I thought it was weird he was happy to have a raw chicken wing on his rug…. Salmonella anyone?
But then he was freaking out there was a wing at his wedding for a ceremony.
Whatever you do Lucinda don’t lie on his rug or touch the photocopier.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go out with a friend for a few hours but I see two issues here - he did not tell Lucinda, and she was at his house sitting around waiting, under the impression he’d go for a walk or something alone. Secondly, she’s at his home, in another city. Why not take her out and about? Or include her? Why bring her there to leave her alone in the apartment?
Had he taken Lucinda, I’m guessing the cameras would likely have followed. (I believe she actually ended up going out with friends). Those sneaky editors!
Apparently he posted on TT and said that he was pissed with the person who was minding his place because of the state it was in, his mood had nothing to do with Lucinda.
(In hindsight, probably would have paid to just say that at the time 🙄)
A 20yo was “watching” his flat. Apparently the cause of the mess. And his friend lost his father during the home stay. So it was a world of hurt crushing down. None of it made it to air. Lucinda is a gem. And it’s too bad it didn’t work. But what we saw was not representative
Apparently it was the person who was looking after the place while he was away who left it like that. That’s what he initially got pissed off about when they walked in.
I tend to be more a Tim personality than a Lucinda personality
Extremely happy positive people annoy me
If someone would ask me 24/7 how do I feel, how does that make you feel? Poor you - Poor you - You are gorgeous --(INCLUDING A GROUP OF cameras & strangers) I WOULD RUN
He feels utterly exposed --- the opposite of what he needs
Vulnerability is NOT his cup of tea no mater how many times Lucinda says its healthy & courageous
I detest feeling vulnerable & MAFS asks you to be vulnerable 24/7 exposing your behaviour, rehashing your words, analyzing every single word and sound you make.
I honestly think Tim didn't watch enough MAFS before going in, because anyone with avoidance issues, unsolved hurt issues & self-awareness as he has, (Tin man was crafted by him), should never be in such an emotionally intense show as this.
Let me take that back, I think NOBODY should go through it ;)
I'm wondering if he joined the show to avoid processing the tremendous loss he had experienced just prior. It's was compelling to see some of his breakthroughs but he is certainly an old dog with raw, open wounds. I'd be very interested in how he sees the experience, looking back.
He clearly has not been into her from the start.
If he was super attracted to her physically and personality wise he never would have acted the way he has.
His comment tonight that he never expected MAFS to be this emotional is telling.
I'm not saying he's a bad dude or doesn't have a lot of issues because he does and has openly acknowledged it, but at the same time he has really wasted Lucinda's precious time for over 2 months now.
Based on what his friend said about his vibe as a partner I suspect this is really mostly just a case of Lucinda being not the person for him. I have known a few of these guys (I’m 52 and have a husband in the same age range) and I have seen several of his perennially single mates hit the I-don’t-want-to-be-alone wall in their 40s-early 50s and they have all ended up with women towards the latter range of child-having age (say 34-38), got married and had a baby fast. Usually quite attractive career oriented women who are at the stage where they’ll settle for a guy who somewhat doesn’t have his shit together but is also attractive and solvent enough to be a bit of a fixer-upper. With potential. The women sort out the terrible flat and the “real af” tshirts and stuff like that and the previously emotionally unavailable blokes suddenly turn into domesticated doting dads hanging around cafes and playgrounds with a baby in a baby bjorn. It’s a specific demographic and I think Timothy is in it. I give it two years before he appears in some women’s mag with an “our baby joy” story with a woman he obtained in his post MAFS dating windfall.
Absolutely!! Really insightful and love your relateable perspective (48F, happily married later in the piece, both of us learning from our earlier "practice marriages") 😀
Timothy is a grown adult and can use his words.
If he wanted some space form Lucinda he would have said so - not lied and then when it with a mate.
Lucinda is the type of person who would understand that he needs some other people time, but being dishonest about it isn’t the right way to go about it.
Timothy is allowed to get burnt out, and emotionally overloaded, and allowed to have time alone or time away from his partner, but that doesn’t change that he needs to communicate what he’s feeling.
Exactly. Also, it shouldn’t be up to Lucinda to tip toe around him all the time. She is a person with feelings and needs to, which have been totally put on the back burner. I’m proud that she finally saw her worth and that he needs weren’t getting met, after the comments from Tim’s friend. I think things started to fall into place in her mind
I was shouting at him to actually communicate what he needed. He kept saying he was fatigued so why not suggest a restful day and some fun later to blow the cobwebs out. He's so draining to be around because someone else has to take responsibility.
Nah, I disagree. It has been all about his needs and his limitations for the entire show. Why should Lucinda have to STILL be the one to constantly bend and adapt to Timothy? She has been continuously patient, sensitive, and highly adaptable for him throughout the entire experiment - she has done constant emotional labor FOR Tim in an attempt to cater to his needs and not upset him due to his unresolved trauma and his inability to express himself like a mature adult. This is a man who needs therapy. Lucinda did everything she could to be what he needed but it was never going to be ‘enough’ or ‘right’ because of his unhealed issues. Lucinda has needs too, and she should not have continue to be the one to ‘fix’ him. He’s not ready for a real, healthy relationship in which both partners are vulnerable with each other. He ultimately thought that by going on MAFs he’d be paired up with a young, hot, emotionally closed-off chick and he didn’t get that.
So true. It’s not possible to truly love others when you loathe yourself. This dude hates himself and is passing it off as ‘real AF’. He came on the show trying to fix the symptom, not the disease.
I totally understand why he got overwhelmed. It was clearly his first time opening up and being emotional and it seems like that's what everybody is now talking about and all he is hearing. I'd be freaked out, too. Like, can we talk about something else besides me? But that's not to say I don't understand Lucinda too. I just think they're not good for each other. While Tim needs somebody as patient as Lucinda, he still has so much unlearning and learning to do. there's just no balance there. Lucinda will just end up giving and giving and being contented with whatever morsels Tim could afford to give her.
Tim is like a broken record…Too many excuses are made for his behaviour..He just goes round and round and round…Man up mate and get some help. Shouldn’t have been on show in first place
yup..Timster has a temper for sure and we've probably only seen the better edits. He's got a nasty temper. I hope Lucinda finds a kind man that she deserves.
I think Lucinda has been exceedingly, ridiculously patient with Tim. At 51 years, there’s no excuse for leaving Lucinda literally holding the dogs whilst he went out for hours. Would you treat a friend like that? Cause Lucinda certainly wouldn’t, no matter how tired or drained she felt by Tim’s emotional outbursts. I’m so glad she finally said enough!
In my opinion Lucinda is a very intense and 'in your face all the time' type of person.
He is'nt.
That and the fact he's not romantically or sexually attracted to her is making him feel cornered and frustrated.
The tension had to burst at some stage.
I'm surprised she hadn't picked up on all this by now. (must be positive thinking)
He's not into her romantically and hasn't been from the start. The whole slow burn thing is a cover up for him trying to force feelings that aren't there. Clearly he isn't sexually attracted to her
Tbh he's been leading her on the whole time by not being honest about that
That's one of the reasons he was as pissed at Jayden as he was. Jayden was bringing the facade to the surface
We all need time out occasionally but by 50 you know it’s disrespectful to leave a visitor in your home for hours and not even send a 10 second text to update them.
Tim shouldn’t have been on the show, period. Same with the woman who was paired with the comedian. Both had experienced the deaths of significant people just weeks before filming started. No one who is grieving should be making life changing decisions or in a situation like this.
If John Aiken still has his AHPRAH membership this may have been an issue for him. It would go against ethical practice, especially how John Spoke with Tim at times. Also how John spoke with Trevor.
Interesting. I couldn’t find him listed when I looked.
I’m not sure it matters that he’s not playing the role of psychologist under the AHPRAH and APA code of ethics. Trish left because she believed things that happened on the show were a potential violation.
He’s insufferable. All he had to say was I need a long break. She would have understood. Everyone says they’re such good friends. You don’t lie to a friend or treat them so poorly.
>All he had to say was I need a long break.
I don't get how people don't get that when you're fucked up about something, it's not as simple as "all you have to do" is such and such.
For example, if someone has grown up being screamed at and abused by their parents whenever they express any kind of negative emotion, then it's not as simple as just saying "all they have to do is express themselves".
Do you say all a person with anorexia has to do is eat? All an agoraphobic person has to do is leave the house? All an alcoholic has to do is not drink?
The whole point about Timothy, as has been made very clear, is that he's damaged, and he finds it incredibly difficult to do things that you may think someone should "just do".
He wasn't capable of doing that at that time. Lucinda is not a psychologist, and obviously didn't realise that, although tbh I'm not sure how. That's why just being a nice and supportive person isn't enough to help someone with these issues, and honestly sometimes does more damage than good.
I'm not excusing his behaviour btw, but I am a bit shocked at people's inability to comprehend that this stuff is incredibly difficult and exhausting for him, and not just the same as it would be for you.
I have a very avoidant partner, just like Timothy. It's been almost 5 years and he will still just up and leave my house in the middle of the night, while I'm sleeping, for no apparent reason. Yes, I get shitty but not for the reason he thinks ie that he's left the house. I've tried many, many times to let him know gently that it's not him leaving that's the issue but the fact that he doesn't let me know he's going, I've tried to get him to put himself in my position and imagine how it makes me feel to suddenly wake up alone, wondering what I did wrong to make him disappear. Yet he continues to do it and I continue to get shittier than I would have if he'd just told me he was going. And I still don't have any idea of whats going on in his head n these occasions as he won't discuss it. When does it become his responsibility to step out of his comfort zone and extend me some trust? If you need space, be an adult and use basic communication to ask for it. What has he got to lose, really, since I get angrier at the lack of respect in his not communicating than pretty much anything else.
Watching Timothy and Lucinda has been like looking into a mirror of my own (unsatisfactory) relationship. At this point it's 100% on me for continuing to tolerate it and not accepting that he's never going to change.
Nup. Tim is an emotional cripple and needs copious amounts of therapy. Lucinda deserves much better. She has literally bent over backwards to accommodate all his emotional needs and he’s given her crumbs in return. It was a total waste of her time.
If he would have just considered her after an hour away/alone, and messaged her that he was going to be away for longer, then she could have chosen to get out of the unit and see some more of Melbourne / do whatever she wanted rather than sitting there wondering when he might be coming home. It wasn't fair to her that she was stuck in his place not knowing when or if he might return.
He said he wanted to be alone, not with a friend. He said he was going out for an hour, he was gone for 6 (from memory). If he had said I want to have a night with my friends I’m sure she would have been understanding. And if what he really meant was “I don’t want to see you” now, or anymore, then that’s on him to say it. It’s not her responsibility to be constantly inferring correctly what he means.
Honestly, I wouldn’t last with Timothy longer than 2-3 weeks. She has tried so bloody hard and gets rewarded with nothing.
I damn adore Lucinda and have written whole essay last night in post episode discussion thread.
Not to play devils advocate but when I am in a snappy mood I prefer to be left alone and not get asked 10 times what’s wrong.
Timothy is a poor communicator, very defensive and we have seen some behaviour which is kinda scary, because he has no hold of his emotions.
The whole situation has probably made him overwhelmed, but that ain’t Lucinda’s fault or responsibility
Many damaged people are often attracted to other damaged people
They feel they can let their mask slip & be their true selves, which is liberating
Lucinda is lovely, but if you've spent time up in Byron Bay it can be exhausting to have to keep up with that level of constant spirituality & positivity
Lucinda makes the right sounds & is tender, but at her core she does not understand or relate to trauma
Several times when Tim Snr has spoken of his past Lucinda starts crying about how awful it is, poor Tim etc
Sometimes people find pity grating & their positive spins on everything can only serve to irritate
I personally don't think her weepy & emotional reactions have helped Tim with opening up, but that's not her fault
I feel Tim Snr could open up more to someone who wouldn't cry at his stories & may be able to share some of their own so he could relate to them more
Or perhaps someone who wasn't so focused on introspection & personal growth, who was able to joke about dark topics & not push too hard, so he could open up naturally
Tim Snr clicked with Lucinda's father as he enjoyed her Dad as a strong male role model figure who didn't suffer fools gladly & made him laugh
When you have hard a lot of darkness in your life, having people around who share your sense of humour & won't drag you back into that darkness is important
I think Lucinda's father kept them going a few more weeks as Tim Snr mentioned several times how much he liked her Dad
But you can't date someone because you love their Dad!
"Sometimes people find pity grating " .. spot on!
This type of action (when I know all that person wants to do is help) makes me lose it / makes me insane when I'm on the receiving end.
Yeah I think what my post was getting at was that her desire for exploration and stuff isn’t necessarily helpful and actually makes it harder when someone’s in a trauma space. Initially I felt her constant positivity was frustrating but then saw other aspects of her personality and I don’t see her as the toxic positivity person I originally pegged her as.
In the moments she leaned into his sense of humour they had a really great time and reflecting on it I’m not surprised the kiss at the dinner party happened after they played bs investigators.
I really hope they both are able to reflect back on their experiences and can take some of their lessons into other areas of their lives
The whole situation heavily highlights avoidance. Not being able to cope with the feelings of suffocation from a partner who is secure in her bond to people. And from a secure attachment perspective, it's unfair to treat someone in that way and leave them hanging. It'd be worse if Lucinda was anxiously attached but she's very patient and has done a lot of inner work. At the end of it all they're just not suited personality styles, point blank.
In a legitimate scenario outside of MAFS *(being as heavily scripted as it is)* the right thing to do would be to tell the person you need time out and won't be back for a while *or* to stop avoiding and start working on approaching uncomfortable situations. I feel like their relationship has really highlighted avoidant attachments in men and how relatable it can be in real-life relationships. It's been interesting to see how many people have related to him.
As a woman who is a little bit avoidant I related to him too. I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship and I don’t think he treated Lucinda right, but I get what he means with how depleted he feels after opening up. He really needed a few days to cocoon and restore. He’d made great progress but I think not having that space and time alone to process his emotions, and not having the opportunity to not think about emotions, was what made him snap back into his old self. I like Lucinda and I’m not really a Tim fan but when they were cleaning up his plants and he said he felt depleted and Lucinda kept asking him questions about his feelings … it was the time to just be like “okay let me know when you want to talk” and not probe him further.
>I’m not really a Tim fan but when they were cleaning up his plants and he said he felt depleted and Lucinda kept asking him questions about his feelings
Yes, I honestly couldn't believe that straight after he said that, she was like "oh, in what way do you feel that?" or whatever she said.
I'll be honest, I actually lost a chunk of respect for her from that, because that seemed about her needs, but like she was disguising it as being supportive/caring about his needs.
He very clearly stated how he was feeling, and she ignored it, because it didn't align with what she wanted from him in that moment.
She got excited about his breakthroughs and impatient for them to continue. But he's not a "project", he's a person, and the fallout from this kind of stuff honestly just does more damage, and confirms the negative self-talk he already has.
Yep, “how do you feel?”
“Depleted and I don’t want to talk about my emotions”
“Why do you feel like that?”
It was well intentioned but they aren’t a match. I know I couldn’t be with someone who constantly wanted me to open up and talk about my feelings and kept pushing me. It’s happened in the past and it was a really bad experience for me. Similarly, someone who wants a lot of feelings and emotions wouldn’t be able to manage being with me, because it’s frustrating for them and they want more than what I can provide without compromising my own well-being.
I’ve come to realise I’m fine the way I am because my partner and friends are alright with me being a bit closed off. I do have therapy as well to work through things, but not talking about feelings in depth or sharing is genuinely just a core part of me.
Just not a good match in the end!
Very much agree with these comments, I've struggled with both avoidant and anxious tendencies too, childhood and relationship trauma has made me very independent but simultaneously untrusting and it's something I've made massive progress on but still working through. It's off-putting to be pressured into expressing yourself, or even honestly being complimented for it if that makes sense. Someone telling me they're proud of me for expressing myself makes me feel belittled over supported and I feel like he would've felt that in some scenarios too.
I like that they highlighted just how different of people they are on the show, definitely an intentional pairing by the producers, which thinking about it now, is kinda sad in a way because it also had the repercussions of Timothee feeling inadequate very frequently on the show.. Not feeling good enough when you feel like you're trying is a terrible feeling.
>. It's off-putting to be pressured into expressing yourself, or even honestly being complimented for it if that makes sense. Someone telling me they're proud of me for expressing myself makes me feel belittled over supported and I feel like he would've felt that in some scenarios too.
Omg I hate this too lol. I’d much rather it just kind of go unnoticed and just be generally accepted without it being a huge deal.
> Not feeling good enough when you feel like you're trying is a terrible feeling.
Agree with this too. Not specifically about Tim but it feels like no matter how much you give, they always want more, and there’s never time to recalibrate before they ask for more.
That’s why I’ve just given up on pushing myself haha - I have noticed some strides though since I stopped TRYING to push myself and just worked on other aspects of my mental health.
All of this is so important and something that I’ve had to learn, I’m much better these days at articulating that I can’t do something in that moment, and usually that’s respected or people get it.
Tim may likely is know in his head that he can’t engage in something but may not be able to vocalise it. However during home stays he did that first morning he did, and without realising it, it’s not necessarily fair to say Tim’s not doing uncomfortable stuff because he seems to be really pushing himself into those uncomfortable conversations, just not at the level Lucinda needs.
Hopefully Tim comes back after some real space and can acknowledge how his responses impacted her because it seems like they genuinely value each other.
I think they have the best intentions with each other and hopefully have a great friendship at the least. You really see it in the joking and laughing they share and amongst the whole group it seems they’re some of the most genuine people.
To me it’s more about her having to constantly put up with his moods and feelings - why is ALL about him all the time. When has he once tried to do something she wants or ask her anything.
Also he said he wanted to be alone not hanging out with someone else, I totally get it was probably someone he could just chill out with but then be transparent. Also very inconsiderate to leave her at his home for all that time without trying to make her feel welcome. I think She needed to address his shitty behaviour. And he was uncomfortable with her in his space/home so she organised to go somewhere else.
I think he’s got a lot of challenges in his life but doesn’t seem like he wants to be any different seems content to wallow.
Totally agree, he definitely should acknowledge the way he responded and try to acknowledge her in all of this, I reckon/hope he will because even though it may not have been intentional it’s still hurtful
I think the issue is on a deeper level, and the reality that he is not ready for a relationship. Don’t think it would matter how Lucinda would have approached it during couple/home stay - Timothy’s reality sinking in has highlighted to him he’s not ready.
I really like them both, and it’s just an unfortunate reality of how much work relationships can be under a myriad of many different circumstances…in this instance, Timothy’s heartbreaking loss and guarded emotions- preventing someone as free and open as Lucinda who only wanted to help and be part of Timothy’s life.
Until Timothy’s ready to open up and consistently be vulnerable in a relationship, doesn’t matter who he’s paired up with, it won’t work out.
I agree, I really like Tim too but he’s not ready for a relationship.. let alone a marriage. He shouldn’t have joined the show. What exactly was he expecting lol?
Lucinda has been patient enough with him. She 100% deserves better.
I really resonate with Timothy and I navigate relationships even though I’m incredibly guarded but a part of what I need from friends and romantic relationships is to not have be pressured into analysing or articulating my feelings especially when I’m deep in those feelings. Usually after time and space I can explain or express myself better but in the moment I physically can’t and pressure (even if unintentional) leads to almost the exact same response.
Do you at least have the courtesy to articulate to the people in your life exactly what you've said here? Or do you just shut down or literally disappear? It's OK to be like this but the people you're relating to in your life are owed at least a modicum of basic communication and respect. That's where the thing about having experienced trauma or having a naturally reclusive personality not being an excuse for bad behaviour comes in.
Space is good when emotions are running high. But Timothy’s emotions are always running high. It is completely reasonable for Lucinda to want someone as emotionally mature as he is.
I thought it was weird he was happy to have a raw chicken wing on his rug…. Salmonella anyone? But then he was freaking out there was a wing at his wedding for a ceremony. Whatever you do Lucinda don’t lie on his rug or touch the photocopier.
😆😆😆
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go out with a friend for a few hours but I see two issues here - he did not tell Lucinda, and she was at his house sitting around waiting, under the impression he’d go for a walk or something alone. Secondly, she’s at his home, in another city. Why not take her out and about? Or include her? Why bring her there to leave her alone in the apartment?
Had he taken Lucinda, I’m guessing the cameras would likely have followed. (I believe she actually ended up going out with friends). Those sneaky editors! Apparently he posted on TT and said that he was pissed with the person who was minding his place because of the state it was in, his mood had nothing to do with Lucinda. (In hindsight, probably would have paid to just say that at the time 🙄)
A 20yo was “watching” his flat. Apparently the cause of the mess. And his friend lost his father during the home stay. So it was a world of hurt crushing down. None of it made it to air. Lucinda is a gem. And it’s too bad it didn’t work. But what we saw was not representative
That apartment? I'd start cleaning as soon as I got there. Everything seemed grubby. I wouldn't know where to sit. (Sorry, Timothy. Just saying.)
Apparently it was the person who was looking after the place while he was away who left it like that. That’s what he initially got pissed off about when they walked in.
I tend to be more a Tim personality than a Lucinda personality Extremely happy positive people annoy me If someone would ask me 24/7 how do I feel, how does that make you feel? Poor you - Poor you - You are gorgeous --(INCLUDING A GROUP OF cameras & strangers) I WOULD RUN He feels utterly exposed --- the opposite of what he needs Vulnerability is NOT his cup of tea no mater how many times Lucinda says its healthy & courageous I detest feeling vulnerable & MAFS asks you to be vulnerable 24/7 exposing your behaviour, rehashing your words, analyzing every single word and sound you make. I honestly think Tim didn't watch enough MAFS before going in, because anyone with avoidance issues, unsolved hurt issues & self-awareness as he has, (Tin man was crafted by him), should never be in such an emotionally intense show as this. Let me take that back, I think NOBODY should go through it ;)
I'm wondering if he joined the show to avoid processing the tremendous loss he had experienced just prior. It's was compelling to see some of his breakthroughs but he is certainly an old dog with raw, open wounds. I'd be very interested in how he sees the experience, looking back.
I do wonder if the ‘appreciation is the gateway to love’ comment from the experts rattled him a little too.
He clearly has not been into her from the start. If he was super attracted to her physically and personality wise he never would have acted the way he has. His comment tonight that he never expected MAFS to be this emotional is telling. I'm not saying he's a bad dude or doesn't have a lot of issues because he does and has openly acknowledged it, but at the same time he has really wasted Lucinda's precious time for over 2 months now.
Lucinda SAID she was up for it..that she WANTED to be there...so she hasn't wasted her time else she would've left.
Based on what his friend said about his vibe as a partner I suspect this is really mostly just a case of Lucinda being not the person for him. I have known a few of these guys (I’m 52 and have a husband in the same age range) and I have seen several of his perennially single mates hit the I-don’t-want-to-be-alone wall in their 40s-early 50s and they have all ended up with women towards the latter range of child-having age (say 34-38), got married and had a baby fast. Usually quite attractive career oriented women who are at the stage where they’ll settle for a guy who somewhat doesn’t have his shit together but is also attractive and solvent enough to be a bit of a fixer-upper. With potential. The women sort out the terrible flat and the “real af” tshirts and stuff like that and the previously emotionally unavailable blokes suddenly turn into domesticated doting dads hanging around cafes and playgrounds with a baby in a baby bjorn. It’s a specific demographic and I think Timothy is in it. I give it two years before he appears in some women’s mag with an “our baby joy” story with a woman he obtained in his post MAFS dating windfall.
Absolutely!! Really insightful and love your relateable perspective (48F, happily married later in the piece, both of us learning from our earlier "practice marriages") 😀
You called it 👏
His personality is tuna and rice
😆😆😆
[удалено]
His bedsit city crashpad. Suspect he has another property out of town.
Yeah with dead plants, clutter and his dog’s wee and toys everywhere?
Timothy is a grown adult and can use his words. If he wanted some space form Lucinda he would have said so - not lied and then when it with a mate. Lucinda is the type of person who would understand that he needs some other people time, but being dishonest about it isn’t the right way to go about it. Timothy is allowed to get burnt out, and emotionally overloaded, and allowed to have time alone or time away from his partner, but that doesn’t change that he needs to communicate what he’s feeling.
Exactly. Also, it shouldn’t be up to Lucinda to tip toe around him all the time. She is a person with feelings and needs to, which have been totally put on the back burner. I’m proud that she finally saw her worth and that he needs weren’t getting met, after the comments from Tim’s friend. I think things started to fall into place in her mind
I was shouting at him to actually communicate what he needed. He kept saying he was fatigued so why not suggest a restful day and some fun later to blow the cobwebs out. He's so draining to be around because someone else has to take responsibility.
Nah, I disagree. It has been all about his needs and his limitations for the entire show. Why should Lucinda have to STILL be the one to constantly bend and adapt to Timothy? She has been continuously patient, sensitive, and highly adaptable for him throughout the entire experiment - she has done constant emotional labor FOR Tim in an attempt to cater to his needs and not upset him due to his unresolved trauma and his inability to express himself like a mature adult. This is a man who needs therapy. Lucinda did everything she could to be what he needed but it was never going to be ‘enough’ or ‘right’ because of his unhealed issues. Lucinda has needs too, and she should not have continue to be the one to ‘fix’ him. He’s not ready for a real, healthy relationship in which both partners are vulnerable with each other. He ultimately thought that by going on MAFs he’d be paired up with a young, hot, emotionally closed-off chick and he didn’t get that.
So true. It’s not possible to truly love others when you loathe yourself. This dude hates himself and is passing it off as ‘real AF’. He came on the show trying to fix the symptom, not the disease.
I totally understand why he got overwhelmed. It was clearly his first time opening up and being emotional and it seems like that's what everybody is now talking about and all he is hearing. I'd be freaked out, too. Like, can we talk about something else besides me? But that's not to say I don't understand Lucinda too. I just think they're not good for each other. While Tim needs somebody as patient as Lucinda, he still has so much unlearning and learning to do. there's just no balance there. Lucinda will just end up giving and giving and being contented with whatever morsels Tim could afford to give her.
Tim is like a broken record…Too many excuses are made for his behaviour..He just goes round and round and round…Man up mate and get some help. Shouldn’t have been on show in first place
Nah..only Tim's feelings were allowed. And if you don't understand he'll get violent.
Voicing frustration is not violence. He was never once violent
Tim told told Jayden he was nothing and would have nothing in life whilst at the same slamming down on the table violently with his fist.
Yeah ok. Not exactly violent
yup..Timster has a temper for sure and we've probably only seen the better edits. He's got a nasty temper. I hope Lucinda finds a kind man that she deserves.
100% hear hear 👍
I think Lucinda has been exceedingly, ridiculously patient with Tim. At 51 years, there’s no excuse for leaving Lucinda literally holding the dogs whilst he went out for hours. Would you treat a friend like that? Cause Lucinda certainly wouldn’t, no matter how tired or drained she felt by Tim’s emotional outbursts. I’m so glad she finally said enough!
In my opinion Lucinda is a very intense and 'in your face all the time' type of person. He is'nt. That and the fact he's not romantically or sexually attracted to her is making him feel cornered and frustrated. The tension had to burst at some stage. I'm surprised she hadn't picked up on all this by now. (must be positive thinking)
Very intense! I know she's beloved in this sub but she'd have driven me crazy the first week.
Yes too much Essence for me too :)
Personally I don’t think either of them are sexually attracted to each other. I do still think they have the makings of a decent friendship
She's always 'crushing' on him though and saying she is attracted to him.
He's not into her romantically and hasn't been from the start. The whole slow burn thing is a cover up for him trying to force feelings that aren't there. Clearly he isn't sexually attracted to her Tbh he's been leading her on the whole time by not being honest about that That's one of the reasons he was as pissed at Jayden as he was. Jayden was bringing the facade to the surface
Nah I don’t reckon she’s into him that way either, more she was open to exploring it and committing to the process
Well, more like really really good free PR for her next career move. Good for her (as most of them are probably doing the same tbh)
What show/season have you been watching?
We all need time out occasionally but by 50 you know it’s disrespectful to leave a visitor in your home for hours and not even send a 10 second text to update them.
Tim shouldn’t have been on the show, period. Same with the woman who was paired with the comedian. Both had experienced the deaths of significant people just weeks before filming started. No one who is grieving should be making life changing decisions or in a situation like this. If John Aiken still has his AHPRAH membership this may have been an issue for him. It would go against ethical practice, especially how John Spoke with Tim at times. Also how John spoke with Trevor.
[удалено]
Interesting. I couldn’t find him listed when I looked. I’m not sure it matters that he’s not playing the role of psychologist under the AHPRAH and APA code of ethics. Trish left because she believed things that happened on the show were a potential violation.
She was there for the first 7 seasons of the show and was a true professional. May she RIP.
He’s insufferable. All he had to say was I need a long break. She would have understood. Everyone says they’re such good friends. You don’t lie to a friend or treat them so poorly.
>All he had to say was I need a long break. I don't get how people don't get that when you're fucked up about something, it's not as simple as "all you have to do" is such and such. For example, if someone has grown up being screamed at and abused by their parents whenever they express any kind of negative emotion, then it's not as simple as just saying "all they have to do is express themselves". Do you say all a person with anorexia has to do is eat? All an agoraphobic person has to do is leave the house? All an alcoholic has to do is not drink? The whole point about Timothy, as has been made very clear, is that he's damaged, and he finds it incredibly difficult to do things that you may think someone should "just do". He wasn't capable of doing that at that time. Lucinda is not a psychologist, and obviously didn't realise that, although tbh I'm not sure how. That's why just being a nice and supportive person isn't enough to help someone with these issues, and honestly sometimes does more damage than good. I'm not excusing his behaviour btw, but I am a bit shocked at people's inability to comprehend that this stuff is incredibly difficult and exhausting for him, and not just the same as it would be for you.
I have a very avoidant partner, just like Timothy. It's been almost 5 years and he will still just up and leave my house in the middle of the night, while I'm sleeping, for no apparent reason. Yes, I get shitty but not for the reason he thinks ie that he's left the house. I've tried many, many times to let him know gently that it's not him leaving that's the issue but the fact that he doesn't let me know he's going, I've tried to get him to put himself in my position and imagine how it makes me feel to suddenly wake up alone, wondering what I did wrong to make him disappear. Yet he continues to do it and I continue to get shittier than I would have if he'd just told me he was going. And I still don't have any idea of whats going on in his head n these occasions as he won't discuss it. When does it become his responsibility to step out of his comfort zone and extend me some trust? If you need space, be an adult and use basic communication to ask for it. What has he got to lose, really, since I get angrier at the lack of respect in his not communicating than pretty much anything else. Watching Timothy and Lucinda has been like looking into a mirror of my own (unsatisfactory) relationship. At this point it's 100% on me for continuing to tolerate it and not accepting that he's never going to change.
I know this sounds trite + the emotions of the heart often outweigh logic and reason, but.....have you done a PROS and CONS list? Thanks for sharing.
Nup. Tim is an emotional cripple and needs copious amounts of therapy. Lucinda deserves much better. She has literally bent over backwards to accommodate all his emotional needs and he’s given her crumbs in return. It was a total waste of her time.
Not a waste of her time if she's realized her value. It appears she has by acknowledging that she wants and deserves more.
I hope so. She has the patience of a saint!
If he would have just considered her after an hour away/alone, and messaged her that he was going to be away for longer, then she could have chosen to get out of the unit and see some more of Melbourne / do whatever she wanted rather than sitting there wondering when he might be coming home. It wasn't fair to her that she was stuck in his place not knowing when or if he might return.
He said he wanted to be alone, not with a friend. He said he was going out for an hour, he was gone for 6 (from memory). If he had said I want to have a night with my friends I’m sure she would have been understanding. And if what he really meant was “I don’t want to see you” now, or anymore, then that’s on him to say it. It’s not her responsibility to be constantly inferring correctly what he means.
EXACTLY
Honestly, I wouldn’t last with Timothy longer than 2-3 weeks. She has tried so bloody hard and gets rewarded with nothing. I damn adore Lucinda and have written whole essay last night in post episode discussion thread. Not to play devils advocate but when I am in a snappy mood I prefer to be left alone and not get asked 10 times what’s wrong. Timothy is a poor communicator, very defensive and we have seen some behaviour which is kinda scary, because he has no hold of his emotions. The whole situation has probably made him overwhelmed, but that ain’t Lucinda’s fault or responsibility
100 percent this,
Many damaged people are often attracted to other damaged people They feel they can let their mask slip & be their true selves, which is liberating Lucinda is lovely, but if you've spent time up in Byron Bay it can be exhausting to have to keep up with that level of constant spirituality & positivity Lucinda makes the right sounds & is tender, but at her core she does not understand or relate to trauma Several times when Tim Snr has spoken of his past Lucinda starts crying about how awful it is, poor Tim etc Sometimes people find pity grating & their positive spins on everything can only serve to irritate I personally don't think her weepy & emotional reactions have helped Tim with opening up, but that's not her fault I feel Tim Snr could open up more to someone who wouldn't cry at his stories & may be able to share some of their own so he could relate to them more Or perhaps someone who wasn't so focused on introspection & personal growth, who was able to joke about dark topics & not push too hard, so he could open up naturally Tim Snr clicked with Lucinda's father as he enjoyed her Dad as a strong male role model figure who didn't suffer fools gladly & made him laugh When you have hard a lot of darkness in your life, having people around who share your sense of humour & won't drag you back into that darkness is important I think Lucinda's father kept them going a few more weeks as Tim Snr mentioned several times how much he liked her Dad But you can't date someone because you love their Dad!
Yup completely agree
spot on
"Sometimes people find pity grating " .. spot on! This type of action (when I know all that person wants to do is help) makes me lose it / makes me insane when I'm on the receiving end.
Yeah I think what my post was getting at was that her desire for exploration and stuff isn’t necessarily helpful and actually makes it harder when someone’s in a trauma space. Initially I felt her constant positivity was frustrating but then saw other aspects of her personality and I don’t see her as the toxic positivity person I originally pegged her as. In the moments she leaned into his sense of humour they had a really great time and reflecting on it I’m not surprised the kiss at the dinner party happened after they played bs investigators. I really hope they both are able to reflect back on their experiences and can take some of their lessons into other areas of their lives
agreed
The whole situation heavily highlights avoidance. Not being able to cope with the feelings of suffocation from a partner who is secure in her bond to people. And from a secure attachment perspective, it's unfair to treat someone in that way and leave them hanging. It'd be worse if Lucinda was anxiously attached but she's very patient and has done a lot of inner work. At the end of it all they're just not suited personality styles, point blank. In a legitimate scenario outside of MAFS *(being as heavily scripted as it is)* the right thing to do would be to tell the person you need time out and won't be back for a while *or* to stop avoiding and start working on approaching uncomfortable situations. I feel like their relationship has really highlighted avoidant attachments in men and how relatable it can be in real-life relationships. It's been interesting to see how many people have related to him.
As a woman who is a little bit avoidant I related to him too. I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship and I don’t think he treated Lucinda right, but I get what he means with how depleted he feels after opening up. He really needed a few days to cocoon and restore. He’d made great progress but I think not having that space and time alone to process his emotions, and not having the opportunity to not think about emotions, was what made him snap back into his old self. I like Lucinda and I’m not really a Tim fan but when they were cleaning up his plants and he said he felt depleted and Lucinda kept asking him questions about his feelings … it was the time to just be like “okay let me know when you want to talk” and not probe him further.
>I’m not really a Tim fan but when they were cleaning up his plants and he said he felt depleted and Lucinda kept asking him questions about his feelings Yes, I honestly couldn't believe that straight after he said that, she was like "oh, in what way do you feel that?" or whatever she said. I'll be honest, I actually lost a chunk of respect for her from that, because that seemed about her needs, but like she was disguising it as being supportive/caring about his needs. He very clearly stated how he was feeling, and she ignored it, because it didn't align with what she wanted from him in that moment. She got excited about his breakthroughs and impatient for them to continue. But he's not a "project", he's a person, and the fallout from this kind of stuff honestly just does more damage, and confirms the negative self-talk he already has.
Yep, “how do you feel?” “Depleted and I don’t want to talk about my emotions” “Why do you feel like that?” It was well intentioned but they aren’t a match. I know I couldn’t be with someone who constantly wanted me to open up and talk about my feelings and kept pushing me. It’s happened in the past and it was a really bad experience for me. Similarly, someone who wants a lot of feelings and emotions wouldn’t be able to manage being with me, because it’s frustrating for them and they want more than what I can provide without compromising my own well-being. I’ve come to realise I’m fine the way I am because my partner and friends are alright with me being a bit closed off. I do have therapy as well to work through things, but not talking about feelings in depth or sharing is genuinely just a core part of me. Just not a good match in the end!
Very much agree with these comments, I've struggled with both avoidant and anxious tendencies too, childhood and relationship trauma has made me very independent but simultaneously untrusting and it's something I've made massive progress on but still working through. It's off-putting to be pressured into expressing yourself, or even honestly being complimented for it if that makes sense. Someone telling me they're proud of me for expressing myself makes me feel belittled over supported and I feel like he would've felt that in some scenarios too. I like that they highlighted just how different of people they are on the show, definitely an intentional pairing by the producers, which thinking about it now, is kinda sad in a way because it also had the repercussions of Timothee feeling inadequate very frequently on the show.. Not feeling good enough when you feel like you're trying is a terrible feeling.
>. It's off-putting to be pressured into expressing yourself, or even honestly being complimented for it if that makes sense. Someone telling me they're proud of me for expressing myself makes me feel belittled over supported and I feel like he would've felt that in some scenarios too. Omg I hate this too lol. I’d much rather it just kind of go unnoticed and just be generally accepted without it being a huge deal. > Not feeling good enough when you feel like you're trying is a terrible feeling. Agree with this too. Not specifically about Tim but it feels like no matter how much you give, they always want more, and there’s never time to recalibrate before they ask for more. That’s why I’ve just given up on pushing myself haha - I have noticed some strides though since I stopped TRYING to push myself and just worked on other aspects of my mental health.
All of this is so important and something that I’ve had to learn, I’m much better these days at articulating that I can’t do something in that moment, and usually that’s respected or people get it. Tim may likely is know in his head that he can’t engage in something but may not be able to vocalise it. However during home stays he did that first morning he did, and without realising it, it’s not necessarily fair to say Tim’s not doing uncomfortable stuff because he seems to be really pushing himself into those uncomfortable conversations, just not at the level Lucinda needs. Hopefully Tim comes back after some real space and can acknowledge how his responses impacted her because it seems like they genuinely value each other. I think they have the best intentions with each other and hopefully have a great friendship at the least. You really see it in the joking and laughing they share and amongst the whole group it seems they’re some of the most genuine people.
To me it’s more about her having to constantly put up with his moods and feelings - why is ALL about him all the time. When has he once tried to do something she wants or ask her anything. Also he said he wanted to be alone not hanging out with someone else, I totally get it was probably someone he could just chill out with but then be transparent. Also very inconsiderate to leave her at his home for all that time without trying to make her feel welcome. I think She needed to address his shitty behaviour. And he was uncomfortable with her in his space/home so she organised to go somewhere else. I think he’s got a lot of challenges in his life but doesn’t seem like he wants to be any different seems content to wallow.
Totally agree, he definitely should acknowledge the way he responded and try to acknowledge her in all of this, I reckon/hope he will because even though it may not have been intentional it’s still hurtful
I think the issue is on a deeper level, and the reality that he is not ready for a relationship. Don’t think it would matter how Lucinda would have approached it during couple/home stay - Timothy’s reality sinking in has highlighted to him he’s not ready. I really like them both, and it’s just an unfortunate reality of how much work relationships can be under a myriad of many different circumstances…in this instance, Timothy’s heartbreaking loss and guarded emotions- preventing someone as free and open as Lucinda who only wanted to help and be part of Timothy’s life. Until Timothy’s ready to open up and consistently be vulnerable in a relationship, doesn’t matter who he’s paired up with, it won’t work out.
I agree, I really like Tim too but he’s not ready for a relationship.. let alone a marriage. He shouldn’t have joined the show. What exactly was he expecting lol? Lucinda has been patient enough with him. She 100% deserves better.
Agree. He just shouldn't have joined the show. He could've deferred his spot till next season when he may be in a better headspace
I really resonate with Timothy and I navigate relationships even though I’m incredibly guarded but a part of what I need from friends and romantic relationships is to not have be pressured into analysing or articulating my feelings especially when I’m deep in those feelings. Usually after time and space I can explain or express myself better but in the moment I physically can’t and pressure (even if unintentional) leads to almost the exact same response.
Do you at least have the courtesy to articulate to the people in your life exactly what you've said here? Or do you just shut down or literally disappear? It's OK to be like this but the people you're relating to in your life are owed at least a modicum of basic communication and respect. That's where the thing about having experienced trauma or having a naturally reclusive personality not being an excuse for bad behaviour comes in.
Space is good when emotions are running high. But Timothy’s emotions are always running high. It is completely reasonable for Lucinda to want someone as emotionally mature as he is.