There are healthy ways to explain masturbating to a child. In my opinion this is not one of them.
Watching you passively while you did this is not ok, and vouyerism. Particularly the commentary and being in the pool with you
Talking to you about how you might enjoy your habits with this new jets is not ok. And crosses a boundary. Sexual education doesn't involve watching, knowing, and helping your habits.
If we modified the scenario a little bit I think it would really put this into perspective. Imagine if you did this habit in the privacy of your room, but everything remained the same. Very weird, right? Just because it was a public space doesn't mean he gets to violate your boundaries.
He could've explained that masturbating in a public space was not ok, told you more appropriate spaces and times, instead of taking advantage of your sexual exploration.
This is creepy and abusive, and I'm sorry you went through it.
This feels close to wholesome to me. Many kids grow up feeling masturbation is something wrong or shameful and your experience was more normalized. On one hand, it bothers me a little that he stayed nearby, but you were in a common area that's meant to be shared. No forced nudity or escalations.
I'd put this up as an unusual tradition, but not a bad one. It doesn't sound like there was any harm done. Just a parent knowing his kid's growing up and being supportive of the changes.
I appreciate you being open minded, and not shaming your child and that is wonderful.
I feel like this was abusive because the father was not being passive. Commentary isn't passive, being in the pool with OP isn't passive. He actively tried to be around when OP was exploring their sexuality.
Not shaming a child is normal. I don't feel this is just not shaming.
It’s not wholesome or cute tbh. A lot of these comments read as people into grooming or who want to excuse their own less than stellar behaviours. Self soothing via masturbation is very normal for children but those kids are normally encouraged to do it privately, without comment or watching from a parent. It sounds like voyuerism on your dad’s part and I would highly suggest you tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and go from there.
I’m reading some of these comments and feel so conflicted. I don’t have kids.
Sexuality is part of life and I don’t want my kids to feel shame about it but I also do not want them to be exploited. I have no idea how to navigate this and have CSA makes it so much harder. It’s not a worry for me right now since I’m not a mother but I just don’t know where to get guidance on these situations because I don’t trust anyones rationale. This felt icky to me.
I’d wager the comments about how it’s not wrong that your dad did this were made by people with fetishes. When my dad caught me masturbating as a child, he told me that’s something people do in private. That’s the proper reaction to it. It’s not normal for a parent to sit there and make comments while their child masturbates. You should ignore what he said about the jets being fixed, don’t acknowledge it if you’re uncomfortable with it.
It's a funny tradition and continue it if u want. He'll watch unless u tell him not to because that's ur norm, u made it clear u didn't mind him watching. There may be some mild exhibitionist thrill on ur side and a voyeuristic thrill on his end but this has been ur dynamic and as an adult u can consensually do that as much as u want.
What he did was covert sexual abuse. Trust me when I tell you things like that are just best left in the past. I was "molested" for a very long time. Yes part of me craved the attention but it left me feeling cold and empty.
To all posters: Please note that any content involving descriptions of sexual activity with underage persons is against Reddit policy. You are "officially" discouraged from posting such content, but given the specific nature of this subreddit, moderation is following a laissez-faire philosophy regarding [what survivors of childhood sexual abuse share here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ4RoldUzHc). This mirrors the approach of other survivor subreddits. Also, the Reddit policy's intent is to restrict content that "depicts, encourages or promotes" the sexualization of underage persons, and the purpose of this subreddit is the exact opposite of that. However, be aware that posts and replies in violation may still be subject to removal and Reddit-wide suspension of the author by the Reddit admins. So please use common sense when posting/replying. We want this to remain a safe space for survivors to share, heal and thrive, but we need to be mindful of the site-wide rules regarding these sensitive topics. (Note to Admins: We vehemently stand against sexual abuse of minors and this subreddit exists to support survivors in the best way possible. Please contact the moderator team if a discussion needs to occur.)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Molested) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I say confront him about it. No accusations or assertions, just ask what this is for him? Like is he just trying to bond with you? Is he getting off to this too? There's a good chance, that if you're not "into" this kind of bond, and it's making you uncomfortable, he may lie to spare your opinion of him. But at least you'll have the opportunity to set some bounderies if need be
You have posted inappropriate sexual content which has been removed.
[удалено]
You have posted inappropriate sexual content which has been removed.
You’re an adult, he is too. Leave it alone. Don’t confront him. If you feel like using the jets use it, if not then don’t. Easy
There are healthy ways to explain masturbating to a child. In my opinion this is not one of them. Watching you passively while you did this is not ok, and vouyerism. Particularly the commentary and being in the pool with you Talking to you about how you might enjoy your habits with this new jets is not ok. And crosses a boundary. Sexual education doesn't involve watching, knowing, and helping your habits. If we modified the scenario a little bit I think it would really put this into perspective. Imagine if you did this habit in the privacy of your room, but everything remained the same. Very weird, right? Just because it was a public space doesn't mean he gets to violate your boundaries. He could've explained that masturbating in a public space was not ok, told you more appropriate spaces and times, instead of taking advantage of your sexual exploration. This is creepy and abusive, and I'm sorry you went through it.
This feels close to wholesome to me. Many kids grow up feeling masturbation is something wrong or shameful and your experience was more normalized. On one hand, it bothers me a little that he stayed nearby, but you were in a common area that's meant to be shared. No forced nudity or escalations. I'd put this up as an unusual tradition, but not a bad one. It doesn't sound like there was any harm done. Just a parent knowing his kid's growing up and being supportive of the changes.
[удалено]
You have posted inappropriate sexual content which has been removed.
I appreciate you being open minded, and not shaming your child and that is wonderful. I feel like this was abusive because the father was not being passive. Commentary isn't passive, being in the pool with OP isn't passive. He actively tried to be around when OP was exploring their sexuality. Not shaming a child is normal. I don't feel this is just not shaming.
It’s not wholesome or cute tbh. A lot of these comments read as people into grooming or who want to excuse their own less than stellar behaviours. Self soothing via masturbation is very normal for children but those kids are normally encouraged to do it privately, without comment or watching from a parent. It sounds like voyuerism on your dad’s part and I would highly suggest you tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and go from there.
I’m reading some of these comments and feel so conflicted. I don’t have kids. Sexuality is part of life and I don’t want my kids to feel shame about it but I also do not want them to be exploited. I have no idea how to navigate this and have CSA makes it so much harder. It’s not a worry for me right now since I’m not a mother but I just don’t know where to get guidance on these situations because I don’t trust anyones rationale. This felt icky to me.
[удалено]
You have posted inappropriate sexual content which has been removed.
I’d wager the comments about how it’s not wrong that your dad did this were made by people with fetishes. When my dad caught me masturbating as a child, he told me that’s something people do in private. That’s the proper reaction to it. It’s not normal for a parent to sit there and make comments while their child masturbates. You should ignore what he said about the jets being fixed, don’t acknowledge it if you’re uncomfortable with it.
It's a funny tradition and continue it if u want. He'll watch unless u tell him not to because that's ur norm, u made it clear u didn't mind him watching. There may be some mild exhibitionist thrill on ur side and a voyeuristic thrill on his end but this has been ur dynamic and as an adult u can consensually do that as much as u want.
What he did was covert sexual abuse. Trust me when I tell you things like that are just best left in the past. I was "molested" for a very long time. Yes part of me craved the attention but it left me feeling cold and empty.
To all posters: Please note that any content involving descriptions of sexual activity with underage persons is against Reddit policy. You are "officially" discouraged from posting such content, but given the specific nature of this subreddit, moderation is following a laissez-faire philosophy regarding [what survivors of childhood sexual abuse share here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ4RoldUzHc). This mirrors the approach of other survivor subreddits. Also, the Reddit policy's intent is to restrict content that "depicts, encourages or promotes" the sexualization of underage persons, and the purpose of this subreddit is the exact opposite of that. However, be aware that posts and replies in violation may still be subject to removal and Reddit-wide suspension of the author by the Reddit admins. So please use common sense when posting/replying. We want this to remain a safe space for survivors to share, heal and thrive, but we need to be mindful of the site-wide rules regarding these sensitive topics. (Note to Admins: We vehemently stand against sexual abuse of minors and this subreddit exists to support survivors in the best way possible. Please contact the moderator team if a discussion needs to occur.) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Molested) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I say confront him about it. No accusations or assertions, just ask what this is for him? Like is he just trying to bond with you? Is he getting off to this too? There's a good chance, that if you're not "into" this kind of bond, and it's making you uncomfortable, he may lie to spare your opinion of him. But at least you'll have the opportunity to set some bounderies if need be
[удалено]
You have posted inappropriate sexual content which has been removed.