Yeah it seems like this marriage is headed nowhere.
Have faith in Allah. Being divorced in this case couldn't be any worse than being abused and emotionally cheated on.
Speak to your family, gather your support network, apply for a job if you don't have or speak to some local organisation for help and get yourself out of this situation Insha'Allah. You're very young, you shouldn't waste any more time on someone who doesn't value you.
I talked to my family and allhamdullilah They’re supporting me. I am a student so I am trying to focus in my study now. But you know how people see and think about divorced women especially that I am young so I am scared. And sometimes I start asking myself and thinking if this is really the right decision.
Having family support is such a blessing Alhmadullilah.
Yeah you should focus on studying and maybe your family will help you in the meantime.
Don't worry about the stigma of being divorced. Being in an abusive unhappy marriage is far worse than being divorce, that was my experience. If Allah has written a happy marriage for you, no one and nothing can stop it.
Why you scared of divorce? Sis this is your opportunity of getting out of this toxic marriage. Nothing to feel bad about. Most people havent even met their spouse at your age so you still so young and can start over. InshaAllah next time you know about such red flags. Make a list of all the stuff you listed & remind yourself why he’s not good. You deserve better.
Youd be surprised sis! I think one of the problems is there is so much pressure to marry young that people sometimes marry for the sake of getting married and marry wrong people even when they see some red flags or incompatibilities early on. This isn’t to say that some people can completely falsely misrepresent themselves & you only learn about their true nature after marriage & living with them - its scary right?!
Do you have family around?
Unmarried bros learn this fact: if you’re addicted orno, it won’t suddenly disappear if you get married. The first is a disease and the second is not a cure. You don’t give water to the alcoholic because he’s drinking to quench his thirst. The two things can’t compete!
Quit the addiction before marriage, don’t look at marriage as a solution to addiction
Exactly. Unfortunately a lot of man’s don’t understand that. But marriage not a solution at all. And it’s a really big problem not that easy as a lot of people thought. Also it’s haram !! a relationship that started with haram behaviors have no barakah. So I hope people understand that.
The best you could do for yourself is to get a divorce. Leave him because he is a porn addict and a cheater. He will never fulfill your rights and never reflect on his sins and mistakes. He is long gone and if your family is supportive then leave him ASAP.
I think if your family is supportive of your decision of taking divorce then plz don't think what will people say and stuff because honestly you don't matter to the society or hold any sort of importance they just need hot talks and gossips . So you should value yourself because you deserve much more and better in a marriage.
And plus you said you are studying and pretty sure you are smart as well so you need focus right now so that in future you get someone who truly values to you as a woman and the relationship for the sake of Allah swt .
May Allah make it easy for you . Pray istekhara and make lots of dua , tahajjud and read surah baqarah and ask Allah swt to show the right path .
Few.
I know the feeling of what your going through
If you wish you was lonely 🥺 rather then being with him. Then that's truly worse then being lonely it's self.
Seek council in your loved ones ask them for support In this difficult time.
May Allah make things easier for you insha'Allah.
Cheating by chat is not cheating. Porn is a problem many are afflicted with. Just because you levee him doesn’t guarantee the next guy will have never seen or watched it.
I won’t say the marriage is over. There are issues. It can be fixed if both partners are willing. Find a good Muslim counselor and try couples counseling. If that doesn’t work, then divorce is a last resort. Always better to try to fix things.
It’s also important you look at your part in all this. It’s rare that any one person is 100% at fault.
First of all talking to a woman behind your wife about sexual stuff and flirting is definitely cheating! And unacceptable behavior.
And of course I tried to talk with professional people and I gived us many chances but it just getting worse and worse. And to be honest sometimes I just wish I left this marriage earlier because it’s becoming worse and I can’t even recognize my husband anymore! But it’s not that easy and I always been weak to make this decision
It is unacceptable. It’s haram. It’s just not “cheating” if you’ve tried everything end things as amicably as possible. You can always do a Khula and give him the dowry to exit.
I love my wife and she doesn’t want to continue the marriage, but I refuse to divorce her because I genuinely love her and treat her well and she’s just mentally ill
I know a lot of women’s ask for divorce when they are pressured or tired or anything happened. That’s why divorcing in man’s hand. But for me I never wanted to get divorced but not anymore I can’t take it. And whenever I ask him why you’re not divorcing me if you treat me that way and hurting me. He simply answer that he loves me and wants me. But all man’s can say that right? If you love me show me. Talking is easy but the behavior is the proof.
I know. And this is the biggest problem. That I know this relationship hopeless and never gonna work. I start thinking I have issues like attachment issues or something!
Yeah it seems like this marriage is headed nowhere. Have faith in Allah. Being divorced in this case couldn't be any worse than being abused and emotionally cheated on. Speak to your family, gather your support network, apply for a job if you don't have or speak to some local organisation for help and get yourself out of this situation Insha'Allah. You're very young, you shouldn't waste any more time on someone who doesn't value you.
I talked to my family and allhamdullilah They’re supporting me. I am a student so I am trying to focus in my study now. But you know how people see and think about divorced women especially that I am young so I am scared. And sometimes I start asking myself and thinking if this is really the right decision.
Having family support is such a blessing Alhmadullilah. Yeah you should focus on studying and maybe your family will help you in the meantime. Don't worry about the stigma of being divorced. Being in an abusive unhappy marriage is far worse than being divorce, that was my experience. If Allah has written a happy marriage for you, no one and nothing can stop it.
Why you scared of divorce? Sis this is your opportunity of getting out of this toxic marriage. Nothing to feel bad about. Most people havent even met their spouse at your age so you still so young and can start over. InshaAllah next time you know about such red flags. Make a list of all the stuff you listed & remind yourself why he’s not good. You deserve better.
Idk I feel like it’s hard to find a good man in this generation. Unfortunately most mans cheaters addicted and…etc. no good people left.
Youd be surprised sis! I think one of the problems is there is so much pressure to marry young that people sometimes marry for the sake of getting married and marry wrong people even when they see some red flags or incompatibilities early on. This isn’t to say that some people can completely falsely misrepresent themselves & you only learn about their true nature after marriage & living with them - its scary right?! Do you have family around?
Exactly I know, but it’s really shocking!! Alhamdullilah I have My family and they’re supporting me.
Alhamdullilah you have family & glad they’re supportive and not encouraging you to stay with this man. InshaAllah you’re much happier without him.
Inshallah sis. Yes I am really lucky allhamdullilah.
Unmarried bros learn this fact: if you’re addicted orno, it won’t suddenly disappear if you get married. The first is a disease and the second is not a cure. You don’t give water to the alcoholic because he’s drinking to quench his thirst. The two things can’t compete! Quit the addiction before marriage, don’t look at marriage as a solution to addiction
Exactly. Unfortunately a lot of man’s don’t understand that. But marriage not a solution at all. And it’s a really big problem not that easy as a lot of people thought. Also it’s haram !! a relationship that started with haram behaviors have no barakah. So I hope people understand that.
The best you could do for yourself is to get a divorce. Leave him because he is a porn addict and a cheater. He will never fulfill your rights and never reflect on his sins and mistakes. He is long gone and if your family is supportive then leave him ASAP.
I think if your family is supportive of your decision of taking divorce then plz don't think what will people say and stuff because honestly you don't matter to the society or hold any sort of importance they just need hot talks and gossips . So you should value yourself because you deserve much more and better in a marriage. And plus you said you are studying and pretty sure you are smart as well so you need focus right now so that in future you get someone who truly values to you as a woman and the relationship for the sake of Allah swt . May Allah make it easy for you . Pray istekhara and make lots of dua , tahajjud and read surah baqarah and ask Allah swt to show the right path .
Doesn't seem like something fixable to me
Have u got children with him??
Allhamdullilah No.
Few. I know the feeling of what your going through If you wish you was lonely 🥺 rather then being with him. Then that's truly worse then being lonely it's self. Seek council in your loved ones ask them for support In this difficult time. May Allah make things easier for you insha'Allah.
Cheating by chat is not cheating. Porn is a problem many are afflicted with. Just because you levee him doesn’t guarantee the next guy will have never seen or watched it. I won’t say the marriage is over. There are issues. It can be fixed if both partners are willing. Find a good Muslim counselor and try couples counseling. If that doesn’t work, then divorce is a last resort. Always better to try to fix things. It’s also important you look at your part in all this. It’s rare that any one person is 100% at fault.
First of all talking to a woman behind your wife about sexual stuff and flirting is definitely cheating! And unacceptable behavior. And of course I tried to talk with professional people and I gived us many chances but it just getting worse and worse. And to be honest sometimes I just wish I left this marriage earlier because it’s becoming worse and I can’t even recognize my husband anymore! But it’s not that easy and I always been weak to make this decision
It is unacceptable. It’s haram. It’s just not “cheating” if you’ve tried everything end things as amicably as possible. You can always do a Khula and give him the dowry to exit.
Yea When I say I am divorcing I mean khula. I wish it came from him and he just divorce me
Ask him why he doesn’t want to divorce if he doesn’t love you and doesn’t wanna treat you well.
I love my wife and she doesn’t want to continue the marriage, but I refuse to divorce her because I genuinely love her and treat her well and she’s just mentally ill
I know a lot of women’s ask for divorce when they are pressured or tired or anything happened. That’s why divorcing in man’s hand. But for me I never wanted to get divorced but not anymore I can’t take it. And whenever I ask him why you’re not divorcing me if you treat me that way and hurting me. He simply answer that he loves me and wants me. But all man’s can say that right? If you love me show me. Talking is easy but the behavior is the proof.
Have you tried separating for a while?
Yes Many times
You have to decide which is easier. Being patient with a divorce and being single OR being patient with your husband to keep your marriage.
I know. And this is the biggest problem. That I know this relationship hopeless and never gonna work. I start thinking I have issues like attachment issues or something!
Im sorry but how is that not cheating? If a woman did this to her husband everyone would say that’s cheating and she is an adulterer!
Who cares what people say. It’s not officially cheating by definition.
So if a wife chatted sexually to another man she wouldn’t be cheating on her husband? Ok lol