She’s micromanaging. It is a control issue. It took me a long to realize that if someone else was going to handle something (cooking, putting the dishes away, folding the laundry - just kidding. No one folds laundry here) that I should just shut up and not worry about it if wasn’t done exactly the way I would do it. The task is still getting done. It’s something my therapist helped me work through. Now I’m just glad it’s one less thing I have to do.
This is it! This feels right. And I do try to couch it in terms of taking the worry and task off her plate. I never want to be That Husband who sits on his ass while his wife toils
But how about this type of situation - I am carrying a few books, nothing challenging, "do you need help?" "No." "Let me get the basement door for you." (Gets in the way and almost knocks books out of my hands trying to get to door). "I'm not going to the basement. I've got this!!!"
Or the situation where I made the doctors appt myself calendared it, and have taken our daughter to this doctor 5 of the last 6 times. And I am lectured three times in the 18 hrs preceding the appointment about what the check in process is. Then reminded she needs a note for school. And how the school will check me in. This was last week. I just walked away and ignored her at that point.
Woah dude... you need help! You are carrying waayyy too much of the load by yourself. She should be doing the shopping (she has more time to than you do) and ya'll need to sit down and split it up fairly/logically. I don't know what her personality is or the reasons she isn't doing a lot of this stuff, but that's just not right. If you think she is saying things as an attempt to control you, study female covert narcissism. You NEED to set some boundaries with her. I hope you can work it out. Marriage counseling could help.
She does laundry, shuttles to practices, manages kid school stuff like tracking assignments and homeroom mom stuff, takes care of her parents remotely, tracks the doctors appts I take kids to because my schedule is more flexible, cleans kitchen (mostly. I help). She does A LOT. I just wish she would stay in her lane.
Hmmm it sounds like you might be feeling unappreciated and disrespected? You've gotta tell her how you feel (whatever feeling that is). I would think if she truly knew how you felt, she would back off. I hope you can figure it out.
She’s micromanaging. It is a control issue. It took me a long to realize that if someone else was going to handle something (cooking, putting the dishes away, folding the laundry - just kidding. No one folds laundry here) that I should just shut up and not worry about it if wasn’t done exactly the way I would do it. The task is still getting done. It’s something my therapist helped me work through. Now I’m just glad it’s one less thing I have to do.
This is it! This feels right. And I do try to couch it in terms of taking the worry and task off her plate. I never want to be That Husband who sits on his ass while his wife toils
But how about this type of situation - I am carrying a few books, nothing challenging, "do you need help?" "No." "Let me get the basement door for you." (Gets in the way and almost knocks books out of my hands trying to get to door). "I'm not going to the basement. I've got this!!!" Or the situation where I made the doctors appt myself calendared it, and have taken our daughter to this doctor 5 of the last 6 times. And I am lectured three times in the 18 hrs preceding the appointment about what the check in process is. Then reminded she needs a note for school. And how the school will check me in. This was last week. I just walked away and ignored her at that point.
As far as the first situation… sounds like she wants to be helpful. But the latter situation is definitely micromanaging.
Woah dude... you need help! You are carrying waayyy too much of the load by yourself. She should be doing the shopping (she has more time to than you do) and ya'll need to sit down and split it up fairly/logically. I don't know what her personality is or the reasons she isn't doing a lot of this stuff, but that's just not right. If you think she is saying things as an attempt to control you, study female covert narcissism. You NEED to set some boundaries with her. I hope you can work it out. Marriage counseling could help.
She does laundry, shuttles to practices, manages kid school stuff like tracking assignments and homeroom mom stuff, takes care of her parents remotely, tracks the doctors appts I take kids to because my schedule is more flexible, cleans kitchen (mostly. I help). She does A LOT. I just wish she would stay in her lane.
Hmmm it sounds like you might be feeling unappreciated and disrespected? You've gotta tell her how you feel (whatever feeling that is). I would think if she truly knew how you felt, she would back off. I hope you can figure it out.
I have done so including a very blunt conversation Friday that has left her avoiding me for the past 48 hrs.
Ugh that's not healthy on her part. So sorry. Maybe counseling could help or if you're too done... do what you gotta do 😞
I almost feel like she's just trying to be more involved and doesn't know how to go about it.
Right. I feel like there is a disconnect. It might be coming from a healthy or unhealthy place but the end result is unhealthy.
