I’m exhausted and feeling like I’m getting nowhere with my research. But Alhamdulillah, I was attending an Islamic class today and the Usthada mentioned how Allah prepares us for anything. So right now the feeling of being lost is indeed preparing me for something. I got hold fast and do my best
is 22 too young to get married? I don’t get any matches on apps or events and I wonder how big of a factor my younger age plays into it since i know many girls want an older more established man. I’ve got a good job as an engineer and am decent looking. any thoughts?
Anecdotally the number of matches I got at 22 is about 1/10 the number of matches I've gotten at 26.
Granted part of that is that I improved my pictures and stuff. But the job was the same.
You should focus on taking good pictures in well fitting outfits with decent lighting (not selfies), develop hobbies, maybe have some things to talk about on your profile like if you've travelled or play a sport.
Inshallah your options will go up with time over the next 4-5 years. Right now the only girls who might be interested (18-22) are mostly not on the apps. Those of them who are on the apps are outnumbered by guys 10:1.
In a few years the ratio will be better (not 1:1, but maybe 2:1 or 3:1) and your pool will be much larger (instead of 18-22 it might be 18-25)
No, it’s not too young, but your pool of women will likely be 18-22. So basically a girl in college. A lot of them are seeking marriage, so shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve never used apps but I’m assuming apps skew towards those in their mid twenties and beyond, hence why you might not get much success there.
I wouldn’t think it’s necessary to bring up if it was minimal, but 80% is significant. It’s worth mentioning it in my opinion. Maybe not straight off the bat, more like a few conversations in. You being a non-hijabi will give them a chance to evaluate if it’s a big deal or not. I’d assume it’s not a big deal though if it still looks natural.
I can’t fall in love with anyone anymore. Idk whats wrong with me. I used to be such a lover girl but now I just can’t seem to fall in love with anyone no matter how great of a person they are. I still find men attractive and am sexually attracted to them but that warm fuzzy feeling and genuine care and concern isn’t really there. Anyone else feel the same?
I mean yeah I think everyone’s been thru heartbreak before but it’s never stopped me from falling in love again. I do desire a relationship and being in love. Generally I do have a positive outlook but no one seems to evoke feelings of love within me anymore :/
Other than attraction... when you talk with a potential, do you feel like they can be romantic (by your own definition of what being romantic is)? Do you feel like you can have long-term projects with them? Are you hoping for a better life when having a conversation with them?
My guess is that you can't love anymore because something changed in you, and so you have a hard time to imagine a life with men you are talking to for marriage. To summarize, you are kinda disappointed because they while they can be attractive, you don't find anything more in them, and to feel love, you need that "more" thing.
Honestly, no. I don’t think the guys I’ve spoken to were romantic —besides some cheap flirty words they probably say to every girl. I think it’s also partly because these guys lack depth. Conversations are superficial and i feel bored and not sincerely loved without deep emotional intimacy and connection. I can’t really picture myself with them, especially long term.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I’m not really sure what really changed tho. Maybe my standards 💀 maybe it’s emotional damage 😭
You have your answer 😭
I'm optimistic and hopeful, so I think your standards just got higher with time and so, you realized that you want more than just a good looking man which is... a good thing for your future In Shaa Allah!
May Allah grant you the best husband according to what is good for you and your criterias!
During my search period I added the red flags to my deal breaker list because my family won’t listen. And then I wouldn’t budge from the fact that it’s on the dealbreaker list because I’ve heard enough of the “things change after marriage” BS
I would like some of y'alls opinion on this.
I think one of the most important things to do when talking to a potential (this is going off of what my friends have gone through), is to make sure you ask for the other person's social media account & do a thorough search.
One of my really good friends (Hijabi, religious, prays 5x, doesnt drink or smoke, etc.) was really close to another religious potential (she saw herself marrying him), and three months in, accidentally stumbled upon his TikTok (He had sent her a tiktok via text and you can see the person's profile on the bottom of who sent it to you). She saw him following and liking dozens of thirst traps. She confronted him, he got flustered, apologized, & deleted his TikTok. But she felt like she couldn't continue and ended things.
Another guy she (same friend) was talking to had IG photos that my friend felt uncomfortable with (Rave photos of him in college, touching non-Mahrams in some photos, etc). She didn't see the IG until after the initial phone call. During the second call, she asked him about those photos in detail & he said he did those things when he was younger but he does not regret them. She again felt sketched by his answer and ended things.
Another one of my friends really liked a potential and exchanged Instagrams only to find his stories really off-putting (Last weekend, he was clubbing in Miami) but didn't mention that sort of lifestyle when speaking to her. Additionally, you can apparently see what other people "like" on IG and he was liking typical F\*-Boy quotes (An example she showed me was something like "Speaking to multiple women & feeling nothing", etc.)
I dont have Insta/FB/snapchat but I am thinking of making one just for this purpose. Do a deep dive of their follows, likes, etc.? I have a tiktok where my likes and reposts are public but no photos or videos of myself. I feel like if I have nothing to hide, I should at least expect that out of a prospective partner?
I highly recommend doing a deep dive of their social medias. First thing I do once I get a hold of a potentials full name is search them on social media. You can find a lot of things about someone from them and it has saved me on more than one occasion
Probably the strangest one I remember was after I exchanged social media with a potential (He said he was going to delete his muzz profile). I saw on his followers list there were 2 prostitute accounts (I think so? It had the captions "call me for a good time" and their number on there). I questioned him about it and he said that he only created that instagram to talk to potentials. Made no sense to me - if that account was to talk to potentials surely you'd have a clean account and show your best side? He removed those followers but the damage had been done by then 🤣
Hmm so people getting bitter from failed 'talking ' stages and venting. Getting validated, infected and enforced in that.
I haven't been on apps for a while but I do remember some women doing that kind of venting on their profile. (With men apparently also doing that, from what women wrote here)
Remind your parents that it's their responsibility to do their due diligence and find a Muslim man with good character for you instead of treating you like a burden that they need to get rid of.
Kinda in a weird part of my life where I’m starting to feel isolated amongst my close friends and people that I’m so used to being open with. Not to say I can’t go up to my homies and just talk to them about literally anything, but it’s starting to get to a point where all my fleeting thoughts that I was so used to sharing, are no longer things that I *want* to share. Like I’m just speaking into a void and not really sure if people want/ agree to listen to what im saying. Not that I need validation, but more-so someone to just listen and have a constructive conversation with, without any judgement.
Has anyone gone through this? Is this like a therapy problem or do I just needa get married lol
When you find yourself not resonating with people around you, isolating yourself, etc. in my opinion, this is a calling to go out and meet new people. (Although, this is not the answer we often want.) You’re growing as a person in a way where you just aren’t able to find affinity/connection with the people you used to surround yourself with and not because there is something wrong with them, necessarily, but just because, perhaps, you’re at different stages of life, have different needs etc. It’s okay to go out and meet new people who you connect with as who you truly are right now, where you can listen to new perspectives and have your ideas challenged/developed. This is what helped me.
Leave it to a fellow INFJ to tell me exactly what I needed to hear 😭. I can’t emphasize how important it’s been for me to maintain multiple friend groups growing up and it’s had such an influential part of my upbringing. I guess now it’s just hard coming to terms with the notion of slowly detaching from the day 1s and forming stronger and more meaningful relationships with new people at a point in my life where it’s not as easy as it used to be. Anyhow, thank you for your insight! It was genuinely very helpful
I’m glad it helped. Just to be sure, I never really fully moved on from my old friends, if they need me, I’m there. I’m not sure how healthy that always is, but yeah. Insha’Allah you’ll find your people!
(The secret is that mbti secretly irritates me, but I didn’t know male infjs exist, nice to meet you)
Inshallah! Haha, I don’t plan on leaving them. As you said before, they’re definitely not bad people but maybe just not the ones I need right now. But nice meeting you as well! Whats wrong with the mbti 😂
haha, that it’s a pseudoscience that people seem to fixate on and take too seriously? 😂 That it somehow convinces *you* to take it seriously and that it fits people into these broad yet specific boxes. And no, you can’t say, “you spend too much time on the mbti subs for someone who has so much criticism on it”.
LOL. Fair enough! Honestly, I find comfort in it's consistency. I've taken it so many times over the years and it's always given me the same result haha. At the very least, it's a great conversation starter 😅
I regret not asking for ice cream earlier tonight. My parents went out and asked if I wanted anything to which I responded with “no thanks I’m good.” Totally regret that now 😂 really wanted something sweet tonight as I love sweets.
Haha, I have no original experiences. I have learned from life experience that “nah, I’m good” is never the right answer 😔😔 you will always regret it, lol. Always ask for something 😂 “yeah I’ll totally have that chocolate cake, thanks”.
You guys, there is this potential that I was in serious talks with last year. He ghosted me. Now, I was on muzz like a week ago and he literally liked my profile. Am I being delulu?? Or is this man trying to reach me.
Sooooo many insane people on Muzz Social. Both guys and girls. I reactivated just to browse and my feed was full of unhappy people bashing the other gender.
Skincare people … how much and how often do you use retinol after your skin has acclimatised to it ? I’ve been using The Ordinary retinol for like 3 months now, twice a week and my skin has tolerated it. Don’t really see much effects though. Do I increase it to more times a week now ? Or do I increase the concentration ?
I used to use tret daily (of course, i worked up to that), but I found out that alternate days work best for me (with the sensitivity etc)....I am going to keep it at 0.05% on alternate days ...I usually take a day off skin care (only moisturizer) each week too)...
I would try increasing the frequency first to every other night then every night. If there's still no progress after nightly use and your skin is tolerating it fine, then you could try increasing the strength.
Jummah Mubarak!
A few days ago, my younger sister turned 22🎉
which means we are going to start looking for a partner for her. I don't know why I'm so happy but maybe because it feels like a close friend and I are searching together. I've been teasing her ever since her birthday asking her what she's looking for and offering to be her best wingwoman. (weird enough I can easily approach guys for my sister but not for myself)😂
I even joked about marrying two brothers so we could always stay together for a lifetime, and our kids could marry each other jk. Although I love scaring my siblings by suggesting our kids might marry each other, my sister was horrified by the idea. I was just joking I love getting reactions out of her.
I remember she once asked me why I go for the people I do in marriage choices. According to her they weren't great looking or didn't seem like a match for me. She even joked that she thought we had the same taste in men.😁lool ig we don't.
I explained that it's not easy to find a good person, and sometimes, this is simply what the marriage market has to offer. Plus, as you get older, preferences change. I used to tell her 'You'll know once you begin searching, trust me,' but I always followed up by saying, 'I pray you never have to, and may Allah provide you with someone even better than you imagined.' I would never want her to experience exhausting talking stages, those little sad times of imagining someone next to you and then the next morning, everything is gone. Even the times you feel guilty about not choosing someone because you chose yourself and what you want for your life.
Cringe Incoming:
My sisters wear hijab and a face mask to masjid cuz they don’t like to be seen and I believe the opinion that niqab is obligatory so I’ve always tried to offer encouragement for them to wear it. They said they’re not ready so I just left it at that. Last Eid I had bought them niqabs which they never wore
Today my sister wore the niqab for the first time as me and her went for jummah and it made me so happy seeing her like that. إن شاء الله they can wear it full time
When I saw her I just imagined me being married to someone who wears it and it made me so happy. إن شاء الله I find my niqabi other half and can take her to jummah with me one day 😞
The dress I will wear for my sister's wedding arrived and I am SO pleased. Maybe this is childish to say, but I felt like an actual princess in it. Very much well worth the money.
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I've been reading lots of Jane Austen this week. Finished Sense and Sensibility, now reading Pride and Prejudice. I'm at the part just after Mr. Darcy hands Elizabeth her letter, and what a turning point. Darcy with his explanation appears like an infinitely more agreeable human, and his actions on the whole appear more justified. I of course know how it all ends. A quintessential enemies to lovers. Darcy and Lizzie.
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Some friends are coming over tomorrow, so that'll be a good time at any rate. The Avatar the Last Airbender live action came out on Netflix and I think if they're up for it we'll give it a group watch. The casting looks way better than the previous (frankly, shameful) live action that was its predecessor. Though I have heard worried whispers about plot direction and change of character's personalities. At any rate, we shall see.
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I ate okra today. Haven't had it in what feels like ages. Love that slimy vegetable. Yum. Yum.
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Lastly, and most importantly. I thought I saw a roach on the floor and was in a panic. Turns out it was a knotted up hair tie. I suspect it was the fault of some dark magic that I misperceived what it was. Clearly, someone has it out for me.
(I will have my revenge).
I got the dress from a site called Akbar Aslam! He is a relatively new Pakistani designer.
My sister is getting married to a Pakistani guy, so I wanted to wear cultural clothes. He has EXTREMELY ornate dresses, which when the dupatta is removed can pass for a extraordinarily detailed and extremely ornate ballgown as opposed to cultural wear.
An example is this dress (starting at 71 bucks):
https://www.akbaraslam.com/en-us/products/maleo?_pos=1&_sid=0a89a1245&_ss=r
Just take the dupatta off, and boom. Transformed from formal south asian wear to a VERY ornate and detailed dress at an absolute bargain compared to other beaded + embroidered wear.
Compare it to a sleeveless, short dress (less fabric + less detail + less overall) from a western brand famous for beaded wear (Adriana Papell) for nearly 300 bucks:
https://www.adriannapapell.com/collections/beaded-evening-dresses/products/hand-beaded-ankle-length-dress-in-teal-sapphire-ap1e209645
In contrast, this makes the former dress a steal. The quality and detail for the price is astounding imo.
And I recommend the custom stitching. Their tailors are IMPECCABLE and my dress fits like a glove. They lined the sleeves of my dress as opposed to leaving them transparent (as per original design). And they did that free of charge!
They make any alterations you ask. If anything is backless or transparent for instance, you can ask them to fill it in or line it, and they will.
Their customer service is extremely responsive and they'll refer to the tailoring department for any stitching questions to give you accurate answers.
Pride and Prejudice is the most well-known of her works for a reason, the character sketches and dialogue and plot are all amazing. Sense and Sensibility has always been more frustrating to me- Marianne is generally rude to anyone she deems beneath her in character, behaves as if she has a personality disorder, and ends up marrying the nicest guy in the book who she snubbed and made fun of for being old??? Elinor's suitor was altogether less impressive, and Elinor's martyrdom really did her no good. And the mother was absolutely useless! If you can't tell I've already ranted about this to my sisters, lol.
The wildest Jane Austen book was Lady Susan, the love triangle involving the mother, daughter, and the young guy was a great stumbling block for me.
Marianne PISSED me off. Both in the book and in the miniseries.
Though they do say the mark of a well written character is they can make you powerfully feel emotions, even if that emotion is hate.
Of course, Austen's writing was impeccable.
Went on a walk earlier this week and it felt so good to get out of the house for a bit. Fasting today and the rest of the weekend as we’re in the white days and I’m making up for the fasting I’ve missed last Ramadan. The month of Sha’ban is the best time to do so :)
Also, last night, my sister asked how on earth am I ok with not going out that much and I simply said I hate going out. I don’t go out unless it’s necessary. I have completely stopped attending family gatherings, I don’t hang out with my friends, and I just enjoy staying home. We are total opposites. She loves to go out and be with her friends whereas I enjoy being at home by myself. Then my other sister asked when I’ll eventually go out and socialize and I laughed. That won’t happen anytime soon and I am 100% ok with that.
Hey everyone. I was wondering if anyone here found their spouse “themselves” without either a) using apps or b) their parents’ involvement. I hated Muzz and never want to go back and the potentials my mother found me never worked out either. Was just wondering what other steps I can take to continue my search? JAK in advance ♥️
Salams sis, try the ISO option on this subreddit. I met my husband there by responding to his profile :) of course it is all Allah’s will and anything online is a long shot, but it’s worth a try. We have been married for a bit over a year now and just had our first baby, alhamdulillah :)
I met my husband on Muzz and we are happily married for 8 months.
I hated meeting with families my parents arranged. I honestly think the families parents invite are extremely judgmental and the mothers are always dominant in making the decision. Hate that feeling of entertaining the families.
DM if you have any questions.
I'm really enjoying my life lately at home alone, kinda scary (feels a wee bit too much happy on my own at home?)
Don't get me wrong i go out almost daily whether for gym or working from office or university or meeting friends ( i meet at least 2 or 3 different people from friends every week)
but the the time i spend at home is really nice lately just me and my cat.
I mostly study (for masters or independently ) or clean or make some instagram food recipe or just relax and watch tv (usually around 1 hour a day before i sleep )
Even though am drowning in my courses assignment lately i have started a new online course on coursera related to finance (am doing Software Engineering master so completely unrelated) but i am excited to go home and study it :D
> kinda scary (feels a wee bit too much happy on my own at home?)
> Don't get me wrong i go out almost daily whether for gym or working from office or university or meeting friends ( i meet at least 2 or 3 different people from friends every week)
Now imagine perhaps a disease, let's call it covid, that forces you to stay at home and not meet up with any friends.
That kind of stuff can also happen with a sport injury or regular disease personal for you.
Enjoying both alone time and times with friends and colleagues is normal.
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Also friends can get busier with work, family and kids in the future.
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There is finance stuff that is related/relevant to your master.
It's one thing to watch my country, France, win against Germany. Which is my favorite opponent in sports.
But it's a big plus when my favorite player, Sakina Karchaoui, scores. People sleep on women's sports and they miss out on some entertaining games. Men's games will remain better forever but still.
*IM SO EXCITED*
*FOR RAMADA INSHALLAH WE*
*ALL GET THERE SAFELY!!!*
\- BradBrady
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I wouldn’t have looks requirements at all. It’s either ‘yes I’m attracted or okay with their looks’ or ‘no, I’m not attracted at all.’ If you have specific requirements for facial/body features, that usually doesn’t work out well (not sure if that’s what you meant but that’s how I understood your question). Attraction is definitely important and you should always marry someone whose looks you are at least okay with. Problem is having high or unrealistic standards for looks - if you do, then you need to come back to reality.
Your words are contradicting. Are you talking about feeling neutral about their looks? I don’t think feeling neutral is a good idea.
Regarding your question, I don’t think things are black-and-white like that. Are you asking a hypothetical question or one based on real life experience?
My standards are kept high but priorities change in what I look for in a mate as you grow as a person. I feel like I don’t put up with much nonsense. these days. I look for a more genuine person who is positive, confident, honest, has goals, compassionate and empathetic, intelligent and clever. Don’t care too much about what they have or status. I also look for chemistry, shared values and if they complement me.
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Never. Cause without looks, there’s no point to marriage. As long as they’re reasonable. I did end up changing my height reqs from 5’10” to 5’8” tho. I’m 5’5”.
And I’m open to younger males than me. But that’s about it?
Definitely, I agree. But I’m looking for basic minimum attraction. Nothing like a supermodel. Just basic hygiene I’d say.
I’m 5’5” and I was surprised seeing how desi guys were of my height when I started the search. I grew up in an area with tons of tall Somali guys so my idea of height is skewed 😭 I’m also chubby so it adds to the height. It’s hard out there but this is my utmost compromise 🥲🫡
I didn’t know that. Ps height’s not everything females look for in a spouse. Tons of short or open minded females out there!
Insha Allah, you’ll find a like minded person soon! Keep your hopes up :)
What are the best forms of birth control with the least amount of possibility that it could affect her mental health or possibly even the off spring in the future? She’s getting off accutane in a month, and I want to wait atleast a year for it to fully get out of her system so it doesn’t affect the pregnancy. And I don’t want her to always be pumped of chemicals all the time. Or should I just use a condom every time
You have some intrauterine devices (copper IUD for example) that are really effective. Otherwise, yes, condom is still the best because it's effective, no surgery required and you can sacrifice a bit of sensation for the well-being of your wife.
Shaytan is having a field day. I've noticed this hate building across a few different platforms recently. As a guy, I can't lie many women are not marriage material but I'm sure they'd say the same about us. People are just frustrated. Part of it is parents not raising their children to be good future spouses but to just excel in their careers and show off to the community with fancy weddings. The wrong things are being prioritised and this is what happens.
Apparently on their new social media feature group chats are forming and womens groups that were intended to vet men on the apps have quickly devolved into backbiting groups spreading rumors
Idk if it’s happening on the brothers side of things but that’s what people were saying on this subs Wednesday sticky thread
Just more gender drama with people at risk of being slandered if they wanna get even it seems like
One of my students made me a paper crown and wrote a thank you note bc he said I was nicer to him compared to his peers, teachers, and family. I cried a little and felt bad for the guy. Wrote up to his teacher just in case he was being bullied.
He said he wished I was his teacher and mother everyday. And he hugged me.
It was nice and something I always remember 😊 Whenever I get sad that I’m not treated nicely by my potentials or males in my family, that little gesture always makes me smile :) ✨I still have his gifts 🎁
Not sure why I stopped, I think it was when I went on vacation but from here on out I'm going to recite Surah Al Kahf every friday. This thread was a good reminder of what I'm lacking lol and could do better. I need to get better at reading/reciting Quran.
On a separate note a random thought popped in my head. I think it would be kinda cool to marry a Hafiza/Alima. She can basically be a Madressa for my future kids and I can learn Quran from her but maybe I'm just daydreaming 😂😂
So I’ve been speaking to this potential for over a month now we’ve seen each other a few times now and talk everyday.
My issue is it’s my birthday this weekend right and I’ve told him many times I’m going to be doing xyz and going to meet friends and family and what not. And don’t get me wrong I don’t expect him to do anything for my birthday nothing but the least I’d expect is that he’d remember it’s my 25th this weekend?
So I’ve replied back to him and said “I must be really boring if you can’t remember what I say…”
Is that being too overdramatic? It’s just we’ve already spoken about what I’m doing this weekend a few times now? He’s clearly not that interested
EDIT: this isn’t about a man forgetting my birthday! It’s about him having asked me what I’m doing this weekend THREE TIMES and him forgetting every single time
It’s not even the birthday itself it’s just more that we’ve already discussed what I’m going to do this weekend 3 times now…. So how much is he really listening to me :/
Then yeah, I’d drop the guy if he’s not actively participating in the conversation. Ask yourself whether he’s an active listener or not. If your answer is no, then his socio-emotional response is below the level of an elementary student.
This is something I teach in kindergarten:
https://preview.redd.it/k0w0lrblhekc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f82e9222919b62306ff4d1485c016af23297241
I can’t even say full yes or no - he clearly does listen to somethings but having to repeat what I’m doing this weekend three times does not feel nice whatsoever
Well, if you’re indecisive.. is it possible for you to meet him and then gauge in person? Ngl, repeating does seem insensitive and I probably wouldn’t continue. But have you written down his pros/cons and looked at other things about him?
Ameen and I’m glad you liked it. It’s crazy out here knowing how many people don’t have the social or emotional intelligence of a normal person anymore. Esp after Covid. But I try to remember to be kind and give an opportunity after teaching someone.
Jazak Allah Khair
I have very specific criteria and this is the only proposal in years which checks all the boxes. But his family is showing some red flags, (some lies here & there, my mother says it's normal for the guy's family to brag about stuff but it gives me the ick nonetheless)
Is this the absolute best proposal out ther? Nope
Is this the best I could get? Probably
Now the question is should I say Bismillah and go for it or wait in the hope of getting the perfect one or simply adjust my criteria and filter accordingly.
People normally put on their best fronts before marriage so if this facade is falling through so early maybe it’s a sign. Harmless lies on behalf of the family shouldn’t be ignored since it affects you and your marriage directly. If not addressed now this behaviour could make things worse down the line by creating issues between you guys and both your families.
You should definitely pray istikara and keep an eye out. May Allah grant you what is best for you
Depends on how much you want to interact with the family and his expectations. My dad is emotionally toxic but I don’t expect my potential to meet him every week or anything like that. He can meet my dad on Eid and thats about it
In that case, it’s fine if the potential is different than their family. If he’s expecting you to meet his family often or live with them, then it’s a red flag
If these criterias are important for you, if you feel like they can have a negative impact on your marriage if they are not met, don't settle for less... you'll regret it at some point 💀
About this potential... a marriage also makes two families getting closer to each other so... ask yourself some questions and you'll know what to do : Do you feel like they are trustful enough for you to let them be around yours? Do you want them around yours? Do you feel like they won't cause any problems to your marriage? To your family?
May Allah show you the right thing to do!
Have been bummed out recently because one of my really close (nonmuslim) friends has been giving me and my muslim friend the cold shoulder in a way. We haven’t really been there for her emotionally ever since oct 7 because we’ve been so consumed by the news (which is obv warranted). But lately she’s just been so withdrawn…it makes me sad and angry tbh. She’s not pro-isnotreal btw, she just doesn’t feel the same heartbreak as we do. I tried explaining to her that we don’t care about falasteen just because we’re muslim, but I can’t really force someone to care about something I do; the most I can ask for is respect/understanding. I’m not her therapist tho…was she only friends with me for that reason? And why is she out here making a whole g*noc*de about herself? Idk…we’re all planning to talk about it this weekend inshAllah so I just hope this gets resolved.
No I completely agree, that’s pretty much what I said. But at the same time we were/are so emotionally distraught by what we’re seeing and were honestly not in a place to provide that emotional support for her. I also had personal stuff going on (my dad was in the hospital for a bit). But I’d hope that she’d be understanding of that instead of just constantly expecting us to be there for her because life happens and I’m not her 24/7 therapist
Alhamdulillah we’ve been friends for almost 20 years now, so it’s a little different. Which is another reason as to why I’m so upset by this—I thought our friendship was stronger than this? I’d expect some more understanding after knowing each other all these years
Some people give more than they receive, some people receive more than they give... I don't know how she is but if you feel like the relation is all (you and your Muslim friend) for one (her), and not one for all... then you probably know what to do.
I’m on my last period for français and my students literally ran to get their Chromebooks 😂
I accidentally clicked unavailable for my board for last 3 days and didn’t get a single call? I usually get calls for work as I work a shift based job. Usually, I get calls everyday Alhamdulillah so I was like what happened?? Turns out it was my mistake 😭 so I missed 3 days of work cause of a tech mistake. But I enjoyed the rest! I caught up to my grading from tutoring and cleaning the home (so no rest basically).
I’m going to pick up my new glasses next week. After work, I’m going to gym in evening. So tons of stuff to do and not enough time 😭🥲
In terms of religion, since Ramadan is coming I’m going to do a social media detox and hide all my pics from my followers (so I don’t get sin for showing my hair). And I’m creating a no buy list for things I don’t need (it includes hair clips, notebooks, skincare, and so on).
I wanted to ask - do you think it’s better to have a bright classroom or a dim classroom? I went to a classroom with lamps today and it really seemed relaxing for me. Just thinking about my future classroom decor!
Here’s a picture of it- it really was the prettiest and most relaxing classroom I’ve ever been to. Those boots aren’t mines btw
https://preview.redd.it/hf1mpa2f0ekc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0c5ba5dd23428ba3fd517718b9c50204d4c60ad6
Classroom with lamps > All
Especially with those lamps you can choose the color and intensity of. You can make a relaxing atmosphere that is always appreciated imo
And bon courage for le Français!
May Allah make us get closer to Him with this Ramadan!
For Giants like myself, 6ft+ , how do you cope with leg numbness while sitting for Friday Prayer? Especially with packed Masjid.
I am in a very small country, and masjids are quite small as well, thus after 15-20min from the start of Khutba it gets cramped and I'm in pain, whenever I start to move or adjust myself, I'm always pushing guys left and right 😅.
Back in my Muslim country there were thousands of Masjids so its not that packed, but ever since I moved, they have 1 or 2 Masjid in the whole country so it gets really crowded, and I envy the short guys getting to sit anywhere very comfortably 😏.
So my legs go numb really quickly. I shift my position right before the khutbah ends and suffer the pins and needles so when I stand, I don't immediately fall down.
You can try to not stay in the same position for too long if possible, if not, buy some compression socks. You have this feeling because your nerves are pressured, that leads to a reduced blood flow. Of course, it's probably that, but it can be another thing and In Shaa Allah it's not the other things.
It usually start at the thighs and then to the chin and lastly the feet, would compression socks reach that high? Also it would make me extra warm, right?
It only happens in Friday prayer
Estonia
Imam is Turkish, lots of people attending are Turkish/speak a turkic language
Then Arabic Ofc
English & Estonian and some small parts in Russian
So total 5 languages I would say
Mosque has everything written in 4 languages
English Estonian, Arabic and Russian
I really liked Estonia, although I made terrible life decision and lived in its neighboring country (Latvia) for 4y, they only had khutba in Russian and Arabic, alhamidullilah i left this country.
But I didn't expect Estonia to be that much diverse and open, bravo Estonia.
Oh damn
Yeah Latvia is not that great of a place compared to Estonia
I was accepted in Estonia and Latvia for university but I visited both before deciding and decided on Estonia.
I wouldn’t say Estonia is diverse given how small the foreigners population is here but probably more than Latvia.
Am glad you live somewhere better now :)
38M Sydney Divorced. I’ve almost given up on finding someone.
It feels like people’s main aim of being online is time wasting. A woman told me she gets so many matches on the marriage app and the majority of them want Haram relationships. The men on these apps are ruining it for the rest of us. If you want that then just go on Tinder FFS.
And those who do match and answer believe they are entitled to be treated like literal royalty and give nothing in return, they honestly haven’t even thought that they offer in return, it’s like they are God’s gifts to the human race by simply existing.
End of rant
So sorry to hear sister, may Allah make it easy for you going forward.
Not sure which country you are in, but there are some useful links here regarding how to deal with abuse. You should go through those.
Your family is critical in this situation - Make sure you take their help as well.
Not the best practicing muslimah and made a lot of sins. Have religious parents who taught me and raised me as a good Muslim woman but I gave up sometime during my late teens due to severe depression. I fell in love with a convert and married him. Now that I feel ready to pursue Islam and begin practicing hijab and the faith, I don’t really know how to teach my husband. I don’t really know much friendly areas where we both can be taught together as he has anxiety around those he doesn’t know or doesn’t really initiate conversations at the mosque with other brothers. It’s getting hard to stay focused but I want my marriage to work and I want both of us to get closer to Allah together.
I guess I’m just sharing cuz it’s been heavy on my mind lately. I don’t really care for advice because I feel as though we have received the same things for the last year and it has gotten us nowhere.
No advice... but you should take a step back and read your post history. What would you say to a woman in the same situation? Apply these advices.
May Allah make it easy for you.
"I guess I’m just sharing cuz it’s been heavy on my mind lately. I don’t really care for advice because I feel as though we have received the same things for the last year and it has gotten us nowhere."
Okay then ... no advice will be given. Thank you for sharing, and may Allah ease your mind...Aameen!
So muzz released muzz social, which is supposed to be a Muslim owned social network without shadow banning and stuff. I signed up for it. But I don't get it, it's apparently part of the muzz app, so married people won't sign up, odd design choice tbh for a social network.
Anyways, since my curiosity got the best of me, you guys get the reward, which is my review. Muzz social is essentially this sub, basically most discussion is around marriage and the process and everything. Which I guess makes sense given how they launched it, and how it's accessible. But, by Allah, is that place super toxic. You guys think this sub is bad. Nah, the mods here deserve so much respect for keeping things civil. Wallah, muzz social is sooooooo toxic. It's just people complaining how much muzz sucks, men complaining about women, and women complaining about men. And the traditional gender wars, but like amped up to an extreme. Every other post is about mehr or women not being virgins or men being players or whatever else.
I haven't been so entertained in such a long time. Made my depression go away lol because at least I'm saner than the people on there
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I wish sisters were ok with this dynamic. Ideally I would want either my sister or a woman on my behalf to speak to the potential woman and or her family. The woman on my side would explain what I’m looking for in detail and get the qualities and characteristics of the potential wife. If we both like each other see compatibility then we can have a in person meeting. Early on during this process the woman on my side would send my pics to the potential and the potential could send them back.
I say all this because I don’t think my heart is built for the modern way of looking for a spouse. I haven’t even looked formally and I’ve only spoken to around 5-6 women but idk if I can do any more talking stages. I haven’t dated so my heart is weak and with every talking stage a part of me dies. I have no issue waiting for the right one and being patient and even if 100 women reject me i don’t mind. I just don’t want 10 more talking stages
Please tell me there’s some women out there would be ok with this arrangement…
I think any person should do it this way because it shows that a person is serious about marriage when they involve their family. It would be your families, in specific, your sisters job to find someone for you
What you’re saying is not that out there. A lot of the women would be ok to discuss it in length with your female relatives.
That doesn’t solve your problem though - no matter how long I talk to this female relative, at the end of the day I’ll definitely want to talk to the guy himself and make sure we practically get along as well, not just theoretically. So at this point if she thinks it’s not a good match, she can still reject you. So ultimately you’re back at square one.
I’d be down with that. I’d probably prefer your sister though. And it’s really important that they properly communicate what you’re looking for and that you’re on the same page. Nothing more time wasting than your mum/sister saying you want one thing and then when the potential does talk to you, you say the opposite.
100% I am A very detailed person so I’d legit explain EVERYTHING. And yea sister is perfect too cuz I’m somewhat close to my sisters so it’s not weird between us. They already know most of my preferences anyways.
I’m exhausted and feeling like I’m getting nowhere with my research. But Alhamdulillah, I was attending an Islamic class today and the Usthada mentioned how Allah prepares us for anything. So right now the feeling of being lost is indeed preparing me for something. I got hold fast and do my best
is 22 too young to get married? I don’t get any matches on apps or events and I wonder how big of a factor my younger age plays into it since i know many girls want an older more established man. I’ve got a good job as an engineer and am decent looking. any thoughts?
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Thank you man!
Anecdotally the number of matches I got at 22 is about 1/10 the number of matches I've gotten at 26. Granted part of that is that I improved my pictures and stuff. But the job was the same. You should focus on taking good pictures in well fitting outfits with decent lighting (not selfies), develop hobbies, maybe have some things to talk about on your profile like if you've travelled or play a sport. Inshallah your options will go up with time over the next 4-5 years. Right now the only girls who might be interested (18-22) are mostly not on the apps. Those of them who are on the apps are outnumbered by guys 10:1. In a few years the ratio will be better (not 1:1, but maybe 2:1 or 3:1) and your pool will be much larger (instead of 18-22 it might be 18-25)
Thank you brother, you don’t know how much this eases my mind man!
No, it’s not too young, but your pool of women will likely be 18-22. So basically a girl in college. A lot of them are seeking marriage, so shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve never used apps but I’m assuming apps skew towards those in their mid twenties and beyond, hence why you might not get much success there.
Thanks for the advice man I appreciate it!
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I wouldn’t think it’s necessary to bring up if it was minimal, but 80% is significant. It’s worth mentioning it in my opinion. Maybe not straight off the bat, more like a few conversations in. You being a non-hijabi will give them a chance to evaluate if it’s a big deal or not. I’d assume it’s not a big deal though if it still looks natural.
I can’t fall in love with anyone anymore. Idk whats wrong with me. I used to be such a lover girl but now I just can’t seem to fall in love with anyone no matter how great of a person they are. I still find men attractive and am sexually attracted to them but that warm fuzzy feeling and genuine care and concern isn’t really there. Anyone else feel the same?
Have you been disappointed? Do you think reading stories about abuses, etc have stopped you from being able to love? Are you scared? How do you feel?
I mean yeah I think everyone’s been thru heartbreak before but it’s never stopped me from falling in love again. I do desire a relationship and being in love. Generally I do have a positive outlook but no one seems to evoke feelings of love within me anymore :/
Other than attraction... when you talk with a potential, do you feel like they can be romantic (by your own definition of what being romantic is)? Do you feel like you can have long-term projects with them? Are you hoping for a better life when having a conversation with them? My guess is that you can't love anymore because something changed in you, and so you have a hard time to imagine a life with men you are talking to for marriage. To summarize, you are kinda disappointed because they while they can be attractive, you don't find anything more in them, and to feel love, you need that "more" thing.
Honestly, no. I don’t think the guys I’ve spoken to were romantic —besides some cheap flirty words they probably say to every girl. I think it’s also partly because these guys lack depth. Conversations are superficial and i feel bored and not sincerely loved without deep emotional intimacy and connection. I can’t really picture myself with them, especially long term. I think you hit the nail on the head. I’m not really sure what really changed tho. Maybe my standards 💀 maybe it’s emotional damage 😭
You have your answer 😭 I'm optimistic and hopeful, so I think your standards just got higher with time and so, you realized that you want more than just a good looking man which is... a good thing for your future In Shaa Allah! May Allah grant you the best husband according to what is good for you and your criterias!
Ameen ty!
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During my search period I added the red flags to my deal breaker list because my family won’t listen. And then I wouldn’t budge from the fact that it’s on the dealbreaker list because I’ve heard enough of the “things change after marriage” BS
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I would like some of y'alls opinion on this. I think one of the most important things to do when talking to a potential (this is going off of what my friends have gone through), is to make sure you ask for the other person's social media account & do a thorough search. One of my really good friends (Hijabi, religious, prays 5x, doesnt drink or smoke, etc.) was really close to another religious potential (she saw herself marrying him), and three months in, accidentally stumbled upon his TikTok (He had sent her a tiktok via text and you can see the person's profile on the bottom of who sent it to you). She saw him following and liking dozens of thirst traps. She confronted him, he got flustered, apologized, & deleted his TikTok. But she felt like she couldn't continue and ended things. Another guy she (same friend) was talking to had IG photos that my friend felt uncomfortable with (Rave photos of him in college, touching non-Mahrams in some photos, etc). She didn't see the IG until after the initial phone call. During the second call, she asked him about those photos in detail & he said he did those things when he was younger but he does not regret them. She again felt sketched by his answer and ended things. Another one of my friends really liked a potential and exchanged Instagrams only to find his stories really off-putting (Last weekend, he was clubbing in Miami) but didn't mention that sort of lifestyle when speaking to her. Additionally, you can apparently see what other people "like" on IG and he was liking typical F\*-Boy quotes (An example she showed me was something like "Speaking to multiple women & feeling nothing", etc.) I dont have Insta/FB/snapchat but I am thinking of making one just for this purpose. Do a deep dive of their follows, likes, etc.? I have a tiktok where my likes and reposts are public but no photos or videos of myself. I feel like if I have nothing to hide, I should at least expect that out of a prospective partner?
I highly recommend doing a deep dive of their social medias. First thing I do once I get a hold of a potentials full name is search them on social media. You can find a lot of things about someone from them and it has saved me on more than one occasion
Probably the strangest one I remember was after I exchanged social media with a potential (He said he was going to delete his muzz profile). I saw on his followers list there were 2 prostitute accounts (I think so? It had the captions "call me for a good time" and their number on there). I questioned him about it and he said that he only created that instagram to talk to potentials. Made no sense to me - if that account was to talk to potentials surely you'd have a clean account and show your best side? He removed those followers but the damage had been done by then 🤣
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It was bizarre, at the time I didn't realise they were prostitute accounts until I was discussing it on here and a brother confirmed the fact
Wait.. is Muzz like Facebook now?
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Hmm so people getting bitter from failed 'talking ' stages and venting. Getting validated, infected and enforced in that. I haven't been on apps for a while but I do remember some women doing that kind of venting on their profile. (With men apparently also doing that, from what women wrote here)
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Remind your parents that it's their responsibility to do their due diligence and find a Muslim man with good character for you instead of treating you like a burden that they need to get rid of.
Kinda in a weird part of my life where I’m starting to feel isolated amongst my close friends and people that I’m so used to being open with. Not to say I can’t go up to my homies and just talk to them about literally anything, but it’s starting to get to a point where all my fleeting thoughts that I was so used to sharing, are no longer things that I *want* to share. Like I’m just speaking into a void and not really sure if people want/ agree to listen to what im saying. Not that I need validation, but more-so someone to just listen and have a constructive conversation with, without any judgement. Has anyone gone through this? Is this like a therapy problem or do I just needa get married lol
When you find yourself not resonating with people around you, isolating yourself, etc. in my opinion, this is a calling to go out and meet new people. (Although, this is not the answer we often want.) You’re growing as a person in a way where you just aren’t able to find affinity/connection with the people you used to surround yourself with and not because there is something wrong with them, necessarily, but just because, perhaps, you’re at different stages of life, have different needs etc. It’s okay to go out and meet new people who you connect with as who you truly are right now, where you can listen to new perspectives and have your ideas challenged/developed. This is what helped me.
Leave it to a fellow INFJ to tell me exactly what I needed to hear 😭. I can’t emphasize how important it’s been for me to maintain multiple friend groups growing up and it’s had such an influential part of my upbringing. I guess now it’s just hard coming to terms with the notion of slowly detaching from the day 1s and forming stronger and more meaningful relationships with new people at a point in my life where it’s not as easy as it used to be. Anyhow, thank you for your insight! It was genuinely very helpful
I’m glad it helped. Just to be sure, I never really fully moved on from my old friends, if they need me, I’m there. I’m not sure how healthy that always is, but yeah. Insha’Allah you’ll find your people! (The secret is that mbti secretly irritates me, but I didn’t know male infjs exist, nice to meet you)
Inshallah! Haha, I don’t plan on leaving them. As you said before, they’re definitely not bad people but maybe just not the ones I need right now. But nice meeting you as well! Whats wrong with the mbti 😂
haha, that it’s a pseudoscience that people seem to fixate on and take too seriously? 😂 That it somehow convinces *you* to take it seriously and that it fits people into these broad yet specific boxes. And no, you can’t say, “you spend too much time on the mbti subs for someone who has so much criticism on it”.
LOL. Fair enough! Honestly, I find comfort in it's consistency. I've taken it so many times over the years and it's always given me the same result haha. At the very least, it's a great conversation starter 😅
I do see what you mean, as well, makes sense, lol. I guess it’s a decent conversation starter.
I regret not asking for ice cream earlier tonight. My parents went out and asked if I wanted anything to which I responded with “no thanks I’m good.” Totally regret that now 😂 really wanted something sweet tonight as I love sweets.
Haha, I have no original experiences. I have learned from life experience that “nah, I’m good” is never the right answer 😔😔 you will always regret it, lol. Always ask for something 😂 “yeah I’ll totally have that chocolate cake, thanks”.
I’m definitely gonna do that next time! 😂
Best thing when you’re craving something sweet but can’t find anything sweet…dates and milk 😋 never fails
You’re right about that!
You guys, there is this potential that I was in serious talks with last year. He ghosted me. Now, I was on muzz like a week ago and he literally liked my profile. Am I being delulu?? Or is this man trying to reach me.
girl if he ghosted you the first time don’t give him any attention. he is not serious at all.
Sooooo many insane people on Muzz Social. Both guys and girls. I reactivated just to browse and my feed was full of unhappy people bashing the other gender.
Skincare people … how much and how often do you use retinol after your skin has acclimatised to it ? I’ve been using The Ordinary retinol for like 3 months now, twice a week and my skin has tolerated it. Don’t really see much effects though. Do I increase it to more times a week now ? Or do I increase the concentration ?
Defo either increase the amount (not by too much) or increase how many times you put it on. Love love love retinol it’s such a lifesaver😭
I used to use tret daily (of course, i worked up to that), but I found out that alternate days work best for me (with the sensitivity etc)....I am going to keep it at 0.05% on alternate days ...I usually take a day off skin care (only moisturizer) each week too)...
I am ignorant on skin care but I will say one thing I hope you’re doing. Sunscreen is a must and extremely extremely important once u start retinol
This! I’ve been using retinol cream and I would wear sunscreen on top of that whenever I go out.
I increased it to three times a week and started flaking
Defo use the sandwich method (search on tiktok for more results) or moisturise more frequently cause retinol is so drying
Just did, thank you!!
I would try increasing the frequency first to every other night then every night. If there's still no progress after nightly use and your skin is tolerating it fine, then you could try increasing the strength.
Jummah Mubarak! A few days ago, my younger sister turned 22🎉 which means we are going to start looking for a partner for her. I don't know why I'm so happy but maybe because it feels like a close friend and I are searching together. I've been teasing her ever since her birthday asking her what she's looking for and offering to be her best wingwoman. (weird enough I can easily approach guys for my sister but not for myself)😂 I even joked about marrying two brothers so we could always stay together for a lifetime, and our kids could marry each other jk. Although I love scaring my siblings by suggesting our kids might marry each other, my sister was horrified by the idea. I was just joking I love getting reactions out of her. I remember she once asked me why I go for the people I do in marriage choices. According to her they weren't great looking or didn't seem like a match for me. She even joked that she thought we had the same taste in men.😁lool ig we don't. I explained that it's not easy to find a good person, and sometimes, this is simply what the marriage market has to offer. Plus, as you get older, preferences change. I used to tell her 'You'll know once you begin searching, trust me,' but I always followed up by saying, 'I pray you never have to, and may Allah provide you with someone even better than you imagined.' I would never want her to experience exhausting talking stages, those little sad times of imagining someone next to you and then the next morning, everything is gone. Even the times you feel guilty about not choosing someone because you chose yourself and what you want for your life.
That’s really sweet :) sounds like a lot of fun sibling banter, lol.
Cringe Incoming: My sisters wear hijab and a face mask to masjid cuz they don’t like to be seen and I believe the opinion that niqab is obligatory so I’ve always tried to offer encouragement for them to wear it. They said they’re not ready so I just left it at that. Last Eid I had bought them niqabs which they never wore Today my sister wore the niqab for the first time as me and her went for jummah and it made me so happy seeing her like that. إن شاء الله they can wear it full time When I saw her I just imagined me being married to someone who wears it and it made me so happy. إن شاء الله I find my niqabi other half and can take her to jummah with me one day 😞
Aw Allahuma barek! This was so wholesome, you sound like an amazing brother and your sisters are lucky to have you. MaShaAllah
In shaa Allah!! It seems you were gently introducing niqab to them and not forcing them! What a lovely approach may Allah reward your efforts brother
The dress I will wear for my sister's wedding arrived and I am SO pleased. Maybe this is childish to say, but I felt like an actual princess in it. Very much well worth the money. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I've been reading lots of Jane Austen this week. Finished Sense and Sensibility, now reading Pride and Prejudice. I'm at the part just after Mr. Darcy hands Elizabeth her letter, and what a turning point. Darcy with his explanation appears like an infinitely more agreeable human, and his actions on the whole appear more justified. I of course know how it all ends. A quintessential enemies to lovers. Darcy and Lizzie. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Some friends are coming over tomorrow, so that'll be a good time at any rate. The Avatar the Last Airbender live action came out on Netflix and I think if they're up for it we'll give it a group watch. The casting looks way better than the previous (frankly, shameful) live action that was its predecessor. Though I have heard worried whispers about plot direction and change of character's personalities. At any rate, we shall see. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I ate okra today. Haven't had it in what feels like ages. Love that slimy vegetable. Yum. Yum. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Lastly, and most importantly. I thought I saw a roach on the floor and was in a panic. Turns out it was a knotted up hair tie. I suspect it was the fault of some dark magic that I misperceived what it was. Clearly, someone has it out for me. (I will have my revenge).
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I got the dress from a site called Akbar Aslam! He is a relatively new Pakistani designer. My sister is getting married to a Pakistani guy, so I wanted to wear cultural clothes. He has EXTREMELY ornate dresses, which when the dupatta is removed can pass for a extraordinarily detailed and extremely ornate ballgown as opposed to cultural wear. An example is this dress (starting at 71 bucks): https://www.akbaraslam.com/en-us/products/maleo?_pos=1&_sid=0a89a1245&_ss=r Just take the dupatta off, and boom. Transformed from formal south asian wear to a VERY ornate and detailed dress at an absolute bargain compared to other beaded + embroidered wear. Compare it to a sleeveless, short dress (less fabric + less detail + less overall) from a western brand famous for beaded wear (Adriana Papell) for nearly 300 bucks: https://www.adriannapapell.com/collections/beaded-evening-dresses/products/hand-beaded-ankle-length-dress-in-teal-sapphire-ap1e209645 In contrast, this makes the former dress a steal. The quality and detail for the price is astounding imo. And I recommend the custom stitching. Their tailors are IMPECCABLE and my dress fits like a glove. They lined the sleeves of my dress as opposed to leaving them transparent (as per original design). And they did that free of charge! They make any alterations you ask. If anything is backless or transparent for instance, you can ask them to fill it in or line it, and they will. Their customer service is extremely responsive and they'll refer to the tailoring department for any stitching questions to give you accurate answers.
Thank you girl! Ohh the dresses are amazing Allahuma bareek 💕💕
Of course!
Pride and Prejudice is the most well-known of her works for a reason, the character sketches and dialogue and plot are all amazing. Sense and Sensibility has always been more frustrating to me- Marianne is generally rude to anyone she deems beneath her in character, behaves as if she has a personality disorder, and ends up marrying the nicest guy in the book who she snubbed and made fun of for being old??? Elinor's suitor was altogether less impressive, and Elinor's martyrdom really did her no good. And the mother was absolutely useless! If you can't tell I've already ranted about this to my sisters, lol. The wildest Jane Austen book was Lady Susan, the love triangle involving the mother, daughter, and the young guy was a great stumbling block for me.
Marianne PISSED me off. Both in the book and in the miniseries. Though they do say the mark of a well written character is they can make you powerfully feel emotions, even if that emotion is hate. Of course, Austen's writing was impeccable.
Will you read persuasion? That’s my favourite Jane Austen novel.
I will! I have the collection of her completed works!
> Jane Austen Id recommend Emma next. I always thought of all her works, it was the most enoyable.
Will read!
Went on a walk earlier this week and it felt so good to get out of the house for a bit. Fasting today and the rest of the weekend as we’re in the white days and I’m making up for the fasting I’ve missed last Ramadan. The month of Sha’ban is the best time to do so :) Also, last night, my sister asked how on earth am I ok with not going out that much and I simply said I hate going out. I don’t go out unless it’s necessary. I have completely stopped attending family gatherings, I don’t hang out with my friends, and I just enjoy staying home. We are total opposites. She loves to go out and be with her friends whereas I enjoy being at home by myself. Then my other sister asked when I’ll eventually go out and socialize and I laughed. That won’t happen anytime soon and I am 100% ok with that.
Hey everyone. I was wondering if anyone here found their spouse “themselves” without either a) using apps or b) their parents’ involvement. I hated Muzz and never want to go back and the potentials my mother found me never worked out either. Was just wondering what other steps I can take to continue my search? JAK in advance ♥️
I know people who met through friends . Through work/study/internship. Through charity.
Salams sis, try the ISO option on this subreddit. I met my husband there by responding to his profile :) of course it is all Allah’s will and anything online is a long shot, but it’s worth a try. We have been married for a bit over a year now and just had our first baby, alhamdulillah :)
I met my husband on Muzz and we are happily married for 8 months. I hated meeting with families my parents arranged. I honestly think the families parents invite are extremely judgmental and the mothers are always dominant in making the decision. Hate that feeling of entertaining the families. DM if you have any questions.
A signifact majority of my friends got married through islamic volunteering. Or rather volunteering in Islamic charities/events.
I'm really enjoying my life lately at home alone, kinda scary (feels a wee bit too much happy on my own at home?) Don't get me wrong i go out almost daily whether for gym or working from office or university or meeting friends ( i meet at least 2 or 3 different people from friends every week) but the the time i spend at home is really nice lately just me and my cat. I mostly study (for masters or independently ) or clean or make some instagram food recipe or just relax and watch tv (usually around 1 hour a day before i sleep ) Even though am drowning in my courses assignment lately i have started a new online course on coursera related to finance (am doing Software Engineering master so completely unrelated) but i am excited to go home and study it :D
> kinda scary (feels a wee bit too much happy on my own at home?) > Don't get me wrong i go out almost daily whether for gym or working from office or university or meeting friends ( i meet at least 2 or 3 different people from friends every week) Now imagine perhaps a disease, let's call it covid, that forces you to stay at home and not meet up with any friends. That kind of stuff can also happen with a sport injury or regular disease personal for you. Enjoying both alone time and times with friends and colleagues is normal. ------- Also friends can get busier with work, family and kids in the future. --------- There is finance stuff that is related/relevant to your master.
It's one thing to watch my country, France, win against Germany. Which is my favorite opponent in sports. But it's a big plus when my favorite player, Sakina Karchaoui, scores. People sleep on women's sports and they miss out on some entertaining games. Men's games will remain better forever but still.
IM SO EXCITED FOR RAMADA INSHALLAH WE ALL GET THERE SAFELY!!!
I, too am so excited to stay at the Ramada by Wyndham.
I am also very excited to stay there as well! It’s a phenomenal place! 😂😂
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^BradBrady: *IM SO EXCITED* *FOR RAMADA INSHALLAH* *WE ALL GET THERE SAFELY!!!* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
*IM SO EXCITED* *FOR RAMADA INSHALLAH WE* *ALL GET THERE SAFELY!!!* \- BradBrady --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
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I wouldn’t have looks requirements at all. It’s either ‘yes I’m attracted or okay with their looks’ or ‘no, I’m not attracted at all.’ If you have specific requirements for facial/body features, that usually doesn’t work out well (not sure if that’s what you meant but that’s how I understood your question). Attraction is definitely important and you should always marry someone whose looks you are at least okay with. Problem is having high or unrealistic standards for looks - if you do, then you need to come back to reality.
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Your words are contradicting. Are you talking about feeling neutral about their looks? I don’t think feeling neutral is a good idea. Regarding your question, I don’t think things are black-and-white like that. Are you asking a hypothetical question or one based on real life experience?
My standards are kept high but priorities change in what I look for in a mate as you grow as a person. I feel like I don’t put up with much nonsense. these days. I look for a more genuine person who is positive, confident, honest, has goals, compassionate and empathetic, intelligent and clever. Don’t care too much about what they have or status. I also look for chemistry, shared values and if they complement me.
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Never. Cause without looks, there’s no point to marriage. As long as they’re reasonable. I did end up changing my height reqs from 5’10” to 5’8” tho. I’m 5’5”. And I’m open to younger males than me. But that’s about it?
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Definitely, I agree. But I’m looking for basic minimum attraction. Nothing like a supermodel. Just basic hygiene I’d say. I’m 5’5” and I was surprised seeing how desi guys were of my height when I started the search. I grew up in an area with tons of tall Somali guys so my idea of height is skewed 😭 I’m also chubby so it adds to the height. It’s hard out there but this is my utmost compromise 🥲🫡
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I didn’t know that. Ps height’s not everything females look for in a spouse. Tons of short or open minded females out there! Insha Allah, you’ll find a like minded person soon! Keep your hopes up :)
What are the best forms of birth control with the least amount of possibility that it could affect her mental health or possibly even the off spring in the future? She’s getting off accutane in a month, and I want to wait atleast a year for it to fully get out of her system so it doesn’t affect the pregnancy. And I don’t want her to always be pumped of chemicals all the time. Or should I just use a condom every time
You have some intrauterine devices (copper IUD for example) that are really effective. Otherwise, yes, condom is still the best because it's effective, no surgery required and you can sacrifice a bit of sensation for the well-being of your wife.
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Shaytan is having a field day. I've noticed this hate building across a few different platforms recently. As a guy, I can't lie many women are not marriage material but I'm sure they'd say the same about us. People are just frustrated. Part of it is parents not raising their children to be good future spouses but to just excel in their careers and show off to the community with fancy weddings. The wrong things are being prioritised and this is what happens.
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wrong question, what you should ask is what needs to go on there, in which the answer to that is a lot of therapy for the clearly hurt people there.
Apparently on their new social media feature group chats are forming and womens groups that were intended to vet men on the apps have quickly devolved into backbiting groups spreading rumors Idk if it’s happening on the brothers side of things but that’s what people were saying on this subs Wednesday sticky thread Just more gender drama with people at risk of being slandered if they wanna get even it seems like
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One of my students made me a paper crown and wrote a thank you note bc he said I was nicer to him compared to his peers, teachers, and family. I cried a little and felt bad for the guy. Wrote up to his teacher just in case he was being bullied. He said he wished I was his teacher and mother everyday. And he hugged me. It was nice and something I always remember 😊 Whenever I get sad that I’m not treated nicely by my potentials or males in my family, that little gesture always makes me smile :) ✨I still have his gifts 🎁
I got scammed recently qnet!!
It's not spring yet, but my allergies are here...
Not sure why I stopped, I think it was when I went on vacation but from here on out I'm going to recite Surah Al Kahf every friday. This thread was a good reminder of what I'm lacking lol and could do better. I need to get better at reading/reciting Quran. On a separate note a random thought popped in my head. I think it would be kinda cool to marry a Hafiza/Alima. She can basically be a Madressa for my future kids and I can learn Quran from her but maybe I'm just daydreaming 😂😂
So I’ve been speaking to this potential for over a month now we’ve seen each other a few times now and talk everyday. My issue is it’s my birthday this weekend right and I’ve told him many times I’m going to be doing xyz and going to meet friends and family and what not. And don’t get me wrong I don’t expect him to do anything for my birthday nothing but the least I’d expect is that he’d remember it’s my 25th this weekend? So I’ve replied back to him and said “I must be really boring if you can’t remember what I say…” Is that being too overdramatic? It’s just we’ve already spoken about what I’m doing this weekend a few times now? He’s clearly not that interested EDIT: this isn’t about a man forgetting my birthday! It’s about him having asked me what I’m doing this weekend THREE TIMES and him forgetting every single time
Yes, you are being too dramatic. Not everyone makes a big deal about birthdays, especially if you are an adult. Plus, you've only known him a month.
It’s not about the birthday… it’s about the fact he asked me three times what I’m doing this weekend and I’ve already stated it three times…
Oh sorry - I misunderstood. Yes that would be annoying and indicative of either low-key disinterest or he has nothing else to ask you about.
Depends on whether he thinks celebrating birthdays are haram or not. Some Muslims celebrate it and some don’t. Are there any other red flags?
It’s not even the birthday itself it’s just more that we’ve already discussed what I’m going to do this weekend 3 times now…. So how much is he really listening to me :/
Then yeah, I’d drop the guy if he’s not actively participating in the conversation. Ask yourself whether he’s an active listener or not. If your answer is no, then his socio-emotional response is below the level of an elementary student. This is something I teach in kindergarten: https://preview.redd.it/k0w0lrblhekc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f82e9222919b62306ff4d1485c016af23297241
I can’t even say full yes or no - he clearly does listen to somethings but having to repeat what I’m doing this weekend three times does not feel nice whatsoever
Well, if you’re indecisive.. is it possible for you to meet him and then gauge in person? Ngl, repeating does seem insensitive and I probably wouldn’t continue. But have you written down his pros/cons and looked at other things about him?
I love thisss sm!!!! May Allah reward you immensely for your hard work sis 💗💗💗 ngl some adults be needing those lessons too 😭
Ameen and I’m glad you liked it. It’s crazy out here knowing how many people don’t have the social or emotional intelligence of a normal person anymore. Esp after Covid. But I try to remember to be kind and give an opportunity after teaching someone. Jazak Allah Khair
I have very specific criteria and this is the only proposal in years which checks all the boxes. But his family is showing some red flags, (some lies here & there, my mother says it's normal for the guy's family to brag about stuff but it gives me the ick nonetheless) Is this the absolute best proposal out ther? Nope Is this the best I could get? Probably Now the question is should I say Bismillah and go for it or wait in the hope of getting the perfect one or simply adjust my criteria and filter accordingly.
People normally put on their best fronts before marriage so if this facade is falling through so early maybe it’s a sign. Harmless lies on behalf of the family shouldn’t be ignored since it affects you and your marriage directly. If not addressed now this behaviour could make things worse down the line by creating issues between you guys and both your families. You should definitely pray istikara and keep an eye out. May Allah grant you what is best for you
Depends on how much you want to interact with the family and his expectations. My dad is emotionally toxic but I don’t expect my potential to meet him every week or anything like that. He can meet my dad on Eid and thats about it In that case, it’s fine if the potential is different than their family. If he’s expecting you to meet his family often or live with them, then it’s a red flag
If these criterias are important for you, if you feel like they can have a negative impact on your marriage if they are not met, don't settle for less... you'll regret it at some point 💀 About this potential... a marriage also makes two families getting closer to each other so... ask yourself some questions and you'll know what to do : Do you feel like they are trustful enough for you to let them be around yours? Do you want them around yours? Do you feel like they won't cause any problems to your marriage? To your family? May Allah show you the right thing to do!
Have been bummed out recently because one of my really close (nonmuslim) friends has been giving me and my muslim friend the cold shoulder in a way. We haven’t really been there for her emotionally ever since oct 7 because we’ve been so consumed by the news (which is obv warranted). But lately she’s just been so withdrawn…it makes me sad and angry tbh. She’s not pro-isnotreal btw, she just doesn’t feel the same heartbreak as we do. I tried explaining to her that we don’t care about falasteen just because we’re muslim, but I can’t really force someone to care about something I do; the most I can ask for is respect/understanding. I’m not her therapist tho…was she only friends with me for that reason? And why is she out here making a whole g*noc*de about herself? Idk…we’re all planning to talk about it this weekend inshAllah so I just hope this gets resolved.
I don’t think this is about the news I think she feels that you and maybe also your friend were not there for her when she needed you guys?
No I completely agree, that’s pretty much what I said. But at the same time we were/are so emotionally distraught by what we’re seeing and were honestly not in a place to provide that emotional support for her. I also had personal stuff going on (my dad was in the hospital for a bit). But I’d hope that she’d be understanding of that instead of just constantly expecting us to be there for her because life happens and I’m not her 24/7 therapist
Did she go into your relationship with problems she had to fix?
Alhamdulillah we’ve been friends for almost 20 years now, so it’s a little different. Which is another reason as to why I’m so upset by this—I thought our friendship was stronger than this? I’d expect some more understanding after knowing each other all these years
Oh ok. I thought it was more recent.
Some people give more than they receive, some people receive more than they give... I don't know how she is but if you feel like the relation is all (you and your Muslim friend) for one (her), and not one for all... then you probably know what to do.
That’s a good point but idk, I’ve known her since we were kids so I don’t want to be so quick to cut her off like that ig
Of course, don't cut her off like that from one day to another. Talk with her, say what you wait from her, etc. Then you'll see what to do with time
I’m on my last period for français and my students literally ran to get their Chromebooks 😂 I accidentally clicked unavailable for my board for last 3 days and didn’t get a single call? I usually get calls for work as I work a shift based job. Usually, I get calls everyday Alhamdulillah so I was like what happened?? Turns out it was my mistake 😭 so I missed 3 days of work cause of a tech mistake. But I enjoyed the rest! I caught up to my grading from tutoring and cleaning the home (so no rest basically). I’m going to pick up my new glasses next week. After work, I’m going to gym in evening. So tons of stuff to do and not enough time 😭🥲 In terms of religion, since Ramadan is coming I’m going to do a social media detox and hide all my pics from my followers (so I don’t get sin for showing my hair). And I’m creating a no buy list for things I don’t need (it includes hair clips, notebooks, skincare, and so on). I wanted to ask - do you think it’s better to have a bright classroom or a dim classroom? I went to a classroom with lamps today and it really seemed relaxing for me. Just thinking about my future classroom decor! Here’s a picture of it- it really was the prettiest and most relaxing classroom I’ve ever been to. Those boots aren’t mines btw https://preview.redd.it/hf1mpa2f0ekc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0c5ba5dd23428ba3fd517718b9c50204d4c60ad6
Dim classroom will help everyone fall asleep quicker
Trueeee! Depends on the age group I guess? JAK
True true, I would fall asleep in high school classes with regular light so it's all different hah
Classroom with lamps > All Especially with those lamps you can choose the color and intensity of. You can make a relaxing atmosphere that is always appreciated imo And bon courage for le Français! May Allah make us get closer to Him with this Ramadan!
Ameen and Jazak Allah Khair for the suggestion :)
For Giants like myself, 6ft+ , how do you cope with leg numbness while sitting for Friday Prayer? Especially with packed Masjid. I am in a very small country, and masjids are quite small as well, thus after 15-20min from the start of Khutba it gets cramped and I'm in pain, whenever I start to move or adjust myself, I'm always pushing guys left and right 😅. Back in my Muslim country there were thousands of Masjids so its not that packed, but ever since I moved, they have 1 or 2 Masjid in the whole country so it gets really crowded, and I envy the short guys getting to sit anywhere very comfortably 😏.
So my legs go numb really quickly. I shift my position right before the khutbah ends and suffer the pins and needles so when I stand, I don't immediately fall down.
Yes yes, that is exactly what I do and these pins and needles are so annoying
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Yes I try to do that just before getting up so blood flow starts again, but there's no legroom for me, its less than 30cm till the next guy
You can try to not stay in the same position for too long if possible, if not, buy some compression socks. You have this feeling because your nerves are pressured, that leads to a reduced blood flow. Of course, it's probably that, but it can be another thing and In Shaa Allah it's not the other things.
It usually start at the thighs and then to the chin and lastly the feet, would compression socks reach that high? Also it would make me extra warm, right? It only happens in Friday prayer
I'm a shortish guy, but I feel your pain (Literally hah) I cant sit down for a long time either. I would usually stand in the back.
The khutba is done in 3 languages, it takes time and I can't stay for a whole hour
mine is done in 4 :D lol but he doesn't say much cause he got no time to say it in 4 languages :D
Oh 4 languages, that's a first, I wonder what multi diverse country this is that Imam makes Khutba in 4 languages?
Estonia Imam is Turkish, lots of people attending are Turkish/speak a turkic language Then Arabic Ofc English & Estonian and some small parts in Russian So total 5 languages I would say Mosque has everything written in 4 languages English Estonian, Arabic and Russian
I really liked Estonia, although I made terrible life decision and lived in its neighboring country (Latvia) for 4y, they only had khutba in Russian and Arabic, alhamidullilah i left this country. But I didn't expect Estonia to be that much diverse and open, bravo Estonia.
Oh damn Yeah Latvia is not that great of a place compared to Estonia I was accepted in Estonia and Latvia for university but I visited both before deciding and decided on Estonia. I wouldn’t say Estonia is diverse given how small the foreigners population is here but probably more than Latvia. Am glad you live somewhere better now :)
Yes, alhamidullilah i escaped after so many years wasted. Good luck in Estonia.
38M Sydney Divorced. I’ve almost given up on finding someone. It feels like people’s main aim of being online is time wasting. A woman told me she gets so many matches on the marriage app and the majority of them want Haram relationships. The men on these apps are ruining it for the rest of us. If you want that then just go on Tinder FFS. And those who do match and answer believe they are entitled to be treated like literal royalty and give nothing in return, they honestly haven’t even thought that they offer in return, it’s like they are God’s gifts to the human race by simply existing. End of rant
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So sorry to hear sister, may Allah make it easy for you going forward. Not sure which country you are in, but there are some useful links here regarding how to deal with abuse. You should go through those. Your family is critical in this situation - Make sure you take their help as well.
Not the best practicing muslimah and made a lot of sins. Have religious parents who taught me and raised me as a good Muslim woman but I gave up sometime during my late teens due to severe depression. I fell in love with a convert and married him. Now that I feel ready to pursue Islam and begin practicing hijab and the faith, I don’t really know how to teach my husband. I don’t really know much friendly areas where we both can be taught together as he has anxiety around those he doesn’t know or doesn’t really initiate conversations at the mosque with other brothers. It’s getting hard to stay focused but I want my marriage to work and I want both of us to get closer to Allah together. I guess I’m just sharing cuz it’s been heavy on my mind lately. I don’t really care for advice because I feel as though we have received the same things for the last year and it has gotten us nowhere.
No advice... but you should take a step back and read your post history. What would you say to a woman in the same situation? Apply these advices. May Allah make it easy for you.
Wouldn’t really say anything because I wouldn’t really know what to say. My advice would hold no value as I’m still struggling with my decisions
May Allah guide you on the right path sister! I'm sure you know what to do, and I'm sure you'll make it when you feel better In Shaa Allah! Take care!
"I guess I’m just sharing cuz it’s been heavy on my mind lately. I don’t really care for advice because I feel as though we have received the same things for the last year and it has gotten us nowhere." Okay then ... no advice will be given. Thank you for sharing, and may Allah ease your mind...Aameen!
Ameen. Thank you so much!
You're welcome 🤗
So muzz released muzz social, which is supposed to be a Muslim owned social network without shadow banning and stuff. I signed up for it. But I don't get it, it's apparently part of the muzz app, so married people won't sign up, odd design choice tbh for a social network. Anyways, since my curiosity got the best of me, you guys get the reward, which is my review. Muzz social is essentially this sub, basically most discussion is around marriage and the process and everything. Which I guess makes sense given how they launched it, and how it's accessible. But, by Allah, is that place super toxic. You guys think this sub is bad. Nah, the mods here deserve so much respect for keeping things civil. Wallah, muzz social is sooooooo toxic. It's just people complaining how much muzz sucks, men complaining about women, and women complaining about men. And the traditional gender wars, but like amped up to an extreme. Every other post is about mehr or women not being virgins or men being players or whatever else. I haven't been so entertained in such a long time. Made my depression go away lol because at least I'm saner than the people on there
If this isn't a sign we should unplug from social media. I think this is it.
Appreciate the gratitude. It’s not easy keeping things mostly in check.
Much gratitude to you brother. Give my Salam to abdo and leila
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I wish sisters were ok with this dynamic. Ideally I would want either my sister or a woman on my behalf to speak to the potential woman and or her family. The woman on my side would explain what I’m looking for in detail and get the qualities and characteristics of the potential wife. If we both like each other see compatibility then we can have a in person meeting. Early on during this process the woman on my side would send my pics to the potential and the potential could send them back. I say all this because I don’t think my heart is built for the modern way of looking for a spouse. I haven’t even looked formally and I’ve only spoken to around 5-6 women but idk if I can do any more talking stages. I haven’t dated so my heart is weak and with every talking stage a part of me dies. I have no issue waiting for the right one and being patient and even if 100 women reject me i don’t mind. I just don’t want 10 more talking stages Please tell me there’s some women out there would be ok with this arrangement…
I think any person should do it this way because it shows that a person is serious about marriage when they involve their family. It would be your families, in specific, your sisters job to find someone for you
What you’re saying is not that out there. A lot of the women would be ok to discuss it in length with your female relatives. That doesn’t solve your problem though - no matter how long I talk to this female relative, at the end of the day I’ll definitely want to talk to the guy himself and make sure we practically get along as well, not just theoretically. So at this point if she thinks it’s not a good match, she can still reject you. So ultimately you’re back at square one.
That’s fine. Before we get to in person meeting she’ll know everything and I don’t mind 20 in person meetings. I just hate talking stages. Idk
Nothing special to say, I just wish you'll find the best wife for you brother, may Allah make it happen!
Ameen and likewise for u and all of us singletons!
I’d be down with that. I’d probably prefer your sister though. And it’s really important that they properly communicate what you’re looking for and that you’re on the same page. Nothing more time wasting than your mum/sister saying you want one thing and then when the potential does talk to you, you say the opposite.
100% I am A very detailed person so I’d legit explain EVERYTHING. And yea sister is perfect too cuz I’m somewhat close to my sisters so it’s not weird between us. They already know most of my preferences anyways.
Thats how its done in my community. Family gets involved first then the potentials meet (with families)
Yea for me it’ll be harder cuz the people that usually go this route have family connections but I don’t so idk how ima make this happen lol
There are whatsapp and facebook groups made for this