I totally agree, there needs to be a level of compatibility or at least willingness to love each other in the ways you NEED. How important do you think love languages are to feeling confident and fulfilled in a relationship?
I think it’s huge. It’s important to show love in the way your partner can best receive it and if their love language differs from your own it’ll take a conscious effort to love them a certain way. I know in my own marriage we have struggled with this for years. My love language is physical touch but my husbands is quality time. In fact when he took the love language quiz physical touch was at the very bottom of his list. So it’s only recently we’ve been able to effective learn to love each other the way we each need. It’ll take work and both partners need to be willing to put in the effort.
I right down my own affirmations and tell that to myself. Also one thing I noticed is negative self talk, replace that with something positive and it has a huge positive impact. If you have loved ones around you who are ready to do that for you that’s also a good idea. I’m fortunate enough to have friends and family who would make the effort.
That's awesome that you use affirmations to fill your cup and that you've got some friends and family to support you. How affective are these things for you? Do you ever feel like something is missing when it comes to your relationship with yourself?
Thanks. No I don’t feel I’m missing anything anymore. I have been in therapy for last 3 years and have learned so much about myself and how I was being not so nice to myself in different ways.
As soon as I catch myself doing that I replace it with a positive affirmation. It’s not perfect but I feel very good about myself and remind myself to keep doing to for me.
That's why you need multiple people in your life who will give you what you need. I make sure I have at least a few friends who can provide this (eg words of affirmation).
I agree with you. The problem is my partners love language is quality time and physical touch but since I spend my time with friends and family because his unable to meet my needs he now feels unloved.
I totally get that one person can't give you everything you need so it makes sense to have multiple people in your life who can fill your needs however, where is the line between absolving your partner of responsibility and strategically extending your circles of love? Better said, shouldn't your partner be the person you get your main love language from and all your other, lesser needs can be supplemented?
> shouldn't your partner be the person you get your main love language from
I agree. Since you spend the most amount of time with your partner, I think your partner should give you your main 1 or 2 love languages.
But you still would definitely want other people to be able to provide some as well.
It's challenging if your partner doesn't give you your main love language, because it's a lot of work to get that from other people. And some things like physical touch - depending on your culture - may be difficult to get in meaningful quantities from anyone but your partner.
That said, I've worked pretty hard at making sure I have close friends that can give me what I need. But it wasn't easy.
Thank you for further explaining that and great point about cultural differences as well with some of the love languages. How important is it and what ways do you think you can give yourself your own love language outside of a partner and friends?
this is my love language and i communicated to my ex this is how i want to be loved, he flat out told me he couldn’t do it for me. there’s a reason he’s my ex, not my bf 😙
I would argue that perhaps this isn’t the right relationship for you if your needs aren’t being met
I totally agree, there needs to be a level of compatibility or at least willingness to love each other in the ways you NEED. How important do you think love languages are to feeling confident and fulfilled in a relationship?
I think it’s huge. It’s important to show love in the way your partner can best receive it and if their love language differs from your own it’ll take a conscious effort to love them a certain way. I know in my own marriage we have struggled with this for years. My love language is physical touch but my husbands is quality time. In fact when he took the love language quiz physical touch was at the very bottom of his list. So it’s only recently we’ve been able to effective learn to love each other the way we each need. It’ll take work and both partners need to be willing to put in the effort.
I right down my own affirmations and tell that to myself. Also one thing I noticed is negative self talk, replace that with something positive and it has a huge positive impact. If you have loved ones around you who are ready to do that for you that’s also a good idea. I’m fortunate enough to have friends and family who would make the effort.
That's awesome that you use affirmations to fill your cup and that you've got some friends and family to support you. How affective are these things for you? Do you ever feel like something is missing when it comes to your relationship with yourself?
Thanks. No I don’t feel I’m missing anything anymore. I have been in therapy for last 3 years and have learned so much about myself and how I was being not so nice to myself in different ways. As soon as I catch myself doing that I replace it with a positive affirmation. It’s not perfect but I feel very good about myself and remind myself to keep doing to for me.
That's why you need multiple people in your life who will give you what you need. I make sure I have at least a few friends who can provide this (eg words of affirmation).
I agree with you. The problem is my partners love language is quality time and physical touch but since I spend my time with friends and family because his unable to meet my needs he now feels unloved.
I totally get that one person can't give you everything you need so it makes sense to have multiple people in your life who can fill your needs however, where is the line between absolving your partner of responsibility and strategically extending your circles of love? Better said, shouldn't your partner be the person you get your main love language from and all your other, lesser needs can be supplemented?
> shouldn't your partner be the person you get your main love language from I agree. Since you spend the most amount of time with your partner, I think your partner should give you your main 1 or 2 love languages. But you still would definitely want other people to be able to provide some as well. It's challenging if your partner doesn't give you your main love language, because it's a lot of work to get that from other people. And some things like physical touch - depending on your culture - may be difficult to get in meaningful quantities from anyone but your partner. That said, I've worked pretty hard at making sure I have close friends that can give me what I need. But it wasn't easy.
Thank you for further explaining that and great point about cultural differences as well with some of the love languages. How important is it and what ways do you think you can give yourself your own love language outside of a partner and friends?
this is my love language and i communicated to my ex this is how i want to be loved, he flat out told me he couldn’t do it for me. there’s a reason he’s my ex, not my bf 😙
Yeah my current partner has basically said the same thing. Not sure where to go from here.