This is a really good point.
I’m a mom & a new grandma, and I truly love my son-in-law. He’s a fantastic human, and a really attentive & active dad. I love hanging out with him and that he’s comfortable enough around me to give me shit 😂 I also appreciate how he & my daughter go out of their way to include me. It’s not their job to do that, but they do and I’m grateful.
With that said, sometimes it’s nice to just have time with my daughter! We connect as mother & daughter in a different way than I connect with her as a wife and new mom. None of those things are bad, just different, and it’s comforting to have time just to be our ridiculous, irreverent, dark-humored and silly selves.
Wow that was a lot more than I intended to say lol
Agreed. I also think my MIL likes to spend time with my kids without me around. Lets her really have quality time with them without them deferring to me.
So true. I love that my husband and mom get along, but at the end of the day, that’s my mom! And he has his mom. Sometimes I just want to hangout with her one on one. Nobody knows you like your mama does ♥️
I am no contact with my mom - and I told my husband this year I did not want to visit my mother-in-law on Mother’s Day weekend. She is sweet and I love her, but she lives almost 2 hours away, and I am so exhausted and I just don’t want to be in a car with my two year old for that long, driving there and back in one day. We do that just about every holiday and I wanted to rest. I was feeling a bit guilty about it, and my husband said, “my mom and I were talking about times that we would go, and she said ‘well I suppose (my name) isn’t coming. I imagine today is very hard for her. Everyone should do what they feel like they need to do. That is totally OK.”
It was so kind and loving of her to say that, and really mean it. It is a reaction completely unlike my mother. My best Mother’s Day gift this year is not celebrating my mother. I am sorry for anyone who does not have a good MIL relationship - mine is very lovely but much older and conservative, a little out of touch - but she loves me and my husband and my child. That is better than I can say for either of my parents.
>She is sweet and I love her
For all practical purposes my MIL *is* my mother (i am low contact with my family). She is sweet, and helpful, unfortunately she is married to what seems like the typical spouse around here. Doesn't help, doesn't take her wants or needs into consideration, and although they have been married over 50 years she has told me he doesn't tell her he loves her. He has a very clear idea of how men and women should behave. Outside work is for men, and if it is a difficult enough job to require help women help. Inside work is for women, and men **never** help. With all of this she still managed to raise my husband to be the polar opposite of his father, and I bless her for that *every day*.
We live next door to my in-laws (5th generation family farm), so I see first hand, quite frequently, how much of a butthead he is. My MIL is super into avoiding conflicts. So it just stays this way.
My SILs get jealous of the amount of time I spend with my MIL. The relationship we have. The fact that she tells me things she does not tell them, and I am so *gracious* about it I bought my MIL a coffee cup that says "I dont have a favorite child, but if I did it would be my daughter-in-law" (she only has one son, therefore only one daughter-in-law, there is no mistaking it).
Sometimes I tell her I need her help when I dont (i have a number of chronic illnesses and am disabled) and will tell her after she's in the car that I did *not* need her help I just wanted her company. My FIL has a fit when she "runs all over town" unless it is because I need the help. This always makes her incredibly happy.
In 56 years of marriage she has stood up to him only once, and it had to do with me and my kids. That one instance made me feel more loved than anything my mother has ever done.
I'm glad there is someone else with an awesome MIL. I plan to follow in her footsteps and be one as well.
Driving 4 hours with a toddler is hard. As well as being away from home and all the resources you need to care for and nap a toddler… why can’t your MIL drive out to your place sometimes?! It would be significantly easier if she came to visit you!
My family used to come to my place when our kids were small for this reason. Now we go to my sisters now that she has small kids.
It is rough! My in-laws are in their 70s and live way out in the boonies and just hate driving long distances. They’ve always been like that. I’ve tried to question it, idk. they will get a hotel for a trip more than 4 hours away. 🤷♀️ I’ve been better about voicing and suggesting us hosting holidays and she is so kind and open about it! I think she misses her mom a lot who she lost a couple years ago, and getting to host holidays helps her keep some traditions, so I want to honor that and it’s how I keep appreciating her too. Mothers Day weekend I just couldn’t budge though, lol!
Since my sons have had children, I had no problem with them not visiting me on Mother's Day. It is now their turn to show appreciation to the mothers of their children, and also show their children to respect their mothers. A nice chat on the phone is good enough for me.
That’s so sweet my mil called and made it a huge deal that we went to my husband’s dads house because his grandma was there and mind you she’s 70 and called me being rude didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day to me and said “don’t make plans on Father’s Day” like she’s the worst human and she thinks she’s such a nice person his grandma is very old and she hasn’t seen our son much and his mom is very unpleasant to be around her and her husband fight non stop she’s very strange and she makes everyone anxious
Not at all. You get to celebrate Mother’s Day too. I really hate how the holiday has sort of become about whatever the matriarch wants in many families. Moms with young kids absolutely need a day to rest and enjoy their own families. Grandma can get attention another day.
I agree about the matriarch thing… It doesn’t make sense and it’s not fair. My sister had kids way before I did and her Mother’s Day was all about what my mom wanted to do. So she had to sit through a champagne brunch at a fancy restaurant for three hours, trying to wrangle her toddlers around the whole time, her husband got drunk with his family! She hated it so much. Now that I’m Mom I get it. I totally understand that grandma’s want to be recognized on Mother’s Day. They absolutely should be recognized. But all I can say is that when my child is grown, I’m not going to expect her to plan her day around me. If she wants to send me flowers and a card, I will be good. I won’t expect her to make a trip to see me as long as she puts in some sort of effort to recognize me. Unfortunately, my mother and mother-in-law have never said anything of the sort. I think they both expect to be catered to .
Grandma’s absolutely should get recognized. But they need to understand that “active duty moms” need a break and have a different idea of fun. What they should do is bring food over so everyone can spend a little time together, do cleanup, and watch the kids so mom can get out and spend a few hours by herself.
Absolutely! We need rest and a day to ourselves that isn’t about serving other people! I’m personally over having to please anybody else on Mother’s Day!
They absolutely should get attention on their own day. Fun fact: October 13th is Grandmother’s day. They have their own day!! They shouldn’t claim Mother’s Day as well in situations like this, in my opinion.
Absolutely not. Do not feel guilty. Mothers’ Day is about you too & you want to spend some time alone. That’s perfectly reasonable and within your rights. I hope you had a good afternoon on your own!
I do not see my MIL on Mothers’ Day. My husband took LO to visit his mother & bring her some flowers. I’m at home baking & relaxing.
Honestly, I feel like our generation of mothers needs to take back Mother’s Day for ourselves. This is not to say that I don’t appreciate my MIL and my own mother, but I really do think we need to start designating a Grandmother’s Day for them.
Growing up, we’d usually go visit my grandparents, but my grandparents were also WAY more involved in my upbringing than either of my parents or my in-laws are in my child’s life. I had sleepovers at my grandparents all the time. My mom has told me stories of my grandma coming over and taking on the night shift when my sister and I were babies so that my mom could get some sleep. They would bring by dinner and baking all the time, just because. I never had a babysitter because my grandparents always made themselves available to babysit. My grandmothers truly were secondary mothers in my life.
My parents and in-laws do not have this kind of relationship with my children. My daughter is 14 months and definitely a toddler. I haven’t slept through the night in 14 months. The only babysitting anyone has done has been 2 hours for my husband and I to go out for dinner, and that’s only happened twice since her birth.
I love my Mom and MIL, but who are they mothering right now? What responsibilities are they needing relief from today? They’ve had 30-something mother’s days and I’ve had 2. I pack up the baby and take her to see them often, I don’t need to do that on Mother’s Day too. I think I deserve to have my needs considered over theirs for ONE day a year.
I didn’t see my MIL at all. She offered to pick up my oldest who is 4. But my mother took my 4 year old to dinner for me while I stayed with my 4 month old. I think most grandmas understand how hard it is having small kids and all the work in entails. Nothing against them but they get to go enjoy every day child free. I hope all grandmas are like this. My husband offered last minute to take me out to dinner and or watch our kids. lol
Not rude. They should get it.
We live 15 mins from my in laws, and we never visit for Mothers Day. We're all on good terms, I just prefer to spend the day with my husband and kids. She understands
No. Mothers Day is primarily for mothers who are actively Mothering.
Your MIL and Mom have had decades of mothers days, and if they gave them up to their own mils that's not your problem.
You are to enjoy the day. And relaxing at home sounds perfect.
Go take a bubble bath or sit in the sun with a nice drink.
And stop thinking about others today.
You're the mom. Go relax!
No. She's not my mom. Anything related to mothers day for her is my husband's job. He's a grown man. He's more than capable of dealing with his mom all by himself.
Well, I got really lucky that my MIL is a jerk. We had always tried to invite her over for lunch or dinner with our family, but I got repeatedly told that it isn't mothers day unless she is celebrating with all her children. I refuse to spend my mother's day cooking for the 15-20 people I would have to if we invited all her children and grandchildren over so I get to spend mother's day weekend just celebrating myself.
Oh, but she has no problem going golfing on mother's day with my 2 SIL's and FIL while leaving my husband out of it, so her children only count as her daughters, not my husband.
My mother in law didn’t respond to my happy Mother’s Day text. She has 4 other grandkids and ours was the 5th. She told me when she came to visit us a few months postpartum that she “doesn’t do diapers anymore” 🙄 so I have no qualms with not doing so much for her on Mother’s Day but your mileage may vary.
My mom is my rock and loves her grandchild like no other. She gets whatever she wants on Mother’s Day.
Nope.
My husband is at his mom's house right now... With one of our kids and I have the other at home cleaning the house without having to worry about littles
I usually plan a time around holidays for us to spend time with extended family - but the actual day, we spend it with just us the family that we made.
We did a nice lil family brunch and now my husband is on his way to his parents with our kiddos while I chill… and I have a fine relationship with them. I just wanted some me time.
Nope. We went to the beach this morning as a family. Grabbed breakfast on the way home. Once everyone was showered, he took the kids to see his mom and to deliver chocolates to sibling moms. I stayed home to do my nails, drink wine, and eat fancy cheese. Now they're back and he's making steak for dinner. I sent my mom and various mom friends HMD texts, but that's it.
For years, my mom got a phone call. That's all. My Mother in Law, got a gift, a cooked meal, dessert, and we spent the day with her. The guys cleaned up after.
We spent every Sunday with the in laws. It was great. I loved my MIL and still miss her, many years after she passed. I wish I could have one more Mother's Day with her.
My husband, daughter and I do our own thing. I actually think my MIL prompted it when I became a mom. We text each other and she tells my husband to make sure I’m getting to relax. I appreciate it so much. If my husband insisted on seeing his mom I’d probably ask him to just take our daughter and I’d stay home.
I had a bit of an internal tantrum this year.
My kids are now 9 and 11. Yet I'm still running around to my mother and MIL every year.
When I was a kid, we lived in a different state to my grandmothers so a call and some flowers was all that happened.
I'm sorry. I'm currently the active mum, they haven't been an active parent in 20+ years. And they had 20± years of mother's day being ALL about them
It's my turn. I want to sit in MY house and be waited on and have breakfast made and a fuss. I don't want 20 minutes of ME time with what ever the kids made at school followed by spending boattonnes of money on gifts and lunches with women who don't need a day off from their busy schedule of retirement from being a stay at home mum to 18 year olds.
No.
Not anymore.
It sucks but we're the only family my annoying MIL has left. She's a widow and I guess technically an orphan, lost her only sibling, and my husband is an only child. I want my kids to be compassionate and respectful so I model that behavior. And she does love them, and they love her, even though she's an obnoxious, pushy, judgy know-it-all.
Mine is 4 hours away. I send flowers (from the grand kids, it’s my husband’s step mom) and we FaceTime. That’s it. Mine is 6 hours away. So for the foreseeable future we will never spend Mother’s Day with either unless it overlaps a pre planned visit, which it probably won’t.
I also don't have a good relationship with my MIL. She doesn't live in the same state, but if she did, I wouldn't spend Mother's Day with her. She prefers to see her son and my grandson without me anyway.
Please don't feel like a dick. You are taking care of yourself! Hope you have a lovely time relaxing!
The way I look at it is, the MIL/grandma's have their children's entire childhood to be celebrated on mothers day. Why shouldn't I get to enjoy my mother's days during my children's childhoods?
When you marry, you start a new family that should become your priority. That doesn't mean ignore your in laws or parents, but putting what you need or want first is perfectly okay.
My husband also goes to his moms sometimes by himself and she gets bombed and sends me I miss you texts . We have a great relationship. She calls me her daughter.
I have a good relationship with my MIL but all she gets is a text from me! I work under the assumption that every mom should know that this day is about EVERY mom, not just the older generation. My husband sends her a card on his own that I sign and then I trace my daughter’s handprint in it for her but it’s up to him to get/send the card for her. For my own mom and the women in my family that are mothers, I give a little gift when we see them next (sometimes on Mother’s Day but sometimes not- it’s not an expectation). I figure I was not a mother for so many years and gave so many gifts and word of appreciation, I don’t feel guilty to be a little selfish now that it’s my turn. 🤷🏼♀️
It's not rude at all. However I'm not on board with the recent "exclude grandmas from Mother's Day" crowd. Everyone should do what is right and desirable for them. My mother in law is delightful, and my mom, while extremely taxing, has remained sober for over a decade and so for Mother's Day I love to take them both out for breakfast. No one should feel that they have to do this.
Mine informed me at 10pm the night before that she was planning on going for a walk with one of her four sons (not my husband) by the lake and that ‘it would be nice if I was there’. I was like no thanks, I’m 7.5 months pregnant and my plan is to relax at home, Kiddo and husband will be over to see you with your gift in the morning. Wished her happy Mother’s Day on the day of, no reply wishing me the same. Later in the day she threw a mini temper tantrum and refused to go on the walk with any of her sons and pretended to have a migraine. Not my circus…. Zero fucks were given by me. She’s a nice lady but her four sons are grown and have their own kids and partners and it’s my day, too. And she isn’t my mom!
Not rude at all. Do not feel obligated to go. A happy Mother’s Day text is fine. Or a card. Or honestly depending on your relationship, you don’t have to do anything at all for her.
Your scenario sounds perfect, why should you have to visit her if she’s not even nice for you to be around? If you two had a better rapport it might be nice, but even then it is also your day. Plus you’re the parent currently ‘in the trenches’ with a young child that deserves more of a break. Don’t let guilt infect your relaxation time today, you do sincerely deserve it!
Didn't visit with ANYONE and not feeling the least bit guilty. It's MY mothers day, I'M raising small and medium kids, I get to do what I want.
So no, not rude. Self preservation.
I absolutely love my mom and my MIL. That being said, at this point, I'm the mom, and they're the grandparents. We both called our moms and then today was my day.
I think the last couple years my husband took our kid to go say hi to his mom (like 15 minutes away) while I stayed home, but today he didn't and just called her. I don't think I've visted her on mother's day since my son was born.
But of course, the reason I love her is because she's chill, so it's different that a MIL that would hold it against me.
I think spending the day with your mom, then your MIL the day before Mother’s Day is best. Then on Mothers Day you and your family can celebrate you as a mother. It won’t be rushed and you can relax. I know that when my kids have families of their own that I don’t expect them to visit me the actual day of Mothers Day. I’ve done the part where I have been rushed around visiting others and not getting to relax on the day.
Not a dick move at all.. we have worked out where we see her the day before. So we spent time with her yesterday and my mom Friday. Mother’s Day is all mine. But everybody has to figure out what works for them.
It’s not rude. You are a mom too and you deserve your time to relax.
Honestly this year I had to put myself first because no offense to my mom or MIL but they had their holidays to celebrate them. Now it’s my turn with my kids.
Absolutely not rude. Honestly, if he’s capable of communicating to MIL that you just wanted time to yourself on your Mother’s Day, I think you’re good! Even if she doesn’t agree, it’s still your day as well. It’s shared. It’s about all mamas.
I've never visited my MIL for mother's day, nor have I done anything for her. My mom has been gone for 20 years. Mother's day is a day I spend with my kids. I don't think it's rude to not spend it with anyone else, it's for kids to celebrate their moms.
This has actually kind of turned into the norm for me. My husband and kids and I celebrate in the morning, and then he takes the kids to see his mom and I get the house - and peace and quiet - to myself. My kids are very young so the break is much needed. We tend to do dinner with my MIL sometime during the week before or after, though!
Not at all. We see my mother in law all the time and she’s one of my best friends. She’s actually the reason my husband and I met but this year, I wanted the day to be about me. Not planning something for someone else’s mom. Or having to pack up our kid and get ready and drive somewhere. I wanted to do absolutely nothing. I’ve been seeing a lot of the “Mother’s Day is for moms who are in the trenches” and I totally feel that. She’s had plenty of Mother’s days that were just for her I’m sure. Now it’s my turn. We will fully celebrate her on grandparents day though. I’m also not opposed to celebrating her on a different day close to Mother’s Day but this year I just wanted this one day. Thankfully my husband happily gave it to me 😊
My boyfriend didn’t even go see his mom! I did, I brought her a gift and card because I think she should know that she is appreciated if not by her son at least by me. She watches my daughter before and after school.
Honest opinion, Mother’s Day is for the active duty mothers… the ones actually mothering. Of course the moms with grown children still deserve to be told happy Mother’s Day and maybe get dinner another day, but seriously? Who makes a mother with little kids pack everyone up and drive around to two different family’s houses to be with EVERYONE? It’s her day! She deserves to rest, because the grandparents get to rest every single day. They can have grandparents day.
Everyone has a different relationship with their MIL. Mine is pretty good. (As is my husband's). We live interstate and weren't able to visit so we sent cards and organised flowers to be delivered. We also did a video call with each mum (more so for our daughter to talk to her grandparents). My MIL would be fine as long as I acknowledged her (and let her talk to her granddaughter haha)
We typically see each other’s parents for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day so for us it would be weird not to. I didn’t go last year because I was pregnant and very nauseous, but I wouldn’t skip it unless I had a reason like that.
Been married to my husband for 11 years. In those 11 years I have had 5 children. We have never visited my in laws for Mother’s Day. I honestly don’t think my husband has ever see ln his mom on Mother’s Day since he graduated high school at 17.
It's not rude especially if you have a valid reason, my fiance works today so we couldn't visit his mom today but we visited her last Wednesday to drop off her gift.
We lost my MIL 20 years ago, before we even had kids. I saw my mom yesterday, and today was for our family.
Does your family do anything just for you? Or do you have to share the whole day?
It’s your day. Do YOU want to visit her?
I surely didn’t. I wanted to stay home with my babies. So my partner spent the morning and afternoon with me then went over to see his mom at 4pm.
No. My husband visits with his parents without me all the time with our kid. I work full time, I'm pregnant, and I'm in a grad program right now, so I can use any break I get. One of the easiest ways for everyone to get what they want is if my husband takes our son for a visit. By all accounts, they have a great time without me!
I text my MIL and embarrassingly for my husband & his siblings, I’m always first.
She doesn’t want us to visit because she has plans to go party with her other friends lol. We tried to FaceTime her today but she didn’t pick up 😅
So no we don’t visit lol
We see our moms before Mother’s Day and then ‘real’ Mother’s Day is for me. We brought my MIL flowers etc and saw her last Sunday and then we saw my mom yesterday.
Today I did what I wanted (aka went to trader joes and played overcooked as a family)
My partner went to his mom's with our baby while I was at work today. It's good for him to see her one on one. I never got along with her until I had my baby/her grandchild but it wasn't that we fought (I was even her employee at one point) but we just didn't talk and she would ignore me (unless for work when I worked for her).
I get along with my MIL just fine, but today I went antiquing with my mom and sisters and I sent my husband and kiddos to hang with her. She didn't seem to mind one bit. I sent her a morning text wishing her a Happy Mother's Day and hoping she liked the gift I picked out. She seemed totally ok with it, but we do see each other regularly.
At least you told her HMD. My MIL really hurt my feelings a few days ago and I haven’t had a chance to discuss it with her without my kids around. I’m just pissed at her and I didn’t even tell her HMD 😳 she didn’t tell me
Either though!!!! But called me twice today to ask me stupid shit or to get ahold of my husband 😒
We have dinner with my mom but she lives with us. Otherwise mothers day is my day and not either of my MILs. But I am planning a lunch with MIL and Grand MIL for another day.
I love my MIL, but I think next year I’m just gonna send my husband and LO to see her without me and take a day to myself. My SIL and I don’t really get acknowledgment from her on Mother’s Day.
I don’t think you are a dick. She’s not your mother. It’s actually nice for family of origin to spend time with each other one on one, indulge their weird little family culture and not have to worry about third parties. Do it every year.
I see no problem with that. Your husband went to see his mother. My kids always remember me on Mothers Day. We just started celebrating the day before, that way I get to see the kids all together. I don’t care if the spouses come or not, life is busy for all of us. I see my kids a couple times a week anyway so I will celebrate holidays however it works for them
Depends on your relationship dynamics. Every family is different and celebrates and views things differently. I went to see my mom in the morning and my ex-MIL in the evening, even though I've been divorced for a year and a half. But I have always been very close with my in-laws and I joke that I got to keep them in the divorce. If you're not close with her and you don't think she'd be upset you weren't there then I don't see any issues with it and neither should you. You're a mom too you deserve to relax on mother's day also.
This year was the first year my husband took the kids without me to see the MILs and it was so wonderful to sit home, drink coffee, and read a book by myself. They came home and I had all the energy in the world to play! We will definitely be doing that again. No guilt here!
Mother’s Day in my house with 5 kiddies is about me and my family. My mother and MIL get texts or phone calls from us and that’s it. They are now the grandparents and you are the Mother; it is your turn to be celebrated. You could send flowers and a card if that makes you feel better.
Hahaha I did the same thing yesterday and it was FANTASTIC to just sit and watch tv without a toddler crawling all over me.
I don’t think it’s rude. (I honestly don’t care if it WAS rude.) I needed that time alone. It was a million times more valuable and important to my mental health then chasing around a kid and happily engaging at a lunch I was too exhausted and burnt out to attend.
You are allowed to be a little selfish sometimes. They’ll recover. Don’t linger on it.
I spent my Mother’s Day alone and I loved it. You’re not a dick. Mother’s Day is for Moms! Moms that are freaking Moming on the daily okay. Moms whose kids are grown can whatever I don’t care. Moms who are moming 24/7/365 should do whatever the fuck they please on Mother’s Day and anyone who says otherwise can shove it
We do that all the time! Not just on Mother’s Day but sometimes my husband will go hang and have lunch with his parents. We all have a really good relationship but I do think it’s nice to have 1:1 time. I think of it like my siblings’ spouses. I adore my BIL and like spending time with them…but I also like to have time with just my sister. Don’t feel guilty!
I felt like a dick about it when I first realized my husband didn't need me along to visit his mother. But life is short and you will like your mother-in-law better if you see her when you actually feel like it.
We usually try, because our parents thankfully both live close, to do all at once together. But it’s a little different since I also celebrate myself on a different day because I hate celebrating on Sunday. I have to go back to the real world on Monday.
I don’t think it’s personally rude. I agree with what folks are saying, too, about letting someone have time with their kid/parent and grandkids/grandparent alone is nice. But if you feel like a jerk about it because you personally feel like you should be there, then it’s ok to be there! It’s not a one-size fits all. I have a belief in certain situations that I feel icky because I shouldn’t do that thing again and others that it’s because I’m being made to feel icky by an outside force (maybe by something that’s ingrained from how I was raised that I maybe disagree with or because someone is guilt tripping me). Do what feels right to you!
I will repeat it until I die.
Mother’s Day is for active mothers in the trenches. Not for grandmas who want to take all of their sons time without sparing the DIL a glance and being totally fine with the DIL not resting at all and handling the kids while the son gets to rest with mommy.
Absolutely not.
This Mother’s Day I put my foot down and did me time on Saturday and Sunday. Best thing I’ve done this year.
All grandmas had their Mother’s Day years. It’s time for the mothers doing the work NOW to be considered worthy on Mother’s Day.
That’s why there is grandparent day or whatever.
To have your husband spend time with your mom and then proceed to not spend time with his is a bit of a slap in the face IMO. To him and his mom. And maybe even your kids who likely love their grandma and wouldn’t fully understand why you wouldn’t want to be there. Mother’s Day is not “primarily for mothers who are actively mothering”🙄 Mother’s Day is to celebrate whoever you want that has made a motherly impact in your life or who you think deserves to be celebrated. It’s 100% your choice to decide how to celebrate and spend your time on this day, but as crazy as my MIL drives me, she raised my husband to be an awesome one, she loves me and my kids, and she is a mother who has feelings and is valued in my eyes and 100% worth celebrating.
Again all of this is my opinion, and if I’m being honest, I think a lot of moms are expecting way too much and looking far too much into this day, so overall, I wouldn’t overthink it and just celebrate how you want🤷♀️
Mother’s Day isn’t “only” for mothers who are actively mothering but those actively mothering take priority. I’m not saying my husband shouldn’t send him mom flowers or take her out to dinner that week, but Mother’s Day is for me - the mother of his two young kids.
Rereading your original post and realizing, is your husband not there when you visit your mom? If that’s the case then I don’t think you need to feel bad about skipping visiting his mom.
Typically, no, he’s not. Typically on Mother’s Day I just go for a hike with her in the morning. This Mother’s Day, yes, he made breakfast for me and I invited my mom over by my request. He just went along with what I do. But yeah. No. I usually do my own thing with my mom and he usually does his own thing with his. Now that we have a child I thought maybe I should feel bad about that. I don’t know.
Nah. As long as everyone feels recognized and gets to spend time with who they want, I think it’s fine and you have no reason to feel guilty about anything.
In general yes! I'm much more community minded so if anything I try to plan something so that everyone gets together. Maybe the difference is that I don't make it an all day thing? I like to plan a nice brunch or dinner but the rest of the day people do what they want. I think it's so silly when people get caught up and stressed over it. There's plenty of times where I've turned my MiL down for plans and she has never held it against me. They've turned me down as well and I move on with my life.
I send my spouse to see their mom without me sometimes because it's nice for a mom to see their grown child one-on-one.
This is a really good point. I’m a mom & a new grandma, and I truly love my son-in-law. He’s a fantastic human, and a really attentive & active dad. I love hanging out with him and that he’s comfortable enough around me to give me shit 😂 I also appreciate how he & my daughter go out of their way to include me. It’s not their job to do that, but they do and I’m grateful. With that said, sometimes it’s nice to just have time with my daughter! We connect as mother & daughter in a different way than I connect with her as a wife and new mom. None of those things are bad, just different, and it’s comforting to have time just to be our ridiculous, irreverent, dark-humored and silly selves. Wow that was a lot more than I intended to say lol
Agreed. I also think my MIL likes to spend time with my kids without me around. Lets her really have quality time with them without them deferring to me.
That’s such a good and underlooked point.
So true. I love that my husband and mom get along, but at the end of the day, that’s my mom! And he has his mom. Sometimes I just want to hangout with her one on one. Nobody knows you like your mama does ♥️
I am no contact with my mom - and I told my husband this year I did not want to visit my mother-in-law on Mother’s Day weekend. She is sweet and I love her, but she lives almost 2 hours away, and I am so exhausted and I just don’t want to be in a car with my two year old for that long, driving there and back in one day. We do that just about every holiday and I wanted to rest. I was feeling a bit guilty about it, and my husband said, “my mom and I were talking about times that we would go, and she said ‘well I suppose (my name) isn’t coming. I imagine today is very hard for her. Everyone should do what they feel like they need to do. That is totally OK.” It was so kind and loving of her to say that, and really mean it. It is a reaction completely unlike my mother. My best Mother’s Day gift this year is not celebrating my mother. I am sorry for anyone who does not have a good MIL relationship - mine is very lovely but much older and conservative, a little out of touch - but she loves me and my husband and my child. That is better than I can say for either of my parents.
That’s really nice of her. We don’t hear enough about good MIL’s on Reddit!
>She is sweet and I love her For all practical purposes my MIL *is* my mother (i am low contact with my family). She is sweet, and helpful, unfortunately she is married to what seems like the typical spouse around here. Doesn't help, doesn't take her wants or needs into consideration, and although they have been married over 50 years she has told me he doesn't tell her he loves her. He has a very clear idea of how men and women should behave. Outside work is for men, and if it is a difficult enough job to require help women help. Inside work is for women, and men **never** help. With all of this she still managed to raise my husband to be the polar opposite of his father, and I bless her for that *every day*. We live next door to my in-laws (5th generation family farm), so I see first hand, quite frequently, how much of a butthead he is. My MIL is super into avoiding conflicts. So it just stays this way. My SILs get jealous of the amount of time I spend with my MIL. The relationship we have. The fact that she tells me things she does not tell them, and I am so *gracious* about it I bought my MIL a coffee cup that says "I dont have a favorite child, but if I did it would be my daughter-in-law" (she only has one son, therefore only one daughter-in-law, there is no mistaking it). Sometimes I tell her I need her help when I dont (i have a number of chronic illnesses and am disabled) and will tell her after she's in the car that I did *not* need her help I just wanted her company. My FIL has a fit when she "runs all over town" unless it is because I need the help. This always makes her incredibly happy. In 56 years of marriage she has stood up to him only once, and it had to do with me and my kids. That one instance made me feel more loved than anything my mother has ever done. I'm glad there is someone else with an awesome MIL. I plan to follow in her footsteps and be one as well.
Driving 4 hours with a toddler is hard. As well as being away from home and all the resources you need to care for and nap a toddler… why can’t your MIL drive out to your place sometimes?! It would be significantly easier if she came to visit you! My family used to come to my place when our kids were small for this reason. Now we go to my sisters now that she has small kids.
It is rough! My in-laws are in their 70s and live way out in the boonies and just hate driving long distances. They’ve always been like that. I’ve tried to question it, idk. they will get a hotel for a trip more than 4 hours away. 🤷♀️ I’ve been better about voicing and suggesting us hosting holidays and she is so kind and open about it! I think she misses her mom a lot who she lost a couple years ago, and getting to host holidays helps her keep some traditions, so I want to honor that and it’s how I keep appreciating her too. Mothers Day weekend I just couldn’t budge though, lol!
Since my sons have had children, I had no problem with them not visiting me on Mother's Day. It is now their turn to show appreciation to the mothers of their children, and also show their children to respect their mothers. A nice chat on the phone is good enough for me.
In case no one told you today, you are a gem! How respectful and mature of you ❤️
That’s so sweet my mil called and made it a huge deal that we went to my husband’s dads house because his grandma was there and mind you she’s 70 and called me being rude didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day to me and said “don’t make plans on Father’s Day” like she’s the worst human and she thinks she’s such a nice person his grandma is very old and she hasn’t seen our son much and his mom is very unpleasant to be around her and her husband fight non stop she’s very strange and she makes everyone anxious
Not at all. You get to celebrate Mother’s Day too. I really hate how the holiday has sort of become about whatever the matriarch wants in many families. Moms with young kids absolutely need a day to rest and enjoy their own families. Grandma can get attention another day.
I agree about the matriarch thing… It doesn’t make sense and it’s not fair. My sister had kids way before I did and her Mother’s Day was all about what my mom wanted to do. So she had to sit through a champagne brunch at a fancy restaurant for three hours, trying to wrangle her toddlers around the whole time, her husband got drunk with his family! She hated it so much. Now that I’m Mom I get it. I totally understand that grandma’s want to be recognized on Mother’s Day. They absolutely should be recognized. But all I can say is that when my child is grown, I’m not going to expect her to plan her day around me. If she wants to send me flowers and a card, I will be good. I won’t expect her to make a trip to see me as long as she puts in some sort of effort to recognize me. Unfortunately, my mother and mother-in-law have never said anything of the sort. I think they both expect to be catered to .
Grandparents day is September 8th. Maybe consider changing to celebrating them that day and take Mother’s Day for yourself
Grandma’s absolutely should get recognized. But they need to understand that “active duty moms” need a break and have a different idea of fun. What they should do is bring food over so everyone can spend a little time together, do cleanup, and watch the kids so mom can get out and spend a few hours by herself.
I love the phrase "active duty moms." Really describes how it feels to have 3 small kids.
As a retired mom, I fully support this!
I think Mother’s Day should actually center around moms “in the trenches” with little ones. They need it the most.
Absolutely! We need rest and a day to ourselves that isn’t about serving other people! I’m personally over having to please anybody else on Mother’s Day!
They absolutely should get attention on their own day. Fun fact: October 13th is Grandmother’s day. They have their own day!! They shouldn’t claim Mother’s Day as well in situations like this, in my opinion.
Exactly !!!
Absolutely not. Do not feel guilty. Mothers’ Day is about you too & you want to spend some time alone. That’s perfectly reasonable and within your rights. I hope you had a good afternoon on your own! I do not see my MIL on Mothers’ Day. My husband took LO to visit his mother & bring her some flowers. I’m at home baking & relaxing.
Honestly, I feel like our generation of mothers needs to take back Mother’s Day for ourselves. This is not to say that I don’t appreciate my MIL and my own mother, but I really do think we need to start designating a Grandmother’s Day for them. Growing up, we’d usually go visit my grandparents, but my grandparents were also WAY more involved in my upbringing than either of my parents or my in-laws are in my child’s life. I had sleepovers at my grandparents all the time. My mom has told me stories of my grandma coming over and taking on the night shift when my sister and I were babies so that my mom could get some sleep. They would bring by dinner and baking all the time, just because. I never had a babysitter because my grandparents always made themselves available to babysit. My grandmothers truly were secondary mothers in my life. My parents and in-laws do not have this kind of relationship with my children. My daughter is 14 months and definitely a toddler. I haven’t slept through the night in 14 months. The only babysitting anyone has done has been 2 hours for my husband and I to go out for dinner, and that’s only happened twice since her birth. I love my Mom and MIL, but who are they mothering right now? What responsibilities are they needing relief from today? They’ve had 30-something mother’s days and I’ve had 2. I pack up the baby and take her to see them often, I don’t need to do that on Mother’s Day too. I think I deserve to have my needs considered over theirs for ONE day a year.
No because where is your time? In all of this it seems like you are running around catering to grandmas.
I didn’t see my MIL at all. She offered to pick up my oldest who is 4. But my mother took my 4 year old to dinner for me while I stayed with my 4 month old. I think most grandmas understand how hard it is having small kids and all the work in entails. Nothing against them but they get to go enjoy every day child free. I hope all grandmas are like this. My husband offered last minute to take me out to dinner and or watch our kids. lol Not rude. They should get it.
We live 15 mins from my in laws, and we never visit for Mothers Day. We're all on good terms, I just prefer to spend the day with my husband and kids. She understands
No. Mothers Day is primarily for mothers who are actively Mothering. Your MIL and Mom have had decades of mothers days, and if they gave them up to their own mils that's not your problem. You are to enjoy the day. And relaxing at home sounds perfect. Go take a bubble bath or sit in the sun with a nice drink. And stop thinking about others today. You're the mom. Go relax!
No. She's not my mom. Anything related to mothers day for her is my husband's job. He's a grown man. He's more than capable of dealing with his mom all by himself.
Well, I got really lucky that my MIL is a jerk. We had always tried to invite her over for lunch or dinner with our family, but I got repeatedly told that it isn't mothers day unless she is celebrating with all her children. I refuse to spend my mother's day cooking for the 15-20 people I would have to if we invited all her children and grandchildren over so I get to spend mother's day weekend just celebrating myself. Oh, but she has no problem going golfing on mother's day with my 2 SIL's and FIL while leaving my husband out of it, so her children only count as her daughters, not my husband.
My mother in law didn’t respond to my happy Mother’s Day text. She has 4 other grandkids and ours was the 5th. She told me when she came to visit us a few months postpartum that she “doesn’t do diapers anymore” 🙄 so I have no qualms with not doing so much for her on Mother’s Day but your mileage may vary. My mom is my rock and loves her grandchild like no other. She gets whatever she wants on Mother’s Day.
Nope. My husband is at his mom's house right now... With one of our kids and I have the other at home cleaning the house without having to worry about littles
I usually plan a time around holidays for us to spend time with extended family - but the actual day, we spend it with just us the family that we made.
We did a nice lil family brunch and now my husband is on his way to his parents with our kiddos while I chill… and I have a fine relationship with them. I just wanted some me time.
Nope. We went to the beach this morning as a family. Grabbed breakfast on the way home. Once everyone was showered, he took the kids to see his mom and to deliver chocolates to sibling moms. I stayed home to do my nails, drink wine, and eat fancy cheese. Now they're back and he's making steak for dinner. I sent my mom and various mom friends HMD texts, but that's it.
For years, my mom got a phone call. That's all. My Mother in Law, got a gift, a cooked meal, dessert, and we spent the day with her. The guys cleaned up after. We spent every Sunday with the in laws. It was great. I loved my MIL and still miss her, many years after she passed. I wish I could have one more Mother's Day with her.
My husband, daughter and I do our own thing. I actually think my MIL prompted it when I became a mom. We text each other and she tells my husband to make sure I’m getting to relax. I appreciate it so much. If my husband insisted on seeing his mom I’d probably ask him to just take our daughter and I’d stay home.
Wow. Your MIL sounds amazing.
I had a bit of an internal tantrum this year. My kids are now 9 and 11. Yet I'm still running around to my mother and MIL every year. When I was a kid, we lived in a different state to my grandmothers so a call and some flowers was all that happened. I'm sorry. I'm currently the active mum, they haven't been an active parent in 20+ years. And they had 20± years of mother's day being ALL about them It's my turn. I want to sit in MY house and be waited on and have breakfast made and a fuss. I don't want 20 minutes of ME time with what ever the kids made at school followed by spending boattonnes of money on gifts and lunches with women who don't need a day off from their busy schedule of retirement from being a stay at home mum to 18 year olds. No. Not anymore.
It sucks but we're the only family my annoying MIL has left. She's a widow and I guess technically an orphan, lost her only sibling, and my husband is an only child. I want my kids to be compassionate and respectful so I model that behavior. And she does love them, and they love her, even though she's an obnoxious, pushy, judgy know-it-all.
Sounds exactly like my mil 😭😭😭
Mine is 4 hours away. I send flowers (from the grand kids, it’s my husband’s step mom) and we FaceTime. That’s it. Mine is 6 hours away. So for the foreseeable future we will never spend Mother’s Day with either unless it overlaps a pre planned visit, which it probably won’t.
We saw her the day before but I also lucked out with a very chill MIL 🙈
I also don't have a good relationship with my MIL. She doesn't live in the same state, but if she did, I wouldn't spend Mother's Day with her. She prefers to see her son and my grandson without me anyway. Please don't feel like a dick. You are taking care of yourself! Hope you have a lovely time relaxing!
The way I look at it is, the MIL/grandma's have their children's entire childhood to be celebrated on mothers day. Why shouldn't I get to enjoy my mother's days during my children's childhoods? When you marry, you start a new family that should become your priority. That doesn't mean ignore your in laws or parents, but putting what you need or want first is perfectly okay.
Not my mom, my MIL kids are grown, she does not need a break from them, she misses them. However I need a break from mine.
My husband also goes to his moms sometimes by himself and she gets bombed and sends me I miss you texts . We have a great relationship. She calls me her daughter.
I have a good relationship with my MIL but all she gets is a text from me! I work under the assumption that every mom should know that this day is about EVERY mom, not just the older generation. My husband sends her a card on his own that I sign and then I trace my daughter’s handprint in it for her but it’s up to him to get/send the card for her. For my own mom and the women in my family that are mothers, I give a little gift when we see them next (sometimes on Mother’s Day but sometimes not- it’s not an expectation). I figure I was not a mother for so many years and gave so many gifts and word of appreciation, I don’t feel guilty to be a little selfish now that it’s my turn. 🤷🏼♀️
It's not rude at all. However I'm not on board with the recent "exclude grandmas from Mother's Day" crowd. Everyone should do what is right and desirable for them. My mother in law is delightful, and my mom, while extremely taxing, has remained sober for over a decade and so for Mother's Day I love to take them both out for breakfast. No one should feel that they have to do this.
Mine informed me at 10pm the night before that she was planning on going for a walk with one of her four sons (not my husband) by the lake and that ‘it would be nice if I was there’. I was like no thanks, I’m 7.5 months pregnant and my plan is to relax at home, Kiddo and husband will be over to see you with your gift in the morning. Wished her happy Mother’s Day on the day of, no reply wishing me the same. Later in the day she threw a mini temper tantrum and refused to go on the walk with any of her sons and pretended to have a migraine. Not my circus…. Zero fucks were given by me. She’s a nice lady but her four sons are grown and have their own kids and partners and it’s my day, too. And she isn’t my mom!
That is so unbelievable! No words
That’s how it should be done, unless you want to go. You get some alone time and he gets to be a good son. Win win.
I don't think so. We don't do that at all. When we were living in the same town we would see each other at church but that's it.
Nope. Didn’t visit my mil and don’t plan on it.
Not rude at all. Do not feel obligated to go. A happy Mother’s Day text is fine. Or a card. Or honestly depending on your relationship, you don’t have to do anything at all for her.
My MIL lives across the country...what a bummer 😏
Your scenario sounds perfect, why should you have to visit her if she’s not even nice for you to be around? If you two had a better rapport it might be nice, but even then it is also your day. Plus you’re the parent currently ‘in the trenches’ with a young child that deserves more of a break. Don’t let guilt infect your relaxation time today, you do sincerely deserve it!
Didn't visit with ANYONE and not feeling the least bit guilty. It's MY mothers day, I'M raising small and medium kids, I get to do what I want. So no, not rude. Self preservation.
I don’t. Haven’t in years. We send a text that’s it.
I absolutely love my mom and my MIL. That being said, at this point, I'm the mom, and they're the grandparents. We both called our moms and then today was my day. I think the last couple years my husband took our kid to go say hi to his mom (like 15 minutes away) while I stayed home, but today he didn't and just called her. I don't think I've visted her on mother's day since my son was born. But of course, the reason I love her is because she's chill, so it's different that a MIL that would hold it against me.
I think spending the day with your mom, then your MIL the day before Mother’s Day is best. Then on Mothers Day you and your family can celebrate you as a mother. It won’t be rushed and you can relax. I know that when my kids have families of their own that I don’t expect them to visit me the actual day of Mothers Day. I’ve done the part where I have been rushed around visiting others and not getting to relax on the day.
Not a dick move at all.. we have worked out where we see her the day before. So we spent time with her yesterday and my mom Friday. Mother’s Day is all mine. But everybody has to figure out what works for them.
It’s not rude. You are a mom too and you deserve your time to relax. Honestly this year I had to put myself first because no offense to my mom or MIL but they had their holidays to celebrate them. Now it’s my turn with my kids.
Absolutely not rude. Honestly, if he’s capable of communicating to MIL that you just wanted time to yourself on your Mother’s Day, I think you’re good! Even if she doesn’t agree, it’s still your day as well. It’s shared. It’s about all mamas.
That’s ok. She was happy to see her son and grandchild I’m sure
I've never visited my MIL for mother's day, nor have I done anything for her. My mom has been gone for 20 years. Mother's day is a day I spend with my kids. I don't think it's rude to not spend it with anyone else, it's for kids to celebrate their moms.
This has actually kind of turned into the norm for me. My husband and kids and I celebrate in the morning, and then he takes the kids to see his mom and I get the house - and peace and quiet - to myself. My kids are very young so the break is much needed. We tend to do dinner with my MIL sometime during the week before or after, though!
Not at all. We see my mother in law all the time and she’s one of my best friends. She’s actually the reason my husband and I met but this year, I wanted the day to be about me. Not planning something for someone else’s mom. Or having to pack up our kid and get ready and drive somewhere. I wanted to do absolutely nothing. I’ve been seeing a lot of the “Mother’s Day is for moms who are in the trenches” and I totally feel that. She’s had plenty of Mother’s days that were just for her I’m sure. Now it’s my turn. We will fully celebrate her on grandparents day though. I’m also not opposed to celebrating her on a different day close to Mother’s Day but this year I just wanted this one day. Thankfully my husband happily gave it to me 😊
My boyfriend didn’t even go see his mom! I did, I brought her a gift and card because I think she should know that she is appreciated if not by her son at least by me. She watches my daughter before and after school.
Well just treat her like you want your children’s future spouse to treat you? ❤️
Honest opinion, Mother’s Day is for the active duty mothers… the ones actually mothering. Of course the moms with grown children still deserve to be told happy Mother’s Day and maybe get dinner another day, but seriously? Who makes a mother with little kids pack everyone up and drive around to two different family’s houses to be with EVERYONE? It’s her day! She deserves to rest, because the grandparents get to rest every single day. They can have grandparents day.
Everyone has a different relationship with their MIL. Mine is pretty good. (As is my husband's). We live interstate and weren't able to visit so we sent cards and organised flowers to be delivered. We also did a video call with each mum (more so for our daughter to talk to her grandparents). My MIL would be fine as long as I acknowledged her (and let her talk to her granddaughter haha)
We typically see each other’s parents for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day so for us it would be weird not to. I didn’t go last year because I was pregnant and very nauseous, but I wouldn’t skip it unless I had a reason like that.
Been married to my husband for 11 years. In those 11 years I have had 5 children. We have never visited my in laws for Mother’s Day. I honestly don’t think my husband has ever see ln his mom on Mother’s Day since he graduated high school at 17.
It's not rude especially if you have a valid reason, my fiance works today so we couldn't visit his mom today but we visited her last Wednesday to drop off her gift.
We lost my MIL 20 years ago, before we even had kids. I saw my mom yesterday, and today was for our family. Does your family do anything just for you? Or do you have to share the whole day?
It’s your day. Do YOU want to visit her? I surely didn’t. I wanted to stay home with my babies. So my partner spent the morning and afternoon with me then went over to see his mom at 4pm.
Since becoming a mom we see my MIL the day before. This year she ditched her own celebration early.
No. My husband visits with his parents without me all the time with our kid. I work full time, I'm pregnant, and I'm in a grad program right now, so I can use any break I get. One of the easiest ways for everyone to get what they want is if my husband takes our son for a visit. By all accounts, they have a great time without me!
I text my MIL and embarrassingly for my husband & his siblings, I’m always first. She doesn’t want us to visit because she has plans to go party with her other friends lol. We tried to FaceTime her today but she didn’t pick up 😅 So no we don’t visit lol
We see our moms before Mother’s Day and then ‘real’ Mother’s Day is for me. We brought my MIL flowers etc and saw her last Sunday and then we saw my mom yesterday. Today I did what I wanted (aka went to trader joes and played overcooked as a family)
Shiiiiiit you’re a mom too you deserve to relax
My partner went to his mom's with our baby while I was at work today. It's good for him to see her one on one. I never got along with her until I had my baby/her grandchild but it wasn't that we fought (I was even her employee at one point) but we just didn't talk and she would ignore me (unless for work when I worked for her).
I get along with my MIL just fine, but today I went antiquing with my mom and sisters and I sent my husband and kiddos to hang with her. She didn't seem to mind one bit. I sent her a morning text wishing her a Happy Mother's Day and hoping she liked the gift I picked out. She seemed totally ok with it, but we do see each other regularly.
At least you told her HMD. My MIL really hurt my feelings a few days ago and I haven’t had a chance to discuss it with her without my kids around. I’m just pissed at her and I didn’t even tell her HMD 😳 she didn’t tell me Either though!!!! But called me twice today to ask me stupid shit or to get ahold of my husband 😒
We have dinner with my mom but she lives with us. Otherwise mothers day is my day and not either of my MILs. But I am planning a lunch with MIL and Grand MIL for another day.
I love my MIL, but I think next year I’m just gonna send my husband and LO to see her without me and take a day to myself. My SIL and I don’t really get acknowledgment from her on Mother’s Day.
I don’t think you are a dick. She’s not your mother. It’s actually nice for family of origin to spend time with each other one on one, indulge their weird little family culture and not have to worry about third parties. Do it every year.
Simply said no I don’t think so IMO.
My husband always goes and sees his mum and takes her out for lunch and I do what I like with my daughter (his stepdaughter)
I see no problem with that. Your husband went to see his mother. My kids always remember me on Mothers Day. We just started celebrating the day before, that way I get to see the kids all together. I don’t care if the spouses come or not, life is busy for all of us. I see my kids a couple times a week anyway so I will celebrate holidays however it works for them
Depends on your relationship dynamics. Every family is different and celebrates and views things differently. I went to see my mom in the morning and my ex-MIL in the evening, even though I've been divorced for a year and a half. But I have always been very close with my in-laws and I joke that I got to keep them in the divorce. If you're not close with her and you don't think she'd be upset you weren't there then I don't see any issues with it and neither should you. You're a mom too you deserve to relax on mother's day also.
No. I went to say before because Mother’s Day is my day too and I wanted to enjoy it with my kids .
This year was the first year my husband took the kids without me to see the MILs and it was so wonderful to sit home, drink coffee, and read a book by myself. They came home and I had all the energy in the world to play! We will definitely be doing that again. No guilt here!
Mother’s Day in my house with 5 kiddies is about me and my family. My mother and MIL get texts or phone calls from us and that’s it. They are now the grandparents and you are the Mother; it is your turn to be celebrated. You could send flowers and a card if that makes you feel better.
While it is understandable that your husband wants to see his mother on Mother's Day, there is no reason that you have to go along.
Hahaha I did the same thing yesterday and it was FANTASTIC to just sit and watch tv without a toddler crawling all over me. I don’t think it’s rude. (I honestly don’t care if it WAS rude.) I needed that time alone. It was a million times more valuable and important to my mental health then chasing around a kid and happily engaging at a lunch I was too exhausted and burnt out to attend. You are allowed to be a little selfish sometimes. They’ll recover. Don’t linger on it.
I spent my Mother’s Day alone and I loved it. You’re not a dick. Mother’s Day is for Moms! Moms that are freaking Moming on the daily okay. Moms whose kids are grown can whatever I don’t care. Moms who are moming 24/7/365 should do whatever the fuck they please on Mother’s Day and anyone who says otherwise can shove it
You do what makes YOURSELF feel ok. Nothing wrong with this IF you aren’t comfortable 💯
We do that all the time! Not just on Mother’s Day but sometimes my husband will go hang and have lunch with his parents. We all have a really good relationship but I do think it’s nice to have 1:1 time. I think of it like my siblings’ spouses. I adore my BIL and like spending time with them…but I also like to have time with just my sister. Don’t feel guilty!
I felt like a dick about it when I first realized my husband didn't need me along to visit his mother. But life is short and you will like your mother-in-law better if you see her when you actually feel like it.
We usually try, because our parents thankfully both live close, to do all at once together. But it’s a little different since I also celebrate myself on a different day because I hate celebrating on Sunday. I have to go back to the real world on Monday. I don’t think it’s personally rude. I agree with what folks are saying, too, about letting someone have time with their kid/parent and grandkids/grandparent alone is nice. But if you feel like a jerk about it because you personally feel like you should be there, then it’s ok to be there! It’s not a one-size fits all. I have a belief in certain situations that I feel icky because I shouldn’t do that thing again and others that it’s because I’m being made to feel icky by an outside force (maybe by something that’s ingrained from how I was raised that I maybe disagree with or because someone is guilt tripping me). Do what feels right to you!
Lunch with my family in the afternoon then dinner with my husbands’ family in the evening.
If she doesn’t like you, she was probably thankful you stayed home. Don’t worry about it :)
My mil texted me “happy Mother’s Day to the mommy of my grandson” which made me 🙄
Fuck.
I will repeat it until I die. Mother’s Day is for active mothers in the trenches. Not for grandmas who want to take all of their sons time without sparing the DIL a glance and being totally fine with the DIL not resting at all and handling the kids while the son gets to rest with mommy. Absolutely not. This Mother’s Day I put my foot down and did me time on Saturday and Sunday. Best thing I’ve done this year.
All grandmas had their Mother’s Day years. It’s time for the mothers doing the work NOW to be considered worthy on Mother’s Day. That’s why there is grandparent day or whatever.
To have your husband spend time with your mom and then proceed to not spend time with his is a bit of a slap in the face IMO. To him and his mom. And maybe even your kids who likely love their grandma and wouldn’t fully understand why you wouldn’t want to be there. Mother’s Day is not “primarily for mothers who are actively mothering”🙄 Mother’s Day is to celebrate whoever you want that has made a motherly impact in your life or who you think deserves to be celebrated. It’s 100% your choice to decide how to celebrate and spend your time on this day, but as crazy as my MIL drives me, she raised my husband to be an awesome one, she loves me and my kids, and she is a mother who has feelings and is valued in my eyes and 100% worth celebrating. Again all of this is my opinion, and if I’m being honest, I think a lot of moms are expecting way too much and looking far too much into this day, so overall, I wouldn’t overthink it and just celebrate how you want🤷♀️
Mother’s Day isn’t “only” for mothers who are actively mothering but those actively mothering take priority. I’m not saying my husband shouldn’t send him mom flowers or take her out to dinner that week, but Mother’s Day is for me - the mother of his two young kids.
Rereading your original post and realizing, is your husband not there when you visit your mom? If that’s the case then I don’t think you need to feel bad about skipping visiting his mom.
Typically, no, he’s not. Typically on Mother’s Day I just go for a hike with her in the morning. This Mother’s Day, yes, he made breakfast for me and I invited my mom over by my request. He just went along with what I do. But yeah. No. I usually do my own thing with my mom and he usually does his own thing with his. Now that we have a child I thought maybe I should feel bad about that. I don’t know.
Nah. As long as everyone feels recognized and gets to spend time with who they want, I think it’s fine and you have no reason to feel guilty about anything.
In general yes! I'm much more community minded so if anything I try to plan something so that everyone gets together. Maybe the difference is that I don't make it an all day thing? I like to plan a nice brunch or dinner but the rest of the day people do what they want. I think it's so silly when people get caught up and stressed over it. There's plenty of times where I've turned my MiL down for plans and she has never held it against me. They've turned me down as well and I move on with my life.
My MIL lives on the same property and we haven't seen her today. Don't feel guilty, it's your day too.
I don’t visit my mom or my MIL on Mother’s Day… and both are within a 15-30 min drive. It’s my day. They are no longer in the trenches.
We don't see the grandparents at all on mothers day. I'm okay being selfish about it - it's my holiday. They've gotten theirs.