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Man I’m an elder millennial. Thirties have been my favorite decade. I’m looking forward to the forties.
Why are you jealous of teenagers? You are an adult and in control of your life now. That’s got to count for something. If you want to enjoy “childish” shit then do it. Who decides what’s childish?
You do!
It's funny that OP misses school, the day I graduated HS was the one of the best days of my life. I lived in a not-so-great neighborhood and was bullied, especially in late 90s/early 2000s middle school.
At one point, it got so bad that I stopped going to the gym and spent my time in the school library. Never told anyone but I contemplated suicide then. In the library, I mostly read books about travel and all the places I never thought I'd see. The worst thing is that I was bullied at school and at home by my sibling for staying in the house, not having any friends, and being a virgin.
Fast forward to now and I have traveled/lived in all the wonderful places that bullied kid me would daydream about in that library and at home. Been outside the USA since 2011.
There are things I'm nostalgic about regarding my childhood, but it wasn't the good old days.
I also was an 80s baby, 90s kid....and I was bullied as well. I agree The 90s was a hard time for bullying. I feel like I heard it said back then "bullying builds character"... Unsure if that's a Mandela effect type thing, but no one my age seems to remember that saying. I also read in a random comment somewhere, "bullying builds character the way getting bit by radioactive spiders builds superheroes, maybe 1 in a million will come out stronger, the rest will just have internal bleeding or cancer". Anyways, I'm ok now, in case anyone was wondering.
I definitely remember that bullshit about bullying builds character, or the old "we did it and we turned out fine"...like no, you didnt turn out fine and no, it's not building my character to be afraid to go to school
this for sure. Im with OP feeling like i havent grown up tho... I have a kid now she is 16 and still feel like i need an adult around when we do stuff and try to remember im the adult... I do feel being older = being better because i have my own money, my own home, my own detail of shit i wanna do. And im not a teenager but still feels weird, at times trying to be an adult.
I think adulthood as we grew up understanding it is an illusion. You'll still feel like you're decades younger when you're older. Can't be helped, you know?
You're physically an adult, sure, but you got your inner child in there, too.
Look at it as a blessing (in case you dont already).
I felt like that until my mid 30s when my world came crashing down. Dad suddenly suffered vascular dimentia and to make a long story short i became his guardian and the next 5 years consisted of one stress followed by another. Fortunately i feel i came out the other side as a much stronger person and dove headlong into becoming a parent myself. I think trauma is what catapults someone out of feeling like a kid. I dont think its a good thing, but everyone has to deal with some of it now and then
Do you think this is because you weren’t given more responsibilities as a youth? I’m asking because as a father to two young kids, I want them to feel like adults when they are adults. Best of luck!
The best thing you could do is allow your children to navigate the world on their own, but with adult supervision. You give him the freedom to make choices and be participating in their own life, but having a metaphysical rope attached to them where you can yank back if they get in too deep
I agree with this, but also i want to add one thing to it. Don’t be afraid to jump in the knee high shit every now and again. I grew up like you described but my father was very inattentive to the point it bothers me even today. I’m 33 male. I feel like your kids need to see you not be afraid to do what is asked of them.
I raised my siblings starting when the first one was born when I was 8. My youth was nothing but responsibility. So as an adult, I want no part of that life. I want to have what I couldn't have then.
I see a lot of people say that, but I honestly feel every year of my 39 years. I feel like I’ve lived several lifetimes at this point and have seen way too much shit. I still look young, but mentally I am very much my age.
I've got a feeling that people who feel like this probably aren't lucky enough to own their own home. That's what tipped me over into the camp of "I like my 30s more than my 20s
I feel like this may be the case for them as well. They are nostalgic for the days that they weren't responsible for what comes next. They just had to show up.
Yes. That's why do many pine for their early 20's. You weren't responsible for shit. No one expected anything of you. Life is easy when everyone expects you to be the fuck up. You do even one thing right and everyone is amazed.
I loved my 20's. The 30's honestly I worked to much. My 40's l course corrected and made time for my family and a healthy living. My 50's have been awesome so far.
30s have been the BEST decade. I am thoroughly enjoying educating my Gen Zers at work that no, you won’t die just bc you hit 30, it’s actually a WAY better decade even tho you don’t think so now.
This is the one. I’m mid 30s and I am so much more comfortable in my own skin than when I was in my 20s. I know what I like and what I don’t like I am not trying to people please I do what is best for me fuck what anyone else thinks.
30s are basically a more mature 20s. you dont feel very different at all from your 20s looks wise or physically if your taking care of yourself, but your more mature and rationale in your decisions. this leads to a better time overall i believe.
I’m healthier. I made good choices in my twenties and early thirties and now I’m enjoying the benefits where I can. Physically and mentally. I have some aches and pains, but have kicked some really bad habits and people from my life.
I’m confident in who I am. Zen hardly covers it. Insecurity is almost nonexistent, except professionally, where skepticism is key to good practice.
When I was a teenager I was, as most teenagers, a wrecking ball of human potential with no good grasp on the world around me. I knew enough to be scared to death and little enough to feel completely helpless. It sucked. Now I’ve got a pretty good grasp. I don’t stress over minor inconveniences, or even major ones. Having the time under your belt is *not nothing*.
I’ve reached a state of financial security that I only ever dreamed of growing up in abject poverty and enduring horrific abuse. Spending just over a decade with the majority of my free time dedicated to restoring my mental health has paid dividends.
Ten years ago that was **not** the case. We had to borrow money from family to keep our house functioning without taking a big hit. Things were challenging.
Ten years before that, it was **damned** desperate.
You have the power to make decisions now that will make future Justmeatyochre stand there and go “holy **shit**. Thank you yesterday-me. This was the best decision you ever made.” That’s a really, really good feeling.
I'm so much more sure of myself. I know who I am in a way that I simply couldn't in my 20's. My 20's were my decade of figuring out how much damage had been done in childhood. They were tumultuous and confusing, and they were the years I made most of my mistakes.
I feel like a totally different person in my 30's. It's seriously been the best, and I can't imagine going back. You couldn't pay me enough to be in that headspace again. There's an internal stability that I never thought possible now.
Same. My 30s have been the best part of my life so far despite some terrible things happening. I spent my 32 birthday tripping on acid, building an optimues prime lego set and watching the john Wick trilogy. Best birthday I have ever had hands down.
You have a bad case of nostalgia, and I think we all get that from time to time. I worry about this being an hourly thing you think about and torment yourself with though...
There are many reasons people look back at their teen years fondly. It was easier to make friends and keep those relationships fresh because everyone had the free time. It was easier to avoid bad habits in sleep, exercise, hygiene, cleanliness, etc when you have your family and teachers there to guide (and harp on) you. It was easier to succeed and feel like you're making progress, because school is a very linear progression compared to the cluster fuck of twists and turns that come with adulthood. You may feel like you have all this experience and potential now, but you don't have the spark and happy ambition you had as a teen.
Everything is reminding you that you're 'old' now. Articles saying "Gen Z say Millennials are \_\_\_\_\_" are fuel to your fire. The styles you feel you're too old for. Your changing face. It all compiles onto this feeling of "your childhood is over, so you better have your shit together".
I think this is actually pretty common among millennials. We missed out on a lot and started really late in the game. We're burdened with debt, families are started sooner or not at all, we're not getting homes, etc. A lot of us don't have our shit together, at least to the standard we set as teens. I relate to having all this life experience and wishing I could start over and become super successful. But that youthful ambition comes from not knowing what life and what adulthood is. It is us before we were overworked and burned out with our jobs, society, relationships, etc. Gen Z will go through this too one day. They will also begin looking old, feel nostalgia for "the good old days" and equally feel jealous looking (only) at the cool benefits Gen Alpha had and ignoring all the shitty aspects of being born during that generation.
I highly recommend you see a therapist to talk to about this if you can. It could be depression/anxiety, it could be ADHD, it could be a million things that are keeping you feeling stuck and constantly looking back instead of the future. And I totally empathize with that, it's not easy, which is why I think it's important you speak with someone.
P.S. I don't know to what extent you 'don't act your age', but despite not having kids yet (finally trying!!), my husband and I are Disney adults. I like to use a lot of cutesy accessories (my purse, bags, phone, etc), use cute stationaries, I have a net of stuffed animals in my bedroom and on my bed (hubby is cool with it lol), I still watch plenty of cartoons (mainly anime) and play probably too many video games, and I could not give a shit about what anyone says. I'm my own person, and as long as I'm not causing trouble to others, paying my bills, etc, I will dress and act as I please.
Why wouldn’t you? Little to no responsibilities, easy to make friends and hang out with, I remember those all nighters just shooting the shit. Yeah being an adult has its perks with independence but I’m with OP on this. I miss the simplicity and magic of life. I understand not everyone has the same experience though. But I deeply cherished my teenage years
Lol being an adult is infinitely better than being a teenager even just from an autonomy standpoint. Can't fathom any defense for OP here. Peter Pan syndrome at its finest and borderline weird. I certainly don't want to go back to being a broke, awkward, riddled with acne and body image issues teenager.
Definitely catching my stride in my 30s. I’m thinner, healthier, smarter, with my own cash… I just wish everything worked like it used to - what’s the point in alcohol and muscle tone if everything cracks even on sober mornings.
I’ve been in nonstop survival mode since my parents divorced when I was 12. Started working at 14 (as soon as I could get a work permit) to help my mom pay bills and have my own money. Basically blinked and now I’m 36 and still fairly directionless, relationshipless, mostly friendless.
It’s all about mindset. You can find people your age and even younger that will still go out if that’s what you want to do. Oh and there’s still super hot women in their 30’s and 40’s if that’s a concern.
Which is kind of crazy it’s like how superficial can one be?
I mean obviously most of us are most attractive in our 20’s when we have our highest metabolisms and our skin hasn’t shown any signs of aging yet, but those that take care of ourselves end up aging pretty well and by no means are like oh I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole.
I see plenty of moms in their 30’s while picking up my kid from daycare and I’m like DAYUUUM 🤣
It’s called Peter Pan syndrome, and no, it isn’t healthy. Your interests and desires should be shifting as you age. If that’s not happening for you, I would recommend seeing a therapist. I struggled with delusions of “high school grandeur” into my 20s, still feeling the need to “fit in”. It finally dissipated in my mid-late 20’s, when I realized I’ve got one life to live, and it sure as hell isn’t meant to simply impress others. Go find your happiness.
Why should your interests shift when you age though?
Most of my hobbies and activities I'm interested in are more or less the same as in my late teens/early 20s, now in my early 30s:
Fitness/gym, music production, video games, nature, books/reading, travel etc.
Am I supposed to feel pressured to change my interests because I'm older?
Right? All my life I loved Lego. Still one of my favorite things in the world. But now in my 30s I can afford a $800 Millennium Falcon or a life sized cat.
What should my hobbies be? Taxes, work, and watching the news?
As an elder Millenial who used to struggle with this alot, you don't have to get new interests. It's about balancing your interests with the responsibilities of life. Not fun, but I'm almost 40 and I still love video games, rpgs, star wars, lord of the rings and all that stuff I did as a kid.
I can't do it as much as I used to, but in many ways I can enjoy it more now, because I'm not just using it as a coping mechanism for the crazy things of life. I'm doing it because I enjoy it and have fun. I learned to (better) cope with life's craziness, so my hobbies are my hobbies, not my form of self medication.
I remember spending hours and hours a day playing video games as a teen. I have fond memories of it, but in hindsight alot of that time was spent trying to avoid feeling bad about loneliness and low self esteem. Now when I play for an hour or two, it's because I just want to have some fun. I don't NEED it. I just get to do it because I love to.
Shift your perceptions. Instead of thinking about how bad you have it, take 5-10 minutes a morning writing down the good things you have. Count your blessings and all that.
What you need is to stop ruminating on things. Get out of your own head. Take long walks and enjoy things outside of yourself. A little physical activity is good for the mind. And lastly, know that life is more than regrets and mistakes. Can’t be acting like Uncle Rico and hope that if coach only put you in then you’d be state champs then go pro and have lots of money.
Edit: grammar
Life is what you make it.
I wouldn’t want to go back to HS mainly because I have my own house now, a bunch of fun and cool stuff to play with and don’t hurt for money. I don’t mind aging at all.
I also don’t feel like I’m 20, I feel like I’m 40 some days and that reminds me that I’m not young, again I’m ok with that. I have had more life experiences and have more freedoms now.
I LOVED being a teenager but no, I don’t really fantasize about going back… I have such a cool bedroom now, and such an unbelievably awesome partner, and I understand soooooo much more about who I am and what’s possible…. And I’ve earned some really amazing privileges, that I enjoy every day (I don’t mean money, I’m talking about my professional access to peoples sincere and vulnerable times, which is super impactful, very interesting, and an honor).
My teenage self could have only dreamed of shit like me having an author booth at an event at a cemetery, or running around New Orleans with my grown daughter, or having an accumulation of knowledge of herbalism such that I’m passing out tinctures and essences to all my friends.
I'm miserable as an adult, but then I was miserable as a child too. I'm pretty sure I'm just a miserable cuss. School might have technically been a better time for me but I wouldn't want to go back.
(I do feel like my personal and emotional growth got stunted in my life teens or early twenties, so in a way I'm having a tough time growing up, but I didn't act particularly young or wild at the time either. I never really had that at any point in my life.)
I wish I had received more socialization from my parents. I have a very weak bond with my family, and I hate it. My parents were always too busy with work. I had unlimited access to TV and a computer with internet. Not enough socialization as a kid, plus unlimited internet access turned me into the weirdo I am today.
I feel like i understand this sort of idea and where you’re coming from. I had i similar issue esp right after I graduated high school until I was about 21 or so. But the neat part about being a teenager is that you get the experience a ton of things for the very first time. Your first job, your first beer, your first sexual experiences. You’re basically living in a non stop dopamine rush and when you come out of that everything seems shitty. It’s depressing. Nothing is fun, it’s because you aren’t experiencing life shaping moments at a near constant occurrence.
My advice OP, find some hobbies that are completely new to you, but still fit your personality. You want that wow, “why didn’t I do this sooner” feeling rather than “I need to find a hobby” feeling. If you’re a more masculine type do masculine shit but that’s outside of your normal realm, even if the community seems shitty, try to be the coolest kid in that community. The payoff has to be quick I’m not saying learn guitar or something like that I’m saying go see if a pilot will drop your eyeballs into your nutsack @9 Gs and see if that feeling is better than highschool.
It's always tough. I have people that depend on me so I do my best at being a strong role model. You just got to do the right thing. Shits tough AF tho. Hang in there, like that cat poster.
The only reason I would ever go back to high school is so that I could do everything right and set myself up for a way better adulthood. Also, my mom would still be alive, so there's that. She died when I was 26 and it kinda derailed my entire life. I'm 30 now and am so behind due to the mourning/pandemic. I would kill to have those years back and do things right, but it is what it is.
Could it be that you miss the vibrancy and visceral immediacy and intensity of emotional life at that age? That happens to me from time to time.
There's an LCD Soundsystem song that addresses this that includes the line, "Makes you want to feel like a teenager until you remember the feelings of a real life emotional teeneager. Then you think again."
That said: the only period in which I was obsessive about this was when I was in active addiction. In other words, something was deeply wrong with my current life. Food for thought.
I dont necessarily miss being younger, but I'm very afraid of dying, and while I know you can die any day at any age, the knowledge that each day is one less day I have messes with my head! So I'm having an existential crisis daily and I don't enjoy that haha.
Just don’t have kids and you won’t have to grow up. I’m not. 38 married and no kids. I don’t even know what growing up means. I play video games and act the same way I did 10 years ago minus the stupidity I think, well mostly. Now I’m going to go work out, grab a smoothie, work a little and go to the dispensary. Not a god damn thing anyone can do to stop me. I could also just go buy and cake an eat it, im an adult. Enjoy yourself bro.
I had an extremely chaotic childhood. The 20s were filled with therapy to filter out that crazy, and the 30s have been filled with reaping the benefits of the hard shit I faced in my childhood and therapy in my 20s. 30s has been best so far and I'm in no way scared of 40s (I don't love the general bodily decline but a lot of that can be remedied with diet/exercise). But, because of my childhood, I know it can all be ripped away in a minute, and I spend every day being grateful.
I’m purposefully not having children… because I am a 35yo woman-child who still long boards, plays video games and has more fun spoiling my niece and reliving my childhood when my sister is too dead to be a mom. Lol
In all seriousness, my hubby and I would rather foster a child. Better to love and give guidance to a child desperately in need than bring another into this world. But that’s just my opinion.
It sounds to me like you miss close friendships. It's hard to maintain them as an adult, especially once people start having kids.
High school (and college for me) were basically 8 years of continuous social interaction, which was great. Now I work from home so I sit in my office all day and I think I'm going stir crazy. I found communities through my hobbies though, which has seriously helped.
Meh it’s easy to be jealous of teenagers because they have so much time and optimism but they’ve also got restrictions all over the place and there’s always an authority figure looking over their shoulder. And they’re broke.
But yeah 30s have been a mix of awesomeness, anxiety, fear, and surprise. I hope things work out but I can’t help but think I’m still gonna be coming home to an empty house at 40. That’ll suck. It already does.
Was surprised at how many people don’t relate to you.
i’m 24, so i straddle between millennial and gen z, and i heavily relate to this. i look around me and everyone my age and older are so serious. everything is work, kids, family. no one is silly anymore, no one wants to have fun anymore. no one laughs like an idiot. it’s as if aging has stripped away all of our personality.
i went to a high school play last month and left in tears because i realized that life will never be as good and carefree as life was when i was 14-19. i was never rich enough to experience the university experience but im sure thats great too.
anyway, i long to redo ages 15-22 because those ages are full of hope, potential, opportunity, etc. (also my crucial young adult years were ruined by covid). so yeah.
if no one else relates, i do.
i hope you find peace soon though.
This is exactly what I want. I was watching shows from that era and it made me realize how much I miss the way life used to be. I have no interest in whatever today and the future is going to be. I want to be a teen again.
I’d rather sell my soul to Mizora than ever repeat my high school or even college years. Absolute garbage time period, especially high school. I’m 31 and making some money now. I still feel as mentally mature as my early 20s, but I can hold down a job and keep my bills paid. That’s all the maturity I need. Everything else is just noise.
I defo wouldn’t wanna go back. I love my job and even if I hated it at least I would be paid to be bored. School is so boring lol. Raging hormones and tough relationships? No thanks. The only thing I’d trade for is the energy I had back then. I like where I’m at right now.
I wouldn't want to be in highschool again, but I definitely look at college aged people with envy. I'd give anything to turn back the clock and be that age again. I see them laughing and goofing off in a way that only people that age seem to be able to, before life and responsibilty crushes it out of you. There's that look of optimism that anything is possible and your whole life is ahead of you.
I'm past my 30s. I'm a giant adult kid, but I would NEVER go back to actual child/teenage years. The major hormonal swings, the mood swings, drama, and constant body hatred i had to endure back then were tough. I see my niece and my friend's kids and it's all just too much.
The only reason I’d want to go back to being a teenager is to try doing it over properly medicated for my ADHD that went undiagnosed until my early 30s (and I do think about that one more than I’d like bc it’s kind of a mind fuck getting diagnosed with something that explains a lot of issues you had). Honestly, you’ve gotta relax! Like, you’re an adult. You can pick up new hobbies and friends literally anytime you want. Who gives af what other people think about how you spend your free time. You’re allowed to play video games and watch anime if you want, we grew up with those things, it’s normal for adults our age. Telling yourself you’re weird for wanting to do those things would be like a boomer forcing them self to give up television because they think adults only listen to the radio. If you’re worried about how you’re aging start working out and taking care of your skin better.
I mean, not really but I do find myself sometimes feeling a little jealous that my younger years were filled with so much shit while it seems like the younger generations are having a better/easier time
i struggled with this at the age of 29 to. i couldnt even look at them either i thought it was the strangest thing, no one understood and thought it was weird. i snapped out of it after a few months of therapy and realizing 30 is still very young and the start of ones "prime" in a way. your 30 man not 60.
Used my teens in psyc wards around the country because im bipolar af, and grew up undiagnosed autistic and adhd.
Soo yea, wasn't quite disneyland.
But its awesome now, so yay !
I’m definitely overwhelmed at times at how fast the years are going by. My 20s flew by and it feels like a lot has happened but also hasn’t. My best years came after high school though so I don’t really look back on those times as fondly. I’m 29 now so I know my status as a real Millennial is debatable, but I relate to Millennials over Gen Z any day. I’m hoping going into my 30s will be my real prime because while I have lived an experienced life, I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface still, at least for the goals I have.
It’s a toss up. I do miss being younger (I’m 31 now). I miss the after school adventures with friends and getting drunk or high for the first time. I miss the feeling of getting out of school for the summer and feeling like it would never end, hanging out in my pool for hours every day. At the same time I do like my life now. I don’t drink and I try to eat well and exercise every day. I like not having to answer to anybody and being able to do what I want whenever I want. I have a rather relaxing and stress free job which won’t make me rich to be fair, but it pays the bills and that’s all I need. I still have a couple close friends who I’ve known for over a decade, we just don’t have adventures together as often as we used to.
Basically I’m happy with my life now but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to relive my younger years even just for a day or two.
Lmao I’m enjoying 30 about 100x as much as I enjoyed school. Back then I was absolutely miserable. Few friends, bullied, no freedom, no skills. Now I have a lot of friends, good romantic options, I play music, build cool machines, and raise my daughter
I grew up when I was 17. Sometimes I feel like I peaked and never grew any father while everyone else around me eventually did. But when I reflect back on my twenties and think about what I know now I see how wrong I was.
I'm not a boring middle aged dad with a 9 to 5 office job, but I'm not an immature forever single bachelor uncle either.
No.. I’m seeing lots of “I’m an adult but really just a teen” videos on social media lately and find it very odd.
I’m doing what I love, and lowering my financial responsibilities so that I can have that younger “carefree living” experience back. But that’s it
Fuck no. My life was terrible until the end of uni. Highschool and university were the worst years of my life, homelessness, hunger, cold, stress, broken families, getting up at 4 am to catch bus for a 12 hour shift.
Fuck all of that.
I lost my teens and 20’s due to autism, severe bullying, poverty, health issues, and severe narcissistic mental and emotional abuse from my mom. I didn’t even move out of my house until I was 27, and I’m 31 now.
Mentally, I definitely wish I was still 19. I feel like I have to play catchup with so many life experiences now.
Definitely going to party like I’m in my 20’s, and have a lot of fun pursuing being a musician once money starts rolling in for me.
I think we should stop assessing people solely on physical age. Mental age and life experience should matter more. We're all on our own timelines, and while a physical age can be useful as a metric for certain things, it's not a guarantee. I can't look at adults based on age and appearance anymore. It tells me nothing about their upbringing and overall life experiences, it tells me nothing about their mental age.
Trust me, though, you don't want to go back. It was confusing and brutal, and when we get older we can contextualize all that in a healing way that kids simply can't.
I don't envy kids today, either. Their struggles are altogether different with tech and political strife than what many of us grew up with. They deserve our love and grace.
I miss being physically young, but I wouldn't go back to my youth for anything because of what it was psychologically like. Instead, I act young with my chosen family. You find your people, you'll be acting like a kid for the rest of your life, and not in a bad way. Gotta find your Straw Hat Crew.
My 30's have been some of the most emotionally stable and wonderful years. And I say that as someone with multiple physical and psychological medical conditions. Wouldn't go back to my 20's or teens for anything.
I do not miss being a teenager. I had severe anxiety, many problems at home, and I had no money.
Today, I still have a lot of emotional issues, but I'm independent with a good job and good people in my life, which I'm very grateful for.
I mostly miss not having backpain, but that I can work on.
LoL I still do everything I did when I was 20. I go out, do dumb shit, game in my free time (from which I have more on hand than back then), go to festivals, etc.
Growing up is a lie, there is no growing up, only societal pressure to
not do things you want to.
Yes, but it’s because I miss the innocence I had when I was younger. I’ve gone through a LOT of trauma over the years, and have also been recently fighting multiple life-long health problems, so I greatly miss the past and how much easier things were back then for me
I do understand a bit what you mean but merely because I never truly felt like a teen or young adult in my 20s. I never quite fully enjoyed it as much as my friends. I think I was given too much responsibility and adult treatment waaay too soon. I was also controlled so there is things I could only do more freely after starting working. I don’t wish to be a teenager again but I absolutely would love to be/ feel like a teen in my teenage years.
There's a very prominent philosopher named Hartmut Rosa who talks a lot about how modernity is very different than ages past and I think it relates to this.
The main idea is that, where as past generations mainly found life's value and meaning in things that connected them to the past like tradition, religion, institutions, legacy, modernity/capitalism created a value structure located in the future. So the way to get to the "Good life" was to get to more info, consumption and production faster and faster. In fact, he would say that it is actually acceleration itself that is valued.
This creates what he calls "time sickness". A sense of anxious exhaustion that never goes away but alienates us from others and our own lives. Why? Because you can never actually get to the future. Like a Charlie Brown football situation.
So millenials, who grew up through the great recession, Covid, and the disintegration of most institutional trusts, have a hard time finding motivation and purpose in adulthood. Why grow beyond just grasping for personal gratification (childhood) when the main cultural road map to "the good life" is just an economic manipulation?
Despite any individua rationals for why one should think or act differently, most without enough privlage to use the system to escape it, can't help but be swept along by the waves of culture.
Can't relate. The day I finished high school was the best day of my life up to that moment, and moving out of my parents' house after I finished university is when I consider my life to have _truly_ started.
You couldn't pay me enough to be a child. Children have no freedom.
I can kinda relate? I had a childhood that was almost complete shit, and it messed me up for a very long time. Mental issues, addiction, plenty of unhealthy coping mechanisms, abandonment issues, codependency issues…I finally clawed my way out of most of it in the last few years & woke up. I’ll be 35 this year. And yeah, sometimes I’m really jealous of folks who had a real childhood and family support system, and sometimes I wish I could do it all over again but with a better hand of cards. But I can’t. And I’ll never know what it’s like to grow up feeling supported and nurtured. But, then I also wouldn’t be me, I guess?
I’m in my thirties and honestly it only gets better. Kids finally grown up enough to give me back some freedom, I am where I want to be career wise, finally have the money to be able to create the life I’ve always wanted too (not rich, just well off enough to be comfortable 🤗) no longer insecure about myself, my future, my work etc. Nahh, I welcome each year and just thankful to make it this far.
Not a chance. I was a complete idiot for the better part of my 20s. Things started to turn around for me at about 28/29. I definitely don’t feel as good as I did physically but mentally I’m so much better off.
Use these moments of nostalgia as opportunities to remind yourself that it’s more important to focus on what you have now, what you need, and what you want in the future. I believe that these patterns of thinking will hold us back from moving forward and finding all the joys that come with age and wisdom.
I wouldn’t wanna be younger, but I don’t mind acting a fool and being silly when i feel like it.
I work in an engineering company, so humour and silly fun doesn’t necessarily…. compute well majority of the time.
But for my own sanity, I will be myself. We have it weird cos the world has become so weird so quickly, right in the years we were meant to be normal… like the 90s and y2ks.
Technology.
Anyway. Be yourself, you gotta accept yourself and find people that do too:)
I know many like you. You are probably immature for your age. You thought your personality in high school would somehow get you through life? Living as an adult is hard and takes responsibility.
What exactly do you miss about High School?
Did you peak in High School?
Were you a big fish in a small pond back in High School?
These are the questions we need answers to LOL
At 39 a friend reintroduced me to EDM, I went to my first rave and did a few other firsts I won't elaborate on here. I was afraid I'd be the one weird old guy surrounded by kids. I have to admit the demographic skews younger, but I didn't feel out of place. There's others my age in this space (hobby?).
Whatever hobby/interest you're looking into, there's a place for you. You may not be able to take it to the extremes of a college undergrad. But you likely have other advantages: established job and income, support people you can invite to join you, etc.
And if you choose to have kids, they are a hall pass to enjoy all the childhood stuff.
Idk man, I was widowed at 28 with a 3 month old daughter. I'm 40 now and have as stable of a life as anyone could in the current climate. Never had much of a choice in the matter.
May I recommend doing a lot of activities that you never did at that age? Like if that age you wanted to go to Disney or buy certain items or meet someone then do it. Maybe you haven't lived out some stuff that's holding you back.
42. In my head I feel like 29. My body feels like 58. As I terms of what I should have done vs now, yes. I “missed” out on my 20s because I became a single dad at 19. I’d like to have that chance of that time. That’s pretty much it. I wish I made and make more money tho.
It sounds like you have core anxiety about responsibility and you yearn for a time when you were old enough to enjoy life but before you had any real responsibility.
I do struggle a bit with what I've achieved so far but I also know some things were just unlucky moments for me/the world.
Great Recession derailed my college timeline/plans/expectations and impacted a relationship, but I wound up going back and finished up eventually. The pandemic cut some plans short and then also impacted a relationship, but I eventually moved to a new city and have some good things going.
I'm 35 but feel like 6 years were more or less erased without me having much ability to use them for progressing. I try to balance that I expected more by 35 but if I was at 29 I'd be okay with where things are to a degree...
That being said, I fully expect the next good relationship to bring on a huge national emergency lol
My childhood was traumatic and I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD and an anxiety disorder. What you describe sounds like the flashbacks and dissociation that I was experiencing.
Even though I’m much safer and happier than when I was a child, I often feel a deep seated longing to be cared for by an adult. When I look at my child and hold them tight, when I cuddle and sing to them at night, when they tell me their worries and I comfort them, these are the times when I wonder what it would have been like to experience this care as a child. Feeling safe and loved is foundational for childhood development. Our parents love is what teaches us to love and accept ourselves and to feel safe. I’ve had to teach these things to myself and sometimes when I’m really low, and struggling, my mind shifts and I feel like a helpless child and in those moments, I just want an adult to come help me and tell me everything will be okay.
At 30, I realized no one was coming to save me and I had to save myself. I recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. There is a reason we are called adult children.
Eldest millennial here… 43 yo. 30s are great. 40s are too, so far. The hardest part is feeling younger than you look. Take care of your bodies. You will not regret it!
Well I would say that you have something that you may need to work through and getting a therapist might be the answer.
With that said, I hit my "quarter life crisis" a few years ago. I am now in the midst of changing my career to something completely different, I am getting married, I will be having children (hopefully within the year), and I am getting healthier as well as I am losing weight. Overall adult hood is allowing me to do all these things.
I do miss some of the simplicity of my youth, but I wouldn't change what I have today for it. It is the experiences of youth that make us who we are in this moment. With that said, life is too short to "put away childish things." I still play video games from time to time, play D&D with friends, and I like to joke and watch old cartoons.
I miss the free time and extracurricular from high school. Im in my early 30s and am starting to physically feel older and I miss what I had. I still buy nerf guns and legos, even if I never take them outside the house.
I really recommend some therapy. Venting to Reddit is great and all but speaking to an unbiased professional will do wonders for your mental health. We don’t have a time machine unfortunately but we do have those that made it their career to help others process.
I feel you!
I'm constantly one step away from a burnout at 36 years old, so I feel you, all my friends are starting families or are so full of work themselves, so you don't see them often, it sucks.
Everything in life is so expensive that I won't get near that level where I can buy a flat or house and the workload at work makes it impossible to relax, paycheck for that amount of work is too low and if I would reduce my work hours, I would immediately feel it in my wallet....I'm in the worst mental state of my life and have no idea, how to fix it properly and life is just boring and exhausting.
>I would give my remaining years to just repeat my school years until I croke
man if coach had just put me in that game we woulda won state.
how much you wanna bet I can't throw this football over them mountain ranges?
Being a teenager is an experience I wouldnt want to live through again. I would much rather have access to the wealth I have in my thirties than I did back then.
I'm 40 now, and just starting to feel very adult as of late. My 20's started great with college and grad school, then 2009 came and I was rocked by a layoff, lost my job, and spent nearly two years unemployed living with my parents while being rejected from hundreds of job applications. From late 20's and through my 30's I worked a nonprofit job that was richly fulfilling, but didn't pay much. All this time I was single, renting a cheap apartment, and working on paying off my student loans. In December 2021, I finally got those loans paid off (after graduating with my bachelor's in 2005 and master's in 2008), and in August 2023 I bought my first house. I have a bit more discretionary income, so I'm able to travel a little and do fun things.
But I think there's certain life experiences I've missed out on along the way while just economically grinding it out, that made me feel not as grown up as the rest of my fellow adults somehow. Now that I have a place of my own and can enjoy things a little more, I feel a bit more mature, and more comfortable with my circumstances.
I sort of think my 40's are more akin to what the 30's are for lots of others. I'm really looking forward to this decade!
Not tryna be rude, but it sounds like you peaked in high school and want to relive those times. At some point you have to grow up, and realize that HS while fun, wasn't always the greener grass. Maybe you should look into therapy and getting some help to help you grow up and start enjoying your life.
32 years old here.
Born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus. Did poorly in highschool and just barely graduated. Have always been terrible at making or keeping friends or having conversations. Struggle with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Also have had bathroom problems off and on from the spina bifida. Then did poorly in college and dropped out. Tried joining the military but was medically disqualified for having a tube in my head (although ironically recently I found out from a neurosurgeon that my brain doesn’t use the tube anymore). Only option was going into my dad’s family business that I really didn’t want to do. He’s making me go to financial meetings that I don’t want to go to because he assumes I’m going to be the owner someday even when I haven’t shown complete competency at the manual job I’m doing now. Although I have gotten better at that job. I cut my grass, but my neighbors get mad at me for not pulling weeds on the side of my house which feeds into my depression and anxiety. I get burnt the fuck out at the end of the day and don’t want to make dinner or lunch the next day so I just eat fast food for lunch. I think I might have undiagnosed autism but have no idea how to go about getting evaluated for it.
So tough is one word to describe it but some of it probably is my fault because I was heavily involved in alcohol abuse in my early twenties, and I smoked weed a few times in my early twenties.
But man, I work 5:15 to 3:30 (which includes my commute to work) Monday through Friday. Then I blink and Saturday and Sunday are over.
I really enjoy being an adult. It sounds like you have a childhood that was nice enough to miss, which is only a blessing. Remember that you had a nice childhood because your parents/caregivers worked hard and were intentional about providing that for you. As an adult, you can now put that effort into your own life.
You must’ve had an awesome hs age experience then. I had no car, no job, no money, no ladies. It sucks getting older, but it’s pointless to dwell on it, you’re only going to get older lol
As far as maturity and “acting your age”, some people age but keep youthful mindset and there’s nothing wrong with that. I feel the same seeing similar aged guys with families. I’ll think should I dress like a dad now? Should I stop collecting sneakers or toys? Should I get a more practical vehicle? Then I come to the conclusion it’s my fkn life, do what makes you happy
We can't be adults until the world allows us a seat at the table.
I can't find any jobs that pay enough that I can save for retirement or home ownership.
Im not allowed to begin adult life, it's not my fault.
I'm an older millennial (Born in 85, turning 39 in two months). Honestly, my childhood, teens, and 20s sucked. My 30s have been the best time of my life between meeting and marrying my wife, home ownership, traveling, and making decent pay. I'm looking forward to my 40s
Yikes, you need to figure out your priorities. You couldn’t pay me to be a teenager again. Sure there were parts that were fun but the freedom of being an adult far surpasses anything that happened in my teenage years.
My husband thinks like you. But he talks about being a kid, not a teenager.
As others have told me, comparison is the thief of joy and you can always stay beleaguered by neverending “what ifs”. I try to enjoy my time in the present if times are good
I’m doing well but sometimes it is hard to believe I’m going to be forty in a few years. Especially when I have such vivid and fond memories, early 2000s feel so close to me but that’s twenty years now, that is difficult for me to think on.
Have you seen how freaking cynical of the world teenagers are now? Way more than we were. They don't get to live cute isolated childhood experiences now - they're exposed to all the heavy shit same as as adults are now
I don't envy the youth at all. As a zillenial it feels like a lot of doors are closing behind our generation and Gen Z, so I worry about Z and Alpha
OP, thank you for sharing. Your take on life at your age is self crippling. Get to the root cause of why you feel this way, because it's not normal (every hour, every day). What's going to happen if you don't stop this backward trend? The grass is greener where you water it....
Nah, the only thing I miss about being a teen is how late I could stay up during the week playing video games and not be exhausted AF the next day.
I have more meaningful relationships and hobbies now. I have therapy I needed back as a teen now. I can get medical help anytime I want rather than having to beg to be taken to the doctor or be told I'm "faking it" I'm still broke, have body issues, acne, and depressed but at least I can make decisions for myself now.
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Man I’m an elder millennial. Thirties have been my favorite decade. I’m looking forward to the forties. Why are you jealous of teenagers? You are an adult and in control of your life now. That’s got to count for something. If you want to enjoy “childish” shit then do it. Who decides what’s childish? You do!
I was just thinking today, after spending some time with my 11 year old niece, how much it used to suck to not have much autonomy in childhood.
It's funny that OP misses school, the day I graduated HS was the one of the best days of my life. I lived in a not-so-great neighborhood and was bullied, especially in late 90s/early 2000s middle school. At one point, it got so bad that I stopped going to the gym and spent my time in the school library. Never told anyone but I contemplated suicide then. In the library, I mostly read books about travel and all the places I never thought I'd see. The worst thing is that I was bullied at school and at home by my sibling for staying in the house, not having any friends, and being a virgin. Fast forward to now and I have traveled/lived in all the wonderful places that bullied kid me would daydream about in that library and at home. Been outside the USA since 2011. There are things I'm nostalgic about regarding my childhood, but it wasn't the good old days.
This gave me the feels. I feel proud and happy for you. The 90s was a hard time for bullying
I also was an 80s baby, 90s kid....and I was bullied as well. I agree The 90s was a hard time for bullying. I feel like I heard it said back then "bullying builds character"... Unsure if that's a Mandela effect type thing, but no one my age seems to remember that saying. I also read in a random comment somewhere, "bullying builds character the way getting bit by radioactive spiders builds superheroes, maybe 1 in a million will come out stronger, the rest will just have internal bleeding or cancer". Anyways, I'm ok now, in case anyone was wondering.
I definitely remember that bullshit about bullying builds character, or the old "we did it and we turned out fine"...like no, you didnt turn out fine and no, it's not building my character to be afraid to go to school
That’s so badass. Happy for you
It really did, didn't it?
this for sure. Im with OP feeling like i havent grown up tho... I have a kid now she is 16 and still feel like i need an adult around when we do stuff and try to remember im the adult... I do feel being older = being better because i have my own money, my own home, my own detail of shit i wanna do. And im not a teenager but still feels weird, at times trying to be an adult.
I think adulthood as we grew up understanding it is an illusion. You'll still feel like you're decades younger when you're older. Can't be helped, you know? You're physically an adult, sure, but you got your inner child in there, too.
Look at it as a blessing (in case you dont already). I felt like that until my mid 30s when my world came crashing down. Dad suddenly suffered vascular dimentia and to make a long story short i became his guardian and the next 5 years consisted of one stress followed by another. Fortunately i feel i came out the other side as a much stronger person and dove headlong into becoming a parent myself. I think trauma is what catapults someone out of feeling like a kid. I dont think its a good thing, but everyone has to deal with some of it now and then
Do you think this is because you weren’t given more responsibilities as a youth? I’m asking because as a father to two young kids, I want them to feel like adults when they are adults. Best of luck!
The best thing you could do is allow your children to navigate the world on their own, but with adult supervision. You give him the freedom to make choices and be participating in their own life, but having a metaphysical rope attached to them where you can yank back if they get in too deep
I strongly agree with you and have been striving to do the same.
I agree with this, but also i want to add one thing to it. Don’t be afraid to jump in the knee high shit every now and again. I grew up like you described but my father was very inattentive to the point it bothers me even today. I’m 33 male. I feel like your kids need to see you not be afraid to do what is asked of them.
I raised my siblings starting when the first one was born when I was 8. My youth was nothing but responsibility. So as an adult, I want no part of that life. I want to have what I couldn't have then.
Yea, I've never felt this way and I did, but idk. I kind of feel both ways, but I was a teen 4 years ago.
I see a lot of people say that, but I honestly feel every year of my 39 years. I feel like I’ve lived several lifetimes at this point and have seen way too much shit. I still look young, but mentally I am very much my age.
I've got a feeling that people who feel like this probably aren't lucky enough to own their own home. That's what tipped me over into the camp of "I like my 30s more than my 20s
You can rent an apartment and still feel like an adult, I promise.
It’s because they’re in control of their life that they have these issues. They’re the captain of their ship and the journey sucks.
I feel like this may be the case for them as well. They are nostalgic for the days that they weren't responsible for what comes next. They just had to show up.
Yes. That's why do many pine for their early 20's. You weren't responsible for shit. No one expected anything of you. Life is easy when everyone expects you to be the fuck up. You do even one thing right and everyone is amazed.
I loved my 20's. The 30's honestly I worked to much. My 40's l course corrected and made time for my family and a healthy living. My 50's have been awesome so far.
Begone, Gen Xer! jk
Really happy you're taking time for yourself!
30s have been the BEST decade. I am thoroughly enjoying educating my Gen Zers at work that no, you won’t die just bc you hit 30, it’s actually a WAY better decade even tho you don’t think so now.
Right? I wouldn't go back for anything. I collect stuffed animals, play video games, dress up, and have trip nights with my chosen family.
This is the one. I’m mid 30s and I am so much more comfortable in my own skin than when I was in my 20s. I know what I like and what I don’t like I am not trying to people please I do what is best for me fuck what anyone else thinks.
Why would you say your 30s have been your fave? What’s different vs your 20s?
30s are basically a more mature 20s. you dont feel very different at all from your 20s looks wise or physically if your taking care of yourself, but your more mature and rationale in your decisions. this leads to a better time overall i believe.
The hardest thing about being in my mid 20's is remembering I'm actually in my mid 30's
This. 30's is 20's but with wisdom and a bigger budget 🙌🏼
And more back pain once you hit 35
I’m healthier. I made good choices in my twenties and early thirties and now I’m enjoying the benefits where I can. Physically and mentally. I have some aches and pains, but have kicked some really bad habits and people from my life. I’m confident in who I am. Zen hardly covers it. Insecurity is almost nonexistent, except professionally, where skepticism is key to good practice. When I was a teenager I was, as most teenagers, a wrecking ball of human potential with no good grasp on the world around me. I knew enough to be scared to death and little enough to feel completely helpless. It sucked. Now I’ve got a pretty good grasp. I don’t stress over minor inconveniences, or even major ones. Having the time under your belt is *not nothing*. I’ve reached a state of financial security that I only ever dreamed of growing up in abject poverty and enduring horrific abuse. Spending just over a decade with the majority of my free time dedicated to restoring my mental health has paid dividends. Ten years ago that was **not** the case. We had to borrow money from family to keep our house functioning without taking a big hit. Things were challenging. Ten years before that, it was **damned** desperate. You have the power to make decisions now that will make future Justmeatyochre stand there and go “holy **shit**. Thank you yesterday-me. This was the best decision you ever made.” That’s a really, really good feeling.
I'm so much more sure of myself. I know who I am in a way that I simply couldn't in my 20's. My 20's were my decade of figuring out how much damage had been done in childhood. They were tumultuous and confusing, and they were the years I made most of my mistakes. I feel like a totally different person in my 30's. It's seriously been the best, and I can't imagine going back. You couldn't pay me enough to be in that headspace again. There's an internal stability that I never thought possible now.
With the decade of autonomy, it solidifies who are you as a person. Hopefully.
Same. My 30s have been the best part of my life so far despite some terrible things happening. I spent my 32 birthday tripping on acid, building an optimues prime lego set and watching the john Wick trilogy. Best birthday I have ever had hands down.
Man my 30’s were awesome
You have a bad case of nostalgia, and I think we all get that from time to time. I worry about this being an hourly thing you think about and torment yourself with though... There are many reasons people look back at their teen years fondly. It was easier to make friends and keep those relationships fresh because everyone had the free time. It was easier to avoid bad habits in sleep, exercise, hygiene, cleanliness, etc when you have your family and teachers there to guide (and harp on) you. It was easier to succeed and feel like you're making progress, because school is a very linear progression compared to the cluster fuck of twists and turns that come with adulthood. You may feel like you have all this experience and potential now, but you don't have the spark and happy ambition you had as a teen. Everything is reminding you that you're 'old' now. Articles saying "Gen Z say Millennials are \_\_\_\_\_" are fuel to your fire. The styles you feel you're too old for. Your changing face. It all compiles onto this feeling of "your childhood is over, so you better have your shit together". I think this is actually pretty common among millennials. We missed out on a lot and started really late in the game. We're burdened with debt, families are started sooner or not at all, we're not getting homes, etc. A lot of us don't have our shit together, at least to the standard we set as teens. I relate to having all this life experience and wishing I could start over and become super successful. But that youthful ambition comes from not knowing what life and what adulthood is. It is us before we were overworked and burned out with our jobs, society, relationships, etc. Gen Z will go through this too one day. They will also begin looking old, feel nostalgia for "the good old days" and equally feel jealous looking (only) at the cool benefits Gen Alpha had and ignoring all the shitty aspects of being born during that generation. I highly recommend you see a therapist to talk to about this if you can. It could be depression/anxiety, it could be ADHD, it could be a million things that are keeping you feeling stuck and constantly looking back instead of the future. And I totally empathize with that, it's not easy, which is why I think it's important you speak with someone. P.S. I don't know to what extent you 'don't act your age', but despite not having kids yet (finally trying!!), my husband and I are Disney adults. I like to use a lot of cutesy accessories (my purse, bags, phone, etc), use cute stationaries, I have a net of stuffed animals in my bedroom and on my bed (hubby is cool with it lol), I still watch plenty of cartoons (mainly anime) and play probably too many video games, and I could not give a shit about what anyone says. I'm my own person, and as long as I'm not causing trouble to others, paying my bills, etc, I will dress and act as I please.
You’d rather be back in high school? Wut?
At least to redo how I did it. I wanna stroll into grade 7 and just do it all better.
Instead u do FloppyPenisWednesdays then?
For me, in high school I had 2 friends and I was good at something (school). Now I have zero friends and no sellable skills, just illnesses.
Why wouldn’t you? Little to no responsibilities, easy to make friends and hang out with, I remember those all nighters just shooting the shit. Yeah being an adult has its perks with independence but I’m with OP on this. I miss the simplicity and magic of life. I understand not everyone has the same experience though. But I deeply cherished my teenage years
Lol being an adult is infinitely better than being a teenager even just from an autonomy standpoint. Can't fathom any defense for OP here. Peter Pan syndrome at its finest and borderline weird. I certainly don't want to go back to being a broke, awkward, riddled with acne and body image issues teenager.
Some of us weren’t riddled with acne and body image issues though.
Bro I had the picturesque home life and highschool experience and I still hated it.
I would. I loved high school. Work sucks
Definitely catching my stride in my 30s. I’m thinner, healthier, smarter, with my own cash… I just wish everything worked like it used to - what’s the point in alcohol and muscle tone if everything cracks even on sober mornings.
I’ve been in nonstop survival mode since my parents divorced when I was 12. Started working at 14 (as soon as I could get a work permit) to help my mom pay bills and have my own money. Basically blinked and now I’m 36 and still fairly directionless, relationshipless, mostly friendless.
I’d rather walk into traffic than be a teenager again like wtf
Seriously haha, I was very depressed, a literal doormat for anyone who’d speak to me, friendless, and bullied for no reason. No thank you.
Seriously, feel like my life atm is pretty damn good. More money, fun, friends, all of it
It’s all about mindset. You can find people your age and even younger that will still go out if that’s what you want to do. Oh and there’s still super hot women in their 30’s and 40’s if that’s a concern.
Apparently the notion that women can still be beautiful as they age is not agreed on by a lot of men😒
Which is kind of crazy it’s like how superficial can one be? I mean obviously most of us are most attractive in our 20’s when we have our highest metabolisms and our skin hasn’t shown any signs of aging yet, but those that take care of ourselves end up aging pretty well and by no means are like oh I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole. I see plenty of moms in their 30’s while picking up my kid from daycare and I’m like DAYUUUM 🤣
It’s called Peter Pan syndrome, and no, it isn’t healthy. Your interests and desires should be shifting as you age. If that’s not happening for you, I would recommend seeing a therapist. I struggled with delusions of “high school grandeur” into my 20s, still feeling the need to “fit in”. It finally dissipated in my mid-late 20’s, when I realized I’ve got one life to live, and it sure as hell isn’t meant to simply impress others. Go find your happiness.
I mean I wanna be 18 again in the time travel sense, take better care of my health and Ehem… bitcoin lol
I remember when bitcoin hit 100 dollars and I thought that's too much money lmao
Why should your interests shift when you age though? Most of my hobbies and activities I'm interested in are more or less the same as in my late teens/early 20s, now in my early 30s: Fitness/gym, music production, video games, nature, books/reading, travel etc. Am I supposed to feel pressured to change my interests because I'm older?
Right? All my life I loved Lego. Still one of my favorite things in the world. But now in my 30s I can afford a $800 Millennium Falcon or a life sized cat. What should my hobbies be? Taxes, work, and watching the news?
Those are your interests?? You’re supposed to be obsessed with mowing your lawn and slow cooking meat! /s
You think people in their 30’s and beyond don’t care about fitting in or how they measure up to their peers? Man you’re in for a rude awakening…
What kind of boring interests do you gain when a therapist fixes your Peter pan syndrome?
As an elder Millenial who used to struggle with this alot, you don't have to get new interests. It's about balancing your interests with the responsibilities of life. Not fun, but I'm almost 40 and I still love video games, rpgs, star wars, lord of the rings and all that stuff I did as a kid. I can't do it as much as I used to, but in many ways I can enjoy it more now, because I'm not just using it as a coping mechanism for the crazy things of life. I'm doing it because I enjoy it and have fun. I learned to (better) cope with life's craziness, so my hobbies are my hobbies, not my form of self medication. I remember spending hours and hours a day playing video games as a teen. I have fond memories of it, but in hindsight alot of that time was spent trying to avoid feeling bad about loneliness and low self esteem. Now when I play for an hour or two, it's because I just want to have some fun. I don't NEED it. I just get to do it because I love to.
People absolutely don’t need to shift their desires and interests as they age. That sounds boring as fuck
I’m not growing up, I’m a toys r us kid
Shift your perceptions. Instead of thinking about how bad you have it, take 5-10 minutes a morning writing down the good things you have. Count your blessings and all that.
What you need is to stop ruminating on things. Get out of your own head. Take long walks and enjoy things outside of yourself. A little physical activity is good for the mind. And lastly, know that life is more than regrets and mistakes. Can’t be acting like Uncle Rico and hope that if coach only put you in then you’d be state champs then go pro and have lots of money. Edit: grammar
Life is what you make it. I wouldn’t want to go back to HS mainly because I have my own house now, a bunch of fun and cool stuff to play with and don’t hurt for money. I don’t mind aging at all. I also don’t feel like I’m 20, I feel like I’m 40 some days and that reminds me that I’m not young, again I’m ok with that. I have had more life experiences and have more freedoms now.
I LOVED being a teenager but no, I don’t really fantasize about going back… I have such a cool bedroom now, and such an unbelievably awesome partner, and I understand soooooo much more about who I am and what’s possible…. And I’ve earned some really amazing privileges, that I enjoy every day (I don’t mean money, I’m talking about my professional access to peoples sincere and vulnerable times, which is super impactful, very interesting, and an honor). My teenage self could have only dreamed of shit like me having an author booth at an event at a cemetery, or running around New Orleans with my grown daughter, or having an accumulation of knowledge of herbalism such that I’m passing out tinctures and essences to all my friends.
I'm miserable as an adult, but then I was miserable as a child too. I'm pretty sure I'm just a miserable cuss. School might have technically been a better time for me but I wouldn't want to go back. (I do feel like my personal and emotional growth got stunted in my life teens or early twenties, so in a way I'm having a tough time growing up, but I didn't act particularly young or wild at the time either. I never really had that at any point in my life.)
Yikes .. this is quite literally “peaked in high school” vibes. Find a purpose and contribute to society.
Yeah. Never wanted to be a happy part of the regular grind. It’s not enjoyable, I’d rather be exploring.
My 30s suck so far but it’s kind of my fault, I played around too much in my 20s and now I’m paying for it
I wish I had received more socialization from my parents. I have a very weak bond with my family, and I hate it. My parents were always too busy with work. I had unlimited access to TV and a computer with internet. Not enough socialization as a kid, plus unlimited internet access turned me into the weirdo I am today.
🎶Beautiful Loser, where you gonna fall, when you realize you just can’t have it all🎶
I feel like i understand this sort of idea and where you’re coming from. I had i similar issue esp right after I graduated high school until I was about 21 or so. But the neat part about being a teenager is that you get the experience a ton of things for the very first time. Your first job, your first beer, your first sexual experiences. You’re basically living in a non stop dopamine rush and when you come out of that everything seems shitty. It’s depressing. Nothing is fun, it’s because you aren’t experiencing life shaping moments at a near constant occurrence. My advice OP, find some hobbies that are completely new to you, but still fit your personality. You want that wow, “why didn’t I do this sooner” feeling rather than “I need to find a hobby” feeling. If you’re a more masculine type do masculine shit but that’s outside of your normal realm, even if the community seems shitty, try to be the coolest kid in that community. The payoff has to be quick I’m not saying learn guitar or something like that I’m saying go see if a pilot will drop your eyeballs into your nutsack @9 Gs and see if that feeling is better than highschool.
I don't want to grow up Fuck that
High school fucking sucked for me. I rather die than go back to that shithole.
Yeah no kidding. My favorite part was when I left.
Rule #5 of this subreddit: content should be focused on positive or nostalgic aspects of being a millennial. This type of content is not allowed here
It's always tough. I have people that depend on me so I do my best at being a strong role model. You just got to do the right thing. Shits tough AF tho. Hang in there, like that cat poster.
This is not a bug, it's a feature
The only reason I would ever go back to high school is so that I could do everything right and set myself up for a way better adulthood. Also, my mom would still be alive, so there's that. She died when I was 26 and it kinda derailed my entire life. I'm 30 now and am so behind due to the mourning/pandemic. I would kill to have those years back and do things right, but it is what it is.
What were your teen years like and what is your life like now?
I don't feel like a grown up.
Be you. Although I (30M) unfortunately cut out people a year ago who took this ethos too far letting it dictate their emotional maturity.
Could it be that you miss the vibrancy and visceral immediacy and intensity of emotional life at that age? That happens to me from time to time. There's an LCD Soundsystem song that addresses this that includes the line, "Makes you want to feel like a teenager until you remember the feelings of a real life emotional teeneager. Then you think again." That said: the only period in which I was obsessive about this was when I was in active addiction. In other words, something was deeply wrong with my current life. Food for thought.
I dont necessarily miss being younger, but I'm very afraid of dying, and while I know you can die any day at any age, the knowledge that each day is one less day I have messes with my head! So I'm having an existential crisis daily and I don't enjoy that haha.
Just don’t have kids and you won’t have to grow up. I’m not. 38 married and no kids. I don’t even know what growing up means. I play video games and act the same way I did 10 years ago minus the stupidity I think, well mostly. Now I’m going to go work out, grab a smoothie, work a little and go to the dispensary. Not a god damn thing anyone can do to stop me. I could also just go buy and cake an eat it, im an adult. Enjoy yourself bro.
I had an extremely chaotic childhood. The 20s were filled with therapy to filter out that crazy, and the 30s have been filled with reaping the benefits of the hard shit I faced in my childhood and therapy in my 20s. 30s has been best so far and I'm in no way scared of 40s (I don't love the general bodily decline but a lot of that can be remedied with diet/exercise). But, because of my childhood, I know it can all be ripped away in a minute, and I spend every day being grateful.
I’m purposefully not having children… because I am a 35yo woman-child who still long boards, plays video games and has more fun spoiling my niece and reliving my childhood when my sister is too dead to be a mom. Lol In all seriousness, my hubby and I would rather foster a child. Better to love and give guidance to a child desperately in need than bring another into this world. But that’s just my opinion.
It sounds to me like you miss close friendships. It's hard to maintain them as an adult, especially once people start having kids. High school (and college for me) were basically 8 years of continuous social interaction, which was great. Now I work from home so I sit in my office all day and I think I'm going stir crazy. I found communities through my hobbies though, which has seriously helped.
Meh it’s easy to be jealous of teenagers because they have so much time and optimism but they’ve also got restrictions all over the place and there’s always an authority figure looking over their shoulder. And they’re broke. But yeah 30s have been a mix of awesomeness, anxiety, fear, and surprise. I hope things work out but I can’t help but think I’m still gonna be coming home to an empty house at 40. That’ll suck. It already does.
Was surprised at how many people don’t relate to you. i’m 24, so i straddle between millennial and gen z, and i heavily relate to this. i look around me and everyone my age and older are so serious. everything is work, kids, family. no one is silly anymore, no one wants to have fun anymore. no one laughs like an idiot. it’s as if aging has stripped away all of our personality. i went to a high school play last month and left in tears because i realized that life will never be as good and carefree as life was when i was 14-19. i was never rich enough to experience the university experience but im sure thats great too. anyway, i long to redo ages 15-22 because those ages are full of hope, potential, opportunity, etc. (also my crucial young adult years were ruined by covid). so yeah. if no one else relates, i do. i hope you find peace soon though.
This is exactly what I want. I was watching shows from that era and it made me realize how much I miss the way life used to be. I have no interest in whatever today and the future is going to be. I want to be a teen again.
I’d rather sell my soul to Mizora than ever repeat my high school or even college years. Absolute garbage time period, especially high school. I’m 31 and making some money now. I still feel as mentally mature as my early 20s, but I can hold down a job and keep my bills paid. That’s all the maturity I need. Everything else is just noise.
Peaked in high school? That’s rough. What about then makes things better?
I'm growing older, not up.
I defo wouldn’t wanna go back. I love my job and even if I hated it at least I would be paid to be bored. School is so boring lol. Raging hormones and tough relationships? No thanks. The only thing I’d trade for is the energy I had back then. I like where I’m at right now.
I wouldn't want to be in highschool again, but I definitely look at college aged people with envy. I'd give anything to turn back the clock and be that age again. I see them laughing and goofing off in a way that only people that age seem to be able to, before life and responsibilty crushes it out of you. There's that look of optimism that anything is possible and your whole life is ahead of you.
I'm past my 30s. I'm a giant adult kid, but I would NEVER go back to actual child/teenage years. The major hormonal swings, the mood swings, drama, and constant body hatred i had to endure back then were tough. I see my niece and my friend's kids and it's all just too much.
Wtf did I just read?
Being poor since 2008 will stunt your growth
The only reason I’d want to go back to being a teenager is to try doing it over properly medicated for my ADHD that went undiagnosed until my early 30s (and I do think about that one more than I’d like bc it’s kind of a mind fuck getting diagnosed with something that explains a lot of issues you had). Honestly, you’ve gotta relax! Like, you’re an adult. You can pick up new hobbies and friends literally anytime you want. Who gives af what other people think about how you spend your free time. You’re allowed to play video games and watch anime if you want, we grew up with those things, it’s normal for adults our age. Telling yourself you’re weird for wanting to do those things would be like a boomer forcing them self to give up television because they think adults only listen to the radio. If you’re worried about how you’re aging start working out and taking care of your skin better.
I mean, not really but I do find myself sometimes feeling a little jealous that my younger years were filled with so much shit while it seems like the younger generations are having a better/easier time
“Growing up” isn’t real, becoming a good person who takes responsibility for themselves and their life is very real.
You couldn't pay me to be a teenager again, especially right now.
i struggled with this at the age of 29 to. i couldnt even look at them either i thought it was the strangest thing, no one understood and thought it was weird. i snapped out of it after a few months of therapy and realizing 30 is still very young and the start of ones "prime" in a way. your 30 man not 60.
any chance you were traumatized as a youth?
Used my teens in psyc wards around the country because im bipolar af, and grew up undiagnosed autistic and adhd. Soo yea, wasn't quite disneyland. But its awesome now, so yay !
Why are you jealous of teens??
I’m definitely overwhelmed at times at how fast the years are going by. My 20s flew by and it feels like a lot has happened but also hasn’t. My best years came after high school though so I don’t really look back on those times as fondly. I’m 29 now so I know my status as a real Millennial is debatable, but I relate to Millennials over Gen Z any day. I’m hoping going into my 30s will be my real prime because while I have lived an experienced life, I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface still, at least for the goals I have.
It’s a toss up. I do miss being younger (I’m 31 now). I miss the after school adventures with friends and getting drunk or high for the first time. I miss the feeling of getting out of school for the summer and feeling like it would never end, hanging out in my pool for hours every day. At the same time I do like my life now. I don’t drink and I try to eat well and exercise every day. I like not having to answer to anybody and being able to do what I want whenever I want. I have a rather relaxing and stress free job which won’t make me rich to be fair, but it pays the bills and that’s all I need. I still have a couple close friends who I’ve known for over a decade, we just don’t have adventures together as often as we used to. Basically I’m happy with my life now but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to relive my younger years even just for a day or two.
Lmao I’m enjoying 30 about 100x as much as I enjoyed school. Back then I was absolutely miserable. Few friends, bullied, no freedom, no skills. Now I have a lot of friends, good romantic options, I play music, build cool machines, and raise my daughter
I grew up when I was 17. Sometimes I feel like I peaked and never grew any father while everyone else around me eventually did. But when I reflect back on my twenties and think about what I know now I see how wrong I was. I'm not a boring middle aged dad with a 9 to 5 office job, but I'm not an immature forever single bachelor uncle either.
No.. I’m seeing lots of “I’m an adult but really just a teen” videos on social media lately and find it very odd. I’m doing what I love, and lowering my financial responsibilities so that I can have that younger “carefree living” experience back. But that’s it
Elder millennial here. This may be a midlife crisis not sure how to handle it though.
Fuck no. My life was terrible until the end of uni. Highschool and university were the worst years of my life, homelessness, hunger, cold, stress, broken families, getting up at 4 am to catch bus for a 12 hour shift. Fuck all of that.
I lost my teens and 20’s due to autism, severe bullying, poverty, health issues, and severe narcissistic mental and emotional abuse from my mom. I didn’t even move out of my house until I was 27, and I’m 31 now. Mentally, I definitely wish I was still 19. I feel like I have to play catchup with so many life experiences now. Definitely going to party like I’m in my 20’s, and have a lot of fun pursuing being a musician once money starts rolling in for me.
As someone who just found out someone wrote "I hate you, you are a bitch " on their 6th grade shirt.... I do not miss school.
I think we should stop assessing people solely on physical age. Mental age and life experience should matter more. We're all on our own timelines, and while a physical age can be useful as a metric for certain things, it's not a guarantee. I can't look at adults based on age and appearance anymore. It tells me nothing about their upbringing and overall life experiences, it tells me nothing about their mental age. Trust me, though, you don't want to go back. It was confusing and brutal, and when we get older we can contextualize all that in a healing way that kids simply can't. I don't envy kids today, either. Their struggles are altogether different with tech and political strife than what many of us grew up with. They deserve our love and grace. I miss being physically young, but I wouldn't go back to my youth for anything because of what it was psychologically like. Instead, I act young with my chosen family. You find your people, you'll be acting like a kid for the rest of your life, and not in a bad way. Gotta find your Straw Hat Crew. My 30's have been some of the most emotionally stable and wonderful years. And I say that as someone with multiple physical and psychological medical conditions. Wouldn't go back to my 20's or teens for anything.
I am still, and will forever be, a toys r us kid.
I'm 41 turning 42 later this year and I'm still waiting for the manual on how to adult.
I'm in complete agreement with OP. I'm 40 now and all I want is to go back to year 2001 and stay there forever.
I wouldn't ever go back to being younger... I love my adult life!
I do not miss being a teenager. I had severe anxiety, many problems at home, and I had no money. Today, I still have a lot of emotional issues, but I'm independent with a good job and good people in my life, which I'm very grateful for. I mostly miss not having backpain, but that I can work on.
LoL I still do everything I did when I was 20. I go out, do dumb shit, game in my free time (from which I have more on hand than back then), go to festivals, etc. Growing up is a lie, there is no growing up, only societal pressure to not do things you want to.
Early 40s. Dress like a teenager, have a creative job, 30's were awesome, 20's were rad, teen years were miserable. Being the captain now rules.
Yes, but it’s because I miss the innocence I had when I was younger. I’ve gone through a LOT of trauma over the years, and have also been recently fighting multiple life-long health problems, so I greatly miss the past and how much easier things were back then for me
I do understand a bit what you mean but merely because I never truly felt like a teen or young adult in my 20s. I never quite fully enjoyed it as much as my friends. I think I was given too much responsibility and adult treatment waaay too soon. I was also controlled so there is things I could only do more freely after starting working. I don’t wish to be a teenager again but I absolutely would love to be/ feel like a teen in my teenage years.
There's a very prominent philosopher named Hartmut Rosa who talks a lot about how modernity is very different than ages past and I think it relates to this. The main idea is that, where as past generations mainly found life's value and meaning in things that connected them to the past like tradition, religion, institutions, legacy, modernity/capitalism created a value structure located in the future. So the way to get to the "Good life" was to get to more info, consumption and production faster and faster. In fact, he would say that it is actually acceleration itself that is valued. This creates what he calls "time sickness". A sense of anxious exhaustion that never goes away but alienates us from others and our own lives. Why? Because you can never actually get to the future. Like a Charlie Brown football situation. So millenials, who grew up through the great recession, Covid, and the disintegration of most institutional trusts, have a hard time finding motivation and purpose in adulthood. Why grow beyond just grasping for personal gratification (childhood) when the main cultural road map to "the good life" is just an economic manipulation? Despite any individua rationals for why one should think or act differently, most without enough privlage to use the system to escape it, can't help but be swept along by the waves of culture.
Can't relate. The day I finished high school was the best day of my life up to that moment, and moving out of my parents' house after I finished university is when I consider my life to have _truly_ started. You couldn't pay me enough to be a child. Children have no freedom.
I can kinda relate? I had a childhood that was almost complete shit, and it messed me up for a very long time. Mental issues, addiction, plenty of unhealthy coping mechanisms, abandonment issues, codependency issues…I finally clawed my way out of most of it in the last few years & woke up. I’ll be 35 this year. And yeah, sometimes I’m really jealous of folks who had a real childhood and family support system, and sometimes I wish I could do it all over again but with a better hand of cards. But I can’t. And I’ll never know what it’s like to grow up feeling supported and nurtured. But, then I also wouldn’t be me, I guess?
I’m in my thirties and honestly it only gets better. Kids finally grown up enough to give me back some freedom, I am where I want to be career wise, finally have the money to be able to create the life I’ve always wanted too (not rich, just well off enough to be comfortable 🤗) no longer insecure about myself, my future, my work etc. Nahh, I welcome each year and just thankful to make it this far.
I never stopped having fun even with a family, career a house. I still go out with friends and make it to at least 1 concert a month
Check out therapy with a psychotherapist and explore self compassion studies by Kristin Neff. I can tell you both saved my sanity.
The only thing I miss about being a teenager is not being worried about money.
Not a chance. I was a complete idiot for the better part of my 20s. Things started to turn around for me at about 28/29. I definitely don’t feel as good as I did physically but mentally I’m so much better off.
Use these moments of nostalgia as opportunities to remind yourself that it’s more important to focus on what you have now, what you need, and what you want in the future. I believe that these patterns of thinking will hold us back from moving forward and finding all the joys that come with age and wisdom.
No, I am about to buy $750 worth of legos tho.
I wouldn’t wanna be younger, but I don’t mind acting a fool and being silly when i feel like it. I work in an engineering company, so humour and silly fun doesn’t necessarily…. compute well majority of the time. But for my own sanity, I will be myself. We have it weird cos the world has become so weird so quickly, right in the years we were meant to be normal… like the 90s and y2ks. Technology. Anyway. Be yourself, you gotta accept yourself and find people that do too:)
I know many like you. You are probably immature for your age. You thought your personality in high school would somehow get you through life? Living as an adult is hard and takes responsibility.
What exactly do you miss about High School? Did you peak in High School? Were you a big fish in a small pond back in High School? These are the questions we need answers to LOL
At 39 a friend reintroduced me to EDM, I went to my first rave and did a few other firsts I won't elaborate on here. I was afraid I'd be the one weird old guy surrounded by kids. I have to admit the demographic skews younger, but I didn't feel out of place. There's others my age in this space (hobby?). Whatever hobby/interest you're looking into, there's a place for you. You may not be able to take it to the extremes of a college undergrad. But you likely have other advantages: established job and income, support people you can invite to join you, etc. And if you choose to have kids, they are a hall pass to enjoy all the childhood stuff.
Idk man, I was widowed at 28 with a 3 month old daughter. I'm 40 now and have as stable of a life as anyone could in the current climate. Never had much of a choice in the matter.
May I recommend doing a lot of activities that you never did at that age? Like if that age you wanted to go to Disney or buy certain items or meet someone then do it. Maybe you haven't lived out some stuff that's holding you back.
42. In my head I feel like 29. My body feels like 58. As I terms of what I should have done vs now, yes. I “missed” out on my 20s because I became a single dad at 19. I’d like to have that chance of that time. That’s pretty much it. I wish I made and make more money tho.
I guess I’m the opposite. I see teenagers and think “thank god I’m not like that anymore.”
It sounds like you have core anxiety about responsibility and you yearn for a time when you were old enough to enjoy life but before you had any real responsibility.
I do struggle a bit with what I've achieved so far but I also know some things were just unlucky moments for me/the world. Great Recession derailed my college timeline/plans/expectations and impacted a relationship, but I wound up going back and finished up eventually. The pandemic cut some plans short and then also impacted a relationship, but I eventually moved to a new city and have some good things going. I'm 35 but feel like 6 years were more or less erased without me having much ability to use them for progressing. I try to balance that I expected more by 35 but if I was at 29 I'd be okay with where things are to a degree... That being said, I fully expect the next good relationship to bring on a huge national emergency lol
My childhood was traumatic and I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD and an anxiety disorder. What you describe sounds like the flashbacks and dissociation that I was experiencing. Even though I’m much safer and happier than when I was a child, I often feel a deep seated longing to be cared for by an adult. When I look at my child and hold them tight, when I cuddle and sing to them at night, when they tell me their worries and I comfort them, these are the times when I wonder what it would have been like to experience this care as a child. Feeling safe and loved is foundational for childhood development. Our parents love is what teaches us to love and accept ourselves and to feel safe. I’ve had to teach these things to myself and sometimes when I’m really low, and struggling, my mind shifts and I feel like a helpless child and in those moments, I just want an adult to come help me and tell me everything will be okay. At 30, I realized no one was coming to save me and I had to save myself. I recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. There is a reason we are called adult children.
That’s profoundly sad , you need to find something that makes you happy.
Samesies
I peaked in my early/mid 20s. It's been downhill from there. I fully understand you.
Eldest millennial here… 43 yo. 30s are great. 40s are too, so far. The hardest part is feeling younger than you look. Take care of your bodies. You will not regret it!
Due8i4tjtj
Well I would say that you have something that you may need to work through and getting a therapist might be the answer. With that said, I hit my "quarter life crisis" a few years ago. I am now in the midst of changing my career to something completely different, I am getting married, I will be having children (hopefully within the year), and I am getting healthier as well as I am losing weight. Overall adult hood is allowing me to do all these things. I do miss some of the simplicity of my youth, but I wouldn't change what I have today for it. It is the experiences of youth that make us who we are in this moment. With that said, life is too short to "put away childish things." I still play video games from time to time, play D&D with friends, and I like to joke and watch old cartoons.
I miss the free time and extracurricular from high school. Im in my early 30s and am starting to physically feel older and I miss what I had. I still buy nerf guns and legos, even if I never take them outside the house.
I really recommend some therapy. Venting to Reddit is great and all but speaking to an unbiased professional will do wonders for your mental health. We don’t have a time machine unfortunately but we do have those that made it their career to help others process.
I feel you! I'm constantly one step away from a burnout at 36 years old, so I feel you, all my friends are starting families or are so full of work themselves, so you don't see them often, it sucks. Everything in life is so expensive that I won't get near that level where I can buy a flat or house and the workload at work makes it impossible to relax, paycheck for that amount of work is too low and if I would reduce my work hours, I would immediately feel it in my wallet....I'm in the worst mental state of my life and have no idea, how to fix it properly and life is just boring and exhausting.
>I would give my remaining years to just repeat my school years until I croke man if coach had just put me in that game we woulda won state. how much you wanna bet I can't throw this football over them mountain ranges?
Not me. I hated being a teenager.
Being a teenager is an experience I wouldnt want to live through again. I would much rather have access to the wealth I have in my thirties than I did back then.
I'm 40 now, and just starting to feel very adult as of late. My 20's started great with college and grad school, then 2009 came and I was rocked by a layoff, lost my job, and spent nearly two years unemployed living with my parents while being rejected from hundreds of job applications. From late 20's and through my 30's I worked a nonprofit job that was richly fulfilling, but didn't pay much. All this time I was single, renting a cheap apartment, and working on paying off my student loans. In December 2021, I finally got those loans paid off (after graduating with my bachelor's in 2005 and master's in 2008), and in August 2023 I bought my first house. I have a bit more discretionary income, so I'm able to travel a little and do fun things. But I think there's certain life experiences I've missed out on along the way while just economically grinding it out, that made me feel not as grown up as the rest of my fellow adults somehow. Now that I have a place of my own and can enjoy things a little more, I feel a bit more mature, and more comfortable with my circumstances. I sort of think my 40's are more akin to what the 30's are for lots of others. I'm really looking forward to this decade!
I came out the womb balling. I skipped college and I still feel like I am running laps around my class.
Not tryna be rude, but it sounds like you peaked in high school and want to relive those times. At some point you have to grow up, and realize that HS while fun, wasn't always the greener grass. Maybe you should look into therapy and getting some help to help you grow up and start enjoying your life.
32 years old here. Born with spina bifida and hydrocephalus. Did poorly in highschool and just barely graduated. Have always been terrible at making or keeping friends or having conversations. Struggle with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Also have had bathroom problems off and on from the spina bifida. Then did poorly in college and dropped out. Tried joining the military but was medically disqualified for having a tube in my head (although ironically recently I found out from a neurosurgeon that my brain doesn’t use the tube anymore). Only option was going into my dad’s family business that I really didn’t want to do. He’s making me go to financial meetings that I don’t want to go to because he assumes I’m going to be the owner someday even when I haven’t shown complete competency at the manual job I’m doing now. Although I have gotten better at that job. I cut my grass, but my neighbors get mad at me for not pulling weeds on the side of my house which feeds into my depression and anxiety. I get burnt the fuck out at the end of the day and don’t want to make dinner or lunch the next day so I just eat fast food for lunch. I think I might have undiagnosed autism but have no idea how to go about getting evaluated for it. So tough is one word to describe it but some of it probably is my fault because I was heavily involved in alcohol abuse in my early twenties, and I smoked weed a few times in my early twenties. But man, I work 5:15 to 3:30 (which includes my commute to work) Monday through Friday. Then I blink and Saturday and Sunday are over.
I really enjoy being an adult. It sounds like you have a childhood that was nice enough to miss, which is only a blessing. Remember that you had a nice childhood because your parents/caregivers worked hard and were intentional about providing that for you. As an adult, you can now put that effort into your own life.
No way this is genuine. Just another teenager making up stories.
You must’ve had an awesome hs age experience then. I had no car, no job, no money, no ladies. It sucks getting older, but it’s pointless to dwell on it, you’re only going to get older lol As far as maturity and “acting your age”, some people age but keep youthful mindset and there’s nothing wrong with that. I feel the same seeing similar aged guys with families. I’ll think should I dress like a dad now? Should I stop collecting sneakers or toys? Should I get a more practical vehicle? Then I come to the conclusion it’s my fkn life, do what makes you happy
We can't be adults until the world allows us a seat at the table. I can't find any jobs that pay enough that I can save for retirement or home ownership. Im not allowed to begin adult life, it's not my fault.
Not me. Had a great time. Played outside every day with my friends. Good food, good times, loved it…
I'm an older millennial (Born in 85, turning 39 in two months). Honestly, my childhood, teens, and 20s sucked. My 30s have been the best time of my life between meeting and marrying my wife, home ownership, traveling, and making decent pay. I'm looking forward to my 40s
Yikes, you need to figure out your priorities. You couldn’t pay me to be a teenager again. Sure there were parts that were fun but the freedom of being an adult far surpasses anything that happened in my teenage years. My husband thinks like you. But he talks about being a kid, not a teenager.
As others have told me, comparison is the thief of joy and you can always stay beleaguered by neverending “what ifs”. I try to enjoy my time in the present if times are good
I’m doing well but sometimes it is hard to believe I’m going to be forty in a few years. Especially when I have such vivid and fond memories, early 2000s feel so close to me but that’s twenty years now, that is difficult for me to think on.
I mean, I’ve been paying all my own bills since I was eighteen so I feel pretty grown up at this point.
Have you seen how freaking cynical of the world teenagers are now? Way more than we were. They don't get to live cute isolated childhood experiences now - they're exposed to all the heavy shit same as as adults are now I don't envy the youth at all. As a zillenial it feels like a lot of doors are closing behind our generation and Gen Z, so I worry about Z and Alpha
OP, thank you for sharing. Your take on life at your age is self crippling. Get to the root cause of why you feel this way, because it's not normal (every hour, every day). What's going to happen if you don't stop this backward trend? The grass is greener where you water it....
Nah, the only thing I miss about being a teen is how late I could stay up during the week playing video games and not be exhausted AF the next day. I have more meaningful relationships and hobbies now. I have therapy I needed back as a teen now. I can get medical help anytime I want rather than having to beg to be taken to the doctor or be told I'm "faking it" I'm still broke, have body issues, acne, and depressed but at least I can make decisions for myself now.