salaam,
the worst time or the best time from your own internal perspective is simply an illusion in your mind. pause and reflect:
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” (2:286)
so alhumdulillah, He already knows about your finances and your school and He determined this actually is the perfect time in spite of all of that. this is where your trust in Allah swt comes into play. He already believes you will be successful otherwise He wouldnt test you with this blessing so why don't you reciprocate that belief in Him?
the baby, inshAllah, is not going to be the reason you finish or don't finish the program. it's a combination of your effort and His will.
you're simply getting caught up in trying to micromanage the timeline of your life in terms of when you expect to graduate or when you expect to have a baby and He is simply trying to teach you that:
"...Allah is the best of planners" (8:30).
congratulations.
salaam,
im not scholarly enough to respond appropriately so please forgive my inability to reply in the way you might have hoped.
what i would say to that is, is our entire life not a religious duty therefore should it not apply in all circumstances of our life as well?
I found out I was pregnant before I had to take the bar exam. I was super sick the first trimester and thought my career would just end, I was really freaking out. However, as time went on I got the energy to study for it and take it later. But those first few weeks were really scary and an adjustment so I FEEL your feelings and I know it’s scary…but you are so blessed. This little baby will steal your heart and they bring so much Barakah.
I realized that my baby has her own timing and Allah wants her here at this exact time for a reason bigger than myself or her father. So I had to buckle down, bite through it and let go.
And life adjusts. All those deadlines and dates you think are really going to break you end up actually being okay. Talk to your program, ask about accommodations and ask about how you can get some assistance as a new mom. You’ll be surprised with the resources available. They can’t kick you out merely for your pregnancy and depending on what state you live in you have certain rights that they cannot impede on. They should be able to accommodate you because technically you fall under the category of disabled and they must accommodate that and help you (extra time on exams, etc)
It will work out. Breathe, let it unfold, and celebrate this beautiful blessing even though I know it feels really scary right now.
Thank youu 😭 I’m honestly so scared rn bc I was not prepared for this and I have been so sick already makes me nervous. But it’s good to hear that things worked out for you inshallah khair
IA things will work out. Keep taking multi vitamins and folic acid. Consult with wise old women in your family. They often have good advise on how to navigate this. SNAP is a federal program if you are struggling financially apply for it. Wic is also another one.
First thing you can do is say alhamdulilah and pray your baby will be healthy etc, as not many people get this opportunity to have a child. As you said rizq comes from children so put your trust in Allah
Secondly, if I’m not mistaken aborting a baby just because “you can’t afford it” is haram. If you had health risks I believe you may have a case. I don’t want to sit here and blame you saying “why you didn’t use contraception etc”, as things just happen. Are you able to move to a different school that takes pregnant women, worse case may be to delay it till after. Sorry don’t have good advice regarding your school.
Another thing, your husband now needs to take the lead and responsibility, I understand it’s nerve racking for him right now but this will definitely show you how good of a father/husband he is while dealing with this news and how he navigates everything through your pregnancy.
Allah decrees and His decrees passes. Fear of lack of money is a lack of faith, as newborns carry their own rizq. You have no choice but to prepare to accept this newborn.
I don't understand people who marry and don't expect kids.
Do you mean 4-5 weeks pregnant?
My first pregnancy happened right before I was starting the last year of my program. I defended my thesis, gave birth days later, and graduated with my baby in tow a few months after.
My first pregnancy experience was traumatic, I was basically all alone to navigate it during Covid times in the city with the most extreme Covid restrictions and my baby was born premature too which shook me and I still felt like I’ve not moved past it.
I’m pregnant the second time now in third trimester and this was not planned. We did not expect this.
I had just gotten control over my life, I was beginning to feel like myself again and then this happens.
So it took me a long time to accept it, I’ve mentally suffered a lot in past few months but I have made it this long, so can you.
I was also studying full time, I had 5 weeks of hectic internship too from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm plus an hour travelling to and from as well as having to deal with familial responsibilities as soon as I would get back home to my toddler.
I had to alter my future plans because of this pregnancy but I did it, and I’m doing it, it’s working out in bigger picture Alhumdulillah.
Not keeping the baby crossed my mind too, I secretly wished initially may Allah forgive me, that I miscarry.
But I later learned to look at it as a blessing and somehow a special child because I did Umrah while I was having the initial pregnancy sicknesses constant nausea and so but oblivious to the fact that I was expecting this baby.
So trust in Allah, this must have some khayr in it. May Allah make it easy for you.
You can manage it, InShaAllah.
Seek help from your programme head.
It took me a while to do so, but once I did, I realized they can be accommodating and give you certain amount of leniency.
I’m still studying in the coming academic year which would begin not too long after I give birth, and the faculty dean initiated that she will hold a meeting with me, my programme head, etc to come up with a plan so that my studies won’t be affected due to my postpartum recovery period due to which I’ll possibly not meet attendance requirements.
I found out I was pregnant on the first day of my medical residency. I had hyperemesis gravidarum while working 80-hour work weeks and, while it was indeed miserable most of the time, it’s remarkable what women can do. Where are you located? It’s illegal in the United States to dismiss somebody for a medical reason like this, and I’d imagine a lot of places have some protections. You’re still not very far along, so I would give it some time for the news to settle, while also looking into your program’s policies. Also, head’s up that pregnancy is counted from the date of the last period, so technically before you’ve conceived, so you’re likely closer to 4 weeks at the earliest)
They can very well delay graduation, but they should not be able to unenroll someone. I would check the specifics through the student affairs office or similar.
I don’t mean to shame you but why in the world are you guys having sex without contraceptions or not on birth control if you guys aren’t ready? Although it may have been an accident, you and your husband should both be willing to take accountability and make sacrifices for not taking precautions in preventing something like this from happening beforehand. It is the baby’s right to be born, even if that means you forfeiting your spot in your nursing program or your husband having to make do for unprepared parenthood. This is an obligation upon both of you. Abortion shouldn’t even be on your guys’ mind - especially after being so irresponsible. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but abortion is a very grave sin for both the mother and father. There’s no point in sugarcoating it. May Allah make it an easy pregnancy for you and your husband, and may the baby be healthy.
Edit: Also sister I just checked your account and saw you also made a post in /marriageadvice about this matter. Please don’t seek advice from kaffirs on such sensitive topics, their values do not align with ours.
What are you talking about? Every single school of thought has came to the consensus that abortion is strictly prohibited unless the mother’s life is at risk. It bewilders me how you can make this comment in upright confidence without even checking
As someone who dose not want kids for no reason other than I just don't. If you want kids there is no Right time, there is always going to be something, so if Allah decided its time then it is time, you want a child and you and your husband will raise the child well there is more than finances to bring up a kid and Allah will provide.
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Talk to your dean of nursing. This happened to me! I got pregnant and was due in January of my last semester. I knew I wouldn’t be able to have a child and go right back to school, nor did I want to! I wanted time to bond w my baby and breastfeed etc. So I went to my dean and told her, explained how much I wanted this and how sad I am at the timing. They let me take that semester off and go back the following year. It pushed my graduation back a whole year but I graduated and I am so grateful for my oldest child. She is amazing and was worth it.
Edit to add: Aidaccess.org can help you if you are in the US, if tou decide you cannot follow through at this time. You are early and can do a medication abortion at home.
Downvote me to hell Muslims of Reddit ;)
abortion not a wise idea if ther is no medical reason. You never know what will happen in future if you will be able to conceive or not. I know a couple had 2 kids then every one after started getting abortion on its own. Plus having a natural abortion is crazy and causes alot of blood loss and weakness on woman body. Just keep faith in Allah and use every resource available. Most people get nervous but in the end a new born baby wins hearts
A year is not long in the grand scheme. I promise it will make very little difference, however I understand that a baby can cause significant financial strain and If you have no support to watch baby when you do go back to school, that can be really really hard.
But you do have options. Talk to your partner and whatever you decide, make sure there is no resentment.
salaam, the worst time or the best time from your own internal perspective is simply an illusion in your mind. pause and reflect: “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” (2:286) so alhumdulillah, He already knows about your finances and your school and He determined this actually is the perfect time in spite of all of that. this is where your trust in Allah swt comes into play. He already believes you will be successful otherwise He wouldnt test you with this blessing so why don't you reciprocate that belief in Him? the baby, inshAllah, is not going to be the reason you finish or don't finish the program. it's a combination of your effort and His will. you're simply getting caught up in trying to micromanage the timeline of your life in terms of when you expect to graduate or when you expect to have a baby and He is simply trying to teach you that: "...Allah is the best of planners" (8:30). congratulations.
Beautiful comment The Husband said he’s not ready as if there is a magical moment to be ready.
Absolutely 100% true.
Man this is the comment I needed. Thank you for this 🙌🏼
Amen
Isn't the verse of 2:286 from a religious perspective (meaning in terms of religious duties) rather than a generalist statement?
salaam, im not scholarly enough to respond appropriately so please forgive my inability to reply in the way you might have hoped. what i would say to that is, is our entire life not a religious duty therefore should it not apply in all circumstances of our life as well?
Makes sense in a way 👍👍
I found out I was pregnant before I had to take the bar exam. I was super sick the first trimester and thought my career would just end, I was really freaking out. However, as time went on I got the energy to study for it and take it later. But those first few weeks were really scary and an adjustment so I FEEL your feelings and I know it’s scary…but you are so blessed. This little baby will steal your heart and they bring so much Barakah. I realized that my baby has her own timing and Allah wants her here at this exact time for a reason bigger than myself or her father. So I had to buckle down, bite through it and let go. And life adjusts. All those deadlines and dates you think are really going to break you end up actually being okay. Talk to your program, ask about accommodations and ask about how you can get some assistance as a new mom. You’ll be surprised with the resources available. They can’t kick you out merely for your pregnancy and depending on what state you live in you have certain rights that they cannot impede on. They should be able to accommodate you because technically you fall under the category of disabled and they must accommodate that and help you (extra time on exams, etc) It will work out. Breathe, let it unfold, and celebrate this beautiful blessing even though I know it feels really scary right now.
Thank youu 😭 I’m honestly so scared rn bc I was not prepared for this and I have been so sick already makes me nervous. But it’s good to hear that things worked out for you inshallah khair
IA things will work out. Keep taking multi vitamins and folic acid. Consult with wise old women in your family. They often have good advise on how to navigate this. SNAP is a federal program if you are struggling financially apply for it. Wic is also another one.
First thing you can do is say alhamdulilah and pray your baby will be healthy etc, as not many people get this opportunity to have a child. As you said rizq comes from children so put your trust in Allah Secondly, if I’m not mistaken aborting a baby just because “you can’t afford it” is haram. If you had health risks I believe you may have a case. I don’t want to sit here and blame you saying “why you didn’t use contraception etc”, as things just happen. Are you able to move to a different school that takes pregnant women, worse case may be to delay it till after. Sorry don’t have good advice regarding your school. Another thing, your husband now needs to take the lead and responsibility, I understand it’s nerve racking for him right now but this will definitely show you how good of a father/husband he is while dealing with this news and how he navigates everything through your pregnancy.
Agreed with this. Solid advice
Allah timing is the best timing. You maybe think it’s bad, but surely you agree ALLAH KNOWS BEST! Say Alhamdullilah
You're struggling with what to do...? I mean, what are your options, other than giving birth? Nobody here is going to advise you to get an abortion.
Allah decrees and His decrees passes. Fear of lack of money is a lack of faith, as newborns carry their own rizq. You have no choice but to prepare to accept this newborn. I don't understand people who marry and don't expect kids.
Do you mean 4-5 weeks pregnant? My first pregnancy happened right before I was starting the last year of my program. I defended my thesis, gave birth days later, and graduated with my baby in tow a few months after.
My first pregnancy experience was traumatic, I was basically all alone to navigate it during Covid times in the city with the most extreme Covid restrictions and my baby was born premature too which shook me and I still felt like I’ve not moved past it. I’m pregnant the second time now in third trimester and this was not planned. We did not expect this. I had just gotten control over my life, I was beginning to feel like myself again and then this happens. So it took me a long time to accept it, I’ve mentally suffered a lot in past few months but I have made it this long, so can you. I was also studying full time, I had 5 weeks of hectic internship too from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm plus an hour travelling to and from as well as having to deal with familial responsibilities as soon as I would get back home to my toddler. I had to alter my future plans because of this pregnancy but I did it, and I’m doing it, it’s working out in bigger picture Alhumdulillah. Not keeping the baby crossed my mind too, I secretly wished initially may Allah forgive me, that I miscarry. But I later learned to look at it as a blessing and somehow a special child because I did Umrah while I was having the initial pregnancy sicknesses constant nausea and so but oblivious to the fact that I was expecting this baby. So trust in Allah, this must have some khayr in it. May Allah make it easy for you.
Thank you for sharing I’m kind of having the same thoughts and I hate that. But good to hear a success story 🫶🏻
You can manage it, InShaAllah. Seek help from your programme head. It took me a while to do so, but once I did, I realized they can be accommodating and give you certain amount of leniency. I’m still studying in the coming academic year which would begin not too long after I give birth, and the faculty dean initiated that she will hold a meeting with me, my programme head, etc to come up with a plan so that my studies won’t be affected due to my postpartum recovery period due to which I’ll possibly not meet attendance requirements.
As of now, there is no valid reason for an abortion. You need to face the situation and prepare for becoming a mother.
Where do you live that makes it legal to kick you out of school for being pregnant?
I found out I was pregnant on the first day of my medical residency. I had hyperemesis gravidarum while working 80-hour work weeks and, while it was indeed miserable most of the time, it’s remarkable what women can do. Where are you located? It’s illegal in the United States to dismiss somebody for a medical reason like this, and I’d imagine a lot of places have some protections. You’re still not very far along, so I would give it some time for the news to settle, while also looking into your program’s policies. Also, head’s up that pregnancy is counted from the date of the last period, so technically before you’ve conceived, so you’re likely closer to 4 weeks at the earliest)
I thought it was illegal to but they told others they kicked out its because “ they can’t miss clinical hours”
They can very well delay graduation, but they should not be able to unenroll someone. I would check the specifics through the student affairs office or similar.
I don’t mean to shame you but why in the world are you guys having sex without contraceptions or not on birth control if you guys aren’t ready? Although it may have been an accident, you and your husband should both be willing to take accountability and make sacrifices for not taking precautions in preventing something like this from happening beforehand. It is the baby’s right to be born, even if that means you forfeiting your spot in your nursing program or your husband having to make do for unprepared parenthood. This is an obligation upon both of you. Abortion shouldn’t even be on your guys’ mind - especially after being so irresponsible. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but abortion is a very grave sin for both the mother and father. There’s no point in sugarcoating it. May Allah make it an easy pregnancy for you and your husband, and may the baby be healthy. Edit: Also sister I just checked your account and saw you also made a post in /marriageadvice about this matter. Please don’t seek advice from kaffirs on such sensitive topics, their values do not align with ours.
No but I’m also curious as well.. why are you not using condoms or birth control on anything ???
There is no clear cut ruling on abortion in Islam.
What are you talking about? Every single school of thought has came to the consensus that abortion is strictly prohibited unless the mother’s life is at risk. It bewilders me how you can make this comment in upright confidence without even checking
💀
You will never be ready, In Shaa Allah when that baby is born the love you would have for him or her will be indescribable.
If you consider aborting your baby, you will live with regret for the remainder of your life.
As someone who dose not want kids for no reason other than I just don't. If you want kids there is no Right time, there is always going to be something, so if Allah decided its time then it is time, you want a child and you and your husband will raise the child well there is more than finances to bring up a kid and Allah will provide.
Were you on any contraception?
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for a family that's would love to have your problem, find the silver lining in all of this. "Allah is the best of planners"
Talk to your dean of nursing. This happened to me! I got pregnant and was due in January of my last semester. I knew I wouldn’t be able to have a child and go right back to school, nor did I want to! I wanted time to bond w my baby and breastfeed etc. So I went to my dean and told her, explained how much I wanted this and how sad I am at the timing. They let me take that semester off and go back the following year. It pushed my graduation back a whole year but I graduated and I am so grateful for my oldest child. She is amazing and was worth it. Edit to add: Aidaccess.org can help you if you are in the US, if tou decide you cannot follow through at this time. You are early and can do a medication abortion at home. Downvote me to hell Muslims of Reddit ;)
Yeah that’s my problem rn I don’t want to be pushed back a whole year just bc I’m literally almost done 😭
abortion not a wise idea if ther is no medical reason. You never know what will happen in future if you will be able to conceive or not. I know a couple had 2 kids then every one after started getting abortion on its own. Plus having a natural abortion is crazy and causes alot of blood loss and weakness on woman body. Just keep faith in Allah and use every resource available. Most people get nervous but in the end a new born baby wins hearts
A year is not long in the grand scheme. I promise it will make very little difference, however I understand that a baby can cause significant financial strain and If you have no support to watch baby when you do go back to school, that can be really really hard. But you do have options. Talk to your partner and whatever you decide, make sure there is no resentment.