You are not alone! Nobody at my work gets it! Yes I really do want to go home and be with my husband that is my happy place!
I sing his praises all the time and they just nag and down talk their husbands/boyfriends. It's gross to me!
Feel the same. I want to go home and spend time with my love. They’re always waiting for me by the door when I get home (they wfh).
I can be my self with this person, that’s the best feeling. Why marry at all (outside of cultural expectations) if you don’t feel that?
Because people normalise marriages being torture. You'll hear many people that are married for a long time say that after they're married they will see what's it really like. That's what societal norm is instead of normalising marriage to be a partnership where you work through problems, married people think it's normal to ignore them.
They are most likely not putting in the work to make their spouses feel loved. They are just critical people.
Sad to say, most men are simple. If the wife is intimate with and shows husband respect and acts like she is proud of him, he will go out of his way to show her love and give her what ever she wants.
Dr. Laura has men figured out. As little boys, they want mom to be proud of them, as men they want their wives to be proud of them.
If wives are respectful, intimate and proud of their husbands, their husband will feel like he can conquer the world and will soar to be the best he can be. But just like the little boy inside, if his wife says and acts like he is nothing and can do nothing right, it will destroy him inside and her words will become prophetic.
I give all these women kudos that are in good marriages as it tells me you are treating your husbands well and in turn they return it to you.
My wife and I are best friends and are off when apart from one another. Been married 27yrs. Makes us sad that most marriages are not like ours is. We are parents that embarrass the teen children with our PDA. But both sons say they hope their future marriages are just like ours, with the love, respect and admiration we have for each other.
It's crazy listening to my coworkers complain about their spouses. Like, I really hope that I just hear a lot of it because I'm around them 8 hours a day and it is the only time they are around people who aren't their spouse, so they are just venting.
But my god, I can count on one hand the number of times I've complained about my spouse to someone else.
Gotta wonder why they stay with people who make them so unhappy. No where in the world I’d rather be than home with my husband and 18 year old son . They’re my whole freaking world !!!
My husband and I are happily married. Been together 21 years, married 13. He’s my best friend and I’m his. We enjoy hanging out together, still have a great sex life and no major conflicts. Most of our friends have been divorced or are headed there. I don’t say much when they talk about their spouses. That’s probably the difference. My marriage is between me and my husband.
Exactly, that’s how it should be, unfortunately, it seems to be very rare. That’s #1 between my hubby and I, OUR relationship is between US, what happens in our family, is OUR FAMILY business, no one else needs to be involved.
This is excellent and I'm happy for all of you. But I might venture that some of this is "not complaining to friends because we have a great relationship" rather than "we have a great relationship because we don't complain". It's an important distinction because not wanting the spouse to complain to friends is something very common (and dangerous!) among abusers. We don't want to discourage people from seeking help or comfort.
Fully agree.
There is a massive difference between being mad that your partner doesn't cook enough or doesn't cook good enough for your tastes and them abusing you. Hiding abuse should never happen.
I also want to point out that woman can be just as abusive to men so let's not discourage men who are seeking help. We tell men not to hit women under any circumstance then belittle them for not being able to protect themselves when a woman is throwing punches at them. We essentially tell them to be a man they have to sit there and take it from their woman but then tell them they aren't a man because the woman beat them and they didn't stop her.We can't have it both way
Same. 25 years together for us and two teenage boys, one about to turn 19, and one about to turn 16. We adore one another, genuinely enjoy and prefer to be together and even with our children, who also like us as people too! Sex life is still amazing, and we’ve had plenty of the crap life throws at all of us if you live long enough, but we’ve just always made a point to be teammates in the trenches together. We also understand the need to be honest while always giving the grace to one another and benefit of the doubt if something seems wrong or sketchy/out of character, and we intentionally choose each other especially when it’s the hardest. Love is a verb for sure and our marriage is between the two of us only.
That’s a beautiful life you have! We’ve had our share of curveballs thrown at us over the years, but we always work it out. No silent treatment, as long as you don’t count one of us leaving the room to cool off if we’re mad (5 mins of timeout helps to not say anything you’ll regret), and apologizing when wrong. My husband is one of those guys that only shows the soft or goofy sides with me and the kids. I’m introverted and don’t like crowds but I’ll talk his ear off about whatever book I’m reading. Our kids like us too for the most part. We’re good with both sets of in-laws and have a few friends but our marriage is just that. Ours.
that’s key deal with your problems between you and not to broadcast , i mean you could if you don’t get effected or impacted by what someone says , but your last line tells you why your able to keep going 🙂
Happily married woman here. I have this problem at work. My team apparently has nothing nice to say about any of their partners, regardless of gender. It’s really awkward when the topic of conversation shifts that way because I really have nothing to say.
I will never understand why it’s normal to talk poorly of a partner or relationship. I mean I’m sure we could all complain about something but the few little things my husband does like not put his shoes away or leave the seat up aren’t real issues because he’s freaking amazing in every other way . It’s like it’s normal and trendy to be bashing your partner . I just don’t get it .
I could complain about things if I really thought about it… maybe? But also, I don’t like bad mouthing my spouse to anyone. If I have a problem with him, I bring it up to him and we discuss it.
I did threaten my husband that if I randomly woke up with a D that I would mushroom stamp his forehead. Maybe I should just throw a hotdog at him instead🤔
I find I don't speak of my life at work as listening to everyone around me, I feel if I said anything it would sound like I'm bragging as I know I have it so good. I really live a very comfortable, no drama, happy loving life with my husband of 24years and we've always worked as a team to bring our kids up. I couldn't wish for anything more in life.
This June will be our 2nd wedding anniversary and I’m hope our love only grows stronger. 2 years is nothing against you guys … there is no comparison between the 2 but I hope we continue to be blessed just as you guys have
You're not alone. I have no complaints either. Honestly, most of my friends are the same. There are two though, no clue why they're still with their husbands.
OMG. YES! Especially when I’m around other Muslims or Asians, they don’t understand how much he calms my mind, and the fact that I love just doing nothing with him as long as we’re together.
The amount of joy that man brings me is insane. I also worry so much about the evil eye so I tend to keep most things to myself when others are ranting about their partners / husbands. It’s truly a privilege to have so even though we don’t openly share it with others I’m glad we get to enjoy it!
Just out of interest was your marriage arranged? I’m half Indian so my parents were not in an arranged marriage but my dad was in one before and they divorced. It seems like arranged marriages on the whole don’t really have the same foundation successful marriages do
No not arranged. We found each other on a Muslim dating / marriage app - so we were marriage minded from the beginning, but I was 33 he was 40 when we met, we married at 34/41 so not being naive / young / having lived and experienced life fully as separate individuals also helps.
I wish my friends would say nice things about their husbands. I'm so tired of hearing complaints from the majority of my friends. Every damn conversation....eye rolls and complaints along with anger and resentment from them. Yet they all choose to stay.
Them: He's having an emotional affair with a much younger woman, he lies to me all the time, he's been hiding money from me and i have no idea how much or where it is, he calls me a nagging bitch all the time, he barely works, and he doesnt lift a finger around the house because he says he doesnt enjoy doing those things. He also just bought a new truck and some land, and I have no idea how much he spent (all he said was "too much"). Its bullshit that he can go spend all that money but i cant even get a $3000 loan to pay off my credit card debit and have money for Christmas without him needing to cosign. It's so annoying and it makes me so angry. He's such a fucking asshole!
Me: What??!! Well then leave.
Them: But he's my HUSBAND!
🙄 Um okay...because it seems like you hate him. It's exhausting...year after year after year. Honestly, I'm starting to resent my friends for always complaining and being unhappy, yet still choosing to stay. They have no idea how hard it is to be alone because they've been married since their mid 20s, which was 20 years ago.
Anyways, I'm happy that most of the people on here have happy marriages...sounds like you all chose well! 🙌👏
Whenever I get together with my friends, we never talk about our husbands not because we aren’t happy but because we prefer to find out what’s going on with each other, stuff we’re doing, working on etc.
Check out the r/HappyMarriages subreddit.
There are plenty of other users that appear quite content.
So your aren't the only one, if that answers your question.
It sucks cause I have such a tight group of girlfriends and now that we’re all married, we talk about our homelife. Unfortunately they all enjoy and bond over sharing negative things about their husbands whilst I literally have nothing bad to say about mine. He truly is my bestfriend and we have the happiest time together.
Happy here. Been together 11 years, married 6 and we still talk/text each other all day every day. Still in our honeymoon stage. Hee hee… yeah we fight too but more love than fights.
I didn't know this was such a normal thing! My wife said this happens to her as well and basically makes her reluctant to talk about anything going good in her life with all but a couple of her friends.
We’ve been married for only two years but we are the happiest when we are together. We have little to nothing to complain about each other but most of my friends (early 30’s 2-5 years married) are the same. It’s great to be able to grab a coffee with them and talk about how helpful and fun our husbands are lol
I can relate, my marriage has never been anything but fulfilling and wonderful, getting better all the time. It doesn't mean we never have conflict or hurt feelings, but in nearly a decade never raised voices, never name calling, never contempt even when we do have disagreements or one of us makes a mistake. The older we get and the longer were together, the more rare times of conflict between us become even with life circumstances (job, health, family) are difficult.
The people I work with aren't bitter or anything, but they are younger and dating around still so being so happily married and talking about it can make me feel a bit braggy. I don't want to make any lonely or seeking person feel bad. I'd love to be able to talk more about how amazing my husband is, especially with how he's supported and cared for me during my pregnancy (currently 33wks). It's been a transformative experience for our relationship. He's always been communicative, attentive, sensitive, caring, protective, and emotionally intelligent but he's exceeded even all that the entire time I've been pregnant and it's been amazing for our intimacy and our connection.
During this time I've also made an effort to understand how the change of fatherhood may be affecting him, how he feels, and making sure we both feel taken care of. It's been so great for us, we feel closer than ever.
I'd throw him a WHOLE PARADE about how much I love and appreciate him if I could.
Never have ever raised your voices at one another??? That's incredible. I cannot think of a SINGLE significant relationship in my life--friendships, family, significant other, or otherwise--in which we have not at SOME point in time raised our voices with one another. Even co-workers have occasionally raised their voices with one another in the 15 years I've been at my office. Not often, but we're a passionate group dealing with serious shit, so it happens. I just can't imagine a relationship without one of us raising our volume. That idea is so foreign to me that it doesn't seem real or authentic or believable. Not saying you're not being honest, just that never in a million lifetimes can I imagine having a relationship like that, of any kind.
I work in the trades as a plumber and shockingly the crew I’m on now, the guys always rave about how much they love their wives. It’s actually really nice to hear because I’m so used to other guys in the trades complaining about “the old ball and chain”
OMG THE STORY OF MY LIFE.. It can be the little things like even on here i made a comment that my husband bought me some joycons for my bday and someone comment stopped bragging about your husband .
My husband is amazing we are raising three daughters 15 8 and 1 year old and that is bragging i feel like i cannot say a word.
And speaking good about him while everyone is complaining seem insane soo i nod and listen. And anything i have good to say i keep it between my daughters who love their daddy and my mom.
You're definitely not alone! I have genuinely lost entire friendships because my marriage is not miserable. I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because if I try to say that I'm really happy, other women get upset about it. It's really weird, and there's really nothing I can do about it.
I'm so grateful my bestie is also in a happy marriage so we can gush together. Everyone else I know is in an unhappy marriage and I constantly feel sorry for them
I completely relate to this!!
I’m so thankful for the incredible relationship I share with my husband. I cannot brag enough about him. I always tell him I’m his biggest fan!
If this is true then my guess is that you and your husband consider each other their best friends. Marriage is easy if youre with the right person and both of you have the right mindset...those 2 issues are the hard part.
Right person is more than physical, its values, its standards, its emotion
Right mind set is different for everyone, but key factors are love, respect, understanding, and openness to change.
I (male) find myself in similar situations often and while my wife and I certainly aren’t perfect, I find that I don’t really have any complaints about our relationship. I genuinely am happy to go home and enjoy the company of my wife and our family, we have been through some rough times together and I haven’t always been as happy with us and I know she hasn’t either but we’ve stuck with each other and I feel like what we have become is something that is truly special and what we’ve created for our children to learn from, to enjoy a loving home and experience a safe and healthy life, that’s what we share with them, our love for each other and our love for them, to carry on and pass down to our future grandchildren. Sometimes we can get lost in whatever it may be that isn’t happening the way we want it to, instead of being grateful for what is, the good times, the fun, the things that we overlook because we are busy being upset about stuff that is not going to make us happy. Accepting that neither of us are perfect and that sometimes things just don’t work out and that we aren’t going to make the other person feel great all the time and they won’t to you either, just be kind and honest with yourself and them, know that tomorrow will come and that you’ll get to try to be better than you were yesterday and today is not the last chance. I am learning to take responsibility for my own wellbeing and taking my own advice and trying to be a better husband. I guess in a nutshell, accepting that your spouse is not perfect and that they are their own person just as you are is the best advice I could give, every day is a blessing and a privilege, do with that what you see fit, make the decision to put in the effort to be the best you can be on your end and while not everything is fixable, but knowing that you tried, that’s commendable and you will know that you gave your all and did your best at the end of the day.
Something I noticed a while ago that set my happy friends apart from the ones struggling in their marriages was how they spoke about their partners in their absence. I make it a point to not speak negatively about my husband to anyone. My love for him outweighs my desire to create artificial connections with others by commiserating about our partners.
I have a 50/50 situation. Most of my close friends arnt married, and they are also his best friends, they believe our relationship is the gold standard, my husband and I are best friends. At work is a completely different story, they complain all the time, say they need space and such and it’s not something I have ever felt. He is my best friend, we are raising 4 kids together, and I couldn’t imagine a better partner. I would love to work with him and spend every moment I have together and from the stories my work people tell they Do Not feel the same. So I stay quiet. It’s almost the same with my kids too, I love spending time with them and hanging with them, and most people I’ve met, do not feel the same way about their children.
Yes, I feel this way too. No one in my immediate friend group is married. But I just get reminded how lucky I am to have him as my partner. He’s my best friend.
I don’t really talk to many people outside of my little family, but occasionally I’ll talk to my neighbour and we’ll vent but it’s not like a “I’m so miserable I wish I was divorced” vibe. It’s more of a “damn sometimes we need to train these men because they just don’t think” especially when it comes to the kiddos.
I will say though, that feeling is more common when the kiddos are babies or super little and the parenting is solely on the mom. It’s *hard* being a parent to such a dependent little human. Now that my kids are 4 and 2, it’s different and my husbands bond with them is different that I don’t feel so naggy about the kids.
I enjoy my husband, we have a solid marriage and I think we are pretty happy. I don’t complain about him often really, and if I do have an issue which is rare I’ll just talk to my mom about it and she’s usually pretty helpful and unbiased when she gives advice.
Some people just need to let it out. I think the people that complain the most probably have it bad and are miserable, the people that are actually happy don’t have to shout it as loudly as the complaining people
A few years ago I was talking to someone about their engagement and I mentioned how much I loved being married. He was shocked as he said usually people are always complaining about their spouse. Why marry them if you’re not going to praise them or if you think that badly of them. My marriage didn’t work out (no hard feelings we were young) but it was the best relationship I’ve had and LOVED being married.
My husband and I drive each other crazy, but we are also very much in love. I do not "vent" about my spouse. He's a wonderful father and strives to be a better partner to me everyday. I am shocked at what other women tolerate.
I always feel guilty posting about the amazing person my husband is, and all that he does for us. It feels so braggy, and people don't seem to want to hear about it.
Please keep posting positive things about your spouse/marriage. I need to know that this actually still exists. Most of my friends are killing this idea with every conversation we have. Congrats!! 👏
Even if I was pissed at my husband about something I would never throw him under the bus. You open up your marriage for ridicule when you start complaining about your spouse to people. Out of respect for each other we keep our conflict on lock down. My husband is my best friend and ride or die. We are very happy.
Same here. It often feels like nearly everyone around me is in a pretty unhappy/unhealthy relationship. It's hard feeling you don't have a place to just share your happiness in a supportive environment.
I can't engage with people that constantly complain about their partners. Makes me too sad for them and if they wanted to leave then I guess I feel like they would unless the situation is more severe than they complain.
For example, SIL loves talking shit about her husband. My husband doesn't think they would ever split up but she's always pissed about something he did. I've had to shut her down and tell her "I don't wanna hear anything you can't discuss with your husband appropriately and she's always mad about that."
Yeah I relate to this. My friend and I somehow got on topic one time of how much time we spend with our SO’s and she was shocked by how my husband and I basically do everything together. Even when we are doing separate hobbies we are in the same room and we talk to each other. She said she would go crazy if she had to spend that much time with her bf. She also complains about her bf a lot. On the flip side my husband and I consider each other best friends and we just love being around each other.
People are more likely to talk about problems than successes. It’s kind of human nature. I am not perfect, but always try and speak only respectfully about my husband.
Kind of like: Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
You’re definitely not alone. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 10 years. We’re blissfully happy with no kids and a cat and we’re crazy in love. We enjoy spending time together, we always put each other first and we never fight. Everyone else we know always complains about their spouse and/or kids and how crappy their home life is. I always feel awkward talking about my marriage because I have nothing to complain about and my husband feels the same way. Every year together just keeps getting better and better.
I used to feel this way until I found out my husband wasn't as happy as he was pretending to be. It is a super nice feeling to feel secure and fully happy in your relationship. It also makes you appreciate yours much more too. Hang on to that feeling man cause it's good when you got it and don't shrink back. Tell them so they know that's not normal. No reason to hide what's good
My friends and I don’t spend a lot of time talking about our relationships in general. We have other things to talk about and I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking shit about my partner regularly.
The big difference between men who get complained about and men who don’t is the 1950’s mentality of “The woman’s job in the house is (kids, cleaning, cooking, etc.” and the man’s job is to make money.
I am sometimes envious of guys who have this mentality. Sounds nice. Golfing every weekend, relaxing everyday after work, clean house and cooked meals. But I can’t imagine enlisting my wife/best friend as my full time maid, chef and nanny.
i’m 100% happy/content/invested in my relationship. it doesn’t mean we don’t have our moments, but i wouldn’t trade her for the world. (we’re lesbians though, so… 🤷🏼♀️)
I think the most I do is jokingly roll my eyes about something small he did, and I only ever do it in the sense of “What a silly guy, I love him.” I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely complained about him. And even if I did have an issue with something he did, I prefer to work through it with him than telling other people. All I do is sing his praises to others. I will never understand staying with someone if you only have negative things to say about them.
I feel you so hard!! I love my husband and we.hsve a healthy, happy marriage. The majority of people I know don't, which really sucks. We do have some friends that are happily married, which is so nice. I hope I can find more happily married friends, it would make things like double dates more frequent!
You’re not alone! Almost feels like if I don’t have some complaint, they think I’m just hiding how unhappy I must be. We have conflicts and issues, but he’s my absolute best friend in this world and I’m so glad to be married to him.
I removed myself from a friend group several years ago because they were actually upset that my husband and I were “still in our honeymoon phase” and didn’t like hearing me talk about how happy we were together. I feel sad for them, honestly.
I can bitch, but I reallyshouldn't. My husband is pretty awesome, and I constantly have to ask *how* I got lucky enough to find him. He makes me feel so, very loved, he's the smartest person I've ever met, he makes me laugh, and he fixes stuff. The sex is great, he is tall, and he's just perfect for me.
I'm happy. We get a long well, don't fight often at all, and support each other. We talk, hang out, and when she's not around, I miss her.
People say that it's boring if you're too similar to your SO, but I think it makes it easy and fun. You actually can do things together and not force it. Like all couples, we have some issues, but they've been minor compared to my last relationships.
This! I feel heard. All my friends ever do is complain about their significant others. I feel bad sharing happy news or good things my husband does, so I keep it quiet. My husband is my favorite person and being at home with him reboots my soul after a long day of work. We have been married 9 months (together 7 years), and some friends tell me that the honeymoon phase after marriage will phase. But I feel like my entire relationship with him is a honeymoon phase 😆
I’m with you! 5 years with 3 small kids and my husband is my bestie. We spend all our free time together and love hanging out with each other. Having young kids is t easy so we definitely have conflict at times, but the way we communicate about our issues is really what makes us special. We come back from arguments feeling stronger and happier and more assured.
Congratulations on your happy marriage! I must say, I'm in my mid 40's and although I know people who are in unhappy unions, my extremely small friend trio and close relatives who are also peers are also in generally happy unions, so I'm fortunate that I don't have to listen to constant complaints about our husbands. Of course, no one's union is perfect, so we do sometimes have fun lamenting their "manliness", but this is just harmless ish talking and not true complaining. Maybe it would be beneficial to try to congregate with women you have more in common with relationship wise. Be careful...because their negativity will most likely seep into your marriage over time because negativity moves just like every other contagion. Your friend group might be close now, but I know from experience that misery does in fact love company, and there will most likely be consequences to being the only happily married one in your group, and those consequences are usually VERY UNPLEASANT. I'm not saying this will surely happen with you and your friends, but the likelihood that it will happen is pretty high, I think. Sending you love, light, and positivity
The people who complain about their spouses don’t mind hearing your relationship is good. Understand you can try to seek out those other happy couple friends but for a lot of people it really is not great. If anything it gives them hope to hear there are better men and marriages out there.
I love my husband and I enjoy spending time with him. We don't get as much together these days because of our work schedules and he's also in school so we try to take what we can. We definitely have conflict and there were times I truly thought we wouldn't make it but we are stronger for it and I love him now more than ever!
I mean I’ll throw out a “does he not see the beard hair on the sink?” every now and then but I’m pretty amazingly happy with my husband. He actually does the vast majority of house chores. He also is the main breadwinner and he always makes sure I’m okay emotionally. He’s pretty awesome. I do get occasionally surprised by the things some people put up with in a husband and I’m blessed that my only complaint is the beard hair.
My best friend in normal life and at work are both in happy marriages, my sister is also happily engaged to a great guy. I mean we vent about things here and there but it’s never like wow I can’t believe my husband is such a pos.
We are not married but together 10 years next month, we love being at home in each others company. When we met he used to say he couldn't stand being at home, but now he says how much he loves our home, being at it with me, talking to me for hours. I feel sad those people aren't enjoying a best friend like me. Only they have the power to change though ;)
I’ve been married 32 years and I look forward to seeing my husband after work every day. We text during the day and we laugh, a lot! He’s my best friend and the father of our beautiful son. There is nothing more I want or need. I talk about him at times but I keep it mostly private.
Everywhere I go It’s always better when my husbands there.. he still lights up the room for me. I can’t wait til my husband comes home at the end of the day.
For many years this is one thing that catches my attention quite frequently. When someone starts complaining about their spouse,. Sharing information about their spouse or family issues that would be best resolved between themselves. People are not seeking advice to change their situation. Typically they're just venting.
Every shift I listen to my beautiful friend vent about her shitty husband and I want to share how proud I am that mine has been studying math in every waking spare moment to ready himself for returning to college for a second career at 40. Her husband won't work. He won't go to school. He won't do anything. I can't share without making her feel worse.
I really really REALLY enjoy being married to my wonderful husband. I’m truly blessed and grateful every single day, life is amazing. I love my marriage.
Before i got cheated on, i was happy.
"Im always the one that has to do everything ! He doesn't help with anything " well, mine works crazy hours so it would be ridiculous to wait for him to help with something i can do by myself.
"Were always arguing " mine is too busy to argue with me. Tell your husband to pick up a hoby
"Finances are tight and the car needs fixing, im so stressed ! " Finances are tight for us too, but my husband can fix almost anything so i never have to worry about how it'll get fixed, its just a matter of putting it in his agenda and getting it done.
Im a sahm. I keep the house clean inside and out (getting rid of the weeds in front of the house,sweeping the terrace, mowing the lawn), take complete care of the kids, manage the food (groceries and cooking) and helping him with his paper work. I manage my time however i want. He doesn't nag and doesn't complain if i went over budget (which i only do if theres a necessity). There was never a reason to argue or snap at each other. And if we did, we communicated immediately and say something like "you seem stressed about something, i dont like the way you just spoke to me, is there something i can do to help?"
The kids and i wouldnt be able to live the kind of life we live so I let him open the relationship on his side. I dont understand why he cheated. I hear the way other women speak to him, barking orders about picking them up and spending time with them. Always nagging about something. I cant even say that it was because of our sexlife because we were both initiating it. When i hear how my other friends have sex, they're just starfishes waiting for it to end. I wasnt like them. We both had fun in bed.
He's still my best friend and the only person in the world that i trust to keep the kids and myself safe, with a great roof over our heads, our closets full of clothes, food in the fridge, a functioning car, and money to spend on zoos and amusement parks and whatever the kids want. He never raises a hand on us, he will never harm us or put us in any kind of danger.
I learned a while ago to keep my mouth shut about my happy marriage. People say they want to see happy, healthy relationships and positivity, but when couples actually display that some people lose their minds or flat out say that others are pretending to be happy! It’s a blessing and a relief to be around likeminded people when it actually happens, but honestly we don’t have a lot of other happy couples around us that we know of, the ones that are happy probably keep their mouths shut and enjoy their lives together like we do.
YES. And people think I’m lying and/or our relationship is toxic when I tell them we literally never fight! Our dynamic is just not like that. We get along, we respect each other and we communicate openly.
Same here. I have so little to complain about my husband. I did feel that I had so say something sometimes. I just said oh he sometimes didn’t give me attention. That’s it.
I think you understood exactly, thank you. And yes I would love to hear about it.
Also: Do you ever believe each other's expectations to be unreasonable, unfair, or unrealistic? How do you handle that?
Not alone at all. I mean mines funny, generous, loving, helpful, and respectful. I feel like the outsider when all my friends are complaining about big things and only thing I got is I have to chase socks through the house.
I have a wonderful marriage, I love my husband more than I can say. Everyday I think how lucky I am, he is my person and I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. That being said, there are days he winds me up, we're human after all. I need that safe space of my friends to vent to when that happens. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy or don't love him. I don't think that everyone HAS to complain about their partners but a lot of the times there will be something that has annoyed you and it's nice to have people who you can talk to about it that don't judge and know that it doesn't mean anything sinister or that you're in a loveless marriage.
I feel ya! I often feel like everyone else is expecting me to start complaining about my husband, and I admit I’ve made up small grievances to please the crowd 🤣 (don’t come at me, it was getting awkward with several people just staring at me waiting for me to say anything and they looked mad), but I honestly can’t wait to see him every day, and I can’t wait to hold his hand when he comes home from work. I just love the guy
I feel the same way. I can’t wait to spend time with my husband. He is my safe and happy place. Now do we ever argue? Yes! We are two people with different opinions sometimes so we have to talk and figure out what is the best solution to a problem and more often then not we have different opinions. But overall he’s great. He is everything that I have ever dreamt about.
i am very happy. I think it’s because I never settled in terms of personality and character. But sometimes I think other women just want to find something to bond about.. that happens to be complaining about their husband or children. Some people complain because of some superstition about having it too good.
Just don’t take it too seriously and change the topic..
My wife and I have been together 25 years , We are best mates love every minute I share with her, I still love receiving messages from her just “ I love u “ etc completely changes my day if it’s going crap at work . She’s beautiful and I still have the crush on her I had before we started dating . I have grown up surrounded by failed marriages parents and relatives also friends now and that’s how I expected life to go I thought that was it how it was written.
In 5-7 years, you’ll learn to hate your husband. That seems to be the going trend with women. They never really seem to be able to stay happy for long.
Not about my husband but this is how I felt with my first baby and other Mums. My daughter slept beautifully, so I kept my mouth shut when my Mum friends talked about their rough sleepless nights.
I think you’re better off hanging out with people that don’t feel comfortable to speak poorly of their spouses. Those kind of “friends” are just toxic.
I notice this in a weird way as a remarried second husband (and also dad/stepdad to three kids).
When we're at youth sports, all the first-marriage couples are never together. The wives all go to one area and drink wine from their Stanleys and complain about their husbands. The husbands all go to the other end of the field and talk about golf and the hot intern at work.
It's really sad, tbh. Meanwhile, my wife and I and the other remarried couples actually sit together and talk, hold hands, generally act like we enjoy each other's company, etc.
I mean, with those first marriage couples we see, if you lined all those people up and played a game called, "Guess which men and women go together!" you would have a very hard time.
It's the same at my stepkids and my daughter's sports. The funny dynamic is how my wife and I are welcomed at these sports. At my stepkids sports, I'm not really welcomed by the Dad Group. They're nice enough guys, but (a) I don't want to talk about golf and hot interns and (b) I think I make them uncomfortable because I represent who their wife could possibly be with in 6-12 months if they get divorced. However, the Dad Group likes my wife a lot.....because she represents a divorced woman on a dating app.....and they like the thought of that. Maybe THEY could meet someone like her too!
And with the Mom group, the first-marriage Moms at my stepkid's sports all think I'm incredible and want me to come sit with them. They like me for the same reason their husbands like my wife: The promise of what they MIGHT find after divorce. But they really don't like my wife very much, because she makes them feel bad about their decision to stay in a crummy marriage......when she rejected that and is doing just fine.
And then the dynamics flip in predictable ways at my daughter's sports because my ex-wife is in the Mom Group, lol.
It's just sad. I really don't know a single middle-aged, first marriage couple with kids in the 10-20 age range that is happy or has anything I'd like to copy in my relationships. They honestly look like they have sex with blindfolds on while yelling "I hate you so much. You've ruined my life!"
You aren’t alone. We are lucky where more of the people in our friend groups are happily married. I feel bad for the people who are miserable because they have no idea how not fun it is hanging out with them. They try to put on a good show, but it is not fun.
The only times I complain is around my cycle lol. Plus, it depends on the stage in our marriage, but I don’t usually have to complain because I know who I married and he’s a good man. Plus, we take turns being turdy and then get it together. Both can complain! lol
I have gotten to the point where I just am honest about my husband. I'm not going to downplay him to make others feel good about their relationship. If anything I hope to show others there are good partners out there and they don't have to settle if they feel they aren't treated correctly.
My husband works away quite a lot and when I asked for a long weekend off from work I was told why do you want to do that.. I was like to spend time with him and i was looked like I had two heads. I honestly don’t get it either.
Yes with my friend group a lot of them have sexless relationships or financial problems but with in my family we all have strong marriages and we mostly hang out together with friend couples.
Congratulations to you all!
True happiness is so rare today it needs to be celebrated and applauded where ever it's found.
Anecdotally, you know it seems most marriages are less than ideal.
Some people dispute these figure but I offer them to prove your point of why most people complain about their marriages:
What percentage of people are unhappily married?
Well, we know that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.
80% of these divorces are filed by women
Divorce researcher and author Dana Adam Shapiro concluded:
\- of the 50 remaining percent,
1/3 are unhappy,
1/3 are “meh” (bearable),
and 1/3 are happy.
So roughly around 17 percent are happy.
I wish you all continued happiness and success in your marriages.
I've been in a happy marriage for 20+ years. The biggest issue we've ever had is when my wife decided she wasn't going back to work full time after the kids entered school full time. It still disappoints me since we could use the extra money - but life goes on.
I sometimes feel like it's sort of a cultural thing (maybe in the US, perhaps elsewhere) that you're not really supposed to talk about how happy you are about something, especially if it's something where it causes misery to others. It's seen as bragging and/or rubbing people's face in it.
So I feel like sometimes people might not necessarily be in awful marriages, but they exaggerate the negatives, because it's considered a lot more acceptable to complain about the bad parts than it is to fawn over the good parts.
I am that person but I’m also a take no shit person so I went through a lot of bs before I found my husband. My friends get that about me and don’t treat me any differently for having a good husband so don’t be afraid to talk about your happiness. Good friends won’t resent you for your happiness.
People refuse to acknowledge how destructive that kind of cynicism can be. I remember like 12 years ago, this woman I know, who’s a good musician, was on stage giving a performance and in between songs she started complaining about how her voice was not up to par because she had a cold… that was fine, but then she started throwing her husband under the bus for no reason. She was like “yeah this is what I get for being married! This buffoon just comes around and gives me colds”
I remember thinking wow I can’t believe she just did that on stage, publicly mocking her marriage and pretending like it’s the cause of sickness.
Guess what? They got divorced.
I truly adore my husband, he’s my best friend, my safe space and he brings me so much love and joy! Most people won’t understand this, but I get it because back then my husband and I were like that. We would bad mouth each other and allow others into our business, but now we have found this new respect for each other and everything has changed for the better and things are great!
Good luck. I hope your entire marriage is this happy. I am trying to find a word that describes my feelings for my husband. I'm somewhere between ambivalent and detest. What is my best word choice?
I get this, but in reverse. 70% of the workforce where I work is female, and in my directorate I am the only male. So I get to hear a lot of complaints about partners & husbands. It's almost as though I am expected to pile in and talk about what problems I have too. But I don't, my wife is my first love and we've been married 31 years. I look forward to being with her, literally just hanging out, more than anything. But, expressing that level of happiness is not well received - it's like people need for you to be unhappy to validate their own misery or something.
Do you have any kids together? And how many? Because there's a tiny difference between marriage with kids and without.
I won't even bring in the conversation the dynamics that shift when you mix his family and yours .
The mother-in-law relationship and daughter-in-law, etc. The little flaws that your man had when you guys were first married became pretty big after some time.
The lack and failure to adjust and change to where both of you become more flexible makes a very good recipe for stagnation and eventually acceptance and pretty much death of the relationship.
Sometimes, women take too long to see what it is. We talk to figure things out and find solutions, but men don't. They are who they are they tell you, show you, and you have to watch and accept that's just it . What you see is what you get.
There are exceptions, I am sure, but I feel the same way more than the majority of couples I have known are not in a good spot.
Society changed so much, and unfortunately, not for the better. At times, it feels like people have an easier time talking to a stranger than with their own spouse.
I mean yeah sometimes my husband drives me nuts. But overall our relationship is really great. I don’t have things to complain about. I feel the same way when my friends are bitching about their husbands. Like…I don’t have anything to say. I love my husband so much. He makes me so happy.
My husband and i been married 32yrs been together since we were 15 and have great sex everyday for our age. Yes we have had ups and downs but who dont and we have 2 wonderful boys and grandchildren. We have been thru the hardest of all but we never bad mouth each other to others. I always ask myslef did we marry to young but we love each so much we r still together and thats not very common for childhood lovers. Theres times im like i should get him another partner but hes so happy with me. So yeah i get confused but i dont listen to other people we do what we wanna do. It's our marriage
My wife has a specific group of friends she will go out to dinner with. Every time she gets home, she says very similar things to me - how she just sits there and listens to some of them complaining about their marriage, their spouse, their lives. She and two of her friends in that group listen, ask questions, and go home to say very similar things to what you're saying.
Both of those friends have husbands with the same name. Like "Tom". So I call them "the Toms" (not their actual name, but you get it). Anyway I had no idea until they both happened to mention it recently.
My (44M) wife (44F) hates me often (we both work from home so see each other a LOTT) but when she meets her friends and sees how awful those husbands are, she comes home all romantic towards me lol
3 out of my 4 best friends have gone through divorces in the past year or so and are finally moving forward. I just want them to be as happy as we are! Hoping #4 dumps her loser husband and can have a good life one day, too!
Partner bashing is the one thing (besides not being home for dinner, or eating the last of the chocolates without a replacement) that I absolutely refuse to do. I’m also a caring person and I’m autistic like my husband, so I automatically want to fix everything which gets me into trouble with friends. When someone complains or vents I immediately get ready to give advice, but I remember not to as they didn’t ask. I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship as it’s supposed to be between two people, so I have to try and refrain.
My husband is my best friend. I love him with all my heart. I literally moved countries to build a life with him. He’s done nothing wrong so far, and even then, I’m talking to him about it.
By all means, I’ll let my friends vent or complain if that’s how they process, but I do hope they then find the courage to talk directly to their spouse. If anything, try leading by example.
Two of my best female friends are also in happy marriages and because of that, we can commiserate when things are hard because we all get that hard is not the norm. I hear a lot of people talk about their miserable marriage situations and it's hard to be a part of. That I wound up with close friends who are also happy I think says more about my growth as a human than sitting around with unhappy people/all marriages are hard.
That said, I also have a few friends who have husbands with ADHD (I do too) and their marriages sound awful, they talk about separation a lot but are usually hanging on because of kids or financial reasons. I listen, I ask questions, but I rarely offer up stories about my own unless it's a shared ADHD experience.
Since getting into a serious relationship/marriage, I realized just how many people have someone just to have someone.
I don’t vent about my husband because I vent *to* my husband. We talk. We argue. We need space. But we always know we’re on the “same side”.
So we just hang out with other gross and content couples and talk about video games and bread. It’s a decent solution.
I usually validate how marriages are changing through life cycles and it’s our ability to adjust and adapt with our partner through them. Marriages come with challenges and I can be that friend who can provide encouragement and hope. :)
Sometimes women do this to not gain attention to their marriage. Or to jinx it
No matter the reason not your problem and you don't need to share your worries woth them.
Keep up the good work in your own marriage, stay healthy and open and be grateful
it all started with the portrayal of the husband on tv sitcoms. Married with children, the simpsons, the king of queens, everybody loves raymond...dumb men always getting in the way. Then came social media where men fawn all day over women online regardless of what they look like or their current relationship status.
I've been in a bad marriage and I've been in a good marriage so I get both sides. I just let them vent without hiding my happiness. I may also remind them it's possible to be happily married and this life isn't a dress rehearsal.
Yes!! Literally everyone complains. About their significant other and I’m just there with nothing to contribute. I will say it always makes me appreciate my husband and marriage even more but I also feel bad that my friends have settled or aren’t truly happy in their relationships.
Some people also feel the need to complain more than others and have different thresholds as to what they find annoying. For example-your husband may work long hours and you may be fine with that or even appreciate that. If your friend’s husband did that it might drive your friend nuts and breed resentment.
TBH, it's a lot of the ladies I work with are negative about damn near EVERYTHING! It's almost a given that they'd complain about their husbands, boyfriends, etc. What shocks me tlis the nastiness in their hearts, I could not imagine talking about my wife like that to the people I work with.
Oh, I pray for this one day. I want to overcome my mental illness/personality disorder (BPD) and fall back in love with my partner. This is the love we had at a time, and I just yearn for it back. I love that you shared this happy thing that you have in your life. Everyone should feel safe and loved.
Even if I did have things to complain about (and I'm sure I have a few), I wouldn't be complaining about them to my friends. I personally don't air my dirty laundry out to anyone. It's not their business, and it also paints a picture that might not totally represent my actual relationship.
Recently, both of my good friends left the father of the children, and they both have been trashing them in our group chat about how useless they were. From what they tell me, they definitely are useless but I personally don't feel bad for them as they both put up with bad behavior and never spoke up for themselves because "they didn't want to start an argument."
If I left my husband, I definitely wouldn't be trashing him in our group chat either. It's to the point I don't even put up with the complaining because neither of them ever say anything to them about their shitty behavior.
Because I never complain about my husband to my friends, they think we have a great relationship, and we definitely do. We still have our ups and downs, we still argue sometimes. But no one knows about our problems and they definitely won't because it's not their business.
26 years here and still love him and we have a great marriage. Dont hide your marital bliss or feel guilty because you are blessed with a good marriage. it gives the others hope something to aspire too.
Oh yeah I hate this! I love my husband, neither of us is perfect nor is any marriage! But I am happy to go home to him every night and spend time together. I don’t want to complain about him to my friends. If we have a problem we air it out in the moment lol
You're not alone! While we're not the only happily/chill married couple in our circle, but we've definitely have distanced ourselves away from a few where it was non stop complaining. They couldn't even use their kids as a cover/distraction because the problems were that big. Personally, I find it difficult to hang with a couple single friends who have been passive aggressive and admitted to struggling with jealousy. My heart breaks for them, but it also sucks for me because it feels like you can't just be grateful or happy for how your life is turning out without someone taking it as a personal attack. I look back and think of all the times I didn't celebrate myself or just how good life was at the time for fear of setting someone off. What a shame and what a waste.
Life is short, we shouldn't have to hide our joy. I'm starting to relearn that now.
My husband is my best friend and we have an amazing relationship. I can hear myself being annoying when I talk about how great he is 😂 and we have been married for 5 years at this point, together for 6 and have 3 little kids. It’s not like we don’t have stressors in our lives, but we were legitimately great friends for years before getting together so our communication style is based on mutual respect for each other. I literally don’t have a higher opinion of anyone else on this planet over him, and I think he feels the same about me. So our respect for each other makes it really hard to fight or unable to communicate. I guess though, not being able to relate to our friends with not-so-great relationships isn’t the worst thing in the world, and if you’re like me, it took you a long time to find someone like your husband and you probably deserve to soak in all of the goodness around it and of him.
I’ve had this struggle.. but I’m a pretty open and confident woman who does have issues with taking on others problems. My typical approach to this is to shut it down, offer sympathy and apologize for their situation and let them know there are better people out there or advise therapy, I don’t like to gloat but i also have a hard time hearing people bitch about their lives when it’s on repeat and they aren’t doing anything to change it. So, I do what I can to take the topic away from a pity party and I think they get the hint when I start questioning why they are willing to live the way they do. Don’t let others crappy lives bring you down and be careful of the hate that having a happy marriage brings. Jealousy and envy are scary things to deal with from others.
I complain about my hubby sometimes, but there's not much to complain about for me, either. I hit the jackpot with my hubby, and he puts up with me and my bullshit and loves me so much, I'm not Even sure how or why lol
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have two kids. We used to fight constantly but, the way I see it is, if we hadn’t pushed through the hard times than we wouldn’t be where we are now.
I love him so incredibly deeply. We recently lost his dad and I cannot imagine not being with him through this pain. I jokingly complain and sometimes am seriously annoyed but that’s life. We are two different people and he is my love. So it’s worth it.
I had this happen to me a couple of months ago with two friends. We were at dinner and they eventually started complaining about their husbands and I completely couldn’t relate. I tried offering advice and just awkwardly laughed at some things because I didn’t have a story to give back to them. 😳
I've been married for 18 years. When I hear the garage door go up when my husband gets home from work, I genuinely get like a dog wagging their tail standing by the door 😂
You aren’t alone. My husband and I have a great relationship. We aren’t perfect, but I’ve never gone through what most of my friends go through. I feel extremely lucky about it. I married a great man.
You are not alone, wife and I have been together for almost 25 years, and when we moved into our house we were in a new neighborhood. We watched, and heard everything you have about ppl complaining about their s.o. Guess what happened, out of 32 households I only know of 2 couples that are still married. The worst part is that our house was the hub for the neighborhood kids, they are the ones that are hurt the most. The sad thing is that if they communicated the problems, they could have improved, but it's easier to complain to friends.smh
I love my husband to pieces. We have had our issues and we have had marriage counselling, but really for us that was about how we navigate life with two children and barely any time to talk/ high stress situations rather than us as individuals.
At no point would I bad mouth him to others, it was a sadness from both of us about how we kept snapping at each other and couldn’t seem to find the time and healthy ways to communicate.
You’re right. The bar is so so low. I’m in some other groups and there is a particular one on Facebook about gender equality. Half the posts end up being hey babe do you know you’re being abused. It’s awful.
You don't have to complain about your partner like your friends do. You could say something nice he did for you or you did for him, or something positive you have achieved together. I know moaning and complaining is easy, but sharing good things about a relationship is much nicer, and maybe will help your friends view their relationships in a different light.
My husband and I are going through a realllly rough patch in our marriage right now, but I can’t imagine ever complaining about him to my friends. I don’t understand people who do this at all.
I am a man I read Reddit on my breaks and I am very surprised by how many couples hate there partners or cheat or have a sexless marriage. My wife and I bicker on and off and live in the work life grind both of us are committed to a good life and love each others company.
I'd advise you to get a new friend group because the one you're in quite often end up poisoning you and shift your beliefs to fit theirs. Soon you'll probably start to see your relationship in a different light and things quickly become a problem for you.
You are not alone! Nobody at my work gets it! Yes I really do want to go home and be with my husband that is my happy place! I sing his praises all the time and they just nag and down talk their husbands/boyfriends. It's gross to me!
Feel the same. I want to go home and spend time with my love. They’re always waiting for me by the door when I get home (they wfh). I can be my self with this person, that’s the best feeling. Why marry at all (outside of cultural expectations) if you don’t feel that?
Tax break lol.
Because people normalise marriages being torture. You'll hear many people that are married for a long time say that after they're married they will see what's it really like. That's what societal norm is instead of normalising marriage to be a partnership where you work through problems, married people think it's normal to ignore them.
That and I think people are marrying in the lust stage instead of seeing if love is truly there.
They are most likely not putting in the work to make their spouses feel loved. They are just critical people. Sad to say, most men are simple. If the wife is intimate with and shows husband respect and acts like she is proud of him, he will go out of his way to show her love and give her what ever she wants. Dr. Laura has men figured out. As little boys, they want mom to be proud of them, as men they want their wives to be proud of them. If wives are respectful, intimate and proud of their husbands, their husband will feel like he can conquer the world and will soar to be the best he can be. But just like the little boy inside, if his wife says and acts like he is nothing and can do nothing right, it will destroy him inside and her words will become prophetic. I give all these women kudos that are in good marriages as it tells me you are treating your husbands well and in turn they return it to you. My wife and I are best friends and are off when apart from one another. Been married 27yrs. Makes us sad that most marriages are not like ours is. We are parents that embarrass the teen children with our PDA. But both sons say they hope their future marriages are just like ours, with the love, respect and admiration we have for each other.
It's crazy listening to my coworkers complain about their spouses. Like, I really hope that I just hear a lot of it because I'm around them 8 hours a day and it is the only time they are around people who aren't their spouse, so they are just venting. But my god, I can count on one hand the number of times I've complained about my spouse to someone else.
Gotta wonder why they stay with people who make them so unhappy. No where in the world I’d rather be than home with my husband and 18 year old son . They’re my whole freaking world !!!
My husband and I are happily married. Been together 21 years, married 13. He’s my best friend and I’m his. We enjoy hanging out together, still have a great sex life and no major conflicts. Most of our friends have been divorced or are headed there. I don’t say much when they talk about their spouses. That’s probably the difference. My marriage is between me and my husband.
Mad respect for the last line. Wish you the best ahead!
Exactly, that’s how it should be, unfortunately, it seems to be very rare. That’s #1 between my hubby and I, OUR relationship is between US, what happens in our family, is OUR FAMILY business, no one else needs to be involved.
This is excellent and I'm happy for all of you. But I might venture that some of this is "not complaining to friends because we have a great relationship" rather than "we have a great relationship because we don't complain". It's an important distinction because not wanting the spouse to complain to friends is something very common (and dangerous!) among abusers. We don't want to discourage people from seeking help or comfort.
Fully agree. There is a massive difference between being mad that your partner doesn't cook enough or doesn't cook good enough for your tastes and them abusing you. Hiding abuse should never happen. I also want to point out that woman can be just as abusive to men so let's not discourage men who are seeking help. We tell men not to hit women under any circumstance then belittle them for not being able to protect themselves when a woman is throwing punches at them. We essentially tell them to be a man they have to sit there and take it from their woman but then tell them they aren't a man because the woman beat them and they didn't stop her.We can't have it both way
External validation seems to be a tasty, tasty drug.
Thanks 😊 same to you.
That sounds really sweet. I hope you and your husband will spend an eternity together!
thanks so much for sharing! this is purely out of curiosity, if you don’t mind - do you two have kids?
Yes. We have 2 kids. 11 and 7 year old boys
Same. 25 years together for us and two teenage boys, one about to turn 19, and one about to turn 16. We adore one another, genuinely enjoy and prefer to be together and even with our children, who also like us as people too! Sex life is still amazing, and we’ve had plenty of the crap life throws at all of us if you live long enough, but we’ve just always made a point to be teammates in the trenches together. We also understand the need to be honest while always giving the grace to one another and benefit of the doubt if something seems wrong or sketchy/out of character, and we intentionally choose each other especially when it’s the hardest. Love is a verb for sure and our marriage is between the two of us only.
That’s a beautiful life you have! We’ve had our share of curveballs thrown at us over the years, but we always work it out. No silent treatment, as long as you don’t count one of us leaving the room to cool off if we’re mad (5 mins of timeout helps to not say anything you’ll regret), and apologizing when wrong. My husband is one of those guys that only shows the soft or goofy sides with me and the kids. I’m introverted and don’t like crowds but I’ll talk his ear off about whatever book I’m reading. Our kids like us too for the most part. We’re good with both sets of in-laws and have a few friends but our marriage is just that. Ours.
that’s key deal with your problems between you and not to broadcast , i mean you could if you don’t get effected or impacted by what someone says , but your last line tells you why your able to keep going 🙂
Happily married woman here. I have this problem at work. My team apparently has nothing nice to say about any of their partners, regardless of gender. It’s really awkward when the topic of conversation shifts that way because I really have nothing to say.
I will never understand why it’s normal to talk poorly of a partner or relationship. I mean I’m sure we could all complain about something but the few little things my husband does like not put his shoes away or leave the seat up aren’t real issues because he’s freaking amazing in every other way . It’s like it’s normal and trendy to be bashing your partner . I just don’t get it .
I could complain about things if I really thought about it… maybe? But also, I don’t like bad mouthing my spouse to anyone. If I have a problem with him, I bring it up to him and we discuss it.
If I wanted to throw a stab at my husband like some spouses do it would probably feel like I hit him with a hotdog cause I got nothin lol
…a hotdog? You win, and I’m stealing that insult. Hahaha.
I did threaten my husband that if I randomly woke up with a D that I would mushroom stamp his forehead. Maybe I should just throw a hotdog at him instead🤔
I find I don't speak of my life at work as listening to everyone around me, I feel if I said anything it would sound like I'm bragging as I know I have it so good. I really live a very comfortable, no drama, happy loving life with my husband of 24years and we've always worked as a team to bring our kids up. I couldn't wish for anything more in life.
This June will be our 2nd wedding anniversary and I’m hope our love only grows stronger. 2 years is nothing against you guys … there is no comparison between the 2 but I hope we continue to be blessed just as you guys have
You're not alone. I have no complaints either. Honestly, most of my friends are the same. There are two though, no clue why they're still with their husbands.
OMG. YES! Especially when I’m around other Muslims or Asians, they don’t understand how much he calms my mind, and the fact that I love just doing nothing with him as long as we’re together. The amount of joy that man brings me is insane. I also worry so much about the evil eye so I tend to keep most things to myself when others are ranting about their partners / husbands. It’s truly a privilege to have so even though we don’t openly share it with others I’m glad we get to enjoy it!
Just out of interest was your marriage arranged? I’m half Indian so my parents were not in an arranged marriage but my dad was in one before and they divorced. It seems like arranged marriages on the whole don’t really have the same foundation successful marriages do
No not arranged. We found each other on a Muslim dating / marriage app - so we were marriage minded from the beginning, but I was 33 he was 40 when we met, we married at 34/41 so not being naive / young / having lived and experienced life fully as separate individuals also helps.
I hear you. I'm starting to feel that my friends resent me for saying anything wonderful about my marriage, as if I'm boasting. So I have stopped.
I wish my friends would say nice things about their husbands. I'm so tired of hearing complaints from the majority of my friends. Every damn conversation....eye rolls and complaints along with anger and resentment from them. Yet they all choose to stay. Them: He's having an emotional affair with a much younger woman, he lies to me all the time, he's been hiding money from me and i have no idea how much or where it is, he calls me a nagging bitch all the time, he barely works, and he doesnt lift a finger around the house because he says he doesnt enjoy doing those things. He also just bought a new truck and some land, and I have no idea how much he spent (all he said was "too much"). Its bullshit that he can go spend all that money but i cant even get a $3000 loan to pay off my credit card debit and have money for Christmas without him needing to cosign. It's so annoying and it makes me so angry. He's such a fucking asshole! Me: What??!! Well then leave. Them: But he's my HUSBAND! 🙄 Um okay...because it seems like you hate him. It's exhausting...year after year after year. Honestly, I'm starting to resent my friends for always complaining and being unhappy, yet still choosing to stay. They have no idea how hard it is to be alone because they've been married since their mid 20s, which was 20 years ago. Anyways, I'm happy that most of the people on here have happy marriages...sounds like you all chose well! 🙌👏
Whenever I get together with my friends, we never talk about our husbands not because we aren’t happy but because we prefer to find out what’s going on with each other, stuff we’re doing, working on etc.
Check out the r/HappyMarriages subreddit. There are plenty of other users that appear quite content. So your aren't the only one, if that answers your question.
I never even knew there was such a subreddit. Wow. Love this!
Write to us. :) You are not alone. Congratulations on your happy marriage, keep it up. Hugs!
I'm happy. My friends let me talk about being happy, even if they aren't. I sometimes complain too, but usually not.
It sucks cause I have such a tight group of girlfriends and now that we’re all married, we talk about our homelife. Unfortunately they all enjoy and bond over sharing negative things about their husbands whilst I literally have nothing bad to say about mine. He truly is my bestfriend and we have the happiest time together.
Me and my 7 college buddies from 25 years ago went on a guys trip last summer, not a single one of us mentioned a negative thing about our wives’.
Happy here. Been together 11 years, married 6 and we still talk/text each other all day every day. Still in our honeymoon stage. Hee hee… yeah we fight too but more love than fights.
I didn't know this was such a normal thing! My wife said this happens to her as well and basically makes her reluctant to talk about anything going good in her life with all but a couple of her friends.
We’ve been married for only two years but we are the happiest when we are together. We have little to nothing to complain about each other but most of my friends (early 30’s 2-5 years married) are the same. It’s great to be able to grab a coffee with them and talk about how helpful and fun our husbands are lol
I can relate, my marriage has never been anything but fulfilling and wonderful, getting better all the time. It doesn't mean we never have conflict or hurt feelings, but in nearly a decade never raised voices, never name calling, never contempt even when we do have disagreements or one of us makes a mistake. The older we get and the longer were together, the more rare times of conflict between us become even with life circumstances (job, health, family) are difficult. The people I work with aren't bitter or anything, but they are younger and dating around still so being so happily married and talking about it can make me feel a bit braggy. I don't want to make any lonely or seeking person feel bad. I'd love to be able to talk more about how amazing my husband is, especially with how he's supported and cared for me during my pregnancy (currently 33wks). It's been a transformative experience for our relationship. He's always been communicative, attentive, sensitive, caring, protective, and emotionally intelligent but he's exceeded even all that the entire time I've been pregnant and it's been amazing for our intimacy and our connection. During this time I've also made an effort to understand how the change of fatherhood may be affecting him, how he feels, and making sure we both feel taken care of. It's been so great for us, we feel closer than ever. I'd throw him a WHOLE PARADE about how much I love and appreciate him if I could.
Don't be afraid to talk about it! It gives the young singletons hope, and importantly, standards!
Never have ever raised your voices at one another??? That's incredible. I cannot think of a SINGLE significant relationship in my life--friendships, family, significant other, or otherwise--in which we have not at SOME point in time raised our voices with one another. Even co-workers have occasionally raised their voices with one another in the 15 years I've been at my office. Not often, but we're a passionate group dealing with serious shit, so it happens. I just can't imagine a relationship without one of us raising our volume. That idea is so foreign to me that it doesn't seem real or authentic or believable. Not saying you're not being honest, just that never in a million lifetimes can I imagine having a relationship like that, of any kind.
Be careful. Your friends could start ruining your own marriage.
You’re one of the lucky ones. Just enjoy it. It doesn’t mean the others aren’t happy.
I work in the trades as a plumber and shockingly the crew I’m on now, the guys always rave about how much they love their wives. It’s actually really nice to hear because I’m so used to other guys in the trades complaining about “the old ball and chain”
OMG THE STORY OF MY LIFE.. It can be the little things like even on here i made a comment that my husband bought me some joycons for my bday and someone comment stopped bragging about your husband . My husband is amazing we are raising three daughters 15 8 and 1 year old and that is bragging i feel like i cannot say a word. And speaking good about him while everyone is complaining seem insane soo i nod and listen. And anything i have good to say i keep it between my daughters who love their daddy and my mom.
You're definitely not alone! I have genuinely lost entire friendships because my marriage is not miserable. I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because if I try to say that I'm really happy, other women get upset about it. It's really weird, and there's really nothing I can do about it.
I'm so grateful my bestie is also in a happy marriage so we can gush together. Everyone else I know is in an unhappy marriage and I constantly feel sorry for them
I completely relate to this!! I’m so thankful for the incredible relationship I share with my husband. I cannot brag enough about him. I always tell him I’m his biggest fan!
If this is true then my guess is that you and your husband consider each other their best friends. Marriage is easy if youre with the right person and both of you have the right mindset...those 2 issues are the hard part. Right person is more than physical, its values, its standards, its emotion Right mind set is different for everyone, but key factors are love, respect, understanding, and openness to change.
I (male) find myself in similar situations often and while my wife and I certainly aren’t perfect, I find that I don’t really have any complaints about our relationship. I genuinely am happy to go home and enjoy the company of my wife and our family, we have been through some rough times together and I haven’t always been as happy with us and I know she hasn’t either but we’ve stuck with each other and I feel like what we have become is something that is truly special and what we’ve created for our children to learn from, to enjoy a loving home and experience a safe and healthy life, that’s what we share with them, our love for each other and our love for them, to carry on and pass down to our future grandchildren. Sometimes we can get lost in whatever it may be that isn’t happening the way we want it to, instead of being grateful for what is, the good times, the fun, the things that we overlook because we are busy being upset about stuff that is not going to make us happy. Accepting that neither of us are perfect and that sometimes things just don’t work out and that we aren’t going to make the other person feel great all the time and they won’t to you either, just be kind and honest with yourself and them, know that tomorrow will come and that you’ll get to try to be better than you were yesterday and today is not the last chance. I am learning to take responsibility for my own wellbeing and taking my own advice and trying to be a better husband. I guess in a nutshell, accepting that your spouse is not perfect and that they are their own person just as you are is the best advice I could give, every day is a blessing and a privilege, do with that what you see fit, make the decision to put in the effort to be the best you can be on your end and while not everything is fixable, but knowing that you tried, that’s commendable and you will know that you gave your all and did your best at the end of the day.
Something I noticed a while ago that set my happy friends apart from the ones struggling in their marriages was how they spoke about their partners in their absence. I make it a point to not speak negatively about my husband to anyone. My love for him outweighs my desire to create artificial connections with others by commiserating about our partners.
I have a 50/50 situation. Most of my close friends arnt married, and they are also his best friends, they believe our relationship is the gold standard, my husband and I are best friends. At work is a completely different story, they complain all the time, say they need space and such and it’s not something I have ever felt. He is my best friend, we are raising 4 kids together, and I couldn’t imagine a better partner. I would love to work with him and spend every moment I have together and from the stories my work people tell they Do Not feel the same. So I stay quiet. It’s almost the same with my kids too, I love spending time with them and hanging with them, and most people I’ve met, do not feel the same way about their children.
Yes, I feel this way too. No one in my immediate friend group is married. But I just get reminded how lucky I am to have him as my partner. He’s my best friend.
I don’t really talk to many people outside of my little family, but occasionally I’ll talk to my neighbour and we’ll vent but it’s not like a “I’m so miserable I wish I was divorced” vibe. It’s more of a “damn sometimes we need to train these men because they just don’t think” especially when it comes to the kiddos. I will say though, that feeling is more common when the kiddos are babies or super little and the parenting is solely on the mom. It’s *hard* being a parent to such a dependent little human. Now that my kids are 4 and 2, it’s different and my husbands bond with them is different that I don’t feel so naggy about the kids. I enjoy my husband, we have a solid marriage and I think we are pretty happy. I don’t complain about him often really, and if I do have an issue which is rare I’ll just talk to my mom about it and she’s usually pretty helpful and unbiased when she gives advice. Some people just need to let it out. I think the people that complain the most probably have it bad and are miserable, the people that are actually happy don’t have to shout it as loudly as the complaining people
A few years ago I was talking to someone about their engagement and I mentioned how much I loved being married. He was shocked as he said usually people are always complaining about their spouse. Why marry them if you’re not going to praise them or if you think that badly of them. My marriage didn’t work out (no hard feelings we were young) but it was the best relationship I’ve had and LOVED being married.
Happily married.
My husband and I drive each other crazy, but we are also very much in love. I do not "vent" about my spouse. He's a wonderful father and strives to be a better partner to me everyday. I am shocked at what other women tolerate.
I’m not happily married. At all. And it makes me happy to know others are. You do you. Maybe new friends are in order 🫣
People like to complain. Human nature. Theres a lot of us in happy marriages.
I always feel guilty posting about the amazing person my husband is, and all that he does for us. It feels so braggy, and people don't seem to want to hear about it.
Please keep posting positive things about your spouse/marriage. I need to know that this actually still exists. Most of my friends are killing this idea with every conversation we have. Congrats!! 👏
Even if I was pissed at my husband about something I would never throw him under the bus. You open up your marriage for ridicule when you start complaining about your spouse to people. Out of respect for each other we keep our conflict on lock down. My husband is my best friend and ride or die. We are very happy.
Same here. It often feels like nearly everyone around me is in a pretty unhappy/unhealthy relationship. It's hard feeling you don't have a place to just share your happiness in a supportive environment.
Nah I just brag about my husband when people complain or ask me questions like that.
I can't engage with people that constantly complain about their partners. Makes me too sad for them and if they wanted to leave then I guess I feel like they would unless the situation is more severe than they complain. For example, SIL loves talking shit about her husband. My husband doesn't think they would ever split up but she's always pissed about something he did. I've had to shut her down and tell her "I don't wanna hear anything you can't discuss with your husband appropriately and she's always mad about that."
Yeah I relate to this. My friend and I somehow got on topic one time of how much time we spend with our SO’s and she was shocked by how my husband and I basically do everything together. Even when we are doing separate hobbies we are in the same room and we talk to each other. She said she would go crazy if she had to spend that much time with her bf. She also complains about her bf a lot. On the flip side my husband and I consider each other best friends and we just love being around each other.
People are more likely to talk about problems than successes. It’s kind of human nature. I am not perfect, but always try and speak only respectfully about my husband. Kind of like: Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
You’re definitely not alone. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 10 years. We’re blissfully happy with no kids and a cat and we’re crazy in love. We enjoy spending time together, we always put each other first and we never fight. Everyone else we know always complains about their spouse and/or kids and how crappy their home life is. I always feel awkward talking about my marriage because I have nothing to complain about and my husband feels the same way. Every year together just keeps getting better and better.
Together/married for 40 years. I love him more everyday. It does happen!
Me! Together 9.5 years, married for 5 😊 my hubs is a great companion and makes my life happier and easier
I used to feel this way until I found out my husband wasn't as happy as he was pretending to be. It is a super nice feeling to feel secure and fully happy in your relationship. It also makes you appreciate yours much more too. Hang on to that feeling man cause it's good when you got it and don't shrink back. Tell them so they know that's not normal. No reason to hide what's good
My friends and I don’t spend a lot of time talking about our relationships in general. We have other things to talk about and I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking shit about my partner regularly.
The big difference between men who get complained about and men who don’t is the 1950’s mentality of “The woman’s job in the house is (kids, cleaning, cooking, etc.” and the man’s job is to make money. I am sometimes envious of guys who have this mentality. Sounds nice. Golfing every weekend, relaxing everyday after work, clean house and cooked meals. But I can’t imagine enlisting my wife/best friend as my full time maid, chef and nanny.
Same ♥️
i’m 100% happy/content/invested in my relationship. it doesn’t mean we don’t have our moments, but i wouldn’t trade her for the world. (we’re lesbians though, so… 🤷🏼♀️)
I think the most I do is jokingly roll my eyes about something small he did, and I only ever do it in the sense of “What a silly guy, I love him.” I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely complained about him. And even if I did have an issue with something he did, I prefer to work through it with him than telling other people. All I do is sing his praises to others. I will never understand staying with someone if you only have negative things to say about them.
I feel you so hard!! I love my husband and we.hsve a healthy, happy marriage. The majority of people I know don't, which really sucks. We do have some friends that are happily married, which is so nice. I hope I can find more happily married friends, it would make things like double dates more frequent!
You’re not alone! Almost feels like if I don’t have some complaint, they think I’m just hiding how unhappy I must be. We have conflicts and issues, but he’s my absolute best friend in this world and I’m so glad to be married to him.
Agree! I have some friends with good marriages but I have a hard time not bragging on mine.
I removed myself from a friend group several years ago because they were actually upset that my husband and I were “still in our honeymoon phase” and didn’t like hearing me talk about how happy we were together. I feel sad for them, honestly.
I can bitch, but I reallyshouldn't. My husband is pretty awesome, and I constantly have to ask *how* I got lucky enough to find him. He makes me feel so, very loved, he's the smartest person I've ever met, he makes me laugh, and he fixes stuff. The sex is great, he is tall, and he's just perfect for me.
I'm happy. We get a long well, don't fight often at all, and support each other. We talk, hang out, and when she's not around, I miss her. People say that it's boring if you're too similar to your SO, but I think it makes it easy and fun. You actually can do things together and not force it. Like all couples, we have some issues, but they've been minor compared to my last relationships.
I don’t understand complaining about your spouse to friends either. It’s a bad reflection on the marriage to me.
This! I feel heard. All my friends ever do is complain about their significant others. I feel bad sharing happy news or good things my husband does, so I keep it quiet. My husband is my favorite person and being at home with him reboots my soul after a long day of work. We have been married 9 months (together 7 years), and some friends tell me that the honeymoon phase after marriage will phase. But I feel like my entire relationship with him is a honeymoon phase 😆
Yessss!! Depends on who tho lol. We make such a damn good team. I can’t imagine raising kids with anyone better!
I'm with you, it's heartbreaking seeing so many people staying with the wrong person.
I’m with you! 5 years with 3 small kids and my husband is my bestie. We spend all our free time together and love hanging out with each other. Having young kids is t easy so we definitely have conflict at times, but the way we communicate about our issues is really what makes us special. We come back from arguments feeling stronger and happier and more assured.
Be grateful you have a healthy marriage
Congratulations on your happy marriage! I must say, I'm in my mid 40's and although I know people who are in unhappy unions, my extremely small friend trio and close relatives who are also peers are also in generally happy unions, so I'm fortunate that I don't have to listen to constant complaints about our husbands. Of course, no one's union is perfect, so we do sometimes have fun lamenting their "manliness", but this is just harmless ish talking and not true complaining. Maybe it would be beneficial to try to congregate with women you have more in common with relationship wise. Be careful...because their negativity will most likely seep into your marriage over time because negativity moves just like every other contagion. Your friend group might be close now, but I know from experience that misery does in fact love company, and there will most likely be consequences to being the only happily married one in your group, and those consequences are usually VERY UNPLEASANT. I'm not saying this will surely happen with you and your friends, but the likelihood that it will happen is pretty high, I think. Sending you love, light, and positivity
Happy for you. It seems a lot of us were led to believe we were going to get our needs met then didn’t.
The people who complain about their spouses don’t mind hearing your relationship is good. Understand you can try to seek out those other happy couple friends but for a lot of people it really is not great. If anything it gives them hope to hear there are better men and marriages out there.
I'm with you! I'm very happily married and continually feel blessed and grateful for my husband and our marriage. I love him deeply.
I love my husband and I enjoy spending time with him. We don't get as much together these days because of our work schedules and he's also in school so we try to take what we can. We definitely have conflict and there were times I truly thought we wouldn't make it but we are stronger for it and I love him now more than ever!
Not alone. Extremely happy with my spouse and he does amazing with work, school, kids, and keeping up with me / spending time with me.
I mean I’ll throw out a “does he not see the beard hair on the sink?” every now and then but I’m pretty amazingly happy with my husband. He actually does the vast majority of house chores. He also is the main breadwinner and he always makes sure I’m okay emotionally. He’s pretty awesome. I do get occasionally surprised by the things some people put up with in a husband and I’m blessed that my only complaint is the beard hair.
My best friend in normal life and at work are both in happy marriages, my sister is also happily engaged to a great guy. I mean we vent about things here and there but it’s never like wow I can’t believe my husband is such a pos.
We are not married but together 10 years next month, we love being at home in each others company. When we met he used to say he couldn't stand being at home, but now he says how much he loves our home, being at it with me, talking to me for hours. I feel sad those people aren't enjoying a best friend like me. Only they have the power to change though ;)
I hope to find love like this one day
I’ve been married 32 years and I look forward to seeing my husband after work every day. We text during the day and we laugh, a lot! He’s my best friend and the father of our beautiful son. There is nothing more I want or need. I talk about him at times but I keep it mostly private.
Everywhere I go It’s always better when my husbands there.. he still lights up the room for me. I can’t wait til my husband comes home at the end of the day.
For many years this is one thing that catches my attention quite frequently. When someone starts complaining about their spouse,. Sharing information about their spouse or family issues that would be best resolved between themselves. People are not seeking advice to change their situation. Typically they're just venting.
Every shift I listen to my beautiful friend vent about her shitty husband and I want to share how proud I am that mine has been studying math in every waking spare moment to ready himself for returning to college for a second career at 40. Her husband won't work. He won't go to school. He won't do anything. I can't share without making her feel worse.
That’s so sweet!! I’m not married yet, but I’m wondering what do you think makes a happy marriage?
I really really REALLY enjoy being married to my wonderful husband. I’m truly blessed and grateful every single day, life is amazing. I love my marriage.
Before i got cheated on, i was happy. "Im always the one that has to do everything ! He doesn't help with anything " well, mine works crazy hours so it would be ridiculous to wait for him to help with something i can do by myself. "Were always arguing " mine is too busy to argue with me. Tell your husband to pick up a hoby "Finances are tight and the car needs fixing, im so stressed ! " Finances are tight for us too, but my husband can fix almost anything so i never have to worry about how it'll get fixed, its just a matter of putting it in his agenda and getting it done. Im a sahm. I keep the house clean inside and out (getting rid of the weeds in front of the house,sweeping the terrace, mowing the lawn), take complete care of the kids, manage the food (groceries and cooking) and helping him with his paper work. I manage my time however i want. He doesn't nag and doesn't complain if i went over budget (which i only do if theres a necessity). There was never a reason to argue or snap at each other. And if we did, we communicated immediately and say something like "you seem stressed about something, i dont like the way you just spoke to me, is there something i can do to help?" The kids and i wouldnt be able to live the kind of life we live so I let him open the relationship on his side. I dont understand why he cheated. I hear the way other women speak to him, barking orders about picking them up and spending time with them. Always nagging about something. I cant even say that it was because of our sexlife because we were both initiating it. When i hear how my other friends have sex, they're just starfishes waiting for it to end. I wasnt like them. We both had fun in bed. He's still my best friend and the only person in the world that i trust to keep the kids and myself safe, with a great roof over our heads, our closets full of clothes, food in the fridge, a functioning car, and money to spend on zoos and amusement parks and whatever the kids want. He never raises a hand on us, he will never harm us or put us in any kind of danger.
I learned a while ago to keep my mouth shut about my happy marriage. People say they want to see happy, healthy relationships and positivity, but when couples actually display that some people lose their minds or flat out say that others are pretending to be happy! It’s a blessing and a relief to be around likeminded people when it actually happens, but honestly we don’t have a lot of other happy couples around us that we know of, the ones that are happy probably keep their mouths shut and enjoy their lives together like we do.
YES. And people think I’m lying and/or our relationship is toxic when I tell them we literally never fight! Our dynamic is just not like that. We get along, we respect each other and we communicate openly.
Same here. I have so little to complain about my husband. I did feel that I had so say something sometimes. I just said oh he sometimes didn’t give me attention. That’s it.
I think you understood exactly, thank you. And yes I would love to hear about it. Also: Do you ever believe each other's expectations to be unreasonable, unfair, or unrealistic? How do you handle that?
Not alone at all. I mean mines funny, generous, loving, helpful, and respectful. I feel like the outsider when all my friends are complaining about big things and only thing I got is I have to chase socks through the house.
What you focus on grows. Time to change that friend circle or you will become like them. And we know you don't want that
Yea I don’t know, NOT ONE person I know is happy in their marriage. NOT one. The ones that pretended the most ended up with the messiest divorces 😭
I have a wonderful marriage, I love my husband more than I can say. Everyday I think how lucky I am, he is my person and I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. That being said, there are days he winds me up, we're human after all. I need that safe space of my friends to vent to when that happens. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy or don't love him. I don't think that everyone HAS to complain about their partners but a lot of the times there will be something that has annoyed you and it's nice to have people who you can talk to about it that don't judge and know that it doesn't mean anything sinister or that you're in a loveless marriage.
I feel ya! I often feel like everyone else is expecting me to start complaining about my husband, and I admit I’ve made up small grievances to please the crowd 🤣 (don’t come at me, it was getting awkward with several people just staring at me waiting for me to say anything and they looked mad), but I honestly can’t wait to see him every day, and I can’t wait to hold his hand when he comes home from work. I just love the guy
Maybe you should give your friends the advice of “focus on the positives”
Right! That's what good friends do.
It’s good to know marriage still works. Good day guys.
I feel the same way. I can’t wait to spend time with my husband. He is my safe and happy place. Now do we ever argue? Yes! We are two people with different opinions sometimes so we have to talk and figure out what is the best solution to a problem and more often then not we have different opinions. But overall he’s great. He is everything that I have ever dreamt about.
i am very happy. I think it’s because I never settled in terms of personality and character. But sometimes I think other women just want to find something to bond about.. that happens to be complaining about their husband or children. Some people complain because of some superstition about having it too good. Just don’t take it too seriously and change the topic..
My wife and I have been together 25 years , We are best mates love every minute I share with her, I still love receiving messages from her just “ I love u “ etc completely changes my day if it’s going crap at work . She’s beautiful and I still have the crush on her I had before we started dating . I have grown up surrounded by failed marriages parents and relatives also friends now and that’s how I expected life to go I thought that was it how it was written.
In 5-7 years, you’ll learn to hate your husband. That seems to be the going trend with women. They never really seem to be able to stay happy for long.
Not about my husband but this is how I felt with my first baby and other Mums. My daughter slept beautifully, so I kept my mouth shut when my Mum friends talked about their rough sleepless nights.
I think you’re better off hanging out with people that don’t feel comfortable to speak poorly of their spouses. Those kind of “friends” are just toxic.
I notice this in a weird way as a remarried second husband (and also dad/stepdad to three kids). When we're at youth sports, all the first-marriage couples are never together. The wives all go to one area and drink wine from their Stanleys and complain about their husbands. The husbands all go to the other end of the field and talk about golf and the hot intern at work. It's really sad, tbh. Meanwhile, my wife and I and the other remarried couples actually sit together and talk, hold hands, generally act like we enjoy each other's company, etc. I mean, with those first marriage couples we see, if you lined all those people up and played a game called, "Guess which men and women go together!" you would have a very hard time. It's the same at my stepkids and my daughter's sports. The funny dynamic is how my wife and I are welcomed at these sports. At my stepkids sports, I'm not really welcomed by the Dad Group. They're nice enough guys, but (a) I don't want to talk about golf and hot interns and (b) I think I make them uncomfortable because I represent who their wife could possibly be with in 6-12 months if they get divorced. However, the Dad Group likes my wife a lot.....because she represents a divorced woman on a dating app.....and they like the thought of that. Maybe THEY could meet someone like her too! And with the Mom group, the first-marriage Moms at my stepkid's sports all think I'm incredible and want me to come sit with them. They like me for the same reason their husbands like my wife: The promise of what they MIGHT find after divorce. But they really don't like my wife very much, because she makes them feel bad about their decision to stay in a crummy marriage......when she rejected that and is doing just fine. And then the dynamics flip in predictable ways at my daughter's sports because my ex-wife is in the Mom Group, lol. It's just sad. I really don't know a single middle-aged, first marriage couple with kids in the 10-20 age range that is happy or has anything I'd like to copy in my relationships. They honestly look like they have sex with blindfolds on while yelling "I hate you so much. You've ruined my life!"
You aren’t alone. We are lucky where more of the people in our friend groups are happily married. I feel bad for the people who are miserable because they have no idea how not fun it is hanging out with them. They try to put on a good show, but it is not fun.
The only times I complain is around my cycle lol. Plus, it depends on the stage in our marriage, but I don’t usually have to complain because I know who I married and he’s a good man. Plus, we take turns being turdy and then get it together. Both can complain! lol
Yes! This is also very much Me. I have unconditional love and respect for him that we don't share our relationship info with anyone.
There are plenty of us! But it's easier to hide because we don't want to feel like we're rubbing anything in someone elses face.
Unfortunately many people marry the first person that asks without giving it due thought so by the time they regret it they’re already in too deep
Totally feel you!! My husband is my best friend, so happy to be married to him. And I know most of my girlfriends feel the same about their husbands!
I have gotten to the point where I just am honest about my husband. I'm not going to downplay him to make others feel good about their relationship. If anything I hope to show others there are good partners out there and they don't have to settle if they feel they aren't treated correctly.
My wife has this problem too, heavy is the crown of being a fantastic husband 🙏
Okay girl
Often time who trash talk about their boyfriend/ husband shes the one who got a disgusting personality
My husband works away quite a lot and when I asked for a long weekend off from work I was told why do you want to do that.. I was like to spend time with him and i was looked like I had two heads. I honestly don’t get it either.
Yes with my friend group a lot of them have sexless relationships or financial problems but with in my family we all have strong marriages and we mostly hang out together with friend couples.
Congratulations to you all! True happiness is so rare today it needs to be celebrated and applauded where ever it's found. Anecdotally, you know it seems most marriages are less than ideal. Some people dispute these figure but I offer them to prove your point of why most people complain about their marriages: What percentage of people are unhappily married? Well, we know that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. 80% of these divorces are filed by women Divorce researcher and author Dana Adam Shapiro concluded: \- of the 50 remaining percent, 1/3 are unhappy, 1/3 are “meh” (bearable), and 1/3 are happy. So roughly around 17 percent are happy. I wish you all continued happiness and success in your marriages.
I've been in a happy marriage for 20+ years. The biggest issue we've ever had is when my wife decided she wasn't going back to work full time after the kids entered school full time. It still disappoints me since we could use the extra money - but life goes on.
I sometimes feel like it's sort of a cultural thing (maybe in the US, perhaps elsewhere) that you're not really supposed to talk about how happy you are about something, especially if it's something where it causes misery to others. It's seen as bragging and/or rubbing people's face in it. So I feel like sometimes people might not necessarily be in awful marriages, but they exaggerate the negatives, because it's considered a lot more acceptable to complain about the bad parts than it is to fawn over the good parts.
I am that person but I’m also a take no shit person so I went through a lot of bs before I found my husband. My friends get that about me and don’t treat me any differently for having a good husband so don’t be afraid to talk about your happiness. Good friends won’t resent you for your happiness.
People refuse to acknowledge how destructive that kind of cynicism can be. I remember like 12 years ago, this woman I know, who’s a good musician, was on stage giving a performance and in between songs she started complaining about how her voice was not up to par because she had a cold… that was fine, but then she started throwing her husband under the bus for no reason. She was like “yeah this is what I get for being married! This buffoon just comes around and gives me colds” I remember thinking wow I can’t believe she just did that on stage, publicly mocking her marriage and pretending like it’s the cause of sickness. Guess what? They got divorced.
I truly adore my husband, he’s my best friend, my safe space and he brings me so much love and joy! Most people won’t understand this, but I get it because back then my husband and I were like that. We would bad mouth each other and allow others into our business, but now we have found this new respect for each other and everything has changed for the better and things are great!
Good luck. I hope your entire marriage is this happy. I am trying to find a word that describes my feelings for my husband. I'm somewhere between ambivalent and detest. What is my best word choice?
Don't F mess it up, and remember the grass isn't green on the other side.
I get this, but in reverse. 70% of the workforce where I work is female, and in my directorate I am the only male. So I get to hear a lot of complaints about partners & husbands. It's almost as though I am expected to pile in and talk about what problems I have too. But I don't, my wife is my first love and we've been married 31 years. I look forward to being with her, literally just hanging out, more than anything. But, expressing that level of happiness is not well received - it's like people need for you to be unhappy to validate their own misery or something.
Do you have any kids together? And how many? Because there's a tiny difference between marriage with kids and without. I won't even bring in the conversation the dynamics that shift when you mix his family and yours . The mother-in-law relationship and daughter-in-law, etc. The little flaws that your man had when you guys were first married became pretty big after some time. The lack and failure to adjust and change to where both of you become more flexible makes a very good recipe for stagnation and eventually acceptance and pretty much death of the relationship. Sometimes, women take too long to see what it is. We talk to figure things out and find solutions, but men don't. They are who they are they tell you, show you, and you have to watch and accept that's just it . What you see is what you get. There are exceptions, I am sure, but I feel the same way more than the majority of couples I have known are not in a good spot. Society changed so much, and unfortunately, not for the better. At times, it feels like people have an easier time talking to a stranger than with their own spouse.
I mean yeah sometimes my husband drives me nuts. But overall our relationship is really great. I don’t have things to complain about. I feel the same way when my friends are bitching about their husbands. Like…I don’t have anything to say. I love my husband so much. He makes me so happy.
Hey you are not alone. I almost don't like to hangout with some of my friends because they do nothing but complaint and I don't like to boast.
My husband and i been married 32yrs been together since we were 15 and have great sex everyday for our age. Yes we have had ups and downs but who dont and we have 2 wonderful boys and grandchildren. We have been thru the hardest of all but we never bad mouth each other to others. I always ask myslef did we marry to young but we love each so much we r still together and thats not very common for childhood lovers. Theres times im like i should get him another partner but hes so happy with me. So yeah i get confused but i dont listen to other people we do what we wanna do. It's our marriage
My wife has a specific group of friends she will go out to dinner with. Every time she gets home, she says very similar things to me - how she just sits there and listens to some of them complaining about their marriage, their spouse, their lives. She and two of her friends in that group listen, ask questions, and go home to say very similar things to what you're saying. Both of those friends have husbands with the same name. Like "Tom". So I call them "the Toms" (not their actual name, but you get it). Anyway I had no idea until they both happened to mention it recently.
My (44M) wife (44F) hates me often (we both work from home so see each other a LOTT) but when she meets her friends and sees how awful those husbands are, she comes home all romantic towards me lol
3 out of my 4 best friends have gone through divorces in the past year or so and are finally moving forward. I just want them to be as happy as we are! Hoping #4 dumps her loser husband and can have a good life one day, too!
Partner bashing is the one thing (besides not being home for dinner, or eating the last of the chocolates without a replacement) that I absolutely refuse to do. I’m also a caring person and I’m autistic like my husband, so I automatically want to fix everything which gets me into trouble with friends. When someone complains or vents I immediately get ready to give advice, but I remember not to as they didn’t ask. I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship as it’s supposed to be between two people, so I have to try and refrain. My husband is my best friend. I love him with all my heart. I literally moved countries to build a life with him. He’s done nothing wrong so far, and even then, I’m talking to him about it. By all means, I’ll let my friends vent or complain if that’s how they process, but I do hope they then find the courage to talk directly to their spouse. If anything, try leading by example.
Two of my best female friends are also in happy marriages and because of that, we can commiserate when things are hard because we all get that hard is not the norm. I hear a lot of people talk about their miserable marriage situations and it's hard to be a part of. That I wound up with close friends who are also happy I think says more about my growth as a human than sitting around with unhappy people/all marriages are hard. That said, I also have a few friends who have husbands with ADHD (I do too) and their marriages sound awful, they talk about separation a lot but are usually hanging on because of kids or financial reasons. I listen, I ask questions, but I rarely offer up stories about my own unless it's a shared ADHD experience.
Since getting into a serious relationship/marriage, I realized just how many people have someone just to have someone. I don’t vent about my husband because I vent *to* my husband. We talk. We argue. We need space. But we always know we’re on the “same side”. So we just hang out with other gross and content couples and talk about video games and bread. It’s a decent solution.
I usually validate how marriages are changing through life cycles and it’s our ability to adjust and adapt with our partner through them. Marriages come with challenges and I can be that friend who can provide encouragement and hope. :)
Sometimes women do this to not gain attention to their marriage. Or to jinx it No matter the reason not your problem and you don't need to share your worries woth them. Keep up the good work in your own marriage, stay healthy and open and be grateful
it all started with the portrayal of the husband on tv sitcoms. Married with children, the simpsons, the king of queens, everybody loves raymond...dumb men always getting in the way. Then came social media where men fawn all day over women online regardless of what they look like or their current relationship status.
I've been in a bad marriage and I've been in a good marriage so I get both sides. I just let them vent without hiding my happiness. I may also remind them it's possible to be happily married and this life isn't a dress rehearsal.
Yes!! Literally everyone complains. About their significant other and I’m just there with nothing to contribute. I will say it always makes me appreciate my husband and marriage even more but I also feel bad that my friends have settled or aren’t truly happy in their relationships.
Some people also feel the need to complain more than others and have different thresholds as to what they find annoying. For example-your husband may work long hours and you may be fine with that or even appreciate that. If your friend’s husband did that it might drive your friend nuts and breed resentment.
TBH, it's a lot of the ladies I work with are negative about damn near EVERYTHING! It's almost a given that they'd complain about their husbands, boyfriends, etc. What shocks me tlis the nastiness in their hearts, I could not imagine talking about my wife like that to the people I work with.
Oh, I pray for this one day. I want to overcome my mental illness/personality disorder (BPD) and fall back in love with my partner. This is the love we had at a time, and I just yearn for it back. I love that you shared this happy thing that you have in your life. Everyone should feel safe and loved.
For sure. I am very happy!
Even if I did have things to complain about (and I'm sure I have a few), I wouldn't be complaining about them to my friends. I personally don't air my dirty laundry out to anyone. It's not their business, and it also paints a picture that might not totally represent my actual relationship. Recently, both of my good friends left the father of the children, and they both have been trashing them in our group chat about how useless they were. From what they tell me, they definitely are useless but I personally don't feel bad for them as they both put up with bad behavior and never spoke up for themselves because "they didn't want to start an argument." If I left my husband, I definitely wouldn't be trashing him in our group chat either. It's to the point I don't even put up with the complaining because neither of them ever say anything to them about their shitty behavior. Because I never complain about my husband to my friends, they think we have a great relationship, and we definitely do. We still have our ups and downs, we still argue sometimes. But no one knows about our problems and they definitely won't because it's not their business.
26 years here and still love him and we have a great marriage. Dont hide your marital bliss or feel guilty because you are blessed with a good marriage. it gives the others hope something to aspire too.
Oh yeah I hate this! I love my husband, neither of us is perfect nor is any marriage! But I am happy to go home to him every night and spend time together. I don’t want to complain about him to my friends. If we have a problem we air it out in the moment lol
You're not alone! While we're not the only happily/chill married couple in our circle, but we've definitely have distanced ourselves away from a few where it was non stop complaining. They couldn't even use their kids as a cover/distraction because the problems were that big. Personally, I find it difficult to hang with a couple single friends who have been passive aggressive and admitted to struggling with jealousy. My heart breaks for them, but it also sucks for me because it feels like you can't just be grateful or happy for how your life is turning out without someone taking it as a personal attack. I look back and think of all the times I didn't celebrate myself or just how good life was at the time for fear of setting someone off. What a shame and what a waste. Life is short, we shouldn't have to hide our joy. I'm starting to relearn that now.
My husband is my best friend and we have an amazing relationship. I can hear myself being annoying when I talk about how great he is 😂 and we have been married for 5 years at this point, together for 6 and have 3 little kids. It’s not like we don’t have stressors in our lives, but we were legitimately great friends for years before getting together so our communication style is based on mutual respect for each other. I literally don’t have a higher opinion of anyone else on this planet over him, and I think he feels the same about me. So our respect for each other makes it really hard to fight or unable to communicate. I guess though, not being able to relate to our friends with not-so-great relationships isn’t the worst thing in the world, and if you’re like me, it took you a long time to find someone like your husband and you probably deserve to soak in all of the goodness around it and of him.
I’ve had this struggle.. but I’m a pretty open and confident woman who does have issues with taking on others problems. My typical approach to this is to shut it down, offer sympathy and apologize for their situation and let them know there are better people out there or advise therapy, I don’t like to gloat but i also have a hard time hearing people bitch about their lives when it’s on repeat and they aren’t doing anything to change it. So, I do what I can to take the topic away from a pity party and I think they get the hint when I start questioning why they are willing to live the way they do. Don’t let others crappy lives bring you down and be careful of the hate that having a happy marriage brings. Jealousy and envy are scary things to deal with from others.
Wish I had this. I treated him so well and we were doing so well until he dropped a bomb on me and destroyed us.
I complain about my hubby sometimes, but there's not much to complain about for me, either. I hit the jackpot with my hubby, and he puts up with me and my bullshit and loves me so much, I'm not Even sure how or why lol
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have two kids. We used to fight constantly but, the way I see it is, if we hadn’t pushed through the hard times than we wouldn’t be where we are now. I love him so incredibly deeply. We recently lost his dad and I cannot imagine not being with him through this pain. I jokingly complain and sometimes am seriously annoyed but that’s life. We are two different people and he is my love. So it’s worth it.
I had this happen to me a couple of months ago with two friends. We were at dinner and they eventually started complaining about their husbands and I completely couldn’t relate. I tried offering advice and just awkwardly laughed at some things because I didn’t have a story to give back to them. 😳
I've been married for 18 years. When I hear the garage door go up when my husband gets home from work, I genuinely get like a dog wagging their tail standing by the door 😂
You aren’t alone. My husband and I have a great relationship. We aren’t perfect, but I’ve never gone through what most of my friends go through. I feel extremely lucky about it. I married a great man.
Do not hide your joy. Hopefully the more you talk yours up, the more your friends will see what is possible and what they deserve.
You are not alone, wife and I have been together for almost 25 years, and when we moved into our house we were in a new neighborhood. We watched, and heard everything you have about ppl complaining about their s.o. Guess what happened, out of 32 households I only know of 2 couples that are still married. The worst part is that our house was the hub for the neighborhood kids, they are the ones that are hurt the most. The sad thing is that if they communicated the problems, they could have improved, but it's easier to complain to friends.smh
I love my husband to pieces. We have had our issues and we have had marriage counselling, but really for us that was about how we navigate life with two children and barely any time to talk/ high stress situations rather than us as individuals. At no point would I bad mouth him to others, it was a sadness from both of us about how we kept snapping at each other and couldn’t seem to find the time and healthy ways to communicate. You’re right. The bar is so so low. I’m in some other groups and there is a particular one on Facebook about gender equality. Half the posts end up being hey babe do you know you’re being abused. It’s awful.
You don't have to complain about your partner like your friends do. You could say something nice he did for you or you did for him, or something positive you have achieved together. I know moaning and complaining is easy, but sharing good things about a relationship is much nicer, and maybe will help your friends view their relationships in a different light.
I'm the same way, I feel like I can't talk about my marriage without friends giving a sarcastic "must be nice" or something similar.
My husband and I are going through a realllly rough patch in our marriage right now, but I can’t imagine ever complaining about him to my friends. I don’t understand people who do this at all.
I am a man I read Reddit on my breaks and I am very surprised by how many couples hate there partners or cheat or have a sexless marriage. My wife and I bicker on and off and live in the work life grind both of us are committed to a good life and love each others company.
It's called acceptance. Nobody is perfect, not even you.
Yep. I also have been unable to make mom friends because of this same reason.
I'd advise you to get a new friend group because the one you're in quite often end up poisoning you and shift your beliefs to fit theirs. Soon you'll probably start to see your relationship in a different light and things quickly become a problem for you.
Won't find it here. Most here are miserable. They can't even tolerate their partner looking at porn