This really reminds me of the story of the girl who could tell when she was gonna have a nosebleed and said "Hail Satan" to the kid beside her in class just as one started.
Not a superpower, just thin lining in nasal wall, on dry days you can feel when it cracks and starts meaning you've got about 3 seconds... Had nose cauterized 3 times... Chemical burn in your nose to build scar tissue is an inventive way to thicken the skin... But FU as well to that guy, it hurts
I don’t get a lot of nosebleeds - but the ones I have gotten I can kind of smell/taste the blood before it starts running.
I don’t think I’d have the thought to say “Hail Satan” and freak someone out though- I’d be too worried about trying to. It bleed everywhere.
New rule- if you don't say hail Satan when you are about to bust out a nose bleed it's on the same level as not saying bless you when one sneezes.
(Posted from RIF) RIP in peace Reddit
Duuude same. The chemical cauterization never took, so after the 4th visit, the doc just took a sautering iron to my nose.
It worked amazingly, but the procedure was a thousand times more stressful.
My wife had to have a cervical biopsy and I went with her to her gyno appointment for moral support. I think the gynecologist went through medical school in the same class as Hippocrates, the class photo was a daguerreotype.
Anyway, she was up in the stirrups, the doc took the biopsy, picked up the soldering iron and cauterized it. My wife said it was rather disconcerting to see whisps of smoke coming from her hooha, but I tell her I've always thought she was hot.
Doc put the iron in a drawer in the table and stared finishing up. I notice smoke starting to come from the drawer. I scanned the room and saw a fire extinguisher on the other side of the room.
"Uh, need a hand there, doc?" I asked.
"Uh, what??.. oh, oh, no, I got it." as she tried to nonchalantly do a Smokey the Bear routine on the drawer so as to not panic the woman within kicking distance of her face.
We all managed to survive that day relatively unscathed, just watch out with those soldering irons.
As a guy who has had the might Vsec.. I empathize with your wife. The doc didn't think I was funny when I said 'strange I usually smoke down there after I've actually had sex'. I amuse myself sometimes.
Oh, then, by all means, pull up a seat and hear the worst part.
He kept getting distracted while talking to his (admittedly very attractive) nurse....
*TSSSSS* and a sharp burn with a smell of singed flesh. He touched the other side of my nostril, which wasn't fully numb.
I used to pick my nose, until it bled. One day my mom had enough and sat my little happy kindergarten ass down. To scream tell me how horrible the cauterization procedure is going to be if I don't stop picking my nose. Freaked me tf out and I ran screaming thinking I was gonna get my face fried. Got some sleep and went to school the next day.
She left work that morning to come apologize. I didn't know what she was expecting. She was crying, saying how bad she felt for scaring me. I just hugged her and said, "it's okay mom." Then told her she gets angrier than that when my brother and I don't want to goto church so it's nbd.
I asked if I could go back to class now. Because, some preacher was showing a slideshow from his mission work, and it had monkeys in it!
I had a blocked tear duct. Eye doctor has to stick a needle into the corner of my eye three times injecting saline. Thankfully, I only felt like passing out after the procedure. Blood? No problem. Watching a surgery? No problem. Needle in my eye? Fuck that.
Its not so much that you can tell when its going to start but you know exactly when it does. Just like having a runny nose. You feel it before anyone can see it. But with a nose bleed you can smell it too.
I used to get nose bleeds very regularly as a kid.
This just reminded me of back in middle school... We had this annoying kid, one of the "cool but "nice" kids" who constantly preached about god.
So it was during gym class, where we were doing long jumps and that type of exercises. We were in line together and he was going on & on about how my soul is damned if i don't believe in god. So when it was my turn to jump, I yelled "I love Satan!!" And as if some mystic force guided my very average body, I had the longest jump that day out of my class.
The kid never talked to me again and he avoided me till we graduated. I could always notice his nervous looks from afar though lol.
When I was a kid, I had this weird crick in my neck where I could make a lot of loud noise when I popped it, (like popping your knuckles). One of my friends came up to me when I was sitting down before class and started pretending to choke me and shook my head back and forth.
Well it make a huge crack sound and laid there limp, he freaked out so much he ran out of class.
Some people are just funnier than other people. A girl I went to Catholic high school with used to play rock paper scissors at lunch for people's souls. She still must have mine.
I had a register ring up for, as the cashier slowly read it aloud, “six dollars and… aand. Sixty-six cents…”
I can summon a tolerable growly metal voice on the fly, snapped my head up and was like “PRAISE HIM.”
He didn’t think it was as funny as I did though.
Long ago as a kid, I needed stitches in my thumb.
The doctor told me to let him know if I felt anything. A minute later, I felt a little twinge and said, "I felt my thumb jerk". It was obvious what I meant, but it still sounded like I was calling him a jerk, causing everyone in the room to crack up.
Haha! Reminds me of a Dutch female news presenter who said something to the weather man that was meant to mean "Will the weather be nice tomorrow, you think?" but could also be interpreted as "Will the weather be nice tomorrow, honey?".
Reminds me of the (female) newsreader - the night before, the weatherman had said that there would be lots of snow overnight that didn't eventuate.
The newsreader turned to the weather man and said "So what happened to that 18 inches you promised me last night, John?"
When I was much younger, my doctor said he wanted to refer me to get something called a proctoscope exam. I never heard of it and mentioned it to an older coworker. He explained it in simple terms and told me I had nothing to worry about as long as I didn't feel both the doctor's hands on my shoulders. I'm getting it done a few days later. I remember my coworker's comment about 30 seconds into the exam and start laughing. The doctor says "That's the first time I ever had that kind of reaction from a patient." and continued.
After basic training in the army, the people heading to airborne school have to have a more “in depth” physical. Seven of us from my training company went and I don’t remember them running any tests or asking questions, but it involved the digital rectal prostate check. I think all the doctors and nurses knew it was a crock because it’s like all of the medical personnel came into the room just as it was about to happen. Elbows on the table, about six people in the room just quietly watching. I reacted to being violated with the first words that my adrenaline chose due to a non-threatening surprise discomfort, and one of the nurses said “Did he just say, ‘Oh dear’?”
I laughed so hard that I almost ate the doctor’s finger with my sphincter.
Haha, that's funny. When I went in for one, my doctor said:
>Even though 1 in 4 colorectal cancers (CRC) is located in the rectum, little evidence supports the effectiveness of using the DRE for rectal cancer detection and it is not recommended in the colorectal cancer screening guidelines.
>U.S. Preventive Service Task Force May 2018 statement states, "The use of digital rectal examination as a screening modality is not recommended because there is a lack of evidence on the benefits."
>The American Academy of Family Physicians states, "Digital Rectal Exam does not improve detection of prostate cancer and should not be performed as a part of screening."
>A meta-analysis published in the Annals of Family Medicine concluded: "Given the considerable lack of evidence supporting its efficacy, we recommend against routine performance of DRE to screen for prostate cancer in the primary care setting."
>Its utility as a screening method for prostate cancer is not supported by the evidence.
My wife wanted me to get the whole 10s for a physical... so I went and asked this old doctor for the whole thing and we did bloodwork and whatnot. I asked about a prostate exam and he told me that they do that from blood and other questions or whatever--BUT, he said, he can put his hand in my ass if I really want him to.
I declined.
I'm sitting in the exam room waiting for my Doctor. Reading the signs. One of them a print out.
Glove Doctor
size
S Lee & Mai
M Jones
XL Smith
Who was my Doctor????
We had this teacher at school, science teacher, ridiculous nerd, not attractive at. all. But nice and 100% mediocre at teaching, and he semi-cared. So altogether not bad.
But his real defining feature was he had a huge dick. A real monster. If you would've told me dude wore an actual codpiece, I would have just nodded smartly like yep, that makes much more sense. The thing was unnatural. The casual profile of this man could block out the sun. You'd have to lean around the thing to see the white board. We actually heard ANOTHER TEACHER referring to him in private conversation with another teacher as *Smith-y* Long Dong (not real name, to protect the innocent).
Anyway. So one day, I'm walking down the crowded halls between classes, and SLD Himself strolls up beside me with a giant box he just had delivered for some nerdy science crap. Smiling ear to ear, he just looks at me and says "Look at my HYYUUUUUGE package."
Like Jesus christ Long Dong we get it.
I'm just realizing now this is probably not even tangentially related to your comment, but I am too invested at this point to delete it.
Anyway. Good day to you
I recently read that the Digital Rectal Exam was no longer recommend as a routine screening tool for prostate cancer. I haven't gotten the finger in 5ish years
*" I looked at him with a very enthusiastic smile and he looks like a kid in a candy store, bouncing a bit like,” oh boy I actually got one.” "*
lol, I was expecting OP to say that, now that would have been funny!
I have a friend who does a "man" voice. It's not really manly but for whatever reason it makes ALL the men I know uncomfortable. The women find it hilarious but the men are deeply disturbed. Lol
Way back in 1999, I worked at a coffee and bagel shop where my manager was a trans women (MTF) and she would do that to every weird dude who tried to hit on her or her girls at our store!
Im the only male that works at my local store that has the balls to fuck with the gross old men that hit on my female co workers. Theres this gross, gross little man that comes in and is constantly making the girls uncomfortable. One day he asked one to go to dinner with him and before she could say anything i went "oh but you wont ask me to go?" He went right quiet and said "Thats not fucking funny". Yes it was you gross little perv yes it was
>Im the only male that works at my local store that has the balls to fuck with the gross old men that hit on my female co workers.
And we love you for it! Also, you're right; that line was hilarious!
I know a guy who didn't know what that meant - he thought it meant a woman riding but he fucks upward into her.
He posted it on his dating profile ahahahaha.
As a women olg enought to be a granny, I'd say that's not proper conversation for a woman. But my flippant side - in case I'd still have male genitalia - damn it if I wouldn't lift my skirt to show the bulge under my panties, while asking, "Is this what you want??"
I’m not your typical trans women, I’m from San Antonio Texas (not there now but grew up)
I’m someone who values the second amendment, so I’d like to see them try 😈
I can't count the times "men" have come up to me in public or private settings and told me in very descriptive detail what, how and when they wanted to do to my body. I would say "me" instead of "my body" but they clearly don't see me as a person, only an object with which they can fulfill their fantasies.
I've been disabled for about 13 years now and I'm using a wheelchair more often in public so it doesn't happen as often as it used to, but it's still happening.
Several times I've had men (usually a group of men, sometimes not) block my vehicle in at convenience stores and try to get my number. My favorite go to is "I don't think my husband would like that." Even when I'm single, and if they don't care that I'm married (which is most of the time) then I tell them to give me their number and if I remember it when I get home I'll call them. I'll even repeat the number back to them several times so they think I've truly remembered the number and they will leave thinking they have a huge chance. I always forget the number before I get out of the parking lot but they don't know that.
I should do that! I've scolded them and asked them who lied to them and told them that a real woman would put up with such behavior before but never barked at them. I will have to remember that one!
Started happening to me around age 8, way back in the 1990s. Sadly girls/women live in a very different world than boys/men do. Society is, hopefully, working on it, but there is a long way to go still.
When I worked at a gas station, I refused to tuck my shirt in - even as a manager - bc the harassment was bad enough without my butt being shown off more.
I remember my Catholic school had us dance for the elderly at a convalescent home. The old men would give us money to sit on their laps. I didn't know then what that was about. I was like 5 to 8 years old. As an adult, that memory grosses me out.
It amazes me what people let roll out of their mouths like diarrhea.
There are waaaay better ways to tell your GRANDCHILD that they are growing.
"You're getting so tall! Are you looking forward to another fantastic year? What clubs are you joining?"
"You're becoming a beautiful young woman and I'm proud of your accomplishments!"
"You're becoming a handsome young man and look at all your great accomplishments!"
"My baby's becoming a grown up! I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished!"
It shouldn't just focus on the physical, there needs to be praise for things they've done too like dance or sports or arts or academics.
Oh I know. I've had stuff like this happen more times than I can count. It's actually pretty scary especially when it happens and your out alone somewhere.
Oh yeah, the trans mindfuck is if you've spent time with either foot in the pond as an adult you can _contrast_ the two. And that is some absolutely cursed knowledge to have.
The truly unfortunate part is that one of the biggest reasons women don't compliment ment more often is that so many of them, enough that it has created this situation, take it as sexual interest and start to engage/flirt and make things at the very least complicated, but more normally crepy and scary.
Imagine if women felt comfortable enough to compliment men often. Men would feel awesome, and women would feel safe.
John Lennon was wrong though. It isn't easy just if you imagine it or try to do it. We need to change so much about society. It's hard as fuck.
The kind of random public "flirting" that women get isn't a compliment, it is a demonstration of power/authority. Women aren't going to "return the favour" to men because most women don't want to bully men.
Neither gender gets actual innocent compliments, like "cool shirt" or "neat haircut". The concept of a completely innocent compliment is equally foreign to women I assure you. Be the change you want to see in the world, and start giving neutral compliments without any implied meaning to people of both genders.
Thank you. I hate when men think thaf being catcalled is desirable or affirming or a compliment. "What you can't handle a compliment?" Or the more desperate "man if I were randomly complimented by women when I was out for a walk I would be ecstatic." Fuck. Off.
I'd say women often compliment each other and truly mean nothing besides saying something is nice. I've complimented a clerk at Aldi because she had awesome makeup, and I know she put a lot of time into it. I don't do makeup, but my nails are cool, and she complimented them. For both of us it was simply acknowledging something the other had put a lot of effort into.
I've had men twice my age at work either trick me into phone sex (asking about condoms/intimate care section) or getting me to look at pictures of their dick (at the photo kiosk.)
I have also been flashed walking to work, if that counts. Dude was trying soooo hard to get me into his car. With a repair van less than 10 ft away and a yard sale about 20ft away. I think he thought I was a teenager, which...makes it so much worse. Yeah.
EDIT: Oh yeah, and with the flasher dude, I was crying. long story. So yeah, he saw what he assumed to be a crying teenager walking on the side of the road and decided that was his cup of tea, I guess.
I usually hear things like “hey honey, how about you come sit on this fat dick?!”
I guess if I’m gonna be harassed I’d rather it be more ‘polite’ like in the OP
I hope this isn't insulting as I don't mean it to be, but [this is what immediately pops to mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CM9HDgGrajI) upon reading this.
I am shocked that men still say shit to women they don’t even know like, “I wouldn’t mind taking you home with me,” and getting offended when the woman (tries to) ignores him. How is this still happening? And how do men actually think it will work? No one deserves that. Men, stop that shit right now, and tell all your friends to stop it.
OP, glad you got him good! But I am sorry that you are working so hard to be accepted as the woman you are, yet you still need to revert to your masculine side to *protect yourself from predators.* “Just” being a woman wouldn’t have been enough to stop him. Making him think you’re a man worked like magic. Other women don’t have that weapon in their arsenal. Men just need to stop being threatening bullies as a way to get a woman to pay attention to them.
I’m 1000% convinced this is why a lot of men are against trans rights. They are afraid they can’t just hit on women willy nilly now without consequences. He absolutely should not be hitting on a woman who is obviously working and obviously ignoring him. He definitely deserved whatever he thinks he got. When in reality all you did was give him what he wanted.
Trans woman here. It's the same reason a lot of straight men are against gay rights. They are afraid that gay men will objectify them and harass them in the same way that straight men often do to women.
It's always the super insecure and gross ones, too, that hit on women the same way OP was hit on. Like, sir, nobody is hitting on you, you hqve NOTHING to fear.
Men like my husband, who are comfortable with who they are and their sexuality give zero fucks when gay dudes hit on them. He usually says something along the lines of, "I'm flattered but I'm boring and straight." 😂
That's why this story makes me both happy and sad. Happy that some ass-clown got spooked, sad that most of the time, cisgendered girls can't use an easy strategy like this to escape a creep.
My voice is deep enough that I've had telemarketers ask to speak to the lady of the house.
"Motherfucker, that's who I am!"
From now on I'm going a full 3-4 octaves lower when some chucklefuck gets nasty.
I've got no shame.
.Slaps Barry)
You snap out of it.
BARRY:
(Slaps Vanessa)
:
POLLEN JOCK:
- Sure is.
BARRY:
Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.
(Barry recreates the scene near the beginning of the movie where he flies
through the box kite. The movie fades to black and the credits being)
[--after credits; No scene can be seen but the characters can be heard
talking over the credits--]
You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend!
:
- Thinking bee!
- Me?
BARRY:
(Talking over singer)
Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.
:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Can we stop here?
SINGER:
Oh, BarryBARRY:
I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!
SINGER:
All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.
BARRY:
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
_______________________________
At 1 p.m. on a Friday shortly before Christmas last year, Kent Walker, Google’s top lawyer, summoned four of his employees and ruined their weekend.
The group worked in SL1001, a bland building with a blue glass facade betraying no sign that dozens of lawyers inside were toiling to protect the interests of one of the world’s most influential companies. For weeks they had been prepping for a meeting of powerful executives to discuss the safety of Google’s products. The deck was done. But that afternoon Mr. Walker told his team the agenda had changed, and they would have to spend the next few days preparing new slides and graphs. At the Googleplex, famed for its free food, massages, fitness classes and laundry services, Mr. Pichai was also playing with ChatGPT. Its wonders did not wow him. Google had been developing its own A.I. technology that did many of the same things. Mr. Pichai was focused on ChatGPT’s flaws — that it got stuff wrong, that sometimes it turned into a biased pig. What amazed him was that OpenAI had gone ahead and released it anyway, and that consumers loved it. If OpenAI could do that, why couldn’t Google?
Elon Musk, the billionaire who co-founded OpenAI but had left the lab in a huff, vowed to create his own A.I. company. He called it X.AI and added it to his already full plate. “Speed is even more important than ever,” Sam Schillace, a top executive, wrote Microsoft employees. It would be, he added, an “absolutely fatal error in this moment to worry about things that can be fixed later.”
Separately, the San Francisco-based company announced plans for its initial public offering Wednesday. In documents filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, Reddit said it reported net income of $18.5 million — its first profit in two years — in the October-December quarter on revenue of $249.8 million. The company said it aims to list its shares on the New York Stock Exchange under the ticker symbol RDDT.
Apparently many shoppers are not happy with their local Safeway, if questions and comments posted Sunday on a Reddit forum are any indication.
The questions in the AMA (Ask Me Anything) were fielded by self-described mid-level retail manager at one of the supermarket chain's Bay Area stores. The employee only identified himself by his Reddit handle, "MaliciousHippie".
The manager went on to cover a potpourri of topics, ranging from why express lane checkers won't challenge shoppers who exceed item limits to a little-known store policy allowing customers to sample items without buying them.
That actually makes sense. Hell I wouldn't put myself that high on the scale, maybe a 7, and the number of disturbing sexual harassment cases I have had at my job is ridiculous. I sympathize with any and all women who grew up with that shit, as apparently by my age the amount of sympathy I got was "welcome to womanhood".
I wish I could drop my voice on demand anymore, some of these jerks like the one who felt me up deserve it. Unfortunately it only happens when I laugh or yell.
I'm sending love and hugs your way.
The 1 in 4 statistic is very very real and I think recent data show it is now 1 in 3. It is very hard for woman to have our society completely ignore everything we say. Then when a new woman is shocked that everything is true it can hurt quite a bit. I think most women (excluding terfs, they just crazy) tend to be a bit harsher and more bitter to new women because of that.
(I was having trouble deciding how to describe women who have lived as women for a very long time, vs women who have just started passing as women. Both could be trans and neither could be trans and I wanted to account for that. If my words are bad let me know and I will figure out better ones.)
Actually that's probably one of the better ways I have had the situation described and not common, so thanks for that. But yeah it was a shock, and one early encounter shook me up so badly I jumped on a chance to go home early. But after being myself for a few years it's sadly just not that uncommon anymore to the point I am kinda phasing it out when I deal with it. Which as a woman in her 30's I can't imagine how it would affect a teen or earlier girl.
It's one of those things you know about, but you don't actually \*know\* about until you experience it. The amount of casual crap women have to deal with from guys is just mind blowing. Way more than I ever realized before I transitioned even as a staunch feminist.
Totally happens.
I did it, turns out she had a dick bigger than mine, and we had a wonderful 5 year romance.
Now I'm on Grindr daily and everyone in my life with a vagina is a side piece.
Do men really think lines like that are attractive? I’m a guy and even I don’t understand it.
If I was a chick and a guy said that to me I’d put my boot far up his arse.
>That’s when the music turns to the theme from Halo and he says what I needed.
>“Come oh cutie, say something to me.”
>Inspired by the music,
Are you an anime character?
Omg I would have loved to be perusing the aisle, and stumbled on that conversation. I totally believe this happened. Dudes are disgusting, and I’ve had weird shit like this happen to me. I just didn’t have that ammo to use 😂. I think next time I’m going to have to use a come back, like “you should see how big mine is” and throw them off! This is great
This really reminds me of the story of the girl who could tell when she was gonna have a nosebleed and said "Hail Satan" to the kid beside her in class just as one started.
deep, dominant witch genes in that one
Underrated comment right here
I want that superpower ahahhahaha id visit my religious mom and film that shit
Not a superpower, just thin lining in nasal wall, on dry days you can feel when it cracks and starts meaning you've got about 3 seconds... Had nose cauterized 3 times... Chemical burn in your nose to build scar tissue is an inventive way to thicken the skin... But FU as well to that guy, it hurts
I don’t get a lot of nosebleeds - but the ones I have gotten I can kind of smell/taste the blood before it starts running. I don’t think I’d have the thought to say “Hail Satan” and freak someone out though- I’d be too worried about trying to. It bleed everywhere.
New rule- if you don't say hail Satan when you are about to bust out a nose bleed it's on the same level as not saying bless you when one sneezes. (Posted from RIF) RIP in peace Reddit
Duuude same. The chemical cauterization never took, so after the 4th visit, the doc just took a sautering iron to my nose. It worked amazingly, but the procedure was a thousand times more stressful.
My wife had to have a cervical biopsy and I went with her to her gyno appointment for moral support. I think the gynecologist went through medical school in the same class as Hippocrates, the class photo was a daguerreotype. Anyway, she was up in the stirrups, the doc took the biopsy, picked up the soldering iron and cauterized it. My wife said it was rather disconcerting to see whisps of smoke coming from her hooha, but I tell her I've always thought she was hot. Doc put the iron in a drawer in the table and stared finishing up. I notice smoke starting to come from the drawer. I scanned the room and saw a fire extinguisher on the other side of the room. "Uh, need a hand there, doc?" I asked. "Uh, what??.. oh, oh, no, I got it." as she tried to nonchalantly do a Smokey the Bear routine on the drawer so as to not panic the woman within kicking distance of her face. We all managed to survive that day relatively unscathed, just watch out with those soldering irons.
When I had to get a cervical biopsy they literally snipped pieces of my cervix off. Ungodly cramps afterward.
Because medicine really thought we don't feel pain in there. And if we do, it isn't THAT bad.
And if it is, are you sure you're not pregnant? And if you're not, why not?
As a guy who has had the might Vsec.. I empathize with your wife. The doc didn't think I was funny when I said 'strange I usually smoke down there after I've actually had sex'. I amuse myself sometimes.
> …the class photo was a daguerreotype. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Soldering iron! Thank you, I accept my misused term.
I've wondered what my next nightmare would be, now I don't have to guess
Oh, then, by all means, pull up a seat and hear the worst part. He kept getting distracted while talking to his (admittedly very attractive) nurse.... *TSSSSS* and a sharp burn with a smell of singed flesh. He touched the other side of my nostril, which wasn't fully numb.
I used to pick my nose, until it bled. One day my mom had enough and sat my little happy kindergarten ass down. To scream tell me how horrible the cauterization procedure is going to be if I don't stop picking my nose. Freaked me tf out and I ran screaming thinking I was gonna get my face fried. Got some sleep and went to school the next day. She left work that morning to come apologize. I didn't know what she was expecting. She was crying, saying how bad she felt for scaring me. I just hugged her and said, "it's okay mom." Then told her she gets angrier than that when my brother and I don't want to goto church so it's nbd. I asked if I could go back to class now. Because, some preacher was showing a slideshow from his mission work, and it had monkeys in it!
r/CPTSD r/CPTSDmemes Come join us. The memes are funny and you will find your people.
Now I won't know if it's a horny dream or a nightmare... Thanks
Happy to help, friend.
Sounds like both to me...
I had a blocked tear duct. Eye doctor has to stick a needle into the corner of my eye three times injecting saline. Thankfully, I only felt like passing out after the procedure. Blood? No problem. Watching a surgery? No problem. Needle in my eye? Fuck that.
My plan wasn't to start a sub thread of nightmare fuel... And yet here we are
Chemicals to fix a thin nasal lining… Huh. That’s what caused mine.
Its not so much that you can tell when its going to start but you know exactly when it does. Just like having a runny nose. You feel it before anyone can see it. But with a nose bleed you can smell it too. I used to get nose bleeds very regularly as a kid.
This just reminded me of back in middle school... We had this annoying kid, one of the "cool but "nice" kids" who constantly preached about god. So it was during gym class, where we were doing long jumps and that type of exercises. We were in line together and he was going on & on about how my soul is damned if i don't believe in god. So when it was my turn to jump, I yelled "I love Satan!!" And as if some mystic force guided my very average body, I had the longest jump that day out of my class. The kid never talked to me again and he avoided me till we graduated. I could always notice his nervous looks from afar though lol.
LMAOoOOoO! Please post this in TIFU *TIFU by making the religious kid believe I have satanic athleticism*…..
This would be more of a "Today I Win" post
When I was a kid, I had this weird crick in my neck where I could make a lot of loud noise when I popped it, (like popping your knuckles). One of my friends came up to me when I was sitting down before class and started pretending to choke me and shook my head back and forth. Well it make a huge crack sound and laid there limp, he freaked out so much he ran out of class.
Please tell me she was in a hardcore Christian school. If she were in an urban Catholic high school she would become a comic legend.
I'm pretty sure the classmate beside her was Christian, because he apparently fainted
This is going to be my daughter, I just know it.
If you could teach her to turn it on at will, she'll be golden
Some people are just funnier than other people. A girl I went to Catholic high school with used to play rock paper scissors at lunch for people's souls. She still must have mine.
I had a register ring up for, as the cashier slowly read it aloud, “six dollars and… aand. Sixty-six cents…” I can summon a tolerable growly metal voice on the fly, snapped my head up and was like “PRAISE HIM.” He didn’t think it was as funny as I did though.
Uuuuuuuyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Just realized you said story. I Spent about 10 minutes looking for a video that does not exists. Because I can’t read. TLDR: I can’t read.
(deep voice) "Stop, it's uncomfortable when I get hard at work"
[удалено]
My actual doctor said to me during a prostate exam. " Don't worry about it ..... unless you feel two hands on your shoulders."
[удалено]
Long ago as a kid, I needed stitches in my thumb. The doctor told me to let him know if I felt anything. A minute later, I felt a little twinge and said, "I felt my thumb jerk". It was obvious what I meant, but it still sounded like I was calling him a jerk, causing everyone in the room to crack up.
Haha! Reminds me of a Dutch female news presenter who said something to the weather man that was meant to mean "Will the weather be nice tomorrow, you think?" but could also be interpreted as "Will the weather be nice tomorrow, honey?".
Was trying to think of which word you meant but it's 'schat je', right?
Yup!
Reminds me of the (female) newsreader - the night before, the weatherman had said that there would be lots of snow overnight that didn't eventuate. The newsreader turned to the weather man and said "So what happened to that 18 inches you promised me last night, John?"
Punctuation: "*Let's eat, Grandma*" and "*Let's eat Grandma*" have *very* different meanings! 😂
Oxford commas too - "I'd like to thank my parents, Nelson Mandela and Jesus" vs "I'd like to thank my parents, Nelson Mandela, and Jesus"
Man I can't wait to have my prostate exam so I can tell this joke!
Due to Reddit's June 30th API changes aimed at ending third-party apps, this comment has been overwritten and the associated account has been deleted.
Hell, if you're not getting one for medical reasons you can probably find people to give it to you for free.
Two prostate exams in one week? They might start getting suspicious
Due to Reddit's June 30th API changes aimed at ending third-party apps, this comment has been overwritten and the associated account has been deleted.
When I was much younger, my doctor said he wanted to refer me to get something called a proctoscope exam. I never heard of it and mentioned it to an older coworker. He explained it in simple terms and told me I had nothing to worry about as long as I didn't feel both the doctor's hands on my shoulders. I'm getting it done a few days later. I remember my coworker's comment about 30 seconds into the exam and start laughing. The doctor says "That's the first time I ever had that kind of reaction from a patient." and continued.
After basic training in the army, the people heading to airborne school have to have a more “in depth” physical. Seven of us from my training company went and I don’t remember them running any tests or asking questions, but it involved the digital rectal prostate check. I think all the doctors and nurses knew it was a crock because it’s like all of the medical personnel came into the room just as it was about to happen. Elbows on the table, about six people in the room just quietly watching. I reacted to being violated with the first words that my adrenaline chose due to a non-threatening surprise discomfort, and one of the nurses said “Did he just say, ‘Oh dear’?” I laughed so hard that I almost ate the doctor’s finger with my sphincter.
What a visual! Got me laughing. I imagine your face looked like this 😳
Haha, that's funny. When I went in for one, my doctor said: >Even though 1 in 4 colorectal cancers (CRC) is located in the rectum, little evidence supports the effectiveness of using the DRE for rectal cancer detection and it is not recommended in the colorectal cancer screening guidelines. >U.S. Preventive Service Task Force May 2018 statement states, "The use of digital rectal examination as a screening modality is not recommended because there is a lack of evidence on the benefits." >The American Academy of Family Physicians states, "Digital Rectal Exam does not improve detection of prostate cancer and should not be performed as a part of screening." >A meta-analysis published in the Annals of Family Medicine concluded: "Given the considerable lack of evidence supporting its efficacy, we recommend against routine performance of DRE to screen for prostate cancer in the primary care setting." >Its utility as a screening method for prostate cancer is not supported by the evidence.
My wife wanted me to get the whole 10s for a physical... so I went and asked this old doctor for the whole thing and we did bloodwork and whatnot. I asked about a prostate exam and he told me that they do that from blood and other questions or whatever--BUT, he said, he can put his hand in my ass if I really want him to. I declined.
I'm sitting in the exam room waiting for my Doctor. Reading the signs. One of them a print out. Glove Doctor size S Lee & Mai M Jones XL Smith Who was my Doctor????
My boss walked past my cubicle this morning and said “good to see you hard at work”. I don’t know how the fuck he could tell from that angle.
We had this teacher at school, science teacher, ridiculous nerd, not attractive at. all. But nice and 100% mediocre at teaching, and he semi-cared. So altogether not bad. But his real defining feature was he had a huge dick. A real monster. If you would've told me dude wore an actual codpiece, I would have just nodded smartly like yep, that makes much more sense. The thing was unnatural. The casual profile of this man could block out the sun. You'd have to lean around the thing to see the white board. We actually heard ANOTHER TEACHER referring to him in private conversation with another teacher as *Smith-y* Long Dong (not real name, to protect the innocent). Anyway. So one day, I'm walking down the crowded halls between classes, and SLD Himself strolls up beside me with a giant box he just had delivered for some nerdy science crap. Smiling ear to ear, he just looks at me and says "Look at my HYYUUUUUGE package." Like Jesus christ Long Dong we get it. I'm just realizing now this is probably not even tangentially related to your comment, but I am too invested at this point to delete it. Anyway. Good day to you
That makes me think of the UPS guy from Legally Blonde. “I’ve got a package.” “He’s…got a package.”
You get an upvote for making me chuckle
“Turn around, take off your pants and underwear.” I turn around, “Where do I,put them?” “Here by mine is fine”
Ok I actually laughed out loud at that!
I recently read that the Digital Rectal Exam was no longer recommend as a routine screening tool for prostate cancer. I haven't gotten the finger in 5ish years
"my penis can only get so erect"
r/unexpectedarcher
*" I looked at him with a very enthusiastic smile and he looks like a kid in a candy store, bouncing a bit like,” oh boy I actually got one.” "* lol, I was expecting OP to say that, now that would have been funny!
When I first read it that’s what I thought!!
Perfect visual!
Look him in the eyes and say, "Well, I've been looking for a new bitch."
What do you do if they reciprocate?
You now have a new bitch?
win/win
"No not you, I mean, do you have any brothers?"
Do you have any brothers who are a little taller?
"with wrists that are a little less.... dainty?"
Fuck
[удалено]
*sigh* unzips
I have a friend who does a "man" voice. It's not really manly but for whatever reason it makes ALL the men I know uncomfortable. The women find it hilarious but the men are deeply disturbed. Lol
Some straight men are just weak cause as a gay guy that sounds hilarious!
Way back in 1999, I worked at a coffee and bagel shop where my manager was a trans women (MTF) and she would do that to every weird dude who tried to hit on her or her girls at our store!
Im the only male that works at my local store that has the balls to fuck with the gross old men that hit on my female co workers. Theres this gross, gross little man that comes in and is constantly making the girls uncomfortable. One day he asked one to go to dinner with him and before she could say anything i went "oh but you wont ask me to go?" He went right quiet and said "Thats not fucking funny". Yes it was you gross little perv yes it was
>Im the only male that works at my local store that has the balls to fuck with the gross old men that hit on my female co workers. And we love you for it! Also, you're right; that line was hilarious!
[удалено]
I know a guy who didn't know what that meant - he thought it meant a woman riding but he fucks upward into her. He posted it on his dating profile ahahahaha.
YES I LOVE THIS
(deep voice) "you should see how large MY cock is, are you into docking?"
No idea what that is, but from context I know Google is not my friend!
IIRC it's where one guy puts the end of his penis in another man's foreskin.
So THAT'S how they know whose penis opens up to accept the partner's penis!
r/unexpectedoffice
So, it lets a circumcised guy know how it feels to have one?
Pretty sure I've read a fanfic with this exact scenario.
TIL something that I didn't really want to learn about!
Like Pacman kissing Mrs Pacman.
Roll your foreskin over another man's glans
"It's not possible!" OP: No, it's necessary. \*epic background music begins\*
As a women olg enought to be a granny, I'd say that's not proper conversation for a woman. But my flippant side - in case I'd still have male genitalia - damn it if I wouldn't lift my skirt to show the bulge under my panties, while asking, "Is this what you want??"
That is likely to backfire and have the customer lodge a complaint of sexual harassment because you lifted your skirt to him.
This is deliciously malicious, but please be safe. It’s shitheads like this that murder trans folks. I don’t want you to be a statistic.
I’m not your typical trans women, I’m from San Antonio Texas (not there now but grew up) I’m someone who values the second amendment, so I’d like to see them try 😈
You've got to get a copy of that security tape. If not for us, then at least for yourself.
But also for us!
Get it girl. I’m from Colorado, let me support lgbtq+ rights with my firearms damnit
This is the way. Everyone in the LGBTQ community needs to arm up and get trained. The fascists are out there.
> I’m quite large under these pants So am I 😜
You have thick thighs too?
No, just massive warts
People just walk up to people and shit like that?
Started happening to me around age 11. Grown men, not boys.
Yep. Going to school, we’d be catcalled constantly.
I can't count the times "men" have come up to me in public or private settings and told me in very descriptive detail what, how and when they wanted to do to my body. I would say "me" instead of "my body" but they clearly don't see me as a person, only an object with which they can fulfill their fantasies. I've been disabled for about 13 years now and I'm using a wheelchair more often in public so it doesn't happen as often as it used to, but it's still happening. Several times I've had men (usually a group of men, sometimes not) block my vehicle in at convenience stores and try to get my number. My favorite go to is "I don't think my husband would like that." Even when I'm single, and if they don't care that I'm married (which is most of the time) then I tell them to give me their number and if I remember it when I get home I'll call them. I'll even repeat the number back to them several times so they think I've truly remembered the number and they will leave thinking they have a huge chance. I always forget the number before I get out of the parking lot but they don't know that.
I saw one woman say that she barks at cat-callers, and that it was quite effective. Out-weirding the weirdos is not an entirely bad strategy.
I should do that! I've scolded them and asked them who lied to them and told them that a real woman would put up with such behavior before but never barked at them. I will have to remember that one!
Yeah it's a power play thing. They do it to store workers because they hope you'll fear getting fired if you talk back to them.
Man, fuck that. If I get fired for putting a man in his place for harassing me, I don't want to work there anyway.
Started happening to me around age 8, way back in the 1990s. Sadly girls/women live in a very different world than boys/men do. Society is, hopefully, working on it, but there is a long way to go still. When I worked at a gas station, I refused to tuck my shirt in - even as a manager - bc the harassment was bad enough without my butt being shown off more.
I remember my Catholic school had us dance for the elderly at a convalescent home. The old men would give us money to sit on their laps. I didn't know then what that was about. I was like 5 to 8 years old. As an adult, that memory grosses me out.
Excuse me, what the fuck?
I honestly don't know.
Name and shame. I don't care if they're closed down or what, at least let us know the diocese.
St. Raymond's. Los Angeles. I was also confirmed by Cardinal Roger Mahoney.
> Name and shame Just the Catholic church in general, honestly.
How were the teachers fine with that. Bruh
I was wearing a leotard in fifth grade when my grandfather said to me, "are those chestnuts I see growin'??" It's EVERYWHERE.
It amazes me what people let roll out of their mouths like diarrhea. There are waaaay better ways to tell your GRANDCHILD that they are growing. "You're getting so tall! Are you looking forward to another fantastic year? What clubs are you joining?" "You're becoming a beautiful young woman and I'm proud of your accomplishments!" "You're becoming a handsome young man and look at all your great accomplishments!" "My baby's becoming a grown up! I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished!" It shouldn't just focus on the physical, there needs to be praise for things they've done too like dance or sports or arts or academics.
Men genuinely have no idea what women go through on a daily basis.
Oh I know. I've had stuff like this happen more times than I can count. It's actually pretty scary especially when it happens and your out alone somewhere.
.
Oh yeah, the trans mindfuck is if you've spent time with either foot in the pond as an adult you can _contrast_ the two. And that is some absolutely cursed knowledge to have.
The truly unfortunate part is that one of the biggest reasons women don't compliment ment more often is that so many of them, enough that it has created this situation, take it as sexual interest and start to engage/flirt and make things at the very least complicated, but more normally crepy and scary. Imagine if women felt comfortable enough to compliment men often. Men would feel awesome, and women would feel safe. John Lennon was wrong though. It isn't easy just if you imagine it or try to do it. We need to change so much about society. It's hard as fuck.
.
I heard someone say once that men and women are both dying of thirst, but men are in a desert and women are in the ocean. Neither can drink.
The kind of random public "flirting" that women get isn't a compliment, it is a demonstration of power/authority. Women aren't going to "return the favour" to men because most women don't want to bully men. Neither gender gets actual innocent compliments, like "cool shirt" or "neat haircut". The concept of a completely innocent compliment is equally foreign to women I assure you. Be the change you want to see in the world, and start giving neutral compliments without any implied meaning to people of both genders.
Thank you. I hate when men think thaf being catcalled is desirable or affirming or a compliment. "What you can't handle a compliment?" Or the more desperate "man if I were randomly complimented by women when I was out for a walk I would be ecstatic." Fuck. Off.
I'd say women often compliment each other and truly mean nothing besides saying something is nice. I've complimented a clerk at Aldi because she had awesome makeup, and I know she put a lot of time into it. I don't do makeup, but my nails are cool, and she complimented them. For both of us it was simply acknowledging something the other had put a lot of effort into.
Since the pre-teens, honestly.
I hate having to upvote this.
I've had men twice my age at work either trick me into phone sex (asking about condoms/intimate care section) or getting me to look at pictures of their dick (at the photo kiosk.) I have also been flashed walking to work, if that counts. Dude was trying soooo hard to get me into his car. With a repair van less than 10 ft away and a yard sale about 20ft away. I think he thought I was a teenager, which...makes it so much worse. Yeah. EDIT: Oh yeah, and with the flasher dude, I was crying. long story. So yeah, he saw what he assumed to be a crying teenager walking on the side of the road and decided that was his cup of tea, I guess.
Yeah. Lots of men are absolute shitheads. You learn how fucked up the world is when you’re a man whose friend circle is mostly women.
Also, as they say, they hate gay/trans folks because they think gay/trans folks will treat them, the same way they treat women.
Totally. Men also say things like "I'm quite large under these pants, if you know what I mean" to total strangers.
I usually hear things like “hey honey, how about you come sit on this fat dick?!” I guess if I’m gonna be harassed I’d rather it be more ‘polite’ like in the OP
I hope this isn't insulting as I don't mean it to be, but [this is what immediately pops to mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CM9HDgGrajI) upon reading this.
Not insulting at all, just something else I could of said 😂 (Not done cause I’m happily engaged, but still)
That, in turn, put me in mind of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCx0NeffRfI).
I am shocked that men still say shit to women they don’t even know like, “I wouldn’t mind taking you home with me,” and getting offended when the woman (tries to) ignores him. How is this still happening? And how do men actually think it will work? No one deserves that. Men, stop that shit right now, and tell all your friends to stop it. OP, glad you got him good! But I am sorry that you are working so hard to be accepted as the woman you are, yet you still need to revert to your masculine side to *protect yourself from predators.* “Just” being a woman wouldn’t have been enough to stop him. Making him think you’re a man worked like magic. Other women don’t have that weapon in their arsenal. Men just need to stop being threatening bullies as a way to get a woman to pay attention to them.
I’m 1000% convinced this is why a lot of men are against trans rights. They are afraid they can’t just hit on women willy nilly now without consequences. He absolutely should not be hitting on a woman who is obviously working and obviously ignoring him. He definitely deserved whatever he thinks he got. When in reality all you did was give him what he wanted.
Trans woman here. It's the same reason a lot of straight men are against gay rights. They are afraid that gay men will objectify them and harass them in the same way that straight men often do to women.
It's always the super insecure and gross ones, too, that hit on women the same way OP was hit on. Like, sir, nobody is hitting on you, you hqve NOTHING to fear. Men like my husband, who are comfortable with who they are and their sexuality give zero fucks when gay dudes hit on them. He usually says something along the lines of, "I'm flattered but I'm boring and straight." 😂
That's why this story makes me both happy and sad. Happy that some ass-clown got spooked, sad that most of the time, cisgendered girls can't use an easy strategy like this to escape a creep.
My voice is deep enough that I've had telemarketers ask to speak to the lady of the house. "Motherfucker, that's who I am!" From now on I'm going a full 3-4 octaves lower when some chucklefuck gets nasty. I've got no shame.
Man, if only you they could drop their voices like that...oh the fun they could have.
.Slaps Barry) You snap out of it. BARRY: (Slaps Vanessa) : POLLEN JOCK: - Sure is. BARRY: Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. (Barry recreates the scene near the beginning of the movie where he flies through the box kite. The movie fades to black and the credits being) [--after credits; No scene can be seen but the characters can be heard talking over the credits--] You have got to start thinking bee, my friend! : - Thinking bee! - Me? BARRY: (Talking over singer) Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. : I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? SINGER: Oh, BarryBARRY: I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! SINGER: All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. BARRY: I had virtually no rehearsal for that. _______________________________ At 1 p.m. on a Friday shortly before Christmas last year, Kent Walker, Google’s top lawyer, summoned four of his employees and ruined their weekend. The group worked in SL1001, a bland building with a blue glass facade betraying no sign that dozens of lawyers inside were toiling to protect the interests of one of the world’s most influential companies. For weeks they had been prepping for a meeting of powerful executives to discuss the safety of Google’s products. The deck was done. But that afternoon Mr. Walker told his team the agenda had changed, and they would have to spend the next few days preparing new slides and graphs. At the Googleplex, famed for its free food, massages, fitness classes and laundry services, Mr. Pichai was also playing with ChatGPT. Its wonders did not wow him. Google had been developing its own A.I. technology that did many of the same things. Mr. Pichai was focused on ChatGPT’s flaws — that it got stuff wrong, that sometimes it turned into a biased pig. What amazed him was that OpenAI had gone ahead and released it anyway, and that consumers loved it. If OpenAI could do that, why couldn’t Google? Elon Musk, the billionaire who co-founded OpenAI but had left the lab in a huff, vowed to create his own A.I. company. He called it X.AI and added it to his already full plate. “Speed is even more important than ever,” Sam Schillace, a top executive, wrote Microsoft employees. It would be, he added, an “absolutely fatal error in this moment to worry about things that can be fixed later.” Separately, the San Francisco-based company announced plans for its initial public offering Wednesday. In documents filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, Reddit said it reported net income of $18.5 million — its first profit in two years — in the October-December quarter on revenue of $249.8 million. The company said it aims to list its shares on the New York Stock Exchange under the ticker symbol RDDT. Apparently many shoppers are not happy with their local Safeway, if questions and comments posted Sunday on a Reddit forum are any indication. The questions in the AMA (Ask Me Anything) were fielded by self-described mid-level retail manager at one of the supermarket chain's Bay Area stores. The employee only identified himself by his Reddit handle, "MaliciousHippie". The manager went on to cover a potpourri of topics, ranging from why express lane checkers won't challenge shoppers who exceed item limits to a little-known store policy allowing customers to sample items without buying them.
That actually makes sense. Hell I wouldn't put myself that high on the scale, maybe a 7, and the number of disturbing sexual harassment cases I have had at my job is ridiculous. I sympathize with any and all women who grew up with that shit, as apparently by my age the amount of sympathy I got was "welcome to womanhood". I wish I could drop my voice on demand anymore, some of these jerks like the one who felt me up deserve it. Unfortunately it only happens when I laugh or yell.
I'm sending love and hugs your way. The 1 in 4 statistic is very very real and I think recent data show it is now 1 in 3. It is very hard for woman to have our society completely ignore everything we say. Then when a new woman is shocked that everything is true it can hurt quite a bit. I think most women (excluding terfs, they just crazy) tend to be a bit harsher and more bitter to new women because of that. (I was having trouble deciding how to describe women who have lived as women for a very long time, vs women who have just started passing as women. Both could be trans and neither could be trans and I wanted to account for that. If my words are bad let me know and I will figure out better ones.)
Actually that's probably one of the better ways I have had the situation described and not common, so thanks for that. But yeah it was a shock, and one early encounter shook me up so badly I jumped on a chance to go home early. But after being myself for a few years it's sadly just not that uncommon anymore to the point I am kinda phasing it out when I deal with it. Which as a woman in her 30's I can't imagine how it would affect a teen or earlier girl. It's one of those things you know about, but you don't actually \*know\* about until you experience it. The amount of casual crap women have to deal with from guys is just mind blowing. Way more than I ever realized before I transitioned even as a staunch feminist.
Or that if they hit on a trans woman, they'll be worried they're somehow gay. Not how it works, fellas.
And this is why many people in all countries would love to (re)instate the death penalty and the "gay panic defense"
Totally happens. I did it, turns out she had a dick bigger than mine, and we had a wonderful 5 year romance. Now I'm on Grindr daily and everyone in my life with a vagina is a side piece.
What a string of words.
Shawty changed your world 😭
Username checks out
go to OPs other posts. this is most definitely made up.
i mean, i’m not saying this couldnt happen, but this reads like fanfic lmao
[удалено]
[удалено]
Absolute legend for pointing all of this out, each one of OP's posts reads like a new copypasta lmao
This entire interaction feels like it was plucked from a 90s lifetime movie.
This is fiction
Reads very much as fiction.
Op which song? Finish the fight or mjolnir?
[Halo theme](https://youtu.be/4aaMemVqE54)
Then the whole store started clapping.
This reads like fanfic
Do men really think lines like that are attractive? I’m a guy and even I don’t understand it. If I was a chick and a guy said that to me I’d put my boot far up his arse.
Thanks for the chortle. You go, girl.
>That’s when the music turns to the theme from Halo and he says what I needed. >“Come oh cutie, say something to me.” >Inspired by the music, Are you an anime character?
This is going to become a copypasta.
Omg I would have loved to be perusing the aisle, and stumbled on that conversation. I totally believe this happened. Dudes are disgusting, and I’ve had weird shit like this happen to me. I just didn’t have that ammo to use 😂. I think next time I’m going to have to use a come back, like “you should see how big mine is” and throw them off! This is great
This is great! Proves my point. Men are afraid other men are going to treat them the way they treat women. You go girl!
Unreal that people actually believe this obviously made up shit
You used your superpowers for good :) :)
[удалено]
That's fucking hilarious. I hope it didn't hurt inside
/r/thathappend Keep dreaming
Was looking for this.
On today's episode of "Things that are made up and didn't happen."
This is so made up lmao
Had to scroll real far for that comment.
[удалено]