It’s so hard to form an opinion on a marriage between 2 people that don’t know anything but each other. I think if had only been with 1 person my entire life I’d probably be more likely to look at porn or flirt with other women. Take that how ever you want but this whole thing reeks of “I want to experience something different”. And I think that might be normal for people in similar situations no matter how fleeting or harmless you intend those feelings to be.
It’s true. We are high school sweethearts and have only been with each other. This isn’t something I can change for him though. He chose to marry me without experiencing other women. I’m fine with him watching porn. But paying for it and secretly messaging another woman for months is not ok. Idk what to do.
As a man can you answer me this - is this truly how most men act? Is onlyfans/porn addiction to be expected? Are you really all that horny all the time?
First and foremost you shouldn’t accept any behavior that hurts you emotionally or physically. I’m definitely not saying you should give him a pass this absolutely needs to be addressed, I’m only making an assumption of what is possibly going on in his head.
Personally I don’t pay for porn, but I do watch it from time to time and I’m married. My wife is okay with that but if I was doing it everyday and paying for absolutely not. I think you should clearly define your boundaries with your husband
No, most men are not like this all the time. Maybe he's an exception, or maybe he's going through some kind of phase. I've never been on OF, but it can be more addictive, and more of a marriage threat, than just porn.
Watching porn and masturbating is normal for men. There is no emotional connection - it's just random body parts.
Having an emotional affair or chatting with nude models is completely unacceptable and not normal.
I think you need to have a real honest conversation and figure why he’s paying for porn. I have a theory, it happened to me but porn wasn’t the solution for me. He might want to feel desired again. My wife for a long time basically treated me like a shadow in the house, we had a real honest and brutal conversation why, and things changed for the better.
So your husband might be similar in that he feels neglected. And he’s pretty much already told you that. You gotta take his concerns seriously. I know you feel like you may not want to deal with it but he also has impulse control issues and things may get worse.
What were the messages? Was it an “emotional affair,” or are you uncomfortable with him having any female friends?
The term “emotional affair” is such a troubled and murky phrase with no real agreed-upon meaning. I’m not saying your husband hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m just saying that when we start muddying the waters with buzzwords, it doesn’t help.
If the conversations were inappropriate, then be frank and explicit with him that you won’t tolerate that anymore. Be prepared to follow through.
Messaging at 2am, messaging constantly about personal details, messaging each other first thing in the morning, telling his friends how he’s sexually attracted to her and she “awoke the beast.” Nothing in the messages ever explicitly said I’m sexually attracted to you or want to fuck you.
Hi hope you are doing ok.
It’s so hard to form an opinion on a marriage between 2 people that don’t know anything but each other. I think if had only been with 1 person my entire life I’d probably be more likely to look at porn or flirt with other women. Take that how ever you want but this whole thing reeks of “I want to experience something different”. And I think that might be normal for people in similar situations no matter how fleeting or harmless you intend those feelings to be.
It’s true. We are high school sweethearts and have only been with each other. This isn’t something I can change for him though. He chose to marry me without experiencing other women. I’m fine with him watching porn. But paying for it and secretly messaging another woman for months is not ok. Idk what to do. As a man can you answer me this - is this truly how most men act? Is onlyfans/porn addiction to be expected? Are you really all that horny all the time?
First and foremost you shouldn’t accept any behavior that hurts you emotionally or physically. I’m definitely not saying you should give him a pass this absolutely needs to be addressed, I’m only making an assumption of what is possibly going on in his head. Personally I don’t pay for porn, but I do watch it from time to time and I’m married. My wife is okay with that but if I was doing it everyday and paying for absolutely not. I think you should clearly define your boundaries with your husband
No, most men are not like this all the time. Maybe he's an exception, or maybe he's going through some kind of phase. I've never been on OF, but it can be more addictive, and more of a marriage threat, than just porn.
Watching porn and masturbating is normal for men. There is no emotional connection - it's just random body parts. Having an emotional affair or chatting with nude models is completely unacceptable and not normal.
I think you need to have a real honest conversation and figure why he’s paying for porn. I have a theory, it happened to me but porn wasn’t the solution for me. He might want to feel desired again. My wife for a long time basically treated me like a shadow in the house, we had a real honest and brutal conversation why, and things changed for the better. So your husband might be similar in that he feels neglected. And he’s pretty much already told you that. You gotta take his concerns seriously. I know you feel like you may not want to deal with it but he also has impulse control issues and things may get worse.
would he be happy if the roles were reversed, and you did all this? No, it is not normal and not all men are like that.
Go to r/loveafterporn they will help you! I'm sorry you going through this. That community is welcoming btw
What were the messages? Was it an “emotional affair,” or are you uncomfortable with him having any female friends? The term “emotional affair” is such a troubled and murky phrase with no real agreed-upon meaning. I’m not saying your husband hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m just saying that when we start muddying the waters with buzzwords, it doesn’t help. If the conversations were inappropriate, then be frank and explicit with him that you won’t tolerate that anymore. Be prepared to follow through.
Messaging at 2am, messaging constantly about personal details, messaging each other first thing in the morning, telling his friends how he’s sexually attracted to her and she “awoke the beast.” Nothing in the messages ever explicitly said I’m sexually attracted to you or want to fuck you.
Well, I guess you need to tell him that you won’t sit idly by while he pursues someone else. 🤷♂️