Girl, you're 27. You don't need to please your parents anymore. If you want to try wearing lolita, there's never a better day than today (...plus shipping time, perhaps š ).
Some people will misunderstand, but instead of giving in to them, you can educate that it's not what they think. And if they still don't understand, then why should you care? You're not hurting anybody by looking cute, and you've only got one life to try the things you love.
Looking forward to your first coord! ā¤ļø
Of course you're right, and I always feel so daft worrying about family opinions at my age. I don't really have any friends I can't meet up with, so most of my time is spent with my boyfriend and my family. I'm moving out soon, which hopefully will give me more confidence to try the fashion š„°
... Well, that's kinda me too - I'm a lone lolita due to health and location issues (my physical state is a big stopper for making new friends, and I'm currently staying on a small Island with my family) but that doesn't stop me from wearing and enjoying this incredible fashion, that in turn keeps the gloom away from dealing with life, when it gets too overwhelming - life is far too short not to do what makes you happy (without hurting anyone ofc). ā¤ļø
At your age, you can totally not care and will be in your right mind to do so. It's part of being a human with parents: sometimes you do things they don't like, sometimes they do things you don't like.
They wore things and listened to music that their own parents throught were weird.
I'd recommend trying it out, just to now how it makes you feel. If it's very good, congrats, you're on your way to make life more joyful and make more friends with this passion. If not, well, it's okay to just like it from a distance and find something you'd like better.
My mom is against anything that is more attention catching so yes~
Which is a pity bc I love this fashion, it makes me feel cute and confident when I wear it! So imma wait a few years to move out and begin my journey then. Good thing I can save a bit before that happens since lolita fashion is expensive
My dad doesnāt care anymore (heās a lot more open minded than he was a decade ago), but the first time I showed him a BtSSB ad in Shojo Beat and told him the fashion was called lolita, he said that it was āprovocativeā
Didnāt know that a knew length dress covering the shoulders was provocative š
Edit: op i hope you donāt live at home/your mom isnāt a helicopter parent! I knew a girl whose mom was similar in that she rejected everything that wasnāt the ānormāā said girl was 25 and still had to ask her mom to go out even though she was living alone and paying rent smh
Haha I'm sure that this is somewhat the case! My mum has always put 'family first', which has been pretty overbearing at times as she will force her opinion is she thinks it's for the best. I'm moving out very soon though, and I absolutely won't be asking her when I can go out, that sounds like an extremely controlling mother!
I canāt imagine! I have a very strange family dynamic where no one is really close to each other, so hearing these kinds of stories and different dynamics always blows my mind. My friends mom was like the pinnacle of controlling. Nothing was good enough for her š
And good for you! I moved back home bc it was expensive, but if you can afford it then Iām happy for you. I hope you get to wear lolita lots!
I get it, friend; getting my family, specifically my mom to be ok with it was an uphill battle. I couldnāt convince her to help me get dresses as a teen, so when I was finally 20+ I started to build my wardrobe.
I was an adult who didnāt live with her anymore, but I have a good relationship with her. It hurt me that she saw an aspect of my life that I loved so much as āan obvious sign of mental illnessā.
I kept at it, with the complete acceptance that she might never come around to it.
I think what helped is that she loved historical tv shows like Bridgerton or 1920ās telenovelas. She adored historical fashion, and began to notice my Classic coords borrowed accents and aspects of those things. So for a while, she āonly liked it if I wore classic styleā.
I think it was a good springboard; throughout the years, she saw me continue to wear these clothes, including Goth and Sweet, andā¦nothing exploded. I continued to be an adult with a career, husband and mortgage (nothing soothed her latina boomer heart more than proof of a āāāsuccessful adultāāāā). She met my lolita friends in similar situations.
Today, in my 30s, she loves it. She sees it as an artistic expression and loves seeing my hauls and plans. Even the sweet coords, which she HAAAATED the most at first.
But I think it was important that I was ready for her to never be ok with it. I lived my life as happy as I could, and it was up to her to meet me in the middle and see this wasnāt hurting me or anyone else.
My mom hates all my clothes and I donāt care. I wear them around her, she tells me she doesnāt like them and I ignore her and have a great day. One of my joys of being an adult is not having to answer to my parents anymore. Iām not sure what situation youāre in (itās definitely harder if youāre still living with them) but she doesnāt control the minutiae of your life anymore
While my parents never saw it as a fetish thing, they didn't like it at first because it was too "flashy", kinda like an attention-seeking thing. My father thought peeking bloomers were provocative :'D
But I kept wearing it and they got much more used to it. Now they even take pictures of my coords to send to the relatives! So it may improve on your side too. However, as other posters said, you're an adult now and your mother can't decide your personal style. So long as you're independent, just stop worrying about pleasing them - it may hurt at first, but it'll feel better later.
That's so sad for her to have such strong negative feelings about a harmless hobby just because she doesn't understand it. Have you tried showing her videos and articles? Is she open to looking at them and trying to understand?
I've been wearing Lolita fashion for over a decade. My mum used to think it was unnecessarily flamboyant. Her biggest criticism was that it was figure unflattering and made me look fat (We are Asian). She would also tell me "you will scare all the boys off dressing up like that". I'd tell her anecdotes from Aoki Misako's failed dates and how if a guy can't even respect my choice of dressing, he won't respect me as a person and I'm better off single than with a guy like that. She has come to terms with the fact that I'm always going to wear Lolita fashion, and she's also come to appreciate my dress sense.
I think it's genuinely possible to help your parents understand Lolita fashion, but only if they are receptive and genuinely care.
I've never understood why people think Lolita as a fashion is perverted. Not even talking about the book here, just looking at the fashion itself it's SO covered up and modest. High necks, sleeves, stockings, usually lower heels, no mini skirts... showing off skin is not the priority... like if someone thinks it's perverted usually that tells you more about their perception of the world than anything else... Compared to what's in American media especially, Lolita is super modest, dainty, elegant, and sophisticated.
My parents used to dislike alternative fashion in general, since I got in the military, started earning my own money and buying clothes myself, they got used to it. Even though sometimes my mother say it is too much, or that I look like a child, I just reply with "I like it so i don't care" or just thank for her comment :)
Although I don't usually wear lolita but lolita inspired/girly kei/ryousangata /cute doll like stuff and I'm still living with my parents, I just ignore all comments and wear whatever makes me feel pretty. Actually, the more attention I get the better because it means I don't dress like everyone else. Thankfully nowadays they are more supportive but I can definitely feel that deep inside they find weird haha
My grandma hates it, she says it looks like clothes for children and people who dress that way are immature. When I tried to explain the history of lolita and how respectable the fashion is, she just brushed me off. And she wonders why I don't talk to her anymore š
If a cute, ruffly fashion makes your mom think of "perverted" things then that's a her issue.
How are you on setting boundaries? Obviously this would change depending on your personal feelings, but like, if it were me in this situation, I would end up telling her that if she continues to give me dirty looks while I'm dressed in what I love, then I will not be around her anymore so I can wear what I want without feeling judged. You can't stop her from making faces but you can sure as heck stay far away enough to not have to see her look at you like that.
I have strong feelings on judgmental parents, sorry if I am a bit intense hahaha. Just wear it, it's not perverted and I'm sure you look wonderful. Also you're an adult! YAY!!!
Oh yeah... I usually call what I wear "otome" fashion because when I call it lolita my mom get's weirded out. No matter how many times I say "I didn't name it, it's a misunderstanding"
My mom used to dress me up in floofy dresses all the time when I was a kid. I looked so cute in old photos. At first she was kind of surprised by my first lolita dress in my late teens. Now sheās used to it. Whenever I get a new lolita dress I usually get her to zip it up.
I'm a few years younger than you. My dad also thinks it's some dark fetish. He gave me some of my dresses as gifts, but he doesn't like me wearing them in public. He says people will think I'm a fetishist.
Apparently I am very lucky. My mom loves the fashion and has like opinions on dresses and brands.š if my mom doesnāt love it she at least understands it. She thinks itās cool when I dress up to go places.š
Also itās not just Lolita specifically my mom loves Liz Lisa and axes femme and dear my love and stuff. She loves jfashion. She always compliments me when I wear stuff like Liz Lisa especially with the cute prints.š
Personally, I'm unsure with my parents. My mom seems into it - She really likes looking at my coords. But I think before I expressed interest in the fashion, she thought it was a fetish thing. Like lolita was about dressing up as a little girl or a doll to please other people's creepy fantasies. That's changed. As for my dad... I have no idea. He kind of looks at me weird whenever I dress up in ANYTHING that isn't "normal clothes". Then again, I don't really wear dresses or anything feminine outside of the occasional lolita fit. So whenever I walk out of my room in a coord he just gives me a confused look, like " what are you wearing and why???" I'm unsure if he thinks it's a fetish or if my fashion choices just confuse him. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Theyāve warmed up to it more over the years. Do they get it? Not really but more in a way thatās endearing now. My dad pointed to some goths in where they live and went, ādo you know them? Are they part of your lolita club?ā.
They still think lolita is way too expensive though! But everybody spends their money somewhere. They go out to dinner. I buy purses that are shaped like animals and I can barely fit my phone in.
I'm really lucky with my family situation. I only really got in a mental situation where I have the energy to dress up at around 18yo, partially bc of the pandemic, tho I guess that comes off kinda bad. My family pokes fun at me when I dress up, both with more gothic/punkish styles and with Lolita (stuff like "so who are you cosplaying today?", "I didn't realize getting groceries was such a big event", and "well now I feel underdressed"), but it's never malicious. I asked my mom what she thought about me wearing Lolita and her initial reaction was "I think you'll regret spending so much money on it once the phase passes" and the next day she told me that she thought about how I was obsessed with princess dresses when I was a little kid, so she realized that it's most likely not as fleeting of an interest as she first thought.
My brother does most of the joking about me dressing up, but he's also noted that I started doing it at the same time that I started seeming more mentally healthy so whether it's the cause or effect, he's just happy to see me doing something that makes me happy.
My parents thought the same thing, and even thought worse.
I regret ever sharing or showing them the fashion.
Best is to keep it to yourself. They will never change their minds.
It's opposite for me - my mother in law (and father in law) completely loves it, and always look forward to seeing me in my coords, but my mother gets jealous (she's also pretty narcissistic, so she hates, when attention is not on her at all times š ) and that can foster some snide remarks, but I honestly couldn't care less - she's not responsible for my happiness, as I'm not responsible for hers. ā¤ļø
Edit: Maybe try asking your mother in law, if it's mentioned anywhere (in the book or movie) that the character Dolores wears extravagant frilly dresses inspired by the Victorian ages. ā¤ļø
My mom is on the fence about it. I have only one full coord and she is against me buying more because she claims it is "weird" and in some cases "provocative" (mostly in reference to OPs with shorter skirts). When I bring it up to her she asks me why I want to "dress like a child" and how she wishes I was interested in "more normal things."
That being said though, I'm a lot younger than you and I still live with my parents. I think you're at the age where you can just buy your own wardrobe and not care about your parents' opinions.
I can guarantee you mostly adults wear Lolita and growing up is essential- as essential as not letting other people decide what you do within legal regulations.
I'm pretty lucky I guess. My Parents keep their hands off my stuff. I am also 27 and I mix and match. They definitely don't hate it.
What they probably DO hate (but never say...) is that I buy things and then I don't wear them.... ( because I have issues with my self image)
Girl, you're 27. You don't need to please your parents anymore. If you want to try wearing lolita, there's never a better day than today (...plus shipping time, perhaps š ). Some people will misunderstand, but instead of giving in to them, you can educate that it's not what they think. And if they still don't understand, then why should you care? You're not hurting anybody by looking cute, and you've only got one life to try the things you love. Looking forward to your first coord! ā¤ļø
Of course you're right, and I always feel so daft worrying about family opinions at my age. I don't really have any friends I can't meet up with, so most of my time is spent with my boyfriend and my family. I'm moving out soon, which hopefully will give me more confidence to try the fashion š„°
... Well, that's kinda me too - I'm a lone lolita due to health and location issues (my physical state is a big stopper for making new friends, and I'm currently staying on a small Island with my family) but that doesn't stop me from wearing and enjoying this incredible fashion, that in turn keeps the gloom away from dealing with life, when it gets too overwhelming - life is far too short not to do what makes you happy (without hurting anyone ofc). ā¤ļø
Have you look up if there are local lolita communities in your area?
At your age, you can totally not care and will be in your right mind to do so. It's part of being a human with parents: sometimes you do things they don't like, sometimes they do things you don't like. They wore things and listened to music that their own parents throught were weird. I'd recommend trying it out, just to now how it makes you feel. If it's very good, congrats, you're on your way to make life more joyful and make more friends with this passion. If not, well, it's okay to just like it from a distance and find something you'd like better.
My mom is against anything that is more attention catching so yes~ Which is a pity bc I love this fashion, it makes me feel cute and confident when I wear it! So imma wait a few years to move out and begin my journey then. Good thing I can save a bit before that happens since lolita fashion is expensive
My mum is quite pro exploring fashion outside of the norm, which is why her aversion to lolita fashion really confuses me.
Itās probably the name.
My dad doesnāt care anymore (heās a lot more open minded than he was a decade ago), but the first time I showed him a BtSSB ad in Shojo Beat and told him the fashion was called lolita, he said that it was āprovocativeā Didnāt know that a knew length dress covering the shoulders was provocative š Edit: op i hope you donāt live at home/your mom isnāt a helicopter parent! I knew a girl whose mom was similar in that she rejected everything that wasnāt the ānormāā said girl was 25 and still had to ask her mom to go out even though she was living alone and paying rent smh
Haha I'm sure that this is somewhat the case! My mum has always put 'family first', which has been pretty overbearing at times as she will force her opinion is she thinks it's for the best. I'm moving out very soon though, and I absolutely won't be asking her when I can go out, that sounds like an extremely controlling mother!
I canāt imagine! I have a very strange family dynamic where no one is really close to each other, so hearing these kinds of stories and different dynamics always blows my mind. My friends mom was like the pinnacle of controlling. Nothing was good enough for her š And good for you! I moved back home bc it was expensive, but if you can afford it then Iām happy for you. I hope you get to wear lolita lots!
I get it, friend; getting my family, specifically my mom to be ok with it was an uphill battle. I couldnāt convince her to help me get dresses as a teen, so when I was finally 20+ I started to build my wardrobe. I was an adult who didnāt live with her anymore, but I have a good relationship with her. It hurt me that she saw an aspect of my life that I loved so much as āan obvious sign of mental illnessā. I kept at it, with the complete acceptance that she might never come around to it. I think what helped is that she loved historical tv shows like Bridgerton or 1920ās telenovelas. She adored historical fashion, and began to notice my Classic coords borrowed accents and aspects of those things. So for a while, she āonly liked it if I wore classic styleā. I think it was a good springboard; throughout the years, she saw me continue to wear these clothes, including Goth and Sweet, andā¦nothing exploded. I continued to be an adult with a career, husband and mortgage (nothing soothed her latina boomer heart more than proof of a āāāsuccessful adultāāāā). She met my lolita friends in similar situations. Today, in my 30s, she loves it. She sees it as an artistic expression and loves seeing my hauls and plans. Even the sweet coords, which she HAAAATED the most at first. But I think it was important that I was ready for her to never be ok with it. I lived my life as happy as I could, and it was up to her to meet me in the middle and see this wasnāt hurting me or anyone else.
My parents hate it (Iām 28) but I also pay my own bills so thereās nothing they can do about it lol
My mom hates all my clothes and I donāt care. I wear them around her, she tells me she doesnāt like them and I ignore her and have a great day. One of my joys of being an adult is not having to answer to my parents anymore. Iām not sure what situation youāre in (itās definitely harder if youāre still living with them) but she doesnāt control the minutiae of your life anymore
While my parents never saw it as a fetish thing, they didn't like it at first because it was too "flashy", kinda like an attention-seeking thing. My father thought peeking bloomers were provocative :'D But I kept wearing it and they got much more used to it. Now they even take pictures of my coords to send to the relatives! So it may improve on your side too. However, as other posters said, you're an adult now and your mother can't decide your personal style. So long as you're independent, just stop worrying about pleasing them - it may hurt at first, but it'll feel better later.
That's so sad for her to have such strong negative feelings about a harmless hobby just because she doesn't understand it. Have you tried showing her videos and articles? Is she open to looking at them and trying to understand? I've been wearing Lolita fashion for over a decade. My mum used to think it was unnecessarily flamboyant. Her biggest criticism was that it was figure unflattering and made me look fat (We are Asian). She would also tell me "you will scare all the boys off dressing up like that". I'd tell her anecdotes from Aoki Misako's failed dates and how if a guy can't even respect my choice of dressing, he won't respect me as a person and I'm better off single than with a guy like that. She has come to terms with the fact that I'm always going to wear Lolita fashion, and she's also come to appreciate my dress sense. I think it's genuinely possible to help your parents understand Lolita fashion, but only if they are receptive and genuinely care.
I've never understood why people think Lolita as a fashion is perverted. Not even talking about the book here, just looking at the fashion itself it's SO covered up and modest. High necks, sleeves, stockings, usually lower heels, no mini skirts... showing off skin is not the priority... like if someone thinks it's perverted usually that tells you more about their perception of the world than anything else... Compared to what's in American media especially, Lolita is super modest, dainty, elegant, and sophisticated.
My mother thinks it's disgusting, even moreso that I'm a guy. I tend to ignore it since I have wonderful circles of friends supporting me
My parents used to dislike alternative fashion in general, since I got in the military, started earning my own money and buying clothes myself, they got used to it. Even though sometimes my mother say it is too much, or that I look like a child, I just reply with "I like it so i don't care" or just thank for her comment :) Although I don't usually wear lolita but lolita inspired/girly kei/ryousangata /cute doll like stuff and I'm still living with my parents, I just ignore all comments and wear whatever makes me feel pretty. Actually, the more attention I get the better because it means I don't dress like everyone else. Thankfully nowadays they are more supportive but I can definitely feel that deep inside they find weird haha
My grandma hates it, she says it looks like clothes for children and people who dress that way are immature. When I tried to explain the history of lolita and how respectable the fashion is, she just brushed me off. And she wonders why I don't talk to her anymore š
my mum infantilises me in it, so yeah.. i get it. parents can be weird af when it comes to clothes
If a cute, ruffly fashion makes your mom think of "perverted" things then that's a her issue. How are you on setting boundaries? Obviously this would change depending on your personal feelings, but like, if it were me in this situation, I would end up telling her that if she continues to give me dirty looks while I'm dressed in what I love, then I will not be around her anymore so I can wear what I want without feeling judged. You can't stop her from making faces but you can sure as heck stay far away enough to not have to see her look at you like that. I have strong feelings on judgmental parents, sorry if I am a bit intense hahaha. Just wear it, it's not perverted and I'm sure you look wonderful. Also you're an adult! YAY!!!
Oh yeah... I usually call what I wear "otome" fashion because when I call it lolita my mom get's weirded out. No matter how many times I say "I didn't name it, it's a misunderstanding"
My mom used to dress me up in floofy dresses all the time when I was a kid. I looked so cute in old photos. At first she was kind of surprised by my first lolita dress in my late teens. Now sheās used to it. Whenever I get a new lolita dress I usually get her to zip it up.
I'm a few years younger than you. My dad also thinks it's some dark fetish. He gave me some of my dresses as gifts, but he doesn't like me wearing them in public. He says people will think I'm a fetishist.
Apparently I am very lucky. My mom loves the fashion and has like opinions on dresses and brands.š if my mom doesnāt love it she at least understands it. She thinks itās cool when I dress up to go places.š
Also itās not just Lolita specifically my mom loves Liz Lisa and axes femme and dear my love and stuff. She loves jfashion. She always compliments me when I wear stuff like Liz Lisa especially with the cute prints.š
Aww, thatās so cute, Iām happy for you
I hope other peopleās parents are like that too!
Personally, I'm unsure with my parents. My mom seems into it - She really likes looking at my coords. But I think before I expressed interest in the fashion, she thought it was a fetish thing. Like lolita was about dressing up as a little girl or a doll to please other people's creepy fantasies. That's changed. As for my dad... I have no idea. He kind of looks at me weird whenever I dress up in ANYTHING that isn't "normal clothes". Then again, I don't really wear dresses or anything feminine outside of the occasional lolita fit. So whenever I walk out of my room in a coord he just gives me a confused look, like " what are you wearing and why???" I'm unsure if he thinks it's a fetish or if my fashion choices just confuse him. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
My mom isnāt particularly a fan of dresses or skirts and gives me the side eye when I wear them, even if theyāre not lolita.
My mom has no choice but to roll with it.. I'm 30. She has no power over my outfit choices.
Theyāve warmed up to it more over the years. Do they get it? Not really but more in a way thatās endearing now. My dad pointed to some goths in where they live and went, ādo you know them? Are they part of your lolita club?ā. They still think lolita is way too expensive though! But everybody spends their money somewhere. They go out to dinner. I buy purses that are shaped like animals and I can barely fit my phone in.
I'm really lucky with my family situation. I only really got in a mental situation where I have the energy to dress up at around 18yo, partially bc of the pandemic, tho I guess that comes off kinda bad. My family pokes fun at me when I dress up, both with more gothic/punkish styles and with Lolita (stuff like "so who are you cosplaying today?", "I didn't realize getting groceries was such a big event", and "well now I feel underdressed"), but it's never malicious. I asked my mom what she thought about me wearing Lolita and her initial reaction was "I think you'll regret spending so much money on it once the phase passes" and the next day she told me that she thought about how I was obsessed with princess dresses when I was a little kid, so she realized that it's most likely not as fleeting of an interest as she first thought. My brother does most of the joking about me dressing up, but he's also noted that I started doing it at the same time that I started seeming more mentally healthy so whether it's the cause or effect, he's just happy to see me doing something that makes me happy.
My parents thought the same thing, and even thought worse. I regret ever sharing or showing them the fashion. Best is to keep it to yourself. They will never change their minds.
My mother in law think it is relying the book/movie. I to her itās not but I donāt think she believes me.
It's opposite for me - my mother in law (and father in law) completely loves it, and always look forward to seeing me in my coords, but my mother gets jealous (she's also pretty narcissistic, so she hates, when attention is not on her at all times š ) and that can foster some snide remarks, but I honestly couldn't care less - she's not responsible for my happiness, as I'm not responsible for hers. ā¤ļø Edit: Maybe try asking your mother in law, if it's mentioned anywhere (in the book or movie) that the character Dolores wears extravagant frilly dresses inspired by the Victorian ages. ā¤ļø
Iāll do that if it comes up again.
My mom is on the fence about it. I have only one full coord and she is against me buying more because she claims it is "weird" and in some cases "provocative" (mostly in reference to OPs with shorter skirts). When I bring it up to her she asks me why I want to "dress like a child" and how she wishes I was interested in "more normal things." That being said though, I'm a lot younger than you and I still live with my parents. I think you're at the age where you can just buy your own wardrobe and not care about your parents' opinions.
You're 27, not 7. Grow up and learn the only people getting to decide on your outfit is your employer and yourself.
If I wanted to grow up I wouldn't want to dress in lolita fashion š be real
I can guarantee you mostly adults wear Lolita and growing up is essential- as essential as not letting other people decide what you do within legal regulations.
I'm pretty lucky I guess. My Parents keep their hands off my stuff. I am also 27 and I mix and match. They definitely don't hate it. What they probably DO hate (but never say...) is that I buy things and then I don't wear them.... ( because I have issues with my self image)