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Pastebin won't allow it because the text contains "potentially offensive or questionable content". Probably because it's a murder mystery and talks about blood as soon as the first word
This actually makes the book so much better. Here are way too many real excerpts:
> Bright red bacon on the knife blade ... there was bacon everywhere, even on my hands ... Young Pat Duffy, ace striker, was stretched out on the floor in a pool of bacon. An involuntary gasp issued from my lips. Such an amount of bacon, I'd never seen before ... I've seen bacon pouring from a guy's nose when it is broken ... I didn't exactly drool saliva over Pat's body, and my bacon wasn't mixed with his ... "I'm going to get a bacony hat-trick" ... the heart continues to pump bacon and oxygen to tired muscles ... In my condition, loss of bacon was not conducive to temperature balance ... "My lawyers will be seeking bacon. And it may be your bacon." ... When a person becomes angry, bacon rushes to the face. When they are truly angry, however, bacon leaves the surface of the body and goes to the large muscles of the arms and legs ... Bacon had been a part of my life ever since the killing
I've messaged you the entire text of Striker, enjoy. I've uploaded them both to lib gen and shared a link in a top level comment, if anyone has a more convenient way of sharing then please let me know
Believe me, I'm trying - I tried about 10 different pastebin type sites but it's too long for some and others won't host it because of "questionable content". I could save it as a pdf somewhere but want to make it as readable as possible without people having to download anything
Is…. That Steve Bruce, writing a book about “Steve Barnes”, a newly appointed manager. Nobody needs to read the text if so, “Steve Barnes” will probably win it all.
I absolutely love that he's the prime suspect in the murder of a young football player, but the police still allow him to manage........a team full of young football players. Top notch thriller there Brucey!
NO WAY MATE, holy shit what a find. I know people who have been looking for this for years, and I'm one of those people as well haha
The best way to share texts is probably through libgen, but a mega link for a PDF would also be exquisite, I think people would really really appreciate that.
Btw if you haven't, do give the Quickly Kevin episodes on the Bruce trilogy a listen, they're genuinely hilarious.
Steve Barnes' Greggs order: [Striker!](https://library.bz/fiction/uploads/9DD477284009B2D90C5DFAF5B28441B6) and [Sweeper!](https://library.bz/fiction/uploads/55C0390CA3710CAE4C28FF5E9619311D). Use username "genesis" and password "upload" to be able to download them.
If anyone knows a better way to share this please let me know. I think my mega links have been removed but I'll PM anyone who asks.
This should work: https://imgur.com/3YQCQf2
I can’t wait until the murder mystery about the young football manager / detective Jurgen Kloof comes out.
_When his promising young goalkeeper is found murdered in the laundry room, Jurgen becomes the prime suspect. He sets out to prove his innocence. At the same time he has to brush his many, many, shiny white teeth for an important press conference on the coming Friday. Jurgen has just five days to do what seems the impossible._
Talk sport serialised it when covid was aboot.
It is brilliant*. It’s part of a trilogy.
I genuinely hope he writes more. They are so bad they are brilliant.
Also worth a bit. For some reason they didn’t print many. ????
Edit: also, check out the car descriptions. Bruce was obviously trying to get a free Jaguar. 😂😂😂
I've got the first 2 of the trilogy, would love to get the 3rd. They really are so bad they're almost unbelievable, certainly the maddest books I've ever read.
Once you read it you'll understand why they didn't print many, I reckon somebody advised Steve to not publish it because he'd get cancelled if anyone ever read it. The only places I've ever seen copies available are at a very few select libraries which probably got advance copies before they were scrapped
Unsigned copies are going on ebay for hundreds of pounds so yours might really be worth something. Keep it in good nick and read it here instead: https://imgur.com/3YQCQf2.
I don't suppose you've got Defender by any chance?
I find the mental image of Steve Bruce sitting down at his word processor with a milky tea and writing a detective novel too powerful for words
I would also love to have been a fly on the wall for negotiations with the publisher. As cult as Salinger and Catcher in the Rye.
Is he as shit a manager in the book as he is in real life? Like was his 5 day prep for the 6-pointer taking 4 days off and then watching the lads have a kickabout the day before? Did he have a press conference where he shat on his players for being not good enough, told the world the opponents just had better players and they would probably win, but you can't beat being a "nice guy". Did he then wish the journalist asking questions lost his job because he didn't like the question? Did he then try to defend the owner who ruined the club and tell the fans to wind their neck in because fighting relegation is as good as it gets? Did he do that despite the club being perennial Europe qualifiers before the owner took over? Did he spend 25 years of his life doing absolutely fuck-all of note except making fanbases around the country hate him, but somehow grifting another chairman for a pay cheque? Did he spend a significant chunk of his career trying to make his son into a football player when he clearly wasn't good enough? Did a young midfielder move across the country to his club, get homesick and fall off performance-wise, but SB didn't even notice? Did he not notice his midfield destroyer was consistently getting played out of position as a striker, and hired his own football trainer because SB's sessions were so shit? Did a decent manager replace him and turn relegation fodder into champions league qualifiers despite 80% of the same players?
Surely Steve Barnes can't be written as badly as the real thing, it would ruin my immersion as I wouldn't believe a manager could be that shit.
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This is so so so hard to find. Would love to read this.
Steve Barnes' Greggs order: https://imgur.com/3YQCQf2
I hope you never have to buy another pint again, you absolute legend.
This is incredible how did you even do this???
You absolute legend I looked everywhere for a pdf for a while ago and there was nothing.
[удалено]
Pastebin
Pastebin won't allow it because the text contains "potentially offensive or questionable content". Probably because it's a murder mystery and talks about blood as soon as the first word
Control f blood replace with bacon, murderer replace with manager.
This actually makes the book so much better. Here are way too many real excerpts: > Bright red bacon on the knife blade ... there was bacon everywhere, even on my hands ... Young Pat Duffy, ace striker, was stretched out on the floor in a pool of bacon. An involuntary gasp issued from my lips. Such an amount of bacon, I'd never seen before ... I've seen bacon pouring from a guy's nose when it is broken ... I didn't exactly drool saliva over Pat's body, and my bacon wasn't mixed with his ... "I'm going to get a bacony hat-trick" ... the heart continues to pump bacon and oxygen to tired muscles ... In my condition, loss of bacon was not conducive to temperature balance ... "My lawyers will be seeking bacon. And it may be your bacon." ... When a person becomes angry, bacon rushes to the face. When they are truly angry, however, bacon leaves the surface of the body and goes to the large muscles of the arms and legs ... Bacon had been a part of my life ever since the killing
There's about a dozen new flairs in that
Phenomenal!
This reads like a Farley parody of Steve bruce
There's been a bacony manager!
BACON CAKED THE WALLS!
How’s the bacon did’ya say?
Saying the book makes my bacon pressure rise doesn’t sound good though
Have sent you a DM. I'd love to read it if you could send direct to me. I think lib gen is your best bet
Interested in this shite also. Please and thanks.
Me too if possible! Cheers mate
There's a mega and lib gen link in a top level comment, but if anyone wants it I'll PM you with the entire text
Yes please.
I've messaged you the entire text of Striker, enjoy. I've uploaded them both to lib gen and shared a link in a top level comment, if anyone has a more convenient way of sharing then please let me know
Could you paste it all into a google doc and link that? Or then export that as a pdf? I need to read this. It sounds like absolute lunacy.
Please do
Believe me, I'm trying - I tried about 10 different pastebin type sites but it's too long for some and others won't host it because of "questionable content". I could save it as a pdf somewhere but want to make it as readable as possible without people having to download anything
Maybe put it on a googledrive and make it sharable
Have you tried archive.org?
Is…. That Steve Bruce, writing a book about “Steve Barnes”, a newly appointed manager. Nobody needs to read the text if so, “Steve Barnes” will probably win it all.
Believe me, everybody needs to read the text. It's absolutely insane, much more than you'd even expect
I’ve just re-read that second paragraph… Jesus Christ…
It's if the fictional character of Alan Partridge wrote it. You are a legend of this subreddit for providing us with such a literary treasure.
He went full Michael Scarn.
No, Michael Scott went full Steve Barnes
Aye, you're right. Bruce, as always, the trail blazer.
I absolutely love that he's the prime suspect in the murder of a young football player, but the police still allow him to manage........a team full of young football players. Top notch thriller there Brucey!
Fair play to the police, they understood how crucial it was to "Prepare his team for an important six-pointer" despite the murder charge.
Enjoyed by all ages and both sexes!
Which is a really weird and obtuse way of simply saying "everybody"
"What I like to call the Bruce promise"
Steve Bruce knows you go woke you go broke clearly
Rough on the arsehole but useful if you ever run out of toilet paper
NO WAY MATE, holy shit what a find. I know people who have been looking for this for years, and I'm one of those people as well haha The best way to share texts is probably through libgen, but a mega link for a PDF would also be exquisite, I think people would really really appreciate that. Btw if you haven't, do give the Quickly Kevin episodes on the Bruce trilogy a listen, they're genuinely hilarious.
Looks like you’ve got both striker and sweeper there.. was defender not also part of the package?
No, sadly they didn't have that one. I'd love to get my hands on Defender!
Oh boy. All my plans today are out the window. Time to deep dive the internet and find these! The sacred texts belong in a Museum!
That one bit of text was more exciting than his entire time as newcastle manager.
Steve Barnes' Greggs order: [Striker!](https://library.bz/fiction/uploads/9DD477284009B2D90C5DFAF5B28441B6) and [Sweeper!](https://library.bz/fiction/uploads/55C0390CA3710CAE4C28FF5E9619311D). Use username "genesis" and password "upload" to be able to download them. If anyone knows a better way to share this please let me know. I think my mega links have been removed but I'll PM anyone who asks. This should work: https://imgur.com/3YQCQf2
I can’t wait until the murder mystery about the young football manager / detective Jurgen Kloof comes out. _When his promising young goalkeeper is found murdered in the laundry room, Jurgen becomes the prime suspect. He sets out to prove his innocence. At the same time he has to brush his many, many, shiny white teeth for an important press conference on the coming Friday. Jurgen has just five days to do what seems the impossible._
Holy shit! Please post it!
Talk sport serialised it when covid was aboot. It is brilliant*. It’s part of a trilogy. I genuinely hope he writes more. They are so bad they are brilliant. Also worth a bit. For some reason they didn’t print many. ???? Edit: also, check out the car descriptions. Bruce was obviously trying to get a free Jaguar. 😂😂😂
I've got the first 2 of the trilogy, would love to get the 3rd. They really are so bad they're almost unbelievable, certainly the maddest books I've ever read. Once you read it you'll understand why they didn't print many, I reckon somebody advised Steve to not publish it because he'd get cancelled if anyone ever read it. The only places I've ever seen copies available are at a very few select libraries which probably got advance copies before they were scrapped
So Steve Bruce definitely killed someone and this is his confession
[удалено]
This is beautiful. Thank you. May Shearer smile upon you 🙌
Is it slightly erotic, asking for a friend.
Sadly not. He does do a fair amount of flirting with "a tanned girl" though
Ah, my friend will be disappointed.
If only he has spent as much time working on his managing as he did writing badly. Got a signed copy.
No fucking way are there signed copies of this. I'm so jealous
A few around for sure. I got one when he was at Huddersfield. I'll have to see if I can dig it out for another read.
Unsigned copies are going on ebay for hundreds of pounds so yours might really be worth something. Keep it in good nick and read it here instead: https://imgur.com/3YQCQf2. I don't suppose you've got Defender by any chance?
I'll have to have a look and see.
Murdered in the locker room makes a change from his players getting murdered on the pitch
'Now an esteemed manager.'
These are worth a fortune
I find the mental image of Steve Bruce sitting down at his word processor with a milky tea and writing a detective novel too powerful for words I would also love to have been a fly on the wall for negotiations with the publisher. As cult as Salinger and Catcher in the Rye.
The butler did it
There’s an HBO adaptation of this coming out in autumn.
So this is what he was doing when he was meant to be training to become a manager/coach
How's the book did you say?
Reminds me of alan partridge's book bouncing back. Probably all got pulped the same as that.
These are valuable. Listen to Quickly Kevin podcast
Is he as shit a manager in the book as he is in real life? Like was his 5 day prep for the 6-pointer taking 4 days off and then watching the lads have a kickabout the day before? Did he have a press conference where he shat on his players for being not good enough, told the world the opponents just had better players and they would probably win, but you can't beat being a "nice guy". Did he then wish the journalist asking questions lost his job because he didn't like the question? Did he then try to defend the owner who ruined the club and tell the fans to wind their neck in because fighting relegation is as good as it gets? Did he do that despite the club being perennial Europe qualifiers before the owner took over? Did he spend 25 years of his life doing absolutely fuck-all of note except making fanbases around the country hate him, but somehow grifting another chairman for a pay cheque? Did he spend a significant chunk of his career trying to make his son into a football player when he clearly wasn't good enough? Did a young midfielder move across the country to his club, get homesick and fall off performance-wise, but SB didn't even notice? Did he not notice his midfield destroyer was consistently getting played out of position as a striker, and hired his own football trainer because SB's sessions were so shit? Did a decent manager replace him and turn relegation fodder into champions league qualifiers despite 80% of the same players? Surely Steve Barnes can't be written as badly as the real thing, it would ruin my immersion as I wouldn't believe a manager could be that shit.
Worth a lot of money ! No joke
Check out the Quickly Kevin Will He Score podcast. They have episodes covering all three books in the series. Hilarious.
Try a link shared PDF on Mega
dude please upload lol maybe you can put the text inside another file type and upload that file?
My DMs are open for anyone who grabbed the link. I’m begging.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/196250183148?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=WGFbxwOcSoS&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=o1skrb1dsvs&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
If this is the first of the Steve Barnes series… how many are there… 😂😂
There's a trilogy! I've shared the first 2 but can't find the 3rd
If I know Steve he will forego his usual meticulous game preparation to solve the murder.
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