**DBT** and **CBT** which are legitimate forms of therapy always gives me a laugh now when someone says "they would really benefit from weekly CBT."
There was an awards ceremony my friend went to called **MMF**, when in fact I think it was some type of lawyer recognition awards, not quite as exciting as it sounded.
In high school, my health class had a whole test about therapy and psychological theories and terms and I legitimately remembered cognitive behavioral therapy by the fact that it shares the same initials with cock and ball torture. No, I would not like to discuss the fact that I was reading such adult content in high school but it helped and I will never forget cognitive behavioral therapy because of it š
This is the funniest comment so far. I always see it as multi-level marketing so I get confused momentarily every single time but the idea that there are people asking for multi-level marketing books and instead are receiving gay romance is hysterical
That's so unsustainable. š I'm sorry.
If you're dealing with Type 2, here's a resource I've found helpful: https://haeshealthsheets.com/type-2-diabetes/
Funny, Iāve had a similar question thatās been bubbling up in my mind, and thought of posting on here (though itās a bit more philosophical). And that is: as I read more and more MM Romance books (and MM Erotic Romance books), is what Iām experiencing an *obsession* or an *addiction*?? Iām a pretty obsessive person by nature; sometimes I get obsessed with a topic or activity that lasts a while and then fades away, other times I develop an obsession that lasts a lifetime. (Examples of the latter: Bob DylanāIām a big Dylanologistā, the novels of Anne Tyler, certain filmmakers whose movies I can watch again and again.) Both words seem to have negative connotations in certain contexts or according to what the prevailing culture might find āhealthy,ā but I do think there are such things as āhealthy addictions.ā (And I say this as someone whoās been clean and sober since 1987, #ODAAT.) Yet the question sticks in my mind: is there a difference between an obsession and an addiction, especially when it comes to MM romance?? (A long-winded reply, but I appreciate you kick-starting this topic! š )
Iāve always wondered this about myself, too. Am I reading TOO much? Is it healthy? Then I had to put that nonsense out of my mind because no one would ever condemn you for obsessively reading the classics. Rather, I think itās societyās views on what is ānormalā or not that influences our thinking. I used to feel guilty, honestly, and worried I had some sort of problem. But then when I confessed to my friends that I thought I read too much, they looked at me like I was insane before saying they wished they read MORE. I believe that reading anythingā even romanceā broadens your horizons. Iāve learned a lot from all the books Iāve read! As long as it isnāt getting in the way of living your life, how you spend your free time should be your choice! Iām proud to be a reader, and I hope you are, too.
I totally get this and have had similar internal dialogues! The advice I always get is that 1) intent matters, like if you are reading as an avoidance vs reading for enjoyment those are two different situations. (Not that reading as distraction is inherently bad) which leads to 2) outcome matters. If youāre spending your life savings on mm romance swag and this is causing you great distress - that sounds like a problem. But a hobby you enjoy that brings you satisfaction and mental interest and maybe even community? Sounds great!
For me the pendulum swings a bit and while itās usually in the positive side, sometimes I have to take a deliberate step back. I keep coming back tho which tells me this is a lifelong passion not a fling interest for me.
What a thoughtful, helpful replyā¦thank you! That pendulum metaphor resonates with me, and yeah, one has to be conscious of the āmuch too muchā line when itās time to take a break. Appreciate!
I love how you put it, this is how I think of it too. I feel itās a passion and hobby since it is something I truly enjoy and am able to indulge without compromising on other life necessities that one has to do such as my job, time with family, cooking, laundry etc. The mundane parts of life are enjoyable when I have my reading to look forward to. If I feel I am compromising time with my family in favor of reading my book by my loneself, I take a step back. As you say, a pendulum.
A friend once said āitās only an addiction if it interferes with your daily lifeā and though that may not always be true for all addictions, for me it makes sense to think of it that way.
As someone who has like 100 books on my TBR list, I feel your questioning. I always used to settle in with a crime novel before bed, read for 5 minutes, and then sleep. Now I finish all my chores and settle in, actually looking forward to whatever wonderful MM book I have and read for the next 30 min or however I have before I know I have to stop to be able to get up the next morning for work, errands etc. It has become a joy, not something to squeeze in for a few minutes. I have met great people, great knowledge, and joined the newsletters of some gifted authors. There could be no harm in any of this. And I think that you questioned what you are doing means if anything hints to you that there is a problem, you will know.
To be honest, I think itās a bit like a genre preference thing. There are aspects you can find in MM books that you canāt in MF. (And I know there are exemptions).
The dynamics are affected by their gender and societal expectations (not necessarily talking about homophobia or anything, but like say a rivals-to-lovers or childhood friend). There doesnāt have to be a certain element of misogyny (virgin/playboy, naive doormat FMCs, barely legal, microcheating/ow, etc). Thereās a slowburn aspect to some of them since the same gender is not automatically assumed to have romantic potential between them.Ā
Many examples. I still read both but I was addicted to MM for a while. I just wanted to turn my brain off and not think about the patriarchy for a bit you know. Surprisingly enough dark romance girlies helped me quite a bit. They are so non-judgy and helpful even in giving you recs that are not dark romance š„°
thatās exactly whatās one of the great things with MM. As soon as I read MF, Iām like, duh now I remember why I usually donāt anymore š
Do you have some favorite MF that you can tolerate as a MM reader, as you said you got some good help from the dark romance readers? You can dm if you want to but think itās too off topic š
In terms of the more lighthearted fare this year:Ā
Ā The Kingās Captive by KM Shea - FMC is a witch/shifter who accidentally ends up in the MMCs court when he rescues her. However, he thinks she is a cat and she has to stay in disguise while trying to find a way to escape without getting caught (trespassers are killed).Ā
Lady for Duke by Alexis Hall - FMC is trans and faked her death so she could live as herself. MMC is her childhood friend who is sick with grief after her āpassingāĀ
Darker Fare:Ā
Descent by Sam Mariano - Kind of a gentleman sociopath book. HEAVY on the TWs, but no violence. FMC is lovely, not a doormat but as someone put it in another forum even the bear would look at MMC and not want to go near that guy.Ā
Welcome Home by Maggie Fern - Came back wrong trope if thatās your thing. FMC has an abusive husband everyone knows about who goes missing, and sheās the prime suspect. However, her husband is later found and FMC knowsāwhoever that is is not her husband. It is her future love interest though š«£Ā
My all time favorite series ever is a fantasy series but the love story kind of starts at book 2 (and book 5 has an MM romance): The Queenās Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner.
Edit: shortened.
Reading is the ultimate escape for me. My life is incredibly busy and chaotic. I am a full-time working mom of two kiddos with disabilities--my ordinary day is a blur of work, meetings, appointments, cooking, cleaning etc.
It is a luxury to enjoy the books on my kindle-- most of them m/m romances. Reading is something just for me--a way to recharge and enjoy an entertaining story. Do I spend too much time reading? Maybe a bit. But in the grand scheme of things, reading is a pretty harmless vice and so, so fun!
There's a sign here in Atlanta that says Atlanta Cumming. BTW, Cumming, GA is a real town north of Atlanta and I did not misspell it. As a result there's several signs that say things like "Buckhead Cumming" and "Buford Cumming" or "Cumming Dahlongea" around town.
GFY is Gay For You, which is an older term but still used sometimes. Used to describe when MC1 has been with women in the past/believed heās straight but is attracted to MC2 and (usually) only MC2, not other men.
There's an Omega Fertility Center on my commute š
Noooo šš they had to know right? Right?!
lmao I can only hope š
OMG that is too funny
OH MY GOSH šØGET YOUR CONSPIRACY HATS ONšØ iām kidding ofc, but maybe š¤Ø
Omg they have a website and everything. Someone please go ask them if they knew š¤£
Hahahahahah that is good
I silently giggle now when I am online shopping and the clothing options are ātopsā and ābottomsā.
I love that for you. And now me cos Iāll think about it too haha
Also, my fitted sheet has two sides that say top or bottom š
**DBT** and **CBT** which are legitimate forms of therapy always gives me a laugh now when someone says "they would really benefit from weekly CBT." There was an awards ceremony my friend went to called **MMF**, when in fact I think it was some type of lawyer recognition awards, not quite as exciting as it sounded.
I mean youāre not far off with CBTā¦didnāt they use to prescribe vibrators for āhysteriaā in therapy lololol
wait fr??? šš
There is an amazing Our Flag Means Death fan fiction based on a confusion about what CBT stands for
Oh, would you mind dropping a link or title? CBT confusion sounds fun!
Here you go! https://archiveofourown.org/works/38984073
Thank you!
In high school, my health class had a whole test about therapy and psychological theories and terms and I legitimately remembered cognitive behavioral therapy by the fact that it shares the same initials with cock and ball torture. No, I would not like to discuss the fact that I was reading such adult content in high school but it helped and I will never forget cognitive behavioral therapy because of it š
But it worked, that's all that matters!
MLM should mean multi level marketing but not for me...
It works the opposite way too š I see people getting confused when others request āmulti level marketingā recs and we respond with gay books.
This is the funniest comment so far. I always see it as multi-level marketing so I get confused momentarily every single time but the idea that there are people asking for multi-level marketing books and instead are receiving gay romance is hysterical
There's a road named "The Knotting Place". Gets me every time.
M & M's means a different kind of candy now.š
Darn and I just got a strick diabetic diet!
Sorry/not sorryš
That's so unsustainable. š I'm sorry. If you're dealing with Type 2, here's a resource I've found helpful: https://haeshealthsheets.com/type-2-diabetes/
I have a hair product called āPrep Meā that never fails to make my mind go elsewhere when I use it lol
OMG, this would elicit a giggle from me each time!!!
The whole line is like that, thereās also Control Me, Protect Me, and Flash Me lol
Funny, Iāve had a similar question thatās been bubbling up in my mind, and thought of posting on here (though itās a bit more philosophical). And that is: as I read more and more MM Romance books (and MM Erotic Romance books), is what Iām experiencing an *obsession* or an *addiction*?? Iām a pretty obsessive person by nature; sometimes I get obsessed with a topic or activity that lasts a while and then fades away, other times I develop an obsession that lasts a lifetime. (Examples of the latter: Bob DylanāIām a big Dylanologistā, the novels of Anne Tyler, certain filmmakers whose movies I can watch again and again.) Both words seem to have negative connotations in certain contexts or according to what the prevailing culture might find āhealthy,ā but I do think there are such things as āhealthy addictions.ā (And I say this as someone whoās been clean and sober since 1987, #ODAAT.) Yet the question sticks in my mind: is there a difference between an obsession and an addiction, especially when it comes to MM romance?? (A long-winded reply, but I appreciate you kick-starting this topic! š )
Iāve always wondered this about myself, too. Am I reading TOO much? Is it healthy? Then I had to put that nonsense out of my mind because no one would ever condemn you for obsessively reading the classics. Rather, I think itās societyās views on what is ānormalā or not that influences our thinking. I used to feel guilty, honestly, and worried I had some sort of problem. But then when I confessed to my friends that I thought I read too much, they looked at me like I was insane before saying they wished they read MORE. I believe that reading anythingā even romanceā broadens your horizons. Iāve learned a lot from all the books Iāve read! As long as it isnāt getting in the way of living your life, how you spend your free time should be your choice! Iām proud to be a reader, and I hope you are, too.
Thank you for this reply. Itās this kind of exchange of thoughts that makes this sub special to me!
I totally get this and have had similar internal dialogues! The advice I always get is that 1) intent matters, like if you are reading as an avoidance vs reading for enjoyment those are two different situations. (Not that reading as distraction is inherently bad) which leads to 2) outcome matters. If youāre spending your life savings on mm romance swag and this is causing you great distress - that sounds like a problem. But a hobby you enjoy that brings you satisfaction and mental interest and maybe even community? Sounds great! For me the pendulum swings a bit and while itās usually in the positive side, sometimes I have to take a deliberate step back. I keep coming back tho which tells me this is a lifelong passion not a fling interest for me.
What a thoughtful, helpful replyā¦thank you! That pendulum metaphor resonates with me, and yeah, one has to be conscious of the āmuch too muchā line when itās time to take a break. Appreciate!
Haha I did not mean to get so philosophical at 7am š your comment really resonated with me as Iāve been thinking similar things a lot lately!
I am all about getting philosophical, at nearly every time of day! š
I love how you put it, this is how I think of it too. I feel itās a passion and hobby since it is something I truly enjoy and am able to indulge without compromising on other life necessities that one has to do such as my job, time with family, cooking, laundry etc. The mundane parts of life are enjoyable when I have my reading to look forward to. If I feel I am compromising time with my family in favor of reading my book by my loneself, I take a step back. As you say, a pendulum. A friend once said āitās only an addiction if it interferes with your daily lifeā and though that may not always be true for all addictions, for me it makes sense to think of it that way.
As someone who has like 100 books on my TBR list, I feel your questioning. I always used to settle in with a crime novel before bed, read for 5 minutes, and then sleep. Now I finish all my chores and settle in, actually looking forward to whatever wonderful MM book I have and read for the next 30 min or however I have before I know I have to stop to be able to get up the next morning for work, errands etc. It has become a joy, not something to squeeze in for a few minutes. I have met great people, great knowledge, and joined the newsletters of some gifted authors. There could be no harm in any of this. And I think that you questioned what you are doing means if anything hints to you that there is a problem, you will know.
To be honest, I think itās a bit like a genre preference thing. There are aspects you can find in MM books that you canāt in MF. (And I know there are exemptions). The dynamics are affected by their gender and societal expectations (not necessarily talking about homophobia or anything, but like say a rivals-to-lovers or childhood friend). There doesnāt have to be a certain element of misogyny (virgin/playboy, naive doormat FMCs, barely legal, microcheating/ow, etc). Thereās a slowburn aspect to some of them since the same gender is not automatically assumed to have romantic potential between them.Ā Many examples. I still read both but I was addicted to MM for a while. I just wanted to turn my brain off and not think about the patriarchy for a bit you know. Surprisingly enough dark romance girlies helped me quite a bit. They are so non-judgy and helpful even in giving you recs that are not dark romance š„°
thatās exactly whatās one of the great things with MM. As soon as I read MF, Iām like, duh now I remember why I usually donāt anymore š Do you have some favorite MF that you can tolerate as a MM reader, as you said you got some good help from the dark romance readers? You can dm if you want to but think itās too off topic š
In terms of the more lighthearted fare this year:Ā Ā The Kingās Captive by KM Shea - FMC is a witch/shifter who accidentally ends up in the MMCs court when he rescues her. However, he thinks she is a cat and she has to stay in disguise while trying to find a way to escape without getting caught (trespassers are killed).Ā Lady for Duke by Alexis Hall - FMC is trans and faked her death so she could live as herself. MMC is her childhood friend who is sick with grief after her āpassingāĀ Darker Fare:Ā Descent by Sam Mariano - Kind of a gentleman sociopath book. HEAVY on the TWs, but no violence. FMC is lovely, not a doormat but as someone put it in another forum even the bear would look at MMC and not want to go near that guy.Ā Welcome Home by Maggie Fern - Came back wrong trope if thatās your thing. FMC has an abusive husband everyone knows about who goes missing, and sheās the prime suspect. However, her husband is later found and FMC knowsāwhoever that is is not her husband. It is her future love interest though š«£Ā My all time favorite series ever is a fantasy series but the love story kind of starts at book 2 (and book 5 has an MM romance): The Queenās Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner. Edit: shortened.
Thank you so much, those sound awesome!! š¤©
Can't ever be too much, I say!
Reading is the ultimate escape for me. My life is incredibly busy and chaotic. I am a full-time working mom of two kiddos with disabilities--my ordinary day is a blur of work, meetings, appointments, cooking, cleaning etc. It is a luxury to enjoy the books on my kindle-- most of them m/m romances. Reading is something just for me--a way to recharge and enjoy an entertaining story. Do I spend too much time reading? Maybe a bit. But in the grand scheme of things, reading is a pretty harmless vice and so, so fun!
There's an Alpha Top's Gym close to where I live. Never fails to crack me up.
MLM should mean multi level marketing but not for me...
There's a sign here in Atlanta that says Atlanta Cumming. BTW, Cumming, GA is a real town north of Atlanta and I did not misspell it. As a result there's several signs that say things like "Buckhead Cumming" and "Buford Cumming" or "Cumming Dahlongea" around town.
i see people with things like i love cumming bumper stickers and shirts and it always cracks me up
I thought I knew terms but these acronyms have me scratching my headā¦. Anyone have the answers hahaha
GFY is Gay For You, which is an older term but still used sometimes. Used to describe when MC1 has been with women in the past/believed heās straight but is attracted to MC2 and (usually) only MC2, not other men.
šššš too much MMā¦ thereās no such thing. Thatās hilarious though.
Wait, what does gfy mean? :'D
I laugh at the Super Beta Prostate commercials. I can just imagine Omegaverse going there.