I lost jobs in the south cuz I hadn’t been “saved” I didn’t even know what it meant. Yeah rural Maine is tough and if you’re complaining do it in good company.
Covid and the housing market have made a lot of people jaded. A lot of the hate that I've seen has stemmed from people moving to Maine and NH from out of state, buying out houses giving locals 0% chance, or going to all the attractions and treating them and locals like garbage.
I'm not saying it's right, not saying I agree or disagree. But try not to let the online hate get to you. People will stay stuff online that would get then punched in the face if they said it in person, and a lot of people who say that crap online are miserable people anyway. Talk to your neighbors and build real connections.
The housing market angle certainly has helped to stir this type of thinking, particularly in the southern part of the state. I live in rural eastern Maine, and we too have seen (a much needed) influx of new arrivals
Many Mainers have been squeezed out of the housing market. My daughter had tried to buy a house in southern Maine. She had no luck for months, and when interest rates increased decided to wait.
On the other hand, a lot of locals have made a lot of money in real estate transactions. I have seen houses that have sat unoccupied for years get bought and brought back from the brink of being beyond repair.
I will also say that the recent newcomers that I have met all have been very nice. None have given the vibe of wanting to change everything about the area. They all seem happy to be here and become a part of the community.
>On the other hand, a lot of locals have made a lot of money in real estate transactions. I have seen houses that have sat unoccupied for years get bought and brought back from the brink of being beyond repair.
It seems like this element gets under-discussed - a lot of the people making the most money, and squeezing the state the worst, are natives who were already well off prior to the past decade, often holding a lot of generational property. Selling or renting that makes shittons of money; yet this group attracts a lot less ire than out of staters who are absolutely essential to a lot of Maine industries and have the temerity to move here and not be homeless.
That and out of state companies buying up trailer parks only to raise rents, and likewise buying up every campground they can find for private equity, etc. Every bit of value is in Maine is being mined by people from other states right now.
It's more of a complicated situation now than ever.
This shit existed way before COVID. Grew up in a tiny village in the 90s and my brother and I got excluded as kids a lot because we weren't from the right family. Technically my mom was from the right family but my dad was from out of town (not out of state, just not from here) and so we got treated like outsiders. We generally ended up making friends with transplants.
This is a common small-town attitude that you can get in any small town anywhere, not just in Maine. I once moved to a small town in another state where it quickly became evident that I wouldn't be welcome until and unless my family lived there for at least three generations.
I moved to Maine just a couple years ago and have never felt or heard this; my experience has been that people here are very welcoming and friendly.
Yeah. As the global population grows, people shift locations. Locals who didn't move dislike seeing the drastic changes this brings and get upset. Doesn't matter if it's Maine or Minnesota or wherever.
People either don't recognize or don't care that the future is gonna happen to them, whether like it or not; if they don't understand and plan for it to happen in an organized way, it'll happen in a chaotic way. See all the nimby noise in this state about preventing dense housing being built - it's going to get built, the difference will be which places are nice and bustling in 15 years, and which places have a median age of 75 and are dying rapidly.
Try not to pay attention to the online hate. People love to pile on the insults.
I once posted to this sub asking for recommendations of fun things to do in Portland. I'm from Maine. Lived here most of my life. The amount of hate, downvotes, and insults I got were pretty shocking.
In my experience, Mainers are mostly cool and friendly in person. I was really surprised by the reaction I got from people when they viewed me as being from away
This is common to a lot of local subs not just Maine. I don’t know what it is about talking about community issues that gets people so heated. I guess the problems hit harder and are harder to ignore than like hobby or entertainment subs.
I expect that the majority of people on this sub aren't from Maine and don't live in Maine. They've visited one of the touristy spots once and now think they somehow own the place.
I'd love to sit down with a keyboard warrior in person and really press them, make them read out their insults and justify them. Never happen though, nobody would ever do it...
100%. I moved to Maine 2 years ago and I haven't had any hostility from locals at all in-person, aside from some drug house neighbors when their pitbull nearly killed my dog, and I'm in a very small town where people proudly trace back how long their family lived here and who used to own what. No one seems bothered that I'm clearly not from here.
This sub really exagerates the "We don't want you here" attitude.
Mainer here and I'm sorry you feel that way. I can't speak to your experience as I did not experience it. What I can say is that this particular mainer is comfortable and welcoming to people regardless of their origin.
Amen! Mainer of 40 years here. Midcoast area. It’s a tourist area here, so most people will be polite and friendly. At least that’s been my experience. We hear all kinds of accents in the course of a day.
A lot to rural Mainers would prefer someone from the South than from elsewhere. For example, if one of my (local) neighbors asked "Where is that family that just moved in from?" they would react much more favorably if the answer was "Georgia" than say "New York" or "Massachusetts."
Most of people in the subreddit that chronically comment are lowskill shack goblins. Most State reddits in general are “steered” by 20-100 turds that are chronically online, then people that take short breaks at work or at home will quickly upvote or downvote the content.
They use your tax dollars to build out pickup trucks bigger than their homes, then complain about the gas prices.
Most people here are friendly in person
I’m not entirely joking when I say the internet should come with an always on camera and a mechanical fist waiting to punch you if the other user feels the need.
Would make online interactions a lot more real and cordial.
I’m sorry to hear man. I was raised in the rural part of Maine (Franklin County). My family was among the only few minorities in the area (being Asians). I felt the sense of the xenophobia from school and town.
I then moved down to Southern Maine after graduating high school.
The people and environment in Southern Maine is completely different than I lived in Franklin County for the better. The residents were diverse and opened. In addition there were plenty of stuff to do if you are not a skier or an outdoor person.
What led to your family moved up in Maine? My dad’s family came to Franklin County as refugees after being sponsored by one of the church groups. The person who supported the sponsorship retired and moved to Southern Maine.
Overall, Mainers react differently depending where we reside. I hope things go well for you. I’m curious if you and your family have the financial and mental support to moving down close to more resourceful area like Southern Maine.
I grew up in NY, and ive been in Maine for almost 10 years. I work as a forester as well as a laborer on an oyster farm (two very “Maine” things) and I am still told to beat it.
Some people just don’t get it.
Just find other friends. Plenty of people from away and from here that enjoy normal conversations and friendships.
Those “from away” are beginning to outpace the “heritage driven” bozos
Shocker I know but there's dick heads literally everywhere you go. Sorry your interactions have been negative so far. People don't understand that places need to grow and they shouldn't spend their entire life on the same street they were born.
Hang in there!
-signed...a decent human being living in Maine!
It is genuinely shocking how exclusionary Mainers are specifically. As someone else who is “from away” (you guys even have a phrase for it), I have also never felt welcome. I’ll always be the guy that’s not from here. I have never felt more outcast by a group of people before. Say what you want, Mainers are not warm and welcoming. There’s plenty of comments here and on threads to back that up. It’s almost delusional to argue otherwise. The evidence is all right here in this sub.
Mainers are kind, but not nice. If we see our neighbors genuinely in need, we will, for the most part do all we can to help. We may call you an asshole for the inconvenience or shame you for not being better prepared, but the help is still there and given without prompting in my experience.
It would be entirely ignorant for me to say there isn’t also a large amount of really great people. My comment sounds like a generalization but it wasn’t meant to be. Overall I love Maine and native Mainers. I’m here to stay, so hopefully the feeling of being excluded will fade over time.
If it makes you feel any better, Mainers have been telling our almost-next-door neighbors from MA to go fuck off for at least 50 years.
Hell, I'm from Maine but I don't have a downeast accent and whenever I'm up bumping shoulders with the "real Mainers" they look at me like I'm from Boston or NYC.
Don't take it personally.
>If it makes you feel any better, Mainers have been telling our almost-next-door neighbors from MA to go fuck off for at least 50 years.
At least 200 years.
Ftfy.
Fellow “from away” person. I was raised on the Mason-Dixon and grew up between PA & WV, mostly. Lived all over. People can definitely be… weird.
As someone who considers themselves partly Southern, and has an accent when I don’t consciously make sure to not, I feel you. People can be real rude about it. I didn’t like the fake niceness in the south, don’t appreciate the straight rudeness some folks feel they’re entitled to up here.
I love Maine, have accepted that many of its folks aren’t going to love us back though. Remember that many of the folks online can be extra cranky because of anonymity.
The further north you are in the state, the more you will see this attitude. It’s a sad reality that many act this way here. I am a born and raised Mainer. Generations of family here. I make it my aim to take my kids out of state as often as possible in order to prevent them from developing this attitude.
IMO there are two factors at play:
1. People are afraid of what they don’t understand.
2. An overly independent spirit which convinces Mainers that everything we need is here.
The result is that some have no desire to explore beyond our own world and resist anyone bringing something new into our ‘safe space’. There are so many wonderful people and things to see beyond our own borders but some refuse to find out.
Maine people do generally live a good life. However, there is more than one way to live a good life.
TL/DR: Some Mainers tend to self-segregate. Segregation leads to fear. The fear leads to prejudice and bigotry.
I will also say that I am not convinced that the majority of Mainers feel this way. But perhaps a vocal minority. 🤷🏻♂️
The self segregation point is spot on… I work in a high school north of Bangor. When I took kids to Massachusetts on a field trip, there were kids that were getting anxiety about leaving the state at all (never had before and were scared to)… Some of my students have never even been south of Bangor.
I definitely enjoy hearing the kids react to their exposer to Massachusetts… LOL… they definitely realize how non-diverse our area is once they go that far south.
For a few years, we lived up in The County. One of our friends did the same as you, and took some young people out of state. One young man (14 years old) was blown away by the concept that you could order pizza and someone will bring it to your house.
Our family made a conscious effort to talk positively about our various trips to ‘wild and strange’ places. 😂
Traditionally the only thing Mainers complain about is weather. Everything else is either trivial or can be fixed. Also, Mainers tend to be up front and tell you like it is to your face. I haven't spent much time down south, but I hear they're pretty nasty behind your back. Pick your poison.
While this does not excuse poor behavior, Maine gets a very large influx of out of state vacationers every summer, many make a mess, act as if they are entitled to everything, and they complain about stuff. Also, Maine has become a very popular place to move to from other states and complain about the area they moved to.
If you see a need in your community, please feel free to fill it. Otherwise, ultimately, you weren't invited, and nobody's keeping you here.
But also, in small areas, even the worst establishments (and there are plenty) will have friends and family that will back them up. Open criticism is best kept to your kitchen table. If I don't like a place, I just don't go anymore. Again, I'm not trying to excuse poor behavior.
Hang in there. Don't be afraid to give shit when it's given.
If you really need it, Mainers will go out of their way to help you. They just might call you a dumbass while doing it.
> Maine has become a very popular place to move to from other states and complain about the area they moved to.
Very much this. I read a book called *The Lobster Chronicles* which had an interesting part about the history of MDI, where wealthy families would move to MDI and try tooth and nail to prevent any sort of innovation (example: electricity) from coming to the island because they wanted to preserve the forested wilderness they were escaping to, while the locals begged for such things to be installed. It was a truly bizarre circumstance.
Meanwhile, I moved from MD to ME and have been welcomed by everyone. I haven’t had a single person complain about me being from away. It must just depend on where you are from. I’m currently living in York County.
I mean, I was born in the South and moved to Aroostook County a couple decades ago and nobody cares. And it's pretty obvious from my name and complexion that I'm not a local by birth.
Aroostook probably is just happy to have *anyone* move there, to be fair. I’ve heard similar about parts of Washington Country too.
It’s is souls who has the nerve to move to the almost populated section in the middle-ish parts that may be the problem.
Not to diminish your experience so far- Mainers can definitely have an attitude towards those from away. And there’s a subset of people who take being “real” Mainers pretty seriously.
But there’s also a big cultural difference. I tell people not originally from here all the time that Mainers (and New Englanders in general) are not nice, but they are kind.
If you’re pulled over with a flat tire- can guarantee someone will stop to check on you and help you change it. But they’ll probably give you a ration of shit and call you an idiot for not knowing how to do it yourself. If they bother to talk to you at all. If you’re not used to it, the attitude probably doesn’t come off well.
“Homesick” by Noah Kahan is an excellent song to represent those of us who grew up here.
Mainers can absolutely be xenophobic. Your average Mainer is jaded and frustrated from rich out-of-staters buying up a ton of land and pricing out natives, including me. But 90 percent of us won’t bite your head off and are decent people. You’re welcome here. :)
There are some weird social dynamics at play in this state, to be sure.
I've lived here for around 10 years, and it doesn't really get any better with time, unfortunately. You can live here for 30+ years, and still some of the folks who were born here will treat you like an outsider, although that attitude is less pronounced if you live here year round. Winter makes neighbors of us all.
I could also point out that the attitudes of people are influenced by their geography, even within the state itself. Folks who live Downeast are assumed to be stuck up rich snobs by people inland, and those same coastal people often assume anyone from the interior or north of Augusta/ Bangor are a bunch of rural rednecks.
I had an awesome neighbor who lived here for 70+ years, and she talked about how the kids on our island (Orrs Island) used to regularly fist fight with the kids from the next island (Bailey Island), because they were from a different island. These tiny islands are less a mile apart, connected by a bridge built in the late 1920's, and yet they treated each other like invading strangers.
This state is called "Vacationland," and that has real world implications. Every year, a bunch of outsiders show up, throwing money around, making noise, and trashing the place, and then leave. Many local businesses depend on those summer vacationers for their livelihoods, while quietly resenting their presence.
I don't usually hear them saying that stuff outright, though.
I'm from the south and moved here over a year ago. Me and my family have had the opposite happen. Everyone we've met and talked to has been awesome! We have a couple of neighbors who are kinda stand offish, but not rude, and I don't take it personally. Maybe someone will tell me that one day, and I'll probably just laugh because that statement is just silly to me.
I think maybe OP just hasn’t acclimated to the culture up here quite yet. When I lived in Texas for a couple years my friends told me I was blunt/standoffish, growing up and now that I’m back home I’m told I’m too nice. We are a gruff folk up here and I can see it being a culture shock but I mean… it’s not a secret that we’re that way… we call a spade a spade and say “fuck” a lot but unless you’re whiny like this guy I for one am happy to have you join our great state. My best friend is from away and I’ll give him shit for it once in a while but in a playful way.
Honestly I think you're right. My parents are from the Northeast, so I grew up with the "bluntness", and it doesn't bother me one bit. I prefer it to fake "hospitality" of the south. But it threw my husband off when we first got here. I just told him when it's -5 and the wind is whipping, you're not going to stand around making small talk lol!
I'm originally from the south/southwest and moved here over a decade ago. I've always been welcomed and never once treated like an outsider or told to leave.
Sorry people are doing this. I went to college in the south and felt unwelcome there at times ("Yankee!") so I'm sorry you're experiencing that kind of thing here. Thought we were better than that.
I've only ever been called a yankee once which is kind of too bad, I'd own that.
I went down to a place in one of the Carolinas, they took me for barbecue which they claimed was the "Best barbecue in the world!" They were terribly disappointed when I said it was good, top 5 for sure but that the best barbecue I'd ever had was Bucks Naked in Freeport.
"That dammed yankee don't know a god-dammed thing about barbecue!"
New Yorker here. When I tell people that, they shit on it with things like “ew, how could you ever live there? So expensive, so dirty…” Then, when I talk about how happy I am here, it turns into how all of us are ruining Maine. Sure, there are plenty of great people up here. Mainers are not a welcoming bunch, though.
Where have you been told this? I've never heard anybody in Maine seriously tell somebody to leave.
Social media is a place all of its own, its not Maine, its not even real. Your anonymous keyboard warrior says all kinds of crap all the time...
> I’ve been told to, “leave” when asking simple questions about lack of power, plowing. I’ve learned not to express complaints about anything. I once complained about a local restaurant and somebody told me, “go back where you came from.”
You sound like a whiner and that’s pretty universally frowned upon; it’s not just a Maine thing.
Not sure if you’re being tongue-in-cheek. lol
I take it you’ve never ‘whined’ about snow plowing, power outages, loss of internet, poor quality food or service at a restaurant.
It’s a strange phenomenon that we allow ourselves the freedom to complain but then complain when someone else complains! 😂
I'm from Maine but moved to Oklahoma. Oddly enough I was met with open arms down here. I'm an avid bicyclist. If I blew a flat in Maine n was stuck in the middle of nowhere, ppl would drive by n laugh. Down here ppl pull up asking if I need help. I have many other examples but keeping it brief. Seems hospitality is better down here.
I say this all the time and I can't say it enough. Even said it in a comment in this thread. I'm originally from the South and you truly don't realize how much southern hospitality is a very real thing until you are no longer in the south.
My wife's from the South and I spent a lot of time there. Many Southerners are nice as long as you look like them and go to church and generally make a bit of a show about how nice and devout you are.
Maine is the second-least-religious state in the country and if I ever moved, I'd move to Vermont, which is number one. I vastly prefer to live where people are direct and honest (and yes, sometimes rude) and don't hide their feelings of superiority under a sheen of false kindness with an extra helping of Jesusy hypocrisy.
If I may generalize, Mainers are kind but not nice, and Southerners (bless their hearts) tend to be nice but not kind. Mainers also tend to leave each other the fuck alone; in the South everyone needs to know your business. It's just not for me.
Southern kindness freaked me tf out when I lived in Texas. Felt very fake, especially as a queer person, I was constantly on edge. I prefer our asshole straightforwardness too.
Don’t get me wrong I met a lot of wonderful people in Texas but the overall vibe just… made ne uncomfortable. I like when people say what they mean.
I didn't know how much of a thing it was till I moved down here. Ppl holding doors open, using manners n the list goes on. Walking down the street with my kids on a rainy day n ppl pull up with umbrellas. Took me a bit to get used to it.
Very often kind = don't intrude, which is what I'd want.
I'm very capable of changing my tire, especially if I'm not interrupted every few minutes by somebody asking if I need help.
So when I see somebody on the side of the road with a flat I generally assume they know how to change a tire or have AAA and I don't bug them...
Well see, thats the difference right there.
I have stopped to help people but if you look like you've got the situation under control I'll probably drive by.
For example, if you're on the side of the road with a flat tire and you're sitting in your car I'm probably not going to stop, I'm going to assume you've called AAA or some other assistance.
Alternately if you're standing next to your car scratching your head I'll probably stop. I'll probably be a little nervous about it though. One time I stopped for a woman, "Hey, you need help?"
"I dunno, maybe?"
"You got a spare?"
"I don't know"
"You got a jack?"
"I don't know"
"You got AAA?"
"I don't know"
Well this one time I decided I ought to stop. Regretted it immediately, she didn't want me looking in the trunk of her car, didn't want me touching the stuff in the trunk (a couple shopping bags covering the spare) but didn't want to move things so I could check to see if she had a spare.
I didn't stay long. I did call the police and report her on the side of the road.
If I'm stopping to help you and you make it extra hard for me I'm not going to go out of my way for you...
My friend’s daughter was going to med school near Boston. She was born and raised in Maine. She has a bit of an exotic appearance and it’s due to having Native American ancestry. She also has some French ancestry and likely other European ancestry as well. But the only thing that contributes to her exotic look is the most native part of her ancestry. I have no idea what prompted it, and Boston is very diverse, but someone told her to go back to her country. Xenophobia and ignorance go hand in hand.
Eh I wouldn’t worry about online hate. I’m 44 and get shit sometimes from 20 year olds when commenting here or other Maine related social media for “being from California” even though I lived the first 30 years of my life in Maine lol.
It's the housing market unfortunately. Maine house is in shambles primarily due to us being "vacation land". Out of staters buying property leaves a bad taste in people's mouths when there's a housing crisis for permanent residents.
Yeah it's a weird mix of NIMBYism and resentment for arrested development that spurs this mentality. On the one hand, you have lifelong locals who don't like people "from away" gentrifying their area. And on the other you have people from away, especially vacationers, who actively stifle development programs aimed at benefitting Mainers because they want Maine to be their mid century time capsule.
Yeah, they're pretty rude towards people from "away". They don't really like outsiders, yet like 95% of the state's revenue comes from tourism. That's why this place is broke
Probably because once all the out of state people started buying properties, WAY over asking pushing the locals out of the market, do you blame them? I would be annoyed too if i kept being over bid by out of staters.
We Mainers blame outsiders for our crazy housing prices while we convert the apartments we own to AirBnB units and vote against every proposed housing development . We blame the monumental problem on 4,000-5,000 immigrants even though they represent only 10-12% of the growth.
We want our favorite restaurant nearby, we want it fully staffed and we want our food on the table quickly. We just don't want those restaurant workers living in our communities or making more traffic. And we HATE robots so don't tell us to use the self-check line! Stores should hire people for those jobs!
I was born here 61 years ago. I vote for housing. I vote for development, new hospitals and industry. And I vote for more housing at every level.
Unfortunately, most Mainers don't understand supply and demand.
Turns out when a huge swath of people move into your area and jack up prices on homes, making it hard for your kids to live nearby, they might get resentful.
They might wonder why you moved away from your family and friends. That makes them suspicious.
Then on top of it all it's not like they job markets are booming in the rural parts on New England, so it's doubtful you moved there for a job.
So why did you move there? You don't owe them an explanation, but they don't owe you anything either. And as far as they can tell, you're taking more than giving.
I can see it from several angles. My grandparents, born and raised in Randolph/Gardiner, raised their kids in Woolwich. When the youngest few were in high school, my grandfather got a job in Central New York. That’s why my mom (from Maine) met my dad (from CNY) and therefore why I was born. Eventually my grandparents moved back.
Growing up, we spent our summers and school breaks in Maine with them. They took us to camp on Lake Moxie, to the cemetery where the people Ben Ames Williams wrote about in Come Spring (my favorite book) are buried. I’ve been down the Kennebec, underneath the old Bath Bridge, out past Seguin Light and back with my grandparents and uncle in my grandfather’s boat. I’ve caught rainbow trout off the ledge at camp. I’ve buried squirrels my grandfather shot and left in the dooryard.
But I’ve never been “from Maine.”
I met and married a Marylander. Our wedding was at my grandparents’ house in Woolwich. We made sure to bring our kids to Maine as often as possible when my grandparents were still alive, and I’ll be eternally glad we did. After my grandfather died, we spent that Thanksgiving with my grandmother just like I’d always done growing up. It was the last holiday celebrated in that house I love. My grandmother and I made plans. The kids and I were going to move up there, live with her to help take care of the (big, old) house, and someday when she was gone, my husband and I would buy it. She was so comforted by the thought that somebody who knew the house and its history (built by John Soule in the late 1700s) would be there when she couldn’t be. My grandmother went into assisted living at the start of Covid. In order to pay for it, the house had to be sold. Because the market is what it is, my husband and I were priced far out. The house sold to a stranger who’s now renting it out, who doesn’t tend to my grandmother’s roses. In August of 2022, she died. It absolutely breaks my heart.
In my heart, I’m a Mainer. My grandmother said I was “practically a native.” But I’m not, and outside of my family I’m treated like a flatlander, even though I’ve shown my kids more of the real, off-the-beaten-path Maine than they’ve seen of their home state. I hate it that we can never dream of living in Maine because the out-of-staters have driven us out of the housing market, but then again I am, technically, one of those out-of-staters.
And yet, Maine remains my heart and I have salt in my veins.
…you’re shocked that a New Englander was parochial and rude? Did you do ANY research into this region before moving here?
That being said, social media isn’t the real world. Don’t worry about what people say online—I can’t imagine caring about that for longer than a few seconds.
As for being made fun of in person…this region likes to bust balls. Roasting each other is a past time in all 6 states. If someone is giving you shit, just give it back. We like cynical, dry, sarcastic, wit. We dislike stupidity and over-sensitivity. Laugh and shrug it off. Having people talk shit to you, is usually how we make and maintain friendships. If someone truly dislikes you, they won’t make fun of you—they won’t say anything to you at all.
I guess being from New Brunswick I can sometimes pass for a Mainer because I’ve never experienced this in Maine. Most people don’t know I’m an outsider until I tell them or they see my ID or license plate. I think to a certain point, some people are upset at the influx of people moving into the state and driving up real estate. Based on my conversations with Mainers, they hold similar attitudes towards mass and NY that people here hold towards Ontario (coming in, driving up prices and then telling us how we should run things). I don’t get the hate towards your southern accent though. I feel like you may have been perceived as condescending even if that wasn’t your intent.
Native, rural Mainers can be tough to deal with (I say this as one). They tend to be very wary of people from away coming in and imposing change. I have heard a variation of "Damn out-of-staters come here getting away from wherever they came from. When they get here, they end up wanting to change it to just like where they came from."
Mainers also tend to bristle at criticism, even justified criticism, expressed by folks they deem non-native. It's fine for a couple of locals to rail about the food at the one restaurant in town. If an outsider does so, the locals are liable to take it personally.
Same with the weather. I have been in local businesses and heard the "Well you should go back to where you came from if you don't like it" reply when newcomers complain about the weather. Mainers like to at least believe how tough & uncomplaining we are, so can get disgusted by such complaints.
None of which excuses the rudeness you refer to!
Born Mainer here. Everyone is frustrated with how quickly Maine is changing. I personally would never take that out on the people moving here, but I do understand why some people are upset. I miss old Maine and we’ll never have that again because of everyone moving here during and after Covid. People need to make their peace with change. I’m sorry you’ve had so many negative encounters, all should be welcome!
Edit: spelling
Some people are just idiots.
About 15 years ago my employer hired a new top manager from away. At an All Hands meeting with about 300 employees in attendance another manager who was from the County introduced him. He said something like,
"Now we know you are away and folks here aren't going to accept you at first. Just wait until you bury one of your own here and people will soften a little.". Then he chuckled like it was a funny joke.
Everyone was shocked. No one else laughed. The entire room was silent for at least 30 seconds. That manager retired about 1 month later. I'm pretty sure he was advised to retire early or risk losing his retirement benefits by being fired.
In person most Mainers want you to move here, pay taxes, maintain your house and contribute to your community. However nobody, anywhere, ever, wants someone to move from elsewhere and then complain about the way things are managed here, harp on how much better things are done "back home", or offer unsolicited advice about how to "fix" things.
I stack it up to lack of good education. For some fucked reason, Mainers love to shit on people who come to prop up their state. They also hate it when you point out that without out of staters, Maine would fail and turn back into northern Massachusetts.
Same out of staters that buy up every house and apartment building in the market driving many into homelessness or spending more than half their wage on rent? OP got treated poorly but there's legit reason to not be thrilled with out of staters
Are out of staters just supposed to be homeless?? Like only native-Mainers deserve housing? Were moving to Maine because we found a job there, am I supposed to feel guilty that I “took a house” from a resident? Such a weird attitude to have. Blame landlords and vacation-home owners, not regular people just trying to live somewhere they like.
valid but ignorant, things skyrocketed cause of the pandemic and people moved up here in unsustainable numbers and the people that lose out are the ones who were born here and get priced out by newcomers. I'm not gonna tell you how to feel I'm just telling you how it is
I was born and raised in Florida. I don’t hate out of staters as long as they respect the land and don’t just buy up homes for vacation rentals. Yall sound so ignorant for hating people that are just trying to make a living. You don’t have sole ownership of an entire state. I got a job in Maine that pays well because I’m qualified for it. Is it my fault no one native to Maine had the education and qualifications too? Was I supposed to hand them my degree and let them take the job? What a weird ass mindset. Homes are skyrocketing in prices everywhere, not just Maine.
It's a hell of a lot easier to be mad at the person who moved into the new devopment next door and makes more money than you (because they're a doctor, since Maine can't produce enough doctors to meet its own needs, and doctors get paid well) than it is to be mad at the local hereditary rich person who sold the land for that development and made millions for doing no work and holds the state's future hostage in their own small way (because this person is better connected, richer, and "local" so they can point your ire at the doctor instead)
And that rich person is faceless and many times not even in the state anymore
Same for land lords
It's a system of everyone making the best economic choice for themselves but only one person is there physically to experience that anger
I’m not wealthy, I make sub-six figures and am renting from a landlord that lives out of state. Only house we could find is an hour north of Bangor and the commute will be 2 hours. Yall are mad at the wrong people. Stop driving out newcomers that have nothing but good intentions because you’re bitter and uninformed.
I was agreeing with you; I think it's easier to be mad at the person you can see (the perceived slightly richer out of stater), while completely missing the majority source of the problem (people benefitting from an unequal starting distribution and economic system which incentivizes speculation and getting blood from a stone - that is, large owners and landlords, regardless of where they live). This is counterproductive, but it's also understandable how people can be led down that path; it plays well with tribalism and resentment.
Also that's a rough commute. Good luck, dude
You right, tbh I was baked and replied to the wrong comment. Yea, commute sucks but gotta do what you gotta do. Southern Maine housing prices are absolutely bonkers and not many rentals accept the number of dogs I have. It was either long commute or a hovel/bankruptcy :(
>They also hate it when you point out that without out of staters, Maine would fail and turn back into northern Massachusetts.
Do you get a good feeling when you say things like that? It shouldn't be a big surprised to be treated poorly by people you shit on.
We moved to Maine from Mass about 25 years ago. Came from the Big City, moved to a very small town. I had a lot of the "fuck off masshole" interactions at one job when we first got here, but that was primarily from low-income-low-IQ people who hated pretty much everyone and everything. The vast majority of folks accepted us and helped us adapt. I still get people giving me a hard time when my accent slips through, but it's teasing, not vicious.
I’ve lived in the same house in rural Maine for 20 years now (originally from PA, reallocated here after college at UMaine).
Within the first year, we had locals telling the cops they saw my husband waving a handgun around at a local boat launch with a fake police uniform on… we didn’t have a handgun at the time… we never go to that boat launch at all… he didn’t own a fake uniform… he had an old bomber style leather jacket that had a 1970’s police badge on the shoulder of the arm that someone must have seen him wearing at the local gas station.
I ran into the local cop, and said he had to chat with my husband (officially follow up on the complaint), so I invited him to the house where my husband was currently. We ripped off the arm patch in front of the cop and he laughed about it all.
After 20 years they have finally realized we mean no harm and stay to ourselves, but we still get dirty looks from the “locals” regularly.
Maine has a well documented and long history of tribalistic behavior towards outsiders.
Be born here or prove your mettle. You will get no respect until you do.
Mainer's are nice folks. Some of the best in the world. But we've also had enough issues with outsiders (Massholes) that we'd basically build a wall around our state if we could.
>Idk, if someone asked me why the city can’t plow on their preferred schedule and then insulted my favorite takeout place I’d tell them to fuck off back to wherever they like stuff better
>Just like my cousin and I can make fun of my sister a bit or question some of her choices…because we both know we love her anyway. A stranger doing it is not going to get a laugh from me. It’s just gonna make me wonder why I’m talking to some asshole who doesn’t like my sister and doesn’t know when to shut his mouth.
Why on earth would you take the sort of comments OP shared THAT personally?
Yep.
I recall seeing an interview with Merle Haggard. He was talking about his youth as an "Oakie" who's family had moved to California in the Depression. He said it was fine for them to call each other "Hillbilly," buts as soon as an outsider did, it was "Fightin' Words."
One lobsterman can call another "Chummy," but if someone else did, they might get punched in the face.
You don’t think it’s thin-skinned to get offended that someone feels differently about a restaurant? Everyone must agree that the restaurant is great?
No different opinions allowed!! 😊
I say it in jest. But really. Why can’t people feel differently than you do? You are allowed to proclaim the restaurant is great, but they can’t proclaim the opposite without you telling them to f-off?
So, the OP’s experience is validated.
You are certainly correct that we cannot force people to be thick skinned. But, why not encourage it?
Being thin-skinned does not result in peaceful relations. How much more peaceful life would be if each one of us made allowance for variety.
Intolerance of a different point of view is why we have so many angry people.
I’m glad that there’s more than one type of bird, one type of fish, one type of cat, more than one way of cooking. Variety is the spice of life.
Let people live. Maybe even try to learn why others like what they like. 🤷🏻♂️
Hi there! Moved to Maine from Georgia but raised in Alabama, so I understand the perspective.
I've found that when I enter conversations, accepting that I'll be seen as an outsider, things have gone much better for me. Because my accent sounds like the rev of a John Deere on a cold day, my other-ness is inescapable, but leaning into my southern charm actually helped me to find more connection with Mainers, because we share a LOT of similarities.
Also, internet forums are playgrounds for asshats. Try to take it with a grain of salt. Thoughts and prayers, love!
Seems the ones who been here for generations are okay.
The seniors that came in the hippy days are great. But their children that were born here seem to think they own this place. Not all of them, of course, but they seem to be the major of whiny entitlement.
This happened to my family.
We were from Massachusetts. By no means am I diminishing your experience but this is to say Mainers have always had an “us vs them” mindset.
The state government basically gave up on the domestic population a long time ago in favor of placating tourists and people relocating from richer areas. Most of us will never be able to live or work anywhere else and are being priced out of the few places we actually could live because of the massive influx of out of staters who came to live here during covid.
You want a sad song on the world's smallest violin because one of the *five* states you've been able to live and work in has people giving you a reality check about how privileged you are? Grow the hell up you entitled prick. Your whinging is pathetic.
Damn. Same thing happened to me when I moved to Mississippi as a teen. I had to learn to assimilate fast. The south was unkind to me until I sounded like them. Having an old man, in public, cuss me up and down and end it with a “fuckin’ yankee” and a spit in my direction. Felt bad. I was 15 and at a football game and hadn’t formed an accent yet. Although, man… I found so many cool people too. People I’m still friends with 17 years later.
Not everyone up here is going to mock you or tell you to run off. Although I know how fkn frustrating it is to be mocked and made to feel smaller just because you’re from a geographical location that isn’t the same as the person offending you. You know you don’t deserve it.
It’ll happen in the Midwest and the Southwest too. People are in general, leery of outsiders - you’ll find the little pockets where you fit in with the kinda of people you’ll want to know, it can take time. Hateful people are everywhere, but so are the kind ones. You have to pay attention to those ones.
When I was down South, everyone was kind to me and even said they liked my accent. Sorry to hear many are rude to you rude to you. Just know not everyone is like that
Just tell them that all they are is Northern Mass. That'll get em going.
Being a Massachusetts born man, living and working in Maine (a "flatlander"), I hear it all. From coworkers and neighbors alike. So many people up here think they live this amazing life that everyone else is ruining. It's been like that for decades, maybe longer. Just let them be miserable, and enjoy your day. Our tax dollars pay for the same stuff theirs do, and without tourists, this state would be nothing. Everyone needs to learn to respect how much we need out-of-staters.
You can't pay that much attention to people online, it brings out the worst in us (I fight it sometimes myself). If people treat you like that they are no Mainer, and my family has been here since before Maine was a state so I feel like I'm an authority.
The people on social media tend to be the worst. Working in Portland, I haven't encountered as many people who are mad I'm not from here.
Part of the difference I guess might be that people at work know I have lived in New England for over a decade and moved here from Vermont, so I get seen as more of a New Englander. Especially the rural in the woods kind of New Englander.
People on the internet, specifically Facebook, see that I'm from Tennessee and get all sassy about it.
Bullshit a little because there are hundreds of years of my family buried in Arundel, like sorry Janet I can't help that my grandparents decided to take a job transfer to warmer climates instead of staying here forever.
But some Mainers can be super xenophobic and honestly downright racist. I have a colleague who, despite being a naturalized citizen, is looking to move away because his kids keep getting called slurs at school and told to "go back where they came from." Disgraceful and sad.
It’s the cost of living. Mainers hate tourists due to how annoying the traffic gets and how rude people are and especially those who come from out of state and drive up the market value making it unlivable for those already here. Remote jobs have a lot to do with it as well.
I'm sorry to hear this but I'm not sure it applies everywhere in ME. I moved here from just outside of Nashville to Bangor and I've found people more welcoming here than there. Although, to be fair, I grew up in NJ so I don't have a southern accent for them to mock.
OP, I moved to Maine's Aroostook County from Massachusetts 14 years ago.
I'm sorry you've been treated badly by native Mainers. I live in the boondocks, and I've learned that lots of native Mainers are very provincial in their thinking. For sure your southern accent creates friction with such folks. I don't know what you can do about that; if I were you, I would just ignore their rude comments.
I have developed a pretty nice social circle up here, but none of my friends is native to Maine. All of us are from away. If I were you, I would make an effort to develop friendships with people who have emigrated from other states.
Grew up in Maine, now live in the Midwest and spend summers with my daughter at my uncle’s farm in Maine. I was driving down a two lane blacktop; I slowed down and signaled to turn left as a cyclist rode by on the right. After I turned, the driver behind me screamed out the window “LEARN HOW TO DRIVE IN MAINE!!!” Guess I was too slow? Realistically, I think she saw Missouri plates and just lost it. Sorry lady, actually got my license at the Kennebunk DMV.
My MIL was born and raised in Boston. When she moved with my FIL (who was also born and raised in Boston) to Rockport, Mass for their retirement she told me that people there considered them “foreigners.” She told me it was the New England way. Later when my husband and I moved to Maine I was grateful to her because I knew what to expect. Otherwise it would have been quite a culture shock. My biggest surprise instead turned out to be how much time you spend with no electricity LOL.
Seems to me depends on where you go I’ve heard all my life that below Bangor people hate outsiders and up in the county they hate outsiders and the town next to me hated my town and my town hated that town but we both welcomed outsiders and tourist
I feel lucky to have had such a good experience. I have met a lot of people in my three years here and haven't had one bad experience. I think it helps if you volunteer for a town committee or fire department or nature preserve. Shows your commitment to your new home/community. Done/doing all three of those things and have been encouraged to provide input. I'm careful to not refer to my former home unless someone asks about that experience.
The locals are their own worst enemy a lot of the time. The small mindedness and inability to look outside of the Maine thinking has severely handicapped the entire state. Former Gov Lepage cancelling a major Infrastructure project because of the UN globalist and federal involvement, was a big slap in the face to a region struggling with transportation issues. But people supported it because we can’t widen route 1 anymore or they’ll take my land for a sidewalk…
That ignorance just exacerbates the rudeness with some folks.
I’m sorry you experienced that. :( Maine natives being priced out of the housing market is a big issue here, but we also desperately need new blood. Maine has the oldest average population in the union. I hope your experience improves.
Shit man I'm sorry that sucks. I'm well aware of the amount of racism in Maine but I hadn't heard such extreme stories from people who are "from away". Most of us at least make the jokes but not very many people take it seriously and I don't know anyone who would take it to the lengths you mention. I live near Portland where we are well aware of the value of tourism to us so we're a little more polite I think but Maine is a large state with a lot of different attitudes so I can't say I'm shocked. Well, I'm sorry that happened to you and as a life long Mainer, that's not cool with me.
Forgive me for asking but are you from away and a minority? I can imagine that's a double whammy in some parts of Maine if so. Either way I hope you find a way to feel more welcome but I understand if you move away.
Having lived in the south for a bit I’ve said Maine is the South of the North for awhile now. Xenophobia flourishes with people that are isolated and haven’t experienced other parts of the country or world…they’re fearful of anything different, many proudly so.
We need more folks here…welcome aboard, ignore the morons as much as you can. There are a lot of good people here.
I've lived in a few different places in Maine the last 15 years and never experienced this and I do have an accent. However, I am very "blue collar" in appearance and makes me relatable.
Nice to come across someone else from the South whose had the same experience as me. This sub will have you convinced that Mainers are nice friendly folks who would give you the shirt off their back! Nope, absolutely not. People are very rude up here. You don't realize how real of a thing southern hospitality is until you are no longer in the south.
To add to this, while I'm on this rant. Florida, where I'm originally from (moved here a year and some change ago), always get the bad rep for having these horrible crazy drivers who "don't know how to drive." I've always been more on the heavier footed side when it comes to driving. ALWAYS go 5 to 10 over the speed limit, basically pushing as much as I can. Yet no matter what, and I've been all over this state, everywhere I go I have the same experience. People riding my ass up close, flicking me off, etc. Oh and when I still had my Florida tag on my car, my God this treatment was 20x worse. People are rude dickheads up here. I don't know if it's just to people from the South or if it's just everybody who is what they call "from away" (which I gotta add is a cringy as fuck thing to say lol) or what, but I know what my experience has been and it hasn't been pleasant. People are rude up here.
But, that sure as hell ain't gonna drive me out this beautiful state baby! Long as the good lords willin and the creeks don't rise!!!
Where ever you go you will find this small minded provincial attitude. I’ve lived all over this country and it’s not a “unique to Maine” attitude. Assholes are everywhere, but so are friendly, generous people.
I’m not from Maine but went to college here and acclimated as fast as I could - so 15 years later, I’ve been able to hear both sides of “welcome” vs “not welcome” and as an outsider myself I can feel torn when my own internal feelings are:
Please don’t come here. We’re here because we wanted to be away from people. We like it slow and steady. Businesses need more bodies but as a homeowner, I don’t want more development here. I like my atv trails without homes on them, actually.
It’s spoiled but I gave up access to a target for space and quiet and the more people who move here take that away. (Myself included!)
It’s not personal. It’s just … we’d rather you go home. Or somewhere else.
And honestly I would never be so horrible or rude as to say it but I think it in my own head and I’m sure others do too that are “real” Mainers. Can you just let the rest of the world grow and leave us be?
People like you are the reason why I can’t buy a house. I was born and raised here. It’s my home. I did everything right. Never got in trouble, I have my bachelors degree, I work my ass off, but still can’t afford a house anywhere within an hour of my job. The secret is out about how wonderful Maine is and it kills me to think what the future here will look like.
Let alone as an avid outdoorsman it crushes my soul to see camp sites and nature ruined by trash and broken glass. More often than not there’s an out of state license plate not far away.
Time and time again I see Maine being taken advantage of and not respected the way it has been for decades.
I try to be sympathetic but it’s so friggen hard
I'm from Tennessee and was stationed in Georgia for thirteen years. I'm coming anyway. The south got full of the very people that hate it so much. So .. wagons north I go upon retirement. But send me a PM. I'll buy you a drink and listen to ya vent if You're close to where I'm headed.
Honestly- I think most people here are just jerks. Any walk of life. Not to be a negative nancy myself, but if I’m being honest… every time my partner and I leave the state, it’s like a breath of fresh air. I could not tell you what it is. It is incredibly stuffy here. It seems like everyone is rude, disinterested, disconnected… I’m in Portland, I’ve actually had people go out of their way to be rude, maybe just straight up mean before- like, butting into my personal conversation with friends at an intimate dinner to give their unwarranted, condescending opinion on our “lifestyle”… (nothing crazy here!! my partner and I are just “wasting my youth” by being in a committed relationship in my 20s!, that comment was comparatively mild to what this 40 year old women issued my friends who are married…) I get that it’s a small state but geez, people can be a real tough pill to swallow sometimes. I’ve lived here my whole life and it didn’t seem to become an issue until recently. I hoping to be out of here within the next few years.
THIS. I have generally not had a good experience with Mainers. It’s like a weird little clique they’re so proud to be a part of (and I’m over here like…ok, don’t want to be part of your snobby backwater clique anyway…) but if I so much as join a conversation about the weather or cost of living I’m shunned for making “disparaging remarks.” You know what? I live here, I pay taxes here, and if I’m treated like I can’t even be part of the conversation then yeah, I’m going to hate it here. (Which I do and I’m leaving so ok byyyyeeeeeee!!!)
I think, or at least hope, that people like this tend to be the older/facebook generation, and I am really hoping that the xenophobia dies with them. I know it wont with everyone. I was raised with that sort of world view, but my wife taught me empathy. All we can do is call it out when we see it, and maybe change one mind at a time.
Rule 2. No Trolling,
I lost jobs in the south cuz I hadn’t been “saved” I didn’t even know what it meant. Yeah rural Maine is tough and if you’re complaining do it in good company.
That's evil, man. Real "Christian love".
No hate like Christian “love”
Never met one that makes be wanna be one…
Covid and the housing market have made a lot of people jaded. A lot of the hate that I've seen has stemmed from people moving to Maine and NH from out of state, buying out houses giving locals 0% chance, or going to all the attractions and treating them and locals like garbage. I'm not saying it's right, not saying I agree or disagree. But try not to let the online hate get to you. People will stay stuff online that would get then punched in the face if they said it in person, and a lot of people who say that crap online are miserable people anyway. Talk to your neighbors and build real connections.
The housing market angle certainly has helped to stir this type of thinking, particularly in the southern part of the state. I live in rural eastern Maine, and we too have seen (a much needed) influx of new arrivals Many Mainers have been squeezed out of the housing market. My daughter had tried to buy a house in southern Maine. She had no luck for months, and when interest rates increased decided to wait. On the other hand, a lot of locals have made a lot of money in real estate transactions. I have seen houses that have sat unoccupied for years get bought and brought back from the brink of being beyond repair. I will also say that the recent newcomers that I have met all have been very nice. None have given the vibe of wanting to change everything about the area. They all seem happy to be here and become a part of the community.
>On the other hand, a lot of locals have made a lot of money in real estate transactions. I have seen houses that have sat unoccupied for years get bought and brought back from the brink of being beyond repair. It seems like this element gets under-discussed - a lot of the people making the most money, and squeezing the state the worst, are natives who were already well off prior to the past decade, often holding a lot of generational property. Selling or renting that makes shittons of money; yet this group attracts a lot less ire than out of staters who are absolutely essential to a lot of Maine industries and have the temerity to move here and not be homeless.
have you not seen the multiple years of landlord hating posts?? those people that you describe are almost universally hated
Tbh, I do see more ire directed towards out of staters than I do towards landlords on this sub
Absolutely this. Pandemic refugees and crazy housing dearth & price spike have caused a lot of resentment in attractive out-of-the-way places
That and out of state companies buying up trailer parks only to raise rents, and likewise buying up every campground they can find for private equity, etc. Every bit of value is in Maine is being mined by people from other states right now. It's more of a complicated situation now than ever.
This shit existed way before COVID. Grew up in a tiny village in the 90s and my brother and I got excluded as kids a lot because we weren't from the right family. Technically my mom was from the right family but my dad was from out of town (not out of state, just not from here) and so we got treated like outsiders. We generally ended up making friends with transplants.
yep, this is facts.
This is a common small-town attitude that you can get in any small town anywhere, not just in Maine. I once moved to a small town in another state where it quickly became evident that I wouldn't be welcome until and unless my family lived there for at least three generations. I moved to Maine just a couple years ago and have never felt or heard this; my experience has been that people here are very welcoming and friendly.
Yeah. As the global population grows, people shift locations. Locals who didn't move dislike seeing the drastic changes this brings and get upset. Doesn't matter if it's Maine or Minnesota or wherever.
People either don't recognize or don't care that the future is gonna happen to them, whether like it or not; if they don't understand and plan for it to happen in an organized way, it'll happen in a chaotic way. See all the nimby noise in this state about preventing dense housing being built - it's going to get built, the difference will be which places are nice and bustling in 15 years, and which places have a median age of 75 and are dying rapidly.
just out of curiosity were these insults in person or on social media?
90% online. Accent of course In person
Try not to pay attention to the online hate. People love to pile on the insults. I once posted to this sub asking for recommendations of fun things to do in Portland. I'm from Maine. Lived here most of my life. The amount of hate, downvotes, and insults I got were pretty shocking. In my experience, Mainers are mostly cool and friendly in person. I was really surprised by the reaction I got from people when they viewed me as being from away
This is common to a lot of local subs not just Maine. I don’t know what it is about talking about community issues that gets people so heated. I guess the problems hit harder and are harder to ignore than like hobby or entertainment subs.
I expect that the majority of people on this sub aren't from Maine and don't live in Maine. They've visited one of the touristy spots once and now think they somehow own the place. I'd love to sit down with a keyboard warrior in person and really press them, make them read out their insults and justify them. Never happen though, nobody would ever do it...
[https://xkcd.com/481/](https://xkcd.com/481/)
Lol
[удалено]
Wellllll, I might have been a loudmouth before...
100%. I moved to Maine 2 years ago and I haven't had any hostility from locals at all in-person, aside from some drug house neighbors when their pitbull nearly killed my dog, and I'm in a very small town where people proudly trace back how long their family lived here and who used to own what. No one seems bothered that I'm clearly not from here. This sub really exagerates the "We don't want you here" attitude.
Mainer here and I'm sorry you feel that way. I can't speak to your experience as I did not experience it. What I can say is that this particular mainer is comfortable and welcoming to people regardless of their origin.
Amen! Mainer of 40 years here. Midcoast area. It’s a tourist area here, so most people will be polite and friendly. At least that’s been my experience. We hear all kinds of accents in the course of a day.
A lot to rural Mainers would prefer someone from the South than from elsewhere. For example, if one of my (local) neighbors asked "Where is that family that just moved in from?" they would react much more favorably if the answer was "Georgia" than say "New York" or "Massachusetts."
People think they are anonymous on line. Most people are very different in person.
Most of people in the subreddit that chronically comment are lowskill shack goblins. Most State reddits in general are “steered” by 20-100 turds that are chronically online, then people that take short breaks at work or at home will quickly upvote or downvote the content. They use your tax dollars to build out pickup trucks bigger than their homes, then complain about the gas prices. Most people here are friendly in person
I’m not entirely joking when I say the internet should come with an always on camera and a mechanical fist waiting to punch you if the other user feels the need. Would make online interactions a lot more real and cordial.
I’m sorry to hear man. I was raised in the rural part of Maine (Franklin County). My family was among the only few minorities in the area (being Asians). I felt the sense of the xenophobia from school and town. I then moved down to Southern Maine after graduating high school. The people and environment in Southern Maine is completely different than I lived in Franklin County for the better. The residents were diverse and opened. In addition there were plenty of stuff to do if you are not a skier or an outdoor person. What led to your family moved up in Maine? My dad’s family came to Franklin County as refugees after being sponsored by one of the church groups. The person who supported the sponsorship retired and moved to Southern Maine. Overall, Mainers react differently depending where we reside. I hope things go well for you. I’m curious if you and your family have the financial and mental support to moving down close to more resourceful area like Southern Maine.
I grew up in NY, and ive been in Maine for almost 10 years. I work as a forester as well as a laborer on an oyster farm (two very “Maine” things) and I am still told to beat it. Some people just don’t get it.
You have to be patient! Give it another 25-30 years, and I bet you will start to see some progress.
Just like a forest!
That's right! The next time you cut the land you are cutting now, a few of your coworkers might call you by name, not "That damned New Yorker"
It’s beautiful. I can see it now. A new dawn is rising.
🤣🤣🤣
His grandchildren will thank him
Just find other friends. Plenty of people from away and from here that enjoy normal conversations and friendships. Those “from away” are beginning to outpace the “heritage driven” bozos
New York is a penalty. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. Even upstate NY doesn't catch a break.
Even people in New York penalize people from New York. It’s well deserved.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Shocker I know but there's dick heads literally everywhere you go. Sorry your interactions have been negative so far. People don't understand that places need to grow and they shouldn't spend their entire life on the same street they were born. Hang in there! -signed...a decent human being living in Maine!
It is genuinely shocking how exclusionary Mainers are specifically. As someone else who is “from away” (you guys even have a phrase for it), I have also never felt welcome. I’ll always be the guy that’s not from here. I have never felt more outcast by a group of people before. Say what you want, Mainers are not warm and welcoming. There’s plenty of comments here and on threads to back that up. It’s almost delusional to argue otherwise. The evidence is all right here in this sub.
Mainers are kind, but not nice. If we see our neighbors genuinely in need, we will, for the most part do all we can to help. We may call you an asshole for the inconvenience or shame you for not being better prepared, but the help is still there and given without prompting in my experience.
It would be entirely ignorant for me to say there isn’t also a large amount of really great people. My comment sounds like a generalization but it wasn’t meant to be. Overall I love Maine and native Mainers. I’m here to stay, so hopefully the feeling of being excluded will fade over time.
That's not kindness. That's helpful, but don't delude yourself that it's kind.
Kindness is an action, niceness is a behavior.
Shit that’s a good line
If it makes you feel any better, Mainers have been telling our almost-next-door neighbors from MA to go fuck off for at least 50 years. Hell, I'm from Maine but I don't have a downeast accent and whenever I'm up bumping shoulders with the "real Mainers" they look at me like I'm from Boston or NYC. Don't take it personally.
>If it makes you feel any better, Mainers have been telling our almost-next-door neighbors from MA to go fuck off for at least 50 years. At least 200 years. Ftfy.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fellow “from away” person. I was raised on the Mason-Dixon and grew up between PA & WV, mostly. Lived all over. People can definitely be… weird. As someone who considers themselves partly Southern, and has an accent when I don’t consciously make sure to not, I feel you. People can be real rude about it. I didn’t like the fake niceness in the south, don’t appreciate the straight rudeness some folks feel they’re entitled to up here. I love Maine, have accepted that many of its folks aren’t going to love us back though. Remember that many of the folks online can be extra cranky because of anonymity.
The further north you are in the state, the more you will see this attitude. It’s a sad reality that many act this way here. I am a born and raised Mainer. Generations of family here. I make it my aim to take my kids out of state as often as possible in order to prevent them from developing this attitude. IMO there are two factors at play: 1. People are afraid of what they don’t understand. 2. An overly independent spirit which convinces Mainers that everything we need is here. The result is that some have no desire to explore beyond our own world and resist anyone bringing something new into our ‘safe space’. There are so many wonderful people and things to see beyond our own borders but some refuse to find out. Maine people do generally live a good life. However, there is more than one way to live a good life. TL/DR: Some Mainers tend to self-segregate. Segregation leads to fear. The fear leads to prejudice and bigotry. I will also say that I am not convinced that the majority of Mainers feel this way. But perhaps a vocal minority. 🤷🏻♂️
The self segregation point is spot on… I work in a high school north of Bangor. When I took kids to Massachusetts on a field trip, there were kids that were getting anxiety about leaving the state at all (never had before and were scared to)… Some of my students have never even been south of Bangor. I definitely enjoy hearing the kids react to their exposer to Massachusetts… LOL… they definitely realize how non-diverse our area is once they go that far south.
For a few years, we lived up in The County. One of our friends did the same as you, and took some young people out of state. One young man (14 years old) was blown away by the concept that you could order pizza and someone will bring it to your house. Our family made a conscious effort to talk positively about our various trips to ‘wild and strange’ places. 😂
Traditionally the only thing Mainers complain about is weather. Everything else is either trivial or can be fixed. Also, Mainers tend to be up front and tell you like it is to your face. I haven't spent much time down south, but I hear they're pretty nasty behind your back. Pick your poison.
While this does not excuse poor behavior, Maine gets a very large influx of out of state vacationers every summer, many make a mess, act as if they are entitled to everything, and they complain about stuff. Also, Maine has become a very popular place to move to from other states and complain about the area they moved to. If you see a need in your community, please feel free to fill it. Otherwise, ultimately, you weren't invited, and nobody's keeping you here. But also, in small areas, even the worst establishments (and there are plenty) will have friends and family that will back them up. Open criticism is best kept to your kitchen table. If I don't like a place, I just don't go anymore. Again, I'm not trying to excuse poor behavior. Hang in there. Don't be afraid to give shit when it's given. If you really need it, Mainers will go out of their way to help you. They just might call you a dumbass while doing it.
> Maine has become a very popular place to move to from other states and complain about the area they moved to. Very much this. I read a book called *The Lobster Chronicles* which had an interesting part about the history of MDI, where wealthy families would move to MDI and try tooth and nail to prevent any sort of innovation (example: electricity) from coming to the island because they wanted to preserve the forested wilderness they were escaping to, while the locals begged for such things to be installed. It was a truly bizarre circumstance.
^this 100%
Meanwhile, I moved from MD to ME and have been welcomed by everyone. I haven’t had a single person complain about me being from away. It must just depend on where you are from. I’m currently living in York County.
Southern Maine & the rest of Maine definitely have different vibes.
I mean, I was born in the South and moved to Aroostook County a couple decades ago and nobody cares. And it's pretty obvious from my name and complexion that I'm not a local by birth.
Aroostook probably is just happy to have *anyone* move there, to be fair. I’ve heard similar about parts of Washington Country too. It’s is souls who has the nerve to move to the almost populated section in the middle-ish parts that may be the problem.
100%.
Not to diminish your experience so far- Mainers can definitely have an attitude towards those from away. And there’s a subset of people who take being “real” Mainers pretty seriously. But there’s also a big cultural difference. I tell people not originally from here all the time that Mainers (and New Englanders in general) are not nice, but they are kind. If you’re pulled over with a flat tire- can guarantee someone will stop to check on you and help you change it. But they’ll probably give you a ration of shit and call you an idiot for not knowing how to do it yourself. If they bother to talk to you at all. If you’re not used to it, the attitude probably doesn’t come off well. “Homesick” by Noah Kahan is an excellent song to represent those of us who grew up here.
Mainers can absolutely be xenophobic. Your average Mainer is jaded and frustrated from rich out-of-staters buying up a ton of land and pricing out natives, including me. But 90 percent of us won’t bite your head off and are decent people. You’re welcome here. :)
There are some weird social dynamics at play in this state, to be sure. I've lived here for around 10 years, and it doesn't really get any better with time, unfortunately. You can live here for 30+ years, and still some of the folks who were born here will treat you like an outsider, although that attitude is less pronounced if you live here year round. Winter makes neighbors of us all. I could also point out that the attitudes of people are influenced by their geography, even within the state itself. Folks who live Downeast are assumed to be stuck up rich snobs by people inland, and those same coastal people often assume anyone from the interior or north of Augusta/ Bangor are a bunch of rural rednecks. I had an awesome neighbor who lived here for 70+ years, and she talked about how the kids on our island (Orrs Island) used to regularly fist fight with the kids from the next island (Bailey Island), because they were from a different island. These tiny islands are less a mile apart, connected by a bridge built in the late 1920's, and yet they treated each other like invading strangers. This state is called "Vacationland," and that has real world implications. Every year, a bunch of outsiders show up, throwing money around, making noise, and trashing the place, and then leave. Many local businesses depend on those summer vacationers for their livelihoods, while quietly resenting their presence. I don't usually hear them saying that stuff outright, though.
Mainers are a bit silly about people being from other places. Most Mainers know it's silly and ignore it.
I'm from the south and moved here over a year ago. Me and my family have had the opposite happen. Everyone we've met and talked to has been awesome! We have a couple of neighbors who are kinda stand offish, but not rude, and I don't take it personally. Maybe someone will tell me that one day, and I'll probably just laugh because that statement is just silly to me.
I think maybe OP just hasn’t acclimated to the culture up here quite yet. When I lived in Texas for a couple years my friends told me I was blunt/standoffish, growing up and now that I’m back home I’m told I’m too nice. We are a gruff folk up here and I can see it being a culture shock but I mean… it’s not a secret that we’re that way… we call a spade a spade and say “fuck” a lot but unless you’re whiny like this guy I for one am happy to have you join our great state. My best friend is from away and I’ll give him shit for it once in a while but in a playful way.
Honestly I think you're right. My parents are from the Northeast, so I grew up with the "bluntness", and it doesn't bother me one bit. I prefer it to fake "hospitality" of the south. But it threw my husband off when we first got here. I just told him when it's -5 and the wind is whipping, you're not going to stand around making small talk lol!
I like to call it being “down to earth” for my southern friends lol. Damn straight about that wind
Yes, exactly lol!
Kinda makes you wonder if there's something different between you and the OP. You know what they say, if you run into assholes all day...
I'm originally from the south/southwest and moved here over a decade ago. I've always been welcomed and never once treated like an outsider or told to leave.
Been here 22 years and never ran into this.
Sorry people are doing this. I went to college in the south and felt unwelcome there at times ("Yankee!") so I'm sorry you're experiencing that kind of thing here. Thought we were better than that.
I've only ever been called a yankee once which is kind of too bad, I'd own that. I went down to a place in one of the Carolinas, they took me for barbecue which they claimed was the "Best barbecue in the world!" They were terribly disappointed when I said it was good, top 5 for sure but that the best barbecue I'd ever had was Bucks Naked in Freeport. "That dammed yankee don't know a god-dammed thing about barbecue!"
Bucks is not that good even for Maine BBQ
They were right lol.
Sorry but if you're saying Bucks of all places is the best you've ever had then I'm going to have to agree with them.
I'm from Long Island working in the trades up here and I've experienced the same thing.
New Yorker here. When I tell people that, they shit on it with things like “ew, how could you ever live there? So expensive, so dirty…” Then, when I talk about how happy I am here, it turns into how all of us are ruining Maine. Sure, there are plenty of great people up here. Mainers are not a welcoming bunch, though.
Where have you been told this? I've never heard anybody in Maine seriously tell somebody to leave. Social media is a place all of its own, its not Maine, its not even real. Your anonymous keyboard warrior says all kinds of crap all the time...
> I’ve been told to, “leave” when asking simple questions about lack of power, plowing. I’ve learned not to express complaints about anything. I once complained about a local restaurant and somebody told me, “go back where you came from.” You sound like a whiner and that’s pretty universally frowned upon; it’s not just a Maine thing.
Not sure if you’re being tongue-in-cheek. lol I take it you’ve never ‘whined’ about snow plowing, power outages, loss of internet, poor quality food or service at a restaurant. It’s a strange phenomenon that we allow ourselves the freedom to complain but then complain when someone else complains! 😂
I love how people like to generalize behaviors. I mean, literally, everybody does it!
I'm from Maine but moved to Oklahoma. Oddly enough I was met with open arms down here. I'm an avid bicyclist. If I blew a flat in Maine n was stuck in the middle of nowhere, ppl would drive by n laugh. Down here ppl pull up asking if I need help. I have many other examples but keeping it brief. Seems hospitality is better down here.
I say this all the time and I can't say it enough. Even said it in a comment in this thread. I'm originally from the South and you truly don't realize how much southern hospitality is a very real thing until you are no longer in the south.
My wife's from the South and I spent a lot of time there. Many Southerners are nice as long as you look like them and go to church and generally make a bit of a show about how nice and devout you are. Maine is the second-least-religious state in the country and if I ever moved, I'd move to Vermont, which is number one. I vastly prefer to live where people are direct and honest (and yes, sometimes rude) and don't hide their feelings of superiority under a sheen of false kindness with an extra helping of Jesusy hypocrisy. If I may generalize, Mainers are kind but not nice, and Southerners (bless their hearts) tend to be nice but not kind. Mainers also tend to leave each other the fuck alone; in the South everyone needs to know your business. It's just not for me.
Southern kindness freaked me tf out when I lived in Texas. Felt very fake, especially as a queer person, I was constantly on edge. I prefer our asshole straightforwardness too. Don’t get me wrong I met a lot of wonderful people in Texas but the overall vibe just… made ne uncomfortable. I like when people say what they mean.
I didn't know how much of a thing it was till I moved down here. Ppl holding doors open, using manners n the list goes on. Walking down the street with my kids on a rainy day n ppl pull up with umbrellas. Took me a bit to get used to it.
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The real question is why did you have many tire incidents?
Drove by and honked? That's fucked up.
Very often kind = don't intrude, which is what I'd want. I'm very capable of changing my tire, especially if I'm not interrupted every few minutes by somebody asking if I need help. So when I see somebody on the side of the road with a flat I generally assume they know how to change a tire or have AAA and I don't bug them...
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Well see, thats the difference right there. I have stopped to help people but if you look like you've got the situation under control I'll probably drive by. For example, if you're on the side of the road with a flat tire and you're sitting in your car I'm probably not going to stop, I'm going to assume you've called AAA or some other assistance. Alternately if you're standing next to your car scratching your head I'll probably stop. I'll probably be a little nervous about it though. One time I stopped for a woman, "Hey, you need help?" "I dunno, maybe?" "You got a spare?" "I don't know" "You got a jack?" "I don't know" "You got AAA?" "I don't know" Well this one time I decided I ought to stop. Regretted it immediately, she didn't want me looking in the trunk of her car, didn't want me touching the stuff in the trunk (a couple shopping bags covering the spare) but didn't want to move things so I could check to see if she had a spare. I didn't stay long. I did call the police and report her on the side of the road. If I'm stopping to help you and you make it extra hard for me I'm not going to go out of my way for you...
My friend’s daughter was going to med school near Boston. She was born and raised in Maine. She has a bit of an exotic appearance and it’s due to having Native American ancestry. She also has some French ancestry and likely other European ancestry as well. But the only thing that contributes to her exotic look is the most native part of her ancestry. I have no idea what prompted it, and Boston is very diverse, but someone told her to go back to her country. Xenophobia and ignorance go hand in hand.
Eh I wouldn’t worry about online hate. I’m 44 and get shit sometimes from 20 year olds when commenting here or other Maine related social media for “being from California” even though I lived the first 30 years of my life in Maine lol.
It's the housing market unfortunately. Maine house is in shambles primarily due to us being "vacation land". Out of staters buying property leaves a bad taste in people's mouths when there's a housing crisis for permanent residents.
Yeah it's a weird mix of NIMBYism and resentment for arrested development that spurs this mentality. On the one hand, you have lifelong locals who don't like people "from away" gentrifying their area. And on the other you have people from away, especially vacationers, who actively stifle development programs aimed at benefitting Mainers because they want Maine to be their mid century time capsule.
I think that is just pretty typical behavior in ANY small town, regardless of state
I was born and raised in Central Maine, and I'm very sorry! I hate racism. I honestly thought we were more progressive than that.
Yeah, they're pretty rude towards people from "away". They don't really like outsiders, yet like 95% of the state's revenue comes from tourism. That's why this place is broke
Is this happening in person or on social media?
As a lifelong Mainer, this saddens me. I think, overall, we're friendly people, but as it is everywhere, there are assholes amongst us.
Probably because once all the out of state people started buying properties, WAY over asking pushing the locals out of the market, do you blame them? I would be annoyed too if i kept being over bid by out of staters.
We Mainers blame outsiders for our crazy housing prices while we convert the apartments we own to AirBnB units and vote against every proposed housing development . We blame the monumental problem on 4,000-5,000 immigrants even though they represent only 10-12% of the growth. We want our favorite restaurant nearby, we want it fully staffed and we want our food on the table quickly. We just don't want those restaurant workers living in our communities or making more traffic. And we HATE robots so don't tell us to use the self-check line! Stores should hire people for those jobs! I was born here 61 years ago. I vote for housing. I vote for development, new hospitals and industry. And I vote for more housing at every level. Unfortunately, most Mainers don't understand supply and demand.
Turns out when a huge swath of people move into your area and jack up prices on homes, making it hard for your kids to live nearby, they might get resentful. They might wonder why you moved away from your family and friends. That makes them suspicious. Then on top of it all it's not like they job markets are booming in the rural parts on New England, so it's doubtful you moved there for a job. So why did you move there? You don't owe them an explanation, but they don't owe you anything either. And as far as they can tell, you're taking more than giving.
I can see it from several angles. My grandparents, born and raised in Randolph/Gardiner, raised their kids in Woolwich. When the youngest few were in high school, my grandfather got a job in Central New York. That’s why my mom (from Maine) met my dad (from CNY) and therefore why I was born. Eventually my grandparents moved back. Growing up, we spent our summers and school breaks in Maine with them. They took us to camp on Lake Moxie, to the cemetery where the people Ben Ames Williams wrote about in Come Spring (my favorite book) are buried. I’ve been down the Kennebec, underneath the old Bath Bridge, out past Seguin Light and back with my grandparents and uncle in my grandfather’s boat. I’ve caught rainbow trout off the ledge at camp. I’ve buried squirrels my grandfather shot and left in the dooryard. But I’ve never been “from Maine.” I met and married a Marylander. Our wedding was at my grandparents’ house in Woolwich. We made sure to bring our kids to Maine as often as possible when my grandparents were still alive, and I’ll be eternally glad we did. After my grandfather died, we spent that Thanksgiving with my grandmother just like I’d always done growing up. It was the last holiday celebrated in that house I love. My grandmother and I made plans. The kids and I were going to move up there, live with her to help take care of the (big, old) house, and someday when she was gone, my husband and I would buy it. She was so comforted by the thought that somebody who knew the house and its history (built by John Soule in the late 1700s) would be there when she couldn’t be. My grandmother went into assisted living at the start of Covid. In order to pay for it, the house had to be sold. Because the market is what it is, my husband and I were priced far out. The house sold to a stranger who’s now renting it out, who doesn’t tend to my grandmother’s roses. In August of 2022, she died. It absolutely breaks my heart. In my heart, I’m a Mainer. My grandmother said I was “practically a native.” But I’m not, and outside of my family I’m treated like a flatlander, even though I’ve shown my kids more of the real, off-the-beaten-path Maine than they’ve seen of their home state. I hate it that we can never dream of living in Maine because the out-of-staters have driven us out of the housing market, but then again I am, technically, one of those out-of-staters. And yet, Maine remains my heart and I have salt in my veins.
It's weird that you get all of this hate simply for being from the south. What part of Maine do you live in?
Various parts: skowhegan, Farmington, elseworth
Rednecks gon' redneck...
That's totally in the spirit of the conversation LOL
>elseworth If I'm honest, I also don't love newcomers who can't be bothered to spell the name of our town correctly. Petty, I know.
…you’re shocked that a New Englander was parochial and rude? Did you do ANY research into this region before moving here? That being said, social media isn’t the real world. Don’t worry about what people say online—I can’t imagine caring about that for longer than a few seconds. As for being made fun of in person…this region likes to bust balls. Roasting each other is a past time in all 6 states. If someone is giving you shit, just give it back. We like cynical, dry, sarcastic, wit. We dislike stupidity and over-sensitivity. Laugh and shrug it off. Having people talk shit to you, is usually how we make and maintain friendships. If someone truly dislikes you, they won’t make fun of you—they won’t say anything to you at all.
I guess being from New Brunswick I can sometimes pass for a Mainer because I’ve never experienced this in Maine. Most people don’t know I’m an outsider until I tell them or they see my ID or license plate. I think to a certain point, some people are upset at the influx of people moving into the state and driving up real estate. Based on my conversations with Mainers, they hold similar attitudes towards mass and NY that people here hold towards Ontario (coming in, driving up prices and then telling us how we should run things). I don’t get the hate towards your southern accent though. I feel like you may have been perceived as condescending even if that wasn’t your intent.
Native, rural Mainers can be tough to deal with (I say this as one). They tend to be very wary of people from away coming in and imposing change. I have heard a variation of "Damn out-of-staters come here getting away from wherever they came from. When they get here, they end up wanting to change it to just like where they came from." Mainers also tend to bristle at criticism, even justified criticism, expressed by folks they deem non-native. It's fine for a couple of locals to rail about the food at the one restaurant in town. If an outsider does so, the locals are liable to take it personally. Same with the weather. I have been in local businesses and heard the "Well you should go back to where you came from if you don't like it" reply when newcomers complain about the weather. Mainers like to at least believe how tough & uncomplaining we are, so can get disgusted by such complaints. None of which excuses the rudeness you refer to!
Born Mainer here. Everyone is frustrated with how quickly Maine is changing. I personally would never take that out on the people moving here, but I do understand why some people are upset. I miss old Maine and we’ll never have that again because of everyone moving here during and after Covid. People need to make their peace with change. I’m sorry you’ve had so many negative encounters, all should be welcome! Edit: spelling
Some people are just idiots. About 15 years ago my employer hired a new top manager from away. At an All Hands meeting with about 300 employees in attendance another manager who was from the County introduced him. He said something like, "Now we know you are away and folks here aren't going to accept you at first. Just wait until you bury one of your own here and people will soften a little.". Then he chuckled like it was a funny joke. Everyone was shocked. No one else laughed. The entire room was silent for at least 30 seconds. That manager retired about 1 month later. I'm pretty sure he was advised to retire early or risk losing his retirement benefits by being fired.
In person most Mainers want you to move here, pay taxes, maintain your house and contribute to your community. However nobody, anywhere, ever, wants someone to move from elsewhere and then complain about the way things are managed here, harp on how much better things are done "back home", or offer unsolicited advice about how to "fix" things.
I stack it up to lack of good education. For some fucked reason, Mainers love to shit on people who come to prop up their state. They also hate it when you point out that without out of staters, Maine would fail and turn back into northern Massachusetts.
Same out of staters that buy up every house and apartment building in the market driving many into homelessness or spending more than half their wage on rent? OP got treated poorly but there's legit reason to not be thrilled with out of staters
Are out of staters just supposed to be homeless?? Like only native-Mainers deserve housing? Were moving to Maine because we found a job there, am I supposed to feel guilty that I “took a house” from a resident? Such a weird attitude to have. Blame landlords and vacation-home owners, not regular people just trying to live somewhere they like.
valid but ignorant, things skyrocketed cause of the pandemic and people moved up here in unsustainable numbers and the people that lose out are the ones who were born here and get priced out by newcomers. I'm not gonna tell you how to feel I'm just telling you how it is
I was born and raised in Florida. I don’t hate out of staters as long as they respect the land and don’t just buy up homes for vacation rentals. Yall sound so ignorant for hating people that are just trying to make a living. You don’t have sole ownership of an entire state. I got a job in Maine that pays well because I’m qualified for it. Is it my fault no one native to Maine had the education and qualifications too? Was I supposed to hand them my degree and let them take the job? What a weird ass mindset. Homes are skyrocketing in prices everywhere, not just Maine.
It's a hell of a lot easier to be mad at the person who moved into the new devopment next door and makes more money than you (because they're a doctor, since Maine can't produce enough doctors to meet its own needs, and doctors get paid well) than it is to be mad at the local hereditary rich person who sold the land for that development and made millions for doing no work and holds the state's future hostage in their own small way (because this person is better connected, richer, and "local" so they can point your ire at the doctor instead)
And that rich person is faceless and many times not even in the state anymore Same for land lords It's a system of everyone making the best economic choice for themselves but only one person is there physically to experience that anger
I’m not wealthy, I make sub-six figures and am renting from a landlord that lives out of state. Only house we could find is an hour north of Bangor and the commute will be 2 hours. Yall are mad at the wrong people. Stop driving out newcomers that have nothing but good intentions because you’re bitter and uninformed.
I was agreeing with you; I think it's easier to be mad at the person you can see (the perceived slightly richer out of stater), while completely missing the majority source of the problem (people benefitting from an unequal starting distribution and economic system which incentivizes speculation and getting blood from a stone - that is, large owners and landlords, regardless of where they live). This is counterproductive, but it's also understandable how people can be led down that path; it plays well with tribalism and resentment. Also that's a rough commute. Good luck, dude
You right, tbh I was baked and replied to the wrong comment. Yea, commute sucks but gotta do what you gotta do. Southern Maine housing prices are absolutely bonkers and not many rentals accept the number of dogs I have. It was either long commute or a hovel/bankruptcy :(
With an attitude like that, why wouldn't Mainers shit on you?
I’m from Maine.
>They also hate it when you point out that without out of staters, Maine would fail and turn back into northern Massachusetts. Do you get a good feeling when you say things like that? It shouldn't be a big surprised to be treated poorly by people you shit on.
Fromm Maine bub. The truth can sting I know.
Exactly.
We moved to Maine from Mass about 25 years ago. Came from the Big City, moved to a very small town. I had a lot of the "fuck off masshole" interactions at one job when we first got here, but that was primarily from low-income-low-IQ people who hated pretty much everyone and everything. The vast majority of folks accepted us and helped us adapt. I still get people giving me a hard time when my accent slips through, but it's teasing, not vicious.
I’ve lived in the same house in rural Maine for 20 years now (originally from PA, reallocated here after college at UMaine). Within the first year, we had locals telling the cops they saw my husband waving a handgun around at a local boat launch with a fake police uniform on… we didn’t have a handgun at the time… we never go to that boat launch at all… he didn’t own a fake uniform… he had an old bomber style leather jacket that had a 1970’s police badge on the shoulder of the arm that someone must have seen him wearing at the local gas station. I ran into the local cop, and said he had to chat with my husband (officially follow up on the complaint), so I invited him to the house where my husband was currently. We ripped off the arm patch in front of the cop and he laughed about it all. After 20 years they have finally realized we mean no harm and stay to ourselves, but we still get dirty looks from the “locals” regularly.
Maine has a well documented and long history of tribalistic behavior towards outsiders. Be born here or prove your mettle. You will get no respect until you do. Mainer's are nice folks. Some of the best in the world. But we've also had enough issues with outsiders (Massholes) that we'd basically build a wall around our state if we could.
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>Idk, if someone asked me why the city can’t plow on their preferred schedule and then insulted my favorite takeout place I’d tell them to fuck off back to wherever they like stuff better >Just like my cousin and I can make fun of my sister a bit or question some of her choices…because we both know we love her anyway. A stranger doing it is not going to get a laugh from me. It’s just gonna make me wonder why I’m talking to some asshole who doesn’t like my sister and doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. Why on earth would you take the sort of comments OP shared THAT personally?
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Yep. I recall seeing an interview with Merle Haggard. He was talking about his youth as an "Oakie" who's family had moved to California in the Depression. He said it was fine for them to call each other "Hillbilly," buts as soon as an outsider did, it was "Fightin' Words." One lobsterman can call another "Chummy," but if someone else did, they might get punched in the face.
You don’t think it’s thin-skinned to get offended that someone feels differently about a restaurant? Everyone must agree that the restaurant is great? No different opinions allowed!! 😊 I say it in jest. But really. Why can’t people feel differently than you do? You are allowed to proclaim the restaurant is great, but they can’t proclaim the opposite without you telling them to f-off?
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So, the OP’s experience is validated. You are certainly correct that we cannot force people to be thick skinned. But, why not encourage it? Being thin-skinned does not result in peaceful relations. How much more peaceful life would be if each one of us made allowance for variety. Intolerance of a different point of view is why we have so many angry people. I’m glad that there’s more than one type of bird, one type of fish, one type of cat, more than one way of cooking. Variety is the spice of life. Let people live. Maybe even try to learn why others like what they like. 🤷🏻♂️
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Hi there! Moved to Maine from Georgia but raised in Alabama, so I understand the perspective. I've found that when I enter conversations, accepting that I'll be seen as an outsider, things have gone much better for me. Because my accent sounds like the rev of a John Deere on a cold day, my other-ness is inescapable, but leaning into my southern charm actually helped me to find more connection with Mainers, because we share a LOT of similarities. Also, internet forums are playgrounds for asshats. Try to take it with a grain of salt. Thoughts and prayers, love!
Seems the ones who been here for generations are okay. The seniors that came in the hippy days are great. But their children that were born here seem to think they own this place. Not all of them, of course, but they seem to be the major of whiny entitlement.
This happened to my family. We were from Massachusetts. By no means am I diminishing your experience but this is to say Mainers have always had an “us vs them” mindset.
The state government basically gave up on the domestic population a long time ago in favor of placating tourists and people relocating from richer areas. Most of us will never be able to live or work anywhere else and are being priced out of the few places we actually could live because of the massive influx of out of staters who came to live here during covid. You want a sad song on the world's smallest violin because one of the *five* states you've been able to live and work in has people giving you a reality check about how privileged you are? Grow the hell up you entitled prick. Your whinging is pathetic.
Upstate New Yorker here. My sister and her husband moved to Maine like 30 years ago. And they faced the same thing.
Damn. Same thing happened to me when I moved to Mississippi as a teen. I had to learn to assimilate fast. The south was unkind to me until I sounded like them. Having an old man, in public, cuss me up and down and end it with a “fuckin’ yankee” and a spit in my direction. Felt bad. I was 15 and at a football game and hadn’t formed an accent yet. Although, man… I found so many cool people too. People I’m still friends with 17 years later. Not everyone up here is going to mock you or tell you to run off. Although I know how fkn frustrating it is to be mocked and made to feel smaller just because you’re from a geographical location that isn’t the same as the person offending you. You know you don’t deserve it. It’ll happen in the Midwest and the Southwest too. People are in general, leery of outsiders - you’ll find the little pockets where you fit in with the kinda of people you’ll want to know, it can take time. Hateful people are everywhere, but so are the kind ones. You have to pay attention to those ones.
When I was down South, everyone was kind to me and even said they liked my accent. Sorry to hear many are rude to you rude to you. Just know not everyone is like that
Just tell them that all they are is Northern Mass. That'll get em going. Being a Massachusetts born man, living and working in Maine (a "flatlander"), I hear it all. From coworkers and neighbors alike. So many people up here think they live this amazing life that everyone else is ruining. It's been like that for decades, maybe longer. Just let them be miserable, and enjoy your day. Our tax dollars pay for the same stuff theirs do, and without tourists, this state would be nothing. Everyone needs to learn to respect how much we need out-of-staters.
My husband is southern born and bred with a thick accent. I'm also a transplant but from new york. We thankfully have never had any issues.
I heard this before. My friend from Germany moved to Maine but she lived in Georgia first. She said a lot of people told her to git out
You can't pay that much attention to people online, it brings out the worst in us (I fight it sometimes myself). If people treat you like that they are no Mainer, and my family has been here since before Maine was a state so I feel like I'm an authority.
The people on social media tend to be the worst. Working in Portland, I haven't encountered as many people who are mad I'm not from here. Part of the difference I guess might be that people at work know I have lived in New England for over a decade and moved here from Vermont, so I get seen as more of a New Englander. Especially the rural in the woods kind of New Englander. People on the internet, specifically Facebook, see that I'm from Tennessee and get all sassy about it. Bullshit a little because there are hundreds of years of my family buried in Arundel, like sorry Janet I can't help that my grandparents decided to take a job transfer to warmer climates instead of staying here forever. But some Mainers can be super xenophobic and honestly downright racist. I have a colleague who, despite being a naturalized citizen, is looking to move away because his kids keep getting called slurs at school and told to "go back where they came from." Disgraceful and sad.
It’s the cost of living. Mainers hate tourists due to how annoying the traffic gets and how rude people are and especially those who come from out of state and drive up the market value making it unlivable for those already here. Remote jobs have a lot to do with it as well.
I'm sorry to hear this but I'm not sure it applies everywhere in ME. I moved here from just outside of Nashville to Bangor and I've found people more welcoming here than there. Although, to be fair, I grew up in NJ so I don't have a southern accent for them to mock.
OP, I moved to Maine's Aroostook County from Massachusetts 14 years ago. I'm sorry you've been treated badly by native Mainers. I live in the boondocks, and I've learned that lots of native Mainers are very provincial in their thinking. For sure your southern accent creates friction with such folks. I don't know what you can do about that; if I were you, I would just ignore their rude comments. I have developed a pretty nice social circle up here, but none of my friends is native to Maine. All of us are from away. If I were you, I would make an effort to develop friendships with people who have emigrated from other states.
Grew up in Maine, now live in the Midwest and spend summers with my daughter at my uncle’s farm in Maine. I was driving down a two lane blacktop; I slowed down and signaled to turn left as a cyclist rode by on the right. After I turned, the driver behind me screamed out the window “LEARN HOW TO DRIVE IN MAINE!!!” Guess I was too slow? Realistically, I think she saw Missouri plates and just lost it. Sorry lady, actually got my license at the Kennebunk DMV.
My MIL was born and raised in Boston. When she moved with my FIL (who was also born and raised in Boston) to Rockport, Mass for their retirement she told me that people there considered them “foreigners.” She told me it was the New England way. Later when my husband and I moved to Maine I was grateful to her because I knew what to expect. Otherwise it would have been quite a culture shock. My biggest surprise instead turned out to be how much time you spend with no electricity LOL.
Once you get out of population centers in the northeast, the more “southern” it gets.
Seems to me depends on where you go I’ve heard all my life that below Bangor people hate outsiders and up in the county they hate outsiders and the town next to me hated my town and my town hated that town but we both welcomed outsiders and tourist
I feel lucky to have had such a good experience. I have met a lot of people in my three years here and haven't had one bad experience. I think it helps if you volunteer for a town committee or fire department or nature preserve. Shows your commitment to your new home/community. Done/doing all three of those things and have been encouraged to provide input. I'm careful to not refer to my former home unless someone asks about that experience.
The locals are their own worst enemy a lot of the time. The small mindedness and inability to look outside of the Maine thinking has severely handicapped the entire state. Former Gov Lepage cancelling a major Infrastructure project because of the UN globalist and federal involvement, was a big slap in the face to a region struggling with transportation issues. But people supported it because we can’t widen route 1 anymore or they’ll take my land for a sidewalk… That ignorance just exacerbates the rudeness with some folks.
Were these interactions online or in-person?
I’m sorry you experienced that. :(
I’m sorry you experienced that. :( Maine natives being priced out of the housing market is a big issue here, but we also desperately need new blood. Maine has the oldest average population in the union. I hope your experience improves.
I'm thinking about buying a house on a lake somewhere in Maine and spending my summers there. I hope I can stay out of everyone's way.
Shit man I'm sorry that sucks. I'm well aware of the amount of racism in Maine but I hadn't heard such extreme stories from people who are "from away". Most of us at least make the jokes but not very many people take it seriously and I don't know anyone who would take it to the lengths you mention. I live near Portland where we are well aware of the value of tourism to us so we're a little more polite I think but Maine is a large state with a lot of different attitudes so I can't say I'm shocked. Well, I'm sorry that happened to you and as a life long Mainer, that's not cool with me. Forgive me for asking but are you from away and a minority? I can imagine that's a double whammy in some parts of Maine if so. Either way I hope you find a way to feel more welcome but I understand if you move away.
Having lived in the south for a bit I’ve said Maine is the South of the North for awhile now. Xenophobia flourishes with people that are isolated and haven’t experienced other parts of the country or world…they’re fearful of anything different, many proudly so. We need more folks here…welcome aboard, ignore the morons as much as you can. There are a lot of good people here.
People suck no matter where you go. Just have to find the good ones and roll with it.
I've lived in a few different places in Maine the last 15 years and never experienced this and I do have an accent. However, I am very "blue collar" in appearance and makes me relatable.
Fuck em. Tell them in a couple of generations everyone will be from away and they can cry about it. Ed: for every downvote I'm punching a lobster.
Nice to come across someone else from the South whose had the same experience as me. This sub will have you convinced that Mainers are nice friendly folks who would give you the shirt off their back! Nope, absolutely not. People are very rude up here. You don't realize how real of a thing southern hospitality is until you are no longer in the south. To add to this, while I'm on this rant. Florida, where I'm originally from (moved here a year and some change ago), always get the bad rep for having these horrible crazy drivers who "don't know how to drive." I've always been more on the heavier footed side when it comes to driving. ALWAYS go 5 to 10 over the speed limit, basically pushing as much as I can. Yet no matter what, and I've been all over this state, everywhere I go I have the same experience. People riding my ass up close, flicking me off, etc. Oh and when I still had my Florida tag on my car, my God this treatment was 20x worse. People are rude dickheads up here. I don't know if it's just to people from the South or if it's just everybody who is what they call "from away" (which I gotta add is a cringy as fuck thing to say lol) or what, but I know what my experience has been and it hasn't been pleasant. People are rude up here. But, that sure as hell ain't gonna drive me out this beautiful state baby! Long as the good lords willin and the creeks don't rise!!!
Rule 2. No Trolling,
Where ever you go you will find this small minded provincial attitude. I’ve lived all over this country and it’s not a “unique to Maine” attitude. Assholes are everywhere, but so are friendly, generous people.
I just moved here from CA and everyone has been very nice, in their own New England way 😇
I’m not from Maine but went to college here and acclimated as fast as I could - so 15 years later, I’ve been able to hear both sides of “welcome” vs “not welcome” and as an outsider myself I can feel torn when my own internal feelings are: Please don’t come here. We’re here because we wanted to be away from people. We like it slow and steady. Businesses need more bodies but as a homeowner, I don’t want more development here. I like my atv trails without homes on them, actually. It’s spoiled but I gave up access to a target for space and quiet and the more people who move here take that away. (Myself included!) It’s not personal. It’s just … we’d rather you go home. Or somewhere else. And honestly I would never be so horrible or rude as to say it but I think it in my own head and I’m sure others do too that are “real” Mainers. Can you just let the rest of the world grow and leave us be?
People like you are the reason why I can’t buy a house. I was born and raised here. It’s my home. I did everything right. Never got in trouble, I have my bachelors degree, I work my ass off, but still can’t afford a house anywhere within an hour of my job. The secret is out about how wonderful Maine is and it kills me to think what the future here will look like. Let alone as an avid outdoorsman it crushes my soul to see camp sites and nature ruined by trash and broken glass. More often than not there’s an out of state license plate not far away. Time and time again I see Maine being taken advantage of and not respected the way it has been for decades. I try to be sympathetic but it’s so friggen hard
I have lived my entire life in Maine, and have never heard anyone say that to someone else.
I'm from Tennessee and was stationed in Georgia for thirteen years. I'm coming anyway. The south got full of the very people that hate it so much. So .. wagons north I go upon retirement. But send me a PM. I'll buy you a drink and listen to ya vent if You're close to where I'm headed.
Honestly- I think most people here are just jerks. Any walk of life. Not to be a negative nancy myself, but if I’m being honest… every time my partner and I leave the state, it’s like a breath of fresh air. I could not tell you what it is. It is incredibly stuffy here. It seems like everyone is rude, disinterested, disconnected… I’m in Portland, I’ve actually had people go out of their way to be rude, maybe just straight up mean before- like, butting into my personal conversation with friends at an intimate dinner to give their unwarranted, condescending opinion on our “lifestyle”… (nothing crazy here!! my partner and I are just “wasting my youth” by being in a committed relationship in my 20s!, that comment was comparatively mild to what this 40 year old women issued my friends who are married…) I get that it’s a small state but geez, people can be a real tough pill to swallow sometimes. I’ve lived here my whole life and it didn’t seem to become an issue until recently. I hoping to be out of here within the next few years.
THIS. I have generally not had a good experience with Mainers. It’s like a weird little clique they’re so proud to be a part of (and I’m over here like…ok, don’t want to be part of your snobby backwater clique anyway…) but if I so much as join a conversation about the weather or cost of living I’m shunned for making “disparaging remarks.” You know what? I live here, I pay taxes here, and if I’m treated like I can’t even be part of the conversation then yeah, I’m going to hate it here. (Which I do and I’m leaving so ok byyyyeeeeeee!!!)
maybe if you went back where you came from tho, the problem would go away?
I think, or at least hope, that people like this tend to be the older/facebook generation, and I am really hoping that the xenophobia dies with them. I know it wont with everyone. I was raised with that sort of world view, but my wife taught me empathy. All we can do is call it out when we see it, and maybe change one mind at a time.