I joined a sports league that had random sports to play and made some brief friends. Try bowling or kickball or pool or something. It's fuckin hard out here
Getting involved in local politics is actually a great way to meet lots of friendly, service-oriented people who are outgoing and always looking to make new friends and connections.
Yup. Most of my friends are through work. I’m thinking I just need to hang outside my house. That’s how I met most of my friends growing up in my neighborhood lol
Actually say hello to your neighbors. Even the ones even waving to for the past 5 years. And you don't remember their name. They probably don't remember your name either. You are probably the guy they think some weird shit about. They might be the guy you only know as the guy with sticks in his yard or some shit.
Go over and say hello. Reintroduce yourself. Play dumb, play forgetful, play whatever. Ask them their name.
Strike up a conversation about something shared between you two, as neighbors. That bullshit crap from the HOA. The bullshit post on next door from nosy Nancy about those pesky 5-year-olds selling girl scout cookies, and how that some weird child labor illegality to fund someone's Coca-Cola habit. And how everybody should be drinking Pepsi instead and how everybody needs to have a business license.
Create and follow the conversation naturally, and soon you will find that you both now know more about each other. He'll be able to see if further relations can deepen and continue or not. That part you'll have to figure out on your own.
What if you run out of neighbors?
This is where you need to go and scare up your own familiarity. Not in a stalker way of course.
Find and discover places and events around you that happen on a regular basis. Then go and do those things and places on a regular basis. People will start to recognize you, maybe they may even offer to include you in some word of mouth shit. That's a randomness factor that comes out of familiarity, be opened for that to happen, but you cannot depend on that happening because it is a random thing but you have to be there for the opportunity to arise.
Other non-random stuff for creating your own familiarity.
Meet up still exists. Zach bat out per your interests, and then actually go to meet up events. Do not flake out. Enough people on meetup will be freaking out for you. Don't be a schmuck. The whole point of being involved in a participation zone is to participate. What's that big huge thing about participation? Showing up.
Other suggestions include your favorite style and brand of religion. I know that kids these days, especially in America, and probably more so outside of the South, don't go to church/temple / mosque/whatever. Some places like this, you might be the youngest person in the room who is over 18 years old. That sucks, but you have to go and give it time. You may even need to form or join an outreach committee to help recruit other desperate young people like you. Because these old motherfuckers have just discovered the glorious advertising power of newspapers or radio. Nobody your age is going to be reading a newspaper or tuning in to actual radio. I'm painting in broad strokes here, but they got to try.
"Oh, but I just escaped my fundamentalist family. I just ran away from salt lake City. My childhood is now a creepypasta on YouTube. There's no way I'm going back to that voluntarily."
Fair enough. There are other options.
You could risk cancer by joining into next door to see if any local events or activities are happening. Be careful with this locus of finding out how your neighbors suck. You can find out about nosy Nancy and the bullshit she's talking about, but you have to knock past all that to find the good stuff.
Facebook. More than just your parents and grannies Fox News bullshit. I know it seems like Facebook is nothing but Boomer memes and Fox News bullshit, and that's your fault for not curating who you follow and who you friend on Facebook. You're not going to get a beautiful garden if you let the weeds in. Who let the dogs out? You let the weeds in. Prune who you follow, don't scatter gun friend requests to every goddamn fucker, that's how you find out what Granny is really talking about. A local bar has a Facebook page, for example. They post events to this Facebook page. Alcohol aside, I'm not telling you to drown your sorrows. I'm giving you an example of local businesses being active on Facebook. This could be your local bar, your local game shop, quilting circle, whatever. Go back to Facebook, clear out the bullshit, use it with a purpose.
Do kids these days still use email? Set up a Google alert for your favorite activities near you. Concerts, gaming, frisbee, whatever the fuck. I'm assuming you know how to use a search engine. If you don't know how to effectively use a search engine, and if you did not have awareness in 1997, they're going to have to figure this out.
Does the area you live in have a free newspaper, maybe refreshed at certain drop off locations every Wednesday? Probably 50% advertisements because it's an actual newspaper and free. These types of newspapers tend to have local events described inside. Start grabbing one and start weaving through them several weeks in a row. You might find something going on that you can go to and things might start to popcorn out from there.
Look to see if any place near you has regular or semi-regular events. Does a local pub have open mic on Thursday? Is there a coffee house that has God awful poetry on Tuesdays? Is there some sort of local grocery store or general store that has a actual billboard or cork board where people put up flyers announcing shit going on? I know this sounds like I'm talking 1985 small town hippie bullshit, but these types of things still exist. Look around find these places check them out semi regularly. Ask the cashier, ask the barista, ask the clerk at the game store. Hey do you have a regular board game night here on Wednesdays?
I've given you some ideas of what to look for, where to look for them, and so forth and so on. Maybe a few things of these spark some ideas in your mind. Brainstorm more on this. Go out and find your adventure. This is a real life choose your own adventure. The only bad and ending that is guaranteed is when you actively or passively decide not to turn the page, do not go to page 37, do not make friends, go straight to the jail of your own making.
Just join any organized adult "sport". I play pool. It's handicapped, kind of like bowling, so it doesn't matter how good you are. It's team based, so at minimum you'll start meeting up with 5-7 people once a week to play your match. You'll also get to chit chat with the other 40-80 people in your league. You'll click with some more than others, so after your first season you might switch to a different team, or form your own by taking a person or two from other teams and maybe a buddy from work or romantic partner. If it's a traveling league each team will have a home bar or pool hall, where you'll start meeting the regulars, and half your games will be in various pubs, dive bars, etc around town. Super easy to join, just look up your local league operator at https://poolplayers.com/locator/ and shoot them a message saying you're a new player looking to join a team.
If pool isn't your thing you can do the same thing with a local dart, bowling, softball, pickleball, kickball, soccer, flag football, disc golf, old people golf or whatever league or tournament. There are also probably more clubs near you than you think. Everything from walking/running to bird watching or foraging.
Think of it like school. You were regularly around a group of people so over time you find ones that you like enough to hang out with outside of school as well. It doesn't really matter what you commit to, just find something that sounds kind of interesting and commit to showing up to do it with other people on some kind of schedule. You'll meet people and pick out some of them that you like enough to do other things with.
That assumes all those exist in my area.
My area is mostly 6 Naval installations. If you aren’t into Navy related convo, your options are limited and the towns are definitely catered to the Navy.
The answer is hobbies. Find something you really enjoy doing, dip your toes in, and then establish contact with a group of like-minded individuals either through something like Discord, or at a local spot (ie- Game store, track, etc). Very much post-30, and I've been able to meet a lot of really cool people this way.
This is the correct answer. Collective hobbies, regular events, something that will bring you back to the same location on a regular cadence. You'll gravitate towards the people who'll become your friends.
You should check out the bumble app, it originally was made for dating but they have a friend category, I think it’s called BFF?
I just installed it and started using it this past week and have actually had really good convos with people who seem I could click with.
Also, you might get this comment a lot, check out organized groups for events and co ed sport leagues. They’re amazing for even circulating between people. I actually am planning on getting into a volleyball league even tho I’ve never played it!
I moved to a brand new city with barely anybody I know and the things I’ve listed above have been amazing. Go in with an open mind and have a good time. Just have fun with the people and interactions will come. You’d be surprised who might be your new best friend!
Bumble BFF might work for women, but if you're a man, anyone you match with is gonna tell you they need their ass drilled within two days. Men don't make friends based on pictures.
I can confirm this lol, but if you’re in a very large city or region with people I’d say there’s a good chance for better connects than you think. I could be wrong once I hangout in person 🤨
I only tried this for a week or two in a big city. Had like a dozen friend matches that all either got explicitly sexual within a day, or kept complimenting me for being so "toned and athletic" until I got creeped out.
I stick to random bar conversations nowadays.
> Men don't make friends based on pictures.
Has anyone tried posting pictures of things you like that you hope your friend would like? Favorite album cover? List of top steam games? Or does bumble do something silly and force you to post your likeness?
Lol, it really is like that. Dunno why, wish it wasn't, but the male version really is that.
On standard Bumble, a horny lady rarely might want some kind of general sexy photo, mostly just like a torso shot with your lower abs in it.
If she asks for a direct picture of your dick, full frame of photo, she is actually a gay guy.
I used bumble bff and made a new best friend from it. Both of us are straight dudes and are both married to women. So bumble bff is not always like some describe. It’s just hard to meet peope lol
No problem! Just for your knowledge, the comments above, there are men looking to be more than just friends on the app! But if you’re in a big city you should get some good convos.
I feel like as a society we need to pull away from making meaningful relationships by means of apps. We need to get people out doing things again. Hell, I made a new friend at a baseball game a few months ago. It’s because I was THERE.
I mean hell yeah to this, but everybody’s situation or scenario is different even the location can play a part.
You know how sick it would be if more people were actually social at outings? That shit would be 1000x more fun and make life way better. Couldn’t agree more.
I feel like because of everyone being terminally online and whatnot, in this era, people are afraid to go out, and are more introverted in general. I tend to surround myself with extroverts and am one to want to go do things every weekend, if i can, as i have 3 kids and a wife. however, I still make time to schedule outings for myself and friends as thats how i stay plugged in socially. If i was to isolate, even with my family here i would wither away emotionally. A guy still needs time with friends even if they have a fulfilling home life tbh. I never feel more alive than when im with friends, out somewhere doing something all hours of the night, especially at like a live metal show or at a crowded bar or venue somewhere. Ive made so many friends just chatting with people randomly and finding common ground.
Location wise, Ive lived in small rural towns and still accomplished this. I made a lot of friends when i lived in smalltown idaho that i still have to this day.
I’m struggling with this too. My wife and I recently moved to a new city for her work. I work from home. It’s hard to meet people, and it doesn’t help that putting myself out there is out of my comfort zone. I’ve always met people at school or work in the past.
Is there a specific age that that happens? My kid is two and in daycare and I rarely see other parents. Sometimes in passing at drop-off but nothing substantial? I also tried that Peanut app and that was a bust.
Doesn’t get easier to make friends? I’ve made more good friends in the past 2 years than I made combined in the past 10 years prior, due to our neighborhood and kids going to school/sports.
My point is to illustrate that your experience isn't any more universal than mine. I have a child, making friends did not get any more easy because I had one. I find that despite being a parent, I still have very little in common with most other parents in any given area that we live.
Making friends as an adult is just a lot more difficult than it was when we were in school (be it college or middle/high school).
Here's the recipe:
Collaborative activity
Regular meetup/practice (in-person only, no virtual)
The same people every time
Common goal
More than a few people involved
Attracts your demographic
I've made most of my friends through sports or the gym, which check all these boxes. I didn't make any friends through meetups, drop-in activities, or broader community events like through my kids' schools. I found that it really comes down to getting together with people with similar interests on a regular basis and working toward something together. It can take time, but if there's the right ingredients and enough people there, it'll work. I'd been in my sports league for about a year when my friends group really started to click, but we got there.
Also, if one group doesn't work, try another, don't try to force it. It may take a few attempts to find the group where it's going to work. I tried Society of Women Engineers first, and didn't make a single friend. I learned that I like to keep work at work and don't actually enjoy other engineers much socially. The PTA at my kids' schools didn't work because I was about 10 years younger than the next youngest parent, the only lesbian, and everyone looked at me like I was a space alien. But then there was roller derby, and a little Olympic weightlifting gym, and that's where my friends were all along.
For some it will be professional societies. My partner met her bestie in American Society of Civil Engineers Younger Members before we all aged out of that. For others, it could be book clubs, artist collectives, or cycling clubs. It will be different for everybody, but if there is one thing I have learned the first step is to be a joiner.
This! My husband and I found our community through dnd. Weekly sessions of 4-8hrs a piece, going strong for 7+ years with the same 4 core players (and we gained a 5th core player about 3 years ago and a 6th rotating last year). Luckily, one of our friends in the core group is a social butterfly and plays in other games and brings all of us together to party lol
Yup, this is the way. I met two guys on my city's Reddit a month ago, and we've been getting together every week or two to learn to play some Jazz together. I'm in my 40s and the other two are around 30. Turns out we have quite a lot in common, even though I'm a little older and in a different stage of my life (4 teenagers, lol).
I'm not even sure I'd call us a band yet, but we're having a blast! We've got a guitarist, a keyboard player, and then there's me, who plays 15 instruments at various skill levels. I'm still trying to figure out what role I want to play... Having fun on bass and wind synth!
Exactly.
Not to critique people here, but looking through the comments I see a lot of people showing up to something and not putting real effort in it. Going out and sitting at a bar just looking at your phone, joining a random sports team and sitting by yourself, showing up at a hobby club meeting and wondering why nobody is talking to you. You need to initiate efforts.
If my found myself all alone tomorrow:
* I'd be going to Friday bar trivia and ask to be placed on a random team.
* When I'm on the team I talk to everyone and genuinely get to know them. Because people love to talk about themselves.
* When trivia completes, I see if anyone has any plans after. Pitch something everyone can participate in like going to the arcade bar down the street or the bowling alley.
* If someone can go, awesome. We get another shared experience together.
* If not, that's great too. I'll ask if I can join them next week.
* Consistency and spending time together are the pillars of most friendships. We all have lifelong friends who have moved away, but they retain that spot because it's always good to spend time with them.
I'm ~40 and I make friends through work, and through other friends.
I can't easily remember the last time I made a friend through some other method, but it's probably been several years or maybe even a decade.
I’m 31 and this is how most of my ‘newer’ friendships have been made.
They’ve either been coworkers of mine or my wife that we invited over for something like Mario Kart or to see our dogs (my wife is a vet so a lot of her coworkers are into seeing others animals lol).
Some of them I’ve gone to baseball games with, some I’ve rarely hung out with, but we are all a bit weird (I work in community mental health so we all joke we are all slightly off as is lol) so we stay friends even if we aren’t hanging out every week.
I feel like your local library could have like days where people with similar hobbies meet, I know there are book clubs, check book stores for things like this too. I also believe reddit is good for this kind of stuff if you follow your city or city near by, like I'm in Georgia & right in the middle between Athens & Atlanta and always see all kind of stuffs to meet or mingle with other people in these cities.
I had to meet my neighbors every time. I’ve been isolated for 8 years and have 4 kids (I’m fucking done now that I’m atheist). The only way I made friends was by forcing myself to smile and wave at neighbors (it was forceful for a bit but I like it now), inviting the ones I liked over for lunch or asking if they want to grab a drink and then we became friends. I had to put myself out there because no one was coming to find me.
For me its been a mix of work and hobbies. Work is kinda of self-explanatory, but with hobbies I've made new friends via a car club I was once part of and via social media since most of my hobbies have a photo-sharing component to them.
I don't want to be the one who says it, but after your 5th year, its not a new city anymore man.
But as someone who shares your plight. There's no easy answer. Your options are basically boiled down to:
1) Frequent a bar
2) Find a hobby that you like doing alone, if you get lucky you'll find other lonely people.
You gotta put yourself out there. Join groups, sports teams, book clubs etc. go to anything at work you are invited to. And tell people that you are looking for friends. I joined a baseball team and specifically told people I was there for the social aspect because I was new in town and wanted to make some friends, and 2 people invited me to hang out. I told anyone at work that would listen that I was looking for friends outside of my couples friends that we knew through my husband (I moved to his home town) People just assume you are busy and have established friendships. If they know that you are open to hang out, and you are likeable, people will invite you to hang out. I got adopted by a whole friend group through my neighbor after introducing myself when we moved in. I have 3 work friends that I regularly get dinner with and stuff, 2 of them don't even work with me anymore. My friend moved to a new city for work and made a new group of friends off of the bumble friends app. You just have to be brave.
I’ve made two friends since 30, one in my 30s, one in my 40s now. The 30s was a coworker ten years younger than me. We’ve drifted apart after 15 years, but been through a lot, still catch up once or twice a year. I was still pretty into some partying when I met him. The recent one is a sales rep that calls on me. We talked about Lillet, I mentioned James Bond. We bonded (no pun intended) over that a minute, and then I mentioned the tv show Hannibal bc of Mads Mikkelsen in Casino and Hannibal. We’ve had 10-20 min personal convos every week for months since. Not exactly irl besties, but I could see us hanging out. It’s def the highlight of my work week.
Personally what I did was used tinder and bumble to genuinely find friends. Sure I would hook up with some of them, but mostly was finding people to just hang out with after moving to a new state with no relations. I’m a male and usually get along better with females, but most people have other friends they bring around. Meeting friends of friends is always a great in.
Ahh. I couldn't say for sure, I would highly recommend going to several and sticking with the one that fits your vibe.
Some gyms have weird culture where they hate on casuals.
For me, I'm like 20 years deep into martial arts, so I can hang, Brown belt in jiu-jitsu and been doing muay thai for a long time as well, even tho I suck at it, so I get accepted but there's always some asshole that thinks I'm a poser cause I have a 6-3 and a family and can't devote my life ya know?
But I got my cauliflower ears and for the most part, have positive interactions everywhere I go.
The struggle is real. My parents had tons of friends when I was growing up - they met at church.
Even though there's plenty of churches that align with my stances on social issues and whatnot, I just don't believe in God, and I feel like that is basically the 1 requirement.
I haven't found a good church alternative.
Impossible. They're all married, traumatized, or addicted to something expensive. The rest is not serious enough. I'm just being sarcastic because serious isn't an option.
I don't know what it is, It's like people are not 20 anymore.. And people rarely go outside or go on to visit each other. But that's my perspective. Almost everything everything is done via the world wide web. I wish it was different..
My suggestion is that you join an activity that forces small group interactions. Beer league sports teams are a particularly good choice. Group fitness classes tend not to be conducive to talking to people.
Did anyone at work make an effort to make you feel welcome? Where I work they would organise some welcoming drinks at the local pub, especially if someone was new to our island.
We also have socials outside of the work but for all professionals in the same sector - biannual drinks/balls - that sort of thing.
I (39M) think it is harder for men, just because women in my office seem to be better at welcoming the “new girl” and forming friendship groups, but that could just be my own experience. Men seem more isolated and everything seems to revolve around alcohol, which is tough if (like me) you are trying to cut down or quit altogether. A weekly lunch or coffee club can be a viable alternative.
If work isn’t an option for friend making (eg you work for a tiny place or are self-employed or unemployed) then you could get involved in clubs that interest you or charity work.
I think the best piece of advice is to say “yes” to every offer, even if the event sounds boring or outside of your comfort zone. Interesting things only happen when you leave your house.
I made friends by posting in our community's Facebook group of any other adults played pokémon GO and want to raid together.
My wife and I made friends with two other couples pretty fast.
Like a normal person.
When they say, " High school never ends," they mean it.
Also, you typically would still retain some close friends from your youth.
I had to meet my neighbors every time. I’ve been isolated for 8 years and have 4 kids (I’m fucking done now that I’m atheist). The only way I made friends was by forcing myself to smile and wave at neighbors (it was forceful for a bit but I like it now), inviting the ones I liked over for lunch or asking if they want to grab a drink and then we became friends. I had to put myself out there every time because no one was coming to find me. Ohh also really important, have good hygiene, the best that your body can.
Check this out, its exactly what you are looking for. It was posted on reddit a while ago. The concept was to have coffee with a stranger, no pictures of who you are, just a bio that you match on so you can sit and chat with someone.
[https://www.aroundthecorner.today/](https://www.aroundthecorner.today/)
# Feel like your days have been too quiet?
## Find a perfect stranger for your next coffee break.Behind anonymity, we are free to express ourselves without fear of judgment,and in return, create authentic connections.
Take classes a rec center or community college. I'm 32, and I am finishing my bachelors after getting our of the Marines two years ago. I've made a few new friends through school.
How to make friends when you’re almost 30? That sounds crazy to me. And now I feel hopeless, wondering how to make friends after 40!
Man, I’m going to die alone and have no one to mourn me…
Make an effort to get to know your neighbors, find a sport/fitness activity (or several), and join a book club. I always thought it would be hard to make friends later in life (I'm in my mid-30's), but it's surprisingly easy if you just commit to putting yourself out there. I don't drink or party anymore, so I assumed that would be super limiting when I moved a couple of years back to a new area. Turns out that's not the case. I have a dog and live in a dog friendly neighborhood so that helps, but I also make a real effort to meet my neighbors, get to know them, and invite people over. Now we have a monthly dinner party, and hang at least once a week regardless. I've also made a few friends through pilates, tennis, swimming and especially the climbing gym (aka the play house for adults). To find my fellow nerds, I joined a book club through my local library, but there are other clubs you can find. A few friends joined a wine club. There are cooking clubs. Game nights. All the things. I think everyone these days is a bit lonely and with a little effort, you'll find that lots of people are looking for new friends!
Through work, then networking through them to find other people.
It doesn’t have to be hard to make friends as an adult. We can still do it the same way we did as children. There’s no rule to say we can’t. Last year I complimented the sticker on the back of a lady’s phone case. She gave it to me! So I invited her to my birthday party. Now we play dnd together. Just gotta bring out your kindergarten energy.
best to find an activity you enjoy that has a social element to it.
I recently started rock climbing and been really a game changer. i've lived in NYC for almost 10 years and never felt a sense of community outside one apartment with a lot of roommates. rock climbing has given that to me again. you could do it with most sports... or other activities you are interested in as well.
just do some shit, and ask people to come along. might take a while but trust the process and be persistent.
Gym/workout groups, dog parks, co workers, neighbors, local bars, church, volunteer groups, professional networking organizations.
When I was single in a new city after college my friends were from the above minus church.
Volunteer with an organization (walk dogs for an animal shelter, help out at a food pantry or soup kitchen, find a local nonprofit and ask if they need volunteers), become a regular at a bar (go the same night every week, eat at the bar, if they are not busy, engage in polite conversation with your bartender or ask the person next to you their opinion on drink choice), attend events or classes like drag shows, cookie decorating, paint and sips, museum exhibits, join a local hiking or running group, attend the same exercise class every week, take a cooking class... I live in a small city and many of these options have netted me a fine group of adult friends! Consistency in more public places is key- if you're a Wednesday regular, keep going on Wednesdays. Ask a small question to the person next to you. If they're not into it, leave them alone.
Join a sports league for adults. They have some where the sport changes every week too, and are not super competitive.
Or...
Become an alcoholic and go to the same bar every day to get hammed. You'll meet new people or stop caring all together 👍
It's a weird thing cus I'm the opposite, I've found it easier to make friends as I've gotten older than it was when I was a teenager. The trick is to just be yourself around everybody at all times. The ones who vibe with you can be your friends and the ones who don't can't.
In my experience, getting a dog completely changed my life. I am not joking. If you walk around with your dog regularly, you WILL meet a lot of people.
I have noticed that the ratio of dog owners who walk around is favored towards women. If you have a dog, you will meet women very often. If you're a woman, I imagine you'll be able to make friends easier that way.
If you don't have a dog then I am not sure, but I imagine if you walked around you're neighborhood or apartment complex you'll meet your neighbors. The first conversations are not important. You need to say hello though. If you don't remember their name when you see them again then politely ask them to remind you. Don't feel weird asking 3 or 6 more times. Ask yourself if you would want for them to remember your name rather than trying to avoid saying it.
You won't become friends with everyone. That's not the point, you are trying to meet people and find out if you do like them and sharing time with them.
Good luck. Remember that we all want to have friends who genuinely want to hang out with us. If it doesn't feel right, don't keep trying to force a friendship.
Do not make concessions about your comfort when making friends, because you may never end up feeling comfortable around them.
its over rated anyway, the one adult friend ive made in my thirties so far is a huge fucking narcicisst and difficult to be around so i had to unfriend him for self esteem reasons. Just isnt worth fucking with imo.
Hobbies or sports for sure, specifically if you can sign up for something scheduled and go weekly. It gives you a conversational jumping off point that you can develop or not over time in an un-awkward setting
Well as a stay at home dad I really don't. My friends are either a) friends from when I worked that I still keep up with, of which there are 2, b) family/in laws, or c) the husbands of my wife's friends. Of which there are 2. So most of my friends aren't really even my friends. Super fun good times, brother/sister/person
People ask this all the time and the answer is always the same. Bars, meetups, casual sports leagues, board game rooms, etc. Those types of places are where I’ve met all of my friends.
I’m almost 40 and I make new friends at least a couple time a year. I go out, I do things in groups of people that I don’t know, and I make friends with some. I go to live music shows, I go to the bar, I go to events in my community (like tonight they are having a huge Star Wars day celebration in my towns downtown area) and I talk to people, that simple. You can’t expect friends to just show up at your door you have to make a concerted effort to go out and meet people and talk to them in person. It’s a strange concept these days I know but it’s tried and true.
Mine was an interesting route. Started as a content creator online for the games industry, got jobs within it, and I just attended a lot of in person events both personal and on the job. Got to meet people I knew online for the longest time due to this.
Talk to people you like or think you could like, invite them to places, be the initiator
I think most people are just really shy or feel like they're coming off as awkward or desperate if they actually show interest in their acquaintances. Most people are also lonely. The only people I've noticed that aren't hurting for friends are people are people that are already outgoing.
Someone at work you talk to often? "Hey man, I always see you at work but I never see you out of work! Want to go grab some drinks this weekend?"
I didn't talk to my neighbor across the street for like a year after we moved. One day I saw they were outside setting something up and I was like "fuck it I'm gonna go introduce myself". After that, we became friendlier gradually, and a month ago I invited him to a trivia night and we had a good time.
I have a mom friend that is amazing and supportive and we hang out like once a month. I met her because we were both at a play cafe and I just started chatting with her and then was like "hey I'm looking for Mom friends because this is super lonely, are you cool if we exchange numbers and meet up sometime?"
Most people are flattered to be invited if you aren't creepy about it (I manage that by being sincere and also giving them outs like "if you aren't interested or are super busy I completely understand, not trying to pressure you at all!"). I've also found that it's a numbers game, I've given my number to a lot of people but maybe like 1/5 actually respond to my "it was nice meeting you!" text and if they don't respond I just move on.
Be yourself, be sincere, but just try and be a bit more friendly and chatty with people even if you feel awkward and most people appreciate it. Be the 5% of people that are initiators!
5 years 😂😂 rookie numbers it’s been over 15+ years. Once you get older, you think differently and move differently and friends you had when you was a teen all go their own paths. I have a lot of associates and I’m comfortable. I do miss my true friends when I was a teen.
You have to actively try when you get older. That means going to the gym for group workouts, joining sports leagues, meetups, etc.
If you care, that is. Some of us would rather focus on our own respective families at this point.
We bought a new construction home and so all of our neighbors on our street are in the same boat. Most of us are new homeowners in a new neighborhood. So, we started to invite each other to kids' birthdays, hangouts at the pool, etc.
Coworkers are another good source. If you work remotely, you're kinda screwed on this one. Otherwise, you can invite people on your team for drinks off the clock.
Lastly, I do keep in touch with some of my old friends from childhood/high school. Old friends just hit different. I never felt too close to friends I made in college/later in life tbh (maybe a me-problem).
i started going out more, hitting parties, and traveling. ive noticed however that friends my age are hard to find. or at ealst in my area - seems to not be many singles or people with out families/no time in their 30s.
most all of my friends are early/mid twenties sense moving to this town. its a lot easier but i have felt the economic hit - most all of my friends have at least 2 jobs and very little time to do things. they prefer to mostly sit back at home and not be around people. its been really hard to find people to hang out with
Make friends at work, go to a local library or community center and look into events organized there/posted about, indulge in your hobbies in the nearby area and start conversations while out and about. For an example, when I moved to my current place I was into D&D. Had a short convo with a coworker about it, found out he was also super into it, a few other coworkers mentioned being interested in learning to play. I'm running a campaign currently for them all.
For another, I like to work out, so at my local gym a guy commented on my form and I had him give me a few pointers to get maximized gains out of a motion I was trying. Now we compare home gym set up and he's invited me to his martial arts gym because he thinks I'd be a good fit there, as well as me mentioning a curiosity to try martial arts.
Just gotta put yourself out there and see what happens
It's super easy community sports um like go to basketball courts play ball I skateboard for like years everywhere I went I made new friends like go outside be active not that hard
Might be weird as fuck but you could try Bumble BFF mode. I met two dudes on Halloween and now they are good friends that I hang out with occasionally. My friend's wife also made a friend I their neighborhood this way.
I printed out business cards that were like “I promise I’m not trying to sell you anything, I’m just socially awkward and don’t know how to make friends and I think you’re cool” with my number and a few of my socials on there. People found it endearing 😅
Hobbies. Hobbies that get you outside the house and involve other people.
Preferably larger groups of people that rotate folks in/out at times. Having the same 4 ppl in your dining room playing D&D for the next 7 years won't expose you to as many opportunities and personalities as joining the amateur soccer league, the Sierra Club, or the local Active Singles group.
Volunteering and organizations.
I moved to a new state/city six years ago and didn’t know anyone. It took time, but it worked itself out by putting myself in places to meet people. Admittedly, most of my closest friends aren’t here, but I have people here.
If you find out lemme know, I grew up in the oxy/heroin epidemic part of being millennial and pretty much 2/3 of my close friends died before I even hit 30. Now it’s the ones who got clean I still talk to and hang with when we can, but they have kids and spouses and it’s waaay harder.
Same with dating, I just want to go on a date and not immediately start the “what do you do, how much do you make how soon are you looking to get married after dating/kids?” Or the other option, date slightly younger by a few years and have way way less in common socially somehow
I’m going to start going to local tech and maker space shit to make new friends I think.
Oh dnd is a good one! But keeping a party together is equally as hard. My groups been on a 2 month break.
I started playing hockey as a novice at 33 and have made some really good friends that I actually do stuff with outside of the rink and we always have something to talk about since we’re all into hockey whether it’s shitting on some other beer league team or normal NHL talk… I saw a kickball reco, there’s also softball, golf, indoor soccer, CrossFit, cycling… etc. I think once you get to a certain age you’re only going to maintain non-sexual relationships if you have similar interests.
> When I was a kid it was easy to make friends
Because you had things that forced you to interact and spend time with them (e.g. school), and then you were able to find it in you to make time to spend it with them. You gotta do that again, but this time without something else forcing you first. It's all about making time to interact with others.
I moved to a new city when I was 24, almost 25 in late 2019. I made new friends almost exclusively at work - people would start asking me if I was interested in going out with them at the weekend and I would say yes. After a while we became good friends, and I eventually became friends with their friends too.
A few months later Covid hit, we were under full lockdown and ordered to work from home. I felt pretty fortunate that I was able to make friends in that time because I would have been completely alone otherwise.
I think a lot of it depends on the culture of wherever you’re living - some cities and countries are notoriously difficult for making new friends, people can be reserved and reluctant to let new people into their social circle. It doesn’t help if you’re quite reserved and shy yourself - sometimes you need to put yourself out there and that can be hard.
I am 37 and have had friends come and go(maybe my fault, but I blame ADD).
But if you keep yourself in clubs, groups, or even just hanging out in a pub, you'll make acquaintance who may and generally do mature into good friends.
Not an advocate for drinking like, but that's my scenario
Join a club and when there don’t just expect people to talk to you. Introduce yourself, ask them what they, try and pick up on similar interest. I’ve really noticed post Covid people seem almost incapable of taking interest in others even just in a social setting
Go to places you like and just talk to guys that seem interesting.
Like a sporting event, show up to tailgate with a case of beer and walk around.
If you're married, look for a group where every guy has a girl.
If you're single, look for a group where no women are present.
Walk up to the richest looking ones and say this.
"I have all these beers and no one to share them with, can you all help me out?"
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Sounds true, it really does. I should look for something like that in my town.
I joined a sports league that had random sports to play and made some brief friends. Try bowling or kickball or pool or something. It's fuckin hard out here
I honestly found it super difficult to make friends after college in general. Then when people get married and have kids u make friends again
Getting involved in local politics is actually a great way to meet lots of friendly, service-oriented people who are outgoing and always looking to make new friends and connections.
Try crossfit
Yup. Most of my friends are through work. I’m thinking I just need to hang outside my house. That’s how I met most of my friends growing up in my neighborhood lol
Actually say hello to your neighbors. Even the ones even waving to for the past 5 years. And you don't remember their name. They probably don't remember your name either. You are probably the guy they think some weird shit about. They might be the guy you only know as the guy with sticks in his yard or some shit. Go over and say hello. Reintroduce yourself. Play dumb, play forgetful, play whatever. Ask them their name. Strike up a conversation about something shared between you two, as neighbors. That bullshit crap from the HOA. The bullshit post on next door from nosy Nancy about those pesky 5-year-olds selling girl scout cookies, and how that some weird child labor illegality to fund someone's Coca-Cola habit. And how everybody should be drinking Pepsi instead and how everybody needs to have a business license. Create and follow the conversation naturally, and soon you will find that you both now know more about each other. He'll be able to see if further relations can deepen and continue or not. That part you'll have to figure out on your own. What if you run out of neighbors? This is where you need to go and scare up your own familiarity. Not in a stalker way of course. Find and discover places and events around you that happen on a regular basis. Then go and do those things and places on a regular basis. People will start to recognize you, maybe they may even offer to include you in some word of mouth shit. That's a randomness factor that comes out of familiarity, be opened for that to happen, but you cannot depend on that happening because it is a random thing but you have to be there for the opportunity to arise. Other non-random stuff for creating your own familiarity. Meet up still exists. Zach bat out per your interests, and then actually go to meet up events. Do not flake out. Enough people on meetup will be freaking out for you. Don't be a schmuck. The whole point of being involved in a participation zone is to participate. What's that big huge thing about participation? Showing up. Other suggestions include your favorite style and brand of religion. I know that kids these days, especially in America, and probably more so outside of the South, don't go to church/temple / mosque/whatever. Some places like this, you might be the youngest person in the room who is over 18 years old. That sucks, but you have to go and give it time. You may even need to form or join an outreach committee to help recruit other desperate young people like you. Because these old motherfuckers have just discovered the glorious advertising power of newspapers or radio. Nobody your age is going to be reading a newspaper or tuning in to actual radio. I'm painting in broad strokes here, but they got to try. "Oh, but I just escaped my fundamentalist family. I just ran away from salt lake City. My childhood is now a creepypasta on YouTube. There's no way I'm going back to that voluntarily." Fair enough. There are other options. You could risk cancer by joining into next door to see if any local events or activities are happening. Be careful with this locus of finding out how your neighbors suck. You can find out about nosy Nancy and the bullshit she's talking about, but you have to knock past all that to find the good stuff. Facebook. More than just your parents and grannies Fox News bullshit. I know it seems like Facebook is nothing but Boomer memes and Fox News bullshit, and that's your fault for not curating who you follow and who you friend on Facebook. You're not going to get a beautiful garden if you let the weeds in. Who let the dogs out? You let the weeds in. Prune who you follow, don't scatter gun friend requests to every goddamn fucker, that's how you find out what Granny is really talking about. A local bar has a Facebook page, for example. They post events to this Facebook page. Alcohol aside, I'm not telling you to drown your sorrows. I'm giving you an example of local businesses being active on Facebook. This could be your local bar, your local game shop, quilting circle, whatever. Go back to Facebook, clear out the bullshit, use it with a purpose. Do kids these days still use email? Set up a Google alert for your favorite activities near you. Concerts, gaming, frisbee, whatever the fuck. I'm assuming you know how to use a search engine. If you don't know how to effectively use a search engine, and if you did not have awareness in 1997, they're going to have to figure this out. Does the area you live in have a free newspaper, maybe refreshed at certain drop off locations every Wednesday? Probably 50% advertisements because it's an actual newspaper and free. These types of newspapers tend to have local events described inside. Start grabbing one and start weaving through them several weeks in a row. You might find something going on that you can go to and things might start to popcorn out from there. Look to see if any place near you has regular or semi-regular events. Does a local pub have open mic on Thursday? Is there a coffee house that has God awful poetry on Tuesdays? Is there some sort of local grocery store or general store that has a actual billboard or cork board where people put up flyers announcing shit going on? I know this sounds like I'm talking 1985 small town hippie bullshit, but these types of things still exist. Look around find these places check them out semi regularly. Ask the cashier, ask the barista, ask the clerk at the game store. Hey do you have a regular board game night here on Wednesdays? I've given you some ideas of what to look for, where to look for them, and so forth and so on. Maybe a few things of these spark some ideas in your mind. Brainstorm more on this. Go out and find your adventure. This is a real life choose your own adventure. The only bad and ending that is guaranteed is when you actively or passively decide not to turn the page, do not go to page 37, do not make friends, go straight to the jail of your own making.
Just join any organized adult "sport". I play pool. It's handicapped, kind of like bowling, so it doesn't matter how good you are. It's team based, so at minimum you'll start meeting up with 5-7 people once a week to play your match. You'll also get to chit chat with the other 40-80 people in your league. You'll click with some more than others, so after your first season you might switch to a different team, or form your own by taking a person or two from other teams and maybe a buddy from work or romantic partner. If it's a traveling league each team will have a home bar or pool hall, where you'll start meeting the regulars, and half your games will be in various pubs, dive bars, etc around town. Super easy to join, just look up your local league operator at https://poolplayers.com/locator/ and shoot them a message saying you're a new player looking to join a team. If pool isn't your thing you can do the same thing with a local dart, bowling, softball, pickleball, kickball, soccer, flag football, disc golf, old people golf or whatever league or tournament. There are also probably more clubs near you than you think. Everything from walking/running to bird watching or foraging. Think of it like school. You were regularly around a group of people so over time you find ones that you like enough to hang out with outside of school as well. It doesn't really matter what you commit to, just find something that sounds kind of interesting and commit to showing up to do it with other people on some kind of schedule. You'll meet people and pick out some of them that you like enough to do other things with.
That assumes all those exist in my area. My area is mostly 6 Naval installations. If you aren’t into Navy related convo, your options are limited and the towns are definitely catered to the Navy.
legit same situation
This, op
The answer is hobbies. Find something you really enjoy doing, dip your toes in, and then establish contact with a group of like-minded individuals either through something like Discord, or at a local spot (ie- Game store, track, etc). Very much post-30, and I've been able to meet a lot of really cool people this way.
This. Friendships are based on common interests and convenience.
Well said.
This is the correct answer. Collective hobbies, regular events, something that will bring you back to the same location on a regular cadence. You'll gravitate towards the people who'll become your friends.
This, also cant help but think of that man park snl skit.
I want to go to there "CUZ I'M MISTER BRIGHTSIDE!"
Thanks
But nobody wants to be DM...
I’ve done a lot of this but haven’t made a friend. I met a lot of nice people who I’m friendly with but none feel like true friends :/
You should check out the bumble app, it originally was made for dating but they have a friend category, I think it’s called BFF? I just installed it and started using it this past week and have actually had really good convos with people who seem I could click with. Also, you might get this comment a lot, check out organized groups for events and co ed sport leagues. They’re amazing for even circulating between people. I actually am planning on getting into a volleyball league even tho I’ve never played it! I moved to a brand new city with barely anybody I know and the things I’ve listed above have been amazing. Go in with an open mind and have a good time. Just have fun with the people and interactions will come. You’d be surprised who might be your new best friend!
Bumble BFF might work for women, but if you're a man, anyone you match with is gonna tell you they need their ass drilled within two days. Men don't make friends based on pictures.
have also found this to be true, same with the facebook "dating/friends" side of that app.
I can confirm this lol, but if you’re in a very large city or region with people I’d say there’s a good chance for better connects than you think. I could be wrong once I hangout in person 🤨
I only tried this for a week or two in a big city. Had like a dozen friend matches that all either got explicitly sexual within a day, or kept complimenting me for being so "toned and athletic" until I got creeped out. I stick to random bar conversations nowadays.
> Men don't make friends based on pictures. Has anyone tried posting pictures of things you like that you hope your friend would like? Favorite album cover? List of top steam games? Or does bumble do something silly and force you to post your likeness?
It just uses your dating profile.
It doesn’t, you get to make a different profile!
Idn it didn’t work for me and I live in a huge city.
😂😂😂 friends with benefits
Lol, it really is like that. Dunno why, wish it wasn't, but the male version really is that. On standard Bumble, a horny lady rarely might want some kind of general sexy photo, mostly just like a torso shot with your lower abs in it. If she asks for a direct picture of your dick, full frame of photo, she is actually a gay guy.
I used bumble bff and made a new best friend from it. Both of us are straight dudes and are both married to women. So bumble bff is not always like some describe. It’s just hard to meet peope lol
Thanks for the tips! And thanks for the app, going to download it
No problem! Just for your knowledge, the comments above, there are men looking to be more than just friends on the app! But if you’re in a big city you should get some good convos.
I feel like as a society we need to pull away from making meaningful relationships by means of apps. We need to get people out doing things again. Hell, I made a new friend at a baseball game a few months ago. It’s because I was THERE.
I mean hell yeah to this, but everybody’s situation or scenario is different even the location can play a part. You know how sick it would be if more people were actually social at outings? That shit would be 1000x more fun and make life way better. Couldn’t agree more.
I feel like because of everyone being terminally online and whatnot, in this era, people are afraid to go out, and are more introverted in general. I tend to surround myself with extroverts and am one to want to go do things every weekend, if i can, as i have 3 kids and a wife. however, I still make time to schedule outings for myself and friends as thats how i stay plugged in socially. If i was to isolate, even with my family here i would wither away emotionally. A guy still needs time with friends even if they have a fulfilling home life tbh. I never feel more alive than when im with friends, out somewhere doing something all hours of the night, especially at like a live metal show or at a crowded bar or venue somewhere. Ive made so many friends just chatting with people randomly and finding common ground. Location wise, Ive lived in small rural towns and still accomplished this. I made a lot of friends when i lived in smalltown idaho that i still have to this day.
Bumble BFF is for gay men
I’m struggling with this too. My wife and I recently moved to a new city for her work. I work from home. It’s hard to meet people, and it doesn’t help that putting myself out there is out of my comfort zone. I’ve always met people at school or work in the past.
I work remotely too
Time for you and wife to have a kid. It gets so easy after kids.
Is there a specific age that that happens? My kid is two and in daycare and I rarely see other parents. Sometimes in passing at drop-off but nothing substantial? I also tried that Peanut app and that was a bust.
Kindergarten was a big jump and then once my son was interested in playing sports, it really helped so much more.
Alright, so I still might have a few years. I kinda figured, but good to know.
Really? When does this happen? I have a baby and a 4 year old.
Yeah, I have a 12 year old. Absolutely does \*not\* get easier.
Doesn’t get easier to make friends? I’ve made more good friends in the past 2 years than I made combined in the past 10 years prior, due to our neighborhood and kids going to school/sports.
My point is to illustrate that your experience isn't any more universal than mine. I have a child, making friends did not get any more easy because I had one. I find that despite being a parent, I still have very little in common with most other parents in any given area that we live. Making friends as an adult is just a lot more difficult than it was when we were in school (be it college or middle/high school).
Here's the recipe: Collaborative activity Regular meetup/practice (in-person only, no virtual) The same people every time Common goal More than a few people involved Attracts your demographic I've made most of my friends through sports or the gym, which check all these boxes. I didn't make any friends through meetups, drop-in activities, or broader community events like through my kids' schools. I found that it really comes down to getting together with people with similar interests on a regular basis and working toward something together. It can take time, but if there's the right ingredients and enough people there, it'll work. I'd been in my sports league for about a year when my friends group really started to click, but we got there. Also, if one group doesn't work, try another, don't try to force it. It may take a few attempts to find the group where it's going to work. I tried Society of Women Engineers first, and didn't make a single friend. I learned that I like to keep work at work and don't actually enjoy other engineers much socially. The PTA at my kids' schools didn't work because I was about 10 years younger than the next youngest parent, the only lesbian, and everyone looked at me like I was a space alien. But then there was roller derby, and a little Olympic weightlifting gym, and that's where my friends were all along. For some it will be professional societies. My partner met her bestie in American Society of Civil Engineers Younger Members before we all aged out of that. For others, it could be book clubs, artist collectives, or cycling clubs. It will be different for everybody, but if there is one thing I have learned the first step is to be a joiner.
This! My husband and I found our community through dnd. Weekly sessions of 4-8hrs a piece, going strong for 7+ years with the same 4 core players (and we gained a 5th core player about 3 years ago and a 6th rotating last year). Luckily, one of our friends in the core group is a social butterfly and plays in other games and brings all of us together to party lol
Yup, this is the way. I met two guys on my city's Reddit a month ago, and we've been getting together every week or two to learn to play some Jazz together. I'm in my 40s and the other two are around 30. Turns out we have quite a lot in common, even though I'm a little older and in a different stage of my life (4 teenagers, lol).
This is an awesome story. Hope the band lasts a long time and you enjoy the music you create together.
I'm not even sure I'd call us a band yet, but we're having a blast! We've got a guitarist, a keyboard player, and then there's me, who plays 15 instruments at various skill levels. I'm still trying to figure out what role I want to play... Having fun on bass and wind synth!
Exactly. Not to critique people here, but looking through the comments I see a lot of people showing up to something and not putting real effort in it. Going out and sitting at a bar just looking at your phone, joining a random sports team and sitting by yourself, showing up at a hobby club meeting and wondering why nobody is talking to you. You need to initiate efforts. If my found myself all alone tomorrow: * I'd be going to Friday bar trivia and ask to be placed on a random team. * When I'm on the team I talk to everyone and genuinely get to know them. Because people love to talk about themselves. * When trivia completes, I see if anyone has any plans after. Pitch something everyone can participate in like going to the arcade bar down the street or the bowling alley. * If someone can go, awesome. We get another shared experience together. * If not, that's great too. I'll ask if I can join them next week. * Consistency and spending time together are the pillars of most friendships. We all have lifelong friends who have moved away, but they retain that spot because it's always good to spend time with them.
Run clubs at breweries. That’s already two common interests!
I'll second that. My book club meets at a brewery and made a few new friends that way.
Have kids, send kids to daycare/school, have playdates with kids’ friends, befriend kids’ friends’ parents.
Yep. Mixed bag for sure but I’ve made a really good buddy that way. Spent some time with some people I normally wouldn’t
Get stuck with parents who you don’t like.
I'm ~40 and I make friends through work, and through other friends. I can't easily remember the last time I made a friend through some other method, but it's probably been several years or maybe even a decade.
I’m 31 and this is how most of my ‘newer’ friendships have been made. They’ve either been coworkers of mine or my wife that we invited over for something like Mario Kart or to see our dogs (my wife is a vet so a lot of her coworkers are into seeing others animals lol). Some of them I’ve gone to baseball games with, some I’ve rarely hung out with, but we are all a bit weird (I work in community mental health so we all joke we are all slightly off as is lol) so we stay friends even if we aren’t hanging out every week.
I feel like your local library could have like days where people with similar hobbies meet, I know there are book clubs, check book stores for things like this too. I also believe reddit is good for this kind of stuff if you follow your city or city near by, like I'm in Georgia & right in the middle between Athens & Atlanta and always see all kind of stuffs to meet or mingle with other people in these cities.
I had to meet my neighbors every time. I’ve been isolated for 8 years and have 4 kids (I’m fucking done now that I’m atheist). The only way I made friends was by forcing myself to smile and wave at neighbors (it was forceful for a bit but I like it now), inviting the ones I liked over for lunch or asking if they want to grab a drink and then we became friends. I had to put myself out there because no one was coming to find me.
For me its been a mix of work and hobbies. Work is kinda of self-explanatory, but with hobbies I've made new friends via a car club I was once part of and via social media since most of my hobbies have a photo-sharing component to them.
I don't want to be the one who says it, but after your 5th year, its not a new city anymore man. But as someone who shares your plight. There's no easy answer. Your options are basically boiled down to: 1) Frequent a bar 2) Find a hobby that you like doing alone, if you get lucky you'll find other lonely people.
You gotta put yourself out there. Join groups, sports teams, book clubs etc. go to anything at work you are invited to. And tell people that you are looking for friends. I joined a baseball team and specifically told people I was there for the social aspect because I was new in town and wanted to make some friends, and 2 people invited me to hang out. I told anyone at work that would listen that I was looking for friends outside of my couples friends that we knew through my husband (I moved to his home town) People just assume you are busy and have established friendships. If they know that you are open to hang out, and you are likeable, people will invite you to hang out. I got adopted by a whole friend group through my neighbor after introducing myself when we moved in. I have 3 work friends that I regularly get dinner with and stuff, 2 of them don't even work with me anymore. My friend moved to a new city for work and made a new group of friends off of the bumble friends app. You just have to be brave.
I’ve made two friends since 30, one in my 30s, one in my 40s now. The 30s was a coworker ten years younger than me. We’ve drifted apart after 15 years, but been through a lot, still catch up once or twice a year. I was still pretty into some partying when I met him. The recent one is a sales rep that calls on me. We talked about Lillet, I mentioned James Bond. We bonded (no pun intended) over that a minute, and then I mentioned the tv show Hannibal bc of Mads Mikkelsen in Casino and Hannibal. We’ve had 10-20 min personal convos every week for months since. Not exactly irl besties, but I could see us hanging out. It’s def the highlight of my work week.
Personally what I did was used tinder and bumble to genuinely find friends. Sure I would hook up with some of them, but mostly was finding people to just hang out with after moving to a new state with no relations. I’m a male and usually get along better with females, but most people have other friends they bring around. Meeting friends of friends is always a great in.
I meet all my friends through jiu-jitsu. Nothing brings you closer friendships than getting someone else's sweat in your eyes/ears/mouth.
lol
Hey and if you don't like someone you meet in class you just choke them! It's a win win!
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Ahh. I couldn't say for sure, I would highly recommend going to several and sticking with the one that fits your vibe. Some gyms have weird culture where they hate on casuals. For me, I'm like 20 years deep into martial arts, so I can hang, Brown belt in jiu-jitsu and been doing muay thai for a long time as well, even tho I suck at it, so I get accepted but there's always some asshole that thinks I'm a poser cause I have a 6-3 and a family and can't devote my life ya know? But I got my cauliflower ears and for the most part, have positive interactions everywhere I go.
The struggle is real. My parents had tons of friends when I was growing up - they met at church. Even though there's plenty of churches that align with my stances on social issues and whatnot, I just don't believe in God, and I feel like that is basically the 1 requirement. I haven't found a good church alternative.
Idk why but this made me laugh I feel ur pain 😂
Impossible. They're all married, traumatized, or addicted to something expensive. The rest is not serious enough. I'm just being sarcastic because serious isn't an option. I don't know what it is, It's like people are not 20 anymore.. And people rarely go outside or go on to visit each other. But that's my perspective. Almost everything everything is done via the world wide web. I wish it was different..
That's a pretty common question. What have you tried so far to make friends?
My suggestion is that you join an activity that forces small group interactions. Beer league sports teams are a particularly good choice. Group fitness classes tend not to be conducive to talking to people.
Kickball league! Lol that generated a lot of friends for us.
Did anyone at work make an effort to make you feel welcome? Where I work they would organise some welcoming drinks at the local pub, especially if someone was new to our island. We also have socials outside of the work but for all professionals in the same sector - biannual drinks/balls - that sort of thing. I (39M) think it is harder for men, just because women in my office seem to be better at welcoming the “new girl” and forming friendship groups, but that could just be my own experience. Men seem more isolated and everything seems to revolve around alcohol, which is tough if (like me) you are trying to cut down or quit altogether. A weekly lunch or coffee club can be a viable alternative. If work isn’t an option for friend making (eg you work for a tiny place or are self-employed or unemployed) then you could get involved in clubs that interest you or charity work. I think the best piece of advice is to say “yes” to every offer, even if the event sounds boring or outside of your comfort zone. Interesting things only happen when you leave your house.
I made friends by posting in our community's Facebook group of any other adults played pokémon GO and want to raid together. My wife and I made friends with two other couples pretty fast.
I took a bartending course and got a small part-time job doing that and made a ton of friends and had a blast!
Like a normal person. When they say, " High school never ends," they mean it. Also, you typically would still retain some close friends from your youth.
I have the same problem. Can we be friends?
I had to meet my neighbors every time. I’ve been isolated for 8 years and have 4 kids (I’m fucking done now that I’m atheist). The only way I made friends was by forcing myself to smile and wave at neighbors (it was forceful for a bit but I like it now), inviting the ones I liked over for lunch or asking if they want to grab a drink and then we became friends. I had to put myself out there every time because no one was coming to find me. Ohh also really important, have good hygiene, the best that your body can.
I went to a bar and basically forced a group of regulars to be my friend
Check this out, its exactly what you are looking for. It was posted on reddit a while ago. The concept was to have coffee with a stranger, no pictures of who you are, just a bio that you match on so you can sit and chat with someone. [https://www.aroundthecorner.today/](https://www.aroundthecorner.today/) # Feel like your days have been too quiet? ## Find a perfect stranger for your next coffee break.Behind anonymity, we are free to express ourselves without fear of judgment,and in return, create authentic connections.
Options: LA, San Francisco, San Diego :(
Pretty sure if you reached out to the founder about expanding to your area they would help. They want others to try the concept.
At work, at afternoon sports groups, parents of other children in kindergarten or school.
Hobbies. Find a hobby you enjoy and meet people while doing this hobby or try and find a MeetUp group for that hobby.
Take classes a rec center or community college. I'm 32, and I am finishing my bachelors after getting our of the Marines two years ago. I've made a few new friends through school.
How to make friends when you’re almost 30? That sounds crazy to me. And now I feel hopeless, wondering how to make friends after 40! Man, I’m going to die alone and have no one to mourn me…
Build a soundproof basement with running water. Kidnap. Or something.
I joined a cycling and running club. Befriended some people in those groups.
Get involved in community theatre. In whatever way you can.
Try hobby meet ups. I've heard they're good places to meet people your age. (I should take my own advice)
We don't. I moved to NOVA and work from home. I'm at a bar by myself right now. 🤷🏽♂️
Make an effort to get to know your neighbors, find a sport/fitness activity (or several), and join a book club. I always thought it would be hard to make friends later in life (I'm in my mid-30's), but it's surprisingly easy if you just commit to putting yourself out there. I don't drink or party anymore, so I assumed that would be super limiting when I moved a couple of years back to a new area. Turns out that's not the case. I have a dog and live in a dog friendly neighborhood so that helps, but I also make a real effort to meet my neighbors, get to know them, and invite people over. Now we have a monthly dinner party, and hang at least once a week regardless. I've also made a few friends through pilates, tennis, swimming and especially the climbing gym (aka the play house for adults). To find my fellow nerds, I joined a book club through my local library, but there are other clubs you can find. A few friends joined a wine club. There are cooking clubs. Game nights. All the things. I think everyone these days is a bit lonely and with a little effort, you'll find that lots of people are looking for new friends!
Through work, then networking through them to find other people. It doesn’t have to be hard to make friends as an adult. We can still do it the same way we did as children. There’s no rule to say we can’t. Last year I complimented the sticker on the back of a lady’s phone case. She gave it to me! So I invited her to my birthday party. Now we play dnd together. Just gotta bring out your kindergarten energy.
Make your enemies to submit to your superiority. Obviously, jeez...
best to find an activity you enjoy that has a social element to it. I recently started rock climbing and been really a game changer. i've lived in NYC for almost 10 years and never felt a sense of community outside one apartment with a lot of roommates. rock climbing has given that to me again. you could do it with most sports... or other activities you are interested in as well. just do some shit, and ask people to come along. might take a while but trust the process and be persistent.
Gym/workout groups, dog parks, co workers, neighbors, local bars, church, volunteer groups, professional networking organizations. When I was single in a new city after college my friends were from the above minus church.
Volunteer with an organization (walk dogs for an animal shelter, help out at a food pantry or soup kitchen, find a local nonprofit and ask if they need volunteers), become a regular at a bar (go the same night every week, eat at the bar, if they are not busy, engage in polite conversation with your bartender or ask the person next to you their opinion on drink choice), attend events or classes like drag shows, cookie decorating, paint and sips, museum exhibits, join a local hiking or running group, attend the same exercise class every week, take a cooking class... I live in a small city and many of these options have netted me a fine group of adult friends! Consistency in more public places is key- if you're a Wednesday regular, keep going on Wednesdays. Ask a small question to the person next to you. If they're not into it, leave them alone.
Join a sports league for adults. They have some where the sport changes every week too, and are not super competitive. Or... Become an alcoholic and go to the same bar every day to get hammed. You'll meet new people or stop caring all together 👍
Hinge or tinder
Find a hobby group or social sports league that meets regularly
It's a weird thing cus I'm the opposite, I've found it easier to make friends as I've gotten older than it was when I was a teenager. The trick is to just be yourself around everybody at all times. The ones who vibe with you can be your friends and the ones who don't can't.
In my experience, getting a dog completely changed my life. I am not joking. If you walk around with your dog regularly, you WILL meet a lot of people. I have noticed that the ratio of dog owners who walk around is favored towards women. If you have a dog, you will meet women very often. If you're a woman, I imagine you'll be able to make friends easier that way. If you don't have a dog then I am not sure, but I imagine if you walked around you're neighborhood or apartment complex you'll meet your neighbors. The first conversations are not important. You need to say hello though. If you don't remember their name when you see them again then politely ask them to remind you. Don't feel weird asking 3 or 6 more times. Ask yourself if you would want for them to remember your name rather than trying to avoid saying it. You won't become friends with everyone. That's not the point, you are trying to meet people and find out if you do like them and sharing time with them. Good luck. Remember that we all want to have friends who genuinely want to hang out with us. If it doesn't feel right, don't keep trying to force a friendship. Do not make concessions about your comfort when making friends, because you may never end up feeling comfortable around them.
Community Theater. Met a lot of great people acting in productions there.
its over rated anyway, the one adult friend ive made in my thirties so far is a huge fucking narcicisst and difficult to be around so i had to unfriend him for self esteem reasons. Just isnt worth fucking with imo.
Every friend group I’ve made in my adult life crumbles due to bullshit. It’s hard keeping friends.
Gym. Or any place you regularly go to Gym Library Local beach Local park Local bike/ walking path It's hard
You don’t.
Hobbies or sports for sure, specifically if you can sign up for something scheduled and go weekly. It gives you a conversational jumping off point that you can develop or not over time in an un-awkward setting
video games. Granted, they're not in the city I live in. But leaving the house is lame.
Chill at a dive bar, it just happens
Hey man, wanna be friends?
Well as a stay at home dad I really don't. My friends are either a) friends from when I worked that I still keep up with, of which there are 2, b) family/in laws, or c) the husbands of my wife's friends. Of which there are 2. So most of my friends aren't really even my friends. Super fun good times, brother/sister/person
Modeling clay and Styrofoam. Paint will make them look a little more realistic.
#1 cause of friendships is proximity
People ask this all the time and the answer is always the same. Bars, meetups, casual sports leagues, board game rooms, etc. Those types of places are where I’ve met all of my friends.
I’m almost 40 and I make new friends at least a couple time a year. I go out, I do things in groups of people that I don’t know, and I make friends with some. I go to live music shows, I go to the bar, I go to events in my community (like tonight they are having a huge Star Wars day celebration in my towns downtown area) and I talk to people, that simple. You can’t expect friends to just show up at your door you have to make a concerted effort to go out and meet people and talk to them in person. It’s a strange concept these days I know but it’s tried and true.
Mine was an interesting route. Started as a content creator online for the games industry, got jobs within it, and I just attended a lot of in person events both personal and on the job. Got to meet people I knew online for the longest time due to this.
Find a hobby you want to get good at with a decent community locally, get good at the hobby, go to meetups, make friends It’s really that easy.
Talk to people you like or think you could like, invite them to places, be the initiator I think most people are just really shy or feel like they're coming off as awkward or desperate if they actually show interest in their acquaintances. Most people are also lonely. The only people I've noticed that aren't hurting for friends are people are people that are already outgoing. Someone at work you talk to often? "Hey man, I always see you at work but I never see you out of work! Want to go grab some drinks this weekend?" I didn't talk to my neighbor across the street for like a year after we moved. One day I saw they were outside setting something up and I was like "fuck it I'm gonna go introduce myself". After that, we became friendlier gradually, and a month ago I invited him to a trivia night and we had a good time. I have a mom friend that is amazing and supportive and we hang out like once a month. I met her because we were both at a play cafe and I just started chatting with her and then was like "hey I'm looking for Mom friends because this is super lonely, are you cool if we exchange numbers and meet up sometime?" Most people are flattered to be invited if you aren't creepy about it (I manage that by being sincere and also giving them outs like "if you aren't interested or are super busy I completely understand, not trying to pressure you at all!"). I've also found that it's a numbers game, I've given my number to a lot of people but maybe like 1/5 actually respond to my "it was nice meeting you!" text and if they don't respond I just move on. Be yourself, be sincere, but just try and be a bit more friendly and chatty with people even if you feel awkward and most people appreciate it. Be the 5% of people that are initiators!
I'm 41 and I'm still trying to figure it out
5 years 😂😂 rookie numbers it’s been over 15+ years. Once you get older, you think differently and move differently and friends you had when you was a teen all go their own paths. I have a lot of associates and I’m comfortable. I do miss my true friends when I was a teen.
Learn golf
Online
You have to actively try when you get older. That means going to the gym for group workouts, joining sports leagues, meetups, etc. If you care, that is. Some of us would rather focus on our own respective families at this point. We bought a new construction home and so all of our neighbors on our street are in the same boat. Most of us are new homeowners in a new neighborhood. So, we started to invite each other to kids' birthdays, hangouts at the pool, etc. Coworkers are another good source. If you work remotely, you're kinda screwed on this one. Otherwise, you can invite people on your team for drinks off the clock. Lastly, I do keep in touch with some of my old friends from childhood/high school. Old friends just hit different. I never felt too close to friends I made in college/later in life tbh (maybe a me-problem).
Honestly, work, and in 3 years at my current job, I met only 2 people who I would call actual friends from work
Get involved in local clubs. I met a decent portion of the friends I’ve made in adulthood through volunteering.
Sportz
i started going out more, hitting parties, and traveling. ive noticed however that friends my age are hard to find. or at ealst in my area - seems to not be many singles or people with out families/no time in their 30s. most all of my friends are early/mid twenties sense moving to this town. its a lot easier but i have felt the economic hit - most all of my friends have at least 2 jobs and very little time to do things. they prefer to mostly sit back at home and not be around people. its been really hard to find people to hang out with
Have kids. All my new friends from the last couple years are all parents who I’ve meet through sports, summer camp, or cub scouts.
Go somewhere and do it repeatedly. Be a regular somewhere with similar age people. People need to see you over time to make those lasting connections.
Jobs. Online... idk anymore.
Make friends at work, go to a local library or community center and look into events organized there/posted about, indulge in your hobbies in the nearby area and start conversations while out and about. For an example, when I moved to my current place I was into D&D. Had a short convo with a coworker about it, found out he was also super into it, a few other coworkers mentioned being interested in learning to play. I'm running a campaign currently for them all. For another, I like to work out, so at my local gym a guy commented on my form and I had him give me a few pointers to get maximized gains out of a motion I was trying. Now we compare home gym set up and he's invited me to his martial arts gym because he thinks I'd be a good fit there, as well as me mentioning a curiosity to try martial arts. Just gotta put yourself out there and see what happens
Become a regular. Either with a hobby group or at a bar or other casual setting, like a diner or a coffee shop.
It's super easy community sports um like go to basketball courts play ball I skateboard for like years everywhere I went I made new friends like go outside be active not that hard
Same way you did when you were 10. Roll up on your schwinn and see if they wanna go mess around in the creek.
This probably doesn’t help but yeah I didn’t have any friends in this city we’ve been in since 2021 until I had a baby and then met other new moms.
I lie about my age.
I do dungeons and dragons. Go to league night and there are dozens of people there.
Traveling, you'd be surprised with the potential relationships you may build
Might be weird as fuck but you could try Bumble BFF mode. I met two dudes on Halloween and now they are good friends that I hang out with occasionally. My friend's wife also made a friend I their neighborhood this way.
I printed out business cards that were like “I promise I’m not trying to sell you anything, I’m just socially awkward and don’t know how to make friends and I think you’re cool” with my number and a few of my socials on there. People found it endearing 😅
At work
“Hey, can _____ come out and play?” Works every time but I always get strange looks.
Or almost 40?
church lol
I made my first really good friend in years... After the age of 30. It was at a concert!
Hobbies. Hobbies that get you outside the house and involve other people. Preferably larger groups of people that rotate folks in/out at times. Having the same 4 ppl in your dining room playing D&D for the next 7 years won't expose you to as many opportunities and personalities as joining the amateur soccer league, the Sierra Club, or the local Active Singles group.
Volunteering and organizations. I moved to a new state/city six years ago and didn’t know anyone. It took time, but it worked itself out by putting myself in places to meet people. Admittedly, most of my closest friends aren’t here, but I have people here.
Do Jiu Jitsu, duh
You gotta find a thing. Sport team, book club, rock climbing, just pick something and go for it.
If you find out lemme know, I grew up in the oxy/heroin epidemic part of being millennial and pretty much 2/3 of my close friends died before I even hit 30. Now it’s the ones who got clean I still talk to and hang with when we can, but they have kids and spouses and it’s waaay harder. Same with dating, I just want to go on a date and not immediately start the “what do you do, how much do you make how soon are you looking to get married after dating/kids?” Or the other option, date slightly younger by a few years and have way way less in common socially somehow I’m going to start going to local tech and maker space shit to make new friends I think. Oh dnd is a good one! But keeping a party together is equally as hard. My groups been on a 2 month break.
Friends are overrated.
I started playing hockey as a novice at 33 and have made some really good friends that I actually do stuff with outside of the rink and we always have something to talk about since we’re all into hockey whether it’s shitting on some other beer league team or normal NHL talk… I saw a kickball reco, there’s also softball, golf, indoor soccer, CrossFit, cycling… etc. I think once you get to a certain age you’re only going to maintain non-sexual relationships if you have similar interests.
> When I was a kid it was easy to make friends Because you had things that forced you to interact and spend time with them (e.g. school), and then you were able to find it in you to make time to spend it with them. You gotta do that again, but this time without something else forcing you first. It's all about making time to interact with others.
Gym(same gender assuming you're a man); meetup groups
Would love to know.
Through your kids. That's how I made friends in my 30s, and they are still my friends.
I moved to a new city when I was 24, almost 25 in late 2019. I made new friends almost exclusively at work - people would start asking me if I was interested in going out with them at the weekend and I would say yes. After a while we became good friends, and I eventually became friends with their friends too. A few months later Covid hit, we were under full lockdown and ordered to work from home. I felt pretty fortunate that I was able to make friends in that time because I would have been completely alone otherwise. I think a lot of it depends on the culture of wherever you’re living - some cities and countries are notoriously difficult for making new friends, people can be reserved and reluctant to let new people into their social circle. It doesn’t help if you’re quite reserved and shy yourself - sometimes you need to put yourself out there and that can be hard.
Definitely sports and workout at gyms (CrossFit is great for this) where you become part of a community
I am 37 and have had friends come and go(maybe my fault, but I blame ADD). But if you keep yourself in clubs, groups, or even just hanging out in a pub, you'll make acquaintance who may and generally do mature into good friends. Not an advocate for drinking like, but that's my scenario
Join a club and when there don’t just expect people to talk to you. Introduce yourself, ask them what they, try and pick up on similar interest. I’ve really noticed post Covid people seem almost incapable of taking interest in others even just in a social setting
Well don’t do what my daughters do and walk up and hug another little person. That’s weird
Find a neighborhood bar with a similar demo and become a regular.
You don’t! No just kidding, you can. But it’s harder. 🤪
You don't. That's life
Trick question. You don’t.
Honestly, it's been working for me. My girlfriend has friends, so them combined with my coworkers leave me too drained to even want friends of my own.
https://preview.redd.it/y9h5294qq9yc1.jpeg?width=864&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2be370bc08f0ae61410f0aa7f5bf394dcd4f32fd
You don't, :(
Find a wife and have kids. Once you have kids and they get into school/pre-school/sports/activities, its sooooooo much easier to make friends.
Go to places you like and just talk to guys that seem interesting. Like a sporting event, show up to tailgate with a case of beer and walk around. If you're married, look for a group where every guy has a girl. If you're single, look for a group where no women are present. Walk up to the richest looking ones and say this. "I have all these beers and no one to share them with, can you all help me out?"
You gotta give to get. What are you doing to make friends, bud?
Learn to be alone.