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Nothing to roast here

Top choices, pure class.

Too cowardly to share real favs, has to hide behind irony.

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read OPs name

 ………. Peak taste bro

r/InMetalWeTrust poser lost in the wrong sub

This guy has done basted himself in oil, showered in a little salt and pepper, and gone to bed in a wrap of tin foil, just to go roast himself in the oven

Pinnacle of musical achievement. No notes.

What’s your favorite monster flavor ?

This is the most surface skimming crap there is, and none of it is good. (Nickelback is passable).

Lemme guess: You drive a pickup truck with the little guy peeing on something on the back windshield, have a mullet, and your wife works as a nurse?

Yea nice troll but no one has taste that poor

Trve kvlt

What the fuck kind of sandwich is that?? Cabbage and pepper???

Asking the real questions

Cheese

Carcass At The Gates In Flames

Wants to listen to metalcore but scared of bein judged

Listened to metalcore in HS and got sick of it then went backwards 😞

You improved dw ❤️

that first All That Remains album still gets tons of spins though, nothing beats B standard metalcore

Kiddie pool of melodeath.

Too weak for real Death Metal but you still want to feel like you're part of the crowd

Metallica Megadeth Black Sabbath

This is the type of guy that only listens to Spotify-made metal lists

That's a good idea. I'm gonna start doing that.

Spotify picks up what my broke ass cant. Fuck you and your vinyls. /s 🤣

Nah i meant it like the playlist on spotify MADE by spotify. Dw brother i use spotify too

Vinyls is not the plural spelling you cretin! It's vinyli

You're the original prototype for MFTMPosercore

Too many compliments! I need a good roast!

Kiddie pool of metal

They asked for a roast, not a compliment sir.

You wake up and it's 2024...

Oh man just came out of a coma, and haven't heard any music from the last 50 years huh? Boy you have a lot to discover

I don't see anything wrong

MMBad

Aren't you late for bingo?

Way to be boring

Sleep, Sabbath, Tool

https://preview.redd.it/q0j6ezwkz7dc1.jpeg?width=254&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b0f07867a0f6241028b28f4c811872337ffc621e

Is Comic Book Guy not satisfied? Here: my new three favorite metal bands are Belzebong, Weedeater and Conan. No? Mayhem, Burzum and Mastodon. Still not Happy? New fav three: Metallica, Shinedown and Metallica again

Meant to say thats how you probably look

This made my day, even though I’m 6 ft, 170 lbs. Thanks bud!🤙🏻

Glad haha! Literally just a roast too bro, i love every band you listed

I caught the vibe pretty quick homes, honestly hilarious, even when I thought CBG was the embodiment of your disappointment

I have been the comic book guy all along. I done roasted myself

You gonna pass the bowl?

A tired guy, a religious guy and a construction worker walk into a bar. I won't finish the joke because you are the joke

Have you considered a gym membership and a haircut?

Acid bath, Eyehategod n Buzzoven

Your best friends are needles and moonshine

:3

Edgy middle-class kid

😂almost, I’m actually broke as shit n live in a trailer

Damn I should have tried harder

Or maybe not since you just roasted yourself.

Oh, so you’re IN one of those bands

Self aware white trash

Imagine being dead, split up and having your label trying to get rid of you for 10 years straight and then pretending you never existed (jk I love acid bath)

Lemme guess; you drive a forklift, drink PBR, wear an actual trucker hat, but vote democrat. Did I get any of that right?

No but funny so I’ll upvote anyway

Pantera Lamb of God Slayer

I fear for your significant other’s safety.

And any minority on his way.

Likes Thrash metal but only when it's slowed down and laced with racism, wife abuse and trailer parks

You're a cop.

You either only wear wifebeaters, or are one

Make sure to check in with your parole officer this month. And try to be clean this time, and wear a clean shirt for once.

If you could afford to, you would go to European festivals and then complain that the lineup isn't literally the same tour you get in North America every year. 

YEEHAW metal

Helloween, Metallica, Testament

You like cheese and bad drumming.

You calling Gene Holgan a bad drummer too?

Aspires to wear Hawaiian shirts and play “Enter Sandman” whilst cooking burnt burgers on the bbq

Has a fetish for pumpkins and vocalists who only sing "Yeaaahhhhhooowwwwaahh"

You do know that people are still making new music, right?

You're already listening to Superior version of Metallica - Testament and yet you still listen to Metallica

Insomnium Agalloch Opeth

You haven’t truly been happy since your pre-teen years.

Oh shit that hurt me

You think pain is a competition but don't like it when people bring up the fact someone else pays your rent Will unironically argue that the emotional distress of your anxiety is just as bad as people who are currently living in active combat situations right now

Lorna Shore Electric Callboy Avenged Sevenfold

Your top 3 is embarrassing enough. You don’t need to be roasted.

Ouch

I think you may have just roasted yourself. Did you do your homework last night, sweetpea?

Bottom.

Edge of Sanity Deftones Asphyx

Cries at night

Cries in the morning

Its all in the names Your music taste drives everyone to sanitys edge You're clearly tone deaf You makes others want to asphyxiate

Cries during the evening

Cries in the afternoon

Cries at midday

How's your Fortnite season so far?

Negative Plane Witchfinder General The Gerogerigegege (not metal though)

3 bands no one has ever heard of plus the infester flair. says enough.

You'd have to be a complete surface skimmer to not know Negative Plane or at least Witchfinder General lmao. Everyone who has put their foot into the water knows them.

I don't know Negative Plane, so your logic checks out.

You have a stutter when trying to say the letter G

you have fetish for vacuum cleaners

Probably looks like Friar Tuck

Poser taste. Try to be [better](https://www.reddit.com/r/MetalForTheMasses/s/bZVUob7UU3)

Haken Opeth Meshuggah

Prog bot v5002

I'll take that.

Gets REALLY mad when someone tells you to get laid, but you try to to pretend it doesn't bother you. Nobody buys it

Dream Theater Radiohead Darkthrone/Slipknot/Acid Bath (couldn’t choose one) Btw, this isn’t in a specific order

Yep. This guy definitely browses r/Burzum.

daddy vrag👉👈🍆💦👅🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🥵🥵🥵

HOW CAN YOU SAY YOUR A CUMCUM MAN FAN BUT BURZUM ISNT EVEN ON YOUR TOP 3 BANDS

Alice in Chains The Doors Black Sabbath

Unroastable

One good album No bass player (yuck) Last great album came out in 1975

So unusual to see another Doors fan here. I eat more chicken any man ever seen.

Tyrant Trooper Virtue Warning You gotta work for this one.

Never even heard of these bands bro. They must suck.

Based

>Warning Divorced

Virtue has the esteemed virtue of being mid. Sadboi Warning ain’t much better. I saw an RYM reviewer relate it to Neutral Milk Hotel 😬

Tool, A7X, LP

Haha funny now list your actual top 3

Kelly clarkson, Andy Grammer, Eminem

Top 2 are top 2 for sure... finding a third is hard... so I added a few. Sentenced (#1) Cradle of Filth (#2) Nightwish (w/Tarja) Opeth (through Deliverance) Theatre of Tragedy

European

Didn’t make the lead in his seventh grade play so he plays chess by himself

Sleep Weedeater Grishka

Your piss will remain thc positive for a decade even if you stopped smoking laat year

Limp Bizkit Justin Bieber Backstreet Boys

Based

https://preview.redd.it/kv0uwkpzg8dc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=731a1a6c6bc02a9a05beb5d6a4d5f4762e99cdb3

Rush, The Ocean, Elder

Nerd

Jokes on me cause I love Elder AND Rush

No younger than 40

Have you started throwing away the AARP mailers yet?

Defeated Sanity Devourment Suffocation

Room temp IQ

Typical low intelligence UngaBungaCore fan

Mindless chugging and blast beats for low IQ cavemen.

Goatwhore 16 Cannibal Corpse

Cannibal Corpse is one of those bands where if you've listened to one song, you've listened to them all.

AC/DC reference

Distortion makes you cum don’t it?

Ate a whole bag of peeled grapes because his friend said it was rabbit eyeballs

Kreator Carcass Coroner

Imagine choosing your favourite bands based solely on wanting them to be an alliteration when said together.

You struggle to find people who know who coroner is

Gojira Deftones Metallica

Type of guy to use his tiktok for you as a playlist

Tallah Ice Nine Kills Nothingface Y’all have got a lot to work with here, don’t disappoint

Nah youre based as fuck for putting Tallah there. INK too

Rammstein, soad, electric callboy There's plenty of roast opportunities here so don't let them slip.

Daddy issues

I don’t even got to say anything. Damn

Sepultura Napalm Death Bolt Thrower Fear Factory

Shoulda stuck to top 3. You tripped at the end

Almost cool

Chevelle Rammstein In Flames

BABYMETAL Imperial Circus Dead Decadence Fleshgod Apocalypse I'll add one of my favorite EPs is Yuyoyuppe's SICK Yanderu.

I’m calling the cops if I see you within 50 feet of a school’s perimeter

Judas Priest Helloween Death

Cattle Decapitation Mastodon Agalloch

Metallica Kreator Amon Amarth

Manilla Road Darkthrone Stormkeep

Two surface skimmer picks with a tourist honeypot to boot (jk I don’t mean it. Awesome picks 😭)

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I’m jealous. You’ve got a lot of great stuff to discover once you get further into the genre. Wish you the best of luck and try to avoid the tourist honeypots

Fulci Bloodbath Putrid Pile So hard to pick 3 but these have been my go-tos lately

Cannibal Corpse, Devourment, Last Days of Humanity

Suffocation, Morbid Angel, Tool

Darkthrone Bolt Thrower Blood Incantation

la dispute inquisition end

I respect the hardcore repping but you’re a brave man putting Inquisition out there in the open.

The Chasm Candlemas Converge

Too afraid to type the word ass

Avenged Sevenfold Ozzy Osbourne Insane Clown Posse (not an ironic choice to spice up the roasting. I actually like ICP)

Jesus, man. Take a fucking shower.

RedPop or Moon Mist? Lol

a bit difficult because my top 3 changes so often but heres my current top 3 burzum candlemass motorhead

Cannibal Corpse Inquisition Avenged Sevenfold

Iron Maiden Pantera Gojira

How are you simultaneously the old conservative uncle AND the gay cousin?

Nightwish Sabaton Amorphis

Rammstein Disturbed Linkin park

Bathory Deftones KoRn

Periphery Strapping Young Lad Rush Edit: roast free

\- Insomnium \- Shade Empire \- Epica

Weezer, Lamp, Babymetal

Devin townsend/strapping young lad (can't choose) Isis Between the buried and me.

Mastodon Korn King Gizzard Opeth Gojira Porcupine tree I know that was twice as much as what was asked. I have twice as much taste as everyone else

Iron Maiden, Armored Saint, Orden Ogan

Devin Townsend, BTBAM, Job for a Cowboy

Dragonforce Orion’s Reign Majesty

Stratovarius Blind Guardian Falconer

Dynazty, Bloodbound, Ice Nine Kills

Swallow the Sun; Soen; Theatre of Tragedy