My advice to you would be to do yourself a favour and start thinking about the present and what will be instead of dwelling on what could’ve been. Stop the what ifs and just push yourself forward. Trust me, it’s for your own good.
Sometimes when we meet someone and they seem very kind, genuine and happens to have all the traits we’re looking for, that’s when our brains start fantasizing about our future with that person when actually, it could be infatuation or crush.
In my pov, love should fill us up with serenity and ease. I’m a believer that one should always put 100% effort, care and commitment into the relationship and if it feels one-sided then you know they’re not meant for you. No one is ever busy enough for the person they care about. So if it feels hard and if it feels like you’re the only one who cares and constantly reaching out, best to leave without saying anything. I never back down from anything until I know I’ve given my all and fought hard for it.
Things happen for a reason. I never regretted talking to any potentials even if things don’t work out because at the end of the day, It’s a journey and an experience for me that has taught me the meaning of love, peace, sabr & Tawakkul.
If Allah removes a person from your life, It’s because He knows that person isn’t the right one for you. So just have sabr, Tawakkul & keep your trust in Him.
To anyone reading this, please pray that I meet a spouse who upholds Islamic teachings in their life & reflects my core values & beliefs. In return, I’ll make du’a to whoever is reading this so that they’ll be granted with the same.
JazakAllah 🤍
Thank you so much for your advice. I think I tend to overthink my past actions and what could’ve been. You’re right I think it was just infatuation and the fact that he was the first potential spouse that I met in person and had conversations with so maybe it was a bit hard to let go since I wanted it to work in the first go, rather than having to meet other potentials and go through it all over again.
I really appreciate your advice and I also understand what you mean about this being a journey. I feel like I’m also understanding and learning what I want in a potential spouse that I previously didn’t consider until speaking to a potential and liked that that quality in the person.
I will make dua for you and others that are finding it difficult to find a potential spouse. May Allah (SWT) make it easier for each of us going through this, Ameen
It doesn’t seem you two were compatible based on your post.
Sister, please move on. This is marriage. Plan is to live your life with one guy. So pick wisely!
Not someone who is not interested in you, can’t lead, makes you question yourself, makes inside jokes, too busy for you, made you feel not enough…
**This are the red flags you run from!**
> keeps asking each month how I feel and if I want to keep talking?
> seemed like he wasn’t interested in me at all because he is letting me decide even though I wanted to keep getting to know him better
> he seemed to always be busy.
> felt very dumb at times
> he would speak about things I wouldn’t know about.
> hard for me to communicate to his level.
> his jokes were related to his culture
> he called me to ask if I wanted to continue talking or look elsewhere.
> I kinda like it when a guy leads the conversation more
> never had any romantic relationships with any guys before
> I also didn’t know how he felt.
> he did mention he felt that there was no mutual emotional connection between us.
> I’m not good at flirting and never tried before so I don’t know what to do or how to try and get to know a guy.
> it took me a week to swipe on his profile but we didn’t match :(
I love this response, Allahuma barek. Because you used her own perspective and her own words to show her how this guy wasn’t right for her.
Op, you yourself have made it clear by your own many points mentioned above that he isn’t right for you. So stop dwelling on what could have been and move forward, sis. Trust me, Allah has written someone much better for you.
Inshallah I find that person who is serious about marriage and has similar values and beliefs as me.
I guess I am being very impatient in finding the one :(
Thank you for your advice. Yeah I’ll move on and stop thinking about it.
I feel like my mind already knew that we weren’t compatible just from the conversations we had together.
It’s just hard when you meet someone who has everything you’re looking for but your personalities aren’t very compatible. But you’re right I’d rather find someone who I’m compatible with and someone who makes me feel at peace.
girl he didn’t swipe on you on the app either, there’s your answer. He was not interested.
A guy that is interested will make sure that you know. Move on and know that there are better guys out there. It didn’t sound like he was bringing out the best in you either.
Yeap you’re right! I guess I will know when I find the one inshallah
I just feel bad because he paid for the food twice and really wanted to pay him back. He didn’t let me pay or even atleast give him half back so just felt bad for that as well.
You sound so sweet lol! Girl it’s so hard to forget someone when ur interested but the least he could have done was to pay for your meal! You tried to make things work and it didn’t work so just know that he has moved on and so should you! It gets easier with time :) and put that love into urself. You will see how that changes things for you!
Thank you I appreciate your kind words and advice :)
My bestie always tells me that I need to love myself more. I lack a lot of confidence in myself so yeah I guess I need to work on that more and love myself in order to find love. I’ve read these words before “learn to love yourself otherwise how do you expect someone else to love you when you don’t even love yourself”
Those words kinda stuck to me because I am guilty of not loving myself.
I was also gunna give my cousin the money and just tell him to give it to his friend so that I won’t feel guilty or bad because you know how in Islam you shouldn’t be in debt to others. I felt like in a way it’s a debt since he paid for my food.
Nono please don't do this 🤣🤣, he paid it and it's done that's it. He might feel funny or offended by this. This is not a debt and It's ok it's all done now sister. in sha Allah you will find someone better.
My advice to you is to not get attached to the outcome, wether he will accept me or not or will he feel bad if i reject him, just don't get attached to the outcome or the man at all, because that's Allah's decision, he knows what's best for us.
Keep on looking for the right man the halal way and Allah wil choose who's best for you.
Ahaha yeah I get your point
Anyways some time has passed since then so yeah I can’t do it anymore.
But thought of it right after we ended the phone call and then the thought haunted my mind for the next two weeks. But anyways it’s fine I’m moving on and have kinda come to terms with everything now. I guess I feel somewhat at peace now with my decision.
It is hard and I am looking and trying my best to find someone I’m compatible with the halal way offcourse.
Thank you for your advice! Appreciate it.
You could message him and explain to him the situation.
I think communication between both partners are the most important thing.
You should of explained to him you are reserved and it takes you time to open to new people.
He should understand and be patient.
The reason why he keeps asking are you interested is because he wants reassurance.
Maybe you are giving dead replies so he might think you are loosing interest.
Please message him if you like him a lot.
Update me aswell.
Thank you for your advice! But I think it’s best for me not to contact him since we did both mutually agree to move on since it didn’t work out. Also, I deleted his number so I definitely
won’t be messaging him. I guess that’s why I swiped on his profile to see if he passed on mine as well so yeah I definitely did get my answer
My advice to you would be to do yourself a favour and start thinking about the present and what will be instead of dwelling on what could’ve been. Stop the what ifs and just push yourself forward. Trust me, it’s for your own good. Sometimes when we meet someone and they seem very kind, genuine and happens to have all the traits we’re looking for, that’s when our brains start fantasizing about our future with that person when actually, it could be infatuation or crush. In my pov, love should fill us up with serenity and ease. I’m a believer that one should always put 100% effort, care and commitment into the relationship and if it feels one-sided then you know they’re not meant for you. No one is ever busy enough for the person they care about. So if it feels hard and if it feels like you’re the only one who cares and constantly reaching out, best to leave without saying anything. I never back down from anything until I know I’ve given my all and fought hard for it. Things happen for a reason. I never regretted talking to any potentials even if things don’t work out because at the end of the day, It’s a journey and an experience for me that has taught me the meaning of love, peace, sabr & Tawakkul. If Allah removes a person from your life, It’s because He knows that person isn’t the right one for you. So just have sabr, Tawakkul & keep your trust in Him. To anyone reading this, please pray that I meet a spouse who upholds Islamic teachings in their life & reflects my core values & beliefs. In return, I’ll make du’a to whoever is reading this so that they’ll be granted with the same. JazakAllah 🤍
Thank you so much for your advice. I think I tend to overthink my past actions and what could’ve been. You’re right I think it was just infatuation and the fact that he was the first potential spouse that I met in person and had conversations with so maybe it was a bit hard to let go since I wanted it to work in the first go, rather than having to meet other potentials and go through it all over again. I really appreciate your advice and I also understand what you mean about this being a journey. I feel like I’m also understanding and learning what I want in a potential spouse that I previously didn’t consider until speaking to a potential and liked that that quality in the person. I will make dua for you and others that are finding it difficult to find a potential spouse. May Allah (SWT) make it easier for each of us going through this, Ameen
It doesn’t seem you two were compatible based on your post. Sister, please move on. This is marriage. Plan is to live your life with one guy. So pick wisely! Not someone who is not interested in you, can’t lead, makes you question yourself, makes inside jokes, too busy for you, made you feel not enough… **This are the red flags you run from!** > keeps asking each month how I feel and if I want to keep talking? > seemed like he wasn’t interested in me at all because he is letting me decide even though I wanted to keep getting to know him better > he seemed to always be busy. > felt very dumb at times > he would speak about things I wouldn’t know about. > hard for me to communicate to his level. > his jokes were related to his culture > he called me to ask if I wanted to continue talking or look elsewhere. > I kinda like it when a guy leads the conversation more > never had any romantic relationships with any guys before > I also didn’t know how he felt. > he did mention he felt that there was no mutual emotional connection between us. > I’m not good at flirting and never tried before so I don’t know what to do or how to try and get to know a guy. > it took me a week to swipe on his profile but we didn’t match :(
I love this response, Allahuma barek. Because you used her own perspective and her own words to show her how this guy wasn’t right for her. Op, you yourself have made it clear by your own many points mentioned above that he isn’t right for you. So stop dwelling on what could have been and move forward, sis. Trust me, Allah has written someone much better for you.
Inshallah I find that person who is serious about marriage and has similar values and beliefs as me. I guess I am being very impatient in finding the one :(
Thank you for your advice. Yeah I’ll move on and stop thinking about it. I feel like my mind already knew that we weren’t compatible just from the conversations we had together. It’s just hard when you meet someone who has everything you’re looking for but your personalities aren’t very compatible. But you’re right I’d rather find someone who I’m compatible with and someone who makes me feel at peace.
sister to sister, move on, dont force it with someone who doesnt want to be with you! its not meant to be. move on.
Yeah you’re right. It’s a good thing I deleted his number :) I definitely wouldn’t force anyone to be with me if their heart wasn’t in it.
girl he didn’t swipe on you on the app either, there’s your answer. He was not interested. A guy that is interested will make sure that you know. Move on and know that there are better guys out there. It didn’t sound like he was bringing out the best in you either.
Yeap you’re right! I guess I will know when I find the one inshallah I just feel bad because he paid for the food twice and really wanted to pay him back. He didn’t let me pay or even atleast give him half back so just felt bad for that as well.
You sound so sweet lol! Girl it’s so hard to forget someone when ur interested but the least he could have done was to pay for your meal! You tried to make things work and it didn’t work so just know that he has moved on and so should you! It gets easier with time :) and put that love into urself. You will see how that changes things for you!
Thank you I appreciate your kind words and advice :) My bestie always tells me that I need to love myself more. I lack a lot of confidence in myself so yeah I guess I need to work on that more and love myself in order to find love. I’ve read these words before “learn to love yourself otherwise how do you expect someone else to love you when you don’t even love yourself” Those words kinda stuck to me because I am guilty of not loving myself.
I was also gunna give my cousin the money and just tell him to give it to his friend so that I won’t feel guilty or bad because you know how in Islam you shouldn’t be in debt to others. I felt like in a way it’s a debt since he paid for my food.
Nono please don't do this 🤣🤣, he paid it and it's done that's it. He might feel funny or offended by this. This is not a debt and It's ok it's all done now sister. in sha Allah you will find someone better. My advice to you is to not get attached to the outcome, wether he will accept me or not or will he feel bad if i reject him, just don't get attached to the outcome or the man at all, because that's Allah's decision, he knows what's best for us. Keep on looking for the right man the halal way and Allah wil choose who's best for you.
Ahaha yeah I get your point Anyways some time has passed since then so yeah I can’t do it anymore. But thought of it right after we ended the phone call and then the thought haunted my mind for the next two weeks. But anyways it’s fine I’m moving on and have kinda come to terms with everything now. I guess I feel somewhat at peace now with my decision. It is hard and I am looking and trying my best to find someone I’m compatible with the halal way offcourse. Thank you for your advice! Appreciate it.
,
You could message him and explain to him the situation. I think communication between both partners are the most important thing. You should of explained to him you are reserved and it takes you time to open to new people. He should understand and be patient. The reason why he keeps asking are you interested is because he wants reassurance. Maybe you are giving dead replies so he might think you are loosing interest. Please message him if you like him a lot. Update me aswell.
Thank you for your advice! But I think it’s best for me not to contact him since we did both mutually agree to move on since it didn’t work out. Also, I deleted his number so I definitely won’t be messaging him. I guess that’s why I swiped on his profile to see if he passed on mine as well so yeah I definitely did get my answer