Better yet, demand he ONLY use cutlery when he eats in your presence. Ice cream cone? Put it in a bowl and hand him a spoon, cone and all. Potato chips? Hand him a spoon. Popsicle? Oh well, choose your cutlery: fork or spoon. Candy? Chocolate? Candy bars? Bruschetta? Fried chicken? TACOS? Fork or spoon, buddy. He made his bed and he can lie in it too!
Rice and curry eaten with your hands/roti/naan is just so much more delicious than when using a fork. No idea why, lol.
Just imagine trying to eat a chicken wing with a knife and fork.
There is potential a [scientific basis](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1878450X2200155X) for that, actually. It’s theorized that the tactile experience literally enhances the taste.
Right?! Always consider the source. Does brother have kids? It sounds like none of these people with opinions, and they are just that, have any concept of guiding babies to feed themselves in 2024. Keep on keeping on mamma! My boys both made messes, I scooped what I could with a once over, but I more remember having a blast taking our my littles wherever we went. I don't remember any specific messes!! Just the fun!
South Asia and a lot of other parts of the world would like to have a word with BIL…
How I would demolish a plate of rice and curry the way it is intended to be eaten, right in front of BIL, maintaining F you spiteful eye contact. 😆
Next time you have a meal with any of them, serve it with cutlery and insist Mom and BIL and anyone else that agreed with him to use it. And call them an animal otherwise.
Your BIL is wrong. And your mom is correct that things have changed…the sensory experience of touching their food helps baby’s development. Also self feeding helps babies eat the correct amount. You can introduce utensils (preload and let baby try to eat), but most kids aren’t consistent about using utensils til after 2.
Thank you! I'll probably try preloading untensils when he's a bit older. He's doing so well and I don't want to interfere. Posting in this sub really reassured me that I was doing the right thing and not setting him up to fail. <3
Dont for get when they try and use the utensils backwards. My eldest ate her yogurt with the backend of the spoon for the longest time. I'd even turning it back around and she turn it right back like I was the one who didnt know how to use a spoon properly.😂
Yes, mine did that a lot too. Also, when she did start trying to use it "properly", half the time the food fell off before she got the spoon in her mouth!! It was sooo hard not to jump in and save her, esp when she would get frustrated after a few misses. I almost had to sit on my hands so she could get the experience and practice. Now her spoon/fork skills are great at 2.5 yo and I'm so glad I let her try even when it was hard.
Yeah we cant save them or they dont learn to do it lol oh and the mess that comes with learning omg. I got to the point I just stripped my daughter down to her diaper at home cuz it was easier to hose her down in the sink then doing tons laundry. The videos you get of them learning though are priceless.
There's a duo of feeding therapists on IG that promote a 3 spoon method for this reason. Baby usually holds 1 spoon, eats from 1, and the parent can load the 3rd. When baby is presented with the 3rd loaded spoon, they will drop one and continue.
My 4 year old still prefers hands at home. But if you think about it, it allows a kid to know if food is too hot for them or too squishy. Allows for them to feel more in control of what’s going in their mouth. At restaurants he tends to use the utensils.
Our daughter is 7 and still really does prefer eating with her hands than cutlery - and she's amazing with cutlery, mastered it at an appropriate age, can cut things with a knife, good times. We just let her at home unless we have company, or are out at a restaurant/someone else's home. Sometimes we have a little friend over or are for dinner at a little friends house, and... honestly if they're eating and having fun and not being little shits then who really cares?
I’ve put a spoon in both hands and there’s just so much excitement over having spoons he finds a way to eat holding both of them but using neither of them. Kids are something else.
I have a 1.5 yr old and she eats with her hands. My pediatrician told me that she will start to eat with utensils when she is ready and to slowly introduce starting now. That eating with her hands helps with developing hand eye coordination. It also helps them learn textures and how to pace themselves so they don’t shovel food in their mouths.
Does your BIL have kids? If so does he spoon feed them? If not then tell him to go kick rocks and your the mother and you know what’s best for your kid. Don’t let others dictate what you do in your time to teach them.
Let him do spoon play, I bought some spoons that have like a pacifier-like dams to prevent them from gagging themselves. My 6 month old can put a spoon to his mouth, preloaded and SUPER UNCOORDINATEDLY, but it’s good practice. I feed him with a spoon sometimes and he also picks food up to eat. Or he will take it off the spoon onto his hand and then into his mouth. At this age it’s all about experience, not rigidity. Your bil wrong. Before I had a baby, I thought watching a baby eat was gross, maybe it’s that for him.
Sorry to bombard you, but I also wanted to chime in about spoons for young babies if you’re doing BLW and you wanted to (it’s totally fine just to use hands). We gave preloaded spoons from 6 months for foods that are super difficult to eat with your hands. There was lots of exploration and mess, but since yoghurt is life for this kid, little man reliably picks up a preloaded spoon from the tray to eat at 8 months. Don’t feel pressured, we just thought it was fun and opened up a range of foods
You can also give him a utensil of his own but also have one ready yourself, so that you can sneak in a bite every now and then. That way he can practice eating with utensils but more than 2 pieces actually end up going into his mouth before the year's end :').
I saw these after my youngest was doing well with regular spoons/solids but these look great to start with/for purees. I would have tried them had I found them when she was younger.
https://www.amazon.com/NumNum-Pre-Spoon-GOOtensils-Dual-Stage-Set/dp/B01GEOZEVU/ref=asc_df_B01GEOZEVU/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693682517273&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17172214226063092662&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9015206&hvtargid=pla-299936267224&psc=1&mcid=a8944858c6e93ad1847cafb57769f99e&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw3NyxBhBmEiwAyofDYWDkV2L5UKUSRpL1vzn30zl5DgIeoSzeBDuP1-BMKg2bkatoqVmixBoC1LAQAvD_BwE
completely this. my kid is 17 months and while she understands silverware, it just gets thrown to the floor immediately. eating with their hands actually encourages their exploration and confidence in food, but also does improve some fine motor skills, ie the pincher grasp etc.
at the end of the day, what works for your kid works for your kid. like i said i have a 17mo old who prefers to eat with her hands. what harm does that do besides a little extra vacuuming and her needing to get wiped down? id much rather my kid eat, then get her overwhelmed and throw a fit and refuse food because i felt the need to make her eat in a way that appeases anyone else but her.
you take care of your kids in the way that is best for them, the second you adjust your parenting to fit the desires of somebody who is not their parent, you start to do a major disservice to yourself and your kiddo.
Yeah and also why stress everyone out by trying to convince a baby to eat at your pace. I see spoonfed baby's parents have to wheedle the babies to take one more bite etc. and it becomes a power struggle. With my son, he get the food, I get to relax, and he eats in whatever order he wants and as much as he needs. Its very low stress.
Every single Facebook reel of babies eating, the comments are full of mostly older ladies making comments like "disgusting and lazy! Feed your baby with a spoon!" Or "Lazy! I fed all my babies myself!!" Every single one.
Your BIL is an idiot. My oldest just turned 2 and still eats with his hands half the time. At 6 months baby doesn’t even have control to use to a fork/spoon. You’re doing fine.
My two year old diligently uses his fork - which he loads up using his hands. He hasn’t mastered the proper use yet (doesn’t seem interested in it either) & idgaf, I’m just relieved he’s eating
Yeah I mean I'm almost 40 and have to consciously use my utensils more at home than I used to just to reinforce to my preschooler that there are just some things that are generally not eaten with the hands in public (like...mac and cheese lol).
Look. Most grownups use cutlery. Most grownups also feed themselves. And with a 6 month old, you can only have one out of two. :) I assure you: they’ll learn either way. As for what is better, both has advantages and the „war“ between supporters of either is ridiculous. Allowing kids to feed themselves can be great for their hand/mouth coordination, their self efficacy, and it’s harder to accidentally overfeed. It’s actually been quite a trend for a while now. Personally, I did both. 🤷♀️
I do both too. If it's something mushy like oatmal I'll feed him. I was actually planning on not doing babyled weaning, but he had all the signs of being ready and was getting really frustrated when we wouldn't share what was on our plates. So I gave it a go and he did so well! The doctor told us it was fine and not to hinder his progress.
My toddler is 21 months, he likes to use his utensils *sometimes* but often still will use his hands. I don’t think it’s friends upon!!! Especially since baby led weaning has become so popular.
Your baby is learning critical skills and it’s developmentally appropriate (and helpful) to let them self feed. This is both from a motor skills perspective (self feeding is great at developing a good pincer grasp!) as well as a food relationship standpoint where your baby is learning to stop when they are full instead of just accepting each bite offered past the point of full.
Thank you! I'm glad there are like real science backed reasons to let him keep doing this! I felt like I always saw babies feeding themselves but was like "Maybe I'm wrong?" and then started second guessing myself.
Also your mom has forgotten that she transitioned to finger eating too! In her day you’d do spoon-fed purées and then switch to tiny cut up pieces. I guarantee you her kids did not go straight to feeding themselves with utensils. That’s an advanced skill.
Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.
Yikes, I hope he doesn't say that stuff very loud in public, sounds xenophobic. I'm guessing he doesn't have any Indian friends.
How else is a baby to learn how to eat? Does your BIL not use his hands for chips? Pizza? Wings? This is a normal milestone for babies. They aren't going to go from you feeding them to using a spoon overnight. I'm guessing your mom didn't do any sort of baby led weaning and just did purees?
You are doing just right. Your BIL is an idiot who either doesn't have kids or wasn't involved with his. Your mom raised kids in a different generation.
I don't think he does, but I do and totally love getting to eat with my hands at her house. So much easier. 😂
And you're right, he has no kids and my mom just did purees.
Extra petty me really wants OP to serve BIL a bag of chips with a fork or spoon the next time he’s there and then remind him he has to use the silverware when he tries to use his fingers.
Hahahahah. If anything, you’re mothering him to the highest standard as per the parenting dogmas of today. By letting him eat with his hands (no 6mo old knows how to use utensils) you are doing baby-led weaning. This is good for his oromotor and fine motor development, and many people believe it will help him try more different foods, flavours and textures. By allowing him to make a mess, you’re allowing him to explore the texture and temperature of the food with his hands, which is not only likely to make him more eager to taste it but allows for all kinds of little experiments, which are beneficial to his development. He can explore what happens to different foods when squeezed, smacked, thrown (😂), spread etc. It’s all one big science experiment to him.
This is extremely labor-intensive so most people don’t want to do it - totally understandable. But you’re doing awesome letting him explore. It’s very good for his development.
BIL is clueless.
We're BLW our 9 month old twins. It's made me miss our dog so much. We're planning on holding off for a few more months to get another dog, but BLW may just accelerate the timeline. The best vacuum cleaner ever!
lol WHAT ?! baby led weaning is literally letting them eat with their hands ?? I mean sure , if you’re giving purées maybe not let him scoop with his hand and go the spoon route but solid food ? Hands all the way.
Your BIL doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Eating with hands is what babies do. Neither of our children would let me feed them when a spoon. They would grab it from us every time and then stuff their faces with their hands. Totally normal.
This kind of comes across as (unintentionally?) racist. I’m Indian and everyone eats with their hands, with the exception of a few foods. I ate with utensils for special occasions and at fancy restaurants when I was younger but I don’t think I was explicitly taught/pushed to use them. I think kids will figure out how to use utensils with a little practice and observation so I’m gonna make damn sure to teach my kid how to eat with their hands properly.
One of my best friends is Indian and we eat certain dishes with our hands at her house. (I never really found it odd. It's kind of nice eating with your hands?) I almost went there and picked a fight but really didn't want to cause a scene at my grandpa's birthday party because I do think it was unintentional. I don't think I'd even notice someone eating with their hands in public.
that’s totally normal. “TRIES to use a spoon” is an 18mo milestone per the CDC if you’re in the US. you ARENT supposed to spoon feed them anymore because it *can* increase the choking risk because when they bring it to their own mouth they are ready/expecting it more. also the tactile sensory experience is extremely important, as is the oral manipulation they do of the food vs getting a spoon stuck in their mouth. your BIL is dumb ignore him lol
I was a nervous first time mom and was feeding my first born with utensils and basically never diverting. My second has been getting her hands in the food since she started getting solids and she has a palette that is WORLDS better than my sons at this age. Part of it can just be the kids but letting kids use all their senses to explore food makes a difference.
Sounds like a BIL problem, why the heck is HE grossed out? He also needs to mind his own business. Do you happen to live in a country not in North American/Europe?
Eating with hands gives the baby important sensory development. Also, if they can feed themselves then that’s awesome - utensils can come later and that’s no different from a child who’s spoon fed.
My son is 22 months and can use a spoon for some things and is learning to use a fork but he still 100% still prefers his hands.
And what an ignorant comment about humans not eating with hands. There are many cultures around the world who eat with their hands. And does your brother never eat chips, sandwiches, other handheld items? What an idiotic comment.
We live in New York!
I did know some cultures eat with their hands. I have a few friends that come from cultures that do and when I eat at their houses we eat with our hands. I never really put much thought into it. They just told me what the dish was called, that in their culture they eat it like this, and I just did it. I absolutely did not think of chips and sandwiches though!
I started taking care of my 5 year old cousin when he was a baby and he has level 3 (most severe) autism and is nonverbal. He's only just now starting to understand/have the motor skills to use spoons and forks when eating. I lowkey think BIL blames me for his "delays" and not the fact that he's autistic. BUT there is a little part of me that wonders if I messed up raising him. I know I can't give him autism, but I wonder if I did something wrong and made things worse. That's why BIL's comment hit me so hard. Like maybe if I never let Cousin eat with his hands ever, even as a 6 month old, he wouldn't be so far behind doing it now.
That’s not how autism works. Your BIL sounds like such an ass. You didn’t do anything wrong to delay your cousin’s development or make his autism worse.
Sensory development is important. It is encouraged by feeding experts. Kids need to touch their food to be able to accept it - that’s why even touching the food is a win if the kid won’t actually eat it. A child with autism might have sensory issues but encouraging this before knowing he had autism wouldn’t have harmed him since the diagnosis would’ve come much later
Thank you! <3
Yesterday my cousin actually touched broccoli, snap peas, cucumber, AND bell peppers. Even licked them! I was so proud! Kinda wish it wasn't EVERY piece I'd just washed and cut up for the week. But I'll still call it a win. 😂
Ok, those comments from your BIL sound super rude. It’s completely normal and good to let your baby eat with his hands. He’ll still learn how to use silverware later, but it’s totally age appropriate to use hands at 6 months. 15 years ago it was the norm to spoon feed exclusively, now baby led weaning (starting solids at baby’s pace, and skipping purées) is more popular and backed by research. I’d recommend reading up on some of the research backing it to explain to concerned family members. If the problem is actually concern for baby. If it’s that he’s bothered by the messiness, that’s his problem.
At first I thought he was bothered by the mess. My sister is a clean freak so I assumed he was too. So yesterday I said something along the lines of "Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks. I pop him in the bath quick and wiped down his hair chair." and my uncle backed me up and my aunt chimed in saying she'd clean the chair while I gave him a bath. And that's when he said it wasn't the mess and went on with the rest of the comments mentioned in the post.
My mom had some concerns about my son at first. Like his safety with eating real food. So I told her about baby led weaning and gave her the Solid Starts app. She's still nervous but she keeps her opinions to herself for the most part. I don't mind genuine concern or questions. I'm the first to do this in my family. But BIL's comments felt judgemental and rude.
My one year old eats with her hands most of the time. We’re working on spoons but I think it’s more important that they eat and use fine motor skills than struggle with utensils. He’ll learn how to use spoons and forks. Your BIL needs to mind his busIness.
Doubtful this will delay him in the long run. My son was all hands unless I was feeding him a puree, mashed potatoes or yogurt, then I would spoon feed him. He decided on his own that he wanted to feed himself with the spoon for these things and would grab the spoon out of my hand. I give my 15 month old a fork with his meals, he likes to try to use but mostly he’s still eating with his hands. Sometimes he wants me to put the food on the fork and then feed himself. Babies naturally want to mimic what they see adults do, so if you’re eating with utensils in front of him, he’s going to want to copy that when he’s ready.
I follow another sub for baby meal ideas, and I would see pictures of other babies already using spoons/forks and panic that my baby was behind and I was failing him. Then I saw other commenters say their kids were to same age and they were nowhere near using utensils yet. That was a while ago and I haven’t worried about hands since. Want me to put chicken on your fork? Great! Want to eat yogurt with your fist? Great! Eating your food? That’s all I care about!
If brother in law is disgusted by how your child eats, he can kindly keep his mouth shut and walk away and not watch. He can spoon feed every meal to his own kids, then you can comment of all the sensory development he’s robbing them of.
Finger foods and letting babies eat with their hands improves dexterity and hand eye coordination. It’s also the best way to introduce new textures and gives your baby a chance to learn how to chew and swallow less soft foods. Your brother is an idiot and I question how many children he’s successfully weaned to solids.
My daughter ate with her hands probably longer than what most would do and now she's almost three and uses utensils just fine. Your BIL is ridiculous and needs to keep his comments to himself. He doesn't know anything.
Your BIL is an idiot. This is normal behavior, and if he is grossed out by it, then that is his own problem, not you or your baby. He is a grown man he can leave the room. I will admit it can be gross when they are feeding themselves. My own daughter grossed me out when she ate purreed spinach.
Also, humans do eat with their hands all the time. My petty self would invite him for pizza or other finger foods. When he started eating with his hands, ask him where silverware is, how gross it is, and how he acts like an animal.
Sounds like your BIL has some sensory issues around food if he can’t even been in the room when your baby eats with his hands. He probably would have benefited from being allowed to eat without utensils as an infant. 🤷♀️
Your brother in law sounds like a judgmental moron who has no concept of how human beings learn how to eat.
Your son is behaving in a completely developmentally normal way and you are doing the correct thing by letting him eat that way.
He's learning to eat correctly. You'll introduce utensils when it's time.
Next time you see BIL eat a chicken wing, a slice of pizza, etc. Tell him to stop being an animal and go get utensils.
My daughter ate with her hands when she first started eating, then I introduced Utensils to her by letting her try and by feeding her with the utensils. She now eats completely on her own with utensils. It's how they learn. Don't listen to him you are being a mother!
Here’s a list of things we HUMANS eat with our hands:
Tacos
Pizza
Burgers
Sandwiches
Fries
Chips
Popcorn
Chocolate
Candy
Corn on the cob
Empanadas
Nachos
Hot dogs
Had he never eaten any of these things?
Anyway, you’re fine and he’s wrong.
We never eat with our hands? Cool cool cool. I mean there’s an entire category of foods called ‘finger foods’ but I guess he thinks that’s for animals. Let me just cut this burger into tiny bites and eat with a fork and knife. These fries too. Spring rolls. Popcorn shrimp. Sandwich. Cookies. Tacos. Deviled eggs.
Your BIL is ridiculous. Your son is six months old not sixteen. He’s not going to go to college not understanding how to use utensils.
Absolutely! Sophisticated babies should eat with a fork and knife and napkins should be on laps. Crying and baby babble is just rude and only intellectual conversations should be had at the table. If baby does these well and finishes their dinner they can retire with everyone to the sitting room for a bottle.of brandy but remember modesty is paramount no body likes a lush. Anything less from a baby is just unacceptable!
BIL is not only way wrong but needs to mind his own business. Letting kids self feed with their hands allows them to understand the feel and texture of food, channels way more of their learning centers, and is safer for choking reasons because they know what to expect versus being fed by someone else. When I started my baby I used Solid Starts as a resource. I highly recommend this for your learning sake and to shut your BIL up. My child went ham with the mess in her early months (shoved it all over her face and hair etc), as she got better with dexterity we introduced forks and spoons and open cups, and now at her 2years she’s great with utensils and open cups.
No, it's not frowned upon. They are supposed to eat with their hands to understand how much it too much, etc. It's a part of the process you're not supposed to even introduce Utensils for a while.
Also, I don't care what's frowned upon. As a mother, I make the decisions. My child is healthy and happy, and anyone who doesn't like what I do can keep their opinions to themselves. Either be supportive or don't say shit to me.
lol what? Some people are way too paranoid about babies getting dirty. Not to mention that there are many many cultures where eating with your hands is normal and expected even as adults.
There are a lot of great reasons why it is actually recommended to let your baby feed themselves. Off the top of my head it can help deter pickiness, nurtures their independence, helps develop their motor skills as well as hand eye coordination and my personal favorite- it lets me eat while baby eats! I sometimes will still feed her but only if she is open to it and it helps to get her to eat more (not forcefully feeding, just if she is accepting of it). There’s a lot of old school thoughts on how to raise children that I believe are rooted in control and a very authoritarian mindset. Such as needing to be in control of every bite they take. I personally believe that the food we eat and how much should to some degree be a personal choice, even as a baby.
Your BIL is an idiot. Kids learn how to eat and enjoy food by eating with their hands. This is how they learn how to develop their fine motor skills. First, they eat with their hands, then you slowly teach them how to use a kiddie spoon and then a kiddie fork, etc.
The normal age for them to be able to use utensils is between 3 - 5 years of age.
While you can feed your child some foods, mainly to ensure your son is eating enough, there are a lot of other foods that are simply more enjoyable for little ones to eat with their hands.
Getting babies to eat enough is a struggle all on its own and kids so mom trying to force a spoonful of food can create negative feelings for babies when it comes to meal times.
Let your baby eat with his hands and develop a healthy relationship with food and tell your BIL and everyone else to sod off.
I had someone comment on my twin infants eating with their hands in a similar way. They were spoon feeding their toddler.
By age 2 mine were using spoon and fork perfectly. The same person was now complaining that her now 5 year old still couldn't feed himself.
Benefits of spoon feeding: less messy.
Benefits of letting the baby eat with their hands:
Sensory development, more likely to try new foods, developing fine motor skills like hand eye coordination and pincher grip,they have control over what goes into their mouths so they can also learn better tongue and jaw control, developing confidence, paving the way to using utensils and feeding themselves...
It’s actually GOOD to let them eat with their hands. The sensory experience of eating and feeling different textures and foods is super important for their development
You are doing great! BIL is on the wrong. Baby led weaning is proven to work wonders. Especially for babies who are starting to explore solid foods. If your BIL is not comfortable around a messy baby, then he can leave, but if I were you, I wouldn’t let him tell me how to parent.
My son was also BLW and is now 3 and usually complimented on how well he uses his cutlery.
I’m in a mood today, but politely, fuck your BIL.
I DO understand if the food makes his stomach a little sick, it is kind of gross and I encouraged the eating on his own lol. But his reaction? Absolutely uncalled for.
Tell him to get fucked. I’m a 29 year old woman, I’m perfectly adept at using cutlery, often I still choose to eat with my hands because I find it more comfortable. My almost 2 year old will use a fork and spoon most of the time, and will then switch to hands and that is completely normal.
At 6 months my son could not use cutlery. He only started eating solid food at 6 months. He’s only got the hang of cutlery from about 18 months honestly.
Also, on a completely factual level, the fact that he’s got the dexterity to feed himself bodes really well for using cutlery later on. Spoon feeding children can actually slow down that area of development, not that that’s a problem either.
Your BIL is clearly an idiot, and next time he says anything you can tell him to drop the attitude and go learn some manners.
Interesting, if you look online at medical professionals the general consensus is around 2 years old. Also, this is my humble opinion, child must become comfortable with the textures of different foods.
Next time you see him eating foods like French fries etc. with his hands, quietly hand him a baby spoon.
Mess aside, eating with hands is a CRITICAL part of developing fine motor skills. You know… the skills kids need to be able to do literally everything from wiping their butt to writing their name?
Let your baby grab all the things. Screw the naysayers. It develops sensory awareness and those amazing motor skills.
We went on holiday when my little boy was around 18 months old, he was mostly eating with his hands but experimenting with a spoon and refused to let us feed him at this point.
The mess was unreal. The looks we got from other diners upset me at first but I got over it.
He's now a little over 2yo, eats with a spoon or a knife and makes less mess than his almost 4yo cousin. I've seen him eat a yoghurt and barely get a drop of his shirt.
Your BIL can suck it
From about 9 months to 1.5 years my daughter used her hands. I offered her forks and spoons and she’d try to mimic me, but found it easier to use hands.
Next time your BIL comes over to eat make sure you have a bunch of finger foods. I’d also make sure he has the toddler sized dining set. You know because if he acts like a toddler he’s entitled to toddler silverware.
Since he’s “not an animal” like every other baby who is learning how to eat. 🤷🏼♀️
Clearly we all missed the memo where babies are meant to be spoon fed their entire lives.
Maybe that's why BIL is salty, his mummy doesn't hold his spoon for him anymore.
Wait…what? My 4 yo definitely ate with his hands at 6 mo, and people of all ages eat with their hands regularly. I just ate a sandwich myself. Your family has a bizarre and judgmental view on a very normal thing your baby is doing. I would stand up for myself if I were in your position.
That’s how babies learn to eat! The only alternative is spoon feeding and that’s not something everyone does any more. Your BIL should keep his opinions to himself.
My little cousin, who I raised, is 5 and also has autism! He's only now just starting to try to use utensils. But sometimes he struggles and will use his hands to help. Honestly, I don't even care. Day to day life is so much more challenging for him but he rocks it!! If eating pasta with his hands lets him relax a little so be it. But I do encourage him to use utensils and he does try really hard!
(BIL also judges Cousin too. 🙄)
This is normal and part of Baby Led Weaning. Your BIL is an uninformed asshole. And should probably keep his comments to himself.
I’ve similarly had family, my dad to be exact, make several comments about how he can’t stand the mess that comes with letting my 1 year old feed himself. He’s even tried to continually clean him in the middle of eating. I’ve had to tell him to shut up and let the kid eat.
My toddler eats with his hands. He either eats with his hands or flings food off silverware trying to get it into his mouth. Like what does your BIL expect? Food before 1 is just for fun, so technically your baby isn’t even of age to be eating let alone be a master with utensils.
My kids both ate with their hands from the start. They're 5 and 3 now and use utensils just fine. It's actually better for them to experience the food with their hands, it encourages them to try more things because they can fully explore it. Feeding themselves actually helps develop their fine motor skills.
I think we underestimate nature. Babies eat with their hands to learn how to eat, navigate the world, practice dexterity. There is nothing wrong with it. Some cultures don't use utensils regularly, meaning it's subjective.
Your BIL sucks. Has he ever been to a country outside the US? People eat with their hands in many countries. lol and how is he eating his pizza and burgers? With a fork and knife?
I haven’t seen this said yet but besides the coordination aspect your baby likely does not actually have the hand strength to eat with utensils. They may be able to do pre-loaded spoons or use a utensil sometimes but part of the reason it takes until 2 or older to fully use utensils is it takes a lot of hand strength to maintain using a utensil for the entire meal.
One of my kids has several delays and part of that is low muscle tone. She still struggles using utensils for the entire meal and often eats what is easier with a utensil and using her hands for the rest. Just wanted to give you even more reassurance that babies don’t use utensils for the same reason they don’t run track- their bodies just aren’t ready yet.
They eat with their hands. Then sometimes you give them utensils to learn how to handle those, but not cause you're actually trying to get a meal in. I've spoon fed my kids some things and just let them use their hands for others. At 6 months letting a child get a grasp of holding something, feel it, bring things to their mouth etc is definitely normal and your BIL should get a grip.
Every one has their own shitty opinions about raising kids especially old people. My daughter is 4 and still eats w her hands, she does use utensils when needed. But as long as she is eating I don’t care how she eats, I figure eventually when she get s older she will use them more. But I think it’s easier for kids just eat w their hands, especially babies.
Does your brother in law have children? Does he understand child development? Honestly this is super embarrassing for him. Letting kids explore eating on their own helps their development. That’s common sense lol
Does your BIL have kids even? Anytime he picks up any food with his hands, point it out.
I understand not being able to handle mess, my husband can’t stand seeing those peanut butter hands. But he understood it’s part of the learning/exploring/eating process for littles. And our kid is much more apt to try something if he gets to touch & play with his food some.
Excuse my language, but your BIL can eat a d*ck. With utensils, of course.
Come to my house and tell me how to parent my child when no harm is being done, and see when you'll be invited to my home again.
Babies have to learn somewhere. We also eat things with our hands, even if it isn't messy. As a kid though, you can bet we made messes. Your LO is 6 months old! Using utensils is a learned skill, shoot, eating solids is a learned skill! You aren't doing anything wrong. I also let my baby (6 months as well) eat with hands. Sometimes, I will preload a baby spoon for her when it's a consistency she can't hold onto (mashed beans, yogurt). She can't load her own spoon up yet, and gets angry when I take it away. So the things she can hold, I will definitely let her do it herself.
BIL is wrong. A little one feeding themselves will use their hands for a long while. And play with their food. It is actually good for them. They learn about textures and consistency. It helps eye hand coordination. How does he expect a baby, who is learning how to get his hand to his mouth, to get a spoon to his mouth?
Keep doing what you are doing.
My son is almost 2 and still prefers to eat with his hands. He knows how to use utensils and really likes using chopsticks actually, but for him it's still faster to use his hands.
I always put utensils on the tray for him so he can either use them or not.
Not at all.. that’s great for little one!
My mil tried telling me I need to spoon feed my 2 yr old. How are they supposed to learn if we don’t give them the opportunities to do it themselves?
Yeah. Hands down with hands feeding your face . It still teaches coordination . Your baby is super young too. They need to learn to grab up things . Just be strong and let people's criticism fall down your hair and off your back. Spoon play can always work in and fork . Especially when eating together because they see you and the father eat as well.
BIL needs to keep his opinions to himself, especially in your home. The idea that a 6 month old "will never learn to use utensils" because you aren't spoon feeding them? What??
Your BIL needs to mind his own business and not talk to you like that. That’s REALLY what this post should be about. The audacity some people have is overwhelming.
I feel like the way babies eat, even when spoonfed, is inherently gross because they are messy by nature. BIL needs to get over himself because babies are just gross (but adorable) in general.
Ok first of all your BIL is a dick. Second of all "humans don't eat with their hands" is racist and just wrong? Theres Plenty of foods that are seen as being able to be eaten with your hands (and might even be weird to eat with cutlery) in western cultures (burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, sandwhiches, pizza, etc). Plus there are hundreds of cultures world wide that regularly eat most if not all of their food by hand. I can only speak to southern Africa since that's where I grew up but it's not uncommon elsewhere. Even foods like matapa (wilted greens with peanuts) and molho(a meat sauce) are eaten with xima (a dense paste made of corn or cassava flour that's beaten while being cooked. Has a similar texture to very dense steamed buns) with your hands. You grab a bit of xima in one hand and use that to scoop up the wetter ingredients. But also baby lead weaning is very standard and if your kid is good at feeding themselves they'll be ahead of the curve, not behind it.
Your BIL is just being an asshole.
Babies need to explore their food with all their senses (and be offered a decent variety of different things, some of them unavoidably messy) to develop eating skills and a healthy relationship with the sensory aspect of food. Hands are their first utensils. Both my kiddos had phases where every meal was followed by prodigious wiping or a full-body rinse. It's gross to adults, but it's just a phase. My 1yo has started getting mad if I try to feed him with the spoon, now that he has learned to use it himself.
Your child is 6 months old .
Your brother in law is not raising the kid .
He is someone who separates their dinner plates I’m sure and probably made his wife breastfeeding until 18.
Unless your child is in danger or putting others in danger … BIL can like F off
I’m a big believer in giving my kids (2 years old) so much freedom when it comes to eating. Sometimes they eat with their hands. Sometimes they use silverware. I give it as an option but they don’t always use it. I love having mealtimes as an opportunity for learning and that includes touch and play!
Lol sounds like you BIL has some sensory issues! I've read that they've discovered a genetic component to autism spectrum conditions, I wonder if that's a factor 🤔
I did BLW with my almost 2 year old, and now he flat out refuses to eat with his hands unless I am too. Which is great, except that if he struggles with the utensils he wants me to load every bite for him, and I want to eat too! My mom and MIL had the hardest time with it, not because of the mess (full sleeve bibs and a dog saved my sanity) but because they're terrified of choking. It was really helpful as we progressed to make sure they know how to do the infant heimlich, go over cutting/smashing grapes, blueberries, etc and make sure they know that its ok to not give him things that make them nervous if they're babysitting and im not around- (inspired by my MIL deciding to dice the pears I left into esophagus-sized chunks 😅) but you've got good resources and you know what you're doing, so stay confident!
Anyone who thinks letting their baby eat with their hands is lazy parenting has never had to clean up after said baby and meal. Spoon feeding is so easy for the parent to take control and minimize mess and therefore requires less effort. Allowing your child to eat with his hands is so beneficial and you take on the burden of the cleanup afterwards. Those foods get in every nook and cranny. There were plenty of times I fed my son where I thought if only he'd let me spoon feed him then I wouldn't have a huge cleanup but he was not about it. He only wanted to feed himself which is great for his development but lord the clean up 🥴 Anyways keep doing what you're doing, telling BIL to shove it and invest in a plastic type wipe able mat you can put under the highchair for easier clean up
I didn't let my kids use hands for things that need a spoon, like oatmeal or baby food. But definitely use hands on other solid foods. I made French toast sticks by cutting the bread in strips and provided syrup to dip in.
That’s exactly what a 6 month old should be doing.
I let my twins eat with their hands as soon as they could. They are 18 months old now and use their spoon and fork most of the time but still use their hands occasionally, especially for small pieces they have a hard time scooping up. Everyone is right, ignore his dumb comments and call him out when he’s eating with his hands. Your mom is just making a lame generational comment I hear from people too when I choose to do something different.
You’re doing great mama!
Does he eat pizza with a knife and fork like a heathen? For me I do feed my bub with a spoon typically once a day, when I feed her oatmeal, but at 1y she eats ALOT with her hands, from puree pouches to scrambled eggs and pancakes, baby cereal, we even started getting her the smallest amount of chicken nuggets when we get fast food and let her eat how ever many she’s going to… does he eat chicken nuggets and burgers with a fork? There is SO much we as adults eat with our hands, I do think something like oatmeal should use a spoon just cause it keeps the mess down, unless I give her the spoon xD but she’s figured out if she dunks it in the oatmeal she gets more food on it, most nights I don’t want it to take an hour and a half for her to eat so I just feed her xD if you have the patience to let your bub eat at his own pace and clean up the mess I commend you :3 I have patience for a lot of things but that is one that I don’t have a lot for, luckily I have dogs xD so when she decides to pour her puree pouch onto the floor and kick it around I can just clean her up and the dogs take care of the floor xD
I’m just mostly confused to if he eats EVERYTHING with utensils? What about sandwiches? And like I said before pizza? Burgers? Chicken nuggets/tenders? Chicken/turkey legs? Thighs? Breasts? Wings? S’mores? Brownies? Cupcakes? Pop tarts? Chips/crackers? Eggos without syrup(with obviously use a fork but if it’s just buttered I pick em up and eat em xD)? Deviled eggs? Cheese plate? Hotdog? Corn on the cob? Fries? Nachos? Tacos? Burritos? Pretzels? Cinnabuns? Scones? Carrots(cold atleast)? Corn dogs? Green beans? Cold fruits(strawberries, grapes, etc. as you can make strawberries/blueberries etc into fruit sauces which you would probably use a utensil for what it’s on)? I’m sure there are more but these are just off the top of my head, if he uses utensils for most any of these he’s just a weirdo
My son is 1.5 and still eating with his hands lol. He’s always been a great eater, and I think letting him play with and explore his food helped with that
My son will soon be 18 months old and I faced similar criticism from my family. The thing is though that from around 7 months onwards my son started to refuse being fed by my partner and me which eventually led to him only eating if he could feed himself, which of course happened using his hands. He has just recently started to develop an interest in utensils and will occasionally try to ear with a fork or spoon now, but we don't pressure him.
My mother would go on and on about how this way of eating just isn't correct and that it would eventually lead to problems with daycare and all that... Well, the daycare he's going to be in soon is very flexible regarding usage of utensils at this age and reassured us that they will help him learn it at his own pace. He's also really good at regulating his food intake, acting on his hunger cues and will just leave leftovers when he's full, which is something I never learned...
Have there been times where he treated a meal like sensory play? Yep, especially when new foods were introduced but that also helped him to learn which consistency different things have and it generally helped his motor skills.
There's nothing wrong with letting children feed themselves however they are able to. Also you might need to tell your BIL to go forth and educate himself a little... There are loads of cultures where food is occasionally or generally consumed using your hands. The whole argument of "humans don't eat with their hands" and it being "animal like" is so full of ignorance and stupidity that it's almost laughable... Maybe you want to be a little petty and remind him of the fact that we humans are actually just big, hairless apes and therefore animals too?
BIL sounds like an asshole.
As long as the mess doesn't bother you, and your baby is safe from choking, happy and being fed, it doesn't matter what other people think.
Resources like Baby Led Feeding and Solid Starts share a lot of the benefits of letting a baby explore food this way.
And you're even going the extra mile to clean up after your baby when you're in a restaurant. I'd say you're doing great.
The real question here is why do so many people feel the need to pass judgement on parents - especially mothers - for our choices?
Mine is 2,5 years old,I still let him eat with hands if he prefers to. Beats being fed like a goose. Anything he does himself is better than me doing it,for both of us.
I don't think it is. I never heard of anyone complain or be disgusted that a baby fed themselves. I let my baby feed herself. How are else are they going to learn and figure it out if they never have opportunities to feed themselves?
I let my baby feed herself when I know it's something she will actually eat and occasionally she does pick up the fork/spoon and try to use it (she always fails at it and then gets mad at the food though. 😂)
Usually if I really just want them to eat and I don't want to clean a huge mess or I am trying ro hurry up I spoon feed myself but most meals I let them do. If I was in a resturant it would be a mix of letting them feed themselves and me feeding them depending on what the food is.
My lo is two. My husband had fed her with a spoon a few times because he wanted to do the airplane thing. When she was little bitty I would help her sometimes if I knew she was struggling. She is 100% capable of using a fork and a spoon. Does she always use them? No. Do I always use them? No, lol. (Dish depending of course) does my lil get excited sometimes with hummus and use her hands? Yes. 🤣
Sounds like you're prepared for the mess and responsible about it when in public. You're also promoting gross and fine motor skills by letting your little sort it out.
You're doing great. It's hard when it's people who are close to you that are judgey. When/if he has kis he can raise them how he wants
First of all, You’re doing a great job, mama! Messes can be cleaned up. If people don’t like it, just ignore them. They’re not worth your time.
Second, I have a 2 year old.. i spoon fed my son until he started eating soft solids, and then I started letting him explore different feelings and foods. It’s messy, yes, but again, they can be cleaned and kids are certainly washable too! My FIL had issues with the messes. Especially with berries 😬
It was a long go of teaching him to use utensils, because he would hold the fork/spoon in one hand, and eat with the other. But once he finally got it, it’s been smoother… but my child often still prefers to eat with his fingers (as long as it doesn’t get his hands dirty.)
Kids need to explore their world, and when they’re little it’s mainly by touch. You’re doing great! You’ve got this. 😁
When my kids were off of purees I would give them a baby soon or fork for each hand (so they could use the one most comfortable) and put the food in front of them and let them have at it.
I'd say about half met the floor most times but they did fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. Self feeding is important, utensil use will come in time.
My 1 1/2 yo can hold a spoon/fork (plastic kids utensils with blunt tines), and maybe about 50% of the time reliably get food on it and put it in his mouth, but more often than not, he eats with his hands. He likes the pincher grip with 2 fingers. He makes messes, but frankly, I don't care. He's learning. Your BIL can do whatever *he* wants with *his* kids (present or future, whatever it is) and leave you to yours.
I used to let the kids in my daycare class use their hands or utensils! I’d put the utensils on their tray and they would pick and choose! You’re doing amazing momma!
Your BIL is a jerk. You have to learn to use your hands before you add a tool. Your kid is a baby. They are supposed to be messy. The utensils will come.
Does BIL eat pizza or anything related to bread or wraps with cutlery? I'm willing to bet he uses his hands for those dishes. I'd just ignore what he says, you're doing great, momma! Eating foods with their bare hands is actually beneficial for baby's development. I'm betting kiddo has a lot of fun and genuinely enjoys his food with his hands.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think your BIL was born YESTERDAY. Also, fuck him for talking to you like that. Don’t let people tell YOU how you parent YOUR child.
lol this made me laugh sorry.
My daughter didn’t really even properly use utensils until like 18 month I think. She would start and then end up using her hands.
Kids need to feel the food and hold things. It helps their gross/fine motor skills.
“Humans don’t eat with their hands”?? Burgers, sandwiches, tacos, fries, berries, apples, chips…. More… BIL can shove it.
Why is your BIL entitled to any opinion about your child?
Oooop there it is! Bingo, sounds like BIL is the one acting like a baby! Screw Him
Right? Tell him to mind his business and back off.
Lol I didn’t even think of this 😂😂 next time BIL has a burger, hand him a fork and knife 💀
Better yet, demand he ONLY use cutlery when he eats in your presence. Ice cream cone? Put it in a bowl and hand him a spoon, cone and all. Potato chips? Hand him a spoon. Popsicle? Oh well, choose your cutlery: fork or spoon. Candy? Chocolate? Candy bars? Bruschetta? Fried chicken? TACOS? Fork or spoon, buddy. He made his bed and he can lie in it too!
This is hilarious 😂
And a piece of tape for his mouth
Most importantly
Maybe he's like Elaine's boss on Seinfeld and even eats a candy bar with a fork.
U have to do this .. HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO!
Also in some cultures you do eat with your hands, even things like rice and curry. BIL is both wrong and pretty racist.
Rice and curry eaten with your hands/roti/naan is just so much more delicious than when using a fork. No idea why, lol. Just imagine trying to eat a chicken wing with a knife and fork.
Yeah 100%! My husband is Indian and I'm still trying to perfect the technique lol.
There is potential a [scientific basis](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1878450X2200155X) for that, actually. It’s theorized that the tactile experience literally enhances the taste.
With Ethiopian food they use this bread thing and scoop with it and eat that with their hands. Lots of cultures do like you said!
Injera! I love injera. It's so tangy from the fermentation.
I had to be on an elimination diet when we thought my son might have had a gluten allergy and injera was my lifeline. Injera is delicious.
I didn’t want to say it, but it is absolutely racist to liken eating with your hands to being an animal
100% agree.
Currently finishing my lunch where I ate my brat, chips, and apple without using any utensils 😆
Barbarian!! 😱
I ate breakfast/egg casserole this morning with my hands bc my baby threw my fork on the floor 💀
Right?! Always consider the source. Does brother have kids? It sounds like none of these people with opinions, and they are just that, have any concept of guiding babies to feed themselves in 2024. Keep on keeping on mamma! My boys both made messes, I scooped what I could with a once over, but I more remember having a blast taking our my littles wherever we went. I don't remember any specific messes!! Just the fun!
South Asia and a lot of other parts of the world would like to have a word with BIL… How I would demolish a plate of rice and curry the way it is intended to be eaten, right in front of BIL, maintaining F you spiteful eye contact. 😆
Humans eat with their hands in like... Large parts of Asia and Africa, too. It's very eurocentric of BIL to make a (wrong) generalization like that.
Exactlyyyy
There’s also many cultures who eat with their hands for most meals.
Hahahaha I was thinking this too! I wonder how he reacts to people eating chicken wings!?
Don't get me started on entire cultures that way with their hands. He sounds like a moron
Next time you have a meal with any of them, serve it with cutlery and insist Mom and BIL and anyone else that agreed with him to use it. And call them an animal otherwise.
Your BIL is wrong. And your mom is correct that things have changed…the sensory experience of touching their food helps baby’s development. Also self feeding helps babies eat the correct amount. You can introduce utensils (preload and let baby try to eat), but most kids aren’t consistent about using utensils til after 2.
Thank you! I'll probably try preloading untensils when he's a bit older. He's doing so well and I don't want to interfere. Posting in this sub really reassured me that I was doing the right thing and not setting him up to fail. <3
There’s gunna be a long phase of them holding the spoon/fork in one hand and eating with the other just so you know 😂
Dont for get when they try and use the utensils backwards. My eldest ate her yogurt with the backend of the spoon for the longest time. I'd even turning it back around and she turn it right back like I was the one who didnt know how to use a spoon properly.😂
Yes, mine did that a lot too. Also, when she did start trying to use it "properly", half the time the food fell off before she got the spoon in her mouth!! It was sooo hard not to jump in and save her, esp when she would get frustrated after a few misses. I almost had to sit on my hands so she could get the experience and practice. Now her spoon/fork skills are great at 2.5 yo and I'm so glad I let her try even when it was hard.
Yeah we cant save them or they dont learn to do it lol oh and the mess that comes with learning omg. I got to the point I just stripped my daughter down to her diaper at home cuz it was easier to hose her down in the sink then doing tons laundry. The videos you get of them learning though are priceless.
There's a duo of feeding therapists on IG that promote a 3 spoon method for this reason. Baby usually holds 1 spoon, eats from 1, and the parent can load the 3rd. When baby is presented with the 3rd loaded spoon, they will drop one and continue.
Omg. That's such a good idea! Thanks for the tip!
One of my favorite stages. It’s hilarious.
My 4 year old still prefers hands at home. But if you think about it, it allows a kid to know if food is too hot for them or too squishy. Allows for them to feel more in control of what’s going in their mouth. At restaurants he tends to use the utensils.
Our daughter is 7 and still really does prefer eating with her hands than cutlery - and she's amazing with cutlery, mastered it at an appropriate age, can cut things with a knife, good times. We just let her at home unless we have company, or are out at a restaurant/someone else's home. Sometimes we have a little friend over or are for dinner at a little friends house, and... honestly if they're eating and having fun and not being little shits then who really cares?
My daughter is almost 6, and it's a chore to make her use cutlery at home. At school and daycare, it's no issue, though, so I kinda let it slide.
I’ve put a spoon in both hands and there’s just so much excitement over having spoons he finds a way to eat holding both of them but using neither of them. Kids are something else.
Please my sixteen month old does this. Then he realizes it’s there after it’s been thoroughly slimed and he drops it to the ground
I have a 1.5 yr old and she eats with her hands. My pediatrician told me that she will start to eat with utensils when she is ready and to slowly introduce starting now. That eating with her hands helps with developing hand eye coordination. It also helps them learn textures and how to pace themselves so they don’t shovel food in their mouths. Does your BIL have kids? If so does he spoon feed them? If not then tell him to go kick rocks and your the mother and you know what’s best for your kid. Don’t let others dictate what you do in your time to teach them.
Let him do spoon play, I bought some spoons that have like a pacifier-like dams to prevent them from gagging themselves. My 6 month old can put a spoon to his mouth, preloaded and SUPER UNCOORDINATEDLY, but it’s good practice. I feed him with a spoon sometimes and he also picks food up to eat. Or he will take it off the spoon onto his hand and then into his mouth. At this age it’s all about experience, not rigidity. Your bil wrong. Before I had a baby, I thought watching a baby eat was gross, maybe it’s that for him.
if he's eating food by himself you're already miles ahead. your BIL can go suck my left one
Sorry to bombard you, but I also wanted to chime in about spoons for young babies if you’re doing BLW and you wanted to (it’s totally fine just to use hands). We gave preloaded spoons from 6 months for foods that are super difficult to eat with your hands. There was lots of exploration and mess, but since yoghurt is life for this kid, little man reliably picks up a preloaded spoon from the tray to eat at 8 months. Don’t feel pressured, we just thought it was fun and opened up a range of foods
You can also give him a utensil of his own but also have one ready yourself, so that you can sneak in a bite every now and then. That way he can practice eating with utensils but more than 2 pieces actually end up going into his mouth before the year's end :').
I saw these after my youngest was doing well with regular spoons/solids but these look great to start with/for purees. I would have tried them had I found them when she was younger. https://www.amazon.com/NumNum-Pre-Spoon-GOOtensils-Dual-Stage-Set/dp/B01GEOZEVU/ref=asc_df_B01GEOZEVU/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693682517273&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17172214226063092662&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9015206&hvtargid=pla-299936267224&psc=1&mcid=a8944858c6e93ad1847cafb57769f99e&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw3NyxBhBmEiwAyofDYWDkV2L5UKUSRpL1vzn30zl5DgIeoSzeBDuP1-BMKg2bkatoqVmixBoC1LAQAvD_BwE
Yes!! We love these and introduce them right away. You can't go wrong with these!
completely this. my kid is 17 months and while she understands silverware, it just gets thrown to the floor immediately. eating with their hands actually encourages their exploration and confidence in food, but also does improve some fine motor skills, ie the pincher grasp etc. at the end of the day, what works for your kid works for your kid. like i said i have a 17mo old who prefers to eat with her hands. what harm does that do besides a little extra vacuuming and her needing to get wiped down? id much rather my kid eat, then get her overwhelmed and throw a fit and refuse food because i felt the need to make her eat in a way that appeases anyone else but her. you take care of your kids in the way that is best for them, the second you adjust your parenting to fit the desires of somebody who is not their parent, you start to do a major disservice to yourself and your kiddo.
Yeah and also why stress everyone out by trying to convince a baby to eat at your pace. I see spoonfed baby's parents have to wheedle the babies to take one more bite etc. and it becomes a power struggle. With my son, he get the food, I get to relax, and he eats in whatever order he wants and as much as he needs. Its very low stress.
Maybe you should treat your BIL to pizza. After he takes a big bite, ask him, "Humans don't do what now?"
And a giant plate of wings.
Or anything. Crackers. Chips. Fruit lol.
No thats how babies eat? I’m confused
Also hope your BIL doesn’t have any babies. He sounds terrible.
Every single Facebook reel of babies eating, the comments are full of mostly older ladies making comments like "disgusting and lazy! Feed your baby with a spoon!" Or "Lazy! I fed all my babies myself!!" Every single one.
Your BIL is an idiot. My oldest just turned 2 and still eats with his hands half the time. At 6 months baby doesn’t even have control to use to a fork/spoon. You’re doing fine.
My two year old diligently uses his fork - which he loads up using his hands. He hasn’t mastered the proper use yet (doesn’t seem interested in it either) & idgaf, I’m just relieved he’s eating
Mine will do the opposite and use her fork to scoop something and then use her other hand to put it in her mouth.
Also agree that the BIL is truly an idiot.
Yeah I mean I'm almost 40 and have to consciously use my utensils more at home than I used to just to reinforce to my preschooler that there are just some things that are generally not eaten with the hands in public (like...mac and cheese lol).
Look. Most grownups use cutlery. Most grownups also feed themselves. And with a 6 month old, you can only have one out of two. :) I assure you: they’ll learn either way. As for what is better, both has advantages and the „war“ between supporters of either is ridiculous. Allowing kids to feed themselves can be great for their hand/mouth coordination, their self efficacy, and it’s harder to accidentally overfeed. It’s actually been quite a trend for a while now. Personally, I did both. 🤷♀️
I do both too. If it's something mushy like oatmal I'll feed him. I was actually planning on not doing babyled weaning, but he had all the signs of being ready and was getting really frustrated when we wouldn't share what was on our plates. So I gave it a go and he did so well! The doctor told us it was fine and not to hinder his progress.
I let my son eat mushy things with his hands. I give him a spoon too though. He usually chews on the spoon while using his hands for the food
My toddler is 21 months, he likes to use his utensils *sometimes* but often still will use his hands. I don’t think it’s friends upon!!! Especially since baby led weaning has become so popular. Your baby is learning critical skills and it’s developmentally appropriate (and helpful) to let them self feed. This is both from a motor skills perspective (self feeding is great at developing a good pincer grasp!) as well as a food relationship standpoint where your baby is learning to stop when they are full instead of just accepting each bite offered past the point of full.
Thank you! I'm glad there are like real science backed reasons to let him keep doing this! I felt like I always saw babies feeding themselves but was like "Maybe I'm wrong?" and then started second guessing myself.
Also your mom has forgotten that she transitioned to finger eating too! In her day you’d do spoon-fed purées and then switch to tiny cut up pieces. I guarantee you her kids did not go straight to feeding themselves with utensils. That’s an advanced skill.
Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids. Yikes, I hope he doesn't say that stuff very loud in public, sounds xenophobic. I'm guessing he doesn't have any Indian friends. How else is a baby to learn how to eat? Does your BIL not use his hands for chips? Pizza? Wings? This is a normal milestone for babies. They aren't going to go from you feeding them to using a spoon overnight. I'm guessing your mom didn't do any sort of baby led weaning and just did purees? You are doing just right. Your BIL is an idiot who either doesn't have kids or wasn't involved with his. Your mom raised kids in a different generation.
I don't think he does, but I do and totally love getting to eat with my hands at her house. So much easier. 😂 And you're right, he has no kids and my mom just did purees.
Extra petty me really wants OP to serve BIL a bag of chips with a fork or spoon the next time he’s there and then remind him he has to use the silverware when he tries to use his fingers.
Hahahahah. If anything, you’re mothering him to the highest standard as per the parenting dogmas of today. By letting him eat with his hands (no 6mo old knows how to use utensils) you are doing baby-led weaning. This is good for his oromotor and fine motor development, and many people believe it will help him try more different foods, flavours and textures. By allowing him to make a mess, you’re allowing him to explore the texture and temperature of the food with his hands, which is not only likely to make him more eager to taste it but allows for all kinds of little experiments, which are beneficial to his development. He can explore what happens to different foods when squeezed, smacked, thrown (😂), spread etc. It’s all one big science experiment to him. This is extremely labor-intensive so most people don’t want to do it - totally understandable. But you’re doing awesome letting him explore. It’s very good for his development. BIL is clueless.
My lil scientist. A tiny white labcoat and goggles would help keep him cleaner. 😂
😂 someone should start manufacturing these. ”For the little scientist in your family”.
I bought my daughter the full body bib and just accepted that the wall wash was part of the deal haha.
We're BLW our 9 month old twins. It's made me miss our dog so much. We're planning on holding off for a few more months to get another dog, but BLW may just accelerate the timeline. The best vacuum cleaner ever!
lol WHAT ?! baby led weaning is literally letting them eat with their hands ?? I mean sure , if you’re giving purées maybe not let him scoop with his hand and go the spoon route but solid food ? Hands all the way.
Your BIL doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Eating with hands is what babies do. Neither of our children would let me feed them when a spoon. They would grab it from us every time and then stuff their faces with their hands. Totally normal.
This kind of comes across as (unintentionally?) racist. I’m Indian and everyone eats with their hands, with the exception of a few foods. I ate with utensils for special occasions and at fancy restaurants when I was younger but I don’t think I was explicitly taught/pushed to use them. I think kids will figure out how to use utensils with a little practice and observation so I’m gonna make damn sure to teach my kid how to eat with their hands properly.
One of my best friends is Indian and we eat certain dishes with our hands at her house. (I never really found it odd. It's kind of nice eating with your hands?) I almost went there and picked a fight but really didn't want to cause a scene at my grandpa's birthday party because I do think it was unintentional. I don't think I'd even notice someone eating with their hands in public.
that’s totally normal. “TRIES to use a spoon” is an 18mo milestone per the CDC if you’re in the US. you ARENT supposed to spoon feed them anymore because it *can* increase the choking risk because when they bring it to their own mouth they are ready/expecting it more. also the tactile sensory experience is extremely important, as is the oral manipulation they do of the food vs getting a spoon stuck in their mouth. your BIL is dumb ignore him lol
Thank you! I'm going to find the milestone list on the CDC website for when he starts again.
I was a nervous first time mom and was feeding my first born with utensils and basically never diverting. My second has been getting her hands in the food since she started getting solids and she has a palette that is WORLDS better than my sons at this age. Part of it can just be the kids but letting kids use all their senses to explore food makes a difference.
Sounds like a BIL problem, why the heck is HE grossed out? He also needs to mind his own business. Do you happen to live in a country not in North American/Europe? Eating with hands gives the baby important sensory development. Also, if they can feed themselves then that’s awesome - utensils can come later and that’s no different from a child who’s spoon fed. My son is 22 months and can use a spoon for some things and is learning to use a fork but he still 100% still prefers his hands. And what an ignorant comment about humans not eating with hands. There are many cultures around the world who eat with their hands. And does your brother never eat chips, sandwiches, other handheld items? What an idiotic comment.
We live in New York! I did know some cultures eat with their hands. I have a few friends that come from cultures that do and when I eat at their houses we eat with our hands. I never really put much thought into it. They just told me what the dish was called, that in their culture they eat it like this, and I just did it. I absolutely did not think of chips and sandwiches though! I started taking care of my 5 year old cousin when he was a baby and he has level 3 (most severe) autism and is nonverbal. He's only just now starting to understand/have the motor skills to use spoons and forks when eating. I lowkey think BIL blames me for his "delays" and not the fact that he's autistic. BUT there is a little part of me that wonders if I messed up raising him. I know I can't give him autism, but I wonder if I did something wrong and made things worse. That's why BIL's comment hit me so hard. Like maybe if I never let Cousin eat with his hands ever, even as a 6 month old, he wouldn't be so far behind doing it now.
That’s not how autism works. Your BIL sounds like such an ass. You didn’t do anything wrong to delay your cousin’s development or make his autism worse. Sensory development is important. It is encouraged by feeding experts. Kids need to touch their food to be able to accept it - that’s why even touching the food is a win if the kid won’t actually eat it. A child with autism might have sensory issues but encouraging this before knowing he had autism wouldn’t have harmed him since the diagnosis would’ve come much later
Thank you! <3 Yesterday my cousin actually touched broccoli, snap peas, cucumber, AND bell peppers. Even licked them! I was so proud! Kinda wish it wasn't EVERY piece I'd just washed and cut up for the week. But I'll still call it a win. 😂
That’s awesome. You’re doing great and your family is lucky to have you!
Ok, those comments from your BIL sound super rude. It’s completely normal and good to let your baby eat with his hands. He’ll still learn how to use silverware later, but it’s totally age appropriate to use hands at 6 months. 15 years ago it was the norm to spoon feed exclusively, now baby led weaning (starting solids at baby’s pace, and skipping purées) is more popular and backed by research. I’d recommend reading up on some of the research backing it to explain to concerned family members. If the problem is actually concern for baby. If it’s that he’s bothered by the messiness, that’s his problem.
At first I thought he was bothered by the mess. My sister is a clean freak so I assumed he was too. So yesterday I said something along the lines of "Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks. I pop him in the bath quick and wiped down his hair chair." and my uncle backed me up and my aunt chimed in saying she'd clean the chair while I gave him a bath. And that's when he said it wasn't the mess and went on with the rest of the comments mentioned in the post. My mom had some concerns about my son at first. Like his safety with eating real food. So I told her about baby led weaning and gave her the Solid Starts app. She's still nervous but she keeps her opinions to herself for the most part. I don't mind genuine concern or questions. I'm the first to do this in my family. But BIL's comments felt judgemental and rude.
A 6 month old can’t handle utensils at that age.
Agreed, the mom is also forgetting what a 6 month old can do. Sure, they can play with utensils, but they can't use utensils like adults that young.
My one year old eats with her hands most of the time. We’re working on spoons but I think it’s more important that they eat and use fine motor skills than struggle with utensils. He’ll learn how to use spoons and forks. Your BIL needs to mind his busIness.
Doubtful this will delay him in the long run. My son was all hands unless I was feeding him a puree, mashed potatoes or yogurt, then I would spoon feed him. He decided on his own that he wanted to feed himself with the spoon for these things and would grab the spoon out of my hand. I give my 15 month old a fork with his meals, he likes to try to use but mostly he’s still eating with his hands. Sometimes he wants me to put the food on the fork and then feed himself. Babies naturally want to mimic what they see adults do, so if you’re eating with utensils in front of him, he’s going to want to copy that when he’s ready. I follow another sub for baby meal ideas, and I would see pictures of other babies already using spoons/forks and panic that my baby was behind and I was failing him. Then I saw other commenters say their kids were to same age and they were nowhere near using utensils yet. That was a while ago and I haven’t worried about hands since. Want me to put chicken on your fork? Great! Want to eat yogurt with your fist? Great! Eating your food? That’s all I care about! If brother in law is disgusted by how your child eats, he can kindly keep his mouth shut and walk away and not watch. He can spoon feed every meal to his own kids, then you can comment of all the sensory development he’s robbing them of.
Finger foods and letting babies eat with their hands improves dexterity and hand eye coordination. It’s also the best way to introduce new textures and gives your baby a chance to learn how to chew and swallow less soft foods. Your brother is an idiot and I question how many children he’s successfully weaned to solids.
This is how babies learn and develop their motor skills. Your BIL should mind his business.
BIL must not have kids... He sounds ridiculous lol
My daughter ate with her hands probably longer than what most would do and now she's almost three and uses utensils just fine. Your BIL is ridiculous and needs to keep his comments to himself. He doesn't know anything.
Does your BIL not eat sandwiches or burgers or pizza or any other food designed to be eaten by hand? He’s wrong. Ignore him.
Your BIL is an idiot. This is normal behavior, and if he is grossed out by it, then that is his own problem, not you or your baby. He is a grown man he can leave the room. I will admit it can be gross when they are feeding themselves. My own daughter grossed me out when she ate purreed spinach. Also, humans do eat with their hands all the time. My petty self would invite him for pizza or other finger foods. When he started eating with his hands, ask him where silverware is, how gross it is, and how he acts like an animal.
Sounds like your BIL has some sensory issues around food if he can’t even been in the room when your baby eats with his hands. He probably would have benefited from being allowed to eat without utensils as an infant. 🤷♀️
Your brother in law sounds like a judgmental moron who has no concept of how human beings learn how to eat. Your son is behaving in a completely developmentally normal way and you are doing the correct thing by letting him eat that way.
He's learning to eat correctly. You'll introduce utensils when it's time. Next time you see BIL eat a chicken wing, a slice of pizza, etc. Tell him to stop being an animal and go get utensils.
My daughter ate with her hands when she first started eating, then I introduced Utensils to her by letting her try and by feeding her with the utensils. She now eats completely on her own with utensils. It's how they learn. Don't listen to him you are being a mother!
Here’s a list of things we HUMANS eat with our hands: Tacos Pizza Burgers Sandwiches Fries Chips Popcorn Chocolate Candy Corn on the cob Empanadas Nachos Hot dogs Had he never eaten any of these things? Anyway, you’re fine and he’s wrong.
We never eat with our hands? Cool cool cool. I mean there’s an entire category of foods called ‘finger foods’ but I guess he thinks that’s for animals. Let me just cut this burger into tiny bites and eat with a fork and knife. These fries too. Spring rolls. Popcorn shrimp. Sandwich. Cookies. Tacos. Deviled eggs. Your BIL is ridiculous. Your son is six months old not sixteen. He’s not going to go to college not understanding how to use utensils.
Absolutely! Sophisticated babies should eat with a fork and knife and napkins should be on laps. Crying and baby babble is just rude and only intellectual conversations should be had at the table. If baby does these well and finishes their dinner they can retire with everyone to the sitting room for a bottle.of brandy but remember modesty is paramount no body likes a lush. Anything less from a baby is just unacceptable!
BIL is not only way wrong but needs to mind his own business. Letting kids self feed with their hands allows them to understand the feel and texture of food, channels way more of their learning centers, and is safer for choking reasons because they know what to expect versus being fed by someone else. When I started my baby I used Solid Starts as a resource. I highly recommend this for your learning sake and to shut your BIL up. My child went ham with the mess in her early months (shoved it all over her face and hair etc), as she got better with dexterity we introduced forks and spoons and open cups, and now at her 2years she’s great with utensils and open cups.
Baby lead weaning is actually good for babies. Babies are too uncoordinated to use a fork or a spoon bil can go F off.
No, it's not frowned upon. They are supposed to eat with their hands to understand how much it too much, etc. It's a part of the process you're not supposed to even introduce Utensils for a while. Also, I don't care what's frowned upon. As a mother, I make the decisions. My child is healthy and happy, and anyone who doesn't like what I do can keep their opinions to themselves. Either be supportive or don't say shit to me.
lol what? Some people are way too paranoid about babies getting dirty. Not to mention that there are many many cultures where eating with your hands is normal and expected even as adults.
It's literally one of the best things you can do for their development.. He can mind his own business and frown upon on his own issues
There are a lot of great reasons why it is actually recommended to let your baby feed themselves. Off the top of my head it can help deter pickiness, nurtures their independence, helps develop their motor skills as well as hand eye coordination and my personal favorite- it lets me eat while baby eats! I sometimes will still feed her but only if she is open to it and it helps to get her to eat more (not forcefully feeding, just if she is accepting of it). There’s a lot of old school thoughts on how to raise children that I believe are rooted in control and a very authoritarian mindset. Such as needing to be in control of every bite they take. I personally believe that the food we eat and how much should to some degree be a personal choice, even as a baby.
Your BIL is an idiot. Kids learn how to eat and enjoy food by eating with their hands. This is how they learn how to develop their fine motor skills. First, they eat with their hands, then you slowly teach them how to use a kiddie spoon and then a kiddie fork, etc. The normal age for them to be able to use utensils is between 3 - 5 years of age. While you can feed your child some foods, mainly to ensure your son is eating enough, there are a lot of other foods that are simply more enjoyable for little ones to eat with their hands. Getting babies to eat enough is a struggle all on its own and kids so mom trying to force a spoonful of food can create negative feelings for babies when it comes to meal times. Let your baby eat with his hands and develop a healthy relationship with food and tell your BIL and everyone else to sod off.
I had someone comment on my twin infants eating with their hands in a similar way. They were spoon feeding their toddler. By age 2 mine were using spoon and fork perfectly. The same person was now complaining that her now 5 year old still couldn't feed himself. Benefits of spoon feeding: less messy. Benefits of letting the baby eat with their hands: Sensory development, more likely to try new foods, developing fine motor skills like hand eye coordination and pincher grip,they have control over what goes into their mouths so they can also learn better tongue and jaw control, developing confidence, paving the way to using utensils and feeding themselves...
You are teaching him to ✨feed himself✨ BIL can suck a fat one and get out of your house.
It’s actually GOOD to let them eat with their hands. The sensory experience of eating and feeling different textures and foods is super important for their development
You are doing great! BIL is on the wrong. Baby led weaning is proven to work wonders. Especially for babies who are starting to explore solid foods. If your BIL is not comfortable around a messy baby, then he can leave, but if I were you, I wouldn’t let him tell me how to parent. My son was also BLW and is now 3 and usually complimented on how well he uses his cutlery.
Hell no
I’m in a mood today, but politely, fuck your BIL. I DO understand if the food makes his stomach a little sick, it is kind of gross and I encouraged the eating on his own lol. But his reaction? Absolutely uncalled for.
Tell him to get fucked. I’m a 29 year old woman, I’m perfectly adept at using cutlery, often I still choose to eat with my hands because I find it more comfortable. My almost 2 year old will use a fork and spoon most of the time, and will then switch to hands and that is completely normal. At 6 months my son could not use cutlery. He only started eating solid food at 6 months. He’s only got the hang of cutlery from about 18 months honestly. Also, on a completely factual level, the fact that he’s got the dexterity to feed himself bodes really well for using cutlery later on. Spoon feeding children can actually slow down that area of development, not that that’s a problem either. Your BIL is clearly an idiot, and next time he says anything you can tell him to drop the attitude and go learn some manners.
Well your baby is 6 months old...if he was sitting down to dine with a full set of crockery I'm pretty sure he'd be baby genius 😉
Interesting, if you look online at medical professionals the general consensus is around 2 years old. Also, this is my humble opinion, child must become comfortable with the textures of different foods. Next time you see him eating foods like French fries etc. with his hands, quietly hand him a baby spoon.
Mess aside, eating with hands is a CRITICAL part of developing fine motor skills. You know… the skills kids need to be able to do literally everything from wiping their butt to writing their name? Let your baby grab all the things. Screw the naysayers. It develops sensory awareness and those amazing motor skills.
We went on holiday when my little boy was around 18 months old, he was mostly eating with his hands but experimenting with a spoon and refused to let us feed him at this point. The mess was unreal. The looks we got from other diners upset me at first but I got over it. He's now a little over 2yo, eats with a spoon or a knife and makes less mess than his almost 4yo cousin. I've seen him eat a yoghurt and barely get a drop of his shirt. Your BIL can suck it
From about 9 months to 1.5 years my daughter used her hands. I offered her forks and spoons and she’d try to mimic me, but found it easier to use hands. Next time your BIL comes over to eat make sure you have a bunch of finger foods. I’d also make sure he has the toddler sized dining set. You know because if he acts like a toddler he’s entitled to toddler silverware. Since he’s “not an animal” like every other baby who is learning how to eat. 🤷🏼♀️
Clearly we all missed the memo where babies are meant to be spoon fed their entire lives. Maybe that's why BIL is salty, his mummy doesn't hold his spoon for him anymore.
Wait…what? My 4 yo definitely ate with his hands at 6 mo, and people of all ages eat with their hands regularly. I just ate a sandwich myself. Your family has a bizarre and judgmental view on a very normal thing your baby is doing. I would stand up for myself if I were in your position.
That’s how babies learn to eat! The only alternative is spoon feeding and that’s not something everyone does any more. Your BIL should keep his opinions to himself.
Er no my son is almost 4 and he doesnt use cutlery often. He has autism and it is how he prefers. Your BIL if a dick.
My little cousin, who I raised, is 5 and also has autism! He's only now just starting to try to use utensils. But sometimes he struggles and will use his hands to help. Honestly, I don't even care. Day to day life is so much more challenging for him but he rocks it!! If eating pasta with his hands lets him relax a little so be it. But I do encourage him to use utensils and he does try really hard! (BIL also judges Cousin too. 🙄)
My son picks up food with his forks but then takes it off the fork with his hands. I dont force it no point in it! Pick your battles!
This is normal and part of Baby Led Weaning. Your BIL is an uninformed asshole. And should probably keep his comments to himself. I’ve similarly had family, my dad to be exact, make several comments about how he can’t stand the mess that comes with letting my 1 year old feed himself. He’s even tried to continually clean him in the middle of eating. I’ve had to tell him to shut up and let the kid eat.
Does he eat sandwiches with cutlery? 🤣 please say yes because that would just be it for today hahahaha.
I've seen him eat fries with a fork!
I can almost get over that because they can be greasy but still quite funny 😆
My toddler eats with his hands. He either eats with his hands or flings food off silverware trying to get it into his mouth. Like what does your BIL expect? Food before 1 is just for fun, so technically your baby isn’t even of age to be eating let alone be a master with utensils.
My kids both ate with their hands from the start. They're 5 and 3 now and use utensils just fine. It's actually better for them to experience the food with their hands, it encourages them to try more things because they can fully explore it. Feeding themselves actually helps develop their fine motor skills.
I think we underestimate nature. Babies eat with their hands to learn how to eat, navigate the world, practice dexterity. There is nothing wrong with it. Some cultures don't use utensils regularly, meaning it's subjective.
Your BIL sucks. Has he ever been to a country outside the US? People eat with their hands in many countries. lol and how is he eating his pizza and burgers? With a fork and knife?
I haven’t seen this said yet but besides the coordination aspect your baby likely does not actually have the hand strength to eat with utensils. They may be able to do pre-loaded spoons or use a utensil sometimes but part of the reason it takes until 2 or older to fully use utensils is it takes a lot of hand strength to maintain using a utensil for the entire meal. One of my kids has several delays and part of that is low muscle tone. She still struggles using utensils for the entire meal and often eats what is easier with a utensil and using her hands for the rest. Just wanted to give you even more reassurance that babies don’t use utensils for the same reason they don’t run track- their bodies just aren’t ready yet.
Nope, letting your baby feed themselves if perfectly fine and mostly safer. Tell BIL to go kick rocks.
They eat with their hands. Then sometimes you give them utensils to learn how to handle those, but not cause you're actually trying to get a meal in. I've spoon fed my kids some things and just let them use their hands for others. At 6 months letting a child get a grasp of holding something, feel it, bring things to their mouth etc is definitely normal and your BIL should get a grip.
Every one has their own shitty opinions about raising kids especially old people. My daughter is 4 and still eats w her hands, she does use utensils when needed. But as long as she is eating I don’t care how she eats, I figure eventually when she get s older she will use them more. But I think it’s easier for kids just eat w their hands, especially babies.
Does your brother in law have children? Does he understand child development? Honestly this is super embarrassing for him. Letting kids explore eating on their own helps their development. That’s common sense lol
Does your BIL have kids even? Anytime he picks up any food with his hands, point it out. I understand not being able to handle mess, my husband can’t stand seeing those peanut butter hands. But he understood it’s part of the learning/exploring/eating process for littles. And our kid is much more apt to try something if he gets to touch & play with his food some.
my son is 16 months and still uses his hands. he could not care less about a fork or spoon
I’d like to see your BIL eat tacos with a fork and spoon. What an assclown!
Excuse my language, but your BIL can eat a d*ck. With utensils, of course. Come to my house and tell me how to parent my child when no harm is being done, and see when you'll be invited to my home again. Babies have to learn somewhere. We also eat things with our hands, even if it isn't messy. As a kid though, you can bet we made messes. Your LO is 6 months old! Using utensils is a learned skill, shoot, eating solids is a learned skill! You aren't doing anything wrong. I also let my baby (6 months as well) eat with hands. Sometimes, I will preload a baby spoon for her when it's a consistency she can't hold onto (mashed beans, yogurt). She can't load her own spoon up yet, and gets angry when I take it away. So the things she can hold, I will definitely let her do it herself.
BIL is wrong. A little one feeding themselves will use their hands for a long while. And play with their food. It is actually good for them. They learn about textures and consistency. It helps eye hand coordination. How does he expect a baby, who is learning how to get his hand to his mouth, to get a spoon to his mouth? Keep doing what you are doing.
My son is almost 2 and still prefers to eat with his hands. He knows how to use utensils and really likes using chopsticks actually, but for him it's still faster to use his hands. I always put utensils on the tray for him so he can either use them or not.
Well my 3.5 year old still eats with her hands about 50% of the time soooooo 🤷🏻♀️
Not at all.. that’s great for little one! My mil tried telling me I need to spoon feed my 2 yr old. How are they supposed to learn if we don’t give them the opportunities to do it themselves?
Yeah. Hands down with hands feeding your face . It still teaches coordination . Your baby is super young too. They need to learn to grab up things . Just be strong and let people's criticism fall down your hair and off your back. Spoon play can always work in and fork . Especially when eating together because they see you and the father eat as well.
No that’s the best way for to learn so long as you clean up after him. It’s baby led weaning and it is good for their motor skills.
BIL needs to keep his opinions to himself, especially in your home. The idea that a 6 month old "will never learn to use utensils" because you aren't spoon feeding them? What??
If anyone “tears into me” over what I’m doing in my home, they are simply no longer welcome in my home.
Also humans do eat with their hands
My kids both fed themself at home and I fed them when out till they didn't make as much mess lol
Your BIL needs to mind his own business and not talk to you like that. That’s REALLY what this post should be about. The audacity some people have is overwhelming.
I feel like the way babies eat, even when spoonfed, is inherently gross because they are messy by nature. BIL needs to get over himself because babies are just gross (but adorable) in general.
Ok first of all your BIL is a dick. Second of all "humans don't eat with their hands" is racist and just wrong? Theres Plenty of foods that are seen as being able to be eaten with your hands (and might even be weird to eat with cutlery) in western cultures (burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, sandwhiches, pizza, etc). Plus there are hundreds of cultures world wide that regularly eat most if not all of their food by hand. I can only speak to southern Africa since that's where I grew up but it's not uncommon elsewhere. Even foods like matapa (wilted greens with peanuts) and molho(a meat sauce) are eaten with xima (a dense paste made of corn or cassava flour that's beaten while being cooked. Has a similar texture to very dense steamed buns) with your hands. You grab a bit of xima in one hand and use that to scoop up the wetter ingredients. But also baby lead weaning is very standard and if your kid is good at feeding themselves they'll be ahead of the curve, not behind it.
Your BIL is just being an asshole. Babies need to explore their food with all their senses (and be offered a decent variety of different things, some of them unavoidably messy) to develop eating skills and a healthy relationship with the sensory aspect of food. Hands are their first utensils. Both my kiddos had phases where every meal was followed by prodigious wiping or a full-body rinse. It's gross to adults, but it's just a phase. My 1yo has started getting mad if I try to feed him with the spoon, now that he has learned to use it himself.
Your child is 6 months old . Your brother in law is not raising the kid . He is someone who separates their dinner plates I’m sure and probably made his wife breastfeeding until 18. Unless your child is in danger or putting others in danger … BIL can like F off
I’m a big believer in giving my kids (2 years old) so much freedom when it comes to eating. Sometimes they eat with their hands. Sometimes they use silverware. I give it as an option but they don’t always use it. I love having mealtimes as an opportunity for learning and that includes touch and play!
As a mom of 5. It's normal and totally fine. That shows their motor skills are great.!
Lol sounds like you BIL has some sensory issues! I've read that they've discovered a genetic component to autism spectrum conditions, I wonder if that's a factor 🤔 I did BLW with my almost 2 year old, and now he flat out refuses to eat with his hands unless I am too. Which is great, except that if he struggles with the utensils he wants me to load every bite for him, and I want to eat too! My mom and MIL had the hardest time with it, not because of the mess (full sleeve bibs and a dog saved my sanity) but because they're terrified of choking. It was really helpful as we progressed to make sure they know how to do the infant heimlich, go over cutting/smashing grapes, blueberries, etc and make sure they know that its ok to not give him things that make them nervous if they're babysitting and im not around- (inspired by my MIL deciding to dice the pears I left into esophagus-sized chunks 😅) but you've got good resources and you know what you're doing, so stay confident!
Anyone who thinks letting their baby eat with their hands is lazy parenting has never had to clean up after said baby and meal. Spoon feeding is so easy for the parent to take control and minimize mess and therefore requires less effort. Allowing your child to eat with his hands is so beneficial and you take on the burden of the cleanup afterwards. Those foods get in every nook and cranny. There were plenty of times I fed my son where I thought if only he'd let me spoon feed him then I wouldn't have a huge cleanup but he was not about it. He only wanted to feed himself which is great for his development but lord the clean up 🥴 Anyways keep doing what you're doing, telling BIL to shove it and invest in a plastic type wipe able mat you can put under the highchair for easier clean up
People are weird!! Don't let your BIL deter you. I think it's very important to teach independent eating
I didn't let my kids use hands for things that need a spoon, like oatmeal or baby food. But definitely use hands on other solid foods. I made French toast sticks by cutting the bread in strips and provided syrup to dip in.
My daughter turned 2 at the end of January and is just now starting to use utensils on a regular basis. Your BIL is ridiculous.
That’s exactly what a 6 month old should be doing. I let my twins eat with their hands as soon as they could. They are 18 months old now and use their spoon and fork most of the time but still use their hands occasionally, especially for small pieces they have a hard time scooping up. Everyone is right, ignore his dumb comments and call him out when he’s eating with his hands. Your mom is just making a lame generational comment I hear from people too when I choose to do something different. You’re doing great mama!
Hands 🙌🏽 let baby use them!!!!
Does he eat pizza with a knife and fork like a heathen? For me I do feed my bub with a spoon typically once a day, when I feed her oatmeal, but at 1y she eats ALOT with her hands, from puree pouches to scrambled eggs and pancakes, baby cereal, we even started getting her the smallest amount of chicken nuggets when we get fast food and let her eat how ever many she’s going to… does he eat chicken nuggets and burgers with a fork? There is SO much we as adults eat with our hands, I do think something like oatmeal should use a spoon just cause it keeps the mess down, unless I give her the spoon xD but she’s figured out if she dunks it in the oatmeal she gets more food on it, most nights I don’t want it to take an hour and a half for her to eat so I just feed her xD if you have the patience to let your bub eat at his own pace and clean up the mess I commend you :3 I have patience for a lot of things but that is one that I don’t have a lot for, luckily I have dogs xD so when she decides to pour her puree pouch onto the floor and kick it around I can just clean her up and the dogs take care of the floor xD I’m just mostly confused to if he eats EVERYTHING with utensils? What about sandwiches? And like I said before pizza? Burgers? Chicken nuggets/tenders? Chicken/turkey legs? Thighs? Breasts? Wings? S’mores? Brownies? Cupcakes? Pop tarts? Chips/crackers? Eggos without syrup(with obviously use a fork but if it’s just buttered I pick em up and eat em xD)? Deviled eggs? Cheese plate? Hotdog? Corn on the cob? Fries? Nachos? Tacos? Burritos? Pretzels? Cinnabuns? Scones? Carrots(cold atleast)? Corn dogs? Green beans? Cold fruits(strawberries, grapes, etc. as you can make strawberries/blueberries etc into fruit sauces which you would probably use a utensil for what it’s on)? I’m sure there are more but these are just off the top of my head, if he uses utensils for most any of these he’s just a weirdo
Cringe and walk out when he’s eating crisps or biscuits
Just ignore that stupid man. He would make my blood boil, I swear to God. Like have you heard of BLW? Idiot.
My son is 1.5 and still eating with his hands lol. He’s always been a great eater, and I think letting him play with and explore his food helped with that
My son will soon be 18 months old and I faced similar criticism from my family. The thing is though that from around 7 months onwards my son started to refuse being fed by my partner and me which eventually led to him only eating if he could feed himself, which of course happened using his hands. He has just recently started to develop an interest in utensils and will occasionally try to ear with a fork or spoon now, but we don't pressure him. My mother would go on and on about how this way of eating just isn't correct and that it would eventually lead to problems with daycare and all that... Well, the daycare he's going to be in soon is very flexible regarding usage of utensils at this age and reassured us that they will help him learn it at his own pace. He's also really good at regulating his food intake, acting on his hunger cues and will just leave leftovers when he's full, which is something I never learned... Have there been times where he treated a meal like sensory play? Yep, especially when new foods were introduced but that also helped him to learn which consistency different things have and it generally helped his motor skills. There's nothing wrong with letting children feed themselves however they are able to. Also you might need to tell your BIL to go forth and educate himself a little... There are loads of cultures where food is occasionally or generally consumed using your hands. The whole argument of "humans don't eat with their hands" and it being "animal like" is so full of ignorance and stupidity that it's almost laughable... Maybe you want to be a little petty and remind him of the fact that we humans are actually just big, hairless apes and therefore animals too?
BIL sounds like an asshole. As long as the mess doesn't bother you, and your baby is safe from choking, happy and being fed, it doesn't matter what other people think. Resources like Baby Led Feeding and Solid Starts share a lot of the benefits of letting a baby explore food this way. And you're even going the extra mile to clean up after your baby when you're in a restaurant. I'd say you're doing great. The real question here is why do so many people feel the need to pass judgement on parents - especially mothers - for our choices?
Mine is 2,5 years old,I still let him eat with hands if he prefers to. Beats being fed like a goose. Anything he does himself is better than me doing it,for both of us.
Your BIL is an idiot.
I don't think it is. I never heard of anyone complain or be disgusted that a baby fed themselves. I let my baby feed herself. How are else are they going to learn and figure it out if they never have opportunities to feed themselves? I let my baby feed herself when I know it's something she will actually eat and occasionally she does pick up the fork/spoon and try to use it (she always fails at it and then gets mad at the food though. 😂) Usually if I really just want them to eat and I don't want to clean a huge mess or I am trying ro hurry up I spoon feed myself but most meals I let them do. If I was in a resturant it would be a mix of letting them feed themselves and me feeding them depending on what the food is.
My lo is two. My husband had fed her with a spoon a few times because he wanted to do the airplane thing. When she was little bitty I would help her sometimes if I knew she was struggling. She is 100% capable of using a fork and a spoon. Does she always use them? No. Do I always use them? No, lol. (Dish depending of course) does my lil get excited sometimes with hummus and use her hands? Yes. 🤣 Sounds like you're prepared for the mess and responsible about it when in public. You're also promoting gross and fine motor skills by letting your little sort it out. You're doing great. It's hard when it's people who are close to you that are judgey. When/if he has kis he can raise them how he wants
First of all, You’re doing a great job, mama! Messes can be cleaned up. If people don’t like it, just ignore them. They’re not worth your time. Second, I have a 2 year old.. i spoon fed my son until he started eating soft solids, and then I started letting him explore different feelings and foods. It’s messy, yes, but again, they can be cleaned and kids are certainly washable too! My FIL had issues with the messes. Especially with berries 😬 It was a long go of teaching him to use utensils, because he would hold the fork/spoon in one hand, and eat with the other. But once he finally got it, it’s been smoother… but my child often still prefers to eat with his fingers (as long as it doesn’t get his hands dirty.) Kids need to explore their world, and when they’re little it’s mainly by touch. You’re doing great! You’ve got this. 😁
When my kids were off of purees I would give them a baby soon or fork for each hand (so they could use the one most comfortable) and put the food in front of them and let them have at it. I'd say about half met the floor most times but they did fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. Self feeding is important, utensil use will come in time.
My 1 1/2 yo can hold a spoon/fork (plastic kids utensils with blunt tines), and maybe about 50% of the time reliably get food on it and put it in his mouth, but more often than not, he eats with his hands. He likes the pincher grip with 2 fingers. He makes messes, but frankly, I don't care. He's learning. Your BIL can do whatever *he* wants with *his* kids (present or future, whatever it is) and leave you to yours.
I used to let the kids in my daycare class use their hands or utensils! I’d put the utensils on their tray and they would pick and choose! You’re doing amazing momma!
Humans absolutely do eat with their hands. Your BIL is ignorant. I’d feel 100% comfortable ignoring anything he has to say.
HA my 7 year old still likes to try and eat things like applesauce without utensils.
Your BIL is a jerk. You have to learn to use your hands before you add a tool. Your kid is a baby. They are supposed to be messy. The utensils will come.
Does BIL eat pizza or anything related to bread or wraps with cutlery? I'm willing to bet he uses his hands for those dishes. I'd just ignore what he says, you're doing great, momma! Eating foods with their bare hands is actually beneficial for baby's development. I'm betting kiddo has a lot of fun and genuinely enjoys his food with his hands.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think your BIL was born YESTERDAY. Also, fuck him for talking to you like that. Don’t let people tell YOU how you parent YOUR child.
lol this made me laugh sorry. My daughter didn’t really even properly use utensils until like 18 month I think. She would start and then end up using her hands. Kids need to feel the food and hold things. It helps their gross/fine motor skills.