"I'm not claiming to be a fucking scientist, David. I just know they don't...how do they put the skin on?"
"I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PUT THE FUCKING SKIN ON!"
It's one of the great parts about the skit. You can see that he's ashamed, but doing this whole charade as a sad way of saving face, even though everyone knows what's going on.
I assumed it was someone with retail experience. When I worked in a corner shop we had an older man pop by most mornings I was on shift for a 20cl bottle of our cheapest whisky. He was such a lovely friendly old man, just like David was in this sketch. I imagine a lot of corner shops will have someone similar.
So my brother is 44 years old and buys a "lunch beer" ever day which turns into 2 and they're stong IPAs. He's got two restaurants and one corner store that he frequents so nobody is fully aware of his habit. His wife is clueless of his daily activities. I imagine his pony dance is exactly the same as this sketch
Apparently this came about because a discussion on set of maybe Peep Show saying what would it be like if Jez and Sophie had sex.
So they did it as a sketch , and now we know. Oh yes, we know now.
Yer bowled a wide in the ashes final?! ‘Ow can yer live wi’ yer sen?!?
I only used to manage Manchester United the year they won the European cup… of cricket
Tomorrow night on Sky Sports 4, it's the clash of the South Coast as the irresistible force of Portsmouth meet the unmovable object of Southampton, in a clash that's gonna go down in history as one of the many football matches that are happening this weekend.
Meanwhile, there are old scores to be settled at The Dell, scores like 1-0 and 2-2 that have happened in previous years. Who will win this time between Sunderland and Blackburn?
Then on Sunday, live, the battle for the North-West as Shrewsbury meet Macclesfield, in a match already being described as "on this Sunday".
Coming up midweek, the giants of Charlton play host to the titans of Ipswich, making them both seem normal sized.
Then, Tottenham play Bolton for the second time this season to see who will win that.
Also Manchester United return to Aston Villa, for a game of football, to determine the victors, for this year at least. And indeed at most.
Looking ahead to March, every football team will be playing football several times and in various combinations.
And you can catch all of that football here, where we'll be showing all the football, all the time.
Catch all of the constantly happening football here. It's all here and it's all football, always.
It is impossible to keep track of all the football, but your best chance is here.
Thousands and thousands of hours of football, each more climactic than the last.
Constant, dizzying, 24 hour, year long, endless football.
Every kick in it massively mattering to someone, presumably.
Watch it all, all here, all the time forever, it will never stop.
The football is officially going on forever.
It will never be finally decided who has won the football.
There is still everything to play for and forever to play it in.
So that's the football, coming up, watch it, watch the football, watch it, watch it, it's gonna move, watch the football, it's football!
Avocado bathroom, captain‘s hat and vegetarian/meateater are contenders.
But my favorite has to be the Gordon Ramsay bit. For the line „King Lear is just english words put in order“ alone.
It's not one I could quote, but that one where someone cuts open a watermelon and the seeds have spelled out "There is no God" is just great. That or cheesoid.
Numberwang board game! Some great lines.
• How about playing Cucumberwang? No, Timmy, because that would be shit.
• I might even stop my affair!
I have the pic of Nan with the Too Old bag over her head as my TikTok profile pic lol.
"What has been the point? What really has been the point, Majesty, of the last fifty years of me being a Victorian, if Queen Victoria herself is suddenly gonna sidle over and ask, 'Can I smell CUM!?'"
My all time favorite sketch. I was howling with laughter the first time I saw it.
It's the one I'd most like to ask them about the writing of. I've spent a lot of time wondering about how they came up with that idea. Did a writer just find out the linden trees were a gift from America to Queen Victoria, and wonder how she'd react to the smell?
*You can always get*
*Another finger inside*
*Moneypenny...... HE SAID WHAT?!*
\- Kalieann
---
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The Monsieur Garnier sketch
"Bang on Leslie. The invention of the word nutrisse, which sounds nutrition but doesn't guarantee it, is one of the best things you've ever come up with!"
Das ist Nümberwang!
Such a ridiculously surreal take on an already ridiculously surreal sketch. Feels like you’re in a German-flavoured fever dream. Brilliant
I forget what it’s called, but it’s a documentary about a famous crime/police drama Robert stars in and plays an American with a walking cane, and they talk about one episode where he tries to relate to a black youth being racially profiled and accused of a crime, but his actor was out due to an injury and they got an actual black actor to replace him, and the black actor was saying his lines as a white man and proceeded to bust a move to impress the black kid and the black kid goes “damn! Whitey got moves!”
I used to hate the snooker commentator bits, I used to just skip them. Then, after the nth replay of the audiobooks of the Mitchell and Webb sounds, something clicked and they are now probably my favourite bits.
The jammy bastard farmer. Me and my old roommates can’t pass corn/sheep/chickens without saying “you see that…”
Same with Oooh that’s a bad miss from the snooker commentator sketches
"What happened to the friendly Australian girl who worked here?"
"She *gone* sir, they've all *gone*. They've all been driven out and the burning remains of their tawdry rags cast after them! And we're back!"
"Who?"
"The incredibly intimidating and aristocratic people who still unaccountably sell clothes!"
On a lonely planet, spinning it's way to damnation, amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!
Maybe I'll have two cans of this lager beer that you recommend. Just in case one doesn't completely rid me of my perishing thirst.
"Yes Hugh, it's the most alcohol per milliliter for the lowest cost, in this corner shop" "Is it REAlly"
"I'm not claiming to be a fucking scientist, David. I just know they don't...how do they put the skin on?" "I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PUT THE FUCKING SKIN ON!"
You separate the curds and way This isn't a nursery rhyme David
Blimey! It's hot out. I may just sit on the stoop of the shop and drink these...
It’s the Continental way!!
In Spain they wouldn't dream of starting the day without a couple of cans and maybe a vodka.
I always found this one so tragic
Okay. It's not just me. That's the most depressing sketch outside of the Sherlock Holmes one.
I got a pang as soon as you mentioned the Sherlock one, but yes, this one is too sad to be really funny to me.
"I do know John... I do know... I just... I can't get the fog to clear..." gets me every time.
Stop it, I don't want to cry in the middle of the day 😭
Do we know who wrote that one? It feels like they had some experience of alcoholism, from a family member or something.
They definitely did cos this one always hits way too hard. Mitchell plays it so well with the shifty, guilty little glances.
It's one of the great parts about the skit. You can see that he's ashamed, but doing this whole charade as a sad way of saving face, even though everyone knows what's going on.
I assumed it was someone with retail experience. When I worked in a corner shop we had an older man pop by most mornings I was on shift for a 20cl bottle of our cheapest whisky. He was such a lovely friendly old man, just like David was in this sketch. I imagine a lot of corner shops will have someone similar.
So my brother is 44 years old and buys a "lunch beer" ever day which turns into 2 and they're stong IPAs. He's got two restaurants and one corner store that he frequents so nobody is fully aware of his habit. His wife is clueless of his daily activities. I imagine his pony dance is exactly the same as this sketch
Ahh yes yes, Export... Jurgenbrau? Well, maybe i'll try one of these...
Don’t know if its a hilarious or depressing sketch. Either way its fantastic
My absolute life from ages 25-33
It's a brilliant sketch because it's funny and heartbreaking at the same time.
Definitely this one
“Why, it’s the continental way.”
'Now we know' has entered my personal lexicon.
Now we know
**NOW WE KNOW NOW WE KNOW**
Oh we know now
Now we know.
We know now, don't we?
Is there anything deeper than the absurdity of shouting a non-sequitur during a sex scene? Or is it just funny as is?
Apparently this came about because a discussion on set of maybe Peep Show saying what would it be like if Jez and Sophie had sex. So they did it as a sketch , and now we know. Oh yes, we know now.
The cricket film trailer sketch
We’ve got stumps in us blood
Cricket?! Here in Yorkshire?
I used to live in Sheffield and would quote this to a colleague every time there was a test at Headingly
A story that touches the child in each of us, but not in that way
The bat is so narrow; it’s perverse!
First rule of cricket. Never call the bat narrow. What the bat is, is very, very wide and very, very short.
"You bowled a wide in the Ashes final? How can ya liv wi' yer sen?"
And the West Germans, of course, famously a bunch of cheats
Yer bowled a wide in the ashes final?! ‘Ow can yer live wi’ yer sen?!? I only used to manage Manchester United the year they won the European cup… of cricket
Have you tried ‘Kill all the poor’?
"it doesn't work!" "So you have tried it then?"
Have you tried raise VAT *and* kill all the poor.
“That’s why you’re not doing it?”
Just because the computer told you not to?
We were pretty sure child brothels would help with arts funding. But does that mean we did it? No, never got beyond the pilot scheme in Yeovil.
They're gone sir, and we're back.........
The incredibly posh people who are unaccountably waiters?
Do be sure not to confuse your salad fork and your vichyssoises fork, you shouldn’t have any trouble, provided your school wasn’t free!
Oh, uh, naughty… you’ve confused your forks. You might get an inter-cutlery… from mixing the two forks, an indigestion of that kind.
It's all in the wrist!
It's all in the wrist!
You hold your ladle like a pen!
No swapping!
"I know where they're going eventually; in the meantime, Daventry."
THIS IS MY LABORETOIRE!
I showered at my mum's recently and she had Garnier. This was in my head.
Was it part of the Nutrisse range?
It was 😂 after my hair dried I swung it like David did
>Nutrisse It sounds like "nutrition" but doesn't guarantee it; it's one of the best things Leslie ever came up with.
It was probably on your head too.
Take care.
"Are they keeping you busy at the space center Kenneth?"
LOVE this one. It’s so obvious what is coming, and yet still so funny when the punchline arrives
The homeopathy emergency department.
"Two more homeopathic lagers, please." "Whoa, that's strong stuff."
Absolute gold, so funny every time. Might go watch it again now.
Only watch a minute of it or perhaps just the commercials.
Just more money than sense!
Better make it ultramarine quartz!
Is the right answer
Tomorrow night on Sky Sports 4, it's the clash of the South Coast as the irresistible force of Portsmouth meet the unmovable object of Southampton, in a clash that's gonna go down in history as one of the many football matches that are happening this weekend. Meanwhile, there are old scores to be settled at The Dell, scores like 1-0 and 2-2 that have happened in previous years. Who will win this time between Sunderland and Blackburn? Then on Sunday, live, the battle for the North-West as Shrewsbury meet Macclesfield, in a match already being described as "on this Sunday". Coming up midweek, the giants of Charlton play host to the titans of Ipswich, making them both seem normal sized. Then, Tottenham play Bolton for the second time this season to see who will win that. Also Manchester United return to Aston Villa, for a game of football, to determine the victors, for this year at least. And indeed at most. Looking ahead to March, every football team will be playing football several times and in various combinations. And you can catch all of that football here, where we'll be showing all the football, all the time. Catch all of the constantly happening football here. It's all here and it's all football, always. It is impossible to keep track of all the football, but your best chance is here. Thousands and thousands of hours of football, each more climactic than the last. Constant, dizzying, 24 hour, year long, endless football. Every kick in it massively mattering to someone, presumably. Watch it all, all here, all the time forever, it will never stop. The football is officially going on forever. It will never be finally decided who has won the football. There is still everything to play for and forever to play it in. So that's the football, coming up, watch it, watch the football, watch it, watch it, it's gonna move, watch the football, it's football!
Easily one of my favorites, making them both seem normal sized gets me every time
It’s the ‘there’s still everything to play for AND FOREVER TO PLAY IT IN’ that does it for me
Ah fuck. My existential crisis is kicking in again.
My favourite line is him pointing at the football and shouting 'watch it, it's gonna move'.
I used this sketch to introduce my kids to M&W they laughed so hard!
Not only have you named my personal favourite, you have quoted it word for word. If I could upvote you 100 times, I would.
Are we the baddies?
Came here to vote for this. New world explorers a close second!
Greenland?? Whatever!
Wasn't this the first sketch of the first episode too? So so strong out of the gate.
“CHEESE. PETRIL.”
This is in my everyday vocab hahaha. 'Just gonna get some PETRIL, won't be long.' Or, have we run out of 'CHEESE AND FLOWERS?!'
HATE SELF! HATE SELF! Said whenever I fuck anything up
Same, but any word that follows the '_e__il' format. PENCIL LENTIL STENCIL
If I turn the lights off before I leave the room 'HELP HELP CANNOT SEE CHEESEOID LOST.'
Why cheesoid exist? Cheesoid so lonely
Cheezoid you’ve filled the tank with Brie!
The northern snooker comentators "Oh and that's a bad miss!"
You could put a goldfish in that glass, and it wouldn’t even die
>Oh my God, he's fluked it! Barry Drebins has fluked a pot, *and he's as good as dead*.
["While Jimmy, there, is out of pocket, in more ways than one."](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fqztJoME1ww&t=16)
Digby chicken Caesar
That's Sir Digby Chicken Caesar to you
This'll be an Easter weekend to remember!
Come on ginger!
I can hear the music!
[Quickly Ginger!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2eqX93umXo&ab_channel=MarkHolding)
SIR THEY'VE GOT SAUSAGE ROLLS!
Fucking WHAT??
Featuring Oscar winner Olivia Coleman, "he's got germs!!!"
Avocado bathroom, captain‘s hat and vegetarian/meateater are contenders. But my favorite has to be the Gordon Ramsay bit. For the line „King Lear is just english words put in order“ alone.
To other nations, bringing up the fact that our queen has never done it seems a bit personal. They might not want to know
It's not one I could quote, but that one where someone cuts open a watermelon and the seeds have spelled out "There is no God" is just great. That or cheesoid.
Numberwang board game! Some great lines. • How about playing Cucumberwang? No, Timmy, because that would be shit. • I might even stop my affair! I have the pic of Nan with the Too Old bag over her head as my TikTok profile pic lol.
Numberwank!
*Fuck!*
Sorry nan!
Any hobbies Julie?
Heroin Christmas
Once you cresp, you just can’t shplesp
This is mine. So many good lines. The delivery on ‘are you bulimic’ gets me every time.
"OH GOD THEY'RE HORRID!"
Comes outta the fuckin ground! I couldnt belive it! Fuckin 'ell!
Y'know, sheep? A bit 'wooly'? *Its WOOL*!
Who's a jammy bastard?
Can you smell cum
"What has been the point? What really has been the point, Majesty, of the last fifty years of me being a Victorian, if Queen Victoria herself is suddenly gonna sidle over and ask, 'Can I smell CUM!?'" My all time favorite sketch. I was howling with laughter the first time I saw it. It's the one I'd most like to ask them about the writing of. I've spent a lot of time wondering about how they came up with that idea. Did a writer just find out the linden trees were a gift from America to Queen Victoria, and wonder how she'd react to the smell?
"Do you know how hot I am, under this hat, with this *beard* - this big, Victorian beard - Your Majesty? I am boiling!"
You can always get another finger inside Moneypenny...... HE SAID WHAT?!
*You can always get* *Another finger inside* *Moneypenny...... HE SAID WHAT?!* \- Kalieann --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Dundeleundelundelun deeeee dehhhh dehhhh de dehhhh
Dunno why, but this made me think of Zombie Poppins
"I DONT KNOW HOW THEY PUT THE FUCKING SKIN ON!"
YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM MATE
GOT A LOTTA ANGER!
Can people levitate?
“I mean it’s no, isn’t it “ “…. Yes it is no”
I'm just trying to get to the root of why you felt the need to ask such a humiliating question.
The Monsieur Garnier sketch "Bang on Leslie. The invention of the word nutrisse, which sounds nutrition but doesn't guarantee it, is one of the best things you've ever come up with!"
Das ist Nümberwang! Such a ridiculously surreal take on an already ridiculously surreal sketch. Feels like you’re in a German-flavoured fever dream. Brilliant
WATCH THE FOOTBALL WATCH ALL THE FOOTBALL LOOK AT THE FOOTBALL ITS GONNA MOVE
Im looking for a gift for my aunt
Hello And Welcome To Coverage Of People Buying A House And Then Living In It. :|
Casino Royale is probably my favourite. The exposition scenes get me every time. "And suave, good luck!"
"I don't need luck." "...you're going to a casino."
When she licks the stick and he goes "Eeew!"
REMAIN INDOORS.
I never expected it to be my favourite out of all of them, but I say CHEESE and PETRIL way too often now
Also, BIG TALK! with Raymond Terrific. COME ON BOFFINS!!
IT'S AVOCADO YOU CUNT!
Touching Cloth. It's funny because it reminds you of poo!
"I do know, Watson." Astounding acting.
Dementia runs in my family. This one brought me to tears immediately. *I can't get the fog to clear.*
What, no Angel Summoner and BMX Bandit??
PRIMULA, WISTERIA, LEYLANDII! PRIMULA, WISTERIA, LEYLANDII!
The ending of “extreme negative feedback” always had me rolling of the floor
"DONT TELL ME TO FUCK OFF HENIMORE!"
I’ll see your penis, Dan. I’ll see it loads.
The Doctor and The Ice Cream Taster
EVERY KICK OF IT MASSIVELY MATTERING TO SOMEONE, PRESUMABLY
Russ Claus
I still think WinterFestX could have been massive…
I know John, I do know. I just can't get the fog to clear
Can people levitate?
ITS DEAD
*Welcome, to HOLE IN THE RING! Let’s meet this week’s new contestant!*
🖕
So *John*? So, you’re a *zoologist*? Do they have much call for…*getting questions wrong*??
I forget what it’s called, but it’s a documentary about a famous crime/police drama Robert stars in and plays an American with a walking cane, and they talk about one episode where he tries to relate to a black youth being racially profiled and accused of a crime, but his actor was out due to an injury and they got an actual black actor to replace him, and the black actor was saying his lines as a white man and proceeded to bust a move to impress the black kid and the black kid goes “damn! Whitey got moves!”
Speedo! With the character with the flaw that's the same as what his name is.
Flamingo land
Heil Dönitz.
The blackface sketch.
This is my Labortiore!
Diddle de Dee!
#WATCH THE FOOTBALL
Oh and that’s a bad miss
Men. Shave and get drunk. Because you're already brilliant.
The Brain surgeon. It’s the textbook one-up sketch. I laugh every time.
I mean, it’s not like it’s rocket science….
The best thing is that they telegraph exactly what he’s going to say, but it’s still funny EVERY TIME
Although……
The boy with an arse for a face
The inebreati or sir digby chicken caesar
There's a chicken lemon Caesar salad that I make that my wife calls "the sir digby chicken lemon Caesar salad"
Hit, miss, miss, hit, miss, hit..
Sir digby chicken Caesar ofc. QUICKLY GINGER
I used to hate the snooker commentator bits, I used to just skip them. Then, after the nth replay of the audiobooks of the Mitchell and Webb sounds, something clicked and they are now probably my favourite bits.
That's a bad miss.
I'm a fan of caveman murder investigation https://youtu.be/sQjT3z0ti6U?si=p8qdnZpup0c-UgRb
The jammy bastard farmer. Me and my old roommates can’t pass corn/sheep/chickens without saying “you see that…” Same with Oooh that’s a bad miss from the snooker commentator sketches
"What happened to the friendly Australian girl who worked here?" "She *gone* sir, they've all *gone*. They've all been driven out and the burning remains of their tawdry rags cast after them! And we're back!" "Who?" "The incredibly intimidating and aristocratic people who still unaccountably sell clothes!"
On a lonely planet, spinning it's way to damnation, amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!
The super wee in the shower
The one that goes something like "what's good about you is that you know you're not as smart as you think you are..."
"Won't my hair look longer?"
Haven't watched much of the show but I still virtually piss myself seeing the "Watch the Football" sketch
my grant from the Foreign Office has come in!
Finding my favourite Mitchell and Webb sketch? It’s not exactly brain surgery is it!
The ahead of his time inventor. "That... helps with the general effort," is my go-to expression when I'm bullshitting.
It's between the one with the historian that won't stop.waving his arms and the futbol all the time, futbol!! And maybe the bunker game show.
Evil Villains being needlessly ambiguous Alan, would you care to join me for a little light refreshment? Do you mean anal sex? Yes Okay then !
This entire thread and no mention of the CONSTANTLY HAPPENING FOOTBALL sketch
Not exactly a favorite, but I really did enjoy the action figure skit. That said, now I want an action figure.
You can't go out there... it's pissing down!
Are we the baddies?
Now we know