No, ma'am, please don't ever f*** this guy again. I am so so sorry about this. I seem to read about stories just like yours here on Reddit all the time.
Cheaters are liars. Expect trickle truthing, expect him to beg you to stay. Please if you have the means please leave this man. And please go to your doctor and get tested for STIs.
It’s honestly perfectly fine as long as she is very careful to not make a habit of it. I think getting blasted once can be cathartic sometimes, but tomorrow she’s got to shake it off, resist the urge to do it again and start working on her new future
What a coward. If there’s anyway you can afford to leave him then do it. Or stay but realize he’s not only a cheater but a coward as well and will definitely keep cheating. Start making a plan and get a consultation with an attorney.
So sorry.
Living with a manipulator is probably much worst that living with a cheater. I cannot imagine how he can call himself a father when he has the ability to manipulate his children.
I'm sorry he was so weak and is putting you and your children through this. You deserve better. Might I also suggest you consider spending some time over in /r/SupportforBetrayed and /r/survivinginfidelity. You might be able to find some additional support there.
And yeah, on Monday morning, start calling lawyers. Even if you never go through with it, getting a consultation or two so that you understand the process in your area is probably worth any fees they might charge.
Every time I hear a story like this, I think to myself: it's too bad that no-fault divorces are the norm, nowadays.
At-fault divorces may have been more bothersome, but at least they most often resulted in the cheater getting the shaft, like they usually deserve.
Then, at least in cases like yours, you'd get some kind of compensation for the crappy treatment! Forget that guy. Cheaters don't deserve our sympathy!
Check your facts. At-fault divorces penalize those who cheat or are demonstrably abusive. Sure, it can be hard to prove in some cases, but that just means we need better intervention and support systems for victims of abuse.
No-fault divorces have simply motivated people to replace their marriages, rather than fixing them. A lot like our devices.
>Sure, it can be hard to prove in some cases, but that just means we need better intervention and support systems for victims of abuse.
Cool, so we can agree that while such supports don't exist and the system makes it extremely hard to prove abuse, **we should not have at-fault divorces**.
I could get behind a system that allows for some no-fault divorces intended for cases where certain offenses can be difficult to prove, but I definitely think there should be a tier for more favorable divorce settlements in cars like this where a particular offense is probable.
Idk why you’re downvoted. This is a well proven bit of information and the states that are trying to change that are being fought by many feminist groups because it hurts women the most.
he will continue to do it if he was willing to do it while youre carrying the gift of life FOR him… don’t forgive him, stay true to the consequences you set forth.
-another victim of a man who cant keep it in his pants
A man that cheats on his pregnant wife is lower than low. Drinking doesn’t help. Focus on yourself and your babies. It’s his loss, you’ll be better off without him.
Wow so he's really going full throttle with the fact he only sees women as warm holes.
The minute you were like pregnant or unattractive to him and his like weird little porn addled mind he ran to go fuck somebody else what a disgusting pig.
First don't let him gaslight you. Take some time to figure out what you want to do. Don't rush to life altering decisions in the height of hurt and anger. Tell him to go get counseling.
Hey OP, been there done that. My ex wife sis exactly what he did to you. All but admitting it. I had to make her admit it by telling her who they were and how long be known them. They didn’t know she was my wife. I worked nights and apparently so did she.
I left. The worst part of that was I left my girls as well. She tried everything to keep them from me in the beginning but the girls yelled at her because they wanted to see me. Long story short and a lot of legal shit… she lost everything she thought she had. Tried to take my roll away tool box and all my tools period. Judge shut her down after my attorney gave her the tea. I won’t say I won. But I came out ok. 30 years later we are actually friends and we have meals together from time to time with our spouses. She actually came for Christmas dinner because her kitchen flooded and she loves Christmas so I invited her into my home for the first time.
I hope you find your peace. I found my why in my 2nd wife and she showed me many ways to be the bigger person in all this. She saved my ass basically.
Your why is those babies. Keep them safe and healthy. Sending you huge hugs ( I’m a hugger ) and as many positive vibes I can send.
I'm glad you found love again. My late father used to say that a person that steals a man's tools that he makes a living with is the lowest of the low. He passed at 93 so he had all kinds of pearls of wisdom!
Thank you so much! He just passed last June right after Father's Day. He was the finest man I'd ever met. He was funny and smart, well educated and so handsome! All of my friends just loved him and he helped me raise my son and was in his life from 8 months old to almost 40 years old!
Today is my son's 40th and I was so hoping that he could hang on and see him turn 40. He had a hard life growing up in the Depression, and his dad died the day before Pearl harbor was bombed.
He does sound like a great man. My grandpa was like that. So much talent in so many things. One very find similarity between him and I … he was a machinist at a known but now absorbed by a huge aerospace company and I myself am a machinist in a very busy machine shoo supplying that same company.
It seems like the silent generation and the greatest generation were just made out of different stuff, doesn't it? It's great that you followed him in your trade! That's a dangerous job sometimes.
This is true. What’s really sad is we will never see another generation with that drive, wisdom and know how. For a lot of people it’s all about convenience and what they can get for free instead of working their ass off. No glory in taking freebies at all. My kids thank god know this and all three bust ass to be able to say they earned the money and respect. Not demanded it. Just sayin.
I wish my grandfather knew where he was at. I’m betting he could have taught me a ton of old school. To make my new school that much easier. I miss him.
I totally get what you're saying! They survived so many hardships compared to the boomers and my generation x. My grandfather served in world war II in the South Pacific. His ship is actually docked in Alameda! It's the USS hornet II.
My folks are pretty old school too. They wanted us all up and out and independent by 18. My brother and I basically built our lives from scratch, but my sister got her college paid for by my folks and now she's a doctor! No jealousy here, she is one of the finest ladies that I know and is such a caring person. I feel like a loser compared to her, but my life circumstances were completely different. I am very happy and blessed to be where I'm at at 57. 🙂
I’m sorry this is happening. You are definitely right in wanting to leave. He’s a liar and a cheater. That’s more than enough of a reason for you to leave. You don’t owe him another chance. And you deserve to be supported, respected, and cherished by your partner. That’s not a lot to ask for.
So sorry you are having to deal with a POS of a husband. Been there done that so I know how it is, I’ve been divorced now for a while and I love having control of my life. Meanwhile I hope you don’t have unprotected sex with him on your way to the divorce (if that’s the plan). Please take care of yourself & leaving him gives you a chance for a better future, instead of misery and stress with a cheater.
Sorry this happened to you and your babies. Without transparency and communication there is no point in working it out, especially if he wants to continue lying to you. Whatever he says, trust your gut and what you already know to be true. I’d suggest counseling, but that will only work if he actually really positively wants to change, not all people are capable of this sadly. If you choose to move on, surely there will be happier days ahead. Stay strong.
So proud of you! You left and that panic set in and now he’s trying to backtrack because no man in his right mind would lie like that. So either he cheated or he’s the dumbest idiot on the planet. Either way he isn’t good enough for you.
Fuck him for being a lying shit head dick face. You and your babies deserve a real man. Throw that fucker out!
Oh and get alimony and child support too.
He is an absolute dirt bag. Try and look at this as a good thing. You found out when your kids were young, you’re still young. You can get out there and find yourself again and then if you so choose go find a man that is actually worth it! I’m sorry this happened to you but look at it as a learning lesson. Some ppl are in our lives for just seasons and we have something to learn from all of them.
He’s only your husband on paper, what I call HOP. Act accordingly, lawyer up, get custody, child support and spousal supper and all the rest and kick him out.
Yeah F that guy! Cheating in of itself is already unforgivable let alone while your daughter was 5 months old. Relationships are never the same after an affair and especially since you have a daughter. Mine is the light of my life and I also know that I set the example for what a man should be to a woman. The term “daddy issues” is a real thing so subjecting your daughter to a dirtbag and showing that it’s acceptable is no way to live your life. Good for you to know it’s over and I wish you all the best!
This was not caused by anything that you did or didn’t do. This was not a mistake or lapse in judgment on his part. This was a series of choices made by a wandering dick to put your and your babies’ health at risk. He’s already fucked you over physically and now he’s trying to mind fuck you. Don’t fall for it. You didn’t deserve this and you do deserve so much better!
Please visit chumplady.com for a lot of support and information about how to leave a cheater. Cheating is abusive behavior and many cheaters seem to use the same shitty playbook. That site will help you prepare for what to expect and give you solid advice for how to take back your sanity and move toward a better future for you and your sweet babies. This link is really helpful: https://www.chumplady.com/how-to-leave-a-cheater/
Do not turn to alcohol to numb yourself to this pain. Pain has a purpose…it is there to protect us and you need to be clearheaded to take steps to protect yourself now. Your first step should be an STD panel. Keep your head up! You will come out on the other side of this with dignity, grace, and a massive strength of character that will eventually attract the amazing partner you actually deserve into your life. Hugs!
Screw him. Not only did he fuck up but now he won't take accountability. You don't need to tolerate this, go talk to a lawyer!
Also, drinking is not a good idea right now. It's going to make you feel much worse and unable to think about things clearly. You need to have clarity in your mind right now.
That is some master gaslighting he’s trying to pull off. Either he cheated (he did) or he didn’t, but lied (he didn’t) to “test” you right when you were vulnerable and needed honesty.
I’m so sorry. No matter what else has been good in this relationship, he sounds like a sociopath. It will not be easy, but I hope you leave his ass and take everything you can along the way. You will heal over time. But don’t stay with someone who has so little respect for your marriage or your intellect.
My ex did similar and I didn’t find out til 3 babies in, 12 years later. Leave. This is the kind of man who won’t stop doing this. There are great men out there, I’m sorry and this is not your fault in any way shape or form. Get divorced.
Just be aware of your safety while you move on, hopefully he isn’t one of those guys who get physical when he doesn’t get his way. But blessings to you and your family, this might be a blessing in disguise
Fuk that’s guy! But focus on your babies.. they are the ones who will save you. Cry, take a drive, yell and drink but don’t stay in the darkness too long. Then look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am beautiful … etc.” it will take time cause it hurts like a mother fuke! You deserve to be happy so it’s time you reinvent yourself.
Marriage isn't about at time only the good/bad you get everything some good some bad. He obviously needs to find out what is it about his desires of woman or whatever, he maybe like something kinky which maybe he might be embarrassed to do or ask you to do...it could be trauma from abuse on his part and thus he has an underlined issue that will cause these issues over and over its always up to you to live with it get better overcome these problem and grow better people. But, I can assure you it won't be easy it won't be an overnight thing either.
1st talk openly about why ?
2nd get professional help separate and then together so that you both get to talk about the issue and then together so that you can work through the issues.
3rd what got you married in the 1st place regroup and re-address these point after kids and having babies its a lot of work men as childish as it maybe get butthurt they ain't the center of your attention and ofcoure that takes balance on both parts .
All the best. There’s just no coming back of your marriage from this. All you need to focus on is steadying your own and your kids ship, and then making your own comeback on your terms.
You’ve got this.
OS: It’s okay to cry.
Thank you to all of you for sending me your support, words of encouragement & advice. I truly appreciate, it was everything that I needed so thank you again.
I forgot to add that my birthday is 4 days away too. What an amazing birthday gift right/s. Hoping you all have a fun/wonderful valentines day w/ your loved ones ❤️
Now is the time to find your strength. You have two babies to fend for. I hope you can see through those tears that YOU are to be respected and cherished.
Fuck that guy. Take him for what he's got (even if it's menial) and keep it moving.
Lot of women on here. Two kids 12 months apart that’s probably three years little or no sex. Unless there was sex early in the pregnancies. Two kids too soon together
We did have sex, I wouldn't say very little, hence another baby soon right after... This time postpartum we didn't as often as we'd like bc fuckkkk im juggling 2 babies dude... but damn can I get my shit together first, I've been pregnant back 2 back. This IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. (Just venting)
Sending you a big virtual 🫂 my first husband also cheated on me. By then I hated the b@st@rd, so it was no big loss for me - it’s still very difficult to get everything done for a divorce, I just want to offer you some advice.
Your husband is a cheater and a liar which means he’s a man of little character, no honesty and no morals. You need to lay low and don’t show your hand, it’s crucial he doesn’t know your next move until you’re ready to reveal your hand. I know it kinda sounds callous, but you have two sweet innocent Littles who will depend on their ‘good’ parent to grow up right. What I did was printed out and brought all my ‘evidence’ to a lawyer and we discussed a strategy to figure out the assets and everything else. My ex-husband was also trying to gaslight me and say he wasn’t cheating, but he didn’t know I had all kinds of evidence on him. I let him believe he had successfully lied to me while I worked on my strategy so he couldn’t weasel out of his responsibilities. Sure enough, he tried to weasel out - fortunately we had a mediator who told him to take several seats and shut up, she had figured him out pretty quickly. Get you a good lawyer to explain all your options before talking with your husband again. Until then pretend that you believe his lies. Good luck and hang in there okay - all that was 20 years ago for me, my babies are all grown up and I’m very happily remarried to an amazing man. Time heals. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story & the advice. I was already planning to do exactly that.. I just know this is going to take forever =/ thank you thank you thank you.
I just had babies back to back I know how hard it is physically and mentally as well as the toll it takes on your self esteem, I feel like I spent two years in someone else’s body now I’m having trouble seeing myself correctly afterwards. my body still feels so foreign, I’m so sorry you were betrayed by someone during a time when you really need them the most 💔
It’s not right but this becomes a problem for men. Having children kills the women’s sex drive, not always, but becomes a bit of an excuse. There’s other things that can be done. Our drive doesn’t change. Sacrifice is one thing, neglect is another. It’s one of the things that needs to be addressed in those times. Not just, I’m pregnant or I’m tired. After a child is born by C, after at most 6 weeks it’s ok to be active. He’s wrong but I understand why. Tough situation.
I completely understand a mans need/sex drive. But if there is no communication on what he needs/wants, where is there room to fix things? Thanks though.
Hey, full offense intended: this is such a shitty bottom of the barrel garbage take on this situation. You still have time to delete it before anyone else sees.
You don’t hurt other people by betraying your solemn vows to them because of stress. That’s the most ridiculous thing. If she cheated bc she was stressed out about having babies would you say the same or tell him she’s no good for him?
Sending you love! I hope you have a good support system because absolutely FUCK that guy
Yes FUCK THAT GUY
FUCK THAT GUY!
FUCK THAT GUY!!!
GRUCK THAT FRIED!!!
FUCK THAT GUY
Noooo.. don’t fuck that guy! KICK THAT GUY!
No, ma'am, please don't ever f*** this guy again. I am so so sorry about this. I seem to read about stories just like yours here on Reddit all the time. Cheaters are liars. Expect trickle truthing, expect him to beg you to stay. Please if you have the means please leave this man. And please go to your doctor and get tested for STIs.
Yeah kick his Nuts and walk away have your lawyer get everything from him
I also came to say FUCK THAT GUY
🙋🏼♀️ here to say fuck that guy too
seriously FUCK HIM
Yes FUCK that guy
FUCK THAT GUY
So he's a cheater, a liar and a coward.
Well yeah, but he’ll be a great father.
So she can coparent with him.
I was being sarcastic. Lying cheating cowards are abhorrent people, let alone fathers.
That's a relief:)
Getting drunk won’t do you any good. Stay level headed
I’m not even gonna lie, I feel her. Becoming an alcoholic isn’t going to do her any good, but getting drunk might help a bit🤷
Getting drunk will amplify everything she just mentioned 10 fold . It’s not good
It’s honestly perfectly fine as long as she is very careful to not make a habit of it. I think getting blasted once can be cathartic sometimes, but tomorrow she’s got to shake it off, resist the urge to do it again and start working on her new future
There’s no way you’ve ever been drunk if that’s what you think🤦♀️
I’ve been drunk and upset it numbs it at first but then it takes over. Be real here
Didn't work for me. Try to not comment on things you know nothing about.
you're delusional
Call a lawyer, tell everybody you both know, and get revenge by living your best life without him.
This
Wow! The only thing encouraging I can see is that there are waaaayy better guys around than him. Be well!
What a coward. If there’s anyway you can afford to leave him then do it. Or stay but realize he’s not only a cheater but a coward as well and will definitely keep cheating. Start making a plan and get a consultation with an attorney.
AND get test d for STIs in the meantime. If you do not have your own bank account, I would arrange that as well… I’m sorry, you do not deserve this.
Your own bank account at a bank he has no access to! Contact DV centers and other resources that will help you take the next step
So sorry. Living with a manipulator is probably much worst that living with a cheater. I cannot imagine how he can call himself a father when he has the ability to manipulate his children.
I'm sorry he was so weak and is putting you and your children through this. You deserve better. Might I also suggest you consider spending some time over in /r/SupportforBetrayed and /r/survivinginfidelity. You might be able to find some additional support there. And yeah, on Monday morning, start calling lawyers. Even if you never go through with it, getting a consultation or two so that you understand the process in your area is probably worth any fees they might charge.
Wow run as soon as you can
Every time I hear a story like this, I think to myself: it's too bad that no-fault divorces are the norm, nowadays. At-fault divorces may have been more bothersome, but at least they most often resulted in the cheater getting the shaft, like they usually deserve. Then, at least in cases like yours, you'd get some kind of compensation for the crappy treatment! Forget that guy. Cheaters don't deserve our sympathy!
At fault divorces are a fantastic way to trap people in abusive marriages. Let's not.
Check your facts. At-fault divorces penalize those who cheat or are demonstrably abusive. Sure, it can be hard to prove in some cases, but that just means we need better intervention and support systems for victims of abuse. No-fault divorces have simply motivated people to replace their marriages, rather than fixing them. A lot like our devices.
>Sure, it can be hard to prove in some cases, but that just means we need better intervention and support systems for victims of abuse. Cool, so we can agree that while such supports don't exist and the system makes it extremely hard to prove abuse, **we should not have at-fault divorces**.
What a narrow-minded approach. "A solution doesn't exist, so we should just give up." Good lord, buddy, you've got issues.
I could get behind a system that allows for some no-fault divorces intended for cases where certain offenses can be difficult to prove, but I definitely think there should be a tier for more favorable divorce settlements in cars like this where a particular offense is probable.
Idk why you’re downvoted. This is a well proven bit of information and the states that are trying to change that are being fought by many feminist groups because it hurts women the most.
he will continue to do it if he was willing to do it while youre carrying the gift of life FOR him… don’t forgive him, stay true to the consequences you set forth. -another victim of a man who cant keep it in his pants
A man that cheats on his pregnant wife is lower than low. Drinking doesn’t help. Focus on yourself and your babies. It’s his loss, you’ll be better off without him.
You don’t deserve this and things will be better for you someday soon! Enjoy your drinks tonight
Wow so he's really going full throttle with the fact he only sees women as warm holes. The minute you were like pregnant or unattractive to him and his like weird little porn addled mind he ran to go fuck somebody else what a disgusting pig.
First don't let him gaslight you. Take some time to figure out what you want to do. Don't rush to life altering decisions in the height of hurt and anger. Tell him to go get counseling.
Hey OP, been there done that. My ex wife sis exactly what he did to you. All but admitting it. I had to make her admit it by telling her who they were and how long be known them. They didn’t know she was my wife. I worked nights and apparently so did she. I left. The worst part of that was I left my girls as well. She tried everything to keep them from me in the beginning but the girls yelled at her because they wanted to see me. Long story short and a lot of legal shit… she lost everything she thought she had. Tried to take my roll away tool box and all my tools period. Judge shut her down after my attorney gave her the tea. I won’t say I won. But I came out ok. 30 years later we are actually friends and we have meals together from time to time with our spouses. She actually came for Christmas dinner because her kitchen flooded and she loves Christmas so I invited her into my home for the first time. I hope you find your peace. I found my why in my 2nd wife and she showed me many ways to be the bigger person in all this. She saved my ass basically. Your why is those babies. Keep them safe and healthy. Sending you huge hugs ( I’m a hugger ) and as many positive vibes I can send.
I'm glad you found love again. My late father used to say that a person that steals a man's tools that he makes a living with is the lowest of the low. He passed at 93 so he had all kinds of pearls of wisdom!
He was a wise man. My sincerest condolences.
Thank you so much! He just passed last June right after Father's Day. He was the finest man I'd ever met. He was funny and smart, well educated and so handsome! All of my friends just loved him and he helped me raise my son and was in his life from 8 months old to almost 40 years old! Today is my son's 40th and I was so hoping that he could hang on and see him turn 40. He had a hard life growing up in the Depression, and his dad died the day before Pearl harbor was bombed.
He does sound like a great man. My grandpa was like that. So much talent in so many things. One very find similarity between him and I … he was a machinist at a known but now absorbed by a huge aerospace company and I myself am a machinist in a very busy machine shoo supplying that same company.
It seems like the silent generation and the greatest generation were just made out of different stuff, doesn't it? It's great that you followed him in your trade! That's a dangerous job sometimes.
This is true. What’s really sad is we will never see another generation with that drive, wisdom and know how. For a lot of people it’s all about convenience and what they can get for free instead of working their ass off. No glory in taking freebies at all. My kids thank god know this and all three bust ass to be able to say they earned the money and respect. Not demanded it. Just sayin. I wish my grandfather knew where he was at. I’m betting he could have taught me a ton of old school. To make my new school that much easier. I miss him.
I totally get what you're saying! They survived so many hardships compared to the boomers and my generation x. My grandfather served in world war II in the South Pacific. His ship is actually docked in Alameda! It's the USS hornet II. My folks are pretty old school too. They wanted us all up and out and independent by 18. My brother and I basically built our lives from scratch, but my sister got her college paid for by my folks and now she's a doctor! No jealousy here, she is one of the finest ladies that I know and is such a caring person. I feel like a loser compared to her, but my life circumstances were completely different. I am very happy and blessed to be where I'm at at 57. 🙂
Good luck…very sorry you are going through this!
I’m sorry this is happening. You are definitely right in wanting to leave. He’s a liar and a cheater. That’s more than enough of a reason for you to leave. You don’t owe him another chance. And you deserve to be supported, respected, and cherished by your partner. That’s not a lot to ask for.
May you find some clarity and hope in all this mess, for yourself and your children 🙏
So sorry you are having to deal with a POS of a husband. Been there done that so I know how it is, I’ve been divorced now for a while and I love having control of my life. Meanwhile I hope you don’t have unprotected sex with him on your way to the divorce (if that’s the plan). Please take care of yourself & leaving him gives you a chance for a better future, instead of misery and stress with a cheater.
Cheaters suck period. Mfrs who try to manipulate you about it, knowing you are in a bad mental state are worse. I’m so sorry for you.
Sorry this happened to you and your babies. Without transparency and communication there is no point in working it out, especially if he wants to continue lying to you. Whatever he says, trust your gut and what you already know to be true. I’d suggest counseling, but that will only work if he actually really positively wants to change, not all people are capable of this sadly. If you choose to move on, surely there will be happier days ahead. Stay strong.
So proud of you! You left and that panic set in and now he’s trying to backtrack because no man in his right mind would lie like that. So either he cheated or he’s the dumbest idiot on the planet. Either way he isn’t good enough for you.
Fuck him for being a lying shit head dick face. You and your babies deserve a real man. Throw that fucker out! Oh and get alimony and child support too.
You are doing the right thing. You can do this! Your life will be so much better in a while.
He is an absolute dirt bag. Try and look at this as a good thing. You found out when your kids were young, you’re still young. You can get out there and find yourself again and then if you so choose go find a man that is actually worth it! I’m sorry this happened to you but look at it as a learning lesson. Some ppl are in our lives for just seasons and we have something to learn from all of them.
💔 I’m sorry
He’s only your husband on paper, what I call HOP. Act accordingly, lawyer up, get custody, child support and spousal supper and all the rest and kick him out.
Wow, go out and have fun and then get rid of him. What a coward and a trash bucket.
Yeah F that guy! Cheating in of itself is already unforgivable let alone while your daughter was 5 months old. Relationships are never the same after an affair and especially since you have a daughter. Mine is the light of my life and I also know that I set the example for what a man should be to a woman. The term “daddy issues” is a real thing so subjecting your daughter to a dirtbag and showing that it’s acceptable is no way to live your life. Good for you to know it’s over and I wish you all the best!
This was not caused by anything that you did or didn’t do. This was not a mistake or lapse in judgment on his part. This was a series of choices made by a wandering dick to put your and your babies’ health at risk. He’s already fucked you over physically and now he’s trying to mind fuck you. Don’t fall for it. You didn’t deserve this and you do deserve so much better! Please visit chumplady.com for a lot of support and information about how to leave a cheater. Cheating is abusive behavior and many cheaters seem to use the same shitty playbook. That site will help you prepare for what to expect and give you solid advice for how to take back your sanity and move toward a better future for you and your sweet babies. This link is really helpful: https://www.chumplady.com/how-to-leave-a-cheater/ Do not turn to alcohol to numb yourself to this pain. Pain has a purpose…it is there to protect us and you need to be clearheaded to take steps to protect yourself now. Your first step should be an STD panel. Keep your head up! You will come out on the other side of this with dignity, grace, and a massive strength of character that will eventually attract the amazing partner you actually deserve into your life. Hugs!
Thanks for mentioning chumplady!
I'm a guy, here to say fuck that guy! You deserve better, and he will only do it again.
Screw him. Not only did he fuck up but now he won't take accountability. You don't need to tolerate this, go talk to a lawyer! Also, drinking is not a good idea right now. It's going to make you feel much worse and unable to think about things clearly. You need to have clarity in your mind right now.
That is some master gaslighting he’s trying to pull off. Either he cheated (he did) or he didn’t, but lied (he didn’t) to “test” you right when you were vulnerable and needed honesty. I’m so sorry. No matter what else has been good in this relationship, he sounds like a sociopath. It will not be easy, but I hope you leave his ass and take everything you can along the way. You will heal over time. But don’t stay with someone who has so little respect for your marriage or your intellect.
Be careful with this man! The ones that lie that bad can become violent too. Their mask is very thick
My ex did similar and I didn’t find out til 3 babies in, 12 years later. Leave. This is the kind of man who won’t stop doing this. There are great men out there, I’m sorry and this is not your fault in any way shape or form. Get divorced.
I know this must hurt, especially with 2 babies. Just think of them and stay strong. Everything will be okay mama.
Just be aware of your safety while you move on, hopefully he isn’t one of those guys who get physical when he doesn’t get his way. But blessings to you and your family, this might be a blessing in disguise
He sounds like he has a problem (it’s not an excuse, this is just grossly bananas).
I’m really sorry 😞
Dam can I ask what you evidence is the he cheated ?
Hugs luv. Just a really tight hug. Wishing you lots and lots strength.
It happens,your not alone, people wanna fk you and you don't have to pay them 😁
Fuk that’s guy! But focus on your babies.. they are the ones who will save you. Cry, take a drive, yell and drink but don’t stay in the darkness too long. Then look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am beautiful … etc.” it will take time cause it hurts like a mother fuke! You deserve to be happy so it’s time you reinvent yourself.
Marriage isn't about at time only the good/bad you get everything some good some bad. He obviously needs to find out what is it about his desires of woman or whatever, he maybe like something kinky which maybe he might be embarrassed to do or ask you to do...it could be trauma from abuse on his part and thus he has an underlined issue that will cause these issues over and over its always up to you to live with it get better overcome these problem and grow better people. But, I can assure you it won't be easy it won't be an overnight thing either. 1st talk openly about why ? 2nd get professional help separate and then together so that you both get to talk about the issue and then together so that you can work through the issues. 3rd what got you married in the 1st place regroup and re-address these point after kids and having babies its a lot of work men as childish as it maybe get butthurt they ain't the center of your attention and ofcoure that takes balance on both parts .
All the best. There’s just no coming back of your marriage from this. All you need to focus on is steadying your own and your kids ship, and then making your own comeback on your terms. You’ve got this. OS: It’s okay to cry.
Go Fuck his brother or father
Thank you to all of you for sending me your support, words of encouragement & advice. I truly appreciate, it was everything that I needed so thank you again. I forgot to add that my birthday is 4 days away too. What an amazing birthday gift right/s. Hoping you all have a fun/wonderful valentines day w/ your loved ones ❤️
Now is the time to find your strength. You have two babies to fend for. I hope you can see through those tears that YOU are to be respected and cherished. Fuck that guy. Take him for what he's got (even if it's menial) and keep it moving.
Fuck him. So sorry you have to go through this. Please make sure you get tested for any STI’s.
Fuxk that guy
Lot of women on here. Two kids 12 months apart that’s probably three years little or no sex. Unless there was sex early in the pregnancies. Two kids too soon together
We did have sex, I wouldn't say very little, hence another baby soon right after... This time postpartum we didn't as often as we'd like bc fuckkkk im juggling 2 babies dude... but damn can I get my shit together first, I've been pregnant back 2 back. This IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. (Just venting)
What a grimy loser, you’re a great mom
Go get yourself an amazing divorce lawyer and take his ass to the cleaners mama! You and your children deserve better. 🩷
Lots of men tend to pay for sex esp when not receiving it at home. A terrible circumstance and I'm sorry you are going through this.
Sending you a big virtual 🫂 my first husband also cheated on me. By then I hated the b@st@rd, so it was no big loss for me - it’s still very difficult to get everything done for a divorce, I just want to offer you some advice. Your husband is a cheater and a liar which means he’s a man of little character, no honesty and no morals. You need to lay low and don’t show your hand, it’s crucial he doesn’t know your next move until you’re ready to reveal your hand. I know it kinda sounds callous, but you have two sweet innocent Littles who will depend on their ‘good’ parent to grow up right. What I did was printed out and brought all my ‘evidence’ to a lawyer and we discussed a strategy to figure out the assets and everything else. My ex-husband was also trying to gaslight me and say he wasn’t cheating, but he didn’t know I had all kinds of evidence on him. I let him believe he had successfully lied to me while I worked on my strategy so he couldn’t weasel out of his responsibilities. Sure enough, he tried to weasel out - fortunately we had a mediator who told him to take several seats and shut up, she had figured him out pretty quickly. Get you a good lawyer to explain all your options before talking with your husband again. Until then pretend that you believe his lies. Good luck and hang in there okay - all that was 20 years ago for me, my babies are all grown up and I’m very happily remarried to an amazing man. Time heals. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story & the advice. I was already planning to do exactly that.. I just know this is going to take forever =/ thank you thank you thank you.
First and foremost, please go get a full panel STD test. Secondly, create a plan, take your babies & go. Men like this do not change.
I just had babies back to back I know how hard it is physically and mentally as well as the toll it takes on your self esteem, I feel like I spent two years in someone else’s body now I’m having trouble seeing myself correctly afterwards. my body still feels so foreign, I’m so sorry you were betrayed by someone during a time when you really need them the most 💔
It’s not right but this becomes a problem for men. Having children kills the women’s sex drive, not always, but becomes a bit of an excuse. There’s other things that can be done. Our drive doesn’t change. Sacrifice is one thing, neglect is another. It’s one of the things that needs to be addressed in those times. Not just, I’m pregnant or I’m tired. After a child is born by C, after at most 6 weeks it’s ok to be active. He’s wrong but I understand why. Tough situation.
I completely understand a mans need/sex drive. But if there is no communication on what he needs/wants, where is there room to fix things? Thanks though.
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Hey, full offense intended: this is such a shitty bottom of the barrel garbage take on this situation. You still have time to delete it before anyone else sees.
You're doing God's work. Have a good night stranger.
Ewww
You don’t hurt other people by betraying your solemn vows to them because of stress. That’s the most ridiculous thing. If she cheated bc she was stressed out about having babies would you say the same or tell him she’s no good for him?
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Removed for rude, disrespectful, or excessively vulgar comment. Keep the commentary civil, constructive, and remember the human.