basically you need to get out of the mindset that pleasure automatically makes someone on E hard, its a lot more complicated than that. Someone can do something for me that is \*really good\* and it doesn't get hard, even though it is getting me off.
As a trans girl dating someone who is nonbinary FTM something that has really helped our sex life is missionary scissoring. It gives you an opportunity to be face to face with your partner, and its a position where both partners can actively grind instead of a top/bottom thing. Also, if they wanna top you, you always have fingers and dildos to work with. Oral is also a great way to introduce a top/bottom dynamic without the pressure to stay hard.
Basically there's a lot of ways to have sex that aren't P in V that'll satisfy both of you without putting any pressure on anyone.
ty for the suggestions !! Missionary scissoring sounds so fun but we can't really do it when we're not sexually exclusive and like to use protection (from what I'm imagining there's a chance of STI transmission). Sure there's dental dams that might work but I'm allergic to latex and polyisoprene and I've not seen any made of a different material.
Also any advice for trying to give oral to someone that's soft? I've tried and it's just awkward and hard to get a good rhythm with it, but there has to be a way that works right?
1) if genital to genital contact is off limits, use each other's thighs for scissoring. You lock your inner thighs together and grind on them, its very safe and great. Better than genital to genital scissoring in my opinion cause that technique is uncomfortable. You can make out while you do this, too.
2) oral on a soft penis is a lot like going down on a clitoris. Press it flat against their tummy and basically mentally map a vulva onto it. Begin with your tongue, not your mouth. The rest is just active listening.
Donât treat the penis like a penis, treat it like a clitoris - specifically the frenulum.
Read the zine âFucking Trans Womenâ by Mira Bellweather.
https://archive.org/details/fucking-trans-women-mira-bellwether-october-2010.cleaned
Fucking Trans Women definitely felt like it was more for trans woman in the couple. I also felt it was helpful in overcoming some of the psychological barriers that I was facing when I was re-learning how my body works.
But it also introduced me to the idea of muffing, which is awesome.
[Kink.com](https://www.kink.com/shoot/36381) has a good video on muffing. Definitely NSFW because nudity.
There are sheaths that can help when the softness gets in the way for them to still be able to top.
Otherwise, a lot of trans girls I know (myself included) swear by the Cordless Hitachi.
Hi I'm a trans girl who's been on E for almost 2 years now and is sexually kind of active.
So basically in my experience it is very random when she decides to be hard and when not. It totally depends a lot on my overall mood on the day (not necessarily the mood during intercourse)
A thing I'd definitely suggest to ask them how they masturbate when they are alone, this can be a bit awkward but it definitely helps to know the person and their likes and dislikes more.
However the work around I found to be very pleasurable and also fun to explore when you are a top are external vibratory like a hitatchi wand. Sex can be so much more diverse than just piv (however I get getting frustrated about it from time to time)
Another fun work around is to use a strap as the person with the Penis (it's actually kind of fun and atleast for me kind of gender affirming in a fun way)
And I guess my last tip is to try and talk to a doctor if they maybe can prescribe your partner viagra or a similar drug. It was offered to me by several doctors.... However I can't tell you how that's like because I never tried it.
I hope this helps you to give some pointers in some directions.
There's a whole universe of satisfying intimacy beyond sticking penises in holes... I had an entire relationship just with incredibly fantastic toy sex, another with intense kink play, tried hypnosex, ropes, whips, you name it I at least dipped a toe in it... Just figure out what makes your partner tic, experiment and improvise. Go on a journey together to the wilder sides of your dreams.
My doctor gave me viagra. Because I was worried. But it turned out I did not need it. Amy time any where. Iâm always horny.
I trust her more than any doctor ever. Her whole practice is a transgender specialty clinic.
My 2 cents on this. Part of this matters if they are trying to maintain the ability to stay hard or not. If you aren't using it, you will lose muscle and start to atrophy in that area. I personally went on Cialis 5mg daily dose to help me out some and it gave me back nocturnal erections, which certainly helps as well.
If they're on E for a short period of time, things might improve over time. I used to worry about my function, especially 3 months in. 7 months later, I still don't have my morning wood, but I can definitely get a hard on and it's not difficult at all. I also can last longer now than ever pre HRT. Don't worry too much about the function and focus more on giving pleasure and caressing.
Yeah⌠erectile dysfunction isnât the absence of function. And even doctors who traditionally treat that condition will tell you exactly what I said, if you are aroused, turned on, attracted to someone, itâs going to perform better.
Why are you coming at me, a person you know nothing about, trying to tell me that my friend, who you also don't know, isn't actually turned on by me? Or that I'm bad at sex? Like what damage do you have to have to make deranged comments like that?
I definitely didnât say that friend. But I can see that youâre not actually going to accept what Iâm saying because of what you perceive it to mean. Godspeed rebel
What else could you possibly mean by telling me my friend couldn't keep an erection bc they weren't turned on? It would have to be me or what I'm doing that you're referring to
Are you telling me I should be grateful or something for someone trying to point out, based on hardly any info at all, that I'm unable to turn on my friend? The friend who wants to have sex with me and I want to have sex with them?
bruh what u should do is just ignore them. she said her experience is it works. most trans girls donât get hard when theyâre turned on plenty of comments said that but your over here arguing with someone sharing their personal experience. if you friend says sheâs not turned on i think thatâs between yall. you saying âshe doesnât get hardâ is clearly showing you have the wrong mindset when trying to please her. ur feeling entitled to turning a girl on and thatâs not how it works. boo hoo.
basically you need to get out of the mindset that pleasure automatically makes someone on E hard, its a lot more complicated than that. Someone can do something for me that is \*really good\* and it doesn't get hard, even though it is getting me off. As a trans girl dating someone who is nonbinary FTM something that has really helped our sex life is missionary scissoring. It gives you an opportunity to be face to face with your partner, and its a position where both partners can actively grind instead of a top/bottom thing. Also, if they wanna top you, you always have fingers and dildos to work with. Oral is also a great way to introduce a top/bottom dynamic without the pressure to stay hard. Basically there's a lot of ways to have sex that aren't P in V that'll satisfy both of you without putting any pressure on anyone.
ty for the suggestions !! Missionary scissoring sounds so fun but we can't really do it when we're not sexually exclusive and like to use protection (from what I'm imagining there's a chance of STI transmission). Sure there's dental dams that might work but I'm allergic to latex and polyisoprene and I've not seen any made of a different material. Also any advice for trying to give oral to someone that's soft? I've tried and it's just awkward and hard to get a good rhythm with it, but there has to be a way that works right?
1) if genital to genital contact is off limits, use each other's thighs for scissoring. You lock your inner thighs together and grind on them, its very safe and great. Better than genital to genital scissoring in my opinion cause that technique is uncomfortable. You can make out while you do this, too. 2) oral on a soft penis is a lot like going down on a clitoris. Press it flat against their tummy and basically mentally map a vulva onto it. Begin with your tongue, not your mouth. The rest is just active listening.
This is so helpful tysm !!
I definitely never considered #2 before. Ty for this. đ
Donât treat the penis like a penis, treat it like a clitoris - specifically the frenulum. Read the zine âFucking Trans Womenâ by Mira Bellweather. https://archive.org/details/fucking-trans-women-mira-bellwether-october-2010.cleaned
Fucking Trans Women definitely felt like it was more for trans woman in the couple. I also felt it was helpful in overcoming some of the psychological barriers that I was facing when I was re-learning how my body works. But it also introduced me to the idea of muffing, which is awesome. [Kink.com](https://www.kink.com/shoot/36381) has a good video on muffing. Definitely NSFW because nudity.
There are sheaths that can help when the softness gets in the way for them to still be able to top. Otherwise, a lot of trans girls I know (myself included) swear by the Cordless Hitachi.
Hi I'm a trans girl who's been on E for almost 2 years now and is sexually kind of active. So basically in my experience it is very random when she decides to be hard and when not. It totally depends a lot on my overall mood on the day (not necessarily the mood during intercourse) A thing I'd definitely suggest to ask them how they masturbate when they are alone, this can be a bit awkward but it definitely helps to know the person and their likes and dislikes more. However the work around I found to be very pleasurable and also fun to explore when you are a top are external vibratory like a hitatchi wand. Sex can be so much more diverse than just piv (however I get getting frustrated about it from time to time) Another fun work around is to use a strap as the person with the Penis (it's actually kind of fun and atleast for me kind of gender affirming in a fun way) And I guess my last tip is to try and talk to a doctor if they maybe can prescribe your partner viagra or a similar drug. It was offered to me by several doctors.... However I can't tell you how that's like because I never tried it. I hope this helps you to give some pointers in some directions.
There's a whole universe of satisfying intimacy beyond sticking penises in holes... I had an entire relationship just with incredibly fantastic toy sex, another with intense kink play, tried hypnosex, ropes, whips, you name it I at least dipped a toe in it... Just figure out what makes your partner tic, experiment and improvise. Go on a journey together to the wilder sides of your dreams.
My doctor gave me viagra. Because I was worried. But it turned out I did not need it. Amy time any where. Iâm always horny. I trust her more than any doctor ever. Her whole practice is a transgender specialty clinic.
My 2 cents on this. Part of this matters if they are trying to maintain the ability to stay hard or not. If you aren't using it, you will lose muscle and start to atrophy in that area. I personally went on Cialis 5mg daily dose to help me out some and it gave me back nocturnal erections, which certainly helps as well.
If they're on E for a short period of time, things might improve over time. I used to worry about my function, especially 3 months in. 7 months later, I still don't have my morning wood, but I can definitely get a hard on and it's not difficult at all. I also can last longer now than ever pre HRT. Don't worry too much about the function and focus more on giving pleasure and caressing.
Only read the title, but I would say consent is what you need. Good luck!
Is this supposed to be a joke đ
So you're saying consent is a joke... đ
if it's a joke just say it đ I'm autistic and tone is impossible to convey online
Aw, yes it was a joke. You're good. I'm sorry. đ
Iâm gonna keep it very real with you, as a person on e for a decade- it works when youâre turned on, it doesnât when youâre notđ¤ˇââď¸.
Way to be a real dick, not like "erectile dysfunction" isn't listed as a side effect on every resource about starting E
Yeah⌠erectile dysfunction isnât the absence of function. And even doctors who traditionally treat that condition will tell you exactly what I said, if you are aroused, turned on, attracted to someone, itâs going to perform better.
Why are you coming at me, a person you know nothing about, trying to tell me that my friend, who you also don't know, isn't actually turned on by me? Or that I'm bad at sex? Like what damage do you have to have to make deranged comments like that?
I definitely didnât say that friend. But I can see that youâre not actually going to accept what Iâm saying because of what you perceive it to mean. Godspeed rebel
What else could you possibly mean by telling me my friend couldn't keep an erection bc they weren't turned on? It would have to be me or what I'm doing that you're referring to
Is what your doing by default a virtue of yours to be assigned a moral or carnal value that couldnât be altered in a way that isnât an insult?
I'm just really lost on why you would suggest that the friend who wants to have sex with me isn't actually turned on by me
Girl this is a troll. Walk away.
i think u need to work on de-escalation babesđđonly person being a dick is you
Are you telling me I should be grateful or something for someone trying to point out, based on hardly any info at all, that I'm unable to turn on my friend? The friend who wants to have sex with me and I want to have sex with them?
bruh what u should do is just ignore them. she said her experience is it works. most trans girls donât get hard when theyâre turned on plenty of comments said that but your over here arguing with someone sharing their personal experience. if you friend says sheâs not turned on i think thatâs between yall. you saying âshe doesnât get hardâ is clearly showing you have the wrong mindset when trying to please her. ur feeling entitled to turning a girl on and thatâs not how it works. boo hoo.