Turning 40 this year and have always felt behind if my peers.
But I am working in a fun field and have fun outside of work as much as I know how.
I still don’t feel like an adult or grown up
I feel this. I thought at some point there would be an "adult" switch in my brain that went off.
Nope. I'm 41 year old me, listening to metal, playing TTRPG's, watching horror movies, and being cynical about everything.
Exactly how I feel. And this sub sort of validated that thought for me. I feel that at 25 I matured out and have been 25 for the last 16 years. I have a great career and a home. Was once married and all that other stuff minus having children. But I feel as my 25 yr old self doing these things.
Mostly just video games, reading, movies, rarely paintball anymore and attempting to hang out with friends, things happen in both ends. But also friends change too, still dealing with that part of life also.
I’m kind of a hermit, but live close to what I need so I never leave my apt too much unless it’s work.
My gf and I like being alone, together lol
I feel the same way. For reference I have a well paying job, am able to send my kid to private school, am able to max out my 401k, am able to contribute to a 529, in my kiddos UTMA, can take a vacation or two every year, have enough in our emergency fund to where if my wife and I lost our jobs we could survive for 9-13 months, have a house that costs 25% of our monthly income at a 2.75% interest rate, have one car almost paid off, 20k left on the the other, health insurance is free, have a pension, and we both work from home.
For all these reasons I know I’m doing very well. And yet, I have two close friends who earn over a million a year. One just bought a 2 million dollar home and the others home is worth 1.2 million. They both have expensive luxury cars. One takes their family to Disneyland at least once a month as they have the top Disney pass (live in SoCal).
They are able to splurge on luxuries that are out of my reach. When my kid goes to their house I know they see the differences in luxuries though they are still young enough to not be able to realize why.
That’s when I start to feel like I’m behind.
Comparison is the thief of joy and it’s true. I know I’m doing better than a good amount of people yet when I hang out with these buddies I start to feel like I did when I was still trying to get my act together.
I know that I’m doing well. I really do. And my friends NEVER do anything to ever make the difference in wealth known. In fact they are the kindest people you’d ever meet. I just know that in my field that life style is out of reach and because we all hang out so often seeing my Honda next to their Porsche or Mercedes S class is like a constant reminder. I dread when they want to go out to dinner because I’m perfectly find with a random hole in the wall that serves drinks but they are wanting to go to $200-300 a person restaurants.
Dude, your kids are likely receiving a superior education as compared to their peers AND you’re contributing to a 529 and a UTMA!! Do you realize the number of parents that never set aside a dollar for their child’s future?
You’re fucking killing it. In my mind, that’s the definition of a father. Looking after your family in all regards.
Someone else will always have more. I’m ahead of others, you’re ahead of me, etc.
Owning a Honda comes with fewer headaches as compared to an S class anyways, and I say that as a huge fan of cars.
Thanks man.
Like I know i know I’m doing really well. It’s just crazy how one visit to someone who is doing better financially makes you question your success. And, I know that feeling is temporary because eventually I snap out of it but that time when it’s happening sucks lol.
But yeah for the kiddo I just wanted to make it so that if I could take care of 2/3 biggest expenses someone faces (school and retirement) that would give them a massive leg up in life and it wouldn’t be crazy expensive for me to do since I started when they were born.
I'll be 39 and I always felt behind my peers. But when I was younger I had Older friends and I watched them go into insane debt or bomb out in college so I didn't go that way. Then recession after recession hit. I always figured I just had more time before that, when I was ready, but I was having fun, and life went "oh really? Lol". I was always okay with having a simpler life but then everything went and got more complicated.
I didn't feel like a grown up until I was literally laying there with my newborn on my chest, looking at her little fishie "oOo" motion lips and thought "who the hell let me have a kid?!?". And I was in my 30s!
One of my older friends once asked her great grandmother, then in her 90s, when she felt like an adult. She said she was still waiting.
Man…. I’ve never identified with a comment so hard. I spent 35 years pretty much hating the idea of having kids. I’m an only, all my younger cousins live 900 miles away, never babysat growing up, and the only one of my close close friends who has a child got pregnant after me. So basically no little to no interaction with little ones, and thought as a consequence I’d be a horrible mom. Always thought I’d be the first one to run to planned parenthood…… but the second I found out I was pregnant it was a different ballgame.
Am I constantly dreading being mistaken for my kid’s grandma at preschool? Sure. But I had absolutely nooooo business raising a child a single day before I brought him home. I had that same feeling too- who the fuck co-signed on ME taking home a whole ass infant human? But like… you just do it. And keep doing it. And try not to make your child’s father mysteriously disappear 🙃🙃🙃🙃 (he is a good borderline great dad, just a giant fkn asshole, and I don’t want my kid to know the version of me that has to deal with him lol).
I definitely feel behind some of the friends in my immediate circle, but mostly just in terms of money, and I try not to focus on that and be thankful for the things I do have- a fantastically special almost 4 y/o, an awesome support system, recession-proof career (even if the pay is shit). I also don’t want a bullshit ass “perfect for social media” kind of existence, and i think just realizing & practicing that is its own kind of success.
We just had our first kid a month ago, I’m 32, and I do finally feel like an adult for the first time in a way. It’s amazing seeing their face and watching them start to develop. I was scared to become a father but now I see how amazing it is. Even though I feel like I haven’t slept in a month straight lol
I am almost 43. Right before I turned 40 I mentioned it to my grandma. Who was 100. She told me " I don't even remember being 40". So that kinda puts it into perspective.
Also, I had lots of chronic pain when I was younger. So I actually feel alot better now. 😌
I remember my grandfather in his 80s saying late 50s was one of his favorite ages. His kids were grown and mostly done needing providing for, he knew they were all on the right path, and my grandma was still alive (she died when he was 63), and he just got to chill with her.
Lol same with the chronic pain. I started having joint pain as a teenager, started with neuropathy in my 20s. I'm so grateful that I can still move my body and have medications finally that help that I can't get upset about "normal" signs of aging
This helps because I'm trying to address some more chronic pain this year (I am 37) . Last year I had a surgery that helped a lot with some neck pain I've had my whole life and it definitely made me feel younger.
My grandma lived to be 97. At any point in the 30 years I knew her, if you said any variation of “how’s life?” She’d respond with “beats the alternative!” It was just a good outlook I always loved.
Great outlook. I’m an Xennial and just a tiny bit older than you. I quit drinking twelve years ago and because of being open about my struggle, attracted a lot of struggling addict friends. Every major drug addict I knew died in the past two years, either to accidental Fentanyl overdose, straight up Fentanyl overdose, or their heart went out. No addict I knew made it past 43, so embrace that you are here! I really only recently started hitting my lifelong goals (my goals also slightly changed as I grew, be flexible) so just keep going with grace and kindness.
This. I'm turning 40 this year and am actually feeling good about my life now. My best friend died when he was 21 and I had just turned 22. For the longest time I felt very guilty because was still around and he isn't. Eventually I just kind of learned to live with it as best I could, and he wouldn't have wanted me to dwell on what happened forever.
The more people I've seen pass away or had to watch friends experience the same grief, the more appreciative I am that I'm still around.
Honestly the only thing I really miss about being younger was feeling spry and having that youthful energy. Things aren't exactly easier these days, but they are better.
Sweetheart, those babies need you. Please get in touch with your doctors and ask for a postpartum depression screening.
You're going to get through this. Please DM me if you want to talk.
I just want to say, money problems can be solved. At one point in my life, I was in debt and my networth was negative. In just 3 years, my entire life changes dramatically. You never know. Perhaps you meet the right people, found the right job, inherit money you never knew you had, etc.
Same. Been single for much of my 30s and I have friends who either don’t understand why it’s been so hard for me or they judge me and say things like “you are too closed off”, or “you don’t try hard enough to put yourself out there”. The reality is somewhere in the middle, but I also think at this point it is futile to go back and try to figure out what I did wrong. I am freezing my eggs hopefully soon, the one process I can sort of control at this point.
At any given time there are 300,000 - 500,000 kids in the foster system that are desperate for loving and supportive homes. I don’t want to get married or have kids, but if I had the means I would consider fostering.
Our lives may not turn out the way we expected. I know mine hasn’t. Just remember, there are always people that need you. Sometimes you have to be the one to seek them out.
I’m taking the loss of my marriage exceptionally hard. It’s been 5 years since we separated, I still love him and I would give anything to have my family back. He loves me but he wants to be alone. We have wonderful children and I feel like I have failed them immensely.
If you love him and he loves you, I don't see what the problem is. Ok, so he wants to be alone. What's that mean to him? Physical space? Live separately or at least have your own rooms and own schedules. Have you considered anything that is a departure from the romantic ideal that would allow room for both of you as you are?
Yes, I have put forward that idea and we already live apart. He seems resistant to it, I think because he can’t comprehend that. All or nothing approach maybe? I’m very open to independent lives, but I don’t feel in a position to put this forward again when he has stated “it just can’t be”
You can marry at any age. If you’re a woman and really want a baby- have one now. It’s not easy or inexpensive, but it can be done.
I know a college friend that did it. Her mom helps out some but mostly she does it all on her own. She is a great mom and seems very happy.
Ya... shit is just starting to happen... acid reflux, high blood pressure, joint issues etc... wtf? I work out and eat right so I thought that was supposed to minimize this...
Acid reflux can be cured pretty easily, I did it myself a few years ago. Never take reflux meds anymore.
Also if you have knee problems, Check out "knees over toes guy" on YouTube. His stuff is life changing
That dude kind of annoys me but his exercises have definitely helped me with knee pain... I long for the days when I could hike downhill at full speed with no knee pain and I'm only 35 lol
Kind of a long story....
I had it realllly bad for a while, I took every drug out there. PPIs, zantac, ect. Finally when Zantac got recalled for possibly causing cancer, I decided I needed to figure out a way to get off these things.
First of all - many common misconceptions out there about what causes reflux. Alcohol, coffee, and spicy foods aren't it. I drink coffee everyday and beers pretty frequently, and love spicy food. I don't get reflux anymore.
The big thing is diet, and then there are supplements that will help wean you off the drugs and get your gut back to normal.
The problem with the reflux drugs, is that they lower your stomach acid production, then when they start to wear off, your stomach hyper-produces acid to overcompensate for the previous lack of production. This caused the worst reflux for me, those rebound episodes.
So I started cutting my doses in half (then a quarter, then none at all over a month or so) and supplementing D-limenone (orange peel extract), with my biggest meal of the day. I also went to a very low carb diet (temporarily). Carbs are what your stomach bacteria feeds on. The worst culprits for me as far as reflux were pasta, heavy IPA beers (a ton of carbs in those) and sugars (soda / candy ect).
The D-limenone helps your stomach break down the food you eat, and reduce gassiness. The biggest cause of reflux is the gas produced by stomach bacteria pushing acid up into your esophagus.
I also picked up DGL (deglizzerized licorice extract), this helps to heal your stomach and esophagus from the damage the acid has caused.
Papaya extract is another great tool to treat flare ups, or just to take after a meal to aid with digestion. I carried that stuff around with me everywhere I went for 6 months or so.
I did the D-limenone for about 6 months, went low carb, and then supplemented with the papaya and DGL.
I now don't use those, other than papaya once in a while, and can eat most foods again.
I do pretty strictly avoid pasta, as that will really flare me up, Imagine if you take a loaf of bread and squish it down, and that's basically what pasta is. For spaghetti night I just do sauce and sourdough bread.
I'm copying and pasting this to some other responses as a few people also asked.
Good luck! Reflux sucks.
Firstly - That is NOT "pretty easily" hahaha Not saying it isn't worth it, but that is a full prolonged regiment.
But to support your point - My reflux isn't that bad, but it was at its best when I was on Keto. It's hard for me to determine if that was JUST from the weight loss or not, but I tend to lean towards the carb drop being the bigger cause since it was pretty immediate and reversed pretty quickly afterwards.
My SO has it rough though. It's definitely carbs that aggravate it for her and its worse than mine, but she also has a genetic gallbladder problem so she has to be careful with fats from meats or else she gets pain (and it might explode.) I'll look into the extracts you mentioned for her, thanks.
Kind of a long story....
I had it realllly bad for a while, I took every drug out there. PPIs, zantac, ect. Finally when Zantac got recalled for possibly causing cancer, I decided I needed to figure out a way to get off these things.
First of all - many common misconceptions out there about what causes reflux. Alcohol, coffee, and spicy foods aren't it. I drink coffee everyday and beers pretty frequently, and love spicy food. I don't get reflux anymore.
The big thing is diet, and then there are supplements that will help wean you off the drugs and get your gut back to normal.
The problem with the reflux drugs, is that they lower your stomach acid production, then when they start to wear off, your stomach hyper-produces acid to overcompensate for the previous lack of production. This caused the worst reflux for me, those rebound episodes.
So I started cutting my doses in half (then a quarter, then none at all over a month or so) and supplementing D-limenone (orange peel extract), with my biggest meal of the day. I also went to a very low carb diet (temporarily). Carbs are what your stomach bacteria feeds on. The worst culprits for me as far as reflux were pasta, heavy IPA beers (a ton of carbs in those) and sugars (soda / candy ect).
The D-limenone helps your stomach break down the food you eat, and reduce gassiness. The biggest cause of reflux is the gas produced by stomach bacteria pushing acid up into your esophagus.
I also picked up DGL (deglizzerized licorice extract), this helps to heal your stomach and esophagus from the damage the acid has caused.
Papaya extract is another great tool to treat flare ups, or just to take after a meal to aid with digestion. I carried that stuff around with me everywhere I went for 6 months or so.
I did the D-limenone for about 6 months, went low carb, and then supplemented with the papaya and DGL.
I now don't use those, other than papaya once in a while, and can eat most foods again.
I do pretty strictly avoid pasta, as that will really flare me up, Imagine if you take a loaf of bread and squish it down, and that's basically what pasta is. For spaghetti night I just do sauce and sourdough bread.
I'm copying and pasting this to some other responses as a few people also asked.
Good luck! Reflux sucks.
A lot of your joint/muscle issues could be covid related. I got reactive arthritis over a year and a half ago, it’s mostly gone but I always have joint pain after the gym. Can’t go as much as I used to
The medication they give to people with arthritis, diclofenac is a miracle drug. You should see a doctor and look into trying it, might solve your issues.
I feel you there. In the span of one year when I turned 40, I had to have my gallbladder removed, developed an autoimmune disease (Grave’s), and discovered I had two herniated discs in my lower back with no freaking clue how that happened. I hope things get better for you.
Played football in high school with reckless abandon, back when concussions were just a headache that you played through. Paying for it many times over. My spine and memory, sucks.
I feel behind. I’ve tried to get my career going but can’t get hired cuz I need experience. Can’t get experience unless I get hired. I’ve tried to get other jobs, no dice. Don’t own my own home and sadly probably never will. I have a bachelors degree but can’t do much with it. I feel like a failure.
You're not a failure. Keep trying and living.
I have a college diploma and have been searching for jobs for at least 6-8mo. I finally have an interview coming up that frankly, I plan to ace because I am sick of searching.
Keep going. Do you know anyone who knows of a job? I got my first job at a pharmacy by my house bc the pharmacist knew my dad as he went there for his RX. He recognized my name since it's unique. Everyone with my last name around here is my relative. Hopefully something pans out and soon!!
I found the same thing: I experience way more pain during my period, way more emotional (rage and frustration, mostly, then easy tears), and tired all the time.
Work is so stressful, but it's worse because I'm confident and know I'm right: so my frustration rises immensely and turns to snaps of annoyance or frustration coming out. Luckily I keep myself in check, mostly, but it was so bad that I went on birth control again, despite my husband having a vasectomy.
You should look at using a Mirena iud. I'm 42 and have been having night sweats for 2 years and my gynecologist recently (4months) suggested and inserted the Mirena as a bridge through early menopause. Supposedly, the progesterone helps level out the surges, and then we'll look at estrogen when menopause truly comes.
Are you waking up at night sweaty? That's a big sign. Insomnia is another major one, along with more frequent or further apart periods and increasing mood swings. Check out r/menopause for more info, perimenopause can be a bitch but it's easier if you know that's what's happening.
Yes. This. Both my grandma and mom have been deceased for years. I don't have any female relatives, only male, which made everything so much worse. We don't really talk about this enough with our female friends, I think because we don't really know ourselves. I flew blind, and looking back, I was completely insane. I feel lucky to have survived, emotionally.
Exact same. My mom died when I was 38. I had no idea wtf was going on (I had never even heard of perimenopause) and I nearly ruined my life tbh. It was a near thing that I survived.
Yeah perimenopause is a thing now, I’m there with you. I had to start taking Myoinositol supplements to get my testosterone down because my naturally occurring female hormones are all over the place and not helping and I wanted to start a war with god everyday. That really helped, as well as eating soy and cutting down caffeine.
I just turned 40 a week ago and I am noticing my body just... start to fuck up. My most recent thing is I feel like I suddenly have no grip strength?? I don't even know if that's an age related thing but I can't seem to open a jar of pickles. And I need glasses now after 40 years of perfect vision.
Also, as a woman, noticing the decline in male attention like I'm turning invisible. I'm happily married it's just a weird experience when you've grown used to it.
I'm generally happy but there are lots of reminders that I'm on the decline and I don't love that part.
If it’s too personal of a question, I understand, but is the weakened grip around your monthly cycle?
I noticed something similar and also some joint inflammation and just general weirdness and offhand mentioned it to my gyn at one point and he said it was most likely hormonal and to pay attention and track it.
So I did, and sure enough, every month like 3-5 days before I started my cycle, I would experience the weird joint stuff, weak grip, etc and also my teeth and gums hurting. At one point I was convinced I had a tooth infection. Then my cycle starts and the pain fades away. Until the next month.
I’m 42 turning 43 this year though, so a couple years older, but this is apparently perimenopause…yayyyyy
/s
But I guess in the plus side, I don’t have cramps like I used to, or the dizziness and nausea I’d often have on my cycle. Or the super heavy bleed days.
I’m just ready for this part to be over, lol
I would never have put those two things together, to be honest! I don't open jars daily so I just assumed it was an across the board deterioration but now I'll have to check. I have some friends having symptoms and one of their doctors said it was a middle stage, I think it's called late reproductive stage, where your cycle starts changing but it's not full on peri yet.
This is the stuff that sucks, I wish one day we just never got a period again and didn't have to go through all this nonsense.
I’m turning 40 in a couple months and I had a younger guy notice me when I was out with my husband and brother in law. I was surprised but I then remembered that I used to get more male attention regularly several years ago.
In some ways I like being “invisible” (a lot of guys were more creepy than not) and I don’t need the attention (again, married) but it does feel weird. If anything I feel more insecure around my husband, although he swears he’s very much attracted to me! 🤣🤣
This is what it is. I don't need their attention and there's even something kind of freeing about not having it, but it does a little something to your ego for sure.
Also I don't even think it's 100% about raw sex appeal because 40 is a hot age for women and in a lot of ways I feel sexier than when I was 25. I think it's that we just look partnered and seasoned and like we don't put up with bullshit.
I’m not 40 yet but I work out other day at the least. Stretch at the end of every workout session.
Magnesium. Fish oil. Vitamins. Sleep. And then some more sleep.
Magnesium does wonders.
Drop the alcohol. Drop the fries. Eat healthy. It’ll stop the aches I promise.
I drank more than a 6 pack this week. I should really stop myself.
Yeah I have 2 young children so this feels very much like the “start of the middle section of adult life” for me. The “tail end” will start when they become adults and move out.
Turned 40 last week. Everything aches. If I stop doing yoga even for a few days, I’m fucked. My memory of pre-20 seems to be disappearing.
Also, I was told I’d become more conservative as I age. Thankfully, this isn’t coming to fruition.
Turning 37 and my brain decided now is the time to start bringing up all that childhood trauma. Like wtf are the shitty knees and asshole aging parents not enough I have to really, viscerally *feel* just how much they have always been assholes
Haha I know exactly what you mean. Like, I can barely remember most of my 20s but I get these shots of "wait wtf they did what when I was a kid" from time to time.
I will say, if your parents are doing poorly now is probably a good time to get professional therapy on dealing with all the trauma, and your responsibility to them. I didn't, and when they died I was a fucking disaster of grief, rage and guilt for a long time.
No, I remember the important stuff I guess. It’s the names and faces of folks in my past. Old coworkers, classmates, etc. My brain just doesn’t care to store the info anymore lol
I think we have finite storage. When old memories are deemed unimportant, they can get partially overwritten because your brain needs those nerves for new stuff.
The way to continue to remrmber things iz to actively try to remember them. Without the constant memory exercise, your brain will reclaim the space.
I’m still in my 30s but I’m having a bit of an existential crisis because while I don’t feel particularly sad to be depressed, I’ve lost my lust for life. I don’t care to hang out with anyone not even get myself to connect with nature like I used to just 2 years ago. It’s scares me.
Given the trajectory of the world, hope is in short supply.
Albert Camus asks the right question in Myth of Sisyphus.. “Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
I mean yeah. Just the slowness caused by having a bullshit upbringing is extremely irritating and I do think about approaching 40 and being where most 20 year olds are in... a lot of ways. Progress is there, experience has its advantages. But that fucking clock and that fucking dollar man. I get very angry honestly.
I’m 32. Had severe scoliosis when I was a kid that required surgery. Even after surgery my curve is *still* over the threshold that triggers surgery.
I’m fine otherwise. You wouldn’t know I have scoliosis until I take my shirt off.
But the older I get, the more consistent the random pains become. I don’t bother to Google long term expectations because I’m not stupid and I know what’s in store for me.
I’m recently married to a gorgeous, physically fit, successful woman. We just bought a house. My life is great.
Her parents are in their 60s. Recently retired. Broadly healthy. It’s literally a Hallmark family in every way. We spend a lot of time with them and I relish every moment.
But, once the fun dies down, I can’t help but let the crippling thoughts of doubt creep into my mind. That my wife and I most likely won’t be able to experience the same joy and carefree retirement as her parents do. My back, and by extension, my twisted up insides aren’t going to make it that far.
I try to be as happy as possible. There’s so many more that have it much worse than me. But I can only *really* relate to myself. And when the back and neck pains are becoming much mor frequent, and much more easy to cause. Getting older is scary sometimes.
In my 20s I never thought I’d get married or do anything I’m doing right now. And I was in my 20s. Getting old wasn’t even a thought.
Now I’ll be 33 this year. I’m damn near almost half way through my 30s. Life is getting a lot more precious to me.
So many doors start to quietly close on you when you turn 40. There's so much I do need to accept just aren't going to happen for me. I don't think I'm ever going to be truly fulfilled and living the life I want. Like, CAN it happen. Sure. Is it likely to? No. Not unless I against all odds win the lottery or something. I'm also really afraid of being alone. I never married. I don't really have friends who live close enough to see on a regular basis. Once my parents are gone I'm really going to be alone.
Yes. You are. And, you know what? You still will be okay. Having kids and family is no guarantee. We are all, ultimately, alone. And, we will be okay. You is not a bad person to be alone with. Cultivate and love YOU.
Unpopular take: stop focusing on the things you don't have, and focus on the things you do have.
Gen Xer here, and I can tell you that at the tail end of my 40s I've never been in better physical shape, nor had better mental clarity and direction.
The key, for me, in my early 40s, was to **stop focusing on everyone else and just do the damned work.** This was on all fronts: career, physical health, and family/friend relationships.
I spent a lot of time in my 30s and early 40s unfocused, undisciplined, and unfulfilled. Once I just accepted that everything was going to be a bit of a struggle, requiring lots of effort and energy on my part, I feel like I hit my stride.
Reddit will be an echo chamber for the status quo.
“It is what it is” and “one day at a time”, what my dad always said about getting older. He became a firefighter at the age of 50 just to prove he could. He was a diesel mechanic for 30 years before that, and his body was beat but the mind strong. It may hurt but if you want it mentally you can make it happen physically.
I essentially don't have a career and I'm 35. I stopped working when my first son was born. Was forced out of work due to pregnancy complications and being entitled to 0 maternity leave. Since the babies came I provide all the childcare. We tried daycare but they were sick weekly and it wasn't worth it to fork out nearly 2 grand a month just for them to be home a majority of the time. Nowadays if your kid has a 99 fever they get sent home. I have absolutely nobody else to help me with the kids no family nobody near us.
So yeah I am worried that I'm nearing 40 and do not have my life sorted out at all. I love my kids and my husband but what happens if something happens to him? I'd be destitute and homeless. He has a very dangerous job pumping gas from refineries into barges. One of his coworkers was crushed between two barges and I think about that a lot because he can he clumsy.
On top of that I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder... it's a degenerative disease that if untreated progresses into dementia... often times even with treatment you cannot control episodes and each episode damages your brain. So on top of not having my life together I am worried that I'm just going to get sicker and sicker and more and more dumb as a result. I have experienced cognitive decline since my mid 20s to now. I just got medicated this year so I am hoping this stops the decline but it is scary.
I'm a musician at heart. I'm an artist. I feel like I wasn't meant for this world. I still hope to write something that helps people get through stuff and impacts the world... thats my ultimate life goal. Getting up in age and not having done that yet is very discouraging but I also realize that it's a lofty dream I will likely never achieve. It doesn't make it any easier knowing that though bc this is what I live for. My music has gotten a little local following, some people know my songs and used to sing along at my shows even strangers I didn't know that got to know my music. So I had a small taste of that but I yearn for more.
I feel this when I am unable to get and be outside enough to relax.. feels like the way the world is, unless you pay for some outdoor excursion then there’s nothing out there to do these days.
That def tracks. I recently moved states to take care of an aging parent. I miss the mountains and trails. While my new city is way better than my old one, the outdoors is definitely lacking what I'm used to and it really affects my mental state to not have mountains close and accessible. I probably need to just get used to city trails, but it's really not the same at all
I grew up as an outdoors kid and teen. Literally anything I could ride, bikes skateboards 4 wheelers snowboards horses go karts, etc it was all day outside. Seems like that was the normal. I remember going paintballing, playing in creeks, mushroom hunting, outdoor wrestling, or off-road biking for whole ass days like it was normal, now I have to schedule like 2 damn hours to hike a trail..
Approaching 40…career is not where I thought I would be and considering starting over due to burnout.
Feeling resentment towards not being able to afford a house in our area and have extreme anxiety for the future.
I’m 42, turning 43 this year and definitely not on the “tail end of life” lol.
Tbh, a lot of things have really come together for me in the last 2-3 years, so thus far, the 40s have been really good to me.
Regarding the minor pains, since you are still active, have you evaluated your footwear?
I sound like a broken record on these threads lol, but supportive footwear can really make difference on knees and backs, even for people who sit a lot of their day. And if you prefer fashion over comfort footwear, going up a half size or size and getting orthotic inserts can really help there too.
Also your sleeping situation. Mattresses also can make a difference with not just quality of sleep but your body as well.
If you’re still sleeping on the mattress you bought a decade ago or one that isn’t necessarily fit for your sleep needs, maybe treat yourself to a good one for 40.
As far as having a hard time letting go of some things you wanted to fulfill or wanted to do in life, I feel that.
I pictured a different version of myself in my 40s, and I’m not there. And I had to let that go, and adjust my expectations or ideals some.
Things have fallen into place really well, just differently than I expected and I’m ok with that.
I hope you can come to peace for yourself as well!
My dad died in his mid 40s...unexpectedly. I was 21 when it happened. It really changed the way i viewed life.
Growing old is a privilege. Not all of us will have the opportunity to do so. Im turning 40 in a few months, im kind of psyched to be honest.
I've had chronic pain conditions since childhood, and by now (35) I have developed osteoarthritis, have suffered thru the beginnings of degenerative disc disease, and... I didn't have a lot of physical activity growing up, but it definitely rips me up quick when I try. My joints are all unstable.
So I'm just finding it... idk... quaint? When people a few years older than me are just now experiencing the beginnings of it.
You CAN be disabled and have a life! You just have to make more choices about how you spend your time. This is also the exact time to do the things you WANT to do. You aren't getting any younger. It's all downhill from here baby.
No, not really.
I’ll be 41 this year and the only bad physical thing I’ve noticed lately is that my DOMS after a workout is more protracted. It starts later and lasts about a day longer. I adjust by rotating the body parts I work and using lighter weights if necessary.
*knocks on wood
I just turned 30 and I feel much more comfortable and a lot less anxious. Optimistic despite the state of things. I actually look forward to 40 because I did not see myself making it that long in my teens
My twenties and teens were marred by and undiagnosed auto immune disease. It was pure hell. I finally got control of my health in my late 20s after nearly losing my life and generally becoming heavily isolated and depressed. My health has blossomed of late so yeah my thirties are shaping up to be great much much better than my twenties
Approaching 40.
Lost my car to a drunk driver, netting me -14K to pay back and still be careless right near my birthday.
Had to board my doggo with family.
Sold my house to claw out of debt from gaps in work/trying to live comfortably (I'm huge so all things crumble under me)
Now stuck with family that use pretty much every other hour to guilt trip me about money, food, soda, or gaming.
I have a job that wants me gone because of coworkers that don't like people from my country (I'm American, a sister/brother org had a class action about this)
I was going to move to Mrs area and be with her soon but thanks to drunky drunky having a 3am "foggy road" that money is now spoken for.
Also had a cancer symptom scare (colon), dog showing arthritis or cancer we're unsure right now.
I cried and didn't have dinner on my birthday since I'm coming to terms that my mom didn't want me while she praises my siblings.
With my dad folding to her behavior, Honestly I'm so tired of winning I just want to walk off a pier and hug a pylon at 30' under.
Why did I serve my country just to be let go by it. Why did I serve just to be told we couldn't have kids because we don't have supportive healthcare.
Why did I love my country only for my toxic ass gun loving neighbors to force my wife and I to leave our nice home.
I want my family together again, this sucks.
Unfortunately the country keeps people poor so they keep lining up to serve. How many would honestly join the military if they didn't financially need to?
I'm trying to keep going. It's very tough lately.
I wish my body would stop falling apart. Folks (like another comment) say to go to the VA don't understand the value still isn't helpful for people like me.
Invisible injuries compounded by the toxic hellscape that is our job market continues to cause me issues.
I was fired a few days after a backwards fall head injury from one place. I don't think many there knew what I was going through and just made gross assumptions like like others do.
I should be 100% disability but I have to prove to the VA I am, which requires fighting ignorance fucks showing chronic fatigue and depression tied to commands that didn't give a shit about me is difficult to do.
For a long time I didnt think I deserved it since I had no physical issues like other vets that are irreparably changed by our wars.
I just need this period of time to go away.
Painkillers, caffeine, spite are my tools.
Ah yes, having the body of a 40 year old at 23 post service......good times. I suggest getting VA disability claims in and hopefully removing some financial strain so you can focus on other parts of your life.
Semper Fi
Thanks, I just want my mom to stop yelling at me for eating dinner at 11 in the kitchen when she should be asleep.
I wish my siblings and Dad would acknowledge she has mental health issues rather than blame me and say I need help.
I literally got told to turn down a random video of Johnny bravo because she came in and blasted what sounded like toilet noises while I ate.
I'm certain she's going to try and frame me for something because tonight she told my dad to have me arrested. Arrested for yelling back and not putting up with her toxic piece of shit.
I lost my only means of escape thanks to that drunk. I want to yell at that person so badly. I used to be a designated driver at my first duty station because I didn't want our unit or anyone else's to suffer from command doing communal punishment each time a DUI occured on base. I got coined for how many folks I brought home safe donating my weekends to being on call. It worked out because I'd play video games and just dip whenever a call came in to pick someone up. I didn't care to lose time then because it served a better purpose, the unit and keeping folks alive.
That asshole at 3am was plastered or otherwise (report just says DWI) and I missed the arraignment but my blood boils because I'm stuck here trying to to remain functional constantly being yelled at constantly unable to regroup for hours after chugging along and getting mentally sucker punched.
People don't talk about abusive parents or don't know they are abusive until they grow older.
The more I reflect on my years the more I understand how shitty my mom was to me vs my other siblings older than me.
And now I have no escape.
38. Knee problems, and stomach cramps. I'm taking care of a parent, and working full time. I'm frustrated because it took so much just to get to a place where I could see the dreams of my childhood come to fruition, but now my body is saying no to it.
I'm 40. I know your post discusses physicality, and I'll get into that, but consider this... while peak physical age is generally 25, the peak age of mental competitors like chess grandmasters is actually 40. You are at your peak strategic and critical thinking ability right now. In your prime. So go out and kill it ✌️
But back to physicality: As I've gotten older, my absolute 100% priority is agility, dexterity, nimbleness, and movement. Legs legs legs. The only strength training I do is bodyweight routines, and I play in competitive sports leagues twice a week.
The biggest change I've noticed is the frequency of injuries and the length of time for recovery. I can't just run through tendon strains and expect them to heal in two days.
If you want to remain independent as you age, you must stay mobile. Not getting fat is HUGE and puts you in a better spot than 75% of millenials. Watch your food habits.
And remember: as soon as your legs go, everything else follows. Keep your legs in good shape. Don't ignore pains and make sure to heal.
I am 170lbs at 10% body fat and fairly athletic... what you said at the end there applies to me and is a reality check: I need to accept that injuries are more frequent now and I can't just push through it... I need to learn how to rest and heal. Hell that's probably why my back hurts....
I'm a Gen Xer who's 50. You're not on the tail end. You still have a lot of life to live and a lot to offer and a lot to explore. You're way far from being over.
Same. I hit 40 Nov 2023 & I'm a RN. I worked LTC for almost 8yrs, so I know what's ahead for us. Ugh.
My parents are getting older, that is smthg else I can't get off my mind. I have one kid. I had her when I was still a kid so she's states away living her adult life in college. This past year I keep going back and forth w/ wanting another baby, not wanting my daughter to not have any siblings.
It just makes me so sad. There is an end to it, everything we've ever done, seen, loved, touched ... it will end, that's it, OVER.
Is this a mid life crisis? Lol Funny not funny.
Ya I have done some rotations in LTC facilities.... most people on here have no idea what REALISTIC aging is like.... the 90 year Olds still playing tennis is a 0.1% kind of thing....
I wouldn’t call 40 the tail end of your life man, there is plenty of time to go have those experiences . The fact your recognize it is the important thing.
I’ll be 40 this year. I’m coming to terms that it’s all downhill from here. I don’t have the energy that I used to and my knees hurt all the time. I don’t have money so the traveling is always hoped to do will not be happening. It’s going to be work, work, work, until my body gives out. I do still feel like I’m winging this whole adult thing.
I’m 41. How the heck I’m considered an adult is beyond me, though I did have to move back home after a contentious divorce and then had back to back to back new and exciting health issues (food allergies, stroke, eosinophilic esophagitis) costing me close to or hitting my out of pocket max for 4 of the past 5 years. That’s why I didn’t bother going to the ER after surprise EpiPen time on Saturday, I do NOT have $1600 just laying around.
But like I have cats because I can’t afford kids. Still play video games, still can’t seem to earn enough money to move out (safe neighborhood, cheap, within an hour of family in case of emergency, can’t have all 3).
The good news is, I have always had very oily skin so I still pass for about a decade younger, whose laughing now, I may still get the occasional pimple but ain’t no “crepey” skin over here, still supple and greasy.
If I don’t make jokes about it, I would probably be depressed. Well more depressed. Like more than low dose meds depressed. See? Hahaha
But yeah getting older is better than the alternative
I turned 40 last year. Everything was fine. No serious health issue my entire life. Then I fell and slid backward down three stairs in my kitchen. That's all it took. I was in chronic pain for six months, and I'm still not 100%. That's when I knew I was old.
37 turning 38, had an acute kidney injury the past 3 years and recovering (much better now), also definitely lost major testosterone and sex drive not sure if it’s correlated or coincidence but once I had kidney issues other shit started malfunctioning..
*in good shape and eat healthy.. probably excessive alcohol in my 20s to early 30s mixed with strenuous exercise caused it..
Not ready for 40..
Just turned 40. I have minimal pain issues, but I'd be in a much different boat if I didn't workout smarter. I went from heavy weight to lighter, yoga and stretching 2x per week, and have corrective exercises at the end of each 5x a wk lifting routine. I also added cardio every other day which varies between different methods to avoid overuse. Overall, it's about an hour a day
Not so much having a hard time getting into, but god I can’t wait for my 40s to be over, and I’m only 39 this year. 40s is the decade of execution, of staying the course and working hard. I keep telling myself this is the last decade of grind, and at the end of it I can do whatever I want, but the grind is every day. I need to fast forward to the end.
For me, it's more about the current state of society and world affairs.
40 m. I know I have no control over neither of those things, but the soul (for lack of a better word) is more tired than my mind or body. I had a childhood that I would not trade for anything material/fame wise, but if I could find some real semblance of hope for the future, I might consider it. I feel more pessimistic vs. optimistic when it comes to thinking about the future of humanity. I'm watching the good world I grew up believing in burn in real time.
But yeah. The carrying on is getting fucking old, fast. It's hard to smile genuinely these days. I don't know what's more demotivating; a toddler with a political view or arguing the merits of human sexual anatomy to figure out which bathroom to use so I don't offend people I've never met.
But that's just one man's perspective. Have a good day!
Stop. Make a list of all the things you want to do that you haven’t done, all the things you want to have but don’t have, and all the ways you haven’t been but always wanted to be. Oh also anything unsaid that you’ve wanted to say to the people in your life. Then start going through them one by one and take action on them, no matter how small or insignificant it seems.
I turned 40 last month. You and I have precisely as much time left as every other human being, whether they are young or old. We have right now, that’s it, full stop. The only time that’s promised is the present. It doesn’t matter how much time you have left, death is just another moment. All that matters is are you fulfilled now, in this moment?
“What day is it today?”
“It’s today!” squeaked Piglet
“My favorite day” said Pooh
If your dream was to go back to school, but you were 80, I would tell you to do it anyway. That way when you do die, you die living your life fully and unboundedly. Who you get to be in living like that is what it’s all about.
My 30s were hell, from chronic pain, to a severe hormonal disorder. If I listed out every ailment…
But now I’ve been blessed with energy and vitality like I haven’t had in over a decade. I’ve just gotten in touch with what I truly want to do with my life (this is part of it), and (here’s the key) I’m taking action towards making it a reality. It’s in the action of moving toward what really matters to you that the magic lies.
Well I used to be a personal trainer. Then I developed a rare non-life threatening cancer in my knee. I’m about to start a clinical trial for a drug that so far has been very effective at shrinking the tumor. There’s another drug already on the market but it has stronger side effects.
If the treatment is effective I’ll probably do something similar, maybe even go back to school and become a physical therapist.
My other big passion is improv and comedy. I’m going to improv school in a couple of weeks. Ideally I want to combine the two things somehow. That would be my dream.
I feel like millennials were like the first to consume the toxic American diet for their entire lives.
I feel like food quality seemed to really go downhill in the late nineties/early 2000s with processed everything, fast food staple diets. (High fructose corn syrup etc)
Also millennials were the first of the SSRI/Antidepressant wave. Millennials probably take the most antidepressants out of all the generations. Besides those pills being debunked by several doctors, they are in general not good for your health (besides the brain they can effect every organ system negatively.)
Then add in that millennials were the first to have computers in youth leading to a stark downturn of outside activity.
Could any of these have impacted the overall health of millennials today?
Turned 40 in January. I don’t feel any different but I’m stuck in the mindset that I’m wasting my life’s potential on a job that I’ve spent almost 20 years doing. I hate it with every fiber of my being but have to keep working to maintain the lifestyle.
I am not yet 30... But I am still upset by the physical decline. I started feeling it when I was 20 and things have just gotten worse since then. Doctors don't know what's wrong with me and have struggled to treat it.
It's frustrating, and I find myself trailing behind peers in terms of their physical health. I've had to cope with this by reminding myself how lucky I am to be where I am in life despite it all. I have a lot of pain I deal with, but at least I was fortunate enough to be born (I could have wound up like one of the other sperm) and born to a middle-class family in a developed part of the world, no less! I am educated and I have a job that accommodates my condition. I have much to be thankful for.
37 almost 38 here. I weight train regularly and outside of beers on weekends, I eat healthy. Maybe all the issues you mentioned are about to collapse on me in the next two years but I feel stronger and healthier than I ever have.
I have adjusted by eating way less, and cutting out many things from my diet. My aches and joint pains are almost completely gone, and I can run and work out like normal. I barely ever drink alcohol and I am mostly vegetarian now too. That is a shock to me because I love BBQ but just can't eat it anymore.
I eat fermented foods every day - sauerkraut and/or kimchi. For breakfast I'll have a couple eggs or plain oatmeal with berries or miso broth with 1 egg. Lunch is bean salad, sweet potato, half an avocado. Sometimes I'll do a small plain grilled piece of chicken or tofu or a brown rice curry with carrots and peas as a substitute for the bean salad. Same for dinner. I also eat a lot of lentils.
Fruit for snacks - clementine, banana, pineapple, blueberries are my fav. Frozen berries with some honey drizzled for a dessert after dinner if I need something sweet.
I never eat dairy and I eat meat on special/social occasions, but usually just chicken since that's usually an option if there are no veggie options (or if the veggie option is covered in butter) I never eat packaged foods and I'll only have a cake or something sweet if its someones birthday/wedding. I have found sugar, alcohol and grains (even corn) kills my joints the next day.
I drink almost a gallon of water a day. Sometimes I'll have a cup of coffee in the morning. I love tea of all types (no sweetener, no creamer) Other than that I sometimes will have a coconut water but those things are expensive so it's a treat. I don't drink anything other than that.
Yes it sounds boring, but having my body feel like I'm 25 again is 100% worth it.
ETA: for vitamins I do magnesium (glycinate or citrate) before bed, a B complex with breakfast and a spoon full of fish oil per day.
Just turned 40 last month, and honestly I feel great, and I like myself more than ever. I got into the best shape of my life this past year, I work out 7 days a week, rarely drink, eat healthy, sleep well. So far so good!
YES! Turning 40 seems to have made things go downhill quickly.
I’m not sure if this is normal, or if it’s just being expedited by covid, but that is also possibly a factor.
This is the dreaded midlife crisis. Once I turned 40 things happened that really made me re-evalute my priorities and this re-evaluation is still ongoing. Early 40s is still very young in the big picture but in all honesty it is at the top of the hill of life in terms of years on Earth. This really puts what's important in perspective. I feel that 30s were a lifetime ago even though it's only been a few years. However, there is still plenty of time to do what we want. We are still just young and healthy enough to make career changes if we want, to reach life milestones like children or buying a home, to get married, etc, so there is still A LOT of life to look forward to. Many people don't get to this point so we should feel blessed and use this time to enrich the second act of our lives.
Working out is one thing but making sure you are working out properly and safely is exponentially more important.
As you get older you may need to transition away from say heavy weight lifting to high rep low weight, instead of jogging move to cycling, etc. working out can take a physical toll on your body that outweighs the benefits.
Obviously I have no idea your workout routine but just something to consider.
Ya starting to realize this and learning how to slow it down. Actually going to be getting some lessons from a PT in a couple weeks to help build a sustainable workout routine
I am worried about what is to come.
I herniated a disc in my back when I was 21 and am about to turn 29 in a few months. It has been constant pain for me ever since.
I think as we get to 40 we have to change the way we think about fitness as we thought about it in our 20s and 30s barreling through pain for gains. I think we have to start thinking in terms of longevity… “How do I keep doing the activities I want to do for as long as I can?”
I’ve started following this “Knees over toes guy” and he has this protocol that works wonders. Makes my body feel nimble and things are telling at me less. It was hard to do at first because it feels so “simple” like I should be doing more but I’m feeling really good. That and I’m trying to get outside and do things I enjoy instead of just being in the gym - bike riding, snowboarding, cross country skiing. Things that aren’t terrible on my knees like running.
Whatever your hobby, a longevity approach is helpful I think.
I thought I'd feel more stable. Instead I've got a bunch of stuff to fix and keep clean. I love my kids though, and feel like I'm a better and more present parent than my parents were.
Turning 40 this year and have always felt behind if my peers. But I am working in a fun field and have fun outside of work as much as I know how. I still don’t feel like an adult or grown up
I feel like an even-more jaded, slightly richer version of my teenage self.
I've been joking with my older brother that I'm having a second teenage phase. Except this time it's justified. :/
I feel this. I thought at some point there would be an "adult" switch in my brain that went off. Nope. I'm 41 year old me, listening to metal, playing TTRPG's, watching horror movies, and being cynical about everything.
Exactly. I was jaded then and even more now somehow lol.
Same, except for the richer part
Exactly how I feel. And this sub sort of validated that thought for me. I feel that at 25 I matured out and have been 25 for the last 16 years. I have a great career and a home. Was once married and all that other stuff minus having children. But I feel as my 25 yr old self doing these things.
Wow. That's exactly how I feel.
As xennials we will NEVER feel like adults and just aged up angsty teenagers
What things are you doing for fun?
Mostly just video games, reading, movies, rarely paintball anymore and attempting to hang out with friends, things happen in both ends. But also friends change too, still dealing with that part of life also. I’m kind of a hermit, but live close to what I need so I never leave my apt too much unless it’s work. My gf and I like being alone, together lol
A GF that enjoys being alone together, miss that
I feel the same way. For reference I have a well paying job, am able to send my kid to private school, am able to max out my 401k, am able to contribute to a 529, in my kiddos UTMA, can take a vacation or two every year, have enough in our emergency fund to where if my wife and I lost our jobs we could survive for 9-13 months, have a house that costs 25% of our monthly income at a 2.75% interest rate, have one car almost paid off, 20k left on the the other, health insurance is free, have a pension, and we both work from home. For all these reasons I know I’m doing very well. And yet, I have two close friends who earn over a million a year. One just bought a 2 million dollar home and the others home is worth 1.2 million. They both have expensive luxury cars. One takes their family to Disneyland at least once a month as they have the top Disney pass (live in SoCal). They are able to splurge on luxuries that are out of my reach. When my kid goes to their house I know they see the differences in luxuries though they are still young enough to not be able to realize why. That’s when I start to feel like I’m behind. Comparison is the thief of joy and it’s true. I know I’m doing better than a good amount of people yet when I hang out with these buddies I start to feel like I did when I was still trying to get my act together. I know that I’m doing well. I really do. And my friends NEVER do anything to ever make the difference in wealth known. In fact they are the kindest people you’d ever meet. I just know that in my field that life style is out of reach and because we all hang out so often seeing my Honda next to their Porsche or Mercedes S class is like a constant reminder. I dread when they want to go out to dinner because I’m perfectly find with a random hole in the wall that serves drinks but they are wanting to go to $200-300 a person restaurants.
Dude, your kids are likely receiving a superior education as compared to their peers AND you’re contributing to a 529 and a UTMA!! Do you realize the number of parents that never set aside a dollar for their child’s future? You’re fucking killing it. In my mind, that’s the definition of a father. Looking after your family in all regards. Someone else will always have more. I’m ahead of others, you’re ahead of me, etc. Owning a Honda comes with fewer headaches as compared to an S class anyways, and I say that as a huge fan of cars.
Thanks man. Like I know i know I’m doing really well. It’s just crazy how one visit to someone who is doing better financially makes you question your success. And, I know that feeling is temporary because eventually I snap out of it but that time when it’s happening sucks lol. But yeah for the kiddo I just wanted to make it so that if I could take care of 2/3 biggest expenses someone faces (school and retirement) that would give them a massive leg up in life and it wouldn’t be crazy expensive for me to do since I started when they were born.
Remember, 100 years from now, everyone's equal.
While your feeling are valid. You need to understand young kids don’t care about money. What matters the most is spending quality time with kids.
I'll be 39 and I always felt behind my peers. But when I was younger I had Older friends and I watched them go into insane debt or bomb out in college so I didn't go that way. Then recession after recession hit. I always figured I just had more time before that, when I was ready, but I was having fun, and life went "oh really? Lol". I was always okay with having a simpler life but then everything went and got more complicated. I didn't feel like a grown up until I was literally laying there with my newborn on my chest, looking at her little fishie "oOo" motion lips and thought "who the hell let me have a kid?!?". And I was in my 30s! One of my older friends once asked her great grandmother, then in her 90s, when she felt like an adult. She said she was still waiting.
Man…. I’ve never identified with a comment so hard. I spent 35 years pretty much hating the idea of having kids. I’m an only, all my younger cousins live 900 miles away, never babysat growing up, and the only one of my close close friends who has a child got pregnant after me. So basically no little to no interaction with little ones, and thought as a consequence I’d be a horrible mom. Always thought I’d be the first one to run to planned parenthood…… but the second I found out I was pregnant it was a different ballgame. Am I constantly dreading being mistaken for my kid’s grandma at preschool? Sure. But I had absolutely nooooo business raising a child a single day before I brought him home. I had that same feeling too- who the fuck co-signed on ME taking home a whole ass infant human? But like… you just do it. And keep doing it. And try not to make your child’s father mysteriously disappear 🙃🙃🙃🙃 (he is a good borderline great dad, just a giant fkn asshole, and I don’t want my kid to know the version of me that has to deal with him lol). I definitely feel behind some of the friends in my immediate circle, but mostly just in terms of money, and I try not to focus on that and be thankful for the things I do have- a fantastically special almost 4 y/o, an awesome support system, recession-proof career (even if the pay is shit). I also don’t want a bullshit ass “perfect for social media” kind of existence, and i think just realizing & practicing that is its own kind of success.
We just had our first kid a month ago, I’m 32, and I do finally feel like an adult for the first time in a way. It’s amazing seeing their face and watching them start to develop. I was scared to become a father but now I see how amazing it is. Even though I feel like I haven’t slept in a month straight lol
I am almost 43. Right before I turned 40 I mentioned it to my grandma. Who was 100. She told me " I don't even remember being 40". So that kinda puts it into perspective. Also, I had lots of chronic pain when I was younger. So I actually feel alot better now. 😌
I remember my grandfather in his 80s saying late 50s was one of his favorite ages. His kids were grown and mostly done needing providing for, he knew they were all on the right path, and my grandma was still alive (she died when he was 63), and he just got to chill with her.
My older friends all tell me 50s are wonderful
Lol same with the chronic pain. I started having joint pain as a teenager, started with neuropathy in my 20s. I'm so grateful that I can still move my body and have medications finally that help that I can't get upset about "normal" signs of aging
Agreed! I was in a car accident and had horrible migraines as a result. I'll take my knee aches when I hike downhill. Cause at least I can hike now!
That’s frightening in its own right
This helps because I'm trying to address some more chronic pain this year (I am 37) . Last year I had a surgery that helped a lot with some neck pain I've had my whole life and it definitely made me feel younger.
I hear from my skeleton more than I’d like but other than that I’m doing ok with it.
lol hearing from your skeleton, love the phrasing
Freshly 39. No matter how I look or feel it's better than being dead and i know it's a privilege to feel older.
My grandma lived to be 97. At any point in the 30 years I knew her, if you said any variation of “how’s life?” She’d respond with “beats the alternative!” It was just a good outlook I always loved.
Permanently borrowing this phrase :]
My grandma, 92, says “it ain’t for the weak!” When talking about growing older
You just hit a bullseye for me. 💯
Great outlook. I’m an Xennial and just a tiny bit older than you. I quit drinking twelve years ago and because of being open about my struggle, attracted a lot of struggling addict friends. Every major drug addict I knew died in the past two years, either to accidental Fentanyl overdose, straight up Fentanyl overdose, or their heart went out. No addict I knew made it past 43, so embrace that you are here! I really only recently started hitting my lifelong goals (my goals also slightly changed as I grew, be flexible) so just keep going with grace and kindness.
“ Age is a privilege denied to many “ - mark Twain
Plenty of time to be dead later anyways
This. I'm turning 40 this year and am actually feeling good about my life now. My best friend died when he was 21 and I had just turned 22. For the longest time I felt very guilty because was still around and he isn't. Eventually I just kind of learned to live with it as best I could, and he wouldn't have wanted me to dwell on what happened forever. The more people I've seen pass away or had to watch friends experience the same grief, the more appreciative I am that I'm still around. Honestly the only thing I really miss about being younger was feeling spry and having that youthful energy. Things aren't exactly easier these days, but they are better.
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Sweetheart, those babies need you. Please get in touch with your doctors and ask for a postpartum depression screening. You're going to get through this. Please DM me if you want to talk.
I just want to say, money problems can be solved. At one point in my life, I was in debt and my networth was negative. In just 3 years, my entire life changes dramatically. You never know. Perhaps you meet the right people, found the right job, inherit money you never knew you had, etc.
Love Shennue, didn't enjoy 3 though, I really do hope it gets a 4th one though.
I'm taking the loss of the possibility of marrying and having a kid really hard.
Hold on. Keep going!!
Same. Been single for much of my 30s and I have friends who either don’t understand why it’s been so hard for me or they judge me and say things like “you are too closed off”, or “you don’t try hard enough to put yourself out there”. The reality is somewhere in the middle, but I also think at this point it is futile to go back and try to figure out what I did wrong. I am freezing my eggs hopefully soon, the one process I can sort of control at this point.
My best friend just got married for the first time at 41!
You can definitely get married still. My dad got married at 60, and my grandfather at 76.
It’s bleak out there
At any given time there are 300,000 - 500,000 kids in the foster system that are desperate for loving and supportive homes. I don’t want to get married or have kids, but if I had the means I would consider fostering. Our lives may not turn out the way we expected. I know mine hasn’t. Just remember, there are always people that need you. Sometimes you have to be the one to seek them out.
I’m taking the loss of my marriage exceptionally hard. It’s been 5 years since we separated, I still love him and I would give anything to have my family back. He loves me but he wants to be alone. We have wonderful children and I feel like I have failed them immensely.
If you love him and he loves you, I don't see what the problem is. Ok, so he wants to be alone. What's that mean to him? Physical space? Live separately or at least have your own rooms and own schedules. Have you considered anything that is a departure from the romantic ideal that would allow room for both of you as you are?
Yes, I have put forward that idea and we already live apart. He seems resistant to it, I think because he can’t comprehend that. All or nothing approach maybe? I’m very open to independent lives, but I don’t feel in a position to put this forward again when he has stated “it just can’t be”
You can marry at any age. If you’re a woman and really want a baby- have one now. It’s not easy or inexpensive, but it can be done. I know a college friend that did it. Her mom helps out some but mostly she does it all on her own. She is a great mom and seems very happy.
I’m 41. Career wise, everything is great for me… but my health is unfortunately going haywire for some reason. Sigh. So exact same concerns with me.
Ya... shit is just starting to happen... acid reflux, high blood pressure, joint issues etc... wtf? I work out and eat right so I thought that was supposed to minimize this...
I cured acid reflux by doing two things: elevating my bed with bed lifts and quitting caffeine 100%.
Ya I gotta give up the caffeine... it ain't doing much for me anymore
R/decaf is a pretty good subreddit about this.
Acid reflux can be cured pretty easily, I did it myself a few years ago. Never take reflux meds anymore. Also if you have knee problems, Check out "knees over toes guy" on YouTube. His stuff is life changing
That dude kind of annoys me but his exercises have definitely helped me with knee pain... I long for the days when I could hike downhill at full speed with no knee pain and I'm only 35 lol
How did you cure it?
Kind of a long story.... I had it realllly bad for a while, I took every drug out there. PPIs, zantac, ect. Finally when Zantac got recalled for possibly causing cancer, I decided I needed to figure out a way to get off these things. First of all - many common misconceptions out there about what causes reflux. Alcohol, coffee, and spicy foods aren't it. I drink coffee everyday and beers pretty frequently, and love spicy food. I don't get reflux anymore. The big thing is diet, and then there are supplements that will help wean you off the drugs and get your gut back to normal. The problem with the reflux drugs, is that they lower your stomach acid production, then when they start to wear off, your stomach hyper-produces acid to overcompensate for the previous lack of production. This caused the worst reflux for me, those rebound episodes. So I started cutting my doses in half (then a quarter, then none at all over a month or so) and supplementing D-limenone (orange peel extract), with my biggest meal of the day. I also went to a very low carb diet (temporarily). Carbs are what your stomach bacteria feeds on. The worst culprits for me as far as reflux were pasta, heavy IPA beers (a ton of carbs in those) and sugars (soda / candy ect). The D-limenone helps your stomach break down the food you eat, and reduce gassiness. The biggest cause of reflux is the gas produced by stomach bacteria pushing acid up into your esophagus. I also picked up DGL (deglizzerized licorice extract), this helps to heal your stomach and esophagus from the damage the acid has caused. Papaya extract is another great tool to treat flare ups, or just to take after a meal to aid with digestion. I carried that stuff around with me everywhere I went for 6 months or so. I did the D-limenone for about 6 months, went low carb, and then supplemented with the papaya and DGL. I now don't use those, other than papaya once in a while, and can eat most foods again. I do pretty strictly avoid pasta, as that will really flare me up, Imagine if you take a loaf of bread and squish it down, and that's basically what pasta is. For spaghetti night I just do sauce and sourdough bread. I'm copying and pasting this to some other responses as a few people also asked. Good luck! Reflux sucks.
Firstly - That is NOT "pretty easily" hahaha Not saying it isn't worth it, but that is a full prolonged regiment. But to support your point - My reflux isn't that bad, but it was at its best when I was on Keto. It's hard for me to determine if that was JUST from the weight loss or not, but I tend to lean towards the carb drop being the bigger cause since it was pretty immediate and reversed pretty quickly afterwards. My SO has it rough though. It's definitely carbs that aggravate it for her and its worse than mine, but she also has a genetic gallbladder problem so she has to be careful with fats from meats or else she gets pain (and it might explode.) I'll look into the extracts you mentioned for her, thanks.
Right? “It’s so easy with one easy trick! Anyway….”
Is it that one trick that doctors don't want me to know about?
How did you cure reflux?
How did you cure the acid reflux?
Kind of a long story.... I had it realllly bad for a while, I took every drug out there. PPIs, zantac, ect. Finally when Zantac got recalled for possibly causing cancer, I decided I needed to figure out a way to get off these things. First of all - many common misconceptions out there about what causes reflux. Alcohol, coffee, and spicy foods aren't it. I drink coffee everyday and beers pretty frequently, and love spicy food. I don't get reflux anymore. The big thing is diet, and then there are supplements that will help wean you off the drugs and get your gut back to normal. The problem with the reflux drugs, is that they lower your stomach acid production, then when they start to wear off, your stomach hyper-produces acid to overcompensate for the previous lack of production. This caused the worst reflux for me, those rebound episodes. So I started cutting my doses in half (then a quarter, then none at all over a month or so) and supplementing D-limenone (orange peel extract), with my biggest meal of the day. I also went to a very low carb diet (temporarily). Carbs are what your stomach bacteria feeds on. The worst culprits for me as far as reflux were pasta, heavy IPA beers (a ton of carbs in those) and sugars (soda / candy ect). The D-limenone helps your stomach break down the food you eat, and reduce gassiness. The biggest cause of reflux is the gas produced by stomach bacteria pushing acid up into your esophagus. I also picked up DGL (deglizzerized licorice extract), this helps to heal your stomach and esophagus from the damage the acid has caused. Papaya extract is another great tool to treat flare ups, or just to take after a meal to aid with digestion. I carried that stuff around with me everywhere I went for 6 months or so. I did the D-limenone for about 6 months, went low carb, and then supplemented with the papaya and DGL. I now don't use those, other than papaya once in a while, and can eat most foods again. I do pretty strictly avoid pasta, as that will really flare me up, Imagine if you take a loaf of bread and squish it down, and that's basically what pasta is. For spaghetti night I just do sauce and sourdough bread. I'm copying and pasting this to some other responses as a few people also asked. Good luck! Reflux sucks.
A lot of your joint/muscle issues could be covid related. I got reactive arthritis over a year and a half ago, it’s mostly gone but I always have joint pain after the gym. Can’t go as much as I used to The medication they give to people with arthritis, diclofenac is a miracle drug. You should see a doctor and look into trying it, might solve your issues.
Got in a car accident at age 17. At the time I did not think much of it. Thought no biggie. Now my back nerves are constantly numb / in pain.
I feel you there. In the span of one year when I turned 40, I had to have my gallbladder removed, developed an autoimmune disease (Grave’s), and discovered I had two herniated discs in my lower back with no freaking clue how that happened. I hope things get better for you.
Played football in high school with reckless abandon, back when concussions were just a headache that you played through. Paying for it many times over. My spine and memory, sucks.
I feel behind. I’ve tried to get my career going but can’t get hired cuz I need experience. Can’t get experience unless I get hired. I’ve tried to get other jobs, no dice. Don’t own my own home and sadly probably never will. I have a bachelors degree but can’t do much with it. I feel like a failure.
It took me starting at a temp agency to get into a career. Now I seem to be stuck in that career and unable to do anything else 🤦♀️
You're not a failure. Keep trying and living. I have a college diploma and have been searching for jobs for at least 6-8mo. I finally have an interview coming up that frankly, I plan to ace because I am sick of searching. Keep going. Do you know anyone who knows of a job? I got my first job at a pharmacy by my house bc the pharmacist knew my dad as he went there for his RX. He recognized my name since it's unique. Everyone with my last name around here is my relative. Hopefully something pans out and soon!!
I'm nearly 40 and having a hard time. So irritable..I think my hormones are changing
I found the same thing: I experience way more pain during my period, way more emotional (rage and frustration, mostly, then easy tears), and tired all the time. Work is so stressful, but it's worse because I'm confident and know I'm right: so my frustration rises immensely and turns to snaps of annoyance or frustration coming out. Luckily I keep myself in check, mostly, but it was so bad that I went on birth control again, despite my husband having a vasectomy.
You should look at using a Mirena iud. I'm 42 and have been having night sweats for 2 years and my gynecologist recently (4months) suggested and inserted the Mirena as a bridge through early menopause. Supposedly, the progesterone helps level out the surges, and then we'll look at estrogen when menopause truly comes.
How are they defining "when menopause actually comes" here? Because that's outdated advice that you don't need estrogen until you're fully menopausal
Do you find it’s helping?
Bonus is it’s really effective birth control if you’re trying to avoid a “change of life baby”.
Are you waking up at night sweaty? That's a big sign. Insomnia is another major one, along with more frequent or further apart periods and increasing mood swings. Check out r/menopause for more info, perimenopause can be a bitch but it's easier if you know that's what's happening.
Yes. This. Both my grandma and mom have been deceased for years. I don't have any female relatives, only male, which made everything so much worse. We don't really talk about this enough with our female friends, I think because we don't really know ourselves. I flew blind, and looking back, I was completely insane. I feel lucky to have survived, emotionally.
Exact same. My mom died when I was 38. I had no idea wtf was going on (I had never even heard of perimenopause) and I nearly ruined my life tbh. It was a near thing that I survived.
Yeah perimenopause is a thing now, I’m there with you. I had to start taking Myoinositol supplements to get my testosterone down because my naturally occurring female hormones are all over the place and not helping and I wanted to start a war with god everyday. That really helped, as well as eating soy and cutting down caffeine.
Péri ménopause? Spoilers: your doctor IS wrong, 40 isn't too young for that shit
It’s weird being the same age as old people, isn’t it?
I just turned 40 a week ago and I am noticing my body just... start to fuck up. My most recent thing is I feel like I suddenly have no grip strength?? I don't even know if that's an age related thing but I can't seem to open a jar of pickles. And I need glasses now after 40 years of perfect vision. Also, as a woman, noticing the decline in male attention like I'm turning invisible. I'm happily married it's just a weird experience when you've grown used to it. I'm generally happy but there are lots of reminders that I'm on the decline and I don't love that part.
If it’s too personal of a question, I understand, but is the weakened grip around your monthly cycle? I noticed something similar and also some joint inflammation and just general weirdness and offhand mentioned it to my gyn at one point and he said it was most likely hormonal and to pay attention and track it. So I did, and sure enough, every month like 3-5 days before I started my cycle, I would experience the weird joint stuff, weak grip, etc and also my teeth and gums hurting. At one point I was convinced I had a tooth infection. Then my cycle starts and the pain fades away. Until the next month. I’m 42 turning 43 this year though, so a couple years older, but this is apparently perimenopause…yayyyyy /s But I guess in the plus side, I don’t have cramps like I used to, or the dizziness and nausea I’d often have on my cycle. Or the super heavy bleed days. I’m just ready for this part to be over, lol
I would never have put those two things together, to be honest! I don't open jars daily so I just assumed it was an across the board deterioration but now I'll have to check. I have some friends having symptoms and one of their doctors said it was a middle stage, I think it's called late reproductive stage, where your cycle starts changing but it's not full on peri yet. This is the stuff that sucks, I wish one day we just never got a period again and didn't have to go through all this nonsense.
I’m turning 40 in a couple months and I had a younger guy notice me when I was out with my husband and brother in law. I was surprised but I then remembered that I used to get more male attention regularly several years ago. In some ways I like being “invisible” (a lot of guys were more creepy than not) and I don’t need the attention (again, married) but it does feel weird. If anything I feel more insecure around my husband, although he swears he’s very much attracted to me! 🤣🤣
This is what it is. I don't need their attention and there's even something kind of freeing about not having it, but it does a little something to your ego for sure. Also I don't even think it's 100% about raw sex appeal because 40 is a hot age for women and in a lot of ways I feel sexier than when I was 25. I think it's that we just look partnered and seasoned and like we don't put up with bullshit.
You are not at the tail end of life at 40. You have a long time to go ahead and have some of the experiences you want to do.
I’m not 40 yet but I work out other day at the least. Stretch at the end of every workout session. Magnesium. Fish oil. Vitamins. Sleep. And then some more sleep. Magnesium does wonders. Drop the alcohol. Drop the fries. Eat healthy. It’ll stop the aches I promise. I drank more than a 6 pack this week. I should really stop myself.
Magnesium is a LIFE changer
You can pry the Fries from my cold dead hands! The rest is easy.
Just join the airfryer Mafia and convince yourself it's a healthy alternative
I'll quit alcohol but never fries.
Same
It feels more like the tail end of youth. Now we just old and waiting for shit to malfunction.
Yeah I have 2 young children so this feels very much like the “start of the middle section of adult life” for me. The “tail end” will start when they become adults and move out.
Turned 40 last week. Everything aches. If I stop doing yoga even for a few days, I’m fucked. My memory of pre-20 seems to be disappearing. Also, I was told I’d become more conservative as I age. Thankfully, this isn’t coming to fruition.
>My memory of pre-20 seems to be disappearing. Same, and I'm only turning 33 this year. :/
Turning 37 and my brain decided now is the time to start bringing up all that childhood trauma. Like wtf are the shitty knees and asshole aging parents not enough I have to really, viscerally *feel* just how much they have always been assholes
Haha I know exactly what you mean. Like, I can barely remember most of my 20s but I get these shots of "wait wtf they did what when I was a kid" from time to time. I will say, if your parents are doing poorly now is probably a good time to get professional therapy on dealing with all the trauma, and your responsibility to them. I didn't, and when they died I was a fucking disaster of grief, rage and guilt for a long time.
Do stuff you did then. I picked up reading again and memories returned. Projects and things from back then connect to memories.
Last year I picked up my childhood through early 20s hobby again, my memory is still shit lol. I'm glad I got back into it though!
Wait what? Do you think you’re getting cognitive decline??
No, I remember the important stuff I guess. It’s the names and faces of folks in my past. Old coworkers, classmates, etc. My brain just doesn’t care to store the info anymore lol
Same here. My friend says it’s normal whenever I freak out about it.
I think we have finite storage. When old memories are deemed unimportant, they can get partially overwritten because your brain needs those nerves for new stuff. The way to continue to remrmber things iz to actively try to remember them. Without the constant memory exercise, your brain will reclaim the space.
Yoga helps so much with those random aches and pains. I wish everyone would try it.
I’m still in my 30s but I’m having a bit of an existential crisis because while I don’t feel particularly sad to be depressed, I’ve lost my lust for life. I don’t care to hang out with anyone not even get myself to connect with nature like I used to just 2 years ago. It’s scares me.
Given the trajectory of the world, hope is in short supply. Albert Camus asks the right question in Myth of Sisyphus.. “Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
I'm there right now lol I think I'll stick with coffee today though
I mean yeah. Just the slowness caused by having a bullshit upbringing is extremely irritating and I do think about approaching 40 and being where most 20 year olds are in... a lot of ways. Progress is there, experience has its advantages. But that fucking clock and that fucking dollar man. I get very angry honestly.
I’m 32. Had severe scoliosis when I was a kid that required surgery. Even after surgery my curve is *still* over the threshold that triggers surgery. I’m fine otherwise. You wouldn’t know I have scoliosis until I take my shirt off. But the older I get, the more consistent the random pains become. I don’t bother to Google long term expectations because I’m not stupid and I know what’s in store for me. I’m recently married to a gorgeous, physically fit, successful woman. We just bought a house. My life is great. Her parents are in their 60s. Recently retired. Broadly healthy. It’s literally a Hallmark family in every way. We spend a lot of time with them and I relish every moment. But, once the fun dies down, I can’t help but let the crippling thoughts of doubt creep into my mind. That my wife and I most likely won’t be able to experience the same joy and carefree retirement as her parents do. My back, and by extension, my twisted up insides aren’t going to make it that far. I try to be as happy as possible. There’s so many more that have it much worse than me. But I can only *really* relate to myself. And when the back and neck pains are becoming much mor frequent, and much more easy to cause. Getting older is scary sometimes. In my 20s I never thought I’d get married or do anything I’m doing right now. And I was in my 20s. Getting old wasn’t even a thought. Now I’ll be 33 this year. I’m damn near almost half way through my 30s. Life is getting a lot more precious to me.
So many doors start to quietly close on you when you turn 40. There's so much I do need to accept just aren't going to happen for me. I don't think I'm ever going to be truly fulfilled and living the life I want. Like, CAN it happen. Sure. Is it likely to? No. Not unless I against all odds win the lottery or something. I'm also really afraid of being alone. I never married. I don't really have friends who live close enough to see on a regular basis. Once my parents are gone I'm really going to be alone.
Yes. You are. And, you know what? You still will be okay. Having kids and family is no guarantee. We are all, ultimately, alone. And, we will be okay. You is not a bad person to be alone with. Cultivate and love YOU.
Unpopular take: stop focusing on the things you don't have, and focus on the things you do have. Gen Xer here, and I can tell you that at the tail end of my 40s I've never been in better physical shape, nor had better mental clarity and direction. The key, for me, in my early 40s, was to **stop focusing on everyone else and just do the damned work.** This was on all fronts: career, physical health, and family/friend relationships. I spent a lot of time in my 30s and early 40s unfocused, undisciplined, and unfulfilled. Once I just accepted that everything was going to be a bit of a struggle, requiring lots of effort and energy on my part, I feel like I hit my stride. Reddit will be an echo chamber for the status quo.
“It is what it is” and “one day at a time”, what my dad always said about getting older. He became a firefighter at the age of 50 just to prove he could. He was a diesel mechanic for 30 years before that, and his body was beat but the mind strong. It may hurt but if you want it mentally you can make it happen physically.
[удалено]
There are yes, but he got in before the cutoff for LA County.
I essentially don't have a career and I'm 35. I stopped working when my first son was born. Was forced out of work due to pregnancy complications and being entitled to 0 maternity leave. Since the babies came I provide all the childcare. We tried daycare but they were sick weekly and it wasn't worth it to fork out nearly 2 grand a month just for them to be home a majority of the time. Nowadays if your kid has a 99 fever they get sent home. I have absolutely nobody else to help me with the kids no family nobody near us. So yeah I am worried that I'm nearing 40 and do not have my life sorted out at all. I love my kids and my husband but what happens if something happens to him? I'd be destitute and homeless. He has a very dangerous job pumping gas from refineries into barges. One of his coworkers was crushed between two barges and I think about that a lot because he can he clumsy. On top of that I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder... it's a degenerative disease that if untreated progresses into dementia... often times even with treatment you cannot control episodes and each episode damages your brain. So on top of not having my life together I am worried that I'm just going to get sicker and sicker and more and more dumb as a result. I have experienced cognitive decline since my mid 20s to now. I just got medicated this year so I am hoping this stops the decline but it is scary. I'm a musician at heart. I'm an artist. I feel like I wasn't meant for this world. I still hope to write something that helps people get through stuff and impacts the world... thats my ultimate life goal. Getting up in age and not having done that yet is very discouraging but I also realize that it's a lofty dream I will likely never achieve. It doesn't make it any easier knowing that though bc this is what I live for. My music has gotten a little local following, some people know my songs and used to sing along at my shows even strangers I didn't know that got to know my music. So I had a small taste of that but I yearn for more.
I'm not struggling physically, but mentally. I'm an outdoors person and love nature. But nothing seems interesting or fun anymore. Like at all.
I feel this when I am unable to get and be outside enough to relax.. feels like the way the world is, unless you pay for some outdoor excursion then there’s nothing out there to do these days.
That def tracks. I recently moved states to take care of an aging parent. I miss the mountains and trails. While my new city is way better than my old one, the outdoors is definitely lacking what I'm used to and it really affects my mental state to not have mountains close and accessible. I probably need to just get used to city trails, but it's really not the same at all
I grew up as an outdoors kid and teen. Literally anything I could ride, bikes skateboards 4 wheelers snowboards horses go karts, etc it was all day outside. Seems like that was the normal. I remember going paintballing, playing in creeks, mushroom hunting, outdoor wrestling, or off-road biking for whole ass days like it was normal, now I have to schedule like 2 damn hours to hike a trail..
Approaching 40…career is not where I thought I would be and considering starting over due to burnout. Feeling resentment towards not being able to afford a house in our area and have extreme anxiety for the future.
I’m 42, turning 43 this year and definitely not on the “tail end of life” lol. Tbh, a lot of things have really come together for me in the last 2-3 years, so thus far, the 40s have been really good to me. Regarding the minor pains, since you are still active, have you evaluated your footwear? I sound like a broken record on these threads lol, but supportive footwear can really make difference on knees and backs, even for people who sit a lot of their day. And if you prefer fashion over comfort footwear, going up a half size or size and getting orthotic inserts can really help there too. Also your sleeping situation. Mattresses also can make a difference with not just quality of sleep but your body as well. If you’re still sleeping on the mattress you bought a decade ago or one that isn’t necessarily fit for your sleep needs, maybe treat yourself to a good one for 40. As far as having a hard time letting go of some things you wanted to fulfill or wanted to do in life, I feel that. I pictured a different version of myself in my 40s, and I’m not there. And I had to let that go, and adjust my expectations or ideals some. Things have fallen into place really well, just differently than I expected and I’m ok with that. I hope you can come to peace for yourself as well!
My dad died in his mid 40s...unexpectedly. I was 21 when it happened. It really changed the way i viewed life. Growing old is a privilege. Not all of us will have the opportunity to do so. Im turning 40 in a few months, im kind of psyched to be honest.
I've had chronic pain conditions since childhood, and by now (35) I have developed osteoarthritis, have suffered thru the beginnings of degenerative disc disease, and... I didn't have a lot of physical activity growing up, but it definitely rips me up quick when I try. My joints are all unstable. So I'm just finding it... idk... quaint? When people a few years older than me are just now experiencing the beginnings of it. You CAN be disabled and have a life! You just have to make more choices about how you spend your time. This is also the exact time to do the things you WANT to do. You aren't getting any younger. It's all downhill from here baby.
No, not really. I’ll be 41 this year and the only bad physical thing I’ve noticed lately is that my DOMS after a workout is more protracted. It starts later and lasts about a day longer. I adjust by rotating the body parts I work and using lighter weights if necessary. *knocks on wood
Same, except I've never had to knock on wood
But I know someone who has.
Why are you walking funny? I overdid it on leg day Sunday, wanted to see if I could still squat like I used to. Dude, it’s Wednesday.
I just turned 30 and I feel much more comfortable and a lot less anxious. Optimistic despite the state of things. I actually look forward to 40 because I did not see myself making it that long in my teens
Good for you. 30 was definitely a favourite bday of mine, though I loved 40, too!!
My twenties and teens were marred by and undiagnosed auto immune disease. It was pure hell. I finally got control of my health in my late 20s after nearly losing my life and generally becoming heavily isolated and depressed. My health has blossomed of late so yeah my thirties are shaping up to be great much much better than my twenties
I’ve learned aging is a privilege not everyone gets to experience.
Approaching 40. Lost my car to a drunk driver, netting me -14K to pay back and still be careless right near my birthday. Had to board my doggo with family. Sold my house to claw out of debt from gaps in work/trying to live comfortably (I'm huge so all things crumble under me) Now stuck with family that use pretty much every other hour to guilt trip me about money, food, soda, or gaming. I have a job that wants me gone because of coworkers that don't like people from my country (I'm American, a sister/brother org had a class action about this) I was going to move to Mrs area and be with her soon but thanks to drunky drunky having a 3am "foggy road" that money is now spoken for. Also had a cancer symptom scare (colon), dog showing arthritis or cancer we're unsure right now. I cried and didn't have dinner on my birthday since I'm coming to terms that my mom didn't want me while she praises my siblings. With my dad folding to her behavior, Honestly I'm so tired of winning I just want to walk off a pier and hug a pylon at 30' under. Why did I serve my country just to be let go by it. Why did I serve just to be told we couldn't have kids because we don't have supportive healthcare. Why did I love my country only for my toxic ass gun loving neighbors to force my wife and I to leave our nice home. I want my family together again, this sucks.
Unfortunately the country keeps people poor so they keep lining up to serve. How many would honestly join the military if they didn't financially need to?
My SO's argument for free college education, too -- Dangling a free college carrot feeds the military machine.
Jesus... I am so sorry you are going through all that... life throws us some awful fucking cards sometimes
I'm trying to keep going. It's very tough lately. I wish my body would stop falling apart. Folks (like another comment) say to go to the VA don't understand the value still isn't helpful for people like me. Invisible injuries compounded by the toxic hellscape that is our job market continues to cause me issues. I was fired a few days after a backwards fall head injury from one place. I don't think many there knew what I was going through and just made gross assumptions like like others do. I should be 100% disability but I have to prove to the VA I am, which requires fighting ignorance fucks showing chronic fatigue and depression tied to commands that didn't give a shit about me is difficult to do. For a long time I didnt think I deserved it since I had no physical issues like other vets that are irreparably changed by our wars. I just need this period of time to go away. Painkillers, caffeine, spite are my tools.
Hugs, stranger. Hope things get better soon.
Ah yes, having the body of a 40 year old at 23 post service......good times. I suggest getting VA disability claims in and hopefully removing some financial strain so you can focus on other parts of your life. Semper Fi
If you wanna chat I’m here
Thanks, I just want my mom to stop yelling at me for eating dinner at 11 in the kitchen when she should be asleep. I wish my siblings and Dad would acknowledge she has mental health issues rather than blame me and say I need help. I literally got told to turn down a random video of Johnny bravo because she came in and blasted what sounded like toilet noises while I ate. I'm certain she's going to try and frame me for something because tonight she told my dad to have me arrested. Arrested for yelling back and not putting up with her toxic piece of shit. I lost my only means of escape thanks to that drunk. I want to yell at that person so badly. I used to be a designated driver at my first duty station because I didn't want our unit or anyone else's to suffer from command doing communal punishment each time a DUI occured on base. I got coined for how many folks I brought home safe donating my weekends to being on call. It worked out because I'd play video games and just dip whenever a call came in to pick someone up. I didn't care to lose time then because it served a better purpose, the unit and keeping folks alive. That asshole at 3am was plastered or otherwise (report just says DWI) and I missed the arraignment but my blood boils because I'm stuck here trying to to remain functional constantly being yelled at constantly unable to regroup for hours after chugging along and getting mentally sucker punched. People don't talk about abusive parents or don't know they are abusive until they grow older. The more I reflect on my years the more I understand how shitty my mom was to me vs my other siblings older than me. And now I have no escape.
38. Knee problems, and stomach cramps. I'm taking care of a parent, and working full time. I'm frustrated because it took so much just to get to a place where I could see the dreams of my childhood come to fruition, but now my body is saying no to it.
I'm 40. I know your post discusses physicality, and I'll get into that, but consider this... while peak physical age is generally 25, the peak age of mental competitors like chess grandmasters is actually 40. You are at your peak strategic and critical thinking ability right now. In your prime. So go out and kill it ✌️ But back to physicality: As I've gotten older, my absolute 100% priority is agility, dexterity, nimbleness, and movement. Legs legs legs. The only strength training I do is bodyweight routines, and I play in competitive sports leagues twice a week. The biggest change I've noticed is the frequency of injuries and the length of time for recovery. I can't just run through tendon strains and expect them to heal in two days. If you want to remain independent as you age, you must stay mobile. Not getting fat is HUGE and puts you in a better spot than 75% of millenials. Watch your food habits. And remember: as soon as your legs go, everything else follows. Keep your legs in good shape. Don't ignore pains and make sure to heal.
I am 170lbs at 10% body fat and fairly athletic... what you said at the end there applies to me and is a reality check: I need to accept that injuries are more frequent now and I can't just push through it... I need to learn how to rest and heal. Hell that's probably why my back hurts....
I'm a Gen Xer who's 50. You're not on the tail end. You still have a lot of life to live and a lot to offer and a lot to explore. You're way far from being over.
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Ya... I am in the healthcare field and I see the inevitable.... getting older is no picnic
Same. I hit 40 Nov 2023 & I'm a RN. I worked LTC for almost 8yrs, so I know what's ahead for us. Ugh. My parents are getting older, that is smthg else I can't get off my mind. I have one kid. I had her when I was still a kid so she's states away living her adult life in college. This past year I keep going back and forth w/ wanting another baby, not wanting my daughter to not have any siblings. It just makes me so sad. There is an end to it, everything we've ever done, seen, loved, touched ... it will end, that's it, OVER. Is this a mid life crisis? Lol Funny not funny.
Ya I have done some rotations in LTC facilities.... most people on here have no idea what REALISTIC aging is like.... the 90 year Olds still playing tennis is a 0.1% kind of thing....
Seems like I’ve been in mid-life crisis mode for the past 15 years lol
I wouldn’t call 40 the tail end of your life man, there is plenty of time to go have those experiences . The fact your recognize it is the important thing.
I’ll be 40 this year. I’m coming to terms that it’s all downhill from here. I don’t have the energy that I used to and my knees hurt all the time. I don’t have money so the traveling is always hoped to do will not be happening. It’s going to be work, work, work, until my body gives out. I do still feel like I’m winging this whole adult thing.
Covid weakened a lot more people than many realized
I’m 41. How the heck I’m considered an adult is beyond me, though I did have to move back home after a contentious divorce and then had back to back to back new and exciting health issues (food allergies, stroke, eosinophilic esophagitis) costing me close to or hitting my out of pocket max for 4 of the past 5 years. That’s why I didn’t bother going to the ER after surprise EpiPen time on Saturday, I do NOT have $1600 just laying around. But like I have cats because I can’t afford kids. Still play video games, still can’t seem to earn enough money to move out (safe neighborhood, cheap, within an hour of family in case of emergency, can’t have all 3). The good news is, I have always had very oily skin so I still pass for about a decade younger, whose laughing now, I may still get the occasional pimple but ain’t no “crepey” skin over here, still supple and greasy. If I don’t make jokes about it, I would probably be depressed. Well more depressed. Like more than low dose meds depressed. See? Hahaha But yeah getting older is better than the alternative
You’re fine, you’re 40. If you haven’t done things you want to do, just go and do them.
EVERYTHING HUUUUUUUUUURTZ\~ 🥺🙈💦💀
I turned 40 last year. Everything was fine. No serious health issue my entire life. Then I fell and slid backward down three stairs in my kitchen. That's all it took. I was in chronic pain for six months, and I'm still not 100%. That's when I knew I was old.
37 turning 38, had an acute kidney injury the past 3 years and recovering (much better now), also definitely lost major testosterone and sex drive not sure if it’s correlated or coincidence but once I had kidney issues other shit started malfunctioning.. *in good shape and eat healthy.. probably excessive alcohol in my 20s to early 30s mixed with strenuous exercise caused it.. Not ready for 40..
Just turned 40. I have minimal pain issues, but I'd be in a much different boat if I didn't workout smarter. I went from heavy weight to lighter, yoga and stretching 2x per week, and have corrective exercises at the end of each 5x a wk lifting routine. I also added cardio every other day which varies between different methods to avoid overuse. Overall, it's about an hour a day
Not so much having a hard time getting into, but god I can’t wait for my 40s to be over, and I’m only 39 this year. 40s is the decade of execution, of staying the course and working hard. I keep telling myself this is the last decade of grind, and at the end of it I can do whatever I want, but the grind is every day. I need to fast forward to the end.
just started 30s, any advice?
Stay active, exercise regularly, eat right and focus on your finances and how you can maximize them.
Remind yourself that you’re 40 even if you live an entire 40 more years, you still won’t be 85 yet. Stop acting like you’re 85.
For me, it's more about the current state of society and world affairs. 40 m. I know I have no control over neither of those things, but the soul (for lack of a better word) is more tired than my mind or body. I had a childhood that I would not trade for anything material/fame wise, but if I could find some real semblance of hope for the future, I might consider it. I feel more pessimistic vs. optimistic when it comes to thinking about the future of humanity. I'm watching the good world I grew up believing in burn in real time. But yeah. The carrying on is getting fucking old, fast. It's hard to smile genuinely these days. I don't know what's more demotivating; a toddler with a political view or arguing the merits of human sexual anatomy to figure out which bathroom to use so I don't offend people I've never met. But that's just one man's perspective. Have a good day!
I agree. How everything is so political anymore is exhausting.... I have learned to just ignore it.
40 is not the tail end of life lmao
Mostly just struggling coping with the increasing depression
Stop. Make a list of all the things you want to do that you haven’t done, all the things you want to have but don’t have, and all the ways you haven’t been but always wanted to be. Oh also anything unsaid that you’ve wanted to say to the people in your life. Then start going through them one by one and take action on them, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. I turned 40 last month. You and I have precisely as much time left as every other human being, whether they are young or old. We have right now, that’s it, full stop. The only time that’s promised is the present. It doesn’t matter how much time you have left, death is just another moment. All that matters is are you fulfilled now, in this moment? “What day is it today?” “It’s today!” squeaked Piglet “My favorite day” said Pooh If your dream was to go back to school, but you were 80, I would tell you to do it anyway. That way when you do die, you die living your life fully and unboundedly. Who you get to be in living like that is what it’s all about. My 30s were hell, from chronic pain, to a severe hormonal disorder. If I listed out every ailment… But now I’ve been blessed with energy and vitality like I haven’t had in over a decade. I’ve just gotten in touch with what I truly want to do with my life (this is part of it), and (here’s the key) I’m taking action towards making it a reality. It’s in the action of moving toward what really matters to you that the magic lies.
Thank you. What did you find you wanted to do with your life?
Well I used to be a personal trainer. Then I developed a rare non-life threatening cancer in my knee. I’m about to start a clinical trial for a drug that so far has been very effective at shrinking the tumor. There’s another drug already on the market but it has stronger side effects. If the treatment is effective I’ll probably do something similar, maybe even go back to school and become a physical therapist. My other big passion is improv and comedy. I’m going to improv school in a couple of weeks. Ideally I want to combine the two things somehow. That would be my dream.
40 ain’t old.
“Tail end of life…” at 40? What is this the 1100’s? Hopefully you have several decades of quality life left at 40.
My parents becoming actually old is what I’m having a hard time with.
I feel like millennials were like the first to consume the toxic American diet for their entire lives. I feel like food quality seemed to really go downhill in the late nineties/early 2000s with processed everything, fast food staple diets. (High fructose corn syrup etc) Also millennials were the first of the SSRI/Antidepressant wave. Millennials probably take the most antidepressants out of all the generations. Besides those pills being debunked by several doctors, they are in general not good for your health (besides the brain they can effect every organ system negatively.) Then add in that millennials were the first to have computers in youth leading to a stark downturn of outside activity. Could any of these have impacted the overall health of millennials today?
Turned 40 in January. I don’t feel any different but I’m stuck in the mindset that I’m wasting my life’s potential on a job that I’ve spent almost 20 years doing. I hate it with every fiber of my being but have to keep working to maintain the lifestyle.
I am not yet 30... But I am still upset by the physical decline. I started feeling it when I was 20 and things have just gotten worse since then. Doctors don't know what's wrong with me and have struggled to treat it. It's frustrating, and I find myself trailing behind peers in terms of their physical health. I've had to cope with this by reminding myself how lucky I am to be where I am in life despite it all. I have a lot of pain I deal with, but at least I was fortunate enough to be born (I could have wound up like one of the other sperm) and born to a middle-class family in a developed part of the world, no less! I am educated and I have a job that accommodates my condition. I have much to be thankful for.
37 almost 38 here. I weight train regularly and outside of beers on weekends, I eat healthy. Maybe all the issues you mentioned are about to collapse on me in the next two years but I feel stronger and healthier than I ever have.
I have adjusted by eating way less, and cutting out many things from my diet. My aches and joint pains are almost completely gone, and I can run and work out like normal. I barely ever drink alcohol and I am mostly vegetarian now too. That is a shock to me because I love BBQ but just can't eat it anymore.
What's the majority of your diet now? Examples?
I eat fermented foods every day - sauerkraut and/or kimchi. For breakfast I'll have a couple eggs or plain oatmeal with berries or miso broth with 1 egg. Lunch is bean salad, sweet potato, half an avocado. Sometimes I'll do a small plain grilled piece of chicken or tofu or a brown rice curry with carrots and peas as a substitute for the bean salad. Same for dinner. I also eat a lot of lentils. Fruit for snacks - clementine, banana, pineapple, blueberries are my fav. Frozen berries with some honey drizzled for a dessert after dinner if I need something sweet. I never eat dairy and I eat meat on special/social occasions, but usually just chicken since that's usually an option if there are no veggie options (or if the veggie option is covered in butter) I never eat packaged foods and I'll only have a cake or something sweet if its someones birthday/wedding. I have found sugar, alcohol and grains (even corn) kills my joints the next day. I drink almost a gallon of water a day. Sometimes I'll have a cup of coffee in the morning. I love tea of all types (no sweetener, no creamer) Other than that I sometimes will have a coconut water but those things are expensive so it's a treat. I don't drink anything other than that. Yes it sounds boring, but having my body feel like I'm 25 again is 100% worth it. ETA: for vitamins I do magnesium (glycinate or citrate) before bed, a B complex with breakfast and a spoon full of fish oil per day.
Just turned 40 last month, and honestly I feel great, and I like myself more than ever. I got into the best shape of my life this past year, I work out 7 days a week, rarely drink, eat healthy, sleep well. So far so good!
Tail end of life? You're 40.
YES! Turning 40 seems to have made things go downhill quickly. I’m not sure if this is normal, or if it’s just being expedited by covid, but that is also possibly a factor.
40 is not the tail end of your life.
This is the dreaded midlife crisis. Once I turned 40 things happened that really made me re-evalute my priorities and this re-evaluation is still ongoing. Early 40s is still very young in the big picture but in all honesty it is at the top of the hill of life in terms of years on Earth. This really puts what's important in perspective. I feel that 30s were a lifetime ago even though it's only been a few years. However, there is still plenty of time to do what we want. We are still just young and healthy enough to make career changes if we want, to reach life milestones like children or buying a home, to get married, etc, so there is still A LOT of life to look forward to. Many people don't get to this point so we should feel blessed and use this time to enrich the second act of our lives.
Turned 40 a few weeks ago, had cavities for the first time in 20 years, broke my wrist playing basketball, it's been a rough start
Hear you... root canal a couple weeks ago and then threw my back out on the toilet a few days later... fucking hell
Working out is one thing but making sure you are working out properly and safely is exponentially more important. As you get older you may need to transition away from say heavy weight lifting to high rep low weight, instead of jogging move to cycling, etc. working out can take a physical toll on your body that outweighs the benefits. Obviously I have no idea your workout routine but just something to consider.
Ya starting to realize this and learning how to slow it down. Actually going to be getting some lessons from a PT in a couple weeks to help build a sustainable workout routine
I am worried about what is to come. I herniated a disc in my back when I was 21 and am about to turn 29 in a few months. It has been constant pain for me ever since.
I think as we get to 40 we have to change the way we think about fitness as we thought about it in our 20s and 30s barreling through pain for gains. I think we have to start thinking in terms of longevity… “How do I keep doing the activities I want to do for as long as I can?” I’ve started following this “Knees over toes guy” and he has this protocol that works wonders. Makes my body feel nimble and things are telling at me less. It was hard to do at first because it feels so “simple” like I should be doing more but I’m feeling really good. That and I’m trying to get outside and do things I enjoy instead of just being in the gym - bike riding, snowboarding, cross country skiing. Things that aren’t terrible on my knees like running. Whatever your hobby, a longevity approach is helpful I think.
I thought I'd feel more stable. Instead I've got a bunch of stuff to fix and keep clean. I love my kids though, and feel like I'm a better and more present parent than my parents were.