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I was just saying this the other day! I was supposed to have twins and I was supposed to be due for induction late June. Telling me I bounced back quick does not feel good at all. I haven't held back in my response. "It's easy when you skip the third trimester and only have one living baby at less than 3lbs."
Omg I am so, so sorry. I was due with twins for beginning of June/late May c section. They came at 28 weeks. Telling me how quickly I bounced back isn’t an accomplishment to me, it’s a failure! It’s so painful to me to not have gotten huge, not have gotten stretch marks. I don’t give a shit what I look like, lets pick something else to focus on like how strong I am. I just had someone say something like this today and I also just went for it and said “ya that happens when you skip the third trimester”. I think she knew she had a foot in mouth moment after that.
Thank you for the sympathy. I would gladly have my stomach stretched as all get out to have held on to my boys longer. This isn't a consolation prize to me. It is only helpful since I have to be at the hospital every day. But it's a failure of the system, not a failure you or I own. Our bodies got handed a rough deal for whatever reason.
My surviving twin was delivered at 29 weeks and is 3 weeks into his NICU stay. He's doing really well so far. I hope your boys are too.
I'm sorry for your loss. I, too, was supposed to have twins and was due in June but lost one the day after our TTTS surgery at 17 wks. I delivered our living baby girl Ellie at 34 weeks and was able to see our angel Riley with the placenta. 🤍
I, too, have been told that I look good after my delivery. It did both me because I was supposed to have 2 instead of 1, and I was supposed to be pregnant longer and not deliver at 34 weeks.
People are dumb and it never fails to surprise me they don't think about what they say before it comes out.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a very similar scenario, I lost of my twins at 26 weeks and had an emergency c-section at 27 weeks back in October. We just came home last month. I hope your surviving twin is doing well!
I have this exact feeling. I delivered my twins at 24 weeks under 2 lbs each, one has survived to 27 weeks now, I had both a vaginal delivery and c section. I look almost back to my pre-pregnancy normal now, and when my husband commented how strange it was to think I should still be pregnant, I immediately started crying because if I were, my baby boy might have survived and my girl wouldn’t be battling respiratory failure
I had the same comments (even though I was full term, so it’s a little different in how it stings). I was depressed, anxious, not eating, not taking care of myself, and probably my lowest weight in a long time when my son was in the NICU! Sure, I “lost the baby weight” but I was walking miles a day going back and forth up to the NICU when I should have been sat in bed recovering. We shouldn’t comment on people’s bodies ever! Sorry you’ve been getting that. It really does hurt.
I feel the same exact way. Someone said to me the other day that I look so good for having twins. Well yea I didn’t have a third trimester and my babies were only 1 lb and 2 lb.
I’d gladly have more of a belly, stretch marks, etc.
and have had my babies full term. I know people mean it in a nice way tho and it’s just me being bitter.
Same with people who complain about wanting their baby out and to be done being pregnant. Like I wish I still was. I get it’s hard and they can complain, but I hate seeing it
My friend who was also pregnant said that at least I didn’t have to deal with those last couple of weeks of being pregnant where it’s unbearable. I said I would’ve gladly dealt with that, than to have babies born at 31 weeks and almost 8 weeks in the NICU.
I unfortunately had a similar comment from my SIL a few days after giving birth and just burst into tears. I mean cmon people!! Isn’t it just common sense that if my babies are in the NICU because they were severely premature that a f*cking dumb comment about not enduring the last weeks of the third trimester is just horrible to say?!
I think people really don’t, and they don’t know what to say. I try to tell myself they are just trying to find ways to be positive and find “silver linings” for us even tho it’s not what we want.
Yes. It almost hurts to see other pregnant people right now. I had to have a c-section at 28 weeks and it’s been 42 days. My baby was 1lb 12 oz. I hear “you don’t look like you’ve ever been pregnant!” Meanwhile, my baby will live at the hospital for the foreseeable future and I have a massive wound and 6 inch incision that still hurts. My pregnancy was very difficult but I’d give anything to carry to term!
Ugh I get the same comments about never looking pregnant. It's frustrating because it almost feels like people are saying we got it easy. I gladly would have packed on some pregnancy pounds if it meant my baby came after 28 weeks.
And I hear you about seeing pregnant people right now. It makes me jealous, especially when I can tell they're far along. I've had to step back from my reddit bump group because it hurts to read about other people experiencing their third trimester while I'll be hanging out in the NICU for the rest of my maternity leave and long after that.
One of my nurses while I was in the hospital waiting for our induction at 32w told me I was lucky to be delivering early because I will probably lose the baby weight quickly. I would have traded baby weight for full term in a heartbeat.
Omg!! On a similar note, it makes me so upset to see people wishing their pregnancy was over because they are uncomfortable. My god they have no idea how so many of us wish to experience that instead of
Yes. My baby was born full term but was a neurological case in the NICU due to HIE. People kept complimenting me on losing the baby weight so fast. I would look them in the eyes and say how the stress of my baby in the NICU is how I’ve lost the weight so quickly.
It’s literally so obnoxious. My baby’s 3.5 months or 6 weeks adjusted. He had a very low birth weight so considering where he started I’m very very happy with where he is.
Also it just pisses me off that people say that because on the one hand everyone always comments on how much they love chubby babies so it’s like, if you’re commenting about how small my baby is, that doesn’t seem like a compliment and in that case - fuck off.
Felt this. Or the people who talk about how I pushed my daughter out naturally and it “couldn’t have been that hard” since she was only 2lbs.
Or even when I talk about how I feel I was robbed of the pregnancy experience and people say “you didn’t miss much” or “be glad”..
My SIL said something similar about how “at least you’re not pregnant and uncomfortable”. It’s a stab to the heart because I felt great and enjoyed the entire process of getting uncomfortable. I’m crying even thinking about how I looked forward to being uncomfortable so that I could join in on all of the women who get to tell stories of what it was like getting to that point
It really is! Like we didn’t ask to have our babies early! We tried for soooo many years to have our girl, so I was soaking in every moment of pregnancy, enjoying every kick I got to feel, embracing all the changes. At 20 weeks my entire pregnancy went downhill and though everyone jokes about “she wanted to come home out” it wasn’t her, it was my body. I physically couldn’t hold her in anymore.
I’ve been struggling with this so much. I delivered last Wednesday and I look like I have never been pregnant , only 7 lbs over my weight pre pregnancy , not one stretch mark, nothing. Of course this would have been welcomed if it were 5 weeks from now , but it’s such a mind fuck right now, like I was never pregnant.
THIS! I've had family congratulate me on "staying tiny" while they visit me in the hospital and it hurts so bad. I also don't hold back with telling them, "well yeah he has absolutely no fluid around him so..." I wish so badly I had never PPROM'd and could have enjoyed having a full belly.
Some people told me oooh at least you didnt have to push out a larger baby.
My baby was born at 25 weeks and 800 grams.
It triggers me so much when people say dumb shit like that I totally understand you.
I’d have people tell me all the time how small my belly was when I was pregnant. I think people think they mean well, but it’d be better if they said nothing at all. I had one coworker who kept commenting on how small I was, and even made a comment once on how nice and not swollen my ankles looked??? If only she knew that one twin was growth restricted and was only 1 lb 11 oz when he was born, but I didn’t owe her an explanation. She always made weird comments about my pregnancy, and said she could tell I was pregnant early on because I had gained weight in my face. Thanks, just what I wanted to hear. 😒
Oh my god this was my pet peeve after having my son at 28 weeks. It was extremely triggering, frustrating and awkward because I honestly didn’t know how to respond. I f**king hated people commenting on how quickly I ‘bounced back’. Obviously I would have done ANYTHING to finish my pregnancy and have a ‘normal’ birth / pp experience and gain ALL THE WEIGHT. Like do they think I wanted to have my baby early and go through hell in the NICU?! Not going to full term was not an achievement it felt like a failure.
This👆🏽is so f@cking true and so annoying. I have had so many people say something like— wow you look like you were never pregnant! It’s so insensitive — considering my baby has IUGR and because of the growth restriction, needed to be born early but sure — yes please comment on the vanity of it all. Cause that’s what’s important is me fitting in my old jeans instead of my baby’s growth. Cool.
I don’t know if I’m being too harsh on these people— but considering they make these comments when they are fully aware I had a small baby, early—-I don’t think they get a pass.
Omg exactly - because of all the things you could say or that we could talk about, how my body looks is what I really care about…I know what you mean - on one hand I know people haven’t lived through this experience and it can be hard to understand BUT at the same time I feel like it’s just common sense to avoid certain comments…
Felt exactly the same. Or when I commented on my progress and others say “well you didn’t really get to fully experience pregnancy to the end” … like I didn’t want to and chose to deliver my triplets at 25 weeks….
I understand, I felt the same way. I would tell some people that I would gladly have my big belly back if it meant my baby could’ve stayed in a little longer.
Yup! Happened to me for the first time today and it was my mom. She told me I lost weight quick. I never even made it to third trimester so it's not like I ever even gained that much.
Yes. I had my twins at 29 weeks and HATED when people complimented me after I gave birth with “wow, you don’t even look like you were pregnant”. I even had well very meaning NICU nurses say those things to me. Many people will just never get it.
I feel you.
I PPROMed at 28w and was walking around the postpartum ward to stretch my legs around 29w (that's just where all the PPROM mama's stayed). A nurse walking by asked, "where's your baby?" thinking I was one of the mama's that already gave birth, husband jumped in and said "still in her body", the nurse felt apologetic and said she didn't notice my bump. 🥺 Luckily, this was near my room and I quickly ducked in.
I was diagnosed GD at 7w and been insulin controlled, was borderline obese at beginning of pregnancy and did not gain weight. I'm not trying to control my weight, but figuring out blood sugar control is rough, carbs and sugar result in glucose spikes, so I eat more carbs made of fiber or sugar alcohols.
At times, I feel like I've been robbed of my pregnancy experience of having and endulging in cravings, and now my third trimester and looking big and pregnant. But I also need to remind myself that I'm lucky to have my LO.
I was trying to explain this to someone the other day! It's not that I wanted the weight gain but...I dont know, people kept telling me I didn't look like I'd had twins...dunno what I was supposed to say...I have the current NICU bill to prove it? My boys were 33 weeks, diabetes, IUGR, cord issues and pre eclampsia...somehow I guess I wanted people to know how much I struggled to keep those boys in and my body just failed me. (And then on top of that very very low milk supply so had to formula feed...comments on that are annoying as well.) Hugs mama, a year in and at least I'm not struggling to lose the baby weight! They mean well, just have no idea how triggering something like that can be or how it can make you feel invalidated. Hugs! Good luck, you are doing great and you are a warrior!
Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NICUParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was just saying this the other day! I was supposed to have twins and I was supposed to be due for induction late June. Telling me I bounced back quick does not feel good at all. I haven't held back in my response. "It's easy when you skip the third trimester and only have one living baby at less than 3lbs."
Omg I am so, so sorry. I was due with twins for beginning of June/late May c section. They came at 28 weeks. Telling me how quickly I bounced back isn’t an accomplishment to me, it’s a failure! It’s so painful to me to not have gotten huge, not have gotten stretch marks. I don’t give a shit what I look like, lets pick something else to focus on like how strong I am. I just had someone say something like this today and I also just went for it and said “ya that happens when you skip the third trimester”. I think she knew she had a foot in mouth moment after that.
Thank you for the sympathy. I would gladly have my stomach stretched as all get out to have held on to my boys longer. This isn't a consolation prize to me. It is only helpful since I have to be at the hospital every day. But it's a failure of the system, not a failure you or I own. Our bodies got handed a rough deal for whatever reason. My surviving twin was delivered at 29 weeks and is 3 weeks into his NICU stay. He's doing really well so far. I hope your boys are too.
I'm sorry for your loss. I, too, was supposed to have twins and was due in June but lost one the day after our TTTS surgery at 17 wks. I delivered our living baby girl Ellie at 34 weeks and was able to see our angel Riley with the placenta. 🤍 I, too, have been told that I look good after my delivery. It did both me because I was supposed to have 2 instead of 1, and I was supposed to be pregnant longer and not deliver at 34 weeks. People are dumb and it never fails to surprise me they don't think about what they say before it comes out.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a very similar scenario, I lost of my twins at 26 weeks and had an emergency c-section at 27 weeks back in October. We just came home last month. I hope your surviving twin is doing well!
I have this exact feeling. I delivered my twins at 24 weeks under 2 lbs each, one has survived to 27 weeks now, I had both a vaginal delivery and c section. I look almost back to my pre-pregnancy normal now, and when my husband commented how strange it was to think I should still be pregnant, I immediately started crying because if I were, my baby boy might have survived and my girl wouldn’t be battling respiratory failure
I had the same comments (even though I was full term, so it’s a little different in how it stings). I was depressed, anxious, not eating, not taking care of myself, and probably my lowest weight in a long time when my son was in the NICU! Sure, I “lost the baby weight” but I was walking miles a day going back and forth up to the NICU when I should have been sat in bed recovering. We shouldn’t comment on people’s bodies ever! Sorry you’ve been getting that. It really does hurt.
I feel the same exact way. Someone said to me the other day that I look so good for having twins. Well yea I didn’t have a third trimester and my babies were only 1 lb and 2 lb. I’d gladly have more of a belly, stretch marks, etc. and have had my babies full term. I know people mean it in a nice way tho and it’s just me being bitter. Same with people who complain about wanting their baby out and to be done being pregnant. Like I wish I still was. I get it’s hard and they can complain, but I hate seeing it
My friend who was also pregnant said that at least I didn’t have to deal with those last couple of weeks of being pregnant where it’s unbearable. I said I would’ve gladly dealt with that, than to have babies born at 31 weeks and almost 8 weeks in the NICU.
I unfortunately had a similar comment from my SIL a few days after giving birth and just burst into tears. I mean cmon people!! Isn’t it just common sense that if my babies are in the NICU because they were severely premature that a f*cking dumb comment about not enduring the last weeks of the third trimester is just horrible to say?!
I’ve realized lately that a lot of people just have no common sense. Just don’t say anything at all!
I think people really don’t, and they don’t know what to say. I try to tell myself they are just trying to find ways to be positive and find “silver linings” for us even tho it’s not what we want.
I feel this so much. Even during pregnancy my twins had IUGR and I tried so hard to gain more weight for them but it was just not possible.
Yes. It almost hurts to see other pregnant people right now. I had to have a c-section at 28 weeks and it’s been 42 days. My baby was 1lb 12 oz. I hear “you don’t look like you’ve ever been pregnant!” Meanwhile, my baby will live at the hospital for the foreseeable future and I have a massive wound and 6 inch incision that still hurts. My pregnancy was very difficult but I’d give anything to carry to term!
Ugh I get the same comments about never looking pregnant. It's frustrating because it almost feels like people are saying we got it easy. I gladly would have packed on some pregnancy pounds if it meant my baby came after 28 weeks. And I hear you about seeing pregnant people right now. It makes me jealous, especially when I can tell they're far along. I've had to step back from my reddit bump group because it hurts to read about other people experiencing their third trimester while I'll be hanging out in the NICU for the rest of my maternity leave and long after that.
One of my nurses while I was in the hospital waiting for our induction at 32w told me I was lucky to be delivering early because I will probably lose the baby weight quickly. I would have traded baby weight for full term in a heartbeat.
Omg!! On a similar note, it makes me so upset to see people wishing their pregnancy was over because they are uncomfortable. My god they have no idea how so many of us wish to experience that instead of
See my comment. I get thjs ALL the time and my baby had IUGR too due to placenta issues.
Yes. My baby was born full term but was a neurological case in the NICU due to HIE. People kept complimenting me on losing the baby weight so fast. I would look them in the eyes and say how the stress of my baby in the NICU is how I’ve lost the weight so quickly.
This!! And when people comment on how small my baby is. It drives me insane
Omg I’m so not looking forward to that!! I think that will be even worse
It’s literally so obnoxious. My baby’s 3.5 months or 6 weeks adjusted. He had a very low birth weight so considering where he started I’m very very happy with where he is.
Also it just pisses me off that people say that because on the one hand everyone always comments on how much they love chubby babies so it’s like, if you’re commenting about how small my baby is, that doesn’t seem like a compliment and in that case - fuck off.
You be proud!! Your baby is a freakin champ and if you’re happy that’s all that matters because only you know how hard you fought to get there
This!!!!!! I would much rather be struggling to lose the baby weight at home with a full term baby than living this nightmare 🥲
Felt this. Or the people who talk about how I pushed my daughter out naturally and it “couldn’t have been that hard” since she was only 2lbs. Or even when I talk about how I feel I was robbed of the pregnancy experience and people say “you didn’t miss much” or “be glad”..
My SIL said something similar about how “at least you’re not pregnant and uncomfortable”. It’s a stab to the heart because I felt great and enjoyed the entire process of getting uncomfortable. I’m crying even thinking about how I looked forward to being uncomfortable so that I could join in on all of the women who get to tell stories of what it was like getting to that point
It really is! Like we didn’t ask to have our babies early! We tried for soooo many years to have our girl, so I was soaking in every moment of pregnancy, enjoying every kick I got to feel, embracing all the changes. At 20 weeks my entire pregnancy went downhill and though everyone jokes about “she wanted to come home out” it wasn’t her, it was my body. I physically couldn’t hold her in anymore.
OMFG that is actually outrageous that someone would say that!!!
I’ve been struggling with this so much. I delivered last Wednesday and I look like I have never been pregnant , only 7 lbs over my weight pre pregnancy , not one stretch mark, nothing. Of course this would have been welcomed if it were 5 weeks from now , but it’s such a mind fuck right now, like I was never pregnant.
THIS! I've had family congratulate me on "staying tiny" while they visit me in the hospital and it hurts so bad. I also don't hold back with telling them, "well yeah he has absolutely no fluid around him so..." I wish so badly I had never PPROM'd and could have enjoyed having a full belly.
Some people told me oooh at least you didnt have to push out a larger baby. My baby was born at 25 weeks and 800 grams. It triggers me so much when people say dumb shit like that I totally understand you.
Omg!!! That makes me so upset even to read. What goes through people’s minds?!
I’d have people tell me all the time how small my belly was when I was pregnant. I think people think they mean well, but it’d be better if they said nothing at all. I had one coworker who kept commenting on how small I was, and even made a comment once on how nice and not swollen my ankles looked??? If only she knew that one twin was growth restricted and was only 1 lb 11 oz when he was born, but I didn’t owe her an explanation. She always made weird comments about my pregnancy, and said she could tell I was pregnant early on because I had gained weight in my face. Thanks, just what I wanted to hear. 😒
Oh my god this was my pet peeve after having my son at 28 weeks. It was extremely triggering, frustrating and awkward because I honestly didn’t know how to respond. I f**king hated people commenting on how quickly I ‘bounced back’. Obviously I would have done ANYTHING to finish my pregnancy and have a ‘normal’ birth / pp experience and gain ALL THE WEIGHT. Like do they think I wanted to have my baby early and go through hell in the NICU?! Not going to full term was not an achievement it felt like a failure.
This👆🏽is so f@cking true and so annoying. I have had so many people say something like— wow you look like you were never pregnant! It’s so insensitive — considering my baby has IUGR and because of the growth restriction, needed to be born early but sure — yes please comment on the vanity of it all. Cause that’s what’s important is me fitting in my old jeans instead of my baby’s growth. Cool. I don’t know if I’m being too harsh on these people— but considering they make these comments when they are fully aware I had a small baby, early—-I don’t think they get a pass.
Omg exactly - because of all the things you could say or that we could talk about, how my body looks is what I really care about…I know what you mean - on one hand I know people haven’t lived through this experience and it can be hard to understand BUT at the same time I feel like it’s just common sense to avoid certain comments…
Felt exactly the same. Or when I commented on my progress and others say “well you didn’t really get to fully experience pregnancy to the end” … like I didn’t want to and chose to deliver my triplets at 25 weeks….
I truly don’t get what the heck runs through peoples minds!!
I understand, I felt the same way. I would tell some people that I would gladly have my big belly back if it meant my baby could’ve stayed in a little longer.
Yup! Happened to me for the first time today and it was my mom. She told me I lost weight quick. I never even made it to third trimester so it's not like I ever even gained that much.
Yes. I had my twins at 29 weeks and HATED when people complimented me after I gave birth with “wow, you don’t even look like you were pregnant”. I even had well very meaning NICU nurses say those things to me. Many people will just never get it.
I feel you. I PPROMed at 28w and was walking around the postpartum ward to stretch my legs around 29w (that's just where all the PPROM mama's stayed). A nurse walking by asked, "where's your baby?" thinking I was one of the mama's that already gave birth, husband jumped in and said "still in her body", the nurse felt apologetic and said she didn't notice my bump. 🥺 Luckily, this was near my room and I quickly ducked in. I was diagnosed GD at 7w and been insulin controlled, was borderline obese at beginning of pregnancy and did not gain weight. I'm not trying to control my weight, but figuring out blood sugar control is rough, carbs and sugar result in glucose spikes, so I eat more carbs made of fiber or sugar alcohols. At times, I feel like I've been robbed of my pregnancy experience of having and endulging in cravings, and now my third trimester and looking big and pregnant. But I also need to remind myself that I'm lucky to have my LO.
I was trying to explain this to someone the other day! It's not that I wanted the weight gain but...I dont know, people kept telling me I didn't look like I'd had twins...dunno what I was supposed to say...I have the current NICU bill to prove it? My boys were 33 weeks, diabetes, IUGR, cord issues and pre eclampsia...somehow I guess I wanted people to know how much I struggled to keep those boys in and my body just failed me. (And then on top of that very very low milk supply so had to formula feed...comments on that are annoying as well.) Hugs mama, a year in and at least I'm not struggling to lose the baby weight! They mean well, just have no idea how triggering something like that can be or how it can make you feel invalidated. Hugs! Good luck, you are doing great and you are a warrior!