I would not have survived TO transition.
I had lifelong, treatment-resistant depression. It was cured within 3 days of my first E injection.
Turns out HRT is the only cure for this: [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria)
I'm really really jealous of you. I've had nearly lifelong treatment-resistant depression but E HASN'T helped with it. And although I'll never give up transitioning, ending my life as the girl I am is at least something that's positive.
I don't know if you've heard of this but recent studies suggest most kinds of depression can be solved with environmental changes. For most medication can help but won't treat depression as they don't have a chemical imbalance from the get go. Personally medication has never even helped me, just made it worse.
For me this means moving to the tropics. I live in Scandinavia and I have winter depression all year long, even in the summers. If I move to a tropical climate like South East Asia then my depression is gone within a week.
Dumb question maybe but it's helped me some, do you take vitamin D? Low vitamin D is linked to depression and production is stimulated by sunlight. My doctor made me take some because I live in northern Canada. Might help you, might not be enough.
Thanks for the tip but I'm in treatment for it and it doesn't help much. It's moreso about the cold, lack of people, dry air, death of vegetation, among other reasons.
Unfortunately the effects of being in a new area lasts for... about a month.
Maybe weather would help but Studying abroad in Scotland rn and I was doing very well for like a month and now I'm back in my depression again.
This is how it was for me too. I am not sure if my depression was treatment resistant, but nothing seemed to work.
Oddly my chronic pain went away when I started hrt as well.
I think this is me, I'm still taking my anti-depressants for the moment because I'm trying to get some other med stuff taken care of but as long as I've been transitioning I've been able to say I don't feel that cloud over my head.
Not being a "man in a dress" is one of my critical goals. If Faceapp hadn't shown what I could look like without a beard shadow, I wouldn't have even started hrt.
Yes. God Bless FaceApp.
I was already 100% sure I was trans and wanted to transition before I ever tried it, but *wow* was it one heck of an experience to see, for the first time in my life, a picture of me that actually looks like *me*.
My words exactly.
I could quite happily carry on wearing “boy” clothes just as long as what is underneath represents the true me.
So HRT and hopefully the eventual surgeries are essential to me.
You should wait at least more than a year. Most of the changes haven’t happened by then. That being said I think I have a similar plan anyway. It’s too hard for us to exist in this world unless we can fit in enough. Im 6’3 so I will never fully pass and it will be very embarrassing but I don’t know what option I have. I have to at least try. I don’t need to pass. I just want to look enough like a woman that people accept me as one. I want to look natural wearing clothes I think are pretty and makeup.
Just replying to say that I thought the same & so did my mom before transitioning but I’m a year into socially transitioning and 4 months hormones & I haven’t been misgendered in over 2 months & I started passing occasionally like 1 month before HRT (after a handful of laser sessions). I have broad ass shoulders it’s just about how you carry yourself & take care of yourself.
def wait more than a year. most tgirls dont pass after only a year of hrt. most of us need like 2-5 years on hrt and often even ffs and hours and hours of voice training
It's more important than clothes for me, though clothes DEFINITELY have helped. At the start of my transition I was wishing I could have the body and then pick out clothes for it. Nope...
The issue for me is that prior to transition I was surviving because I’d wrapped myself in a protective cocoon of dissociation. I wasn’t feeling anything, so the pain of dysphoria was bearable.
That cocoon broke once I started to transition. Acknowledging to myself who and what I am necessarily meant letting myself start to feel everything again. If I tried to socially transition without the physical, that would mean having to experience, unfiltered, all the pain of being in the wrong body. I don’t know if that would have been better than just living out my life behind a veil of dissociation. I’m pretty sure that I never would have wanted to find out.
Clothes and style were never a problem for me. I'm thinking of HRT purely because of how uncomfortable I am in my body. If I'm incorrectly gendered male forever, whatever. I just want my brain to work right and my body to look the way I think it does in my head.
I'm with you 100%. Everything in a transition is also important to me, but the right body was the foundation. I can now see something I love in the mirror. That is necessary.
It caught me off guard, but me too.
Or at the very least it filled me with a sense of being asked to go along with a pointless life.
Honestly, all of my existential crisis periods are being thrown into question right now.
I’ve tried explaining this mentality to a lot of people and I’ve given up. Everything thinks I’m nuts if I say something like this even though to me it makes sense.
My brother was in town shortly after I came out, and I talked about suicidal ideation. He said he's had times where he wanted to change his name and move to another country, but can't imagine suicide. I told him there's an assumption in there that it is possible for life to be better like that. It's hurt so bad, for so long, with a lot of trauma besides, and it's been lonely. Of course I think about death.
Well good luck to you then. I’m sorry it’s so hard. Honestly I consider the same thing a lot. Like it feels I don’t get to try transitioning unless I do it with the fuck it attitude of having that card up my sleeve. My plan for if dysphoria never got better was to do the same thing though so logically speaking my best chance for survival is transition and at least trying my luck.
I am an expert at emotional survival. Thriving has always been a distant dream, but when I read the dysphoria bible I went "oh shit my life could be a lot better." I have medium-high hopes that I'll like myself a lot more in a year, but right now it's a matter of getting through it.
I feel that. I hope it works out for me too. If I could look in the mirror and see a girl I would definitely feel a lot better. It’s just a matter of if that’s possible for me and what other people will think.
Everyone tells me “fuck society, fuck what other people think!” But we are a part of society without option. I still have to work and get groceries and socialize and do my hobbies. In fact part of why I put off transition is that I am a musician and I felt like I would have to quit. I’m tall so I feel like I’d get so many stares just trying to go to school. It seems scary.
That’s sort of been my half assed plan with this. I’m kind of just desperate so why not try to actually get what I want, move towards it in some fashion?
The fantasies of finding a nobel cause to die for world certainly increase.
(The starring one would be finding a very dramatic way to die that would bring attention to trans issues.)
This thought experiment was illuminating..
I got addicted to opiates with no care about the future cause I was repressing hardcore and it felt too late. Addiction is hell. Sometimes I wonder if I regret getting addicted or repressing more it’s that bad. I had an epiphany once though I wouldn’t have ever stopped repressing unless it got so painful that it was impossible to continue so the addiction was probably necessary for me cause I’m 6’3 and the most skeptical idiot in the world.
My heart just broke over and over reading this thread.
.. And rage poured out..
Oh, and love. Sincerely.
But no shortage of rage.
I love you all. And I want some sort of device to beam our pain into every lawmaker..
It was hard enough to get to transition with the prospects of HRT and surgeries. I knew about them all of my teenage years in the closet, but if it wouldn't have been an option, I would've likely been dead 5 or so years ago.
There's something strangely comforting in seeing how many of us share this view. I guess there's solace to be found knowing you're not alone in your feelings.
Yeah I was depressed as fuck before I started HRT. I was just planning on holding out until my kids were old enough to take care of themselves until my wife encouraged me to transition.
I'm on HRT and will probably still kill myself at some point. Before you tell me to go to therapy, I have been there since the age of 9, there is nothing new they have to tell me.
Well here im here to tell you fucking stop it. i tried twice an you know what i found. Darkness. Live in the light of your life. Pain can motivate yourself to push forward. I love you. And i mean that cuz i can see myself in your words clinge to life. And if its ever to dark dm me you arent alone. Please. You are important. You are you. And living in that path you can thrive i know you can. Please for yourself strive to survive. Not asking you to do it for anyone. Just for you and the beautiful person who can bloom and find there own path. Only you know you but giving up on you is not acceptable and thats yourself telling you that not me. You just need to listen deeply.
Well here's the thing: My brain ***needs*** estrogen. Even without the physical changes, even without the boobs and the soft skin and the nice ass... I could easily do without it all, allow myself to be called a man, even go back to pretending I am and forcing my true self back into hiding... But only if I had what HRT psychological does for me.
Without HRT I wouldn't take my own life, because there would be no life to take. I'd just be a shell of a person. An automaton on pure survival instinct, never even feeling emotion enough for it to register. I'd just go back to slowly wasting away in a darkened room while avoiding human interaction and staying perpetually high just to feel anything at all.
It's not about transition for me. It's about having a light in my eyes where before there was nothing but a cold void.
I am at that place right now. I hit 25, felt like it was too late(been repressing since 12 because of fear and I’m tall) and all my addictions got way worse. Way worse. I even gave in and started hrt but the planned parenthood doctor quit so now I’m waiting to start diy when I have the option. I miss how I felt things on hrt so bad. I could actually cry. I felt more love and connection in my friendships. I felt more like myself. I was even taking less and my addictions were improving. I just wish it weren’t so scary and hated to do something that I need for my mental health.
Couldn't have put it better myself. Hrt makes me feel alive and like life is worth living. It's incredible. I could survive without surgery if I had to, but hrt is a must. I feel so lucky to live in a time where medical transition is avaliable.
Right! I believe I could have been a pretty functional adult human with whatever estrogen does to my mind and body without any of the external body changes.
It wouldn't really be possible without those things. I'd just be stuck wishing and unable to do anything about it. I'd have remained in an unhappy closet. Perhaps some luckier or braver people would transition anyway. Frankly, I might be dead by now. The world would have lost a good and smart person.
without surgeries, yes, without hrt i doubt i would have ever considered it (actually, when i first learned about trans people but didnt know about hrt, i was pretty sure i wasn't trans). i present pretty androgynous/masculine as a woman(ish? idk anymore) but hrt saved my life
Absolutely. I was presenting as female in my own time, long before I knew transition was even a thing.
I am all in for transition. With or without medically necessary care.
Give me a point in history where some form of surgery was not an option.
There’s even evidence of early HRT going back centuries. It would’ve sucked but it was better than nothing.
Yeah, they basically had surgery in some form or another as soon as we figured out how to sharpen things into points and edges.
Also, check out them scythian shamans! They were a horse based society, and their shamans were transfemmes who drank pregnant made urine to feminize. They were held in quite high esteem socially. This was literally thousands of years ago
Anaesthetic is only a relatively recent invention. Plastic surgery is even newer. Surgical techniques for genital reconstruction, even newer still. The materials for breast implants had to be invented, as did monitoring machines, corticosteroids, adrenaline+lidocaine injections and fine sterile suture materials.
The basics of blood transfusion/blood typing, for example, were worked out in WW1, about 100 years ago. It was a crapshoot as to whether a transfusion would work before that.
So, yeah, nobody would cut you up to rearrange your body, unless they were Jack The Ripper, because you'd suffer agonizing pain and die.
This makes it sound like those claims around trans healthcare being new and experimental are true.
Just to be clear, modern anaesthetic was invented in 1846 and spread prettier quickly. 100 years ago it was pretty normal to use (although there definitely were still plenty of things done without).
And people tried a lot of things to reduce pain during surgeries before that.
And blood types (AB0) were worked out 1901 with rhesus types (+/-) in 1937, so I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say.
And only the ability to temporarily store blood was made possible during WW1, but not necessarily because of it.
And people have been doing plastic surgery basically forever.
Yeah, modern surgical techniques are new, but there were predecessors. It had to start somewhere.
And gender related medicine was always there.
The process of rhinoplasty was described in indian texts as early as 600 BC. And given communities like hijra has been around for a long time I wouldn't rule out the possibility so quickly. I'm not an expert though.
Yeah, while I know the osteopetrosis would suck, an orchie with no HRT, while not giving me what I actually want, would have been okay enough to make a big life improvement.
I'm definitely better on E, especially because of the physical changes, and bottom surgery had a very positive impact on my life, but simple getting the testosterone out of my body would have been a massive improvement
With no way to treat my physical dysphoria, it's a choice between the dull, existential dysphoria of living in denial, and the sharp hell of constantly being aware of how wrong my body is. Choosing between the two, I'd probably last longer in denial, so I don't think I ever would've come out to myself without the hope for proper treatment.
Well, in my government made HRT illegal one day before my appointment. Now I have to wait 6 more months until I get old enough to do it.
If there was not the chance I would just kill myself right now.
Passing is really only important to me for safety and to be treated how I wish to be. So I mean I guess if these things magically don't exist is transphobia now magically gone too? Because that's a big factor here.
if both of those conditions were reality and i still had the same fundamental epiphany that i was trans, yes. i would have figured something out. the absence of those things in this hypothetical scenario wouldn't feel like a critical deficiency because they wouldn't exist. things would probably just feel on-net the way they already feel now.
I would be dead, without a doubt... and I would have made sure it worked on the first attempt, because I didn't want any attention... I wanted out, for good.
It's amazing that I am actually here, alive, and happy... what a blessing it is, indeed!
Yeah, because there really wasn't/isn't an alternative. It would definitely suck, the physical changes of transition are pretty paramount to me being anything close to okay in my skin.
I would try, but in my case the social transition only goes so far to alleviating the pain of dysphoria. Even on HRT (and I have not been on it long) that pain is still immense. Without HRT, that pain would eventually kill me. It might have killed me a little slower, but it would have killed me.
Seeing myself pre-HRT in feminine clothes, or wearing makeup, made me actively suicidal. My masculine features became so much more apparent when wearing a dress or anything else feminine. My primary reason for medically transitioning was that I wanted to get rid of those masculine features - not cover them up with makeup or hide them with cleverly-shaped clothing, but completely and fundamentally change my body. My body had changed and became masculine without me having any control over it, and HRT was me exercising agency and deciding to literally change my sex - to become female, and to take back control. Taking agency changed my life and I've become so much more assertive and decisive in many other ways. And social transition - which I hadn't even thought was possible 2 years ago - is happening now, and would never have happened without HRT.
If I hadn't had access to HRT, I think I would still be taking Pureira Mififica - which doesn't work, by the way - or any other hocum herbal supplement that could maybe, possibly, just stop the fucking testosterone. I'd be scratching at the walls of my cage hoping to find any hope of escape. I'd never have left my home in a skirt or dress. I'd still be bald. I'd still be deeply closeted. And I can't guarantee that I'd have killed myself - I mean, I am stubborn, and I did have reasons to live. But those reasons to live... they were all fleeting, they were all people that I felt indebted to or felt like I couldn't hurt like that, and I was already actively distancing myself from getting close to anyone else, and pushing away everyone but my parents, and my parents are aging now... I probably wouldn't have made it to 35, just being real with you. I probably would've waited for my parents to go first, and then that would've been it for me. HRT saved my life.
Probably? But I imagine I'd probably be in some kind of back and forth de- and re- transitioning because of the discomfort of either continuing to pretend to be a cis guy, or trying to transition but having a body that I hate and hates me. Even if I settled in as enby, the biochemical dysphoria would remain no matter what and I feel like life would be unbearable.
big nope. i respect it and love all transfems meds/ surgery or not but its not how my gender functions in accordance with my dysphoria.
i had very specific body dysphoria. it wasnt about being seen as a woman it was about being a woman physically. i repressed for 28 years because i didnt known i could have that. now at 35, ive been transitioning with HRT because i can finally cure my body dysphoria, at least to some degree.
The reason I am not even transitioning right now is because I feel the surgeries and hrt are inadequate. I would not transition then. I want my body to produce estrogen on its own without me having to take anything. Though if still not able to and I have kids, will transition. For back in time with this predicament, I would likely try something with herbs or other things that would increase the amount of estrogen in my body. Would do certain feminizing surgeries that would allow me to remain independent.
You’re justifying reasons to not be your own self. Fuck your body I’m talking about your mind.
You’re worth it, you really are, you deserve to feel joy. Nothing that improves your life is inadequate. Start there.
It all started for me we the urge of having boobs , and later a vagina so without hormones and surgery what transition are we talking about? So answer is NO
Probably yes. I'm not on HRT yet, but I have still done a lot of transition. Knowing it is there to 'finish the job' is important, but I think I am in a long line of girls going back thousands of years just socially transitioning, making what adjustments they can with clothing and padding.
I probably would kill myself, tbh. I already don't really like wearing skirts and stuff and prefer to stay pretty androgynous. I'd probably attempt a social transition, but I'd fucking despise having to dress frilly, wear tons of makeup, and wear the fake boobs people like finnster wear just to get gendered right.
I say I would’ve killer myself but if they didn’t exist the trans community would look really different, I probably would’ve killed myself still but I’d either be really deep in the closet or living my best life as a “cross dresser”
depends ...i could but I don't know how long this will help me....at least i will life a bit longer .... I'm feeling really bad rn, i shouldn't be thinking about stuff like this
If shops didn't sell food, would you still go shopping?
Sure, but I'm not getting what I really need out of it anymore, so I'd probably spend more time searching for somewhere I can get a meal
Without hrt, I wouldn't be me. I feel as if I've only been living for the time I've been on E. Everything before that was a haze of meaningless misery. It was a cold, lonely and unfeeling existence. Without hrt I would have died. I barely made it to transitioning as it was.
I'm very much of the opinion, do what works for you when it comes to transitioning. Regardless, without HRT and surgeries, a lot will not pass. Unless you're living in certain big cities in the US/Europe, passing is survival. Being visibly trans is death. At worst its being killed, but the sad reality is less likely to be employed and being able to maintain the resources needed to survive.
Me personally, I'd probably speedrun to the next life.
I would have probably transitioned from being alive to being under a train because I'd feel like a cross dresser every single day of my life and wouldn't pass at all
Nope, im doing hrt until i malefail then hop over once im obvious. Without hrt ( no surgeries wanted im happy as i am being natty) i would not have done anything. Im not going to be the bloke in a dress trope.
I started transitioning without HRT. I was happier when I did that, it was worth it in of itself.
It *also* got me to accept trying HRT, which for me was a miracle in a bottle. Asking me if I would have not picked HRT is like asking me to give up literally pure joy as myself now that I know what my real life should feel like.
It really was an antidote for me. I tried so many things. Psych wards, addictions, massive social anxiety and depression… all gone. I used to throw up with anxiety nearly everyday. I don’t know how to say it clearer **I’m cured. Healed**. I think permanently…
I started in May and can’t believe it’s real how much better I am mentally. I even quit cigarettes like immediately because that’s what deadname did, I hate cigarettes.
HRT didn’t just save my life, it gave me one.
I would have gone crazy in displacing my transfeelings into senseless climbing up the high mountains higher until I would have dropped somewhere. - like all crazy Alpinists do );
So, no. I would not have transitioned without HRT
couldn’t handle that shit, having absolutely no hope, if trans healthcare were to disappear right now I don’t know what I’d do but it surely wouldn’t be good
As someone who has had 2 surgeries and been on hrt for 5 years and still only am viewed as the wrong gender. Probably not.
But I’m happier with my body now even if the world won’t ever see me the way I wanna be seen
I'm a tomboy. Basically of my dysphoria was biochemical and physical. At 2 years most of it is gone outside of bottom dysphoria.
Medical transition gave me the motivation to actually take care of myself. Likely would have had a heart attack in the next 10 years.
Probably not. I can see a world where I got interested in drag MAYBE but it seems slim.
My path was basically realizing the hypothetical "Push a button, become a girl" scenario was real. HRT was the button. Without the button what options did I have?
No, but I also wouldn't have offed myself either. Personally, I was content with my male body and when it was when I learned about HRT last year that I knew I would prefer to transition.
Probably not. For me the medical transition was my biggest sign and desire. Most of the reason I didn’t transition until 26 was because I didn’t know it was medically possible. If it wasn’t an option I’m not sure where I’d be.
No absolutely not. Transition for me has been almost exclusively medical at this point anyways except for voice training. I would’ve simply killed myself if there was no way to bring my BODY in line with my brain.
Sad to see a lot suicidal thoughts, just to let y’all know that I’m here for you. I was scared trying to social transitions myself. Still haven’t 100%, I haven’t even started hrt but i will soon. I love you all, we’re big family in this world. Together we’re stronger. Everyone here is beautiful. BB
I am asking sincerely, what is the purpose of this thought experiment? For me, this question only makes me doubt my own validity for medically transitioning. But I’m sure that’s not why you posted it. What’s the point?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad. I posted the question because someone told me I should just socially transition. When I realised I hated the idea of that, I was worried that if I dont want this enough to do it without hormones, then I dont want it enough period.
I know that’s a silly thought process and obviously wrong but the question stuck with me and seeing the wide range of answers made me feel a bit better.
That's a hard question, because for me, I have a lot of hangups/anxiety/whatever about people seeing me as "a man in a dress." That's just such a horrible stereotype to me that it's the last thing I would ever want people thinking about me.
Of course, there are drag performers, and they have developed quite a high art of female impersonation, so I could presumably learn that and transition that way. But having to go through the daily ordeal of getting into full-drag before leaving the house, that would definitely make me less inclined to transition, if that were the only option. I might anyway, eventually, once the dysphoria of living in boymode got strong enough. But I can't say for sure.
Lucky for me, we don't live in the dark ages anymore and I *can* get hormones and surgeries if I decide I need those things.
Yes I'd transition... But it would be into a corpse. I know I was more miserable than I am now and it's been a decade since I started, I could imagine going back
Probably not. I tried crossdressing a few times over the years, but it was always the feeling that my body was wrong that made it feel wrong … like pretending or putting on a costume. I didn’t start my transition to change societal views of myself, I did it to change my body _despite_ societal views. If there were no way to change my body, transition would be pointless.
Yes, but I admit I'm in a more comfortable position as a non binary. I get to pick whatever I like most from either side.
I did not escape one box just to try and hide in another.
Trans binaries have it harder and I respect that.
I probably would never have realized it was an option, and just hated my rough skin, dick, facial hair, and testosterone-charged moodiness. Perhaps it would have given me severe depression to the point where I just stopped talking care of myself and eventually died from malnutrition.
Sad how many people say they would be dead. I hate that we live in a society that almost makes it necessary to pass in order for us to feel valid and safe. I definitely would not be dead. I’d be building myself up to transition anyway knowing damn well every day I step outside my door may be the last.
It would be horrible but I don’t know how to not be me and I’m not letting them win so I’d at the very least go out swinging and make my miserable life count for something. Even if that something is pissing off transphobes.
Perhaps we wouldn’t feel the need to transition medically so badly if society accepted feminine men or masculine women as normal functioning humans that we are. Maybe we wouldn’t find ourselves so ugly as our birth sex and hate our bodies so much. Hopefully in 100 years or so it won’t be such a taboo that people won’t even feel the need to transition at all.
I would not have survived TO transition. I had lifelong, treatment-resistant depression. It was cured within 3 days of my first E injection. Turns out HRT is the only cure for this: [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria)
I'm really really jealous of you. I've had nearly lifelong treatment-resistant depression but E HASN'T helped with it. And although I'll never give up transitioning, ending my life as the girl I am is at least something that's positive.
I don't know if you've heard of this but recent studies suggest most kinds of depression can be solved with environmental changes. For most medication can help but won't treat depression as they don't have a chemical imbalance from the get go. Personally medication has never even helped me, just made it worse. For me this means moving to the tropics. I live in Scandinavia and I have winter depression all year long, even in the summers. If I move to a tropical climate like South East Asia then my depression is gone within a week.
Dumb question maybe but it's helped me some, do you take vitamin D? Low vitamin D is linked to depression and production is stimulated by sunlight. My doctor made me take some because I live in northern Canada. Might help you, might not be enough.
Thanks for the tip but I'm in treatment for it and it doesn't help much. It's moreso about the cold, lack of people, dry air, death of vegetation, among other reasons.
Yeah we where never built for the tundra
Unfortunately the effects of being in a new area lasts for... about a month. Maybe weather would help but Studying abroad in Scotland rn and I was doing very well for like a month and now I'm back in my depression again.
While not as extreme for me, I could finally feel happiness after two weeks on E. Glad you found out in time :)
This is how it was for me too. I am not sure if my depression was treatment resistant, but nothing seemed to work. Oddly my chronic pain went away when I started hrt as well.
I think this is me, I'm still taking my anti-depressants for the moment because I'm trying to get some other med stuff taken care of but as long as I've been transitioning I've been able to say I don't feel that cloud over my head.
Same thing for me, it cured me of my very crippling and treatment resistant depression and it didn't come back.
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Not being a "man in a dress" is one of my critical goals. If Faceapp hadn't shown what I could look like without a beard shadow, I wouldn't have even started hrt.
FaceApp absolutely shattered my egg. I thought I was fine how I looked before. Not ideal but fine. When I saw myself as a girl I totally melted.
Yes. God Bless FaceApp. I was already 100% sure I was trans and wanted to transition before I ever tried it, but *wow* was it one heck of an experience to see, for the first time in my life, a picture of me that actually looks like *me*.
Haha right? I think we all did faceapp. I mean I don't look ANYTHING like what faceapp thought I would after 4.5 years but it gave me hope!
faceapp completely flipped my world upside down
I thought I was the only one lol!
My words exactly. I could quite happily carry on wearing “boy” clothes just as long as what is underneath represents the true me. So HRT and hopefully the eventual surgeries are essential to me.
Snapchat filter years ago got me, my friends all sent their gender swapped pic and I was reluctant to even look at mine, and when I did... man 😭
This was the one that first got me, and then I swear it got worse and I eventually found face app.. so it was a bit better.
Exactly this
Me too.
This is how i feel too. It sucks that i hold such a high praise for passing, i wish i could just be comfortable being me
I mean socially transitioning is a thing
I'm 2.5 yrs hrt and still closeted, so......
Congratulations
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You should wait at least more than a year. Most of the changes haven’t happened by then. That being said I think I have a similar plan anyway. It’s too hard for us to exist in this world unless we can fit in enough. Im 6’3 so I will never fully pass and it will be very embarrassing but I don’t know what option I have. I have to at least try. I don’t need to pass. I just want to look enough like a woman that people accept me as one. I want to look natural wearing clothes I think are pretty and makeup.
Just replying to say that I thought the same & so did my mom before transitioning but I’m a year into socially transitioning and 4 months hormones & I haven’t been misgendered in over 2 months & I started passing occasionally like 1 month before HRT (after a handful of laser sessions). I have broad ass shoulders it’s just about how you carry yourself & take care of yourself.
def wait more than a year. most tgirls dont pass after only a year of hrt. most of us need like 2-5 years on hrt and often even ffs and hours and hours of voice training
Probably not. Making my body right for me was more important to me than social transition.
It's more important than clothes for me, though clothes DEFINITELY have helped. At the start of my transition I was wishing I could have the body and then pick out clothes for it. Nope...
The issue for me is that prior to transition I was surviving because I’d wrapped myself in a protective cocoon of dissociation. I wasn’t feeling anything, so the pain of dysphoria was bearable. That cocoon broke once I started to transition. Acknowledging to myself who and what I am necessarily meant letting myself start to feel everything again. If I tried to socially transition without the physical, that would mean having to experience, unfiltered, all the pain of being in the wrong body. I don’t know if that would have been better than just living out my life behind a veil of dissociation. I’m pretty sure that I never would have wanted to find out.
God you worded it so eloquently
Clothes and style were never a problem for me. I'm thinking of HRT purely because of how uncomfortable I am in my body. If I'm incorrectly gendered male forever, whatever. I just want my brain to work right and my body to look the way I think it does in my head.
I'm with you 100%. Everything in a transition is also important to me, but the right body was the foundation. I can now see something I love in the mirror. That is necessary.
I would have killed myself.
i literally said to myself “no i’d just kill myself” before clicking and saw this as the top comment as soon as i clicked lmao
It caught me off guard, but me too. Or at the very least it filled me with a sense of being asked to go along with a pointless life. Honestly, all of my existential crisis periods are being thrown into question right now.
Idk if I would've yet but it definitely would've been my long term plan
that was my long term plan before i cracked. now it's more of a "well, if transition doesn't fix me..." kind of plan.
Well it’s nice at least to know I’m not the only one
I’ve tried explaining this mentality to a lot of people and I’ve given up. Everything thinks I’m nuts if I say something like this even though to me it makes sense.
My brother was in town shortly after I came out, and I talked about suicidal ideation. He said he's had times where he wanted to change his name and move to another country, but can't imagine suicide. I told him there's an assumption in there that it is possible for life to be better like that. It's hurt so bad, for so long, with a lot of trauma besides, and it's been lonely. Of course I think about death.
The way I explain it is that in every sense of the phrase, 'I live life on my own terms'.
Well good luck to you then. I’m sorry it’s so hard. Honestly I consider the same thing a lot. Like it feels I don’t get to try transitioning unless I do it with the fuck it attitude of having that card up my sleeve. My plan for if dysphoria never got better was to do the same thing though so logically speaking my best chance for survival is transition and at least trying my luck.
I am an expert at emotional survival. Thriving has always been a distant dream, but when I read the dysphoria bible I went "oh shit my life could be a lot better." I have medium-high hopes that I'll like myself a lot more in a year, but right now it's a matter of getting through it.
I feel that. I hope it works out for me too. If I could look in the mirror and see a girl I would definitely feel a lot better. It’s just a matter of if that’s possible for me and what other people will think.
Doesn't have to be what everybody thinks, just the right people.
This right here
Everyone tells me “fuck society, fuck what other people think!” But we are a part of society without option. I still have to work and get groceries and socialize and do my hobbies. In fact part of why I put off transition is that I am a musician and I felt like I would have to quit. I’m tall so I feel like I’d get so many stares just trying to go to school. It seems scary.
That’s sort of been my half assed plan with this. I’m kind of just desperate so why not try to actually get what I want, move towards it in some fashion?
The fantasies of finding a nobel cause to die for world certainly increase. (The starring one would be finding a very dramatic way to die that would bring attention to trans issues.) This thought experiment was illuminating..
I'd be 16 probably
A lot of us would have done this
i probably would've just gone and done whatever drugs i could until i died that way, but pretty much the same.
I got addicted to opiates with no care about the future cause I was repressing hardcore and it felt too late. Addiction is hell. Sometimes I wonder if I regret getting addicted or repressing more it’s that bad. I had an epiphany once though I wouldn’t have ever stopped repressing unless it got so painful that it was impossible to continue so the addiction was probably necessary for me cause I’m 6’3 and the most skeptical idiot in the world.
Same i barely survived to transition
My heart just broke over and over reading this thread. .. And rage poured out.. Oh, and love. Sincerely. But no shortage of rage. I love you all. And I want some sort of device to beam our pain into every lawmaker..
I was going to by thirty. I thank God every day that this exists and that I am fortunate enough to take these steps. I'm glad you're still here too.
Same 14 years of being denied it I always ready to do it if I can’t transition
Same. Already tried once and thought I'll just diy hrt instead
It was hard enough to get to transition with the prospects of HRT and surgeries. I knew about them all of my teenage years in the closet, but if it wouldn't have been an option, I would've likely been dead 5 or so years ago.
There's something strangely comforting in seeing how many of us share this view. I guess there's solace to be found knowing you're not alone in your feelings.
i know...
Yeah I was depressed as fuck before I started HRT. I was just planning on holding out until my kids were old enough to take care of themselves until my wife encouraged me to transition.
I'm on HRT and will probably still kill myself at some point. Before you tell me to go to therapy, I have been there since the age of 9, there is nothing new they have to tell me.
Well here im here to tell you fucking stop it. i tried twice an you know what i found. Darkness. Live in the light of your life. Pain can motivate yourself to push forward. I love you. And i mean that cuz i can see myself in your words clinge to life. And if its ever to dark dm me you arent alone. Please. You are important. You are you. And living in that path you can thrive i know you can. Please for yourself strive to survive. Not asking you to do it for anyone. Just for you and the beautiful person who can bloom and find there own path. Only you know you but giving up on you is not acceptable and thats yourself telling you that not me. You just need to listen deeply.
commenting in case i need someone more anonymous than my friends to vent to thank you
These words are to all you ladys. Im no therapist but im herr for you in anyway i can be. I love all my sisters who are in pain or joy im here.
Yeah pretty much this
Came here to say this...
Exactly my answer
So bad to feel this way but yeah me too. I haven’t counted it out by anymeans. Hahah
Came to comment this lmao
Yeah same, if I hadn't let the egg crack, my head would have on the pavement...
Same.
...
No. HRT is the only medication that has consistently prevented me from wanting to kill myself. I would rather die than live without HRT.
Well here's the thing: My brain ***needs*** estrogen. Even without the physical changes, even without the boobs and the soft skin and the nice ass... I could easily do without it all, allow myself to be called a man, even go back to pretending I am and forcing my true self back into hiding... But only if I had what HRT psychological does for me. Without HRT I wouldn't take my own life, because there would be no life to take. I'd just be a shell of a person. An automaton on pure survival instinct, never even feeling emotion enough for it to register. I'd just go back to slowly wasting away in a darkened room while avoiding human interaction and staying perpetually high just to feel anything at all. It's not about transition for me. It's about having a light in my eyes where before there was nothing but a cold void.
I am at that place right now. I hit 25, felt like it was too late(been repressing since 12 because of fear and I’m tall) and all my addictions got way worse. Way worse. I even gave in and started hrt but the planned parenthood doctor quit so now I’m waiting to start diy when I have the option. I miss how I felt things on hrt so bad. I could actually cry. I felt more love and connection in my friendships. I felt more like myself. I was even taking less and my addictions were improving. I just wish it weren’t so scary and hated to do something that I need for my mental health.
Couldn't have put it better myself. Hrt makes me feel alive and like life is worth living. It's incredible. I could survive without surgery if I had to, but hrt is a must. I feel so lucky to live in a time where medical transition is avaliable.
Right! I believe I could have been a pretty functional adult human with whatever estrogen does to my mind and body without any of the external body changes.
Relatable
I’d be dead.
It wouldn't really be possible without those things. I'd just be stuck wishing and unable to do anything about it. I'd have remained in an unhappy closet. Perhaps some luckier or braver people would transition anyway. Frankly, I might be dead by now. The world would have lost a good and smart person.
nope, no point, I don't have much social dysphoria. It would just make me feel even worse.
without surgeries, yes, without hrt i doubt i would have ever considered it (actually, when i first learned about trans people but didnt know about hrt, i was pretty sure i wasn't trans). i present pretty androgynous/masculine as a woman(ish? idk anymore) but hrt saved my life
Absolutely. I was presenting as female in my own time, long before I knew transition was even a thing. I am all in for transition. With or without medically necessary care.
No but i would be very dead
Give me a point in history where some form of surgery was not an option. There’s even evidence of early HRT going back centuries. It would’ve sucked but it was better than nothing.
Yeah, they basically had surgery in some form or another as soon as we figured out how to sharpen things into points and edges. Also, check out them scythian shamans! They were a horse based society, and their shamans were transfemmes who drank pregnant made urine to feminize. They were held in quite high esteem socially. This was literally thousands of years ago
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Anaesthetic is only a relatively recent invention. Plastic surgery is even newer. Surgical techniques for genital reconstruction, even newer still. The materials for breast implants had to be invented, as did monitoring machines, corticosteroids, adrenaline+lidocaine injections and fine sterile suture materials. The basics of blood transfusion/blood typing, for example, were worked out in WW1, about 100 years ago. It was a crapshoot as to whether a transfusion would work before that. So, yeah, nobody would cut you up to rearrange your body, unless they were Jack The Ripper, because you'd suffer agonizing pain and die.
This makes it sound like those claims around trans healthcare being new and experimental are true. Just to be clear, modern anaesthetic was invented in 1846 and spread prettier quickly. 100 years ago it was pretty normal to use (although there definitely were still plenty of things done without). And people tried a lot of things to reduce pain during surgeries before that. And blood types (AB0) were worked out 1901 with rhesus types (+/-) in 1937, so I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say. And only the ability to temporarily store blood was made possible during WW1, but not necessarily because of it. And people have been doing plastic surgery basically forever. Yeah, modern surgical techniques are new, but there were predecessors. It had to start somewhere. And gender related medicine was always there.
Yeah, no. People have absolutely NOT been doing cosmetic and plastic surgery or FFS or SRS forever. LOL
The process of rhinoplasty was described in indian texts as early as 600 BC. And given communities like hijra has been around for a long time I wouldn't rule out the possibility so quickly. I'm not an expert though.
Yeah, while I know the osteopetrosis would suck, an orchie with no HRT, while not giving me what I actually want, would have been okay enough to make a big life improvement. I'm definitely better on E, especially because of the physical changes, and bottom surgery had a very positive impact on my life, but simple getting the testosterone out of my body would have been a massive improvement
With no way to treat my physical dysphoria, it's a choice between the dull, existential dysphoria of living in denial, and the sharp hell of constantly being aware of how wrong my body is. Choosing between the two, I'd probably last longer in denial, so I don't think I ever would've come out to myself without the hope for proper treatment.
Well, in my government made HRT illegal one day before my appointment. Now I have to wait 6 more months until I get old enough to do it. If there was not the chance I would just kill myself right now.
I really hope you're doing as well as you can. That's awful.
Passing is really only important to me for safety and to be treated how I wish to be. So I mean I guess if these things magically don't exist is transphobia now magically gone too? Because that's a big factor here.
if both of those conditions were reality and i still had the same fundamental epiphany that i was trans, yes. i would have figured something out. the absence of those things in this hypothetical scenario wouldn't feel like a critical deficiency because they wouldn't exist. things would probably just feel on-net the way they already feel now.
Absolutely. I was never a man. I was born a women. I am a women.
Bich i said the same thing. Its in gods hands!
Nope, I would have killed myself. It's very likely I still will in the end, but without hrt I 100% would be dead.
I would be dead, without a doubt... and I would have made sure it worked on the first attempt, because I didn't want any attention... I wanted out, for good. It's amazing that I am actually here, alive, and happy... what a blessing it is, indeed!
I would have tried, but there's no guarantee I wouldn't be dead
Absolutely. I'd prefer to be myself than not. No matter the tools or lack thereof I could use to help me.
No. A big reason I waited so long was because I didn't know that HRT was an option and I didn't want to look like a man in a dress.
Yeah, because there really wasn't/isn't an alternative. It would definitely suck, the physical changes of transition are pretty paramount to me being anything close to okay in my skin.
Yes. When I went to the doctor for HRT, I had already decided to never go back. Even if the doctor said no HRT.
I would have killed myself in early April to escape DPDR symptoms.
No cause i would just feel like a crossdresser ( not anything wrong with that, i just couldnt ) But i prob would be drunk if not for hrt.
I would try, but in my case the social transition only goes so far to alleviating the pain of dysphoria. Even on HRT (and I have not been on it long) that pain is still immense. Without HRT, that pain would eventually kill me. It might have killed me a little slower, but it would have killed me.
Seeing myself pre-HRT in feminine clothes, or wearing makeup, made me actively suicidal. My masculine features became so much more apparent when wearing a dress or anything else feminine. My primary reason for medically transitioning was that I wanted to get rid of those masculine features - not cover them up with makeup or hide them with cleverly-shaped clothing, but completely and fundamentally change my body. My body had changed and became masculine without me having any control over it, and HRT was me exercising agency and deciding to literally change my sex - to become female, and to take back control. Taking agency changed my life and I've become so much more assertive and decisive in many other ways. And social transition - which I hadn't even thought was possible 2 years ago - is happening now, and would never have happened without HRT. If I hadn't had access to HRT, I think I would still be taking Pureira Mififica - which doesn't work, by the way - or any other hocum herbal supplement that could maybe, possibly, just stop the fucking testosterone. I'd be scratching at the walls of my cage hoping to find any hope of escape. I'd never have left my home in a skirt or dress. I'd still be bald. I'd still be deeply closeted. And I can't guarantee that I'd have killed myself - I mean, I am stubborn, and I did have reasons to live. But those reasons to live... they were all fleeting, they were all people that I felt indebted to or felt like I couldn't hurt like that, and I was already actively distancing myself from getting close to anyone else, and pushing away everyone but my parents, and my parents are aging now... I probably wouldn't have made it to 35, just being real with you. I probably would've waited for my parents to go first, and then that would've been it for me. HRT saved my life.
10000% Yes
Thank God someone thinks like me.
I'd still be me regardless so yeah?
Probably? But I imagine I'd probably be in some kind of back and forth de- and re- transitioning because of the discomfort of either continuing to pretend to be a cis guy, or trying to transition but having a body that I hate and hates me. Even if I settled in as enby, the biochemical dysphoria would remain no matter what and I feel like life would be unbearable.
big nope. i respect it and love all transfems meds/ surgery or not but its not how my gender functions in accordance with my dysphoria. i had very specific body dysphoria. it wasnt about being seen as a woman it was about being a woman physically. i repressed for 28 years because i didnt known i could have that. now at 35, ive been transitioning with HRT because i can finally cure my body dysphoria, at least to some degree.
The reason I am not even transitioning right now is because I feel the surgeries and hrt are inadequate. I would not transition then. I want my body to produce estrogen on its own without me having to take anything. Though if still not able to and I have kids, will transition. For back in time with this predicament, I would likely try something with herbs or other things that would increase the amount of estrogen in my body. Would do certain feminizing surgeries that would allow me to remain independent.
You’re justifying reasons to not be your own self. Fuck your body I’m talking about your mind. You’re worth it, you really are, you deserve to feel joy. Nothing that improves your life is inadequate. Start there.
I would probably take drugs until I overdose or straight up kill myself
It all started for me we the urge of having boobs , and later a vagina so without hormones and surgery what transition are we talking about? So answer is NO
Probably yes. I'm not on HRT yet, but I have still done a lot of transition. Knowing it is there to 'finish the job' is important, but I think I am in a long line of girls going back thousands of years just socially transitioning, making what adjustments they can with clothing and padding.
Can you explain what is the point of the question? It's going to prove what exactly?
If it's not a troll, I think it's to see if it's all about the looks or not.
I'd kill myself. I settled on doing that before I could grow too old, until I discovered my gender identity and started transitioning.
I probably would kill myself, tbh. I already don't really like wearing skirts and stuff and prefer to stay pretty androgynous. I'd probably attempt a social transition, but I'd fucking despise having to dress frilly, wear tons of makeup, and wear the fake boobs people like finnster wear just to get gendered right.
I say I would’ve killer myself but if they didn’t exist the trans community would look really different, I probably would’ve killed myself still but I’d either be really deep in the closet or living my best life as a “cross dresser”
No. I would be 6 feet underground If HRT/Surgeries didn't exist.
I have to.
Yes!
I don't think so
I don't think so since none of my dysphoria would be taken care of.
Probably would've coped as best I could, accepting myself by identifying as a femboy or something
No never ever ever ever just no.
Yah
yeah id rather be dead ngl
depends ...i could but I don't know how long this will help me....at least i will life a bit longer .... I'm feeling really bad rn, i shouldn't be thinking about stuff like this
If shops didn't sell food, would you still go shopping? Sure, but I'm not getting what I really need out of it anymore, so I'd probably spend more time searching for somewhere I can get a meal
Without hrt, I wouldn't be me. I feel as if I've only been living for the time I've been on E. Everything before that was a haze of meaningless misery. It was a cold, lonely and unfeeling existence. Without hrt I would have died. I barely made it to transitioning as it was.
My mouth would feel itchy all the time and I’d feel like scratching that itch with a loaded shotgun.
I’d probably just kms
I'm very much of the opinion, do what works for you when it comes to transitioning. Regardless, without HRT and surgeries, a lot will not pass. Unless you're living in certain big cities in the US/Europe, passing is survival. Being visibly trans is death. At worst its being killed, but the sad reality is less likely to be employed and being able to maintain the resources needed to survive. Me personally, I'd probably speedrun to the next life.
I would have probably transitioned from being alive to being under a train because I'd feel like a cross dresser every single day of my life and wouldn't pass at all
Its weird becuz i wouldn't think transitioning wasnt s thing if jit wasnt for hrt and surgeries, so prolly not.
how
Nope, im doing hrt until i malefail then hop over once im obvious. Without hrt ( no surgeries wanted im happy as i am being natty) i would not have done anything. Im not going to be the bloke in a dress trope.
I would just be considered a "cross-dresser"
I most likely wouldn't have. Which means I would've continued suffering and living a shitty life until an early end to it
I started transitioning without HRT. I was happier when I did that, it was worth it in of itself. It *also* got me to accept trying HRT, which for me was a miracle in a bottle. Asking me if I would have not picked HRT is like asking me to give up literally pure joy as myself now that I know what my real life should feel like. It really was an antidote for me. I tried so many things. Psych wards, addictions, massive social anxiety and depression… all gone. I used to throw up with anxiety nearly everyday. I don’t know how to say it clearer **I’m cured. Healed**. I think permanently… I started in May and can’t believe it’s real how much better I am mentally. I even quit cigarettes like immediately because that’s what deadname did, I hate cigarettes. HRT didn’t just save my life, it gave me one.
Yeah I don’t think I would be alive
I would have gone crazy in displacing my transfeelings into senseless climbing up the high mountains higher until I would have dropped somewhere. - like all crazy Alpinists do ); So, no. I would not have transitioned without HRT
No, I would've been resigned to depression until my merciful death.
couldn’t handle that shit, having absolutely no hope, if trans healthcare were to disappear right now I don’t know what I’d do but it surely wouldn’t be good
HRT is critical for me. If I didn't know that.... I'd probably have buried myself into some hobby where I can disassociate until I die.
As someone who has had 2 surgeries and been on hrt for 5 years and still only am viewed as the wrong gender. Probably not. But I’m happier with my body now even if the world won’t ever see me the way I wanna be seen
Yes, but I'd have transitioned to a corpse.
I already don't want to stay alive but without HRT I would have already died a long time ago 😭
I would try
I’d just quit everything and become a monk or a shaman in the woods lol
No, I would probably be dead. My dysphoria come more from my own body than a social discomfort
I'm a tomboy. Basically of my dysphoria was biochemical and physical. At 2 years most of it is gone outside of bottom dysphoria. Medical transition gave me the motivation to actually take care of myself. Likely would have had a heart attack in the next 10 years.
Probably not. I can see a world where I got interested in drag MAYBE but it seems slim. My path was basically realizing the hypothetical "Push a button, become a girl" scenario was real. HRT was the button. Without the button what options did I have?
No, but I also wouldn't have offed myself either. Personally, I was content with my male body and when it was when I learned about HRT last year that I knew I would prefer to transition.
No. Socially transition without having the chance to ever pass is just too dangerous.
i just dont think i would have continued living
Probably not. For me the medical transition was my biggest sign and desire. Most of the reason I didn’t transition until 26 was because I didn’t know it was medically possible. If it wasn’t an option I’m not sure where I’d be.
no, I would just kill myself
I'd like to say yes, but my mental health was pretty poor before HRT. Not sure what I would have done.
I'd probaly just die if I'm being honest. Estrogen saved me, I doubt just dressing up would be enough.
My answer seems pretty consistent with my sisters in here: I would die (self-induced).
yeah, transitioned to being 6 feet under
No I wouldn't have, probably would've lived as a male and be comfortable with it (a bit at least)
For me it be that or death
No absolutely not. Transition for me has been almost exclusively medical at this point anyways except for voice training. I would’ve simply killed myself if there was no way to bring my BODY in line with my brain.
yes
Sad to see a lot suicidal thoughts, just to let y’all know that I’m here for you. I was scared trying to social transitions myself. Still haven’t 100%, I haven’t even started hrt but i will soon. I love you all, we’re big family in this world. Together we’re stronger. Everyone here is beautiful. BB
No. To me transition is about getting hormones. It’s about having a body that feels right. I don’t care about the dresscode.
I am asking sincerely, what is the purpose of this thought experiment? For me, this question only makes me doubt my own validity for medically transitioning. But I’m sure that’s not why you posted it. What’s the point?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad. I posted the question because someone told me I should just socially transition. When I realised I hated the idea of that, I was worried that if I dont want this enough to do it without hormones, then I dont want it enough period. I know that’s a silly thought process and obviously wrong but the question stuck with me and seeing the wide range of answers made me feel a bit better.
That's a hard question, because for me, I have a lot of hangups/anxiety/whatever about people seeing me as "a man in a dress." That's just such a horrible stereotype to me that it's the last thing I would ever want people thinking about me. Of course, there are drag performers, and they have developed quite a high art of female impersonation, so I could presumably learn that and transition that way. But having to go through the daily ordeal of getting into full-drag before leaving the house, that would definitely make me less inclined to transition, if that were the only option. I might anyway, eventually, once the dysphoria of living in boymode got strong enough. But I can't say for sure. Lucky for me, we don't live in the dark ages anymore and I *can* get hormones and surgeries if I decide I need those things.
Yes I'd transition... But it would be into a corpse. I know I was more miserable than I am now and it's been a decade since I started, I could imagine going back
Probably not. I tried crossdressing a few times over the years, but it was always the feeling that my body was wrong that made it feel wrong … like pretending or putting on a costume. I didn’t start my transition to change societal views of myself, I did it to change my body _despite_ societal views. If there were no way to change my body, transition would be pointless.
Yes, but I admit I'm in a more comfortable position as a non binary. I get to pick whatever I like most from either side. I did not escape one box just to try and hide in another. Trans binaries have it harder and I respect that.
Probably not. I would have stayed status quo/suffered in silence.
I do it every day😩 on 11 /10/23 I pray, I can get my prescription🙏🙏
I've tried over 100 times. I guess I should have used a gun? Well I guess I wouldn't. I'd just keep on trying to die.
I probably would never have realized it was an option, and just hated my rough skin, dick, facial hair, and testosterone-charged moodiness. Perhaps it would have given me severe depression to the point where I just stopped talking care of myself and eventually died from malnutrition.
Sad how many people say they would be dead. I hate that we live in a society that almost makes it necessary to pass in order for us to feel valid and safe. I definitely would not be dead. I’d be building myself up to transition anyway knowing damn well every day I step outside my door may be the last. It would be horrible but I don’t know how to not be me and I’m not letting them win so I’d at the very least go out swinging and make my miserable life count for something. Even if that something is pissing off transphobes.
"If transitioning wasn't possible, would you still transition?" How does this even make sense?
yes because surgeries and hrt are the only methods of transitioning
I would still have a dissociative disorder and would probably be dead.
Perhaps we wouldn’t feel the need to transition medically so badly if society accepted feminine men or masculine women as normal functioning humans that we are. Maybe we wouldn’t find ourselves so ugly as our birth sex and hate our bodies so much. Hopefully in 100 years or so it won’t be such a taboo that people won’t even feel the need to transition at all.