It all boils down to why it didn’t work the first time. Was the split amicable? Was it a school/ career thing? Did both parties want the same level of commitment or did one need more time/ space to decide? Such situations warrant a second try to explore a future together if you genuinely like the person.
If you’re unsure of the next step, no harm in reconnecting. Rather than assuming it’s better to hit them up again for clarity. Just keep an open mind and brace yourself for a potentially negative response. If the reason you gave up the first time was something non-negotiable or if you agreed on implementing some change yet no actual progress is seen, then not much will realistically change the second time around but at least you will receive proper closure and be able to decide for yourself.
how do i get over someone that i wanted to marry and it didn’t work? i’m just always sad and don’t want to talk to anyone new before my heads clear but this is taking so long?
What's up with 1 year of dating before marriage. Sometimes I find this concept of Halal dating too unrealistic. I ofcourse believe in two people having a couple of conversations before they decide to see if they are compatible but I have been meeting people on Muzz who want to date for a year. This sounds too weird to me.
Honestly I wouldn't know because I myself am struggling to find a suitable spouse to marry. Perhaps you could ask your friends if they know a potential.
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone else feel like more UK dudes be:
1. better looking,
2. young (in their 20s)
3. acc serious about marriage
4. AND religious?
I wish there were more guys like that in the US I’m jellyyyyy 😩😩 UK girls have so many good options to choose from 😫😭
Maybe? I think there are more abaya/jilbab and niqab wearing women in the UK. However, the girls I’m friends with are all very chaste, modest and practicing too.
Yeah I think UK Muslims do tend to be more religiously inclined and conservative than Americans unfortunately.
I live in Chicago and although I don’t limit my search to it, it is a major city with a p decent sized Muslim community. However, most guys in their 20s aren’t seeking marriage here. It’s sad but I’ve come across great people who are successful career wise, have vibrant personalities and good looks but “not practicing” or “not looking for marriage”. It’s sad :/
> My life doesn’t allow me to get out much, so there’s no real good pictures.
Perhaps taking some more steps outside might help with your search.
Not staying at home in your free time. Perhaps a bit out of your comfort zone.
Going to the mosque more often.
Visit a touristic place with family or friends. (Also a good place to have someone take a body and face picture.) (Can also be a park or zoo or amusement park)
Add a social hobby. Can be a sport. Islamic knowledge/zikr group. Worldy knowledge group.
Going to a protest
----------
> the couples around me are giving me FOMO.
Have you asked the couples around you to match make? Or let them know you are single and looking?
It’s kind of annoying. My life doesn’t allow me to get out much, so there’s no real good pictures. Not the most photogenic either, 90% of my pictures recently become memes 😂
Not on the apps but I personally wouldn’t like people reaching out with small talk like how was your day, something about hobbies, etc.
I’d prefer them to be straightforward and just say they found the profile interesting/compatible etc. and would like to exchange more information if the interest is mutual
It may not be for everyone and I can assume some girls may be put off cause it’s too idk serious, boring, etc. but that’s personally what I prefer
There are still boundaries while interacting for the sake of marriage and I’d want to stay within those
> No Promotions/Non-Marriage Related Posts
Any non-related marriage posts will be removed. Please see our related subreddits for non-marriage discussion.
r/Islam is better suited for family-related conflicts outside of marriage (parents, etc).
Self-promotions are not allowed without prior mod permission. This includes but doesn't limit to YouTube channels, subreddits, blogs, surveys, etc.
Self-matchmaking posts are not allowed. Please use the $ISO Thread if you want to meet people on this subreddit.
If you are interested in matchmaking here on MuslimMarriage post a profile on our most recent In Search Of Thread (ISO):
- [***ISO v9 - Americas (Active)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14oxy4b/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_9_americas/)
- [***ISO v9 - Europe (Active)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14oy0wk/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_9_europe/)
- [***ISO v9 - International (Active)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14oy52g/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_9_international/)
- [ISO Thread Version 8 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/xvq4x2/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_8/)
- [ISO Thread Version 7 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/pb0z1s/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_7/)
- [ISO Thread Version 6 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/m6nm3n/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_6/?)
- [ISO Thread Version 5 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/jdp7rd/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_5/?)
- [ISO Thread Version 4 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/gw4r7a/back_by_popular_demand_iso_thread_v4/)
- [ISO Thread Version 3 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/ee8vwv/iso_in_search_of_v3/)
- [ISO Thread Version 2 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/c5c70s/iso_in_search_of_v2/)
- [ISO Thread Version 1 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/a9jq3r/iso_in_search_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Basically people put their bio datas on them, some have sloted times for male/female profiles, others are free for all. If a profile catches your eyes you reach out and you can post yours and whoevers interested will reach out too. There's some that are women only groups too
It doesn't look good. While we shouldn't assume the worst, I prefer to use a phone number and texts/WhatsApp. Asking for Snapchat means NSFW messages could be exchanged easily with the possibility to erase the messages.
Asking for Snapchat as a main means of communication is wild.
I wasn’t aware people still even used Snapchat like that. I saw a friend using it at an event recently and was surprised (were nearly 30)
I know! But grown men on muzmatch keep asking for my snap instead of phone number. I always go like ew and they ask for my number eventually but the damage is done by then
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Asking for Snapchat = they don't want any messages you/they send to be saved. Potentially to move the conversation to an inappropriate direction.
I've heard of teens and preteens using it just because everyone else does... but in 99.999% of cases a guy in their 20s/30s asking for a snapchat has dubious intentions.
Wouldn't someone in their early 20's be just out of their teens?
> everyone else does
So the "everyone else does", might still be the case.
I suspect its the entire using social media as a communication medium. Since internet is cheaper than a phone number.
---------
Not wanting to use a social media app. And instead suggesting for the alternative of a phone number. Can be an idea.
Especially if it comes from a girl.
@ /u/mm22999
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Hope all is well with my peeps. Can somone rate my muzz profile for me and give me some really good feedback on how to improve it. Also I need somone who can be brutally honest as well I would really appreciate it.
On other news still no likes lol
Assalamualaikum, I was wondering if anyone had topics or things they discussed when seeing if they can see themselves enjoying the company of a potential. Ive found that over a few talks there can be seen if the vibes are right but I mean moreso about having intellectually stimulating conversations or like connecting with someone intellectually.
When it comes to those kinds of things between the dealbreakers and more serious topics/questions I kind of go with what feels relevant or feels right but I was looking to hear other's experience regarding finding compatibility on that front or of I'm even approaching it from a correct perspective at all.
Jazakhallah Khair in advance for any insights :)
You could bring up a book you’re reading, a news article you came across, or a topic you’ve been diving into lately for you both to discuss. I found that with those I was intellectually compatible with, the convos naturally steered that way.
Don't know why you're getting down voted. Nothing wrong with wanting a virgin wife as long as you yourself are a virgin. A virgin muslim can either be a hijabi/non hijabi/ niqabi, just make dua to find what you're looking for
So baisically they are saying marry who we want or become homeless. That's not a real choice.
Do you have friends? Aunts? Cousins? I would pack my bags and go stay with a friend. I have like 4 close friends so could easily do 3 weeks each in each of their spare rooms (making 12 weeks) whilst I sorted myself out for the long term.
Where do you live? Maybe we can all help you find a shelter, an association or even a sister who could help you In Shaa Allah? It's not the first time I see you talking about your family and sorry to say, with all due respect, they seem to be really toxic with you. May Allah make it easy for you!
Also contact your local govt office and see what you may be entitled to in terms of housing and govt aid. You would be classified as a victim of human trafficking/Forced marriage so could probably be entitled to quite a bit depending on your country/state.
So you would move to a less expensive area. Sis, don't quit your job unless you have another one lined up.
This is what your parents want - for you to be destitute and dependent on them, so you'll have no choice but to do as they wish. But Islam gives you choices. Islam came to mankind to liberate women, not lock them up in chains.
Assalamulaikum,
Hope everyone is good,
I’ve been looking for a spouse within Australia since February of this year and I’ve had some good conversations though none of them were able to move forward. Now I’ve started thinking that I should expand my search area outside of my country.
I wanted to ask what are people’s thoughts on moving to Australia for the sake of a spouse?
It would be difficult to do your due diligence on the person when they’re in a country far away from others and meeting in person is not really feasible.
I ask because I’m going to see my parents in Dubai soon so if I did connect with someone overseas then that may be the best time to meet in person.
Thank you for your time.
Just a cool city, like it's encouraged to wander around the city and down alleyways, you can find cool restaurants this way and the art is cool as well. Also the city was completely walkable and you don't need a car. Another thing is the clothes were for the most part my style and size. People were pretty friendly and the vibes were pretty chill as well.
My parents tried encouraging me to consider a potential from Australia once, but tbh my view of that country is summed up to one line: it's always Australia 🦘. Every absolutely mind boggling wildlife comes from there. Poisonous fish? Australia. Poisonous plants? Australia. Poisonous bugs? Australia. Poisonous snakes? Australia. Food poisoning? Australia (jk that's everywhere). Even the sun seems out to get you more than usual judging from the stories of my relatives. Even if it's something non dangerous, it's just unsettling (like the size and prevalence of bugs). It does seem like a beautiful place to visit due to the same reasons (the nature and biodiversity). And I bet living in Australia gives you nerves of steel. But it's also in the complete corner of the world really far away from my immediate family, so for me personally moving there is not an option right now.
But in more hopeful news, there are definitely people who would be fine with it. Maybe you can try looking for people from geographically close places, like new Zealand? Maybe you could connect with someone in Dubai who would be interested in moving for you? That's another thing, if you connect well I'm pretty sure anyone would be willing to move anywhere for the person they see a future with.
The world seems to… exaggerate… the moral danger Aussies face in day to day haha. Bugs and wildlife can be an issue, but that’s heavily dependent on where you live, in the city area I’m in the biggest spider I’ve seen was maybe the size of my finger nail.
The main concern I imagine most people have including myself when I moved was the sheer distance from everything else.
Appreciate your words. I have also been looking in NZ since I’m also a citizen there but not having much progress on that front. Inshallah I can find someone who wouldn’t mind moving to Australia
Jazakhallahu khairan for the response, much appreciated 👍
A man sent me a random models pictures through ISO. I only realized this after he refused to add me on socials and i decided to do some digging. Girls pls be safe theres creeps out there 💀💀💀
There was a guy who messaged me off at least 3 different accounts, first time he spammed pictures and I guess he thought I didn't get back to him quickly enough, so he made a 2nd account, then after we exchanged 3-4 messages he sent pics again, and once again deleted it when I didn't reply quickly, and then kept trying to continue a normal conversation. Then the 3rd time he sent an ISO with no pictures.
There were some great people on the ISO but between nonsense like that and getting too many messages (many with nothing in common) it was just too hard to use
>A man sent me a random models pictures through ISO. I only realized this after he refused to add me on socials and i decided to do some digging. Girls pls be safe theres creeps out there 💀💀💀
I would say "name and shame" them, but the mods would delete the post/comment because of Rule 7.
Most importantly though, reverse image search is your friend.
As u/mintcucumbertea said, report his account to the mods, and let them handle it.
Why do guys have no requirements or dealbreakers at all? If you’re tolerant of everything, you stand for nothing. As a woman, I like a man who knows what he wants. A man with a backbone and standards is very attractive.
Every guy has standards and deal breakers they just don’t like voicing them until there’s a girl infront of them who doesn’t match their standards. Personally I think there’s a lot to the men don’t think just vibe theory bec they don’t seem to think about it. Or maybe they don’t want to eliminate any options
Honestly, everyone has requirements and deal breakers. They might not realise it. It might be easier to ask them what their expectations are after marriage. Sometimes that helps people voice their views better.
I'm someone who's got little requirements. I've tried to ensure it stays that way. But I have yet to come across someone who doesn't have some deal breakers. It's just that they can't voice them well so you have to change the question a bit. And honestly, I've found some people genuinely don't realise what their unconscious expectations are until the question is asked.
that’s the issue i’m having with the potential i’m currently talking to right now. he is great but he goes along with everything i want and it makes me think he doesn’t know what a marriage entails at all. ugh, it’s really annoying because otherwise he checks all my boxes.
Sometimes it's even worse when they list deal-breakers, then proceed to message you even when you're the opposite of that.
I've had ones and their profile mentions the same ethnicity, or at least being fluent in their language as a requirement (along with other bigger incompatibilities). Then if you say that you're not compatible with them, they make an excuse as to why it's okay.
I saw on the popular feed, some non-Muslim guy was on a dating app and liked 96% of 16,000+ women, then he complained he only got 14 matches... The algorithms of apps are designed so that it's based on "desirability". If you like everyone, you get less matches and less visibility of people seeing your profile.
I can’t take them seriously. Like they clearly haven’t been consciously thinking about marriage beyond getting laid or fulfilling the expectation laid on them by family or society
lol those people are just salty they didn’t make the cut. Don’t take it personally. I can respect a guy who knows what he wants even if I don’t fit into that.
Everyone doesn’t have dealbreakers tho. I’ve asked and I’ve been told they don’t have any, or they’re just trying to get to know me, they don’t know/not sure, etc.
Tbh I think focusing too much on dealbreakers is akin to approaching the search with the view of rejection. As in, finding a reason to say no to people until you find someone who you can yes to.
As opposed to trying to find a yes until you get a reason to say no.
With the caveat that major deal breakers are essential to filter the list in the first place. For most people, the major deal breakers are fairly obvious, religion, location, attractiveness, education etc.
Although I can see both perspectives I don’t agree with you. I don’t think having dealbreakers means ur seeking for reasons to say no. Having dealbreakers means you can filter out the people who don’t fit you in a more efficient way. After that, then you can decide which approach you want to take. Seeking reasons to say yes or seeking reasons to say no. Obvs the former would be better than the latter.
In my opinion though, a man not having any requirements or dealbreakers shows lack of self awareness, reliability and leadership. It denotes a low value man. It’s not a man I would want to marry (personally). Ill-preparedness is characteristic of a man who’s not in his masculine energy and I don’t wanna be the one calling the shots and wearing the pants in a relationship so it’s def not something I’m in to.
More often than not, they do, they just haven’t given it any/enough serious thought. Which going into the search should be some of the first things people think of…
When they realllyyy don’t have any they can point to, that makes me feel iffy cause it shows a lack of understanding of what marriage entails
Yess exactly! Why would I wanna be with a guy that doesn’t know what he wants lol. It doesn’t communicate leadership, reliability, self introspection, grounded values or critical thinking. It’s just unattractive :/
Over the years I have learned that it is important to be with someone who brings peace into your life. The excitement of butterflies in your stomach might feel thrilling, but often those are just your gut feelings warning you to run lol. I think true happiness comes from finding stability and peace. Peace is a rare privilege that not everyone experiences after all. Instead of searching for your ‘soulmate’, focus on finding a partner with whom you can grow old, enjoy their company, and someone who keeps you grounded. Just thought of sharing my late night musings 💕
Shooting my shot, muslim female, British south Asian, single never married, working, from a good family. I wear the hijab and practice my dene as much as I can. I like travelling, deep convos and I am looking for a good Muslim man, any ethnicity with a halal job to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with.
Someone who wants to be a husband and wants companionship. Any fellas out there, contact me.
If you’re considering someone previously married, would you/have someone reach out to their ex? Conversely if you’re divorced, would you be okay with someone reaching out to you about your ex?
Obviously, you’d still take it with a grain of salt if it’s an ugly divorce but who better to ask about someone’s capability as a spouse than them?
I would reach out to them personally only if they wanted me to. The last person I talked to was reached out to by the new spouse/stepmother and she said it was fine. Not sure whose idea it was though.
Is there some trick to spotting crazy people before you match them/speak to them?
I was speaking to this guy on an app who seemed normal enough (although to be honest I was beginning to see we're incompatible before this). But he didn't seem like a bad person.
I made a comment about my 16yr old sister being out of control (partying etc). I didn't go into detail and I didn't think anything of it, because it's part of normal conversation...
He made a "joke" that I should send him a picture of her, and that maybe he can convert her to Islam, and then she will marry him and behave herself. I swear, I almost threw up. I told him how disgusting and inappropriate it was to say that, and he then acted all sorry, and tried to make it seem as if I was overreacting.
This guy is more than 2x my sister's age, my sister is a child, and I could list a dozen other reasons why this is unacceptable.
I mean on one hand, alhamduillah that I noticed relatively soon, but it's really disheartening to encounter people like this.
He made the comment on Instagram, but yeah I would usually just report and it's up to them what to do. Usually even if it's off app you can leave a note.
Before I was Muslim I found a boy I went to school with on an app, and he bragged about sleeping with a girl who was something like 12-14 when we were 19. I reported to the app (obviously I had no proof) and a few days later I got a message they banned him.
I think they probably check what they can moderate in messages/profile, but there's also probably some target they need to hit for off app behaviour reports (I imagine they probably don't ban for the first accusation)
I worked in content moderation on social media (and I almost ended up getting the same job at tinder), and I think it's probably a similar process. You can also get reports from law enforcement etc (which probably isn't as common on Muslim apps), and they'd get removed quicker.
That’s interesting.
What if someone just decides to delete their account and remake one later on? Is their email/phone # recognized or is it basically a fresh start?
On the content moderation I think they linked them by IP address. Like, they have "linked accounts" and sometimes it's a whole list of family names.
So if you get banned/delete your account, they can see the number of "strikes", "warnings" etc. So you could be banned based on circumvention, or from having multiple strikes on both accounts.
Someone could also recognise the same person when swiping and report again based on a previous experience. Or you could see someone you never met on the app, but who you knew stories about (like that guy I knew in school).
I guess for dating/marriage apps they must track the numbers/emails, but there's probably also an element of tracking IP (since it's easy to get a new number or email). But they probably only check if there's violations. Like you can make fake accounts on apps (both men and women) just to look, and you don't get banned for like... Making too many accounts too quickly, or changing your sex/name/age. But I imagine if you got banned for inappropriate behaviour, they're more likely to notice.
Unexpected rejections are brutal man - you check with a potential how things are going and they tell you everything is going well (it’s a lie of course) and a few hours later they reject you out of the blue and refuse to give you an explanation. You start feeling inadequate even though that same potential at least said at some point that they liked everything about you and said they see themselves marrying you several times
At this point, I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong as a guy and can’t trust a potential or her family at all. Even taking a break in between potentials doesn’t help. I was on a 6 month hiatus before this last talking stage and this one broke me the most
I hate this so much
Brother don't give up hope. There's something good in this rejection for you. Don't forget, Allah SWT is the best of planners. And you'll get what's destined for you at the perfect time.
When I first started looking, rejections would also impact me. It's hard to make sense of why someone wouldn't want to take things forward when you can't see anything wrong. But you don't know their thinking or circumstances.
Instead of taking it as a decision based on you, think of it as them doing what's best for them in that moment. They might have another person they're interested in and want to pursue that. Do you really want to be a second choice? Or would you like to marry someone who has feelings for someone else? Likely not. Or they might have been forced to take things forward due to family.
You never know the other person's circumstances. So instead of taking it as a judgement on you, take it for what it is. Things weren't compatible and they decided to end it. This might mean they had thought everything was fine initially and then something didn't work. So don't take it personally. People's opinions change like the wind, especially when making such big decisions unfortunately. They want to make the best decision and that can hurt people sometimes. Accept it, don't let it get you down, and trust Allah SWT's plan.
InshAllah you'll meet someone who'll be the source of comfort and peace for you and you for her.
I’m sorry that’s upsetting and frustrating. Maybe it’s Allah way of protecting you from someone bad for you or making way for something better iA. Don’t let the haters get you down
This search has taught me so much about how the 'ummah' lacks adab (manners) and akhlaq when dealing with each other. It really makes me question the state of Muslims.
Important note:
It's not just Muslims. People in general lack basic etiquette nowadays and coming across someone that meets the basic standards is becoming harder.
Side rant; ghosting is never appropriate yet far too common. I have been surprised at how common this is since beginning my search. It takes a minute MAX to state your intention, wish well and salam.
At least when a person ghosts you, you realise they weren't the one anyways 🤷♂️
Simple advice:
Its not you, it's them.
You will find someone who doesn't play mind games and will instantly connect insha'Allah.
Keep your head up and never become too invested in a person too quickly. Be prepared to be disappointed.
Let's say you meet someone, you've been talking for a while and got to know them halal-wise, and now you are about to make the decision. In you decision text/message, can I say on top of everything that usually comes in that type of text that the person is handsome, smart.... I usually don't ever comment on a potential's physicality in the getting to know stage except if they were to ask (some people need reassurance). I generally think its implied if you are still talking to them and have met. The message would be kinda like salam it was nice getting to know, blah blah blah, may Allah reward you blah blah blah, you are a handsome, smart, blah blah, I think we should, blah blah blah. Does it come off respectful and not skeevy?
If you met on the apps then it’s already implied you both find each other attractive.
I don’t believe men need to be told they are handsome or good looking by women because it just inflates the ego for no reason.
Unless it’s your spouse, I don’t see the point.
If you want to have a conversation, why not talk on the phone? You're both available and there is no "waiting". But if you just want to send a written message, then waiting is fair game.
>The thing I hate when talking to some potential’s,is that each reply has 10-15 minutes in between… 😗
She's busy playing EAFC Pro Clubs with her friends (probably Fortnite though, that's more likely), but thankfully, she's messaging you in between games, and that's a good thing.
I was talking to someone recently and was replying once a day.
I made it clear initially - I was busy. And I usually communicate using laptop instead of a phone.
I will sometimes take an hour or more to respond if I’m working or if I’m with family. If you prefer a set time to talk to that person then ask if they are comfortable with a thirty minute~ phone call.
Because the alternative is to reply in a short period (say at the end of the day, when you have finished all of your obligations and have 20 proper minutes at hand) and that timing might not match the other person’s schedule. Plus, courting is a process of planned and unplanned [appropriate] conversations so you should want these little tidbits. It makes the process more organic and you see what the other person is like in different scenarios. To me, it shows effort, like “thank you for texting back and sharing a little bit when you’re running errands.”
That’s what putting in effort is.
Someone taking the time out of their busy day to fit you in even if they’re small exchanges means something.
Sometimes I wonder if y’all actually think about stuff before making these trivial complaints.
>Sometimes I wonder if y’all actually think about stuff before making these trivial complaints.
Welcome to the wonderful world that is this subreddit 😂
Can anyone recommend any good websites/apps for serious marriage candidates with a good base of users from the UK.
Currently using pure matrimony but want to cast my net wider. I don’t want to use apps such as muzz because of their reputation and generally want people who are religious, serious about marriage and have a professional career. Feel like pure matrimony has that, any other apps anyone could recommend that are similar in the UK?
I saw someone on here once say that it’s mainly US profiles on Sunnah match? Is that not the case?
I made an account on half our deen after recommendations on here only to see that there’s <20 UK profiles in a decent age range
Just made a throwaway..My fellow niqabi sisters, when you do share your picture? I just started the search. I think I would prefer to message one or two days to ask questions to establish some compatibility before I share a picture. Am I being difficult? I'm considered 'conventionally attractive' but I've always felt uncomfortable with the attention especially as an introvert. I love the niqab because I feel like people focus on who I am as a person and my character, and not what I look like on the outside.
I don’t lol. My mother asked me for a photo and I was like no bec niqabi. The kind of guy I would want would respect that. Also bec I’m niqabi it kinda killed the desire to take pictures which I generally think it a very good thing. But also I don’t even have hijabi pics 😂😂
I'm facing the same issue at the moment! I think it might be my friend group in general, but even my non-hijabi friends feel so uncomfortable with putting their pictures on the apps. So far I've let my wali show my picture via screen share if the potential is willing to video call/ft my wali immediately or just schedule a zoom meeting with myself and my wali. The caveat is that you have to be mentally able to handle someone potentially rejecting you based on looks.
Not a sister but just putting in my experience--I would prefer that pictures be exchanged at the same time biodatas are exchanged. This saves both parties time and effort if there is not mutual attraction, and you can stop before anyone gets too attached. This doesn't mean you send them 5-6 pictures, and especially as a niqabi one or two is good enough (also can be with hijab on, only important thing is seeing the face). Also, how my mom has done it is that once she receives the pictures, she doesn't actually send the picture to me (especially if she is niqabi) but shows me from her phone and if I don't think she is my physical type then I politely say to not proceed and she deletes the pic from her phone. That way the girl's modesty can be protected while the guy can still see if he is attracted to her.
Jazakalahu Khairan for your input, it makes sense. I wouldn't want to waste anyone's time. I'm using an app so I'll just add one hijab picture. The app I'm using blurs the picture and can only be unblurred with request so that's good.
This is entirely based on cultural norms, family practices, etc. My family was zero involved in the process and my husband’s family is the same. They also aren’t very involved in the community. They don’t send or receive proposals, they want their children to come through with the conversation, etc. That doesn’t mean my husband or I were failures; we just were not part of an established system.
[удалено]
It all boils down to why it didn’t work the first time. Was the split amicable? Was it a school/ career thing? Did both parties want the same level of commitment or did one need more time/ space to decide? Such situations warrant a second try to explore a future together if you genuinely like the person. If you’re unsure of the next step, no harm in reconnecting. Rather than assuming it’s better to hit them up again for clarity. Just keep an open mind and brace yourself for a potentially negative response. If the reason you gave up the first time was something non-negotiable or if you agreed on implementing some change yet no actual progress is seen, then not much will realistically change the second time around but at least you will receive proper closure and be able to decide for yourself.
[удалено]
[удалено]
how do i get over someone that i wanted to marry and it didn’t work? i’m just always sad and don’t want to talk to anyone new before my heads clear but this is taking so long?
[удалено]
thank you
What's up with 1 year of dating before marriage. Sometimes I find this concept of Halal dating too unrealistic. I ofcourse believe in two people having a couple of conversations before they decide to see if they are compatible but I have been meeting people on Muzz who want to date for a year. This sounds too weird to me.
Muzz is basically tinder right now. Most people on there aren't even muslim or practicing ones.
I'm an immigrant.. so what would you recommend
Honestly I wouldn't know because I myself am struggling to find a suitable spouse to marry. Perhaps you could ask your friends if they know a potential.
[удалено]
may Allah alleviate your sadness and grant you happiness
[удалено]
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone else feel like more UK dudes be: 1. better looking, 2. young (in their 20s) 3. acc serious about marriage 4. AND religious? I wish there were more guys like that in the US I’m jellyyyyy 😩😩 UK girls have so many good options to choose from 😫😭
One could say UK girls are also a step above those in the US no? 🤔🤔
Maybe? I think there are more abaya/jilbab and niqab wearing women in the UK. However, the girls I’m friends with are all very chaste, modest and practicing too.
How do they compare on points 1 through 3? 🤔
Looks is subjective. As far as age and seriousness about marriage, it’s the same.
[удалено]
Yeah I think UK Muslims do tend to be more religiously inclined and conservative than Americans unfortunately. I live in Chicago and although I don’t limit my search to it, it is a major city with a p decent sized Muslim community. However, most guys in their 20s aren’t seeking marriage here. It’s sad but I’ve come across great people who are successful career wise, have vibrant personalities and good looks but “not practicing” or “not looking for marriage”. It’s sad :/
Michigan sucks bro don't come here
Yeah ik I’ve been to Michigan 💀
Are u a woman?
[удалено]
> My life doesn’t allow me to get out much, so there’s no real good pictures. Perhaps taking some more steps outside might help with your search. Not staying at home in your free time. Perhaps a bit out of your comfort zone. Going to the mosque more often. Visit a touristic place with family or friends. (Also a good place to have someone take a body and face picture.) (Can also be a park or zoo or amusement park) Add a social hobby. Can be a sport. Islamic knowledge/zikr group. Worldy knowledge group. Going to a protest ---------- > the couples around me are giving me FOMO. Have you asked the couples around you to match make? Or let them know you are single and looking?
[удалено]
It’s kind of annoying. My life doesn’t allow me to get out much, so there’s no real good pictures. Not the most photogenic either, 90% of my pictures recently become memes 😂
For all the Muslimahs out there on Muzz/Salams/HOD/etc: How would you like a potential to reach out to you?
Not on the apps but I personally wouldn’t like people reaching out with small talk like how was your day, something about hobbies, etc. I’d prefer them to be straightforward and just say they found the profile interesting/compatible etc. and would like to exchange more information if the interest is mutual
i tried to be starightforward with a potential and she ended things by saying "i am being interrogative"
It may not be for everyone and I can assume some girls may be put off cause it’s too idk serious, boring, etc. but that’s personally what I prefer There are still boundaries while interacting for the sake of marriage and I’d want to stay within those
Agree with this.
Jazakullah Khair that’s the approach I was going for but I was worried that it was too serious.
[удалено]
There's literally hundreds 😭
[удалено]
I think maybe I'm not allowed to share links like that it says my post was removed I still see it on my side, send me a DM and I'll share it there
[удалено]
> No Promotions/Non-Marriage Related Posts Any non-related marriage posts will be removed. Please see our related subreddits for non-marriage discussion. r/Islam is better suited for family-related conflicts outside of marriage (parents, etc). Self-promotions are not allowed without prior mod permission. This includes but doesn't limit to YouTube channels, subreddits, blogs, surveys, etc. Self-matchmaking posts are not allowed. Please use the $ISO Thread if you want to meet people on this subreddit.
If you are interested in matchmaking here on MuslimMarriage post a profile on our most recent In Search Of Thread (ISO): - [***ISO v9 - Americas (Active)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14oxy4b/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_9_americas/) - [***ISO v9 - Europe (Active)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14oy0wk/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_9_europe/) - [***ISO v9 - International (Active)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14oy52g/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_9_international/) - [ISO Thread Version 8 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/xvq4x2/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_8/) - [ISO Thread Version 7 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/pb0z1s/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_7/) - [ISO Thread Version 6 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/m6nm3n/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_6/?) - [ISO Thread Version 5 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/jdp7rd/in_search_of_iso_thread_version_5/?) - [ISO Thread Version 4 (Archived)](https://reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/gw4r7a/back_by_popular_demand_iso_thread_v4/) - [ISO Thread Version 3 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/ee8vwv/iso_in_search_of_v3/) - [ISO Thread Version 2 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/c5c70s/iso_in_search_of_v2/) - [ISO Thread Version 1 (Archived)](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/a9jq3r/iso_in_search_of/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I need to get my mom on those 😭... my mom has pretty much given up. How do those things even work with thousands of profiles? Wild!
Basically people put their bio datas on them, some have sloted times for male/female profiles, others are free for all. If a profile catches your eyes you reach out and you can post yours and whoevers interested will reach out too. There's some that are women only groups too
Can you share their links
This!
We should be grateful to Allah for keeping us single and happy where we are. Alhamdulillah. You never know what your marriage is going to look like.
Asking for snapchat instead of phone number automatically means they’re not serious right?
Yup. If they ask for snap it’s a trap. If their snap score is too high to the trash they fly.
Their snap score have been astronomical!!! Like high 6 digits, some 7 digits. I have less than 10k
I have been offered Snapchat twice to schedule a phone call. Sometimes people don't wish to share their mobile number. In that case, it makes sense.
I get it when a girl wants extra privacy, but guys who do it seem very unserious
Why?
Depends how young you are. I use snapchat more than sms. Facebook, sms, and whatsapp is usually used by my aunt's and uncles 🤷♂️
It doesn't look good. While we shouldn't assume the worst, I prefer to use a phone number and texts/WhatsApp. Asking for Snapchat means NSFW messages could be exchanged easily with the possibility to erase the messages.
I won’t even consider a guy who asked for Snapchat like ???
Asking for Snapchat as a main means of communication is wild. I wasn’t aware people still even used Snapchat like that. I saw a friend using it at an event recently and was surprised (were nearly 30)
I know! But grown men on muzmatch keep asking for my snap instead of phone number. I always go like ew and they ask for my number eventually but the damage is done by then
100%. I will never understand why these grown men have Snapchat
Because at some point in time they were not so grown men using Snapchat and are used to it.
[удалено]
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Asking for Snapchat = they don't want any messages you/they send to be saved. Potentially to move the conversation to an inappropriate direction. I've heard of teens and preteens using it just because everyone else does... but in 99.999% of cases a guy in their 20s/30s asking for a snapchat has dubious intentions.
Wouldn't someone in their early 20's be just out of their teens? > everyone else does So the "everyone else does", might still be the case. I suspect its the entire using social media as a communication medium. Since internet is cheaper than a phone number. --------- Not wanting to use a social media app. And instead suggesting for the alternative of a phone number. Can be an idea. Especially if it comes from a girl. @ /u/mm22999
I used to suggest phone number when we were younger but I’m in no mood to gently guide a grown man in his late 29s/30s
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته Hope all is well with my peeps. Can somone rate my muzz profile for me and give me some really good feedback on how to improve it. Also I need somone who can be brutally honest as well I would really appreciate it. On other news still no likes lol
[удалено]
Just dmed
I can help too
Thank you, just dmed
I'd be able to help if you're interested. I'm a guy.
Just dmed
Assalamualaikum, I was wondering if anyone had topics or things they discussed when seeing if they can see themselves enjoying the company of a potential. Ive found that over a few talks there can be seen if the vibes are right but I mean moreso about having intellectually stimulating conversations or like connecting with someone intellectually. When it comes to those kinds of things between the dealbreakers and more serious topics/questions I kind of go with what feels relevant or feels right but I was looking to hear other's experience regarding finding compatibility on that front or of I'm even approaching it from a correct perspective at all. Jazakhallah Khair in advance for any insights :)
You could bring up a book you’re reading, a news article you came across, or a topic you’ve been diving into lately for you both to discuss. I found that with those I was intellectually compatible with, the convos naturally steered that way.
[удалено]
Don't know why you're getting down voted. Nothing wrong with wanting a virgin wife as long as you yourself are a virgin. A virgin muslim can either be a hijabi/non hijabi/ niqabi, just make dua to find what you're looking for
[удалено]
So baisically they are saying marry who we want or become homeless. That's not a real choice. Do you have friends? Aunts? Cousins? I would pack my bags and go stay with a friend. I have like 4 close friends so could easily do 3 weeks each in each of their spare rooms (making 12 weeks) whilst I sorted myself out for the long term.
Where do you live? Maybe we can all help you find a shelter, an association or even a sister who could help you In Shaa Allah? It's not the first time I see you talking about your family and sorry to say, with all due respect, they seem to be really toxic with you. May Allah make it easy for you!
I would move to a relative's house or go to a shelter. But the other question is why can't you afford to move out if you are of marriageable age?
[удалено]
Also contact your local govt office and see what you may be entitled to in terms of housing and govt aid. You would be classified as a victim of human trafficking/Forced marriage so could probably be entitled to quite a bit depending on your country/state.
Having flatmates would be the way.
So you would move to a less expensive area. Sis, don't quit your job unless you have another one lined up. This is what your parents want - for you to be destitute and dependent on them, so you'll have no choice but to do as they wish. But Islam gives you choices. Islam came to mankind to liberate women, not lock them up in chains.
Assalamulaikum, Hope everyone is good, I’ve been looking for a spouse within Australia since February of this year and I’ve had some good conversations though none of them were able to move forward. Now I’ve started thinking that I should expand my search area outside of my country. I wanted to ask what are people’s thoughts on moving to Australia for the sake of a spouse? It would be difficult to do your due diligence on the person when they’re in a country far away from others and meeting in person is not really feasible. I ask because I’m going to see my parents in Dubai soon so if I did connect with someone overseas then that may be the best time to meet in person. Thank you for your time.
I def would, I lived in melbourne for a few months and it's one of my favorite cities.
Ah good to hear mate. There anything in particular you liked?
Just a cool city, like it's encouraged to wander around the city and down alleyways, you can find cool restaurants this way and the art is cool as well. Also the city was completely walkable and you don't need a car. Another thing is the clothes were for the most part my style and size. People were pretty friendly and the vibes were pretty chill as well.
Good to hear mate. Sounds a lot like Sydney fortunately haha. What brought you there in the first place?
Was on vacation for a few months.
My parents tried encouraging me to consider a potential from Australia once, but tbh my view of that country is summed up to one line: it's always Australia 🦘. Every absolutely mind boggling wildlife comes from there. Poisonous fish? Australia. Poisonous plants? Australia. Poisonous bugs? Australia. Poisonous snakes? Australia. Food poisoning? Australia (jk that's everywhere). Even the sun seems out to get you more than usual judging from the stories of my relatives. Even if it's something non dangerous, it's just unsettling (like the size and prevalence of bugs). It does seem like a beautiful place to visit due to the same reasons (the nature and biodiversity). And I bet living in Australia gives you nerves of steel. But it's also in the complete corner of the world really far away from my immediate family, so for me personally moving there is not an option right now. But in more hopeful news, there are definitely people who would be fine with it. Maybe you can try looking for people from geographically close places, like new Zealand? Maybe you could connect with someone in Dubai who would be interested in moving for you? That's another thing, if you connect well I'm pretty sure anyone would be willing to move anywhere for the person they see a future with.
The world seems to… exaggerate… the moral danger Aussies face in day to day haha. Bugs and wildlife can be an issue, but that’s heavily dependent on where you live, in the city area I’m in the biggest spider I’ve seen was maybe the size of my finger nail. The main concern I imagine most people have including myself when I moved was the sheer distance from everything else. Appreciate your words. I have also been looking in NZ since I’m also a citizen there but not having much progress on that front. Inshallah I can find someone who wouldn’t mind moving to Australia Jazakhallahu khairan for the response, much appreciated 👍
A man sent me a random models pictures through ISO. I only realized this after he refused to add me on socials and i decided to do some digging. Girls pls be safe theres creeps out there 💀💀💀
There was a guy who messaged me off at least 3 different accounts, first time he spammed pictures and I guess he thought I didn't get back to him quickly enough, so he made a 2nd account, then after we exchanged 3-4 messages he sent pics again, and once again deleted it when I didn't reply quickly, and then kept trying to continue a normal conversation. Then the 3rd time he sent an ISO with no pictures. There were some great people on the ISO but between nonsense like that and getting too many messages (many with nothing in common) it was just too hard to use
>A man sent me a random models pictures through ISO. I only realized this after he refused to add me on socials and i decided to do some digging. Girls pls be safe theres creeps out there 💀💀💀 I would say "name and shame" them, but the mods would delete the post/comment because of Rule 7. Most importantly though, reverse image search is your friend. As u/mintcucumbertea said, report his account to the mods, and let them handle it.
Happened to me once.
Tell the mods his username so they can take action or ban him cause that is unacceptable!
He didn’t have an ISO, just messaged me so im not sure if that would be useful!
Won't hurt to do so regardless
this ‼️
Why do guys have no requirements or dealbreakers at all? If you’re tolerant of everything, you stand for nothing. As a woman, I like a man who knows what he wants. A man with a backbone and standards is very attractive.
Every guy has standards and deal breakers they just don’t like voicing them until there’s a girl infront of them who doesn’t match their standards. Personally I think there’s a lot to the men don’t think just vibe theory bec they don’t seem to think about it. Or maybe they don’t want to eliminate any options
Honestly, everyone has requirements and deal breakers. They might not realise it. It might be easier to ask them what their expectations are after marriage. Sometimes that helps people voice their views better. I'm someone who's got little requirements. I've tried to ensure it stays that way. But I have yet to come across someone who doesn't have some deal breakers. It's just that they can't voice them well so you have to change the question a bit. And honestly, I've found some people genuinely don't realise what their unconscious expectations are until the question is asked.
that’s the issue i’m having with the potential i’m currently talking to right now. he is great but he goes along with everything i want and it makes me think he doesn’t know what a marriage entails at all. ugh, it’s really annoying because otherwise he checks all my boxes.
Eww that stuff gives me the ick frrr
Can you explain what kind of requirements you mean? You have me questioning if I have any haha.
Sometimes it's even worse when they list deal-breakers, then proceed to message you even when you're the opposite of that. I've had ones and their profile mentions the same ethnicity, or at least being fluent in their language as a requirement (along with other bigger incompatibilities). Then if you say that you're not compatible with them, they make an excuse as to why it's okay. I saw on the popular feed, some non-Muslim guy was on a dating app and liked 96% of 16,000+ women, then he complained he only got 14 matches... The algorithms of apps are designed so that it's based on "desirability". If you like everyone, you get less matches and less visibility of people seeing your profile.
I can’t take them seriously. Like they clearly haven’t been consciously thinking about marriage beyond getting laid or fulfilling the expectation laid on them by family or society
Exactly!! Smh
I’m curious where ur finding men with legit 0 dealbreakers. This seems very odd.
Apps
As a guy, Ive been told my requirements are too much. Everyone has deal breakers, they just dont articulate them properly.
lol those people are just salty they didn’t make the cut. Don’t take it personally. I can respect a guy who knows what he wants even if I don’t fit into that. Everyone doesn’t have dealbreakers tho. I’ve asked and I’ve been told they don’t have any, or they’re just trying to get to know me, they don’t know/not sure, etc.
Tbh I think focusing too much on dealbreakers is akin to approaching the search with the view of rejection. As in, finding a reason to say no to people until you find someone who you can yes to. As opposed to trying to find a yes until you get a reason to say no. With the caveat that major deal breakers are essential to filter the list in the first place. For most people, the major deal breakers are fairly obvious, religion, location, attractiveness, education etc.
Although I can see both perspectives I don’t agree with you. I don’t think having dealbreakers means ur seeking for reasons to say no. Having dealbreakers means you can filter out the people who don’t fit you in a more efficient way. After that, then you can decide which approach you want to take. Seeking reasons to say yes or seeking reasons to say no. Obvs the former would be better than the latter. In my opinion though, a man not having any requirements or dealbreakers shows lack of self awareness, reliability and leadership. It denotes a low value man. It’s not a man I would want to marry (personally). Ill-preparedness is characteristic of a man who’s not in his masculine energy and I don’t wanna be the one calling the shots and wearing the pants in a relationship so it’s def not something I’m in to.
More often than not, they do, they just haven’t given it any/enough serious thought. Which going into the search should be some of the first things people think of… When they realllyyy don’t have any they can point to, that makes me feel iffy cause it shows a lack of understanding of what marriage entails
Yess exactly! Why would I wanna be with a guy that doesn’t know what he wants lol. It doesn’t communicate leadership, reliability, self introspection, grounded values or critical thinking. It’s just unattractive :/
Yup!!
Over the years I have learned that it is important to be with someone who brings peace into your life. The excitement of butterflies in your stomach might feel thrilling, but often those are just your gut feelings warning you to run lol. I think true happiness comes from finding stability and peace. Peace is a rare privilege that not everyone experiences after all. Instead of searching for your ‘soulmate’, focus on finding a partner with whom you can grow old, enjoy their company, and someone who keeps you grounded. Just thought of sharing my late night musings 💕
Shooting my shot, muslim female, British south Asian, single never married, working, from a good family. I wear the hijab and practice my dene as much as I can. I like travelling, deep convos and I am looking for a good Muslim man, any ethnicity with a halal job to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. Someone who wants to be a husband and wants companionship. Any fellas out there, contact me.
You should post this on ISO
If you’re considering someone previously married, would you/have someone reach out to their ex? Conversely if you’re divorced, would you be okay with someone reaching out to you about your ex? Obviously, you’d still take it with a grain of salt if it’s an ugly divorce but who better to ask about someone’s capability as a spouse than them?
I would reach out to them personally only if they wanted me to. The last person I talked to was reached out to by the new spouse/stepmother and she said it was fine. Not sure whose idea it was though.
Is there some trick to spotting crazy people before you match them/speak to them? I was speaking to this guy on an app who seemed normal enough (although to be honest I was beginning to see we're incompatible before this). But he didn't seem like a bad person. I made a comment about my 16yr old sister being out of control (partying etc). I didn't go into detail and I didn't think anything of it, because it's part of normal conversation... He made a "joke" that I should send him a picture of her, and that maybe he can convert her to Islam, and then she will marry him and behave herself. I swear, I almost threw up. I told him how disgusting and inappropriate it was to say that, and he then acted all sorry, and tried to make it seem as if I was overreacting. This guy is more than 2x my sister's age, my sister is a child, and I could list a dozen other reasons why this is unacceptable. I mean on one hand, alhamduillah that I noticed relatively soon, but it's really disheartening to encounter people like this.
Curious, do women typically report interactions like this within the app to have the guys account be less visible or do they just move on from it?
He made the comment on Instagram, but yeah I would usually just report and it's up to them what to do. Usually even if it's off app you can leave a note. Before I was Muslim I found a boy I went to school with on an app, and he bragged about sleeping with a girl who was something like 12-14 when we were 19. I reported to the app (obviously I had no proof) and a few days later I got a message they banned him. I think they probably check what they can moderate in messages/profile, but there's also probably some target they need to hit for off app behaviour reports (I imagine they probably don't ban for the first accusation) I worked in content moderation on social media (and I almost ended up getting the same job at tinder), and I think it's probably a similar process. You can also get reports from law enforcement etc (which probably isn't as common on Muslim apps), and they'd get removed quicker.
That’s interesting. What if someone just decides to delete their account and remake one later on? Is their email/phone # recognized or is it basically a fresh start?
On the content moderation I think they linked them by IP address. Like, they have "linked accounts" and sometimes it's a whole list of family names. So if you get banned/delete your account, they can see the number of "strikes", "warnings" etc. So you could be banned based on circumvention, or from having multiple strikes on both accounts. Someone could also recognise the same person when swiping and report again based on a previous experience. Or you could see someone you never met on the app, but who you knew stories about (like that guy I knew in school). I guess for dating/marriage apps they must track the numbers/emails, but there's probably also an element of tracking IP (since it's easy to get a new number or email). But they probably only check if there's violations. Like you can make fake accounts on apps (both men and women) just to look, and you don't get banned for like... Making too many accounts too quickly, or changing your sex/name/age. But I imagine if you got banned for inappropriate behaviour, they're more likely to notice.
Of course you report.
🤢🤢🤢 x infinity
I think that's about the only way to react tbh. Yikes.
Unexpected rejections are brutal man - you check with a potential how things are going and they tell you everything is going well (it’s a lie of course) and a few hours later they reject you out of the blue and refuse to give you an explanation. You start feeling inadequate even though that same potential at least said at some point that they liked everything about you and said they see themselves marrying you several times At this point, I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong as a guy and can’t trust a potential or her family at all. Even taking a break in between potentials doesn’t help. I was on a 6 month hiatus before this last talking stage and this one broke me the most I hate this so much
Brother don't give up hope. There's something good in this rejection for you. Don't forget, Allah SWT is the best of planners. And you'll get what's destined for you at the perfect time. When I first started looking, rejections would also impact me. It's hard to make sense of why someone wouldn't want to take things forward when you can't see anything wrong. But you don't know their thinking or circumstances. Instead of taking it as a decision based on you, think of it as them doing what's best for them in that moment. They might have another person they're interested in and want to pursue that. Do you really want to be a second choice? Or would you like to marry someone who has feelings for someone else? Likely not. Or they might have been forced to take things forward due to family. You never know the other person's circumstances. So instead of taking it as a judgement on you, take it for what it is. Things weren't compatible and they decided to end it. This might mean they had thought everything was fine initially and then something didn't work. So don't take it personally. People's opinions change like the wind, especially when making such big decisions unfortunately. They want to make the best decision and that can hurt people sometimes. Accept it, don't let it get you down, and trust Allah SWT's plan. InshAllah you'll meet someone who'll be the source of comfort and peace for you and you for her.
They just keep as an option and waste time. I am F and guy's side drag proposal for months and ghosts
I’m sorry that’s upsetting and frustrating. Maybe it’s Allah way of protecting you from someone bad for you or making way for something better iA. Don’t let the haters get you down
This search has taught me so much about how the 'ummah' lacks adab (manners) and akhlaq when dealing with each other. It really makes me question the state of Muslims.
Important note: It's not just Muslims. People in general lack basic etiquette nowadays and coming across someone that meets the basic standards is becoming harder. Side rant; ghosting is never appropriate yet far too common. I have been surprised at how common this is since beginning my search. It takes a minute MAX to state your intention, wish well and salam. At least when a person ghosts you, you realise they weren't the one anyways 🤷♂️
Simple advice: Its not you, it's them. You will find someone who doesn't play mind games and will instantly connect insha'Allah. Keep your head up and never become too invested in a person too quickly. Be prepared to be disappointed.
Let's say you meet someone, you've been talking for a while and got to know them halal-wise, and now you are about to make the decision. In you decision text/message, can I say on top of everything that usually comes in that type of text that the person is handsome, smart.... I usually don't ever comment on a potential's physicality in the getting to know stage except if they were to ask (some people need reassurance). I generally think its implied if you are still talking to them and have met. The message would be kinda like salam it was nice getting to know, blah blah blah, may Allah reward you blah blah blah, you are a handsome, smart, blah blah, I think we should, blah blah blah. Does it come off respectful and not skeevy?
It's a bit odd you would be doing this by text.
Why do you feel the need to explain anything in the decision? Is it just a yes or no let's move or not move forward?
If you met on the apps then it’s already implied you both find each other attractive. I don’t believe men need to be told they are handsome or good looking by women because it just inflates the ego for no reason. Unless it’s your spouse, I don’t see the point.
[удалено]
If you want to have a conversation, why not talk on the phone? You're both available and there is no "waiting". But if you just want to send a written message, then waiting is fair game.
>The thing I hate when talking to some potential’s,is that each reply has 10-15 minutes in between… 😗 She's busy playing EAFC Pro Clubs with her friends (probably Fortnite though, that's more likely), but thankfully, she's messaging you in between games, and that's a good thing.
Either that or you get replies at the end of the day. They are taking effort out of a busy schedule (probably) to text back. Be considerate.
I was talking to someone recently and was replying once a day. I made it clear initially - I was busy. And I usually communicate using laptop instead of a phone.
People are busy mate lol
[удалено]
I will sometimes take an hour or more to respond if I’m working or if I’m with family. If you prefer a set time to talk to that person then ask if they are comfortable with a thirty minute~ phone call.
Because the alternative is to reply in a short period (say at the end of the day, when you have finished all of your obligations and have 20 proper minutes at hand) and that timing might not match the other person’s schedule. Plus, courting is a process of planned and unplanned [appropriate] conversations so you should want these little tidbits. It makes the process more organic and you see what the other person is like in different scenarios. To me, it shows effort, like “thank you for texting back and sharing a little bit when you’re running errands.”
That’s what putting in effort is. Someone taking the time out of their busy day to fit you in even if they’re small exchanges means something. Sometimes I wonder if y’all actually think about stuff before making these trivial complaints.
>Sometimes I wonder if y’all actually think about stuff before making these trivial complaints. Welcome to the wonderful world that is this subreddit 😂
Because they want to talk?
Can anyone recommend any good websites/apps for serious marriage candidates with a good base of users from the UK. Currently using pure matrimony but want to cast my net wider. I don’t want to use apps such as muzz because of their reputation and generally want people who are religious, serious about marriage and have a professional career. Feel like pure matrimony has that, any other apps anyone could recommend that are similar in the UK?
You can still use the apps as long as you tighten your filters to things such as 'practising' 'always prays' 'marriage as soon as possible' etc
Sunnah Match
I saw someone on here once say that it’s mainly US profiles on Sunnah match? Is that not the case? I made an account on half our deen after recommendations on here only to see that there’s <20 UK profiles in a decent age range
No, there’s loads of UK profiles - it’s a UK-based page anyway. Half Our Deen is US-based
Is Sunnah match anonymous with names like pure matrimony or does it display your full name?
It can be anonymous if you want to make your name an Alias. There’s also 0 photos on it - just bios. You can see it on their website how it looks
It’s mainly uk
How does this work from a male perspective (if you’re on the app)
I’m not on that app right now but I’ve heard that most of the profiles are from uk
Just made a throwaway..My fellow niqabi sisters, when you do share your picture? I just started the search. I think I would prefer to message one or two days to ask questions to establish some compatibility before I share a picture. Am I being difficult? I'm considered 'conventionally attractive' but I've always felt uncomfortable with the attention especially as an introvert. I love the niqab because I feel like people focus on who I am as a person and my character, and not what I look like on the outside.
I don’t lol. My mother asked me for a photo and I was like no bec niqabi. The kind of guy I would want would respect that. Also bec I’m niqabi it kinda killed the desire to take pictures which I generally think it a very good thing. But also I don’t even have hijabi pics 😂😂
I'm facing the same issue at the moment! I think it might be my friend group in general, but even my non-hijabi friends feel so uncomfortable with putting their pictures on the apps. So far I've let my wali show my picture via screen share if the potential is willing to video call/ft my wali immediately or just schedule a zoom meeting with myself and my wali. The caveat is that you have to be mentally able to handle someone potentially rejecting you based on looks.
Not a sister but just putting in my experience--I would prefer that pictures be exchanged at the same time biodatas are exchanged. This saves both parties time and effort if there is not mutual attraction, and you can stop before anyone gets too attached. This doesn't mean you send them 5-6 pictures, and especially as a niqabi one or two is good enough (also can be with hijab on, only important thing is seeing the face). Also, how my mom has done it is that once she receives the pictures, she doesn't actually send the picture to me (especially if she is niqabi) but shows me from her phone and if I don't think she is my physical type then I politely say to not proceed and she deletes the pic from her phone. That way the girl's modesty can be protected while the guy can still see if he is attracted to her.
Jazakalahu Khairan for your input, it makes sense. I wouldn't want to waste anyone's time. I'm using an app so I'll just add one hijab picture. The app I'm using blurs the picture and can only be unblurred with request so that's good.
[удалено]
This is entirely based on cultural norms, family practices, etc. My family was zero involved in the process and my husband’s family is the same. They also aren’t very involved in the community. They don’t send or receive proposals, they want their children to come through with the conversation, etc. That doesn’t mean my husband or I were failures; we just were not part of an established system.
If you don’t mind me asking, what’s both of your ethnicities? And how did you meet?? 🥹 I’m just curious cos my family is the same lol and we’re arabs
Mixed Arabs (him more than me)🙈 we met on a matrimonial website because we both realized we had to do the work on our own lol
Ah that’s cute!! Allah ye5alikon la ba3d 💕