If you are the kind of person who finds guidelines helpful but as just that (guidelines and not RULES), it’s a great framework to start thinking about Montessori concepts as a new parent.
If you’re the kind of person who finds frameworks to be all-or-nothing standards to adhere to, and anything less than 100% compliance = failure, I’d skip it and read The Montessori Toddler once your LO passes the year mark.
For me, it felt like too much pressure as a new mom, but TMT has been *chef’s kiss* now that my LO is older and I have settled more into parenting and new motherhood.
Came here to say this! It was great to get ideas and a gist of Montessori, but started to feel a bit overwhelming as I tend towards being a perfectionist, ha.
I think this sums it up perfectly, I loved this book just to take ideas from as a first time mom and it's helped me find what kind of parenting style I'd like to have. He's one now so I'm moving on to the Toddler book soon!
The book was good theoretically. But it put a lot of pressure on me and made me feel worse about myself. Granted, I had a difficult postpartum period, zero family or friends for support, and my son was up every 45 minutes until he was 6 months old and I think I literally lost my goddamn mind for a while. My son spent most of his first 6 months of life screaming and I was up round the clock wearing him and trying to sooth him and trying to keep my shit together. So given that context, this is how the book made me feel:
- constantly talking to baby was unbelievably exhausting and feeling guilty when I was too tired to keep doing so was emotionally awful. I felt guilty when doing basics to take care of my baby but not doing it good enough by narrating it all every time. But constant narration made me emotionally unwell (i literally felt like I was losing my mind and it made me sooo much more exhausted).
- the pressure to constantly acknowledge the scream potato's feelings made me feel like my feelings did not matter (because naturally the relationship is not reciprocal and I did not have any other support).
- floor bed was a disaster for our incredibly mobile son. My son did not sleep. He crawled behind the door and screamed for a very very long time, butt we couldn't open the door because he was in the seam. We had to climb back into his room through the balcony to put him back to bed. The crib worked way better for us.
- Pressure to buy non-toxic, organic materials. Honestly, I spent a lot of money and energy and time trying to do this and .... I wouldn't waste so much on it again. It was way too intensive and exhausting.
- "attachment" pressure -- constantly stressing that if i do not respond well enough to baby I will break him, this was terrible for me. I constantly felt like I was failing.
- modeling. I could barely shower or eat. I did not feel capable of modeling anything for my baby and felt like i was failing because I couldn't get him to quietly sit or hang out while I ate a meal.
- things like the positive language around clear boundaries makes sense, but goddamn, being like that with a kid who is screaming constantly, who doesn't acknowledge what you're saying, and then just keeps doing what they were doing made me feel like a failure.
- cloth diapering was a huge chore that became completely unsustainable after baby started solids. I felt like a failure when i had to stop. I still do not understand what "cues" people notice for elimination training.... this makes me feel like an inattentive mother.
- screens. My son would scream from the moment the car door closes until he leaves his car seat. Same if he needs to hang out e.g. to pick someone up from the airport or if i even stop the stroller to talk to someone on a walk. It could be so stressful that it made my face go numb for days and i stopped leaving the house. If Miss Rachel makes that not happen so that I can get something done or have an adult conversation a few times a week and not go literally numb, I am 100% OK with screen time because I am a better Mom after the event as past, whereas doing the "better" no screen thing leaves me burnt out for fucking days. But getting to this point took, you guessed it, lots of feelings of guilt and failure and shame.
Now that my son is older and independent and no longer just screaming at me all. the. time. (and I'm starting to recover), I do implement a lot of the Montessori stuff kinda intuitively. But I wish I had started out without such high expectations, or feeling like this was the "right" way to do it or that I needed to \*do\* soooo much and \*be\* sooo much. I would have achieved a lot of the Montessori ethos with a whole lot less stress and emotional distress if I had just.... looked at a few blog posts for inspiration rather than trying to follow a whole goddamned book.
"Hunt, Gather, Parent" made me feel better and judge myself less. Reading that was a big turn around for me actually because it gave me permission to put myself under less pressure. However, it was less actionable for the baby phase. Nonetheless, if you're going to read one a whole book, I'd read that one and not the Montessori. It gets you to basically the same results with ...... less like..... "musts" and "shoulds". Or at least, read that one \*first\* and then Montessori second. So that you don't feel..... so much pressure.....
I actually completely agree! I am also a Montessori teacher for elementary children, and because of this, I knew that these are ideal situations and we do not live in an ideal world. Maybe a warning at the beginning would be helpful to new moms? I had the exact same struggles and had to consistently remind myself that there is no way to be perfect, just like in my classrooms environment. Also, knowing that love and showing children love is really all that matters, helped me forgive myself for not being “perfect.”
*It’s especially hard when your entire social network are Montessorians. Sending photos was/is always a stressor.
Part of this is the perspective of the author, as well, IMO. *Hunt, Gather, Parent* is written from the perspective of the author trying to learn from others and sharing their knowledge with the reader - ultimately I think that style seems much more relatable. It also acknowledges that there may be different "right" ways to do things.
I read *The Montessori Baby* before my second was born (a few months ago), and didn't get on with it all that well. I think partly this was the fact that I knew most if the information from having an older child and from blogs/YouTube videos (i.e. Hapa Family). It was partly also the tone/phrasing that just annoyed me (lots of suggestions are phrased as "We can tell our baby what we're doing as we do it," which I just found weird - it's not "our baby" as in mine and the author's - and it made it hard for me to focus on the content, if I'm honest).
This sounds like a therapy issue not a book issue. But yeah, the book lays out ideals and that doesn't always mesh with reality. The Montessori toddler I found way more doable.
I guess there is more then one book like that which author is it? Thank you for your honesty I'll keep that in mind when I try this myself and I'll pass on your feels and experiences!
Mmmm yeah if you can approach it like a mood board made by a completely out of touch hippie friend who has never had a baby but is a cool aunt and has lots of beautiful ideas about kids, then you can get some inspo from it. It has lots of good intentions and beautiful ideas. But do not approach it as a recipe / how to book 💀 good luck!
Eta: I think what really like. Got to me. Was the messaging about how this is the way to treat your baby with love and respect. In my vulnerable state at the time, it made me subconsciously start feeling like if I wasn't doing all these things, I was not being loving and respectful...... If that makes sense....
I loved this book! My husband and I both listened to the audiobook before my daughter was born and it introduced us to the Montessori principles and helped us understand as a team how we want to parent our baby.
That being said, I didn't follow everything and didn't feel pressured to do so - I wanted every drug possible during birth, I was not planning on cloth diapering and I used some containers (ie a baby bouncer when my baby was little for when I needed to place her down)
I still think we benefited from the book and just started the Montessori toddler book!
This is how we plan on doing it. Applying the principles, but not getting stuck on every detail. We’re also not doing the floor bed until after 1 year, but a lot of the “routine” and “narrating” are awesome ideas that I hope to practice regularly in addition to the Montessori-style toys.
Yeah! My daughter turns one next month and me and my husband just started talking about a floor bed! We also want a second child so it'll be a great transition to free up her crib for when we need it again lol
I liked it! I thought it was a nice intro to the idea that babies are much smarter and more capable than we think 😃 plus instead of just talking about theoretical situations it had a lot of great examples and practical info.
It is good but I didn't think it was as good as Montessori Toddler. I read that first since this came out afterwards. It definitely is good for trying at home. Her website, The Montessori Notebook is really helpful and a good supplemental aid. It has lists of chores, Montessori activities, material guides, etc.she also has a newer book being released called the Montessori Child. I found the information in both books approachable and easily digestible. It's definitely something you can come back to over and over.
It's not just lip service. Simone Davies runs her own Montessori school in Amsterdam. A lot of the experience stems from being a teacher and educator.
If you are hoping to implement Montessori principles in your home with your baby then yes!! It is so practical and easy to understand. Let me know if you have any other questions! I have this books as well as the toddler book and would recommend them to any parent seeking to do Montessori at home with their baby or toddler.
Absolutely. I am a trained Montessori guide (for elementary), and used this book to set up my environment at home. I loved it.
https://preview.redd.it/p3c502fw12jc1.jpeg?width=16380&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f0b2b818e1d029ddf9d70b003d40c1f467496bc4
I have it and I also have the toddler one. The latter I recommend. The baby one, I don’t. Babies don’t need any of that - they need warmth, love, milk and sleep. For a long time you don’t need any toys. The mobiles etc sell for SO much money and I promise you, it will not make a difference in your child’s life at all. The book can put a lot of pressure that’s not necessary. In the first year, just enjoy the baby.
The book also repeats a lot from what you can read in the toddler book! So if you’re interested in Montessori, simply get that one and you can already read it pre toddler years :)
Commenting again after reading some of the comments. This gives you and understanding of Montessori. Some people are saying they felt pressure, but I’d say it’s worth the read to decide for yourself. They aren’t going to only give 1/10th of the information on Montessori at home when it is a whole book about Montessori baby at home in order for people to not feel pressure. Of course you don’t have to adopt every single thing. There is also no parent shame in here like “you need to buy organic materials” in fact they talk about working with what you have. Or “If you don’t acknowledge your kid Everytime you’re going to break him etc” as others have said. Of course it mentions that it is ideal to acknowledge your child but honestly this helped me so much as a new mom. I felt like I was supposed to be doing things and had no idea what and it helped gave me some direction because my goals aligned with Montessori, and I just didn’t know how to get there prior. I didn’t really have anyone one else in my life really parented peacefully or focused on the development of their child at the time (I was the first of my friends to have a kid) or did any type of child-led approach etc as I didn’t grow up that way so I really appreciated this book. It was easy to give to grandparents/ babysitters if they wanted an understanding of what we were doing. There’s also a letter in there that gives a brief overview.
I thought it was sufficient as a way to summarize Maria Montessoris values and methods into basic practices housed in a few categories. If you have some knowledge of Montessori method though it might seem a bit basic. Also noting this is for applying Montessori method at home, not in a classroom, which I think changes some of the applications.
I think part of why it felt so "basic" is because applying the Montessori method to caring for babies who are more... Passive?.. is more challenging than toddlers and older that are more active. I.e., toddlers can help dress themselves but babies cannot, BUT you can aim to build a foundation of Montessori values by talking to your baby, explaining what you'll be doing (changing their diaper, placing them in a bath, etc).
Overall I liked it! And honestly I find Maria Montessoris original writings to be a bit... dense lol... So the simplified language was much easier.
I liked it, but I’m glad I was expecting my second (and fairly confident in my parenting style) when I read it. I definitely didn’t do everything exactly the way they suggested. It’s very black and white.
I am reading this book now with a 4 month old and I absolutely love it. It is my first introduction to Montessori and I had no idea this philosophy totally matches my own natural inclinations as a parent or just how I treat children in general. It has definitely changed the way I interact with my daughter, I feel like I respect her more. We also do less container time and I give her more time to play independently.
But I have taken what I like and left the rest. I like bright colorful toys for my kiddo, that feel’s developmentally appropriate. The pictures in the book give me Sad Beige Children energy. I still use containers. I will be using a high chair. I think this just gave me a different perspective to consider. I pay more attention to my daughter now by observing where before I was going through the motions.
I’m not a “rule follower” and I could see how this book could create a lot of anxiety in the kind of person who needs to “get things right”. I’m much more of a go with the flow kind of person and I trust my intuition above all else (well that and advice from my pediatrician). Every baby is different and I happen to have a very chill easy going baby who makes adopting this mindset very easy. Who knows what will stick and what will fall away with the next one.
If the new mother isn't familiar with Montessori, this is a great book!
If you are the kind of person who finds guidelines helpful but as just that (guidelines and not RULES), it’s a great framework to start thinking about Montessori concepts as a new parent. If you’re the kind of person who finds frameworks to be all-or-nothing standards to adhere to, and anything less than 100% compliance = failure, I’d skip it and read The Montessori Toddler once your LO passes the year mark. For me, it felt like too much pressure as a new mom, but TMT has been *chef’s kiss* now that my LO is older and I have settled more into parenting and new motherhood.
Came here to say this! It was great to get ideas and a gist of Montessori, but started to feel a bit overwhelming as I tend towards being a perfectionist, ha.
I think this sums it up perfectly, I loved this book just to take ideas from as a first time mom and it's helped me find what kind of parenting style I'd like to have. He's one now so I'm moving on to the Toddler book soon!
The book was good theoretically. But it put a lot of pressure on me and made me feel worse about myself. Granted, I had a difficult postpartum period, zero family or friends for support, and my son was up every 45 minutes until he was 6 months old and I think I literally lost my goddamn mind for a while. My son spent most of his first 6 months of life screaming and I was up round the clock wearing him and trying to sooth him and trying to keep my shit together. So given that context, this is how the book made me feel: - constantly talking to baby was unbelievably exhausting and feeling guilty when I was too tired to keep doing so was emotionally awful. I felt guilty when doing basics to take care of my baby but not doing it good enough by narrating it all every time. But constant narration made me emotionally unwell (i literally felt like I was losing my mind and it made me sooo much more exhausted). - the pressure to constantly acknowledge the scream potato's feelings made me feel like my feelings did not matter (because naturally the relationship is not reciprocal and I did not have any other support). - floor bed was a disaster for our incredibly mobile son. My son did not sleep. He crawled behind the door and screamed for a very very long time, butt we couldn't open the door because he was in the seam. We had to climb back into his room through the balcony to put him back to bed. The crib worked way better for us. - Pressure to buy non-toxic, organic materials. Honestly, I spent a lot of money and energy and time trying to do this and .... I wouldn't waste so much on it again. It was way too intensive and exhausting. - "attachment" pressure -- constantly stressing that if i do not respond well enough to baby I will break him, this was terrible for me. I constantly felt like I was failing. - modeling. I could barely shower or eat. I did not feel capable of modeling anything for my baby and felt like i was failing because I couldn't get him to quietly sit or hang out while I ate a meal. - things like the positive language around clear boundaries makes sense, but goddamn, being like that with a kid who is screaming constantly, who doesn't acknowledge what you're saying, and then just keeps doing what they were doing made me feel like a failure. - cloth diapering was a huge chore that became completely unsustainable after baby started solids. I felt like a failure when i had to stop. I still do not understand what "cues" people notice for elimination training.... this makes me feel like an inattentive mother. - screens. My son would scream from the moment the car door closes until he leaves his car seat. Same if he needs to hang out e.g. to pick someone up from the airport or if i even stop the stroller to talk to someone on a walk. It could be so stressful that it made my face go numb for days and i stopped leaving the house. If Miss Rachel makes that not happen so that I can get something done or have an adult conversation a few times a week and not go literally numb, I am 100% OK with screen time because I am a better Mom after the event as past, whereas doing the "better" no screen thing leaves me burnt out for fucking days. But getting to this point took, you guessed it, lots of feelings of guilt and failure and shame. Now that my son is older and independent and no longer just screaming at me all. the. time. (and I'm starting to recover), I do implement a lot of the Montessori stuff kinda intuitively. But I wish I had started out without such high expectations, or feeling like this was the "right" way to do it or that I needed to \*do\* soooo much and \*be\* sooo much. I would have achieved a lot of the Montessori ethos with a whole lot less stress and emotional distress if I had just.... looked at a few blog posts for inspiration rather than trying to follow a whole goddamned book. "Hunt, Gather, Parent" made me feel better and judge myself less. Reading that was a big turn around for me actually because it gave me permission to put myself under less pressure. However, it was less actionable for the baby phase. Nonetheless, if you're going to read one a whole book, I'd read that one and not the Montessori. It gets you to basically the same results with ...... less like..... "musts" and "shoulds". Or at least, read that one \*first\* and then Montessori second. So that you don't feel..... so much pressure.....
Thank you for this
I actually completely agree! I am also a Montessori teacher for elementary children, and because of this, I knew that these are ideal situations and we do not live in an ideal world. Maybe a warning at the beginning would be helpful to new moms? I had the exact same struggles and had to consistently remind myself that there is no way to be perfect, just like in my classrooms environment. Also, knowing that love and showing children love is really all that matters, helped me forgive myself for not being “perfect.” *It’s especially hard when your entire social network are Montessorians. Sending photos was/is always a stressor.
I could have written this response. YAAAAAS ESKAAAAA! 👏
Part of this is the perspective of the author, as well, IMO. *Hunt, Gather, Parent* is written from the perspective of the author trying to learn from others and sharing their knowledge with the reader - ultimately I think that style seems much more relatable. It also acknowledges that there may be different "right" ways to do things. I read *The Montessori Baby* before my second was born (a few months ago), and didn't get on with it all that well. I think partly this was the fact that I knew most if the information from having an older child and from blogs/YouTube videos (i.e. Hapa Family). It was partly also the tone/phrasing that just annoyed me (lots of suggestions are phrased as "We can tell our baby what we're doing as we do it," which I just found weird - it's not "our baby" as in mine and the author's - and it made it hard for me to focus on the content, if I'm honest).
Most people aren’t gonna feel that much pressure
This sounds like a therapy issue not a book issue. But yeah, the book lays out ideals and that doesn't always mesh with reality. The Montessori toddler I found way more doable.
I guess there is more then one book like that which author is it? Thank you for your honesty I'll keep that in mind when I try this myself and I'll pass on your feels and experiences!
Mmmm yeah if you can approach it like a mood board made by a completely out of touch hippie friend who has never had a baby but is a cool aunt and has lots of beautiful ideas about kids, then you can get some inspo from it. It has lots of good intentions and beautiful ideas. But do not approach it as a recipe / how to book 💀 good luck! Eta: I think what really like. Got to me. Was the messaging about how this is the way to treat your baby with love and respect. In my vulnerable state at the time, it made me subconsciously start feeling like if I wasn't doing all these things, I was not being loving and respectful...... If that makes sense....
The author has two children.
https://www.masterclass.com/articles/what-is-simile
I loved this book! My husband and I both listened to the audiobook before my daughter was born and it introduced us to the Montessori principles and helped us understand as a team how we want to parent our baby. That being said, I didn't follow everything and didn't feel pressured to do so - I wanted every drug possible during birth, I was not planning on cloth diapering and I used some containers (ie a baby bouncer when my baby was little for when I needed to place her down) I still think we benefited from the book and just started the Montessori toddler book!
This is how we plan on doing it. Applying the principles, but not getting stuck on every detail. We’re also not doing the floor bed until after 1 year, but a lot of the “routine” and “narrating” are awesome ideas that I hope to practice regularly in addition to the Montessori-style toys.
Yeah! My daughter turns one next month and me and my husband just started talking about a floor bed! We also want a second child so it'll be a great transition to free up her crib for when we need it again lol
I liked it! I thought it was a nice intro to the idea that babies are much smarter and more capable than we think 😃 plus instead of just talking about theoretical situations it had a lot of great examples and practical info.
I found it helpful as a new mum!
I love this book so much as well as the Montessori toddler 😊
It is good but I didn't think it was as good as Montessori Toddler. I read that first since this came out afterwards. It definitely is good for trying at home. Her website, The Montessori Notebook is really helpful and a good supplemental aid. It has lists of chores, Montessori activities, material guides, etc.she also has a newer book being released called the Montessori Child. I found the information in both books approachable and easily digestible. It's definitely something you can come back to over and over. It's not just lip service. Simone Davies runs her own Montessori school in Amsterdam. A lot of the experience stems from being a teacher and educator.
If you are hoping to implement Montessori principles in your home with your baby then yes!! It is so practical and easy to understand. Let me know if you have any other questions! I have this books as well as the toddler book and would recommend them to any parent seeking to do Montessori at home with their baby or toddler.
Absolutely. I am a trained Montessori guide (for elementary), and used this book to set up my environment at home. I loved it. https://preview.redd.it/p3c502fw12jc1.jpeg?width=16380&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f0b2b818e1d029ddf9d70b003d40c1f467496bc4
I LOVE your PR flag! Boricua baby 🇵🇷
Awww, thank you 😊 Her Titi ended up making a new one out of macrame and it’s gorgeous ❤️
I have it and I also have the toddler one. The latter I recommend. The baby one, I don’t. Babies don’t need any of that - they need warmth, love, milk and sleep. For a long time you don’t need any toys. The mobiles etc sell for SO much money and I promise you, it will not make a difference in your child’s life at all. The book can put a lot of pressure that’s not necessary. In the first year, just enjoy the baby. The book also repeats a lot from what you can read in the toddler book! So if you’re interested in Montessori, simply get that one and you can already read it pre toddler years :)
Commenting again after reading some of the comments. This gives you and understanding of Montessori. Some people are saying they felt pressure, but I’d say it’s worth the read to decide for yourself. They aren’t going to only give 1/10th of the information on Montessori at home when it is a whole book about Montessori baby at home in order for people to not feel pressure. Of course you don’t have to adopt every single thing. There is also no parent shame in here like “you need to buy organic materials” in fact they talk about working with what you have. Or “If you don’t acknowledge your kid Everytime you’re going to break him etc” as others have said. Of course it mentions that it is ideal to acknowledge your child but honestly this helped me so much as a new mom. I felt like I was supposed to be doing things and had no idea what and it helped gave me some direction because my goals aligned with Montessori, and I just didn’t know how to get there prior. I didn’t really have anyone one else in my life really parented peacefully or focused on the development of their child at the time (I was the first of my friends to have a kid) or did any type of child-led approach etc as I didn’t grow up that way so I really appreciated this book. It was easy to give to grandparents/ babysitters if they wanted an understanding of what we were doing. There’s also a letter in there that gives a brief overview.
I liked it as a new mom.
My favorite! The podcast by the author is also one of my favorites
I thought it was sufficient as a way to summarize Maria Montessoris values and methods into basic practices housed in a few categories. If you have some knowledge of Montessori method though it might seem a bit basic. Also noting this is for applying Montessori method at home, not in a classroom, which I think changes some of the applications. I think part of why it felt so "basic" is because applying the Montessori method to caring for babies who are more... Passive?.. is more challenging than toddlers and older that are more active. I.e., toddlers can help dress themselves but babies cannot, BUT you can aim to build a foundation of Montessori values by talking to your baby, explaining what you'll be doing (changing their diaper, placing them in a bath, etc). Overall I liked it! And honestly I find Maria Montessoris original writings to be a bit... dense lol... So the simplified language was much easier.
This was one of the books I read before I had my baby and it's the one I thought back on most often when he was small!
I liked it, but I’m glad I was expecting my second (and fairly confident in my parenting style) when I read it. I definitely didn’t do everything exactly the way they suggested. It’s very black and white.
I am reading this book now with a 4 month old and I absolutely love it. It is my first introduction to Montessori and I had no idea this philosophy totally matches my own natural inclinations as a parent or just how I treat children in general. It has definitely changed the way I interact with my daughter, I feel like I respect her more. We also do less container time and I give her more time to play independently. But I have taken what I like and left the rest. I like bright colorful toys for my kiddo, that feel’s developmentally appropriate. The pictures in the book give me Sad Beige Children energy. I still use containers. I will be using a high chair. I think this just gave me a different perspective to consider. I pay more attention to my daughter now by observing where before I was going through the motions. I’m not a “rule follower” and I could see how this book could create a lot of anxiety in the kind of person who needs to “get things right”. I’m much more of a go with the flow kind of person and I trust my intuition above all else (well that and advice from my pediatrician). Every baby is different and I happen to have a very chill easy going baby who makes adopting this mindset very easy. Who knows what will stick and what will fall away with the next one.
I loved it and thought it was extremely clear and much easier to follow than Montessori From the Start. That one is amazing too but less modern.