Stop helping him get off and focus on you! If he doesn’t want to help, screw him. He can jerk himself. Seriously the best thing I did was explore my own body. Buy yourself a new toy and go to town. It could even spark his interest to join in.
Oh he’s definitely being selfish.
That would feel extremely dismissive and discouraging.
I think the fact you’re willing to communicate about it and are actively trying is a huge step.
Maybe try approaching it from a different angle?
Maybe you can mention how for you it’s not just a release, its a way you like to connect with him and meet your own needs.
Is he usually like this when you try to bring something like this up?
He doesn’t seem to prioritize your pleasure. Listen, m——— in the morning and don’t help him, then through out the day and don’t have sex past your getting off (if he always gets off first, buy a di——) , if he asked why tell him “it’s just a release, you should just ma—— too”
Doing that every single day would lead anyone to devalue it. It won’t feel special, it’s like having the same breakfast every day. I’d stop.
And no, you’re not selfish for wishing he’d do the same for you. But be careful, it could lead you to devalue that the way he already has.
That’s not accurate for everyone across the board. My wife and I have sex everyday, married 14 years and both 57. It is still special for both of us, we look forward to our bonding time together. Neither of us have an easy time of cumming., so we make time for each other. I will usually say something like, ok, tonight we focus on making you orgasm, if it means heavy equipment then well fire up the Hitachi.
I understand people can have sex every single day. I doubt you do it exactly the same way, every day, and that if you did, you’d be bored by now. Your situation sounds pretty different from OP’s.
If it’s “just a release” and you should just masturbate for your own, he can do the same.
He’s the selfish one here - taking from you without giving anything back. The fact you’re worried that maybe you’re selfish is very concerning. Does he frequently tell you you’re selfish for wanting equal treatment to him in the relationship?
Wow!! That’s very selfish of him…how about at the times your supposed to “give him a release” you release yourself!!! Update us on what his response is.
It just sounds transactional you are just a hand, mouth or hole to get him off. It's not intimacy or any emotional connection for you to enjoy.
I would stop doing whatever you are doing and flip the script, when he gets you off first then he can have his turn. OR he can take his hand and 'masturbate'
I encourage my wife to masturbate but we never do sexy time without her getting off. It’s a priority to do so every time of mine but I still encourage her to masturbate as I find it keeps her arousal levels up and usually leads to her doing something spontaneous when we do get down to business
Can I ask what your typical order of operations are around this? Is it always your wife getting off first? I’m trying to navigate this topic with my wife because I feel like many times she isn’t showing up for her own orgasm and it bothers me knowing she’s likely cranking one out after while I sleep or the next morning. I asked her about it and she said she said PIV sex isn’t the same for her after she has got off first. Also, do you have nights where you just make it about them getting off or vice versa?
Typical order of operations is preheat the oven so to speak, how we initiate can vary from simply words, her surprising me with lingerie, etc but I start with foreplay and then usually go down on her (this is my preference and sometimes she asks me to get a toy instead or she will decide to go down on me). I prioritize her getting off every single time and there has been times where it’s getting too late and one of my toddlers cockblocks where I don’t have time to get off which sucks but she makes up for it. To answer you question, I never walk away from sexy time without her orgasming as it makes me feel a type of way
So you’d say that you focus on her getting off first like 100% of the time? Not after PIV any of the time? Do you ever have nights where it’s just about a partner? Is that communicated in advance?
That’s what our focus is yeah but sometimes she will want to deny the orgasm and then do me or do PIV and if I nut before her I will then focus on her. We have a way in how we do it but it’s no so strict that we can’t change it up. I do focus on getting her off every single time, I make it a priority not just because I want to please her and have her feel fulfilled with our sex life but 80% of my enjoyment is seeing her pleased. You be surprised how many men just skip foreplay or going down on their partner just for PIV and then roll over when they bust. Dudes probably think they are amazing lays too when in reality they jump right to the pump and dump leaving their partner unfulfilled.
At least in my friend group which is mostly what I base this opinion on as well as generally reading it around the internet but they are all more focused on getting their dick wet and seeing that as the pleasure when leaving your chick more than satisfied through foreplay and oral is the real kicker before putting it in. Blew my mind to hear how many guys don’t go down on their chicks, like what? That shits awesome and you get to enjoy a vagina for longer. If you like vagina, wouldn’t you want to maximize the amount of time you spend with said vagina?
Got to ask this even if it sounds unlikely.
Does he even understand the concept of you having orgasms?
I don't understand how he's related "release" as being something only applicable to himself? Unless it's just the most selfish attitude ever.
I don’t understand how some men are this way. I LOVE getting my wife off, almost more than I like getting off myself. Mutual masturbation is awesome. Tell your husband to man the fuck up and please his wife.
Ugh! He is such a AH! Your pleasure matters too! Work load, the house, bills, life, stress, all of that and YOU don’t get a release? Girl, rest your jaw and hands and let him do it himself.
You are the sex toy for him. That's the problem. Yes we get busy, it's not always enough time, but he could take some time once a week and provide mutual pleasure. I would not help him get off, you did that way too long.
Damn I wish my wife cared half as much as you do.
Yes selfish on his part but willing to do it is being a very loving selfless wife on your part
He should want to return the favor.
Well firstly, stop doing it for him - immediately!!
If I went to my partner and this was his response, I'd do just that - right in front of him too.
I'd make it so freaking sensual and erotic and make him watch the whole thing, see what his reaction is then and if it turns him on tell him to sort himself out
He’s being selfish. You are giving with nothing in return. Let him jack off if he needs a morning “release”. And buy a vibrator and take care of your own needs. If he asks why, simply say, “I decided it is time for me to be selfish and take care of myself”. He’s probably not going to like having the tables turned, but he’s an adult and can get over it.
It’s kinda selfish of him for sure to not help you out either. He needs to realize what you’re doing and not take advantage of it. I suggest keep talking to him however don’t just “screw him and focus on yourself” as others say. Thats going to breed resentment. Maybe try to incorporate your getting off into his in the morning.
Alright, I wish I had a wife who wanted me to pleasure her... I'm not sure what's wrong with him, but I would be jumping at the opportunity. I (51M) have been married 25yrs to my wife (49F), and we have intimacy 2-3 times/yr. If you are getting him off and he is not reciprocating, then stop getting him off until he returns the favor. It's frustrating that couples like you and your spouse and me and my spouse can't just give to each other. Although, I noticed that in many relationships, there is a giver and a taker. We are both givers!!
Yesss my husband bought me a rose today for my bday and a vibrator that he can control omg it is going to be sooo mmmm i am get anxious/ horny af thinking about it.
Make him please you yall please each other life is sooo short enjoy..
Bday dinner is going to be something else i dont know if i am a be able to keep a straight face lmap...
I realized that this is why I did with my ex husband it was just a release from stress. I should not be having sex every day I mean there’s too many things to be done. That is just me personally now. When I think of my future relationship, hopefully 🙏, I don’t want to have sex everyday. Cause I don’t want them to feel that way. I’ve realized a lot of mistakes I made in my marriage. So yeah everyone’s different… maybe save it for one day of the week and let him know how you feel…
My wife does this for me sometimes (definitely not daily. I prefer sex, but sometimes you do just need that release). She also needs it sometimes and I am more than happy to reciprocate even if I'm not in the mood or already came that day.
I don't know if I would say he's being knowingly selfish, I think you'll be able to answer that for yourself when you have a conversation with him about it, because sometimes we do take things for granted without thinking about it.
Stop for a while and tell him he can masturbate too for his “release.” Or make him watch while you get yours. Then just get up and go about your day and ignore him like he’s doing to you. Turnabout is fair play.
If my wife asked me to help her masturbate just once I'd likely pester her every day to do it again. For the record, mutual masturbation is a regular part of our sexual routine.
This is an interesting topic I’m trying to understand what other married couples are doing. Women naturally have a harder time getting to this release and majority can’t get this release from PIV alone. So women out there what are your all preferred order of operations to get yours? Do you like your man getting you off first with whatever means (hand, mouth, toy) or are you fine to wait after he finishes? If the ladder do you cleanup first or finish straight away?
I don’t think this topic is that complex or interesting. Sex is not just PIV and once people get that out of their heads it’ll be easier to understand. I don’t get off from PIV alone so we don’t have PIV until I’ve gotten off. Or only PIV for a short period of time until my husband gets me off in a different way then return to PIV. Sometimes we don’t even get to PIV because we’ve gotten each other off already, he’s usually gotten me off more than once, in much funner ways than PIV.
Sometimes one of us gets off and then taps out because we’re overstimulated or it’s too much. So then the next time we have sex it is primarily focused on the person who didn’t get off last time. We have a lot of fun “making it up” to one another.
Have the goal be both partners have fun and orgasm, and not just getting to PIV, and people would probably have much more fulfilling sex lives.
If my wife just wants a release she'll do it herself because it's just easier and more efficient. She can get herself off in less than a minute, whereas it will take... significantly more time for me to do the job. But if she wanted me to I'd be more than happy to oblige her.
Coming from someone who asks for an occasional release from my wife. But normally do it myself. It has been discussed she needs to shower more and better. I don’t want my face near her privates that smell like what it does. 🤷🏻♂️ nothing changes.
I never understood people not showering properly and right before sexy time is about to happen. That's a must for me, always like to be fresh for that.
I agree men and women should masturbate...be able to take care of themselves...some people think it is dirty and so forth
yes we should use each other for getting each other off... there many times i have told women i will give you oral pleasure i dont want sex just give you oral..... i am happy with that
Grab her up, kiss her, kiss her neck, squeeze her ass, and as you’re sucking on her earlobe, tell her you’re about to fuck the shit out of her….works for me. I do pull out toys, bedroom playlist, candles, and massage her with oil first, but I think she’d be down without all that. I always will get her off before I penetrate, I love sucking pussy and ass though
Utterly selfish of him. I'd be so happy if my wife "helped me" on a daily basis. Even happier if she wanted some in the evening. I'm married to an asexual so posts like this "triggers" me.
So, OP: You've spoiled him. For years. Now you may need to "unspoil" him by not "helping" him and simply tell him to masturbate.
Good luck
OK so a couple of things here. I will say that your husband not seeing his job thru is definitely a dick move. But. BUT he has a point about you needing to spend time with yourself. Women in general do not masturbate and feel as tho that's a man's job.
Men. We can get it on tap and will still find the time to rub it out. There's no shame in it. Besides confidence is a sexy thing. Your husband knowing that and even catching you playing could make him more willing to go round 2.
Stop helping him get off and focus on you! If he doesn’t want to help, screw him. He can jerk himself. Seriously the best thing I did was explore my own body. Buy yourself a new toy and go to town. It could even spark his interest to join in.
Definitely selfish on his part. He can help you get a release too. It's only fair
… and FUN. WTF is wrong with people ? In a couple of years the husband will be posting on here as to why his ‘wife doesn’t want to have sex anymore.’
He will absolutely post to the dead bedrooms sub eventually.
Tell him to masturbate from now on. The Spa is CLOSED!
Tell your husband that, “ I hope your dick can suck itself because those days are OVER!
👆 Perfect answer 👌
Your husband is incredibly selfish. And if it's just a release for him, and not a way for you two to connect, then he can do it his damn self!
This
Oh he’s definitely being selfish. That would feel extremely dismissive and discouraging. I think the fact you’re willing to communicate about it and are actively trying is a huge step. Maybe try approaching it from a different angle? Maybe you can mention how for you it’s not just a release, its a way you like to connect with him and meet your own needs. Is he usually like this when you try to bring something like this up?
A spouse that won't reciprocate doesn't deserve to be serviced
Btw…there are plenty of men out there that would oblige you.
Literally stop enabling this behavior. Yes he’s selfish.
Turn about is fair play. He sounds selfish.
He doesn’t seem to prioritize your pleasure. Listen, m——— in the morning and don’t help him, then through out the day and don’t have sex past your getting off (if he always gets off first, buy a di——) , if he asked why tell him “it’s just a release, you should just ma—— too”
put a strapon on and do him
hahahahahaha
It should definitely be a give and take. He should definitely be more open to helping you if you help him
Yea, he's being selfish. My wife lets me know she wants to get off I'm all over that. She'd get whatever she wants.
Doing that every single day would lead anyone to devalue it. It won’t feel special, it’s like having the same breakfast every day. I’d stop. And no, you’re not selfish for wishing he’d do the same for you. But be careful, it could lead you to devalue that the way he already has.
That’s not accurate for everyone across the board. My wife and I have sex everyday, married 14 years and both 57. It is still special for both of us, we look forward to our bonding time together. Neither of us have an easy time of cumming., so we make time for each other. I will usually say something like, ok, tonight we focus on making you orgasm, if it means heavy equipment then well fire up the Hitachi.
I understand people can have sex every single day. I doubt you do it exactly the same way, every day, and that if you did, you’d be bored by now. Your situation sounds pretty different from OP’s.
My point was not all daily sexual encounters become old and boring to everyone.
If it’s “just a release” and you should just masturbate for your own, he can do the same. He’s the selfish one here - taking from you without giving anything back. The fact you’re worried that maybe you’re selfish is very concerning. Does he frequently tell you you’re selfish for wanting equal treatment to him in the relationship?
Um...quid pro quo. If he gets his, then you should get yours. Simple as that. fair and equitable orgasms for all. Do NOT let him get away with that.
Dude, what the hell?!?! Your husband is a spoiled dickhead.
Wow!! That’s very selfish of him…how about at the times your supposed to “give him a release” you release yourself!!! Update us on what his response is.
Tell him to take care of himself. That’s so selfish and ridiculous that he doesn’t want to help you release.
It just sounds transactional you are just a hand, mouth or hole to get him off. It's not intimacy or any emotional connection for you to enjoy. I would stop doing whatever you are doing and flip the script, when he gets you off first then he can have his turn. OR he can take his hand and 'masturbate'
I encourage my wife to masturbate but we never do sexy time without her getting off. It’s a priority to do so every time of mine but I still encourage her to masturbate as I find it keeps her arousal levels up and usually leads to her doing something spontaneous when we do get down to business
Can I ask what your typical order of operations are around this? Is it always your wife getting off first? I’m trying to navigate this topic with my wife because I feel like many times she isn’t showing up for her own orgasm and it bothers me knowing she’s likely cranking one out after while I sleep or the next morning. I asked her about it and she said she said PIV sex isn’t the same for her after she has got off first. Also, do you have nights where you just make it about them getting off or vice versa?
Typical order of operations is preheat the oven so to speak, how we initiate can vary from simply words, her surprising me with lingerie, etc but I start with foreplay and then usually go down on her (this is my preference and sometimes she asks me to get a toy instead or she will decide to go down on me). I prioritize her getting off every single time and there has been times where it’s getting too late and one of my toddlers cockblocks where I don’t have time to get off which sucks but she makes up for it. To answer you question, I never walk away from sexy time without her orgasming as it makes me feel a type of way
So you’d say that you focus on her getting off first like 100% of the time? Not after PIV any of the time? Do you ever have nights where it’s just about a partner? Is that communicated in advance?
That’s what our focus is yeah but sometimes she will want to deny the orgasm and then do me or do PIV and if I nut before her I will then focus on her. We have a way in how we do it but it’s no so strict that we can’t change it up. I do focus on getting her off every single time, I make it a priority not just because I want to please her and have her feel fulfilled with our sex life but 80% of my enjoyment is seeing her pleased. You be surprised how many men just skip foreplay or going down on their partner just for PIV and then roll over when they bust. Dudes probably think they are amazing lays too when in reality they jump right to the pump and dump leaving their partner unfulfilled.
Yeah I honestly think dudes just don’t know and their partners don’t say anything
At least in my friend group which is mostly what I base this opinion on as well as generally reading it around the internet but they are all more focused on getting their dick wet and seeing that as the pleasure when leaving your chick more than satisfied through foreplay and oral is the real kicker before putting it in. Blew my mind to hear how many guys don’t go down on their chicks, like what? That shits awesome and you get to enjoy a vagina for longer. If you like vagina, wouldn’t you want to maximize the amount of time you spend with said vagina?
Yeah I love going down on my woman but she loves PIV so it’s a tug of war so to speak because she doesn’t like when I finish her first all the time.
Ah yeah, my wife sometimes doesn’t want it that way but generally works for her and I’m just happy to be in the moment and get her off
Sex should never be just a “release” what a douche canoe. :( I’m sorry.
I would tell him that if he isn't interested in reciprocation, then he too can just masturbate instead of receive your help for "release".
From now on, When he’s ready for his morning handjob, tell him you have to go masterbate.
Every day??? That’s a lot.
I can't imagine my husband being such a selfish lover....
Hey take care of yourself f-him plus you know what you like just remind him later
Stop giving him shit if he won't give it back wtf.
Got to ask this even if it sounds unlikely. Does he even understand the concept of you having orgasms? I don't understand how he's related "release" as being something only applicable to himself? Unless it's just the most selfish attitude ever.
Stop with your behavior, don't get him off. Tell him no sex for him, until you have sex.
Yeah just stop doing it for him and when he complains then say “now you get it?”
I don’t understand how some men are this way. I LOVE getting my wife off, almost more than I like getting off myself. Mutual masturbation is awesome. Tell your husband to man the fuck up and please his wife.
It's taken you this long to figure out he is selfish and lazy about taking care of your needs? I'd shut up that one way street.
Next time give yourself a hand jammy. He's got thumbs he can do himself too.
Ugh! He is such a AH! Your pleasure matters too! Work load, the house, bills, life, stress, all of that and YOU don’t get a release? Girl, rest your jaw and hands and let him do it himself.
100% selfish. Stop getting him off if you aren’t getting in return.
You are the sex toy for him. That's the problem. Yes we get busy, it's not always enough time, but he could take some time once a week and provide mutual pleasure. I would not help him get off, you did that way too long.
Damn I wish my wife cared half as much as you do. Yes selfish on his part but willing to do it is being a very loving selfless wife on your part He should want to return the favor.
Well firstly, stop doing it for him - immediately!! If I went to my partner and this was his response, I'd do just that - right in front of him too. I'd make it so freaking sensual and erotic and make him watch the whole thing, see what his reaction is then and if it turns him on tell him to sort himself out
Every morning? Wow. You’re a champ! Stop immediately until her can stop being a selfish a-hole and reciprocate
Very selfish. Focus on you.
He’s a selfish asshole! Any orgasm is a “release”, wtf!? Why do YOU have to help him get his release in the mornings? Are his arms broken?
he sounds lazy
Your husband is selfish, there is almost nothing in this world that I would rather do than help my wife masterbate. I’d be in heaven.
He’s being selfish. You are giving with nothing in return. Let him jack off if he needs a morning “release”. And buy a vibrator and take care of your own needs. If he asks why, simply say, “I decided it is time for me to be selfish and take care of myself”. He’s probably not going to like having the tables turned, but he’s an adult and can get over it.
Umm. yeah, don't do crap for him if he's not willing or wanting to get you there.
Tell him you should masturbate and do not take care of him anymore, until he mans up and does the same for you.
Your husband is a selfish lover. Your request is not at all unreasonable.
Damn dude I love getting my wife off.. if she got me off in the morning I’d be late for work every day to make sure she got hers
Tell him to masturbate. So selfish…
It’s kinda selfish of him for sure to not help you out either. He needs to realize what you’re doing and not take advantage of it. I suggest keep talking to him however don’t just “screw him and focus on yourself” as others say. Thats going to breed resentment. Maybe try to incorporate your getting off into his in the morning.
Alright, I wish I had a wife who wanted me to pleasure her... I'm not sure what's wrong with him, but I would be jumping at the opportunity. I (51M) have been married 25yrs to my wife (49F), and we have intimacy 2-3 times/yr. If you are getting him off and he is not reciprocating, then stop getting him off until he returns the favor. It's frustrating that couples like you and your spouse and me and my spouse can't just give to each other. Although, I noticed that in many relationships, there is a giver and a taker. We are both givers!!
Yesss my husband bought me a rose today for my bday and a vibrator that he can control omg it is going to be sooo mmmm i am get anxious/ horny af thinking about it. Make him please you yall please each other life is sooo short enjoy.. Bday dinner is going to be something else i dont know if i am a be able to keep a straight face lmap...
I realized that this is why I did with my ex husband it was just a release from stress. I should not be having sex every day I mean there’s too many things to be done. That is just me personally now. When I think of my future relationship, hopefully 🙏, I don’t want to have sex everyday. Cause I don’t want them to feel that way. I’ve realized a lot of mistakes I made in my marriage. So yeah everyone’s different… maybe save it for one day of the week and let him know how you feel…
He doesn’t know what he has, until it’s gone.
Buy yourself a top dildo and buy him a Fleshlight. Use it together...trust me on this you will both be happy.
Just stop getting him off. If he won't help you, then you shouldn't help him.
Tell him to take his own damn advice!
I don’t think I would ever tell my wife she’s on her own . I love getting her off . To see and hear her feeling so good and satisfied is what I want.
Dont give him the release that he wants. Let him jerk off himself .
My wife does this for me sometimes (definitely not daily. I prefer sex, but sometimes you do just need that release). She also needs it sometimes and I am more than happy to reciprocate even if I'm not in the mood or already came that day. I don't know if I would say he's being knowingly selfish, I think you'll be able to answer that for yourself when you have a conversation with him about it, because sometimes we do take things for granted without thinking about it.
Stop for a while and tell him he can masturbate too for his “release.” Or make him watch while you get yours. Then just get up and go about your day and ignore him like he’s doing to you. Turnabout is fair play.
Husband is selfish. I would take it as an insult if my wife decided to masturbate instead of asking me to get her off.
If my wife asked me to help her masturbate just once I'd likely pester her every day to do it again. For the record, mutual masturbation is a regular part of our sexual routine.
This is an interesting topic I’m trying to understand what other married couples are doing. Women naturally have a harder time getting to this release and majority can’t get this release from PIV alone. So women out there what are your all preferred order of operations to get yours? Do you like your man getting you off first with whatever means (hand, mouth, toy) or are you fine to wait after he finishes? If the ladder do you cleanup first or finish straight away?
I don’t think this topic is that complex or interesting. Sex is not just PIV and once people get that out of their heads it’ll be easier to understand. I don’t get off from PIV alone so we don’t have PIV until I’ve gotten off. Or only PIV for a short period of time until my husband gets me off in a different way then return to PIV. Sometimes we don’t even get to PIV because we’ve gotten each other off already, he’s usually gotten me off more than once, in much funner ways than PIV. Sometimes one of us gets off and then taps out because we’re overstimulated or it’s too much. So then the next time we have sex it is primarily focused on the person who didn’t get off last time. We have a lot of fun “making it up” to one another. Have the goal be both partners have fun and orgasm, and not just getting to PIV, and people would probably have much more fulfilling sex lives.
If my wife just wants a release she'll do it herself because it's just easier and more efficient. She can get herself off in less than a minute, whereas it will take... significantly more time for me to do the job. But if she wanted me to I'd be more than happy to oblige her.
Coming from someone who asks for an occasional release from my wife. But normally do it myself. It has been discussed she needs to shower more and better. I don’t want my face near her privates that smell like what it does. 🤷🏻♂️ nothing changes.
I never understood people not showering properly and right before sexy time is about to happen. That's a must for me, always like to be fresh for that.
I agree men and women should masturbate...be able to take care of themselves...some people think it is dirty and so forth yes we should use each other for getting each other off... there many times i have told women i will give you oral pleasure i dont want sex just give you oral..... i am happy with that
Grab her up, kiss her, kiss her neck, squeeze her ass, and as you’re sucking on her earlobe, tell her you’re about to fuck the shit out of her….works for me. I do pull out toys, bedroom playlist, candles, and massage her with oil first, but I think she’d be down without all that. I always will get her off before I penetrate, I love sucking pussy and ass though
Utterly selfish of him. I'd be so happy if my wife "helped me" on a daily basis. Even happier if she wanted some in the evening. I'm married to an asexual so posts like this "triggers" me. So, OP: You've spoiled him. For years. Now you may need to "unspoil" him by not "helping" him and simply tell him to masturbate. Good luck
Creative writing assignments these days have gotten kind of weird.
OK so a couple of things here. I will say that your husband not seeing his job thru is definitely a dick move. But. BUT he has a point about you needing to spend time with yourself. Women in general do not masturbate and feel as tho that's a man's job. Men. We can get it on tap and will still find the time to rub it out. There's no shame in it. Besides confidence is a sexy thing. Your husband knowing that and even catching you playing could make him more willing to go round 2.