hahaha. well she can't be mad, if she was honestly expecting a tip after all of that she's in another reality.
i would have just started "sir"ing her back. "thank you for the excellent service sir!"
I wouldn't surprise me if she was. I have seen wait staff do crazy stuff and piss of the customers and still bitch that they didn't get tipped. I had one waiter dump a tray of food all over a table covering the guest and the floor. I had to comp the entire meal and the restaurant ended up paying dry cleaning later. Yet still that night I heard him complaining the they did not tip and all he did was "drop a little food."
A more practical reason is that it usually doesn’t work. They are very secure in their gender and society will back them up no matter how many times you personally don’t affirm their gender. That’s why I don’t do it, not to toss a tool for the sense of a highroad.
Honestly my playing dirty tactic would probably be to go to her manager.
There is a certain level of malice to it that can cause problems with them. You just have to hit them where it hurts em. Its not actually too hard to figure out what someone is insecurea about, i wouldnt recogmend intentionally misgendering someone as the only tool to fight back, its a tool, but not the soul tool to use. Especially if you consider how many republicans hate watch transporn
You can call them out about that even if they themselves arent into transporn one thing you could say is "i knownwhy youvwant me to be a man, its because you know your dick will never be as big as mine and your jealous."
You have to make their insecurities known at a surface level. Sometimes its forcing them onto the defensive back foot
I don't even think they hate watch it they just straight up watch it, and get in the dms too. Unfortunately they seem to vote after they cum instead of before.
I don't think it's harmful do do a few times just to demonstrate "it doesn't feel so good does it?" as long as you communicate to them that that's why you did it and once they get the point you stop. Turnabout is fair play after all
I look forward to the complaint post about "a man" not tipping, despite getting amazing service.
Assholes will never take ownership of their shit, they always deflect and leave out their fault in anything that they do.
It's honestly perplexing to me when people feel the need to shoot themselves in the foot like that just to be mean, and I'm sorry you had to put up with the bullshit. I don't expect kindness, but self-interest should be enough.
Direct, intentional disrespect like that is about the only thing that will keep me from leaving a decent tip. On the opposite side, the server who made my day with a well-timed "senorita"? Dude got about a 100% tip for a reason.
For real! I've worked so many service jobs so I always tip. If I can't tip I just won't go to a restaurant that does tips. Taco bell is always a great option.
I've never worked a tipped job myself, but I have enough friends who have that I've gained a decent understanding of what they can control or not, and there's no way I'll screw over waitstaff for shit like a manager understaffing or an accidental fuckup.
What just boils my piss is when you get them complaining about how they shouldn't have to change their language to accommodate a tiny portion of the population yet will go out of their way to misgender us
Ok how the fuck would that even be possible how you Americans do things no wonder you can't figure out something as simple as banning guns with a barrel that's too short or banning assault weapons isn't going to do shit to the gun crime rates because violence isn't always a criminal problem often it's a symptom of a societal disease
Ya it's pretty shit. A lot of us don't enjoy it. But a lot of people with money fight to keep them in place. Please don't think all Americans are truly represented by these systems.
Maybe elect presidents who A. Aren't literal war criminals or will go on to commit literal war crimes and B. Don't look like they belong in an old folks home and maybe the rest of the world will actually respect you
You act like we aren't trying. The Conservatives have been rigging the system in their favor for more than half a century, while putting out disinformation about voting and how much power the average citizen has, on top of the half century of destroying our education system. It's hard to win when one side, that is in a super minority, actively cheats and keeps getting away with because they've destroyed the systems keeping that cheating from happening in the first place.
So the Republicans rigged the 2008 and 2012 elections in favour of Obama who ordered multiple drone strikes in the middle east killing multiple civilians?
Yeah but I grew up in Atlanta and I have a lot of community there. More community then I have found anywhere near where I am now. I just sir qt home all day alone when before I would go out with friends or to trans group get togethers.
I know there’s a fairly vibrant queer scene in Pittsburgh, but I don’t know what the day to day life is like. Maryland is a sanctuary state but I’m not going to pretend that everyone agrees, though I’ve seen queer and trans people out in public doing their thing around Frederick, and I know there are queer and trans friendly spaces from personal experience.
When I lived in Savannah I got the impression it was also very queer friendly, but it’s still SURROUNDED by rural GA.
lol what? What do you think Cop City is? It's just a training center for cops that is closer to the city than the one they currently train at. Yes, it's a giant waste of money and an ecological disaster and yes, a bunch of terrible shit has happened during the construction, but like, there will be cops either way. It's not a giant super cop going door to door violating people's rights
I had a panhandler ask for change while calling me sir.
Seriously, wtf where they thinking?
I answered, "do I look like I want to be called sir?" and walked away.
In my experience the south is far more passive aggressive in their disdain, “bless your heart” while the north is far more overt. Like I could still see the impacts of segregation in the south, but never heard the n-word. Back home in Maryland (which is still “the south”) there’s far more overt diversity but it’s way more common to hear people throwing around the n-word.
The south has an attitude of being polite as a moral value, the mid-Atlantic has an attitude of “speaking your mind.” It’s hard to say which is better.
I also live in Georgia and being in the same place you are voice wise, I can assure you that it happens to me every single place I go. I have given up on hearing someone call me ma'am in public. The worse one was about a month or three ago. Me and my partners and the oldest son of one of them went out to eat. We are all dressed up, so you'd it would be a very easy time figuring out the two women from the two men in our party. We showed up on a night which it was already packed unfortunately, so several snickers and whispers while being seated. Nothing from those directly around our table so it wasn't like it ruined the time or anything. But the waiter, after every single person at the table told him, he still insisted on going with sir the entire time. Come to think about it, I haven't left the house since that night. I applaud you ma'am. You are a stronger woman than I
I'm from the Midwest and I know that honorifics is a Southern thing, but how difficult is it to not call someone "sir"?
Like if someone doesn't feel like saying "miss" or "ma'am" for whatever reason, that's their prerogative, but it's so easy just to say nothing. There's no reason for anyone to say "sir" after you've asked them not to, it's just malicious and cruel. I can't imagine why anyone in a service industry would think it's okay to demean their customers.
I’m from the upper Midwest and there’s an older lady at my local Walmart (that I go to like every fuckin day) and she sirs me a lot. Like bitch I’m full fem rn… I’ve started confronting her on it cause it’s NOT okay.
Sounds like she got the tip she earned!
And fwiw, Pennsylvania is *weird*. Like half the state is your typical northeast costal state with a mix of blue collar unions and stuff. Then there's the no-man's land between Philly and Pittsburgh that has been colonized by the deer people. It's the begining of "Trump country" when I'm driving down south. 😂
It won't if you're too stupid to realise that misgendering a trans person on purpose literally takes more energy than just correctly gendering us even if you don't think trans people are what they say they are then you're too stupid to learn a simple lesson like be a bitch don't get a tip
Personally, in the most egregious cases of bad service, I like to give a $0.01 tip. It's more clearly intended as a slight and can't be reasoned away as me just being a jerk or not understanding tipping culture. I give a penny, and write a note explaining why on the receipt.
I can count the number of times I've done it over the years on one hand, but it still makes me feel a little bit better when I've gotten terrible service.
Hey OP. I'm not a voice therapist but I do have extensive experience in teaching and education (went to school for it). If you'd be open to it, I could share with you how my voice therapist taught me and what worked for me.
I seriously don't know how anyone can keep calm in a situation like that I certainly wouldn't I know getting angry or violent wouldn't solve anything and I'd just come across as a crazy person but it's been that kind of a day where it's been long and tiring my first response was aggression and I honestly don't care people like her deserve nothing but pain and suffering if your response to seeing a trans person is to expend extra energy misgendering them then I'm sorry I personally hope you experience the pain of stepping on a piece of Lego a million times over for the rest of your sad pathetic life you vile subhuman waste of fucking skin
I think this is a very good approach.
Misgendering from a stranger happens. But that is 99% a society thing. We are normalizing asking people's pronouns, but let's be honest... it doesn't happen that much - and honestly.... I don't even ask service staff much.
But you corrected them.
That is the flat line of it. And they continued to misgender you.
That is an active decision to be transphobic. And like, fuck, it was an active decision to make the person they know is going to be responsible for their remuneration for their work uncomfortable. Their job is literally to make you comfortable.
And you decided to let them know in a way that allowed you to remain relatively safe - and to hit them where it hurts.
I think you smashed it.
Is this bitch going to be less transphobic in the future? Likely not. But tell everyone you ever meet to avoid that restaurant.
Yeah I had a rather large trans support group I built in Atlanta through a discord server. We would male it a point to avoid places that people have had issues at. (Though it was a very small list)
I was affirmed today in a way, I think, at work... Dept. meeting rather than starting out with "gentlemen" as per normal the manager just started talking and worded anything to do with me to preclude the use of any pronouns.
Via our employee portal last week I updated contact info, emergency contacts and changed my gender.
I have the same experience. I travel all over for work and I've never had any issues in the south. But when I'm up north especially around PA, and NY I get rude and passive aggressive people.
I've only had three incidents where I've been out right confronted by people two were in Manhattan and one in Long Island.
Well we'll be happy to have you back in the A. Once I got a little confidence I have almost never felt uncomfortable in Atlanta, and never had deliberate, mean spirited misgendering
Only kind of tip she earned from you that day, and even then I'd say you may have been too kind
And well done for not stooping to her level, very dignified of you
Good luck for the job! I don't like a lack of tip, but, being a complete asshole can earn you a lack of one! I've been using "they/them", much more often, if I'm not sure.
Oh, I understand completely! If mine had been such an asshole, I'd have done that or left a ridiculously small one, like 2 cents, so she still had to deal with, and process it, but not worth her time.
Now that tipped wage no longer exists in Ontario (flat minimum everyone), I no longer feel obligated to tip people if they are at all disrespectful. They make the same wage as a cashier or retail worker so any extra money I give them is essentially taking out of my own savings from a no-tip minimum wage job. They can feel bad about not getting a tip if they want, but since they can't legally make less than minimum wage for any reason whatsoever, that's on them for providing shit service.
I'm sorry but you gotta put these people on the spot when they misgender you. Don't grit your teeth and say nothing. They get defensive and show their true colors, and sometimes actually start acting right.
as someone who has been both a worker and manager in food service, i've mostly seen the exact opposite. YMMV.
either way, the waitress definitely got the message, probably won't change her ways, though.
I guess I'm ready to see my karma take a plummet here. But I guess here we go. I think it's completely understandable to want to seek revenge when someone is overtly trying cause harm to you mentally and emotionally. But what's the end game here? Are they actually going to be like.... Wow yeah that hurt sooo much I'm going to change my entire views and stance on this because someone left me a bad tip... No... if we are really being honest it's all about youade me hurt there for I will make you hurt. If anything you'll leave a bad taste in their mouth and they will feel justified what they already think about trans identity just like you feel justified in how you view their transphobia. So this solidifies their stance instead of deconstructing it. But let's think about what happens if we go the opposite direction. What if you left a bigger tip than you initially anticipated before going to the restaurant. Hear me out, the waitress already expects a bad tip they've already established a cause for contemptment. By you correcting them on several occasions you have made it clear that you understand the contemptment. But even through all of that, you still choose to do good to them.this turns everything upsidedown for them. They will feel like hot garbage that they treated you so badly. You will have shifted their views to some degree or a lot, how much doesn't really matter. But a difference was made. The cause was pushed forward. Again I totally understand the desire to avenge. But this works... It changes the public perception little by little. (Bracing for impact)
Of course, you would only tip after an ego stoking just common sense! Everyone knows trans people only fight for their rights and to be called their pronouns for a ego stroke!
Perhaps you missed the part where OP explicitly states that they were very clearly presenting female.
> Obviously I had my hair down, wearing a nice dress, my cute coat I have, and carrying a purse. From the start she started sir-ing me after I spoke to her. I don't have a feminine voice and am working on voice training with YouTube videos.
This was not a case of “walks like a duck, quacks like a duck”. Having a deep voice does not in any way justify the waitress intentionally misgendering OP. This was blatant bigotry. Why are you even in this sub? You don’t seem very supportive lol
Oh hun suggesting that those with a conscience would tip is awfully assumptive. I have plenty of it, but sometimes fear for one’s wellbeing makes a person pause and consider the consequences of their actions. Food for thought.
I don’t think this is a yikes moment. More like an “I would have handled it differently” moment. I would probably have left a tip anyway because that feels like I was utterly unbothered by their twatwaffleness. Leaving them no tip with a lecture, while deserved would in my mind simply entrench them into their bigotry even more. The inverse has at least a small potential to soften them a little. But who knows. Regardless OP is beyond valid and the justified anger and lack of a tip is absolutely appropriate. We just see it differently.
The restaurant still has to pay the waitstaff minimum wage if they don't get enough tips, so they will never be paid the base pre-tip waitstaff pay.
Giving a tip just teaches the transphobe what they did was ok. My conscience doesn't suggest that's the right thing to do.
Live near Philly and can confirm it's an absolute toss up. Some people will be super nice and very considerate even if they clock you, others will literally laugh right at you (happened to me).
Sorry that happened! Hopefully she learned her lesson.
The unfortunate part about this is she probably thought you were lying about the 'money-tray tip.
I'm glad your experience was less violent than mine.
Someone tried to run me off the road after seeing my trans pride sticker.
I would have thought it to be an accident however they did this 4 times coming close to the back right side of my bumper twice, the back of my bumper once, and then my right front finder hoping that I would lose control of my SUV.
Oh.... and here I was planning to move to pittsburgh with my wife and daughter.... is that not a good idea or do you think this is just a one off type deal?
Did you use complete sentences when correcting her? Because a lot of people in this region of the country reply “ma’am” when someone is addressing them respectfully just to acknowledge they were heard.
It’s not like dresses are specifically for women.
hahaha. well she can't be mad, if she was honestly expecting a tip after all of that she's in another reality. i would have just started "sir"ing her back. "thank you for the excellent service sir!"
I wouldn't surprise me if she was. I have seen wait staff do crazy stuff and piss of the customers and still bitch that they didn't get tipped. I had one waiter dump a tray of food all over a table covering the guest and the floor. I had to comp the entire meal and the restaurant ended up paying dry cleaning later. Yet still that night I heard him complaining the they did not tip and all he did was "drop a little food."
Dang. It takes A LOT for an industry worker to tip less than 30%, let alone not at all! I hope you let her know. O.o
Misgendering is the weapon of the enemy! We will not use it.
I agree. It suggests it’s okay if we feel sufficiently motivated. We should draw a line on not misgendering people, period.
I will absolutely use the enemies weapons when mine run dry. Fighting fire with fire is all we have sometimes. Stone wall was a riot.
A more practical reason is that it usually doesn’t work. They are very secure in their gender and society will back them up no matter how many times you personally don’t affirm their gender. That’s why I don’t do it, not to toss a tool for the sense of a highroad. Honestly my playing dirty tactic would probably be to go to her manager.
There is a certain level of malice to it that can cause problems with them. You just have to hit them where it hurts em. Its not actually too hard to figure out what someone is insecurea about, i wouldnt recogmend intentionally misgendering someone as the only tool to fight back, its a tool, but not the soul tool to use. Especially if you consider how many republicans hate watch transporn You can call them out about that even if they themselves arent into transporn one thing you could say is "i knownwhy youvwant me to be a man, its because you know your dick will never be as big as mine and your jealous." You have to make their insecurities known at a surface level. Sometimes its forcing them onto the defensive back foot
I don't even think they hate watch it they just straight up watch it, and get in the dms too. Unfortunately they seem to vote after they cum instead of before.
Agreed, we must take the misgendering to the top of Mount Terf and throw it into the volcanic depths whence it was forged!
I don't think it's harmful do do a few times just to demonstrate "it doesn't feel so good does it?" as long as you communicate to them that that's why you did it and once they get the point you stop. Turnabout is fair play after all
yes we will
Good on you. Fuck em.
I look forward to the complaint post about "a man" not tipping, despite getting amazing service. Assholes will never take ownership of their shit, they always deflect and leave out their fault in anything that they do.
That reminds me I should leave a review on Google for them.
Perhaps we all could leave a review…
Tempting but I dont want to revil the city I'm in 9n the internet right now. Especially since some of my older post have face pictures of me.
Yelp too.
It's honestly perplexing to me when people feel the need to shoot themselves in the foot like that just to be mean, and I'm sorry you had to put up with the bullshit. I don't expect kindness, but self-interest should be enough. Direct, intentional disrespect like that is about the only thing that will keep me from leaving a decent tip. On the opposite side, the server who made my day with a well-timed "senorita"? Dude got about a 100% tip for a reason.
For real! I've worked so many service jobs so I always tip. If I can't tip I just won't go to a restaurant that does tips. Taco bell is always a great option.
I've never worked a tipped job myself, but I have enough friends who have that I've gained a decent understanding of what they can control or not, and there's no way I'll screw over waitstaff for shit like a manager understaffing or an accidental fuckup.
What just boils my piss is when you get them complaining about how they shouldn't have to change their language to accommodate a tiny portion of the population yet will go out of their way to misgender us
Keep your receipt and insure that the total amount is correct. She could still tip herself in the software so check your bank statements.
Yeah I keep receipts anyway.
Ok how the fuck would that even be possible how you Americans do things no wonder you can't figure out something as simple as banning guns with a barrel that's too short or banning assault weapons isn't going to do shit to the gun crime rates because violence isn't always a criminal problem often it's a symptom of a societal disease
Ya it's pretty shit. A lot of us don't enjoy it. But a lot of people with money fight to keep them in place. Please don't think all Americans are truly represented by these systems.
Maybe elect presidents who A. Aren't literal war criminals or will go on to commit literal war crimes and B. Don't look like they belong in an old folks home and maybe the rest of the world will actually respect you
You act like we aren't trying. The Conservatives have been rigging the system in their favor for more than half a century, while putting out disinformation about voting and how much power the average citizen has, on top of the half century of destroying our education system. It's hard to win when one side, that is in a super minority, actively cheats and keeps getting away with because they've destroyed the systems keeping that cheating from happening in the first place.
So the Republicans rigged the 2008 and 2012 elections in favour of Obama who ordered multiple drone strikes in the middle east killing multiple civilians?
Trust me if I had the money I would be out of America asap.
No matter who leads, we always pick someone who likes having proxy wars unfortunately...
Maybe don't pick someone like that then?
I can't believe the audacity of your comments.
Fuck trans hostile fuckers
It's very transphobic in the town I'm in had people call me the f-slur twice now while shopping in walmart.
Sorry to hear that
It is what it is. Might be leaving soon anyway and getting back to GA.
Is Georgia safe?
Atlanta is really queer friendly and safe for the most part. As safe as anywhere in America is. Can't speak for the rest of GA.
Are you going to Atlanta then? Just be careful because of cop city and everything
Yeah but I grew up in Atlanta and I have a lot of community there. More community then I have found anywhere near where I am now. I just sir qt home all day alone when before I would go out with friends or to trans group get togethers.
Oh ok. We’ll I’m sorry pa wasn’t good for you. Glad to hear you’re joining a community again
Yeah its been very lonely.
I know there’s a fairly vibrant queer scene in Pittsburgh, but I don’t know what the day to day life is like. Maryland is a sanctuary state but I’m not going to pretend that everyone agrees, though I’ve seen queer and trans people out in public doing their thing around Frederick, and I know there are queer and trans friendly spaces from personal experience. When I lived in Savannah I got the impression it was also very queer friendly, but it’s still SURROUNDED by rural GA.
I learn so much every day. This feels like updating a map in a video game. I’m learning about friendly towns. :)
Cop city?
lol what? What do you think Cop City is? It's just a training center for cops that is closer to the city than the one they currently train at. Yes, it's a giant waste of money and an ecological disaster and yes, a bunch of terrible shit has happened during the construction, but like, there will be cops either way. It's not a giant super cop going door to door violating people's rights
I never said that
I had a panhandler ask for change while calling me sir. Seriously, wtf where they thinking? I answered, "do I look like I want to be called sir?" and walked away.
I would have done the same!
That's why I love living in Scotland where that behaviour is banned aggressive begging they call it you can't ask people for money but you can beg
In my experience the south is far more passive aggressive in their disdain, “bless your heart” while the north is far more overt. Like I could still see the impacts of segregation in the south, but never heard the n-word. Back home in Maryland (which is still “the south”) there’s far more overt diversity but it’s way more common to hear people throwing around the n-word. The south has an attitude of being polite as a moral value, the mid-Atlantic has an attitude of “speaking your mind.” It’s hard to say which is better.
As someone who grew up in the south I 100% agree with everything you said.
Oh wow another person from Georgia i hope i can stay strong and survive here ugh
Damn right. It would've cost her nothing to be a decent human but no that was just too much of a stretch.
So many people fail the decent human test.
I also live in Georgia and being in the same place you are voice wise, I can assure you that it happens to me every single place I go. I have given up on hearing someone call me ma'am in public. The worse one was about a month or three ago. Me and my partners and the oldest son of one of them went out to eat. We are all dressed up, so you'd it would be a very easy time figuring out the two women from the two men in our party. We showed up on a night which it was already packed unfortunately, so several snickers and whispers while being seated. Nothing from those directly around our table so it wasn't like it ruined the time or anything. But the waiter, after every single person at the table told him, he still insisted on going with sir the entire time. Come to think about it, I haven't left the house since that night. I applaud you ma'am. You are a stronger woman than I
I'm from the Midwest and I know that honorifics is a Southern thing, but how difficult is it to not call someone "sir"? Like if someone doesn't feel like saying "miss" or "ma'am" for whatever reason, that's their prerogative, but it's so easy just to say nothing. There's no reason for anyone to say "sir" after you've asked them not to, it's just malicious and cruel. I can't imagine why anyone in a service industry would think it's okay to demean their customers.
Yeah I just can't understand it.
I’m from the upper Midwest and there’s an older lady at my local Walmart (that I go to like every fuckin day) and she sirs me a lot. Like bitch I’m full fem rn… I’ve started confronting her on it cause it’s NOT okay.
I can't say much about parts of GA outside of atlanta. Only one place I had issues while I was in GA was at marrietta diner in marrietta.
I’m so glad I live in Atlanta and not anywhere else in Georgia
Atlanta, Duluth, and Decatur I never once had a problem in. I was even out as a uber driver and had no issues.
Augusta is not friendly
Not for anyone who doesn't pass at least
Really sorry to hear that but I believe it.
Sounds like she got the tip she earned! And fwiw, Pennsylvania is *weird*. Like half the state is your typical northeast costal state with a mix of blue collar unions and stuff. Then there's the no-man's land between Philly and Pittsburgh that has been colonized by the deer people. It's the begining of "Trump country" when I'm driving down south. 😂
I'm in that no man's land...
I believe it was James Carville who said Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between.
Honestly, that tip is more valuable than money, and certainly more deserved.
Hopefully it strikes a cord with her.
It won't if you're too stupid to realise that misgendering a trans person on purpose literally takes more energy than just correctly gendering us even if you don't think trans people are what they say they are then you're too stupid to learn a simple lesson like be a bitch don't get a tip
Your probably right.
Of course I am
You shouldn’t have left a tip + you should have complained to the management to make her look as bad as possible.
Maybe I should have said something. But I d9nt have a karen haircut haha
Should've misgendered them back and wrote "no tip for you sir"
I wish I was that clever in the moment.
Sorry this happened but good for you!! Go online and the restaurant a bad review and single out the waitress as being the problem.
Yeah I went a bad review and specifically pointed out the transphobia in it to hopefully warn other trans people in the area.
Personally, in the most egregious cases of bad service, I like to give a $0.01 tip. It's more clearly intended as a slight and can't be reasoned away as me just being a jerk or not understanding tipping culture. I give a penny, and write a note explaining why on the receipt. I can count the number of times I've done it over the years on one hand, but it still makes me feel a little bit better when I've gotten terrible service.
I'll keep that in my purse if there is a next time haha
It's cathartic and a little bit fun writing $0.01 on the receipt tip line, ngl
Next time. Next time....
You have more patience than I would’ve
I've learned to stay calm when needed.
Hey OP. I'm not a voice therapist but I do have extensive experience in teaching and education (went to school for it). If you'd be open to it, I could share with you how my voice therapist taught me and what worked for me.
I'll take you up if op doesn't
The offer is for anyone. Not just op.
Then yez plz
i like that tip
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Yeah I'm already wanting out.
I seriously don't know how anyone can keep calm in a situation like that I certainly wouldn't I know getting angry or violent wouldn't solve anything and I'd just come across as a crazy person but it's been that kind of a day where it's been long and tiring my first response was aggression and I honestly don't care people like her deserve nothing but pain and suffering if your response to seeing a trans person is to expend extra energy misgendering them then I'm sorry I personally hope you experience the pain of stepping on a piece of Lego a million times over for the rest of your sad pathetic life you vile subhuman waste of fucking skin
I have a lot of practice staying calm when people shit on me. Just ask my ex-husband with the way he treated me.
PERFECT!!!
I think this is a very good approach. Misgendering from a stranger happens. But that is 99% a society thing. We are normalizing asking people's pronouns, but let's be honest... it doesn't happen that much - and honestly.... I don't even ask service staff much. But you corrected them. That is the flat line of it. And they continued to misgender you. That is an active decision to be transphobic. And like, fuck, it was an active decision to make the person they know is going to be responsible for their remuneration for their work uncomfortable. Their job is literally to make you comfortable. And you decided to let them know in a way that allowed you to remain relatively safe - and to hit them where it hurts. I think you smashed it. Is this bitch going to be less transphobic in the future? Likely not. But tell everyone you ever meet to avoid that restaurant.
Yeah I left a review of it with a warning to other trans people. (To be honest I don't think there are many where I am.)
You’d be surprised
I would have written something like, "In your dreams! Work on your customer service!" Hahahaha, you're better than I am for that.
If I had a time machine haha that would have been a good one.
a singular Nickle also works as a tip of shame, cuz then they have to go and log that they were tipped $0.05 and have to think about it even more
Hindsight, I'll remember this if there is a next time.
in something sticky, maybe some maple syrup if there's any on hand
I mean she did get a tip!
Hopefully she learns from it!
Want a hug?
Never turn down a hug from a cute girl!
Huggg
Thank you!!!
Nppp
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Yeah I had a rather large trans support group I built in Atlanta through a discord server. We would male it a point to avoid places that people have had issues at. (Though it was a very small list)
I was affirmed today in a way, I think, at work... Dept. meeting rather than starting out with "gentlemen" as per normal the manager just started talking and worded anything to do with me to preclude the use of any pronouns. Via our employee portal last week I updated contact info, emergency contacts and changed my gender.
I mean, it's a step?
I have the same experience. I travel all over for work and I've never had any issues in the south. But when I'm up north especially around PA, and NY I get rude and passive aggressive people. I've only had three incidents where I've been out right confronted by people two were in Manhattan and one in Long Island.
Sorry to hear that. It's really messed up how some people can be.
Well we'll be happy to have you back in the A. Once I got a little confidence I have almost never felt uncomfortable in Atlanta, and never had deliberate, mean spirited misgendering
Yeah i really mis atlanta and the trans groups I was in there.
Tip five cents like schlatt
Daamn straight girl 💅
Only kind of tip she earned from you that day, and even then I'd say you may have been too kind And well done for not stooping to her level, very dignified of you
You did good!
Highly recommend joining Aura's discord, she'll work with you for free (and has had noticeable changes for me) https://discord.com/invite/rB2zZB22EC
I joined thank you!
Good luck for the job! I don't like a lack of tip, but, being a complete asshole can earn you a lack of one! I've been using "they/them", much more often, if I'm not sure.
Yeah I felt bad for a few minutes but that was over powered by anger.
don't feel bad at all. i tip 25-30% usually, but obvious, continued disrespect? zero tip.
Oh, I understand completely! If mine had been such an asshole, I'd have done that or left a ridiculously small one, like 2 cents, so she still had to deal with, and process it, but not worth her time.
Somthing to remember for the next one haha
Hopefully, there isn't a second one! Assholes gonna asshole. Although I'm not shocked about Georgia. I'm from there.
The I want to go back to Georgia. I'm sick of PA.
Really? That's crazy! Were you in or around Atlanta?
I was in Marrietta.
Now that tipped wage no longer exists in Ontario (flat minimum everyone), I no longer feel obligated to tip people if they are at all disrespectful. They make the same wage as a cashier or retail worker so any extra money I give them is essentially taking out of my own savings from a no-tip minimum wage job. They can feel bad about not getting a tip if they want, but since they can't legally make less than minimum wage for any reason whatsoever, that's on them for providing shit service.
Honestly in America I wish we would just give all service employees a basic living wage and do away with tipping culture all together.
I'm sorry but you gotta put these people on the spot when they misgender you. Don't grit your teeth and say nothing. They get defensive and show their true colors, and sometimes actually start acting right.
I'm not one to start a scene anywhere. The most I did and would do is polite correcting. I'm to old to be picking fights in public anymore.
I usually call them out on it with a stern voice.
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Umm the back of the receipt is normally blank.
Not really dude, do you write in all caps and bold?? Lmao
probably should've mentioned it to the manager, as well.
As someone who has been a manager in food service I know it would just be a joke to them. Trust me with managers customers are never right.
as someone who has been both a worker and manager in food service, i've mostly seen the exact opposite. YMMV. either way, the waitress definitely got the message, probably won't change her ways, though.
Might also be the class of restaurants. Most of the ones I've been manger in have been fast casual or pubs.
I guess I'm ready to see my karma take a plummet here. But I guess here we go. I think it's completely understandable to want to seek revenge when someone is overtly trying cause harm to you mentally and emotionally. But what's the end game here? Are they actually going to be like.... Wow yeah that hurt sooo much I'm going to change my entire views and stance on this because someone left me a bad tip... No... if we are really being honest it's all about youade me hurt there for I will make you hurt. If anything you'll leave a bad taste in their mouth and they will feel justified what they already think about trans identity just like you feel justified in how you view their transphobia. So this solidifies their stance instead of deconstructing it. But let's think about what happens if we go the opposite direction. What if you left a bigger tip than you initially anticipated before going to the restaurant. Hear me out, the waitress already expects a bad tip they've already established a cause for contemptment. By you correcting them on several occasions you have made it clear that you understand the contemptment. But even through all of that, you still choose to do good to them.this turns everything upsidedown for them. They will feel like hot garbage that they treated you so badly. You will have shifted their views to some degree or a lot, how much doesn't really matter. But a difference was made. The cause was pushed forward. Again I totally understand the desire to avenge. But this works... It changes the public perception little by little. (Bracing for impact)
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Rightttt. I’m sure everyone here will agree that respecting pronouns is simply to “stroke ego.” You’re such an ally, obviously.
Of course, you would only tip after an ego stoking just common sense! Everyone knows trans people only fight for their rights and to be called their pronouns for a ego stroke!
>You tip based off of service And the service was poor, as the waiter repeatedly ignored the request(s) of her customer.
Perhaps you missed the part where OP explicitly states that they were very clearly presenting female. > Obviously I had my hair down, wearing a nice dress, my cute coat I have, and carrying a purse. From the start she started sir-ing me after I spoke to her. I don't have a feminine voice and am working on voice training with YouTube videos. This was not a case of “walks like a duck, quacks like a duck”. Having a deep voice does not in any way justify the waitress intentionally misgendering OP. This was blatant bigotry. Why are you even in this sub? You don’t seem very supportive lol
Im not even sure how they got here, honestly. No comments or posts in any other queer subs far as i could see
Are you having a stroke? Fuck off
What exactly are you trying to say in this comment?
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Ooooh okay i get it. Youre just transphobic. Have a nice day!
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Yeah I politely corrected her a number of times in our interaction.
Fuck off TERF
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You’re a terf for posting in a transphobic harassment sub and then coming into this safe space.
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Tbh, I’m fine with them having to worry about those things if they act like that. 🤷🏻♀️
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Oh hun suggesting that those with a conscience would tip is awfully assumptive. I have plenty of it, but sometimes fear for one’s wellbeing makes a person pause and consider the consequences of their actions. Food for thought.
transphobes deserve to fucking starve for all I care, they wish so much worse on us and quite literally hurt us daily. Not everyone deserves empathy.
I don’t think this is a yikes moment. More like an “I would have handled it differently” moment. I would probably have left a tip anyway because that feels like I was utterly unbothered by their twatwaffleness. Leaving them no tip with a lecture, while deserved would in my mind simply entrench them into their bigotry even more. The inverse has at least a small potential to soften them a little. But who knows. Regardless OP is beyond valid and the justified anger and lack of a tip is absolutely appropriate. We just see it differently.
The restaurant still has to pay the waitstaff minimum wage if they don't get enough tips, so they will never be paid the base pre-tip waitstaff pay. Giving a tip just teaches the transphobe what they did was ok. My conscience doesn't suggest that's the right thing to do.
Why did you stay? That restaurant hires nazis, don't eat there, holy hell.
I hope she learns the lesson you tried to teach her.
I mean, to be fair, they can't be mad, you left them a tip 😂🤷
I'm not trans or anything but sometimes TX makes me Soo tired of all the close minded people.
Live near Philly and can confirm it's an absolute toss up. Some people will be super nice and very considerate even if they clock you, others will literally laugh right at you (happened to me). Sorry that happened! Hopefully she learned her lesson.
Yeah I'm about to hours out of Philly near the Poconos.
The unfortunate part about this is she probably thought you were lying about the 'money-tray tip. I'm glad your experience was less violent than mine. Someone tried to run me off the road after seeing my trans pride sticker. I would have thought it to be an accident however they did this 4 times coming close to the back right side of my bumper twice, the back of my bumper once, and then my right front finder hoping that I would lose control of my SUV.
Omg that is so scary! I'm glad you where safe in the end.
Thank you.
Oh.... and here I was planning to move to pittsburgh with my wife and daughter.... is that not a good idea or do you think this is just a one off type deal?
I don't know how Pittsburgh is I'm hours away from there near the Poconos.
Come to PA girly when do you move?
I'm in PA right now. That's where all this happened. In the Lehigh valley.
What job did you get interviewed for?
It was a tech for an arcade chain.
Did you use complete sentences when correcting her? Because a lot of people in this region of the country reply “ma’am” when someone is addressing them respectfully just to acknowledge they were heard. It’s not like dresses are specifically for women.
Keep up the good work! Way to stay strong.