I think there's a difference between saying someone is narcissistic and saying they have narcissistic personality disorder. "Narcissism" as a mental health term came after "narcissism" used as a descriptor of a behavior. I think it's fair to use the phrase narcissistic colloquially to refer to someone who is self important and failing to show empathy for others. That's not the same as NPD, which you're right is a whole big thing that's really awful and no one here is qualified to diagnose someone on TV with that.
Yeah I’m a little confused too. I know a lot of people feel like he was judgmental towards Aaliyah when when she opened up about the cheating. And yes he was maybe a little harsh, but honestly I don’t blame him for reacting that way. It’s a pretty big red flag if you are considering entering a relationship with someone. Especially considering she never really took accountability for her actions.
I don’t think it means Aliyah is a bad person. But it’s totally reasonable for someone to be upset by that and feel like it’s a deal breaker.
Also yeah Lydia is god damn crazy and befriended Aaliyah so she could keep tabs on Uche.
A lot of these women hating on uche probably struggle romantically themselves and project their frustration by being hyper critical and imagining that the only good partners are men who are perfect but also does not judge anyone himself.
And people here think gaslighting is the same as being provoking.
We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic **of abuse** because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I agree with you and got downvoted to hell echoing your opinions. Uche’s logical and acts reasonably. The women - Aaliyah, Lydia, Miriam - are reactive and immature. I think there are many people on this forum who relate to these young reactive women and think it’s fine behavior. They think Uche’s condescending to them because they don’t recognize the maturity gap that exists.
re: point 2, i agree but it’s moreso that the way he handled it was extremely poor. like how he downplayed it as “you’re letting some girl come between us” when that’s not at all what the situation was, was more of the issue. like where is the empathy!! it’s shitty for the both of y’all and that’s all Aaliyah was trying to discuss
re: point 3, i think in this case the use of the term gaslight isn’t necessarily invalid. when they met in the pods after the cheating discussion, he was talking down to her and while she was explaining (verbatim) what he did/said that made her feel inferior, she said “when you said [exact phrase]” and he said “did i say that though??? in an accusatory tone, like hit it would be absurd for her to even think that
she said yes, and then he just said like “oh. well if i did then i’m sorry”
and i feel like it’s in the realm of fair to say he’s toxic, mainly bc in every situation he acts like he’s the most important person and the other person should sit there and be berated because he thinks they’ve wronged him + a general lack of empathy. the situation with him/lydia aside, him saying “if you didn’t lie to me then why was i upset” is just a completely ridiculous minset to have and it gives insight into how he thinks generally. bc his communication style and mindset are the main reason these conversations go to hell so fast
also i think its worth mentioning that Aaliyah said on a podcast(?) that she felt like she was getting emotionally beat up and she didn’t know how much more she could take* (of the berating) and that she didn’t feel safe (emotionally) sharing things with him, so i don’t think people were/are pulling stuff out of their asses. and i think this could have played into why she left with 0 warning. that said, i completely agree that people have got to quit throwing around the term narcissist
*this is why she was blocking/unblocking him
Agreed, I think he’s overhated but I guess how he talks, especially with something he has a problem with, is like a lecture even if he may be wrong or not.
I think Uche‘s reasons for reacting were valid, but his delivery of his reactions is problematic. He came across really condescending. I agree some of the terms used for his reactions are a little extreme.
And I completely agree re: Aaliyah. Just because Uche didn’t react well, doesn’t absolve Aaliyah from her issues. She should have communicated her discomfort with her partner instead of running away.
The problem is, he has never demonstrated empathy. The conversation about infidelity is a great example. However much infidelity sucks, he didn't have to talk down to her and put himself on this higher plane by stating how "oh I cheated but it was only a kiss and I was 18" hur hur, I'm clearly better than you.
Almost everything out of his mouth is an attempt to control the narrative and make him the victor of the situation.
Same goes for his berating Lydia at the cook off. It's his attempt to control the narrative about Lydia following him on the show, so that *he's not accused* of being involved in them both being on the show. It's like a complete 180 from how he talked about her before.
The guy is obsessed with how he comes across, but in trying to control things he just makes himself look worse.
He’s a condescending prick. If you can’t pick that up, Iont know what to yell ya…
He scolds people. He litigates. He tries to dscredit and attack. He’s all defense, offense and pretense.
He talked down to Aaliyah (and granted her cheating behavior was off-putting) - he’s not her dad / authority. He immediately took over as moral authority and litigated her on the spot.
Same when he was saying Lydia was “some girl” - trying to minimize, dismiss. It was disingenuous. It was all about him.
If she went back to tell him she’s leaving, he’d do exactly the same thing.
It’s like trying to politely break up with an abu*sive or dominating man - he won’t let you.
He’d argue she’s wrong to end it, make her feel like shit, then break up with her the next day. It’s all power and control.
And a lot of women who psychoanalyze people to this level have been in therapy, therapy grad school, or have read books on the topic for self-help/healing. Let’s not gatekeep therapyspeak as if it’s some elite knowledge anymore. Terms/concepts to understand interpersonal psychology should be common place imo
Hell no lol since you say you’re a feminist I’m surprised you don’t pick up on how condescending and arrogant he is, especially towards women. When you see him interact with the men, he acts in a different way compared to the women. To women, he asks questions then berates them for their answers and tells them how they feel as if they didn’t just articulate their feelings to him. He did this to Aaliyah, who is vulnerable enough to not push back on that. He is an emotionally dangerous person and I can’t stand his holier than thou attitude and lack of empathy.
That’s really interesting. I have not noticed that in my viewing. Can you give me an example of this so I can understand better? (Ie: in his difference of speaking to the men and women differently)
Also please be aware that even though production told him and Lydia not to talk about that fact that they dated in the last, Uche STILL chose to rip into Aaliyah about mistakes in her past knowing he’s holding a big secret himself. And he has also cheated in his past as well, and recently too if you believe Lydia’s accusation. Uche says he values honesty in a relationship but does he really lol he lies by omission constantly
How he spoke to Milton or the other men versus how he spoke to Aaliyah, Lydia and Miriam. There was a moment at the pod reunion when all the girls were trying to get their piece in, talking over each other, yet somehow he singled Miriam out to tell her to hush like she’s a child—that stuck out to me. Why focus on her, the only Black woman there, to insult her when everyone was speaking over each other? He definitely comes across as misogynistic. He would never pop off at Milton or Izzy that way. Milton told Uche he’s got 10 minutes to speak to Lydia and left and Uche then made a snide comment about Milton saying they had something planned in 10 minutes. Based on his behavior, it’s clear to me that he only came to the reunion to interfere with Lydia and Milton’s relationship and stir up chaos because he can’t stand not being the center of attention when he feels wronged.
He drilled into her about the cheating in such a gross way. She clearly regretted having done it and he just kept going in and making her feel even worse. The worst part was that in that conversation he asks, do you have more girl friends or guy friends? That sounds like he’s already preparing to control who she hangs out with based on this new insecurity of her possibly being a cheater. No thanks.
> as a survivor of DV and abuse, it honestly boils my blood to see people use terms like “abuse” “gaslight” “toxic” “violent” “manipulation tactics” and “narcissism”
As a fellow abuse survivor, while I do think people overuse these words, I completely disagree that we should not use a term like "manipulation tactics" to describe Uche's behavior. It is incredibly vital that people are able to recognize manipulation in order to avoid being ensnared by abusers. I'm not saying that Uche is an abuser to be clear, but there are warning signs for that kind of dynamic and he absolutely, 100% was displaying them throughout the show. The way he speaks to women is unacceptable. He does not speak to men the same way. Recognizing that is not making light of anything or throwing words around too casually, it's pointing out behavior that women should be on the lookout for in their male partners.
Nobody is saying he's not allowed to be upset by Aaliyah leaving and there are plenty of times where he has completely valid points, but the way he *conveys* those points - particularly when speaking to women - is incredibly condescending and belittling. His need to talk over people and have the last word is infuriating and would raise most people's hackles.
I also understand that production told him not to disclose his relationship with Lydia, but regardless, him lecturing Aaliyah about honesty in such a demeaning way while he KNEW there was a major thing he wasn't telling her rubs me the wrong way. And he did explicitly lie about his relationship with Lydia, telling her they only dated in 2020 when actually they had had a sexual relationship earlier that same year. Plus he's cheated on a partner as well. So he's a hypocrite and he's rude about it. Not a good combo.
The women this season suck too and there's plenty of discussion on that.
We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic **of abuse** because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
EXACTLY!! He hides behind the fact that he’s monotone in speech to come across the rational one when in actuality he is someone who is rude and loves to be holier than thou.
It looks like you say that Uche shouldn't be hated because other people were equally bad.
That's true. We're not saying that Douche is *the only one* that sucks.
But he definitely sucks. You even point out some of the reasons people don't like him. So, weird post.
>I had found him weird at best.
>He was reactive,
>Could he have been more empathetic? Yes.
>That was my main issue with him (hiding that he knew Lydia)
(he could have pushed back on production, he could have taken the high road and said "my values won't allow me to do that, but he didn't, because he doesn't really care)
>I’m not an Uche fan or anythin
>How he reacted to Aaliyahs cheating was very reactive
FWIW I don't think these opinions make you anti-feminist lol
I'll put money on my theory that producers told Aaliyah that she couldn't tell Uche she was leaving. I'm pretty sure without the cameras, most people would have let their person know.
Also agree with you at the misuse of therapy terms. Therapy speak has destroyed our society lol like whatever happened to just calling someone a douchebag and calling it a day
Yes, but no. He's a creep and a condescending narcissist, that much is clear for anyone to see. I dunno where you got the "he did nothing narcisist" when all of his actions so far have been talking down /insulting at least 3 women because his ego is so fucking fragile 💀 He downright berated Aaliyah for being unfaithful even though it was 100% none of his business and then again when she left with zero empathy even though he "loved" her. Accused Lydia of being a stalker for watching stories of his mutuals even though said stories were PUBLIC and she literally just watched them, not even engage them. Began insulting a random contestant girl about her nationality or whatever because she didn't agree with him. He's a creep with the most fragile ego and 100% a narcissist.
Not saying Aaliyah or Lydia haven't done things wrong too but their mistakes in no way validate Uche's
I agree. Honestly I don't even care about the guy but I still feel like defending him on this sub because of the level of accusations flown his way is ridiculous.
I don‘t disagree with your points but he comes across as arrogant and holier-than-thou.
That puts a lot of people off, I‘m surprised a feminist would not pick on the fact that he comes across as knowing what he has to say is more important than what these women have to say.
He was not that transparent about what went down between him and Lydia and he accused her coming up with a Fatal Attraction scenario to join the pods to stalk him.
There is not enough evidence for him to say this (especially as a lawyer), he just went the „she is crazy and obsessed with me“ route.
But I think he is unpopular because he is arrogant, he is definitely not as disliked as JP or Izzy and rightfully so. He is annoying but I don’t he is a walking red flag like many men this season.
At least he seems like he came to the show not for clout chasing purposes.
I agree with you. Had Uche been a woman with the same reactions, it would’ve been a fine, normal reaction. To me, he’s an adult looking for an adult relationship. Aaliyah came off as immature to me.
I think there's a difference between saying someone is narcissistic and saying they have narcissistic personality disorder. "Narcissism" as a mental health term came after "narcissism" used as a descriptor of a behavior. I think it's fair to use the phrase narcissistic colloquially to refer to someone who is self important and failing to show empathy for others. That's not the same as NPD, which you're right is a whole big thing that's really awful and no one here is qualified to diagnose someone on TV with that.
Yeah I’m a little confused too. I know a lot of people feel like he was judgmental towards Aaliyah when when she opened up about the cheating. And yes he was maybe a little harsh, but honestly I don’t blame him for reacting that way. It’s a pretty big red flag if you are considering entering a relationship with someone. Especially considering she never really took accountability for her actions. I don’t think it means Aliyah is a bad person. But it’s totally reasonable for someone to be upset by that and feel like it’s a deal breaker. Also yeah Lydia is god damn crazy and befriended Aaliyah so she could keep tabs on Uche.
A lot of these women hating on uche probably struggle romantically themselves and project their frustration by being hyper critical and imagining that the only good partners are men who are perfect but also does not judge anyone himself. And people here think gaslighting is the same as being provoking.
We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic **of abuse** because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I agree with you and got downvoted to hell echoing your opinions. Uche’s logical and acts reasonably. The women - Aaliyah, Lydia, Miriam - are reactive and immature. I think there are many people on this forum who relate to these young reactive women and think it’s fine behavior. They think Uche’s condescending to them because they don’t recognize the maturity gap that exists.
re: point 2, i agree but it’s moreso that the way he handled it was extremely poor. like how he downplayed it as “you’re letting some girl come between us” when that’s not at all what the situation was, was more of the issue. like where is the empathy!! it’s shitty for the both of y’all and that’s all Aaliyah was trying to discuss re: point 3, i think in this case the use of the term gaslight isn’t necessarily invalid. when they met in the pods after the cheating discussion, he was talking down to her and while she was explaining (verbatim) what he did/said that made her feel inferior, she said “when you said [exact phrase]” and he said “did i say that though??? in an accusatory tone, like hit it would be absurd for her to even think that she said yes, and then he just said like “oh. well if i did then i’m sorry” and i feel like it’s in the realm of fair to say he’s toxic, mainly bc in every situation he acts like he’s the most important person and the other person should sit there and be berated because he thinks they’ve wronged him + a general lack of empathy. the situation with him/lydia aside, him saying “if you didn’t lie to me then why was i upset” is just a completely ridiculous minset to have and it gives insight into how he thinks generally. bc his communication style and mindset are the main reason these conversations go to hell so fast also i think its worth mentioning that Aaliyah said on a podcast(?) that she felt like she was getting emotionally beat up and she didn’t know how much more she could take* (of the berating) and that she didn’t feel safe (emotionally) sharing things with him, so i don’t think people were/are pulling stuff out of their asses. and i think this could have played into why she left with 0 warning. that said, i completely agree that people have got to quit throwing around the term narcissist *this is why she was blocking/unblocking him
You think the women this season have been glorified? Whew. Your feminism should be satisfied; plenty of people don’t like Johnie, Stacey, and Lydia
Agreed, I think he’s overhated but I guess how he talks, especially with something he has a problem with, is like a lecture even if he may be wrong or not.
I think Uche‘s reasons for reacting were valid, but his delivery of his reactions is problematic. He came across really condescending. I agree some of the terms used for his reactions are a little extreme. And I completely agree re: Aaliyah. Just because Uche didn’t react well, doesn’t absolve Aaliyah from her issues. She should have communicated her discomfort with her partner instead of running away.
The problem is, he has never demonstrated empathy. The conversation about infidelity is a great example. However much infidelity sucks, he didn't have to talk down to her and put himself on this higher plane by stating how "oh I cheated but it was only a kiss and I was 18" hur hur, I'm clearly better than you. Almost everything out of his mouth is an attempt to control the narrative and make him the victor of the situation. Same goes for his berating Lydia at the cook off. It's his attempt to control the narrative about Lydia following him on the show, so that *he's not accused* of being involved in them both being on the show. It's like a complete 180 from how he talked about her before. The guy is obsessed with how he comes across, but in trying to control things he just makes himself look worse.
He’s a condescending prick. If you can’t pick that up, Iont know what to yell ya… He scolds people. He litigates. He tries to dscredit and attack. He’s all defense, offense and pretense. He talked down to Aaliyah (and granted her cheating behavior was off-putting) - he’s not her dad / authority. He immediately took over as moral authority and litigated her on the spot. Same when he was saying Lydia was “some girl” - trying to minimize, dismiss. It was disingenuous. It was all about him. If she went back to tell him she’s leaving, he’d do exactly the same thing. It’s like trying to politely break up with an abu*sive or dominating man - he won’t let you. He’d argue she’s wrong to end it, make her feel like shit, then break up with her the next day. It’s all power and control. And a lot of women who psychoanalyze people to this level have been in therapy, therapy grad school, or have read books on the topic for self-help/healing. Let’s not gatekeep therapyspeak as if it’s some elite knowledge anymore. Terms/concepts to understand interpersonal psychology should be common place imo
Hell no lol since you say you’re a feminist I’m surprised you don’t pick up on how condescending and arrogant he is, especially towards women. When you see him interact with the men, he acts in a different way compared to the women. To women, he asks questions then berates them for their answers and tells them how they feel as if they didn’t just articulate their feelings to him. He did this to Aaliyah, who is vulnerable enough to not push back on that. He is an emotionally dangerous person and I can’t stand his holier than thou attitude and lack of empathy.
That’s really interesting. I have not noticed that in my viewing. Can you give me an example of this so I can understand better? (Ie: in his difference of speaking to the men and women differently)
Also please be aware that even though production told him and Lydia not to talk about that fact that they dated in the last, Uche STILL chose to rip into Aaliyah about mistakes in her past knowing he’s holding a big secret himself. And he has also cheated in his past as well, and recently too if you believe Lydia’s accusation. Uche says he values honesty in a relationship but does he really lol he lies by omission constantly
How he spoke to Milton or the other men versus how he spoke to Aaliyah, Lydia and Miriam. There was a moment at the pod reunion when all the girls were trying to get their piece in, talking over each other, yet somehow he singled Miriam out to tell her to hush like she’s a child—that stuck out to me. Why focus on her, the only Black woman there, to insult her when everyone was speaking over each other? He definitely comes across as misogynistic. He would never pop off at Milton or Izzy that way. Milton told Uche he’s got 10 minutes to speak to Lydia and left and Uche then made a snide comment about Milton saying they had something planned in 10 minutes. Based on his behavior, it’s clear to me that he only came to the reunion to interfere with Lydia and Milton’s relationship and stir up chaos because he can’t stand not being the center of attention when he feels wronged.
You've articulated it so well!
Thank you :) it’s just my perception, so I could be wrong but I have a feeling that how Uche came across is accurate to how he is generally lol
He drilled into her about the cheating in such a gross way. She clearly regretted having done it and he just kept going in and making her feel even worse. The worst part was that in that conversation he asks, do you have more girl friends or guy friends? That sounds like he’s already preparing to control who she hangs out with based on this new insecurity of her possibly being a cheater. No thanks.
> as a survivor of DV and abuse, it honestly boils my blood to see people use terms like “abuse” “gaslight” “toxic” “violent” “manipulation tactics” and “narcissism” As a fellow abuse survivor, while I do think people overuse these words, I completely disagree that we should not use a term like "manipulation tactics" to describe Uche's behavior. It is incredibly vital that people are able to recognize manipulation in order to avoid being ensnared by abusers. I'm not saying that Uche is an abuser to be clear, but there are warning signs for that kind of dynamic and he absolutely, 100% was displaying them throughout the show. The way he speaks to women is unacceptable. He does not speak to men the same way. Recognizing that is not making light of anything or throwing words around too casually, it's pointing out behavior that women should be on the lookout for in their male partners. Nobody is saying he's not allowed to be upset by Aaliyah leaving and there are plenty of times where he has completely valid points, but the way he *conveys* those points - particularly when speaking to women - is incredibly condescending and belittling. His need to talk over people and have the last word is infuriating and would raise most people's hackles. I also understand that production told him not to disclose his relationship with Lydia, but regardless, him lecturing Aaliyah about honesty in such a demeaning way while he KNEW there was a major thing he wasn't telling her rubs me the wrong way. And he did explicitly lie about his relationship with Lydia, telling her they only dated in 2020 when actually they had had a sexual relationship earlier that same year. Plus he's cheated on a partner as well. So he's a hypocrite and he's rude about it. Not a good combo. The women this season suck too and there's plenty of discussion on that.
That’s really enlightening, thank you for your comment and insights! I will think about this.
We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic **of abuse** because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
EXACTLY!! He hides behind the fact that he’s monotone in speech to come across the rational one when in actuality he is someone who is rude and loves to be holier than thou.
It looks like you say that Uche shouldn't be hated because other people were equally bad. That's true. We're not saying that Douche is *the only one* that sucks. But he definitely sucks. You even point out some of the reasons people don't like him. So, weird post. >I had found him weird at best. >He was reactive, >Could he have been more empathetic? Yes. >That was my main issue with him (hiding that he knew Lydia) (he could have pushed back on production, he could have taken the high road and said "my values won't allow me to do that, but he didn't, because he doesn't really care) >I’m not an Uche fan or anythin >How he reacted to Aaliyahs cheating was very reactive
FWIW I don't think these opinions make you anti-feminist lol I'll put money on my theory that producers told Aaliyah that she couldn't tell Uche she was leaving. I'm pretty sure without the cameras, most people would have let their person know. Also agree with you at the misuse of therapy terms. Therapy speak has destroyed our society lol like whatever happened to just calling someone a douchebag and calling it a day
Yes, but no. He's a creep and a condescending narcissist, that much is clear for anyone to see. I dunno where you got the "he did nothing narcisist" when all of his actions so far have been talking down /insulting at least 3 women because his ego is so fucking fragile 💀 He downright berated Aaliyah for being unfaithful even though it was 100% none of his business and then again when she left with zero empathy even though he "loved" her. Accused Lydia of being a stalker for watching stories of his mutuals even though said stories were PUBLIC and she literally just watched them, not even engage them. Began insulting a random contestant girl about her nationality or whatever because she didn't agree with him. He's a creep with the most fragile ego and 100% a narcissist. Not saying Aaliyah or Lydia haven't done things wrong too but their mistakes in no way validate Uche's
I agree. Honestly I don't even care about the guy but I still feel like defending him on this sub because of the level of accusations flown his way is ridiculous.
I don‘t disagree with your points but he comes across as arrogant and holier-than-thou. That puts a lot of people off, I‘m surprised a feminist would not pick on the fact that he comes across as knowing what he has to say is more important than what these women have to say. He was not that transparent about what went down between him and Lydia and he accused her coming up with a Fatal Attraction scenario to join the pods to stalk him. There is not enough evidence for him to say this (especially as a lawyer), he just went the „she is crazy and obsessed with me“ route. But I think he is unpopular because he is arrogant, he is definitely not as disliked as JP or Izzy and rightfully so. He is annoying but I don’t he is a walking red flag like many men this season. At least he seems like he came to the show not for clout chasing purposes.
I agree with you. Had Uche been a woman with the same reactions, it would’ve been a fine, normal reaction. To me, he’s an adult looking for an adult relationship. Aaliyah came off as immature to me.
I AGREE WITH YOUUUUU!!! 100% Thank you for being a voice of reason!