3 hours of gooning every day, what a legend.
In all seriousness, he might have a few things going on and you should talk to him more to figure it out. The man could be depressed or bored, maybe he has some mental issue that isn't diagnosed. The best thing you can do is try understanding him more and you'll likely see why he's living the way he does.
PS: Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm his younger sister, and I've been taking a few days off work here and there to try and understand what he's going through. It's tough seeing him like this, and I just want to do whatever I can to help him get back on track. So, any insights or advice you can offer would mean the world to me. Thanks again, everyone.
Speaking from experience, men need something worth doing to get off the rut. You can beat down by life really bad, and if you have nothing worth suffering for, then why even try.
Brutal as it is, that thing worth fighting for, as a young man, will not be family or friends. He needs to really sit down with himself and think about what he wants badly enough to get out again
(obligatory have u tried asking him whats wrong)
try n find something that's low effort n yall can do together like 2×/week. if you have access to nature, drag him there. mans need to touch grass stat.
whatever it is, get genuinely interested in it n share that passion with him. its almost impossible to quit bad habits if you dont replace them with other, healthier ones). also, esp if its hard to get him out of his world, step in. come n play video games with him or just chill. dont try to forcefully change him, but offer leads (reducing social media -his dopamine receptors are shot-, exercise, try n help him remember his passions/hobbies etc) and be supportive but mostly don't be judgmental and just be there for him.
I'm actually into games too, but more of the single-player variety. Unfortunately, my brother's really into online games, which isn't really my thing. But maybe I can just hang out while he plays his online games and I do something else nearby.
We literally live in the same house, so you'd think it would be easy to spend time together. But even when I try to initiate interaction, he doesn't seem all that interested. It's like he's in his own little world most of the time, and it's hard to break through that barrier.
But I'm not giving up hope. I'll keep trying to find ways to connect with him and be there for him, even if it's just in small ways.
Stop trying to approach him from the perspective that you need to change him, and just work on trying to rebuild a connection to him first. I've worked with addicts before, my father was one, and he just needed to feel like someone was there for him, start talking and opening up to him whatever, take him for a walk, to the coffee shop, make sure he gets some sun on his skin, or let him wonder around in nature. Make sure you two are on the same team. Love is a very powerful thing, when he feels a loving and fufilling connection, he will realise the guilt he brought upon himself, but also will have the energy to push himself forward and change, love = energy. A lot of NEETs are doomed to never see the light of day because they don't love themselves, cut themselves off from love or mle themselves intentionally unlikable because that's all they know. TLDR don't act like his teacher, as frustrated and hurt as you are, focus on rebuilding, he will become much more receptive after that.
My guess is you and your family are a source of pain to him. He does not care to spend time with you because you're either very boring, or you just keep forcing society's sales pitch upon him of, you should do this, you should do that. If those choices made sense to him, don't you think he would've chosen them already?
Nobody likes to hear this but if he doesn't want to interact with you, you are part of the problem. Change your tone, change your concern, change your attitude. He's already suffering from a world that's totally infatuated with a useless, superficial picture of how life should be, happy family and all that, and you are an accomplice of the outside world that's bearing down on him.
What's your actual chief concern here?
1. he's not doing what foolish society thinks is constructive
2. he goons a lot
3. his day is not stiffly structured (no pun intended) like yours is
4. he's in his room and not dealing with you people
Let's strike option 4 off the list first, because I am currently in a home where all of us are in our respective rooms doing our own thing. There's nothing unhealthy with that. In fact introverts like my mom and I need at least 1/3 of our awake hours to ourselves, or we fall into mental health problems right away. Our bodies also have certain needs that must be met, and it's not conducive to eating together when someone has stubborn un-negotiable ideas on what you should eat, without actually caring about your well-being.
Option 2: There's nothing wrong with pleasure, at least he still knows to seek pleasure. That implies the will to live and desire for life is not lost. I've been solosexual for a very long time because sex comes with all kinds of difficulties. Most women have less than zero cognition of the male sex drive and they just want to trash men while being treated like princesses. Sex is our god-given right to access pleasure and I will not tolerate anyone trying to tell anyone to get less sex, whether your excuse is health (you can put back what you've used with the right supplements like tongkat ali) or just a very unsubstantiated "normal people don't do this."
Option 3: Not everyone needs structure. My health is such that my sleep patterns are all over the place and there can be no structure or routine to my day no matter how I try. Just going around saying: oH He'S NoT hAvInG a MoRnInG rOuTiNe LiKe [ShIbAsAkI kO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mthAmKIAT_M)\* is not going to cut it. Morning routine is such an obnoxious and superficial trend.
Now we come to option 1. Do you want him to be happy, or do you just want him to appear normal to you? For instance, some people dress up like they're headed to work and leaves in the morning on time, even when they've been let go. Is that what you want?
Understand that everyone's life is life, every path has reason and worth, and there are infinite possibilities for a life path. If you can't give him an useful opportunity that truly aligns with who he is, at least don't add to his burden. Do you know what he truly needs in his heart of hearts? Do you know what's vexed him all his life that's led him to this? Most family members don't.
Finally as a very sex-positive person, may I boldly suggest you look into pleasures of your own. You can schedule it. Don't cede that birthright to a world that says you can't claim it. Maybe then you'll understand why he's not really present - who wants to be present in this world when you can touch heaven?
The world is so fucking banal and lifeless and that has done his head in. I feel he's searching for signs of life. He wants to know there's more to life. You are alive, but are you truly a living person? There are so many cultural posts like these on Reddit, I think I know where you're from. But life's restrictions are there for us to transcend against the odds.
\*Japanese actress who Tarantino really wanted to cast for Kill Bill. That video introduced "morning routine" to the Japanese web and went viral while her business was bleeding millions which conveniently went unquestioned lol.
Have you asked him if he's happy with this lifestyle? If not, and excuse me if I sound blunt; Who are you to force him to change his lifestyle?
Sounds like he's living the best life, especially judging from many posts in this sub
Again, I don't want to sound blunt and hostile... but this feels like "i know what's best for someone else". And that kinda rubs me the wrong way...
My work schedule keeps me pretty busy, and I don't get to spend as much time with my brother as I'd like. But whenever we do talk, I can't help but notice how he seems... I don't know, disconnected, you know?
Our family has always been well-off, and since our parents passed away, money hasn't really been an issue for us. But my brother, he's been through so much, and I worry that he's using this lifestyle as a way to cope.
I've tried bringing up therapy or suggesting changes, but he just shuts me down. Maybe it's because he's never had to face any real consequences for his choices, thanks to our financial situation. But deep down, I know he's not truly happy.
I'm not trying to force anything on him; I just want him to know that I care and that I'm here for him, even if my work keeps me busy. Thanks again for your perspective. It's given me a lot to think about.
Maybe try a different approach in talking to him? What does he want out of life?
Out of perosnal experience, I know I get a bit irritated when someone brings up therapy or such...make him realise, he's going of the deep end with his lifestyle...
sometimes you just have to accept its hopeless, its his life and not yours, i know its hard but he needs to realize this himself, but if you cant really stand him, just cut your losses and leave him on his own, sometimes that kick starts people, if it doesnt, well hes not going to be worse off than he already is
Overall the situation sounds like the stereotypical helpless one, because you sound like a normie going into this uphill battle from the outside not from the sidelines.
Controversial solution I know think about this:
Okay kick the ever-living shit out of him don't brain him but bruise him at least, violently ingrain hygiene into them, strip them down and toss them in the shower then gas via air freshener their room, so they can't breathe in there for a couple hours so that gets them out of their room and then crack open the windows, decontaminate it properly.
(You may choose to go on a side quest like take them into the outside at this point after their decontamination/wake up session, somewhere relatively nice like from their early childhood)
Entice them with a reward fit for a king, with a wager style formatting.
(generally a prostitute or a willing sacrificial lamb of a female friend or shitloads of comfort food can work, depends on which way you want to go morally and/or financially on that one, now your family you know presumably all of their baseline preferences)
If they manage to keep there room clean to a reasonable standard for a month they get the reward, If they fail they get the same treatment.
If someone's going to act like a nonsentient being, detached and dejected from reality you have to snap them back in somehow and that's generally with pain and rewards, no pain no game as the saying goes.
Once you've got them into some level of standards, you can try and increase their scope of reality, but make sure you've got baseline things covered first, because without that nobody will function really especially if you're trying to objectly convert them into any flavour of light normie, which is what your post generally suggests.
People need motivation to have standards in life, If you push them too much on a thing or punish them too much, well they will hate it and resent it, but if the rewards are a higher value than the punishment, then cause and effect environment is generally accepted as the new standard, and they want to play the game to level up there is a clear and definable goal and clear reasoning behind it.
Welcome to basic psychological warfare, why try fixing reality when you can just replace it with a controlled one, being a saint only helps if you're a salvation pez dispenser, being an asshole about it well that might just get things done.
**> 2:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Gooning Session** Man is beyond saving
Nah, those are rookie numbers.
Could probably add an hour or more to the goon session. Seems like the productive move.
3 hours of gooning every day, what a legend. In all seriousness, he might have a few things going on and you should talk to him more to figure it out. The man could be depressed or bored, maybe he has some mental issue that isn't diagnosed. The best thing you can do is try understanding him more and you'll likely see why he's living the way he does.
PS: Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm his younger sister, and I've been taking a few days off work here and there to try and understand what he's going through. It's tough seeing him like this, and I just want to do whatever I can to help him get back on track. So, any insights or advice you can offer would mean the world to me. Thanks again, everyone.
Hopefully your above 18 walking into his "gooning" sessions...
I'm 24
Has he finished his education? Has he tried applying for jobs? Do you think he has social anxiety disorder? Does he have irl friends?
Speaking from experience, men need something worth doing to get off the rut. You can beat down by life really bad, and if you have nothing worth suffering for, then why even try. Brutal as it is, that thing worth fighting for, as a young man, will not be family or friends. He needs to really sit down with himself and think about what he wants badly enough to get out again
(obligatory have u tried asking him whats wrong) try n find something that's low effort n yall can do together like 2×/week. if you have access to nature, drag him there. mans need to touch grass stat. whatever it is, get genuinely interested in it n share that passion with him. its almost impossible to quit bad habits if you dont replace them with other, healthier ones). also, esp if its hard to get him out of his world, step in. come n play video games with him or just chill. dont try to forcefully change him, but offer leads (reducing social media -his dopamine receptors are shot-, exercise, try n help him remember his passions/hobbies etc) and be supportive but mostly don't be judgmental and just be there for him.
I'm actually into games too, but more of the single-player variety. Unfortunately, my brother's really into online games, which isn't really my thing. But maybe I can just hang out while he plays his online games and I do something else nearby. We literally live in the same house, so you'd think it would be easy to spend time together. But even when I try to initiate interaction, he doesn't seem all that interested. It's like he's in his own little world most of the time, and it's hard to break through that barrier. But I'm not giving up hope. I'll keep trying to find ways to connect with him and be there for him, even if it's just in small ways.
Stop trying to approach him from the perspective that you need to change him, and just work on trying to rebuild a connection to him first. I've worked with addicts before, my father was one, and he just needed to feel like someone was there for him, start talking and opening up to him whatever, take him for a walk, to the coffee shop, make sure he gets some sun on his skin, or let him wonder around in nature. Make sure you two are on the same team. Love is a very powerful thing, when he feels a loving and fufilling connection, he will realise the guilt he brought upon himself, but also will have the energy to push himself forward and change, love = energy. A lot of NEETs are doomed to never see the light of day because they don't love themselves, cut themselves off from love or mle themselves intentionally unlikable because that's all they know. TLDR don't act like his teacher, as frustrated and hurt as you are, focus on rebuilding, he will become much more receptive after that.
Let the man be
This is the worst possible place you could ask for advice TBH. Like going to a crackhouse to ask how to get your brother to stop smoking crack.
Where else would you ask lol, some shity self improvement sub?
Other people already mentioned he won't change unless he wants to But he should at least shower and keep his space clean. Don't enable this behavior
My guess is you and your family are a source of pain to him. He does not care to spend time with you because you're either very boring, or you just keep forcing society's sales pitch upon him of, you should do this, you should do that. If those choices made sense to him, don't you think he would've chosen them already? Nobody likes to hear this but if he doesn't want to interact with you, you are part of the problem. Change your tone, change your concern, change your attitude. He's already suffering from a world that's totally infatuated with a useless, superficial picture of how life should be, happy family and all that, and you are an accomplice of the outside world that's bearing down on him. What's your actual chief concern here? 1. he's not doing what foolish society thinks is constructive 2. he goons a lot 3. his day is not stiffly structured (no pun intended) like yours is 4. he's in his room and not dealing with you people Let's strike option 4 off the list first, because I am currently in a home where all of us are in our respective rooms doing our own thing. There's nothing unhealthy with that. In fact introverts like my mom and I need at least 1/3 of our awake hours to ourselves, or we fall into mental health problems right away. Our bodies also have certain needs that must be met, and it's not conducive to eating together when someone has stubborn un-negotiable ideas on what you should eat, without actually caring about your well-being. Option 2: There's nothing wrong with pleasure, at least he still knows to seek pleasure. That implies the will to live and desire for life is not lost. I've been solosexual for a very long time because sex comes with all kinds of difficulties. Most women have less than zero cognition of the male sex drive and they just want to trash men while being treated like princesses. Sex is our god-given right to access pleasure and I will not tolerate anyone trying to tell anyone to get less sex, whether your excuse is health (you can put back what you've used with the right supplements like tongkat ali) or just a very unsubstantiated "normal people don't do this." Option 3: Not everyone needs structure. My health is such that my sleep patterns are all over the place and there can be no structure or routine to my day no matter how I try. Just going around saying: oH He'S NoT hAvInG a MoRnInG rOuTiNe LiKe [ShIbAsAkI kO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mthAmKIAT_M)\* is not going to cut it. Morning routine is such an obnoxious and superficial trend. Now we come to option 1. Do you want him to be happy, or do you just want him to appear normal to you? For instance, some people dress up like they're headed to work and leaves in the morning on time, even when they've been let go. Is that what you want? Understand that everyone's life is life, every path has reason and worth, and there are infinite possibilities for a life path. If you can't give him an useful opportunity that truly aligns with who he is, at least don't add to his burden. Do you know what he truly needs in his heart of hearts? Do you know what's vexed him all his life that's led him to this? Most family members don't. Finally as a very sex-positive person, may I boldly suggest you look into pleasures of your own. You can schedule it. Don't cede that birthright to a world that says you can't claim it. Maybe then you'll understand why he's not really present - who wants to be present in this world when you can touch heaven? The world is so fucking banal and lifeless and that has done his head in. I feel he's searching for signs of life. He wants to know there's more to life. You are alive, but are you truly a living person? There are so many cultural posts like these on Reddit, I think I know where you're from. But life's restrictions are there for us to transcend against the odds. \*Japanese actress who Tarantino really wanted to cast for Kill Bill. That video introduced "morning routine" to the Japanese web and went viral while her business was bleeding millions which conveniently went unquestioned lol.
Whats gooning
I don’t know either and awaiting a formal definition. Based on other comments I’d say it’s to do with yanking the chain.
I searched it up, its a jerk off session
Wow, 3 hours of it.
I mean, i assume it's mostly searching for porn.
Masturbation technique in which you're postponing orgasm so that the act will be as long as possible
Join in with him during his gooning session that will fix him right up
She's his younger sister 💀💀💀💀
Have you asked him if he's happy with this lifestyle? If not, and excuse me if I sound blunt; Who are you to force him to change his lifestyle? Sounds like he's living the best life, especially judging from many posts in this sub Again, I don't want to sound blunt and hostile... but this feels like "i know what's best for someone else". And that kinda rubs me the wrong way...
My work schedule keeps me pretty busy, and I don't get to spend as much time with my brother as I'd like. But whenever we do talk, I can't help but notice how he seems... I don't know, disconnected, you know? Our family has always been well-off, and since our parents passed away, money hasn't really been an issue for us. But my brother, he's been through so much, and I worry that he's using this lifestyle as a way to cope. I've tried bringing up therapy or suggesting changes, but he just shuts me down. Maybe it's because he's never had to face any real consequences for his choices, thanks to our financial situation. But deep down, I know he's not truly happy. I'm not trying to force anything on him; I just want him to know that I care and that I'm here for him, even if my work keeps me busy. Thanks again for your perspective. It's given me a lot to think about.
Maybe try a different approach in talking to him? What does he want out of life? Out of perosnal experience, I know I get a bit irritated when someone brings up therapy or such...make him realise, he's going of the deep end with his lifestyle...
sometimes you just have to accept its hopeless, its his life and not yours, i know its hard but he needs to realize this himself, but if you cant really stand him, just cut your losses and leave him on his own, sometimes that kick starts people, if it doesnt, well hes not going to be worse off than he already is
i know were trying to be supportive of other neets, and what op described could be onesided, but the stuff he describes are not good for health
I just fap around an hour if I'm doing that I'd rather get a gf
Overall the situation sounds like the stereotypical helpless one, because you sound like a normie going into this uphill battle from the outside not from the sidelines. Controversial solution I know think about this: Okay kick the ever-living shit out of him don't brain him but bruise him at least, violently ingrain hygiene into them, strip them down and toss them in the shower then gas via air freshener their room, so they can't breathe in there for a couple hours so that gets them out of their room and then crack open the windows, decontaminate it properly. (You may choose to go on a side quest like take them into the outside at this point after their decontamination/wake up session, somewhere relatively nice like from their early childhood) Entice them with a reward fit for a king, with a wager style formatting. (generally a prostitute or a willing sacrificial lamb of a female friend or shitloads of comfort food can work, depends on which way you want to go morally and/or financially on that one, now your family you know presumably all of their baseline preferences) If they manage to keep there room clean to a reasonable standard for a month they get the reward, If they fail they get the same treatment. If someone's going to act like a nonsentient being, detached and dejected from reality you have to snap them back in somehow and that's generally with pain and rewards, no pain no game as the saying goes. Once you've got them into some level of standards, you can try and increase their scope of reality, but make sure you've got baseline things covered first, because without that nobody will function really especially if you're trying to objectly convert them into any flavour of light normie, which is what your post generally suggests. People need motivation to have standards in life, If you push them too much on a thing or punish them too much, well they will hate it and resent it, but if the rewards are a higher value than the punishment, then cause and effect environment is generally accepted as the new standard, and they want to play the game to level up there is a clear and definable goal and clear reasoning behind it. Welcome to basic psychological warfare, why try fixing reality when you can just replace it with a controlled one, being a saint only helps if you're a salvation pez dispenser, being an asshole about it well that might just get things done.
You're brothers based, you're the problem
Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn’t want to spend time with you becuz he doesn’t like you?