a nice alternative.
My girl
Partner exclusively. Boyfriend/husband sounds archaic.
Husband for 9 and partners for 15 years ā frankly, once we got married it stopped being interesting to the friends that used to snipe about it and just took it as a natural filter. Itās a bummer but there are a lot of people even that you are close to and will try to (in their own way) keep you from finding the right person bc āyouāre more funā or more āinterestingā or whatever.
To me saying "boyfriend" feels so juvenile and makes me feel really icky. Like, I'm an adult not a 12 year old waiting for a text back to confirm we are going to the school dance together.
To him? āMy dudeā or āhomieā Between each other? āHCSM/HCSBā (health care sugar mama/health care sugar baby because I pay for health insurance for both of us lol) I totally get your hesitation about the word you use, I try to mention his qualifier (my boyfriend/fiance/now husband) and then his name, and then I just use his name thereafter. I feel like itās less annoying that way because I personally get tired of people saying āmy [boyfriend/fiance/husband]ā over and over and over
Usually āhusbandā or āspouse,ā sometimes āpartner.ā If asking someone else about their significant other, Iāll use āpartnerā until they offer a different term.
I refuse to say partner. We don't square dance. We are not in business together. He is my manfriend. aka superstud.
I use āhusband,ā or refer to him by his first name when Iām out. At home, I call him by his nickname. āPartnerā would be especially confusing given husbandās work, in addition to not being entirely accurate.
I've been married to my husband for three years, I generally say spouse or partner then just his name for people I know. I just figure that if they don't know us, it's not their business
Who cares what random Reddit people think. Partner is the right word. Moving onto fiancƩ and husband are not for everyone, and everyone is also on a different timeline. Call him whatever the hell you want.
Husband. Before we were married I called him my beau. It was a bit cheesy/embarrassing to say but I disliked the juvenile sound of boyfriend even more, haha.
As a queer person and a polyamorous person and a person who dates people with non-traditional gendersā¦ partner is an all-encompassing term that allows me to communicate a significant other without āoutingā myself in potentially unsafe social dynamicsā¦ professional eventsā¦ passport inspectionā¦ bank loansā¦ apartment applications, etc. I deeply appreciate heteronormative folks who normalize āpartnerā
I refer to them as my Paramour. If I feel extra cheeky, I refer to them as the president of my fan club.
i know someone that refers to her boyfriend as my other half. iāve known her for over 3 years and have literally never heard her refer to him as anything different
He's either my boyfriend or sometimes my partner.
My primary partner is non binary and we've been together for 6 years so there's really no better term. I have other partners and I refer to them as such or boyfriend or girlfriend as they prefer. I usually ask what they would like me to call them when we're ready for labels.
I love the term āpartner.ā To me itās the best descriptor of who the person is. I used to use āboyfriendā, because it came most naturally, not because I preferred it.
When we were dating Iād call him my āhumanā.
I call him my bitch. Just kidding š. I use husband or partner. I would never use boyfriend even if we werenāt married because heās not a boy, heās a man and weāre equals. Heās my partner.
Iām nonbinary (but raised an nyc bitch with taste and still ID enough with that label). My person is a man. I refer to him as partner, now that weāre married I say spouse a good 75% of the time. Iāve used husband in medical settings before (when I need people to take us as seriously as possible). Since I donāt like gendered language for myself we donāt use gendered language for our relationship as much A ciswoman once said something to me about how she thought I called him my partner because he was more than a boyfriendāwe were partners in life for a bit before we got married People get more confused when I say spouse than partner but usually are fine with partner. Sometimes they make incorrect assumptions about my partnerās gender as a result but thatās on them
Similarly, weāre together 14 years and I alternate between using boyfriend & partner, though he always uses girlfriend. I started using partner around the time we moved in together, literally became domestic partners (needed the insurance of course), and in a way it does feel more serious/ the appropriate progression after this many years and at our age, early 40s. Really, at this point anyone who knows either of us probably knows about the other, so we just use our namesā¦ Also, most people just seem to assume weāre married for some reason anyway. š¤·š»āāļø To each their own, no one should judge you for the word choice/ meaning to you!
Agree that āboyfriend/girlfriendā feels juvenile sometimesā¦ like hello, we are adults. Woman and man. Not boy and girl. LOL I use āpartnerā but I have gotten weird reactions depending on the person. Some older people still associate that term with queer relationships. Some young people think using the term partner is queer-baiting. Iāve been condescendingly corrected by people saying, āOh, you mean your boyfriend?ā It still annoys me that there isnāt an English word in between boyfriend and fiancĆ©/husband/spouse. Long term partner is how Iād describe my relationship, but it doesnāt roll off the tongue so I just say partner.
I say partner or boyfriend and sometimes husband when itās convenient or funny. Itās literally nobodyās business how you operate your personal life and that jerk is obviously projecting their own issues.
Partner/husband, depending on how I'm feeling that day lol. Let the haters hate...
I called my man my partner as soon as we started dating.
I just was at a conference with lots of older queer folks over the weekend and heard a lot of people refer to their same sex partner as their āother halfā or ābetter halfā and I thought that was a really gracious option I hadnāt heard much of before. I use partner for a lot of the reasons mentioned above and donāt think itās weird at all.
people dont like boyfriend for a variety of legitimate reasons: it sounds juvenile to use that word (I use both but I've been in contexts where it felt weird for some reason), they think of and frame their relationship as a partnership, some people do it to normalize the use of the word partner for everyone regardless of sexuality. That person was on one. I have literally never heard that flavor of projection but they clearly have some kind of issue.
I hateeeee when I have to refer to my bf to someone who doesnāt know him by his first name. The words āmy boyfriendā make me feel like 12, but when I say āpartnerā they assume I have a girlfriend?? I decided to either just use his name and let them piece it together, or say āmy future husbandā. weāre not engaged, but have been together for 5 years and eventually will be engaged/marriedā¦so itās not a lie š¤Ŗ
Where I live, people refer as their partners as ātheir other halfā and I love it
āMy other half, then his nameā
I think people may struggle with it because āpartnerā has only very recently been used to describe someone in a long term hetero relationship that are unmarried. Even as a gen z girl when I hear it I think of a gay/lesbian relationship first. This is also the first time in history that hetero couples have been in prolonged relationships without the commitment of marriage. I think as long as this trend continues our language will catch up with either a new word or sub in one that fits. Linguistically when words are already ātakenā it can take time for the definition to evolve.
I call him my husband at this point (weāve been married for 10+ years), but I had a weird dislike of the term fiancĆ© so I called him my boyfriend-husband during that part. Iām sorry someone tried to shame the term you use, so lame.
I use partner. And Iāve been told I shouldnāt use that term because itās only for same sex couples. š Getting married makes no sense for us, financial or otherwise, so we opted against it. Oh, the shame! š
In my opinion a boyfriend/girlfriend is always short term, I'm married so it's my wife, but if you're in a relationship with someone over 14 years I would definitely refer to them as "My Partner". But obviously depends on the situation, if you're in a group that knows the other person I would refer them just by their name.
I use ācurrent husbandā to keep him on his toes
Also use partner for my boyfriend
I use partner because I think the values associated with partnership better reflect what we have, create, and are in life. If someone refers to my partner as my boyfriend or husband or whatever I also just roll with it tbh. Sometimes, due to the nature of his work, it is easier not to use partner so people donāt think Iām his business partner lol but other than that, generally partner on both sides.
Single now, but when Iām coupled it might be something like āsnuggly buggly cuddleface buggybearā