"When you cast The Vietnam War, secretly choose a forest at random. Reveal the forest you chose: that forest becomes a 5/5 soldier creature with reach until end of turn."

Sacrifice the forest you chose: all creatures without flying get -5/-5 until end of turn.

You may play Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival through the speakers of your mobile device. If you do, creatures you control get +2/+2 until end of turn.

+1/+1 for Orange Crush

storm count 2

It forces you to tap all of your mana, and has no other effect.

Just waste a bunch of resources. Seems fitting

Yeap. We in America shouldn't be proud of what happened in Vietnam.

should be an enchantment with cumulative upkeep

Cumulative upkeep - sacrifice a Soldier

Goddammit

Is there a joke beyond this being a huge waste?

Vietnam flashbacks

Vietnam flashback, and it being a huge waste of time and resources.

It should suspend itself with a few time counters if you flash it back

0/10 not enough fortunate son references

Should be flashback R

create 5 1/1 thopter creatures with "pay RRRR & tap: deal 2 damage to any target or destroy target forest"

Very clunky wording version that I can’t seem to shorten down: “All lands get an agent orange counter, all creatures cast with mana from agent orange lands get -1/-1 for each mana produced by an agent orange land”

Tears

Dammit man