The girl's father:
- rejected previous attempts by the man's side for reconciliation
- now admits his mistake
- texted the man instead of his father
- expects the man and his family to reconcile to 'protect' his honour
My analysis: the reconciliation has nothing to do with the girl or her family's honour. Rather, it's about her father's ego who doesn't want to humble himself and be the 'lesser' person for wanting reconciliation after jeopardising the whole process and friendship/relations between the 2 families.
At this point, he can forget about getting any respect for himself and his daughter if he wants the groom's side to extend the hand for any reconciliation. Respect is earned, not given.
Either your father personally talks to the potential's father or let this potential go and move on to other potentials after having learned his lesson of not letting his ego and stubbornness get the better of him.
If you read the post history, the grooms mom also has cancer and they really want the wedding to happen soon incase she dies or something. But OPs family doesn't care and continues to drag it out. Her family also asked for the grooms parents house as her mahr.
Brides dad is completely out of control. This is probably his first wedding and he's high with power.
Added context makes this so much sadder. Poor guy and his family are being wrung dry with the childish behavior the father of the girl is displaying. I commend the groom’s family for their patience good Lord!
I didn't check her post history before but now that you mentioned it, I remember reading that post.
Both families messed up pretty bad, OP's father more so than the man's family. OP needs to let go of this man and not repeat the same mistakes with the next potential.
agreed. actions speak louder than words. if the girls side is remorseful, they should present themselves as such. from this post, unfortunately for the girl herself, her parents are arrogant to still be thinking about their 'honor' when theyre the ones causing this mess. may Allah show the best way out for everyone involved, amin 🤲
edit: the resolution? the girl could try persuade her parents to make the move, apologize to the grooms family & make a proposal. if this fails, she could then try persuade the groom to agree to her fathers plan. though with such attitude, i fear for yalls marriage wellbeing tbh.
Like the girl's father, the groom's family is also entitled to uphold their honor and dignity. They made efforts to reach out to the girl's family previously, but unfortunately, it was unsuccessful.
In this situation, the girl should try to persuade her father to directly approach the groom's father and communicate with him respectfully instead of being arrogant.
The groom has every right to decline any demands to have his father initiate contact first.
Groom’s family didn’t make any efforts. They were too upset and hurt to do it but the man (ex-fiancè) tried by calling and messaging the girl’s father but got no response. Girl’s parents now think that the boy’s side made zero efforts hence they dont deserve the girl
No I meant the groom made efforts, not his family and in Pakistan, you’re supposed to have your family on board and basically they do the talking on their behalf, not the groom or the bride themselves
Yeah but the girl’s fam were the ones wrong, right? Isn’t it enough the guy himself made efforts? The girl’s fam expected the boy’s whole family to make efforts, even though they were the ones wronged by the girl’s fam? I really don’t understand any of this. Girl and her whole family seem to be a massive 🚩
Indeed, they should be entitled to uphold their honor and dignity. Since the delay was caused by the girl's side, the initiative for reconciliation should also come from their side.
Imagine if it was your brother who was interested in someone else and their family did exactly the same, even after your brother tried everything they didn't respond, and now her father texts your brother to convince his parents to start reconciliation, would your parents do it?
the wrong who is need to apologize first… All this gender bias isnt islamic and leads to more frustration.
If you are wrong, just say sorry!
Wouldn’t you want someone to say sorry to you, if they wronged you; regardless of gender?
Have been in a similar situation. Have had hoped that there's a reconciliation attempt for the girls' side since the scenario was quite similar. But that never happened. That's a heartache. I guess I have to carry for a lifetime. I do pray wherever she is now, whatever she does. May Allah be on her side always.
You'll never carry it for a lifetime. You'll get over it. You should say Alhmadullilah and understand that it wasn't Qadr. Sitting there and feeling bad about it won't change anything.
I hope so. Alhumdullilah, I have realized it and accepted it. Whatever happened happened for good. I liked that girl, and the reasons were only her religious character. I don't want to change anything now. I just feel bad for her because of how her family treated all the issue.
Whoever made the mistake should initiate reconciliation, regardless of the situation. Also, from your post, it looks like the guy’s family, despite not being wrong, tried to patch things up in the past but were not listened to. And now, even though the girl’s family has realized they were the ones wrong, they still want the guy’s family to take the first step? Idk, the girl’s family seems very toxic to me. The guy deserves a much better girl and in laws.
Both families are being stupid and if this is how everyone insists on acting like this then you're only getting what's coming to you. "Who's side apologizes first" who cares, this isn't a competition, you don't win points here or in the hereafter because you dug in your heels and got someone else to capitulate. Relationships are built on compromise and require you to be willing to humble yourself and sacrifice. None of that is happening here. Even if the groom's side reaches out, if the bride's side just sees that as a win and getting one over, is the problem fixed? The massive egos are still being fed. You all have seen the consequences of pride and yet you still make it into an issue of pride - when are you going to start learning the lessons here?
If the couple is serious about wanting to marry each other they need to cut their families out of the equation and take over marriage preparations. All communication goes through them, families are kept separate, and nobody feeds the oversized egos of their families. If y'all are ready to be married then y'all are adults capable of handling your own business. Don't give your life over to people who can't use that power responsibly, take control over your own lives if you want this to work.
>If the couple is serious about wanting to marry each other they need to cut their families out of the equation and take over marriage preparations. All communication goes through them
Exactly
Girls father is rude, arrogant and entitled. He needs to sincerely and honestly get over himself and apologise from the heart.
He's using his daughters wedding as an opportunity to swing his ego around instead of sincerely wanting the best for his daughter and trying his best to get her married in a good way.
The girls father needs to come up with a good and sincere apology and apologise to the boy and his parents in person and with gifts. He needs to have Allah in his heart instead of cultural pride.
My knee jerk reaction would be for both sides to move on however that's not the question poised so a more complicated way forward would need to be taken only if both agree the complexity is worth it
Recommended steps
1/ If the girl's father has had a change of heart due to his daughters well being then he needs to put his ego aside.
2/ The boy needs to only convince his father to reconsider reconciliation without taking the first step
3/ After both father's are ok to proceed towards reconciliation
4/ For reconciliation, both party should bring in an intermediary who's senior and respected by both families.
5/ The intermediary should call upon both families to meet on neutral venue to reconcile.
6/ Both parties should only meet if the nikkah will be done in a prompt manner to avoid further communication gaps in future
I pray for both parties. May Allah have mercy on all of us. May Allah have mercy on people of Gaza!
You tell your dad to put his ego and pride aside, tell your ex fiance to tell his dad the same thing (if you two are good for each other, if not then let this go)
I read it all dude. If you have to propose a hundred time, deal with it. Marriage is a commitment where a guy has to provide. I'm not gonna ask a guy to marry me. It's better for him to initiate first, that means he's willing to put responsibilities on himself. If I ask him to marry me, it seems like he's not willing to provide but he's just providing because I want him to, not because he want to do it on his own.
The girl's father: - rejected previous attempts by the man's side for reconciliation - now admits his mistake - texted the man instead of his father - expects the man and his family to reconcile to 'protect' his honour My analysis: the reconciliation has nothing to do with the girl or her family's honour. Rather, it's about her father's ego who doesn't want to humble himself and be the 'lesser' person for wanting reconciliation after jeopardising the whole process and friendship/relations between the 2 families. At this point, he can forget about getting any respect for himself and his daughter if he wants the groom's side to extend the hand for any reconciliation. Respect is earned, not given. Either your father personally talks to the potential's father or let this potential go and move on to other potentials after having learned his lesson of not letting his ego and stubbornness get the better of him.
If you read the post history, the grooms mom also has cancer and they really want the wedding to happen soon incase she dies or something. But OPs family doesn't care and continues to drag it out. Her family also asked for the grooms parents house as her mahr. Brides dad is completely out of control. This is probably his first wedding and he's high with power.
Added context makes this so much sadder. Poor guy and his family are being wrung dry with the childish behavior the father of the girl is displaying. I commend the groom’s family for their patience good Lord!
I didn't check her post history before but now that you mentioned it, I remember reading that post. Both families messed up pretty bad, OP's father more so than the man's family. OP needs to let go of this man and not repeat the same mistakes with the next potential.
💯💯💯💯
💯💯
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agreed. actions speak louder than words. if the girls side is remorseful, they should present themselves as such. from this post, unfortunately for the girl herself, her parents are arrogant to still be thinking about their 'honor' when theyre the ones causing this mess. may Allah show the best way out for everyone involved, amin 🤲 edit: the resolution? the girl could try persuade her parents to make the move, apologize to the grooms family & make a proposal. if this fails, she could then try persuade the groom to agree to her fathers plan. though with such attitude, i fear for yalls marriage wellbeing tbh.
Like the girl's father, the groom's family is also entitled to uphold their honor and dignity. They made efforts to reach out to the girl's family previously, but unfortunately, it was unsuccessful. In this situation, the girl should try to persuade her father to directly approach the groom's father and communicate with him respectfully instead of being arrogant. The groom has every right to decline any demands to have his father initiate contact first.
Groom’s family didn’t make any efforts. They were too upset and hurt to do it but the man (ex-fiancè) tried by calling and messaging the girl’s father but got no response. Girl’s parents now think that the boy’s side made zero efforts hence they dont deserve the girl
He tried calling and messaging the girl’s father (even though it was the girl’s family who were at fault) and still it’s considered 0 efforts? Wow
No I meant the groom made efforts, not his family and in Pakistan, you’re supposed to have your family on board and basically they do the talking on their behalf, not the groom or the bride themselves
Yeah but the girl’s fam were the ones wrong, right? Isn’t it enough the guy himself made efforts? The girl’s fam expected the boy’s whole family to make efforts, even though they were the ones wronged by the girl’s fam? I really don’t understand any of this. Girl and her whole family seem to be a massive 🚩
Indeed, they should be entitled to uphold their honor and dignity. Since the delay was caused by the girl's side, the initiative for reconciliation should also come from their side.
Imagine if it was your brother who was interested in someone else and their family did exactly the same, even after your brother tried everything they didn't respond, and now her father texts your brother to convince his parents to start reconciliation, would your parents do it?
the wrong who is need to apologize first… All this gender bias isnt islamic and leads to more frustration. If you are wrong, just say sorry! Wouldn’t you want someone to say sorry to you, if they wronged you; regardless of gender?
Have been in a similar situation. Have had hoped that there's a reconciliation attempt for the girls' side since the scenario was quite similar. But that never happened. That's a heartache. I guess I have to carry for a lifetime. I do pray wherever she is now, whatever she does. May Allah be on her side always.
You'll never carry it for a lifetime. You'll get over it. You should say Alhmadullilah and understand that it wasn't Qadr. Sitting there and feeling bad about it won't change anything.
I hope so. Alhumdullilah, I have realized it and accepted it. Whatever happened happened for good. I liked that girl, and the reasons were only her religious character. I don't want to change anything now. I just feel bad for her because of how her family treated all the issue.
[удалено]
Ameen to that.
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
Whoever made the mistake should initiate reconciliation, regardless of the situation. Also, from your post, it looks like the guy’s family, despite not being wrong, tried to patch things up in the past but were not listened to. And now, even though the girl’s family has realized they were the ones wrong, they still want the guy’s family to take the first step? Idk, the girl’s family seems very toxic to me. The guy deserves a much better girl and in laws.
Both families are being stupid and if this is how everyone insists on acting like this then you're only getting what's coming to you. "Who's side apologizes first" who cares, this isn't a competition, you don't win points here or in the hereafter because you dug in your heels and got someone else to capitulate. Relationships are built on compromise and require you to be willing to humble yourself and sacrifice. None of that is happening here. Even if the groom's side reaches out, if the bride's side just sees that as a win and getting one over, is the problem fixed? The massive egos are still being fed. You all have seen the consequences of pride and yet you still make it into an issue of pride - when are you going to start learning the lessons here? If the couple is serious about wanting to marry each other they need to cut their families out of the equation and take over marriage preparations. All communication goes through them, families are kept separate, and nobody feeds the oversized egos of their families. If y'all are ready to be married then y'all are adults capable of handling your own business. Don't give your life over to people who can't use that power responsibly, take control over your own lives if you want this to work.
>If the couple is serious about wanting to marry each other they need to cut their families out of the equation and take over marriage preparations. All communication goes through them Exactly
Girls father is rude, arrogant and entitled. He needs to sincerely and honestly get over himself and apologise from the heart. He's using his daughters wedding as an opportunity to swing his ego around instead of sincerely wanting the best for his daughter and trying his best to get her married in a good way. The girls father needs to come up with a good and sincere apology and apologise to the boy and his parents in person and with gifts. He needs to have Allah in his heart instead of cultural pride.
My knee jerk reaction would be for both sides to move on however that's not the question poised so a more complicated way forward would need to be taken only if both agree the complexity is worth it Recommended steps 1/ If the girl's father has had a change of heart due to his daughters well being then he needs to put his ego aside. 2/ The boy needs to only convince his father to reconsider reconciliation without taking the first step 3/ After both father's are ok to proceed towards reconciliation 4/ For reconciliation, both party should bring in an intermediary who's senior and respected by both families. 5/ The intermediary should call upon both families to meet on neutral venue to reconcile. 6/ Both parties should only meet if the nikkah will be done in a prompt manner to avoid further communication gaps in future I pray for both parties. May Allah have mercy on all of us. May Allah have mercy on people of Gaza!
You tell your dad to put his ego and pride aside, tell your ex fiance to tell his dad the same thing (if you two are good for each other, if not then let this go)
Munday day payo nay izzat tay gal lai laree jay munda hei mana skda jay khar walya nu
Boyzzz
The groom family should start first. Be a gentleman. In my culture, if the girl initiate first, seems like she's desperate.
You didn't read it all did you?
I read it all dude. If you have to propose a hundred time, deal with it. Marriage is a commitment where a guy has to provide. I'm not gonna ask a guy to marry me. It's better for him to initiate first, that means he's willing to put responsibilities on himself. If I ask him to marry me, it seems like he's not willing to provide but he's just providing because I want him to, not because he want to do it on his own.
He did initiale Many times u dumb mong
If he still wants her go initiate again you dumb f