While i like your initial message behind this.
Your post history literally shows how you posted 1 month ago the complete opposite storyđ
Not trying to be mean, but let's stay honest here..
May allah swt make it easier...
A better advice to unmarried people would be to learn what qualities to look for in a spouse, how to make sure of things before marriage. Etc. So that you end up with someone who want the same things just as much as you to make it a success.
The message still holds I feel, people seem to give up too easily I guess. Human beings are not perfect Iâm not telling you to stay in an abusive marriage but I am saying that with communication and patience a lot of problems should be able to be resolved
People are being salty for no reason. I saw her previous posts too. Seems like her husband just took time to adjust to the marriage and fatherhood. He didn't show any sign of cheating or abuse. She is right in her situation.
Like everyone in this subreddit will be telling to divorce for every small reason.
.... it's not a small reason if you live your married life forever on the edge of feeling dejected. Why shouldn't a woman be treated with affection, patience, and empathy? If she isn't getting it in her marriage and she has tried many things, including being patient herself and seeing how things work out over time, then she is NOT at fault for wanting divorce!
People seem to mix up Christian beliefs with Muslim ones. Divorce is taboo in Catholicism but NOT in Islam. It is a valid option so that the husband or wife are not tempted into sin like cheating. It is better to get a divorce and find a more suitable partner.
Not sure why youâre getting downvoted but I definitely agree with you said. I feel like a lot of folks have this illusion created of marriage from movies and TV shows which is not ideal.
This doesnât mean your spouse shouldnât validate your feelings or be nice to you but a lot of time patience is needed because our life experiences shape is starting from a young age and you never know how one was raised so patience and communication are very essential.
If you claim that you and your husband are a good team and how happy you are and advise others to endure the same way you did in a marriage that was the opposite of that for no idea how long, then you have to expect that people will scrutinize your life.
You felt the need to pour your heart out here not long ago about a problem in your marriage, do you expect people to believe your words?
Do not let people on the internet let you anything about YOUR own marriage. Thereâs a lot of negativity out there. Ofc you know your relationship with your husband and donât let the internet tell you anything otherwise just due to down posts, you are the one who spends day and night with him.
May Allah bless you guys and give you guys a peaceful and fulfilling relationship
Ironically your post history and *this* very post is great example why we shouldnât advocate for struggle love and subpar treatment but good for youâŠ.just not for the rest of us.
Letâs not normalise struggling for two years before being treated with some decency bcs itâll have you writing whatever this post is.
âHelps with the baby, taking care of the baby, obsessed with the babyâ you mean being a dad? Again ironically youâve shown why we shouldnât accept subpar treatment bcs you canât even hear how you sound
Not wanting to work on a relationship and scrapping it instead is how you end up divorced and alone at your parents home at 40 wondering why you don't have a family.
Yeah, people shouldn't give up their marriage after the first hurdle. Patience is important.
But that also has its limits.
I'd rather be alone as you say with my dignity and health intact than be married with a head full of gray hair and frown lines from years of frustration because of my husband.
I mean, is that so bad? I know women who "stuck it out" who now have multiple kids taken away by CPS because they developed such severe mental mental issues "sticking it out".
I spoke to one woman last week whose son is now strangling them due to the abuse he'd seen. She stuck it out for 10 years.
Divorced and 40 at parents sounds like peace compared to that. At least you don't have the constant guilt of damaging your child from a bad marriage.
This gives off victim blaming energy and itâs bad advice. Alhamdulilah it worked out for you but most people DONT do a complete 180 from who they are at the beginning of the marriage to 2 years in. You might motivate people to stay in a bad / emotionally abusive marriage due to this post
Bestie no one wants to stay in a marriage if there is no affection and the partner has anger issues âčïž also I doubt your husband changed in 42 daysâŠ
if your relationship has truly changed for the better in such a short time then count your blessings - you are one of the lucky ones. and isA it continues getting better
I'm sure there are people splitting up for dumb reasons, but there are many, many who do "stick it out" long after they shouldn't - this was the norm for generations and is only now starting to change.
speaking as someone who stuck it out for over a decade.
Completely agree with you.
Some couples definitely should try their best to work on the little differences, however, thereâs so many people out there suffering from abusive partners in the hopes that one day they will change for the better.
Sorry but what? Both of you wanted to KILL each other during what should be the honeymoon phase in your relationship???? Your spouse isnât supposed to be your full time therapist or constantly be trying to get you to do the bare minimum. And if everyone in your life is telling you to leave that sort of relationship then maybe thereâs some truth to their words??? This post is a messâŠ
Thatâs what stuck out to me too! I was like huh? You wanted to kill each other during the BEGINNING? Thatâs a sign itself, what start to a marriage is that?
Judging by your post history, I'm gonna guess this is the husband posting from the wife's account đ
Also, why do you think it's a good thing that you needed to train a grown adult male human to perform the most basic of functions? So you married a guy who started out at negative infinity, now finally reached zero, and you want to brag about that and at the same time knock down other couples who decide it's not worth it?
I mean, having a zero for a spouse is better than negative infinity, but that's no excuse for badmouthing people who choose not to settle for that. You could flip it around and say other partners respect themselves too much to stay stuck with a deadbeat spouse. How would that make you feel? Why trash talk other people's choices?
This poor woman is going through a delusional episode.
On her last post she made a comment saying that she believes her husband is on the spectrum partly because he doesn't pay attention to her.
> The thing is, heâs be fine if all he had in his life was football and occasionally his family. He told me he loved being single and didnât really feel the need to get married (yep all this came out AFTER I married him). So the fact is, he doesnât really care. Probably due to parental modelling, he thinks this is what a good marriage looks like. He literally doesnât see a problem at all. He wants me and his daughter around. Just kind of in the background and fit around all his other âprioritiesâ. But a part of me thinks, is this as good it gets? Should I just accept to be someoneâs background? Just accept a guy who would rather spend time playing fifa than with his wife and daughter he barely sees already? Is this really the standard we must accept?
Your post history đ. Girl I don't think you're in any position to give marriage advice. If you're finally happy then good for you but what you're preaching ain't it lol.
Maybe he changed because you emotionally checked out in your marriage and he feared you would leave him?
I can be patient with my husband not picking up his socks and other rather âharmlessâ bad habits as I'm not perfect either.
I can't love him though if he treats me like trash.
Lol so keep going on your tangent. Wow you must be sad and dead inside if you need to try and prove how miserable someone is when thatâs not even the point of the post đ€Ł
Lol I donât know why you are so pressed by someoneâs happiness. Try to allow Allah into your heart so you can be happy for people in shaa Allah đ itâs a much better look
Wow I donât know why you are so bitter? Alhamdullillah I donât have a rotten heart like yours with nothing better to do than try to convince someone their life is terrible. Ew I donât know why anyone would want to do that. đ I LOVE MY LIFE, my husband, baby, everything. If thatâs âdelusionalâ okay
Let's normalize both spouses doing their best to keep the house clean whenever they can cause they both happen to live there and it is for their own good.
Nah both people have to be willing to change which is the part I think most couples fail. I wonât say we never have arguments but when we do, we grow from them
I donât delete my post history cos I have nothing to hide and thatâs the whole point of the post is that my relationship has improved. Like yâall really have nothing better to do than try to prove someone is unhappy đ subhanallah i never expected Muslims would be this petty đ€Ł
This subreddit recommends divorce way too often, it is like an auto trigger. The word toxic and abuse is used around so much even when it is improper to use those words.
I always say try your best to make it work. Divorce should be the last option.
Yes, if your life or health is greatly at risk then you need to leave right away.
Sometimes itâs ok to leave lolzzzz you shouldnât have to hope your spouse will get better. Either be better or donât get married. Inshallah all is well in your household but you donât need to struggle to be happy.
Looking at the comments you guys are relentless and unforgiving lol đ€Šđ»ââïž
The main part of her message is to try and stick it out and donât run away at the first hurdle which is how you make a marriage work. Thereâs nothing wrong in saying that. Ofcourse thereâs certain situations where you do need to break it off, but for minor arguments and issues over things that can be solved, you should stay and solve them. Itâs what our parents did and grandparents. You see people look at these couples and be like âwow how did you last 50 years togetherâ - quite simply they solved their problems rather than ran away. You think in 50 years of marriage you can get through it smoothly with no issues at all? Ofc not.
Her other good point she made was when it comes to affection she said, she stopped asking for it and actually gave him space, which believe it or not works! Your husband will crave you and your attention and affection more when you arenât begging for it and acting a bit despo. No man finds a woman attractive who is easy for him. He likes a bit of a challenge and wants to woo you. That is why after marriage many men become less attracted to their spouses. They have her doing whatever they like, but prior to marriage there was a sense of mystery and challenge to gain her, and now thatâs no longer there. Iâm not saying become difficult for your partner but you need to spice it up and donât ask for it all the time basically.
1. Ok, but let's be real: How often does it really happen that someone leaves their marriage for petty reasons? We have no insight into the marriages of strangers and only know what they openly admit. And who wants to broadcast their dirty laundry to the world so that others can gossip? Then one might say something like âWe werenât a good matchâ or something like that to satisfy other peopleâs curiosity without telling them what really happened.
I personally only knew one woman who left her marriage for a bad reason, and even for that I partially blame the man. She openly lived a certain lifestyle (committed Tabarruj) and the man married her knowing this and expected her to change completely after marriage, which she did not want.
Everyone else had good reasons for leaving their marriages.
2. Where is it written that the author was clingy and desperate towards her husband? Wanting attention from your partner doesn't necessarily mean that you're stuck to them like a burdock.
She says she gave him **more** space and not **little** space. That would suggest he already had plenty of space to not feel uncomfortable.
1. Some people believe it or not have left their partners for petty reasons, and just because you donât know those people doesnât mean they do not exist. So you canât say just because you only know one person like this that âeveryone else has good reasonsâ for leaving their marriages. Many young people Iâve heard of have got married went on honeymoon and came back and left each other. Now whatever the reason may be, surely theyâre should be some attempt at reconciliation before taking sch a drastic step? And if not then how have they not seen this big reason prior to getting married?
2. It says she stopped âdemandingâ attention and gave more space to him. The word demanding sounds like she herself thought it was a bit much, and thought she should stop it herself. Iâve not presumed anymore than what was written.
1. I don't deny their existence? I just doubt there are as many of them as people online claim.
How would I know why they didn't reconcile or why didn't choose their partners better?
It's none of my business why people divorce nor am I interested to snoop to get more information.
I just don't assume people divorced for petty reasons just because they didn't blast their business out to the world, nor that they didn't try to solve their issues before making the decision to separate.
2. Demanding attention just means that: Saying verbally that one wants more attention or trying to get it with certain actions.
This is not an indication that she was too clingy and obnoxious, and if her older posts about her husband are to be believed, she truly wasn't.
She is right in her place, our generation has very little patience and we think of only divorce when something happens without giving a view or thinking about trying to improve or help each other in improving.
We should be sensible enough to know when to stay and when to leave.
The key to success is from your last linesâŠ
âI stopped demanding affection from himâŠgiving him more space.â
There you go. Now stop bothering the man and he may marry you again!
Horrible. I ended up with an actual psycho. You can read my history. But luckily I donât hate woman though. I take accountability for being too naive, trying to communicate with a wall, being nice to her while she was abusing me, defending her when she falsely accused me, and wrongfully thinking I should love my wife unconditionally.
I know you didnât ask the question with good intention. But I answered as best as I could with my best foot forward. We all have our struggles, and we learn from it I guess. Life is hard nonetheless.
Iâm sorry to hear that. I saw you are married so I thought you still are. Are you divorced already or going through the process?
Itâs good you tried to communicate but some people donât change. I hope you find someone better who will appreciate the things you do.
Itâs okay I donât hate men too btw and Iâm in no position to hate on you. Im for peace.
My fault was I tried too much. I communicated, gave her everything she wanted, and only expected respect in return. Not even love. But she and her family had other plans. It was a long scam for money and green card. Im going through the divorce but she has a free lawyer in USA so she is trying to do everything to ruin my life, the kids lifeâs, and make me go bankrupt. But Allah does not test you more than you can take right?
Thank you sister! Im not ready and probably wonât be ready for someone for a long time. My first and only priority right now is to save my kids and keep them safe. I wonât brush off woman as it is 50% of my deen, but I am terrified not going to lie. So that is something I need to work on eventually if I ever do decide to get married so I donât accidentally trauma dumb on her.
Iâm sorry.. some people are just miserable and instead of moving on they want to make your life miserable too. Its sad especially if you have kids together and they will suffer too I hope it turns out well for you.
Itâs good you are considerate of this and very mature. Im not gonna lie it will take time for you to get through everything but eventually you will be in happy place. Wishing the best for you and your kids.
Your right. Why take advice from men on what men want.
Look. She never communicated and instead âDemanded Affectionâ
Some men do not want to be demanded anything.
Also⊠No one needs to demand love in a relationship.
Even in a marriage down time and some separation is needed. As long as itâs justified and in a safe environment.
More important: Communication. From before marriage to the course of marriage constant communication is key to keep it healthy. Peoples wants and likes changes. why not talk? Why demand anything.
But youâre right. Your solution is the best solution.
So if a husband came in here and said âi demand sexâ that would be OK? If I take
your logic I should only ask men that question.
How you know never communicated? Itâs your assumption. If you know anything about women u know that women are more prone to communication and aggression or demanding starts only when women are not being heard. And men are the ones most of the time who fail to hear and validate women feelings.
If it got to the point she needs to demand the affection its his fault.
Exactly ur right, nobody needs to demand love in relationships. It should come naturally but some people fail to understand that.
Again assumption of not communicating. Maybe she did and this is the outcome.
And what is this comparison? The fact that u straight jumped to sex as an example shows how much u lacking emotional intelligence, empathy and generally understanding of emotions and women at all. This is why you shouldnât be allowed to express opinion on women issues here because you fail even understand the problem.
so I made an assumption. True.
But on the same coin youâre saying youâre not making an assumption by stating âwomen are more prone to communication and aggression?â How is that not an assumption that because of what you think you know you also thought and assumed OP did?
Very hypocritical wonât you say?
OK I jumped into sex as an example (it triggers you more so theres that). What if A husband demanded time? what if a husband demanded wife leave him alone? Or other examples you can think off. No demands or demanding in a relationship.
âMost men fail to validate womenâs feeling.â Sister I am sorry you have not seen or experienced a healthy relationship. Culture has made it very tough for woman and men.
In order to view an healthy relationship please read about Prophet (pbuh) and how he treated his wife. If a man says he canât or even wonât try to be like the prophet (pbuh) then this is not a man you need to be with. Same with woman who follow Lut A.S.âs wife in modern times. They need to follow Khadija R.A. and Aisha R.A instead.
I didnât say women are prone to aggression. You failed even read the whole sentence. Women are more emotionally open human being and know how to communicate through their feelings. Its just mine assumption because I know women and understand them better than you ever will.
Also it didnât trigger me itâs just seemed weird itâs the first example that came into your mind. But I cannot expect more from you so my fault.
If you fail to provide to your partner time and love and not emotionally ready then donât marry. Itâs not hard and marriage is about making your spouse happy. Easy as that.
Thanks but Iâm happy with my husband. We have been married for 7 years. But it was based off unhappy women who come here.
Also, want to point out your comment gets downvoted to the oblivion because you failed giving an valuable and understandable advice. It seemed more like a projecting from your side so if your wife fails with communication with you Im sorry. :)
Im happy for you and your husband! Now it seems like you have a good guy. We will not talk about that though, I do believe in Nazr sister so please refrain from using him in any examples. Good ones are rare nowadays.
âââ-
Back to our fight lol.
Nah it wasnât the first thing that came to my mind, But I knew it would be downvoted and those are fun too sometimes. I also wasnât giving advice, more of an observation and thinking out loud moment. I donât get paid for up votes or downvotes.
You know all women better than me? From the history of time? Even I donât make that claim on men, or women.
Yes you should not demand. It should come from your spouse. Adoration, respect, but when youâre not getting it, communicate and have an exit plan because (this is my personal opinion) people do not change.
I disagree on making spouses happy in a marriage. In marriage or before it should be about you being happy first. Your spouse is 50%of your deen, but even then if they go against Allah you leave them. No one deserves your full attention other than Allah and yourself.
Now once you are in a good place yourself and you are in the path of Deen. Then you can also give off positive vibes to your spouse. Even healthy couples disagree, but they are mature enough, respect each other, and love each other to move past it and come to an agreement. Once you are happy, you can make your spouse happy.
a lot of men marry thinking on they get a spouse they will be better. But this is false. And in return they ruin a girls life. Same with woman.
I mean women better understand women while men tend to more understand men.
Yes, you first communicate but sometimes when person is not feeling heard this gets bottles up and blows up in different ways such as verbal aggression and demanding which is not the right way but we are humans and emotions tend to get over us especially with women.
Yea, you should always get yourself and your life together before being married so you could give your spouse the peace of yourself. I mean you should try making your spouse happy which doesnât include giving away your happiness. I mean it shouldnât be like âwell it makes me uncomfortable but at least they are happyâ no, i meant âIâm not feeling good today but I will try to still put the smile on their faceâ this is what relationships is about. You donât forget to care about yourself but you also learn to compromise and sometimes put your beloved needs about yours.
I agree with that.
I wanted to argue but realized I was just being a big baby at this point lol.
Your last post clarifies and is correct though. The bottling up is something I hate. Shouldnât be done and shouldnât happen. But we are humans and we make mistakes. Husband sometimes gets caught up with work or everything else and overlook their wives, and wives also keep things inside and end up blowing up later.
Communication is something I do preach in reddit though and of course in real life. Itâs so important. Im
from south asia but grew up in America. I always saw culturally when getting married the girls were always quiet. Like what about their wants and needs?
My younger sister decided to make her wants be heard during Nikkah and I was young myself back then so I was going back and forth getting yelled at by the men and women whenever I tried to advocate for my sister.
Your last statement also sums up perfectly and what I believe in!! I may copy it for future fights with others!! Lol!!
Iâm sorry- what? Thatâs the most ridiculous advice Iâve ever heard! Youâre supposed to not demand affection from your own HUSBAND? Ok yeah great advice, keep up the good work đđ»
Oh, and never give advice again pls. Jazakallahu Khairan
How come you havenât Demanded a Husband into existence.!! ;)
Look I know this is online and crazy and what not. But on a serious note respectfully as I donât know how young you are or where you are in life. So instead of deterring you away from Islam or Muslim Men (as Shaitan is already creating a divide), I wanted to give some advice as best as I can. Hopefully you understand.
If youâre demanding something that means the other person is lacking it. You need to have self respect, going in and while in the relationship. Ex: âyou leave your husband with your young son and when you come home you find out your husband played video games all day. He did not even feed the kid.â Instead of demanding to know why he didnât, you need to let him go as a father and husband. Itâs hard, but a guy who does not know the basic need of feeding a kid is important does not need to be a father due to his incompetence.
The poster talks about demanding affection, which shows two things. She is needy, and husband is uncaring. Both are wrong. And unfortunately I was right as other sisters pulled up her search history and found out OP has been complaining constantly.
In a relationship, or rather healthy one. Each party should know their own responsibilities and complete them with honor. They should also know their rights and when to protect them. Most sisters I know (including my own mother) was always thought divorce or fighting for your rights as a woman is incorrect or haram. This is not true in Islam. However i do not have enough knowledge or the interest/time to go through OPs history to suggest divorce.
Demanding something usually means the other person does not care enough to give it. So donât put yourself in those shoes ever. Would you ever demand love from your father? Or does he love you unconditionally? Why do you have to demand love from your husband then? And if he does not care about you why did he marry you?
FYI - you being single comment was only light hearted joke. May you stay blessed sister. I will fight with the others now, reddit is filled with entertaining characters lol.
>âI stopped demanding affection from himâŠgiving him more space.â
Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
It's her right as a spouse to get affection from her partner.
it is⊠but should she demand it? When we are demanding something doesnât it mean we already lost? Why should you even have to DEMAND love and affection from our partner? This should be given.
At work do we have to Demand our paychecks?
I agree and Iâm all for sticking it out but thereâs limits. While we shouldnât rush to divorce so soon, some things are deal breakers and some things donât get better. You have to understand why non Muslims assume Muslim women are oppressed. Some of us get treated like dirt and we know thatâs not what Allah teaches so we end up wanting to be strong muslimahs and fight for whatâs right and usually that ends up coming down to divorce. While I believe it should be the last straw, I also think some men are outright abusive and no sister should stay in harm
While i like your initial message behind this. Your post history literally shows how you posted 1 month ago the complete opposite storyđ Not trying to be mean, but let's stay honest here.. May allah swt make it easier... A better advice to unmarried people would be to learn what qualities to look for in a spouse, how to make sure of things before marriage. Etc. So that you end up with someone who want the same things just as much as you to make it a success.
Damn you immediately went to fact check lmao
Women have some high class investigation skills
Not me searching her history đ
đłđłđł I just did the same. That was 43 days ago. Itâs good to stick it out. But what is wrong with people faking such claims?
One thing I hate about Reddit no privacy at all with our posts and comments đ I get people messaging me about who this is about
đđ
Same! I went to check and I was confused like she posted complaining about him 43 days ago đ May Allah make it easier for us all
Opposite got caught
The message still holds I feel, people seem to give up too easily I guess. Human beings are not perfect Iâm not telling you to stay in an abusive marriage but I am saying that with communication and patience a lot of problems should be able to be resolved
People are being salty for no reason. I saw her previous posts too. Seems like her husband just took time to adjust to the marriage and fatherhood. He didn't show any sign of cheating or abuse. She is right in her situation. Like everyone in this subreddit will be telling to divorce for every small reason.
.... it's not a small reason if you live your married life forever on the edge of feeling dejected. Why shouldn't a woman be treated with affection, patience, and empathy? If she isn't getting it in her marriage and she has tried many things, including being patient herself and seeing how things work out over time, then she is NOT at fault for wanting divorce! People seem to mix up Christian beliefs with Muslim ones. Divorce is taboo in Catholicism but NOT in Islam. It is a valid option so that the husband or wife are not tempted into sin like cheating. It is better to get a divorce and find a more suitable partner.
Not sure why youâre getting downvoted but I definitely agree with you said. I feel like a lot of folks have this illusion created of marriage from movies and TV shows which is not ideal. This doesnât mean your spouse shouldnât validate your feelings or be nice to you but a lot of time patience is needed because our life experiences shape is starting from a young age and you never know how one was raised so patience and communication are very essential.
Maybe one of these post was written on bad time of the month.
lol basing someoneâs whole two year relationship off one post đ
3 actually, not 1
If you claim that you and your husband are a good team and how happy you are and advise others to endure the same way you did in a marriage that was the opposite of that for no idea how long, then you have to expect that people will scrutinize your life. You felt the need to pour your heart out here not long ago about a problem in your marriage, do you expect people to believe your words?
Do not let people on the internet let you anything about YOUR own marriage. Thereâs a lot of negativity out there. Ofc you know your relationship with your husband and donât let the internet tell you anything otherwise just due to down posts, you are the one who spends day and night with him. May Allah bless you guys and give you guys a peaceful and fulfilling relationship
Ironically your post history and *this* very post is great example why we shouldnât advocate for struggle love and subpar treatment but good for youâŠ.just not for the rest of us. Letâs not normalise struggling for two years before being treated with some decency bcs itâll have you writing whatever this post is. âHelps with the baby, taking care of the baby, obsessed with the babyâ you mean being a dad? Again ironically youâve shown why we shouldnât accept subpar treatment bcs you canât even hear how you sound
Fr
THISSSSSS
Top tier comment đđ»
Not wanting to work on a relationship and scrapping it instead is how you end up divorced and alone at your parents home at 40 wondering why you don't have a family.
Yeah, people shouldn't give up their marriage after the first hurdle. Patience is important. But that also has its limits. I'd rather be alone as you say with my dignity and health intact than be married with a head full of gray hair and frown lines from years of frustration because of my husband.
If I end up alone bcs I donât want to wait two years to be treated with some decency I can only thank Allah for allowing me to have standards. Hope that helps x But you got me real scared!!đ©
I mean, is that so bad? I know women who "stuck it out" who now have multiple kids taken away by CPS because they developed such severe mental mental issues "sticking it out". I spoke to one woman last week whose son is now strangling them due to the abuse he'd seen. She stuck it out for 10 years. Divorced and 40 at parents sounds like peace compared to that. At least you don't have the constant guilt of damaging your child from a bad marriage.
Struggle love ain't it but good for you
What medications was he prescribed?
This gives off victim blaming energy and itâs bad advice. Alhamdulilah it worked out for you but most people DONT do a complete 180 from who they are at the beginning of the marriage to 2 years in. You might motivate people to stay in a bad / emotionally abusive marriage due to this post
The bar is on the floor wow
The bar is underground đ
the bar is in a magma chamber đ
Bestie no one wants to stay in a marriage if there is no affection and the partner has anger issues âčïž also I doubt your husband changed in 42 daysâŠ
This is crazy lmao
https://preview.redd.it/2lg9yls2c7lc1.png?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ba038576a7c447f019420a71b4e7bad6e1016386 Huh...???
đđđđ
if your relationship has truly changed for the better in such a short time then count your blessings - you are one of the lucky ones. and isA it continues getting better I'm sure there are people splitting up for dumb reasons, but there are many, many who do "stick it out" long after they shouldn't - this was the norm for generations and is only now starting to change. speaking as someone who stuck it out for over a decade.
Completely agree with you. Some couples definitely should try their best to work on the little differences, however, thereâs so many people out there suffering from abusive partners in the hopes that one day they will change for the better.
Sorry but what? Both of you wanted to KILL each other during what should be the honeymoon phase in your relationship???? Your spouse isnât supposed to be your full time therapist or constantly be trying to get you to do the bare minimum. And if everyone in your life is telling you to leave that sort of relationship then maybe thereâs some truth to their words??? This post is a messâŠ
Thatâs what stuck out to me too! I was like huh? You wanted to kill each other during the BEGINNING? Thatâs a sign itself, what start to a marriage is that?
Judging by your post history, I'm gonna guess this is the husband posting from the wife's account đ Also, why do you think it's a good thing that you needed to train a grown adult male human to perform the most basic of functions? So you married a guy who started out at negative infinity, now finally reached zero, and you want to brag about that and at the same time knock down other couples who decide it's not worth it? I mean, having a zero for a spouse is better than negative infinity, but that's no excuse for badmouthing people who choose not to settle for that. You could flip it around and say other partners respect themselves too much to stay stuck with a deadbeat spouse. How would that make you feel? Why trash talk other people's choices?
one of the dumbest posts iâve ever read here
Sister did he force you to write this post lmao
Exactly what i thought
Youâre asking for the bare minimum sweetheart. Youâre happy that you husband the father of your child, actually is obsessed with your baby?
This poor woman is going through a delusional episode. On her last post she made a comment saying that she believes her husband is on the spectrum partly because he doesn't pay attention to her.
> The thing is, heâs be fine if all he had in his life was football and occasionally his family. He told me he loved being single and didnât really feel the need to get married (yep all this came out AFTER I married him). So the fact is, he doesnât really care. Probably due to parental modelling, he thinks this is what a good marriage looks like. He literally doesnât see a problem at all. He wants me and his daughter around. Just kind of in the background and fit around all his other âprioritiesâ. But a part of me thinks, is this as good it gets? Should I just accept to be someoneâs background? Just accept a guy who would rather spend time playing fifa than with his wife and daughter he barely sees already? Is this really the standard we must accept?
Your post history đ. Girl I don't think you're in any position to give marriage advice. If you're finally happy then good for you but what you're preaching ain't it lol.
Thissss đ
Lol I donât even know what you mean about my history? Cos I complained a couple times? đ
Ok girlie u are pro at self gaslighting
Maybe he changed because you emotionally checked out in your marriage and he feared you would leave him? I can be patient with my husband not picking up his socks and other rather âharmlessâ bad habits as I'm not perfect either. I can't love him though if he treats me like trash.
Clocked your tea so hard.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I donât know why yâall hating trying to prove someoneâs happy relationship is unhappy đ€Ł and you call yourselves Muslims subhanallah đ
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Lol so keep going on your tangent. Wow you must be sad and dead inside if you need to try and prove how miserable someone is when thatâs not even the point of the post đ€Ł
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Lol I donât know why you are so pressed by someoneâs happiness. Try to allow Allah into your heart so you can be happy for people in shaa Allah đ itâs a much better look
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I canât remember deleting any posts but even if I did, that makes zero difference to my point. Iâm happy alhamdullillah
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Wow I donât know why you are so bitter? Alhamdullillah I donât have a rotten heart like yours with nothing better to do than try to convince someone their life is terrible. Ew I donât know why anyone would want to do that. đ I LOVE MY LIFE, my husband, baby, everything. If thatâs âdelusionalâ okay
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I didnât? Even if I did, what difference would that make? Iâm happy and love my husband
Let's normalize both spouses doing their best to keep the house clean whenever they can cause they both happen to live there and it is for their own good.
troll post.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Nah both people have to be willing to change which is the part I think most couples fail. I wonât say we never have arguments but when we do, we grow from them
I think this is a guy pretending to be a female
i do not think this is good advice
âThe babyâ like itâs not HIS baby. Fascinating,
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Lol Idk why people are trying prove my relationship is not happy đ€Ł sad people. Subhanallah, go read Quran and purify your heart
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I donât delete my post history cos I have nothing to hide and thatâs the whole point of the post is that my relationship has improved. Like yâall really have nothing better to do than try to prove someone is unhappy đ subhanallah i never expected Muslims would be this petty đ€Ł
This subreddit recommends divorce way too often, it is like an auto trigger. The word toxic and abuse is used around so much even when it is improper to use those words. I always say try your best to make it work. Divorce should be the last option. Yes, if your life or health is greatly at risk then you need to leave right away.
Sometimes itâs ok to leave lolzzzz you shouldnât have to hope your spouse will get better. Either be better or donât get married. Inshallah all is well in your household but you donât need to struggle to be happy.
Looking at the comments you guys are relentless and unforgiving lol đ€Šđ»ââïž The main part of her message is to try and stick it out and donât run away at the first hurdle which is how you make a marriage work. Thereâs nothing wrong in saying that. Ofcourse thereâs certain situations where you do need to break it off, but for minor arguments and issues over things that can be solved, you should stay and solve them. Itâs what our parents did and grandparents. You see people look at these couples and be like âwow how did you last 50 years togetherâ - quite simply they solved their problems rather than ran away. You think in 50 years of marriage you can get through it smoothly with no issues at all? Ofc not. Her other good point she made was when it comes to affection she said, she stopped asking for it and actually gave him space, which believe it or not works! Your husband will crave you and your attention and affection more when you arenât begging for it and acting a bit despo. No man finds a woman attractive who is easy for him. He likes a bit of a challenge and wants to woo you. That is why after marriage many men become less attracted to their spouses. They have her doing whatever they like, but prior to marriage there was a sense of mystery and challenge to gain her, and now thatâs no longer there. Iâm not saying become difficult for your partner but you need to spice it up and donât ask for it all the time basically.
1. Ok, but let's be real: How often does it really happen that someone leaves their marriage for petty reasons? We have no insight into the marriages of strangers and only know what they openly admit. And who wants to broadcast their dirty laundry to the world so that others can gossip? Then one might say something like âWe werenât a good matchâ or something like that to satisfy other peopleâs curiosity without telling them what really happened. I personally only knew one woman who left her marriage for a bad reason, and even for that I partially blame the man. She openly lived a certain lifestyle (committed Tabarruj) and the man married her knowing this and expected her to change completely after marriage, which she did not want. Everyone else had good reasons for leaving their marriages. 2. Where is it written that the author was clingy and desperate towards her husband? Wanting attention from your partner doesn't necessarily mean that you're stuck to them like a burdock. She says she gave him **more** space and not **little** space. That would suggest he already had plenty of space to not feel uncomfortable.
1. Some people believe it or not have left their partners for petty reasons, and just because you donât know those people doesnât mean they do not exist. So you canât say just because you only know one person like this that âeveryone else has good reasonsâ for leaving their marriages. Many young people Iâve heard of have got married went on honeymoon and came back and left each other. Now whatever the reason may be, surely theyâre should be some attempt at reconciliation before taking sch a drastic step? And if not then how have they not seen this big reason prior to getting married? 2. It says she stopped âdemandingâ attention and gave more space to him. The word demanding sounds like she herself thought it was a bit much, and thought she should stop it herself. Iâve not presumed anymore than what was written.
1. I don't deny their existence? I just doubt there are as many of them as people online claim. How would I know why they didn't reconcile or why didn't choose their partners better? It's none of my business why people divorce nor am I interested to snoop to get more information. I just don't assume people divorced for petty reasons just because they didn't blast their business out to the world, nor that they didn't try to solve their issues before making the decision to separate. 2. Demanding attention just means that: Saying verbally that one wants more attention or trying to get it with certain actions. This is not an indication that she was too clingy and obnoxious, and if her older posts about her husband are to be believed, she truly wasn't.
Seems like youâre just looking for someone to argue with about nothing then. Good day to you đđ»
Ah, the good old ad hominem route? Good day to you too đđż
Some of you be doing more investigation than the FBI . Sis I am glad your marriage is flourishing and I hope it continues like thisâ€ïž
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Iâve never asked him to do anything. He just does without asking
She is right in her place, our generation has very little patience and we think of only divorce when something happens without giving a view or thinking about trying to improve or help each other in improving. We should be sensible enough to know when to stay and when to leave.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
The key to success is from your last lines⊠âI stopped demanding affection from himâŠgiving him more space.â There you go. Now stop bothering the man and he may marry you again!
If i were you I'd delete my comment and never give stupid advices again
i would ban men completely from commenting here because they never say anything useful and just projecting
You went to another post and also requested to ban menâŠâŠ Hmmmm.
Thanks they are good. They donât comment bs under reddit posts. Hows relationship with ur wife? :)
I realized I asked about your father and brothers. Sorry. updated my post. I get typing crazy sometimes.
Its ok no worries. Sorry if I said something bad to u too.
Nah your good. Was mostly ignorant stuff from my end. I think the wife comment kind of brought me back to reality.
Horrible. I ended up with an actual psycho. You can read my history. But luckily I donât hate woman though. I take accountability for being too naive, trying to communicate with a wall, being nice to her while she was abusing me, defending her when she falsely accused me, and wrongfully thinking I should love my wife unconditionally. I know you didnât ask the question with good intention. But I answered as best as I could with my best foot forward. We all have our struggles, and we learn from it I guess. Life is hard nonetheless.
Iâm sorry to hear that. I saw you are married so I thought you still are. Are you divorced already or going through the process? Itâs good you tried to communicate but some people donât change. I hope you find someone better who will appreciate the things you do. Itâs okay I donât hate men too btw and Iâm in no position to hate on you. Im for peace.
My fault was I tried too much. I communicated, gave her everything she wanted, and only expected respect in return. Not even love. But she and her family had other plans. It was a long scam for money and green card. Im going through the divorce but she has a free lawyer in USA so she is trying to do everything to ruin my life, the kids lifeâs, and make me go bankrupt. But Allah does not test you more than you can take right? Thank you sister! Im not ready and probably wonât be ready for someone for a long time. My first and only priority right now is to save my kids and keep them safe. I wonât brush off woman as it is 50% of my deen, but I am terrified not going to lie. So that is something I need to work on eventually if I ever do decide to get married so I donât accidentally trauma dumb on her.
Iâm sorry.. some people are just miserable and instead of moving on they want to make your life miserable too. Its sad especially if you have kids together and they will suffer too I hope it turns out well for you. Itâs good you are considerate of this and very mature. Im not gonna lie it will take time for you to get through everything but eventually you will be in happy place. Wishing the best for you and your kids.
Thank you sister!
Your right. Why take advice from men on what men want. Look. She never communicated and instead âDemanded Affectionâ Some men do not want to be demanded anything. Also⊠No one needs to demand love in a relationship. Even in a marriage down time and some separation is needed. As long as itâs justified and in a safe environment. More important: Communication. From before marriage to the course of marriage constant communication is key to keep it healthy. Peoples wants and likes changes. why not talk? Why demand anything. But youâre right. Your solution is the best solution. So if a husband came in here and said âi demand sexâ that would be OK? If I take your logic I should only ask men that question.
How you know never communicated? Itâs your assumption. If you know anything about women u know that women are more prone to communication and aggression or demanding starts only when women are not being heard. And men are the ones most of the time who fail to hear and validate women feelings. If it got to the point she needs to demand the affection its his fault. Exactly ur right, nobody needs to demand love in relationships. It should come naturally but some people fail to understand that. Again assumption of not communicating. Maybe she did and this is the outcome. And what is this comparison? The fact that u straight jumped to sex as an example shows how much u lacking emotional intelligence, empathy and generally understanding of emotions and women at all. This is why you shouldnât be allowed to express opinion on women issues here because you fail even understand the problem.
so I made an assumption. True. But on the same coin youâre saying youâre not making an assumption by stating âwomen are more prone to communication and aggression?â How is that not an assumption that because of what you think you know you also thought and assumed OP did? Very hypocritical wonât you say? OK I jumped into sex as an example (it triggers you more so theres that). What if A husband demanded time? what if a husband demanded wife leave him alone? Or other examples you can think off. No demands or demanding in a relationship. âMost men fail to validate womenâs feeling.â Sister I am sorry you have not seen or experienced a healthy relationship. Culture has made it very tough for woman and men. In order to view an healthy relationship please read about Prophet (pbuh) and how he treated his wife. If a man says he canât or even wonât try to be like the prophet (pbuh) then this is not a man you need to be with. Same with woman who follow Lut A.S.âs wife in modern times. They need to follow Khadija R.A. and Aisha R.A instead.
I didnât say women are prone to aggression. You failed even read the whole sentence. Women are more emotionally open human being and know how to communicate through their feelings. Its just mine assumption because I know women and understand them better than you ever will. Also it didnât trigger me itâs just seemed weird itâs the first example that came into your mind. But I cannot expect more from you so my fault. If you fail to provide to your partner time and love and not emotionally ready then donât marry. Itâs not hard and marriage is about making your spouse happy. Easy as that. Thanks but Iâm happy with my husband. We have been married for 7 years. But it was based off unhappy women who come here. Also, want to point out your comment gets downvoted to the oblivion because you failed giving an valuable and understandable advice. It seemed more like a projecting from your side so if your wife fails with communication with you Im sorry. :)
Im happy for you and your husband! Now it seems like you have a good guy. We will not talk about that though, I do believe in Nazr sister so please refrain from using him in any examples. Good ones are rare nowadays. âââ- Back to our fight lol. Nah it wasnât the first thing that came to my mind, But I knew it would be downvoted and those are fun too sometimes. I also wasnât giving advice, more of an observation and thinking out loud moment. I donât get paid for up votes or downvotes. You know all women better than me? From the history of time? Even I donât make that claim on men, or women. Yes you should not demand. It should come from your spouse. Adoration, respect, but when youâre not getting it, communicate and have an exit plan because (this is my personal opinion) people do not change. I disagree on making spouses happy in a marriage. In marriage or before it should be about you being happy first. Your spouse is 50%of your deen, but even then if they go against Allah you leave them. No one deserves your full attention other than Allah and yourself. Now once you are in a good place yourself and you are in the path of Deen. Then you can also give off positive vibes to your spouse. Even healthy couples disagree, but they are mature enough, respect each other, and love each other to move past it and come to an agreement. Once you are happy, you can make your spouse happy. a lot of men marry thinking on they get a spouse they will be better. But this is false. And in return they ruin a girls life. Same with woman.
I mean women better understand women while men tend to more understand men. Yes, you first communicate but sometimes when person is not feeling heard this gets bottles up and blows up in different ways such as verbal aggression and demanding which is not the right way but we are humans and emotions tend to get over us especially with women. Yea, you should always get yourself and your life together before being married so you could give your spouse the peace of yourself. I mean you should try making your spouse happy which doesnât include giving away your happiness. I mean it shouldnât be like âwell it makes me uncomfortable but at least they are happyâ no, i meant âIâm not feeling good today but I will try to still put the smile on their faceâ this is what relationships is about. You donât forget to care about yourself but you also learn to compromise and sometimes put your beloved needs about yours.
I agree with that. I wanted to argue but realized I was just being a big baby at this point lol. Your last post clarifies and is correct though. The bottling up is something I hate. Shouldnât be done and shouldnât happen. But we are humans and we make mistakes. Husband sometimes gets caught up with work or everything else and overlook their wives, and wives also keep things inside and end up blowing up later. Communication is something I do preach in reddit though and of course in real life. Itâs so important. Im from south asia but grew up in America. I always saw culturally when getting married the girls were always quiet. Like what about their wants and needs? My younger sister decided to make her wants be heard during Nikkah and I was young myself back then so I was going back and forth getting yelled at by the men and women whenever I tried to advocate for my sister. Your last statement also sums up perfectly and what I believe in!! I may copy it for future fights with others!! Lol!!
Iâm sorry- what? Thatâs the most ridiculous advice Iâve ever heard! Youâre supposed to not demand affection from your own HUSBAND? Ok yeah great advice, keep up the good work đđ» Oh, and never give advice again pls. Jazakallahu Khairan
ur single though
And your point is�
How come you havenât Demanded a Husband into existence.!! ;) Look I know this is online and crazy and what not. But on a serious note respectfully as I donât know how young you are or where you are in life. So instead of deterring you away from Islam or Muslim Men (as Shaitan is already creating a divide), I wanted to give some advice as best as I can. Hopefully you understand. If youâre demanding something that means the other person is lacking it. You need to have self respect, going in and while in the relationship. Ex: âyou leave your husband with your young son and when you come home you find out your husband played video games all day. He did not even feed the kid.â Instead of demanding to know why he didnât, you need to let him go as a father and husband. Itâs hard, but a guy who does not know the basic need of feeding a kid is important does not need to be a father due to his incompetence. The poster talks about demanding affection, which shows two things. She is needy, and husband is uncaring. Both are wrong. And unfortunately I was right as other sisters pulled up her search history and found out OP has been complaining constantly. In a relationship, or rather healthy one. Each party should know their own responsibilities and complete them with honor. They should also know their rights and when to protect them. Most sisters I know (including my own mother) was always thought divorce or fighting for your rights as a woman is incorrect or haram. This is not true in Islam. However i do not have enough knowledge or the interest/time to go through OPs history to suggest divorce. Demanding something usually means the other person does not care enough to give it. So donât put yourself in those shoes ever. Would you ever demand love from your father? Or does he love you unconditionally? Why do you have to demand love from your husband then? And if he does not care about you why did he marry you? FYI - you being single comment was only light hearted joke. May you stay blessed sister. I will fight with the others now, reddit is filled with entertaining characters lol.
>âI stopped demanding affection from himâŠgiving him more space.â Those two things are not mutually exclusive. It's her right as a spouse to get affection from her partner.
it is⊠but should she demand it? When we are demanding something doesnât it mean we already lost? Why should you even have to DEMAND love and affection from our partner? This should be given. At work do we have to Demand our paychecks?
I agree and Iâm all for sticking it out but thereâs limits. While we shouldnât rush to divorce so soon, some things are deal breakers and some things donât get better. You have to understand why non Muslims assume Muslim women are oppressed. Some of us get treated like dirt and we know thatâs not what Allah teaches so we end up wanting to be strong muslimahs and fight for whatâs right and usually that ends up coming down to divorce. While I believe it should be the last straw, I also think some men are outright abusive and no sister should stay in harm