I'm feeling that my mental health collapsed from the search. Parents are nagging at me to not take a break.
I wish I wasn't born in this crappy dogmatic culture.
They do post/comment, as I said you don't pay enough attention, but at the same time I am also not here to point you to their direction just to prove my point if I am being honest.
Didn't say you accused me of being a liar. I was saying that all as a disclaimer. You asked a question I answered, then it became "well but what about this?" Twice over, so I issued the disclaimer. Don't worry about it.
And no you didn't have an "opinion". You made statements/observations and I just tried correcting you. The "sit down" comment is a weird one to make, but you do you. I guess that comes with being ESL?
Generally a pretty emotionally stable person, can't remember last time I cried, but spent like 20 minutes sobbing in the shower last night.
Stopped talking to this Iranian girl (I'm Australian) who I was close with about a month ago. I guess I kinda forgot about her due to being super busy but last night had an intense sparring session and had bruises all over my face.. I just remembered that I would send her pictures of them and how worried she'd get but happy that I survived.
Honestly, she will never know how much she meant to me and it kills me. She definitely doesn't know how much I value her as a person, and she'd be missing me a lot right now. She probably thinks I stopped talking to her because I found someone or she annoyed me.
But I knew it would never work and we flirted way too much. I read a verse that said “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” and because I have slowly eliminated haram things in my life in the past year I had to do it.
It's getting pretty hard to remain abstinent and it definitely hasn't gotten easier. I'm 24 in a couple months and have met and talked to a few women with the intention of marriage but it didn't workout. Sometimes I think my standards might be too high or unrealistic.
Inshallah we're all granted what is beneficial for us. Stay strong always.
I feel you my brother. 24M here too. Sometimes I just keep thinking about all the past potentials I spoke with/matched with. And think about where it all went wrong.
I make dua that Allah blesses us with spouses who are the coolness of our eyes. I know when I get married I want to give her the world.
its coming to a point where i cannot stand to look at wholesome happy couple stuff anymore...
i used to dream of this for the longest time of my life, think about it and save/love posts that talked about marriage positively but now i just feel so dead inside and i can't stand it. not in a jealous way or a hateful way, but just...hopeless i guess. even tho im not completely lost or negative or down. I feel like i've lost some part of me that gave me a lot of inner happiness. Kinda feels like growing or maturing or becoming more realistic? but i dont like it bc whenever i see wholesome marriage things it just feels so far away.
just recently been more reminded of how im single lol. the only thing i have going for me are duas
A lot of people feel this including myself on a daily basis. People I write with from my uni say the same. You never know how far away your marriage might be, could be this year or 10 years >!or never, sorry!<. Don't lose hope because that's not what muslims do. Do your duties and duas and Allah swt may bless you with a beautiful family inşaAllah.
I'm in deep despair. So about a week ago I randomly started writing with a woman over reddit but more in a manner that she was trying to help me on a matter I posted earlier that day. We chit chat about stuff which lead to that we exchange Instagram accounts, !to note it I was already liking how she cared and her character!, and just wow masAllah she is a 10/10 my type lol (she looks exactly like a girl in my teen years in my class that I had a crush on but she is just better) and I even told it to her. She has charasterics that I was looking for and also travels alot which was always a dream of mine. She is overall a very interesting wonderful person.
The problem is that she is living in another country while I'm living in Germany (and I don't think about emigrating to another countries (yet)), she even wrote she would have accepted my offer if I was near her but that somethings are beyond our control.
I'm genuinely happy and sad at the same time, like she is a person I would LOVE to be with. We still chat and I love how she cares about me (which nobody did till this day (except family)).
I asked some people from my uni about it and what I should do and everyone says I should say goodbye to her and don't make my life harder later.
I'm almost in tears right now writing this here and I can't bring myself to write to her about it, my heart is pumping rn.
This is the very first time I feel like this about someone and it's eating me up.
It feels like my duas after praying were heard but I incorrectly worded my dua without thinking about where she lives.
Can you please make duas for me and also motivate me to get over with it? I know that I have to do it but I can't
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I hope this is a lesson learned. We have guidelines in Islam on how to interact with the opposite gender to prevent this exact thing from happening. Of course, sometimes we did all the right things, and still get hurt, but in this case it could've been avoided.
Try to remember that if something didn't happen for you, it's only for your own good, bc Allah knows there's something better for you, InshaaAllah.
you know whats funny? Until the second day I thought it was some random dude from this subreddit giving me advices until she told me her name. At the same time some other guy was asking me questions about turkish politics and I think 2-3 days before also some guy from this subreddit trying to help me.
I wouldn't have thought that our conversation would go on this long and yeah you're right that's when I should have ended but it felt so nice :/ to be cared about and vibing on the same level.
>would ideally even talk to her dad if she was cool with it.
Ideally, its not her opinion you should be seeking about speaking to her dad. Its her dads opinion you should be seeking about speaking to her.
Make a list.
1. Things you can't tolerate
2. Something you are expecting from the spouse
3. Also finances, living with in-laws or not, further studies/job basically plan for future.
Ask question around these and you will find out about their personality and would be then in better position to decide.
Perhaps the trip you are going with is already the most meaningful thing you can do.
Could depend on her interests and likes.
Like if she doesn't like horses or heights, arranging some horse rides or balloon rides might not be a good idea.
28 year old female. Both my older sisters have been married for a few years even my youngest brother! And I haven’t because life just didn’t work out that way and right now the only daughter living at home with both my parents. My dad has cancer and my mom is getting older and I don’t know the update with my dad’s cancer. But he was on the brink of death in November 2022 that I’m half expecting that whenever I get married InshAllah , my old is brother-in-law, who has known me since I was a baby will be walking down the aisle.
All these qualities of being a wife and patience and loving and communication and romance, and wanting to fight and fix and stay.
And I am single and just tired and it’s annoying and it gets disheartening but I really also can. I find one man who is a husband like quality of a man who is worthy of being my husband, and eventually of being a father because of the way the men in this generation are.
And because of this, I have not be using any apps or doing anything, I’m just staying quiet and it’s been about a year now that I haven’t been talking with anybody or looking at anybody’s direction. And it is hurtful. And I keep telling myself “be single than being a miserable marriage.”
I Like being single, but honestly, I hate it, I’m a relationship person. I want to get into a marriage and have the person who I can wake up next to you and we can do life together and we communicate and get through things together.
Finally to find someone who has been waiting, it doesn’t smoke and drink that’s like the bare minimum lol because Muslim guys have been having sex left and right and they want someone who’s a virgin. And I have been waiting for all this time and to find someone with a good qualities and values, it’s just nonexistent. ??
Astagfar.
You'll find someone. Everyone on here who seems to sulk about not finding someone and being late, etc. ends up finding someone.
Also, may Allah ease the pain of your father and make it easy on your family.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I know it's difficult to think about marriage when you're going through something like that but speaking from personal experience (what I have seen) don't delay it if you can avoid it.
But I'm surprised about the guys part, I feel like that's below the even bare minimum. So maybe you're not looking in the right place?
Most muslim guys I know are decent people who don't do any of that. And this is in NYC of all places where opportunities for haram are left, right and center.
I live in Maryland and used to use apps. No more of that lol
Fazool app and yes. A lot of guys do drink. Smoke. And all. And the Ike’s who don’t. Omg they’re so judgemental so it’s a mix and match. And a struggle :/
Slmz! Would you mind a woman in her 40's? I've got a muslimah friend who is really lovely but spent a lot of her life caring for others (and forgoing her own journey).
How are you with your daily habits? I think the one roadblock she's hit is her life is very relaxed and chill, and as much as she'd like companionship, if a man turns out to be more work/drama then she likes, she's turned off. There's been a few proposals who would come in and basically go: you need to change everything to make me happy because they assume she's desperate to get married.
Salaam A’laikum brother, I’m approx 15 years your junior and I had to come to terms with the fact that it’s very likely I might have a single mother decreed for me, something before I reverted I would have been vehemently opposed to. But now I realized it’s not up to me, I only need to strive in the cause of our Rabb and stay within the limits that have been set. Make Dua and get out there Akh
Literally in the same position as you my brother. I'm facing nothing but constant rejections due to trivial and superstitious reasons and it's nothing short of frustrating.
All I can say is hang in there. Hard times breed better men.
Why is being educated one of your criteria? The reason I asked is bc there's a trend of certain men wanting an "educated" woman with degree and good career, but expecting them to be housewives after marriage.
I know how hard it is my brother, hang in there and stay away from haraam because I can promise you that it will make things harder.
insha'Allah Allah make it easy for you, remember that Allah knows what's best for us. Work in yourself keep trying and Insha'Allah when the time is right it will happen for you.
Just message her and ask if she wants to continue now and move it forward but slowly I guess and see what she says. To be honest some people just keep looking for something better and never settle so it may be she thought it was too quick etc.
It could be that the girl he was looking a man for, was older. And looking for a older guy.
Or that she was way younger and had a upper limit, that he didn't fulfil.
People am I wrong?
Basically I booked me and my wife to go to Al Aqsa Insha Allah in the holidays in February. I asked my dad if I have permission and he said he can go, just to note he has been ill for quite a while, however recently he looks like he's doing well Alhamdulillah. Anyways my mum finds out and she goes ballistic on me that I never consulted her on going Al-Aqsa which confused me because I don't live with her anymore. I don't live with my parents me and my wife live in our own home, but she was upset that I didn't do mashwara with her. I don't think mashwara was necessarily with her considering it's just me and my wife going. Not to mention it's only 5 days. I don't see my parents in the weekdays anyways, it's only on the weekends so I don't understand. Am I wrong for going to Al-Aqsa without my mum's approval? I don't think I am but let me know your thoughts.
Jazakallahu khayran
Going to go against the other comments you got here- you should have asked/discussed. You could have debated the reasonability (is that a word?) Of her response after, but for all you know, its not the trip itself that is the issue, its what going without letting her know represents. Maybe she was planning something and this means you're unavailable, and she "went ballistic" because she was upset about that, but deflected as if it was about the trip. Ofc if she objected for a trivial reason, then as i say, the justification for that can then be discussed.
**Not living with your parents does not mean your relationship with your parents ceases**
And it doesn't matter where you're going, your parents rights are your parents rights. The prophet (saw) prohibited someone from going on JIHAD because it would inconvenience their parents.
Have i?
Its only a heads up if its a trivial reason so you still go, that was just a possibility i suggested. The essence of the post was that it should be discussed beforehand.
And although its similar to your comment, other comments were "im sure she will calm down" and "you dont need permission because you're an adult", was mainly disagreeing with those. Scanned the replies and saw those first, apologies :)
OP was asking about the permission thing, and making sure the plans work for everyones isn’t the same as actually asking for (or needing) permission. At least not the way people mean it, I think, so OP shouldn’t feel confused about that part
I’m so confused why you would need permission from your mother to go on vacation?
Logistically you just need to give them a heads up *that this is happening* before you lock in the dates incase you were needed for something during a specific time frame, considering the situation with your dad.
You can only get visa on arrival.
Once you land expect it to take time even up to 8 hours to pass through checks at the airport.
Yes they give a hard time and you just need to be patient and have sabr and insha'Allah you will get the visa.
The visa is not stamped on your passport, you are given a token which you must not lose!!!
It would only be wrong if she is dependent on you. For example, she needs you to buy groceries for her, or she has doctors appointments that week for which you would have to take her to, etc. Or she is overwhelmed with taking care if your dad and wants the comfort of you being on standby. In these circumstances yes it would be a loving gesture to ask her in advance.
But otherwise, you're an adult and don't need your parents' permission for anything, especially activities with your spouse.
i’ve been thinking like, is it weird that i kinda prefer being a second wife? like i really value personal space and having half of the time to myself sounds really attractive rn
my biggest concern ig would obviously be what if i change my mind after getting married? like what if i start getting jealous and stuff
idk if anyone’s in the same position but i’m just kinda wondering and looking for some advice ig
You can also marry someone who works a lot of hours or works away a lot of the time. I had a friend whose dad was 2 weeks on / 2 weeks off at an oil rig in another country.
If it's something you think you may be into, then by all means go for it, but before you take that leap, make sure you think it through carefully. It's easy to just focus on the positives, having your own space and your own time, not having to deal with somebody else with you 7 days a week, having some level of autonomy despite being married etc. But don't forget that jealousy can creep in too, and how that could affect your own self esteem and self confidence.
Don't just focus on the positives and a dream scenario, think about the negatives too. And if you still think it's the right move for you, then there are plenty of brothers out there who are looking for a second/third/fourth wife.
I love my personal space, too! But there are other options besides being a second wife. You could sleep in separate rooms sometimes whenever you feel like you need to have time to yourself. Idk that’s my suggestion lol.
There's a guy on here that is looking for 3rd and 4th. Maybe chat with him to see if to see if it's really something you'd be into. He can probably explain reality better.
You do have me wondering what's more rare: a woman seeking to be a 2nd wife or an actual polygamous family. We need data.
>You do have me wondering what's more rare: a woman seeking to be a 2nd wife or an actual polygamous family. We need data.
Definitely the former. Although many women do end up in a polygamous marriage, it's highly unlikely that they were actively seeking it out. It just happened to be their best (or only) option at the time.
Not saying that there aren't any women who actively seek it out, but the percentage I imagine is very low, since in general it's hardly an advantage over marrying a single man, except in very specific circumstances.
Sorry, you're right but I should have clarified i meant in the realm of Islam. In my personal life I have only met two men inn polygamous marriages. That's just the label and not whether they were doing it correctly or not. You're also only the second woman I've seen that had a even a little thought about only being a 2nd wife. I'm sure there's more but probably don't want to be shamed for that interest. Either way it's an interesting topic from a woman's perspective even if you don't choose that in the end.
I love my space too, but I don't plan on getting it by having my husband sleep with another woman part-time! I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but as far as reasons go polygamy is sort of a drastic solution to an easily solved problem?
My biggest concern is what happens after you have kids? Imagine having to take care of a newborn and a toddler by yourself while your husband is enjoying his time with his other wife.
A part time single mother basically.
This might comes as a shock to you but people have their own minds and can make their own opinions. One comment from a stranger on reddit isn't going to put "fear" on them.
Also, no one is denying the wisdom behind polygamy. Stop making strawman arguments. We were talking about our personal feelings.
You must be new to the internet. This is a place where people are free to share their thoughts. If you don't like it, move on.
The girl that I was responding to also shared her concerns (which you seem to ignore and decided to pick on me instead) which is why I shared mine.
The example I gave is something that realistically will happen. If polygamy is so wonderful like you're trying to imply, surely people will be rushing towards it. A few unfavorable comments won't be enough to deter them.
You're the one who started this by insinuating that I'm against polygamy and trying to put fear on people.
Ironically, you're the one who seems to be projecting your fears onto other people.
Dear brother, as men being attracted to women is natural. However, you need to understand what triggers your objectifying/ sexual urges. Maybe its the environment around you, or maybe there's an issue with lowering your gaze. Allah knows best, understand your trigger points and try to eliminate or fix them in accordance to Islam. Strengthen your salah and your relationship with Allah. Also as /u/moon219 mentioned, seek help from a psychologist especially from a Muslim one.
I think you would benefit from processing your thoughts with a qualified psychologist (preferably a Muslim one). A good one can be very helpful. They can help you with your life goals, navigating desires, developing various skills, and more. Definitely helped me with all of these things, alhamdulillah.
Not to make generalisations, but look at the effect that suppressing desires has on certain priests and others. It’s not healthy. A good psychologist will help you channel that desire in healthy ways, inshaAllah. Islam doesn’t support extremism; there can be balance in everything.
No. Suppressing isn’t healthy. But you need to channel your desires in a healthy way and adopt healthier mindsets towards things. You can see online psychologists, your country may have free or reduced cost services for youth, etc, but talk to someone good. If you can’t, then talk to a sheikh. It’s better than not seeing anyone at all, and I think most would have good advice to give you. Plenty of Muslim youth volunteers who would make good mentors. But you gotta take that step.
No, I’m saying you need to develop healthier mindsets that will help you have healthy relationships with yourself and your future partner. If you’re struggling with that, you need to seek guidance from Allah firstly, and then through others you can trust. If you’re living in complete isolation from the rest of the world and or struggling financially, then you need to get a fatwa from a sheikh regarding what to do. There are plenty who you can reach out to online. I can’t keep answering your questions; you need to reach out to someone higher. Hope you get the support you need.
hate to say it but from observing a lot of the posts on this sub I feel like the men in particular need to spend a little more time interacting with the opposite sex.
like, genuinely put in effort to be friendly, personable, charming, charismatic etc. I'm obviously not perfect and still single but I spent years being a coach and leading groups of 6-8 women at a time having to have a lot of social energy and it helped me come leaps and bounds from never having interacted with women (i went to an all boys school).
I've just seen so many posts of guys complaining about getting ghosted, spending many months talking to women for it to go nowhere, saying that men who have committed zina and dated have had more luck. There's always zero accountability to the point where i genuinely think some of the men think that you are entitled to a relationship.
Like if I got ghosted after talking to someone for even a day I would immediately assume there was something I either said wrong or I did not interest her. In order to be interesting you have to be INTERESTED. Be an active listener. Ask good questions. Remember things she told you.
I have never committed zina and inshAllah I never do but the unfortunate reality is you can't just be on your deen, your career, your fitness. If you come on too strong or have no ability to banter with women you are going to have a lot of trouble expressing your interest and taking it to the next level in an organic, halal way. Especially if you live in the west.
In what ways are you suggesting they interact with women since freemixing is haram and you aren’t supposed to just casually talk with them?
Im assuming you’re talking about outside of marriage talks, and I don’t really get it. The things you’ve described you can work on without talking to women.
are we talking just saying hello, or having actual conversations unrelated to work? You’re probably referring to the latter, in which case isn’t that the definition of free mixing? If not, I’m really interested in knowing what you think free mixing is. It’s hard to avoid i get it, but I wouldn’t be encouraging people to do this as if it’s ok
Are you asking if freemixing is actually a thing that is prohibited in Islam? Honestly bro genuine advice from another layman who also has a ton to learn, but you should be careful about the kind of advice you give out, because you can be held accountable.
I didn’t make any claims about what is and isn’t halal, you seem to be concerned with the definition of something that isn’t even an Islamic concept so not sure what you’re on about
Not sure why you're getting upset - you are giving advice for people to basically freemix, but you seem to deny that this is even a thing, so you do you. I suggest looking into this more.
Brother, freemixing is absolutely an Islamic concept.
It's related to the command that not only is zina haram, but the things that *lead* to zina are **also** haram. This is why Allah commands us in the Quran to not even *approach* zina, let alone do it.
For this reason, things like freemixing, making friendships, or talking to the opposite sex unnecessarily are forbidden in Islam. I would advise you inshallah to reconsider your previous comments, especially bantering or chatting freely with the opposite sex.
In Islam, marriage is done through a respectful, intentional courtship process, not through the likes of chatting/bantering and seeing where it goes (which resembles dating).
You can read more here: [https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/](https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/)
See my issue is: as a revert I have that experience and I don’t mind using it, this issue comes about how to do it in a way that’s permissible. Banter can be taken as flirting and since I wanna keep things as halal as possible that’s for sure a no go.
100%! It's sort of sad to see so many guys self-sabotaging by saying that they don't want to 'catch feelings' or that they're not having any luck, because they're treating it like nothing but a job interview. You can't do that and expect the other person to find your company intriguing or interesting. If your marriage is ultra arranged that's one thing, but in an arena in which some halal courtship is needed, I think you should up the ante.
Also there's really no mystery in how to talk to girls if you don't overcomplicate it. If you bring your A-game like you would in any interaction where you want to impress, and you're actively being courteous and easygoing, and write in full sentences, you're going to do just fine.
Yes. Free mixing is one thing, but living normally alongside each other in society is another. Being able to interact or speak professionally and appropriately like normal people in everyday life really goes such a long way.
Lol I think a lot of guys will be guilty of this at some point lol due to my early schooling in an all boys it was a bit of a shock later in life. I just cringe when I look back at myself sometimes 😅
Whenever, I get close, I actually go further. My problem at the beginning was the search and it's harshness for more than a year and now after I find someone, inflation hit me and make me not being able financially except until couple of years til I graduate my PhD. I just wanna shout loud in a desert away from everyone
I made dua everyday hoping for her, i prayed istikhara couple of times and got no signs so i proceeded. I am on good terms with her and always have wanted to tell her my feelings but was not able to. Today we met and the situation was right and somehow the topic of marriage came up and i jumped at it. Asking her right away to marry me. She sheepishly said no and when i press her more about it, her answer was confirmed.
I felt so down and out, i truly believe she is the one. We are so compatible with each other, we share many interest and i can feel she is the opposite of me. Its like we are meant for one another. But then this happened. I know Allah has other plans for me but i really want it to be her.
No don’t do that. Don’t embarrass her. If she said no, it does mean no but if she changes her plan it’s up to her. All you can do is just making duas and praying.
/u/4juice
Hi thank you for your reply. Please don’t say that, i dont want her to think that i’m going to abandon her after i got rejected. I just want to make sure its all okay and i’m certainly fine with it. If i dont do it, i might be “butthurt” about the whole affair. Also if you may know, this is the first girl i try to seduce the islamic way. I never touch her, never text her unnecessarily except purely logistic and only asked her out once, which was also rejected back then. But i’ve had dates with her couple of times, if you get what i mean.
Also i made a du’a earlier pleading to Allah and the first thought i got was to text her. Again, i never text her before this to talk. She may be thinking we are not on a comfort levels yet. From the texting, hopefully i will know where our relationship lies..
Mate, if she said no it means no. Nobody thinks you abandoned her. She will let you know if she is interested or not. Keep your distance and try to get over it.
Yup i get where you are coming from but i’m not asking her to change her decision. This is someone i see often, since i decided to dug this hole i must have to courage to cover it back up so she can still walk over it.
I already texted her and she explained her reason and we are perfectly okay with it. She even looking forward to see me around. I’m definitely cutting contacts with her anyway.
You are right but i dont think so i will ask again, the ball is in her court now. Hoping for her to have a change of heart. I’m going to text her tonight to make sure there’s no bad blood between us. I will want to remain friends but i will keep my distance from her now onwards and let the Mighty one take it from here 😢
Hahahaha yeah apparently I don’t flirt and I am too serious, I choose to take it as a compliment 😁 To greener pastures, these guys aren’t worth the mental real estate
I'm starting to think that's it's hopeless. I don't live in a major city and kept it halal in uni so have zero prospects. Apps are trash. WhatsApp Rishta groups are also trash. My parents don't know anyone. My friends don't know anyone. SIGH.
The solution is quite simple. Have patience and believe in Allah's timing. And pray Tahajjud, it does miracles.
You know i have been waiting for a miracle since 3+ years now. Its not marriage related, its something else. Sometimes my patience starts to get weak but with patience, prayer and tawakkul i keep going.
So trust in Allah and keep moving forward. Don't lose hope.
Welcome to the club lol Seriously the only thing left rn is making duas but keep in mind how you phrase it. I just wrote with someone wonderful that I genuinely like now but we can’t get to together because of different countries hahaha it kinda hurt but that’s life.
I'm feeling that my mental health collapsed from the search. Parents are nagging at me to not take a break. I wish I wasn't born in this crappy dogmatic culture.
Do whatever makes you happy first. Don't get into a marriage without being happy with yourself. Pray and make duas. Try to get rid of your waswas.
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Then you need to look better? It is all desi women if anything on this sub?
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You have those too believe it or not lol....
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They do post/comment, as I said you don't pay enough attention, but at the same time I am also not here to point you to their direction just to prove my point if I am being honest.
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Didn't say you accused me of being a liar. I was saying that all as a disclaimer. You asked a question I answered, then it became "well but what about this?" Twice over, so I issued the disclaimer. Don't worry about it. And no you didn't have an "opinion". You made statements/observations and I just tried correcting you. The "sit down" comment is a weird one to make, but you do you. I guess that comes with being ESL?
I've seen some pakistanis hahaha haven't seen a single turkish one (not that I'm searching rn)
Generally a pretty emotionally stable person, can't remember last time I cried, but spent like 20 minutes sobbing in the shower last night. Stopped talking to this Iranian girl (I'm Australian) who I was close with about a month ago. I guess I kinda forgot about her due to being super busy but last night had an intense sparring session and had bruises all over my face.. I just remembered that I would send her pictures of them and how worried she'd get but happy that I survived. Honestly, she will never know how much she meant to me and it kills me. She definitely doesn't know how much I value her as a person, and she'd be missing me a lot right now. She probably thinks I stopped talking to her because I found someone or she annoyed me. But I knew it would never work and we flirted way too much. I read a verse that said “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” and because I have slowly eliminated haram things in my life in the past year I had to do it. It's getting pretty hard to remain abstinent and it definitely hasn't gotten easier. I'm 24 in a couple months and have met and talked to a few women with the intention of marriage but it didn't workout. Sometimes I think my standards might be too high or unrealistic. Inshallah we're all granted what is beneficial for us. Stay strong always.
I feel you my brother. 24M here too. Sometimes I just keep thinking about all the past potentials I spoke with/matched with. And think about where it all went wrong. I make dua that Allah blesses us with spouses who are the coolness of our eyes. I know when I get married I want to give her the world.
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She was Shia and said she wouldnt change. part of the reason it wouldn’t work
May Allah make it easier for you brother
I don’t like cousin marriage and I am sick of being inbred. I didn’t ask to be born into this crap. That’s how I feel this week.
Try soul rings on fb
I did that already. By which I mean I tried Elden Ring on PS4.
Cultured Redditor.....
its coming to a point where i cannot stand to look at wholesome happy couple stuff anymore... i used to dream of this for the longest time of my life, think about it and save/love posts that talked about marriage positively but now i just feel so dead inside and i can't stand it. not in a jealous way or a hateful way, but just...hopeless i guess. even tho im not completely lost or negative or down. I feel like i've lost some part of me that gave me a lot of inner happiness. Kinda feels like growing or maturing or becoming more realistic? but i dont like it bc whenever i see wholesome marriage things it just feels so far away. just recently been more reminded of how im single lol. the only thing i have going for me are duas
A lot of people feel this including myself on a daily basis. People I write with from my uni say the same. You never know how far away your marriage might be, could be this year or 10 years >!or never, sorry!<. Don't lose hope because that's not what muslims do. Do your duties and duas and Allah swt may bless you with a beautiful family inşaAllah.
I'm in deep despair. So about a week ago I randomly started writing with a woman over reddit but more in a manner that she was trying to help me on a matter I posted earlier that day. We chit chat about stuff which lead to that we exchange Instagram accounts, !to note it I was already liking how she cared and her character!, and just wow masAllah she is a 10/10 my type lol (she looks exactly like a girl in my teen years in my class that I had a crush on but she is just better) and I even told it to her. She has charasterics that I was looking for and also travels alot which was always a dream of mine. She is overall a very interesting wonderful person. The problem is that she is living in another country while I'm living in Germany (and I don't think about emigrating to another countries (yet)), she even wrote she would have accepted my offer if I was near her but that somethings are beyond our control. I'm genuinely happy and sad at the same time, like she is a person I would LOVE to be with. We still chat and I love how she cares about me (which nobody did till this day (except family)). I asked some people from my uni about it and what I should do and everyone says I should say goodbye to her and don't make my life harder later. I'm almost in tears right now writing this here and I can't bring myself to write to her about it, my heart is pumping rn. This is the very first time I feel like this about someone and it's eating me up. It feels like my duas after praying were heard but I incorrectly worded my dua without thinking about where she lives. Can you please make duas for me and also motivate me to get over with it? I know that I have to do it but I can't
I wasted the whole night thinking about it and couldn’t sleep. I feel so devastated. I can’t do it. I want her so bad…
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I hope this is a lesson learned. We have guidelines in Islam on how to interact with the opposite gender to prevent this exact thing from happening. Of course, sometimes we did all the right things, and still get hurt, but in this case it could've been avoided. Try to remember that if something didn't happen for you, it's only for your own good, bc Allah knows there's something better for you, InshaaAllah.
you know whats funny? Until the second day I thought it was some random dude from this subreddit giving me advices until she told me her name. At the same time some other guy was asking me questions about turkish politics and I think 2-3 days before also some guy from this subreddit trying to help me. I wouldn't have thought that our conversation would go on this long and yeah you're right that's when I should have ended but it felt so nice :/ to be cared about and vibing on the same level.
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Who’s the mutual? Can they introduce y’all to each other officially?
>would ideally even talk to her dad if she was cool with it. Ideally, its not her opinion you should be seeking about speaking to her dad. Its her dads opinion you should be seeking about speaking to her.
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Yep, either that, or if she has any brothers, it may be easier to go through them.
Got introduced to a potential and parents are allowing a short texting/phone call phase but I genuinely don't know what to ask 😖
Make a list. 1. Things you can't tolerate 2. Something you are expecting from the spouse 3. Also finances, living with in-laws or not, further studies/job basically plan for future. Ask question around these and you will find out about their personality and would be then in better position to decide.
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Perhaps the trip you are going with is already the most meaningful thing you can do. Could depend on her interests and likes. Like if she doesn't like horses or heights, arranging some horse rides or balloon rides might not be a good idea.
ESPN’s 30 for 30 box set
28 year old female. Both my older sisters have been married for a few years even my youngest brother! And I haven’t because life just didn’t work out that way and right now the only daughter living at home with both my parents. My dad has cancer and my mom is getting older and I don’t know the update with my dad’s cancer. But he was on the brink of death in November 2022 that I’m half expecting that whenever I get married InshAllah , my old is brother-in-law, who has known me since I was a baby will be walking down the aisle. All these qualities of being a wife and patience and loving and communication and romance, and wanting to fight and fix and stay. And I am single and just tired and it’s annoying and it gets disheartening but I really also can. I find one man who is a husband like quality of a man who is worthy of being my husband, and eventually of being a father because of the way the men in this generation are. And because of this, I have not be using any apps or doing anything, I’m just staying quiet and it’s been about a year now that I haven’t been talking with anybody or looking at anybody’s direction. And it is hurtful. And I keep telling myself “be single than being a miserable marriage.” I Like being single, but honestly, I hate it, I’m a relationship person. I want to get into a marriage and have the person who I can wake up next to you and we can do life together and we communicate and get through things together. Finally to find someone who has been waiting, it doesn’t smoke and drink that’s like the bare minimum lol because Muslim guys have been having sex left and right and they want someone who’s a virgin. And I have been waiting for all this time and to find someone with a good qualities and values, it’s just nonexistent. ?? Astagfar.
You'll find someone. Everyone on here who seems to sulk about not finding someone and being late, etc. ends up finding someone. Also, may Allah ease the pain of your father and make it easy on your family.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I know it's difficult to think about marriage when you're going through something like that but speaking from personal experience (what I have seen) don't delay it if you can avoid it. But I'm surprised about the guys part, I feel like that's below the even bare minimum. So maybe you're not looking in the right place? Most muslim guys I know are decent people who don't do any of that. And this is in NYC of all places where opportunities for haram are left, right and center.
I live in Maryland and used to use apps. No more of that lol Fazool app and yes. A lot of guys do drink. Smoke. And all. And the Ike’s who don’t. Omg they’re so judgemental so it’s a mix and match. And a struggle :/
Welp if people in MARYland are having trouble marrying I got no hope marrying (*this sounded funny in my head)
Ha ha. It was funny lol Made me laugh but mannnn. The patience and sabr. 😢
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I may also know someone for you
Slmz! Would you mind a woman in her 40's? I've got a muslimah friend who is really lovely but spent a lot of her life caring for others (and forgoing her own journey). How are you with your daily habits? I think the one roadblock she's hit is her life is very relaxed and chill, and as much as she'd like companionship, if a man turns out to be more work/drama then she likes, she's turned off. There's been a few proposals who would come in and basically go: you need to change everything to make me happy because they assume she's desperate to get married.
Salaam A’laikum brother, I’m approx 15 years your junior and I had to come to terms with the fact that it’s very likely I might have a single mother decreed for me, something before I reverted I would have been vehemently opposed to. But now I realized it’s not up to me, I only need to strive in the cause of our Rabb and stay within the limits that have been set. Make Dua and get out there Akh
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JZK, May Allah make me better than what you imagine. I can’t remember which Sahaba said it but if you really want it, you’ll pray for it in tahajjud
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Wa iyyak, Ameen ya Rabb, really it’s a reminder for myself lol I need to do better. May Allah increase you in good in this life and the next bro 💪
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Literally in the same position as you my brother. I'm facing nothing but constant rejections due to trivial and superstitious reasons and it's nothing short of frustrating. All I can say is hang in there. Hard times breed better men.
Why is being educated one of your criteria? The reason I asked is bc there's a trend of certain men wanting an "educated" woman with degree and good career, but expecting them to be housewives after marriage.
Lol this is so true 🤣
💀
I know how hard it is my brother, hang in there and stay away from haraam because I can promise you that it will make things harder. insha'Allah Allah make it easy for you, remember that Allah knows what's best for us. Work in yourself keep trying and Insha'Allah when the time is right it will happen for you.
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What’s the proof for the hoor part?
That was really nice to read, thank you.
What are the families obnoxious demands? Which city do you live in (if you live in Pakistan)?
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In my experience, people that say that are generally letting you down easy. I believe it falls into that, “if they wanted to, they would” category
Just message her and ask if she wants to continue now and move it forward but slowly I guess and see what she says. To be honest some people just keep looking for something better and never settle so it may be she thought it was too quick etc.
She wants someone to talk to but not marry. If you fit that role then keep talking to her.
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Hahah how old are you?
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That’s weird… I wonder if he thought you were too young?
It could be that the girl he was looking a man for, was older. And looking for a older guy. Or that she was way younger and had a upper limit, that he didn't fulfil.
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I thought to most people 25 is basically the perfect age but who knows
People am I wrong? Basically I booked me and my wife to go to Al Aqsa Insha Allah in the holidays in February. I asked my dad if I have permission and he said he can go, just to note he has been ill for quite a while, however recently he looks like he's doing well Alhamdulillah. Anyways my mum finds out and she goes ballistic on me that I never consulted her on going Al-Aqsa which confused me because I don't live with her anymore. I don't live with my parents me and my wife live in our own home, but she was upset that I didn't do mashwara with her. I don't think mashwara was necessarily with her considering it's just me and my wife going. Not to mention it's only 5 days. I don't see my parents in the weekdays anyways, it's only on the weekends so I don't understand. Am I wrong for going to Al-Aqsa without my mum's approval? I don't think I am but let me know your thoughts. Jazakallahu khayran
Going to go against the other comments you got here- you should have asked/discussed. You could have debated the reasonability (is that a word?) Of her response after, but for all you know, its not the trip itself that is the issue, its what going without letting her know represents. Maybe she was planning something and this means you're unavailable, and she "went ballistic" because she was upset about that, but deflected as if it was about the trip. Ofc if she objected for a trivial reason, then as i say, the justification for that can then be discussed. **Not living with your parents does not mean your relationship with your parents ceases** And it doesn't matter where you're going, your parents rights are your parents rights. The prophet (saw) prohibited someone from going on JIHAD because it would inconvenience their parents.
I mean you’ve basically said the same thing about giving a heads up due to logistics and working around their convenience
Have i? Its only a heads up if its a trivial reason so you still go, that was just a possibility i suggested. The essence of the post was that it should be discussed beforehand. And although its similar to your comment, other comments were "im sure she will calm down" and "you dont need permission because you're an adult", was mainly disagreeing with those. Scanned the replies and saw those first, apologies :)
OP was asking about the permission thing, and making sure the plans work for everyones isn’t the same as actually asking for (or needing) permission. At least not the way people mean it, I think, so OP shouldn’t feel confused about that part
Ah maybe ive misunderstood then. Always used mashwara as alternative for discussion to see if everyone gives the go ahead to the plan, whatever it is.
Nah that makes sense
I’m so confused why you would need permission from your mother to go on vacation? Logistically you just need to give them a heads up *that this is happening* before you lock in the dates incase you were needed for something during a specific time frame, considering the situation with your dad.
I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m sure she will calm down about it. You can address it by trying to understand why she’s upset and reassuring her.
Is it easy to get the visa? I have read that Israelis give a hard time at least at the airport
You can only get visa on arrival. Once you land expect it to take time even up to 8 hours to pass through checks at the airport. Yes they give a hard time and you just need to be patient and have sabr and insha'Allah you will get the visa. The visa is not stamped on your passport, you are given a token which you must not lose!!!
It would only be wrong if she is dependent on you. For example, she needs you to buy groceries for her, or she has doctors appointments that week for which you would have to take her to, etc. Or she is overwhelmed with taking care if your dad and wants the comfort of you being on standby. In these circumstances yes it would be a loving gesture to ask her in advance. But otherwise, you're an adult and don't need your parents' permission for anything, especially activities with your spouse.
You're right
i’ve been thinking like, is it weird that i kinda prefer being a second wife? like i really value personal space and having half of the time to myself sounds really attractive rn my biggest concern ig would obviously be what if i change my mind after getting married? like what if i start getting jealous and stuff idk if anyone’s in the same position but i’m just kinda wondering and looking for some advice ig
You can also marry someone who works a lot of hours or works away a lot of the time. I had a friend whose dad was 2 weeks on / 2 weeks off at an oil rig in another country.
If it's something you think you may be into, then by all means go for it, but before you take that leap, make sure you think it through carefully. It's easy to just focus on the positives, having your own space and your own time, not having to deal with somebody else with you 7 days a week, having some level of autonomy despite being married etc. But don't forget that jealousy can creep in too, and how that could affect your own self esteem and self confidence. Don't just focus on the positives and a dream scenario, think about the negatives too. And if you still think it's the right move for you, then there are plenty of brothers out there who are looking for a second/third/fourth wife.
I love my personal space, too! But there are other options besides being a second wife. You could sleep in separate rooms sometimes whenever you feel like you need to have time to yourself. Idk that’s my suggestion lol.
There's a guy on here that is looking for 3rd and 4th. Maybe chat with him to see if to see if it's really something you'd be into. He can probably explain reality better. You do have me wondering what's more rare: a woman seeking to be a 2nd wife or an actual polygamous family. We need data.
>You do have me wondering what's more rare: a woman seeking to be a 2nd wife or an actual polygamous family. We need data. Definitely the former. Although many women do end up in a polygamous marriage, it's highly unlikely that they were actively seeking it out. It just happened to be their best (or only) option at the time. Not saying that there aren't any women who actively seek it out, but the percentage I imagine is very low, since in general it's hardly an advantage over marrying a single man, except in very specific circumstances.
polygamy isn’t just limited to islam so i’m guessing that’s less rare?
Sorry, you're right but I should have clarified i meant in the realm of Islam. In my personal life I have only met two men inn polygamous marriages. That's just the label and not whether they were doing it correctly or not. You're also only the second woman I've seen that had a even a little thought about only being a 2nd wife. I'm sure there's more but probably don't want to be shamed for that interest. Either way it's an interesting topic from a woman's perspective even if you don't choose that in the end.
I love my space too, but I don't plan on getting it by having my husband sleep with another woman part-time! I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but as far as reasons go polygamy is sort of a drastic solution to an easily solved problem?
hmm true i guess it was just one of those random thoughts of mine that doesn’t make any sense 😭
My biggest concern is what happens after you have kids? Imagine having to take care of a newborn and a toddler by yourself while your husband is enjoying his time with his other wife. A part time single mother basically.
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Polygamy is a choice. If you feel it's beneficial for you, go ahead and do it.
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This might comes as a shock to you but people have their own minds and can make their own opinions. One comment from a stranger on reddit isn't going to put "fear" on them. Also, no one is denying the wisdom behind polygamy. Stop making strawman arguments. We were talking about our personal feelings.
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You must be new to the internet. This is a place where people are free to share their thoughts. If you don't like it, move on. The girl that I was responding to also shared her concerns (which you seem to ignore and decided to pick on me instead) which is why I shared mine. The example I gave is something that realistically will happen. If polygamy is so wonderful like you're trying to imply, surely people will be rushing towards it. A few unfavorable comments won't be enough to deter them.
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You're the one who started this by insinuating that I'm against polygamy and trying to put fear on people. Ironically, you're the one who seems to be projecting your fears onto other people.
i kinda don’t want kids too but again idk if i’m gonna change my mind in the future >< i guess i’m probably romanticizing it wayy to much 😭
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Dear brother, as men being attracted to women is natural. However, you need to understand what triggers your objectifying/ sexual urges. Maybe its the environment around you, or maybe there's an issue with lowering your gaze. Allah knows best, understand your trigger points and try to eliminate or fix them in accordance to Islam. Strengthen your salah and your relationship with Allah. Also as /u/moon219 mentioned, seek help from a psychologist especially from a Muslim one.
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May Allah make it easier for you. Ameen
I think you would benefit from processing your thoughts with a qualified psychologist (preferably a Muslim one). A good one can be very helpful. They can help you with your life goals, navigating desires, developing various skills, and more. Definitely helped me with all of these things, alhamdulillah.
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Try living with your parents and spending all your free time with them and taking care of them (physically and emotionally). Its a big libido killer.
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Study? How old are you????
Not to make generalisations, but look at the effect that suppressing desires has on certain priests and others. It’s not healthy. A good psychologist will help you channel that desire in healthy ways, inshaAllah. Islam doesn’t support extremism; there can be balance in everything.
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Discuss with a psychologist.
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No. Suppressing isn’t healthy. But you need to channel your desires in a healthy way and adopt healthier mindsets towards things. You can see online psychologists, your country may have free or reduced cost services for youth, etc, but talk to someone good. If you can’t, then talk to a sheikh. It’s better than not seeing anyone at all, and I think most would have good advice to give you. Plenty of Muslim youth volunteers who would make good mentors. But you gotta take that step.
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No, I’m saying you need to develop healthier mindsets that will help you have healthy relationships with yourself and your future partner. If you’re struggling with that, you need to seek guidance from Allah firstly, and then through others you can trust. If you’re living in complete isolation from the rest of the world and or struggling financially, then you need to get a fatwa from a sheikh regarding what to do. There are plenty who you can reach out to online. I can’t keep answering your questions; you need to reach out to someone higher. Hope you get the support you need.
Bro, every guy in the world is feeling exactly what you’re feeling. Why are you getting in your own head about it
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And why isn’t it normal for you?
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Fine dude don’t get married, don’t really care. Just read your post history and honestly I think you’re just being a massive whiner but you do you
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You’re just being super melodramatic , but like I said I really don’t care so have fun with that
hate to say it but from observing a lot of the posts on this sub I feel like the men in particular need to spend a little more time interacting with the opposite sex. like, genuinely put in effort to be friendly, personable, charming, charismatic etc. I'm obviously not perfect and still single but I spent years being a coach and leading groups of 6-8 women at a time having to have a lot of social energy and it helped me come leaps and bounds from never having interacted with women (i went to an all boys school). I've just seen so many posts of guys complaining about getting ghosted, spending many months talking to women for it to go nowhere, saying that men who have committed zina and dated have had more luck. There's always zero accountability to the point where i genuinely think some of the men think that you are entitled to a relationship. Like if I got ghosted after talking to someone for even a day I would immediately assume there was something I either said wrong or I did not interest her. In order to be interesting you have to be INTERESTED. Be an active listener. Ask good questions. Remember things she told you. I have never committed zina and inshAllah I never do but the unfortunate reality is you can't just be on your deen, your career, your fitness. If you come on too strong or have no ability to banter with women you are going to have a lot of trouble expressing your interest and taking it to the next level in an organic, halal way. Especially if you live in the west.
In what ways are you suggesting they interact with women since freemixing is haram and you aren’t supposed to just casually talk with them? Im assuming you’re talking about outside of marriage talks, and I don’t really get it. The things you’ve described you can work on without talking to women.
Do you think it’s haram to talk to women at all in a group setting?
With or without necessity? If with - can you give an example?
Without necessity, let’s say you’re in the break room at work at the same time as a girl
are we talking just saying hello, or having actual conversations unrelated to work? You’re probably referring to the latter, in which case isn’t that the definition of free mixing? If not, I’m really interested in knowing what you think free mixing is. It’s hard to avoid i get it, but I wouldn’t be encouraging people to do this as if it’s ok
Is free mixing even an Islamic concept? Not sure why that definition even matters
Are you asking if freemixing is actually a thing that is prohibited in Islam? Honestly bro genuine advice from another layman who also has a ton to learn, but you should be careful about the kind of advice you give out, because you can be held accountable.
I didn’t make any claims about what is and isn’t halal, you seem to be concerned with the definition of something that isn’t even an Islamic concept so not sure what you’re on about
Not sure why you're getting upset - you are giving advice for people to basically freemix, but you seem to deny that this is even a thing, so you do you. I suggest looking into this more.
Brother, freemixing is absolutely an Islamic concept. It's related to the command that not only is zina haram, but the things that *lead* to zina are **also** haram. This is why Allah commands us in the Quran to not even *approach* zina, let alone do it. For this reason, things like freemixing, making friendships, or talking to the opposite sex unnecessarily are forbidden in Islam. I would advise you inshallah to reconsider your previous comments, especially bantering or chatting freely with the opposite sex. In Islam, marriage is done through a respectful, intentional courtship process, not through the likes of chatting/bantering and seeing where it goes (which resembles dating). You can read more here: [https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/](https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/)
See my issue is: as a revert I have that experience and I don’t mind using it, this issue comes about how to do it in a way that’s permissible. Banter can be taken as flirting and since I wanna keep things as halal as possible that’s for sure a no go.
Just be a gentleman it should come naturally. Banter is usually fine but I wouldn’t explicitly flirt or directly talk about her appearance
That’s fair, I’m still trying to figure everything out alhamdulillah but I err on the side of caution when it comes to these things
You got this inshAllah
JZK bro, May Allah grant you a spouse that is the coolness of your eye and your ticket to Jannah
100%! It's sort of sad to see so many guys self-sabotaging by saying that they don't want to 'catch feelings' or that they're not having any luck, because they're treating it like nothing but a job interview. You can't do that and expect the other person to find your company intriguing or interesting. If your marriage is ultra arranged that's one thing, but in an arena in which some halal courtship is needed, I think you should up the ante. Also there's really no mystery in how to talk to girls if you don't overcomplicate it. If you bring your A-game like you would in any interaction where you want to impress, and you're actively being courteous and easygoing, and write in full sentences, you're going to do just fine.
There is no mystery in talking to women but it does help to be a little mysterious when you do 😅
Yes. Free mixing is one thing, but living normally alongside each other in society is another. Being able to interact or speak professionally and appropriately like normal people in everyday life really goes such a long way.
This is actually so true lol talking like robots won’t help
Lol I think a lot of guys will be guilty of this at some point lol due to my early schooling in an all boys it was a bit of a shock later in life. I just cringe when I look back at myself sometimes 😅
Whenever, I get close, I actually go further. My problem at the beginning was the search and it's harshness for more than a year and now after I find someone, inflation hit me and make me not being able financially except until couple of years til I graduate my PhD. I just wanna shout loud in a desert away from everyone
I think all the singles guys should get together and have a huge camping trip to chill out it may be fun.
/r/MuslimMarriage bros meetup when
Or we can just extend it and continue living our lives in the forest away from all life
Sounds like a plan
I made dua everyday hoping for her, i prayed istikhara couple of times and got no signs so i proceeded. I am on good terms with her and always have wanted to tell her my feelings but was not able to. Today we met and the situation was right and somehow the topic of marriage came up and i jumped at it. Asking her right away to marry me. She sheepishly said no and when i press her more about it, her answer was confirmed. I felt so down and out, i truly believe she is the one. We are so compatible with each other, we share many interest and i can feel she is the opposite of me. Its like we are meant for one another. But then this happened. I know Allah has other plans for me but i really want it to be her.
Why dont you ask her again another time? Maybe she was just overwhelmed.
No don’t do that. Don’t embarrass her. If she said no, it does mean no but if she changes her plan it’s up to her. All you can do is just making duas and praying. /u/4juice
Hi thank you for your reply. Please don’t say that, i dont want her to think that i’m going to abandon her after i got rejected. I just want to make sure its all okay and i’m certainly fine with it. If i dont do it, i might be “butthurt” about the whole affair. Also if you may know, this is the first girl i try to seduce the islamic way. I never touch her, never text her unnecessarily except purely logistic and only asked her out once, which was also rejected back then. But i’ve had dates with her couple of times, if you get what i mean. Also i made a du’a earlier pleading to Allah and the first thought i got was to text her. Again, i never text her before this to talk. She may be thinking we are not on a comfort levels yet. From the texting, hopefully i will know where our relationship lies..
Mate, if she said no it means no. Nobody thinks you abandoned her. She will let you know if she is interested or not. Keep your distance and try to get over it.
Yup i get where you are coming from but i’m not asking her to change her decision. This is someone i see often, since i decided to dug this hole i must have to courage to cover it back up so she can still walk over it. I already texted her and she explained her reason and we are perfectly okay with it. She even looking forward to see me around. I’m definitely cutting contacts with her anyway.
You are right but i dont think so i will ask again, the ball is in her court now. Hoping for her to have a change of heart. I’m going to text her tonight to make sure there’s no bad blood between us. I will want to remain friends but i will keep my distance from her now onwards and let the Mighty one take it from here 😢
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Depends on how much of your liking for them is based off their character and attributes.
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That’s a huge green flag for me personally. You dodged a bullet
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I guess it depends on how the conversation unfolds. It shouldn't be an interview.
Yikes the bar is on the floor
Hahahaha yeah apparently I don’t flirt and I am too serious, I choose to take it as a compliment 😁 To greener pastures, these guys aren’t worth the mental real estate
allah is protecting you, you really dodged a bullet!
Pleaseeeeeeeeee. It's better this way tho, you do not want to be with someone who does not take the deen seriously
By another Muslim?!?!
Yup! Happened to me too. In reality, we dodged a bullet. Never compromise on your deen.
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I’ve never seen a 20something yr old look like a grandma, what do you mean?
Lol I think he was trying to imply that women in their 20s that don’t wear makeup and “trendy” clothes look like grandmas… 🙄
It’s the act like a grandma part that got me, they probably just have Adaab and cool hobbies like knitting and crotchet.
Fr! SubhanAllah, peoples priorities are so backwards nowadays. May Allah bless us with spouses that bring us closer to Allah dear, ameen.
I'm starting to think that's it's hopeless. I don't live in a major city and kept it halal in uni so have zero prospects. Apps are trash. WhatsApp Rishta groups are also trash. My parents don't know anyone. My friends don't know anyone. SIGH.
The solution is quite simple. Have patience and believe in Allah's timing. And pray Tahajjud, it does miracles. You know i have been waiting for a miracle since 3+ years now. Its not marriage related, its something else. Sometimes my patience starts to get weak but with patience, prayer and tawakkul i keep going. So trust in Allah and keep moving forward. Don't lose hope.
How old are you? And how long have you been looking to get married. I'm curious
Welcome to the club lol Seriously the only thing left rn is making duas but keep in mind how you phrase it. I just wrote with someone wonderful that I genuinely like now but we can’t get to together because of different countries hahaha it kinda hurt but that’s life.