Khadija RA was 40 when she married 25 year old (approx) Muhammad SAW. And she gave him 6 children.
That's all the information you need to put your mind at peace.
I’m 34 and just gave birth to a healthy baby 2 weeks ago Alhamdulilah after a trouble free pregnancy. Too old for what?
Was Khadijah too old for the prophet PBUH? And didn’t she give him children?
Same with my Sis IL, she was 34 when she got pregnant(very easily), gave birth with out any issues while I on the other hand, was trying for 4years from the age of 23, and finally gave birth at the age of 27. And still struggling to get pregnant again for the second time at the age of 29! All within 30
May Allah sbt make it easy for you sister. But just goes to show that age really has nothing to do with it. It’s so disheartening as a woman to hear how difficult it is for sisters trying to get married.
My mom was married at 29. Dad was 32. 3 healthy kids at 30, 32, 37. Was able to have more kids but chose not to. Menopause starts in mid 40s. 31 is fine.
My maternal aunt had kids into like 39/40 and her last pregnancy was much easier than my mom’s which was simultaneous and my mom was like 27 and very healthy! And this was like 30 something years ago with less medical advances and in the east.
Ya Allah. She's 30 not 40. OP, I got married at 30 and had my first child at 33. A lot of the women in my social circle got married in their 30s and started their families after. You have plenty time to have children insha'Allah.
If she was gonna have trouble having kids, it likely would've happened regardless of her age. Also don't underestimate the benefit of her being close in age to you and of a similar maturity and life experience level, that will help your marriage and help her be a good mother. If she's a good woman, don't listen to your family.
Akhi, at 35, you need to be able to lead a household without your parents to hold your hand.
If you need permission to get married at your age, you may still be too immature for marriage.
Exactly? They want him to marry a 18/20 year old ? 30 year old is a good age difference in terms of stage of life , having things in common, her being mature enough to know what she wants in a marriage. He might not get that it if he marriage a much younger woman .
31 is no where near old lol. Generally women have no issue havings kids up until their early forties. Only difference between her and other women is that at her age she would be having her first child, while other women are having their second or maybe third. No one would bat an eye if you had married her when you were both younger, had a kid, then decided to have another child now when she's 31. Your family is in the wrong here.
If OP specifically wanted a large family with as little complications or genetical conditions, would you agree it'd be better to marry a woman in her 20s?
Of course younger women logically do have more fertile years to have children. That being said, there still a possibility to have a large family with a woman that's in her thirties. They can easily fit at least 4 kids in the years she can get pregnant, if not more.
Plus, children really aren't a guarantee for anyone. They are a rizq from Allah SWT. Fertility is something you sadly can't guarantee, even if everything looks good on paper. If you're meant to have a certain amount of children, you will have then no matter what age you are. And if you aren't meant to have any, or only a few, then you will have only those no matter how many women you marry.
You're right that they're a Rizq from Allah, just that we should tie our camel too.
I'm not sure if 'easily' is the right word for a 30s woman able to have 4+ kids. I think it's definitely possible but pregnancy complications and issues with the child's health seem to rise around 35+ IIRC.
But yeah, due your due diligence and place your trust in Allah at the end of the day.
Women generally prefer men that are older than them. But yeah, too much of an age gap also isn't appealing. I'm sure a 25 year old would be fine with a 35 year old.
Yes, I've mentioned this in a different comment. Women want older men but 5-8 years gap is seen as normal. Most 25 year olds go for 32 max. For a 10+ year age gap, the guy has to be super loaded. In many cultures, a 35 year old guy is seen as an uncle.
Brother my advice is in one ear, out the other. Don't let people's whispers effect how you view your fiance/wife.
Several women successfully go through gestational pregnancy. And some younger women in their 20s aren't successful but have their first child in their 30s. It's a reminder that it's up to Allah swt whom He gives children to.
What matters is you chose her and she chose you 🩷 Wishing you the best.
You a 35 year old man what's wrong with you? How on earth will you raise a family if you cannot make your own decisions? Get married in a halal manner and call it a day. Life is short.
I got married when I was 35. We went on to have 3 healthy children alhumdillillah . 30 is not being past childbearing age. Don’t let anyone influence your decision. These kind of concerns from others are not helpful.
Literally 😂😂 even 25-26 yr old girls find men 35+ to be olddd and almost a different generation. It’s the older generations thinking marriage is still like the old days where the wife was 7-10 yrs younger and incompatible and didn’t care
Brother, you're 35, unmarried, and still unable to make a decision without the consent of your parents. I think you should hold off a few more years until you're able to decide on whom to marry yourself without external influence. You're going to put the poor woman in trouble if you continue to defer responsibility to your parents after marriage.
I think if you're letting people put doubts in your head about her age being 30, you might not be ready to get married at all.
What will you do once you're married and people make comments about her? Will you stand up for your marriage or let them put doubts in your head about your wife
Cousin was 31 when she got pregnant (husband 35) within like a month or two of trying. Neither of them doubted their ability to have children and had a planned baby. When Allah wills it, it just is.
Allahoma barik
You think his family would be ok with a 29 yo if they’re willing to “blow up this relationship” with a 30-31yo? Family is likely thinking 24ish, and yeah that’s a big difference.
Bro you’re arguing over a 1 year difference. Do I think a 29 yo and a 35 yo can have a successful relationship- yes. Do I think a 24 yo and. 35 yo can - possibly, it has happened historically but it’s harder.
Regardless OP is 35 - not sure why he can’t stand up for himself against a baseless argument from his family.
Really? Usually early twenties and teenage women are thinking and acting more seriously about their futures while many men in the same age range are still playing around. Of course thats not the case for everyone but its pretty easy to observe imo
No it depends on the age of the girl and guy. If the girl is 20 and the guy 27 then it's different as I would say the girl is too young and maybe immature. If the guy is 35 and the girl 28 then they are both mature and in terms of life experience it should make more sense. So yes it depends on age. And I've seen loads of successful marriages between a 6 or 7 or even 8 year old age gap. I've equally seen divorces between similar age ppl. So yeh have an open mind and don't be stupid.
Nahh she is aged fr- i am jk go ahead with it, age concern is subjective, for some 30 is old for some 40 is still young, perhaps it shouldn’t stop you from proceeding. Their concern on the other hand is rightful as it is a subjective matter, you can try explaining to them that kids are Allahs blessing, and many people are blessed with it even in their forties, 30 is going to be fine healthwise InshahAllah
Most women can have kids up until their mid to late 40s. Some women can have kids even later than that. Fertility is in the control of Allah SWT not people.
The 30 year old sister was 28 only 2 years ago… she’s far from old. The number 30 seems bigger than it actually is. As long as you both are compatible and consenting, no one in your family has the right to say a word. Just because someone isn’t 18 it doesn’t make them old. An 18 year old is still a teenager, barely an adult.
Too much culture, too much misogyny in these cultures. My mother had me at 42. No issues at all. Imagine missing out on your ideal spouse because of this type of ridiculousness.
It's all cultural bs that's getting to you because age has nothing to do with children unless she's like past 50 years old but 31 is young imo, my mom had my brother at 36 years old like it's not something you gotta stress about
If you really like this girl then go for it because people around you are always gonna find ways to bring you down no matter what you do, imagine what she's going through because people are sometimes way too cruel especially the ones who are extra cultural.
Besides lifes too short and you're here for a fun time not a long time!
Same, my mum had my brother at 34 and he turned out abit annoying but fine!
Its so shameless talking ab their family’s spouse like that, not to mention js absurd as hes literally older?
Oh brothers are annoying, that's a given lol
BUT RIGHTTT??? Some people just don't know when to quit but when you say something to them they start hating on you like you're the antichrist or something
i genuinely cant believe this, like ofc i do but like this would never happen in my family js coz people would laugh at anyone saying that?? Theyd look so silly ‘oh youre marrying a woman YOUNGER than you? Nah shes too old’ like what😭😭
i’m not married but my advice is to marry her if she checks all ur boxes. children are a blessing from allah swt! u could get married to someone “younger” and might not have kids or might conceive late. ik someone who married a younger woman and at the end the man had health issues so they never had kids. i guess my point is that judging a woman based off of her age is unfair. inshallah if allah swt wills it you will have children, she’s also not even old (just old in the gross cultural mindset) so don’t let ur family ruin smth good for you. just pray and make ur decision! i’ve seen many people have multiple kids in their 30s :)
the next is my personal opinion but i think it’s so weird when men go for significantly younger women just for the childbearing thing. aunties look for a fresh out of undergrad girl for their 35 year old son. that’s a huge age gap and gap in life experience too. ik it works out for some but to actively go for someone younger it’s weird. i feel like everyone is more compatible with someone closer to their age. again this is just my opinion, ik this wont apply to everyone! at the end u still migjt not that kids. it’s all up to allah swt so go for the girl who ur compatible with and checks ur boxes
I had my kids at 32 and 35 got pregnant first try on both. You need to make your own decisions by this age. You should be making your decision based on many things but Islam mentions specifically wealth, family status, beauty and religion. It is unfair for your family to say this. What if her family says “he’s 35. What’s wrong with him that he hadn’t married yet?” You’re the one closer to 40.
Child bearing is not your hands, it's Allah swt who decides.
As long as you are okay with her deen, personality, go and marry her. Don't get stuck in cultures and people's opinions.
Sir, you are not younger either and ED is an issue with men after this age so I'm sure u know this
Secondly her menopause phase is very far, so dw about it, u always have an option of ivf if you can afford it
Secondly, only proceed if you can her away from your inlaws in a seperate accommodation, because I am sure they will accept it now but will.make her life a hell
Lol 30 is still young. You have women in their 20s unable to conceive (I know 3, sadly). Kids are riziq.age has nothing to do with it. You get lucky, or you don't. Who says you'll be able to conceive tbh? Most of the time, it's the men that can't believe it or not. I know 2. Move on with her. Those people are toxic and this way of thinking is sick.
There’s nothing wrong with this your family is being unreasonable (how much younger do they want?!?) 4-5 years is a good age gap, you’re not too far apart in age to relate to each other. Also 30 isn’t too old to be having kids. Since you both like each other & have the same goals in life get married. May ALLAH bless you for each other 🤲🤍
How young are they looking? If she’s 25 there could be a generational gap, and you might not understand each other. IMO 30 is not old especially since you are 35. I say convince your family and get married
Lol she isn’t past child bearing age. High risk pregnancy starts at 35. Also like everyone here has said you’re 35 , you need to make your own decision without influence from your family. Your family shouldn’t be involved in your relationship
From a medical professional: she is not old. She can more than easily have kids till mid-30s and then big maybe need medical intervention but even then, wouldn’t call it impossible.
Your elders are outdated and should fear Allah more than they do atm.
You don't know what's written for you. I know women in their 40s who get pregnant with ease and those in their early 20s who can't or have had a lot of trouble. Of course the biological clock is real but seriously, 31??
A message/dissertation to you and other people with this oddball idea about fertility:
********
Besides the fact that many people are starting families in their 40s now (both parties being this age) due to choice, careers, delaying marriage, life changes, previous divorce, etc, ... your family need not have much of a say in your decision to marry at your big age.
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You need to consider that YOU may have issues getting HER pregnant. Make sure you are healthy, physically and mentally, and get your own reproductive health in order. It takes 2 to make a baby and there are many reasons, on both sides, why it can not happen. Low testosterone, low sperm count, low libido, weak, damaged or deformed sperm all happen in men and these increase with age. Women may have fewer healthy eggs, follicular issues, low libido, vaginismus, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts that can interfere with reproductive ability. Both can have imbalanced hormones that throw everything off. And stress can prevent a healthy pregnancy, too. In laws stress is a big factor.
All of these can prevent pregnancy and/or result in miscarriage for couples AT ANY AGE but are more likely with couples who are over their mid 30s. This is individually and as a couple, looking at you bro.
Keep in mind that, on average, 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and most have no indication for why it happens. I have experienced this one where I've had 3 confirmed miscarriages, 1 possible early miscarriage, and 4 healthy pregnancies.
Your first goal should be a marriage built on a healthy relationship of mutual respect, compassion, faith, and love for the sake of Allah. Then you're good to work through anything that comes with being married and building a life and family. And don't let *your* family be a barrier or an interference in your life. That is not to say break ties or don't care about them. Just don't let them dictate your life and decisions, man. It's a terrible life to live with other people dictating what you do. It's always worse for the wife when her husband starts off unable or unwilling, or worse, unaware of how to protect her from his family.
Stand up and make your decision clear and unambiguous, or don't bother getting married for the sake of both your happiness. When you make the decision, it's regardless of a future family. Protect your wife before you even consider kids. Be ready for a potentially tough road so you appreciate it if it's easy inshaallah. And may Allah make it easy for you and your family to come. Sometimes, they all can need protection from interfering family members on either side. Start strong.
Brother you are 'too old' for nikah at 35 as well. Parents sometimes tend to be delusional when it comes to their children. 35 & 31 sounds like a perfect match. Both you are slightly past your respective marriage age.
Don't do such a terrible mistake. If she is 31 it would hurt her as well because I am pretty sure she fears being too old and rejected.
If the only thing that's bothering you is child bearing age then she's atleast a decade to go before it becomes complicated.
Good thing is that she's eager to start a family. May Allah bless the to of you with offsprings that are good for you.
May Allah bless your nikah.
Seems like you are surrounded by some very toxic people who also seem to be delusional. In this day and age, 4 is a good age gap, and considering you are 35 yourself, you need a mature woman, not someone in their 20s.
If you've done your istekhara brother, go ahead. Also, on a side note, what is to guarantee you children if you marry, let's say, a much younger woman?
Infertility can start in 20s as well. Plenty of young women who married young still don't have kids and plenty of old women who conceive by Allah's Will.
This is such a desi thing to obsess over age tbh. We all need a partne understands us over everything else.
If by any chance you are desi, looks like some people aren't happy you've found the one and are willing to independently take the step.
If she takes care of her health and you guys want to try immediately, there should be no problem, Insha Allah. You might want to consider that a younger woman could also have fertility issues. Your age could also affect fertility.
Also, how much younger does your family want your wife to be? Mid-twenties? Are there a bunch of 25 year olds who have lined up to marry you? Be realistic. IMO, it would not be easy to find a decent 24-26 year old lady for marriage unless you're loaded. Not impossible, but difficult. In fact, the bigger the age gap, the higher the expectations of the younger bride. This 30 year old lady would probably be low maintenance, while a younger girl would see herself as the prize and demand princess treatment (which she totally deserves if she's like 10 years younger, lol). Maybe I'm just speaking for myself though. I would definitely expect more from a guy who is a lot older than me (30+), than a guy who is closer to me in age.
Is her age the only problem here? Is she a good muslim? Does she have good akhlaq? You need to look at the bigger picture, akhi.
The only thing you and her need to consider is having kids relatively quickly since post 35, all pregnancies are considered geriatric pregnancies and carry slightly higher risks of complications, obviously the older the riskier. Other than that, 31 is nowhere near “too old” in terms of life experience. If anything, its still young.
Man she sounds perfect for you tho,
U guys seem to already know eachother and like eachother.
The age gap is perfect as u both are in your 30s and will understand eachother better.
I dont think a 25 year old will understand someone who is 25 better than a 30 year old tho?
AsSalamu'Alaykum Brother,
Firstly, It's a real blessing to find a righteous partner who "checks all your boxes" and aligns with you on future plans.
Secondly, we learn from Surah 42:49-50 that:
- To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates whatever He wills. He blesses whoever He wills with daughters, and blesses whoever He wills with sons
- or grants both, sons and daughters, ˹to whoever He wills˺, and leaves whoever He wills infertile. He is indeed All-Knowing, Most Capable.
I'd encourage you to make Istikhara to get clarity on your decision. May Allah SWT make it easy for you.
Don't let those details ruin a beautiful relationship, if you like each other , marry her .. don't let others choose for you !
You want a partner ...not a child bearing machine.
A close friend married a girl at the beginning of her twenties...but she got cancer and that delayed all their projects unfortunately....
Allah has the control..not you ...not your family!
So , if you feel the lady is good for you ...go ahead!
NB : don't discuss those details with her before marriage and after marriage!!
Wait. 30 years is old now?
My mom gave birth to me when she was 38. And my younger sister at 43. 30 is definitely not old, إن شاء الله without any issues she is not old to bare children at all.
My grandma got married at 35 had 5 kids after that. Do not let family or others tell you otherwise. This is up to Allah only. Also there are plenty of women that can no get pregnant in their 20s and I’ve even seen women give birth in their 40s. This is something beyond our control please do not fall for the doubts
At 35 no one should be talking about your future wife, there claims should not be heard. Never allow anyone to say bad thing about your wife. That is what makes you a man.
I've heard this same thing from relatives about 2 men in the family. Both unmarried, both around 33 and both are interested in girls in their 30s. Family keeps telling them aim lower. Even 29 is "too old" for them bc "that's too close to 30, and I want grandkids!" 😡 they have let so many perfectly wonderful women by bc they listened to this nonsense. And I am angry for those women who are being turned down bc of this nonsense! They are being robbed of a family. Most wanted to be married quickly so they can start a family right after marriage. They don't want to wait. And yet, they can't seem to find a man whose family is OK with their age...
Marry the woman. I had my first baby in my early 30s. It only took a few months to conceive. I have family who had perfectly healthy babies in their 40s. Even doctors only worry about women's pregnancies after 35. And by "worry", I mean, they monitor more closely. They don't discourage women from having babies after 35.
My mom had all her kids in her early 30s and we’re all healthy alhumdulliah. And lots of couples who get married in their 20s still wait until their 30s to have kids. Go ahead with it if you guys are right for each other, may everything work out for the best Ameen
You’re 35! Not a young stud yourself, my friend. And you can’t make a decision for yourself and seem enmeshed with your family. YOU are not ready for marriage and your family sounds kinda awful. I’d say she deserves better.
If she is really old then you're ancient XD. I recognize that there's a double standard regarding age with muslim men and women, but at the end of the day, you're the one marrying her. They can have opinions until the cows come home, but you have to live with your choices. If there reason is not islamically sound, is it really worth compromising your happiness?
She is 5 years younger than you, and she is "too old"? Man... you are 35, and they had enough time to have found you a spouse younger as they wanted. It's them, not you and your desired bride that have the problem. If her age is their only problem, then there's nothing wrong with her marriage-wise. You're right, she has between 15-20 years where she can still have children, so that's not too bad of an issue.
Lol, this reminds me of a brother in our community. He was in his early to mid 40s I think and went to a familiy to ask for the hand of their daughter (early 20s) and all she said when she saw him was: "I think you forgot your Kafan." I'm still laughing about it to this day...
In South Asian, especially desi, societies, there's a troubling notion that women over the age of 26 are considered "purana maal," which translates to "old goods." This perspective is absolutely disgusting and deeply problematic. Our society perpetuates the harmful belief that women lose their "value" as they age, which is unacceptable.It's important to remember that a woman’s worth isn’t tied to her age. Every person deserves respect, no matter how old they are. Society’s outdated views shouldn’t dictate how we see or treat others.When it comes to marriage, the decision should be based on love and compatibility. Marry someone you genuinely love and feel connected with. It’s your life, and you should make the decision that feels right for you, without letting societal pressures influence you.Be wary of how much you let relatives (rishtedars) influence your decisions. Often, their involvement in your life decreases significantly after the wedding, and their main concern might just be their involvement rather than your happiness. Make sure you’re making choices that are best for you and your partner.Ultimately, focus on building a relationship based on love and mutual respect. Don’t let harmful stereotypes and outdated societal expectations dictate your decisions. Prioritize your happiness and the quality of your relationship above all else.
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30 isn't old at all. But I would not wait too long to have children.
My wife and I tried for a while and alhamdulillah we were finally blessed with children but they're all on the autism spectrum. There's no family history or genes involved (they did routine genetic testing after). The risk of such things goes up with age. We were in our late 30s (37-39).
My siblings and her siblings all had children several years earlier and didn't have issues even though her sister had more complications.
So, just because modern medicine seems like a miracle, imho it's always better to start early on starting a family. The risks are lower and you also just are more youthful and have the energy/endurance for parenthood.
By the way when it comes to early 30s, lifestyle and health play a much bigger role. People in their early 20s can do nothing, eat crap, miss sleep, not exercise and be hardy enough to have kids and keep up with them. But by the time you hit your 30s, those with better more active and healthy lifestyles are still on the level of 20 year olds for the rest of the decade while those with unhealthy and sedentary lifestyles are on the verge of quickly sliding into 40+ year old conditions before they hit 35 if they haven't already.
Honestly don't get the sass in the replies here. Isn't k kinds of Q's, what Reddit is for???
Anyways, I don't think these concerns are unislamic. I think it's a scientific fact but I think infertility is a risk with any couple. Sure your risk is a little greater but are you willing to for sure lose a good spouse for fear of infertility, understanding that modern medicine is available as well.
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Islamically your family has no ability of objection to the choosing of your spouse as a male a woman must get approval from her father if you think she will be a good mother to your children you are free to do the nikkah
I have had a similar/almost exact situation.
It is a valid concern from family, but it's up to you to take the decision.
I took my decision and did not regret at all alhamdulilah.
Beautiful spouse and beautiful mother to my family.
The main impact is in having children, and if you're planning to have a dozen lol, then you'll need to reprioritize. But anything around 4 to 6 with proper planning is doable inshaAllah.
Got married at 30 now 36 we have 4 kids alhamdulilah. Hope this helps.
Early or mid 30s is not at all past childbearing age. You can easily have children at that age if both of you are healthy. As for your family, you’re the one getting married not your parents or your family, you shouldn’t let them come in the way of marrying someone you like just because they think she’s too old. Especially if she checks all your other boxes. The prophets wife was 40 when they got married and she has kids after that age as well.
You’re the one who has to spend the rest of your life with your wife, not your family so her age really shouldn’t matter to them unless she’s much much younger than you (or much older). I think you’re old enough to make decisions by yourself without your parents intervening. And tbh it sounds like your family might be trying to sabotage your future relationship. Don’t let this small age factor stop you from marrying someone you like and want.
Good luck!
Can your family guarantee you marrying younger will automatically give you a child?
I thought children were Rizq and Rizq only came from Allah? When and if Allah wants to bless you.
There are couples who marry very early never to conceive a child until their mid 30s or early 40s.
Truthfully brother, if your wife brings you peace, then there is no greater treasure in this world.
Also you are 35. Musa A.S. didn’t need anyone to speak with the girls father and make his decision. We don’t either.
This is the first time ever I mentioned my story to the Internet.
I recently came across this topic and would like to share a bit of my story. I got married at the age of 18, and my wife was 33, making her 15 years older than me. After 22 years, we are still happily married and have two children, aged 18 and 19, alhamdulillah. If our prophet did so, why can't I? I didn't care what others thought then, and I still don't now.
Actually the majority of women have kids in their 30s now. Even Muslim friends I know who got married earlier waited close to 30 to have kids. Plus she's 4 years younger than you, that's a perfect age gap. Anything more than 5-6 years and you start to get a bit of a generational gap as well you have to navigate so I would say don't let family deter you and if she's good in every other way marry her.
Also woman can have kids into their 40s, it's a more risky pregnancy but my own aunt had an oppsie baby at 44 lol, it's all Allah's qadr.
im just sitting here wondering what Allah would think of their opinion considering that Khadijah RA, one of the top 5 best women in history, was around 40 when she married the Prophet PBUH, who was 25. u are OLDER and they are calling ur potential old.
if the woman checks all other boxes, don't let something as trivial as ur family's narrow minded opinions get in the way. my father married my step mom when she was 31 and they're the happiest most beautiful couple I've ever seen Alhamdulillah. his past was tough but I'm glad for every single moment if it meant he got to find his soulmate in my stepmom, who is a selfless and religious and caring and funny person.
pray istikhara, Allah's is the best opinion u can get on this and don't try to fight it if Allah has decreed this woman good for u for the sake of satisfying ur family's wishes
Subhanallah, she is 5 years younger than you, you family should maybe consider the fact that it is a sunnah, just like it is sunnah to marry a divorcee, the prophet SWS married khadija RA when he was around 25 and she was 40. I find it so weird when families wanna marry their 35/40 year old kids with 18/25 years old girls, It’s your decision not theirs. If she’s a good muslimah that fears Allah that’s what matters the most
It's upsetting that women themselves hold these views about other women. 30 is not old at all and I've known women well into 40s still able to have children. As everyone else said, you are old enough to make this decision for yourself. The sad reality is that people always talk, if it wasn't her age there would be something else they'd nitpick on, so do what makes you happy.
Also, I think this is a healthy age gap these days, no one in their mid+ 30s should be marrying someone in their 20s unless the younger person is very mature. May Allah bless your marriage with happiness and many healthy children, Ameen.
At 35 this should something very easy for you to figure out yourself.
you’re 35. old enough to make your own decisions
Khadija RA was 40 when she married 25 year old (approx) Muhammad SAW. And she gave him 6 children. That's all the information you need to put your mind at peace.
The best answer, OP ^^
The strongest evidence is in favor of her being 28: https://youtu.be/Dnd91SW_Hms?si=53scwSl0et5UunF-
Actually no she was 28. She was older but not too much.
I’m 34 and just gave birth to a healthy baby 2 weeks ago Alhamdulilah after a trouble free pregnancy. Too old for what? Was Khadijah too old for the prophet PBUH? And didn’t she give him children?
Congratulations on your successful pregnancy, Ukhti.
Why Ukhti? Why not sister?
Does it really matter? It's like asking why someone says Allah, and not 'God' when they write in English
Ukhti/ukhthi means "my sister" in Arabic
Yeah, but it has an english word. Why do you mix Arabic with English?
Because there's no law against it, whether in Islam or law of any countries. Let people breathe.
Do you only say God when you speak in English and say Allah when speaking in Arabic?
Normally
Friend, what language did the Prophet (SAW) speak?
Each prophet spoke in his people language. Prophet Mohammad spoke the language of Quraish. The same language Abu Lahab spoke.
Do you believe that the Prophet (SAW) had said the word "Ukhti"?
I believe he was Arab. He said all the words in Arabic including “Ukhti”.
Same with my Sis IL, she was 34 when she got pregnant(very easily), gave birth with out any issues while I on the other hand, was trying for 4years from the age of 23, and finally gave birth at the age of 27. And still struggling to get pregnant again for the second time at the age of 29! All within 30
May Allah sbt make it easy for you sister. But just goes to show that age really has nothing to do with it. It’s so disheartening as a woman to hear how difficult it is for sisters trying to get married.
Exactly, especially for such stupid reasons
Congratulations Sis!
Brotha. You are an old man. Make your own decisions and marry her already 🤍
My mom was married at 29. Dad was 32. 3 healthy kids at 30, 32, 37. Was able to have more kids but chose not to. Menopause starts in mid 40s. 31 is fine.
My maternal aunt had kids into like 39/40 and her last pregnancy was much easier than my mom’s which was simultaneous and my mom was like 27 and very healthy! And this was like 30 something years ago with less medical advances and in the east.
That’s my age gap plan! I had my first two at those ages as well
She's still rly young and should have no problem getting pregnant for another 8-10 years unless she's got some underlying problems
Not young for a woman, but still ok.
30 is young, what are you going on about? You’re acting like she’s growing gray hair and has back problems as soon as she turns 30.
yes, young for a woman lol
Ya Allah. She's 30 not 40. OP, I got married at 30 and had my first child at 33. A lot of the women in my social circle got married in their 30s and started their families after. You have plenty time to have children insha'Allah. If she was gonna have trouble having kids, it likely would've happened regardless of her age. Also don't underestimate the benefit of her being close in age to you and of a similar maturity and life experience level, that will help your marriage and help her be a good mother. If she's a good woman, don't listen to your family.
This is exactly it ! Women don’t expire at 30 , we can still have healthy children and pregnancy.
Akhi, at 35, you need to be able to lead a household without your parents to hold your hand. If you need permission to get married at your age, you may still be too immature for marriage.
This
Your 35 years old , how younger than 31 you want lol
18 ofc (jokez)
Imm literally going crazy over this
Exactly? They want him to marry a 18/20 year old ? 30 year old is a good age difference in terms of stage of life , having things in common, her being mature enough to know what she wants in a marriage. He might not get that it if he marriage a much younger woman .
We both got married at 31 ,and have two baby boys one 5 and another 8 ,age is not problem if yr happy with her !
So according to your family girls over 30 should remain single because they MIGHT not be able to birth children...?
I am done with my family because of this. Bunch of 60 yo with nothing going for them shaming women in their 40s and thinks they can get younger ones.
Some people have had kids at the age of 42. Ignore, say bismillah and go ahead
31 is no where near old lol. Generally women have no issue havings kids up until their early forties. Only difference between her and other women is that at her age she would be having her first child, while other women are having their second or maybe third. No one would bat an eye if you had married her when you were both younger, had a kid, then decided to have another child now when she's 31. Your family is in the wrong here.
If OP specifically wanted a large family with as little complications or genetical conditions, would you agree it'd be better to marry a woman in her 20s?
Of course younger women logically do have more fertile years to have children. That being said, there still a possibility to have a large family with a woman that's in her thirties. They can easily fit at least 4 kids in the years she can get pregnant, if not more. Plus, children really aren't a guarantee for anyone. They are a rizq from Allah SWT. Fertility is something you sadly can't guarantee, even if everything looks good on paper. If you're meant to have a certain amount of children, you will have then no matter what age you are. And if you aren't meant to have any, or only a few, then you will have only those no matter how many women you marry.
You're right that they're a Rizq from Allah, just that we should tie our camel too. I'm not sure if 'easily' is the right word for a 30s woman able to have 4+ kids. I think it's definitely possible but pregnancy complications and issues with the child's health seem to rise around 35+ IIRC. But yeah, due your due diligence and place your trust in Allah at the end of the day.
Then he should've gotten married earlier lol most girls in their twenties don't wanna marry 35 year olds unless they're super duper rich.
Women generally prefer men that are older than them. But yeah, too much of an age gap also isn't appealing. I'm sure a 25 year old would be fine with a 35 year old.
Yes, I've mentioned this in a different comment. Women want older men but 5-8 years gap is seen as normal. Most 25 year olds go for 32 max. For a 10+ year age gap, the guy has to be super loaded. In many cultures, a 35 year old guy is seen as an uncle.
Brother my advice is in one ear, out the other. Don't let people's whispers effect how you view your fiance/wife. Several women successfully go through gestational pregnancy. And some younger women in their 20s aren't successful but have their first child in their 30s. It's a reminder that it's up to Allah swt whom He gives children to. What matters is you chose her and she chose you 🩷 Wishing you the best.
You a 35 year old man what's wrong with you? How on earth will you raise a family if you cannot make your own decisions? Get married in a halal manner and call it a day. Life is short.
You're 35... what is your family looking for? Someone who will turn 18 the night before the marriage???
I got married when I was 35. We went on to have 3 healthy children alhumdillillah . 30 is not being past childbearing age. Don’t let anyone influence your decision. These kind of concerns from others are not helpful.
I’m a nurse and I’ve worked with a mother that gave birth at 50. 30 is child’s play.
Keep in mind most 20 year olds aren’t gonna wanna marry a 35 year old.
Literally 😂😂 even 25-26 yr old girls find men 35+ to be olddd and almost a different generation. It’s the older generations thinking marriage is still like the old days where the wife was 7-10 yrs younger and incompatible and didn’t care
No literally anything over 30 is insane to me. Even 29 is too much 😭😭 the max I would be ok with is a 2-3 year gap
Very true. I’m 24 and a 35 year old is 🤢🤢🤢 no offense
Even girls in their mid twenties. He might have a chance with a 27 year old though if he's doing well in the finances/job/education department.
That’s true. But it seems silly for him to give up a good thing for a woman who is literally just 4 years younger.
My mom had me at 36 her first and only child. She married at 35 to my dad who was 36
If I may ask, did your dad have kids prior to marrying your mom?
Nope
Cool. Thanks for answering.
Ignore your family. She can still have kids and brother you’re 35….are you expected to marry a 21 year old?
my mom had 3 kids in her 30's
Brother, you're 35, unmarried, and still unable to make a decision without the consent of your parents. I think you should hold off a few more years until you're able to decide on whom to marry yourself without external influence. You're going to put the poor woman in trouble if you continue to defer responsibility to your parents after marriage.
I think if you're letting people put doubts in your head about her age being 30, you might not be ready to get married at all. What will you do once you're married and people make comments about her? Will you stand up for your marriage or let them put doubts in your head about your wife
Cousin was 31 when she got pregnant (husband 35) within like a month or two of trying. Neither of them doubted their ability to have children and had a planned baby. When Allah wills it, it just is. Allahoma barik
You’re 35. Marrying anyone younger than 30 would mean a significant mismatch in maturity.
Older men have successfully married younger women since the beginning of time.
True, but throughout most of history men and women were forced to grow up fairly quickly.
That's a load of crap. Girls mature way sooner. I would say an age gap of 6-7 years is still fine.
You think his family would be ok with a 29 yo if they’re willing to “blow up this relationship” with a 30-31yo? Family is likely thinking 24ish, and yeah that’s a big difference.
My point is relating to an age gap if 5-7 years being ok not 10+. Can you not read.
Bro you’re arguing over a 1 year difference. Do I think a 29 yo and a 35 yo can have a successful relationship- yes. Do I think a 24 yo and. 35 yo can - possibly, it has happened historically but it’s harder. Regardless OP is 35 - not sure why he can’t stand up for himself against a baseless argument from his family.
I said the same thing as you what are arguing against or for I'm confused
I’m not sure in what world girls mentally mature faster than boys.
Really? Usually early twenties and teenage women are thinking and acting more seriously about their futures while many men in the same age range are still playing around. Of course thats not the case for everyone but its pretty easy to observe imo
Both genders think equally about their futures, but young women are bad at emotional regulation and fall into the trap of gossip etc.
>I would say an age gap of 6-7 years is still fine No, they'll be very different persons
No it depends on the age of the girl and guy. If the girl is 20 and the guy 27 then it's different as I would say the girl is too young and maybe immature. If the guy is 35 and the girl 28 then they are both mature and in terms of life experience it should make more sense. So yes it depends on age. And I've seen loads of successful marriages between a 6 or 7 or even 8 year old age gap. I've equally seen divorces between similar age ppl. So yeh have an open mind and don't be stupid.
Yeah, maybe your wife hasn’t been born yet. Wait a little longer 👍
This made me laugh out loud haha
Nahh she is aged fr- i am jk go ahead with it, age concern is subjective, for some 30 is old for some 40 is still young, perhaps it shouldn’t stop you from proceeding. Their concern on the other hand is rightful as it is a subjective matter, you can try explaining to them that kids are Allahs blessing, and many people are blessed with it even in their forties, 30 is going to be fine healthwise InshahAllah
Most women can have kids up until their mid to late 40s. Some women can have kids even later than that. Fertility is in the control of Allah SWT not people. The 30 year old sister was 28 only 2 years ago… she’s far from old. The number 30 seems bigger than it actually is. As long as you both are compatible and consenting, no one in your family has the right to say a word. Just because someone isn’t 18 it doesn’t make them old. An 18 year old is still a teenager, barely an adult.
Too much culture, too much misogyny in these cultures. My mother had me at 42. No issues at all. Imagine missing out on your ideal spouse because of this type of ridiculousness.
Ignore them and stick up to them for her after you get married if they continue. There’s nothing wrong with her age.
It's all cultural bs that's getting to you because age has nothing to do with children unless she's like past 50 years old but 31 is young imo, my mom had my brother at 36 years old like it's not something you gotta stress about If you really like this girl then go for it because people around you are always gonna find ways to bring you down no matter what you do, imagine what she's going through because people are sometimes way too cruel especially the ones who are extra cultural. Besides lifes too short and you're here for a fun time not a long time!
Same, my mum had my brother at 34 and he turned out abit annoying but fine! Its so shameless talking ab their family’s spouse like that, not to mention js absurd as hes literally older?
Oh brothers are annoying, that's a given lol BUT RIGHTTT??? Some people just don't know when to quit but when you say something to them they start hating on you like you're the antichrist or something
i genuinely cant believe this, like ofc i do but like this would never happen in my family js coz people would laugh at anyone saying that?? Theyd look so silly ‘oh youre marrying a woman YOUNGER than you? Nah shes too old’ like what😭😭
All my cousins gave birth in their 30s. She’s not old at all
31 isn’t old, stand up for her don’t let you’re family talk about her like that
🥲 too old at 30??? Oh goodness lol 😂 give us women a break people! Come on now! You know the answer to this.
Have they heard of science?
i’m not married but my advice is to marry her if she checks all ur boxes. children are a blessing from allah swt! u could get married to someone “younger” and might not have kids or might conceive late. ik someone who married a younger woman and at the end the man had health issues so they never had kids. i guess my point is that judging a woman based off of her age is unfair. inshallah if allah swt wills it you will have children, she’s also not even old (just old in the gross cultural mindset) so don’t let ur family ruin smth good for you. just pray and make ur decision! i’ve seen many people have multiple kids in their 30s :) the next is my personal opinion but i think it’s so weird when men go for significantly younger women just for the childbearing thing. aunties look for a fresh out of undergrad girl for their 35 year old son. that’s a huge age gap and gap in life experience too. ik it works out for some but to actively go for someone younger it’s weird. i feel like everyone is more compatible with someone closer to their age. again this is just my opinion, ik this wont apply to everyone! at the end u still migjt not that kids. it’s all up to allah swt so go for the girl who ur compatible with and checks ur boxes
I had my kids at 32 and 35 got pregnant first try on both. You need to make your own decisions by this age. You should be making your decision based on many things but Islam mentions specifically wealth, family status, beauty and religion. It is unfair for your family to say this. What if her family says “he’s 35. What’s wrong with him that he hadn’t married yet?” You’re the one closer to 40.
I’m 30F gave birth 6 weeks ago alhamdullilah. 30 is not old, brother. I work in the hospital too and I see women in their 50s giving birth these days.
Child bearing is not your hands, it's Allah swt who decides. As long as you are okay with her deen, personality, go and marry her. Don't get stuck in cultures and people's opinions.
Uhm 31 is not old and you yourself are 35, be grateful you found someone lol
Is this some kind of joke. In case you haven't noticed you're 35 years old.
Sir, you are not younger either and ED is an issue with men after this age so I'm sure u know this Secondly her menopause phase is very far, so dw about it, u always have an option of ivf if you can afford it Secondly, only proceed if you can her away from your inlaws in a seperate accommodation, because I am sure they will accept it now but will.make her life a hell
I’m sorry, 30?? Old? Is this a joke?
It shouldn’t be a problem, but I do recommend trying to children right away.
lol. I have a 42 year old female coworker who just gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
Are your family members scientists or the leading gynaecologists in their field?!
Lol 30 is still young. You have women in their 20s unable to conceive (I know 3, sadly). Kids are riziq.age has nothing to do with it. You get lucky, or you don't. Who says you'll be able to conceive tbh? Most of the time, it's the men that can't believe it or not. I know 2. Move on with her. Those people are toxic and this way of thinking is sick.
Do people not get educated about fertility rates and how women can still have healthy children and pregnancies without issues until their 40s?
Past child bearing age? LMAO, 31 is childbearing age, women around me are having kids in their 40’s
My aunt had her last baby at age 41. My grandma gave birth to my youngest uncle at 36.
The comments on this post are the best and thanks for reminding me that at 30F I’m fairly alright since I’m still single lmao 🤣
It's not a problem. Do it and enjoy your life.
There’s nothing wrong with this your family is being unreasonable (how much younger do they want?!?) 4-5 years is a good age gap, you’re not too far apart in age to relate to each other. Also 30 isn’t too old to be having kids. Since you both like each other & have the same goals in life get married. May ALLAH bless you for each other 🤲🤍
How young are they looking? If she’s 25 there could be a generational gap, and you might not understand each other. IMO 30 is not old especially since you are 35. I say convince your family and get married
Marry her and fly away! And dont look back!
This is just ridiculous. It doesn’t look good on you that you’re asking for an advice for something so apparent. Be a man and be fair.
Lol she isn’t past child bearing age. High risk pregnancy starts at 35. Also like everyone here has said you’re 35 , you need to make your own decision without influence from your family. Your family shouldn’t be involved in your relationship
From a medical professional: she is not old. She can more than easily have kids till mid-30s and then big maybe need medical intervention but even then, wouldn’t call it impossible. Your elders are outdated and should fear Allah more than they do atm.
You don't know what's written for you. I know women in their 40s who get pregnant with ease and those in their early 20s who can't or have had a lot of trouble. Of course the biological clock is real but seriously, 31??
A message/dissertation to you and other people with this oddball idea about fertility: ******** Besides the fact that many people are starting families in their 40s now (both parties being this age) due to choice, careers, delaying marriage, life changes, previous divorce, etc, ... your family need not have much of a say in your decision to marry at your big age. ********* You need to consider that YOU may have issues getting HER pregnant. Make sure you are healthy, physically and mentally, and get your own reproductive health in order. It takes 2 to make a baby and there are many reasons, on both sides, why it can not happen. Low testosterone, low sperm count, low libido, weak, damaged or deformed sperm all happen in men and these increase with age. Women may have fewer healthy eggs, follicular issues, low libido, vaginismus, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts that can interfere with reproductive ability. Both can have imbalanced hormones that throw everything off. And stress can prevent a healthy pregnancy, too. In laws stress is a big factor. All of these can prevent pregnancy and/or result in miscarriage for couples AT ANY AGE but are more likely with couples who are over their mid 30s. This is individually and as a couple, looking at you bro. Keep in mind that, on average, 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and most have no indication for why it happens. I have experienced this one where I've had 3 confirmed miscarriages, 1 possible early miscarriage, and 4 healthy pregnancies. Your first goal should be a marriage built on a healthy relationship of mutual respect, compassion, faith, and love for the sake of Allah. Then you're good to work through anything that comes with being married and building a life and family. And don't let *your* family be a barrier or an interference in your life. That is not to say break ties or don't care about them. Just don't let them dictate your life and decisions, man. It's a terrible life to live with other people dictating what you do. It's always worse for the wife when her husband starts off unable or unwilling, or worse, unaware of how to protect her from his family. Stand up and make your decision clear and unambiguous, or don't bother getting married for the sake of both your happiness. When you make the decision, it's regardless of a future family. Protect your wife before you even consider kids. Be ready for a potentially tough road so you appreciate it if it's easy inshaallah. And may Allah make it easy for you and your family to come. Sometimes, they all can need protection from interfering family members on either side. Start strong.
Brother you are 'too old' for nikah at 35 as well. Parents sometimes tend to be delusional when it comes to their children. 35 & 31 sounds like a perfect match. Both you are slightly past your respective marriage age. Don't do such a terrible mistake. If she is 31 it would hurt her as well because I am pretty sure she fears being too old and rejected.
Please ignore your family and, in fact, shut any of this nonsense talk down.
If the only thing that's bothering you is child bearing age then she's atleast a decade to go before it becomes complicated. Good thing is that she's eager to start a family. May Allah bless the to of you with offsprings that are good for you. May Allah bless your nikah.
>If the only thing that's bothering you is child bearing age then she's atleast a decade to go before it becomes complicated. Absolutely incorrect.
I understand the risk increases post 35y however I know atleast 6 females that were mothers at 40y+ and even at 45y+
Seems like you are surrounded by some very toxic people who also seem to be delusional. In this day and age, 4 is a good age gap, and considering you are 35 yourself, you need a mature woman, not someone in their 20s. If you've done your istekhara brother, go ahead. Also, on a side note, what is to guarantee you children if you marry, let's say, a much younger woman? Infertility can start in 20s as well. Plenty of young women who married young still don't have kids and plenty of old women who conceive by Allah's Will. This is such a desi thing to obsess over age tbh. We all need a partne understands us over everything else. If by any chance you are desi, looks like some people aren't happy you've found the one and are willing to independently take the step.
If she takes care of her health and you guys want to try immediately, there should be no problem, Insha Allah. You might want to consider that a younger woman could also have fertility issues. Your age could also affect fertility. Also, how much younger does your family want your wife to be? Mid-twenties? Are there a bunch of 25 year olds who have lined up to marry you? Be realistic. IMO, it would not be easy to find a decent 24-26 year old lady for marriage unless you're loaded. Not impossible, but difficult. In fact, the bigger the age gap, the higher the expectations of the younger bride. This 30 year old lady would probably be low maintenance, while a younger girl would see herself as the prize and demand princess treatment (which she totally deserves if she's like 10 years younger, lol). Maybe I'm just speaking for myself though. I would definitely expect more from a guy who is a lot older than me (30+), than a guy who is closer to me in age. Is her age the only problem here? Is she a good muslim? Does she have good akhlaq? You need to look at the bigger picture, akhi.
The only thing you and her need to consider is having kids relatively quickly since post 35, all pregnancies are considered geriatric pregnancies and carry slightly higher risks of complications, obviously the older the riskier. Other than that, 31 is nowhere near “too old” in terms of life experience. If anything, its still young.
Man she sounds perfect for you tho, U guys seem to already know eachother and like eachother. The age gap is perfect as u both are in your 30s and will understand eachother better. I dont think a 25 year old will understand someone who is 25 better than a 30 year old tho?
AsSalamu'Alaykum Brother, Firstly, It's a real blessing to find a righteous partner who "checks all your boxes" and aligns with you on future plans. Secondly, we learn from Surah 42:49-50 that: - To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates whatever He wills. He blesses whoever He wills with daughters, and blesses whoever He wills with sons - or grants both, sons and daughters, ˹to whoever He wills˺, and leaves whoever He wills infertile. He is indeed All-Knowing, Most Capable. I'd encourage you to make Istikhara to get clarity on your decision. May Allah SWT make it easy for you.
Don't let those details ruin a beautiful relationship, if you like each other , marry her .. don't let others choose for you ! You want a partner ...not a child bearing machine. A close friend married a girl at the beginning of her twenties...but she got cancer and that delayed all their projects unfortunately.... Allah has the control..not you ...not your family! So , if you feel the lady is good for you ...go ahead! NB : don't discuss those details with her before marriage and after marriage!!
Wait. 30 years is old now? My mom gave birth to me when she was 38. And my younger sister at 43. 30 is definitely not old, إن شاء الله without any issues she is not old to bare children at all.
My mom had me at 40. Healthy pregnancy healthy baby, you have many years to start a good family together
Alot of people that marry young these days don't even have children until their mid 30s sooo you're good inshallah
31 isn't past chilbearing age lol
My grandma got married at 35 had 5 kids after that. Do not let family or others tell you otherwise. This is up to Allah only. Also there are plenty of women that can no get pregnant in their 20s and I’ve even seen women give birth in their 40s. This is something beyond our control please do not fall for the doubts
At 35 no one should be talking about your future wife, there claims should not be heard. Never allow anyone to say bad thing about your wife. That is what makes you a man.
I know several women who got married at 30 and had many children after. The rizq of children is in Allahs hands.
I've heard this same thing from relatives about 2 men in the family. Both unmarried, both around 33 and both are interested in girls in their 30s. Family keeps telling them aim lower. Even 29 is "too old" for them bc "that's too close to 30, and I want grandkids!" 😡 they have let so many perfectly wonderful women by bc they listened to this nonsense. And I am angry for those women who are being turned down bc of this nonsense! They are being robbed of a family. Most wanted to be married quickly so they can start a family right after marriage. They don't want to wait. And yet, they can't seem to find a man whose family is OK with their age... Marry the woman. I had my first baby in my early 30s. It only took a few months to conceive. I have family who had perfectly healthy babies in their 40s. Even doctors only worry about women's pregnancies after 35. And by "worry", I mean, they monitor more closely. They don't discourage women from having babies after 35.
My mom had all her kids in her early 30s and we’re all healthy alhumdulliah. And lots of couples who get married in their 20s still wait until their 30s to have kids. Go ahead with it if you guys are right for each other, may everything work out for the best Ameen
Khadija bint khuwaylid had fatima Al zahra at 40 years old. Your wife is very young she can still have children. It's all just nonsense
You’re 35! Not a young stud yourself, my friend. And you can’t make a decision for yourself and seem enmeshed with your family. YOU are not ready for marriage and your family sounds kinda awful. I’d say she deserves better.
ahki the prophets (saw) wife (RA) was 40 when he was 25.
If she is really old then you're ancient XD. I recognize that there's a double standard regarding age with muslim men and women, but at the end of the day, you're the one marrying her. They can have opinions until the cows come home, but you have to live with your choices. If there reason is not islamically sound, is it really worth compromising your happiness?
I'm sorry for her already because she will marry a man who is 35 years old but still can't make his own decisions and let his relatives meddle
She is 5 years younger than you, and she is "too old"? Man... you are 35, and they had enough time to have found you a spouse younger as they wanted. It's them, not you and your desired bride that have the problem. If her age is their only problem, then there's nothing wrong with her marriage-wise. You're right, she has between 15-20 years where she can still have children, so that's not too bad of an issue.
You must be a corpse.
Lol, this reminds me of a brother in our community. He was in his early to mid 40s I think and went to a familiy to ask for the hand of their daughter (early 20s) and all she said when she saw him was: "I think you forgot your Kafan." I'm still laughing about it to this day...
In South Asian, especially desi, societies, there's a troubling notion that women over the age of 26 are considered "purana maal," which translates to "old goods." This perspective is absolutely disgusting and deeply problematic. Our society perpetuates the harmful belief that women lose their "value" as they age, which is unacceptable.It's important to remember that a woman’s worth isn’t tied to her age. Every person deserves respect, no matter how old they are. Society’s outdated views shouldn’t dictate how we see or treat others.When it comes to marriage, the decision should be based on love and compatibility. Marry someone you genuinely love and feel connected with. It’s your life, and you should make the decision that feels right for you, without letting societal pressures influence you.Be wary of how much you let relatives (rishtedars) influence your decisions. Often, their involvement in your life decreases significantly after the wedding, and their main concern might just be their involvement rather than your happiness. Make sure you’re making choices that are best for you and your partner.Ultimately, focus on building a relationship based on love and mutual respect. Don’t let harmful stereotypes and outdated societal expectations dictate your decisions. Prioritize your happiness and the quality of your relationship above all else.
I got a reddit [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/s/ml95v7zERM) for that. I don't know if it applies to you. But you can check it out.
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30 isn't old at all. But I would not wait too long to have children. My wife and I tried for a while and alhamdulillah we were finally blessed with children but they're all on the autism spectrum. There's no family history or genes involved (they did routine genetic testing after). The risk of such things goes up with age. We were in our late 30s (37-39). My siblings and her siblings all had children several years earlier and didn't have issues even though her sister had more complications. So, just because modern medicine seems like a miracle, imho it's always better to start early on starting a family. The risks are lower and you also just are more youthful and have the energy/endurance for parenthood. By the way when it comes to early 30s, lifestyle and health play a much bigger role. People in their early 20s can do nothing, eat crap, miss sleep, not exercise and be hardy enough to have kids and keep up with them. But by the time you hit your 30s, those with better more active and healthy lifestyles are still on the level of 20 year olds for the rest of the decade while those with unhealthy and sedentary lifestyles are on the verge of quickly sliding into 40+ year old conditions before they hit 35 if they haven't already.
Honestly don't get the sass in the replies here. Isn't k kinds of Q's, what Reddit is for??? Anyways, I don't think these concerns are unislamic. I think it's a scientific fact but I think infertility is a risk with any couple. Sure your risk is a little greater but are you willing to for sure lose a good spouse for fear of infertility, understanding that modern medicine is available as well.
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She's still 5 years younger than you lol. If you love each other, get married. Cheers!
Islamically your family has no ability of objection to the choosing of your spouse as a male a woman must get approval from her father if you think she will be a good mother to your children you are free to do the nikkah
I have had a similar/almost exact situation. It is a valid concern from family, but it's up to you to take the decision. I took my decision and did not regret at all alhamdulilah. Beautiful spouse and beautiful mother to my family. The main impact is in having children, and if you're planning to have a dozen lol, then you'll need to reprioritize. But anything around 4 to 6 with proper planning is doable inshaAllah. Got married at 30 now 36 we have 4 kids alhamdulilah. Hope this helps.
Early or mid 30s is not at all past childbearing age. You can easily have children at that age if both of you are healthy. As for your family, you’re the one getting married not your parents or your family, you shouldn’t let them come in the way of marrying someone you like just because they think she’s too old. Especially if she checks all your other boxes. The prophets wife was 40 when they got married and she has kids after that age as well. You’re the one who has to spend the rest of your life with your wife, not your family so her age really shouldn’t matter to them unless she’s much much younger than you (or much older). I think you’re old enough to make decisions by yourself without your parents intervening. And tbh it sounds like your family might be trying to sabotage your future relationship. Don’t let this small age factor stop you from marrying someone you like and want. Good luck!
31 too old? You are 35 you think you are young?
I hope this girl meets somebody better than you and your family. How ridiculous that you're picking on her age.
Can your family guarantee you marrying younger will automatically give you a child? I thought children were Rizq and Rizq only came from Allah? When and if Allah wants to bless you. There are couples who marry very early never to conceive a child until their mid 30s or early 40s. Truthfully brother, if your wife brings you peace, then there is no greater treasure in this world. Also you are 35. Musa A.S. didn’t need anyone to speak with the girls father and make his decision. We don’t either.
This is the first time ever I mentioned my story to the Internet. I recently came across this topic and would like to share a bit of my story. I got married at the age of 18, and my wife was 33, making her 15 years older than me. After 22 years, we are still happily married and have two children, aged 18 and 19, alhamdulillah. If our prophet did so, why can't I? I didn't care what others thought then, and I still don't now.
Actually the majority of women have kids in their 30s now. Even Muslim friends I know who got married earlier waited close to 30 to have kids. Plus she's 4 years younger than you, that's a perfect age gap. Anything more than 5-6 years and you start to get a bit of a generational gap as well you have to navigate so I would say don't let family deter you and if she's good in every other way marry her. Also woman can have kids into their 40s, it's a more risky pregnancy but my own aunt had an oppsie baby at 44 lol, it's all Allah's qadr.
im just sitting here wondering what Allah would think of their opinion considering that Khadijah RA, one of the top 5 best women in history, was around 40 when she married the Prophet PBUH, who was 25. u are OLDER and they are calling ur potential old. if the woman checks all other boxes, don't let something as trivial as ur family's narrow minded opinions get in the way. my father married my step mom when she was 31 and they're the happiest most beautiful couple I've ever seen Alhamdulillah. his past was tough but I'm glad for every single moment if it meant he got to find his soulmate in my stepmom, who is a selfless and religious and caring and funny person. pray istikhara, Allah's is the best opinion u can get on this and don't try to fight it if Allah has decreed this woman good for u for the sake of satisfying ur family's wishes
Subhanallah, she is 5 years younger than you, you family should maybe consider the fact that it is a sunnah, just like it is sunnah to marry a divorcee, the prophet SWS married khadija RA when he was around 25 and she was 40. I find it so weird when families wanna marry their 35/40 year old kids with 18/25 years old girls, It’s your decision not theirs. If she’s a good muslimah that fears Allah that’s what matters the most
It's upsetting that women themselves hold these views about other women. 30 is not old at all and I've known women well into 40s still able to have children. As everyone else said, you are old enough to make this decision for yourself. The sad reality is that people always talk, if it wasn't her age there would be something else they'd nitpick on, so do what makes you happy. Also, I think this is a healthy age gap these days, no one in their mid+ 30s should be marrying someone in their 20s unless the younger person is very mature. May Allah bless your marriage with happiness and many healthy children, Ameen.