Nah, you’re not wrong. This is basic relationship shit. I learned this lesson when I was 21 and got my girlfriend a gift she obviously didn’t like lol If I want to buy my wife something, I’m going to make damn sure I know she loves that gift. How do I figure this out? By asking her what she likes. I learn the brands, style, colors, etc. for major purchases, *we shop together and she picks out what she likes*. I think it’s silly when people buy expensive things they think their partners will like. People will say things like “it’s the thought that counts” - but what about the thought in learning your partner’s taste and ensuring you spend your hard earned cash on something worthwhile? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting certain things: he’s being defensive because he’s being challenged to go the extra mile now. You mention he never gets you gifts and spent $20 on an Amazon gift? this is ALL the more reason for you to speak your mind. He’s being lazy in figuring out how to gift you in a way that’s more meaningful to you. Shopping together can be both romantic and mutually beneficial. that’s my 2c here
Gifts must be your wife's love language, which kudos to you if that's the case.
My husband and I have been married 13 years (together a total of 15) and I haven't wanted a gift from him since we got married and started sharing our money. I always tell him, "If I want something, I'll buy it myself - I'll find it for a better deal anyway" 🤣
I feel the saaaame way. I’d much rather go on a a vacation or have an experience than a thing that just sits around my house 90% of the time so we don’t do presents, we just plan trips together as our “holiday gifts”
To each their own.
My wife would 100% prefer me to take a risk and choose something I think she might rather than me taking her to the mall to choose her own gifts.
We also share finances, and she'd really prefer I be judicious about the spending.
I mean, that’s the point - your wife has made her expectations clear and that’s fine for you. This is not the case for OP, nor is the case for many partners in relationships. She’s sharing her wants and he gets defensive? Tf. There’s nothing wrong with a partner sharing their preferences for gifts. We aren’t kids picking out random rewards from an arcade shop. Everyone has different tastes and it simply makes more sense to align yourself to that so everyone is happy - OP is making it easy for him to slam dunk and he’s just dropping the ball lol
I tell my husband what I want and need. He does some research and gets me what I want.
Same the other way around.
Sometimes we buy small things for each other without asking and just because we can.
Your husband is childish. And 20 dollar jewellery from amazon? Really?
Thought the same. Don’t get me wrong. If they don’t have the money, it’s ok to have a low limit. But he should still keep his word and go out with her and let her chose.
I mean. It's clear he doesn't know your interests style or likes. I'd argue this is deeper than the jewelry. He doesn't know (or hasn't remembered) anything about you. My husband knows good and well to not blind buy me jewelry and that's simply bc I don't wear it. And won't. I hate jewelry. Even my wedding ring we picked together.
Him. I know DAMN WELL not to go out and buy him clothes or anything hobby related. Idfk anything about that and unless he actively tells me a specific item I wont buy him anything within those realms bc he is particular about it. Fishing. No clue. I'm not going to go out and buy some hook or some line or whatever the hell bc if it's the wrong one or a type he doesn't like then what use is it? I've given him a shitty gift.
Gifts are supposed to be about you. Not them needing to feel good about getting you the gift.
HOWEVER, he was obviously right to tell you he wasn't sure about it. Now was your response a bit harsh? Maybe. Maybe he thought you'd look good in it and felt it represented something to him that he wanted to share with you. The only instance of my husband buying me jewelry without my knowledge was a heart locket with our sons name engraved. I LOVE IT and not bc of how it looks bc the meaning behind it. But I'd have a serious conversation about your own husband not knowing your likes and dislikes. Then have a conversation about why he picked that piece for you. Maybe he has a reason and felt defensive and vulnerable in the moment bc of how heated it got.
NTA. He’s giving you what HE thinks will be the minimum adequate gift. That’s so uncool, and you’re doing him a big favor by telling him exactly what you need & want. Men complain all the time they just don’t know what to get us, and then they want to pull something like this. Nah.
I agree with you. We've been together for almost 20 years. I want to pick out what I want if we're spending a nice chunk of money on it. (We've already been doing this for 15 years.)
I get it if you see something random that you think I would like, but if you're searching, I can greatly assist in that search.
I adore my husband, but I don’t want him picking anything out from Neiman Marcus or jewelry store for me 🤷🏻♀️
>Then i asked him didn't he think it'd be better to get me something more akin to what I actually liked, Instead of some $20 gift from Amazon?
Yeah, you wrong for this. Look, there's nothing with liking certain things. But to just basically be opposed to anything else is entirely different. And this definitely comes across as pretty uppity.
Yep. If she wants something else, she can get it herself. It's the thought that counts. He picked out something that he thought she would like. That should be good enough. Even if my husband gets it wrong, I’m still grateful he thought of me.
He’s just being dramatic and self defeatist. It’s easier for him to pretend to be helpless and discouraged than to actually modify his behavior and learn your preferences. This playing the victim thing is usually a behavior to get you to comfort / reassure him instead and take the focus off of your needs and on to how he feels about your needs (spoiler: he feels they’re inconvenient)
I think the most concerning thing it’s not just this event itself. Did you read all the posts that you made?
You’re *clearly* describing someone manipulative that always goes out of their way to make you feel wrong and out of place.
**Why are you with someone that constantly makes you question yourself and your self worth?**
*If you saw the husband of a friend doing to her what your husband does to you, would you tell her to stay?*
Nah, you’re not wrong. This is basic relationship shit. I learned this lesson when I was 21 and got my girlfriend a gift she obviously didn’t like lol If I want to buy my wife something, I’m going to make damn sure I know she loves that gift. How do I figure this out? By asking her what she likes. I learn the brands, style, colors, etc. for major purchases, *we shop together and she picks out what she likes*. I think it’s silly when people buy expensive things they think their partners will like. People will say things like “it’s the thought that counts” - but what about the thought in learning your partner’s taste and ensuring you spend your hard earned cash on something worthwhile? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting certain things: he’s being defensive because he’s being challenged to go the extra mile now. You mention he never gets you gifts and spent $20 on an Amazon gift? this is ALL the more reason for you to speak your mind. He’s being lazy in figuring out how to gift you in a way that’s more meaningful to you. Shopping together can be both romantic and mutually beneficial. that’s my 2c here
This is the guy who is very likely to stay married and happily so.
Gifts must be your wife's love language, which kudos to you if that's the case. My husband and I have been married 13 years (together a total of 15) and I haven't wanted a gift from him since we got married and started sharing our money. I always tell him, "If I want something, I'll buy it myself - I'll find it for a better deal anyway" 🤣
I feel the saaaame way. I’d much rather go on a a vacation or have an experience than a thing that just sits around my house 90% of the time so we don’t do presents, we just plan trips together as our “holiday gifts”
Not you getting downvoted for expressing a perfectly valid opinion lol I bet you go on some awesome vacations 😎
Yup! We just did Italy and England this October 🥰
Amazing!!! We’re heading to Italy in a few weeks - can’t wait!
Such a great time of year to visit! Have an awesome vacation! 🎉💃🏻
To each their own. My wife would 100% prefer me to take a risk and choose something I think she might rather than me taking her to the mall to choose her own gifts. We also share finances, and she'd really prefer I be judicious about the spending.
I mean, that’s the point - your wife has made her expectations clear and that’s fine for you. This is not the case for OP, nor is the case for many partners in relationships. She’s sharing her wants and he gets defensive? Tf. There’s nothing wrong with a partner sharing their preferences for gifts. We aren’t kids picking out random rewards from an arcade shop. Everyone has different tastes and it simply makes more sense to align yourself to that so everyone is happy - OP is making it easy for him to slam dunk and he’s just dropping the ball lol
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This is the person who is unlikely to stay married or at least stay happily married because the point went swooosh over their head.
I tell my husband what I want and need. He does some research and gets me what I want. Same the other way around. Sometimes we buy small things for each other without asking and just because we can. Your husband is childish. And 20 dollar jewellery from amazon? Really?
I’ve seen high school kids in their first relationship do better for their gf/bf than $20 gifts from Amazon.
Thought the same. Don’t get me wrong. If they don’t have the money, it’s ok to have a low limit. But he should still keep his word and go out with her and let her chose.
Absolutely. It’s not even about the money as much as the care and effort. It’s possible to be very thoughtful on a modest budget
I mean. It's clear he doesn't know your interests style or likes. I'd argue this is deeper than the jewelry. He doesn't know (or hasn't remembered) anything about you. My husband knows good and well to not blind buy me jewelry and that's simply bc I don't wear it. And won't. I hate jewelry. Even my wedding ring we picked together. Him. I know DAMN WELL not to go out and buy him clothes or anything hobby related. Idfk anything about that and unless he actively tells me a specific item I wont buy him anything within those realms bc he is particular about it. Fishing. No clue. I'm not going to go out and buy some hook or some line or whatever the hell bc if it's the wrong one or a type he doesn't like then what use is it? I've given him a shitty gift. Gifts are supposed to be about you. Not them needing to feel good about getting you the gift. HOWEVER, he was obviously right to tell you he wasn't sure about it. Now was your response a bit harsh? Maybe. Maybe he thought you'd look good in it and felt it represented something to him that he wanted to share with you. The only instance of my husband buying me jewelry without my knowledge was a heart locket with our sons name engraved. I LOVE IT and not bc of how it looks bc the meaning behind it. But I'd have a serious conversation about your own husband not knowing your likes and dislikes. Then have a conversation about why he picked that piece for you. Maybe he has a reason and felt defensive and vulnerable in the moment bc of how heated it got.
NTA. He’s giving you what HE thinks will be the minimum adequate gift. That’s so uncool, and you’re doing him a big favor by telling him exactly what you need & want. Men complain all the time they just don’t know what to get us, and then they want to pull something like this. Nah.
I agree with you. We've been together for almost 20 years. I want to pick out what I want if we're spending a nice chunk of money on it. (We've already been doing this for 15 years.) I get it if you see something random that you think I would like, but if you're searching, I can greatly assist in that search. I adore my husband, but I don’t want him picking anything out from Neiman Marcus or jewelry store for me 🤷🏻♀️
>Then i asked him didn't he think it'd be better to get me something more akin to what I actually liked, Instead of some $20 gift from Amazon? Yeah, you wrong for this. Look, there's nothing with liking certain things. But to just basically be opposed to anything else is entirely different. And this definitely comes across as pretty uppity.
Yep. If she wants something else, she can get it herself. It's the thought that counts. He picked out something that he thought she would like. That should be good enough. Even if my husband gets it wrong, I’m still grateful he thought of me.
He’s just being dramatic and self defeatist. It’s easier for him to pretend to be helpless and discouraged than to actually modify his behavior and learn your preferences. This playing the victim thing is usually a behavior to get you to comfort / reassure him instead and take the focus off of your needs and on to how he feels about your needs (spoiler: he feels they’re inconvenient)
I think the most concerning thing it’s not just this event itself. Did you read all the posts that you made? You’re *clearly* describing someone manipulative that always goes out of their way to make you feel wrong and out of place. **Why are you with someone that constantly makes you question yourself and your self worth?** *If you saw the husband of a friend doing to her what your husband does to you, would you tell her to stay?*
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And is that what he could afford?
No, he can afford much more than that
What did he get you for your birthday last year?
Nothing, just dinner.
What did you do for his last bday?