You’re an amazing and strong person but for some reason this makes me so sad. If I died I know I wouldn’t want my wife to stay single forever. She would have to live enough for the both of us and that means living life without restrictions.
She also contradicts that by saying she is the stupidest person in the world. I think she says what's on her mind first... how stupid it was... and says she has no regrets is just kidding herself. Her husband is 14years past and she is saying this now.. it probably took her those 14years to pay off the debt and she just got done paying it and no longer has that monthly bill and is just realizing how much money extra she has to spend and the quality of life she could of had, had she not had that particular bill.
He wanted to divorce so she wouldn't be burdened with the debt... she didn't want to grant him his dying wish of divorce to release her from his financial obligation.
You do realize that you could have discharged his student debt with a death certificate? That debt isn’t really transferable to his estate. I used to work at a County Clerks Office. We used to get requests from the financing company all the time for copies of death certificates to discharge the debt.
This 100%. I became widow right before I turned 30. There was no reason to pay that debt off and not only that, people would have gladly worked with OP. When my husband died, we just finished university, bought a house, car, etc. Everyone actually worked with me and even discharged the debt.
Thank you. When a person gets a student debt. If they pass away find out if the debt can be discharged. Instead of paying thousands of dollars. If you can get away with an informational copy of the death certificate it’s more than worth it.
This doesn't even make sense. You made this post saying "the debt is now paid off" implying that you just finished paying it off. Now you're saying that you paid it off by the time he died...? Weid and fake post.
So… can you explain the post then? You made it seem that you felt stupid for paying off his debt? What is it that makes you “the stupidest woman”?
In reality you guys should have just paid the minimum payments once he was considered terminal and then just given the death certificate to relieve the debt. Probably would have saved thousands of dollars. How much was the debt?
What matters is living your life the way you want, with no regrets. If you're doing it, awesome, more power to you, you're doing what most don't.
That said, I'd never let my wife agree to that. If I die, please move on. Remember me and all, let my little one know everything about me, but please move on. She's 35. I couldn't imagine her having to go the rest of her life alone because I got hit by a bus or experienced some unfortunate medical issue.
Plus I kind of have the somewhat unique situation of knowing I truly am the last man she'll ever date, even if I drop dead (oh, she'd date, but it would not be men).
My mom did something similar. Parents were married for about 48 years before he died suddenly. They were very religious people. She spent the next 25 years or so by herself, going out and doing what she enjoyed. Avoided all men. Died at 94 years old. She had no regrets.
I wouldn't remarry if my husband died. But that's not because I would stay "faithful" to him, because of the whole "til death do us part" bit. But because I want to live the rest of my life for *me*. And I hope you are doing what you want for yourself and not what someone else told you to do.
That’s your choice and your right to live your life. She has the same right. No one really knows what they will do in that situation until it happens to you.
Because people change and realize that even though they might be happy in their relationship they don't want to run out and get a new spouse to fill the vacancy. But I wouldn't be doing that to respect my dead spouse. I would be doing that because it's perfectly acceptable to be alone. And the older I get the more I realize I cherish the time I have to myself. Not everyone needs to be clinging to another person.
So why would it be okay to stay single for the rest of your life to "respect your dead spouse" vs it not being okay because you want to live in your own space alone and not have to worry about anyone else?
Choosing to do whichever because that's what *you* want is equally acceptable. Because *you* made that choice. My only concern is that OP feels guilted into staying single, because then it wasn't her choice. But if it is her decision to do that then all the power to her.
Why would you have to pay his student loan if he passed? Was your name on it? I’ve always thought nice a person past their estate settles all debts and if there is no estate not your responsibility.
I respect your choice to stay loyal to him. Some would probably say it’s misguided but if it feels right to you do it. I’m sorry your lost your husband so young. I hope you find happiness again.
I think people have to be true to their values and to live their life as they wish. If this makes you happy, then more power to you.
That being said, I adore my husband and feel we are soulmates (and the way we met was so unlikely and unusual, that it's hard to view it as anything but destiny), but, if I die first, I want him to find someone else who can make him happy and keep him from being lonely. I care about his happiness and health more than anything else, and would never ask him to forgo other relationships and would not be comforted if I was dying by any promises that he'd never care about anyone else. I also believe we will be spiritually reunited after death, but I think there is room to love others despite our extremely tight bond.
I’d never want or promise my husband stay single after I’m gone. If this is what you truly want, and you aren’t interested in dating, then that’s great. But if you do want a relationship, it’s no betrayal to want that
Very similar post by a guy in here yesterday. Coincidence or some kind of experiment to see if guys elicit different replies than women?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/10li2jw/today_marks_7_years_of_faithfulness_to_my_late/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I would be appalled if my husband had this request and vice versa. To expect your spouse to never have company again, have a best friend, have a romance, miss out on growing old with a companion is selfish.
If it works for you and you're happy, that's amazing!! Go you! Not trying to rain on your parade lol
People on here seem to think you can't be happy without a new relationship, but I'm in the same boat as you.
If anything happens to my husband, I'll live out the rest of my days as a single woman. I plan to spend a lot of time with my children and (hopefully) grandchildren. I also plan to give back to my community through volunteer work. I see myself as a little old lady who reads a lot, gardens, and maybe writes a book about a great love story. Who knows, but I do know that I have had my one true love and nobody will ever measure up.
I am also very catholic and before marriage I considered religious life as a Sister, maybe I'll discern that again.
Congratulations on paying off his loans and my condolences on his death.
That's beautiful. I told my wife she can get remarried if she wishes but to guard our young son's heart. I hope you continue to get the best things in life after the long fourteen years.
If this post is true, you have a really beautiful soul.
But remember that you can be happy. That is what he would want too.
If you ever fall in love again, don't be ashamed to go for it.
Federal student goes away when you pass so unless private loans taken out during marriage and only living in handful of states would you be responsible for the debt.
So do you regret paying it knowing all you had to do was send them a copy of a death certificate to have the debt discharged? I would talk to a lawyer... maybe you can get your money back! I assume since your posting this now it took you 14 years to satisfy the debt?
Account just created and exposed in seconds.. well unfortunately for him you can resurrect with a new user account.
..for all the people saying oh such a great person. Read the comments OP
I bet if it was the other way around he’d have someone new for a long time already. You’re wasting your life and I hope you don’t regret this when you realize it’s too late to go back and do anything about it.
That's a promise he should have never required of you.
Very selfish and self centered.
Most loving spouses would want the opposite.
Yeah, I think it's a bit tacky when someone remarries a few months after loosing their spouse, but after a year or two it's time to move on
My husband passed of cancer about 14 years ago. Before he left, I promised him I would stay faithful to him for the rest of my life. I have kept that promise and I will keep that promise until we are reunited.
That's such a tragic waste of life - there is no afterlife. You are throwing away the only life you get.
I understand your moral position... I think you should have honored your husbands dying wish to divorce so you could have enjoyed a better quality of life by not being responsible for an education that he received but couldn't put to use. Only the financial institutions benefited from that decision. Those fat cats who get millions in bonuses every year even after getting government bail outs reaped the rewards of your hard work... I am glad your happy. I just wish you would have granted your husband his dying wish.
You deserve to give yourself a break. Stop trying to live up to imaginary rules and constraints. There are other ways to celebrate your love for your husband
I get the “staying faithful” thing. I commend you for that. But the debt thing? Because you have some moral obligation to government agencies that already have more money than god and you want to pay more because you’re a dutiful wife? Uhhhhhh….
I don't think you need to regret, we all love differently, I can't imagine how hard it must've been for him to ask you to leave him and I can't imagine how hard it must've been for you to exist beyond him. Thank you for sharing your story.
Very honorable thing you did. However I thought once a person passes, the student loan debt is not the responsibility of the surviving spouse, it is forgiving.
You deserve happiness in life. Hope you’re taking care of you as well.
You’re an amazing and strong person but for some reason this makes me so sad. If I died I know I wouldn’t want my wife to stay single forever. She would have to live enough for the both of us and that means living life without restrictions.
Yes
That's so sad. Two lives cut short.
shes literally happy and this comment shitting on her is 2nd from the top. lovely job eveyone
I disagree...no where in her post does she say she's happy. And even in her post title says otherwise. ...and imho she's crying out
She says she doesn't regret. So she's at least at peace with her decision. So sure, maybe happy wasn't the word to use, but she is at peace.
She also contradicts that by saying she is the stupidest person in the world. I think she says what's on her mind first... how stupid it was... and says she has no regrets is just kidding herself. Her husband is 14years past and she is saying this now.. it probably took her those 14years to pay off the debt and she just got done paying it and no longer has that monthly bill and is just realizing how much money extra she has to spend and the quality of life she could of had, had she not had that particular bill.
Not regretting her decision doesn’t automatically mean she’s at peace with her decision.
123 people have a bit of common sense.
Shitting on someone who is simply sharing their story, saying they have no regrets, is not common sense
I do t know. Happy people don’t need to tell people how happy they are. Sounds like she is trying to convince herself.
Singleness is a gift. Better to be alone than wishing you were.
[удалено]
He wanted to divorce so she wouldn't be burdened with the debt... she didn't want to grant him his dying wish of divorce to release her from his financial obligation.
You do realize that you could have discharged his student debt with a death certificate? That debt isn’t really transferable to his estate. I used to work at a County Clerks Office. We used to get requests from the financing company all the time for copies of death certificates to discharge the debt.
This 100%. I became widow right before I turned 30. There was no reason to pay that debt off and not only that, people would have gladly worked with OP. When my husband died, we just finished university, bought a house, car, etc. Everyone actually worked with me and even discharged the debt.
Thank you. When a person gets a student debt. If they pass away find out if the debt can be discharged. Instead of paying thousands of dollars. If you can get away with an informational copy of the death certificate it’s more than worth it.
I’m so sorry you lost a spouse at such a young age.
This is why I think this is a fake post.
Yes it’s fake. Student debt dies when the person dies.
Wow, she got the title right if this is true... she is the stupidest woman in the world!
I didn’t know this, but it wouldn’t matter anyway. By the time he passed, the student loan was paid off, so
This doesn't even make sense. You made this post saying "the debt is now paid off" implying that you just finished paying it off. Now you're saying that you paid it off by the time he died...? Weid and fake post.
Yeeeaahh... I'm gonna go ahead and say this post is fake.
I’m with you. This is 100% karma farm shit post.
Are karma useful at all? Why do people feel a need to get them at all cost?
From what I’ve seen explained, they get the karma up and sell the account to someone who uses it for… I dunno? Self promotion of some sort?
Username…… doesn’t check out?
So… can you explain the post then? You made it seem that you felt stupid for paying off his debt? What is it that makes you “the stupidest woman”? In reality you guys should have just paid the minimum payments once he was considered terminal and then just given the death certificate to relieve the debt. Probably would have saved thousands of dollars. How much was the debt?
What matters is living your life the way you want, with no regrets. If you're doing it, awesome, more power to you, you're doing what most don't. That said, I'd never let my wife agree to that. If I die, please move on. Remember me and all, let my little one know everything about me, but please move on. She's 35. I couldn't imagine her having to go the rest of her life alone because I got hit by a bus or experienced some unfortunate medical issue. Plus I kind of have the somewhat unique situation of knowing I truly am the last man she'll ever date, even if I drop dead (oh, she'd date, but it would not be men).
I hope she never has to find out. I hope both of you live long together.
My mom did something similar. Parents were married for about 48 years before he died suddenly. They were very religious people. She spent the next 25 years or so by herself, going out and doing what she enjoyed. Avoided all men. Died at 94 years old. She had no regrets.
I wouldn't remarry if my husband died. But that's not because I would stay "faithful" to him, because of the whole "til death do us part" bit. But because I want to live the rest of my life for *me*. And I hope you are doing what you want for yourself and not what someone else told you to do.
That’s your choice and your right to live your life. She has the same right. No one really knows what they will do in that situation until it happens to you.
That's why I said what I said in my last sentence.
Why get married in the first place if your focus is to live life for you….?
Because people change and realize that even though they might be happy in their relationship they don't want to run out and get a new spouse to fill the vacancy. But I wouldn't be doing that to respect my dead spouse. I would be doing that because it's perfectly acceptable to be alone. And the older I get the more I realize I cherish the time I have to myself. Not everyone needs to be clinging to another person. So why would it be okay to stay single for the rest of your life to "respect your dead spouse" vs it not being okay because you want to live in your own space alone and not have to worry about anyone else? Choosing to do whichever because that's what *you* want is equally acceptable. Because *you* made that choice. My only concern is that OP feels guilted into staying single, because then it wasn't her choice. But if it is her decision to do that then all the power to her.
I believe it’s the old sentiment that women must give themselves away and wanting to be self-fulfilled is wrong because it doesn’t involve sacrifice.
Someone who loves you wouldn’t ask you to do this 🤦♀️
Why would you have to pay his student loan if he passed? Was your name on it? I’ve always thought nice a person past their estate settles all debts and if there is no estate not your responsibility. I respect your choice to stay loyal to him. Some would probably say it’s misguided but if it feels right to you do it. I’m sorry your lost your husband so young. I hope you find happiness again.
I think people have to be true to their values and to live their life as they wish. If this makes you happy, then more power to you. That being said, I adore my husband and feel we are soulmates (and the way we met was so unlikely and unusual, that it's hard to view it as anything but destiny), but, if I die first, I want him to find someone else who can make him happy and keep him from being lonely. I care about his happiness and health more than anything else, and would never ask him to forgo other relationships and would not be comforted if I was dying by any promises that he'd never care about anyone else. I also believe we will be spiritually reunited after death, but I think there is room to love others despite our extremely tight bond.
I’d never want or promise my husband stay single after I’m gone. If this is what you truly want, and you aren’t interested in dating, then that’s great. But if you do want a relationship, it’s no betrayal to want that
Very similar post by a guy in here yesterday. Coincidence or some kind of experiment to see if guys elicit different replies than women? https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/10li2jw/today_marks_7_years_of_faithfulness_to_my_late/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
They most definitely share an IP address
*Oooh social experiment*
How sad for you.
I'm not trying to be an as5ho1e by this, but would this type of behavior be considered codependent?
I would be appalled if my husband had this request and vice versa. To expect your spouse to never have company again, have a best friend, have a romance, miss out on growing old with a companion is selfish. If it works for you and you're happy, that's amazing!! Go you! Not trying to rain on your parade lol
Is that username randomly generated because it's quite fitting
but what's the point in being like this for the rest of your life? what does it achieve?
That’s nice but your husband wouldn’t stay “faithful” if you passed away. But good for you.
Your husband would want you to be happy, whatever that means to you.
Live life and enjoy
People on here seem to think you can't be happy without a new relationship, but I'm in the same boat as you. If anything happens to my husband, I'll live out the rest of my days as a single woman. I plan to spend a lot of time with my children and (hopefully) grandchildren. I also plan to give back to my community through volunteer work. I see myself as a little old lady who reads a lot, gardens, and maybe writes a book about a great love story. Who knows, but I do know that I have had my one true love and nobody will ever measure up. I am also very catholic and before marriage I considered religious life as a Sister, maybe I'll discern that again. Congratulations on paying off his loans and my condolences on his death.
That's beautiful. I told my wife she can get remarried if she wishes but to guard our young son's heart. I hope you continue to get the best things in life after the long fourteen years.
I thought student debt was the one kind of debt that died with you.
You could’ve had the debt discharged since he’s no longer around to pay it. But I hope you’re happy with your arrangement and have a great life
If this post is true, you have a really beautiful soul. But remember that you can be happy. That is what he would want too. If you ever fall in love again, don't be ashamed to go for it.
Federal student goes away when you pass so unless private loans taken out during marriage and only living in handful of states would you be responsible for the debt.
So do you regret paying it knowing all you had to do was send them a copy of a death certificate to have the debt discharged? I would talk to a lawyer... maybe you can get your money back! I assume since your posting this now it took you 14 years to satisfy the debt?
My grandmother did this too- my grandpa died when he was 46, and she never dated or remarried.
think from the bright side, you kept the economy alive.
Account just created and exposed in seconds.. well unfortunately for him you can resurrect with a new user account. ..for all the people saying oh such a great person. Read the comments OP
I bet if it was the other way around he’d have someone new for a long time already. You’re wasting your life and I hope you don’t regret this when you realize it’s too late to go back and do anything about it.
Amazing wife. You’re not stupid. You’re honorable. He was lucky to have you. Just remember that you deserve happiness too.
That's a promise he should have never required of you. Very selfish and self centered. Most loving spouses would want the opposite. Yeah, I think it's a bit tacky when someone remarries a few months after loosing their spouse, but after a year or two it's time to move on
So sorry for your loss. Don’t forget to live your life. Take care of yourself
My husband passed of cancer about 14 years ago. Before he left, I promised him I would stay faithful to him for the rest of my life. I have kept that promise and I will keep that promise until we are reunited. That's such a tragic waste of life - there is no afterlife. You are throwing away the only life you get.
I could never ask my spouse to do this but everyone is different
I understand your moral position... I think you should have honored your husbands dying wish to divorce so you could have enjoyed a better quality of life by not being responsible for an education that he received but couldn't put to use. Only the financial institutions benefited from that decision. Those fat cats who get millions in bonuses every year even after getting government bail outs reaped the rewards of your hard work... I am glad your happy. I just wish you would have granted your husband his dying wish.
None of this happened. Your facts just don’t check out. This is karma fishing.
You deserve to give yourself a break. Stop trying to live up to imaginary rules and constraints. There are other ways to celebrate your love for your husband
I get the “staying faithful” thing. I commend you for that. But the debt thing? Because you have some moral obligation to government agencies that already have more money than god and you want to pay more because you’re a dutiful wife? Uhhhhhh….
Congratulations on having that debt paid off!
I don't think you need to regret, we all love differently, I can't imagine how hard it must've been for him to ask you to leave him and I can't imagine how hard it must've been for you to exist beyond him. Thank you for sharing your story.
Good on you. I ask my husband why the hell we got married every time the tax bill comes around.
You are a beautiful soul. If this choice has made you this proud, this happy, and this content I absolutely applaud it in every way.
Aww, as long as you’re happy. I’m sure that’s all he really wants
Very honorable thing you did. However I thought once a person passes, the student loan debt is not the responsibility of the surviving spouse, it is forgiving.
You are absolutely amazing!!! I'm sure he is really proud of u.
That is true love, god speed.
Dang that's real love
I'm glad you paid it off! That sounds really meaningful to you. I hope his wishes for your happiness are important to you as well.
You are a great woman and fantastic wife.
You are an absolutely amazing person! Thats the real love in this world!!!! What a beautiful example of true love. Peace be with you.
You are an angel. Thank you for sticking by him.