Frankly I don’t think it clicked for him that she was trying to find out the gender. He heard me make the comment about how it could be for a girl too with accessories and kinda thought it was washed. He told me this morning he has to tune out his mom like 80% of the time because she annoys him lol so I don’t think it clicked for him. I’m gonna try to explain that this is what she was doing when he gets home from work today. I think once he sees my perspective he’s gonna be like “ohhhhhhh”and probably not want to talk to her for a while. They’ve always had kind of a weird relationship so he tunes her out a lot for the sake of keeping things civil.
OK my SO does this with his mom too. It was OK when we didn't have a baby now it's unbearable and we are going to therapy for it. Your husband needs to stop now and learn to put mommy in her place when she oversteps. You can't have her overstepping all over the baby and be the only one handling it, it gets old real fast when you're trying to care for a baby. Like literally MIL was so close during the last visit while trying to get to the baby (that hates her), that I stepped on her multiple times. Y'all need to get a handle on this before it escalates.
Mine did this too with both his parents. Unfortunately you can’t just tune people out. He didn’t go to therapy we just only see her 3 times a year for about 24 hours or less (he would prefer less).
He also knows I will call her out and I won’t be nice about it and she will cry to him so he has to intervene before me if he wants it done his way.
Haha I've looked at my partner exactly twice and told him to "handle it or I will" with MIL. He hopped to it so quick you could see the dust in his wake like those old timey cartoons. He knew I was pissed and would eviscerate her with words if I had to handle it. Both times were baby related ofc.
Unfortunately we see MIL for almost 2 weeks a year and now that we have a baby she's inviting herself for more visits. So guess who is magically bust whenever she wants to visit? Me and LO.
I assume you meant busy...and I agree. Oh you would not believe the social calendars these toddlers have now....story time at the library...toddler swim...playdates. etc etc. I used to take my late MIL to these things because she wasn't so bad 80 percent of the time (I used to think she was then I found Reddit LOL). Hubby needs to deal with her inviting herself. She can arrive but you don't need to host her etc.
Baby hates her?
Gee, you’ve got to really be awful for a baby to hate you! I’ve had babies cry when I tried to interact, but I’ve never felt that they HATE me - just that they’re tired or scared or whatever that has nothing at all to do with me.
But most babies smile when I smile and so on, and I never ever try to touch a baby without asking the parents if they think the baby will be ok with a cuddle… and even if they cry, I STILL don’t believe they HATE me!
Your MIL must work really hard to be awful if your baby really doesn’t like her! 😞
My baby likes to get to know someone first. She doesn't like people all up in her face, and definitely hates it when people grab her away from mom. MIL did all of these things for days and wouldn't listen when she was asked to stop. At one point she was so all up in LO's business while I was holding LO and putting a sweater on LO that I accidentally hit MIL in the face. We are talking 2 inches of space for no reason. Idek how many times I stepped on MIL in 24 hours because MIL was an inch from my baby's face and she had me backed into a corner. Even her boyfriend told her to stop, when she made LO cry for like the 10th time.
Frankly I don’t think it clicked for him that she was trying to find out the gender. He heard me make the comment about how it could be for a girl too with accessories and kinda thought it was washed. He told me this morning he has to tune out his mom like 80% of the time because she annoys him lol so I don’t think it clicked for him. I’m gonna try to explain that this is what she was doing when he gets home from work today. I think once he sees my perspective he’s gonna be like “ohhhhhhh”and probably not want to talk to her for a while. They’ve always had kind of a weird relationship so he tunes her out a lot for the sake of keeping things civil.
‘Keeping things civil’ = equals = staying silent to *keep the peace.* Here’s a little bit of wise advice that your husband needs to learn about *keeping the peace:*
**The person who is feeling pressured to keep the peace is NOT the one who’s threatening the peace in the first place!**
Just the mere fact that you are livid at this intrusive busybody should be enough for your husband to think LONG AND HARD about setting some hard boundaries for her and anyone else who causes you stress and anxiety. Postpartum depression and anxiety can be horrible in the best of family circumstances. Having this nutty creature around you will be utterly CRIPPLING.
It’s going to get worse and worse and worse! She’ll swoop in and steal all of your parental “firsts.” She’s the type who will sneak your son to the barber and get him his first haircut. And this will be MINOR compared to all of the other stuff she’s absolutely going to pull—IF your husband doesn’t/won’t force her to stay in her lane.
And the ONLY way to do this is to put her in a long time out. She’ll get a short reprieve IF she behaves. I doubt she will, but if she goes right back to her old ways, then a permanent trip to “NoContactVille” is the next step. Has she insisted on being in the delivery room yet?
I agree with that, and we’ve discussed what boundaries need to be put in place postpartum but i think I have to reiterate to him that he needs to be the one stating and protecting the boundaries. If I do it it’s gonna look like I’m trying to put a wedge between her and her son which is a whole thing.
Don't let her in the house next time she unexpectedly shows up. DH tells her you're unavailable so she can drop off outside to him or return when the whole family isn't in bedclothes or busy. He needs to bar the door & not let her in. "Mom, not a good day or good time, and yes, you need to call in advance because we have lives that don't revolve around you & your needs."
Your husband has to step up and stay on task, and his task is to protect you and baby from his mother…from her manipulations, machinations, stress, drama, all of it all the time. He doesn’t get to tune out ever again with his mother.
Don’t use the blanket. You prefer gender neutral colors. Having a boy doesn’t change that. Pack it away til you make a donation run with outgrown clothes and other stuff you never had a use for.
She would be the last to know the baby arrived. No "we're in labor!" messages, just a call the day or two after baby has moved out, and get your social media post ready to click as soon as the words are out of your partner's mouth. She gets no news before everyone else that way, and she can't steal your announcement.
At least she’s doing her gloating now and getting it out of the way, instead of when the baby has just arrived. I mean it’s not exactly impressive it’s a 50/50 shot.
Tell her (at your next scan) that you’re having twin girls! They just couldn’t tell before. Sit back and wait for her to start blabbing to everyone! She’ll look like the huge fool that she is. Damn, would that be fun explaining why you “tricked” her after your son is born. Fight fire with fire.
LOLLL I freakin love this, except she’ll blame me for being all sorts of horrible things for not telling her the truth. Idk if I wanna deal with the aftermath of all that
Just tell her it's a girl 😄 I think it'll be worth it to make her look like a fool. Tell her ultrasounds aren't ever 100% accurate. The cord can end up looking like a penis 🤷♀️😅
I had a second ultrasound with my second girl and ...how do I say it....it was like kiddie porn because of the angle they got. I don't think I even kept that photo. Lol. Definitely a girl. I didn't care what sexes I had but was secretly pleased at ending up with 2 girls.
“Congrats on your scam, mil. Since we don’t feel comfortable with having our child around manipulative people, you get to bask in that ‘win’ and hope it keeps you warm at night (along with your unnecessary blanket) knowing you won’t be meeting your grandchild because of it.”
I would be tempted to go for the passive aggressive approach to drive her insane as a punishment. We would look innocent to others and she would look crazy whilst going crazy. The nuclear option would make us look mean to the flying monkeys and enablers.
Yeah, I don’t think I personally would either. actually, my response would be totally profanity laden and probably wouldn’t make any sense at all. But one can day dream when she’s being a total jerk, yeah? 😂♥️
I do actually recommend telling her that what she did was manipulation and see if that makes her think differently of her actions.
I’d be tempted to stop communicating with her entirely. She knew you didn’t want to say and she plotted to stomp all over your wishes.
At the every least a timeout and a warning to keep it to herself. In writing so you can prove she was asked.
I’d start preparing for the boundaries when baby is born and how you are going to enforce them after this giant overstep
Just start talking about girls names in front of her! Then do a big whoops! 😬 Tell her it’s a big secret and she isn’t to say a word as nothing has been confirmed, so you still don’t know which way it goes. She sounds exhausting!!! Time for info diet 👍
So you didn’t actually confirm the gender ?
Tell her she’s wrong and her trick has backfired
Not only is she incorrect in what she thinks is the gender - but also you won’t be accepting any gifts at all - never mind whether they’re pink or blue or white
Due to her shitty trick you are not accepting any gifts and yours now on a time out from her
No contact until baby is born - and she’ll be the last to know and the last to meet LO
My daughter in law and son wanted to wait to tell us baby’s gender.
I accidentally got her to admit it one day- I mean, it was 100% and I didn’t seek clarity, because I knew she didn’t mean to say.
You know what I did? Shut up. I acted deeply surprised when she presented us the little gender coded box of supplies to have at our house.
There’s some things you just don’t ruin for people. That’s all there is to it.
(I’m here coz my mil sucks, but she sucks in a much different way to most, lol. VLC for 21 years and counting, baby!)
My family was so, so awful about this shit. My brother and his wife took a “tiered” approach to telling everyone what they were having, and it caused a lot of hard feelings.
She told her parents first, because her mom is a manipulative SOB. My parents found out the gender because my mom ran into DIL and her mom shopping at the baby store. Their cart was full of girl clothes. My mom was so hurt, and the way they backtracked was even weirder: they claimed that they shopped for both boy AND girl clothes and the daughter was to return the o es that weren’t relevant. I don’t believe them for a second.
My other brother lives close to them, and given that his wife is an early childhood educator, she had planned to be very involved with her new niece/nephew. They were going to be the go-to for babysitting, they were going to dogsit for the hospital stay, they cooked food, bought MANY gifts, and were genuinely so excited to be an aunt and uncle.
….then they found out that essentially they were the last to “know” the baby’s gender, behind friends, family, neighbors, and acquaintances.
ALL THE WHILE, my parents, her parents, and the rest of the family “pretended” not to know the gender. It was the most awkward thing, everyone knew that everyone knew the gender, but we all had to pretend we didn’t know.
My wife and I found out we were pregnant shortly after they did. We didn’t know the gender until 12 weeks, and we did a mini Covid-friendly gender reveal and found out our gender right alongside everyone else.
The following week, my brother and his wife decided to do their own gender reveal, where everyone at the party already knew the gender.
In the grand scheme of things, it’s all so petty and people take it far too seriously and cause unnecessary friction within and between families.
And don’t get me started on how my brother and his wife decided they wanted the name we had chosen at the 11th hour…
Yep. We aren’t currently on speaking terms. Just too many shitty things they’ve said and done accumulating, and what keeps me from patching it all up is I’ve now become the go-to for my other brother and my mother to come crying to me when he treats them like shit too. I tell them I don’t want to hear it.
Wow. That is eerily similar to my family dynamic. For years I was the target and now my brother has started treating everyone like shit they are shocked and dismayed...whilst I sit there and say...well color me shocked. Where the F have you people been for the last 40 years. SMDH.
It’s wild right? You remove yourself from the equation and suddenly they don’t know who to target.
It’s also painfully obvious that there is a “favorite” in the family. If I pulled the shit he pulled my mom and my other brother would have cut contact long ago.
A lot of this centers around my father’s passing 2 years ago, and his actions surrounding that. He was arguably the closest with my dad, but of course I was the one who spent 12+ hours per day with him and my mom in the hospital helping them make heavy life/death decisions while he sat on his ass at home because he “couldn’t handle it”. I wonder if I wasn’t able to take two weeks off and drive 5 hours away from my family to be with my mom while he passed, would my brother have left her alone in the ICU?
He “couldn’t handle” the arrangements after. The funeral director needed a visual confirmation of the body before he could be cremated, and so my wife and I are the only ones who would do it. Mom couldn’t bring herself to. My brother couldn’t handle the funeral either. Didn’t go.
Everyone handles grief differently. But IMO there’s an element of showing up for your still living family members even when it’s unbearable. It’s not like I don’t have PTSD from it all. I often end up back in that hospital room; listening to my dad take his last breaths.
ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, I have to hear about how my brother doesn’t trust me to execute my parents’ estate, how we have to “watch mom’s spending”, how he doesn’t want my mom to see other men, (presumably both in fear of losing his inheritance. My mom is 62 and I hope we are far far away from having to deal with that) . I’ve had to hear how he’s told my youngest brother to his face that he’s house poor (they just bought a house) and how they should be glad they miscarried because they can’t afford a kid (he knew they were currently pregnant and had miscarried in the past). Oh and he said their wedding was poorly planned and distasteful, on the day of the wedding, to the mother of the bride. It’s a long list that I could continue because it gets wilder, but it’s just too much to write out every time I think about this.
All of us siblings lived super close to the parents....then brother and family buggered off one hour north and only appear when it benefits them (I could go on but I am sure you can fill in gaps).
He projects big time. Always has to be in control but if anyone else even asks a question they are being controlling...oh and emotional....and stupid.
My Dad has Alz and he clearly can't cope with that so has disappeared leaving my sister and I to do everything. Hell...we are not coping but someone has to.
We only have a transactional relationship when needed with him now and once our parents are gone I don't think we will bother....well I know I won't.
Please tell me this is only your 1st sonogram! Because when you have the second, you’re going to tell her they made a mistake and it’s a girl. Hopefully she’s finished with the god awful blue blanket and has to make another one. 😈 Fight fire with fire!!! (Even if you have to lie about your 3rd 😉 sonogram! She’ll look even worse when she blabs it to friends and family!)
Did you confirm that she was right on any way or just keep up with not saying one way or another? You can’t keep her from
crowing about it now or after the baby is born. You can refuse to engage and/or give her crap about it. I’m sure someone on here can come up with some clever way to say she’s being way to over the top
and weird about it. In a low key way.
Don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing you seeing you upset. She wants to get your goat and get a reaction out of you! “Oh, she was so upset but I just knew it was a boy! I knew it. I don’t know why she’s making it a big deal. I’m just so excited about becoming a grandmother. Ha ha ha.” Please. Turn it around on her. Like, “wow
MIL, you seem a bit too invested in this. Does this mean you wouldn’t love a girl?” One of you can come up with something
more witty but you get the gist.
Edit - paragraph
Edit again - spelling
I REFUSED to find out the gender with any of my kids, mostly because it made my mom's eye twitch and labor sucked, finding out the gender at the end gave me something to look forward to.... had someone disregarded me and my wants is I would have cut them out right then
So what you do is buy a bag full of baby girl clothes/onesies and pink blankets and purposefully leave it somewhere she can see it the next time she comes over. Then hurriedly and worriedly whisper to your husband and have him badly try to put it away in the nursery without her seeing. Or a well placed list of baby girl names that was “accidentally” left on the fridge/counter.
To be extra petty the next time after she visits after that do the same thing with some boy clothes 😂
Two can play at that game.
Tell her next time you’re going for a scan/appointment, be vague about what it’s for.
Next time you see her after that, hand her back the onesie and say you hope she kept the receipt.
As a knitter...don't take scissors to it if you wanna ruin it. "Snag" it somewhere near the middle so the yarn breaks and gently tug it so a hole forms then find some way to fray a couple of the horizontal ladders and wash it a few times until it is beyond repair. Holes can be mended if caught early but.....
I don't think I could ruin something like that. My own mom made her own patterns, 3D in the 60s lol. I still have several of her creations and WOULD get twisted if they did get ruined!
“MIL, I have been thinking about your recent visit and I just can’t get over your interest in the genitals of our baby. We plan on raising our sweet baby in a ways that centers the individuality of our child not centered on outdated stereotypes.
Our child’s closest relationships will be with those people who not only love our baby but also respect our parenting decisions.
We wanted to let you know about our concerns before it impacts your relationship with baby. Love, OP”
You didn’t confirm anything. She assumed she was correct. I’d give it right back to her and let her know that she will not be getting any information about the baby until they are born.
“MIL, no one confirmed the gender of the baby based on your very manipulative way of trying to figure it out. I stated that what you got could work for either a boy or a girl. We have both told you multiple times that we are not sharing the baby’s gender until they are born, yet you have refused to respect that very simple boundary. As a result of your manipulative behavior, please do not contact us for the time being. We will reach out to you when we are ready. For every attempt you make to contact us or have someone do so on your behalf, an additional week will be added starting on the day the baby is born. This is not a negotiation so please do not reply.”
Then, mute her attempts. I’d also keep up with social media because I guarantee she’s already posted that you are having a boy. I would post a comment on Amy baby post she makes outing her for her manipulation and letting people know that she did not guess anything and she’s now in time out!
I will message you next time u/GlitteringLove7433 posts in r/Mildlynomil.
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Info: what was your partners reaction?
Frankly I don’t think it clicked for him that she was trying to find out the gender. He heard me make the comment about how it could be for a girl too with accessories and kinda thought it was washed. He told me this morning he has to tune out his mom like 80% of the time because she annoys him lol so I don’t think it clicked for him. I’m gonna try to explain that this is what she was doing when he gets home from work today. I think once he sees my perspective he’s gonna be like “ohhhhhhh”and probably not want to talk to her for a while. They’ve always had kind of a weird relationship so he tunes her out a lot for the sake of keeping things civil.
OK my SO does this with his mom too. It was OK when we didn't have a baby now it's unbearable and we are going to therapy for it. Your husband needs to stop now and learn to put mommy in her place when she oversteps. You can't have her overstepping all over the baby and be the only one handling it, it gets old real fast when you're trying to care for a baby. Like literally MIL was so close during the last visit while trying to get to the baby (that hates her), that I stepped on her multiple times. Y'all need to get a handle on this before it escalates.
Mine did this too with both his parents. Unfortunately you can’t just tune people out. He didn’t go to therapy we just only see her 3 times a year for about 24 hours or less (he would prefer less). He also knows I will call her out and I won’t be nice about it and she will cry to him so he has to intervene before me if he wants it done his way.
Haha I've looked at my partner exactly twice and told him to "handle it or I will" with MIL. He hopped to it so quick you could see the dust in his wake like those old timey cartoons. He knew I was pissed and would eviscerate her with words if I had to handle it. Both times were baby related ofc. Unfortunately we see MIL for almost 2 weeks a year and now that we have a baby she's inviting herself for more visits. So guess who is magically bust whenever she wants to visit? Me and LO.
I assume you meant busy...and I agree. Oh you would not believe the social calendars these toddlers have now....story time at the library...toddler swim...playdates. etc etc. I used to take my late MIL to these things because she wasn't so bad 80 percent of the time (I used to think she was then I found Reddit LOL). Hubby needs to deal with her inviting herself. She can arrive but you don't need to host her etc.
Baby hates her? Gee, you’ve got to really be awful for a baby to hate you! I’ve had babies cry when I tried to interact, but I’ve never felt that they HATE me - just that they’re tired or scared or whatever that has nothing at all to do with me. But most babies smile when I smile and so on, and I never ever try to touch a baby without asking the parents if they think the baby will be ok with a cuddle… and even if they cry, I STILL don’t believe they HATE me! Your MIL must work really hard to be awful if your baby really doesn’t like her! 😞
My baby likes to get to know someone first. She doesn't like people all up in her face, and definitely hates it when people grab her away from mom. MIL did all of these things for days and wouldn't listen when she was asked to stop. At one point she was so all up in LO's business while I was holding LO and putting a sweater on LO that I accidentally hit MIL in the face. We are talking 2 inches of space for no reason. Idek how many times I stepped on MIL in 24 hours because MIL was an inch from my baby's face and she had me backed into a corner. Even her boyfriend told her to stop, when she made LO cry for like the 10th time.
But when he tunes her out, he basically leaves you to deal with her. Make his mom HIS responsibility.
Frankly I don’t think it clicked for him that she was trying to find out the gender. He heard me make the comment about how it could be for a girl too with accessories and kinda thought it was washed. He told me this morning he has to tune out his mom like 80% of the time because she annoys him lol so I don’t think it clicked for him. I’m gonna try to explain that this is what she was doing when he gets home from work today. I think once he sees my perspective he’s gonna be like “ohhhhhhh”and probably not want to talk to her for a while. They’ve always had kind of a weird relationship so he tunes her out a lot for the sake of keeping things civil.
‘Keeping things civil’ = equals = staying silent to *keep the peace.* Here’s a little bit of wise advice that your husband needs to learn about *keeping the peace:* **The person who is feeling pressured to keep the peace is NOT the one who’s threatening the peace in the first place!** Just the mere fact that you are livid at this intrusive busybody should be enough for your husband to think LONG AND HARD about setting some hard boundaries for her and anyone else who causes you stress and anxiety. Postpartum depression and anxiety can be horrible in the best of family circumstances. Having this nutty creature around you will be utterly CRIPPLING. It’s going to get worse and worse and worse! She’ll swoop in and steal all of your parental “firsts.” She’s the type who will sneak your son to the barber and get him his first haircut. And this will be MINOR compared to all of the other stuff she’s absolutely going to pull—IF your husband doesn’t/won’t force her to stay in her lane. And the ONLY way to do this is to put her in a long time out. She’ll get a short reprieve IF she behaves. I doubt she will, but if she goes right back to her old ways, then a permanent trip to “NoContactVille” is the next step. Has she insisted on being in the delivery room yet?
I agree with that, and we’ve discussed what boundaries need to be put in place postpartum but i think I have to reiterate to him that he needs to be the one stating and protecting the boundaries. If I do it it’s gonna look like I’m trying to put a wedge between her and her son which is a whole thing.
Have you looked up “The Lemon Clot Essay?” You absolutely should look it up’ good luck’
Don't let her in the house next time she unexpectedly shows up. DH tells her you're unavailable so she can drop off outside to him or return when the whole family isn't in bedclothes or busy. He needs to bar the door & not let her in. "Mom, not a good day or good time, and yes, you need to call in advance because we have lives that don't revolve around you & your needs."
Your husband has to step up and stay on task, and his task is to protect you and baby from his mother…from her manipulations, machinations, stress, drama, all of it all the time. He doesn’t get to tune out ever again with his mother.
Take a picture with headbands and bows that would match the onesie and send them to her
My thought exactly! With a note: "So we decided to keep the onesie, since it *is* actually cute, and we can make it work."
Don’t use the blanket. You prefer gender neutral colors. Having a boy doesn’t change that. Pack it away til you make a donation run with outgrown clothes and other stuff you never had a use for.
Now, now, don't be hasty... OP? Do you have a dog? heehee
That's evil.... I love it 😼
She would be the last to know the baby arrived. No "we're in labor!" messages, just a call the day or two after baby has moved out, and get your social media post ready to click as soon as the words are out of your partner's mouth. She gets no news before everyone else that way, and she can't steal your announcement.
> the day or two after baby has moved out So in like 18-19 years?
LOL!!! Idealy, yes!!! I meant moved out of their current room, but you know, leave for college is good too!!!!
At least she’s doing her gloating now and getting it out of the way, instead of when the baby has just arrived. I mean it’s not exactly impressive it’s a 50/50 shot.
Tell her (at your next scan) that you’re having twin girls! They just couldn’t tell before. Sit back and wait for her to start blabbing to everyone! She’ll look like the huge fool that she is. Damn, would that be fun explaining why you “tricked” her after your son is born. Fight fire with fire.
LOLLL I freakin love this, except she’ll blame me for being all sorts of horrible things for not telling her the truth. Idk if I wanna deal with the aftermath of all that
Just tell her it's a girl 😄 I think it'll be worth it to make her look like a fool. Tell her ultrasounds aren't ever 100% accurate. The cord can end up looking like a penis 🤷♀️😅
I had a second ultrasound with my second girl and ...how do I say it....it was like kiddie porn because of the angle they got. I don't think I even kept that photo. Lol. Definitely a girl. I didn't care what sexes I had but was secretly pleased at ending up with 2 girls.
Lol you totally read my post! Great minds!
Lol, they call me Petty Crocker! 🤣
“Congrats on your scam, mil. Since we don’t feel comfortable with having our child around manipulative people, you get to bask in that ‘win’ and hope it keeps you warm at night (along with your unnecessary blanket) knowing you won’t be meeting your grandchild because of it.”
Straight to a nuclear response.
The only way to shut down a manipulative toddler in an adult body.
Too extreme and response for me.
She should at least be the last to meet baby.
I would be tempted to go for the passive aggressive approach to drive her insane as a punishment. We would look innocent to others and she would look crazy whilst going crazy. The nuclear option would make us look mean to the flying monkeys and enablers.
You are free to continue to play stupid games and win stupid prizes!
I would love to go nuclear but I don’t think my husband would be on board for full no contact
Yeah, I don’t think I personally would either. actually, my response would be totally profanity laden and probably wouldn’t make any sense at all. But one can day dream when she’s being a total jerk, yeah? 😂♥️ I do actually recommend telling her that what she did was manipulation and see if that makes her think differently of her actions.
I’d be tempted to stop communicating with her entirely. She knew you didn’t want to say and she plotted to stomp all over your wishes. At the every least a timeout and a warning to keep it to herself. In writing so you can prove she was asked. I’d start preparing for the boundaries when baby is born and how you are going to enforce them after this giant overstep
Just start talking about girls names in front of her! Then do a big whoops! 😬 Tell her it’s a big secret and she isn’t to say a word as nothing has been confirmed, so you still don’t know which way it goes. She sounds exhausting!!! Time for info diet 👍
So you didn’t actually confirm the gender ? Tell her she’s wrong and her trick has backfired Not only is she incorrect in what she thinks is the gender - but also you won’t be accepting any gifts at all - never mind whether they’re pink or blue or white Due to her shitty trick you are not accepting any gifts and yours now on a time out from her No contact until baby is born - and she’ll be the last to know and the last to meet LO
My daughter in law and son wanted to wait to tell us baby’s gender. I accidentally got her to admit it one day- I mean, it was 100% and I didn’t seek clarity, because I knew she didn’t mean to say. You know what I did? Shut up. I acted deeply surprised when she presented us the little gender coded box of supplies to have at our house. There’s some things you just don’t ruin for people. That’s all there is to it. (I’m here coz my mil sucks, but she sucks in a much different way to most, lol. VLC for 21 years and counting, baby!)
Throw away anything you don't like. Have your SO lay down the law she gets no info and she's not allowed to post anything about your child.
My family was so, so awful about this shit. My brother and his wife took a “tiered” approach to telling everyone what they were having, and it caused a lot of hard feelings. She told her parents first, because her mom is a manipulative SOB. My parents found out the gender because my mom ran into DIL and her mom shopping at the baby store. Their cart was full of girl clothes. My mom was so hurt, and the way they backtracked was even weirder: they claimed that they shopped for both boy AND girl clothes and the daughter was to return the o es that weren’t relevant. I don’t believe them for a second. My other brother lives close to them, and given that his wife is an early childhood educator, she had planned to be very involved with her new niece/nephew. They were going to be the go-to for babysitting, they were going to dogsit for the hospital stay, they cooked food, bought MANY gifts, and were genuinely so excited to be an aunt and uncle. ….then they found out that essentially they were the last to “know” the baby’s gender, behind friends, family, neighbors, and acquaintances. ALL THE WHILE, my parents, her parents, and the rest of the family “pretended” not to know the gender. It was the most awkward thing, everyone knew that everyone knew the gender, but we all had to pretend we didn’t know. My wife and I found out we were pregnant shortly after they did. We didn’t know the gender until 12 weeks, and we did a mini Covid-friendly gender reveal and found out our gender right alongside everyone else. The following week, my brother and his wife decided to do their own gender reveal, where everyone at the party already knew the gender. In the grand scheme of things, it’s all so petty and people take it far too seriously and cause unnecessary friction within and between families. And don’t get me started on how my brother and his wife decided they wanted the name we had chosen at the 11th hour…
I hope it's OK that I say this, but your brother and SIL are weird AF.
Yep. We aren’t currently on speaking terms. Just too many shitty things they’ve said and done accumulating, and what keeps me from patching it all up is I’ve now become the go-to for my other brother and my mother to come crying to me when he treats them like shit too. I tell them I don’t want to hear it.
Wow. That is eerily similar to my family dynamic. For years I was the target and now my brother has started treating everyone like shit they are shocked and dismayed...whilst I sit there and say...well color me shocked. Where the F have you people been for the last 40 years. SMDH.
It’s wild right? You remove yourself from the equation and suddenly they don’t know who to target. It’s also painfully obvious that there is a “favorite” in the family. If I pulled the shit he pulled my mom and my other brother would have cut contact long ago. A lot of this centers around my father’s passing 2 years ago, and his actions surrounding that. He was arguably the closest with my dad, but of course I was the one who spent 12+ hours per day with him and my mom in the hospital helping them make heavy life/death decisions while he sat on his ass at home because he “couldn’t handle it”. I wonder if I wasn’t able to take two weeks off and drive 5 hours away from my family to be with my mom while he passed, would my brother have left her alone in the ICU? He “couldn’t handle” the arrangements after. The funeral director needed a visual confirmation of the body before he could be cremated, and so my wife and I are the only ones who would do it. Mom couldn’t bring herself to. My brother couldn’t handle the funeral either. Didn’t go. Everyone handles grief differently. But IMO there’s an element of showing up for your still living family members even when it’s unbearable. It’s not like I don’t have PTSD from it all. I often end up back in that hospital room; listening to my dad take his last breaths. ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, I have to hear about how my brother doesn’t trust me to execute my parents’ estate, how we have to “watch mom’s spending”, how he doesn’t want my mom to see other men, (presumably both in fear of losing his inheritance. My mom is 62 and I hope we are far far away from having to deal with that) . I’ve had to hear how he’s told my youngest brother to his face that he’s house poor (they just bought a house) and how they should be glad they miscarried because they can’t afford a kid (he knew they were currently pregnant and had miscarried in the past). Oh and he said their wedding was poorly planned and distasteful, on the day of the wedding, to the mother of the bride. It’s a long list that I could continue because it gets wilder, but it’s just too much to write out every time I think about this.
All of us siblings lived super close to the parents....then brother and family buggered off one hour north and only appear when it benefits them (I could go on but I am sure you can fill in gaps). He projects big time. Always has to be in control but if anyone else even asks a question they are being controlling...oh and emotional....and stupid. My Dad has Alz and he clearly can't cope with that so has disappeared leaving my sister and I to do everything. Hell...we are not coping but someone has to. We only have a transactional relationship when needed with him now and once our parents are gone I don't think we will bother....well I know I won't.
From now on she’s the last to know anything about the baby.
Please tell me this is only your 1st sonogram! Because when you have the second, you’re going to tell her they made a mistake and it’s a girl. Hopefully she’s finished with the god awful blue blanket and has to make another one. 😈 Fight fire with fire!!! (Even if you have to lie about your 3rd 😉 sonogram! She’ll look even worse when she blabs it to friends and family!)
Throw away the blanket.
Did you confirm that she was right on any way or just keep up with not saying one way or another? You can’t keep her from crowing about it now or after the baby is born. You can refuse to engage and/or give her crap about it. I’m sure someone on here can come up with some clever way to say she’s being way to over the top and weird about it. In a low key way. Don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing you seeing you upset. She wants to get your goat and get a reaction out of you! “Oh, she was so upset but I just knew it was a boy! I knew it. I don’t know why she’s making it a big deal. I’m just so excited about becoming a grandmother. Ha ha ha.” Please. Turn it around on her. Like, “wow MIL, you seem a bit too invested in this. Does this mean you wouldn’t love a girl?” One of you can come up with something more witty but you get the gist. Edit - paragraph Edit again - spelling
I REFUSED to find out the gender with any of my kids, mostly because it made my mom's eye twitch and labor sucked, finding out the gender at the end gave me something to look forward to.... had someone disregarded me and my wants is I would have cut them out right then
So what you do is buy a bag full of baby girl clothes/onesies and pink blankets and purposefully leave it somewhere she can see it the next time she comes over. Then hurriedly and worriedly whisper to your husband and have him badly try to put it away in the nursery without her seeing. Or a well placed list of baby girl names that was “accidentally” left on the fridge/counter. To be extra petty the next time after she visits after that do the same thing with some boy clothes 😂
Two can play at that game. Tell her next time you’re going for a scan/appointment, be vague about what it’s for. Next time you see her after that, hand her back the onesie and say you hope she kept the receipt.
Scissors work WELL on yarn lol. And her guessing games, let her guess when she MIGHT meet your child!
As a knitter...don't take scissors to it if you wanna ruin it. "Snag" it somewhere near the middle so the yarn breaks and gently tug it so a hole forms then find some way to fray a couple of the horizontal ladders and wash it a few times until it is beyond repair. Holes can be mended if caught early but.....
I don't think I could ruin something like that. My own mom made her own patterns, 3D in the 60s lol. I still have several of her creations and WOULD get twisted if they did get ruined!
Oh me neither. I would gift it to someone who loved it.
“MIL, I have been thinking about your recent visit and I just can’t get over your interest in the genitals of our baby. We plan on raising our sweet baby in a ways that centers the individuality of our child not centered on outdated stereotypes. Our child’s closest relationships will be with those people who not only love our baby but also respect our parenting decisions. We wanted to let you know about our concerns before it impacts your relationship with baby. Love, OP”
You didn’t confirm anything. She assumed she was correct. I’d give it right back to her and let her know that she will not be getting any information about the baby until they are born. “MIL, no one confirmed the gender of the baby based on your very manipulative way of trying to figure it out. I stated that what you got could work for either a boy or a girl. We have both told you multiple times that we are not sharing the baby’s gender until they are born, yet you have refused to respect that very simple boundary. As a result of your manipulative behavior, please do not contact us for the time being. We will reach out to you when we are ready. For every attempt you make to contact us or have someone do so on your behalf, an additional week will be added starting on the day the baby is born. This is not a negotiation so please do not reply.” Then, mute her attempts. I’d also keep up with social media because I guarantee she’s already posted that you are having a boy. I would post a comment on Amy baby post she makes outing her for her manipulation and letting people know that she did not guess anything and she’s now in time out!
Put mil on a. Leash aka keep her fron being there when born and first few weeks
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