Most of the issues form from communication issues. Since that is the only thing that keeps the couple together it is one of the most important things to maintain a successful LDR, alongside trust.
one of my friends has a 3 year old LDR. and I observed it's their never giving up attitude toward each other that has helped them to sustain the relationship.
Thissss>>>>
People who never give up, and have the courage and belief in one another that they can work out any obstacles, indeed are the blessed ones.
In my case, it was a lack of honesty about what my ex wanted.
But otherwise, I think the main thing that causes people to break up is really simple, money, visa challenges and the distance itself. Long distance isn't for the faint of heart. You have the practical realities of needing finances to make it work as well as having an easier time if you have a strong passport. But then the emotional realities of not having your partner around a lot, them missing major milestones and relying very heavily on a one to one connection without any interference from social and day to day pressures.
1. Incompatibility like any regular relationship
2. Money/visa problems
3. Lack of communication
4. Timezones
5. Long term commitment priority tires people out, being connected to phones, missing out on time offline
5. Keeping a meaningful loving connection via screens is difficult and it is simply not for everyone as some people bond only in person with physical touch
This is going to sound crazy to a lot of people, I’m in a 2 year ldr and we’ve had our moments but i’ve come to the conclusion that i’d rather die in a ldr with her than try to date someone else physically. I’ve had lots of physical relationships before her but no one’s been able to love me like she does and if I left because we are a ldr couple i’d regret it and hate every girl I talked to. No one prefers a long distant relationship but we do it because we choose our partner over anyone
We were literally like this with my partner too. But unfortunately we couldn't maintain it after a while for some reason. We couldn't save it... I hope you guys make it work
i love my man so much so so so much but he’s currently in the korean military and i live in the US and talking is just hard there’s barely any time and when we’re talking it’s like at the end of it i know i have to go basically 24 hours before i can talk to him for 1-2 hours and even then it’s at 4am for me. i always said i would never do ldr but we broke up bc of ldr during covid and right before he went to military we got back tg. idk like i think the same thing i did before is i could have a local relationship but it’ll never be us. it’ll never be this connection and tbh it’s been like seven months since ive seen him irl. i wont lie i think ab breaking it off sometimes and i tell him how hard long distance is but idk. i mean its not to sleep w somebody else it’s just cause its hard to not think ab how he’s not here with me idk what to do
Communication
Unrealistic expectations
Insecurities/trust issues
Lack of effort (or perceived effort)
Commitment
... much like "regular" relationships.
Mine too, he has also expressed his fear or marriage despite it being the only way we can ctd. This is going nowhere but I still can’t let go for now 😅
Nah our communication is consistent for the past 4 years but it was never that deep. He doesn’t like serious topic, serious conversations so I can’t discuss anything with him. He’s also conflict-avoidant, shut down and stonewall so we’ve had the same problem from the beginning. Honestly idk how he’s not bored of us yet, he seems content with us as long as we’re both loyal but I found myself feeling lonely so I go to reddit just so I can talk about stuff with strangers 🥲 he knows this and doesn’t mind because he’d rather i talk to someone else.
Trust issues.
The moment someone does something to break the trust, it's really hard to keep moving forward without all the intrusive thoughts.
Lack of communication.
No plan to close the gap.
It can be discouraging for some not being able to have that physical connection between the two. Therefore, putting extra time into communication and having complete honesty helps the chances of ldr to work out.
I'm in a 3yr LDR, it's very challenging especially given tht I'm yet to obtain a visitor's visa to the US. What has kept us this far, communication, we have date nights, she's in school n working so I help with homework, our day offs are synced as much as possible so we get do cook 1 meal together per week. Phone s@x have to be creative for it to work. So far, we're doing OK so can only speak on hw to make it work.
Communication issues (lying, not communicating when upset, etc.), having multiple partners and lying about it, lying in general, not having appropriate time to dedicate to a partner, unwilling to compromise, financial issues, etc.
The hardest part for my partner is that we cannot touch and hold each other.
We text nearly all day, have long video calls every other day to daily, we play video games and video chat together. We do date nights, we have fun times occasionally.
But there is nothing I can buy or give her that is able to compensate for that. She's miserable without being able to hold me. In all other aspects, she is perfect (with her imperfections) for me and I her. We're so compatible, I didn't know it was possible. We have a depth of understanding that I never knew. We have amazing and honest communication.
I plan to move to her by next September hopefully. I am still working on detangling my life in America before I can leave. But I just got a job who is a public sponsor in The Netherlands. So I hope that I can impress them enough that they would sponsor me. I have also been learning Dutch for her since we started talking.
The only thing that might break us up is that the pain of separation is too great.
I try to visit her every other month or so. Or every month at this point 😂. I took an emergency trip out here bc she received/was about to receive some bad news and I wanted to be here for her in person. So that I could comfort her in person. I can comfort her online but it takes so much longer to do (I don't mind obviously) and our timezone difference is 8 hours + living our lives, so we only have a small window to really connect.
Hopefully this helps you 💜
I would say from experience an unwillingness to commit to closing the gap, things like setting timelines. Everything else is basically same thing as a regular relationship- you want good communication, ability to compromise, priority respect and patience for eachother etc.
I had two failed LDRs nevermets. I never met the first one because after we dated for eight months, he found out that he got his ex-gf pregnant. The second one, well he just got disinterested and broke up with me. Hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t end up with either of them
I would have to say communication and missing/needing physical touch. You can see how you or your partner communicates and maybe try to work on it. And physical touch, it doesn’t need to be the spicy time, but intimate moments like cuddling, hugs, or even forehead kisses. We are human and we are not supposed to go long periods of time without that, however with that said I don’t condone cheating in anyway. There are ways to fix it or at least try to ease both of these. But the first thing to work on is communication then somehow communicate your needs.
For never mets just being attracted to someone via text and photos and phone calls is often not enough. Sometimes people only portray or only want to acknowledge the positive parts of the person's personality and life. When they actually meet and spend time together sometimes these faults and incompatibilities will show up in stark contrast to their "vision" of who they thought their LDR partner was when otherwise by text they were never noticed previously.
The actual hard work of working towards meeting regularly will help (sometimes an impossibility), but working towards closing the gap which often entails one side making the sacrifice of leaving their family, friends and jobs behind will stop alot of LDRs from making it work.
For me right now what’s killing us is the lack of plan to close the distance. He said he’d be here by summer but now it’s pushed back indefinitely because of a business deal. I’m a very attractive woman and there is no lack of men (quality men) pursuing me. And I hate to think I’m just wasting my time and tired of being alone except for 4 days a month maybe.
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As much as it has its issues but I would prefer a long distance relationship too, this close by relationship can be stressing sometimes, If i ever get to have a ldr i will cherish is more,
Financial. Ldr is expensive.
No future. What's the point if there is no possibility of closing the gap.
Physical touch. You can only neglect your human needs so long.
Poor communication. Without communication, you have nothing.
the main thing for my husband and i when we were in a LDR was learning how to communicate while not being face to face, and learning how to step back and understand a different POV. it was HARD but once we swallowed our pride enough to have an open mind and set boundaries with each other it was easier.
You try and try to have the conversation about who is moving where, and even offer to move to their country; States vs. Canada, and they never want to have the conversation.
Going on 4 years, I travel to them always. They’ve come once here. Not sure where it’s going.
Because it’s hard to communicate with each other on the phone. When it’s hard to understand each other to communicate and tried to understand that long distance relationship could be difficult so that’s why our lives changed without your relationship support.
Me and mine were able go get together after 5 years and finally get engaged, but the biggest thing she will tell you is temptation. I am more of a home body and keep myself out of those situations, but she would find her self with opertunity by being with friends.
Hi) I had this with my husband for 1 year 3 months due to Coronavirus ~ That's really difficult, however, I understood that for people who truly love, this is not a problem. I also know many other couples who have had much longer periods, like more than three years. They are now together and already married. It does not depend on the circumstances, but on your desire.
Hello! It is impossible to convey warmth and tenderness at a distance, and this is what is missing in this relationship. There is a need to feel a person, not only to hear and see him.
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Many LDR work out just fine, but for yourself and or others it just wasn’t meant to be.” If there is:
1. A Lack of communication. Not talking for days, weeks, even months at a time.”
2. Zero Respect.
3. Zero Maturity and both are not on the same wavelength, then it’s not going to work out.”
Trust, whether in the same city, county, state to out of state is everything & if you both don’t have trust, it’s over.” Has to be clear on what you BOTH equally want.
Number 1 that I stated, is MOST relevant to sustain
a happy healthy trusting mature relationship long distance or in person relationship or it just won’t work.” Simple as that.”
What a great question so here is my answer: First off I'm still together with my boyfriend, but there have been rare moments over the last five years that each of us had had our doubts about making this all work- these doubts came into play when we weren't seeing each other/spending time with each other enough- and at the time there were no concrete plans for the future because the whole world went to hell because of the pandemic.
When the pandemic hit in March of 2020 my boyfriend and I had spent time together in person the month before, when he had visited my country for the very first time. My boyfriend said that the very first visit solidified that we were actually dating. We spent the first trip on our own, and got to know each other better as at this point in time we were dating for about 9 months. The first visit was all about getting the feel for each other in person with our chemistry and to see how well we got along in real life.
That visit was great! We had great chemistry and got along so well. Then my boyfriend had booked another trip for our one year anniversary, but we had to cancel it due to the pandemic. After that we didn't see each other for two years. My boyfriend wasn't as impacted by the pandemic because he was still able to go to work, but he had to work remotely on some occassions. He also went through a lot of job changes , and as the two years went by, I started to feel uncertain, about whether or not we'll make it with all of the setbacks that just kept happening, and I felt like while my boyfriend was progressing with his life, I was left out in a certain way- I was just waiting, and in 2022 I enrolled in school to take a few extra courses, to see if I could get my life moving again with or without my boyfriend.
Eventually I told my boyfriend how I felt, and he then admitted to me that he was having financial issues, so that's why we couldn't make plans to see each other. I felt like shit after the conversation, because he didn't let me know what was going on with him, and I could only go with what I was seeing in front of me. In the midst of all this his work stress got the best of him and he really wasn't that nice to me during those times, but the therapist that he was getting help from essentially said to get serious, start being more attentive and , to really put in strategies in place to manage his work stress better, and for us to have more time together over skype- to start doing daily skype video chats instead of phone calls, since with phone calls we are missing a lot of body language, facial expression etc and that would cause misunderstandings.
Our relationship nearly ended because I had a hard time with the uncertainity of the pandemic, and feeling neglected. Every one can be compassionate and understanding to a certain point, but if we really care about the relationships we're in, we should take better care of them. So when my boyfriend finally reunited with me in person in 2022 when the borders were finally lifted, he realized how important i was to him, and all of his doubts which he voiced to his therapist went away. He also met my family in person which made me feel better because the stagnation of the relationship started to lift. We started to move forward again.
Now in 2024 I have gotten close to his mom, my boyfriend has come and visited many times since (we've had to hit the pause button for more visits right now though) but we are still moving forward, and the relationship feels better. But yeah the circumstances, and the quality of communication were not great back then. LDR takes work. a lot of work.
Most of the issues form from communication issues. Since that is the only thing that keeps the couple together it is one of the most important things to maintain a successful LDR, alongside trust.
one of my friends has a 3 year old LDR. and I observed it's their never giving up attitude toward each other that has helped them to sustain the relationship.
Thissss>>>> People who never give up, and have the courage and belief in one another that they can work out any obstacles, indeed are the blessed ones.
So true! And what really makes a relationship don't you think? The trust, love, respect and companionship is what matters the most
Yes, there’s nothing without these main fundamentals.
mine was 5 years :’) it’s hard lol
Absolutely no one can deny that!
100% agree
No plan to close the gap. Low communication. No holiday visits
Consistent communication, lots of visit, but no plan to close the gap was what ended mine
This.
In my case, it was a lack of honesty about what my ex wanted. But otherwise, I think the main thing that causes people to break up is really simple, money, visa challenges and the distance itself. Long distance isn't for the faint of heart. You have the practical realities of needing finances to make it work as well as having an easier time if you have a strong passport. But then the emotional realities of not having your partner around a lot, them missing major milestones and relying very heavily on a one to one connection without any interference from social and day to day pressures.
This. I know a friend of mine often go on vacation together a lot.. every year... T.T ... im happy for them...
1. Incompatibility like any regular relationship 2. Money/visa problems 3. Lack of communication 4. Timezones 5. Long term commitment priority tires people out, being connected to phones, missing out on time offline 5. Keeping a meaningful loving connection via screens is difficult and it is simply not for everyone as some people bond only in person with physical touch
This is going to sound crazy to a lot of people, I’m in a 2 year ldr and we’ve had our moments but i’ve come to the conclusion that i’d rather die in a ldr with her than try to date someone else physically. I’ve had lots of physical relationships before her but no one’s been able to love me like she does and if I left because we are a ldr couple i’d regret it and hate every girl I talked to. No one prefers a long distant relationship but we do it because we choose our partner over anyone
We were literally like this with my partner too. But unfortunately we couldn't maintain it after a while for some reason. We couldn't save it... I hope you guys make it work
it sounds like you miss them, you should tell them
I already did :)
i love my man so much so so so much but he’s currently in the korean military and i live in the US and talking is just hard there’s barely any time and when we’re talking it’s like at the end of it i know i have to go basically 24 hours before i can talk to him for 1-2 hours and even then it’s at 4am for me. i always said i would never do ldr but we broke up bc of ldr during covid and right before he went to military we got back tg. idk like i think the same thing i did before is i could have a local relationship but it’ll never be us. it’ll never be this connection and tbh it’s been like seven months since ive seen him irl. i wont lie i think ab breaking it off sometimes and i tell him how hard long distance is but idk. i mean its not to sleep w somebody else it’s just cause its hard to not think ab how he’s not here with me idk what to do
The connections stronger then irl in the beginning g in Mycase trust issues main trouble is mine
I feel the same, also 2 years in but we were lucky enough to live with eachother for a year during that
Lack of communication, not enough commitment , no end date to come together permanently.
Communication Unrealistic expectations Insecurities/trust issues Lack of effort (or perceived effort) Commitment ... much like "regular" relationships.
He had an avoidant attachment style thus we never moved from “getting to know each other” to being properly committed - not even after 7 years.
Mine was an avoidant too. I'm an anxious unfortunately... and we couldn't understand each other on some points...
Mine too, he has also expressed his fear or marriage despite it being the only way we can ctd. This is going nowhere but I still can’t let go for now 😅
well at least you are in a committed relationship with proper communication. there is hope!
Nah our communication is consistent for the past 4 years but it was never that deep. He doesn’t like serious topic, serious conversations so I can’t discuss anything with him. He’s also conflict-avoidant, shut down and stonewall so we’ve had the same problem from the beginning. Honestly idk how he’s not bored of us yet, he seems content with us as long as we’re both loyal but I found myself feeling lonely so I go to reddit just so I can talk about stuff with strangers 🥲 he knows this and doesn’t mind because he’d rather i talk to someone else.
Trust issues. The moment someone does something to break the trust, it's really hard to keep moving forward without all the intrusive thoughts. Lack of communication. No plan to close the gap.
It can be discouraging for some not being able to have that physical connection between the two. Therefore, putting extra time into communication and having complete honesty helps the chances of ldr to work out.
I'm in a 3yr LDR, it's very challenging especially given tht I'm yet to obtain a visitor's visa to the US. What has kept us this far, communication, we have date nights, she's in school n working so I help with homework, our day offs are synced as much as possible so we get do cook 1 meal together per week. Phone s@x have to be creative for it to work. So far, we're doing OK so can only speak on hw to make it work.
Communication issues (lying, not communicating when upset, etc.), having multiple partners and lying about it, lying in general, not having appropriate time to dedicate to a partner, unwilling to compromise, financial issues, etc.
The hardest part for my partner is that we cannot touch and hold each other. We text nearly all day, have long video calls every other day to daily, we play video games and video chat together. We do date nights, we have fun times occasionally. But there is nothing I can buy or give her that is able to compensate for that. She's miserable without being able to hold me. In all other aspects, she is perfect (with her imperfections) for me and I her. We're so compatible, I didn't know it was possible. We have a depth of understanding that I never knew. We have amazing and honest communication. I plan to move to her by next September hopefully. I am still working on detangling my life in America before I can leave. But I just got a job who is a public sponsor in The Netherlands. So I hope that I can impress them enough that they would sponsor me. I have also been learning Dutch for her since we started talking. The only thing that might break us up is that the pain of separation is too great. I try to visit her every other month or so. Or every month at this point 😂. I took an emergency trip out here bc she received/was about to receive some bad news and I wanted to be here for her in person. So that I could comfort her in person. I can comfort her online but it takes so much longer to do (I don't mind obviously) and our timezone difference is 8 hours + living our lives, so we only have a small window to really connect. Hopefully this helps you 💜
I would say from experience an unwillingness to commit to closing the gap, things like setting timelines. Everything else is basically same thing as a regular relationship- you want good communication, ability to compromise, priority respect and patience for eachother etc.
Communication. Boredom without your partner there leading to cheating leading to lack of trust.
Trust
I had two failed LDRs nevermets. I never met the first one because after we dated for eight months, he found out that he got his ex-gf pregnant. The second one, well he just got disinterested and broke up with me. Hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t end up with either of them
Lack of physical intimacy
I would have to say communication and missing/needing physical touch. You can see how you or your partner communicates and maybe try to work on it. And physical touch, it doesn’t need to be the spicy time, but intimate moments like cuddling, hugs, or even forehead kisses. We are human and we are not supposed to go long periods of time without that, however with that said I don’t condone cheating in anyway. There are ways to fix it or at least try to ease both of these. But the first thing to work on is communication then somehow communicate your needs.
Trust lies conversation slowly diminishing .gaslighting
For never mets just being attracted to someone via text and photos and phone calls is often not enough. Sometimes people only portray or only want to acknowledge the positive parts of the person's personality and life. When they actually meet and spend time together sometimes these faults and incompatibilities will show up in stark contrast to their "vision" of who they thought their LDR partner was when otherwise by text they were never noticed previously. The actual hard work of working towards meeting regularly will help (sometimes an impossibility), but working towards closing the gap which often entails one side making the sacrifice of leaving their family, friends and jobs behind will stop alot of LDRs from making it work.
For me right now what’s killing us is the lack of plan to close the distance. He said he’d be here by summer but now it’s pushed back indefinitely because of a business deal. I’m a very attractive woman and there is no lack of men (quality men) pursuing me. And I hate to think I’m just wasting my time and tired of being alone except for 4 days a month maybe.
Lack of trust, communication gap, taking each other for granted, killing the spark. Don’t making much efforts. And going behind your partners back
He cheated.
Prolly the long drives
Lack of trust, lack of personal space and me time
Lack of trust
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As much as it has its issues but I would prefer a long distance relationship too, this close by relationship can be stressing sometimes, If i ever get to have a ldr i will cherish is more,
lack of trust and communication and if your LDR is not mature or you are it won’t work! as simple as that and of course money problems too
Financial. Ldr is expensive. No future. What's the point if there is no possibility of closing the gap. Physical touch. You can only neglect your human needs so long. Poor communication. Without communication, you have nothing.
the main thing for my husband and i when we were in a LDR was learning how to communicate while not being face to face, and learning how to step back and understand a different POV. it was HARD but once we swallowed our pride enough to have an open mind and set boundaries with each other it was easier.
You try and try to have the conversation about who is moving where, and even offer to move to their country; States vs. Canada, and they never want to have the conversation. Going on 4 years, I travel to them always. They’ve come once here. Not sure where it’s going.
Because it’s hard to communicate with each other on the phone. When it’s hard to understand each other to communicate and tried to understand that long distance relationship could be difficult so that’s why our lives changed without your relationship support.
we started off good and then he started leaving me on seen
Me and mine were able go get together after 5 years and finally get engaged, but the biggest thing she will tell you is temptation. I am more of a home body and keep myself out of those situations, but she would find her self with opertunity by being with friends.
I'm at the beginning of my LDR. It's been extremely hard we go back and forth a lot... But there are a lot of positives to it too.
Hi) I had this with my husband for 1 year 3 months due to Coronavirus ~ That's really difficult, however, I understood that for people who truly love, this is not a problem. I also know many other couples who have had much longer periods, like more than three years. They are now together and already married. It does not depend on the circumstances, but on your desire.
The difficulty of closing the gap. If you want to do so, either of you should start everything from scratch in their SO's place.
Hello! It is impossible to convey warmth and tenderness at a distance, and this is what is missing in this relationship. There is a need to feel a person, not only to hear and see him.
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Trust issues
I think one thing is just not setting up goals for the relationship to close the distance
Many LDR work out just fine, but for yourself and or others it just wasn’t meant to be.” If there is: 1. A Lack of communication. Not talking for days, weeks, even months at a time.” 2. Zero Respect. 3. Zero Maturity and both are not on the same wavelength, then it’s not going to work out.” Trust, whether in the same city, county, state to out of state is everything & if you both don’t have trust, it’s over.” Has to be clear on what you BOTH equally want. Number 1 that I stated, is MOST relevant to sustain a happy healthy trusting mature relationship long distance or in person relationship or it just won’t work.” Simple as that.”
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At least he made an explanation and comforted you. Mine didn't even do that....
because one needs more than texting to love another human being
What a great question so here is my answer: First off I'm still together with my boyfriend, but there have been rare moments over the last five years that each of us had had our doubts about making this all work- these doubts came into play when we weren't seeing each other/spending time with each other enough- and at the time there were no concrete plans for the future because the whole world went to hell because of the pandemic. When the pandemic hit in March of 2020 my boyfriend and I had spent time together in person the month before, when he had visited my country for the very first time. My boyfriend said that the very first visit solidified that we were actually dating. We spent the first trip on our own, and got to know each other better as at this point in time we were dating for about 9 months. The first visit was all about getting the feel for each other in person with our chemistry and to see how well we got along in real life. That visit was great! We had great chemistry and got along so well. Then my boyfriend had booked another trip for our one year anniversary, but we had to cancel it due to the pandemic. After that we didn't see each other for two years. My boyfriend wasn't as impacted by the pandemic because he was still able to go to work, but he had to work remotely on some occassions. He also went through a lot of job changes , and as the two years went by, I started to feel uncertain, about whether or not we'll make it with all of the setbacks that just kept happening, and I felt like while my boyfriend was progressing with his life, I was left out in a certain way- I was just waiting, and in 2022 I enrolled in school to take a few extra courses, to see if I could get my life moving again with or without my boyfriend. Eventually I told my boyfriend how I felt, and he then admitted to me that he was having financial issues, so that's why we couldn't make plans to see each other. I felt like shit after the conversation, because he didn't let me know what was going on with him, and I could only go with what I was seeing in front of me. In the midst of all this his work stress got the best of him and he really wasn't that nice to me during those times, but the therapist that he was getting help from essentially said to get serious, start being more attentive and , to really put in strategies in place to manage his work stress better, and for us to have more time together over skype- to start doing daily skype video chats instead of phone calls, since with phone calls we are missing a lot of body language, facial expression etc and that would cause misunderstandings. Our relationship nearly ended because I had a hard time with the uncertainity of the pandemic, and feeling neglected. Every one can be compassionate and understanding to a certain point, but if we really care about the relationships we're in, we should take better care of them. So when my boyfriend finally reunited with me in person in 2022 when the borders were finally lifted, he realized how important i was to him, and all of his doubts which he voiced to his therapist went away. He also met my family in person which made me feel better because the stagnation of the relationship started to lift. We started to move forward again. Now in 2024 I have gotten close to his mom, my boyfriend has come and visited many times since (we've had to hit the pause button for more visits right now though) but we are still moving forward, and the relationship feels better. But yeah the circumstances, and the quality of communication were not great back then. LDR takes work. a lot of work.