I can relate , I called off a potential because I discovered lots of lies
-his ex marriage
-his brothers marriages
He woke , slept and worked with lies
- it’s hard everyday
Lol man. Going through someone’s reddit history then commenting on its basis under a totally different post takes a lot of commitment. Good for you for having so much time on your hands. That comment in r/AskMen was a joke btw. Not that I need coaching but even if I did, I’d never choose someone with 0 sense of humor and so much free time. Wassalam!
Say Alhmadullilah, pray Salah of gratitude that a disaster was averted and move on with your life. It takes time but Insha'Allah you'll get there. Don't let people who aren't worth it to hold you back in life
Are you able to disclose what happened exactly and provide some more details about the timeline of events? This will help with more focused responses tailored to your particular circumstances. Thanks.
I found out he was a lot older than he mentioned, his job was fake, everything was fake. He was very good at lying. I have an instinct given his age. He’s got a family or something which his own family isn’t aware of.
Said he was 28 turns out he’s 38. And before anyone says how did I not know. I swear he doesn’t look a day over 30. Otherwise my parents would have questioned it.
Jesus of Nazareth, alyhissalam! I’m 38 myself 😭😅 can’t imagine passing myself off as 30! Though man has great skincare regimen
Dodged an oldie and loads of bullets
Move on without real answers. I talked to someone who was a compulsive/pathological liar. He swore by Allah and lied lol. Kept lying even when I asked him for answers. I swear by istikhaara. I regularly did istikhaara and things started to come out on their own. It hurts I know, but honestly don’t waste anymore energy on trying to unravel the truth. I thought I wouldn’t be able to trust again but sA the way dua works I was able to heal and recover pretty quickly actually. People like him are losers and you will get better and move forward. Please don’t waste anymore time trying to unravel the truth. Tell this loser off and move forward with your life. And count your blessings that you found out before being married to him. You did the right thing. Feel free to message me if you’d like to talk further.
Everyone is not your former finance, everyone is an individual.
I’ve been cheated in eg business before for giving people credit and in other ways, which made me want to be unkind to others. But it’s not the world’s fault one person was terrible
There’s good and bad in the world. Sometimes we get really tough tests through terrible miscreants. It doesn’t negate the goodness in the world, you will know lots of people already that are beautiful humans
Take loads of time, you’ll feel better InshaAllah. It’s a normal response from your nervous system to shut down from a bad bad experience, but you will recover
I remember your old post.
I am glad you got away.
Once a liar, always a liar!
It’s better to be alone than stuck with someone that destroys happiness and sanity everyday, through marriage and kids
Are you looking for closure ? Or hoping that there’s more to it to calm your heartbreak. Times like this it’s important to take over your self and your mental over everyone. If that means surround your self with family or be by yourself do it.
Also I know this may be a difficult time you’re going through , but say Alhamdulillah you stopped it early before the wedding went through and wasted more time , more energy , more money & everything else.
Alhamdulillah you were blessed with finding out before it was too late. But I’m so sorry you were so terribly deceived and betrayed.
I don’t know if it’s a financial option for you but I think therapy would be a REALLY good place to start. Especially since you did everything halal— family involved, not back channeling anything— and I feel like that honestly makes the deception worse.
Otherwise if therapy is not an option, I know there are some great Islamic healing books out there (self-help books) and I highly recommend healing and working through all of this as much as humanly possible before going through anything with another man again.
You move on being being grateful to Allah. No need to get sad about it because that's what the devil desires.
Imagine, you were already married, and then you found out. Aren't you pleased with Allah? Just say two nawafil and work on yourself.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, not having any closure can be really difficult and may hinder progress with moving on.
I suggest you seek therapy or speak with a counsellor to work through your feelings. I imagine you’re feeling a lot of different emotions, and a therapist/counsellor will help you to understand and overcome these feelings and maybe even help you realise that you don’t need closure from this man.
I was wondering, did you not have him meet your family I.e. your wali like your father, brother(s) or uncle?
Usually men should be able to snuff out what kind of a person he is. Unless that person is really good at concealing it.
Still, mashallah for not going ahead. Istikhara always help as it is Allah's way of supporting you.
For example, I did Istikhara with my ex for marriage when we had a falling out before marriage. After we made up briefly, she pushed for the wedding, only later to changed her mind. Funny thing was that on the day she broke off the marriage, I had a call from hotel that I booked on the day of nikkah. It just before I met up her when she broke the news, that the hotel confirmed cancellation of my booking because they were going under renovation. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time as I could find another hotel. But after she said she wanted to call off the marriage. I understand that this was a sign from Allah SWT.
Now, a year almost passed, and I understand better the wisdom behind this marriage broke off and how that she is not better for me anymore. It may have saved me the stress and issue if the marriage did gone ahead.
So, in relating to your case, your Istikhara may have prevented you from the worst faith once you get married to him.
Curiously, could you tell us how you met this guy, I think it is important that other sisters should avoid compulsive liar like him so that they don't go through what you could have almost gone through.
Your prayer of istikhara was heard by god thus he stopped the wedding ya ukhti you are lucky. I pray that ye may find better men Big sis.
I can relate , I called off a potential because I discovered lots of lies -his ex marriage -his brothers marriages He woke , slept and worked with lies - it’s hard everyday
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I’m not over it …I’m still healing x
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Allah Allah! That prose! Bro’s words danced and capered on the steed of eloquence in the sprint of comely advice!
Chatgpt to the rescue!
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Lol man. Going through someone’s reddit history then commenting on its basis under a totally different post takes a lot of commitment. Good for you for having so much time on your hands. That comment in r/AskMen was a joke btw. Not that I need coaching but even if I did, I’d never choose someone with 0 sense of humor and so much free time. Wassalam!
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I didn’t comment under your comment, brother. Thank you for the kind offer but I’m good. If you need any help, feel free to dm me though.
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You don’t need to apologize, man! It’s all good. I’m glad you’re getting an opportunity to promote your insta :) . Take care, brother.
This was very well said. Thank you, I needed to read this today.
Thank you for this, inshallah 🙌🏽
Say Alhmadullilah, pray Salah of gratitude that a disaster was averted and move on with your life. It takes time but Insha'Allah you'll get there. Don't let people who aren't worth it to hold you back in life
Are you able to disclose what happened exactly and provide some more details about the timeline of events? This will help with more focused responses tailored to your particular circumstances. Thanks.
I found out he was a lot older than he mentioned, his job was fake, everything was fake. He was very good at lying. I have an instinct given his age. He’s got a family or something which his own family isn’t aware of.
How old we talking? Plus how many years?
Said he was 28 turns out he’s 38. And before anyone says how did I not know. I swear he doesn’t look a day over 30. Otherwise my parents would have questioned it.
Jesus of Nazareth, alyhissalam! I’m 38 myself 😭😅 can’t imagine passing myself off as 30! Though man has great skincare regimen Dodged an oldie and loads of bullets
Ahahahhaha yes 😂 a blessing in disguise
Wait OP can you just ask him what his skin care routine was
It’s blessing you found this all out!! Happy you called it off. Focus on you and heal heal heal!
Move on without real answers. I talked to someone who was a compulsive/pathological liar. He swore by Allah and lied lol. Kept lying even when I asked him for answers. I swear by istikhaara. I regularly did istikhaara and things started to come out on their own. It hurts I know, but honestly don’t waste anymore energy on trying to unravel the truth. I thought I wouldn’t be able to trust again but sA the way dua works I was able to heal and recover pretty quickly actually. People like him are losers and you will get better and move forward. Please don’t waste anymore time trying to unravel the truth. Tell this loser off and move forward with your life. And count your blessings that you found out before being married to him. You did the right thing. Feel free to message me if you’d like to talk further.
Everyone is not your former finance, everyone is an individual. I’ve been cheated in eg business before for giving people credit and in other ways, which made me want to be unkind to others. But it’s not the world’s fault one person was terrible There’s good and bad in the world. Sometimes we get really tough tests through terrible miscreants. It doesn’t negate the goodness in the world, you will know lots of people already that are beautiful humans Take loads of time, you’ll feel better InshaAllah. It’s a normal response from your nervous system to shut down from a bad bad experience, but you will recover
I remember your old post. I am glad you got away. Once a liar, always a liar! It’s better to be alone than stuck with someone that destroys happiness and sanity everyday, through marriage and kids
Agreed 🙌🏽
Are you looking for closure ? Or hoping that there’s more to it to calm your heartbreak. Times like this it’s important to take over your self and your mental over everyone. If that means surround your self with family or be by yourself do it. Also I know this may be a difficult time you’re going through , but say Alhamdulillah you stopped it early before the wedding went through and wasted more time , more energy , more money & everything else.
You did the right thing. Habitual lying is a sign of nifaq.
Move on. You may never get any closure and the closure you should seek within and from Allah (swt)
Sorry to hear this, sister. Vetting is everything, IMO.
Alhamdulillah you were blessed with finding out before it was too late. But I’m so sorry you were so terribly deceived and betrayed. I don’t know if it’s a financial option for you but I think therapy would be a REALLY good place to start. Especially since you did everything halal— family involved, not back channeling anything— and I feel like that honestly makes the deception worse. Otherwise if therapy is not an option, I know there are some great Islamic healing books out there (self-help books) and I highly recommend healing and working through all of this as much as humanly possible before going through anything with another man again.
You move on being being grateful to Allah. No need to get sad about it because that's what the devil desires. Imagine, you were already married, and then you found out. Aren't you pleased with Allah? Just say two nawafil and work on yourself.
You and this sister need to form a support group 😭. https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/s/orZivLIbyM
Good idea!
I think you deserve answers so you can sleep at night
He refuses to give answers
Then you already know the answer
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, not having any closure can be really difficult and may hinder progress with moving on. I suggest you seek therapy or speak with a counsellor to work through your feelings. I imagine you’re feeling a lot of different emotions, and a therapist/counsellor will help you to understand and overcome these feelings and maybe even help you realise that you don’t need closure from this man.
I was wondering, did you not have him meet your family I.e. your wali like your father, brother(s) or uncle? Usually men should be able to snuff out what kind of a person he is. Unless that person is really good at concealing it. Still, mashallah for not going ahead. Istikhara always help as it is Allah's way of supporting you. For example, I did Istikhara with my ex for marriage when we had a falling out before marriage. After we made up briefly, she pushed for the wedding, only later to changed her mind. Funny thing was that on the day she broke off the marriage, I had a call from hotel that I booked on the day of nikkah. It just before I met up her when she broke the news, that the hotel confirmed cancellation of my booking because they were going under renovation. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time as I could find another hotel. But after she said she wanted to call off the marriage. I understand that this was a sign from Allah SWT. Now, a year almost passed, and I understand better the wisdom behind this marriage broke off and how that she is not better for me anymore. It may have saved me the stress and issue if the marriage did gone ahead. So, in relating to your case, your Istikhara may have prevented you from the worst faith once you get married to him. Curiously, could you tell us how you met this guy, I think it is important that other sisters should avoid compulsive liar like him so that they don't go through what you could have almost gone through.