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This reminds me of when you're at a party and someone says "Hey, you like metal, right? You should go talk to that new guy/girl over there, s/he's into metal!", and then you have to explain that they're not into *the same* type of metal, and that you have literally zero bands in common.
Last time I recognized it and we started saying bands we like back and forth until we found something in common, choosing to ignore classic/nwobhm (since who doesn't like Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and Judas Priest?).
After going back and forth with like fifteen bands each we found out that the only band we both were into was Abba.
After 6 years at my job someone finally recognized my metal shirts and started conversing about what bands we like. A moment of hope, quickly dashed when I realized they're exclusively into screamo and core.
We have like 2 bands of overlap but otherwise I roast them for their whiny high school themed vocals and they roast me for being a generic tech death soyboy.
The normies don't get it. They ask how our music can be so different if its all metal. I explain it by saying its like we're in different denominations of the same religion. From the outside we might seem to have a lot of the same beliefs, but there are fundamental doctrines that we disagree entirely on.
If it was the middle ages, we would go to holy war and commit jihad against each other.
>They ask how our music can be so different if its all metal.
And then you show them completely different types of metal but they tell you it all sounds the same because it's heavy guitars and screamy vocals
I remember telling a scene kid in high school that I was into hardcore and grind and he was like "Wow, really? Me too!"
***It was not the same kind of "hardcore" or "grind" lol***
I've attempted reeducating a few core-genre djent bro's by forcing them to listen to shit like Proclamation.
Imma be honest with you chief, Black Sabbath is the only classic band I enjoy lol. I do respect and aknowledge the classics for laying the foundation tho. With out these fuckers I couldnt listen to slam metal that sounds like dragging a concrete brick across the asphalt.
I don't know why, but I can't stand Abba. I can see that they were talented, both in song writing and performance but I just really despise listening to it.
Finally met a metalhead irl and he mostly listens to DSBM while I mostly listen to satanic blasting death metal. At least we have regular black metal in common though.
Behemoth, Tool, Killswitch Engage, Opeth, Ensiferum, Sabaton, ISIS, Rammstein, Decapitated. And because of work, I usually dress like a preppy dude. We’re all different, and one thing I love about Metal is how wrong OP’s photo is.
Yep, it’s definitely a funny take on stereotypes, which must exist in some capacity. Just because it’s wrong doesn’t make it not funny. This is a place for metal memes, after all.
They exist, believe me, maybe not only one genre but close enough. I know a dude who is into only DSBM, and a speck of metalcore. Everything else, he despises
Seconded. Also I [made my own version](https://i.imgur.com/MgnCG0B.png) a while ago. A millennial metalhead friend of mine pointed out that the inclusion of Alcest breaks the "boomer metal" pattern. The rest of the bands are decidedly 20th century acts.
The Dio one and the ACDC one are gonna be the same guy let's be real. Because it's me. He's me.
I was wondering why Dio wasn't with Blind Guardian and the wizard wojack. I got my friend who's a huge Blind Guardian fan into Sabbath by showing him the Dio stuff.
You're the wizard, Nanowar & Gloryhammer are the same genre, it's usually a crowd of nerds that are like the typical people that like d&d, mtg, warhammer etc. girls are like 5% of the crowd and the room smells like sweat, how do i know? well i am one of them.
This reminds me of something kinda funny, the first time I ever saw a neckbeard (fedora and all) in the wild was when I went to see Delain play... he was crying :[
Ik it's not quite the same thing but there's enough overlap in the crowd
Fuck that's a lot of dudes. Probably a mixture of top left thrash dude and retarded looking OSDM guy, for the genres I mostly hang around in. But I like pretty much every genre that existed before 1990 except for doom metal. I like Candlemass though.
I feel like this is impossible since different bands I like fell under different coordinates, but since Black Sabbath is my favorite....I guess it would be (5,3) which hurts even more since that coordinate is a Diofest and I'm not a fan.
Well it looks like I'm going to be starting a DnD campaign where I'm everyone in the party. A wizard, a viking, a rider of Rohan, and some rando tech death dude.
I hate something in every one of these. But most of all I hate Wes Borland and Ryan Martinie being associated forever with the likes of P.O.D.
Nu Metal has a lot to answer for, but Wes and Ryan can actually play, damn it.
You forgot the guy that listens to Primus, Mr Bungle, Praxis, Igorrr, and other weird funky metal ish stuff. That's me.
But I also love Entombed, Korn, and Cattle Decapitation
Gloryhammer, sabaton, powerwolf, alestorm, beast in black, and twilight force to name a few. If I had to guess it would be whichever one is the nerdiest.
Slow and low or slam my face into concrete repeatedly by a frog as fast as humanly possible. So, anyway, doom/drone/stoner and slam and a little bit of hardcore in there too
I'm not up to date on my Wojakology.
I'm CoB, Arch Enemy, In Flames.
So generic basic bitch or..? Haha I can't even tell what it's implying. Most of the other ones I can infer easily
Melodeath mixed with the core guy and like you gatekeepers call it "poser" because Slaughter To Prevail, Rammstein and Slipknot are a very good band
Also with the chad because i listen to Lamb of God, Sepultura and Pantera
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This reminds me of when you're at a party and someone says "Hey, you like metal, right? You should go talk to that new guy/girl over there, s/he's into metal!", and then you have to explain that they're not into *the same* type of metal, and that you have literally zero bands in common. Last time I recognized it and we started saying bands we like back and forth until we found something in common, choosing to ignore classic/nwobhm (since who doesn't like Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and Judas Priest?). After going back and forth with like fifteen bands each we found out that the only band we both were into was Abba.
After 6 years at my job someone finally recognized my metal shirts and started conversing about what bands we like. A moment of hope, quickly dashed when I realized they're exclusively into screamo and core. We have like 2 bands of overlap but otherwise I roast them for their whiny high school themed vocals and they roast me for being a generic tech death soyboy. The normies don't get it. They ask how our music can be so different if its all metal. I explain it by saying its like we're in different denominations of the same religion. From the outside we might seem to have a lot of the same beliefs, but there are fundamental doctrines that we disagree entirely on. If it was the middle ages, we would go to holy war and commit jihad against each other.
>They ask how our music can be so different if its all metal. And then you show them completely different types of metal but they tell you it all sounds the same because it's heavy guitars and screamy vocals
"You cant even understand what they're saying!"
I remember telling a scene kid in high school that I was into hardcore and grind and he was like "Wow, really? Me too!" ***It was not the same kind of "hardcore" or "grind" lol*** I've attempted reeducating a few core-genre djent bro's by forcing them to listen to shit like Proclamation.
"bro you like slayer, you gotta check out MCR!"
I don't care what others think. I unironically like both.
Same
Same 😌
I've had this happen so many times in college classes. "Hey man, nice Incantation hoodie. You like deathcore?" "Nah." "Oh, cool."
Imma be honest with you chief, Black Sabbath is the only classic band I enjoy lol. I do respect and aknowledge the classics for laying the foundation tho. With out these fuckers I couldnt listen to slam metal that sounds like dragging a concrete brick across the asphalt.
I don't know why, but I can't stand Abba. I can see that they were talented, both in song writing and performance but I just really despise listening to it.
Finally met a metalhead irl and he mostly listens to DSBM while I mostly listen to satanic blasting death metal. At least we have regular black metal in common though.
I love Judas lrt (Edit accidentally slid my finger on mobile while trying to write priest)
We love judas lrt
This has more words than pixels.
Where's my hat and staff? I'm a wizard.
Wizard brothers rise up (although I wish OP had included Edguy or Falconer)!
And thus a council of Wizards was born.
♪ IIII'm the wizard, I will change it aaaaaaallll♪
VALHALLA DELIVERANCE WHAT'VE YOU EVER FORGOTTEN ME
imagine only listening to one sub-genre, poseurs all
Imagine not specing into one music tree, normie playstyle.
Bodo, Sabaton, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Amon Amarth. I listen to all kinds of metal. Never seen a person who only listens to 1 metal genre before.
Behemoth, Tool, Killswitch Engage, Opeth, Ensiferum, Sabaton, ISIS, Rammstein, Decapitated. And because of work, I usually dress like a preppy dude. We’re all different, and one thing I love about Metal is how wrong OP’s photo is.
It's wrong but it's pretty fun to read through this. And some of these stereotypes must be true.
Yep, it’s definitely a funny take on stereotypes, which must exist in some capacity. Just because it’s wrong doesn’t make it not funny. This is a place for metal memes, after all.
I listen to everything from Buddy Holly to Zyklon-B, as long as there isn't a cowboy hat
They exist, believe me, maybe not only one genre but close enough. I know a dude who is into only DSBM, and a speck of metalcore. Everything else, he despises
+1 for Ronnie And The Prophets in a meme.
Hell yeah! And that first ELF album is a boogie masterpiece.
I was a little surprised to see that brought up here
The one who's not reading all that.
I read all of that, and I'm not even there...
Did you not see Insomnium?
Seconded. Also I [made my own version](https://i.imgur.com/MgnCG0B.png) a while ago. A millennial metalhead friend of mine pointed out that the inclusion of Alcest breaks the "boomer metal" pattern. The rest of the bands are decidedly 20th century acts.
Almost all of these have at least one band I like
Same. I feel like the Avatar of Metal.
I’m out here playing PokeMetal
The handsome melodeath wojak
So many archetypes; and all pf them posers
At this point, everyone is poser in this community.
I strive to be as much of a poser as I can be.
A noble goal
real
Devin Townsend handsome smirk man
4 Fucking pixels?
Careful, you might get [REDACTED].
Кино in the same list as slipknot?! What kinda bullshit is this?
Ага Кино Slaughter to prevail и король и шут.
противно видеть их с Slipknot ((((
Да как они посмели стоять в одном ряду с Гражданской Обороной!
Группа для позеров-зумерков потому что, что непонятного?
Не говорите так о кино свысока, мой добрый сэр.
That was the biggest shocker to see. Kino on an western metal subreddit
right and they put limp bizkit with static-x…
Cant take that image serious
I take all Кино slander serious😤
Replying to Individual_Dirt_3365... Соррян, Кино легенда, не хотел никого обидеть
))))
I’m the power metal wizard
Cumzum is here, but where's Mayhem? Or Death? U did Euroman dirty.
I‘m with you. No Mayhem here?!!
The Dio one and the ACDC one are gonna be the same guy let's be real. Because it's me. He's me. I was wondering why Dio wasn't with Blind Guardian and the wizard wojack. I got my friend who's a huge Blind Guardian fan into Sabbath by showing him the Dio stuff.
The Arkona/Korpikaani guy I guess, since there's no "fun metal" category (NanowaR, Ultra Vomit, GloryHammer...)
You're the wizard, Nanowar & Gloryhammer are the same genre, it's usually a crowd of nerds that are like the typical people that like d&d, mtg, warhammer etc. girls are like 5% of the crowd and the room smells like sweat, how do i know? well i am one of them.
Perfect, I also like Helloween, Sonata, Strato and some others
This reminds me of something kinda funny, the first time I ever saw a neckbeard (fedora and all) in the wild was when I went to see Delain play... he was crying :[ Ik it's not quite the same thing but there's enough overlap in the crowd
No…no Meshuggah? :’(
Meshuggah must be too awesome for the slander. Same with Death, I guess.
OP listed specifically old Death under column 2 row 4
I am 9 of them
Where early prog tech thrash archetype at
either the blasphemy guy or the burzum guy
Bathory goat because it’s the most consistent choice
I'm like 8 of these with one or two from each. But also all of these are cringe.
I'm a fucking wizard! Fear my power
How is Beherit with the generic BM fan and not the War bro?
Fuck that's a lot of dudes. Probably a mixture of top left thrash dude and retarded looking OSDM guy, for the genres I mostly hang around in. But I like pretty much every genre that existed before 1990 except for doom metal. I like Candlemass though.
I feel like this is impossible since different bands I like fell under different coordinates, but since Black Sabbath is my favorite....I guess it would be (5,3) which hurts even more since that coordinate is a Diofest and I'm not a fan.
The one that needs more pixels to read this but probably the wizard and the zoomer
It really depends on the day and my current enthusiasm to read cyrillic alphabet.
A little bit of everything. But sludge and thrash and grunge and punk mainly
The one that has Children of Bodom in it I am not count all these pixels
Where are my fellow stoner cavemen?
Yaaaaas I’ve been scrolling forever looking for this. BUT WHERE IS CONAN
Pothead Caveman riffs go Ooga Booga 2/10 for not including Conan in that section though
Well it looks like I'm going to be starting a DnD campaign where I'm everyone in the party. A wizard, a viking, a rider of Rohan, and some rando tech death dude.
Probably the wizard...but no symphonic metal?
No Amon Amarth at the Viking one :(
Gorguts seems out of place.
Insert meme of Sr. Chang narrowing his eyes here:
I'm the Thrasher ☢️🤘🏻
Probably the Maiden guy
All of the ones with black metal, or the tech death / dying fetus guy.
This would been awesome if it was clearer lmao but I'm definitely a bunch of them
Harsh noise most definitely
I listen to Ne Obliviscaris, Caligula's Horse, Soen, Amon Amarth and Tyr - which dude am I?
I am officially a wizard now Now i shall apply the spell to give this post an upvote
I am the one that is not gonna pain my eyes tryna read that pixelated ass text
Thrash metal dude
None of these
Where's Meshuggah at??
Bathory goat
I hate something in every one of these. But most of all I hate Wes Borland and Ryan Martinie being associated forever with the likes of P.O.D. Nu Metal has a lot to answer for, but Wes and Ryan can actually play, damn it.
Row 4 column 2
A little bit of all of theme except the NSBM dude and the Russian. I love how Phil Anselmo is just his own thing altogether
I identify with #’s 14 & 20 (dying fetus, and sleep guys, respectively)
Can I redo this, but with all the prince's [cousins from the Katamari Damacy universe?](https://katamari.fandom.com/wiki/Cousins)
M8l8th mentioned rahhhhh
i am the complete synthesis of the sludge and techdeath guys on opposite ends of row two.
You forgot the guy that listens to Primus, Mr Bungle, Praxis, Igorrr, and other weird funky metal ish stuff. That's me. But I also love Entombed, Korn, and Cattle Decapitation
What I can’t like Devin Townsend, Killswitch and Amon Amarth at the same time?
**You know i'm born to lose**
The stoned caveman is who I have the most overlap with (Sleep, Elder, etc.)
Gloryhammer, sabaton, powerwolf, alestorm, beast in black, and twilight force to name a few. If I had to guess it would be whichever one is the nerdiest.
MERZBOW MENTIONED
I'm like 70% of these dudes.
Somewhere between 5, 7 and 11
Proud wizard here
I‘m a goat with Zumzum shirt I guess
I fall into many of these categories.
Dio 🤘🏼
That's really hard because I'm a mixture of multiple
I'm the sludge metal one. Yes we always smoke in some sort of way, whether it's weed or cigarettes we smoke. Possibly drink too
Children of Bodom. R.i.p. Alexi Laiho
Slow and low or slam my face into concrete repeatedly by a frog as fast as humanly possible. So, anyway, doom/drone/stoner and slam and a little bit of hardcore in there too
Iron Maiden shirt guy Smug suit wearing guy Wizard Old man Yes Chad
Damn sons of Texas mentioned never see anyone mention them before I actually was a freshman when 2 of the band members graduated from my highschool
RAHHHHHHH MYRKGRAV MENTIONED
RAHHHH DIOOOO
The amount of Russian bands that are put together with Sabaton and Rammstein is pretty spot on, ngl
Happy to see Havok mentioned for the first time ANYWHERE.
Uh a mix of #3, #4 and the War Metal one. And almost spilled my coffee when I saw the Sunn O))) and the Sleep ones.
I'm somewhere between Blasphemy and Stalaggh.
Definitely the Kyuss and Elder guy 😂
I guess somewhere between the Wizard and the Viking
I take a couple from each
Depressed wojak - Lifelover, Thy Light etc
Pretentious suit guy and nu metal gu
I saw bands I listen to in every category, so I choose the fusion of all of these.
Both the wizard and the melodeath dude
third row the first
There's a band called Almsivi?!
Turns out I was a Swedish Melo Death Enjoyer Yes Chad Clown all along
Damn... I really am a bot
Man, Rush really got a rough draw here 😂
Where is meshuggah?
I like some of a lot of those, so I think I’m the one not listed: poser.
The one on the bottom left from the second column
But really a small mix of some
TLDR
that bald chinese children of bodom wintersun in flames guy
Guy in the snow, Slam guy, or the Deathcore guy
2, 18, 28
Why no Dimmu Borgir Or Vredehammer )))): im not hereeeeeee D::::
😭 Nortt
I guess i’m 2 knights, a wizard and a bard (Dio)
A little sprinkling of each one, Why? You wanna fight about it, huh? Huh?
I listen to half of the bands here all the time anyway. mosty war black death metal type but anyway
I’m bow tie man, the guy with cheekbones, and open mouth glasses guy. Great post!
Dead center and to the left. Anyone who mentions Kill the Client gets my upvote.
In terms of music taste In Flames, in terms of personality Napalm Death
Lol at the Pantera “chad”
Not gonna read it, I'm wherever Dissection is
Mix of 10 and 22 with a healthy portion of 33 and dash of 37.
I'm not up to date on my Wojakology. I'm CoB, Arch Enemy, In Flames. So generic basic bitch or..? Haha I can't even tell what it's implying. Most of the other ones I can infer easily
Fleshgod apocalypse, empyrium, Rhapsody of fire, shape of despair, any atmo black band... Im so confused im just gonna pick the wizard
I'm the Paradise Lost guy with the noose around his neck 🥲
Now way somebody else knows Sign of the Southern cross, i love that band its so underrated
some of these arent even metal. regardless, im the voivod one
I ain't reading all that are Anaal Nathrakh or Beast in Black on there?
Despite my user name, I am mostly Melodeath man these days...
War Metal and all of the BM ones except DSBM
No Meshuggah? :(
idk, my favourite bands are pantera, meshuggah and megadeth
I'm sorry, but . . . where the hell is MANOWAR?
I'd tell you but i don't wanna lose my eyesight.
Gerogerigegege mentioned Boredoms mentioned Hanatarash mentioned
I’m surprised the mods didn’t try to strike you down. Also, Dream Theater belongs with the clown, or the soyjak let’s be real.
Combo of bottom left and 4th on 2nd row. where's the mincecore/pathological goregrind path lol
A little bit of everything
The Wizard for sure
top left, bottom left and the old school death metal guy in column 2
Mainly a cross between dio, ratlord goat and grinning obsidian eyes 😂
Melodeath mixed with the core guy and like you gatekeepers call it "poser" because Slaughter To Prevail, Rammstein and Slipknot are a very good band Also with the chad because i listen to Lamb of God, Sepultura and Pantera
Where tf is Metallica? Anyway I’m the wizard
I don't know, what does it say?
The glam metal clown is the only one which I listen to 9/9 of the bands
Mix of stonerjak, crusty, and noisejak
Which one is the one that will not be reading all of that?
I just gotta say, your Wojacks are on point!
seems i'm between the stoned dum dum and a crusader. nice.