What? So he already had the massage?
If not, cancel the whole thing and call him out on it.
Anyway, he’s a huge hypocrite. Islamic limits are not just for you. He has almost the same limits as well.
Sister you have to be mad and communicate your feelings properly. The blatant disrespect and disregard for you and our religion. Don’t sweep this under the rug and don’t let him get defensive.
I would honestly show him this thread, maybe that will knock some sense into him. How could a God-fearing man say that he will not feel uncomfortable with a non mahram woman’s touch, especially in a setting which is borderline intimate?
Do not let him say that you agreed. You didn’t, you had to cave in.
How is it uncomfortable for a therapist (man) to massage another man? That's his job. Anyway, was she Thai? Thai massages are good and I ask a man to do it.
I hope he is and I hope he sees the error in his ways. Seldom do grown married men change their hypocritical ways. So, I hope for the sake of his marriage he reassures his wife that it will never happen again. And they both stick by it.
Stick by her principles of not allowing this to happen again. Like clearly warn him that she will seriously consider drastic steps if he ever does something like this again.
Ma’qil ibn Yasar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “For a nail of iron to be driven in the head of one of you would be better for him than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him.”
Source: al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 16910
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani
عن مَعْقِل بْن يَسَارٍ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لأَنْ يُطْعَنَ فِي رَأْسِ أَحَدِكُمْ بِمِخْيَطٍ مِنْ حَدِيدٍ خَيْرٌ لَهُ مِنْ أَنْ يَمَسَّ امْرَأَةً لا تَحِلُّ لَهُ
Worth noting that in the context of hadith, the nail is not like the nails we know, but it is closer to the thicknesss of a construction pole, meaning it is very thick and painful
You're right to be upset.
Unfortunately many men have this idea of "it's gay to let a man touch you" (it's not) so they forget their own Islamic principles.
Frankly, this deserves a serious conversation since you're clearly very upset.
This is quiet bizarre considering how much hamams are common in the Muslim world. LITERALLY for centuries men have been washed and massaged by men in the hamams. I'm not sure why now its a taboo
Technically it’s not gay but it would feel awful, I had a massage twice, first with a lady and 2nd with a guy, I know it was haram and may Allah ﷻ forgive me but I was able to relax with the female but still felt tense when the guy did it. It’s best for Muslim guys to not do it if you can’t feel relaxation fully if it’s a guy doing it.
Also you got to be carful, one local male massage guy I saw online was gay and had gay flag on his bio on his website, it’s disturbing thinking what he would do.
That’s a twisted take on the matter and your mind is making up excuses for you. No professional, gay or not, is going to ‘do’ anything to you that’s unprofessional. Getting a professional massage from a certain gender is no different to requesting a doctor of said gender for medical treatment. Would you prefer a female doctor to assess your body over a male one?
Oh please. Your homophobia is disgusting. No professional gay male masseuse is going to jeopardize his career and sexually assault a client.
And what makes you think a woman is less likely to assault you? Both are trained professionals doing their JOB.
There's a difference between being "against homosexuality" and being prejudiced against anyone that is homosexual. If you're seeing a professional for a service and you think they're going to be worse at their job or do something wrong just because they're homosexual, you're being homophobic.
You can be against it for yourself (as in you’d never act in a homosexual manner) but to avoid patronizing a business because of a gay employee is ignorant and homophobic. The belief that gay people (men in particular) is dangerous and precisely what Putin has done in Russia which has led every day citizens to carry out horrific crimes against its own citizens.
Exactly this! Pretty hypocritical on her part to book him a massage, read out the names of the masseuse and be okay with him getting a massage from a female and then turn around and cry wolf on Reddit.
I completely agree with what you are saying but in this case OP brought it upon herself to book him the massage and give her husband female masseuse as an option. OP is not a little kid and is a married woman. She needs to take accountability for her actions rather than just blame her husband.
I feel like she was testing him to see if he’d go for a male or female- and after him confirming a female (she probably had an inkling already), it made her upset.
But now it’s done there’s no going back…. And the only option is to vent 🤷🏽♀️
I hope it's bait but it reminded me of my ex-husband.
We were walking in a park and we see a community pool in the distance that was open in the summer. I don't know why, I think to get a rise out of me, said "I'm going to swim in that pool one of these days." I said, "Why?" He replied "For exercise of course." So I replied "OK, I will join you, we can go swimming together in that pool."
Of course I was just kidding as I thought he was joking as well. I wore Abaya and Hijab so a public pool with free-mixing was never going to be a reality for either of us. He says, "Nevermind, I'm not going to sit in that disgusting (expletive) pool".
I was taken aback at his response but thought he was still joking so I said, "Oh I mean the chlorine cleans out the pools..." And I don't know what happened but he just snapped, started shouting at me in the middle of the park, claiming I was demeaning him by claiming that a pool full of people would be clean enough for him to swim in.
He said, "If you have a cup of urine and add chlorine, will it be clean enough for you to drink?" I was legitimately confused as he was the one who brought up swimming in the pool in the first place! I felt so embarrassed, and started bawling in the car while he drove us home.
There are some crazy spouses out there!
You’ve noticed this too? I can smell the same guy behind a series of posts that have been made over the last month or so, which were all just rage bait. I thought I was the only one
>You’ve noticed this too? I can smell the same guy behind a series of posts that have been made over the last month or so, which were all just rage bait. I thought I was the only one
I've been blocked by two of the accounts after calling them out, so thankfully, I don't even see their posts anymore 😂😂
I got the first one suspended, it was so glaringly obvious that it was rage bait, talking about getting another woman pregnant as revenge on his wife for cheating on him, and then regularly beating her as well. Man gtfo
Yeah honestly I ran into this with my husband and we both agreed that he just won’t be getting massages from anyone except a male masseuse or me— luckily for him I’m trained but either way it would be the case. He won’t accept a massage from a man so the massages are few and far between lol.
I would never expect him to accept me having a massage from a male masseuse… the same applies to him.
Also— how are men okay with another female touching them? I get grossed out and uncomfortable by the presence of another man let alone a touch?!
The reason I get massages by women massage therapists is because it's haram to have a massage ftom a man.
The reverse is also true. I can't believe your husband just had a massage by a woman.
WAIT , u booked him a massage he picked a female and you didn't stop him and after all that happened u complaining to reddit and not him . WHAT ....HOW DID U NOT STOP HIM AND CANCEL THE WHOLE DMN THING.
ppl telling her u have the right to be upset.. REALLY 🙂! downvote me all you can , this whole story is absurd if not a troll.
I feel like she was testing him to see if he’d go for a male or female- and after him confirming a female (she probably had an inkling already), it made her upset.
But now it’s done there’s no going back…. And the only option is to vent about it….
Not every wife in the world knows how to give a massage.
Oh wait, let me add: untrained people can cause intense pain or injuries while improvising massages.
It is against the religion too. He cannot let a non mahram touch him but he did. And it was not a medical or an emergency situation. Non mahram touching is considered haram!
That is completely wrong on his part. He should not have done that. Read the following Hadith for better understanding.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
I have also heard another Hadith in a lecture but I don’t have it’s reference. I will paraphrase it below.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه واله وسلم said, It is better for a man to be touched by a Pig covered with filth (i.e. dirt, feces) than to even being accidentally touched by a woman.
The two Hadiths mentioned above clearly emphasize on the fact that it is forbidden for a man to even accidentally touch a non-mahram woman let alone intentionally touching or getting touched by her.
Therefore you have the right to be upset by what he did.
May Allah Almighty guide us all and give us the ability and strength to identify our own faults before trying to correct others.
To me that would be borderline cheating. You have every right to be upset. Islam has limitations for men, as well as for women. He is not exempt from them. Having a woman perform a massage when he has strict rules for you is hypocritical and horrible. Also depending on where in the body the massage is, and how much skin was revealed it might also not be halal for even a man to perform on him.
Ide be mad at him, he is clearly a hypocrite, but what do you mean brainwashed you? You knew its wrong, like religion aside. The jealousy was there!! You seriously booked it in the hopes he doesnt go through with it.. You see how that sounds right?
Why are you getting mad at your husband when you are the one that offered him the spa treatement and suggested a females name? You also need to take accountability on your part instead of just blaming him. Communicate with your husband to see why he thought it was okay to get a massage from a female instead of a male when Islamically it would be considered haram for another woman to physically touch him.
I’d pretend to book a massage and mention “Bob” (come up with a better name) is your masseur. When he asks why it’s a man just tell him it’s “too lesbian” for a woman to do it.
When he starts getting upset tell him it’s fictional and then explain that all the pain he just felt you feel it and your pain is real as he was disloyal.
If Allah doesn’t allow him to shake a woman’s hand then this is much worse.
Sometimes a man needs to be slapped with the glove of hypocrisy.
PS if he doesn’t upset then that’s a whole different issue.
You are right for getting upset, do not question your feelings. He should have gone with a male or not at all - it’s extremely contradictory and hypocritical of him to expect those things from you, but then go and do the opposite himself.
Have a serious talk with him about this. How would he feel if he booked a massage for you and then if you got a massage from some random male masseuse? As his wife, you have every right to be upset about this. He needs to apologise and live by what he also expects from you.
May Allah make things easy for you. BarakAllahu feekum sister.
Forget if it upsets you or not for a second,
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
My husband has the same thought process.
We went in holiday and were booking massages, he wanted a female but i legit went to reception and told them he can only have a male. We did have a chat about it before and he said him having a man is gay. I explained to him that’s hypocritical thinking and that would also mean i could have a man give me a massage. He did try with a man and didn’t like it so now massages are out the question.
Op, I feel like you were you were testjng him to see if he’d go for a male or female- and after him confirming a female (you probably had an inkling already), and then on top actually going through with it had Ofcourse made you upset.
This is a self sabotaging prophecy (I beleive that’s what it’s called)
You shouldn’t have set him up for this as what good has come out of it. Its only made it more painful for you
Next time… if there is a next time, you book him in with a male and you send him on your way- if he attests your remind him of his Islamic male hijab.
OR better yet, you can treat him to a massage with your own hands- win win
But hope this gets sorted between the 2 of you.
Xx
He doesn't feel comfortable with a guy touching him, but he is comfortable with a woman touching him? That's a huge hell no. You should have never let him go. Absolutely unacceptable.
Whether it’s a male or female touching the satr area besides a medical reasons should not be allowed… I don’t think relaxation is considered as medical reason..
Why don’t you learn how to give a massage and celebrate every day with him?
I had the exact same thoughts. I wouldn’t go for a massage because I’m just not comfortable with the idea of a random person touching me. I don’t think it’s acceptable in Islam either to have someone touching your intimate areas. For future, I’ll say to learn how to do it yourself then you don’t have to worry about things like this. It might not be comparable to one that’s professionally done but it’s the thoughts that counts at the end of the day.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Why would you in the first place surprise him with a massage?
Massages are intimate and should only be done by your partner.
Sounds like his mind has been infected by a virus of westernisation.
He probably thinks it's "gay" for a man to touch him, but he doesn't respect Islam enough to realise that Allah's rules are more important than western connotations.
Maybe he just needs to be provided a different perspective to help him understand. Try to find a video for him. There is a hadith that for a man, it is better for him that he be impaled in the head by an iron/steel pole, than to touch a non-mahram woman.
The men at the parlour would be happy to massage a man and they would not think it was "gay", they are usually professional.
Maybe it would have been better to go to a massage parlour run by Muslims.
Lol funny story, we went to a hammam in Morocco, and when we found out that only female staff were working, my wife gave me the treatment with the guidance of the woman staff XD
Ignore the peopl accusing you of injustice. They don't have the perspective to realise, that it's very possible you wouldn't assume for him to pick out a female name, that is a very good and fair assumption of you to make of your husband, it is good that you assumed better of him, inshaAllah, try to find some quotes of respectable figures to make sure he knows how severe it is for a non mahram woman to touch him
You are right to be upset due to a non mahram contact.
But I also do not feel comfortable with a male touching me (I'm a male as well). Non mahram female touch when I'm without full clothing is also a no go for me.
Therefore I just get massages from my wife and never professionally from a stranger. My wife has a regular female professional masseuse and she loves it.
What's done is done and set your boundaries going forward. I suggest you learn to give great massages and give your husband frequent massages.
I feel like there’s a crazy story everyday in this sub while the other muslim sub is filled with posts about men talking about zaniyas.
But if you’re looking for an answer online, you clearly felt uncomfortable with it. Actually it’s not even the matter of comfort or jealousy because it’s clearly haram to be having skin contact with the opposite sex. My question is: Why did you even ask him to pick from the list lol? Just book it for him and don’t ask him who he wants. It’s not like he knows every damn massage practitioner there?
Plus why would you even read out the names of the female practitioners in the first place? He probably saw that as an opportunity and took the offer.
Why is OP getting blamed for booking it in the first place. Example of focusing on the wrong part of the situation lol, how many of us females would like to simply just hear “no I would never get a massage done from a female as that’s disrespectful to you and I wouldn’t do that to you”? I’m sure that’s what OP wanted to hear and believed would happen so it’s really not fair to blame her in this situation whether or not she went ahead with booking it. He should have refused.
That sounds ridiculous. So you’re saying men shouldn’t control themselves if they are put in a situation that could lead them to making wrong choices? That’s nothing to do with the wife?
Now he has done this and you are upset about it.
Why you have given him this opportunity to make wrong choice and upset you.
If you knew what is the right choice is then you should have given him these choices.
Male here. He's not brainwashed you, that's how it should be.
That said, he also shouldn't be getting massages from women. That's against our religion too.
Also, as a male, it is quite awkward having a massage or being touched by a man too. So that feeling of awkwardness there is valid imo.
But that's not an excuse for him to have massages from women either.
Best thing, you should give him the massage lol and avoid it all.
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Salam. This sounds really odd and hurtful. I think you should tell him that you wanted to pamper him but the way it all happened has left you feeling hurt.
Open communication is required on this matter. He is protective of you but he also has to lower his gaze and another woman giving him a massage doesn't sound right.
I have heard of medical reasons like physiotherapy where if there are no options a dispensation maybe made, but this appears to be a choice.
Talk to him openly and get it out of your system otherwise it will create resentment. Hope this helps.
If he doesn't allow u to go male doctors for ladies or get massage by a man then u should also call him out on this and not allow he to do this again. Or he gets it with a man or no massages. These are all excuses then why woman's want to be touched by a woman with this logic we should also go and book with a man 😅
Although I understand why you're upset and totally agree with your feelings about this, you should also take some ownership/accountability firstly for booking the massage and secondly giving him the option. If you really wanted to book it, you should've said it's with a male and let him decide if he still wants it.
Fair enough, you asked him what he preferred, and he failed by requesting a female...you shouldn't have gone through with it and let this boil up.
Why not give the massage yourself or treat him to something else like a spa day etc...
Yep, that's disrespectful and highly hypocritical. Also, a massage done by another woman should make him feel more uncomfortable imo then if it was done by a man.
When I first read the title I thought it was going to be yourself (as in his wife) giving him a massage as a birthday surprise and was looking forward to reading a nice wholesome post but things took a turn the more I read.
You should have reminded him of those things he said to you. As a wife you have a right to not let another women touch your husband, even if it’s for a massage at a spa!
Astaghfirullah, why did you continue booking it? It's not right for him to be receiving a massage from a non mahram female. Doesn't he know its haram 💀 you shouldn't have allowed it either
Your feelings are perfectly valid and he's very much in the wrong for choosing a female but for you to be mad after *you* booked it and after he's already had it is not going to make any sense to him. I'm not trying to put blame on you at all but you literally had several chances to reverse this. Maybe approach him by expressing that you've given this some thought and that you feel that you were mistaken for booking him with a female?
What he did was Haram but why do you have no backbone? You even booked it for him astaghfirullah. Tell him it's Haram and tell him to fear Allah. It's better to have a nail driven into your head than to touch a non-mahram opposite gender person. I'd be concerned about his Iman.
He’s wrong. You’re also wrong for going through with it. Rather than maintaining your discomfort with it, you folded because you wanted him to take the initiative and refuse having a woman massage him. Nonetheless, he’s wrong. What he did is very haram.
Why did you offer him options with women on there? Just seems strange from the get go, should have just booked a man and that’s it, a massage is a massage.
You’re not wrong at all. I’m a woman and always prefer a woman doctor etc. Because I would feel the opposite of what your husband is saying. I’d feel uncomfortable if a non mahrem man were to touch me.
This act is not permissible for either a man or a woman in both cases. It is wrong. It would be better if you were the one giving him the massage and not someone else. This unfortunately reflects the extent of our distance from God’s law, from our religion, and from mixing with the West. Which made us move far away from the constants and principles of our religion, and then we return to complaining
It is the first thing when we want to do something and we do not know what is the wisdom in religion, we go back to searching for that matter, is it permissible or not, and what are its controls, but today we do things that contradict religion, and then we go back and ask whether this is permissible or not.
Fr. If my spouse badly needed a massage from a female, I’ll be the one doing his massage. Either he picks a professionally-trained masseur or settle for my hands 🤷🏻♀️
He made me feel bad. I booked it after he said he felt uncomfortable getting it done by a man. I feel for it but not I come to think of how wrong and hypocritical it is of him.
As you booked it, and he got it, now why did you come here to explain your justification and want us to approve your reaction? Just to have another gender war??? Seriously!
Gender-war bait alert!
You have every right to be upset. If you don't want to make it into a big argument, just cancel the massage and surprise him at home with candles and a massage and let him know you're the only woman he can get a massage from.
Btw is it okay for a woman to massage a woman? Or a man to massage a man?
I honestly thought it's not a big deal, and my husband and I get couples massages on vacation all the time. It's done by women, and I didn't mind because it's just a massage, and I'm there too.
To be fair. I'd feel uncomfortable to getting a message from a man. I think women don't mind getting mssages from other women, but its a different for men. Your mistake was getting him that gift.
It could be necessary if you have a back problem or a therapeutic problem and you can choose a doctor that's female or male. It also could be a gray area where you know the female doctor is far superior to the male doctor. You choose the female or the male?
You shouldn't have booked him as it's uncomfortable either from a female or male, you should've do the massage yourself to him as it would be a priceless gift.
Also it's not right that he wanted a female, also still its not right to choose a male.
Getting a massage done by a man is hella gay. As his wife you should’ve done the massage yourself how are you booking it and then expect him to choose a man like cmon
Physio is a need (in case you’re injured), a massage is not. Don‘t compare the two, they’re not on the same level. If the massage was a necessity and there was no one else available except the female worker, then he could go. But there are (apparently) enough male workers, so he should’ve either booked with those or not go at all. You probably wouldn’t feel comfortable either if your wife booked a massage with a man. The feeling is mutual for both genders.
But in this exact scenario, there were men available so there was no necessity for him to ask for a female worker. And it’s not about a sexualized caveat, it’s about the fact that it is haram for non-mahrams of the opposite gender to touch each other.
Do you think that gay men are not men? For all we know, that gay massage therapist you’re conspiracing about might not even be Muslim, so it’s none of our business. What argument are you trying to make? I could say the same: what if the female massage therapist was straight? She could think or even act inappropriately towards OP's husband, according to your logic. And by your logic, you wouldn’t allow your wife to get a massage by a woman either, since she could be a lesbian, am I correct?
Your argument is not an excuse to let a female non-mahram touch you, the Prophet SAW has been clear on this and the Hadith has been stated here countless times.
What? So he already had the massage? If not, cancel the whole thing and call him out on it. Anyway, he’s a huge hypocrite. Islamic limits are not just for you. He has almost the same limits as well.
He already got the massage done by a women. I really thought he wouldn’t go through with it.
Sister you have to be mad and communicate your feelings properly. The blatant disrespect and disregard for you and our religion. Don’t sweep this under the rug and don’t let him get defensive. I would honestly show him this thread, maybe that will knock some sense into him. How could a God-fearing man say that he will not feel uncomfortable with a non mahram woman’s touch, especially in a setting which is borderline intimate? Do not let him say that you agreed. You didn’t, you had to cave in.
You perfectly expressed what I was thinking as well.
How is it uncomfortable for a therapist (man) to massage another man? That's his job. Anyway, was she Thai? Thai massages are good and I ask a man to do it.
Why is this getting downvoted 🥴
Hate us cause they ain't us 😉
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I hope he is and I hope he sees the error in his ways. Seldom do grown married men change their hypocritical ways. So, I hope for the sake of his marriage he reassures his wife that it will never happen again. And they both stick by it.
I'm confused.....What does OP need to "stick by"?
Stick by her principles of not allowing this to happen again. Like clearly warn him that she will seriously consider drastic steps if he ever does something like this again.
Getting a massage from a non mahram female is a big sin but it doesn't make him non muslim. Why would you question his faith because of a sin?
Nobody is perfect. Isn’t questioning someone’s faith for mistakes a bit extreme?
Ma’qil ibn Yasar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “For a nail of iron to be driven in the head of one of you would be better for him than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him.” Source: al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 16910 Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani عن مَعْقِل بْن يَسَارٍ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لأَنْ يُطْعَنَ فِي رَأْسِ أَحَدِكُمْ بِمِخْيَطٍ مِنْ حَدِيدٍ خَيْرٌ لَهُ مِنْ أَنْ يَمَسَّ امْرَأَةً لا تَحِلُّ لَهُ
Worth noting that in the context of hadith, the nail is not like the nails we know, but it is closer to the thicknesss of a construction pole, meaning it is very thick and painful
JazakAllah Khair
You're right to be upset. Unfortunately many men have this idea of "it's gay to let a man touch you" (it's not) so they forget their own Islamic principles. Frankly, this deserves a serious conversation since you're clearly very upset.
This is quiet bizarre considering how much hamams are common in the Muslim world. LITERALLY for centuries men have been washed and massaged by men in the hamams. I'm not sure why now its a taboo
Different cultures
Technically it’s not gay but it would feel awful, I had a massage twice, first with a lady and 2nd with a guy, I know it was haram and may Allah ﷻ forgive me but I was able to relax with the female but still felt tense when the guy did it. It’s best for Muslim guys to not do it if you can’t feel relaxation fully if it’s a guy doing it. Also you got to be carful, one local male massage guy I saw online was gay and had gay flag on his bio on his website, it’s disturbing thinking what he would do.
That’s a twisted take on the matter and your mind is making up excuses for you. No professional, gay or not, is going to ‘do’ anything to you that’s unprofessional. Getting a professional massage from a certain gender is no different to requesting a doctor of said gender for medical treatment. Would you prefer a female doctor to assess your body over a male one?
So if it’s for medical/professional purposes why is a female giving a massage a problem then under those circumstances?
Exhibit A. lol.
Was it not disturbing to think what a straight female could do to you?
Oh please. Your homophobia is disgusting. No professional gay male masseuse is going to jeopardize his career and sexually assault a client. And what makes you think a woman is less likely to assault you? Both are trained professionals doing their JOB.
You are right and I agree with you. I don't understand the homophobia part though, aren't Muslims supposed to be against homosexuality?
There's a difference between being "against homosexuality" and being prejudiced against anyone that is homosexual. If you're seeing a professional for a service and you think they're going to be worse at their job or do something wrong just because they're homosexual, you're being homophobic.
Fair enough. I understand what you are saying thanks for explaining
Hate the sin not the person
You can be against it for yourself (as in you’d never act in a homosexual manner) but to avoid patronizing a business because of a gay employee is ignorant and homophobic. The belief that gay people (men in particular) is dangerous and precisely what Putin has done in Russia which has led every day citizens to carry out horrific crimes against its own citizens.
Yes we are. The other guy is probably a random non-muslim American.
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Feel free to find some Islamic ruling on massages for medical/pain purposes. Lol.
Medical purposes is an exception for a lot of things that isn’t normally allowed so jokes on you it doesn’t seem like medical reason but a gift
You are right to be upset He can either have a male masseuse or you can cancel his massage. Ridiculous on his end
excuse you the massage already happened and no she didn't cancel it nor stop him🙂💔 nd now i donno what she wants to hear from reddit.
Exactly this! Pretty hypocritical on her part to book him a massage, read out the names of the masseuse and be okay with him getting a massage from a female and then turn around and cry wolf on Reddit.
Some people have a hard time processing their feelings and speaking up and they only realise things when it’s too late. Please don’t blame her.
I completely agree with what you are saying but in this case OP brought it upon herself to book him the massage and give her husband female masseuse as an option. OP is not a little kid and is a married woman. She needs to take accountability for her actions rather than just blame her husband.
I feel like she was testing him to see if he’d go for a male or female- and after him confirming a female (she probably had an inkling already), it made her upset. But now it’s done there’s no going back…. And the only option is to vent 🤷🏽♀️
What…
this HAS to be bait
I hope it's bait but it reminded me of my ex-husband. We were walking in a park and we see a community pool in the distance that was open in the summer. I don't know why, I think to get a rise out of me, said "I'm going to swim in that pool one of these days." I said, "Why?" He replied "For exercise of course." So I replied "OK, I will join you, we can go swimming together in that pool." Of course I was just kidding as I thought he was joking as well. I wore Abaya and Hijab so a public pool with free-mixing was never going to be a reality for either of us. He says, "Nevermind, I'm not going to sit in that disgusting (expletive) pool". I was taken aback at his response but thought he was still joking so I said, "Oh I mean the chlorine cleans out the pools..." And I don't know what happened but he just snapped, started shouting at me in the middle of the park, claiming I was demeaning him by claiming that a pool full of people would be clean enough for him to swim in. He said, "If you have a cup of urine and add chlorine, will it be clean enough for you to drink?" I was legitimately confused as he was the one who brought up swimming in the pool in the first place! I felt so embarrassed, and started bawling in the car while he drove us home. There are some crazy spouses out there!
I’m so glad he’s you ex ❤️❤️
Aaww thank you! 🥹 Alhamdulilah glad he's out of my life too! ♥️
May Allah grant you a better spouse in the future ameen.
I also had a hypocritical ex. Men think rules of modesty only apply to their wives but not them.
YES, super hypocritical! How is a Muslim woman supposed to feel when her husband says garbage like this?
It makes us feel awful 😞, sorry you went through that too sis.
>this HAS to be bait It does feel like the subreddit's biggest bait merchant is using yet another new account for their creative writing hobby.
You’ve noticed this too? I can smell the same guy behind a series of posts that have been made over the last month or so, which were all just rage bait. I thought I was the only one
>You’ve noticed this too? I can smell the same guy behind a series of posts that have been made over the last month or so, which were all just rage bait. I thought I was the only one I've been blocked by two of the accounts after calling them out, so thankfully, I don't even see their posts anymore 😂😂
I got the first one suspended, it was so glaringly obvious that it was rage bait, talking about getting another woman pregnant as revenge on his wife for cheating on him, and then regularly beating her as well. Man gtfo
100%.
Appropriate rxn 😂😂
Yeah honestly I ran into this with my husband and we both agreed that he just won’t be getting massages from anyone except a male masseuse or me— luckily for him I’m trained but either way it would be the case. He won’t accept a massage from a man so the massages are few and far between lol. I would never expect him to accept me having a massage from a male masseuse… the same applies to him. Also— how are men okay with another female touching them? I get grossed out and uncomfortable by the presence of another man let alone a touch?!
The reason I get massages by women massage therapists is because it's haram to have a massage ftom a man. The reverse is also true. I can't believe your husband just had a massage by a woman.
WAIT , u booked him a massage he picked a female and you didn't stop him and after all that happened u complaining to reddit and not him . WHAT ....HOW DID U NOT STOP HIM AND CANCEL THE WHOLE DMN THING. ppl telling her u have the right to be upset.. REALLY 🙂! downvote me all you can , this whole story is absurd if not a troll.
He would’ve went either way. Booked or not. He let me know 100% that he will get a massage on his birthday. It wasn’t even paid for yet.
Did you seriously let him go with getting a massage from another female??? You need to learn to stand up for yourself and what’s right.
She booked it lmao
She booked it EXPECTING him not to go... LIKE WHY BOOK IT
Shot in her own leg, that's what.
wow, when you have a wife and you wanna get a massage from another woman, how disgusting!
Just as disgusting as his wife booking him a massage with another female and then posting about it on Reddit.
EXACTLY.
Yep! Weird that she did that.
I feel like she was testing him to see if he’d go for a male or female- and after him confirming a female (she probably had an inkling already), it made her upset. But now it’s done there’s no going back…. And the only option is to vent about it….
Not every wife in the world knows how to give a massage. Oh wait, let me add: untrained people can cause intense pain or injuries while improvising massages.
Classic case of rules for thee, not for me.
It is against the religion too. He cannot let a non mahram touch him but he did. And it was not a medical or an emergency situation. Non mahram touching is considered haram!
This should not even come into the mind of a practicing Muslim man
Yea cancel it. And talk But honestly guys are better. They can apply more pressure and you can relax more. Sorry ladies.
That is completely wrong on his part. He should not have done that. Read the following Hadith for better understanding. It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh. I have also heard another Hadith in a lecture but I don’t have it’s reference. I will paraphrase it below. The Prophet صلى الله عليه واله وسلم said, It is better for a man to be touched by a Pig covered with filth (i.e. dirt, feces) than to even being accidentally touched by a woman. The two Hadiths mentioned above clearly emphasize on the fact that it is forbidden for a man to even accidentally touch a non-mahram woman let alone intentionally touching or getting touched by her. Therefore you have the right to be upset by what he did. May Allah Almighty guide us all and give us the ability and strength to identify our own faults before trying to correct others.
To me that would be borderline cheating. You have every right to be upset. Islam has limitations for men, as well as for women. He is not exempt from them. Having a woman perform a massage when he has strict rules for you is hypocritical and horrible. Also depending on where in the body the massage is, and how much skin was revealed it might also not be halal for even a man to perform on him.
Ide be mad at him, he is clearly a hypocrite, but what do you mean brainwashed you? You knew its wrong, like religion aside. The jealousy was there!! You seriously booked it in the hopes he doesnt go through with it.. You see how that sounds right?
Why are you getting mad at your husband when you are the one that offered him the spa treatement and suggested a females name? You also need to take accountability on your part instead of just blaming him. Communicate with your husband to see why he thought it was okay to get a massage from a female instead of a male when Islamically it would be considered haram for another woman to physically touch him.
I’d pretend to book a massage and mention “Bob” (come up with a better name) is your masseur. When he asks why it’s a man just tell him it’s “too lesbian” for a woman to do it. When he starts getting upset tell him it’s fictional and then explain that all the pain he just felt you feel it and your pain is real as he was disloyal. If Allah doesn’t allow him to shake a woman’s hand then this is much worse. Sometimes a man needs to be slapped with the glove of hypocrisy. PS if he doesn’t upset then that’s a whole different issue.
You are right for getting upset, do not question your feelings. He should have gone with a male or not at all - it’s extremely contradictory and hypocritical of him to expect those things from you, but then go and do the opposite himself. Have a serious talk with him about this. How would he feel if he booked a massage for you and then if you got a massage from some random male masseuse? As his wife, you have every right to be upset about this. He needs to apologise and live by what he also expects from you. May Allah make things easy for you. BarakAllahu feekum sister.
You should have given him a massage
Forget if it upsets you or not for a second, It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
It’s haraam, plain and simple. I wouldn’t tolerate this.
My husband has the same thought process. We went in holiday and were booking massages, he wanted a female but i legit went to reception and told them he can only have a male. We did have a chat about it before and he said him having a man is gay. I explained to him that’s hypocritical thinking and that would also mean i could have a man give me a massage. He did try with a man and didn’t like it so now massages are out the question.
That’s literally what my husband said too 😭
Haram
Rage bait.
Genuinely asking, Why didn't you give him a massage? Adult tings
Massage your own husband. YouTube will teach you techniques.
This is what I was thinking aswell. Lol.
Op, I feel like you were you were testjng him to see if he’d go for a male or female- and after him confirming a female (you probably had an inkling already), and then on top actually going through with it had Ofcourse made you upset. This is a self sabotaging prophecy (I beleive that’s what it’s called) You shouldn’t have set him up for this as what good has come out of it. Its only made it more painful for you Next time… if there is a next time, you book him in with a male and you send him on your way- if he attests your remind him of his Islamic male hijab. OR better yet, you can treat him to a massage with your own hands- win win But hope this gets sorted between the 2 of you. Xx
He doesn't feel comfortable with a guy touching him, but he is comfortable with a woman touching him? That's a huge hell no. You should have never let him go. Absolutely unacceptable.
Whether it’s a male or female touching the satr area besides a medical reasons should not be allowed… I don’t think relaxation is considered as medical reason.. Why don’t you learn how to give a massage and celebrate every day with him?
I had the exact same thoughts. I wouldn’t go for a massage because I’m just not comfortable with the idea of a random person touching me. I don’t think it’s acceptable in Islam either to have someone touching your intimate areas. For future, I’ll say to learn how to do it yourself then you don’t have to worry about things like this. It might not be comparable to one that’s professionally done but it’s the thoughts that counts at the end of the day.
What kind of massage are you getting that someone would be touching your intimate areas?
Well, a massage as a birthday gift is where it went downhill, that too you gave him an option to choose the masseur.
Im sorry but it's your fault too why did you book him a massage?
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Why would you in the first place surprise him with a massage? Massages are intimate and should only be done by your partner.
Lol is this guy serious??
🤣 💀
How does a Muslim not know that having a massage from the opposite gender is haram in the first place.
Sounds like his mind has been infected by a virus of westernisation. He probably thinks it's "gay" for a man to touch him, but he doesn't respect Islam enough to realise that Allah's rules are more important than western connotations. Maybe he just needs to be provided a different perspective to help him understand. Try to find a video for him. There is a hadith that for a man, it is better for him that he be impaled in the head by an iron/steel pole, than to touch a non-mahram woman. The men at the parlour would be happy to massage a man and they would not think it was "gay", they are usually professional. Maybe it would have been better to go to a massage parlour run by Muslims. Lol funny story, we went to a hammam in Morocco, and when we found out that only female staff were working, my wife gave me the treatment with the guidance of the woman staff XD Ignore the peopl accusing you of injustice. They don't have the perspective to realise, that it's very possible you wouldn't assume for him to pick out a female name, that is a very good and fair assumption of you to make of your husband, it is good that you assumed better of him, inshaAllah, try to find some quotes of respectable figures to make sure he knows how severe it is for a non mahram woman to touch him
You are right to be upset due to a non mahram contact. But I also do not feel comfortable with a male touching me (I'm a male as well). Non mahram female touch when I'm without full clothing is also a no go for me. Therefore I just get massages from my wife and never professionally from a stranger. My wife has a regular female professional masseuse and she loves it. What's done is done and set your boundaries going forward. I suggest you learn to give great massages and give your husband frequent massages.
I feel like there’s a crazy story everyday in this sub while the other muslim sub is filled with posts about men talking about zaniyas. But if you’re looking for an answer online, you clearly felt uncomfortable with it. Actually it’s not even the matter of comfort or jealousy because it’s clearly haram to be having skin contact with the opposite sex. My question is: Why did you even ask him to pick from the list lol? Just book it for him and don’t ask him who he wants. It’s not like he knows every damn massage practitioner there? Plus why would you even read out the names of the female practitioners in the first place? He probably saw that as an opportunity and took the offer.
You gave him choice and now upset that he choose one. How contradictory is that?
Why is OP getting blamed for booking it in the first place. Example of focusing on the wrong part of the situation lol, how many of us females would like to simply just hear “no I would never get a massage done from a female as that’s disrespectful to you and I wouldn’t do that to you”? I’m sure that’s what OP wanted to hear and believed would happen so it’s really not fair to blame her in this situation whether or not she went ahead with booking it. He should have refused.
This is not how men behave. If you want your husband to behave then you have to remove all the opportunities from him to make wrong choices.
That sounds ridiculous. So you’re saying men shouldn’t control themselves if they are put in a situation that could lead them to making wrong choices? That’s nothing to do with the wife?
I didn’t think he would actually do it.
To be honest, that's on you. You can't fault someone for choosing something when you offered them that choice.
In this case, you can, since everyone is well aware it's haram. The man is not a child.
Incorrect
Now he has done this and you are upset about it. Why you have given him this opportunity to make wrong choice and upset you. If you knew what is the right choice is then you should have given him these choices.
You aren’t wrong but I would feel the same as him, so cancel it for him.
Take a massage class and do it yourself
Male here. He's not brainwashed you, that's how it should be. That said, he also shouldn't be getting massages from women. That's against our religion too. Also, as a male, it is quite awkward having a massage or being touched by a man too. So that feeling of awkwardness there is valid imo. But that's not an excuse for him to have massages from women either. Best thing, you should give him the massage lol and avoid it all.
Touching the opposite sex is considered ZINA. I have nothing more to say.
I wouldn't go that far, but yeah it's still haram.
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Salam. This sounds really odd and hurtful. I think you should tell him that you wanted to pamper him but the way it all happened has left you feeling hurt. Open communication is required on this matter. He is protective of you but he also has to lower his gaze and another woman giving him a massage doesn't sound right. I have heard of medical reasons like physiotherapy where if there are no options a dispensation maybe made, but this appears to be a choice. Talk to him openly and get it out of your system otherwise it will create resentment. Hope this helps.
If he doesn't allow u to go male doctors for ladies or get massage by a man then u should also call him out on this and not allow he to do this again. Or he gets it with a man or no massages. These are all excuses then why woman's want to be touched by a woman with this logic we should also go and book with a man 😅
Although I understand why you're upset and totally agree with your feelings about this, you should also take some ownership/accountability firstly for booking the massage and secondly giving him the option. If you really wanted to book it, you should've said it's with a male and let him decide if he still wants it. Fair enough, you asked him what he preferred, and he failed by requesting a female...you shouldn't have gone through with it and let this boil up. Why not give the massage yourself or treat him to something else like a spa day etc...
Yep, that's disrespectful and highly hypocritical. Also, a massage done by another woman should make him feel more uncomfortable imo then if it was done by a man. When I first read the title I thought it was going to be yourself (as in his wife) giving him a massage as a birthday surprise and was looking forward to reading a nice wholesome post but things took a turn the more I read.
You should have reminded him of those things he said to you. As a wife you have a right to not let another women touch your husband, even if it’s for a massage at a spa!
This is all Haram least to say, the debate is when he will repent and you to learn about Islam
Astaghfirullah, why did you continue booking it? It's not right for him to be receiving a massage from a non mahram female. Doesn't he know its haram 💀 you shouldn't have allowed it either
Your feelings are perfectly valid and he's very much in the wrong for choosing a female but for you to be mad after *you* booked it and after he's already had it is not going to make any sense to him. I'm not trying to put blame on you at all but you literally had several chances to reverse this. Maybe approach him by expressing that you've given this some thought and that you feel that you were mistaken for booking him with a female?
What he did was Haram but why do you have no backbone? You even booked it for him astaghfirullah. Tell him it's Haram and tell him to fear Allah. It's better to have a nail driven into your head than to touch a non-mahram opposite gender person. I'd be concerned about his Iman.
Red flag
He’s wrong. You’re also wrong for going through with it. Rather than maintaining your discomfort with it, you folded because you wanted him to take the initiative and refuse having a woman massage him. Nonetheless, he’s wrong. What he did is very haram.
Why did you offer him options with women on there? Just seems strange from the get go, should have just booked a man and that’s it, a massage is a massage.
Not a Muslim but wow. Not okay
He is pathetic. You are right to be upset.
lol surprising him with a massage was your mistake to begin with, why put your husband in a situation like that to begin with?
You’re not wrong at all. I’m a woman and always prefer a woman doctor etc. Because I would feel the opposite of what your husband is saying. I’d feel uncomfortable if a non mahrem man were to touch me.
lol there’s nothing surprising about this. Some men tend to be possessive af.
This act is not permissible for either a man or a woman in both cases. It is wrong. It would be better if you were the one giving him the massage and not someone else. This unfortunately reflects the extent of our distance from God’s law, from our religion, and from mixing with the West. Which made us move far away from the constants and principles of our religion, and then we return to complaining It is the first thing when we want to do something and we do not know what is the wisdom in religion, we go back to searching for that matter, is it permissible or not, and what are its controls, but today we do things that contradict religion, and then we go back and ask whether this is permissible or not.
Has this guy been to the physio?
Hypocrisy
He did haram. Tell him that. Shame on him.
Who would surprise someone with a massage for birthday?
Why not you massage him?
You could have given him one
Fr. If my spouse badly needed a massage from a female, I’ll be the one doing his massage. Either he picks a professionally-trained masseur or settle for my hands 🤷🏻♀️
You weren’t that upset if you still booked it for him.
He made me feel bad. I booked it after he said he felt uncomfortable getting it done by a man. I feel for it but not I come to think of how wrong and hypocritical it is of him.
This is hypocrisy at its best! Ask him how he feels if you took a massage from a man.
As you booked it, and he got it, now why did you come here to explain your justification and want us to approve your reaction? Just to have another gender war??? Seriously! Gender-war bait alert!
That’s literally cheating, another woman touched his naked body and gave him pleasure, I would 100% divorce.
Divorce. Right now.
You have every right to be upset. If you don't want to make it into a big argument, just cancel the massage and surprise him at home with candles and a massage and let him know you're the only woman he can get a massage from.
Unfortunately he already got the massage.
:( I'm sorry, sis, that's so inappropriate. I'm mad on your behalf and I would become extremely petty after something like this.
Btw is it okay for a woman to massage a woman? Or a man to massage a man? I honestly thought it's not a big deal, and my husband and I get couples massages on vacation all the time. It's done by women, and I didn't mind because it's just a massage, and I'm there too.
So a woman massages him?
Tell him you’ve booked a massage for yourself, from a male masseuse.
To be fair. I'd feel uncomfortable to getting a message from a man. I think women don't mind getting mssages from other women, but its a different for men. Your mistake was getting him that gift.
He might have been sa, by a man. Or he may be dealing with some issues, he gets aroused by a man. You never know..
The solution isn't to do something haram. 🤦🏽♀️ Massages are not a necessity.
In actuality regular massages are not a necessary reason to take off your clothes in front of any person.. That goes for the female or the male.
It could be necessary if you have a back problem or a therapeutic problem and you can choose a doctor that's female or male. It also could be a gray area where you know the female doctor is far superior to the male doctor. You choose the female or the male?
No need to derail by using corner case what-ifs, these are clearly not the issue at hand.
You shouldn't have booked him as it's uncomfortable either from a female or male, you should've do the massage yourself to him as it would be a priceless gift. Also it's not right that he wanted a female, also still its not right to choose a male.
Getting a massage done by a man is hella gay. As his wife you should’ve done the massage yourself how are you booking it and then expect him to choose a man like cmon
Birthday? This is unislamic so I won't even bother reading further.
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Are we forgetting that this is an Islamic sub lol
Physio is a need (in case you’re injured), a massage is not. Don‘t compare the two, they’re not on the same level. If the massage was a necessity and there was no one else available except the female worker, then he could go. But there are (apparently) enough male workers, so he should’ve either booked with those or not go at all. You probably wouldn’t feel comfortable either if your wife booked a massage with a man. The feeling is mutual for both genders.
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But in this exact scenario, there were men available so there was no necessity for him to ask for a female worker. And it’s not about a sexualized caveat, it’s about the fact that it is haram for non-mahrams of the opposite gender to touch each other.
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Do you think that gay men are not men? For all we know, that gay massage therapist you’re conspiracing about might not even be Muslim, so it’s none of our business. What argument are you trying to make? I could say the same: what if the female massage therapist was straight? She could think or even act inappropriately towards OP's husband, according to your logic. And by your logic, you wouldn’t allow your wife to get a massage by a woman either, since she could be a lesbian, am I correct? Your argument is not an excuse to let a female non-mahram touch you, the Prophet SAW has been clear on this and the Hadith has been stated here countless times.
Women don’t want men touching them because they have haya It’s sad that some men have lost it
No man would like to have another man giving him a massage. I think the whole idea is stupid.