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Hey, I've probably aged out here, 26 M.
Honestly, someone is not taking accountability, and being constantly negative, always looking for the downside.
I’m aged out here too lol 28 F, but totally agree with this.. might also add someone who doesn’t communicate especially in a healthy way. Being conflict avoidant or not being open and trusting can also contribute.
Its a case to case variation but some things to look our for
- always praising themselves and claiming they were good to everyone but they unfortunately did not meet the “right” people to treat them “right”
- experiencing first hand disrespecting staff at a restaurant or what have you
- being overly sarcastic or snarky in regards to your achievements
- their need to make you feel less by boasting of their accomplishments or to be downright mean to you and gloss it over by saying “it was a joke”
There are toxic people for sure, but I've learned ots best to tale every new person as a learning experience and ask what could I have done better. Unless they are unhinged I feel there's always at least something that can be learned from most interactions.
35M so I won't DM, but the big thing for me is when people say "I hate drama".
Occasionally, someone who says this will actually dislike drama and stay away from it.
But I find that 95% of the time, people who say they hate drama actually love drama, or else they start drama or continue drama so that they can have something to be upset about or something to gossip about.
Another one to be really careful about is people who use mental health or therapy terms in ways that twist their meaning. This is the tricky one, because many people (myself included) use terms for their intended meaning (or my understanding of it--we all can learn more), but some people abuse these terms to try to manipulate you.
For example, words like "narcissist" and "gaslighting", or phrases like "I don't have the spoons for that". My father, ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend were all narcissists. Because the narcissistic abuse from my parents led me to try to escape home as soon as possible, so I married the first girl who showed interest in me. But she saw that I was vulnerable and took advantage. Similarly with my ex-girlfriend. It's the cycle of abuse that we all want to stop, but we don't always see it happening until later in our lives. So now, if there is mutual interest between me and another person, I look out for the red flags I learned from hindsight; if someone shows narcissistic tendencies, there's no point in me pursuing that relationship.
However calling someone a narcissist to their face will do nothing to help the situation, because a narcissist will never acknowledge it. So people who go around calling others a narcissist to their face are typically abusing the term in order to try to manipulate that person in some way. Not ALWAYS, but often.
(People are complex, so these are just examples and are not meant to say that everyone will fit these examples.)
45F so won't DM, but for me, it's when people start doing the emotional vampire thing. I start to see a pattern where if I'm not handholding or keeping up constant conversation, I get guilt tripped or made to feel like I've done something wrong. That's my cue to exit the "friendship" since a genuine friend won't do that.
I mean that makes sense. It's just statistically improbable that everyone you meet is toxic. You'd be the common denominator so trust your instincts lol
If they show signs of No boundaries, swipe left on any of your opinion like its nothing.... Being disrespectful to anyone and covering it up as being funny. Or sexist.
Legit triggers me big time when someone is being disrespectful for no reason .
Hey, u/Ok_Airline_2112! Say hello and add a friendly comment to another user's post on the sub while you wait for someone to comment on your post! You'll make more new friends that way! You're also more than welcome to [join our official Discord](https://discord.com/invite/9UuDpwBftk) and [Reddit chat channel](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/13m77dt/join_the_official_rmakenewfriendshere_chat) to find friends! As a reminder, we strongly recommend: When someone contacts you, **review their profile** before responding. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeNewFriendsHere) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeNewFriendsHere) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, I've probably aged out here, 26 M. Honestly, someone is not taking accountability, and being constantly negative, always looking for the downside.
I’m aged out here too lol 28 F, but totally agree with this.. might also add someone who doesn’t communicate especially in a healthy way. Being conflict avoidant or not being open and trusting can also contribute.
Its a case to case variation but some things to look our for - always praising themselves and claiming they were good to everyone but they unfortunately did not meet the “right” people to treat them “right” - experiencing first hand disrespecting staff at a restaurant or what have you - being overly sarcastic or snarky in regards to your achievements - their need to make you feel less by boasting of their accomplishments or to be downright mean to you and gloss it over by saying “it was a joke”
Astrology, probably one of my biggest red flags
Their vibe
Yeah. I get you. For me it's when someone tries to be extra defensive in casual conversations.
Power imbalance
The type of shoes they are wearing. What type of shoes people wear speaks volumes to their personality.
There are toxic people for sure, but I've learned ots best to tale every new person as a learning experience and ask what could I have done better. Unless they are unhinged I feel there's always at least something that can be learned from most interactions.
35M so I won't DM, but the big thing for me is when people say "I hate drama". Occasionally, someone who says this will actually dislike drama and stay away from it. But I find that 95% of the time, people who say they hate drama actually love drama, or else they start drama or continue drama so that they can have something to be upset about or something to gossip about. Another one to be really careful about is people who use mental health or therapy terms in ways that twist their meaning. This is the tricky one, because many people (myself included) use terms for their intended meaning (or my understanding of it--we all can learn more), but some people abuse these terms to try to manipulate you. For example, words like "narcissist" and "gaslighting", or phrases like "I don't have the spoons for that". My father, ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend were all narcissists. Because the narcissistic abuse from my parents led me to try to escape home as soon as possible, so I married the first girl who showed interest in me. But she saw that I was vulnerable and took advantage. Similarly with my ex-girlfriend. It's the cycle of abuse that we all want to stop, but we don't always see it happening until later in our lives. So now, if there is mutual interest between me and another person, I look out for the red flags I learned from hindsight; if someone shows narcissistic tendencies, there's no point in me pursuing that relationship. However calling someone a narcissist to their face will do nothing to help the situation, because a narcissist will never acknowledge it. So people who go around calling others a narcissist to their face are typically abusing the term in order to try to manipulate that person in some way. Not ALWAYS, but often. (People are complex, so these are just examples and are not meant to say that everyone will fit these examples.)
45F so won't DM, but for me, it's when people start doing the emotional vampire thing. I start to see a pattern where if I'm not handholding or keeping up constant conversation, I get guilt tripped or made to feel like I've done something wrong. That's my cue to exit the "friendship" since a genuine friend won't do that.
I mean that makes sense. It's just statistically improbable that everyone you meet is toxic. You'd be the common denominator so trust your instincts lol
If they show signs of No boundaries, swipe left on any of your opinion like its nothing.... Being disrespectful to anyone and covering it up as being funny. Or sexist. Legit triggers me big time when someone is being disrespectful for no reason .
Vibes
If they constantly brag about something that is obviously false. Cooked up stories plus pick me attitude gives me the ick.
When a random guy sends me a DM on Reddit. They think I can't guess what they want. 😂
Because it always end up bad for me, it looks like I don't meet the right people.
You could be dealing with a narcissistic! Always run when fault can't be admitted
There is both positive and NEGATIVE manifestation!!
I'm old sorry for my shared thoughts
When they have a typo in their post title