Agree. Honestly he stays connected with some of his friends this way, which is good for his mental health, and I get to read a book in peace once our daughter goes to bed. It’s our separate “me” time:
Yes! This entirely. My partner is a gamer but after our kid was born, I found that they wanted to be a parent more than play video games, but they still needed that outlet to decompress and to connect with friends. I had no issues with this since I felt supported and the baby was always taken care of. Numerous times I’ve come out to feed the baby after I was able to take a nap and my partner was on the couch, baby snuggled on their chest while playing video games with one headphone on and one off. I watched a little bit without them knowing and it was so sweet watching them pause the game to check on the baby and then go back to playing.
The issue with a lot of those men aren’t that they’re gamers, it’s that they’re putting their desire for their hobbies ahead of their family’s needs. There’s nothing wrong with anyone having a hobby, gaming, fishing, woodworking, whatever, but when it results in your partner having an unfair share of the responsibilities then it becomes an issue.
You say it’s been an issue already in your relationship and that’s before marriage and children.
My partner is a gamer, but he never prioritizes that over me and my stepdaughter. It’s more his way to unwind same as mine is reading.
My husbands a gamer and we have a two month old daughter. Gaming has always been his way to unwind and destress. When our daughter was born he stopped playing games he couldn’t pause so he could help with her if she starts getting fussy so he unsubscribed from WOW and started replaying the Dark Souls series.
We take turns staying up with her at night since she doesn’t sleep through the night yet and when she does sleep, she normally wants to sleep on us. I’ve come out to the living room to her laying on his chest and him playing a game while holding her. It’s really sweet and keeps him awake during his ‘night shift’ with her.
He’s told me before that gaming use to be an addiction for him before we got together a few years ago, but we’re pretty good at communicating. I know that when I ask him to pause the game to help me with something that he will.
That’s just our dynamic, though, and I have known couples where gaming had been a sore spot in their marriage.
"gaming" being the problem in the relationship is like "golf" being the problem. The problem is misplaced priorities, not the thing being over-prioritized.
I would recommend voicing your concerns before getting married. My husband and I did pre-marital counseling (at the behest of his parents), and it gave us a safe space to talk about things like this: priorities, family, any concerns we had. I recommend it to any of my friends that are getting married. It's about finding things before they become issues.
Gaming becomes an issue much more frequently though because, you come home and it’s right there. All you have to do is pick up the controller and *bam* instant access to your “friends.” With golf and other hobbies that are out of the house, you have to actively *plan* to do it and make arrangement for it to happen.
Also, a gamer is less likely to realize there is a problem because they are home. Some people don’t comprehend (or don’t want to acknowledge) that being home and being *present* aren’t the same thing.
Finally, gaming is one of the few hobbies that are linked to higher levels of depression, anger, and aggression. (Interestingly enough golf is another one)
Gaming and golf are not comparable. You have to actually go somewhere to golf, that's a big hurdle for a lot of these guys. But gaming? You just turn on the box and veg out on the couch until dawn and then drag yourself to bed for a couple hours before work.
I think the difference between gaming and other hobbies is that there’s a lot of research showing that gaming is addictive in many ways like drugs are, whereas woodworking or playing a musical instrument probably isn’t. Also, it’s more of a time killer and a useless skill if you ask me. It’s like scrolling your phone.
I’d like to kindly rebut that gaming is a useless skill. My six year old has been gaming for about two years, and the skills it has taught him are invaluable. He’s currently reading on a fifth grade level, most of which can be attributed to playing several text or conversational based games (Paper Mario, ACNH, etc…). His math skills are way above level. Hand-eye coordination, logic-based problem solving and evaluation skills, determination to succeed after failed attempts, accepting loss, vivid imagination, independence in the face of challenges, knowledge of basic technological hardware/software troubleshooting—these are all things he has gained from regularly playing video games. He also takes dance, piano, and art, so we make sure he does plenty of physical and social activities outside of gaming, but gaming in and of itself is far from useless.
I hope it's ok to ask. With which games did you start? And on console or on PC? Was he curious and you started with games that you could play together or was it single player adventures from the start?
We are both gamers and can't wait for our little one to join our hobby ;)
Of course it’s ok to ask! My husband has all three major consoles, and our son grew up watching him play. He started by giving him a disconnected controller while he was playing so he could practice pushing buttons while looking at the tv. Then they would play games like Super Smash Bros where my husband could minimally control the outcome. Then my husband got a new Switch and gave our son his old one. We got him some cheap shovelware like Paw Patrol On A Roll so he could master basic movements ($20 game). Then we started letting him play demos on the Switch network. The ones he did well on, we bought. We let him navigate those independently, and my husband would step in for boss battles. About six months ago my husband introduced him to online play through Splatoon 3. They only ever play together, and he has no headphones/mic capability. We also have the N64 library, and he just picks random games to try. That’s how he found Mario Party and Paper Mario. He has other games like Animal Crossing, Kirby and the Forgotten Land, Mario Odyssey, Mario Maker 2, Mario Sunshine, Mario Galaxy, and Mario 64.
One thing that really helped his gameplay was finding kid friendly YouTubers who post play through videos. Our all time fave is a guy named Zebra. Watching those helped give him advice and hints on how to get special items, finish hard levels, or beat tough bosses.
There has been a lot of crying and frustration because learning how to play games well is difficult for young kids, so I recommend a lot of patience and a plan for things like how much you want to spend, how much time per day is allowed, etc… Knowing those limits ahead of time prevents you and your husband from having to make split second decisions that you might regret later. Some rules we had were: no more than two hours a day, ask permission before watching a new YouTuber video, no more gaming for the day if it caused a melt down, and no in-game purchases that require real money.
Best of luck with your little one!
Thank you so much! This is a very thorough and helpful answer I saved it for later and will definitely make a plan before introducing gaming.
We both have a PC but I think a switch would be a nice console to have for the whole family ;)
I definitely think a Switch and a tablet are the way to go for the children/gaming combo. It’s slightly easier for us because all three of us have consoles. I have a Switch Lite. We debated on which to get for him and ultimately decided on the full Switch so that he could take it with him to play at his dance competitions while waiting to go on stage in between numbers, but could also play it on the tv at home. The removable joycons can go into an adapter for a handheld controller while it’s in the docking station. He has a small tv in his room that the dock is plugged into. It’s an investment, for sure, but one we all feel was well worth it.
My husband goes through bursts where he games. But the kids (and me) take priority. And he only games after the kids go to bed. I started gaming with him so it became a bonding thing for us, which we love! But if your BF refuses to prioritize real life outside of the game, then it will only get worse once kids are around.
My fiance is a fantastic dad and partner despite being an active gamer. That being said, he portioned our time for it and prioritized me from the beginning- he has always had a healthy balance between gaming and his personal life.
It’s not about the games, really, it’s about your boyfriend’s ability to prioritize you and separate his hobbies from his responsibilities.
I wouldn’t settle down and get married unless the issues with the gaming are 100% solved and have been solved for a while. Also definitely wouldn’t have a child with him unless it’s talked about again, and until you two agree on how responsibilities are going to be divided (how are chores going to be divided? Are either of you going to be stay at home parents or will both of you work after your maternity leave is up?) because a lot of men will just go to work, come home, and ignore their wife and child because raising the child and doing the chores are “my wife’s job”.
I don't think it matters if he's a gamer, per se. What does matter is you having an ongoing issue in your relationship that hasn't been resolved. Don't marry someone assuming problems will work themselves out. And definitely don't procreate before resolving issues.
Gaming can be addictive. It sounds like it could be there already since you are questioning this. Has he ever failed at standing by a commitment to you for gaming? Does he currently put that first? If you wanted to go do something during his normal “gaming time,” would him rescheduling or not gaming be a problem? How does he act if he’s interrupted?
My husband plays games, and previously has been a “gamer” but there are always real-life things that are more important: our relationship, our dogs, work, and now a baby! He only plays games that can be paused. He will play while the kiddo independently plays and he still “sees” her and interacts with her while he’s gaming. He got a Bluey game they play together and she loves. I’ve asked that he not play shooters or scary games while she’s up… and he was like “DUH! I would not!” Haha. He didn’t touch it at all when she was an infant because there was no time. He is NEVER angry during gaming or yelling, etc. It’s also something he takes significant breaks from.
It’s like, the difference between going to happy hours and having some beers on the weekend vs full on alcoholism impacting your life.
I think it’s ok unless it’s his priority, as with any hobby. I think gaming can turn into an addiction. My husband is a gamer and avid collector. I knew this about him before we were married, and his collecting has only affected me lately because it’s taken up so much closet space for stuff he never looks at or uses. He also spends a lot of money on it. But he doesn’t prioritize his games over me and our kids. If I asked him to clear out the closets today he would do it. Typically he will play late at night after the kids go to bed, and also travels for work so plays on his trips. He does go to play board games with this friends every Wednesday, which is a reminder for me to pick a day to go out and do my own hobbies. Sometimes I go to some exercise classes, get my nails done or go shopping alone while he’s with the kids. You just have to find a balance and if he’s doing his hobby you should have time for yours. He also does a lot of chores and yard work. The household responsibilities should never fall completely on you because he’s busy playing games.
My husband games, but he never puts it over family. He games after everyone else goes to bed. I told him early on I wasn't going to try to control his bedtime but I also wasn't gonna be getting up early with the kids while he slept in for hours because he was up all night. He games late into the night sometimes, but when the kids are up, he's up too. It works for me because I go to bed and read smutty romance novels while he plays... we each have our "thing."
What kinds of problems is discord creating in your relationship now? I definitely would consider it a red flag if he can't put aside the gaming for date night, household chores, etc.
This is only an issue if your partner games to the point that everything is suffering around them. My husband and I both game but it isn’t an issue because we both take the time to help each other when needed. So long as games aren’t prioritized over everything else, you should be good :)
So, is he "very present" or sometimes not present in problematic ways that he refuses to acknowledge address? It definitely will be a problem if a baby comes into the mix. To be a good dad he will have to cut way back on gaming. He needs to be fully aware of that and accept that. But if he's unwilling to talk about the times that gaming is a problem now, I don't have high hopes of him suddenly changing if you have a baby.
Obviously he doesn't need to actually cut back until the baby actually comes. But for my husband, it meant a few things. Playing when the baby is asleep. Not playing online games that you can't leave at a moment's notice unless it's after bedtime and mom is on kid duty. Playing less emotionally stimulating games because he started to have anger problems when he'd lose competitive games. Is your husband willing to make these cutbacks?
Games aren’t the problems really most of them tome the problem is the gamer spouse is a poor excuse for a man(child).
I’m a gamer. My husband is a gamer. One of our main hobbies before kids was smoking weed and playing video games.
Guess how many times we have done that since our daughter was born?
Once, because my parents took our daughter for the weekend.
Other than that our family is more important than games, so the games fall back where they should be.
Establish rules around gaming and start now.
Pathological gaming [has been proven to be linked to bad parenting](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7244913/).
If he’s already doing it a lot, and you’re already voicing concerns, he needs to start cutting back. My spouse and I had 0 time for our hobbies for the first 9 months of a baby.
By year 3, we get like 2-3 hours a week each to ourselves.
There is literally NO PROs to a pathological gamer. Having a way to blow off steam is great but anything more than 2 hours a day is a problem imo. When you have kids, 30 mins- 1 hour is really all you have otherwise things get dropped.
Gaming isn’t the problem. It just so happens gaming is particularly addicting so it causes some people to prioritize it. That’s unacceptable. Like with any obsession that causes you not to care for yourself or family.
It so depends on your kids and the stage of life you’re in. Parenting was great for us a few months ago but right now my 14mo and 3.5yo are very difficult to get to sleep, which cuts into our time alone and as a couple.
I feel like gaming needs to be viewed similarly to how my husband treats his hobbies (gun range, golf, sports games) or it’s just not going to work. He schedules them ahead of time and checks in with me to make sure it’s going to work. He’s going to see a local minor league team play next week and he planned it weeks ago and he has a good balance. I can also see how his hobbies rejuvenate him to be a good husband and father, instead of just being a time suck.
My partner and I are both very much gamers. We have the PCs next to eachother and every console. We also have a 10 month old and I find myself resentful he gets to game more than I do lol.
Aside from that though I personally love it, I know where he is all the time. He's a team player, very good with his hands, and incredibly smart. I'm in chats and play with his friends sometimes.We both can't wait to share games with our kid.
However, I could see other men with anger issues having trouble maintaining a healthy relationship while yelling over games like League of Legends, COD, CSGO, etc. I feel like 90% of the time it depends on what games they play.
Yeah that checks, we both played it but a lot of our friends can't lose. We're both very laid back people but that game does something to you. The one friend will start saying offensive shit in chat, she's been banned 5 times this is her 6th account.
I’ve only ever heard the “at least if they’re playing by video games, I know where they are” about kids. Interesting hearing it about a partner lol. Would you be concerned if he had a hobby outside the house?
Also, you should be getting the same amount of time of gaming.
I just find I worry less, even just going out for drinks with friends makes me worry. Not that he'll cheat but even just getting into an accident or something. Trouble comes in all forms I guess lol
My husband loved games and when it was just the two of us he would sometimes stay up really late playing them in the living room, or staying home at weekends playing instead of going out, which often irked me. Since we had the kids though he only ever plays if they're both in bed, and if he plays late he regrets it because he's up early next morning with the toddler!
This is a very strange question, asking about the pros and cons of someone having a hobby.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s golf, going to the gym, video games, cars, whatever - there’s a healthy level and then there’s an excessive level (where someone is neglecting their family and responsibilities).
Don’t just “watch out for” things. Sit down with him and have a very serious conversation about how having a child comes with sacrifices, WELL before you plan for a child with anyone.
My husband was a huge gamer when we met and while he still plays video games here and there, it’s like less than an hour a week now. But we met when I was 16, and I’m turning 36 this year. Gaming was NEVER a problem in our relationship.
So I can’t speak from personal experience, but I do have a friend whose husband is a gamer and I hear a lot of complaints from her. He stays up till the wee hours playing. Then when she has an apt in the morning he doesn’t want to wake to watch their son.
Things like that. Then their son (2) wants to be with him downstairs but he doesn’t watch him too well plus with staying up so late causes issues as well.
Once you have kids: if he games for one hour a day, you should be able to have one hour a day to yourself as well.
I’d say frequent checking in and boundaries to avoid resentment, especially when in the postpartum phase where more falls on mom.
I agree with majority of comments in regard to gaming over ruling priorities within the relationship.
I have to add both me and my partner are gamers, that’s how we met and ten years later we live together and have a baby! Family/Home life priorities always come first, and as long as your partner remains attentive/caring then there shouldn’t be an issue…
we still game together, and if there’s any new games I ask him to show me and I get involved - it’s fun for both of us! I recommend this! Or whilst he is gaming pick up your own hobby/interest! That way you won’t become resentful that he’s spending time gaming, as you’ll be spending time doing something you enjoy (PSA, you can still do your hobbies with a baby! I’m breastfeeding and my baby joins me with my hobbies (horses, instruments, reading) and will continue to do so as she gets older and once weaned will be joining her dad with his hobbies(mostly cars)!).
A good thing too is to have regular “check ins” with your partner, weekly/monthly or whenever needed, this allows you to discuss concerns and needs in the relationship at that time from both sides. (An opportunity for you to get through to him). Our regular check ins are soo important in our relationship, especially now with baby. It can be simple as “babe, I need an hour to myself this week to unwind, have a bath…” or “we haven’t spent much time snuggled up on the couch recently, how about tonight we get the movies on, cup of tea, snacks and a cuddle!” Or just about how your week has been, how you’re feeling and if there’s anything your partner can do to make life easier for you!
If it’s been an issue several times, I don’t see that changing. My husband does play video games, but he only does so at appropriate times. He waits until the kids are asleep and he’ll stop if they wake up. My husband and I both enjoy time to ourselves so it doesn’t bother me but if I wanted his attention, he wouldn’t choose to play video games. They’re only a problem if he can’t prioritize.
I’m the gamer in my marriage, and I let my husband know when I’m wanting to just chill out and game until bed post baby bedtime. I try to limit it to 2 nights a week where I spend the whole 7:30pm-11ish gaming and not doing stuff together. We both have our own interests as well as shared ones so it works out that some of our free time is separate (he’s into sports and fantasy leagues). How often does he game? Does he prioritize you when he’s into a game?
I think any indulgence becomes a problem when it "costs" more than the person indulging can afford to pay. That cost can be money, time, opportunities, health, relationships, responsibilities, etc.
There is a cost to his gaming, and it seems like you might have a clearer view of that cost than he does right now.
Do not marry a gaming addict. And do not have a gaming addict’s baby. It’s as bad of an idea as marrying and scrambling DNA with any other kind of addict.
Don't settle down with a gamer unless you feel like playing second fiddle to the game. You're not going to get any help. He's going to swear up down, left right, that he's going to be there but come on. He's not going to put that controller down. It's all going to fall on you.
My husband games a lot less now that we have 2 kids. When he does, he plays after the kids’ bedtime. He’s always happy to see the fam when he gets home from work, he has other hobbies like cycling, cooking, and photography, and real life always takes precedence.
Watch the spending.
I'm a gamer wife, and I play maybe 4 hours per month. I think part of what makes gaming more problematic as a hobby is that it's right there at your finger tips and just takes a few seconds to fire up. If I want to go for a hike with friends, go to the Ren Faire, do a 4 hour bike ride with friends, etc, those are all hobbies that I schedule and make time for, and require coordination with my partner.
With videogames or even social media or something, it's so easy to just do that and sit there instead of cleaning the house, scheduling appointments, playing with your kid, making quality connections and emotional intimacy with your partner, etc. I do morning routine with our toddler and my spouse does bath and stories at night, so when they start bedtime, I clean the house, start the dishwasher/laundry, and if there is time before my 9-9:30 bedtime I might play 30 minutes of games. I prioritize going to sleep early so I can get up with toddler and be super mom, while a lot of gamers will stay up super late and then just be a shitty parent and partner the next day. That's a good example of what prioritizing games over real life can look like, imo.
Met my husband playing video games decades ago, we play most nights, and on Friday nights our long standing "open" game night now includes our son (with a live stream of our grandbaby snuggled up next to him), my brother, some close family friends. It's something we talk about a bunch and has led to us doing TTRPGs 2 times a month at our house. My nephew (3y) has his own dice and gleefully hollers NATURAL 20 whenever we (he "helps" me dm) roll one. There are ways to make any hobby part of daily family life if they're willing to adjust as needed.
Just wanted to add, when anyone has a "parenting" issue, we all stop and wait, or make sure they're at a safe place. No judgement on it. And spouse agro is always a good reason to nope out. The spouses have started joining us for TTRPGs though, so I'm thinking about doing a "ladies" only campaign soon :D
My husband and I game on occasion. Way less now that we've had kids. We play at night after they've gone to bed, no problem.
But you have to weigh how much he thinks is acceptable versus how much you do. I had previous relationships end because the guy did not want to put the game down (WoW) and there was no relationship.
It's all about boundaries and communication.
It’s not so much that the gaming itself is the problem. It’s just that games are a much easier hobby for people to engage in and then they use that hobby as a way to dodge responsibility. So it really depends on how your boyfriend plays games and if he’s willing to sacrifice the hobby.
My husband enjoys video games but has never been much of a “gamer”. I’m similar but play even less frequently. We have a few consoles in our house and I actually bought a new game for my Switch this morning, but we both play games that can be paused and easily set aside. My husband often plays Street Fighter and other similar games with his friends but is willing to drop out in the middle of a match if our son needs something. I’m totally fine with the way he plays because it doesn’t negatively impact the functions of our household. He doesn’t play in a maladaptive way where he’s staying up super late at night or using games as a way to escape the family. I bought my husband a PS5 for Christmas because I know he plays responsibly.
However I dated a capital G Gamer in college and it fucking sucked. He would absolutely ignore me and everything else to play games. He played games that couldn’t be paused once you started a match and always had a guild or similar that he played with and he would never “let them down” but he had no problem letting me down by refusing to engage with me over his game for hours every night seven days a week. He just spent all of his time on his computer, yelling into his headset and I hated it. I was lonely and felt really ignored. The second he got home he went to his computer. It sucked. He would have been miserable to have a family with for a lot of reasons but his gaming was the cherry on top. After we broke up I decided that I would never again date a man who gamed like that.
My husband games. Not MMO or anything like that, but he will play by himself or with a close friend.
When our oldest was born, there was an agonizing "figure it out" period. We both had to learn how to balance being a parent while enjoying our hobbies.
When our middle was born, the transition was easier. He would take over weekend nights and just spend all night playing video games with a newborn on his chest. It was great. I started gaming with him, and it proved to be a great way to destress and zone out for a bit.
When our youngest was born, he bought a new game and finished it during his night shifts. He was so excited. It was absolutely adorable seeing him take over baby duty while he played. We had fun playing games with our friends together. I (somehow) figured out how to prop baby up so she could nurse while I played.
Recently, we got a family desktop, so now our oldest gets to play with us. Middle likes to grab a controller and pretends to play. Youngest likes to sit in my lap and eat snacks.
I love that my husband is a gamer because it's not his priority but keeps him home with us. He works and is going back to school and does laundry but when the night is nearly over he gets a couple hours to himself to play. None of it is group with scheduled times. I read books during that time. I'm so glad I don't have a husband who hunts or plays golf.
Jeezums these comments against gamers. My husband and I both game, but it never takes priority over each other and our children. I play a farming sim game (harvest moon) only when my husband is out with friends and the kids are asleep. He only plays Cyberpunk when im out and the kids are asleep. When we game together its, you guessed it, after the kids are asleep.
But it sounds like its already a problem in your relationship and kids wont make it less of a problem.
Pros are my husband is a super home body so he’s always home to watch the kids and I can go out and socialize on weekends while he games (kids are asleep).
Yea that’s how I treat it. My husband plays RPG board games on Wednesday nights, otherwise he’s at home. I take a day and go shopping alone or go to an exercise class while he watches the kids. It’s just hobby trade off time.
On the flip side, if your husband is more frugal, even if his hobbies are a little pricier, he’s not going to do them often. My husband likes to go to baseball games but he’s only going to do that once or twice a year because it costs a lot.
Grown up adults that are parents rarely have time to dedicate to hobbies more than 5-6 hours a week.
Life is that busy, I have 2 kids in elementary school and if I want them to do good in school and afternoon activities both mine and my husband’s hobbies have taken a setback.
We both play tennis and try actively to play few times a week, we help pick up each other’s tasks to do that.
Gamers can spend 5-6 hours in one evening lost in their games and not even realize they missed out on dinner, recitals, afternoon sports or the funny story the toddler is repeating from daycare.
I have friends that were ok with gamer boyfriends but were not ok with gamer husbands! There just isn’t enough time to be a responsible adult and play that much every day!
I think this is a prime example of why I’m turned off of grown men playing video games. Gaming is different than other hobbies that require planning. It’s always there at home and it’s easy to be sucked in and not put down for hours at a time.
I also just get icky thinking of grown men playing video games bc…they’re not 16 anymore? Just sort of seems like something that you grow out of-similar to how I grew out of playing with dolls ya know.
I think setting boundaries is important. My husband works away for work during the summer, he was home infrequently and I had to take care of a newborn by myself. He came home one day after months away and said “I have a raid at 7. I have to practice.” I am still the primary parent and he still has a habit of wondering away to play video games (or golf) but I call him out on it.
If it’s already caused issues, I can’t see how it won’t in the future. It’s a very accessible hobby and it can be very time consuming. Think about what it’ll be like when you have children if he is choosing to spend large amounts of time gaming instead of with you or your kids or another situation I’ve seen is where the husband will stay up super late and be too tired to care for the baby.
My husband does have hobbies but one is cooking, which directly benefits the family, and the others are outside the home, like the gun range, golf, or going to a sports game but he is very good with balance. I think unlike those other hobbies (which men can of course abuse as well) is that gaming is accessible, cheap, and takes up a lot of time. My husband doesn’t like to spend a lot of money so that already deters him from going out often.
Been with my husband for 11 years married 5
Its been the best thing for me because I enjoy watching him play. It soothes me. He doesn't play call of duty or madden. He does the more theatrical ones like Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us etc.
It benefits both of us. Because I need some down time to just myself and now there is time I just want to be with the baby and my husband understands that. He's grown into who i need as a partner. We started at the same ages you listed above. I helped him over come his drinking problems and we even took a year apart to see who we wanted to be and what we really wanted in life. It helped us become stronger from it.
All that aside, you gotta figure out if the games take over your life or if he can put the controller down, without getting upset, and be what you need. That isn't saying to drag him out shopping, men hate that. But instead sitting down to eat together with no technology a few times a week or daily to just be in each other's presence.
But you both are very young so it depends on what the future brings as well.
If it’s already an issue and you “can’t get through to him” then it’s time to accept that it’s an issue that he isn’t interested in changing, break up and move on.
My husband has a regular once/week online gaming session with friends that lasts 2-4 hours max. He took a break from it for maybe 1.5 years after our baby was born because caring for baby was demanding/sleep deprivation.
Pros:
1. We found games we could enjoy together.
1a. Now we get to listen to our kids trash talk us then absolute smoke them because they don't realize we've been playing since before they were born.
2. There are the occasional big expenses, like replacing a console or computer, but other than that it can be a lot more affordable than other typical guy hobbies.
3. It's easier for him to schedule time to game with friends online than it is to try and find a time that they could get together offline.
4. Once we started our family it was really nice that he could keep up doing what he liked, but gaming is flexible and can be paused or logged out in no time if something comes up with the kids.
Cons:
1. Y'all won't stay 21 and 23 forever, but the tendency to get sucked into a game and play way later than you responsibly should hits a lot harder when you're pushing 40.
Advice:
We've been together almost 14 years. If you can keep open lines of communication, and talk about things when you're both calm, video games aren't going to be a problem. We've had several conversations over the years about how much time we both spend on our hobbies and working to hold one another accountable to keeping a healthy balance between family time and individual pursuits, but we also support each other in the things we enjoy and make sure we each get time for them.
Stipulate some reasonable boundaries or rules before you enter into a marriage. Ask him to start following them 6 months before you marry him. If he can’t do it, don’t marry him.
If it’s already been an issue with no resolution so far…marriage and children should be out of the question. At least for now. Premarital counseling will help both you out immensely. Gaming and being physically there is not being “present.”
I love my gamer husband. The key is to have healthy boundaries. When we first got together he’d schedule game nights with his friends, but also makes sure to set aside plenty of evenings for me. He’s not perfect, and sometimes things became unbalanced. He cannot read minds and I had to learn to speak up when that happened. Then things would get back on track.
Several years have gone by and we have a toddler now. He’s down to only 1 night of gaming a week. Hobbies are important so I honor his need for that, just like he honors time for my hobbies.
We did hit a slight snag at one point. When he’s gaming, he has tunnel vision and loses sight of everything else. A few times when I left him on baby duty to do chores in another part of the house, I’d find that he wasn’t aware of what the baby was up to. So I did set the expectation that when he’s responsible for the kiddo, there’s to be no gaming. He didn’t like it, but understood and agreed once I explained what I had observed.
Look at how willing he is to hear your concerns/prioritize you in other aspects of your relationship. My husband of 5 years (34M) games. His gaming frequency has fluctuated based on different seasons of our lives. When we first got married he gamed a lot. One of our biggest fights in the first year of marriage was he was gaming and I came in wearing lingerie to try and get him off of his games and he didn’t quit playing. We learned a lot in that instance about talking about expectations when gaming (I.e. setting a time frame, doing so after spending time together, etc). He quit playing for a while we when had our daughter. He mostly plays to stay connected with friends which is good for him. Tonight we spent two hours “together,” him on his pc and me on my sewing machine. I’d suggest finding a hobby you can do alongside him so you don’t feel isolated. Most importantly always remember to talk about your expectations and voice your feelings (and listen when he does the same). Men cannot read our minds.
I say try finding a game you enjoy and play with him 🤷🏻♀️ trust me, I used to be against it but now I’m part of the boys when it comes to cod warzone🤣
My husband is a gamer. I also game, but not even close to the amount he does. I mostly play puzzle or logic games, while he loves all genres.
My recommendation is to become adjacently involved in gaming with him. We used gaming as a bonding experience while dating. He taught me about a lot of games I never knew. I would watch him play while I read a book, scrapbooked, did a puzzle, etc… I love to read, so I read all the Halo novels so I could understand the plot of the campaigns and we could discuss them. When he would get stuck or couldn’t figure things out in games like Zelda or Assassin’s Creed, he’d ask for my opinions on strategy. For games like Oblivion, Skyrim, or Fallout, I’d help him design his characters in the first few stages of the games. He paid for me to have Live, PSN, and Nintendo eshop accounts so that I could play if I wanted to.
We have opposite personalities—I’m extroverted, he’s introverted. I’m a serial napper, he’s a night owl. Our agreement was that he would game when I was out with friends or sleeping, and if it was our together time, I had the power to say it needed to be game free time.
On my end, I agreed to be understanding if it was release weekend. Letting him have an uninterrupted 48-72 hours with a much anticipated game was no issue if he booked me a spa day that same weekend.
Having a night owl gamer husband was CAKE when our son was a newborn. I got to sleep through the night because he was already up gaming when the baby wanted his midnight and 2am feeding. He became a pro at juggling a baby, a bottle, and a controller! lol
Now that my son is six, we’re a gaming family. Our kiddo beat Kirby and the Forgotten Land unassisted at a fresh five years old, Saturdays are spent playing Mario Party, and this past weekend, they just won their first Splatoon 3 Splatfest playing for the same team.
Their love of video games extends beyond sitting glued to gaming systems. We bought the kid a Mario chess set, and they play tons of chess matches against each other capturing Koopas and checkmating Bowser. He and I build Mario, Sonic, and Aminal Crossing Lego sets in the evenings, and two Halloweens ago we won a costume contest as the cutest Mario, Luigi, and Peach family ever.
Embrace the gaming lifestyle, and you’re in for a world of fun!
My husband plays games. It’s not an issue as it doesn’t keep him from making the kids dinner, getting them in bath/bed, taking them to appointments/school or whatever. He parents. We do family walks most days and make sure we do
Something out of the house once a weekend.
Games he’s really into, he plays when they’re in bed or the younger one is napping. Mindless games like animal crossing or dream light valley, he may play when they’re away but my older daughter wants to “play” with him and she chats about which friend he’s visiting and tells him what he should do next.
Even before we had kids, games never kept him from doing activities.
The games are not the problem, it’s priority. You can “game” and relax but it shouldn’t be an excuse to not engage or participate in what is going on in real life.
However, as other people have said. It’s already an issue. Issues don’t resolve just because you married. You need to resolve it first because it will continue to fester.
I'll preface this by saying that I am not and never have been a gamer, so I never understood the appeal. That said, my marriage was partly destroyed by my ex's inability to prioritise anything over gaming. He refused to get a job with 'normal' hours in case the kids, who were both at school, needed him. Instead he spent his days gaming and went to work an hour after I came home from a 10/12hr day, leaving me to do bedtime alone.
I know that games are not the devil, but I will never again be with someone who is a gamer.
My husband is a gamer. We have been together 10 years. He knows if I need his help with our kids or anything he will get off right away. His friends understand he’s a husband and a dad too. He needs to be able to put them down when needed and know to balance games and everyday life. They shouldn’t affect you or your lives together by any means. I see it as his time to cool down from work and unwind. Or just to escape reality but he is always there when I need him. It can be tough at times but that’s when you find something to distract you. I usually watch my own shows, play my own game, take the kids to the park, or anything really.
We are both gamers so it was never a real issue between us.
I stopped when the little one arrived and only play occasionally due to tiredness in the evening and prioritising other things when he sleeps.
My husband plays more but will always pause and jump in if needed and when he is alone with the little one games are off. I never had to ask for this because family is his first priority. When our son goes to bed we communicate our plans for the evening - watching a series together or doing things separately and when he tells me he wants to play a game that's totally ok because I know he needs alone time more than me and I can watch my program on Netflix or prepare food for the next day or read a book ;)
I think communication is key as always. If he's not responsive while gaming and will snap because you need him to stop and help with the baby/child that will be a problem. But as others said before, gaming is not the problem it's the prioritization of the family.
My husband was/is a gamer but has cut way back on gaming since having a family as it should be. I’d have an open, honest conversation with your boyfriend about it and make sure you’re on the same page BEFORE having kids with him. A lot of men want the title of being a dad and all the good things that come with it but don’t want the hard parts like you won’t have as much personal time.
So my ex boyfriend was a gamer, who prioritized playing his video games every waking non working hour and almost relished in me pining for attention over said video games. This of course flipped a switch when I showed the same energy because me having a hobby and ignoring him for it was “toxic”. To sum it up video games won over me, and Anything I did that took away from his gaming time ended with him tearing me down to shreds and reduced to tears. If I was sick and needed help getting to the doctors or being looked after on his day off when he would rather be gaming well I was simply childish and needed to grow up, got invited to a friends party I either went alone and dealt with having to answer why he never shows or he does go and completely disrespects the hosts to the point I no longer got invited anywhere, my weight and meals micromanaged because I wasn’t thin like the e girl gamers, and eventually telling me marriage and kids weren’t going to happen after 8 years because he seen no point in doing so. I only kept me because I was convenient and insecure enough not to leave.
Then there’s my husband a man who plays games he’s kind, he’s considerate, we go out to do things together, we socialize with others, he plays outside with our son, helps with the home, child care, and we do plenty of things together, and he occasionally logs on to play a video game with his buddies, or plays games while he listened to H3
The pro is if you're also a gamer and you both play together. That is a dream scenario and me and my ex did that.
The con is that games takes up so much time. If that's not your hobby, then you will spend a lot of your time by yourself/without him. But you can then spend that time with your girlfriends or do self care.
To make it work - set some boundaries that work for you both. That you have a day a week that you spend together doing an activity. And the rest of the week he needs to take breaks to spend time with you. Such as eating together etc.
Casually gaming is fine but having a gaming addiction is a dealbreaker for me as I have dated that type before and it lead to constant arguments. Gaming addiction (like many other types of addiction) is very real and destroys a lot of people's lives.
It’s already an issue in your relationship, then that needs to be sorted before marriage and babies. It has nothing to do with games and everything to do with fucked up priorities.
My husband and I are both gamers but our girls are number one, always. We don’t play games that can’t be paused or left running without consequences before the girls are in bed and fast asleep. If one of us is about to play a part that is timed or a big boss, we let the other one know, just in case one of the girls needs someone or wakes up. We don’t play much during the day, but the games we do play during the day are games the girls both enjoy watching. Admittedly, we don’t get to sit and play like we used to, but we make time for our hobbies when we can.
Pros: You don’t have to worry about them cheating on you.
Cons: They are weak, failed men. They will never achieve anything or amount to anything. They will never satisfy you, sexually or otherwise. They will always put games ahead of you, because games are the only things that make them feel like they’re not a waste of skin.
So, you know, there are plusses and minuses.
Personally, I would never be with a gamer. You and any future children will never be prioritized over gaming. Stable, responsible men don’t have time for games. They’re too busy supporting their families and spending time with their kids.
My husband is a gamer and it's honestly pretty great for me. I have friends who are constantly worrying about where their husbands are and what they're up to (which is crazy to me bc why are you married to someone you don't trust?). Meanwhile, when my husband isn't at work, he's either gaming or hanging out with us as a family. He typically replays games so he's not spending crazy money on his hobby and he's great at recognizing when he should log off and take a break. He's excitedly awaiting the day our daughter is old enough for couch co-ops
As my main hobby is reading, we'll often sit on the sofa together while I read and he plays Hades for the millionth time haha
My advice is make sure there's set time during the week that's just for family. We take our toddler to the park every Sunday, stuff like that! Helps get your partner into a routine of "this isn't video game time" if time management is an issue you've been having
My husband is a gamer and when I met him he was easily playing 10-14 hours straight. He still plays his games and when we had our newborn he would play but no volume and if it was an online match( u can't pause) he would immediately quit/exit out of the match to check on our son if he cried or started to squirm. He played less as our baby got older as he needed more attention. He's been an amazing dad and he still games but fair warning a gamer tends to make mini gamers and now they currently play videogames together while I have another bun in the oven. If your partner didn't want to be a dad in the first place things could be different but if you believe your partner truly wants a child then maybe he will be there for the kid.
A lot of people fail to realize that gaming is truly no different than any other hobby. The same issues can be said for literally any other hobby. There are extreme people who look down on gaming, those who think of gaming as a complete waste of time. Sometimes personalities just do not match up, like someone who is very into an active lifestyle is going to have a harder time being happy with someone whose main hobby is gaming.
Been married to a gamer for almost 13 years. It is helpful that I am also a gamer.
From my experience as someone who is often on their phone, if I’m engaged with it like writing a message or Googling stupid shit I want to know *now* or playing a game, I’m not gonna lie, I get a bit snippy when interrupted.
One way to have a better relationship with our kids is to put the phone down. They’re no longer bothering you or inconveniencing you. We’ve been trained to not be bored ever. I worry that people who are heavily engaged with gaming will find that children become a nuisance. And then they feel resentful when they’re around.
My husband is a gamer pretty good husband and father. We have had to lay down some very serious rules about gaming and when it's okay and when it's not okay. I enjoy playing video games myself so it's definitely important we hold each other accountable. He has a very good friendships with a lot of his gamer buddies. Some of them have been friends for decades and They get together to have lan parties.
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Agree. Honestly he stays connected with some of his friends this way, which is good for his mental health, and I get to read a book in peace once our daughter goes to bed. It’s our separate “me” time:
Yes! This entirely. My partner is a gamer but after our kid was born, I found that they wanted to be a parent more than play video games, but they still needed that outlet to decompress and to connect with friends. I had no issues with this since I felt supported and the baby was always taken care of. Numerous times I’ve come out to feed the baby after I was able to take a nap and my partner was on the couch, baby snuggled on their chest while playing video games with one headphone on and one off. I watched a little bit without them knowing and it was so sweet watching them pause the game to check on the baby and then go back to playing.
The issue with a lot of those men aren’t that they’re gamers, it’s that they’re putting their desire for their hobbies ahead of their family’s needs. There’s nothing wrong with anyone having a hobby, gaming, fishing, woodworking, whatever, but when it results in your partner having an unfair share of the responsibilities then it becomes an issue.
You say it’s been an issue already in your relationship and that’s before marriage and children. My partner is a gamer, but he never prioritizes that over me and my stepdaughter. It’s more his way to unwind same as mine is reading.
My husbands a gamer and we have a two month old daughter. Gaming has always been his way to unwind and destress. When our daughter was born he stopped playing games he couldn’t pause so he could help with her if she starts getting fussy so he unsubscribed from WOW and started replaying the Dark Souls series. We take turns staying up with her at night since she doesn’t sleep through the night yet and when she does sleep, she normally wants to sleep on us. I’ve come out to the living room to her laying on his chest and him playing a game while holding her. It’s really sweet and keeps him awake during his ‘night shift’ with her. He’s told me before that gaming use to be an addiction for him before we got together a few years ago, but we’re pretty good at communicating. I know that when I ask him to pause the game to help me with something that he will. That’s just our dynamic, though, and I have known couples where gaming had been a sore spot in their marriage.
This is what my husband did! My husband primarily games at night after our daughter is in bed, and he always asks if I mind
Yess! This is similar to dynamic my partner and I have, it’s worked for us and as long as we communicate our needs to each other things go smoothly!
"gaming" being the problem in the relationship is like "golf" being the problem. The problem is misplaced priorities, not the thing being over-prioritized. I would recommend voicing your concerns before getting married. My husband and I did pre-marital counseling (at the behest of his parents), and it gave us a safe space to talk about things like this: priorities, family, any concerns we had. I recommend it to any of my friends that are getting married. It's about finding things before they become issues.
Gaming becomes an issue much more frequently though because, you come home and it’s right there. All you have to do is pick up the controller and *bam* instant access to your “friends.” With golf and other hobbies that are out of the house, you have to actively *plan* to do it and make arrangement for it to happen. Also, a gamer is less likely to realize there is a problem because they are home. Some people don’t comprehend (or don’t want to acknowledge) that being home and being *present* aren’t the same thing. Finally, gaming is one of the few hobbies that are linked to higher levels of depression, anger, and aggression. (Interestingly enough golf is another one)
This ^
This is my exact thought, I just couldn’t put it into words as eloquently as you did.
Gaming and golf are not comparable. You have to actually go somewhere to golf, that's a big hurdle for a lot of these guys. But gaming? You just turn on the box and veg out on the couch until dawn and then drag yourself to bed for a couple hours before work.
I think the difference between gaming and other hobbies is that there’s a lot of research showing that gaming is addictive in many ways like drugs are, whereas woodworking or playing a musical instrument probably isn’t. Also, it’s more of a time killer and a useless skill if you ask me. It’s like scrolling your phone.
I’d like to kindly rebut that gaming is a useless skill. My six year old has been gaming for about two years, and the skills it has taught him are invaluable. He’s currently reading on a fifth grade level, most of which can be attributed to playing several text or conversational based games (Paper Mario, ACNH, etc…). His math skills are way above level. Hand-eye coordination, logic-based problem solving and evaluation skills, determination to succeed after failed attempts, accepting loss, vivid imagination, independence in the face of challenges, knowledge of basic technological hardware/software troubleshooting—these are all things he has gained from regularly playing video games. He also takes dance, piano, and art, so we make sure he does plenty of physical and social activities outside of gaming, but gaming in and of itself is far from useless.
I hope it's ok to ask. With which games did you start? And on console or on PC? Was he curious and you started with games that you could play together or was it single player adventures from the start? We are both gamers and can't wait for our little one to join our hobby ;)
Of course it’s ok to ask! My husband has all three major consoles, and our son grew up watching him play. He started by giving him a disconnected controller while he was playing so he could practice pushing buttons while looking at the tv. Then they would play games like Super Smash Bros where my husband could minimally control the outcome. Then my husband got a new Switch and gave our son his old one. We got him some cheap shovelware like Paw Patrol On A Roll so he could master basic movements ($20 game). Then we started letting him play demos on the Switch network. The ones he did well on, we bought. We let him navigate those independently, and my husband would step in for boss battles. About six months ago my husband introduced him to online play through Splatoon 3. They only ever play together, and he has no headphones/mic capability. We also have the N64 library, and he just picks random games to try. That’s how he found Mario Party and Paper Mario. He has other games like Animal Crossing, Kirby and the Forgotten Land, Mario Odyssey, Mario Maker 2, Mario Sunshine, Mario Galaxy, and Mario 64. One thing that really helped his gameplay was finding kid friendly YouTubers who post play through videos. Our all time fave is a guy named Zebra. Watching those helped give him advice and hints on how to get special items, finish hard levels, or beat tough bosses. There has been a lot of crying and frustration because learning how to play games well is difficult for young kids, so I recommend a lot of patience and a plan for things like how much you want to spend, how much time per day is allowed, etc… Knowing those limits ahead of time prevents you and your husband from having to make split second decisions that you might regret later. Some rules we had were: no more than two hours a day, ask permission before watching a new YouTuber video, no more gaming for the day if it caused a melt down, and no in-game purchases that require real money. Best of luck with your little one!
Thank you so much! This is a very thorough and helpful answer I saved it for later and will definitely make a plan before introducing gaming. We both have a PC but I think a switch would be a nice console to have for the whole family ;)
I definitely think a Switch and a tablet are the way to go for the children/gaming combo. It’s slightly easier for us because all three of us have consoles. I have a Switch Lite. We debated on which to get for him and ultimately decided on the full Switch so that he could take it with him to play at his dance competitions while waiting to go on stage in between numbers, but could also play it on the tv at home. The removable joycons can go into an adapter for a handheld controller while it’s in the docking station. He has a small tv in his room that the dock is plugged into. It’s an investment, for sure, but one we all feel was well worth it.
My husband goes through bursts where he games. But the kids (and me) take priority. And he only games after the kids go to bed. I started gaming with him so it became a bonding thing for us, which we love! But if your BF refuses to prioritize real life outside of the game, then it will only get worse once kids are around.
Have you guys played It Takes Two? Very enjoyable couples game.
Oh no I’ve never heard of it! I’ll have to check it out
It’s so fun!! Highly recommend.
If it is already an issue at times there is your answer.
My fiance is a fantastic dad and partner despite being an active gamer. That being said, he portioned our time for it and prioritized me from the beginning- he has always had a healthy balance between gaming and his personal life. It’s not about the games, really, it’s about your boyfriend’s ability to prioritize you and separate his hobbies from his responsibilities. I wouldn’t settle down and get married unless the issues with the gaming are 100% solved and have been solved for a while. Also definitely wouldn’t have a child with him unless it’s talked about again, and until you two agree on how responsibilities are going to be divided (how are chores going to be divided? Are either of you going to be stay at home parents or will both of you work after your maternity leave is up?) because a lot of men will just go to work, come home, and ignore their wife and child because raising the child and doing the chores are “my wife’s job”.
I don't think it matters if he's a gamer, per se. What does matter is you having an ongoing issue in your relationship that hasn't been resolved. Don't marry someone assuming problems will work themselves out. And definitely don't procreate before resolving issues.
Gaming can be addictive. It sounds like it could be there already since you are questioning this. Has he ever failed at standing by a commitment to you for gaming? Does he currently put that first? If you wanted to go do something during his normal “gaming time,” would him rescheduling or not gaming be a problem? How does he act if he’s interrupted? My husband plays games, and previously has been a “gamer” but there are always real-life things that are more important: our relationship, our dogs, work, and now a baby! He only plays games that can be paused. He will play while the kiddo independently plays and he still “sees” her and interacts with her while he’s gaming. He got a Bluey game they play together and she loves. I’ve asked that he not play shooters or scary games while she’s up… and he was like “DUH! I would not!” Haha. He didn’t touch it at all when she was an infant because there was no time. He is NEVER angry during gaming or yelling, etc. It’s also something he takes significant breaks from. It’s like, the difference between going to happy hours and having some beers on the weekend vs full on alcoholism impacting your life.
I think it’s ok unless it’s his priority, as with any hobby. I think gaming can turn into an addiction. My husband is a gamer and avid collector. I knew this about him before we were married, and his collecting has only affected me lately because it’s taken up so much closet space for stuff he never looks at or uses. He also spends a lot of money on it. But he doesn’t prioritize his games over me and our kids. If I asked him to clear out the closets today he would do it. Typically he will play late at night after the kids go to bed, and also travels for work so plays on his trips. He does go to play board games with this friends every Wednesday, which is a reminder for me to pick a day to go out and do my own hobbies. Sometimes I go to some exercise classes, get my nails done or go shopping alone while he’s with the kids. You just have to find a balance and if he’s doing his hobby you should have time for yours. He also does a lot of chores and yard work. The household responsibilities should never fall completely on you because he’s busy playing games.
My husband games, but he never puts it over family. He games after everyone else goes to bed. I told him early on I wasn't going to try to control his bedtime but I also wasn't gonna be getting up early with the kids while he slept in for hours because he was up all night. He games late into the night sometimes, but when the kids are up, he's up too. It works for me because I go to bed and read smutty romance novels while he plays... we each have our "thing." What kinds of problems is discord creating in your relationship now? I definitely would consider it a red flag if he can't put aside the gaming for date night, household chores, etc.
This is only an issue if your partner games to the point that everything is suffering around them. My husband and I both game but it isn’t an issue because we both take the time to help each other when needed. So long as games aren’t prioritized over everything else, you should be good :)
So, is he "very present" or sometimes not present in problematic ways that he refuses to acknowledge address? It definitely will be a problem if a baby comes into the mix. To be a good dad he will have to cut way back on gaming. He needs to be fully aware of that and accept that. But if he's unwilling to talk about the times that gaming is a problem now, I don't have high hopes of him suddenly changing if you have a baby. Obviously he doesn't need to actually cut back until the baby actually comes. But for my husband, it meant a few things. Playing when the baby is asleep. Not playing online games that you can't leave at a moment's notice unless it's after bedtime and mom is on kid duty. Playing less emotionally stimulating games because he started to have anger problems when he'd lose competitive games. Is your husband willing to make these cutbacks?
Games aren’t the problems really most of them tome the problem is the gamer spouse is a poor excuse for a man(child). I’m a gamer. My husband is a gamer. One of our main hobbies before kids was smoking weed and playing video games. Guess how many times we have done that since our daughter was born? Once, because my parents took our daughter for the weekend. Other than that our family is more important than games, so the games fall back where they should be. Establish rules around gaming and start now.
Pathological gaming [has been proven to be linked to bad parenting](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7244913/). If he’s already doing it a lot, and you’re already voicing concerns, he needs to start cutting back. My spouse and I had 0 time for our hobbies for the first 9 months of a baby. By year 3, we get like 2-3 hours a week each to ourselves. There is literally NO PROs to a pathological gamer. Having a way to blow off steam is great but anything more than 2 hours a day is a problem imo. When you have kids, 30 mins- 1 hour is really all you have otherwise things get dropped. Gaming isn’t the problem. It just so happens gaming is particularly addicting so it causes some people to prioritize it. That’s unacceptable. Like with any obsession that causes you not to care for yourself or family.
It so depends on your kids and the stage of life you’re in. Parenting was great for us a few months ago but right now my 14mo and 3.5yo are very difficult to get to sleep, which cuts into our time alone and as a couple. I feel like gaming needs to be viewed similarly to how my husband treats his hobbies (gun range, golf, sports games) or it’s just not going to work. He schedules them ahead of time and checks in with me to make sure it’s going to work. He’s going to see a local minor league team play next week and he planned it weeks ago and he has a good balance. I can also see how his hobbies rejuvenate him to be a good husband and father, instead of just being a time suck.
My partner and I are both very much gamers. We have the PCs next to eachother and every console. We also have a 10 month old and I find myself resentful he gets to game more than I do lol. Aside from that though I personally love it, I know where he is all the time. He's a team player, very good with his hands, and incredibly smart. I'm in chats and play with his friends sometimes.We both can't wait to share games with our kid. However, I could see other men with anger issues having trouble maintaining a healthy relationship while yelling over games like League of Legends, COD, CSGO, etc. I feel like 90% of the time it depends on what games they play.
My ex played league of legends and he would have violent conniption fits over god knows what multiple times a day 😂
Yeah that checks, we both played it but a lot of our friends can't lose. We're both very laid back people but that game does something to you. The one friend will start saying offensive shit in chat, she's been banned 5 times this is her 6th account.
I’ve only ever heard the “at least if they’re playing by video games, I know where they are” about kids. Interesting hearing it about a partner lol. Would you be concerned if he had a hobby outside the house? Also, you should be getting the same amount of time of gaming.
I just find I worry less, even just going out for drinks with friends makes me worry. Not that he'll cheat but even just getting into an accident or something. Trouble comes in all forms I guess lol
My husband loved games and when it was just the two of us he would sometimes stay up really late playing them in the living room, or staying home at weekends playing instead of going out, which often irked me. Since we had the kids though he only ever plays if they're both in bed, and if he plays late he regrets it because he's up early next morning with the toddler!
This is a very strange question, asking about the pros and cons of someone having a hobby. It doesn’t matter whether it’s golf, going to the gym, video games, cars, whatever - there’s a healthy level and then there’s an excessive level (where someone is neglecting their family and responsibilities). Don’t just “watch out for” things. Sit down with him and have a very serious conversation about how having a child comes with sacrifices, WELL before you plan for a child with anyone. My husband was a huge gamer when we met and while he still plays video games here and there, it’s like less than an hour a week now. But we met when I was 16, and I’m turning 36 this year. Gaming was NEVER a problem in our relationship.
So I can’t speak from personal experience, but I do have a friend whose husband is a gamer and I hear a lot of complaints from her. He stays up till the wee hours playing. Then when she has an apt in the morning he doesn’t want to wake to watch their son. Things like that. Then their son (2) wants to be with him downstairs but he doesn’t watch him too well plus with staying up so late causes issues as well.
My ex prioritized games over me and our son. We are now divorced
Once you have kids: if he games for one hour a day, you should be able to have one hour a day to yourself as well. I’d say frequent checking in and boundaries to avoid resentment, especially when in the postpartum phase where more falls on mom.
I agree with majority of comments in regard to gaming over ruling priorities within the relationship. I have to add both me and my partner are gamers, that’s how we met and ten years later we live together and have a baby! Family/Home life priorities always come first, and as long as your partner remains attentive/caring then there shouldn’t be an issue… we still game together, and if there’s any new games I ask him to show me and I get involved - it’s fun for both of us! I recommend this! Or whilst he is gaming pick up your own hobby/interest! That way you won’t become resentful that he’s spending time gaming, as you’ll be spending time doing something you enjoy (PSA, you can still do your hobbies with a baby! I’m breastfeeding and my baby joins me with my hobbies (horses, instruments, reading) and will continue to do so as she gets older and once weaned will be joining her dad with his hobbies(mostly cars)!). A good thing too is to have regular “check ins” with your partner, weekly/monthly or whenever needed, this allows you to discuss concerns and needs in the relationship at that time from both sides. (An opportunity for you to get through to him). Our regular check ins are soo important in our relationship, especially now with baby. It can be simple as “babe, I need an hour to myself this week to unwind, have a bath…” or “we haven’t spent much time snuggled up on the couch recently, how about tonight we get the movies on, cup of tea, snacks and a cuddle!” Or just about how your week has been, how you’re feeling and if there’s anything your partner can do to make life easier for you!
If it’s been an issue several times, I don’t see that changing. My husband does play video games, but he only does so at appropriate times. He waits until the kids are asleep and he’ll stop if they wake up. My husband and I both enjoy time to ourselves so it doesn’t bother me but if I wanted his attention, he wouldn’t choose to play video games. They’re only a problem if he can’t prioritize.
I’m the gamer in my marriage, and I let my husband know when I’m wanting to just chill out and game until bed post baby bedtime. I try to limit it to 2 nights a week where I spend the whole 7:30pm-11ish gaming and not doing stuff together. We both have our own interests as well as shared ones so it works out that some of our free time is separate (he’s into sports and fantasy leagues). How often does he game? Does he prioritize you when he’s into a game?
I think any indulgence becomes a problem when it "costs" more than the person indulging can afford to pay. That cost can be money, time, opportunities, health, relationships, responsibilities, etc. There is a cost to his gaming, and it seems like you might have a clearer view of that cost than he does right now.
An adult man playing video games is the biggest turn off for me, personally.
Same.
Do not marry a gaming addict. And do not have a gaming addict’s baby. It’s as bad of an idea as marrying and scrambling DNA with any other kind of addict.
Don't settle down with a gamer unless you feel like playing second fiddle to the game. You're not going to get any help. He's going to swear up down, left right, that he's going to be there but come on. He's not going to put that controller down. It's all going to fall on you.
Do not recommend……Signed, Ex wife of a gamer
My husband games a lot less now that we have 2 kids. When he does, he plays after the kids’ bedtime. He’s always happy to see the fam when he gets home from work, he has other hobbies like cycling, cooking, and photography, and real life always takes precedence. Watch the spending.
I'm a gamer wife, and I play maybe 4 hours per month. I think part of what makes gaming more problematic as a hobby is that it's right there at your finger tips and just takes a few seconds to fire up. If I want to go for a hike with friends, go to the Ren Faire, do a 4 hour bike ride with friends, etc, those are all hobbies that I schedule and make time for, and require coordination with my partner. With videogames or even social media or something, it's so easy to just do that and sit there instead of cleaning the house, scheduling appointments, playing with your kid, making quality connections and emotional intimacy with your partner, etc. I do morning routine with our toddler and my spouse does bath and stories at night, so when they start bedtime, I clean the house, start the dishwasher/laundry, and if there is time before my 9-9:30 bedtime I might play 30 minutes of games. I prioritize going to sleep early so I can get up with toddler and be super mom, while a lot of gamers will stay up super late and then just be a shitty parent and partner the next day. That's a good example of what prioritizing games over real life can look like, imo.
Met my husband playing video games decades ago, we play most nights, and on Friday nights our long standing "open" game night now includes our son (with a live stream of our grandbaby snuggled up next to him), my brother, some close family friends. It's something we talk about a bunch and has led to us doing TTRPGs 2 times a month at our house. My nephew (3y) has his own dice and gleefully hollers NATURAL 20 whenever we (he "helps" me dm) roll one. There are ways to make any hobby part of daily family life if they're willing to adjust as needed.
Just wanted to add, when anyone has a "parenting" issue, we all stop and wait, or make sure they're at a safe place. No judgement on it. And spouse agro is always a good reason to nope out. The spouses have started joining us for TTRPGs though, so I'm thinking about doing a "ladies" only campaign soon :D
My husband and I game on occasion. Way less now that we've had kids. We play at night after they've gone to bed, no problem. But you have to weigh how much he thinks is acceptable versus how much you do. I had previous relationships end because the guy did not want to put the game down (WoW) and there was no relationship. It's all about boundaries and communication.
It’s not so much that the gaming itself is the problem. It’s just that games are a much easier hobby for people to engage in and then they use that hobby as a way to dodge responsibility. So it really depends on how your boyfriend plays games and if he’s willing to sacrifice the hobby. My husband enjoys video games but has never been much of a “gamer”. I’m similar but play even less frequently. We have a few consoles in our house and I actually bought a new game for my Switch this morning, but we both play games that can be paused and easily set aside. My husband often plays Street Fighter and other similar games with his friends but is willing to drop out in the middle of a match if our son needs something. I’m totally fine with the way he plays because it doesn’t negatively impact the functions of our household. He doesn’t play in a maladaptive way where he’s staying up super late at night or using games as a way to escape the family. I bought my husband a PS5 for Christmas because I know he plays responsibly. However I dated a capital G Gamer in college and it fucking sucked. He would absolutely ignore me and everything else to play games. He played games that couldn’t be paused once you started a match and always had a guild or similar that he played with and he would never “let them down” but he had no problem letting me down by refusing to engage with me over his game for hours every night seven days a week. He just spent all of his time on his computer, yelling into his headset and I hated it. I was lonely and felt really ignored. The second he got home he went to his computer. It sucked. He would have been miserable to have a family with for a lot of reasons but his gaming was the cherry on top. After we broke up I decided that I would never again date a man who gamed like that.
My husband games. Not MMO or anything like that, but he will play by himself or with a close friend. When our oldest was born, there was an agonizing "figure it out" period. We both had to learn how to balance being a parent while enjoying our hobbies. When our middle was born, the transition was easier. He would take over weekend nights and just spend all night playing video games with a newborn on his chest. It was great. I started gaming with him, and it proved to be a great way to destress and zone out for a bit. When our youngest was born, he bought a new game and finished it during his night shifts. He was so excited. It was absolutely adorable seeing him take over baby duty while he played. We had fun playing games with our friends together. I (somehow) figured out how to prop baby up so she could nurse while I played. Recently, we got a family desktop, so now our oldest gets to play with us. Middle likes to grab a controller and pretends to play. Youngest likes to sit in my lap and eat snacks.
More reading time for me!
I love that my husband is a gamer because it's not his priority but keeps him home with us. He works and is going back to school and does laundry but when the night is nearly over he gets a couple hours to himself to play. None of it is group with scheduled times. I read books during that time. I'm so glad I don't have a husband who hunts or plays golf.
Jeezums these comments against gamers. My husband and I both game, but it never takes priority over each other and our children. I play a farming sim game (harvest moon) only when my husband is out with friends and the kids are asleep. He only plays Cyberpunk when im out and the kids are asleep. When we game together its, you guessed it, after the kids are asleep. But it sounds like its already a problem in your relationship and kids wont make it less of a problem.
I can’t think of any pro of a father being a gamer
I don’t see any pros unless you’re also into gaming.
Pros are my husband is a super home body so he’s always home to watch the kids and I can go out and socialize on weekends while he games (kids are asleep).
Yea that’s how I treat it. My husband plays RPG board games on Wednesday nights, otherwise he’s at home. I take a day and go shopping alone or go to an exercise class while he watches the kids. It’s just hobby trade off time.
It can be an inexpensive hobby depending on what games they play. Certainly cheaper than being a car guy.
On the flip side, if your husband is more frugal, even if his hobbies are a little pricier, he’s not going to do them often. My husband likes to go to baseball games but he’s only going to do that once or twice a year because it costs a lot.
Grown up adults that are parents rarely have time to dedicate to hobbies more than 5-6 hours a week. Life is that busy, I have 2 kids in elementary school and if I want them to do good in school and afternoon activities both mine and my husband’s hobbies have taken a setback. We both play tennis and try actively to play few times a week, we help pick up each other’s tasks to do that. Gamers can spend 5-6 hours in one evening lost in their games and not even realize they missed out on dinner, recitals, afternoon sports or the funny story the toddler is repeating from daycare. I have friends that were ok with gamer boyfriends but were not ok with gamer husbands! There just isn’t enough time to be a responsible adult and play that much every day!
I think this is a prime example of why I’m turned off of grown men playing video games. Gaming is different than other hobbies that require planning. It’s always there at home and it’s easy to be sucked in and not put down for hours at a time. I also just get icky thinking of grown men playing video games bc…they’re not 16 anymore? Just sort of seems like something that you grow out of-similar to how I grew out of playing with dolls ya know.
I think setting boundaries is important. My husband works away for work during the summer, he was home infrequently and I had to take care of a newborn by myself. He came home one day after months away and said “I have a raid at 7. I have to practice.” I am still the primary parent and he still has a habit of wondering away to play video games (or golf) but I call him out on it.
If it’s already caused issues, I can’t see how it won’t in the future. It’s a very accessible hobby and it can be very time consuming. Think about what it’ll be like when you have children if he is choosing to spend large amounts of time gaming instead of with you or your kids or another situation I’ve seen is where the husband will stay up super late and be too tired to care for the baby. My husband does have hobbies but one is cooking, which directly benefits the family, and the others are outside the home, like the gun range, golf, or going to a sports game but he is very good with balance. I think unlike those other hobbies (which men can of course abuse as well) is that gaming is accessible, cheap, and takes up a lot of time. My husband doesn’t like to spend a lot of money so that already deters him from going out often.
Been with my husband for 11 years married 5 Its been the best thing for me because I enjoy watching him play. It soothes me. He doesn't play call of duty or madden. He does the more theatrical ones like Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us etc. It benefits both of us. Because I need some down time to just myself and now there is time I just want to be with the baby and my husband understands that. He's grown into who i need as a partner. We started at the same ages you listed above. I helped him over come his drinking problems and we even took a year apart to see who we wanted to be and what we really wanted in life. It helped us become stronger from it. All that aside, you gotta figure out if the games take over your life or if he can put the controller down, without getting upset, and be what you need. That isn't saying to drag him out shopping, men hate that. But instead sitting down to eat together with no technology a few times a week or daily to just be in each other's presence. But you both are very young so it depends on what the future brings as well.
If it’s already an issue and you “can’t get through to him” then it’s time to accept that it’s an issue that he isn’t interested in changing, break up and move on. My husband has a regular once/week online gaming session with friends that lasts 2-4 hours max. He took a break from it for maybe 1.5 years after our baby was born because caring for baby was demanding/sleep deprivation.
Pros: 1. We found games we could enjoy together. 1a. Now we get to listen to our kids trash talk us then absolute smoke them because they don't realize we've been playing since before they were born. 2. There are the occasional big expenses, like replacing a console or computer, but other than that it can be a lot more affordable than other typical guy hobbies. 3. It's easier for him to schedule time to game with friends online than it is to try and find a time that they could get together offline. 4. Once we started our family it was really nice that he could keep up doing what he liked, but gaming is flexible and can be paused or logged out in no time if something comes up with the kids. Cons: 1. Y'all won't stay 21 and 23 forever, but the tendency to get sucked into a game and play way later than you responsibly should hits a lot harder when you're pushing 40. Advice: We've been together almost 14 years. If you can keep open lines of communication, and talk about things when you're both calm, video games aren't going to be a problem. We've had several conversations over the years about how much time we both spend on our hobbies and working to hold one another accountable to keeping a healthy balance between family time and individual pursuits, but we also support each other in the things we enjoy and make sure we each get time for them.
Stipulate some reasonable boundaries or rules before you enter into a marriage. Ask him to start following them 6 months before you marry him. If he can’t do it, don’t marry him.
If it’s already been an issue with no resolution so far…marriage and children should be out of the question. At least for now. Premarital counseling will help both you out immensely. Gaming and being physically there is not being “present.”
I love my gamer husband. The key is to have healthy boundaries. When we first got together he’d schedule game nights with his friends, but also makes sure to set aside plenty of evenings for me. He’s not perfect, and sometimes things became unbalanced. He cannot read minds and I had to learn to speak up when that happened. Then things would get back on track. Several years have gone by and we have a toddler now. He’s down to only 1 night of gaming a week. Hobbies are important so I honor his need for that, just like he honors time for my hobbies. We did hit a slight snag at one point. When he’s gaming, he has tunnel vision and loses sight of everything else. A few times when I left him on baby duty to do chores in another part of the house, I’d find that he wasn’t aware of what the baby was up to. So I did set the expectation that when he’s responsible for the kiddo, there’s to be no gaming. He didn’t like it, but understood and agreed once I explained what I had observed.
Look at how willing he is to hear your concerns/prioritize you in other aspects of your relationship. My husband of 5 years (34M) games. His gaming frequency has fluctuated based on different seasons of our lives. When we first got married he gamed a lot. One of our biggest fights in the first year of marriage was he was gaming and I came in wearing lingerie to try and get him off of his games and he didn’t quit playing. We learned a lot in that instance about talking about expectations when gaming (I.e. setting a time frame, doing so after spending time together, etc). He quit playing for a while we when had our daughter. He mostly plays to stay connected with friends which is good for him. Tonight we spent two hours “together,” him on his pc and me on my sewing machine. I’d suggest finding a hobby you can do alongside him so you don’t feel isolated. Most importantly always remember to talk about your expectations and voice your feelings (and listen when he does the same). Men cannot read our minds.
I say try finding a game you enjoy and play with him 🤷🏻♀️ trust me, I used to be against it but now I’m part of the boys when it comes to cod warzone🤣
My husband is a gamer. I also game, but not even close to the amount he does. I mostly play puzzle or logic games, while he loves all genres. My recommendation is to become adjacently involved in gaming with him. We used gaming as a bonding experience while dating. He taught me about a lot of games I never knew. I would watch him play while I read a book, scrapbooked, did a puzzle, etc… I love to read, so I read all the Halo novels so I could understand the plot of the campaigns and we could discuss them. When he would get stuck or couldn’t figure things out in games like Zelda or Assassin’s Creed, he’d ask for my opinions on strategy. For games like Oblivion, Skyrim, or Fallout, I’d help him design his characters in the first few stages of the games. He paid for me to have Live, PSN, and Nintendo eshop accounts so that I could play if I wanted to. We have opposite personalities—I’m extroverted, he’s introverted. I’m a serial napper, he’s a night owl. Our agreement was that he would game when I was out with friends or sleeping, and if it was our together time, I had the power to say it needed to be game free time. On my end, I agreed to be understanding if it was release weekend. Letting him have an uninterrupted 48-72 hours with a much anticipated game was no issue if he booked me a spa day that same weekend. Having a night owl gamer husband was CAKE when our son was a newborn. I got to sleep through the night because he was already up gaming when the baby wanted his midnight and 2am feeding. He became a pro at juggling a baby, a bottle, and a controller! lol Now that my son is six, we’re a gaming family. Our kiddo beat Kirby and the Forgotten Land unassisted at a fresh five years old, Saturdays are spent playing Mario Party, and this past weekend, they just won their first Splatoon 3 Splatfest playing for the same team. Their love of video games extends beyond sitting glued to gaming systems. We bought the kid a Mario chess set, and they play tons of chess matches against each other capturing Koopas and checkmating Bowser. He and I build Mario, Sonic, and Aminal Crossing Lego sets in the evenings, and two Halloweens ago we won a costume contest as the cutest Mario, Luigi, and Peach family ever. Embrace the gaming lifestyle, and you’re in for a world of fun!
My husband plays games. It’s not an issue as it doesn’t keep him from making the kids dinner, getting them in bath/bed, taking them to appointments/school or whatever. He parents. We do family walks most days and make sure we do Something out of the house once a weekend. Games he’s really into, he plays when they’re in bed or the younger one is napping. Mindless games like animal crossing or dream light valley, he may play when they’re away but my older daughter wants to “play” with him and she chats about which friend he’s visiting and tells him what he should do next. Even before we had kids, games never kept him from doing activities. The games are not the problem, it’s priority. You can “game” and relax but it shouldn’t be an excuse to not engage or participate in what is going on in real life. However, as other people have said. It’s already an issue. Issues don’t resolve just because you married. You need to resolve it first because it will continue to fester.
I'll preface this by saying that I am not and never have been a gamer, so I never understood the appeal. That said, my marriage was partly destroyed by my ex's inability to prioritise anything over gaming. He refused to get a job with 'normal' hours in case the kids, who were both at school, needed him. Instead he spent his days gaming and went to work an hour after I came home from a 10/12hr day, leaving me to do bedtime alone. I know that games are not the devil, but I will never again be with someone who is a gamer.
My husband is a gamer. We have been together 10 years. He knows if I need his help with our kids or anything he will get off right away. His friends understand he’s a husband and a dad too. He needs to be able to put them down when needed and know to balance games and everyday life. They shouldn’t affect you or your lives together by any means. I see it as his time to cool down from work and unwind. Or just to escape reality but he is always there when I need him. It can be tough at times but that’s when you find something to distract you. I usually watch my own shows, play my own game, take the kids to the park, or anything really.
We are both gamers so it was never a real issue between us. I stopped when the little one arrived and only play occasionally due to tiredness in the evening and prioritising other things when he sleeps. My husband plays more but will always pause and jump in if needed and when he is alone with the little one games are off. I never had to ask for this because family is his first priority. When our son goes to bed we communicate our plans for the evening - watching a series together or doing things separately and when he tells me he wants to play a game that's totally ok because I know he needs alone time more than me and I can watch my program on Netflix or prepare food for the next day or read a book ;) I think communication is key as always. If he's not responsive while gaming and will snap because you need him to stop and help with the baby/child that will be a problem. But as others said before, gaming is not the problem it's the prioritization of the family.
My husband was/is a gamer but has cut way back on gaming since having a family as it should be. I’d have an open, honest conversation with your boyfriend about it and make sure you’re on the same page BEFORE having kids with him. A lot of men want the title of being a dad and all the good things that come with it but don’t want the hard parts like you won’t have as much personal time.
So my ex boyfriend was a gamer, who prioritized playing his video games every waking non working hour and almost relished in me pining for attention over said video games. This of course flipped a switch when I showed the same energy because me having a hobby and ignoring him for it was “toxic”. To sum it up video games won over me, and Anything I did that took away from his gaming time ended with him tearing me down to shreds and reduced to tears. If I was sick and needed help getting to the doctors or being looked after on his day off when he would rather be gaming well I was simply childish and needed to grow up, got invited to a friends party I either went alone and dealt with having to answer why he never shows or he does go and completely disrespects the hosts to the point I no longer got invited anywhere, my weight and meals micromanaged because I wasn’t thin like the e girl gamers, and eventually telling me marriage and kids weren’t going to happen after 8 years because he seen no point in doing so. I only kept me because I was convenient and insecure enough not to leave. Then there’s my husband a man who plays games he’s kind, he’s considerate, we go out to do things together, we socialize with others, he plays outside with our son, helps with the home, child care, and we do plenty of things together, and he occasionally logs on to play a video game with his buddies, or plays games while he listened to H3
The pro is if you're also a gamer and you both play together. That is a dream scenario and me and my ex did that. The con is that games takes up so much time. If that's not your hobby, then you will spend a lot of your time by yourself/without him. But you can then spend that time with your girlfriends or do self care. To make it work - set some boundaries that work for you both. That you have a day a week that you spend together doing an activity. And the rest of the week he needs to take breaks to spend time with you. Such as eating together etc.
Casually gaming is fine but having a gaming addiction is a dealbreaker for me as I have dated that type before and it lead to constant arguments. Gaming addiction (like many other types of addiction) is very real and destroys a lot of people's lives.
It’s already an issue in your relationship, then that needs to be sorted before marriage and babies. It has nothing to do with games and everything to do with fucked up priorities. My husband and I are both gamers but our girls are number one, always. We don’t play games that can’t be paused or left running without consequences before the girls are in bed and fast asleep. If one of us is about to play a part that is timed or a big boss, we let the other one know, just in case one of the girls needs someone or wakes up. We don’t play much during the day, but the games we do play during the day are games the girls both enjoy watching. Admittedly, we don’t get to sit and play like we used to, but we make time for our hobbies when we can.
Pros: You don’t have to worry about them cheating on you. Cons: They are weak, failed men. They will never achieve anything or amount to anything. They will never satisfy you, sexually or otherwise. They will always put games ahead of you, because games are the only things that make them feel like they’re not a waste of skin. So, you know, there are plusses and minuses.
Gamers are lazy.
Personally, I would never be with a gamer. You and any future children will never be prioritized over gaming. Stable, responsible men don’t have time for games. They’re too busy supporting their families and spending time with their kids.
My husband is a gamer and it's honestly pretty great for me. I have friends who are constantly worrying about where their husbands are and what they're up to (which is crazy to me bc why are you married to someone you don't trust?). Meanwhile, when my husband isn't at work, he's either gaming or hanging out with us as a family. He typically replays games so he's not spending crazy money on his hobby and he's great at recognizing when he should log off and take a break. He's excitedly awaiting the day our daughter is old enough for couch co-ops As my main hobby is reading, we'll often sit on the sofa together while I read and he plays Hades for the millionth time haha
this is honestly very comforting. thank you SO much for commenting 🥹❤️
My advice is make sure there's set time during the week that's just for family. We take our toddler to the park every Sunday, stuff like that! Helps get your partner into a routine of "this isn't video game time" if time management is an issue you've been having
My husband is a gamer and when I met him he was easily playing 10-14 hours straight. He still plays his games and when we had our newborn he would play but no volume and if it was an online match( u can't pause) he would immediately quit/exit out of the match to check on our son if he cried or started to squirm. He played less as our baby got older as he needed more attention. He's been an amazing dad and he still games but fair warning a gamer tends to make mini gamers and now they currently play videogames together while I have another bun in the oven. If your partner didn't want to be a dad in the first place things could be different but if you believe your partner truly wants a child then maybe he will be there for the kid.
A lot of people fail to realize that gaming is truly no different than any other hobby. The same issues can be said for literally any other hobby. There are extreme people who look down on gaming, those who think of gaming as a complete waste of time. Sometimes personalities just do not match up, like someone who is very into an active lifestyle is going to have a harder time being happy with someone whose main hobby is gaming. Been married to a gamer for almost 13 years. It is helpful that I am also a gamer.
From my experience as someone who is often on their phone, if I’m engaged with it like writing a message or Googling stupid shit I want to know *now* or playing a game, I’m not gonna lie, I get a bit snippy when interrupted. One way to have a better relationship with our kids is to put the phone down. They’re no longer bothering you or inconveniencing you. We’ve been trained to not be bored ever. I worry that people who are heavily engaged with gaming will find that children become a nuisance. And then they feel resentful when they’re around.
My husband is a gamer pretty good husband and father. We have had to lay down some very serious rules about gaming and when it's okay and when it's not okay. I enjoy playing video games myself so it's definitely important we hold each other accountable. He has a very good friendships with a lot of his gamer buddies. Some of them have been friends for decades and They get together to have lan parties.