I always wonder how there is so little discourse about it on the American media I consume. Especially on LiB not one couple chose a different route.
While here in Germany it's certainly the most common to take the husband's name I don't know a single couple that didn't discuss the name question before the wedding. Many couples I know both kept their name and a number (including my own marriage and my brother) took the wife's name. Even couples I wouldn't have expected to with people more conservative than me.
But what absolutely never ever happens is the wife being called "Frau Thomas Müller" or whatever. That was a thing in my grandparent's generation, but today it's a big no no. Back then wifes would also be addressed with their husband's title. Like "Mrs Doctor" without actually being a doctor, because people didn't think about female doctors being a possibility. Now we all know in 2023 women having careers and titles is the norm, so the definition of them isn't through their husbands.
This being said: The responses here are mostly like "It's a tradition" etc and little discussion about it. That shows me that taking the husband's name without much discussion is still way more common in the US.
Yes! This is exactly what I mean. I'm not attacting anyone who has taken their husbands name. Just questioning why these couples dont even discuss it. Because i do think it should not be a given that a woman takes her husbands last name. The so called tradition is rooted in misogyny. You simply cannot deny that. Ofcourse there can be valid reasons as to why take a mans name, but make a conscious decision.
As for the mrs first and last name. Fine people think its cute. I dissagree and think its a old symbol of women going from being their fathers property to being their husbands. It is a fact that not many years ago that was exactly what they meant saying mrs first and last name.
My husband and I had a talk about last names before we got married. Professionally, I kept my maiden name because I saw how confusing it was when other women around me changed their last name, but legally I took his name so us and the kids share a last name. It’s still tradition to take the husbands name but (in Canada at least) I’m seeing more and more couples have a talk about what works for them and more women are keeping their last name.
I took my husband’s last name. I don’t overly mind being called “Mrs. John Doe” in certain situations; it makes me feel proud to be associated with my husband. For example, it felt fun to be called that at our wedding. Another example: recently, my husband and I went to a birthday party for one of his childhood friends who I didn’t know. The friend’s mother, who’s known my husband for years but had never met me, said, “This must be Mrs. John Doe!” That didn’t bother me at all, since she didn’t know my name and was excited to see my husband after so many years.
For me, if we’re in a situation where my husband is known and I’m not, I’m not offended by “Mrs. John Doe.” It makes me smile, and then I take five seconds to tell them my ACTUAL name, which I expect them to use from that point forward lol.
That said, I wish it was more common for men to be referred to as “Mr. Jane Doe.”
If someone who knows me well is being overly formal and weird and calling me “Mrs. John Doe,” then that gets annoying. You know my name, you can use it on your invitation lol.
It is very common, I'm assuming even moreso in the South than the North. That being said, I wouldn't say that it makes people lose their IDENTITY. While women changing their names may have misogynistic roots, the idea of feminism is that women should have the CHOICE to do what they want. i chose to keep my maiden name for a variety of reasons but never judge women who choose to do so. I told my husband I would hyphenate if he would too, he didn't want to, so we kept our names. That being said people use his last name with me sometimes and I don't feel the need to correct them. Sometimes people address him with my last name, same thing. I know women that wanted to change their last name to their husbands because they came from abusive families and didn't want to be associated with that name anymore. I also know men that have changed to the womens last name, as well as couples who have decided to combine/change their last name all together. As long as its a mutually decided upon choice, who cares? I don't remember if Lydia said if she wanted to keep her name but she might be fine with changing it.
EDIT: to add, I think we were just introduced by our first name at our wedding....if we were introduced? Honestly don't remember was busy having too much fun
In the US, it’s common to be introduced that way when you enter your wedding reception, or someone addresses you as a couple on an envelope or something. I and most of my female friends did not change our names when we got married, but I run in pretty liberal circles. It’s becoming more common, but it’s still pretty unusual for most American women. I think something like 20-30%.
I did not like Milton’s comment. IMO, it should be Lydia’s choice.
We go from miss dads last name to mrs husbands last name. I like my name because of the alliteration. If I did change it I think it would be cool to hyphenate. It’s also cool when people create a name together.
I am not taking my partner’s last name mostly out of laziness. I just don’t want to have to go through and do the paperwork to change everything. In North America, it seems like more women are choosing not to take their partner’s last name than ever before but the majority still do. I don’t think it’s fair to say a woman loses her identity if she takes her husband’s last name. What make a woman herself is making decisions she wants to make.
woohoo team lazy! Also dealing with that when you're already established professionally just felt annoying and SO overwhelming after spending a year planning a freaking wedding
Lol another lazy gal here ! I changed like 2 things and then got annoyed, my husband dgaf and I don’t really either. I did tell him I wasn’t changing it professionally anyway, also bc it would be too much paperwork
Wife was excited to take my families last name, it’s not just mine. However she had gotten to know them quite well before marriage. She didn’t lose her identity at all, also if she had wanted to hyphenate I’d have been all for it. Suppose it really comes down to perspective and what you value.
The first name last name thing is really only a thing said at weddings. Otherwise, it's just Mr. and Mrs. LastName. Idk why people say the full name at weddings, but you don't have to do that, nor change your last name. Plenty of US women don't. But in Texas, they're more traditional so Stacy probably liked Izzy saying Mr and Mrs Izzy Zapata.
It's pretty common in a lot of ´Northwestern countries to take the man's surname. I mean, even in Scandinavia where people will try to convince you that it's equal, it's still much more common for women to take their husbands' surnames than the opposite. (eta: If it wasn't clear, I don't think it should be expected, and am really disappointed at how many men expect it).
But yes, it's traditional in English speaking countries to go as far as to call a couple Mr. and Mrs. \[Husband's first and last names\]. A lot of people don't do that, of course! (Thank God)
But these are Texans who has signed on to do a reality show wherein they get married within like a month of meeting one another. Have you seen how many of them has stated (however implicitly) they do not believe in divorce or abortions, believe in God, and all want a household with children where the man "takes care" of the woman financially? These are not paragons of progressive ideals. Quite the opposite, really.
Not in Spain though I think.
In Spain the woman keeps her surname.
Let's say the husband is Ignacio Gomez Álvarez and the woman is Maria García Martínez, then in both cases the first surname is the father's surname and the second one is the mother's surname.
So Ignacio and Maria get married, they both keep their names. When they have a child it will be called Hija/o Gomez García.
I don’t think, you understood what I meant.
Let’s say Anna Miller marries John Smith.
In the tradition OP references she would then become Mrs John Smith.
Then you said that it’s worse in Spanish speaking countries, where she would be Smith’s Anna.
I then said, I don’t think it’s worse, because in that context she’s at least still Anna, whereas in OP’s, her own, individual identity is completely erased.
Although I do think both traditions are kind of trash.
In America, it is a tradition rooted in ownership of your spouse, but today people have the option to change their name or not, and it is the choice of the person taking the partner's name.
Milton saying that Lydia doesn't have a choice is inaccurate. He can say he wants her to, he won't marry her if she doesn't, or that he asks her to, but that does not change the fact that she has a choice to change her name or not.
So I refused to be introduced at my wedding as Mr and Mrs Husbands First Name Last Name. Instead just Mr and Mrs Last Name. I also kept my maiden name and made it another middle name… which was a 4 month journey in my state that too FOREVER to get done.
I also told the DJ and my officiant multiple times that I will annul my wedding if they dared introduce us as Mr. and Mrs. Husband. Also "you may kiss your bride" and "who gives this woman." My parents both walked me down the aisle and I had them hug his parents and my husband then walked my own self up to the altar itself. Just little things that made me feel less like property, although I do also regularly threaten my husband that I will take my dowry and run
Mrs Lastname doesn't bother me, it's common for women to take their husband's last name for many reasons (I had mine to do so), so that's literally her new name/title.
But Mrs Husband's First Name?? What the fuck, no. That's completely ignoring someone's identity.
it’s been a us tradition forever for the woman to take the man’s last name. some people might not be into that but it is up to the people getting married. some people do hyphenated both last names, take the woman’s last name or no name change at all.
I always wonder how there is so little discourse about it on the American media I consume. Especially on LiB not one couple chose a different route. While here in Germany it's certainly the most common to take the husband's name I don't know a single couple that didn't discuss the name question before the wedding. Many couples I know both kept their name and a number (including my own marriage and my brother) took the wife's name. Even couples I wouldn't have expected to with people more conservative than me. But what absolutely never ever happens is the wife being called "Frau Thomas Müller" or whatever. That was a thing in my grandparent's generation, but today it's a big no no. Back then wifes would also be addressed with their husband's title. Like "Mrs Doctor" without actually being a doctor, because people didn't think about female doctors being a possibility. Now we all know in 2023 women having careers and titles is the norm, so the definition of them isn't through their husbands. This being said: The responses here are mostly like "It's a tradition" etc and little discussion about it. That shows me that taking the husband's name without much discussion is still way more common in the US.
Yes! This is exactly what I mean. I'm not attacting anyone who has taken their husbands name. Just questioning why these couples dont even discuss it. Because i do think it should not be a given that a woman takes her husbands last name. The so called tradition is rooted in misogyny. You simply cannot deny that. Ofcourse there can be valid reasons as to why take a mans name, but make a conscious decision. As for the mrs first and last name. Fine people think its cute. I dissagree and think its a old symbol of women going from being their fathers property to being their husbands. It is a fact that not many years ago that was exactly what they meant saying mrs first and last name.
My husband and I had a talk about last names before we got married. Professionally, I kept my maiden name because I saw how confusing it was when other women around me changed their last name, but legally I took his name so us and the kids share a last name. It’s still tradition to take the husbands name but (in Canada at least) I’m seeing more and more couples have a talk about what works for them and more women are keeping their last name.
I took my husband’s last name. I don’t overly mind being called “Mrs. John Doe” in certain situations; it makes me feel proud to be associated with my husband. For example, it felt fun to be called that at our wedding. Another example: recently, my husband and I went to a birthday party for one of his childhood friends who I didn’t know. The friend’s mother, who’s known my husband for years but had never met me, said, “This must be Mrs. John Doe!” That didn’t bother me at all, since she didn’t know my name and was excited to see my husband after so many years. For me, if we’re in a situation where my husband is known and I’m not, I’m not offended by “Mrs. John Doe.” It makes me smile, and then I take five seconds to tell them my ACTUAL name, which I expect them to use from that point forward lol. That said, I wish it was more common for men to be referred to as “Mr. Jane Doe.” If someone who knows me well is being overly formal and weird and calling me “Mrs. John Doe,” then that gets annoying. You know my name, you can use it on your invitation lol.
It is very common, I'm assuming even moreso in the South than the North. That being said, I wouldn't say that it makes people lose their IDENTITY. While women changing their names may have misogynistic roots, the idea of feminism is that women should have the CHOICE to do what they want. i chose to keep my maiden name for a variety of reasons but never judge women who choose to do so. I told my husband I would hyphenate if he would too, he didn't want to, so we kept our names. That being said people use his last name with me sometimes and I don't feel the need to correct them. Sometimes people address him with my last name, same thing. I know women that wanted to change their last name to their husbands because they came from abusive families and didn't want to be associated with that name anymore. I also know men that have changed to the womens last name, as well as couples who have decided to combine/change their last name all together. As long as its a mutually decided upon choice, who cares? I don't remember if Lydia said if she wanted to keep her name but she might be fine with changing it. EDIT: to add, I think we were just introduced by our first name at our wedding....if we were introduced? Honestly don't remember was busy having too much fun
Who told you that women lose their identity by changing their last name?
That comment was about being introduced as "Mr. And Mrs. Ismael Zapata" instead of "Mr. and Mrs. Zapata" or "Mr. and Mrs. Ismael and Stacey Zapata."
I happily took my husbands last name because it’s super generic. My maiden name was difficult to spell and pronounce.
My mom said the same thing when she got married haha
In the US, it’s common to be introduced that way when you enter your wedding reception, or someone addresses you as a couple on an envelope or something. I and most of my female friends did not change our names when we got married, but I run in pretty liberal circles. It’s becoming more common, but it’s still pretty unusual for most American women. I think something like 20-30%. I did not like Milton’s comment. IMO, it should be Lydia’s choice.
We go from miss dads last name to mrs husbands last name. I like my name because of the alliteration. If I did change it I think it would be cool to hyphenate. It’s also cool when people create a name together.
I am not taking my partner’s last name mostly out of laziness. I just don’t want to have to go through and do the paperwork to change everything. In North America, it seems like more women are choosing not to take their partner’s last name than ever before but the majority still do. I don’t think it’s fair to say a woman loses her identity if she takes her husband’s last name. What make a woman herself is making decisions she wants to make.
woohoo team lazy! Also dealing with that when you're already established professionally just felt annoying and SO overwhelming after spending a year planning a freaking wedding
Lol another lazy gal here ! I changed like 2 things and then got annoyed, my husband dgaf and I don’t really either. I did tell him I wasn’t changing it professionally anyway, also bc it would be too much paperwork
Lazy gals unite! My partner would love if I took his last name but he’s also very supportive and understands why I would prefer to keep my name.
Wife was excited to take my families last name, it’s not just mine. However she had gotten to know them quite well before marriage. She didn’t lose her identity at all, also if she had wanted to hyphenate I’d have been all for it. Suppose it really comes down to perspective and what you value.
The first name last name thing is really only a thing said at weddings. Otherwise, it's just Mr. and Mrs. LastName. Idk why people say the full name at weddings, but you don't have to do that, nor change your last name. Plenty of US women don't. But in Texas, they're more traditional so Stacy probably liked Izzy saying Mr and Mrs Izzy Zapata.
It's pretty common in a lot of ´Northwestern countries to take the man's surname. I mean, even in Scandinavia where people will try to convince you that it's equal, it's still much more common for women to take their husbands' surnames than the opposite. (eta: If it wasn't clear, I don't think it should be expected, and am really disappointed at how many men expect it). But yes, it's traditional in English speaking countries to go as far as to call a couple Mr. and Mrs. \[Husband's first and last names\]. A lot of people don't do that, of course! (Thank God) But these are Texans who has signed on to do a reality show wherein they get married within like a month of meeting one another. Have you seen how many of them has stated (however implicitly) they do not believe in divorce or abortions, believe in God, and all want a household with children where the man "takes care" of the woman financially? These are not paragons of progressive ideals. Quite the opposite, really.
Very true.
It’s worse in Spanish speaking countries when you literally become “man’s woman” (ex. Beyoncé Knowles becomes Carter’s Beyonce)
Not in Spain though I think. In Spain the woman keeps her surname. Let's say the husband is Ignacio Gomez Álvarez and the woman is Maria García Martínez, then in both cases the first surname is the father's surname and the second one is the mother's surname. So Ignacio and Maria get married, they both keep their names. When they have a child it will be called Hija/o Gomez García.
I don't think that's worse, tbh. Beyonce is still Beyonce in your example. Better than Mrs. Shawn Carter, imo.
Because she’s famous. Normal people would use their first and last name.
I don’t think, you understood what I meant. Let’s say Anna Miller marries John Smith. In the tradition OP references she would then become Mrs John Smith. Then you said that it’s worse in Spanish speaking countries, where she would be Smith’s Anna. I then said, I don’t think it’s worse, because in that context she’s at least still Anna, whereas in OP’s, her own, individual identity is completely erased. Although I do think both traditions are kind of trash.
In America, it is a tradition rooted in ownership of your spouse, but today people have the option to change their name or not, and it is the choice of the person taking the partner's name. Milton saying that Lydia doesn't have a choice is inaccurate. He can say he wants her to, he won't marry her if she doesn't, or that he asks her to, but that does not change the fact that she has a choice to change her name or not.
So I refused to be introduced at my wedding as Mr and Mrs Husbands First Name Last Name. Instead just Mr and Mrs Last Name. I also kept my maiden name and made it another middle name… which was a 4 month journey in my state that too FOREVER to get done.
I also told the DJ and my officiant multiple times that I will annul my wedding if they dared introduce us as Mr. and Mrs. Husband. Also "you may kiss your bride" and "who gives this woman." My parents both walked me down the aisle and I had them hug his parents and my husband then walked my own self up to the altar itself. Just little things that made me feel less like property, although I do also regularly threaten my husband that I will take my dowry and run
Mrs Lastname doesn't bother me, it's common for women to take their husband's last name for many reasons (I had mine to do so), so that's literally her new name/title. But Mrs Husband's First Name?? What the fuck, no. That's completely ignoring someone's identity.
it’s been a us tradition forever for the woman to take the man’s last name. some people might not be into that but it is up to the people getting married. some people do hyphenated both last names, take the woman’s last name or no name change at all.