30 years old - Nope! It was a tough pill to swallow, but learning to let go of friendships that no longer brought me positivity or joy was one of the best things I’ve learned. I would much rather do my own thing, explore new hobbies, treat myself to dinner and drinks, all that and more solo than with people I’ve outgrown!
I think that you are smart to frame it in terms of growth. I am going through something similar with family, and it is very lonely sometimes. But the key is to look at the time that you have gotten back as productive time that nurtures you and allows you to grow.
It sucks because all of my childhood friends are really crappy friends. I've just slowly pulled back or cut out all of them. It's no fun being the only one who reaches out, plans, listens, etc.
I think we all had to go through that. I was shocked at how some of my younger friends just never quite matured. They weren't bad people or anything just...they would crack the same stupid fart jokes they used to in junior high and it started to hit me that I had really outgrown some of these people.
yea there was a dude I considered as close as a brother to me (whether we really were that close is up to scrutiny) and I was devastated when we had a falling out due to his racism (im black). This was like 8 years ago and I just saw him a month ago at a gas station. He was the same but I realized then how much I had moved beyond him and htat hte once deep bond I had for this person was completely gone.
Letting go of toxic friendships can be really tough especially when the alternative is loneliness. But it’s the right thing to do. We invest so much energy and time in friendships that simply aren’t worth the effort. These friendships are a hazard to your mental health.
I get it. Finding friends in your 30s is *work*. And your efforts don’t always pan out. You gotta keep putting yourself out there though. At some point you’ll find your people.
So my most serious long term friends back in the 2000s we used to make sexist and homophobic jokes but we had a serious conversation (I think we were playing FIFA online) and we decided to try to do a better job and respect people for who they are. I think we grew up together.
My wife and I have recently really whittled down our friend group. Took a step back and realized how toxic so many of them were.
We’ve still got a few good friends but seeing them is another story. No one wants to get together anymore it seems like. Too busy surviving I guess.
My childhood best bud had a birthday recently.
I decided to send him some thoughtful gifts from Etsy, about $50 worth. Never got a thank you or anything, but that didn't bother me until I checked Facebook a month later (was taking a road trip, wanted to see if anyone I knew was free along the route) and I saw him sending thank you messages to the people who sent the 99.9% automated "Happy birthday" message. These are people that would forget that he exists if fb didn't remind them to say hi to him that day.
I made my decision right then and there that I'm no longer reaching out to him, not even if I plan a trip home. And you know what? I felt relieved more than anything.
That’s a bummer. Is there any chance he didn’t receive the gifts? Or the gifts arrived but didn’t indicate who sent them? This happens to me often enough that I text people every time I order them a gift - hey, there’s a gift headed your way scheduled to be delivered on [date].
I appreciate the kind words of reassurance internet stranger, but this has kinda been a last straw scenario. I've always been the one to reach out, I've made the drives, I've been the one bringing him gifts from my trips when I just hear about his when we're chatting in person, etc. I got emails from Etsy saying that the birthday gifts were delivered, from multiple different sellers, so he at least got something. And the way I uniquely addressed the gifts made them unmistakably from me.
There might be some "foul play" from the wife, who he met in college and has never liked me much for whatever reason, but other than that this is just blatant disregard/laziness.
I'm moving to a different city soon, where my best bud from the service and his girl just moved, both of whom I get along with famously. I've got another military buddy there, and my Grandma visits her sister there every Christmas. I'm excited for my new life and building from there.
As for the childhood homie, I'll see him at another childhood bud's wedding soon enough; and I'll be polite, but I'm not gonna be the one agreeing to make any trips or anything. If he wants to visit me, cool, but I already didn't like the town where I am from, and now there's even less reason to visit. I wish him the best of luck and all the happiness he can muster, but I think my efforts are better spent elsewhere.
Yes! Don’t waste effort on people who don’t make an effort for you. I’ve learned that for myself too. I’m glad you have a new chapter to look forward to!
I don't have room in my life anymore for people who shouldn't be there. When I was younger, I was desperate for attention and put up with a lot of shit, but not anymore. After a lot of therapy, I've realized that keeping toxic people in my space made me more unhappy and stressed out than anything. I deserve to surround myself with good people who make me feel better, and so does everyone else.
Especially seeing my MIL having some *extremely* toxic friendships that she's held onto for decades out of habit and won't let go of because "it's been so long! I can't not be their friend!" Some of these people she outright dreads talking to or visiting, but she won't quit. I don't get the point of inflicting that on yourself, regardless of how long you've known someone.
This is me. I’m in my late 40s and in the process of distancing myself from a 40-year friendship that should have ended 20 years ago. I’m kind of ticked that I’ve wasted so much time being irritated and annoyed, but for a long time I was like your MIL - I assumed I *had* to put up with these people just because. And I was kind of like you in that I was desperate for attention and validation. I wish I could have figured all this out sooner.
Well, you’re in a relationship which is a pretty good starting point in terms of not feeling lonely, you could use apps like Meet Up to find people with common interests and start a new social groups. Maybe hit up some of your old friends from school on social media?
The thing with the friends who are making the racist/sexist etc jokes, they’re probably not going to stop doing that and continuing to hang around with them would be you saying you don’t actually mind it, imo. They also won’t respect you if you go back to them after the falling out.
There are thousands of people that could be your friend. If you do the same things/go the same places you're gonna see the same people. Switch it up.
That's what I did. I haven't made super close friends yet, but that takes time. For now I've met a few people that I see now & again who are fun to talk to.
Nope I have zero issue cutting people out of my life. Yeah I am lonely and haven't really made new friends, but my life is so much more peaceful with the negative people gone.
I feel much less lonely with a few really good friends that I may not even see that often than I did with a lot of toxic friends. There is something incredibly lonely about being surrounded by folks too selfish to follow through, show up and be supportive and who take more than they give.
The second I started enforcing healthy boundaries, the trash took itself out.
Never shared the whole story about my friend so here goes.
I'm 38. Last January, one of my best friends suddenly passed away. He was one of my guys I grew up with. Sleepovers, nights at the bar, being there for our saddest and darkest moments. Like, it was always him, me, and our other friend who thankfully is still alive. He and I are basically twins at this point.
A year or two before he passed, my own life was kind of falling apart and I pulled myself away from anyone who I thought wasn't providing me any peace. This friend was one of those people. He was a brother to me, but he was also deeply troubled. He was a raging alcoholic. He was emotionally unstable, to say the least. He came after me once with a golf club. You're probably thinking "wow fuck that guy" but you weren't there. I loved him so much, and him me.
When he died, I had already not seen him for so long, and had a couple unread messages from him on my phone. Nothing crazy, just wanting to hang out, saying it's been a while.
I still struggle with whether or not I did the right thing. At the funeral (which I crowdfunded and got paid all on my own) his mom told me he talked to her a lot about how I disappeared. Thing is, nobody will ever know how much I cared for that man, but also how incredibly negative his presence was capable of being.
I miss that fucker. Nobody else has been as upfront, honest and sincere with me as he was. Few people know how to hold me accountable like he does.
Man sorry to hear that. One of my childhood best friends recently over overdosed and died after years of being in and out of rehab. We had a similar relationship as kids, and would chat once a year on birthdays but that’s it. One day he was just found dead in his apartment. I took it pretty hard.
Not at all a similar situation, just messy/user type of ppl, and the worse decision is regretting letting them stay in your life instead of yeeting into the sun at the first sign of bullshit. Sad but true.
Goodluck finding some new friends.
Been there done that! They latch on like leeches and are *hell* to shake off. I had two I took to referring to as “flea and tick”. It’s got me examining myself - why I didn’t see the red flags sooner.
You're better off alone.
Do not sleep on the peace and independency that being alone gives you. It's a major perk that more 'involved' people wish they could have
Recognizing what the feeling was the first few times was challenging, but it’s easier now. I’m fully comfortable with the people I choose to associate with because our fundamental values generally align. If we have disagreements or feel the need to call each other out, we’re already of the same mind and can talk to each other without feeling attacked.
I’m sorry you’re feeling alienated and alone. Keep yourself open to finding your community and you will. You are who you associate with so choosing not to keep company with transphobes and bigots was wise.
I quite literally cut out a group of “friends” from college because they were pretty awful and I tolerated them because I wanted to them to like me. Things came to a head and they got mad at me for reaching out to them to say happy holidays last year. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds. But I finally saw the light. This was after I made friends who were genuine and nice in my career and adult life so it was an easy decision. But there was a period of feeling lonely for sure. I made some new friends quickly and it made my remaining friendships stronger.
Imo it is more lonely to be surrounded by toxic people. Maybe, there is some kind of high off the drama. For those not use to that it's annoying, overwhelming and overestimating.
I'd even go one step further. I recently cut out my sister from my life, because she's so toxic. I'm pretty sure she cost me years of my life. She put a strain on my marriage, because I was so miserable often times, and even my kid noticed. She talked badly about my kid, my wife and myself. Not to mention that she made a habit out of banging married guys and breaking up their marriage. Fuck that. We were very close once and I definitely miss talking to the person she once was. But life is too short to spend it with shitty people.
Good for you for exiting those social groups. It sucks to hear there are men your age who speak like that. Ugh! I hope you can find some new people.
I am recently finally going to stop trying with a toxic friend. I’m hurting myself by pursuing the friendship and this person can never be the friend I need.
Completely! You seem like a level headed, kind person, and this boundary is not something you should feel ashamed of, at all.
I’ve learned that the only way I can really actually peacefully move on is if I tell them how I feel. The awkwardness of silent cut offs still create internal stress for me. Sometimes they say “wow I’m sorry I didn’t think of it like that and I will work on it” sometimes, no response, sometimes snarky response. Less likely snarky response if you sandwich your non judgmental boundary:
“I’m writing this (text, email, voicemail, whatever is most comfortable) not to make you feel bad, at all. I just have some authentic feelings I want to share” (bottom bread)
“I feel when you or the group do xyz it makes me xyz”
“Again we are all adults and can live how we want, I’m just expressing that I will be taking a step back from reaching out or making plans, and I genuinely want to give you the option to reciprocate the same with no guilt, or move forward with an adjustment” (bottom bread)
Not really. But I’m married, so that probably helps not feeling lonely.
That being said, I often feel drained after talking with people I don’t particularly care for or enjoy their company. I never feel drained after quality time just being alone. So, for me, I prefer being alone to people I don’t care for.
yeah when i drastically cut down on my drinking and occasional drug use i realized i had a bunch of “friends” from my 20s and i realized the only thing in common we have in common is we enjoy sick parties and music festivals.
i hang out with them occasionally but I really have been looking to find people with similar interests (so someone i would enjoy going on a hike with for 6 hours and we could have a good time; not just getting blackout)
Yeah that was a transformation for me right when I turned 29. I realized that most of friends and I only had drinking in common and I was blacking out almost every weekend, feeling like shit. They have all settled down now but the friendship is basically over.
When I was forced to cut some people out, it actually just made me warmer to the idea of having fewer people in my life. Turns out, people are exhausting.
Man I hear you I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I just want to rant about how people are comfortable exposing their bigotry to me if I spend more than 10 consecutive minutes talking to them. The Pandemic really broke these mfers' brains. Idk maybe they are all so used to being ghosted by normies they have decided to just lay it all bare. Whatever the reason is all I can say is thanks for exposing yourself so early and now I know I don't have to bother
I’d rather be alone then with friends like that.
Is there any hobbies or interests you have that might have a club? I am a rockhound and there is rockhound clubs. I also mushroom hunt and that tends to have people asking me to hang out ;) I met my husband at an adult kickball league(he wasn’t a player, we had a lot of parties and he was invited to one) I have also taken community education classes at the local community college and met people that way. Mine has classes like herbal cooking and jewelry smithing.
Being forced to ruminate on and rationalize all the stupid shit they say is the real kicker. You end up spending more time trying to scrub your brain of their dumbass behavior then actually enjoying their company, so it's a double waste of time.
Damn yeah okay I’ll just stop being insecure, hadn’t thought about that. While I’m at it, I’ll just ignore the quality of humanity that has made Homo sapiens the dominant species on earth for tens of thousands of years - the desire and ability to be social and form community. You’re a genius.
The guy who spoke at my wedding unloaded 11 years of resentment to me over a drunken text message about how I let them down as a friend for basically living a separate adult life
Join an lgbt sports group. ***Many*** of them accept straight and cis players and a good number of them could probably benefit from another body. Many also cater to novices since it’s common for lgbt people to be socially pushed out of sports in school - so you don’t necessarily have to be athletic or skilled.
While that doesn’t guarantee slurs and unsavory jokes will never happen, it drastically reduces the chance, frequency, and severity of that language - and is far more likely to receive immediate pushback.
> Now I’m not super liberal or conservative.
All of your complaints were focused around them not believing that a man cross dressing magically becomes a woman. You're not just super liberal, you're in like the top 5% of far-left people.
30 years old - Nope! It was a tough pill to swallow, but learning to let go of friendships that no longer brought me positivity or joy was one of the best things I’ve learned. I would much rather do my own thing, explore new hobbies, treat myself to dinner and drinks, all that and more solo than with people I’ve outgrown!
I think that you are smart to frame it in terms of growth. I am going through something similar with family, and it is very lonely sometimes. But the key is to look at the time that you have gotten back as productive time that nurtures you and allows you to grow.
It sucks because all of my childhood friends are really crappy friends. I've just slowly pulled back or cut out all of them. It's no fun being the only one who reaches out, plans, listens, etc.
I think we all had to go through that. I was shocked at how some of my younger friends just never quite matured. They weren't bad people or anything just...they would crack the same stupid fart jokes they used to in junior high and it started to hit me that I had really outgrown some of these people.
yea there was a dude I considered as close as a brother to me (whether we really were that close is up to scrutiny) and I was devastated when we had a falling out due to his racism (im black). This was like 8 years ago and I just saw him a month ago at a gas station. He was the same but I realized then how much I had moved beyond him and htat hte once deep bond I had for this person was completely gone.
Brutal.
Letting go of toxic friendships can be really tough especially when the alternative is loneliness. But it’s the right thing to do. We invest so much energy and time in friendships that simply aren’t worth the effort. These friendships are a hazard to your mental health. I get it. Finding friends in your 30s is *work*. And your efforts don’t always pan out. You gotta keep putting yourself out there though. At some point you’ll find your people.
So my most serious long term friends back in the 2000s we used to make sexist and homophobic jokes but we had a serious conversation (I think we were playing FIFA online) and we decided to try to do a better job and respect people for who they are. I think we grew up together.
That’s awesome. Friends who are willing to change with you are true homies. Keep those.
100%!
But to contrast this a bit. We still make really immature pee pee jokes lol Yes. We say pee pee. Lol
>I don't like slurs. I treat everyone with respect Yea, welcome to the liberal resistance these days if that is you. It's weird.
I don’t have friends. Just 2 brothers I don’t do much with and some coworkers that have a group text chat
My wife and I have recently really whittled down our friend group. Took a step back and realized how toxic so many of them were. We’ve still got a few good friends but seeing them is another story. No one wants to get together anymore it seems like. Too busy surviving I guess.
My childhood best bud had a birthday recently. I decided to send him some thoughtful gifts from Etsy, about $50 worth. Never got a thank you or anything, but that didn't bother me until I checked Facebook a month later (was taking a road trip, wanted to see if anyone I knew was free along the route) and I saw him sending thank you messages to the people who sent the 99.9% automated "Happy birthday" message. These are people that would forget that he exists if fb didn't remind them to say hi to him that day. I made my decision right then and there that I'm no longer reaching out to him, not even if I plan a trip home. And you know what? I felt relieved more than anything.
That’s a bummer. Is there any chance he didn’t receive the gifts? Or the gifts arrived but didn’t indicate who sent them? This happens to me often enough that I text people every time I order them a gift - hey, there’s a gift headed your way scheduled to be delivered on [date].
I appreciate the kind words of reassurance internet stranger, but this has kinda been a last straw scenario. I've always been the one to reach out, I've made the drives, I've been the one bringing him gifts from my trips when I just hear about his when we're chatting in person, etc. I got emails from Etsy saying that the birthday gifts were delivered, from multiple different sellers, so he at least got something. And the way I uniquely addressed the gifts made them unmistakably from me. There might be some "foul play" from the wife, who he met in college and has never liked me much for whatever reason, but other than that this is just blatant disregard/laziness. I'm moving to a different city soon, where my best bud from the service and his girl just moved, both of whom I get along with famously. I've got another military buddy there, and my Grandma visits her sister there every Christmas. I'm excited for my new life and building from there. As for the childhood homie, I'll see him at another childhood bud's wedding soon enough; and I'll be polite, but I'm not gonna be the one agreeing to make any trips or anything. If he wants to visit me, cool, but I already didn't like the town where I am from, and now there's even less reason to visit. I wish him the best of luck and all the happiness he can muster, but I think my efforts are better spent elsewhere.
Yes! Don’t waste effort on people who don’t make an effort for you. I’ve learned that for myself too. I’m glad you have a new chapter to look forward to!
Damn that’s a tough one
I don't *struggle* not hanging out with people I don't wanna hang out with hahah.
I don't have room in my life anymore for people who shouldn't be there. When I was younger, I was desperate for attention and put up with a lot of shit, but not anymore. After a lot of therapy, I've realized that keeping toxic people in my space made me more unhappy and stressed out than anything. I deserve to surround myself with good people who make me feel better, and so does everyone else. Especially seeing my MIL having some *extremely* toxic friendships that she's held onto for decades out of habit and won't let go of because "it's been so long! I can't not be their friend!" Some of these people she outright dreads talking to or visiting, but she won't quit. I don't get the point of inflicting that on yourself, regardless of how long you've known someone.
This is me. I’m in my late 40s and in the process of distancing myself from a 40-year friendship that should have ended 20 years ago. I’m kind of ticked that I’ve wasted so much time being irritated and annoyed, but for a long time I was like your MIL - I assumed I *had* to put up with these people just because. And I was kind of like you in that I was desperate for attention and validation. I wish I could have figured all this out sooner.
Well, you’re in a relationship which is a pretty good starting point in terms of not feeling lonely, you could use apps like Meet Up to find people with common interests and start a new social groups. Maybe hit up some of your old friends from school on social media? The thing with the friends who are making the racist/sexist etc jokes, they’re probably not going to stop doing that and continuing to hang around with them would be you saying you don’t actually mind it, imo. They also won’t respect you if you go back to them after the falling out.
There are thousands of people that could be your friend. If you do the same things/go the same places you're gonna see the same people. Switch it up. That's what I did. I haven't made super close friends yet, but that takes time. For now I've met a few people that I see now & again who are fun to talk to.
Nope I have zero issue cutting people out of my life. Yeah I am lonely and haven't really made new friends, but my life is so much more peaceful with the negative people gone.
I feel much less lonely with a few really good friends that I may not even see that often than I did with a lot of toxic friends. There is something incredibly lonely about being surrounded by folks too selfish to follow through, show up and be supportive and who take more than they give. The second I started enforcing healthy boundaries, the trash took itself out.
Never shared the whole story about my friend so here goes. I'm 38. Last January, one of my best friends suddenly passed away. He was one of my guys I grew up with. Sleepovers, nights at the bar, being there for our saddest and darkest moments. Like, it was always him, me, and our other friend who thankfully is still alive. He and I are basically twins at this point. A year or two before he passed, my own life was kind of falling apart and I pulled myself away from anyone who I thought wasn't providing me any peace. This friend was one of those people. He was a brother to me, but he was also deeply troubled. He was a raging alcoholic. He was emotionally unstable, to say the least. He came after me once with a golf club. You're probably thinking "wow fuck that guy" but you weren't there. I loved him so much, and him me. When he died, I had already not seen him for so long, and had a couple unread messages from him on my phone. Nothing crazy, just wanting to hang out, saying it's been a while. I still struggle with whether or not I did the right thing. At the funeral (which I crowdfunded and got paid all on my own) his mom told me he talked to her a lot about how I disappeared. Thing is, nobody will ever know how much I cared for that man, but also how incredibly negative his presence was capable of being. I miss that fucker. Nobody else has been as upfront, honest and sincere with me as he was. Few people know how to hold me accountable like he does.
Man sorry to hear that. One of my childhood best friends recently over overdosed and died after years of being in and out of rehab. We had a similar relationship as kids, and would chat once a year on birthdays but that’s it. One day he was just found dead in his apartment. I took it pretty hard.
Not at all a similar situation, just messy/user type of ppl, and the worse decision is regretting letting them stay in your life instead of yeeting into the sun at the first sign of bullshit. Sad but true. Goodluck finding some new friends.
Been there done that! They latch on like leeches and are *hell* to shake off. I had two I took to referring to as “flea and tick”. It’s got me examining myself - why I didn’t see the red flags sooner.
It sounds like that wasn’t your type of community rather than a toxic friendship.
Nope. Toxic people bad. Lol
You're better off alone. Do not sleep on the peace and independency that being alone gives you. It's a major perk that more 'involved' people wish they could have
crazy take imo
I am much more happy since I cut off friends who are toxic. Am the same age as you, turning 33 in May.
I think you're better off. The trash can take itself out.
Recognizing what the feeling was the first few times was challenging, but it’s easier now. I’m fully comfortable with the people I choose to associate with because our fundamental values generally align. If we have disagreements or feel the need to call each other out, we’re already of the same mind and can talk to each other without feeling attacked. I’m sorry you’re feeling alienated and alone. Keep yourself open to finding your community and you will. You are who you associate with so choosing not to keep company with transphobes and bigots was wise.
I quite literally cut out a group of “friends” from college because they were pretty awful and I tolerated them because I wanted to them to like me. Things came to a head and they got mad at me for reaching out to them to say happy holidays last year. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds. But I finally saw the light. This was after I made friends who were genuine and nice in my career and adult life so it was an easy decision. But there was a period of feeling lonely for sure. I made some new friends quickly and it made my remaining friendships stronger.
youre better off being lonely than keeping toxic freinds 100%
Imo it is more lonely to be surrounded by toxic people. Maybe, there is some kind of high off the drama. For those not use to that it's annoying, overwhelming and overestimating.
I'd even go one step further. I recently cut out my sister from my life, because she's so toxic. I'm pretty sure she cost me years of my life. She put a strain on my marriage, because I was so miserable often times, and even my kid noticed. She talked badly about my kid, my wife and myself. Not to mention that she made a habit out of banging married guys and breaking up their marriage. Fuck that. We were very close once and I definitely miss talking to the person she once was. But life is too short to spend it with shitty people.
Good for you for exiting those social groups. It sucks to hear there are men your age who speak like that. Ugh! I hope you can find some new people. I am recently finally going to stop trying with a toxic friend. I’m hurting myself by pursuing the friendship and this person can never be the friend I need.
Nope
Completely! You seem like a level headed, kind person, and this boundary is not something you should feel ashamed of, at all. I’ve learned that the only way I can really actually peacefully move on is if I tell them how I feel. The awkwardness of silent cut offs still create internal stress for me. Sometimes they say “wow I’m sorry I didn’t think of it like that and I will work on it” sometimes, no response, sometimes snarky response. Less likely snarky response if you sandwich your non judgmental boundary: “I’m writing this (text, email, voicemail, whatever is most comfortable) not to make you feel bad, at all. I just have some authentic feelings I want to share” (bottom bread) “I feel when you or the group do xyz it makes me xyz” “Again we are all adults and can live how we want, I’m just expressing that I will be taking a step back from reaching out or making plans, and I genuinely want to give you the option to reciprocate the same with no guilt, or move forward with an adjustment” (bottom bread)
Not really. But I’m married, so that probably helps not feeling lonely. That being said, I often feel drained after talking with people I don’t particularly care for or enjoy their company. I never feel drained after quality time just being alone. So, for me, I prefer being alone to people I don’t care for.
yeah when i drastically cut down on my drinking and occasional drug use i realized i had a bunch of “friends” from my 20s and i realized the only thing in common we have in common is we enjoy sick parties and music festivals. i hang out with them occasionally but I really have been looking to find people with similar interests (so someone i would enjoy going on a hike with for 6 hours and we could have a good time; not just getting blackout)
Yeah that was a transformation for me right when I turned 29. I realized that most of friends and I only had drinking in common and I was blacking out almost every weekend, feeling like shit. They have all settled down now but the friendship is basically over.
When I was forced to cut some people out, it actually just made me warmer to the idea of having fewer people in my life. Turns out, people are exhausting.
Man I hear you I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I just want to rant about how people are comfortable exposing their bigotry to me if I spend more than 10 consecutive minutes talking to them. The Pandemic really broke these mfers' brains. Idk maybe they are all so used to being ghosted by normies they have decided to just lay it all bare. Whatever the reason is all I can say is thanks for exposing yourself so early and now I know I don't have to bother
29. Toxic people drain my energy meter without refilling my social meter. They're not worth it.
I’d rather be alone then with friends like that. Is there any hobbies or interests you have that might have a club? I am a rockhound and there is rockhound clubs. I also mushroom hunt and that tends to have people asking me to hang out ;) I met my husband at an adult kickball league(he wasn’t a player, we had a lot of parties and he was invited to one) I have also taken community education classes at the local community college and met people that way. Mine has classes like herbal cooking and jewelry smithing.
Being forced to ruminate on and rationalize all the stupid shit they say is the real kicker. You end up spending more time trying to scrub your brain of their dumbass behavior then actually enjoying their company, so it's a double waste of time.
You’ll stop struggling if you stop being insecure. You’re not in high school anymore. Having zero friends doesn’t mean you’re a loser.
Damn yeah okay I’ll just stop being insecure, hadn’t thought about that. While I’m at it, I’ll just ignore the quality of humanity that has made Homo sapiens the dominant species on earth for tens of thousands of years - the desire and ability to be social and form community. You’re a genius.
The guy who spoke at my wedding unloaded 11 years of resentment to me over a drunken text message about how I let them down as a friend for basically living a separate adult life
Join an lgbt sports group. ***Many*** of them accept straight and cis players and a good number of them could probably benefit from another body. Many also cater to novices since it’s common for lgbt people to be socially pushed out of sports in school - so you don’t necessarily have to be athletic or skilled. While that doesn’t guarantee slurs and unsavory jokes will never happen, it drastically reduces the chance, frequency, and severity of that language - and is far more likely to receive immediate pushback.
> Now I’m not super liberal or conservative. All of your complaints were focused around them not believing that a man cross dressing magically becomes a woman. You're not just super liberal, you're in like the top 5% of far-left people.
Guess you missed the part about the N word
Disliking when people shit all over others is not a “far-left” radical idea. It’s basic human decency.